It’s a Sin – Episode 2 – Transcript

December 1983. When an old friend, Gloria, asks Jill for a strange favour, Jill becomes trapped in a world of lies as the shadow of AIDS gets closer.
It's a Sin (TV series)

December 1983. Despite education outreach by AIDS activists, Ritchie remains in denial and spreads conspiracy theories and AIDS denialism. An old friend, Gloria, hides after falling ill and asks Jill to secretly buy his groceries. Jill struggles as she worries the illness is infectious and starts to over clean and sanitise. Gloria’s illness gets worse and his hostile family brings him back to Glasgow, where he soon dies. Colin is sexually harassed by his boss on a trip to New York and is subsequently fired after his boss sees publications on AIDS that Jill had requested. Jill tries but fails to get the men to realise the risks of casual sex.

* * *

(waves lapping) (gulls cawing)

♪ One voice ♪

♪ Singing in the darkness ♪

♪ Joining with your one voice ♪

♪ Each and every note another octave ♪

♪ Hands are joined and fears unlocked, ♪

♪ If only one voice ♪

♪ Would start it on its own ♪

♪ We need just one voice ♪

♪ Facing the unknown ♪

♪ And then that one voice ♪

♪ Would never be alone ♪

♪ It takes that one voice ♪

First you wanna be an actor, then you wanna be Barry Manilow and you know what they say about him.

Who ends up paying for it all, eh? Muggins here.

It’s like Richie said, we’re only doing it to get an Equity Card.

That’s how it works, if you can prove enough work with an Equity contract, you get a card.

Now, I don’t understand why it’s so hard to join.

Thank God for Maggie, she made a pledge, she’s gonna stop all this union stuff.

I know, good for her, just wish she’d hurry up.

Well, what’s it all for?

So you can end up in Birmingham Rep saying, “Anyone for tennis?”

All right, you’ve made your point.

What, so I can’t even speak now, eh?

Is that, is that it? Shall I just shut up?

What do they say about Barry Manilow?

Your father says he’s queer, which is ridiculous.

The ladies love him.

Right, I’ve gotta get this signed, or it doesn’t count.

Might take a while, yeah.

Actually, if I do end up in Birmingham Rep, I’ll be happy, because I’ll be working and that’s all I want.


Well, that’s me told.

It’s a shame you can’t stay for Christmas, Jill.

You can’t go back to London, not after the bomb.

No, I’ll go straight home. My Mum does a great Christmas.

All right.

All the same, you’re very welcome to stay.

You two, you spend so much time together.

I think that Ritchie’s gonna miss you.

We’re not a couple though.

I’ve told you, we’re really not.

Oh. (laughs)

I saw you. Singing a love song.

I know it’s acting.

Well, I’m hardly an expert, but… well, from the little I can gather, good acting is when it’s true, isn’t it?

(lively dance music)

(gulls cawing)

(heavy breathing)

[Man] Oh, slow down.

I haven’t got long. My Dad’s up there with the car.

Well, we can meet tomorrow. There’s a party on the beach.

I can’t. I’ve gotta get back.

Back where?


I thought you lived up the hill?

I do.

Well, I did, that’s my family. I live in London.

I’d better get back.

Come on, let’s finish off.

No, I’m fine, I better go.

What happened? What did I do?

Nothing. Just…




Oh, my God, don’t be so stupid!

It’s Americans you don’t sleep with, not Londoners, Americans!

There’s nothing wrong with boys from London!

(“Love Will Tear Us Apart” by Joy Division)

♪ When routine bites hard ♪

♪ And ambitions are low ♪

♪ And resentment rides high ♪

♪ But emotions won’t grow ♪

You look really nice.

♪ And we’re changing our ways ♪

♪ Taking different roads ♪

[All] La!

Oh, you look lovely.

Gregory’s outside, he’s waiting.

See you later.

[Jill] Roscoe, don’t get in trouble.

[Roscoe] Moi?

(car horn honking)

Look at you, Rosalind, very nice.

I’ve decided, in honor of the big day, I’m not gonna charge you petrol.

Oh, thank you very much.

(gentle music)

How far is she gone now?

Five months.

[Gloria] Naughty boy.

What’s he like, is he handsome?

Don’t know.

(gentle music)

(upbeat dance music)


♪ And now it’s true ♪

♪ Gonna get along in spite of you ♪

♪ Don’t want to hear your alibis ♪


♪ Don’t want your part time compromise ♪

See you then.


Bedroom’s free.

Who was he?

[Roscoe] Dunno.

(faucet running)

[Colin] Don’t you even know his name?

Have you ever had sex?


[Roscoe] When?



Question, have you got a passport?

No, sorry.

Well, it takes three to four months, so you’ve got time if you apply straightaway.

We’ve booked three days from Sunday, the 8th of July.

What for?

New York.

You’re going to New York!

Um, but why?

The Honorable Clement Bridger is a long-standing customer and he’s removed himself to New York and he needs fittings for a number of winter suits, which requires Mr Hart.

And his assistant.

But, New York? (chuckles)

Is it expensive?

Well, no, we pay! (chuckles)

Oh, Colin, you are funny!

It’s all on expenses. Hard work though.

Don’t go thinking it’s a little jolly.

You’re there to do exactly what Mr Hart says.

(clock ticking)

I’d give anything to go to New York!

You’re such a bloody misery! What is the problem?

He’s the boss. He’s a bit creepy.

For God sake, Gladys Pew!

I’d suck him off to get to New York!

You’d suck him off to get to Ealing Broadway.


I would! Sexual Ealing!

Just be careful, though. You know what they say, don’t sleep with anyone out there.


Oh, yeah, ’cause Gladys never stops!

You sex machine!

The virgin from the valley!

Only you would go to the one place in the world where you can’t have sex.

(upbeat dance music)


♪ La ♪


[Pete] Can I leave those with you?

Oh, for God Sake, don’t be so stupid!

Grizzle, he’s doing it again! We’re being victimized.

You should read this stuff.

Oh, for the last time, get out and take these sodding things with ya!

Look, I just wanna leave ’em on the bar.

I’m not causing trouble.

You wouldn’t say that shit about straight people.

Roscoe, get him out.

Come on, we’re trying to earn a living,

This stuff’s gonna drive people away.

It’s all true, every word of it.

Listen, my father preaches Armageddon every Sunday afternoon, and every Monday morning, I wake up, still alive.


Do you see? It’s not fair!

Every time we go out, it’s this shit.

The whole thing is a pack of lies.

No, but that man, Pete, he said he met this man, who said he was-

Oh, he said, she said, they said.

They’re always saying something, but do you wanna know the truth?

Do you know what it really is, AIDS?

It’s a racket, it’s a money-making scheme for drugs companies.

Do you seriously think there’s an illness that only kills gay men?

It can calculate that you’re gay and kill you, but no one else?

Hm, what about bisexuals, do they only get sick every other day?

And they say it’s a cancer, but you can’t catch cancer.

Cancer is not a thing that can get caught.

It’s not like a cold or a cough, it’s cancer.

It doesn’t transmit.

Just imagine it, gay cancer. How is a cancer gay?

I mean, what does it look like? Is it pink?

Where is it? Is it in the wrists?

I mean, for God’s sake.

You get all these stories and all these rumors and all these nightmares, because that’s what they want you to think, that lot.

They wanna scare us and stop us having sex and make us really boring, basically because they can’t get laid.

That’s the truth.

‘Cause according to them, how does it work, this AIDS thing?

Okay, they say it’s spread by poppers.

They say it arrived from outer space on a comet.

And they say that God created it to strike us dead!

(thunder claps)

They say it was created in a laboratory to kill us.

(beaker shatters)

They say it’s the Russians.

(soldiers marching)

They say we got it from the jungle.

(ape shrieks)

They say it’s caused by friction!


They say it’s in the spunk.

They say Freddie Laker spread it, when he introduced cheap flights.

They say there’s one patient zero spreading it wherever he goes.

(shouts) Woo!

They say it affects homosexuals, Haitians and hemophiliacs, like there’s a disease which has targeted the letter H.

Who’s it gonna get next?

People from Hartlepool and Hampshire and Hull?

Don’t you see what all of these things have got in common?

They’re not true!

And how do I know?

How do I know it’s not true?

Because I’m not stupid! Which means…

(energetic dance music)

I don’t believe it.

♪ That you’re really something baby ♪

I don’t believe it!

♪ Will you stay or will you go away ♪

♪ Don’t go away ♪

I don’t believe a word of it!

Now hit me with those lasers, please!

♪ Good lovin’ on ya ♪

♪ What will it cost me baby ♪

♪ What will you ♪

(bus rumbling)

(bell dings)

[Gloria] Ding, ding, all aboard!

Hey, Gloria, nice uniform!

The joys of nylon.

One spark and I’ll go up like a Buddhist monk.

So, are you gonna be there? Ritchie’s big day.

Ritchie Tozer’s 21st.

There’ll be such a queue, legal at last.

Excuse me, can we move on now, please?

Keep your hair on, Shirley Williams.

Hold tight, girls!

(bell dings)

See you Saturday, Bill.

[Jill] See you, Glo!


(energetic music)

Tell you what, I haven’t seen Gloria. Is he here?

No, I don’t think so.

He said he was coming. Maybe he’s working late.

He might have a shift on the night bus.

Did you see Gloria last night?

No, I haven’t seen him for ages.

Not like her to miss a party.

He always disappears.

He’ll have found some bloke, and he’ll come crawling back.

Same old story.

(bell dinging)



I’m looking for Jill Baxter.

Jill Baxter?

(soft music)

(man grunting)

It’s your brother, he called the office, said it was an emergency.

That’s his number. It sounded quite urgent.

He said it was about someone called Gloria.

Okay, thanks. I’ll phone him.

(anxious music)

(phone dialing)

Hello, it’s Jill. Who’s this?

[Gloria] Well, that took you long enough, I wish to God that you lot would get a phone.

I’m missing my class.

What’s all this stuff about a brother?

[Gloria] I haven’t been very well.

I just need someone to go shopping.

Why? What’s wrong with you?

[Gloria] Can you just say yes or no?

Well, of course I will. I’ll come round tonight.

I’ll bring the boys.

[Gloria] No, don’t tell anyone, okay?

Don’t tell that lot, I mean it.

I swear to God, don’t tell anyone.

Why not?

[Gloria] I don’t want anyone to know.

That’s why I phoned you.




Come on. Are you there?


Just keep your distance.

Close the door.

I’m not infectious, I’m absolutely not.

You’re perfectly safe.

But I need milk and bread and food and stuff.

I’ve wrote a list. It’s there with my card.

If you could just go shopping and bring it back for me.

Okay, but I’m not doing anything until you tell me what’s wrong.

They said it was tuberculosis.

Oh my God, that’s infectious! You let me walk inside?

No, but it stopped. I’m getting better.

I had this cough and it stopped.

Look at me, am I coughing? No.

I’m a lot better than I was.

So, what did the doctor say?

They took me into hospital.

And they gave me this questionnaire, and I was, like, “What’s this for?”

They said, “It’s for people like you.”


And it asked about, you know, medical history and place of birth and… it said sexual preference.

And then it said… there was a question that said… have you ever had sex with animals?


[Gloria] Have you ever had sex with animals?

I don’t understand.

It said in the questionnaire, “Have you ever had sex with animals?”

[Jill] But why?

They don’t think that it’s tuberculosis.

[Jill] Then, what is it?


What do you think it is?

What do you think it is?


But I’m getting better, and you don’t get better from AIDS do ya?

I don’t know.

Well you don’t, you die. And I’m getting better.

They say that AIDS is a cancer and I haven’t got cancer.

But the I and the D stand for immune deficiency, and that could be tuberculosis, is that right?

But, caused by cancer,

the deficiency happens when you get cancer, doesn’t it?

Does it?

[Gloria] I don’t know.

I don’t think anyone knows.

And what’s it got to do with animals?

I don’t know.

Someone told me this story.

There was a production of Seven Brides for Seven Brothers in Chicago.

And all seven brothers are dead.

Is that true?

I just like the idea of seven brothers fucking each other.

The point is, they let you go home, so you can’t be that bad.

I discharged myself.


But they didn’t try to stop me, so how infectious is that?

All I need to do is keep getting better.

He gave me the drugs, and I’ve got a letter saying it’s tuberculosis, so that means I can have four weeks off work.

If I can use those four weeks to get better and shake it off, then I’ll be fine.

If you help me.

What do you want me to do?

Just this. Just shop and things.

You can pop into work and get my sick pay.

You can leave things on the table.

You don’t have to come anywhere near me, just in case.

But… please don’t tell anyone.

We could all help though.

I’ll get sacked if word gets out.

They sack people for being gay, never mind AIDS.

[Jill] Let me tell Roscoe, he’s your mate.

Roscoe talks.

He talks and talks and talks, and I don’t want anyone to know, because I’m not…

Not what?

A slut.


(upbeat music)


♪ What you’re doing to me yeah ♪

♪ What you’re doing to me yeah. ♪

♪ You leave me dry ♪

♪ You leave me dry ♪

♪ I say give me baby all your loving. ♪

♪ I say give me baby all your loving. ♪

♪ Oh now take a little time out for me baby ♪

♪ Oh do me do me do me ♪

♪ Give me more, ♪

♪ Now give me more more more more more yeah ♪

♪ Now give me more more more more more yeah ♪

♪ Now give me more more more more more yeah ♪

♪ Now give me more more more more more yeah ♪

♪ Give me baby ♪

♪ Give me baby baby ♪

♪ All your lovin’ ♪

♪ All your lovin’ ♪

♪ I said give me baby baby ♪

♪ Give me baby baby ♪

♪ All your lovin’ ♪

♪ All your lovin’ ♪

♪ Oh now take a little time ♪

♪ Take it take it time ♪

♪ Ooh do me do me do me ♪

♪ Give me give me more ♪

♪ Now give me more more more more more yeah ♪

Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh! Back, back back!

♪ More more more yeah ♪

♪ Now give me more more more more more yeah ♪

(door opens and closes)



Where you been?

Well, big surprise.

We were heading back from Pamela Tanner’s.

Oh, she’s having a party next Saturday, said we can all come.

And guess who we bumped into, long time no see?


Oh, my God.


Hiya, Bill.

He’s been ill. That’s why we haven’t seen him.

He’s been sick as a dog. We caught him in the street, and we said, “Come back and have a laugh.”

That’s what he needs.

My first time out.

I just needed sunlight, found myself walking.

And I feel good, I do, I really do.

[Roscoe] Which means we’ve got Gloria Monday literally in sick transit.

A joke which none of you are gonna get.

So, what was wrong with you?

I had a cold, which got worse. But I’m better now.

The man on the phone said, “We don’t give out Equity Cards to someone who sings in a pub.”

And I said, “Oh, I’m far more than that.”

My voice went all grand, I said, “I love it.”

I said, “I’m born for this.”

But he said, “Well, I’m gonna have to check these contracts, ’cause what happens is venues get sent a booklet of Equity contracts, but if your mate’s with the boss, you can get a few signed on the sly.”

So I said, “Are you accusing me of cheating?”

And then he started blustering, but that’s what he meant, calling me a liar.

I’m a bit knackered to be honest.

I’ll get a taxi on the main road.

Oh, money bags! Look after yourself.

I’m feeling a lot better now, I really am.

Glad to hear it. See you soon.

I’ll come round one day, yeah?

Yeah, that’d be nice.

Bye then.

[Roscoe] La!


Thing is, his Dad’s the money bags.

He’s in the tax office, apparently, they’ve got a really nice house in a posh bit of Glasgow.

So, what happened?

What do you think?

Gloria ends up in a council flat, ’cause he’s a friend of Dorothy.

Bunch of bastards.


(anxious music)

(faucet running)

(uneasy music)

(mug shattering)

[Doctor] How’s it been?

Any sickness or headaches? Have you put on weight?

No, I’ve been fine.

It’s not like I need the pill, to be honest, but you never know. (laughs)

I live in hope.


I wanted to ask, have you got any… I just thought I’d ask while I’m here, I was wondering if you had any information about AIDS?

[Doctor] What would you want that for?

I just wanna know.

You know, any official facts.

[Doctor] Well, it doesn’t affect you.

I know.

[Doctor] It literally doesn’t affect you.

I know, but friends of mine, I just wanna help.

Have you got anything, any booklet?

Why would I?

I don’t understand what you mean.

Why on earth would I have anything to do with that?

Are we done?



We’re only going for three days, but Mr. Hart says I need a different suit for every day.

He says, “It may be the New World, but we still have standards.”

He actually calls it the New World.

Yeah, I was wondering, I got this list, there’s all these gay bookshops and things in New York.

I thought, if you could pop in and take a look.

I’m going there to work. I’m not shopping.

I just need some help.

I’m trying to find stuff about AIDS.

What for?

Because there are boys dying all over the world from sex, and I wanna know why.

But no one knows, Colin, no one really knows.

No one knows anything.

And there’s nothing in the library, there’s nothing on TV, there’s nothing in this entire country.

There’s no information anywhere.

We’ve got this great big killer disease and it’s happening in silence.

But it’s bigger in America. It’s more advanced.

So here’s 20 quid.

Go to those bookshops and anything you can find, buy it for me, okay?

(upbeat music)

Oh, don’t, it’s breaking my heart.

Our little girl’s flying the nest!

Send us a postcard.

I’ll be back by Wednesday!

Remember now, don’t touch the boys.

No yanking the Yanks.

(upbeat music)


(car horns honking)

(energetic music)


I was a lad, brought here by Sir Nicholas St. Laine.

He needed a new suit, because he had a special game of poker planned for the Friday night.

A new suit for a game of cards.

And we made it with Brooks Brothers in five days flat.

And let me tell you, we stayed in a better class of hotel back then.

Ah, room 218. That’s you.

Oh, 209. Right opposite.

Well, I’ll leave you to your own devices tonight.

I’ll be dining with the Bridges.

But don’t wander. Busy day tomorrow.

Breakfast at 7:00 sharp.


Thank you, sir.

(upbeat dance music)

♪ Spread yourself over me like peanut butter ♪

♪ Come on spread yourself over me like peanut butter ♪

(siren wailing)

[Ash] Too late, here she is.

Oh, my God, I was tidying!

This is her.



Stellar, say hello to your Uncle Roscoe.

That’s amazing!

That is not true. She’s not yours, you stole her.

Do you want a cup of tea?

Oh, I’d love one, thanks. No sugar.

I’m supposed to be losing weight.


Okay, give us a minute.

Here, take her.



There you go.

(baby babbles)

Careful, hold her head.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.


There, that’s it.

There we are.


I don’t believe it.

You can’t have a baby, you’re just a kid yourself.

Ruben’s at the football. I’ve got ages.

He won’t even know I’m gone.

It’s our little secret, Stellar.

Has anyone said Stella doesn’t have an R on the end?

Stella with an R on the end is a word.

But the name, Stella doesn’t have an R.

It’s just Stella with an A.

It ends in an A. That’s how you spell it.

Not if you spell it with an R.

But it doesn’t have an R!

I like Stellar with an R!

Well, don’t say I didn’t say.

She’s my baby and if I want Stellar with an R, then that’s that!

All right, I’ve said it, I’m done!

Can’t you just be happy for me?

Shut up!

How’s Mum? How’s things?

Yeah, she’s…

She’s all right. She’s…

Well, she’s got Aunty Bea and Aunty Bumasola moving in.

They’re gonna live in your room and my room so she’s not on her own.

What do you mean?

Where’s Dad?

He’s going back to Lagos.

And then he’s traveling up north to Sokoto.

But what for? It’s the fucking Dark Ages out there!

Sorry, Stellar, but it is.

He needs a cause, he needs… he needs comfort, he needs help.

(Stellar cries)

Why, what’s wrong with him?


It’s because of us.

We’ve broke his heart, Roscoe.

I got pregnant, you got bent.

And he walks around all day in despair.

So, it’s our fault?

Yeah, well, good riddance.

(intense electronic music)

♪ Looking out a dirty old window ♪

♪ Down below the cars in the city go rushing by ♪

♪ I sit here alone and I wonder why ♪

♪ Friday night and everyone’s moving ♪

♪ I can feel the heat but it’s soothing heading down ♪

(car horns honking)

♪ I search for the beat in this dirty town ♪

♪ Downtown the young ones are going ♪

♪ Downtown the young ones are growing ♪

♪ We’re the kids in America ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ We’re the kids in America ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ Everybody live for the music go around ♪

♪ Bright lights the music gets faster ♪

♪ Look boy don’t check on your watch not another glance ♪

♪ I’m not leaving now honey ♪


Oh, Colin!

The wine was a gift.

And rather expensive.

But I don’t want to carry it home in my suitcase,

so, it would be rude not to share.

(anxious music)

Did you have a nice night?


[Mr. Hart] Did you eat?



Build yourself up. There could be a little bit more of you.

(cork pops) Oh!

Will you join me?

I’m all right.

[Mr. Hart] I insist.

I shouldn’t though.

Who’s in charge?

Huh? (chuckles)


(glasses clink)



You need to be aware of stains.

Did you get hot water?

Oh, it takes a while for the pipes in these old buildings.

I had to stand there, waiting, naked, for 10 minutes.

But then, I got a good hot steam.

It’s important to be clean, don’t you think?

What’s your ritual, Colin?

Shower, or bath?

I like a shower.

So you smell clean?

Do you?

Do you smell clean?

I suppose.

Let me see.

Come and sit over here.

I’m okay.

Oh, come on.

Come on, huh.

All boys together.

Come and sit with me.

Better get some sleep.

Muldoon’s, seven o’clock.

Yes, sir.

Goodnight, then.


(door opens and closes)


Only me!

Didn’t know if you wanted me to keep on coming, but I made some lasagna.

Who are you?

Oh, I’m sorry. I’m Gregory’s friend.

How’d you get a key?

She’s the one with the food, obviously.

He did say.

We’ve got him now, so.. you can leave the key there, thank you.

She’s wearing rubber gloves.

Where’s Gregory?

Is he all right?

Why is she wearing rubber gloves?

I said, you can go now, thanks.

Dad, should we be wearing rubber gloves or what?

Christ! Will you stop going on, Irene?

How do I know?

We’re taking him home.

Oh, my God, are you all right?

[Father] What, are you a doctor?

[Jill] No.

Well, do us a favor, eh? Keep out of it.

We’ve gotta hit the road.

My Dad and my Sister.

They’re taking me back to Glasgow.

But is that what you want?


What about Roscoe?

Don’t you wanna say goodbye? I can go and get him.

Don’t tell him, Jill. Please, don’t tell him.

Don’t you say a word about my son to anybody.

You understand that? Have you got that?

Not one word.

[Sister] I just want to know, right, should we be wearing rubber gloves?

Will you stop squawking? Find out!

Do some work for once in your life! Find out!

And you!

Thank you.

For nothing!

For encouraging him.

We’re done, aye?

The key?

I made some food.

Fuck off!

[Roscoe] Guess what! Ritchie’s got news!

It’s really seriously fantastic!

Oh, not now.

Can it wait?

No, but, guess what.

Go on, just guess what arrived.

Boys, I’m knackered–

No! You listen to him.

No. (chuckles)

Come see! Come and see!

[Ritchie] Jill Baxter, what could this be?

Oh, no.


First post, 9:00 a.m. I was screaming!

We’re members of Equity!


Woo! (whistles)


You’re gonna be superstars!

Oh, sugar, don’t be daft!

Look at us, we did it! We’re proper actors.

What is it? What’s wrong?


Well, this is good news, isn’t it?

I saw Gloria.

He’s going home.

I mean, for good.

What do you mean?

He’s going back to Glasgow.

He never said. When’s he going?

Now. I mean, he’s gone.

Don’t go round, ’cause he won’t be there.

I saw him on the street and he said goodbye.


I thought he hated Glasgow, the way he talked about his parents.

Sod it. Don’t go on about him.

He was someone we knew, that’s all.

He couldn’t hack it.

That’s what London does. It’s tough.

So what?

He’s walked off owing me 10 quid.

Thanks very much, Gloria, bye.

Did you…

Did you ever go out with him?

Did you sleep with him?

No, thanks.

What about you?

Oh, he’s too old! He’s 30.

[Roscoe] He’s 34.


He was there that night, the general election.

The general erection.

[Ritchie] He just had a wank in the corner.

We were having Bobbie McCreadie.

God, you all had each other.

When I’m desperate.

[Ritchie] Oh, you’re begging for it.

You beg for me, boy.

[Ash] I don’t beg. I just wanked.

Don’t you ever think you should…


Stop for a bit.

Stop what?


Why do you say that?

I don’t know.


Why did you say it?

Oh, my God, they got you.

The thought police, you are infected.

[Jill] No, I’m just saying.

Jill, don’t listen to that shit.

Do you know what? I’ll listen to whatever I want. (sighs)

Because the problem with you is you’re too clever.

Ah, it has been said.

No, I mean it.

You’re too clever by half, like, in your mind, you can think your way out of anything.

But think about this, head boy.

If there was an illness, and say you had it, and you slept with him and then you slept with him and then you slept with 500 people, like all of you do, every weekend, then tell me, Ritchie, if you’re so clever, what’s going to stop it spreading?

What’s gonna save you?

Your A Levels?

Get smart, idiot.



I didn’t actually go anywhere, ’cause we were too busy working.

I mean, I saw the Empire State and the Chrysler Building in the distance.

That was good enough for me.

Funny thing is, steam really does rise up from the streets.

You know, like in the films, steam from the subway.

But I’m sorry.

I did look for that stuff, but I couldn’t find anything anywhere.

I did try.

Oh well.

That’s okay. Never mind.

No, I’m lying, here you are!

Oh! You fibber!

[Colin] Fooled you!

There you are.

You’re getting cheeky, you are.


And I had pastrami.

Colin, you can get pastrami on the corner.

I tell you what, you know your Filofax has got everything?


Do you have an address for Gloria? I mean Gregory.

A home address, in Glasgow?

I’ve got it, yeah.

Have you?


I’ve got everything.

I don’t know his father’s name, but the surname is Finch.

36 St Elm Road, Mount Vernon, Glasgow, G32.

[Woman] Sorry, that number’s ex-directory.

Oh, right, sorry.



(curious music)

Do you want to say hello?

What for? He’s gone, hasn’t he?


Apparently, it all went very well.

A great success, I’m told.

It was brilliant.

And New York?



I’ve never been lucky enough.

Now… Mr Hart said he’s been reviewing the books and, well, really, it’s been three years.

So we can consider your apprenticeship to be at an end.

Very well done.

Thank you.

So, that’ll be it.

I’m sure you understand.

(clock ticking)

What do you mean?

Well, the job has come to an end.


I don’t understand.

Am I sacked?


it’s more like you’re not employed anymore.

But can’t I stay?

I’m afraid not.

Did I do something wrong?

I don’t know. Did you?

I’d really like to stay.

I mean, I’d love to stay.

I love it here.

I really love it here.

Is there anything I can do? To stay?

We’re duty bound to give you one month’s notice, but I’ll just post you a month’s salary in lieu, because there’s no point in haunting the place, is there?

Best to move on.


I’m finishing today?

[Woman] No need to wait.

You want me to go?

Well, I don’t see why not.

And thank you very much for everything.

(keys jangle)

Thank you very much.


(taps microphone)

(microphone screeches)

Oh! Working?

[Man] Yeah!


So, by public demand, for one night only, called out of retirement, ’cause the stripper got stuck in a bomb scare, ladies and gentlemen, the final appearance of Tozer and Baxter!



Baxter and Tozer.

Thank you.

♪ La dah dah ♪

♪ Bah dah dah dah ♪

♪ Bah dah dah dah ♪

♪ Bah dah dah dah ♪

♪ Bah dah dah dah ♪

♪ Bah dah dah dah ♪

♪ Bah dah dah dah ♪

♪ Bah dah dah dah ♪

♪ Looking from a window above ♪

♪ It’s like a story of love ♪

♪ Can you hear me ♪

♪ Came back only yesterday ♪

♪ I’m moving further away ♪

♪ Want you near me. ♪

♪ All I needed was the love you gave ♪

♪ All I needed for another day ♪

(door opening)

♪ And all I ever knew ♪

♪ Only you ♪

[Woman] Card in mail.

♪ Sometimes when I think of her name ♪

♪ When it’s only a game ♪

♪ And I need you ♪

♪ Listen to the words that you say ♪

♪ It’s getting harder to stay ♪

♪ When I see you ♪

♪ All I needed was the love you gave ♪

♪ All I needed for another day ♪

♪ And all I ever knew ♪

♪ Only you ♪


Oh, hi!

♪ Bah dah ♪

♪ Bah dah ♪

♪ Bah dah dah dah ♪

♪ Bah dah dah dah ♪

♪ Bah dah dah dah dah dah dah ♪

♪ Bah dah ♪

♪ Bah dah ♪

♪ Bah dah ♪

♪ Bah dah ♪

♪ Bah dah dah dah ♪

♪ Bah dah dah dah bah dah dah bah dah dah dah ♪

♪ All I needed was the love you gave ♪

♪ All I needed for another day ♪

♪ And all I ever knew ♪

♪ Only you ♪

♪ This is gonna take a long time ♪

♪ And I wonder what’s mine ♪

♪ Can’t take no more ♪

♪ Wonder if you’ll understand ♪

♪ It’s just the touch of your hand ♪

♪ Behind a closed door ♪

♪ All I needed was the love you gave ♪

♪ All I needed for another ♪

(bird whistling)

(bonfire whooshing)


(fire crackling)

(energetic dance music)

♪ Gloria ♪

♪ You’re always on the run now ♪

♪ Running after somebody ♪

♪ You’ve gotta get him somehow ♪

♪ I think you’ve gotta ♪


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