Shameless – S11E06 – Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good… Eh, Screw It – Transcript

Ian and Mickey help the Milkovich's. Frank's day takes some unexpected turns. Liam deals with inner turmoil. Debbie confronts Sandy. Carl enjoys his day off and Lip plans for the future. While Kev runs the bar, V is class parent at school.
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Shameless - S11E06 - Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good... Eh, Screw It

Original air date: February 14, 2021

A surprising twist of fate has left the Milkovich’s vulnerable, forcing Ian and Mickey to step in to help. Frank’s day takes some unexpected turns and Liam deals with inner turmoil after doing a bad thing. Debbie confronts Sandy on their relationship, while Carl enjoys the spoils of his day off. Lip and Brad seek revenge on the new BornFree owners, all the while Lip is forced to figure out a plan for the future. While Kev runs the bar, V is class parent at school – but elementary school looks a little different these days.

* * *

[Veronica and Kev moaning]

[Veronica giggles]

Oh, sh–oh, hey. Uh, V.

[Veronica] Yeah?

V. Did you know they were coming?

No! Hell no! ‘Scuse me. Can I help you? Oh, sure, this is what you’re here for? Okay, here’s what happened last week on Shameless. Married people you know with kids can still have fantastic sex.

[laughs] Huh?


[The High Strung The Luck You Got (Shameless Theme Song) playing]

♫ Think of all the luck you got ♫
♫ Know that it’s not for naught ♫
♫ You were beaming once before ♫
♫ But it’s not like that anymore ♫

♫ What is this downside ♫
♫ That you speak of? ♫
♫ What is this feeling ♫
♫ You’re so sure of? ♫

♫ Round up the friends you got ♫
♫ Know that they’re not for naught ♫
♫ You were willing once before ♫
♫ But it’s not like that anymore ♫

♫ What is this downside ♫
♫ That you speak of? ♫
♫ What is this feeling ♫
♫ You’re so sure of? ♫


[rock music]

[sharp bang]

Shh!

[Mickey] Fuck!

Darker than Satan’s asshole in here.

We been down this road before

I already know what you got in store…

All right, I’ma hit parts.

Mick, grab some bikes, and, uh, Brad, office.

Lookin’ for a place to live

Wait, why are you using real names?

[Lip] Hey, relax, we’re gonna take the security camera.

And what-what if they bugged the place?

Hey, Mission Impossible, less talking, more stealing.

Don’t want your money

Ain’t nothin’ there

What the fuck is this shit?

Now we’re standing face-to-face

Gonna run you right off outta this place

Ooh, ooh, it’s a race

Hey, hey, three grand in the safe.

Keep it up, gonna match your pace…

Yo, hey, hey.

Fuck that one. It’s a piece of shit.

Grab some chrome pipes and carburetors, parts room.

Shit feels expensive. It’s heavy.

Now’s your opportunity

To take what you want and take what you need

[Lip] Hey, what the fuck you doing?

Making it look like Mexicans broke in.

Keep it up, gonna match your pace

[door whirring]

Yeah it’s a race

[Brad] Fucking freezing in here. Why’d you get a refrigerated truck?

‘Cause, Brad, there’s not a lot of options last-minute.

[Mickey] Where we fencing this shit?

I don’t know. Out of state, probably.

Wait, you haven’t lined up a fence yet?

No.

Great fucking plan, Lip. Which one of you geniuses came up with it?

Well, it was a group effort: me, Brad, couple of six-packs.

Couple of s–

You off the wagon again?

Yeah, just one night.

“Just one night”–isn’t that what every alcoholic says?

♫ Ooh, baby, do you know what that’s worth… ♫

[Frank] Monica! Oh, Monica!

[groans]

[Monica groaning]

Hop the fuck up, Monny. You are still the best I’ve ever had.

[both groaning]

Monica!

Ah!

[Monica giggling]

Oh, Monica.

[Monica sighs]

[Monica] Ah…

Do you know what that’s worth?

Ooh, heaven is a place on Earth…

[Monica breathing hard, sighing]

[Monica] Shit.

[Frank] Sorry I can’t…stay for another round there,

Monny.

Uh…

I gotta get to work.

Ah.

Hey!

You wanna meet at The Alibi a little bit later for, uh, happy hour? Ha.

[Monica] Sure. Where do you work?

Uh…

Oh. [laughs]

I didn’t mean to pry, honey.

I’ll see you later.

Oh, and, uh, Frank, honey, when we’re not having sex, could you use my real name?

Letty?

What? Uh…

Like, I’m cool with “Monica” in bed if that’s your kink, but when we’re just hanging out, it doesn’t feel right. Just… call me by my name, okay?

[tranquil choral music]

[voice] speaking Italian

Um, “bor…jurno”?

Can I speak to Pope Francis, please?

[voice] speaking Italian

What’s the penance for accidentally shooting someone… if they’re alive but paralyzed?

[voice] Who is this?


[rock music]

Ooh, ooh

Ooh

Here we go again…

[Tami] Ooh.

[Lip] Hey.

Eggs, bacon, and pancakes.

You fuck someone?

What? No. I can’t make breakfast?

[Tami] Ha.

Coffee?

Uh, no, no, I’m good. I already had six cups.

Jesus. How long have you been up?

Uh, a while.

You know, Brad needed a meeting, so we hit the 6:30 at the church.

Brad needed a meeting?

Uh, yeah, no, I mean, I guess we-we both did. You know, between the house stuff and BornFree, it’s kind of been a lot.

Okay, well, tell me before it gets to be too much, okay? Can’t handle you falling off the wagon right now.

Right. Yeah.

I saw my dad yesterday. He might lose the house.

Damn, it’s that bad?

Yeah. Cami’s baby cleaned out his savings. He never received his SBA loan. Cory’s gonna move back home to help with the mortgage payments, but probably won’t be enough. I told him that I would talk to you about us maybe taking over my old bedroom.

What? No. No, no, no, absolutely not.

Okay, look, I know it’s not ideal, but we’re gonna need someplace to live. Plus, the extra couple hundred we could pitch in each month, it would really make a difference for Dad. And free child care. Two hot meals a day.

Yeah, you get that in prison too.

Do we have a choice, Lip? You got fired. We have bills. You know, you can’t get a mortgage without a job, and either way, we can’t afford a house now.

So then we move back into the RV, right?

Next to your family and a gang of homicidal Milkoviches?

At least there, we can have loud sex. Right? You know, we can walk around in our underwear. A-at Bob’s, I feel like I need to take a shower and put on a tie every time I want a cup of coffee.

Okay, uh, well, if you have any helpful suggestions about where we’re gonna live, I’m all ears.

I’ll figure it out.

No, what the fuck does that mean, Lip, you’ll figure it out? ‘Cause I thought that we were a we now.

And we are.

Okay. [scoffs] Well… keep me posted on what we come up with.


[jaunty music]

Oh, the prodigal thief returns.

Don’t give me shit. I was doing a favor for your brother.

Yeah? How’d your expedition go?

[Carl] What expedition?

Ian got his period this morning, sent me out for doughnuts. Got to Sweet Susan’s before they sold out of chocolate cream.

[Carl] I love Sweet Susan’s.

[Mickey] Fucking five-oh favorite. Is it laundry day or something?

Day off.

[Liam] What’s on deck?

[Carl] Furniture store. Gonna blow my sweet cop paycheck on a brand-new crib.

You moving out?

[Carl] Moving down. Taking over the basement. None of you fuckers are allowed down there.

[door closes]

Good morning, Gallagher youth.

Fuck off, Frank.

[Frank] Walked past the Milkovich house. Guess what I saw in the front yard. Absolutely nothing! Not a racist redneck or human turd in sight. Even the tent city’s quiet. Terry’s drive-by shooting’s gonna be the best thing to ever happen to the South Side.

[Ian] Anybody have any leads on who shot him?

Whoever did deserves a medal.

Eh, I doubt we’re looking. It’s not like Chicago PD’s gonna waste taxpayer dollars on some piece of shit like Terry Milkovich. No offense, Mick.

None taken. Oh, asshole’s coming home today.

[Ian] What, already? Shouldn’t he be going to rehab?

No such thing as rehab for the poor. They just dig out the bullet, staple you shut, and kick you in the nuts on the way out.

[Ian] They sending him home with a nurse or something, at least?

I don’t think so. Sandy’s been dealing with the hospital. I was hoping the fucker’d just die.

Maybe Sandy’s husband could help.

Royal? No fucking way. That guy’s a douchebag.

Hmm. Is that where she’s been staying, with Royal?

Fuck should I know? Ask yourself.

Yeah, I would if she called me back. I’ve left her, like, 30 messages.

That is 29 times too many.

Tell her to grow some ovaries and come talk to me.

Don’t get me involved in your dyke drama. Deal with your own mess.

My mess? She’s the one who’s married… to a dude!

[Frank laughs] Should anyone need me… I’ll be upstairs.

[Debbie] Nobody needs you, Frank.

Hey, Debs, uh, think we could finish up the ambulance today? Yeah, sure, I’m finally getting my ankle monitor off this morning, but, uh, in a few hours, I should have a little bit of time. That work?

Can I get a ride to school, Debs?

Sure, Liam. Anybody else? Do you need anything? A massage? Huh?

Wouldn’t say no.

Fuck off, Mickey.

[Mickey chuckles]


Kev! Where are the brownie pans?

Okay, here we go. Two beautiful girls ready to show their mommy off at school.

Oh, I am so excited to be class parent. I need a break from the adults.

Hey, how many voters did you register yesterday?

Three in five hours. So many good Black folks died from the virus or moving away. I’m starting to think we should give up and leave the South Side to the gentrifiers.

Hey, those gentrifiers buy weed, the expensive stuff with the weird names. I had some hipster kid come in for an edible yesterday. He said that we’re the up-and-coming… neighborhood, said we’re the next Pilsen.

Pilsen? The place where they do art walks?

Yeah, and the fancy food trucks. The other kids are gonna be so jealous of you. You guys have the sexiest mama on the South Side. A-and the smartest.

[Veronica] Damn right, the smartest. Girls, in 2021, we are ignoring the male gaze and focusing on our minds. It’s where the energy needs to go.

Well, this male gaze is gonna focus on you walking out that door.

[Kev chuckles]

[Veronica laughs]


[shower running]

Frank, can I ask you something?

[Frank grunts]

Do you believe in God? I mean, the evidence is thin, but I think God is real…

[Frank grunts]

…which means so is Hell.

[Frank groans]

Say you did something bad by accident. Do you still go down there and get tortured by demons?

Little hard to masturbate when you keep asking me questions about Catholicism, kid. It’s fine. I give up anyway. Son, Hell, much like prisons, is just a way to frighten people into submission. You can buy a pardon from the Catholic Church, be absolved of your sins, just like you can buy a judge. It’s the oldest scam in the book.

How much is a pardon?

More than you’ll ever have. If you’re worried about something, go confess. Light some candles, say some Hail Marys, and voilà , you’re back on God’s good side, unless, of course, you did something really bad. Then you’ll be tormented in the deepest depths of Hell for eternity.


Last day at sex offender’s corner, Franny. Isn’t that great? Tomorrow I can walk you all the way to school.

Mommy, where’s Sandy?

She’s off lying somewhere about being single.

I want Sandy.

[cell phone clicks]

Okay, say it again, sweetie. Sandy needs to know just how much you miss her. Say, “Where’s Sandy? I want Sandy.”

[softly] I want Sandy.

Louder.

[softly] I want Sandy.

Louder, like you mean it.

[Franny crying]

Thanks for nothing, Franny!

[scoffs]

[door slams]


[rock music]

[cylinder clicking]

[Zofia] This is stupid.

You volunteer, then.

Well, who put you in charge?

The Grand fucking Wizard, that’s who.

[Mickey] Yo! What are you idiots doing?

Joey here has a dumb idea.

Yeah.

Shut up!

Can’t decide who’s gonna take care of Uncle Terry when he gets back.

Take care?

Feed him, empty his shit bag, and wash his balls.

Fuck, man.

Jeez, with the fucking imagery.

So we’re playing Russian roulette. Four of us, three bullets in the gun. Whoever doesn’t get shot takes care of the cripple.

[cylinder clicking]

Seems like a great plan.

[Sammy] I shouldn’t have to play. I’m the one servicing that old bag twice a week so we can keep our house.

Wait, you’re fucking McCurdy?

Yeah, he should get a pass.

Screw it. I’m going first. I’d rather die than wash Terry’s balls.

[Mickey] All right, hold on. Hold on. Hold o– Put that down. Look, I’m not gonna lie: as fun as it would be to watch you all blow your fucking brains out, I actually happen to like one or two of you. So, Alek, you’re his favorite. You’re doing it.

Yeah, he’s right. You’re his favorite.

But that-that’s only because I let him practice ringen on me as a kid.

What’s ringen?

German wrestling, very homo-sexy.

And my shoulder’s still messed up.

Well, you got off easy, ’cause he’s been actually trying to kill my ass last couple years. So ring, ring, duty fucking calls.


[jaunty music]

♫ Let’s get it started ♫

♫ Just leave your problems home ♫

♫ Strictly good vibes over here ♫

♫ Let’s get it started ♫

♫ Everybody just say it with me ♫

♫ One time real loud and clear ♫

♫ Let’s get it started ♫

♫ Let’s get it started ♫

♫ Let’s get it started ♫

♫ Let’s get it started ♫

Excellent.


[bell chimes]

Ah, Mrs. G. Light brain teaser with your morning coffee, I see. Good choice. Gotta exercise those mental muscles.

What do you want, Frank?

I’m here to pick up my stuff.

What stuff?

I… I paid for five ounces in advance. You wrote it down somewhere, on a Post-it note, back of a napkin–

No need to write it down. Mind’s a steel trap. We’re all settled up. I don’t owe you anything.

Okay, now, I’m not just a college kid buying a doobie with his daddy’s money. My sativa, please.

[Gor] Everything okay out here?

[Frank] Yes. No! No, your mom’s trying to pull a fast one on me. You know, there was a time on the South Side when we had honor, a code. Maybe it was before you people moved in.

What is he talking about?

No idea. Frank? You gonna leave or not?

No! Absolutely not–

[body thuds]


Why don’t you guys move back here?

Oh, Tami doesn’t want to, said she’d rather have Fred see white nationalists on the TV at Bob’s than in the yard next door, and, you know, I can’t say I blame her. The neighborhood’s on the up, but block keeps getting shittier. Pop?

Maybe we should just cut our losses, move in with Bob. We can be the fucked-up Brady Bunch.

No, no, no, don’t give up yet, man. All right? Look, we sell the stuff from BornFree. That’ll carry us for a while. We’ll put the parts and the tools downstairs. Now, our only real problem are the bikes.

Can’t use my garage. It’s full of baby crap.

Yeah, we couldn’t use that anyway. You know, it’s the first place the cops would look.

The cops?

Yeah, they might come poking around.

[scoffs] Guess you’ve done this before.

Yeah, it’s in the Gallagher playbook. You get it at birth.

Your brother’s not gonna be a problem, the cop?

No, Carl wouldn’t turn on family.

[Brad] Okay.


And Steely Susan. There you go. Thank you very much. Enjoy responsibly.

I mean, with rehab, he might move his arms again one day. Who knows? He could even walk.

[Ian] I don’t get it. What’s so great about your dad walking again?

Less of a burden on the family.

What are you guys talking about?

Terry’s coming home today.

[Kev] So soon?

Don’t worry. He’s a fucking vegetable.

That’s the most I’ve heard you talk about your dad in…ever. Why do you care?

Why save a man just to dump him on his family? Like, do the world a favor. Pull the fucking plug already.

Jesus, Mick.

Being long-term sick is worse than death.

You fix that by improving services, not by killing people.

I don’t wanna pay for Terry’s wet nurse with my tax money.

You pay taxes on this weed?

Sometimes, a little bit.

Uh-huh.

It’s a lot of product, Kev.

Yeah, he almost shat himself on the way here.

I’ll feel better once we finish up the ambulance. We’re bulletproofing it and adding a safe for all this cash.

Smart, weed’s selling faster than toilet paper during quarantine.

All right, nice doing business with you, Chapo. Come on, sugar tits. We got an ambulance to pimp out.


[rock music]

Hey, Timmy. It’s me, Liam, from next door.

I know who you are.

Um, I heard about your Uncle Terry.

Not my uncle, my dad. Well, guess he’s actually my uncle and my dad.

I’m really sorry, man.

Why do you give a shit?

It’s just sad that–

Only time a man apologizes for something is if he did it or knows who did.

You know who it was? Do you?

No! I was just trying to–

[Timmy] When we find the bastard that shot Pappy Terry, he’ll be more than paralyzed. We’ll cut him up, bleed him out, grind him up, and feed him to our dogs.

[school bell rings]


[Muzak playing]

[employee] Sir–

[customer] It says right here.

Right here!

[employee] Uh, sir?

[over P.A. system] Someone from bathrooms to the living room section, please.

[customer] It says right here on the receipt, free returns for 90 days.

[employee] Uh, your purchase was made 123 days ago.

No, it wasn’t!

Sir, I can tell you used a ballpoint pen to change the three to a four.

[customer] You calling me a fucking liar now? You know what? I wanna speak to your manager.

Where is he?

[Carl] Hey, is there a problem over here? ‘Cause it looks like from over there, you’re harassing this kind and capable lady manager who’s just trying to help you out with your return.

I might’ve lost my temper.

Why don’t you take a walk and come back when you find it?

Yes, of course. [soft scoff] Thank you, Officer. … Sorry.

[employee] Mm.

Real asshole.

Not even the worst one today.

[both chuckle]

People are so on edge since the corona. Thank you for rescuing me, um…

Carl.

Tish. You kind of came out of nowhere, Carl.

Oh, no, I just came from the recliner section.

Right. Well, I can help you. Are you looking for anything in particular?

I’m looking for something comfortable but not too stuffy.

I got just the thing.

Storage arm, five-speed massage.

How much is it?

[Tish] Too much. [laughs] But I’d love to use my employee discount for you. It’s 20 percent. I owe you.

Yeah, I guess you do kind of owe me.

I could throw in my phone number too if you want it.

All right, cool.

Great.

[Tish laughs]


[Veronica] Okay, let’s do books! How many books can you count in the class?

One, good.

[children] One, two…

[Veronica] Two.

[children] …three…

[Veronica] Uh-huh.

[children] …four!

[Veronica] Four! Okay. So four. Is that it? I’ll be damned. There’s only four books in this whole room? All right, add it to the table.

[Mrs. Sugar] Good morning, class.

[children] Good morning, Mrs. Sugar!

It’s time to play our special game, and it’s your class’ turn to assign roles this week.

[children] Yay!

[Veronica] Yay! Ooh, yay! What game are we playing?

It’s our weekly active shooter drill or, as we like to call it, “Hide from the bang-bangs.” All right, who wants to be the shooter?

[children] Me! Me! Me!

I love the initiative, but remember, statistically, most mass shooters are… white boys.

Yes!

[Mrs. Sugar] Sorry, class. Accuracy is important. Now, Chris, come on. Suit up. Here, get this.

[Veronica] This can’t be real.

[Mrs. Sugar] Spin it. All right, off you go. Get in position.

Okay, who wants to be “in the bathroom” or “in the hallway”?

[Amy and Gemma] Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me!

[Mrs. Cardenas] Okay, you two, head to the bathroom.

Girls, wait for Mama. Y’all play this game every week?

[Amy] Yes, Mommy. We always win.

I don’t see how there can be any winners in this game.

Okay, ready. Here we go.

[gunshot]

[Gemma] Mama, hurry, hurry!

I’m coming! Mama’s coming! … Whoo, that kid’s gonna need a hell of a therapist!

[heavy rock music]

Clear.

Clear!

Oh, my goodness. What do I do?

[Amy and Gemma] Door!

Shields.

Honey, the bullets will go right through these. … These are where my brownie pans went?

We made shields.

[sighs] This is messed up.

I keep you safe, Mommy.


[drill whirring]

And do you wanna know the worst part of all of this?

Oh, God, not again.

I don’t know how much longer I can take this, Debs.

Do you wanna give me a safe space to vent about my relationship, or do you wanna pay my regular welding rate?

Fine.

Go ahead.

I mean, I opened up my life to Sandy: my daughter, my family, you guys…

Well, technically, she’s my cousin, and I fucked her first.

…assuming that she was doing the same thing, but she shut me out, so now I’m sitting here, butt naked, vulnerable, and heartbroken while she’s building up a goddamn border wall between the two of us.

Hey, guys. Uh, Mick, talk to you for a minute?

Yes, please.

[Debbie] I just don’t know why she would do that to me after everything that we’ve been through.

All right, so I can’t find a place to stash the bikes. I put some of the parts in my garage, but the basement’s out. Look, we gotta get the bikes off the truck and figure out a way to sell them–I need the money.

All right, I might have a spot for you, but I’ma need a finder’s fee.

On top of your cut from last night?

Gotta make that bread.

Fine, two percent.

[laughs] Ten.

Five.

Deal.

I’ll finish up the ambulance. We’ll go stash the bikes, all right?

Okay.


[Frank] That hurts.

Can I get something for the pain?

[nurse] No, we need you lucid to rule out a concussion. Know how you got here?

Not on my own free will.

A woman found you unconscious and bleeding behind a dumpster, called 911. You’re lucky. Head injuries can be serious.

Is this fine citizen gonna pay for the ambulance too, or what’s this gonna set me back?

So…how did this happen?

I hit my head.

On what?

On a…a pole. It was, like, hanging down from the side of a building.

What’s your name again?

Frank.

Frank what?

G-Gallagher.

Can you remember three words for me?

Blue, handlebar, pedestrian.

Pedestrian, like your question.

Blue, like my balls.

Handlebar. I got it.

What year is it, Frank?

About ten years after I walked into this fucking ER.

Who’s the president?

Vladimir Putin. Oh, you mean of the United States? Um… same…same answer.

What words did I ask you to remember?

I’m not-I’m not playing this game anymore. Are you–

Gonna need… gonna need to run some more tests. Strap in. It’s gonna take a while.

[ambulance siren wails in background]


[Mickey] Let’s move it. We’re late for our cash pickups.

Better late than dead.

[Sandy] Zofia! Alek! We’re here! Come on, help me get him up.

[chair lift whirring]

[whispers] Oh, fuck.

[softly ]Fuck.

[chair lift whirring]

All right.

Take this shit off my face.

[indistinct muttering, swearing]

Get this off my face.

[Milkoviches shouting indistinctly]

I got it!

[Alek] Come on, bitch, lift the fucking–just lift it.

[Sammy] I got it, okay?

Should we help?

[Zofia] Can you actually do something?

No.

[arguing continues]

[Sandy] Come on, you’re pulling on my fucking–

[Sammy] Agh!

[Sandy] I need a fucking break.

[Zofia] Ow! Fuck.

[Alek] Oh, shit.

[Sandy] We need to get him up to the fucking house.

[Alek] Hey, should we, uh… build a ramp?

[Sandy] A ramp, yeah. We need to get…

[Milkoviches arguing]

[wheelchair clattering]

Go get a ramp. We need to get him in the house.

Okay?

Yeah, it’s… weird seeing the old cripple in pain like that.

[Sammy] Here we go. Here we go!

I could walk over there right now and scoop his eyeball out with a spoon. Couldn’t do a damn thing about it.

You could do that.

Piss on him, let him air-dry, use his mouth for a fucking ashtray.

[Alek] It’s not helping. We gotta get the ramp on the stairs.

What, you wouldn’t feel the same way if it was Frank?

I don’t think I’d wish that on Frank…

[Zofia] Come on, you guys.

…or anybody, really.

Well, Frank’s not a homophobic psychopath who tortured you every day for years.

No, he’s just an emotionally abusive alcoholic who stole my money for drugs, broke my nose, tried to profit off my mania. I guess we both had shit dads.

Let’s get the fuck out of here.

Lip, you comin’?

Yep.

Hi.

Hey.

How come you haven’t returned my texts?

Uh, I’ve been a little busy.

[whispers] Fuck.

[groans] Ugh…

Who’s Royal? How long have you been married? Are you getting a divorce?

Shut the fuck up, you stinking bitches. Jesus Christ. How the fuck did I end up with a family full of faggots?

[scoffs]

Your mama liked it up the ass. That’s how.

Fuck you, dyke.

Oh, shut up, or I’ll feed you your colostomy bag.

[sighs]

I-I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Royal, but I’m-I’m handling it.

Handling it how?

Uh, I’ve got it under control.

That’s it? That’s… all you’re gonna give me?

Uh…[scoffs] Debbie, like, I can–

No, honestly, fuck that. I’m done. Have a good life with your fucking husband.

[Alek] Hey!

[laughing] Hey, ah. We can cut the legs off this, use it as a ramp.

Then where do we cut the drugs, huh, and clean the guns? Fucking eat?

Fuck!

Use your stupid brain, idiot.

Oh, fuck you, Terry. Let’s fucking leave him out here. You coming? Come on, Zofia.

Yeah, works for me.

God damn it.

[door slams]


I understand your concern.

This country is a hotbed of mass shooters. Why are we training them for free?

We’re not; we’re teaching our most vulnerable how to think quickly, act defensively in a high-stress situation.

Any kid with half a brain can learn from one of those drills how to go about shooting up a school. Twenty bucks says that Chris kid is already stockpiling.

Oh, Chris’ family are Quaker. They don’t believe in guns.

I don’t feel comfortable subjecting my girls to this kind of trauma. They are Black girls in America. At least at school, they should be safe.

Well, I’m sorry, we used our PE money to give away hot lunches during the pandemic. Can’t afford gym class, so pretending to run scared down the hallway from a crazed shooter’s the only cardio these kids are gonna get all week. It’s like what Mrs. Obama said, right? Kids gotta move.

Don’t think that’s what she meant.

Well, I’m sorry. Appreciate you coming in.

[line rings]


[rock music]

[cell phone chimes]

[knock at door]

Yo.

Love what you’ve done with the place.

Thanks. Want a beer?

Eh, no, thanks. Can I talk to you about something?

Yeah. What’s up?

I didn’t mean to do it, but I did, and now I can’t sleep, and I keep almost telling the wrong people about it, dangerous people.

Okay.

[sighs] Terry, from next door? That was my bullet, from the gun you gave me.

No way! You shot that fucking racist? Outstanding.

It doesn’t feel outstanding. Feels like I have to pay for it somehow, rend my own flesh.

Oh, rend your what?

Penance.

Look, young gun. You did what none of us could do. You saw a problem on the block and took it into your own hands to solve it. Proud of you. But you should probably get rid of that gun and bulk up a little bit, just in case.


[rock music]

[Mickey] Yo, Kev. How much you want to let us take over Kev-Fit for a couple days?


We can stash the bikes in here till you find some buyers.

You’re cool letting us use your gym?

Am I cool renting out the space for a few friends? Yeah. Only had five paying customers return after quarantine. Rudy tore his ass muscle, so now it’s four. Besides, I don’t know what you’re gonna do with it.

Stash stolen bikes.

[emphatically] I don’t know what you’re gonna do with it.

How much?

Five percent.

Deal.

[whistles]

Unbelievable.

Think you’ll at least break even?

Get used to it. It’s a whole new world, Lip. Every man for himself after COVID.

[lighter flicking]

[Mickey chuckles]


[upbeat Latin music playing over speakers]

Hey.

Just set your stuff down over there.

Cool. I’m Debbie.

The hot lesbian convict handywoman. I know. Like I said, over there.

Okay. Ex-convict, actually. I just got my ankle bracelet off.

Congratulations. That calls for a drink on the house. Hey, Haley, why don’t we, uh, get her one of those local IPAs? Hey. Calista.

Debbie.

I didn’t know gay bars were coming to the South Side.

Yeah, well, uh, Logan Square’s getting too crowded, and… Boystown’s gotten too loud.

[Debbie] Ha.

You’re not gonna throw a brick through my window or weld my door shut, are you? ‘Cause I heard people around here don’t love outsiders.

As long as you’re not a CrossFit bro or a yogi, we welcome all queer transplants. So what can I do for you?

Right, um, I was hoping you could put this up.

[laughs] Subtle.

Yeah. It was either pussycat or the rainbow flag.

Good choice.


Two cheeseburger combos with fries, supersized, two frozen daiquiris, two pies, and a scoop of ice cream.

[Tish] Wow. [chuckles] You supersized them?

This cop paycheck ain’t gonna spend itself.

God, it’s so cool that you’re so young and you have, like, a real-person job.

[Carl laughs]

[Tish] Do you get benefits?

Even vision. I’ve got 20/20, so it doesn’t really matter, but if I ever need glasses, I got the hookup.

I wear contacts, and they are expensive. You ever get shot?

I get shot at all the time. I guess I’ve just gotten lucky so far.

Ever seen a dead body?

Lots, but that’s just growing up on the South Side.

Mm.

You from here?

Born and raised. Why did you become a cop?

I just wanted to keep an eye on the neighborhood.

Then there’s the pension, right? I feel a lot safer knowing Officer Carl is out there, keeping the streets safe, supersizing meals.

I’m just happy to be of service, ma’am.


What are we doing here? We’re supposed to be making a delivery in Bronzeville.

Gonna take a shit.

Since when do you come home to take a…shit!

Hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, come on. It’s not worth it.

Don’t even think about it, faggots.

[Mickey] Shut the fuck up.

Keep your hands off me, or I’ll shoot you dead. … What are you staring at, dipshit?

Mick, pause. Think about it. Is he worth it?

[Terry] Your old man’s a cripple. Easiest target you’ll ever get. Bet you still miss.

[trigger cocks]

[Ian] Fuck.

[Terry] Go on, do it. You’d be doing me a favor, pussy.

[breathing shakily]

[whimpering]

What the fuck was that?

Nothing.


[rock music playing over speakers]

[Letty] There he is.

[Frank] Hey.

Letty. From last night. … Monica?

[stammering]

Yes, of course. Whoa. You’re a sight for sore eyes. You will not believe the day I have had. Drink? Barkeep! Beer for me and the lady. Put it on my tab.

You don’t have a tab.

Well, then start one. Sure, Frank, why don’t I just wipe my ass with some Benjamins while I’m at it?

[customer] Is your weed locally grown?

[Kev] Sure is. Organic and free-range. Let me give you a tour.

Frank, honey, you okay?

I bumped my head.

Aw. Poor baby. Do you want me to kiss it where it hurts?


[chuckles]

[R&B music playing over speakers]

Oh, wow, that looks great.

Yeah, thanks.

Thank you.

Mm-hmm.

Come to our opening tonight. Bring your girlfriend if she’s free.

Not really sure.

If she’s free?

If I have a girlfriend.

Do tell.

God, where to start? Okay. Uh, so I just found out that she’s fucking married… to a guy. I have no idea how she met this guy, how long they’ve been together, if she’s still seeing him. I mean, it’s not like I haven’t asked. All I do is ask. She just won’t give me any answers.

Dude. You think she’s straight and just experimenting?

Maybe love is just impossible.

Yeah, agreed.

[chuckles]

You know Haley. That’s my ex… wife– ex-wife. Tell you a secret?

Yeah.

I, uh…hired you to make her jealous.

You wanna give her something to make her lose her mind about?


Hey, did you hear BornFree got broken into last–What are you doing?

 Rearranging some stuff.

Rearranging boxes I’ve never seen before with the BornFree logo on them?

Brad and I broke in.

What the fuck? Why?

Because I’m-I’m fucking tired, Tami. All right? I worked my ass off to make this home for us, and now some hipsters are gonna move in? You know, Milton gets to cash in on my work, and I get to go live with Bob? A-and Brad sells BornFree to some douchebags who think a hog is just a large pig, and I get fired, and I just… I just-I needed to do something. All right? I-I needed to fix something.

And if you get caught and go to jail, what is that gonna fix for Fred?

I’m sorry. Okay? I get it. I fucked up.

Yeah. [laughing] Oh, you did.

I been thinking, you know, and-and I can make it right. Okay? The-the house part. We can’t go back to mine. The Milkoviches are a ticking time bomb, right? So we leave. Okay? All of us, the Gallaghers. We sell the house, all right? W-we each take our share, and you and I can use that to get our own place.

You think your family would go for it?

All right, maybe it’s time we make gentrification our friend. All right? We… we cash in.


[upbeat music]

[Ian sighs]

Long fucking day.

Gotta get over to The Alibi, help your brother unload those bikes.

[Terry] Motherfuckers, get me into the house! It’s gonna rain out here!

Shut the fuck up!

[Terry] Fuck you!

Would you take care of me if I was paralyzed?

Yeah. Yeah. You’d make a great RealDoll. Top you whenever I wanted.

Asshole.

[Terry] Come and get me, you ungrateful shits!

[rock music]

Be right back.

[Terry] What the fuck you want?

Shut it!

Ouch!

Aw, your drugs wearing off?

You’re fucking clumsy. That’s the fucking problem.

Get out and help me push, tough guy.

[Terry] Egh.

[wheelchair thuds]

Oh, God.

Can I help?

Fuck no! Stop looking at me. … Don’t drop me, limp wrist.

Charming.

[both grunting]

I got the door. It’s locked.

Think we’ve done enough.

Fuck you very much.

That was big of you.

He’s an asshole. I wanna be better than that.

Hey. You are so much better than that.


[rock music]

[Veronica] Please tell Alderman Jenkins that I expect a callback today. He’s got me canvassing the whole of the South Side. The least he can do is help me with this. All right, thank you.

Hey, babe. How was class mom day?

Did you know that they are running active shooter drills at that school?

Yeah, I talked to the girls about it last night. I gave them our brownie pans so they could use it as shields. How’d that work out?

It did not work out. We hid in a bathroom for half an hour. I had to turn away some kid who was trying to get in there for shelter. He got pretend shot out there and had to act like he was dead, Kev. Dead.

Sounds kind of fun.

It wasn’t. I spent my whole day trying to put an end to those drills– What’s that?

I’m cleaning out Kev-Fit. Some people just left some old, sweaty equipment before the quarantine.

What kind of stuff?

Oh, jump rope, weights, some basketballs.

[rock music playing over speakers]

Kev, we can use this to bring gym class back for the girls. You think anyone’ll miss it?

Members got ‘rona and died, V. I don’t think anybody’s coming back for it.

Yes, this is good. I can use this. And now all I gotta do is get Black folks moving back into the neighborhood. Black folks don’t shoot up schools. When Mikaela has a problem with Laquon, she knows she gotta go to his mama’s house, handle it there. White folks are the only ones running around with AR-15s strapped to their chest. Guns should’ve been outlawed hundreds of years ago.

Machine guns, yeah.

All guns. What’s anyone need a gun for?

Protection.

Kev?

What?


Well, well, well. What do we have here? Holy shit. … It’s the end of an era, my worthy foe. I admit, I wish you had fallen by my sword, but an act of God will have to do.

[groans]

[softly] Shoot me.

Did you say something?

I said shoot me.

I’d share with you, but I don’t know how you drink now. Probably a sippy cup, eh? … Do not go gently into that good night. You know what that means? It’s Welsh for “giving up is for pussies.” I never took you for a coward, Terry. A racist, yeah. Stinking redneck, definitely. But a coward… that’s new. … We had some good days, though, running the South Side, battling over territory, the Milkoviches versus the Gallaghers.

[Terry] Yeah, it was a goddamn saga.

[Frank] For the history books. I guess the least I could do… is a mercy killing. May you go with dignity. … Nah.

[rock music]

I just don’t like you that much. … Have a good night.

[laughs]

Fucking Gallaghers.


[Sandy] Debs.

Can we talk?

[melancholy rock music]

Scram. … Come on, fuck off.

♫ Here we are ♫

♫ We had a ball ♫

♫ Are you having fun… ♫

I do wanna tell you things. It’s not that I don’t. It’s just… some things, I really don’t like to think about.

Okay.

When I met Royal… Can you turn around?

Hmm?

Can you turn around? I think this might be easier if I don’t have to look at your face.

Okay.

Just… [clears throat]

♫ Here I go ♫

[sighs]

When I met Royal, I was 15… in a tight spot. I mean, you know my family. You get it. [chuckles] And he offered me a better life, so I said yes. We got married. I tried to make it work. I-I really fucking did, but… I had to get out. So I’ve been going from car to couch ever since. And no matter how shitty things are, at least I know I never have to be with that fucker again. So you don’t have to worry. There’s…nothing going on.

I love you.

What?

I love you.

Shit. I think I might love you too.


[Tish] Wow. I love your place. [chuckles] And the recliner.

[chuckles]

Great choice.

Oh.

Your benefit package is huge.

[both giggle]

[Tish] Mm.

[disquieting rock music]

Hang on. Let me find a condom first.

Oh, it’s okay. I don’t need it. Honestly, it feels so much better without it.

I know, for me too, trust me, but… I just have this one rule.

[Tish] Come on. Officer, it’s not that big a deal. Look, I do it all the time. I never got pregnant. Just-just pull out.

[Tish] Mm, mm.

[laughter]

It would be so hot if I could really feel you inside me right…

[Carl] Oh. Oh, shit.

[Tish moaning]

[Carl sighs]


I had a really nice time.

Uh…yeah. [chuckles]

I’d love to do this again.

Yeah. [chuckles]

Tomorrow?

Sure.

Great. It’s a date. I’ll cook.

[chuckles]

Bye.

Bye.

What’s the matter, Carl? You couldn’t get it up?

No, I came.

You couldn’t make her come?

[Carl] No.

[Frank] Happens to the best of us. The female anatomy is a wondrous mystery.

It’s really not.

[Carl] Something weird happened with that girl. Her name was Tish.

Yeah, that is weird, man.

Shut up. I wanna hear this.

She didn’t wanna use a condom, but I did. You know, I tried to put one on anyway, but she was all over me, kissing, grabbing. And then when I was ready, I tried to pull out, but she wrapped her legs so tight and wouldn’t let me, and… I-I don’t know what happened. I…guess… she did it with me. I-I don’t know. It’s hard to explain.

No, it’s not. She raped you.

What? No, I wanted to have sex.

Well, did you wanna have sex with her without a condom?

No.

[Debbie] Did you tell her that?

Yeah.

And she ignored that boundary.

I guess.

You’re lucky you got to raw-dog her, son. Most women carry their own condoms these days.

[Lip] Hey!

[Debbie] Hey.

Good, I was, uh, hoping to catch you all home.

[Ian] Yo.

We wanted to talk to y’all about something.

[Debbie] You pregnant?

No. Um, we wanted–

[Ian] You’re dying.

No, just…hold on. Jesus Christ, could we just have a, uh, family meeting? All right?

How long is it gonna take? I’m fucking starving, Lip.

We, uh… we were thinking we wanna sell the house. You know, I mean this house, the, uh…the Gallagher house. You know, if we fix it up a little bit, like Tami and I did with Milton’s, uh, we could make a nice profit. We’d each take our share, and, uh, you know, we could… get on with our lives.

[elevated train rattling in background]

Fuck that. Good idea, but no way. You’re not selling my house.

[Ian] We’re in.

[all arguing]

[Ian] It’s not your house.

[arguing continues, muffled]

[pensive guitar music]

“My name is Frank Gallagher. I live at 2119 Wallace…”

Dementia?

♫ Anywhere with my heart ♫

♫ Only small things hurt ♫

♫ All the small things live ♫

♫ Places you can’t stay ♫

♫ I say you fooled it all ♫


[phones ringing] [indistinct chatter]

Can I help you?

Yeah, yeah. I’m here to report a sexual assault.

[sighs] Another woman falls prey to the patriarchy. What’s her name?

Uh…Carl…uh, Carl.


♫ Ah, the good ole days ♫

♫ Hey, Dr. Mantis ♫

♫ My brain’s not quite together ♫

♫ I’ve got just the thing ♫

♫ Gonna make it all quite better ♫

♫ Remember, ah ah ♫

♫ The good ole days ♫

♫ Remember, ah ah ♫

♫ The good ole days ♫

♫ Remember, ah ah ♫

♫ The good ole days ♫

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