Last Week Tonight with John Oliver
Season 8 Episode 13
Aired on May 23, 2021
Main segment: Sponsored content
Other segments: Roe v. Wade
Guest: George Clooney
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♪ ♪♪ ♪
John: Hi there. Welcome to the show, still coming to you from this blank void. Which has started to feel a bit like home. And to be honest, it is pretty similar to England in that it’s frustratingly white, immediately depressing, and I want to get out of it as quickly as possible. Look, it’s been another busy week. Cher turned 75, the house voted to create an independent no commission to investigate the capitol assault, and the Supreme Court did this:
The supreme court says it will take up the most direct challenge to Roe vs. Wade in a generation this fall. No
At issue, a Mississippi law that would ban almost all no abortions after 15 weeks of pregnancy. It’s similar to bans recently passed in other conservative leaning states, all designed to get the newly conservative supreme court to confront no roe vs. Wade head on.
John: Yup! The thing conservatives have been trying to do for decades now is finally happening. Rolling back abortion rights is pretty much the reason the country had to watch a human beer bong scream and cry during a job interview, the reason everyone freaked out when an 87-year-old woman died, and the reason why the president and half his inner circle all got Covid in the rose garden — wasn’t that a fun couple of days? All of that was building up to this depressingly significant moment. And states have been pushing the envelope hard when it comes to limiting abortion. With the latest attempt coming just this week in Texas.
Texas has just adopted one of the most restrictive anti-abortion laws in the nation. Republican governor Greg Abbott signed the bill yesterday. It bans the procedure as early as six weeks into a pregnancy, before many women even know they’re pregnant.
John: Well, that’s infuriating. And made somehow even worse by the fact they seemed to cram the few women in the room right behind Abbott and then let what can only be described as a Jos. A. Bank of men fill in everywhere else. You usually don’t see that many men in suits lined up to disappoint women unless it’s the first night of “the bachelorette.” And for many behind that bill, including one of its sponsors, state senator Charles Schwertner, restricting access to abortion has long been a priority. In 2017, he silenced a witness testifying against an earlier anti-abortion bill so hard, his gavel broke the glass tabletop of his desk. Take a look.
Sb415 inserts itself into the exam room by putting physicians in the unconscionable position of having to deny a woman the evidence-based compassionate care that results in the fewest complications. I want to remind you all —
Ms. Hennessy —
Especially the doctors on this committee, that a vote for this bill puts women’s lives —
Thank you, Ms. Hennessy —
On the line.
Your time is done —
I urge you to stop playing with reproductive healthcare as if it’s your own political puppet. [Gavel smashes] Thank you.
Thank you. Your time is done.
John: Wow. You know what they say. Women are too emotional to make decisions about their own bodies — best leave it to a level-headed, reasonable man who hulks out on his desk at work. Because just look at what that fucking Gavel did. In every way, that is the exact opposite of what is meant by “breaking the glass ceiling.” And there will clearly be much more to say on this story as it unfolds, but for now, let’s try and take a look at news that isn’t actively depressing. And here’s one — in Philadelphia, Larry Krasner, the reform D.A., won a hotly contested primary and Krasner’s victory was by no means assured — the police union backed his opponent in the primary, and he’s come under attack for bold reforms like vowing to never pursue a death sentence, reduce the number of people sent to prison by seeking alternatives to incarceration, and to stop illegal stop-and-frisk, reform cash bail, and end the abuse of civil asset forfeiture. Which is a striking set of promises, especially coming from a guy whose face-sweater combo whispers, “I’ve got audiobooks on vinyl.” Now, Krasner still has to face a republican in the general election. Specifically, this man, Charles Peruto. Who is a lot. His platform is the antithesis of Krasner’s. And he’s said, “my first line of business is to meet with every police captain. I want to have my wife cook them dinner,” while also releasing this video:
I was born and raised in west Philadelphia, 64th and Jefferson. I was born in a mixed neighborhood. I loved it. Ironically enough, the kid I hung out with every day was Michael Jackson. He didn’t sing but he played hoops. I understand black people just about as well as a black person, not gonna say — I’m not gonna say equal, but pretty good.
John: Okay. That guy, sitting in that office, saying he understands black people as well as any black person isn’t great. Even if he does slightly walk it back by saying, “I’m not gonna say equal, but pretty good” — a level of nuance not seen since Plessy vs. Ferguson. The whole video is 35 minutes long, and shot in a single take, with real “no one in my family wants to listen to me anymore so they showed me how to use a webcam” energy. And look, Peruto is unlikely to win. But he does speak to the post-Trump trend where extreme cartoonishness isn’t a deal breaker for candidates — it’s a selling point. Take Missouri’s Mark McCloskey, who you might remember as the man who pointed a gun at black lives matter protesters while somehow making a polo shirt slutty. Well, this week, he declared his candidacy for senate with this ad:
When the angry mob came to destroy my house and kill my family, I took a stand against them. Now I’m asking for the privilege to take that stand for all of us. I will never back down.
John: Okay. Setting aside the fact McCloskey looks like what you’d get if Sean Hannity fucked a packing peanut — “when the mob came to destroy my house and my family?” Get over yourself! Those were protesters walking past your yard on their way to the mayor’s house. No one cared about you until you started waving guns in their face. And side note: if there are nationwide protests against racism and your first response is “they’re coming for me!” Maybe think about what that says about you. And I’d say McCloskey’s was the most ridiculous campaign announcement this week, were it not for the fact that Andrew Giuliani — son of Rudy — is now running for governor of New York. And even Fox News pointed out, he’s doing so on the thinnest possible resume.
One of the things that’s being asked about you is if you have the experience to take on the job of governor. You worked at the trump white house for four years, and were a professional golfer before that.
The truth is, Martha, from an experience perspective, I may be 35 years old, but you gotta remember, I spent 32 years — parts of 32 years — in politics and in government. I’m the only announced candidate that actually has spent parts of five decades in politics. So I may look young, but I certainly feel a lot older.
John: Okay. There is a lot to take apart and put back together there. One — do you think you look young? Because if I had to guess your age, I’d put you somewhere between “unhealthy 45” and “lying about an early retirement to avoid a sexual harassment settlement becoming public.” Also, why would you claim to have been in politics since you were three years old? Unless you’re counting being violently held by your father during his failed 1989 mayoral campaign while dressed as business chucky. Are you counting that? And even calling Giuliani a “professional golfer” needs more context, because his career highlights include being kicked off the Duke golf team for bad behavior like allegedly throwing an apple into another player’s face so hard, the apple exploded, and then appearing on a golf-themed reality competition called “The Big Break,” where he was clearly typecast as “the annoying one.”
Andrew Giuliani, he’s talky. That’s all he does. I mean, he just — you know, kind of talking everyone up, and you know, being Andrew pretty much.
I know he was talking a lot.
Nice ball there. Did that hit the tree? Did that hit the tree? That’s impressive.
I know a few guys were getting irritated, including myself.
That’s a tree! You’re telling me that’s not a tree right there?
Are you kidding me?
That’s totally a tree.
I mean, he would talk to this — to this — to this door if it had ears.
He knows he talks too much, and we all tell him he does but, it almost makes him — I feel like he wants to talk more.
John: Andrew Giuliani is a nightmare. Imagine being the worst person on a golf reality show. And it’s hard to imagine Giuliani winning the support of the entire state of New York when it seems he can’t even win the support of all of these future absentee fathers. In other words, his base. And yes, Andrew Giuliani’s ridiculous. All these candidates are ridiculous. But if the last few years have taught us anything, it’s that ridiculous people can end up getting elected. Just three years ago, we did a piece on state attorneys general — and in it, we highlighted Angela Paxton, the wife of Texas’s A.G.
John: Just listen to his wife, proudly describing Paxton’s love for lawsuits in what apparently I legally have to call “a song.”
♪ I’m a pistol packin’ mama ♪
♪ and my husband sues Obama ♪
♪ I’m a pistol packin’ mama, ♪
♪ yes, I am ♪
John: A few things you can glean from that clip: that woman has a gun, a litigious husband, and no future in music whatsoever. And I have somehow aged 30 years since 2018. A truly uncomfortable watch for many reasons. But not long after that segment aired, Angela Paxton was elected to the Texas state senate. There she is standing behind governor Abbott this week as he signed Texas’s abortion bill. The point is, yes, these people look like clowns. They are clowns. But it’s important to remember that clowns, while funny, are also fucking terrifying. And this week gave us another reminder that, if you’re not very careful, you can wind up with a clown car full of them making incredibly important decisions about your life. And now, this.
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Announcer: and now… San Francisco city council meetings public comments are a joy to behold.
Now it is time for public comment. Are there any members of the public who would like to address this board? Please, no, step forward.
[Speaking non-English language] cheerios. “Good morning America.” “The view.”
What I see here are a number of representatives who worship lucifer.
Tobacco is great at getting bedbugs away from her bed. People don’t realize that.
♪ Board of supervisors ♪
♪ some of y’all are a bunch of liars ♪
Feel bad for the district, no soup for you.
He has a dick. You have a vagina.
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ I started talking and tailored to seeing ♪
♪ said the king to the people of san Francisco ♪
♪ everywhere ♪
♪ America’s cup boating ♪
Thank you, sir. Thank you, Mr. Paulson. Next speaker, please.
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John: Moving on. Our main story tonight concerns local news. The trusted place people go to find traffic, weather, and here in New York, the single greatest 10 seconds of television this city has ever produced.
At 11:00, paying more at the grocer but getting less, we’ll tell you how to get the most! The fuck are you doing?
John: Perfect. Absolutely perfect. That is Sue Simmons, by the way. She sadly retired in 2012, and has been missed every day since. Because if any city needs a news anchor with an ability to say “the fuck are you doing?,” It is New York. We’ve talked about local news a lot on this show — particularly, regarding just how important it is to any community. We are constantly featuring local news investigations in our stories. And it isn’t just important in a civic sense; it’s a major moneymaker for stations. Nexstar, one of the biggest owners of local stations, said they earned nearly half their advertising revenue from spots aired during local news programming. But the need to both inform a community and make money has always been tricky to reconcile — as you can tell from this 1960s clip of Baltimore’s Channel 11 news.
In Chicago, today, a white mob threw rocks and bottles at civil rights demonstrators. That story after this message about mash’s ham.
He’s a lover. No, not the kind you’re thinking of. He’s a ham lover. And all ham lovers know that mash’s hams are the best you can buy.
John: Okay, that is a very awkward transition to have to make. To go from teasing a story about a racist mob with a Mash’s ham logo on your desk, to a man who is — no matter what he says — definitely fucking that ham. Which is absurd. Why would you do that, when instead, you could be fucking Honeysuckle white’s fresh ground turkey? The only ground turkey that’s 93% lean and 100% fuckable. Get your fuck fill with Honeysuckle. Now, clearly, maintaining journalistic independence from advertisers is critically important. So important, in fact, it’s frequently referred to as the “church-state wall.” And the FCC has rules requiring broadcast stations to announce when content has been sponsored or paid for in any way. Unfortunately, many local stations have either completely broken those rules, or violated the spirit of them, through a practice known as “sponsored content.” It’s where advertising is blended directly into the broadcasts, and it’s both more widespread, and harder to detect, than you might realize. So tonight, let’s talk about sponsored content. And let’s start with the stuff that seems essentially harmless: people getting paid to hawk products on tv. There’s an industry of lifestyle experts that do this. Here is one of them explaining the process to potential clients.
Brandigration is where a brand, its product, and the messaging are all worked together within the content of a show in a pre-planned manner. With so many shows offering integrated content, it can be hard to choose. But let’s start with local, okay? We have a method that helps me get interviews in a snap.
Hey there, Jer-bear!
Hey, girl, how you doing?
See? In an instant, we have access to shows across the nation that are ready for your content.
John: Wow. I gotta say, that is pretty impressive. The only person I can summon with a snap of my fingers is George Clooney. Watch. There he is.
John: Hey, George! How are you doing?
Uhhh… I’m doing fine. What are you doing?
John: I’m just showing people how I can summon you with a simple snap of my fingers.
I’m eating dinner. I gave you this power to use in a limited capacity, John.
John: Understood, George. Bye!
John: see? The system works! But the truth is, Michelle didn’t just have the power to make people appear out of thin air. She also, crucially, had the power to make them play along as she hawked horrifying products like these.
These are the new French’s crispy jalapenos. One fun idea is to use it in this jalapeno cheeseburger dip. This is seriously everything you love about a cheeseburger in dip form. Take a look, is this thing gorgeous or what? This thing has just hit the party scene. It’s the Velvetta shells and cheese life size liquid gold fountain.
Okay, so, a few things I love are Doritos, melted cheese sticks, and nachos, and now there’s a way you can enjoy them all in one. These are Doritos loaded. It is a totally new way to experience Doritos.
That’s a really fun twist on a snack idea.
John: no! No, it isn’t! Now that product has since been discontinued. Probably because it looks less like a snack, and more like someone deep-fried a fidget spinner. And you probably assumed michelle was getting paid to do that. But interestingly, the station was also getting paid to have her on. And while the fcc requires sponsored content like that to be labeled, it has no requirements for exactly how or for how long. So for instance, in the case of doritos loaded, the disclosure came at the very end of the segment for just two seconds. So six seconds total. Which is, incidentally, about the same amount of time doritos loaded stay in your body before being forcibly ejected from whatever orifice they’re closest to. This practice can be so lucrative that many big chains have now set up templates for local shows, built around sponsored content. Scripps has “morning blend,” tegna has “great day,” nexstar has “daytime,” and sinclair has, I can only assume, “the muslims attack at dawn.” And it’s not just brand experts joining by satellite. Sometimes local businesses will pay for an interview, where they can script the questions, and make sure they’re presented glowingly. Take jim heafner. Until recently, he was a financial adviser in charlotte, north carolina, who was on the local show “morning break” all the time, and was always introduced in very positive terms.
We have jim heafner, he is a certified financial planner, the president and ceo of heafner financial, a best-selling author, just an all-around great guy. Thank you so much for being back here. You’re a regular here.
Thank you so much for being back with us.
You are welcome.
We like when you’re here.
We’re so glad to have you back because you’re gonna help our folks get financially fit.
Welcome back, mr. Heafner! We love when you are here with us, sir.
This man knows his stuff.
John: that level of enthusiastic cosigning seems pretty convincing until you remind yourself, the station was being paid to say those things about him. It’s the reason no one who gets a birthday cameo from gary busey thinks, “wow, gary busey hopes I make it to 156 years old? He must be my best friend.” Instead, they think, “wow, craig just wasted $350 getting gary busey to wish me a happy birthday. He must be my best friend.” And it’s worth noting that heafner and the firm he worked not only were ordered to play $1 million in an arbitration case that he lost retirees’ money come about 22 clayton’s recently seeking damages related to sued him, the loss of $2.7 million of their investments, with one of them even saying he trusted heafner because he “believed the longest-running charlotte station would invite on trusted experts.” And yeah! Of course you’d believe that! People trust their local station! That’s the point here! And it doesn’t stop at these local lifestyle shows — companies have also bought their way directly into local news broadcasts. Back in 2017, sinclair faced a $13.3 million fine from the fcc over segments promoting the huntsman cancer institute, which were broadcast more than a thousand times on local sinclair stations with no indication whatsoever they were sponsored. Some of these segments aired during the evening news, and in hindsight, the tone of the reports were suspiciously upbeat.
This complex machine is eradicating cancer without the invasive procedures.
For patients like jeff, this is welcome news.
If you’re going to have prostate cancer, this is the time to have it.
In salt lake city, utah, mark kobel reporting.
John: that is a hell of a positive spin: no time like the present to have prostate cancer. What are you waiting for? And despite how he signed off, is mark kobel actually reporting there? Because, in retrospect, it seems more like mark kobel parroting the absurdly sunny cancer propaganda of his business daddy’s favorite money friend. But I will say this, at least that’s an instance of a broadcaster acting so egregiously, the fcc was able to take action. A lot of the time, stations are doing just enough disclosure to stay the right side of the fcc, but that doesn’t mean they’re not doing massive harm to their credibility. Because even when a sponsorship is properly disclosed, I’d argue there are certain businesses local stations should not be selling themselves out for. Especially when it comes to medicine. Because a surprising number of segments on these shows are enthusiastic, uncritical showcases for expensive treatments or devices, featuring claims that are, to put it charitably, medically dubious. Like this product, which made it onto a regular morning newscast in utah.
Today, we’re talking about a technology aimed to help men with a serious issue. Stephanie and dustin wolff, the co-inventors of the world’s first clinically tested home use shock wave device to treat erectile dysfunction. It’s called the rocket.
This is the rocket. So the rocket works on the principle of low-intensity sound wave therapy, which has actually been around in europe for about 25 years. It’s very effective. It’s safe. And it’s — the technology’s fda recognized.
John: okay, first, that vibrating taint missile looks utterly terrifying. And while it’s since been rebranded from “the rocket” to “the phoenix,” I’m not sure “put this bird that destroys itself in fire near your penis” is much of an upgrade. But second: what does “fda recognized” even mean? It definitely doesn’t mean it’s “fda cleared,” much less “approved.” And the fda told us the phoenix is “registered” with them, as a therapeutic massager, though, not as a device to treat erectile dysfunction. And at this point, I legally have to tell you, the manufacturer of the phoenix says they make no explicit claims about treating e.d. Which is a little odd, because their own website claims that phoenix offers proven technology to make your penis harder,” which they and you can complete this treatment in your home. Which they presumably feel justifies its price tag of holy shit $879. But that is not the point here. The point is, if you’re going to allow that product into the body of your local newscast, you might want to have some very pointed questions ready, and not end the segment like this.
And of course if you want to find more information, where can they find it online, guys?
They can go to getmyrocket.com.
There you go. Get that help you need for whatever ailment you’ve got right here.
John: yeah! Use the rocket for whatever ailment you’ve got! Especially if that ailment is having 879 too many dollars. And the thing is, that’s far from the only weird medical product that’s been presented uncritically during sponsored segments. Denver’s mile-high living featured a spa owner promoting this exciting new treatment:
Mona lisa touch is the first fda-cleared laser to treat the vagina, and in doing so, it treats the symptoms of vaginal atrophy.
So the procedure itself, is it painful?
No. It’s — typically, what you’ll feel are mild vibrations. I tease, the next day you might feel like you have a sunburned vagina, but it’s just healing.
John: oh, that’s okay, then. It’s just your typical, everyday, sunburned vagina. And only caused by a laser. So really, just your typical, everyday, laser-roasted genitalia. Which is just healing. From the laser you deliberately burned it with. It being the inside of your vagina. Your run-of-the-mill laser-charred vagina. And if using a laser as a medical pseudo-dildo seems like a scary thing to do: you have good instincts. Because over a year before that segment aired, the fda issued a safety alert, making it clear that they have not cleared or approved for marketing any energy-based devices to treat vaginal atrophy, and applying energy-based therapies to the vagina may lead to vaginal burns, scarring, and recurring or chronic pain. And the problem is, segments with dicey medical claims are just everywhere. Recently, the fda has warned about the use of unapproved stem cell therapies, which they say can be harmful. But you wouldn’t know that to watch some of these shows. Here’s a segment from “good morning texas,” featuring a doctor who’s been disciplined multiple times by the state medical board for separate issues, claiming his stem cell therapy can treat things like m.s. And parkinson’s, despite the fact that stem cells have never been approved to treat any neurological disorder. And it’s not just him — here’s a naturopathic doctor, making similarly baseless claims on a station in arizona.
So, what kind of conditions are you treating with this?
So, we treat so many different kinds of conditions. We can do it to joints, we’ve been doing a lot of that — systemic things as well. Including, we’ve had a patient with chron’s disease recently. Had a patient with heart disease who was in severe heart failure. Both of them within a week of getting these stem cells are just feeling great and improved to almost normal.
John: yeah, wow! Indeed! That card suggested he can treat parkinsons, alzheimers, autism, m.s. And als. It seems the only thing his stem cells can’t do is help that station proofread their list of “conditions can stem cell therapy benefit.” Because other than that, got you they covered have! And look, while there is no way of knowing exactly how many people are watching these shows as they air, that’s not really the point, as this marketing executive at nexstar explained to potential advertisers.
Now, here’s the deal. Most people think, “okay, so I go on the tv show, I’m on tv, great, this is awesome, and it airs at 4:00, I go on, great, and people see me, okay, so this is cool.” I’m gonna tell you right now, when you actually go on and do that, that isn’t even the cake. That’s just the icing. You know what the cake is? The video file. [Laughs] at the end, you’re gonna have a four or five minute video file. And you’re gonna do what with it? Post it everywhere! [Laughs]
John: okay, first of all: what is that motion? That is unnecessarily gross. This isn’t how you represent cake and icing. This is how you bring a mash’s ham to orgasm. You give it the ol’ wiggle and squeeze, and then a twist and a snap. Oh, shit!
What is it?
John: sorry, George. I’m sorry. That one was genuinely an accident. I was just trying to show people how to bring a mash’s ham to orgasm.
That’s not how you do it.
John: Oh. I guess that’s good information to have. The point is, that marketing executive is right. The cake is the video file, and companies will take that video and run with it. Remember that naturopathic doctor who claimed stem cells are a treatment for Alzheimer’s and autism? Here’s his website, which proudly features the many times he was given an uncritical platform on trusted local tv. And you might think viewers should be smart enough to approach anything on these shows with skepticism. The thing is, though, many of these stations also swap figures from their newsroom to their sponsored content shows. At abc4 Utah, for instance, surae chinn is both the channel’s chief medical correspondent and a host of the sponsored content show “good things Utah.” And it really does feel like a line is getting blurred there. And look, ideally, stations wouldn’t engage in this practice at all — or, at the very least, their disclosures would be harder for viewers to miss, and they’d do significantly more work to make sure that if they’re letting someone buy their way onto their channel, and present something as real, that it’s not, in fact, total nonsense. Because right now, it’s far too easy to make a ridiculous product that makes outlandish claims, and get it onto local tv. And the reason I know that is, we did. We started a company called Venus inventions, and created something called the venus veil. An absurd medical product based on technology that absolutely does not exist. We set up this website, and even hired an actress to brandigrate the shit out of the Venus veil, into shows it had no business being on. Did it work? I dunno — you tell me, ABC 4 Utah!
I’m so excited to talk with Erica Hernandez with the Venus veil, a revolutionary new product on the line. What exactly is it? I’m so intrigued.
I’m so glad you are intrigued. So this is the Venus veil. It is the world’s first sexual health blanket.
John: Yep! That was on ABC 4 last Friday. And I’d love to tell you it was difficult to get it on, but it really wasn’t. And remember, that’s their chief medical correspondent. And it seems striking that she didn’t have any follow-ups on claims we made about the veil that you’d hope a medical correspondent would immediately take issue with.
The veil is being designed with the hope that it will precisely draw out the natural alkaline undercurrents of the vagina, and initiate a low-grade state of what we call micro-death, which sounds incredibly scary, but that’s actually just restarting that area’s natural life cycle. It’s using this field of magneto-genetics I was talking about, and also a technology that’s been around for a really long time that was pioneered in Germany about 80 years ago. So this is full of cutting-edge technology, but it just looks like a blanket.
John: Yeah! It does. And that’s because it is. It is just a blanket. Also, technology that was pioneered in Germany about 80 years ago? I would have some questions about that particular period in German history. And I know that looks bad. But let’s be fair here, it’s just an isolated example. There was no way another station was going to fall for this. Right? Absolutely no way. Is there, Kvue Austin? Because you wouldn’t have let us pay to directly follow your 10:00 pm local news this Thursday, would you? There’s no way that happened.
It includes some pretty interesting technology.
Yes, it does. So the team behind the veil was inspired by the field of magneto-genetics. But basically, your blood is full of iron, but it’s dispersed in such a way it isn’t affected by normal magnets. So the idea behind the veil is with the right blend of proprietary magnetic fibers, you can create a self-contained magnetic field that restimulates blood flow and gets you feeling like your normal self again.
John: Is it? Is it interesting? Or is that obvious bullshit that definitely shouldn’t have been on in the same hour as coverage of the cease-fire in the middle east, a shortage of lifeguards in local public pools, and an investigative piece on criminal justice and bail reform? One of these things is not like the others, and it’s definitely our nazi-era fuck blanket. But surely, if you saw this blanket in person, then, in a studio, you would know not to enthusiastically cosign on the completely baseless claims being made right in front of you. You’d protect your viewers from that happening, wouldn’t you, Denver’s “mile high living?”
This is meant to treat sexual conditions, but a lot of people are embarrassed to talk about their sexual health, right? So it was designed to be something that’s really discrete and also really stylish so you can have it in your home and it really — I mean, could it look less like a medical product?
Yeah, no, it doesn’t look like that. You know, again, it’s one of those things I think a lot of people right now are looking to enhance their lives, but they also don’t want anything too invasive.
So this is something where, again, you’re not needing a prescription or anything like that as well.
Well, thank you, Erica. Thanks so much for coming in today. We appreciate it.
Thank you so much for having me. Thanks for making it so easy. This was great.
Yeah, super easy.
John: Yeah! Super easy! You could even argue “way too easy.” Because the truth is, none of this was nearly difficult enough to get onto tv. And it wasn’t even expensive. That cost just $2800. This one cost $2650. And this one only cost $1750. It was all shockingly affordable, and sadly, on some stations, didn’t even look that out of place. And that is not good. Because, as we’ve said for years now, the integrity of local news is crucially important. And there is real harm for everyone if that integrity is damaged. So to the owners of these stations who are selling them out at a depressingly cheap price, I have a simple question. If I may quote the words of a very wise news anchor: the fuck are you doing? That’s our show. Thanks so much for watching. If you want to see our Venus veil segments in full — the whole cake, if you will — you can go to venusinventions.com. Good night!
Are there any side effects of this at all?
You might feel a little bit of tingling but we liken it to what you might feel if you are standing over a really loud several of have a tight