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The Wolf of Wall Street (2013) | Transcript

Based on the true story of Jordan Belfort, from his rise to a wealthy stock-broker living the high life to his fall involving crime, corruption and the federal government.
The Wolf of Wall Street (2013)

Jordan Belfort (DiCaprio) is Long Island penny stockbroker who serves almost two years in prison for refusing to co-operate in a huge 1990s securities fraud case that involved widespread corruption on Wall Street and in the corporate banking world, including mob infiltration.

* * *

(ROARING)

ANNOUNCER: The world of investing can be a jungle.

Bulls. Bears.

Danger at every turn.

That’s why we at Stratton Oakmont pride ourselves on being the best.

Trained professionals to guide you through the financial wilderness.

Stratton Oakmont.

Stability.

Integrity.

Pride.

(ROARING)

(PEOPLE SHOUTING) One!

Two!

Three!

(ALL CHEERING)

Twenty-five grand to the first cocksucker to nail a bull’s-eye!

(ALL CHEERING)

Come on! Let’s go!

ALL: One!

Two!

Three!

JORDAN: My name is Jordan Belfort.

Not him.

Me. That’s right.

I’m a former member of the middle class raised by two accountants in a tiny apartment in Bayside, Queens.

The year I turned 26, as the head of my own brokerage firm,

I made $49 million, which really pissed me off because it was three shy of a million a week.

(UPBEAT BLUES MUSIC)

No, no, no. My Ferrari was white, like Don Johnson’s in Miami Vice. Not red.

See that humongous estate down there?

That’s my house.

ROBIN LEACH: (OVER TV) For millionaires whose ships…

JORDAN: My wife, Naomi, the Duchess of Bay Ridge, Brooklyn, a former model and Miller Lite girl.

Yeah.

She was the one with my cock in her mouth in the Ferrari.

So put your dick back in your pants.

In addition to Naomi and my two perfect kids, I own a mansion, private jet, six cars, three horses, two vacation homes, and a 170-foot yacht.

ROBIN LEACH: Anchors aweigh!

JORDAN: I also gamble like a degenerate.

I drink like a fish.

I fuck hookers maybe five, six times a week.

I have three different federal agencies looking to indict me.

Oh, yeah, and I love drugs.

(FAINT CLANGING)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Okay.

One more round.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, you like it?

Yeah.

Pull up. Pull up! We’re gonna crash, for Christ sake!

JORDAN: Relax!

(SLURRING) Just relax.

(GROANING)

You okay?

Yeah, I’m all right.

Good job.

You get in there safe, all right?

Till the next time, brother.

Till next time.

Yup, on a daily basis I consume enough drugs to sedate Manhattan, Long Island and Queens for a month.

Okay, Mr. Jordan.

I take Quaaludes 10 to 15 times a day for my “back pain,” Adderall to stay focused, Xanax to take the edge off, pot to mellow me out, cocaine to wake me back up again and morphine, well, because it’s awesome.

Good morning, Nathan.

But of all the drugs under God’s blue heaven, there is one that is my absolute favorite.

You see, enough of this shit’ll make you invincible.

Able to conquer the world, and eviscerate your enemies.

(SNORTS)

Ah!

And I’m not talking about this.

I’m talking about this.

See, money doesn’t just buy you a better life,

better food, better cars, better pussy.

It also makes you a better person.

You can give generously to the church

or political party of your choice.

You can save the fucking spotted owl with money.

I always wanted to be rich. So let me go back.

I’m 22 years old, newly married,

and already a money-crazed little shit.

So what do I do?

I go to the one place on Earth

that befit my high-minded ambitions.

I love you.

JERRY: You are lower than pond scum.

You got a problem with that,

Jordan?

No. No problem at all.

Good. Because that is what you are.

Pond scum.

Your job is connector, which means that you’ll be dialing the phone over 500 times a day

trying to connect me with wealthy business owners.

And until you pass your Series 7, that is all you’re gonna fucking be doing. Sit.

Sit!

Now just so you know, last year I made over $300,000.

The other guy you’ll be working for, he made over a million.

JORDAN: A million dollars?

I could only imagine what a douchebag that guy must be.

Jordan Belfort.

Yes, Sir.

Mark Hanna.

A pleasure to meet you.

And you as well. I see you’ve already met the village asshole.

Smile and dial.

And don’t pick up your fucking head until 1:00.

Hey, fuck him.

I’m the senior broker here. He’s just a worthless piker.

Why don’t you blow me, Hanna?

Now did you really pitch a stock in your job interview?

I had to do something to stand out. Right, Sir?

I fucking love that.

Lunch. Today.

Yeah.

We don’t start dialing at 9:30 because our clients are already answering the phone.

Three. Two. One.

Let’s fuck!

(BELL RINGS)

JORDAN: You want to know what money sounds like?

Go to a trading floor on Wall Street.

“Fuck” this, “shit” that.

“Cunt, ” “cock,” “asshole.”.

I couldn’t believe how these guys talked to each other.

MAN 1: Good fucking package…

MAN 2: Piece of shit!

I was hooked in seconds.

It was like mainlining adrenaline.

Yeah. Fuckface, look at where the stock’s at today, huh?

You motherfucker, you can’t get any at 44…

Pick up the cocksucking phone!

Sorry…

You are such a fucking douchebag, Hanna.

We don’t give two shits about how technology works because all we care about is getting fucking rich.

Solid, 2,000.

Jordan Belfort.

Done!

Time to paint the tape. Whoo!

2,000. Microsoft. Going in the hole!

Come on.

Live. Live. Hold on, that is hot.

In. In. Shut that motherfucker.

Shut it! Shut it! Shut it!

Sold!

(MARK HUMMING)

Yeah.

(CONTINUES HUMMING)

Tootski?

Oh, no. Thank you, though.

Mr. Hanna, what can I bring for you on this glorious afternoon?

Well, Hector, here’s the game plan.

You’re gonna bring us two Absolut Martinis.

You know howl like them. Straight up.

And then precisely seven and one half minutes after that, you’re gonna bring us two more.

Then two more after that every five minutes until one of us passes the fuck out.

(CHUCKLES)

HECTOR: Excellent strategy, Sir.

I’m good with water for now.

Thank you.

It’s his first day on Wall Street. Give him time.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Mr. Hanna?

You’re able to do drugs during the day and then still function, still do your job?

How the fuck else would you do this job?

Cocaine and hookers, my friend.

Right. (CHUCKLES)

Well, I got to say, I’m incredibly excited to be a part of your firm. I mean…

The clients you have are absolutely…

Fuck the clients.

Your only responsibility is to put meat on the table.

You got a girlfriend?

I’m married. I have a wife.

Her name is Teresa. She cuts hair.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

Think about Teresa.

Name of the game.

Move the money from your client’s pocket into your pocket.

Right.

But if you make your clients money at the same time, it’s advantageous to everyone. Correct?

No.

Number one rule of Wall Street.

Nobody…

I don’t care if you’re Warren Buffett or if you’re Jimmy Buffett.

Nobody knows if a stock is gonna go up, down, sideways, or in fucking circles.

Least of all stockbrokers, right?

Mmm-hmm.

It’s all a fugazi. You know what a fugazi is?

Uh. Fugayzi. It’s a fake.

Fugayzi, fugazi, it’s a whazy, it’s a woozy, it’s…

(WHISTLES) Fairy dust. It doesn’t exist.

It’s never landed. It is no matter.

It’s not on the elemental chart.

It’s not fucking real.

Right?

Right.

Stay with me.

Mmm-hmm.

We don’t create shit. We don’t build anything.

No.

So if you got a client who bought stock at 8 and it now sits at 16, he’s all fucking happy.

He wants to cash in, liquidate, take his fucking money and run home.

You don’t let him do that.

Okay.

‘Cause that would make it real.

Right.

No. What do you do?

You get another brilliant idea.

A special idea.

Another “situation.” Another stock to reinvest his earnings and then some.

And he will, every single time.

‘Cause they’re fucking addicted.

And you just keep doing this, again and again and again.

Meanwhile, he thinks he’s getting shit rich, which he is, on paper.

But you and me, the brokers, we’re taking home cold hard cash via commission, motherfucker.

Right.

That’s incredible, Sir.

I can’t tell you how excited I am.

You should be.

There’s two keys to success in the broker business.

First of all…

(EXHALES)

You gotta stay relaxed.

Yeah.

Do you jerk off?

Do I… Do I jerk off? Yeah. Yeah, I jerk off. Yeah.

How many times a week?

Like, um, three or four. Three or four times, maybe five.

Gotta pump those numbers up. Those are rookie numbers in this racket. I myself, I jerk off at least twice a day.

Wow.

Once in the morning right after I work out, then once right after lunch.

Really?

Mmm-hmm.

I want to. That’s not why I do it. I do it ’cause I fucking need to.

Think about it. You’re dealing with numbers.

All day long, decimal points, high frequencies.

Bang, bang, bang.

(SQUEAKING)

Fucking digits.

All very acidic above-the-shoulders mustard shit.

All right?

Mmm-hmm.

It kind of wigs some people out.

Mmm-hmm.

Right.

You got to feed the geese to keep the blood flowing.

Mmm-hmm.

I keep the rhythm below the belt.

Done.

This is not a tip, this is a prescription.

Trust me.

Mmm-hmm.

If you don’t, you will fall out of balance,

split your differential and tip the fuck over.

Or worse yet,

I’ve seen this happen, implode.

No, I don’t want to implode, Sir.

No. No, you don’t.

I’m in it for the long run, you know?

Implosions are ugly.

Yeah.

Pop off to the bathroom, work one out any time you can.

When you get really good at it,

you’ll fucking be stroking it and you’ll be thinking about money.

Second key to success in this racket

is this little baby right here.

It’s called cocaine.

Right.

It’ll keep you sharp between the ears.

It’ll also help your fingers dial faster.

And guess what?

That’s good for me.

Yes, Sir.

Revolutions. You follow?

Revolutions.

Keep the clients on the Ferris wheel.

And it goes. The park is open 24/7, 365,

every decade, every goddamn century.

That’s it.

(JORDAN LAUGHING)

The name of the game.

Halkidiki?

Hmm.

Thank you.

(MARK HUMMING)

Come on.

(BOTH HUMMING)

We’re the common denominator.

Ah.

BOTH: Ah.

Keep it up for me.

(SINGING) You’ve seen the echo.

And the money comes in.

The parade comes to town.

Going down Broadway.

It’s a one-way street.

Whichever way I go

(HUMMING CONTINUES)

JORDAN: The next six months,

I got to know the ins and outs of Wall Street.

Earning shit money as I geared up to take my Series 7.

Oh!

Oh, fuckers.

Oh!

Then I was a licensed broker at last,

ready to make my fortune.

My first day as a future Master of the Universe.

I have Exxon at 86 1/4 six months ago.

Today it is trading at 36 1/2.

Mr…

JORDAN: They called it Black Monday.

No shit.

By 4:00 p.m., the market had dropped 508 points.

The biggest plummet since the crash of ’29.

MARK: I know your family, you know mine.

No, I don’t know. Some fucking country in Europe took a shit.

Let them do what they want to fucking do.

Our market’s solid.

This is not something that you want to sell.

You know what happened? A fucking Tsunami.

I think you’re making a big mistake.

Yes, I will talk to your wife.

Trust me, do not answer the phone.

A lot of people are gonna be calling you,

trying to get your dirty laundry.

We don’t know what’s going on here.

I know. I know.

(BELL RINGS)

MARK: Holy

fucking shit!

JORDAN: Unbelievable.

My first shitty day as a broker.

Within a month, L.F. Rothschild,

an institution since 1899, closed it’s doors.

Wall Street had swallowed me up

and shit me right back out again.

We could pawn my engagement ring if we needed to.

Babe…

Because I don’t mind.

If we needed to, I’m saying…

Will you listen to me?

Okay.

You’re not pawning anything. Okay?

Okay.

What do I always tell you?

You’re gonna be a millionaire.

That’s right. Okay? Just let me look.

We’ll find something.

How about this?

What?

Nobody Beats the Wiz, the electronics store.

Stock boy. What do you think?

You’re not gonna work at that place.

Yeah, but, you know, you start off…

Jordan, you’re gonna be miserable at that place

if you go there.

I know.

It’s sales. You work your way up,

you’ll be a general manager.

You’re not gonna be a stock boy.

Why not?

‘Cause you’re a stockbroker.

You understand that nobody’s hiring stockbrokers right now?

You understand that?

Okay?

(JORDAN SIGHS)

TERESA: Ah. This place is.

What?

What’s that say?

“Stockbrokers.”

(LAUGHS)

In Long Island? Stockbrokers in Long Island?

TERESA: Yeah.

It’s in Long Island. So what?

(TOILET FLUSHING)

Hey, uh, I’m looking for Investor’s Center.

What’s that? You want to invest?

No. Investor’s Center.

I’m looking for Investor’s Center.

Yeah, yeah, that’s us. Hey. This is it. This is it.

Oh.

I’m Dwayne. Yeah.

You’re Dwayne?

Hi, Dwayne. We spoke on the phone.

I’m Jordan Belfort.

I’m the broker from Rothschild in New York.

Yes, yeah. Have a seat. How are you?

We had a conversation…

We spoke on the phone earlier, right?

Two hours ago.

Right.

Yeah.

(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

They’re up and comers. That’s what that means.

It’s 3 cents a share, that’s $3!

You cheap fuck!

So, uh…

So where are your Quotrons here?

Quotrons?

Yeah. Your computers.

No, no. We don’t even need computers here.

We just trade right off the pink sheets here.

Pink sheets?

Yeah, they’re Penny stocks.

You know, uh, companies that can’t get listed on NASDAQ,

they don’t have enough capital?

Their shares trade here.

Penny stocks?

Yeah.

This one, uh, Aerodyne, is a really interesting…

Or Aerotyne…

Aerotyne, yeah.

Aero… Aerotyne…

Aerotyne. Yeah.

Very hot stock right now.

Oh, yeah?

They’re just a couple of brothers that are making

radar detectors out of their garage.

They’re out in Dubuque.

Maybe it’s microwaves. I’m not sure.

But you call the company’s main line,

their mom, Dorothy, answers and she is so sweet.

Good company.

I actually don’t know what else to…

I don’t know anything else about them other than that.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Six cents a share?

Hey, come on. Who buys this crap?

Well, I mean…

Honestly, mostly schmucks.

Postmen, there’s always postmen.

Uh, plumbers. Um…

They see our ads in the back of, uh,

Hustler and Popular Mechanics.

Our ads actually say they can get rich quick.

Hustler?

Yeah.

You know, those girlie magazines.

Yeah, yeah. Nudie mag.

A lot.

Yeah.

We’re helping them finance houses,

we’re helping them buy their wife a Diamond ring…

A boat maybe.

Is this… Is this stuff regulated or are you guys…

What are you doing here?

Uh…

Sort of.

Sort of?

Jesus Christ, the spread on these is huge.

Yeah. And that’s the point, that’s…

What’s your name again?

Mine… Jordan Belfort.

Jordan, what do you get on that blue chip stock?

I make one percent. Or I did make one percent.

Pink sheets, it’s 50.

It’s 50%?

50% commission?

Yup.

For what?

It’s our markup for our services.

And so if I… If I…

if I sell a stock at $10,000, my commission is 5,000 bucks?

If you sell $10,000 worth of this stock,

I will personally give you a blowjob for free.

(LAUGHS)

And I hope it happens.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

JORDAN: Hello, John, how are you doing today?

You mailed in my company a postcard a few weeks back

requesting information on Penny stocks

that had huge upside potential

with very little downside risk.

Does that ring a bell?

Yeah, I may have sent something.

Okay, great. The reason for the call today, John, is,

something just came across my desk, John.

It is perhaps the best thing

I’ve seen in the last six months.

If you have 60 seconds, I’d like to share

the idea with you. You got a minute?

Actually, I’m really very…

The name of the company, Aerotyne International.

It is a cutting edge high-tech firm out of the Midwest

awaiting imminent patent approval

on the next generation of radar detectors

that have both huge military and civilian applications now.

Right now, John,

the stock trades over-the-counter at 10 cents a share.

And by the way, John, our analysts indicate

it could go a heck of a lot higher than that.

Your profit on a mere $6,000 investment

would be upwards of $60,000!

Jesus! That’s my mortgage, man.

Exactly. You could pay off your mortgage.

This stock will pay off my house?

John, one thing I can promise you,

even in this market,

is that I never ask my clients

to judge me on my winners.

I ask them to judge me on my losers because I have so few.

And in the case of Aerotyne,

based on every technical factor out there, John,

we are looking at a grand slam home run.

Okay, let’s do it. I’ll do 4 grand.

$4,000? That’d be 40,000 shares, John.

Let me lock in that trade right now

and get back to you with my secretary

with an exact confirmation. Sound good, John?

Yeah, sounds good.

Great.

Hey, John.

Thank you for your vote of confidence.

And welcome to the Investor’s Center.

Yeah, thanks a lot, man.

Bye-bye.

How’d you fucking do that?

(MAN LAUGHS)

JORDAN: Just like that, I made 2 grand.

The other guys looked at me like I’d just discovered fire.

Great! Even better!

I was selling garbage to garbage men

and making cash hand over fist.

The only problem you’re gonna have is that you didn’t buy more.

Boom shocka locka!

So I was selling them shit. (EXCLAIMS IN SPANISH)

But the way I looked at it, their money was better off in my pocket.

I knew how to spend it better.

DONNIE: Excuse me. Is that your car in the lot?

JORDAN: Yeah.

It’s a nice ride.

Thanks, man.

Donnie Azoff.

Hey. I’m Jordan Belfort.

Nice to meet you.

How you doing?

You know, actually, I see that car around.

I see it around a lot.

Oh, yeah, where?

I think we live in the same building.

No shit?

Yeah, yeah.

Twelfth floor?

Yeah. What floor are you on?

Fourth floor.

I have two little kids. Ugly wife.

Right.

(LAUGHS)

What do you do, bro?

What do you mean, what do I do?

For work, what do you do?

I’m a stockbroker.

Stockbroker?

Yeah.

Children’s furniture.

Oh, good for you.

It’s all right.

You make a lot of money?

Yeah, I do all right for myself.

I’m trying to put it together.

You got your fucking nice car,

we live in the same building. I just…

I’m not understanding… How much money do you make?

I don’t know. $70,000 last month.

Get the fuck…

Get the fuck out of here.

No, I’m serious.

Yeah, no, I’m serious, too.

Seriously, how much money do you make?

I told you. $70,000.

Well, technically, $72,000.

Last month. Something like that.

You made 72 grand in one month?

Yeah.

I’ll tell you what.

You show me a pay stub for $72,000 on it,

I quit my job right now and I work for you.

DONNIE: Hey, Paulie, what’s up?

No, yeah, yeah. No, everything’s fine.

Hey, listen, I quit.

JORDAN: And he did quit his job.

Which I thought was a little weird.

I mean, I just met this fucking guy.

Don’t fucking tell Susan. It’s none of her business.

There were other things about him, too.

Like his phosphorescent white teeth.

Wife! I gotta fucking deal with your wife?

The fact that he wore horn rims with clear lenses

just to look more WASP-y.

And then, there were these rumors.

I heard some stupid shit. I don’t know.

Fuck, I didn’t even want to bring it up. It’s just…

it’s stupid.

Shit with me?

You know, people say shit. I don’t even know.

I don’t even listen to it half the time.

What are they saying?

Shit about you and your cousin or something like that.

I don’t even listen to it.

Oh, bro, it’s not like that.

It’s not like that.

Like you married your cousin or some stupid shit. No?

Yeah, my wife. Yeah.

My wife is my cousin, or whatever.

But it’s not like what you think, or whatever, you know.

Is she like a first cousin, or is she…

Yeah, no, she’s, you know…

Her… Her father

is the brother of my mom.

It’s not like, what… You know.

Look, we grew up together.

And she grew up hot, you know. She fucking grew up hot.

And all my friends were trying to fuck her, you know.

And I’m not gonna let someone…

You know, one of these assholes fuck my cousin,

so, you know, I used the cousin thing

as like an in with her.

I’m not gonna let someone else fuck my cousin.

You know, if anyone’s gonna fuck my cousin,

it’s gonna be me, out of respect. You know?

No, I get it. Yeah.

I mean, you’re not afraid of like the whole kid thing, right?

What? Having kids with her?

Yeah.

No. We have two kids.

And they’re… I mean…

I don’t want to get personal, but they’re okay?

No, they’re not retarded or anything like that.

But there’s a big chance, right, if…

Yeah, there’s like a 60%, you know,

60 to 65% chance the kid’s gonna be fucking retarded or whatever.

That’d scare the shit out of me, buddy.

Look, man, a lot of having a kid, or whatever, takes risk,

whether you’re fucking cousins or not.

What if something like that happened?

Basically, you know, if the kid was retarded,

I would, you know, drive it up to the country

and just, like, you know, open the door and say,

“You’re free now.” You know, like, “Run free.”

You know?

You’re completely fucking with me.

(LAUGHS)

That’s horrible. You’re not gonna…

You look like you’ve… No.

We would take it to, like, an institution or somewhere

that’s handled to, like, you know,

raise the kid or whatever.

You know what? If you’re happy, God bless you, buddy.

No, I’m not fucking happy.

No one who’s married is fucking happy.

Well, I’m sorry to hear that, buddy.

Listen, I’m really, you know…

I’m really appreciative for this fucking job.

I’m really enjoying it.

I’m really happy with what you’re doing.

Actually, I got you a little present.

You got me a present?

I got you something.

Oh, fuck. You’re sweet.

Yeah. It’s in the back though.

What do you mean?

You gotta go out back.

Like it’s wrapped up or something?

It’s wrapped up. Yeah.

I don’t get it.

Neither do I.

Let’s fucking go. Come on.

Your turn.

I’m not fucking doing this.

You’re out of your fucking mind.

Smoke this shit, bro.

No.

No one’s fucking here, bro.

Get the fuck…

Fucking smoke crack with me, bro.

I’m not fucking doing it.

Smoke crack. Smoke some fucking crack with me, bro.

One hit. One hit. That’s it.

Okay.

Fucking nut job.

(MOANS)

Wow!

(LAUGHING)

Wow.

Let’s go run, huh?

We gotta get out of here, buddy.

We gotta get out of here. Let’s go fucking run.

Let’s run like we’re fucking lions and tigers and bears!

Let’s run! Let’s fucking run!

Let’s fucking run! Go!

Go, go, go, go!

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

MAN: You’ve reached Frank’s Best Auto Body.

We’re closed right now.

So please leave us a message.

JORDAN: Hello. My name is Jordan Belfort.

My partner and I are very interested in renting out your garage.

Donnie and I were going out on our own.

And the first thing we needed was brokers.

Guys with sales experience.

So I recruited some of my hometown boys.

Sea Otter, who sold meat

and weed.

Chester, who sold tires

and weed.

And Robbie, who sold anything he could get his hands on.

Mostly weed.

Can you bring me some ketchup? Okay?

This is Brad.

And Brad’s the guy I really wanted.

But he didn’t go along with us.

He was already making so much money selling Quaaludes,

he’d become the Quaalude King of Bayside.

Getting any pussy with that thing or what?

Yeah, man, of course.

Bring some of them chicks around here sometime, huh?

Let ’em watch.

Let ’em watch. Know what I mean?

Hey, Zip! You tell your sister I was asking about her.

Why don’t you bring me a pair of her panties next time you come through.

Yeah, man. She said she don’t want to talk to you anymore, man.

BRAD: Get the fuck out of here.

Hey, Ma, we got chicken or what?

Ma!

JORDAN: You listening? It’s easier than you think.

Every person you’re on the phone with,

they want to get rich and they want to get rich quickly.

They all want something for nothing.

There was this one time that I was selling pot to this Amish dude.

You know those guys who got like the beard

with like no mustache or some bullshit?

Well, he says that he only wants to make furniture.

I don’t understand.

CHESTER: What’s that got to do with anything?

What the fuck are you talking about?

I’m not putting words in your mouth or nothing,

but you just said that everybody wants to get rich.

Holy fuck, you did just say that.

What the fuck are you talking about?

OTTER: Yeah, like Buddhists.

They don’t give a shit about money.

They’re wrapped in sheets. They’re not buying shit.

I’m not talking about Buddhists or Amish.

I’m talking about normal people,

working-class, everyday people.

Everyone wants to get rich. Am I crazy?

There’s no such thing as an Amish Buddhist.

I’m pretty fucking sure.

There could be.

Can we get some ketchup, please?

Do you guys not want to make money?

ALL: I want to make some money.

I want to make some fucking money, okay.

I can sell anything.

Shit, I can sell ludes to a convent full of nuns,

and get them so horny they’d be fucking each other.

That’s the attitude. You can sell anything?

Sell me this fucking pen right here.

You can sell anything. Sell that. Go ahead.

Sell me the pen.

Can I finish eating first? I haven’t eaten today.

Brad, show them how it’s done. Boom.

Sell me that pen. Watch. Go on.

You want me to sell this fucking pen?

That’s my boy right there. Can fucking sell anything.

Why don’t you do me a favor.

Write your name down on that napkin for me.

I don’t have a pen.

Exactly. Supply and demand, my friend.

Holy shit.

See what I’m saying? He’s creating urgency.

Get them to want to buy the stock.

Convince them it’s something they need, you know what I mean?

And that’s the thing.

All nuns are lesbians.

What the fuck are you talking about, Otter?

OTTER: Think about it. They can’t keep a dude

so they’re gonna start fucking chicks.

Four fucking times, Kimmie! Four times.

NICKY: He’s not with us. ROBBIE: Friggin’ Rambo.

Now she runs.

JORDAN: But look. I knew these guys weren’t like Harvard MBAs.

Robbie Feinberg, the pinhead,

took five years to finish high school.

Alden Kupferberg, the Sea Otter,

didn’t even graduate.

Chester Ming, the depraved Chinaman,

thought jujitsu was in Israel.

Smartest of the bunch was Nicky Koskoff.

He actually went to law school.

I called him Rugrat because of his piece of shit hairpiece.

Still, give them to me young, hungry and stupid

and in no time, I’ll make them rich.

TERESA: Oh, my God.

Jordan, that…

You like it, baby?

Oh, my God, it’s beautiful.

They’re not the biggest stones in the world,

but I promise they’re really high quality.

It’s beautiful.

They’re so beautiful.

Oh, boy.

What?

I know that look. What is it? Go ahead.

I don’t know, it’s… You know…

These stocks… These companies…

They’re like crappy companies.

Well, yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, they’re terrible.

Don’t worry about it. I told you,

what I’m doing is completely legal.

Yeah, I know.

But they’re not gonna make anyone money though, right?

Well, sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t.

You know how it goes.

Wouldn’t you feel better if you sold that stuff to rich people

who can, like, afford to lose all that money?

Of course.

But rich people don’t buy Penny stocks.

They just don’t.

Why not?

JORDAN: Because they’re too smart,

that’s why not.

I mean, what person with a college education

would trust this bunch of jerk-offs?

Hang up the phone. Tell him you’ll call him back.

I got 5 fucking grand on the phone right now!

Hey!

But what if they didn’t sound like a bunch of jerk-offs?

What if I could teach them how to sell to people with money?

Real money.

So I decided to reinvent the company.

Gentlemen, welcome

to Stratton Oakmont.

You schnooks will now be targeting

the wealthiest 1% of Americans.

We’re talking about whales here.

Moby fucking Dicks.

And with this script, which is now your new harpoon,

I’m gonna teach each and every one of you

to be Captain fucking Ahab.

Get it? Huh?

Captain who?

Captain Ahab. From the fucking…

The book, motherfucker. From the book.

Turn your fucking brain on.

Fuck you.

Jesus fuck, Robbie.

JORDAN: Listen to me. We’re a new company with a new name.

A company that our clients can believe in.

A company that our clients can trust.

A firm whose roots are so deeply embedded into Wall Street

that our very founders sailed over on the Mayflower

and chiseled the name Stratton Oakmont

right into Plymouth fucking Rock!

You got it?

(ALL CHUCKLING)

What we’re gonna do is this.

First we pitch ’em Disney, AT&T, IBM,

blue chip stocks exclusively.

Companies these people know.

Once we’ve suckered them in, we unload the dog shit.

The pink sheets, the Penny stocks,

where we make the money.

50% commission, baby.

Ooh.

Now the key to making money in a situation like this

is to position yourself now before the settlement.

Because by the time you read about it in The Wall Street Journal,

it’s already too late.

Then you wait.

You wait.

And whoever speaks first loses.

CLIENT: Sorry, uh…

I appreciate the call.

I really have to give this some thought

and talk to my wife about it.

Can I call you back?

They don’t know, right? They gotta think about it,

they gotta talk to their fucking wives, or the fucking Tooth Fairy.

Point is, it doesn’t matter what the fuck they say.

The only real objection that they have is that they don’t trust you guys.

And why should they trust you? I mean, look at you.

You’re a bunch of fucking sleazy salesmen, right?

(ALL LAUGHING)

So, what do you say?

You mean to tell me that if I put you in at Union Carbide at 7

and took you out at 32…

Texas Instruments at 11 and took you out at 47…

U.S. Steel at 16, took you out at 41…

You wouldn’t be saying to me right now, “Chester”,

“pick me up a few thousand shares of Disney”

“on the spot, right now. Come on.”

Honestly, Kevin? Honestly? Seriously?

I don’t know you.

You cold-called me. You’re a total stranger.

I am in complete agreement with you.

You don’t know me, I don’t know you.

Let me introduce myself to you.

My name is Alden Kupferberg.

Robbie Feinberg.

Chester Ming.

I’m Senior Vice President at Stratton Oakmont…

and I plan on being one of the…

top brokers in my firm next year.

And I’m not gonna get there by being wrong, Stanley.

I do wanna say that you sound like a…

You sound like a pretty sincere guy.

(LAUGHING)

OTTER: It’s not gonna make you rich

and it’s not gonna make you poor.

But what this trade will do is serve as…

a benchmark for future business, Kevin.

You feel comfortable with me now, Scotty?

And then you’ll know for sure

that you finally found a broker on Wall Street

that you can trust,

and who can consistently make you money.

Sound fair enough?

(MOUTHING)

You know what… Yeah.

I gotta say, I’m pretty impressed.

What are you thinking?

Kevin.

You give me one shot here

on a blue chip stock like Kodak,

and believe me, Kevin,

the only problem you’re gonna have

is that you didn’t buy more.

Sound fair enough?

Shit. My…

Uh… (CHUCKLES)

My wife might divorce me, but…

Yeah, let’s do it.

(ALL LAUGHING QUIETLY)

Excellent choice, Kevin.

How much do you want to go for this time?

Let’s do 5… $5,000.

Can we try 8,000, Kevin?

All right. Let’s do 10.

Ten.

You want to do that?

Excellent choice!

Kevin, let me lock in that trade right now

and get back to you in a few minutes

with an exact confirmation, Kevin.

And welcome to Stratton Oakmont.

Thanks, man. I’m gonna have a beer.

This is fun.

Take it easy, Kev.

Hey, thanks, Jordan. Thanks a…

Fuck that motherfucker!

That’s what I’m talking about!

What a fucking idiot.

The one thing I know about in this world is airlines.

And Cuchon Airlines is the future of airlines.

Get in now or…

I’m Nicky Koskoff…

Chester Ming…

BOTH: And I’m a Senior Vice President

with Stratton Oakmont.

Judy, I am so, so, so sorry for your loss.

When did he pass?

Just say I’m wrong, right.

And the stock goes down a couple points…

and it makes you, in the words of my grandfather,

God rest his soul, “A shit ton of money.”

It’s like getting in on fucking sunlight

before there was fucking sunlight. You understand?

MAN: Can we do 8,000 shares?

MAN 2: Okay, 25,000.

That’s a very intelligent decision.

I’m gonna transfer you to my sales associate.

Rhonda!

Rhonda!

…put you through to Andrea.

Has anybody fucking seen Rhonda?

(BELL RINGING)

Everybody have a good week?

ALL: Yeah!

The end of the month.

$28.7 million in gross commissions,

all from pink sheet stock, boys!

And to celebrate with our weekly act of debauchery,

I have offered our lovely sales assistant,

Danielle Harrison, here,

$10,000 to shave her fucking head!

(ALL CHEERING)

Yeah!

(LAUGHING)

NICKY: Yeah, you want this?

You want this?

Let’s scalp her! Scalp her!

NICKY: Let the scalping begin!

(ALL CONTINUE CHANTING)

ALL: Scalp! Scalp! Scalp!

JORDAN: FYI, boys, Danielle has promised

to use this $10,000 for breast implants!

She’s already got C cups,

but now she wants fucking double D’s!

Is this a great fucking company or what?

Is this the greatest company in the world?

Donnie!

Blow the roof off this motherfucker!

(MARCHING BAND PLAYING)

Champagne?

Whoo!

Send in the stripees!

(ALL CHEERING)

Mine!

(YELLING)

JORDAN: Word about us spread throughout Wall Street.

Even the places I didn’t want it to.

It wasn’t long before Forbes magazine,

the flagship of Wall Street, called to do a profile on me.

Let me ask you, how do you see the future for Stratton Oakmont?

One word?

(EXHALES) Diversification.

Sounds good. Thank you so much. I have more than enough.

I appreciate your time.

Fantastic.

Can we get a quick picture?

(CAMERA CLICKS)

JORDAN: A total fucking hatchet job.

This conniving little twat! Look at this!

“The Wolf of Wall Street” they call me. Look.

Your hair looks good.

Well, my hair looks good.

Yeah.

“Jordan Belfort,”

“sounding like a kind of twisted Robin Hood”

“who takes from the rich and gives to himself”

“and his Merry little band of brokers.”

Read that. Read it.

Listen.

There is no such thing as bad publicity, sweetheart.

Read the article, babe.

Jordan, you look great! You’re in a huge magazine.

Big fucking deal I look great.

(PEOPLE CLAMORING)

MAN: Mr. Belfort! Can you look at my resume, please?

Excuse me, excuse me, Sir!

Calm the fuck down!

What the hell’s all this?

It’s the Forbes article. They all want to work for you now.

Hey! What did I say?

I’m just trying to be nice.

Hey, you want a job, you talk to me!

Mr. Belfort!

Give me one minute.

JORDAN: Forbes made me a superstar.

Every day, dozens of money-crazed kids beat a path to my door.

If we hired ’em, they dropped straight out of college overnight

and spent whatever allowance they had

on a new suit from our Stratton tailor.

Are you fucking serious right now?

I mean, we were literally putting clothes on these kids’ backs.

And here comes this jerk-off sniffing around.

But, you know, every time someone rises up in this world,

there’s always gonna be some asshole trying to drag him down.

Within months, we doubled in size,

moved to even bigger offices.

(GRUNTING)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

It was a madhouse.

A greed-fest,

with equal parts cocaine, testosterone, and body fluids.

(SCREAMING) Yes!

It got so bad, I had to declare the office a fuck-free zone

between the hours of 9:00 and 7:00.

But I’m telling you, even that didn’t help.

Actually, the madness started on our very first day,

when one of our brokers, Ben Jenner,

christened the elevator by getting a blowjob

from a sales assistant.

Her name was Pam, and to her credit,

she did have this amazing technique,

with this wild twist and jerk motion.

About a month later,

Donnie and I decided to double-team her

on a Saturday afternoon

while our wives were out shopping for Christmas dresses.

Eventually, Ben married her,

which was pretty amazing considering she blew

every single guy in the office.

Then he got depressed and killed himself three years later.

Anyway, I hired my dad, Max, to maintain order as the Enforcer.

Stratton’s very own Gestapo.

We called him Mad Max because of his hair-trigger temper,

which could be set off by something

as innocuous as a ringing telephone.

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Who the fuck has the goddamn gall

to call this house on a Tuesday night?

God damn it!

You’re gonna miss it!

Ooh, please, tell me something I don’t know.

I wait all week for the fucking Equalizer

and they have to fucking… Hello.

JORDAN: But as soon as he picked up the phone…

Gene. How are you, Gene?

He’d affect this weird British accent.

Right-o, Gene, that’d be great.

Cheerio.

It was absolutely bizarre.

The fucking halfwit!

He’d hang up…

You missed it!

And then he’s Mad Max all over again.

Damn it!

All right, tell me what happened. What happened?

Well, he discovered it was the mother’s sister.

Who’s he? Who? Tell me who…

The main guy. You know who the main…

The main guy…

it was his mother’s sister. She showed up dead.

(LAUGHING)

JORDAN: Of course, Mad Max didn’t have to know

everything we were doing at Stratton.

And then there’s a big target and we…

They get launched at the target. They stick.

NICKY: There’s a bull’s-eye and the bull’s-eye’s a dollar sign.

Whoever gets closer to the dollar sign…

gets the most points.

I’m gonna throw the shit out of this little fucking thing.

So if it gets hurt, what happens?

‘Cause we’re gonna get fucking nuts.

I don’t think he’s gonna get hurt. They’re like…

They got like superhuman strength.

I think he’s gonna be fine.

You can’t look him right in the eyes.

You can’t look him in the eye?

That’s a fact. I saw it on PBS.

They get confused and their wires get crossed.

You gotta look at their Chin.

Like it looks like I’m looking at you

but I’m looking at your Chin.

I feel like you’re addressing me right now, but you’re not, are you?

They’re like the Mona Lisa. They find eye contact,

like, wherever you are standing in the room.

And they lock in.

JORDAN: No, but there is a limit to what we can do with them?

We’re allowed to throw shit at ’em.

We’re allowed to throw food? Bananas.

Any food. Correct.

But, for example, what I wouldn’t do is

maybe like tell him to pull his cock out

and like get some of the girls to, you know,

fondle him and shit like that.

That would be… That’s unacceptable?

Let’s keep that in our back pocket.

This guy is more about throwing at the dartboard.

Correct. Yes, yes, yes.

The thing is, this is their gift, okay.

They’re built to be thrown like a lawn dart.

They’re top heavy like a lawn dart.

So they’re built for accuracy.

Oh, my God. Can we bowl with this guy?

That’s his fucking brother, Rob.

His brother’s the bowling ball.

The brother, you put a skateboard on him,

you strap him to a skateboard,

you toss him down an alley at some pins.

No shit. That’s interesting.

Swear to fucking God.

Can we get that guy?

Yeah, we’ll get that guy, too.

But it says here this guy will show his cock. Yeah.

Instead of growing up. Yeah.

He will?

They are very ornery by the way,

so you gotta be very careful with these little guys.

Safety first.

Safety is first, all right?

I want somebody with a fucking tranquilizer gun

ready to knock this fucker out.

Do we want to get like a…

Mace. Taser guns.

A pellet gun maybe?

No, a pellet gun is gonna hurt him.

I just want him out. Knocked out cold.

But I say we stick with the loophole. Right? Okay?

If we don’t consider him a human,

we just consider it an act, I think we’re in the clear.

Like The Flying Wallendas.

You know, a lot of those guys died but they never sued anybody.

The important thing you guys gotta keep in mind

is that these things gossip.

They get together and they gossip.

That’s a good point.

And the last thing

that we need is them getting together and saying,

“Oh, they made fun of us.”

Like, it’s gonna make Stratton look bad.

That’s why I love you. You think of shit like that.

When they come in, we treat it just like one of us. Okay?

(CHANTING) One of us. Gooble gobble, one of us.

We accept them, one of us!

Gooble gobble, one of us.

We accept them, one of us.

Gooble gobble, one of us!

Jordan! Your dad’s coming.

Something about the American Express bill.

Can you get him out of here?

Yeah. Lick my twat.

No, I’m serious!

Fuck. Guys, act like we’re working.

You got any fucking stock forms?

He’s coming, he’s coming.

Make some shit up.

I think if we short Pfizer…

$430,000 in one month, Jordy, huh?

Four hundred and fucking 30,000 fucking dollars in one fucking month!

Good morning. They’re business expenses. Relax.

MAX: Business expenses? JORDAN: Yes.

Jordy, look what you got here.

What?

Look at this. $26,000 for one fucking dinner!

Okay. No, no. This could be explained.

Dad, we had clients. The Pfizer clients.

Right. The porterhouse from Argentina.

Expensive champagne and… We had to buy champagne.

And you ordered all the fucking sides.

Tell him about the sides.

I ordered sides, so…

Sides? $26,000 worth of sides?

What are these sides? They cure cancer?

The sides did cure cancer. That’s the problem.

That’s why they were expensive.

Shut the fuck up.

I’m serious.

Stop.

And EJ Entertainment?

What the fuck is EJ Entertainment?

(ALL LAUGHING)

Well, that’s, uh…

DONNIE: Yeah, Jordy, what’s EJ Entertainment?

How do I describe this?

Jord, what is that?

It’s a fucking prostitution ring, Jordy!

I know.

That’s what it is!

That is what it is.

Isn’t that the perfect description for it?

That is what it is. But none of these were charged to me.

This is all of them.

Oh, that was all us?

It wasn’t me though.

Fucking explain this shit to him!

These are all of your fucking charges right here!

The IRS, they allow for T&A. It’s fine.

MAX: T&E!

T&E!

Yeah. I said T&E.

No, no. You said T&A.

No, I didn’t.

Yeah, you did.

When did I say that?

You said T&A. It’s T&E.

I know you’re upset about the dinner,

and that makes sense because we did spend too much money. But I said T&E.

Don’t tell me what you said. I heard what you said.

Dad. He said T&A.

He did?

Absolutely, no question.

I’m trying to…

I’m getting this close!

Dad, relax.

I’m getting this close.

That’s what I’m saying. I want you to open up more, Max.

He’s gonna fucking kill you.

Why do you hold it in? Why do you…

Max, why do you hold it in?

That’s it. Get the fuck out of here!

No, no, no!

Asshole, get out of here.

What kind of hooker takes credit cards?

A rich one.

JORDAN: At Stratton, there were three kinds of hookers.

The Blue Chips, top of the line, model material.

They cost between $300 and $500

and you had to wear a condom

unless you gave them a hefty tip,

which, of course, I always did.

Then came the NASDAQs, who were pretty, not great.

They cost between 200 and 300 bucks.

Finally, there were the Pink Sheets. Skanks.

They cost about 100 or less. If you didn’t wear a condom,

you’d have to get a penicillin shot

the next day and pray your dick didn’t fall off.

Not that we didn’t fuck them, too.

Believe me, we did.

Ow! It’s that slipped disc thing again.

I know what it is. You know, too much…

with EJ Entertainment.

Pops.

How are things at home?

Well, not the best.

She just doesn’t… You know what I’m saying?

It’s like the smell…

There’s a smell, there’s an attraction thing.

After a while it kind of fades away a little bit.

Yeah, well. It’s supposed to fade away.

Supposed to?

That’s marriage. You know…

Your mother and I, we’ve been married a long, long time.

What do you think? We’re, we’re…

We’re jumping into bed every two minutes?

It doesn’t work that way.

I love her to death.

I want to stay married, Dad, but…

It’s crazy out there.

Some of these girls… You should see them.

Oh, my God!

They’re fucking…

The things they’re doing now, Pops.

I mean… I mean, it’s on a whole other level.

Really?

And they’re all shaved, too.

Get out of here!

All shaven.

Are you kidding me?

Yeah.

Bald as a China doll.

No bush?

No bush.

Oh, my God!

All of a sudden, one week, nobody had anything down there anymore.

It’s a new world.

They’re bald from the eyebrows down.

Wow.

Nothing. Not a stitch. It’s like lasers.

Wow. A new world.

I was born too… Too early.

I’ve never been a fan of the bush, to be honest.

Really?

Yeah.

I don’t mind it.

Dad.

I don’t want you stressing out about any of this.

How can I not get stressed out?

Look at the knuckleheads you got working for you.

I know they’re knuckleheads

but I need them to want to live like me, you get it?

To live like me.

Jordy.

One of these days, the chickens are gonna come home to roost.

You’re looking at me like I’m crazy.

(SCOFFS) Crazy? This is obscene.

JORDAN: It was obscene.

In the normal world.

But who the fuck wanted to live there?

JORDAN: Go party your fucking cocks off!

(HIP-HOP MUSIC)

JORDAN: We are about to become fucking legends

on Wall Street!

We got plans up here that’s gonna take this company

into the fucking stratosphere!

(ALL CHEERING)

Wolfie! Wolfie!

Fuck Merrill Lynch. Fuck them.

Why should they be taking all our fucking money all the fucking time?

This way we become the underwriters.

It was our next big move.

Finding companies to take public. IPOs.

It was the only way these Wall Street pricks

would ever stop thinking of us as some shitkicker bucket shop.

We got Arncliffe International.

JORDAN: See, we were a little different.

We liked to get as fucked up as possible during our business powwows

in order to stimulate our free-flowing ideas,

which is why we were popping these ludes like they were M&M’s.

(SLURRING) Steve Madden.

We own the fucking companies…

(GLASS SHATTERS)

We own the companies…

Don’t know what a lude is? I’ll tell you.

Oh. Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Looks like those ludes are working their magic on Donnie right now.

(CLASSICAL MUSIC)

JORDAN: The Quaalude,

or lude, as it is commonly referred to,

was first synthesized in 1951

by an Indian doctor, that’s dots, not feathers,

as a sedative,

and was prescribed to stressed-out housewives with sleep disorders.

But pretty soon someone figured out

that if you resisted the urge to sleep for just 15 minutes,

you got a pretty kick-ass high from it.

Didn’t take long for people to start abusing ludes, of course.

And in 1982, the U-S. Government Schedule 1’d them.

Along with the rest of the world.

Which meant there was only a finite amount of these things left.

No shit, you can’t even buy ’em anymore.

You people are all shit out of luck.

What are you saying? What is it?

Steve Madden.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Steve Madden.

Steve.

Steve.

JORDAN: You remember those ads?

Those giant-headed girls with the bug eyes

wearing those big clunky shoes?

My friend from school, Steve Madden.

His friend from school, Steve Madden.

Steve Madden was the name in women’s shoes at the moment.

And all of Wall Street was begging to take his company public.

Go ahead, go ahead, what is it?

Except, guess who grew up with him?

Women’s shoes.

Women’s shoes.

My very own Vice President.

Women’s shoes!

(ALL LAUGHING)

Diamond Donnie Azoff.

Steve Madden.

Steve.

Steve.

Hey, JB, JB, JB, JB.

You gotta come check this fucking chick out.

Look at this. Look.

NICKY: I would fuck that girl if she was my sister.

I would let that girl give me fucking AIDS.

ROBBIE: You want to see the Wolf handle this?

She’s hot.

Cristy.

Jordan, this is my friend Naomi.

Hi. Nice to meet you.

Naomi.

Naomi, nice to meet you.

You got an awesome place here.

I’ve don’t think I’ve ever been in a house this big before.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Beautiful beach out there.

Blair Hollingsworth.

Hi, Blair. Nice to meet you.

Your name’s Blair, right?

Yeah.

You like to Jet Ski?

NAOMI: I’ve never done it before.

JORDAN: You’ve never Jet Ski’d in your life?

NAOMI: No, I’ve never Jet Ski’d.

You’ve never been on a Jet Ski?

How many times are you gonna ask her?

She’s never been on a Jet Ski.

I don’t know. Might ask her a couple more times.

NAOMI: Okay. Sure. (GIGGLING)

Hi. I’m Hildy. Nice to meet you.

Hi.

Jordan, Teresa needs your help.

Yeah, I’ll be out in a couple of minutes.

Just tell her I’ll be out in a couple of minutes.

Why don’t you tell your wife that?

I might do that, but I’m having

a conversation right now.

What am I, your secretary?

You know what, I think we should get going.

Wait, wait. Where you guys going?

We gotta go. We got two other parties to go to.

We can stay for a drink.

Yeah, stay for a drink.

No. We got two other parties we’re supposed to get to.

NAOMI: But we can stay for a drink…

She’s

perfect.

You like champagne?

I do.

DONNIE: She’s perfect.

Donnie, what the fuck are you doing?

You piece of…

(ALL LAUGHING)

You’re gonna have to excuse my friend. He gets…

Get the fuck out!

Jordan, you gotta fuck her, bro. She’s so hot!

Yeah, Donnie!

NICKY: Let him fucking finish, Hildy.

That’s fucking rude.

Have some fucking manners.

JORDAN: So, Bay Ridge, that’s near Staten Island, right?

Brooklyn, across the Verrazano Bridge.

Saturday Night Fever territory.

That’s right. Guinea Gulch.

We call the Verrazano Bridge the Guinea Gangplank.

Right.

So I presume you’re Italian?

On my dad’s side.

I’m also Dutch, German, English.

I’m a mutt.

Yeah. You’re a mutt.

Yeah, I still have family over there though, in London.

My Aunt Emma. She’s the best.

Very British, you know. She’s a classy lady.

That explains it then.

Explains what?

It explains you. I mean, you’re a duchess, right?

The Duchess of Bay Ridge.

Excuse me.

Could I get a straw, please?

Thank you.

So I was, um, a little surprised

you asked Cristy for my number.

Why is that?

Aren’t you married?

Well… Yeah, but what?

Married people can’t have friends?

We’re gonna be friends?

Yeah. You don’t want to be my friend?

We’re not gonna be friends.

NAOMI: And at night I work on my designs.

I have an entire line of lingerie.

You know, camisoles, bustiers, panties.

JORDAN: She designs women’s panties, too?

Oh, my God!

Come on, Jordan, think of a way to get up to her apartment.

You wanna come up for some tea or something?

Tea? Yeah.

Like hot tea?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah. That sounds nice. Yeah.

Tea. Fuck, yeah, I wanted to come up for tea.

Like Darjeeling or Rose hip, something nice like that?

NAOMI: Sure.

This is Rocky.

Oh, who’s this? Say hi, Rocky.

Hi, sweetheart.

(BARKS)

Okay.

Why don’t you light a fire or something and I’ll be right out.

Yeah. Fire, here?

Sure.

I like your painting here. It’s, uh…

God, help me. How do I fuck this girl?

(CLATTERING)

NAOMI: You all right?

Yeah, yeah. Just trying to light the fire here.

(BEEPER RINGING)

That’s it. That’s it, you’re leaving.

Don’t get involved. Go home to your wife.

(DOOR OPENING)

As you can probably guess,

I fucked her goddamn brains out…

JORDAN: (GRUNTING) Jesus Lord!

(NAOMI MOANING)

For 11 seconds.

(JORDAN GROANS)

NAOMI: Did you just come?

JORDAN: Oh, yeah, I just came.

Did you? Did you come?

NAOMI: No.

No?

Okay.

I’m still hard so just give me a sec.

Sure.

Come on, baby, come on.

(BARKING)

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

(ROCKY BARKING)

Oh, God!

NAOMI: Fuck off, Rocky! Bad dog.

You have a biscuit or something like that?

It’s okay.

Just keep going.

Rocky, go play.

Go play, Rocky. Go, go, go, go.

(ROCKY BARKING)

You’re crazy.

JORDAN: I couldn’t get enough.

I mean, her pussy was like heroin to me.

And it wasn’t just about the sex, either.

Naomi and I got along. I mean, we…

We had similar interests and shit.

(NAOMI GIGGLING)

Ooh. Choo-choo train.

Yeah.

(HOOTING)

I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.

(SNORTING)

(LAUGHS)

Yeah, yeah. Let’s toke it all on there, huh?

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Oh, shit!

You!

Get out of the fucking car!

(GRUNTING)

JORDAN: Jesus Christ.

Son of a bitch! Oh, fuck!

Relax, sweetheart. Relax.

Son of a fucking bitch!

Okay, okay… Geez!

Okay, babe, stop!

Please.

(GRUNTS) Bitch!

What are you doing…

That whore from the party?

(GROANS) Jesus Christ!

What the fuck is wrong with you?

I thought you were at the fucking beach!

I didn’t know you were here!

That’s where you’ve fucking been?

With that fucking whore from the party?

I thought you were at the beach house.

How could you do this to me? (SOBBING)

Sweetie, come on…

Who the fuck are you, Jordan?

You’re like a completely different fucking person!

I made a mistake. I don’t know what to tell you, babe. I…

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry.

Is that who… Is that what you want?

(SIGHS DEEPLY)

Do you love her?

Answer me.

(SOBBING)

JORDAN: I felt horrible.

Three days later, I filed for a divorce

and moved Naomi into the apartment.

Say what you will,

but the Duchess did have style.

She brought in a decorator, feng shui’d the whole place.

She even hired a gay Butler.

This guy was smart, sophisticated, professional.

Really, really great.

Is that Jasmine?

Yes, Sir. I tried to stump you this evening. Very good.

Very good. Great nose.

JORDAN: Except for that one time.

(DANCE MUSIC)

(GASPS)

Oh, my God!

Oh, hey.

Is it Wednesday already?

Uh…

MAN: Oh, don’t stop.

What the fuck!

That is fucked up!

He must have thought we were still

at the Hamptons this weekend, you know.

Where were they doing it, sweetheart? In the bedroom?

They were everywhere. There were two guys over there on the table.

There were more over here.

There were four right here.

Ugh!

Are you fucking serious? Right there?

Why didn’t you tell me?

Oh, baby, it gets worse.

(SNIFFLES)

After they left, I checked the apartment.

Right. What?

What is it, babe? What?

JORDAN: Where’s my money?

I don’t know where your money…

Where is my fucking money? Where is it?

I don’t know where your money is, Mr. Belfort.

I didn’t do anything.

If you don’t get…

He’s lying through his fucking teeth.

Let’s start from the beginning.

Let’s start from the beginning, all right?

You invited some friends over, right?

One thing led to another. Things got out of hand.

We understand that, we do. (CHUCKLES)

We do blow all the time. We’re fucking degenerates ourselves.

Look at us, right?

But money was stolen from my apartment.

Right from my sock drawer. All right?

Like I said, I don’t know where your money is.

Just start from the beginning. Who came over?

It was just a normal day.

I knew you were coming home the next day.

So everything would be fine. It’d be cleaned up.

I got a little high at breakfast.

So I got a little happy. I had some eggs,

I had a little bit of ice cream.

And then I said, “Who do I know that likes ice cream?”

It’s my friend, Rudy. So I called Rudy.

Who’s Rudy?

Yeah, who’s Rudy?

You know who Rudy is. Come on.

Me? I don’t…

You know…

Who the fuck is Rudy?

I don’t know anyone named Rudy.

Last month. The Lollipop Club.

You know who Rudy was. Dancing…

You know who Rudy is?

(STAMMERING)

I don’t fucking know any…

What do you mean?

So he went to The Lollipop Club?

NICHOLAS: Oh, he was at The Lollipop Club for sure.

On the stage, grinding with everybody.

I got fucked up. I like to dance.

I don’t know. Maybe I met him, maybe I didn’t.

I meet a lot of fucking people.

What are you saying?

$50,000 was stolen

from my fucking sock drawer!

All my girlfriend’s jewelry is gone.

Where the fuck is it?

…Rudy. What the fuck?

Did your fucking little faggot friend Rudy take my shit?

Did he? Answer me!

Okay. Now I get it. Now I get why I’m…

This is a gay thing.

JORDAN: Oh!

See, all of you…

(CHUCKLING)

You think this is ’cause you’re a fag?

My cousin’s a fucking faggot.

And I go on vacation with him and his boyfriend. I love fags.

JORDAN: You were in charge, right?

I will not be stolen from. You get that?

I fucking like gay people. I don’t like you.

He should’ve hired a fucking Mexican

like I have in my fucking house.

(GROANING)

Shit! What the fuck…

TOBY: Talk, you fuck, talk!

CHESTER: I’m gonna drop you, you faggot!

TOBY: Where is it?

(NICHOLAS SCREAMING)

JORDAN: Chester and Toby, they went all yakuza on Nicholas.

You know, they got crazy.

I don’t know!

JORDAN: I had to call the cops just to keep them from killing the poor guy.

I gave them each 1,000 bucks

and told them what Nicholas had done.

Then they kicked his ass.

Thanks again, Officer.

It’s not like I cared about the 50 grand anyway.

I was making that much almost every day

through one rathole or another.

Now a rathole is a friend, like Brad here,

who held stock in his name for me.

Who are you supposed to be, huh? Jack Nickle-Jew?

JORDAN: I’d drive the price up then he’d sell

and kick most of the profits back to…

You guessed it, me.

All cash. None of it’s on the books.

A big no-no, of course, in the eyes of the law.

Enter our new securities attorney, Manny Riskin.

700 bucks an hour to be the voice of doom.

Listen to me. You piss up the SEC’s leg,

you end up with your tits in a ringer.

Do not worry about it. I have the SEC under control.

What the fuck are these imbeciles doing?

Hey! Hey!

What are you doing? Hey!

(WHOOPING)

We got the SEC in here.

JORDAN: The Securities and Exchange Commission

sent two lawyers down to review our files.

So I set them up in our conference room

and I had it bugged

and the air conditioning turned up so high

that it felt like Antarctica in there.

Is it always this cold in here?

I don’t know.

JORDAN: Then, while they were looking

for a smoking gun in that room…

Arncliffe International is on fire.

I was gonna fire off a bazooka in here,

offering up our latest IPO.

An IPO is an initial public offering.

It’s the first time a stock is offered for sale to the general population.

Now, as the firm taking the company public,

we set the initial sales price

then sold those shares right back to our friends. The…

Look. (CHUCKLES)

I know you’re not following what I’m saying anyway, right?

That’s okay. That doesn’t matter.

The real question is this.

(WHISPERS) “Was all this legal?”

Absolutely fucking not.

But we were making more money than we knew what to do with.

And what do you do when you’re making

more money than you know what to do with?

(MELLOW MUSIC)

Oh, my God!

Will you marry me?

Oh, my God.

Is that a yes? (CHUCKLES)

Are you sure?

Yeah, I’m sure. Yeah, I’m sure.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

JORDAN: I held my bachelor party at the Mirage in Las Vegas.

The flight there alone was a bacchanal.

One last blowout for the gods

before I settled down for good.

A hundred Strattonites, 50 hookers, plus 50 more waiting once we landed.

Oh, and the drugs.

I mean, I tell you, our plane was like a pharmacy with wings.

(BEEPING)

(ELECTRIC BLUES MUSIC)

All told, the weekend cost me 2 million bucks, including the cost of refurbishing the entire 28th floor.

WOMAN: Kiss the bride.

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

JORDAN: Ah! But the wedding was something out of a fairy tale.

With Naomi, my Duchess, me, her handsome Duke, and The Bahamas Ocean Club, our castle.

(POP MUSIC)

Of course, after the bachelor party, me, the Duke, needed a few penicillin shots so he could safely consummate the marriage.

Hey! Barry Kleinman, filming the wedding.

A few words for your son?

Jordan. Remember what I told you.

It involves your penis and her vagina.

And you know, you know what you can do, Jordy.

(HIP-HOP MUSIC)

(BLUES MUSIC)

Oh, my God!

Aunt Emma?

I can’t believe you came!

Jordan! Jordan! Look who came!

It’s Aunt Emma.

Aunt Emma.

Oh, Jordan, dear, how lovely.

Hey, how you doing?

It’s a pleasure to finally meet you in person.

Into the donuts, I see.

Oh, I… I…

Well…

I lived through the ’60s, my dear.

Enjoy the day.

She surprised me. I didn’t even know.

(LAUGHING)

JORDAN: Just one more step. Are you ready?

NAOMI: Where are we going?

Keep your eyes closed.

One, two, three!

What is this?

JORDAN: (CHUCKLING) It’s your wedding present.

NAOMI: What?

JORDAN: It’s your wedding present, sweetheart.

What?

Are you serious?

I’m serious.

A fucking yacht?

ROBIN LEACH: For millionaires whose ships have come in,

pricey pleasure boats are for the most fun afloat.

It’s no coincidence that it’s 150 feet of green hull

is the color of cash. Anchors aweigh!

Oh, my God! Baby!

I think you like it?

You’re crazy.

You like it?

Yes!

JORDAN: For three weeks, we sailed the Naomi through the Caribbean,

eventually taking her home to Long Island,

where we bought a house.

Seven acres on the Gold Coast of Long Island.

The most expensive real estate in the world.

With maids, cooks, landscapers, you name it.

We even had two guards who worked in shifts.

Both named Rocco.

It was heaven on earth.

NAOMI: Wake-up, you piece of shit!

Ow!

Who’s Venice?

Huh?

“Who?”

Who? Who?

“Who?” What are you, a fucking owl?

Who is she?

(STUTTERING)

Some little hooker you were fucking last night?

What the fuck are you talking about? No.

No way, baby, no!

You were calling her name in your sleep!

Are you out of your fucking mind? I don’t…

I don’t even know who Venice is.

What the fuck does that even mean? Venice.

That’s the stupidest shit I’ve ever heard in my fucking life!

(ROMANTIC MUSIC)

JORDAN: (SLURRING) Venice…

Venice, baby, where are you?

Venice!

Venice!

Where’d you go?

(GROANING)

Oh, baby. Oh, you’re gonna play rough, huh?

Oh, Jesus Christ!

You like that?

(GROANING)

I like it. I like it. Ow.

Wolfie, Wolfie, Wolfie, Wolfie.

Wolfie?

Yeah, it’s my safe word, baby. It’s my safe word.

I don’t give a fuck about your safe word!

(SCREAMS) Come on!

Shut the fuck up!

Ahh!

Shut up, you little bitch!

You’re a fucking dirty little birdy!

Owie!

That’s right.

That’s right! I forgot.

(CHUCKLING) I forgot, baby.

Donnie and I were investing

in a condominium complex in Venice.

That’s why all this confusion.

Oh, you’re investing in Italy?

Not Italy. California.

Oh, California?

Yeah.

You’re a lying piece of shit!

Duchess, baby, come on.

Don’t you fucking “Duchess” me.

Don’t you “Duchess” me!

(APOLOGIZING)

Do you really think that I don’t know what you’re up to?

You’re a father now, Jordan.

Yeah.

You’re a father now.

I know…

And you’re still acting like an infant!

(SCREAMS) God damn it!

Baby, you know, you got real anger issues.

Who is the one who flew in here

at 3:00 in the morning on their stupid helicopter

and woke up Skylar? That was you!

Oh, Skylar! Oh, fucking bullshit!

(ALARMS BLARING)

(BABY CRYING)

NAOMI: Does it even matter to you

that I just had that driving range

sodded with Bermuda grass, Jordan,

and now you fucking wrecked it!

Oh, my God… Bermuda grass.

No, you didn’t research the whole thing

and deal with the fucking golf course people!

Oh, my God,

you had to deal with the golf course people, too!

What a Greek tragedy, honey! Oh, my God!

You probably had to pay them in cash with your hands!

What a fucking burden.

And actually do some work besides swiping

my fucking credit card all day, huh?

Because I can’t keep track of your professions, honey.

‘Cause last month you were a wine connoisseur.

Now you’re an aspiring landscape architect!

Let me get that right… No!

Fuck you!

Don’t fucking dare throw that

fucking water at me. Don’t you fucking dare.

All right, honey?

Now will you just…

We could talk this out, all right?

We just use our words. You know?

Communicate.

Okay?

Come on, sweetheart.

Talk to me. Talk to me.

Stop flexing your muscles, Jordan.

You look like a fucking imbecile.

Babe, come on.

You should feel happy you got a husband

who’s in such great shape like this, huh?

Come here.

Come on, give me a kiss.

You look so beautiful right now.

Come on.

Kiss you?

You look so beautiful…

Kiss you?

Yeah, give me one…

Fuck you!

Ah, yes, my morning ritual.

First I’d get up and fight with Naomi

about whatever it is I did the night before.

Next was a steam so I could sweat out

the drugs still in my system.

Then I’d assess the damage.

Drown out my eyeballs.

Take my “back pills” to get the day started,

then seek to make up with Naomi.

Good morning, Daddy.

Where’s my kiss?

Whee!

Hey, sweetheart.

Does Daddy get a kiss from both of his little girls, huh?

Oh, no.

No, Daddy doesn’t even get to touch Mommy

for a very, very,

very long time.

Daddy’s really sorry about what he said in the other room.

He didn’t mean any of it.

Daddy shouldn’t waste his time.

And from now on,

it’s gonna be nothing but short,

short skirts around the house.

And you know something else, Daddy?

Mommy is just so sick and tired of wearing panties.

Yeah?

Yeah.

In fact,

she’s decided to throw them

all away.

(SIGHING)

So take a good look, Daddy.

You’re gonna be seeing an awful lot of this around the house.

Oh, baby…

Yeah, Mommy.

Yeah…

But no touching.

Oh, gosh.

Ow.

What’s wrong, Daddy?

Mmm, baby.

God!

(SOBBING)

Look at this shit.

Okay. Mommy likes to play games with Daddy.

Mommy, have you ever noticed

anything odd about Mr…

Mr. Fuzzy Bear over there?

His eyes seem to be a little bit odd, don’t they?

Yeah, there’s something a little bit different about his eyes.

(GASPS) Yes! I think it’s true. Say “Hi,” Mommy.

Say “Hi” to Rocco and Rocco.

Say “Hi.” Hi, fellas.

(CHUCKLES)

See that, huh?

Of all the fucking days,

she chooses today to give me blue balls!

I mean, today was the biggest day in Stratton’s history,

and I needed to be thinking straight.

Hey, Jordan!

Welcome.

Steve here yet?

JORDAN: This was the day that we launched the Steve Madden IPO.

DONNIE: Troops are all here, everyone’s all rallied, excited.

JORDAN: Everything had to run tight.

It had to be perfect.

What the fuck is that kid doing?

What’s he doing?

The biggest IPO in this firm’s history.

What the fuck is he doing?

JANET: Is he… Is he wearing a bow tie?

Hi.

How’re you doing?

Good.

You cleaning the fish bowl?

I just… I had a minute and…

You had a minute.

And today you needed to clean the fish bowl? Today?

I had finished my paperwork and I had a couple of minutes.

Okay. Nice to meet you.

On new issue day?

On cocksucking, motherfucking new issue day?

This is what you do?

Hey, everybody, listen up!

This is what happens when you fuck with your pets on new issue day!

(ALL GROANING)

Take your little bow tie, get your shit,

and get the fuck out of my office! You understand?

Get the fuck out!

(ALL JEERING)

Everybody on point!

We are here to make money. Everybody on point.

JORDAN: A real wolf pit, which is exactly how I liked it.

Jordan, look what I caught in the lobby. I caught a genius.

JORDAN: Enter Steve Madden.

The great American cobbler.

Red-hot ladies footwear Impresario.

And thanks to Donnie, we were taking his company public.

Stratton Oakmont was crawling out of the primordial ooze.

Pond scum no more.

That’s why they gotta see your face.

You get them fired up so they push the shit out of this stock. Okay?

And not only that, Donnie and I secretly owned

85% of Steve Madden Shoes,

which legally speaking was a big no-no,

but we’d get filthy fucking rich if our troops got behind it.

Our job was to get them worked up.

But not too worked up.

Shh.

Hello. If, uh…

(WHISTLES)

For those of you who don’t know me, uh…

My name’s Steve Madden.

Yeah, we know who you are.

(LAUGHTER)

Your name is on the box.

Get the shoes. Show them the shoes.

Show them the shoes.

Okay. Yeah.

Anyway, you know, this shoe is pretty cool.

This is the Mary Lou, which is really the shoe that put me on the map.

Without it, I wouldn’t be here.

It’s a fat girls’ shoe!

Believe it or not… Believe it or not though,

the Mary Lou is actually the same

as the Mary Jane, but it’s black leather.

(JEERING)

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Fight back! Come on! Where you at? Where you at?

All right!

Let’s give it up for Steve Madden and his awesome Mary Lou!

Hold that up. Hold that up. Hold that up proud!

Give him a round of applause!

You guys got that out of your systems, huh?

You having a good afternoon or what?

I wanna take a moment and tell you why Steve here is so

absolutely off the fucking wall.

It’s because this man

is a creative genius.

This ability, this gift

that Steve has,

it goes beyond just

spotting the hottest shoe trends.

Steve’s power is that he creates trends.

You understand?

Artists like Steve come along once every decade.

I’m talking Giorgio Armani, Gianni Versace, Coco Chanel,

Yves Saint Laurent.

Steve, come over here for a second.

I don’t think you all realize

that Steve Madden

is the hottest person in the women’s shoe industry,

with orders going through the roof

at every department store in North America right now.

We have him here in our office!

We should thank our fucking lucky stars this man is here!

We should be on our hands and knees right now,

getting ready to suck this guy off!

Like this! Okay?

(LAUGHTER)

I wanna suck you off, Steve!

Everyone’s gonna suck you off!

This is our Golden ticket

to the fucking chocolate factory right here!

(CHEERING)

And I wanna meet

Willy fucking Wonka, okay?

I wanna be with the fucking Oompa Loompas like this!

All right, get off this fucking stage! Get out of here.

All right, I want you all to focus for a second.

See those little black boxes?

They’re called telephones.

I’m gonna let you in on a little secret about these telephones.

They’re not gonna dial themselves. Okay?

Without you, they’re just worthless hunks of plastic.

Like a loaded M16 without a trained Marine to pull the trigger.

And in the case of the telephone,

it’s up to each and every one of you,

my highly-trained Strattonites.

My killers!

My killers, who will not take no for an answer!

My fucking warriors,

who will not hang up the phone

until their client either buys

or fucking dies!

(ALL CHEERING)

Let me tell you something.

There is no nobility in poverty.

I have been a rich man and I have been a poor man.

And I choose rich every fucking time.

(CHEERING)

Because at least as a rich man,

when I have to face my problems,

I show up in the back of a limo,

wearing a $2,000 suit

and a $40,000 gold fucking watch!

(YELLING)

Duke it out! Hit him!

Get the fuck off me!

And if anyone here thinks I’m superficial

or materialistic,

go get a job at fucking McDonald’s,

’cause that’s where you fucking belong!

But before you depart this room full of winners,

I want you to take a good look

at the person next to you. Go on.

Because sometime in the not-so-distant future,

you’re gonna be pulling up to a red light

in your beat-up old fucking Pinto,

and that person’s gonna be pulling up right alongside you

in their brand new Porsche

with their beautiful wife by their side,

who’s got big voluptuous tits.

(ALL LAUGH)

And who’re you gonna be sitting next to?

Some disgusting wildebeest

with three days of razor-stubble,

in a sleeveless muumuu,

crammed in next to you in a carload full of groceries

from the fucking Price Club!

That’s who you’re gonna be sitting next to!

So you listen to me and you listen well.

Are you behind on your credit card bills?

Good! Pick up the phone and start dialing!

Is your landlord ready to evict you? Good!

Pick up the phone and start dialing!

Does your girlfriend think you’re a fucking worthless loser?

Good! Pick up the phone and start dialing!

I want you to deal with your problems

by becoming rich!

(ALL CHEERING)

All you have to do today

is pick up that phone

and speak the words that I have taught you.

And I will make you richer

than the most powerful CEO

in the United States of fucking America!

Yeah!

(CHEERING)

Fuck, yeah!

I want you to go out there

and I want you to ram

Steve Madden stock down your clients’ throats

until they fucking choke on it!

Till they choke on it and they buy

100,000 shares! That’s what I want.

Yeah! Fuck, yeah.

You be ferocious!

You be relentless!

ALL: Yeah!

You be telephone fucking terrorists!

Now let’s knock this motherfucker out of the park!

(CHEERING LOUDLY)

(PEPPY SOME)

JORDAN: At 1:00 p.m., we opened the stock for sale at $4.50 a share.

By 1:03, it was over $18.

Even the big Wall Street firms were buying.

Of the two million shares offered for sale,

a million belonged to me, held in phony accounts by my ratholes.

Now once the price hit the high teens…

(CHUCKLES) You know what? Who gives a shit?

As always, the point is this.

$22 million in three fucking hours!

Can you believe this shit?

I fucking love this, baby!

It’s amazing!

JAN ET: Jordan!

Barry Kleinman’s on the phone

from Future Video.

Who?

I don’t know. He shot at your wedding.

He says it’s urgent.

Urgent? Who the fuck is Barry Kleinman?

Oh, my God, you wanna marry me?

You’re in love with me?

Yeah. Go fuck your cousin!

Hey, Barry, what’s up?

Listen, I got this subpoena.

Subpoena? What the fuck are you talking about?

Yeah, the FBI, they want a copy

of your wedding video.

JORDAN: The fucking FBI?

You fucking kidding me?

BO: Listen to me.

His name is Denham.

He’s an agent with the New York office.

JORDAN: What’s his problem?

BO: He’s a Boy Scout. He thinks you’re fucking Gordon Gekko.

JORDAN: What does he want with my wedding video?

It’s like an invasion of my privacy.

You know what I’m saying? It’s like…

It’s intrusive, you know.

He’s got pictures of your whole inner fucking circle.

Pictures, names of the people.

You know what he’s trying to do?

Exactly what he’s doing. Look at yourself.

He’s trying to rattle you,

he’s trying to rattle your old lady,

so she nags you until you become a fucking witness.

He wants me to rat on myself?

He wants me to give information about my…

Listen. The good fucking news is,

you know I know everybody downtown,

I call up the Justice Department, the DEA,

nobody even knows you fucking exist, so calm down!

They don’t know I exist?

No.

That’s good.

But you…

You know who he is, right?

Yeah.

So, if I just wanted to get

some more information, just find out what he knows,

you could go to his house, right?

Tap his phones a little bit, bug him.

You could get some information…

You don’t fuck with these guys like that.

You don’t fuck with them like that.

What are you, nuts or something?

This is what you fucking do. What do I pay you for?

I have a fucking P.I. license, you know? I make a living at this.

I’m not a cop anymore.

They’ll take my fucking license away from me, all right?

Okay.

Okay, if I can’t do that, can I just…

Can I give the guy a call?

Why? Is that…

Jordan. Jordan.

Do me a favor?

The only one who calls this guy is your fucking lawyer.

I can’t call him, right?

It’s against the rules?

I told you,

whatever the fuck you say to him,

he’s gonna use against you. Don’t you understand?

He’s smart, you’re dumb.

Fucking bullshit.

Are we fucking talking tonight,

or are you gonna get schwacked?

The last time you took these fucking pills,

you put your head in the fucking macaroni. I had to pick it up.

All right.

Okay, I won’t call him.

Hey, fellas! Come on board.

The plank’s right around there.

Welcome!

Whoo! What a nice day.

Hey.

Welcome aboard.

Jordan. Welcome aboard the Naomi.

Pleasure to meet you.

Agent Denham. This is Agent Hughes.

Hi, how are you?

Let me introduce you. This is Nicole, Heidi. Come on. Don’t be shy.

What are you guys all shy for? Don’t be scared.

These are friends of Stratton.

It’s a pleasure.

Hello.

Um… (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

Your message said that you wanted to speak privately.

Right. I do want to speak privately.

Give us a minute, huh, ladies?

Let me know if I can get you anything.

We’d be happy to help.

You guys hungry?

Want something to eat?

Got some pasta, shrimp, lobster.

I got whiskey. Any kind of booze you want.

You know what? The Bureau doesn’t allow us

to drink while we’re at sea.

Duh! Of course.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

Ever been on one of these before?

A boat?

I learned how to sail when I was six.

No shit. Is that right? Really?

On one like this, though?

I had the whole front extended in order to fit the chopper up there.

See that?

Anyway, this is for you.

It’s a complete list of every person that was at my wedding.

I understand you wanted the whole wedding video.

Figured this would help expedite the whole process, right?

There you go.

Look,

my point is that

I know you’re investigating Stratton.

But for the life of me, I can’t figure out why.

I know we’re a little unorthodox, we’re a little

loud in the way we do things. But you gotta understand,

we’re the new guys on the block, you know,

we’re trying to make a name for ourselves.

But I want you to understand, we don’t

do anything illegal.

Whatsoever.

I mean, you could talk to the SEC.

They were at my office 15 times over the last six months.

I mean, I got… I got nothing to hide.

Well, you know the SEC is a civil regulatory agency.

We pursue criminal activities.

Exactly! You go after real criminals, which

makes me wonder what the hell you’re investigating me for?

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

I mean, honestly…

What is it that you think that we did or do? I don’t get it.

Well, I…

Look, Jordan, I can’t discuss an ongoing investigation.

No, I get that. No, I understand.

With that said…

This case got dumped on my desk…

Did it?

You know, by a higher-up

who needs to make a show

of looking into the new company on the block,

with all the press and everything.

New loud guys.

And then I end up being the schmuck

who does the looking. Exactly.

It’s just, you know… It bothers me.

We’re the new guy. We’re the one

that’s banging on Wall Street’s door. I mean, you should…

You should see what’s going on at the bigger firms.

I mean, I know all the information.

It’s true! Goldman, Lehman Brothers, Merrill…

Collateralized debt obligations?

This Internet stock bullshit?

I mean, it’s a fucking travesty.

I could take you step-by-step

through what exactly is occurring.

All you have to do is ask.

I’m available.

That’s exactly what I wanted to hear.

Mmm-hmm.

I don’t see why a little sitdown like this

can’t be profitable for the both of us.

It should. Right? It should profit the both of us.

It should.

Look.

I’m gonna give you my personal line.

Five days a week, you just call me, feel free.

I’ll do that.

Great.

Are you sure you guys don’t want something to drink?

You’re not hungry? Nothing?

Nothing? No?

Oh, no.

Let me ask you,

and if you don’t wanna get too personal,

just tell me to shut up at any time.

Oh.

Did you try to get your broker’s license at one time?

Did I hear that right? Were you trying to take a stab at Wall Street?

No? (CHUCKLES)

Who you been talking to?

Who the fuck you been talking to?

Well, you’re investigating me.

I hear things.

(LAUGHING)

You know what I mean?

You ever think about what would’ve happened

if you would have stayed the course?

You know what? When I’m riding home on the subway

and my balls are fucking sweating,

I’m wearing the same suit three days in a row…

Yeah, you bet I do.

I’ve thought about it before. Who wouldn’t, right?

Right, who fucking wouldn’t?

What do you get…

Another personal question, no need to answer…

No, that’s all right, Jordan.

What do you pull in? 50, 60K? Something like that?

A year? In the ballpark?

Oh.

Well, I…

Let’s put it this way.

You get a free handgun

when you sign up for the Bureau.

(CHUCKLING)

No, but it fucking pisses me off. You know what I mean?

You think about the people that built this country,

hardworking people like you.

Firefighters, teachers, FBI agents.

End of the day, you guys get fucking skinned alive financially.

It fucking makes me angry.

Now the one thing about Wall Street and this market is,

for me, I feel

it’s good to give back. You know, there’s…

There are situations where I can

make those situations better for people. You know?

You know what I mean.

Opportunity

is everything.

Exactly.

Take for example, I got this one kid, right?

Went to school for environmental science, something like that.

He was bogged down by student loans.

Turns out, his mother needed triple bypass surgery.

Jesus.

Right. Horrible situation.

Sure.

But we got him into the market

at the right time and chose the right stock.

We gave him the right guidance.

Boom! Overnight, changed his entire life.

Got to put his mother into

the best hospital in New York City.

It didn’t work out for her,

granted, she passed away, unfortunately.

But we gave him that opportunity.

You know what I’m saying?

It’s just about setting up the right team,

and then overnight your life can change.

What does… What does an intern…

What does an intern make in a deal like that?

Well, in that situation,

in that particular trade, and it was one trade,

north of half a million dollars.

And I’d do that for anybody, you know,

anybody that needs the proper guidance.

Can you say that again,

just the way you said it?

Just the same way.

Oh.

I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Oh, come on! You know what I’m talking about.

I think what Jordan just did is he…

If I’m not mistaken…

No.

You just tried to bribe a federal officer.

No, technically I didn’t bribe anybody.

No, no, that’s not the conversation I heard, Jordan.

No, no, according to the U.S. criminal code,

there needs to be an exact dollar figure

for the exchange of services.

Oh!

That would not hold up in a court of law.

Nah, it’s not howl heard it.

No, no, no, that’s the truth. But I want to tell you this.

Yeah.

The same gentleman that told me

that you tried to get your broker’s license

also told me that you are a straight arrow.

He ran a security check on me.

Well…

Yeah, when you sail on a boat fit for a Bond villain,

sometimes you need to play the part. Right?

I think it’s time you both get the fuck off my boat.

What do you say? Hmm?

(CHUCKLING)

You know, Jordan, I’ll tell you something.

Most of the Wall Street jackasses that I bust,

they’re to the manor born.

Is that right?

Yeah.

Their fathers are douchebags,

just like their fathers before them.

But you…

You, Jordan, you got this way all on your own.

Did I?

Good for you, little man.

Little man?

(LAUGHING)

Good for you.

Me, the little man?

And let me tell you something.

Let me tell you something else.

Honestly, I’m not bullshitting here,

this is one of the nicest boats

that I’ve ever been on, I gotta tell you.

I bet it is.

And you know what I was just thinking, too?

The fucking hero that I’m gonna be back at the office

when the Bureau seizes this fucking boat.

Because, I mean, fuckety-fuck-fuck, Jordan,

look at this thing!

(BOTH LAUGHING LOUDLY)

It’s beautiful!

And you got the beautiful girls there. It’s wonderful.

All right, get the fuck off my boat.

I’m sure we’ll be seeing each other

real soon.

I’m sure.

Good luck on that subway ride home

to your miserable, ugly fucking wives.

I’m gonna have Heidi lick some caviar off my balls in the meantime.

Hey, you guys want to take some lobsters for your ride home?

Fucking miserable pricks, I know you can’t afford them!

Fucking cheap fucks.

Fucking miserable pricks. (WHISTLES)

Hey, fellas! Look what I found in my pocket! Look!

A year’s salary right here.

You know what I call them? Fun coupons!

See that!

They’re fun coupons!

(SIGHS)

Switzerland? What the fuck is in Switzerland?

JORDAN: Swiss fucking banks, that’s what.

It was ass-covering time. I had to hide my money.

Enter Rugrat.

He knew this Swiss banker from law school.

That’s for European pussy!

JORDAN: But he was in Geneva.

And there was no way I was gonna make that flight sober.

So I knew if I took my drugs right,

I could sleep through the entire flight.

But I had to take them just right.

At 4:00 p.m., I popped a few more ludes,

which started kicking in by the time.

I finished my sales meeting.

My tingle phase.

By dinner, I popped a few more

on top of some cocktails and a Valium or two.

My slur phase.

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

By 8:30, I took a few more ludes

and pretty much lost all my motor skills.

This was the drool phase.

And by 10:00, I didn’t know who or what the fuck I was.

The amnesia phase.

We boarded the plane just before midnight.

Wow! Look at you!

You’re beautiful.

Excuse me, Sir.

His sleeping pills just kicked in. He’s all right.

May I see your boarding passes, Sir?

We have the boarding passes.

Jesus Christ, I wanna fuck her.

Hey! Fucking relax.

Oh, my God! You got your hand on my fucking cock!

I don’t. Cut it out.

He’s got his hand on my dick again.

I’m just trying to buckle you up.

You got your hand on his dick?

You gotta stop doing that in public places.

Oh, my God. Take it off!

Take it off!

I heard there’s a treasure map under here.

Stop! I know, miss.

Excuse me, Sir.

Please sit down.

Watch it.

Go back to your seat, please.

What are you upset about?

Please go back to your seat.

I will have to call the captain.

Please, Sir, please, Sir. Sit down.

Please sit down!

NICKY: Ow!

I’m going! Stop.

Okay, sorry.

We apologize. We’re gonna go to sleep.

Question. I wanna ask you a question.

Fasten your seat belt, Sir.

We cannot take off if you haven’t fastened

your seat belt.

I’m really horny, too.

STEWARDESS: Sit down. Fasten it.

Right. Okay, I’ll sit down…

I will do it for you.

DONNIE: What?

I’ll do it for you.

JORDAN: You gotta speak English.

We don’t understand this language you’re speaking.

I will help him with his seat belt.

You gotta put it on right.

Sit back. Sit back, Sir.

There you go.

All right. I’ll just Lean back…

(LAUGHING)

Bitte, Hilfe!

(BOTH MIMICKING STEWARDESS)

Jesus Christ!

Fuck!

Donnie…

Donnie, this isn’t funny. You gotta untie me, buddy.

I can’t untie you.

The captain tied you up.

He almost fucking tasered you.

Why?

Why?

(INDISTINCT YELLING)

He’s got a fear of flying.

Ah!

DONNIE: He’s very nervous on planes, I’m sorry,

it’s not you, sweetheart, don’t beat yourself up.

Easy, easy. He’s fine. He’s just a nervous flyer.

You were screaming at people.

Oh, fuck off.

You were on the floor rolling around and shit.

Oh, Jesus.

You called the captain the N-word.

I called the captain the N-word?

Yeah, he was very upset.

Really?

Luckily we’re in first class.

Jesus.

Jesus Christ, I think you have a fucking drug problem.

Where are the ludes?

Where are the ludes?

They’re up my ass. Don’t worry about it.

I got it.

(SIGHS) Okay.

Thank God.

Jesus Christ, what are we gonna do

when we get to Switzerland, buddy?

This is bad.

Fucking things are against my chest. I can’t breathe.

Come on, do something to calm me down. Please.

Okay, shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up.

(WHIMPERING)

Okay. Shh! Shh!

That’s good.

(SING-SONG) Go to sleep.

Rub it harder, buddy.

You’re all right.

We all love you. Shut the fuck up!

(BOTH SPEAKING FRENCH)

Mr. Belfort,

you’re free to go.

Really?

Whoo!

NICKY: Hey, Donnie.

Yeah?

NICKY: When we get out there, try not to act like yourself.

Okay? Let’s make Geneva an asshole-free Donnie zone, all right?

DONNIE: What are you fucking coming at me for?

Hey, listen. The only reason you’re sitting in this limo

and not in a Swiss jail is because of my friend. Okay?

Hilfe!

(ALL CHUCKLE)

NICKY: We’re here. We’re here. Everyone calm down.

Jordan Belfort!

At last.

Nicholas has told me so much about you.

Jordan, Jean Jacques Saurel.

Pleasure to make your acquaintance.

Nice to meet you.

(ALL LAUGHING)

JEAN JACQUES: It’s a joke.

You’ll understand when you’re in the fucking seat.

You need a bigger couch. For guests.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I don’t understand. I’m sorry.

I’m curious about your bank secrecy laws here.

Uh… Wait. Yes. Excusez-moi, Jordan.

Swiss custom requires 10 minutes of…

Blah, blah, blah.

Chit chat.

Yeah, chit chat, thank you.

Before business can be discussed.

Yeah.

Of course.

Let’s get down to it. What would you like to know?

Under what circumstances would you be obligated

to cooperate with an FBI

or a U.S. Justice Department investigation, for example?

Ca depend.

Ca depend?

Oui.

Ca depend on what, exactly?

Whether America plans to invade Switzerland

in the coming months.

(LAUGHTER)

Shall I check if tanks are rolling down the Rue de la Croy?

Yes. Rue de la Croix.

Croix. Croix.

Not Croy. Not Rue de la Croy. It’s Croix.

See, this is what he used to do back in law school. Check me.

Champagne. Champagne.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. French fries, pommes frites.

And that kind of stuff.

That’s funny.

JORDAN: What I’m asking, you Swiss dick,

is are you going to fuck me over?

JEAN JACQUES: I understand perfectly, you American shit.

The only way the Banque Réal de Genéve

would cooperate with a foreign legal body

is if the crime being pursued

is also a crime in Switzerland.

But there are very few Swiss laws which apply to your practices.

Hmm.

From a financial standpoint,

you are now

in heaven.

See, I told you he was fantastic, right?

If the U.S. Justice Department sent us a subpoena, it would become

papier toilette.

We would wipe our ass with it.

(LAUGHTER)

Unless, of course, it was an investigation

into stock fraud,

which is a crime here in Switzerland, if I’m correct.

Then there would have to be coopération on your part,

if I’m not mistaken.

Yes.

Yes, we would. Mmm-hmm.

Assuming the account is under your name.

If it were

another name,

a friend’s, camarade…

Cousin?

(AGREEING IN FRENCH)

Relative?

JEAN JACQUES: Yeah.

Hmm.

JORDAN: Was that yodeling I just heard

or did you just say what I thought you said?

JEAN JACQUES: Yes. Yes.

JORDAN: He’s telling me to use a fucking rathole.

But a U.S. rathole would never get

into Switzerland with all that money.

What I needed was a rathole with a European passport.

Jordan.

Hey. How’s my favorite aunt, huh?

Welcome. Was the traffic terrible?

Oh, no, not at all.

Jordan, come in.

Thank God Aunt Emma didn’t need too much convincing.

Turned out the British weren’t too different from the Swiss.

Money talks and bullshit takes the bus.

How do you say “rathole” in British?

If you get into any trouble whatsoever,

I’ll come forth immediately. I’ll say that I duped you.

That I promise.

Risk is what keeps us young, isn’t it, darling?

Sometimes I wonder

if you let money get the best of you, my love.

Among

other substances.

Oh. (CHUCKLES)

It’s that obvious, huh?

It’s chilly, darling, and you’re sweating bullets.

What can I say? I’m…

I’m a drug addict.

I really am.

Cocaine, pills.

Whatever it is, I’ll fucking do it. (CHUCKLES)

Now that’s the truth.

I mean…

I’m a sex addict, too.

Well, there are worse things to be addicted to than sex.

(LAUGHS)

Jesus, why am I telling you all this? Why am I…

I’m sorry.

Because I’m very easy to talk to.

You are. You are easy to talk to.

Mmm.

I suppose it’s…

Just my job, you know.

All these people dependent on me.

Tens of millions of dollars at stake, you know.

Sometimes I feel like I…

I’ve bitten off more than I can chew, you know.

You’re a man with large appetites.

Yeah.

Is she fucking hitting on me?

Yeah.

Yeah, I am.

I suppose I put that on myself though, right?

My decision.

It’s just hard to…

Hard to learn to control the anxiety sometimes, you know?

You know, to…

Learn to relax and let go and…

To release the tension.

JORDAN: She is hitting on me.

Holy shit!

Yeah, to release the tension.

I suppose we, uh…

We all just need to learn, uh…

Learn to do what comes naturally in life, you know?

EMMA: Is he fucking hitting on me?

Stability, dear.

Family.

You take care of my niece, my love.

I’ll take care of everything over here.

Deal.

JORDAN: (MOANING) Come on! There you go.

Whoo!

We had, literally, a fuckload of money.

Aunt Emma could never carry all this by herself.

So I thought to myself, who else has a European passport?

Brad, you’re making this too fucking tight!

Now Brad, as a successful drug dealer,

spent his winters in the South of France,

which is where he met his wife, Chantalle,

a stripper of Slovenian origin

born, in of all places,

Switzerland.

Well, this is fucked.

Oh. No shit.

Like, this will take her like 50 trips.

I know.

Let me ask you something?

What about her family? Right?

I mean, they all got Swiss passports, fight.

She’s got parents, she’s got a brother, right?

The brother’s got a wife. That’s five fucking people.

Six, seven trips, boom, right?

They’re all fucking Swiss nitwits like her.

They’ll do it.

We could do that.

At least I have a family, you crooked-nose fuck!

Hey, uh, don’t forget about my money.

I’m sorry, what’s that?

Yeah, I forgot to tell you. He’s got some…

He’s got some money.

My money.

I got a couple of mil coming in like a week.

When it gets in, I’ll give you a call, you come pick it up.

You give me a call?

When it gets here, I’ll give you a call and you’ll come pick it up.

Well, we don’t fucking work for you, man!

(SHUSHING)

DONNIE: Sweetheart,

you have my money taped to your tits.

Okay? Technically, you do work for me.

Hey, Jordan, we’re gonna need to talk.

If I fucking do this, I’m telling you right now,

I ain’t going to him, okay.

I’m not a fucking shvartze.

I got it.

I don’t do fucking pickups, all right?

I got it.

Well, listen to me.

We meet someplace that I fucking say.

And you tell that fucking piece of shit,

he comes correct.

I will.

He comes in all fucking loopy and fucked up, I swear to God

I’ll mash that douchebag’s teeth in.

You’re gonna mash whose fucking teeth in?

Whose fucking teeth are you gonna mash in?

I put the money on that fucking table! Not you!

I’m the reason we have this whole fucking deal!

He’s got a gun, you fucking idiot!

Fuck his gun!

I put that money in there!

You know what? You’re a fucking pill dealer.

I got five more just like you, bro.

Keep talking, you fucking piece of shit!

You know what else? You dress like shit!

So fuck you!

Fucking motherfucker!

Oh! Jesus!

How about that, faggot? Who’s a faggot?

JORDAN: You okay? Hey, pal.

The next day, Aunt Emma flew to Geneva.

Two million in cash in her carry-on,

which in the big picture

was a drop in the Swiss bucket.

‘Cause the following month,

over the course of six round trips,

Chantalle’s family and friends

smuggled in over 20 million in cash

without even a hiccup.

(LAUGHS)

And I have some more.

Really?

Here.

Oh, thank you.

And here.

JEAN JACQUES: Welcome.

CHANTALLE: Welcome. (GIGGLING)

Yeah, like four bags of it.

Ooh!

(LAUGHS)

Are you Swiss-Slovakian or Swiss-Slovenian?

Slovenian.

Slovenian?

Who cares. You’re blonde.

Oh, stop.

(BRAKES SCREECHING)

Shit.

Just put the fucking car in park, you dumb fucking idiot!

I can’t close this briefcase.

One fucking day.

One fucking day, you couldn’t keep it together?

I’m fucked up, Brad.

Gotta be fucking kidding me.

Fucked up.

It’s a joke.

It’s a joke?

I’m sober.

Jesus fucking Christ!

It’s a fucking joke.

Are you fucking stupid?

I’m not stupid.

You fucking drive in here like a fucking maniac,

you know the attention that that fucking draws?

I’m not stupid. I’m smart.

Smart?

I make million-dollar deals.

That right?

With smart important people, unlike you.

People who don’t sucker-punch people

when they’re scared. Okay?

I’m scared, huh?

And by the way,

I haven’t gotten an apology yet for that.

You want an apology, okay.

I check my fucking messages every day

when I come home from work.

Did you?

My answering machine. Zero.

Didn’t get one, huh?

I got a blinking light,

because I don’t have shit from you.

You know what, you got a big fucking mouth, okay?

I got my wife checking the messages

every 45 minutes calling the office, saying,

“Has Brad apologized yet?”

“Is there an apology message on the machine?”

I don’t have Jack shit. You know what?

That’s not how you treat people.

You got a big fucking mouth, you know.

I’m gonna give you a fucking pass. Just give me the case.

(SCOFFS) You’re gonna give me a pass?

Look, it’s a figure of fucking speech.

Oh, my gosh. The Emperor of Fucksville

came down from Fucksville to give me a pass!

From Fucksville, huh?

Hey, what are the citizens of Fucksville doing today

when their Emperor’s gone?

Is it mayhem?

Are people looting and raping?

What are all the little fuckheads doing while you’re here?

Go fuck yourself! Give me the bag.

You back the fuck up.

I’ll ’cause the biggest fucking scene

that I’ve ever caused in my life

if you come at me again.

You know what?

Just fucking keep it down.

I got…

I don’t wanna be out of line or anything,

but I think you like, like me. Like you…

Like when you come at me…

What’s the matter with you? What the fuck is…

and you look at me. I swear I just noticed it.

You have like a fucking, like…

Like a twinkle. You have like a twinkle.

Are you trying to kiss me, bro?

Jesus fucking Christ.

What’s with you?

I have a… I don’t know.

It’s not a homophobic thing.

All right…

You’re just not the one for me, pal.

You know what I mean? It’s not…

it’s not about that for me, you know.

I’ve heard enough.

Please, I’m begging, give me the fucking case.

I’m gonna give you the case.

Give me the case.

You gotta do me one favor.

What’s that?

You gotta take this case,

you gotta drive straight home,

need you to open up the briefcase,

and you take out every single dollar.

Don’t leave one dollar inside the briefcase.

And once you have it all

neatly organized outside the briefcase,

I need you to take it and I need you to shove it right up

your wife’s Latvian cunt, you understand?

My fucking wife!

Chill! Chill, bro.

Fuck. You motherfucking piece of shit!

How about now?

(SIREN WAILING)

DONNIE: Go, go! BRAD: Fuck!

(ENGINE STARTING)

Motherfuck! You’re fucking dead!

Stop! Don’t move! Don’t move!

Stop, or I will blow you the fuck away!

Drop the case! Put your hands in the air!

Get down.

(SCREAMS)

Get down on your knees! Get down on your knees!

Motherfucker!

Motherfucker!

Jordan, do I have a surprise for you!

What’s that?

Twenty real Lemmons.

Retired pharmacist’s client of mine,

they’ve been in the safe for 15 years.

Are you fucking kidding me? Lemmons?

Ha-ha!

DONNIE: They’re gonna knock us on our fucking heads.

JORDAN: When it comes to Quaaludes,

the Lemmon 714 was the Holy Grail.

Can you believe it?

Oh, my God.

DONNIE: I thought they were like a myth.

JORDAN: Three times as powerful as anything available today.

JORDAN: Look at these babies.

Boy, Donnie really knew how to celebrate.

He said he was saving these for a special occasion.

Like a birthday, or being clap free,

or our money arriving safely in Switzerland.

(RETCHES)

So that night,

I cleared my schedule and I rid my body

of anything that could fuck with my high.

It was celebration time.

Okay.

Start off with one, see how it goes?

My guy says all we’ll need is one.

Here you go.

Salud!

Cheers.

Maybe if I pull it again, it’ll go down.

Steve! Steve!

I gotta get out of here!

Carl, I think I got it figured out.

It must be one pull for up and two pulls for down.

Okay.

Do you feel anything?

No.

It’s been 35 minutes.

Hmm.

Maybe we’ve built up a tolerance

after all these years, huh?

Hmm.

DONNIE: This is bullshit!

My metabolism’s pumping. I can’t feel shit!

They’re old.

You think they lost their potency, huh?

Check the bottle!

January ’81.

They’re fucking duds.

Fuck!

Let’s take, uh…

Let’s take two more each.

NAOMI: Jordan.

Yeah, baby.

What are you two retards doing?

We’re working out, honey.

Well, Bo Dietl’s on the phone.

Okay.

Okay?

Okay.

Hey, Bo, what’s going on?

Jordan, listen to me clearly.

I cannot talk to you on this phone,

I have to talk to you.

Get out of here. What’s going on?

Listen to me! Leave the fucking house, Jordan,

and then call me from a pay phone.

This is not a fucking joke, Jordan.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Shit.

What’d he say?

I don’t know what the fuck’s going on.

I gotta go!

Is everything okay, Jordan?

JORDAN: The closest pay phone I could get to

was at the Brookville Country Club.

It was a real WASP stronghold,

just a mile down the road from my house.

Hey, Bo, what’s up, it’s me. What’s going on?

I’m at a pay phone. What’s going on?

Listen to me carefully.

Please. Your little friend there, Brad,

your little buddy, he’s in jail.

What the fuck’s he in jail for?

What’d he do?

I don’t know what he did.

My friends in Long Island told me

he got picked up in some fucking shopping mall.

He got locked up by…

Wait, wait. Did you… Did you say a shopping mall?

Yeah.

He was with Donnie.

He was supposed to deliver some money,

then that fucking fat piece of shit…

Listen to me!

I gotta go fucking talk to him right now!

Listen to me! Don’t go! Listen to me.

That guy Denham, that FBI agent guy,

somebody told me he’s got your phones tapped.

Your office and your home.

Don’t talk on the motherfucking phone!

Okay. Fuck! I got it. I got it. I got it.

Jordan.

You didn’t try to bribe this fucking FBI agent, did you?

No, I didn’t try to bribe an FBI agent.

You think I’m that fucking stupid? No.

What the fuck did you say? I can’t understand you.

Say that again.

I said… (SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

What the fuck are you saying?

(PANTING)

I said…

Are you fucking high?

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

Jordan, are you fucking high?

Jordan, do me a favor, stay where you are.

Don’t get behind the wheel of the car.

I’m gonna send Rocco over to pick you up.

Jordan! Jordan!

JORDAN: After 15 years in storage,

the Lemmons had developed a delayed fuse.

It took 90 minutes for these little fuckers to kick in.

But once they did…

Pow!

I mean, I had skipped the tingle phase

and went straight to the drool phase.

BO: Tell me where you are! Don’t fucking drive…

JORDAN: These little bastards were so strong,

I discovered a whole new phase.

The cerebral palsy phase.

Come on, stand up!

Okay, walking’s out.

All right, think, think. What else is there?

Yes! I can crawl. I can crawl like Skylar!

(GRUNTS)

Fuck! The kid makes it look so goddamn easy!

Think, you motherfucker, think!

Yes!

I got it! I’ve got it!

I can roll! I can roll!

(GROANS)

(GRUNTING)

Ah!

(MOANING)

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Ah!

(JORDAN YELLING)

NAOMI: Jordan.

(JORDAN YELLS)

Jordan.

Oh, Jesus. Where are you?

(SLURRING) I’m at a country club!

What?

I’m at a country club!

I don’t know what the fuck you’re saying.

Look, you need to get home.

Donnie is out of control! He’s on the other line

with some Swiss guy. I don’t know…

What?

Get him off the phone!

I can’t understand you!

Get him

off

the phone!

I don’t know what the fuck you’re saying, Jordan.

Can you just get home? Hurry!

(JORDAN YELLING GIBBERISH)

(SOBBING)

JORDAN: I was less than a mile from home.

I drove as slow as I fucking could.

I’d seen Jell-O move faster.

DONNIE: (SLURRING) I was gonna give you 2 million.

I’s gonna be lates.

You ate 2 million?

Later.

JORDAN: Get off the phone.

Get off the fucking phone! Idiot!

(CAR HONKING)

MAN: Get out of the way, asshole!

(DONNIE SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

You hate 2 million?

No, you don’t hate 2 million, Donnie.

JORDAN: By some miracle, I made it home alive,

not a scratch on me or the car.

(GRUNTING)

(DONNIE MUMBLING)

(TV PLAYING)

NAOMI: Jordan?

(SCREAMS)

Jesus fucking Christ!

What did you take?

What’s wrong with you?

Jor!

It’s fucking good, right?

Fucked up!

(LAUGHS)

Get off the phone!

What the fuck, Jordan?

Your daughter’s in the house!

I hope you know that!

Your fucking daughter’s in the house!

(DONNIE LAUGHING)

Yeah, it’s real fucking funny, Donnie.

Get off the phone!

(LAUGHS)

NAOMI: Jesus Christ, Jordan.

The FBI!

Hey!

I’m on phone!

Get off the fucking phone!

Come here!

…the phone.

NAOMI: Come on. We’re gonna go upstairs, all right.

Ow!

I’m on the phone!

On the phone!

I know what you did,

you piece of shit!

What? What?

Brad!

Huh?

Brad!

Brad!

You fucking cocksucker!

(SCREAMS)

What did you do,

you piece of shit?

Fuck you!

I wanna fucking kill you!

I wanna fucking kill you!

I got you!

(GROANS)

(MOANING)

(COUGHS)

(CHOKING)

What the fuck happened?

Oh, shit!

Jordan? Jordan, are you all right?

Donnie? Donnie?

Donnie?

Jordan, he’s not breathing.

Oh, fuck, I don’t know what to do.

Jordan, I don’t know what the fuck to do!

I can’t help him! Oh, my God. Jordan.

Oh, my God, I think he’s choking, Jordan. Do something.

Oh, God.

JORDAN: Baby, I got you!

He’s not breathing, Jordan. You gotta do something!

Shit! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

OLIVE OYL: Ah!

I got you.

(PANTING)

(GRUNTING)

(INHALING)

Oh!

Step aside!

Oh, God!

Oh, God!

Move aside, baby.

(JORDAN GRUNTING)

Come on! Come on!

Come on!

(CHOKING)

Jordan, he’s not breathing. You gotta do something.

Jordan, he’s a father! He’s got fucking kids!

Do something!

Yeah?

(BLOWING)

(GRUNTS)

NAOMI: Rocco, you gotta get over here.

Come on.

Call an ambulance!

I don’t fucking know!

Just get over here! Call 911.

(GASPING)

(YELLING)

Yeah.

You all right? He’s all right.

POLICE OFFICER: Mr. Belfort?

Mr. Belfort?

JORDAN: Get the fuck out of here. Fuck. (COUGHS)

Sir, we need to ask you some questions.

Are you fucking kidding me? Fuck you.

POLICE OFFICER: Come on, get up.

Get the fuck out of my house.

Let’s go.

I’ve been here all night.

I been sitting here all night.

What the fuck are you talking about?

Where you taking him?

Where you taking me?

Where you taking him?

You ain’t got no warrant.

Just come up in people’s house like that!

Did you drive your car tonight, Mr. Belfort?

Huh?

Well?

JORDAN: Wow!

Maybe I hadn’t made it home okay.

Get out of the fucking way!

Fuck!

POLICE OFFICER: Did you drive

that car tonight?

Yeah.

Yeah, right.

I’m a family man!

Family man. Honey!

It was a miracle I wasn’t killed,

or that I didn’t kill anybody else.

The cops took me in for questioning,

but they couldn’t charge me.

They had no proof I was even behind the wheel.

Meanwhile,

Brad did three months in jail for contempt

because he wouldn’t rat Donnie out.

The result,

I was soot-free.

But I had eyes on me like never before.

MANNY: You’re a lucky man, Jordan.

You’re lucky to be alive, let alone not in jail.

You know I don’t believe in luck, right?

But it’s time.

Please, let me call the SEC and cut a deal

before your luck runs out.

NAOMI: Wave to Daddy.

Hey.

Hey, sweetie.

(CHUCKLES)

What kind of terms would you be talking about if I…

MANNY: I don’t know.

You plead guilty to a handful of securities violations,

stock manipulation, high-pressure sales tactics.

Ticky-tack shit like that, you know.

You pay a couple million dollars in fines,

in exchange, the SEC fucks off till the end of time.

And Stratton?

What happens to Stratton?

There’s no way… I mean… You got to walk away. Right?

Let Donnie be in charge.

Right. Donnie.

Now the FBI is another animal completely.

They’ll still be pursuing you for criminal wrongdoing.

However, with you stepping down voluntarily,

my guess is that your best friend Agent Denham

will be standing around with his dick in his hand.

MAX: Jordan.

What do you have to think about?

You beat them.

You won!

God knows you never have to work again.

MAX: What’re you gonna do? Spend the rest of your life in jail?

Is that what you want?

No.

Of course not.

Okay.

Okay! You got all the money in the world.

You need everybody else’s money?

Of course not, Pops.

Well?

You know, I built it.

I know you built it.

You built it, so now preserve it.

(ALL MURMURING)

(APPLAUDING)

(CLEARS THROAT)

You know,

five years ago, when I started Stratton Oakmont

with Donnie Azoff, I knew the day

would eventually come where I’d have to be moving on.

(SIGHS)

And it’s truly with a heavy heart

that I’m here to say that…

That that day is finally here.

(ALL MURMURING)

I wanna… I want to thank you all for your…

Your years of loyalty and admiration.

But the point is this.

Under Donnie’s leadership,

along with Nicky Koskoff and Robbie Feinberg

moving into key management positions, this place really

is gonna be better than ever!

That I promise you. Okay?

Give them a round of applause. Come on.

This is Ellis Island here, people.

I don’t care who you are, where you’re from,

whether your relatives came over on the fucking Mayflower

or on an inner tube from Haiti,

this right here is the land of opportunity.

Stratton Oakmont is America!

All of you know Kimmie Belzer, right?

WOMAN: Yes, we do.

(MEN WHISTLING)

Fuck you.

(ALL LAUGHS)

Come on, Kimmie.

What you probably didn’t know is,

Kimmie was one of the first brokers here,

one of Stratton’s original 20.

Now most of you met Kimmie,

the beautiful sophisticated woman that she is today.

A woman that wears $3,000 Armani suits.

(CHUCKLES)

Who drives a brand-new Mercedes-Benz.

A woman who spends

her winters in the Bahamas

and summers in the Hamptons!

That’s not the Kimmie that I met.

The Kimmie that I met didn’t have two nickels to rub together.

She was a single mom on the balls of her ass

with an 8-year-old son.

Okay? She was three months behind on her rent.

And when she came to me and asked me for a job,

she asked for a $5,000 advance

just so she could pay her son’s tuition.

And what’d I do, Kimmie?

Go on, tell them.

You wrote me a check

for $25,000.

That’s right.

Thank you.

And you know why that is?

It’s because I believed in you.

It’s because I believed in you, Kimmie,

just like I believe in each

and every one of you here today.

I fucking love you, Jordan!

I fucking love you.

I fucking love you! I love you.

I fucking love you, too! I fucking love you, too!

And I love all of you!

And I love all of you from the bottom of my heart.

I fucking love you, too.

I mean that.

You are the shit. You are the fucking shit.

It’s a shame, you know.

For years, I’ve been telling you guys

never to take no for an answer, right?

You know, to keep pushing, to never hang up the phone

until you get what you want.

Because you all deserve it.

You know, this fucking deal that I’m about to sign

barring me from the securities industry,

barring me from Stratton,

my home.

What the fuck is that, you know?

I’ll tell you what it is. It’s…

It’s me taking no for an answer, you know.

It’s them…

It’s them selling me, not the other way around.

It’s me being a hypocrite is what it is.

So…

You know what?

I’m not leaving.

(ALL MURMURING)

I’m not leaving.

I’m not fucking leaving!

(ALL CHEERING)

MAN: You’re not getting a fucking promotion!

The show goes on!

This is my home!

They’re gonna need a fucking wrecking ball

to take me out of here!

They’re gonna need to send in the National Guard

or fucking SWAT team

’cause I ain’t going nowhere!

Fuck them!

Fuck them!

(HUMMING)

(ALL HUMMING)

Jordy! Jordy!

Jordy! Get back here!

Hey!

Give me that.

(CAWING)

MAX: What is this?

Ramar of the Jungle, for Christ sake?

MAN: Paddy D, mazel tov, you Irishman.

Jordan Belfort just welched on his deal with the SEC.

He is back in the ocean. Happy hunting.

(HIP-HOP MUSIC)

JORDAN: It was our time to party big.

And just as Brad was released from jail, too.

I apologized, even offered to pay him

for his time in the can.

But he said no, that he was out.

He didn’t want any part of us.

Sad thing was,

two years later

he was dead.

Massive heart attack. Thirty-five.

Same age Mozart died.

Not that they have a hell of a lot in common, but…

Anyway, I don’t know why that came to mind.

Within days,

subpoenas started flying.

Notices to produce documents, depositions, you name it.

Donnie couldn’t drink water fast enough.

DONNIE: United States government wants to give me a subpoena?

Here’s what we do with subpoenas at Stratton Oakmont!

Fuck you, USA! Fuck you!

Fuck you! Fuck you!

ALL: (CHANTING) Fuck you!

Oh!

Jordan Belfort.

ATTORNEY: Alden. That’s a nice name.

Thank you very much for that.

What kind of name is that?

That is my name.

I do not recall that.

I do not recall that. Okay?

ATTORNEY: Mr. Ming, thank you for coming in today.

Are you gonna finish the rest of that Danish?

Can I have that Danish?

No, no, go ahead.

JORDAN: They interrogated everybody.

I got a low blood sugar, thyroid thing.

JORDAN: It went on for months.

It was a total fucking harassment.

Tell him to proceed with the questions.

JORDAN: But not a single Strattonite cracked.

ATTORNEY: Gladys Carrera?

Doesn’t ring a bell.

Sorry, I have no recommendation of that.

No.

No idea.

I don’t recall that transaction. You guys have any milk?

Absolutely not.

ATTORNEY: Francis Sortigi you called so many times

I just thought you might remember that.

Would you remember any of those?

I do not recall any of that.

This Abdul…

I do not… No, I don’t recall.

ATTORNEY: It was a long phone call.

I just wondered if you have any memory of that.

Okay. You know we’ve talked to several

of the employees at this firm

and nobody can recall anything

about this Steve Madden IPO.

I think it’s Odd.

MANNY: Do you recall.

Cartage Corporation?

Mmm.

You do recall it?

No, I don’t recall that at all.

Excuse me. I have to ask. Is that your real hair?

Are you gonna say anything about that?

Are you gonna comment on my hair?

Is that how we’re doing… Is this personal questions?

I’m just wondering why you would wear something like that.

Sorry. I don’t recall that company.

Can I get you anything else, gentlemen?

Yes. Sweetheart, I have a rare condition

which requires me to drink one of those

every 15 minutes, please.

We were specifically advised not to leave the country.

So, we took our wives to Italy.

We figured we were safer working from overseas

giving orders to Rugrat.

Nobody could arrest us and nobody could prove.

I was still running Stratton from a yacht.

Hey, Rugrat.

Oh!

Bonjour.

You bald-headed eagle, how you doing?

Donnie, Donnie, listen!

We have a problem, okay.

Your friend, Steve Madden, is unloading shares.

What are you saying? Who told you that?

What’s going on?

He’s doing it, Donnie!

He said that Steve Madden’s unloading shares.

Who told you that? It’s bullshit!

Give me that goddamn phone.

What’s going on?

Jordan, look. I’m watching the screen

and huge chunks of Steve Madden are being sold, okay.

It’s not coming from us, so it’s gotta be Steve.

He’s the only person with that many shares.

It’s Donnie. Call me back, all right.

Donnie, your little friend

is trying to fuck me, you know that.

Your little friend is trying to fuck me right in the ass.

Get him on the phone now!

We don’t know anything yet.

Let’s not jump to conclusions.

JORDAN: Even though I owned 85%

of Steve-cocksuckingmotherfucking-Madden Shoes,

the shares were in his fucking name.

This motherfucker knew I was in trouble with the feds

and was trying to take advantage.

Talk to me, man. How do you wanna play this?

I want you to get all our clients on the phone right now

and have them start selling Steve Madden.

We’re gonna drive that fucking price down!

Do you hear me? Shut the fuck up!

This is your fucking friend from high school.

If that little fucking prick thinks he can fuck with me,

we’ll turn his company into a Penny stock! You hear me?

You got it?

Yes. I got it!

DONNIE: Let’s just not jump to conclusions

before we know what’s going on.

Captain Ted!

Captain Ted!

Hang up your phones! Everybody, hey!

Turn the boat around! We’re going home!

(NAOMI SOBBING)

Baby! Baby, what happened?

I just…

Sweetheart, what’s going on?

Aunt Emma…

Just wait.

I can’t…

What’s going on? Why you crying?

She’s dead!

Who? Who’s dead?

I just got a call from my cousin Betty.

Yeah?

Aunt Emma is dead.

Are you fucking kidding me?

No.

You’re serious?

Oh, my God! Baby, that’s…

Oh, fuck!

Oh, sweetheart, that’s just…

Fucking heart attack!

Boom, snap, gone.

Shuffled off her mortal coil.

And $20 million stuck in a Swiss bank account.

The last time I talked to her she was fine!

She’s not that old.

Oh, God! Baby, oh, God!

That’s so fucking terrible!

Oh, fuck!

It is terrible.

Your aunt was such an elegant, attractive woman.

My condolences to you and your family.

Yes. We’re absolutely devastated.

Thank you so much for your condolences.

Now where does that leave us

in regard to her account exactly?

Does it go into probate or what?

Not to worry, Jordan. Not to worry.

Your aunt, before she died,

signed a document naming you as her successor.

She did? (LAUGHS)

Fantastic! Well, that’s good news!

Well, not as of yet.

What does that mean? Not as of yet?

(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)

I can’t seem to hear you.

I must have bad reception. Are you speaking English?

Very… Now. Fast. Very fast.

Fast?

I have to get to Switzerland now?

(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)

Speak English! Fucking speak English!

Whoa! Hey, hey, hey. Hey! Quiet, okay?

Take your suit, take your dick, okay,

and move your ass! Please.

Okay.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

Move my ass! Yes!

I gotta say, these Swiss were some sneaky motherfuckers.

Within minutes, he had me set up with a forger

who could fake Aunt Emma’s signature.

You American shit!

I just had to get there by tomorrow,

or lose $20 million.

We’re going to Monaco!

Monaco? Now?

Yes, baby.

We’re going to Monaco, so then we can go to Switzerland, okay?

But her aunt just died.

I realize that.

But I have business in Switzerland.

I need to go to Switzerland right now.

Bottom line. Sorry.

We gotta get to London.

Why? Why?

The funeral!

Yeah, but babe. Look, look…

I loved your aunt more than anyone in the entire world.

I really did.

But she’s dead now, sweetie.

She’s dead and she’s not going anywhere.

She’ll still be dead by the time

we get to London, okay?

Captain Ted! Captain Ted, all right, look.

We’re going to Monaco. Monaco now, okay?

Monaco, right.

We’re going to Monaco so that we can drive to Switzerland

so they don’t stamp our passports.

Take care of business here, we’ll drive back to Monaco,

take a flight over to London to catch the funeral

and be in New York in three fucking business days!

That’s the fucking plan.

I just want you to know that we might run into some chop.

Chop? We can fucking handle chop, right?

I mean, it’s a 170-foot yacht.

No, no, no. We’re not going anywhere

unless he says it’s safe, all right.

Don’t worry about the chop.

It’s safe.

You don’t know shit about chop.

Oh, really? And you do? You’re a fucking expert on that.

I’ll chop your fucking credit card in half. How about that?

Chop is fine. Trust me. Chop is fine.

Is chop fine, Captain Ted?

Uh…

Yeah. I mean, if we take it slow.

Yeah, we’re gonna take it slow.

It’s a little uncomfortable. Tell them it’s safe.

CAPTAIN TED: It’s gonna be safe.

We’ll batten down the hatches

and secure the deck.

And we’re looking at a few… Maybe a few broken dishes.

Few broken dishes. (LAUGHS)

What’s a few broken dishes?

Does that sound fucking awesome or what?

No. Not really.

We’re gonna have a fucking good time!

Let’s go to fucking Monaco now!

Let’s fucking move! Let’s go!

(THUNDER CRACKING)

CAPTAIN TED: Hold On!

What the fuck is going on out here?

The Jet Skis just went overboard!

Oh, Jesus Christ! Honey, you okay?

MAN: (OVER RADIO) Gale warning! Gale warning!

CAPTAIN TED: The waves are 20 feet high and building!

Turn around, let’s go the other fucking way.

CAPTAIN TED: We can’t!

Go!

We’ll get broad-sided. It’ll tip over!

I am a master diver. You hear that?

I’m a master diver!

No one’s gonna fucking die!

I got you, baby. I got you. Trust me, okay?

I love you.

I love you, baby. Just hold on tight.

Okay.

Donnie!

Hold on, baby!

Donnie!

Donnie!

What?

Hold on, baby.

(WHISPERING) Get the fucking ludes.

I don’t wanna die, Jordan!

I did a lot of bad shit. I’m going to hell, Jordan!

(SOBBING) I fucked up! I fucked up so bad!

Get the ludes! Downstairs!

What are you saying?

Fuck!

Get the ludes!

I can’t go down there, Jordan. It’s flooded.

It’s three feet of water down there!

I will not die sober!

Get those fucking ludes!

Okay!

Go!

Okay.

NAOMI: Where’s he going? JORDAN: Hold on, baby!

NAOMI: Donnie! Is he fucking crazy?

JORDAN: He’s just warning everybody!

(GLASS SHATTERING)

Jesus Christ!

Hold on!

Get away from the window!

Rogue wave!

Mayday!

This is Captain Ted Beecham aboard the yacht Naomi!

We are going down!

I got ’em!

I got ’em!

Give me one for the nerves!

We’re going down!

CAPTAIN TED: This is a fucking Mayday!

We require immediate assistance!

(SCREAMS)

Hold on!

Watch out!

(PEPPY SONG)

(HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING)

JORDAN: The nice thing about getting rescued by Italians

is that they feed you, make you drink red wine,

then you get to dance.

Did you see that?

That was the plane I sent to come get us.

I shit you not, it exploded

when a seagull flew into the engine.

Three people killed.

You want a sign from God?

Well, after all this, I finally got the message.

(INFOMERCIAL MUSIC)

Do you dream of becoming financially independent

but struggle every month just to pay your bills?

Would you like to own a home like this,

but can barely afford to pay your rent?

My name is Jordan Belfort,

and there’s no secret to wealth creation.

No matter who you are,

no matter where you came from,

you too can become financially independent

in just a matter of months.

All you need is a strategy.

When I was 24 years old,

I made a decision not just to survive, but to thrive.

WOMAN: At first I didn’t feel like deals like these were possible.

But we have the house and we have a $33,000 profit.

I certainly believe now.

Think about it for a second.

If you don’t have the guts to attend Jordan Belfort’s.

Straight Line Persuasion System seminar,

then how do you expect to make any money?

JORDAN: If you want to be a millionaire someday,

have some guts. Make a decision.

Jordan Belfort’s setup worked for me

because I worked hard for it.

And if it doesn’t work for you,

it’s because you’re lazy.

And you should get a job at McDonald’s.

JORDAN: There’s nobody holding you back from financial freedom.

And there’s nobody stopping you from making millions.

Don’t just sit at home,

or the life of your dreams will sail right past you.

I changed all these people’s lives

and I can change yours, too!

So come to my seminar!

The life of your dreams is only…

Good to see you again, Jordan.

You’re under arrest!

You gotta be joking!

You’re kidding me.

Hey, get the fuck away from me!

Turn that camera off.

JORDAN: I’m fucking shooting a fucking infomercial here,

you fucking cocksucker!

Fuck you, you motherfucker!

Shut the fucking camera off.

You don’t got shit on me, you hear me!

Go fuck yourself!

I’m making an honest living, you fucking piece of shit!

DENHAM: Hey, Jordan,

let me give you a little legal advice.

Shut the fuck up!

JORDAN: Oh, fuck you, you fucking prick!

I’m making an honest living, you motherfucker!

JORDAN: I clean up my act.

I did rehab. I’m a TV personality.

I’m sober for two years. And this happens!

Rugrat goes and gets busted down in Miami.

I’m Swiss, I’m not communist.

JORDAN: And guess who the fuck with? Saurel.

You gonna beat me?

No, Sir.

Yeah, I know your country. You’re gonna beat me.

JORDAN: I mean, what are the fucking odds?

There had to be 10,000 Swiss bankers in Geneva,

and Rugrat gets the one dumb enough

to get himself arrested on U. S. Soil.

I know.

(SOBBING) I’m so sorry.

JORDAN: Even more fucked

was that he got busted.

(CAMERA CLICKING)

for shit that had nothing to do with me.

It had nothing to fucking do with me.

Something about laundering drug money

through offshore boat racing and a guy named Rocky Aoki,

you know, the founder of Benihana.

Benihana.

Beni-fucking-Hana!

(YELLING) Beni-fucking-Hana!

Why?

Why, why, God?

Why would you be so cruel

as to choose a chain of fucking hibachi restaurants

to take me down?

Long story short. Saurel rats me out.

But not before he rats out Brad’s wife, Chantalle,

who, it turns out, he’d been fucking

every time she went to Switzerland!

No, no, no, it’s impossible.

Oui, oui, oui.

All right!

Ah! (GIGGLING)

JUDGE: One count engaging in conspiracy

to commit securities fraud.

Two counts securities fraud.

One count engaging in conspiracy to commit money laundering.

Twenty-one counts money laundering.

One count obstruction of justice.

Bail is set at $10 million.

DONNIE: Uncle Donnie’s here!

Rocky. How you doing?

Woof. I hate that fucking dog.

Yeah, he’s getting old and decrepit.

Starting to shit in the house again.

Me, too.

Come here, buddy.

Ah, fuck.

It’s good to see you, pal.

Yeah, you, too.

Good to see you.

Sit down. Oh, man.

How you doing, brother?

(SIGHING) You know.

Shitty, pal.

But I’m hanging in there.

My new piece of jewelry. Check that out.

Can’t leave the house, you know?

Starting to get cabin fever already.

Fucking Rugrat.

That wig-wearing faggot.

I can’t believe that fucking guy. I wanna kill him.

Swear to God, I want to choke him to death.

Irresponsible little prick.

(SCOFFS)

I’ll tell you one thing.

I’m never eating at Benihana again.

I don’t care whose birthday it is.

Where’s Naomi? How’s she doing?

That’s her in the house there.

You could say hi, but she probably won’t wave back.

Naomi, sweetheart!

What’s up her ass?

Is she mad at me?

No, you know…

We probably have to mortgage the house

in order to make bail.

Probably end up selling the thing

in order to pay for all the lawyers.

It’s been a nightmare, buddy, to tell you the truth.

What are you gonna do, right?

Anyway, how’s Stratton? That’s more important.

How’s morale?

They all pissed off ’cause they have to make money legally now?

Jordan.

Hmm?

I got the founding partners together.

I talked to them about everything.

And I got you.

What do you mean, you got me?

The house, money, don’t worry about it. I got you.

All right.

I love you, buddy.

You know I’d do it for you, right?

I know.

You know that, right?

I know.

I could fucking kiss you all over.

All right, enough, enough.

(LAUGHING)

You want a beer, pal?

What are you drinking?

I got this non-alcoholic shit.

What’s that?

A non-alcoholic beer. It’s got no alcohol.

It’s a beer?

Yeah, with no alcohol.

But if you drink enough,

if you drink a lot, they get you fucked up?

No, there’s no alcohol. That’s the fucking point.

I’m not a scientist.

I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.

I can get you a beer if you want a fucking beer.

I know, but I don’t drink. You remember?

I don’t drink anymore.

Oh, you wanna go inside

and blow some lines of baking powder?

Or baking soda…

(CHUCKLING)

Can’t imagine ever not enjoying getting fucked up.

Yeah.

I love it.

How’s being sober?

Fucking sucks.

Boring, right?

So boring. I wanna kill myself.

There’s a term, and we don’t like to use it

unless circumstances dictate,

and I think they do dictate in this case,

and the term is “Grenada.”

Have you ever heard of Grenada?

No. No, I haven’t.

Grenada’s very interesting because

it is a small island nation

that was invaded by the United States of America in 1983.

It’s about 90,000 people.

And essentially, it means

this case is unloseable.

Okay?

So, you know, we can come in,

we can have our dick hanging out of our pants.

Nobody gives a fuck.

I’m gonna win.

You, Sir.

Are what’s known

as a Grenada.

JORDAN: Hmm.

You’re looking at real prison time.

Hmm.

Money laundering can get you as much as 20 years.

And our case couldn’t be stronger if we caught you

shoving cash in your mattress.

JORDAN: Is that right?

DENHAM: Hey, Jordan. Jordan.

Your rotting away in jail till your kids get out of college,

that’s not our ambition here.

There’s other people involved in this, too.

We think they need to see their day in court as well.

Why do I sense there’s an offer in the air?

Look at him. He’s got a sense. What are you, Kreskin?

Full cooperation. He provides us with a comprehensive list

of all the co-conspirators spanning the last seven years,

and he also agrees to wear a wire.

(CHUCKLING) Wait…

Did you just say “wear a wire”?

A wire. Mmm-hmm.

What does that mean?

You want me to rat? Is that it?

No, I want you to cooperate.

No. You want me to rat, right?

Yes. We want you to rat.

That’s fucking exactly what we want you to do. To rat.

JORDAN: How was Cristy’s party?

NAOMI: Fine.

JORDAN: Good.

Babe, I spoke to the lawyers again today.

I have some really, really great news.

Mmm-hmm.

Turns out you’re completely off the hook, honey.

I know that already.

Right. Exactly.

You never did anything wrong in the first place, right?

It turns out, all the FBI really

wants from me is to, uh,

to cooperate.

You know?

Turns out I have so much information

about the stock market and Wall Street,

I could save the government

years of heartache, not to mention

countless dollars.

Mmm-hmm.

But it gets even better, babe.

Because if I do decide to cooperate,

I might only be looking at four short years,

in which case, you know,

we could start fresh, maybe sell the house.

And any fines that I’d have to pay

wouldn’t be due till after I serve my term,

so we’d still have plenty of money left over, you know?

Mmm-hmm.

The only thing that of course bummed me out a little bit

is this whole idea of having to

give information about my friends.

Like you said, “There’s no friends on Wall Street.” Right?

Right. Right. Exactly.

There’s a silver lining to that, too, honey.

Because they said eventually…

Eventually everyone’s gonna have to give information on this case.

So, at the end of the day, it might not even be a factor. You know?

Well, that’s good news. Right?

Yeah, yeah.

I’m really happy for you.

What do you mean, happy for me, sweetheart?

You should be happy for the both of us. Right?

Yeah, right.

All right.

Come here, baby.

Give me a kiss, sweetheart.

Jordan…

Oh, come on, baby.

I haven’t made love to you in so long. Please.

No. Jordan, stop it.

Come on, honey, please.

No! Jordan, stop it!

I’ve loved you since the moment I saw you.

(MURMURING)

I fucking hate you, Jordan.

Get off me!

Baby… Don’t do that.

You know how much I love you, right?

Stop that, sweetie. Please.

You wanna fuck me, Jordan?

You wanna fuck me?

Good.

Go ahead.

Go ahead and fuck me.

I want you to fuck me real hard.

I want you to fuck me like it’s the last fucking time.

Why are you moving like that?

Come on.

Please hold still.

‘Cause I want you to come for me, baby.

Come on, babe.

Come for me, baby.

I want you to come for me

like it’s the last fucking time.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Come on, baby. Come for me. Come for me, baby.

Come on, baby.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah, baby, come.

You want me to come for you?

Yeah.

You want me to come for you?

Yeah!

Huh? You want me to come for you?

Oh, God, baby. Yeah!

Oh, God. (GRUNTING) Oh, God.

Oh, God. (GASPS)

Oh, God.

Jesus.

(LAUGHING)

Oh, baby.

That was so fucking great!

Oh, God!

That was the last time.

What do you mean, baby?

I mean that was the last time we ever have sex.

What are you talking about?

I want a divorce.

What do you mean, you want a divorce?

What’s that supposed to mean, you want a divorce?

Get off me! I want a divorce.

You just made love to me.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

I don’t love you anymore, Jordan!

Oh, you don’t love me?

You don’t love me anymore, huh?

Well, isn’t that just fucking convenient for you!

Now that I’m under federal indictment,

with an electronic bracelet around my ankle,

now you decide you don’t fucking love me anymore.

Is that right?

No, no.

What kind of person are you? Tell me.

You married me!

What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

Jordan, this is how it’s gonna go.

I’m gonna take custody of the kids.

If you agree to the divorce right now,

I will allow visitation.

(SIGHING)

Okay? Don’t try to fight it.

Oh, my God.

It’ll save us both a lot of money

and I got a feeling you’re gonna need it.

You’re not taking my kids, sweetheart. You hear me?

I’ve already talked to the lawyer.

He said even if you don’t get convicted,

I’ve got a good chance of getting them.

I got news for you.

You’re not fucking taking my children,

you vicious fucking cunt, you!

Fuck you, you fucking bitch!

You’re not fucking taking my goddamn fucking kids!

You hear me? Fuck you!

You’re not fucking taking my fucking kids!

Fucking bitch!

(PANTING)

Fucking whore!

(MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY)

Fucking bitch! Piece of shit fucking whore!

(SNORTING)

(CHUCKLES) Look at yourself, Jordan.

You’re sick!

You’re a sick man!

Fuck you! I told you, you’re not taking my fucking kids!

You think I would let my kids near you?

Look at yourself!

You know what my lawyer said?

My lawyer said that you’re going to prison for 20 years, Jordan.

Twenty fucking years! You’re never gonna see the kids again!

You don’t think I’m not gonna see my…

No, I’m not fucking letting you near my kids!

You don’t think I’m gonna see my fucking kids again, huh?

Don’t you fucking touch them!

Don’t you fucking touch me!

Sweetheart? You’re coming on a trip with Daddy, all right?

You’re coming on a trip with Daddy.

NAOMI: Don’t you fucking touch her, Jordan.

I swear to God, I will fucking kill you!

It’s all right, baby.

You and Daddy are gonna go

on a little trip together, okay?

A little trip together.

NAOMI: Violet!

Violet!

Get the key! Get the key!

VIOLET: I got it!

NAOMI: Jordan, you open this fucking door

right now! Open the door!

Put your seat belt on.

There you go. Get your legs in.

I’m taking her with me!

I told you I’m taking her with me,

you fucking bitch!

(GARAGE DOOR OPENING)

You’re not gonna stop me! You’re not gonna stop me!

We’re going on a little trip, honey.

No! No!

Get the hell out of here!

VIOLET: Leave that baby alone!

Violet! Garage door! Close it!

SKYLAR: Mommy!

Get out of here!

Open the fucking door!

(ENGINE STARTING)

Mommy!

VIOLET: No!

(BRAKES SQUEAL)

Oh, Lord! Oh, my heavens…

Get the baby!

Naomi, get the baby!

Mommy.

Honey, it’s okay.

It’s gonna be okay.

VIOLET: Oh, Mr. Jordan has lost his mind.

JORDAN: Baby… NAOMI: It’s all right, honey.

She all right?

Is she all right?

What’s the matter with you?

Is she all right?

LUCAS: Paragraph 1.

The defendant shall plead guilty

to all counts of the indictment

currently pending against him

in the United States District Court

for the Eastern District of New York.

Paragraph 2.

DENHAM: Talk normally.

LUCAS: The defendant shall participate

in undercover activities…

DENHAM: Breathe normally.

Including wearing a recording device,

also known as a wire…

After five minutes, you’ll forget you even have it on.

In conjunction with the investigation…

Fucking brutal.

Quit your bitching.

Paragraph 4. The defendant must not commit,

or attempt to commit, any further crimes.

Please. Let me just sign the fucking thing already.

Thank you.

Just here?

That’d be good.

Thank you.

JORDAN: It wasn’t even a choice.

For the next six hours, I came up with a list.

Friends, enemies, business associates.

Anybody who ‘d ever known me

or taken so much as a stock tip.

(ALL CHEERING)

ALL: (CHANTING) Wolfie! Wolfie! Wolfie!

The first name on the list was Donnie.

(HOWLING)

(DONNIE LAUGHING)

Jordan, do you know how good it is

to have you back in this office?

It’s not the same when you’re gone.

It’s sad, you understand? It’s like…

That fucking Steve Madden, huh?

I can’t…

Swear to God, I can’t even think about it.

Every time I think about him, my blood boils.

I can’t even say his name.

I know.

It’s, like, disgusting.

I grew up with this guy and he betrays me like that.

Ugh!

He ever get back to you about that, um…

About that account?

You remember.

It was like 4 or 5 mil, something like that, right?

He was supposed to kick back 4 or 5 mil, was it?

Actually, I was…

I was fucked up, Jordan,

so I don’t really remember.

Yeah.

Yeah, right. Stupid.

Well, if he calls you,

you make sure and contact me, okay?

Yeah. (STAMMERING) Of course.

Yeah.

Of course, yeah. No, of course.

You gonna eat that last piece of yellowtail, bud?

No, it’s all yours.

Can I get this?

So, what else is…

Well, how’s Naomi and everything?

You know how it is.

She hates my fucking guts.

How’s Hildy? Good?

She’s still alive, so

my life is fucked, you know?

Yeah.

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

Mr. Jordan.

Mmm?

Mr. Jordan, you got a visitor.

What?

You’ve got a visitor.

(SIGHING DEEPLY)

I need you to get dressed.

Why? What the fuck’s going on?

You’re going to jail.

All right.

I’ll get some clothes on.

We’ll give you a hand with that.

Okay.

(DOOR BANGING OPEN)

FBI!

Everybody sit down. Put your hands

where they can be seen, and shut up!

Don’t you fucking touch me.

Get your fucking hands off me!

Don’t get out of your seats!

It’s fucking Chanel!

(ALL CLAMORING)

JORDAN: I gave up everyone.

And in return,

I got three years in some hellhole in Nevada I’d never even heard of.

Like my pops, Mad Max, had said,

“The chickens had come home to roost.”

Whatever the fuck that means.

LAWYER: I hope Your Honor would agree

that Mr. Belfort has distinguished himself

in terms of his cooperation.

Mr. Belfort has helped the government win convictions

of over two dozen serious offenders

and helped them recover millions of dollars

to be made available for restitution to their victims.

The sentence of the court shall be

36 months in federal prison.

Please remand the defendant.

LAWYER: I’m sorry.

(HANDCUFFS LOCKING)

That’s okay.

JORDAN: I’m not ashamed to admit it.

When we arrived at the prison,

I was absolutely terrified.

GUARD: Belfort, on your feet.

JORDAN: But I needn’t have been.

You see, for a brief fleeting moment,

I ‘d forgotten I was rich.

And I lived in a place where everything was for sale.

Wouldn’t you like to learn how to sell it?

MC: So listen. I’ve met some bad motherfuckers in my life.

I’m talking about rock stars,

professional athletes, gangsters.

I’m telling you, some real bad motherfuckers.

But this guy, my good friend,

Mr. Jordan Belfort, is the single

baddest motherfucker I have ever met.

So I want you right now

to give a warm Auckland, New Zealand welcome

for my good friend

and the world’s greatest sales trainer,

Mr. Jordan Belfort!

(APPLAUSE)

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Thank you.

(SIGHING)

Sell me this pen.

It’s, uh… (STAMMERING)

It’s an amazing pen.

For professionals, it’s a…

Sell me this pen.

Well, it’s a nice pen.

You can use the pen

to write down thoughts from your life so you can…

Sell me

this pen.

Well…

This pen works and I personally love this pen…

(MELANCHOLY JAZZ MUSIC)

(MARK HUMMING)

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