New Rule: White Shame | Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO) – Transcript

In his editorial New Rule, Bill Maher asks white liberals to stop hating on themselves and proposes a "Honky Tax" to offset their white guilt.

In his editorial New Rule, Bill Maher asks white liberals to stop hating on themselves and proposes a “Honky Tax” to offset their white guilt.

And finally new rule: white liberals have to start listening to me when I tell them “you can’t be more offended than the victim.” It happened again last week when presidential contender Andrew Yang faced criticism because he said that SNL should not have fired comedian Shane Gillis of a racist comments Gillis made about Asians. That’s when the internet did what it does best and deemed Yang a racist for not being offended. Because if he wasn’t offended… well someone had to be.

There was a study done last year where people were asked to rate their feelings about various races and white liberals were the only group that has a bias against themselves. They want to hang out only with people who are not them. That’s like your mother preferring the neighbors kids. There is a weird self-loathing going on among white liberals and it’s not helping anyone. Lifting up those who society has cheated or forsaken, that’s liberalism. Hating all things white is just tedious virtue signaling. You look like Justin Timberlake in Bad Teacher.

[Clip from the movie Bad Teacher]
Justin Timberlake : I hate slavery so so much.
Cameron Diaz: Slavery is the worst.
Justin Timberlake : If I could go back in time and undo slavery, I would. I hate it.

The answer to mass incarceration is to stop putting undeserving blacks in prison, not to put more white people in Twitter jail.

Every thought needs a disclaimer now. The other day I heard a guy saying “I realized I’m only speaking as a white male and I acknowledge our tragic history of oppression… but you left your lights on.”

Look, white privilege is real, and yes you have some advantages for being white. But you also have some disadvantages: many of you were born with a terrible personality.

[The camera pauses on Noah Rothman]


That’s not. I didn’t ask that’s. I’ll fire the director.

But you don’t need to advertise it. What’s with the I’m embarrassed to be white sub-genre on the Internet?

“I’m finding myself constantly embarrassed to be white…”

“I’m watching Tall Girl and I’ve never been so embarrassed to be white”

“rt if you’re embarrassed to be white.”


Rosanna Arquette tweeted “I’m sorry I was born white and privileged. It disgusts me. And I feel so much shame.” Exactly. Do you think it’s hard being a black man in a white man’s world? Try being a white woman who feels bad about you being a black man in the white man’s world.

Look, none of us chose to be born white — not even Ed Sheeran. So just stop, because you know what might be the worst part of white shame? You bore the fuck out of black people at parties. You meet black people and say things like “Black Panther was so meaningful to me.” No it wasn’t, it wasn’t a cultural milestone for you. I have taken an informal sampling among some black folks I know and the consensus seems to be: awareness, yes, is great. White people certainly should acknowledge they’ve had it easier go of it. But black folks are not asking white’s to always be flagellating themselves, because it makes everything awkward, all right? It puts the burden on black people to absolve YOU. It’s really asking black people to again do something for YOU: forgive ME, absolve ME, recognize that I’m one of the good white people. Jesus, haven’t black people suffered enough? Slavery, Jim Crow… and now I got to make some yuppie feel better about himself? As a black friend of mine said—and I quote—”I’m doing I, I don’t need your pity.”

Here’s my question: how many white liberals would pay actual reparations? Real money taken out of your paycheck every week. If you really feel this bad about the whole race thing, if being white is really this toxic for society, let’s tax it. Let’s tax whiteness. A Honky Tax. Will do it like carbon offsets: will calculate your exact level of white lameness and then charge you a Caucasian offset fee based on a mean percentage of household income indexed to the net not gross national product an average with the Consumer Price Index. We will come up with just the right dollar figure to offset the exact amount of you being a fucking loser. A lame white loser. Now, pay up you fucking white piece of shit. You fucking worm. I mean, that’s what you want to hear, isn’t it? Isn’t it maggot you fuck? You want to be told what a disgusting piece of white shit you are, you white piece of shit?

Look, in conclusion, I just want to say America has done a lot of good things and a lot of bad ones. And the number one bad one with no close second is racism. It’s a sorry history and we’re not done with it. And yet black and white increasingly intermingle. We get to the finish line on race by just being with each other more. We don’t need awkward. We need laughing with each other, finding out what’s good about each other, befriending, intermarrying, enjoying somebody’s company without thinking every minute “I’m with a person of color.” You’re with a person. And you are not uncool just because you’re white and it is not a crime to know all the words to Sweet Caroline.


2 thoughts on “New Rule: White Shame | Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO) – Transcript”

  1. Alan Miller

    I think that’s Honkey Tax. Thanks for the transcription. Of the greatest rant ever.

    1. Thanks for pointing that out. Honky can also be spelled honkie or sometimes honkey so we are both right!

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