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Upgraded (2024) | Transcript

When Ana is upgraded to first class on a work trip, she meets handsome Will, who mistakes Ana for her boss, Claire. A white lie then sets off a glamorous chain of events, romance and opportunity, until her fib threatens to surface.
Upgraded (2024)

Ana is an ambitious intern, dreaming of a career in the art world while trying to impress her demanding boss, Claire. When Ana is upgraded to first class on a work trip, she meets handsome Will, who mistakes Ana for her boss—a white lie which then sets off a glamorous chain of events, romance and opportunity, until her fib threatens to surface.

* * *

[woman] Look at that.

I mean, really, look at that.

Painted in 1914 by Hilma af Klint.

She wanted to evoke the feeling of contradiction.

Some say the vertical line breaking the canvas symbolizes where opposite forces meet, the union necessary for creation.

The dualities of lightness and darkness, the masculine and feminine, life and death.

And, you know, as abstract as it may seem, this is actually a depiction of a swan.

But what do you see? What do you feel?

When my boss sees this work, she feels envy because some lucky prick at Sotheby’s sold his collection for more money than you could ever imagine.

But, me, when I see it, I mean, the feeling is impossible to describe.

When I see it, I feel…

What the fuck are you talking about?

What?

She’s talking about the print.

I’m talking to both of you about the painting.

I love it. I love the red.

Hmm.

It’s great.

The red’s nice.

The red, huh? You know what I feel when I look at it?

I feel, you don’t live here.

So, it’s a little weird that you’re hanging art on our walls.

Mm-hmm.

You know?

I hear you. It’s just that, you know, since I’m sleeping here, I thought I’d bring a little culture into your home.

Culture? That’s a circle.

Ronnie, it’s nice.

It’s not nice and I’m concerned that your sister’s trying to fully move in.

See, this is exactly what I’m saying.

What a unique experience you’re having with the painting.

Thank you for sharing.

Today’s a big day for Ana, OK?

They’re doing one of those big auctions.

OK. Good luck selling your shapes.

Those shapes, Ronnie, are worth millions of dollars.

Tens of millions, in fact.

And today, some of the biggest private art collectors in all the world are gonna be there, and I’m gonna be there with them in the middle of it all.

That is so great. Are you gonna get a piece of the action?

Because that would be wonderful.

No, I’m not, because only brokers collect commission,

which is why I’m on your futon.

But if I wanna work at a top art gallery,

I gotta get a good recommendation,

and there’s no better recommendation

than Claire Dupont, trust me.

Hmm.

I don’t think you guys understand how lucky I am

just to be in Erwins’s training program.

I don’t think you understand how lucky you are

to be living in this house.

[sister] Ronnie!

What? She can stay here but I can’t get a dog?

She’s not a dog, she’s my sister. There’s a difference.

Yeah. You can have sex in front of a dog.

You can’t have sex in front of a dog. Shut your mouth!

It’s been three months. My nutsack looks like a…

[sister] Your nutsack looks fine.

Ana, listen, I hate to agree with him at all,

but he’s got a little bit of a point.

We just have to come up with a plan,

because this just feels like it’s not sustainable.

I hear that. It’s just that, you know, New York is expensive,

and my credit is shit.

I’ll be out of here soon.

Yeah.

We were talking. It might be a good idea

if you go back to Florida and join the navy.

Ronnie, not again!

I’m not moving back to Florida.

It’s great. You get to travel, they have dental, Maverick.

They’ll even pay for you to go back to school.

I went to school, twice.

I have a master’s degree in art history.

And I have a master’s in kung fu movies,

but it doesn’t pay the bills.

What bills?

Your apartment’s been rent-controlled

since your grandma moved in in, like, 1957 or some shit.

My grandma died here. My mom died here.

And, by God, your sister and I are gonna die here.

You know who’s not gonna die here? You.

Cause it’s not your house.

It’s our house.

Oh, babe.

“Oh, babe”? Did you hear what he said?

It was romantic. He’s a romantic guy.

Jesus Christ!

[laughs]

For the record,

a degree in art history is actually very useful.

Useful? For what? You’re sleeping on a couch.

First of all, that is not a couch, it’s a futon.

This is not a house, it’s a room.

And that is not a circle, it’s a swan.

Jesus!

[♪ “Chaise Longue” by Wet Leg]

Do you see a swan?

No, I don’t see a swan.

Thank God.

♪ Mummy, Daddy, look at me ♪

♪ I went to school and I got a degree ♪

♪ All my friends call it the big D ♪

♪ I went to school and I got the big D ♪

♪ I got the big D ♪

♪ I got the big D ♪

♪ I got the big D ♪

♪ I went to school and I got the big D ♪

♪ On the chaise longue, on the chaise longue ♪

♪ On the chaise longue ♪

♪ All day long on the chaise longue ♪

♪ On the chaise longue, on the chaise longue ♪

♪ On the chaise longue ♪

♪ All day long on the chaise longue ♪

♪ On the chaise longue ♪

♪ On the chaise longue, on the chaise longue ♪

♪ All day long on the chaise longue ♪

♪ On the chaise longue, on the chaise longue ♪

♪ On the chaise longue ♪

♪ All day long on the chaise longue ♪

♪ All day long, all day long on the chaise longue ♪

♪ All day long, all day long on the chaise longue ♪

♪ All day long, all day long on the chaise longue ♪

♪ On the chaise longue ♪

♪ All day long on the chaise longue ♪

[chatter]

[gasps] Ana. You look so, so good.

You look so, so good.

I know, know, know.

Today’s the day, Amy. It’s auction day.

It’s time to get noticed.

It’s time to…

[gasps]

What?

[gasps]

What are you looking at?

It’s not good.

[Ana] What’s back there? What?

It’s nothing, right? Right?

It’s not like we work for a sociopathic perfectionist.

Oh, God.

It’s gonna be OK.

It’s gonna be OK.

[Claire] Good morning, everyone.

[gasps]

Mm-hmm. Auction day.

Erwins’s clients are about to walk through that door,

spend millions of dollars on a collection

that I found, I curated and I brought under this roof.

When they enter,

I will not allow them to see anything less than perfection.

That includes your appearances.

You, you, you.

Back of the house. Now go hide before anyone sees you.

For the rest of you, in the auction room.

Let’s get to work.

Yes.

Wait.

You. What’s your name?

Me? Um, Ana. Ana Santos.

What’s that massive oil spill on the back of your shirt?

It’s nothing.

Are you implying I’m hallucinating?

No! No, sorry.

Um, it must’ve happened on the train.

Which department are you in?

Uh, I just finished up my rotation in cataloguing,

and I’ve been moved up to auctions,

so you’re my new boss.

We’ll see how long that lasts.

Oh, you, short, weird girl, give her your jacket.

The stain’s depressing me. Just cover it up.

Course.

There you go.

Why would you put that on your body permanently?

I just love art.

Give her the jacket back.

You two will be in charge of something

where you’re less visible.

[woman] All right, let’s go. You heard her.

Today was gonna be my first day in there.

Becoming indispensable,

forging a future, making a name for myself.

Shit.

Sorry. Catalogue? Have a great day.

Let us know if you need anything.

This is so sad. I mean, Claire’s right.

She just couldn’t, in good faith,

let you in there covered in whatever that is.

Come on, Suzette. Covered?

It’s barely a spot. You can’t even notice it.

Just keep your mouth shut and your eyes open.

Although, I’m sure you’re both used to doing more the opposite.

Bye.

Did she just…

Yes. She just implied that we suck a lot of…

Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta. Back at your desks.

Oh. We’re not staying for the auction?

Oh, yes, you are. Just, ta-ta-ta.

[man] Welcome, ladies and gentlemen.

Back at your desks.

I just don’t understand how you can become

a respected artist and still be alive, you know?

[Ana] I don’t understand how I’m gonna start a gallery.

Even the smallest space I looked at is, like, ten grand a month.

And you don’t have diddly-squat to your name

apart from a great personality

and a bucket full of dreams, my friend.

Wonder if Claire was ever broke.

Don’t let the fancy accent fool you.

I heard that she’s from Minnetonka, Minnesota.

What, wait?

[Amy] I know. Crazy.

Right?

Anyway, if all the greatest artists are dead and in museums,

then what does that make me?

Wait, am I a ghost?

[Ana] Amy.

[gasps]

Look.

Amarillo is acrylic.

It says “oil on wood.” It should say “acrylic on wood.”

You sure?

It’s a Carmen Herrera.

I think I know what I’m talking about.

I think I need to go in there. Claire should know about this.

Hmm, I feel like you’re trying to get into a place

that you’ve specifically been told not to.

I think I’m gonna do it.

I don’t think you should.

I’m gonna.

I think it’s a really bad idea.

I’m going in.

Don’t leave.

This is how I get in.

When Claire kills you, I will tell your story.

And continuing on, ladies and gentlemen, we’re at $2,400,000.

At 2,400,000, 2,500,000, 2,600,000 with the gentleman.

2,700,000, the lady’s bid near me.

Any advance above…?

What do you think you’re doing?

I need to talk to Claire.

There’s been a mistake.

Are you insane?

If you don’t turn around right now,

the next person you’ll be talking to is an EMT.

Why is this shit-covered maniac

in Claire’s auction room?

Jesus.

Can’t help you now.

There’s been a mistake.

That’s impossible. Which item?

No time. Let me talk to Claire.

[indistinct whispering]

What the fuck is going on?

There’s been a mistake in the catalogue.

Item number 17 is mislabelled.

It should say “acrylic on wood.”

[exhales deeply]

If you’re wrong, you’re finished.

I’m not.

Leave quietly, now.

Cover that up. Go.

OK.

Amarillo “Dos”, painted in 1971, oil on wood.

Excuse me, Reggie.

Excuse me.

[whispering] Acrylic on wood.

Uh, small typo. It’s acrylic on wood, not oil.

And, with that, we can start the bidding…

Your coffee, sir.

Hmm. A little typo.

A little typo?

There are no little typos.

There are only huge fucking mistakes.

Has everyone recently dropped acid?

How long have we had these catalogues? Six days.

Reginald, the finest auctioneer in New York, he can’t speak.

He’s so deeply embarrassed.

This could have ruined his reputation,

Erwins’s reputation and my reputation.

Who is responsible?

It’s inevitable. Who did it? Come on.

You.

Hi.

What’s your name?

Uh, Buh… Buh…

Uh, Buh…

Bobby? Bronson?

Blake? Blair?

Basil? Benedict?

Billy. Yeah. Billy.

Oh, it is so perfect.

Because nothing says sophistication

quite like the name Billy.

So, Billy, you understand that Carmen Herrera’s “Dos”

was valued at one million dollars?

[Billy] Uh-huh.

If you wanted to spend a million dollars on a painting,

and the person selling it to you didn’t even know

what kind of paint was used, how would you feel?

You’d feel a little bit like

Erwins Auction House doesn’t know what the fuck it’s doing.

So, Billy, today’s the day for you to lay down

in the grave that was your career,

and just dissolve.

There’s not an auction house on this planet

that will hire you

after the emails I’m about to send out.

So, it’s your retirement party.

OK, hooray. Get him some champagne.

Happy retirement.

Drink it.

Good.

[gulps]

Done. Please, go. Go. Done. Now.

Oh!

Ana Santos.

Ana. Thank you

for doing the bare minimum that this job requires,

which is more than most today.

Well done.

Well done! Well done! Well done! Well done!

Here’s to the bare minimum!

Whoo!

Go on, Ana!

[cheering]

Ana.

What’s wrong?

Impressing Claire earlier was the biggest triumph.

So what?

Instead of pay cheques, I got a “well done.”

I can’t pay rent with “well done.”

No, you can’t. You have to pay rent with money.

Amy, if… If this program doesn’t work out,

that’s it. I’m gonna have to go back to Tampa.

Sell paintings of boats to senior citizens.

Hmm.

Can I crash at your place later?

Oh, honey, I have company later.

[sighs]

[keys rattle]

[door squeaks]

[door closes loudly]

[Ronnie] Son of a bitch. Again!

[sister] Shh!

[Ronnie] Why are you shushing me?

[sister] Because you’re being so loud.

[Ronnie mutters indistinctly]

[thud]

[Ronnie] Are you kidding me?

[sister] Shh!

[Ronnie] I can’t do this.

[sister] Shh!

[thud]

[sister] Now I’m up.

[Ronnie] Because she fee-fi-fo-fummed

into the apartment.

[birds tweet]

[phone rings]

[Ronnie] Oh, goddamn it!

Sorry!

[Ronnie] What type of baboon calls at seven in the morning?

Hello, who is this?

[Claire] Hello?

Hello? Is the call dropped?

Are you there?

Uh, no. Sorry about that.

Um, hi. May I ask who’s speaking, please?

It’s Claire.

I’m sorry?

It’s your boss.

Hmm?

Hi.

Yeah, no. Um, I know who you are.

Well, I would assume.

[Ronnie mutters indistinctly]

Shh!

Are you busy?

Shh!

No. Um, no, I’m not. Sorry. What’s up?

“What’s up?”

No, no. Sorry.

I mean, uh, how can I help?

Something came up last minute at our London office.

I’m going to be very busy. I need an extra assistant.

So, you need me to come to London?

Is your passport valid?

Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yep.

Good! So, you can come to London.

Um, yeah. Yeah, sure.

I mean, of course. Great.

Uh, when?

Now.

Now?

You should leave for the airport immediately.

Don’t be late. Suzette is sending you the details.

Goodbye.

Uh, bye.

I just got invited to go to London with Claire Dupont.

This is what you wanted, right?

Yeah!

Yes!

[cheering and laughter]

I’m going to London with Claire Dupont!

Yes, hold on. I’ll help you pack.

I’m going to London with Claire Dupont!

You need to get all your things into your bag.

You don’t know how long you’ll be there.

I always knew you were gonna be a big deal.

That’s why I let you stay here for so long. Let me help you.

Thanks, Ronnie. You know I’m only gone for a few days?

Don’t jinx it. Uh, I need you to remember something.

London ain’t New York. OK?

Right. Yeah.

I don’t want you going over there

getting seduced by their big clocks and pirate accents.

Listen here, you’re a New Yorker now,

through and through.

Even if you don’t have a place to stay.

And being a New Yorker means

that you fight every single day,

no matter what comes at you, OK?

And remember, nothing is real,

if you don’t believe in who you are.

That’s really sweet, Ronnie.

Rocky Balboa said that.

Isn’t he from Philly?

He moved there from Brooklyn.

I love you.

I love you.

Yeah.

I love you, Viv.

You’ve got this.

You got this.

Ronnie.

Hold on one second, sweetheart.

There you go. Put that on.

Thank you.

You’re welcome.

Ah, OK.

Here you go.

There you go.

Bye, guys.

Text us when you’re through security.

I will, I will, I will.

Love you. Bye!

Get out of my house.

Mwah.

[both laugh]

Hi.

Why don’t you have a cart?

Cart? A cart! Yes.

So sorry.

I’ll meet you guys inside.

OK.

Hello. Give me your passport. We’re checking in.

Can you hurry up? We don’t have all day.

There you go.

[snorts] Oh, my God, this photo’s tragic.

[laughs]

So cute.

Oh. Not really a big traveller, hmm?

I’ve only ever had to use it once for study abroad.

Aw. This will be so cool for you, then.

Do you wanna place your bags up here, please?

Yep.

Put the luggage up here.

This is where they weigh the bags

to make sure they aren’t too heavy.

Thank you, Renee.

Oh, my God. What is taking so long?

The whole point of gold status is efficiency. Hmm!

Oh, no, no, no. You’re not on this flight.

I’m not travelling with you guys?

Our flight was full,

so I put you on one that leaves in four hours, in economy.

Get some sleep. We’re gonna need you to hit the ground running.

Yeah. Claire doesn’t believe in jet lag.

Um, why did you guys have me get here so early?

To help with the bags, silly.

Enjoy your flight.

Hmm, thanks.

You’re between me and my first martini.

[laughs] Unwise.

Uh, is there an on switch for you?

Oh, um, my flight doesn’t leave for another few hours, so…

Fully booked out.

Yeah.

Oh, really? Why are you here so early?

In case you needed help with bags or holding things.

Oh, OK. Strong choice. Way to kiss ass. La forza!

Still, I expect you in action first thing in the morning.

None of this jet-lag bullshit.

I’ll create an email account and call-forwarding to her phone.

Renee, spare me the details.

Let’s move.

Welcome to being attached to your phone 24/7.

London, so exciting. See you there.

I don’t know how you put up with those three.

I’m going to England for the first time in my life.

If I have to wait, that’s what I’ll do.

Can I see your passport?

Yeah.

Least amount of legroom and next to the toilet?

Oh, someone knows how to ruin a transatlantic.

You’re gonna need your rest.

The best place to wait is in the first-class lounge.

[laughs] Well, unless that computer can pay off

years of student loan debt…

You just been upgraded.

Upgraded?

What? Why?

I only deal with assholes a couple of times a day.

Seems like you need to all the time.

First class? I’ve never been in first class.

This is incredible. Thank you so much.

I don’t even know what to say. Just got upgraded. [laughs]

Told you it wasn’t a myth.

Hi, welcome to the lounge.

Hi. Thank you.

We’re gonna put you in the spa, get you a nice long massage.

And then afterwards, maybe some fun treatments.

And then, we will gladly send you off with a Bloody Mary.

Ooh, yes, please, to all of that.

Hey.

How are you?

The spa’s lovely. Yeah, you should try it.

[phone rings]

Hello?

[woman] I’m trying to reach Claire Dupont. Is this Suzette?

No. Uh, sorry, this is Ana, her third.

Claire’s on a flight right now, um, but how can I help?

I need a London address for the delivery.

Address? Uh, sorry, one second. Let me just check…

Oh!

Oh.

[Ana gasps]

[sighs]

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God!

[English accent] Yeah. Uh…

And they’re suede.

Yeah.

They’re suede.

It’s fine. Don’t worry.

Why don’t you come with me?

Can I pay for your dry-cleaning?

No, it’s fine.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

Sorry.

[woman] Hello? Are you still there? Hello?

Miss Santos, lovely to have you on board.

Care for a champagne to start?

I would, thank you.

Right.

[camera clicks]

[man] Hello.

Hi.

…robes and God knows how many different facial creams

she had on. One second, sorry.

[gasps] Shit.

Bruv, she was stomping around the lounge,

not looking where she’s going.

She throws her drink all over me, face is glued to her phone.

Not a care in the world. Yeah, she’s probably an alcoholic.

Hmm. That’s a good idea.

[chuckles]

OK, bye. Sorry.

Can I offer sir anything? Wine, beer, Bloody Mary?

If you want a Bloody Mary,

you can wring out my jacket.

You’d probably get a few glasses out of it.

Um, but, no. Two glasses of champagne.

[attendant] Two champagnes? Of course, sir.

Thank you. You didn’t want anything else, did you?

No, I’m good, thank you.

[man] You sure?

Mm-hmm.

Bloody Mary maybe?

No, never really liked them.

Oh, right. Well, I apologize then,

because I smell like I’m wearing a cologne by V8.

I thought that was on purpose.

[laughs]

I’m William, by the way.

Ana.

Ana. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Ana.

What brings you to London?

Uh, work. Are you headed back home?

What gave it away? Sophisticated English charm?

[laughs] Yeah, that must be it.

But, no, I’m actually, uh…

I was at a job interview in New York.

Now I’m on my way back to see my mum for her birthday.

OK. You get points back for that.

Points? I didn’t realise we were playing a game.

What do I get if I win?

A Bloody Mary.

Right. Well, in that case, I’ll stop trying to score.

What… What kind of work brings you over to England then?

I work for an auction house here in the city,

and our London branch has called in

the director of the New York office to save the day.

The director?

Mm-hmm.

Wow, that’s… That’s impressive.

Yeah, I guess.

Forgive me for this.

You seem a bit young to be the director.

[laughs]

[William] What? Do you get that a lot?

Yeah. Yeah, actually, I do.

Well, it’s probably cause I’m, like,

the youngest director in company history.

Wow.

Yeah.

Jesus, wow.

Lucky you. Good person to know.

I worked very hard for it, Will.

Can I call you Will?

[William laughs]

[Ana] Am I wrong though?

I can’t believe you said that.

You’re evil.

Seems like you two are enjoying yourselves.

Well, that’s what you think.

She’s been attacking my livelihood

for the last half an hour.

[laughs]

Shall I get you another round?

Yeah, go on then.

Please. Thank you.

Course, sir.

These are so cute.

Right, no. Look.

The point that I’m trying to make is,

to do what I do, you have to interact with art every day.

I’m sorry. How does someone who works in advertising

interact with art every day?

Oh. Don’t do this.

Just because you’re a swanky art director from New York,

it doesn’t mean you get to decide what is and isn’t art.

Actually, that’s exactly what it means.

Name one meaningful thing that came from an ad.

I wouldn’t exist without an ad.

Oh, come on.

OK, well, I’ll just prove it to you.

Um, my mum did a yogurt ad back in the ’90s,

and my dad saw it

and basically chased her down until she agreed to marry him

and have a kid.

That’s your mom?

Mm-hmm.

She’s beautiful.

That’s a much nicer description

than what the boys at school used to say.

So, this is what your entire existence boils down to?

Your dad getting horny for raw, Greek yogurt?

If you want to give me an existential crisis, then, yes,

that’s what it comes down to.

It just goes to show…

Mm-hmm.

…that chance moments can change the course of your life.

[laughs softly]

[attendant] Ladies and gentlemen,

we are beginning our descent into London. The pilot…

Hello. Please put your seat up for landing.

Yeah. Yeah.

And also, I’m going to need

the salt and pepper shakers back.

[Ana] What?

[attendant] The salt and pepper shakers.

Mm-hmm.

Sorry about that.

Thank you.

Unbelievable.

I’m gonna have to have a word with Immigration when we land.

Shit.

Do you know where you’re going?

Uh, yeah, the Carlson?

Very swanky.

Only the best.

Well, look, if you’d like…

[woman] Will!

Will! Will!

One moment.

Hey! Oh, hello, my darling.

Hi, Mum.

Hmm, why are you so smelly?

My goodness. Look at you. What have you done?

Yes, can…?

Why do you look so tired?

How was the flight?

Yeah, well, the…

Did you bring a beautiful woman home

to meet your rapidly aging mother?

There’s hope for grandchildren yet.

Mum, this is Ana.

She’s an American. It’s her first time in London.

She’s the one that spilt Bloody Mary

all over my shoes, trousers and jacket.

[Mum] Willy, don’t be rude.

[laughs]

Ana, I would like to introduce you to my mum, Catherine.

Pleasure to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

You are gorgeous.

You look like you stepped out of a Jean Béraud painting.

Oh, what a charming thing to say.

Jean Béraud is actually one of my favourites.

Mine too.

Tell me, where are you going?

Are you waiting for someone?

Um, no. I’m on my own,

but I’m going to the Carlson.

No, no, no, no, not the Carlson.

That’s four streets from my house.

Do you want a lift?

Oh, no, no, no. I couldn’t. I’ll just…

Come with us, please.

That’d be incredibly helpful.

Grab her bags.

I… I was going to.

Hello, sir.

Hi, Joe, how are you?

I’m all right. Nice to see you.

This is our new friend Ana.

Miss Ana.

Hi.

Let me get these for you.

Let me just… I’ll take this with me.

Yeah, no worries.

[Catherine] We’ll do a stopover at the Carlson to drop off Ana.

Very nice. You must be doing very well for yourself.

Actually, what is it that you do, darling?

God, don’t get her started.

I work in the art business.

[Catherine gasps] That’s wonderful.

[laughs]

I knew I liked you.

Art business. What a paradox.

Like saying you work in chocolates or drugs

or phenomenal sex. Slices of heaven.

But, what specifically?

Specifically?

[Catherine] Yes.

Like, like, what I do specifically?

Yes.

[Ana] God, it’s so boring.

Um, I basically source and sell elite collections

of some of the most exquisite art from around the world,

to all sorts of…

Oligarchs, warlords, billionaires.

…clients who think they understand art

better than I do,

like your charming ad exec of a son over here.

What do you do, Catherine?

You’ll never guess.

[chuckles] Well, actually, I’m a bit of an artist myself.

An eccentric like you.

Oh.

Though, in the end, the muses chose to make me a star

of both stage and screen.

And yogurt ads.

God! Did those make it stateside?

I used to love them ads.

I showed her, Mum.

Oh, you’re such a braggart.

So, does that mean you’re famous?

From Dover to the Hebrides,

but my work never translated to the States, I’m afraid.

I’m too complicated for their taste.

She’s UK famous.

For the best, really. I wouldn’t be comfortable

sharing the same continent as Florida.

I’m actually from there.

[laughs]

Darling, you seem so sane.

Whoa.

Thank you.

OK, so listen, look. If you’re not too busy

being a swanky art director from New York,

or whatever it is you do, I would love to take you out.

Show you round the town, you know?

Only thing is, I might be really busy with work.

Right, OK.

But we can probably exchange numbers.

[Catherine] Ana.

Oh, for…

You must give me your phone number.

Sure. Course.

I want to see her again.

Nice and subtle.

Thank you, Mum.

[chuckles]

There you go.

Now I’ll shut up and let you two sort it.

Bye, darling.

Thank you so much for the ride.

[Catherine] Oh, please, darling.

Uh, so I guess I’ll just…

You’ll get my number from your mom.

Yeah, exactly.

[laughs]

Uh, right, well, I better get home and get changed.

I’m so sorry again about the…

It’s all good. I’m joking.

[laughs]

All right.

All right. Bye.

Bye.

[Claire] OK, let me make myself very clear.

Has the Brovil collection been moved and inspected?

I want progress reports. Ah, finally you’re here.

You realise that waiting makes you all totally worthless.

If I’m going to rearrange my life to fix your mistake,

then the least you can do

is keep that overly gelled amphibian away from my office.

Si, ciao.

Don’t fall for it.

It’s not usually this nice.

Since it’s your first time in London,

please, let me give you some advice.

Always prepare for rain. Hmm.

Remember that you are here for work, huh? And not for play.

And, whatever you do, don’t try to outdrink those locals.

Don’t sleep with anyone that looks like Jude Law.

What are you looking at?

[Ana] Um…

He comes with the suite.

Is he, like, a butler?

He’s Percy.

[Percy] Yes, madam?

No, nothing, Percy.

Thank you, madam.

Are you moving rooms or something?

No, going to Rome.

[groans] The Rome office is just a shitshow.

Wait, we’re going to Rome?

No, I’m going to Rome.

You and Suzette and Renee, you will stay here.

You will look after the auction. I’ll be back tomorrow.

Take notes.

Yeah, I’ll just grab my laptop.

[Claire] At 1pm, there will be a staff meeting, at Erwins.

Shit.

[Claire] You will go directly into the office.

Don’t speak to anyone except Suzette.

She will take you to your desk.

Look. This folder, it has every piece of art

that I have curated and sold at Erwins.

That’s a really big folder.

Is that a problem?

No, no, no, it’s incredible.

I want you to go through every piece

and tell me the current value.

I want hard numbers as leverage.

[Ana] Leverage for what?

Oh, between us, none of your business.

Right. Totally.

[Claire] OK, go on. I’m done, I’m done.

Oh, um, should I check in to the hotel before…?

You’re not staying here.

Suzette will have booked you something more economical.

Also, remind her about the tickets.

Tickets. Tickets for what?

She will know.

Unless you want to be incredibly late,

I would have left 15 minutes ago.

Yep, leaving.

Shit, shit, shit, shit.

OK.

Shit. Excuse me.

Would you happen to have my laptop bag by any chance?

Let me ask, but I’m quite sure that’s all we had.

Shit. I must’ve left it in the car.

I’m so sorry.

No, it’s OK. Thank you.

Shit.

[woman] Thanks.

Thank you.

Claire Dupont?

Upstairs.

Shit.

I’m here.

I made it.

Wow. Did you navigate by compass?

I’m not late for the staff meeting, am I?

OK, this is not something Claire should ever be associated with.

What?

Clean your shit up. Hide your suitcase under my desk.

OK.

[phone pings]

Let’s go.

Remember, no one in there is your friend other than us.

And we’re not even your friends.

Cool. Can’t wait.

You all must be wondering why I’ve brought you out here

on such short notice.

We have access to a collection that no one else has,

that only a few people even had a chance to see.

For God’s sakes, Arnold! Please, what is it?

It’s the Brovil collection.

Wow.

But the Brovil collection has been locked away for decades.

What’s a Brovil?

[Arnold] Yes, and now it’s not.

Ooh, you must have talked him round, boss.

No, he’s dead.

But his wife has been spending his fortune

at a rate that frankly blows my mind.

She needs money and she needs it now.

This collection will bring the biggest clients under one roof.

Spread the word discreetly. I only want whales.

Should I be taking notes?

Shh.

Who is the owner?

That will remain on a need-to-know basis.

To ensure our success, I’ve brought in our top brokers.

Gerard, director of the Paris office,

and Claire Dupont from New York.

Claire is currently on her way to Rome with another crisis.

But hopefully, she will be back in time

to celebrate our success, my friends.

[Arnold] I expect you to work together as a team.

I expect us to shine.

Now, go for the kill.

Hello. You must be Ana.

Hi. Yeah. How do you know my name?

Oh, it’s a part of my job to know our up-and-comers.

And I’m told you were quite a star in New York.

Oh, no. I’m just an assistant.

We all have to start somewhere.

And I’m sure that you do great.

Thank you.

But, please, let me know if you are confused about anything

or if you need a friendly ear, OK? I know how Claire can be.

She is a…

[Suzette] Gerard, hi.

So nice to see you.

Ana, come with us. We’ll show you to your desk.

[Renee] He’s the enemy.

He’s worse than the enemy.

Claire always says, “We compete with Sotheby’s and Christie’s,

but we’re at war with Gerard and Paris.”

What did he do?

What hasn’t he done?

He’s the guy who sold Van Gogh to that NFT asshole.

That was him?

He claims he sold art to an artist who enhanced the piece.

He spray-painted a smiley face on it.

Exactly. If Gerard ever steps foot on American soil,

I told my dad to have him black-bagged

and sent to Guantanamo.

What?

[Suzette] So, what’s your deal?

Are you hoping to impress Claire so that she replaces one of us.

If you think that, you’ve got another thing coming.

I don’t have a deal.

I just wanna graduate from the training program

and open a gallery someday.

A gallery?

All I’m saying is, I don’t wanna steal your jobs.

OK, whatever. When Claire gets promoted to Arnold’s job,

the two of us are going with her, not you.

Where’s Arnold going?

He wants to retire any day now, and when he does…

Claire will become the first female chairman of Erwins

and we’ll be right alongside her.

[whirring]

What is this place?

Claire doesn’t usually travel with her third assistant,

so there’s not really any space for you upstairs.

What’s that smell?

Formaldehyde.

Rotting wood.

England. No offence.

Oh, um, Claire wanted me to remind you about the tickets.

Oh, God, the Midsummer tickets. They’re sold out for weeks.

It’s not gonna happen.

Voilà.

Oh. Lovely.

[Suzette] Mm-hmm.

So, this is my office?

Yeah.

Let me guess. My hotel…

It’s a shithole.

It’s a shithole.

Enjoy the asbestos.

[Suzette] Bye.

Bye.

[sighs]

[phone pings]

[Catherine] Will? Is it recording?

[Will] Yes, Mum, it’s recording.

[Catherine] Sweetie, it’s Catherine.

I have your laptop.

Listen, sweetheart. You must come over.

It’s quite an impromptu thing, a few friends.

I’m texting you the address right now.

See you soon, darling. Kisses.

No. No, no, no, no, no.

[thunder]

[raucous chatter]

[cheering and laughter]

[sighs]

[phone rings]

[Amy] How’s it going? Tell me everything.

OK, so here’s my plan. Go to the party, grab my laptop,

try not to talk to anybody while I’m there,

grab a cab and come back home to this shithole.

Or… you drink as many free drinks as you can.

You hang out with some fancy British celebrities.

Then you get dicked down by your own personal Prince William.

Forgetting this laptop could be the best thing

that’s ever happened to you.

No, Amy, I lied to him

and his mom about so many things.

Ah, you lied on an aeroplane.

Besides, do you really think that she would’ve given you

her number if she’d known you were a homeless intern?

No offence.

Personally, I’m jealous of your Hannah Montana lifestyle.

[laughs]

And plane guy sounds really, really hot.

What do you think?

You should never be afraid to put yourself out there.

Bob agrees.

Well, if Bob agrees…

[music playing in distance]

[woman laughs]

No, you’re… You’re horrible. You’re just horrible.

No, I’m not lying. Honestly, ask him.

I’ll send him home right away. I love you, Joe.

[gasps] Ana!

Catherine.

Ooh.

[laughs]

Oh, my God, you look amazing.

Yes!

Hi.

Oh. Come in, come in, come in.

No, it’s fine.

I’ll just grab my laptop and head out.

I feel really underdressed.

Oh, you’re so pretty.

So gorgeous. Don’t be silly.

Thank you.

Oh, my God, is it your birthday?

Well, it’s not my birthday till next week.

I just like to start celebrating early, right?

It’s such a shame to only have the one day.

Yeah, well, happy birthday week. I wish I brought you something.

But you are my birthday gift.

I’m always having get-togethers.

Last-minute soirées help remind your friends why they adore you.

Thank you. Wow. This home is incredible.

Please, help yourself to everything.

I will go and tell Will you’re here.

[laughs]

You made it.

Yeah. Well, didn’t wanna disappoint your mom.

Here I was thinking you wanted to see me again.

Why would I wanna see you?

Dashing good looks.

The fact I’ve just finished doing a hundred press-ups

and reading a book on impressionism.

Press-ups was a nice touch.

Apparently being English is my only card with you.

Oh, not at all. Free booze, free food, fancy people.

You’ve got a full house.

Not sure exactly who’s in it

but that’s being an actress for you.

[man] Will! Save me.

This is a disaster.

Michael Faust is holding court at the bar and I need a refill.

Um, sorry, Ana. This is Julian Marx.

You’re not the Julian Marx, are you?

The one and only.

Oh, my God. I love your work.

Drunken Wrestlers? I mean, wow.

Erotic and whimsical. That’s really hard to do.

I went to your retrospective in New York actually.

Oh, God.

Oh, wait.

The retrospective.

Aren’t you supposed to be dead?

This is rather embarrassing, and you will have to forgive me.

But I thought if I was dead, I could charge more.

You did charge more.

Yes, I did.

And, Ana, you are exactly right.

Most people don’t get the whimsy in my work.

I don’t know why. [laughs]

I think it might have something to do with the erotic aspect.

I think penises can be very whimsical.

William, my father’s dream has come to life.

I finally love a woman.

[laughs]

I love you.

Let’s get drunk.

Let’s get drunk.

Oh.

Thank you very much.

Leave the fox alone, please. It’s done nothing to you.

I like it when you’re embarrassed.

[phone rings]

Imagine this.

It’s really fun for me.

My whole life, with these two.

[phone rings]

And anyone that I…

Excuse me. Sorry.

Hello. Hi, this is Ana Santos.

[Suzette] Yeah, I know who this is, dipshit. I called you.

Right, sorry.

Where are you?

Are you at a party?

Uh, no. Um, I’m not. I’m at the hotel.

The one you booked at…

The one you booked me at is, um, right next to a bar.

OK, listen. I’ve been stuck for the last 18 hours

trying to get these stupid

“Midsummer Night” Shakespeare ticket bullshit.

OK?

I need you to finish my other work while I keep trying.

I’m forwarding the details.

Oh, I’m kind of busy right now,

dealing with something for Catherine…

I mean, Claire.

Oh, I’m sorry. Do you not actually wanna have a job?

You’re a third assistant. Your job is to help me.

No, right. Of course. Um, happy to help.

What do you need?

I literally just told you. It’s in your inbox.

Now go do it.

OK. do you wanna…

[Suzette hangs up]

Ah, there you are.

So, the two of you met on the plane.

Yeah, we did. Do you actually know where Will is?

I need him to grab my laptop.

Well, I sent him off to find absinthe.

A dead painter can’t live without it.

[laughs]

[Julian] So, are you expecting to do

anything exciting while you’re here?

I don’t know. I think I’ll be too busy with work.

That’s a shame. London is such a vibrant city.

Actually, there is something I wanna do while I’m here.

I’m trying to get tickets to go see

Midsummer Night’s Dream, but it’s completely sold out

and my assistants have had trouble…

I can just get the tickets for you myself.

Catherine!

Oh.

Julian!

[laughs]

Hello.

Hi.

Oh, good. You’ve met Ana.

Oh.

Isn’t she darling?

She is wonderful.

What have we been discussing?

Well…

[Will] Julian.

Sorry, but it looks like we’re fresh out of absinthe.

[groans]

Well, there are now two problems we have

that I think you can help us with.

Item number one, our darling Ana here

can’t get tickets to Midsummer Nighty-Night’s Dream.

I’ll call Kenneth tomorrow, dear. It shouldn’t be a problem.

I really didn’t wanna make this a thing on your birthday.

Will’s office is down the street from the theatre.

He can pick them up for you.

[Will] Oh, can I?

Right, yeah. Of course I will. No problem at all.

[Julian] Item number two, I require some absinthe.

[Catherine] I see. Hmm.

I think I may have a bottle tucked away…

[laughs]

…in the library.

[laughs]

I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be a buzzkill,

but I have a lot of work left to do tonight.

Boo!

Ooh!

[laughs] Yeah.

Oh, and your laptop.

Right, I will grab it and then I will meet you in the library.

Yes.

Oh, I should go with you.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

No!

You’re staying here with the fun team,

and we can go together.

Wait.

Are these originals?

Uh-huh.

That’s a Renoir.

And they’re just hanging in this room that you never come into?

[Catherine] Mm.

Wow.

That’s a Cézanne.

[Catherine] Yeah.

Why don’t you ever come in here?

Well, this was Boris’s office.

He was my third husband, and he passed away last year.

Oh, I’m sorry.

He left the paintings to me.

I always felt they were… dark.

No. No, no, no, no, no. These are not dark at all.

Each one of these paintings depicts love.

Love?

I think it’s clear

your husband was a romantic.

He was not. He was Russian.

Well, this collection tells a story of love.

Really. Like that one, for example, is unrequited love.

And those three over there, the nudes, passionate love.

And this woman by her lover’s deathbed,

undying love.

It’s all love.

[Catherine] I’ve never thought about it that way.

You really know what you’re talking about.

I’d hope so, considering she does it for a living.

She’s a director of an auction house in New York.

[Julian] The people in charge just get younger and younger.

Which house?

Sorry?

Which house?

Uh, Erwins.

[gasps]

Well, that’s incredible.

Really, this is serendipitous.

I recently asked Erwins to auction these for me.

[Will] Oh, you’re selling these?

Oh, that’s good. We never really liked them, did we?

Erwins is auctioning this collection?

Yes! Isn’t that fun?

[Julian] So fun!

Yes!

So, I’m sorry.

Your last name is Brovil?

Cause I just assumed it was, it was DeLaroche.

Well, technically, it’s Brovil. I just thought DeLaroche

so much more appropriate to the marquee.

This is the Brovil collection.

I’m confused. You didn’t know?

No, I mean…

It’s just that I’m…

I’m not exactly the point person for this collection.

They send me over here to help with other clients.

It’s all a team effort.

Claire Dupont is the one they’ve had me working with,

but I’d rather have you.

I’m going to ask Arnold tomorrow

to put you in charge of my auction.

No! Please, don’t. Please, don’t.

It’s just that, Mr Penker, Arnold,

Arnie, as I like to call him,

he’s very protective of this collection at the moment

and, um, I would get in serious, serious trouble

if anybody over there knew I was even talking to you.

Oh, yes. That’s right. He explained all that.

It’s all very… Shh. Hush-hush.

[Ana] Yes, yes. Very, very hush-hush.

I promise, Catherine, you are in very great hands with Claire.

There is no one better suited to this deal.

To be honest, she’s very old school,

and I’m sort of the young whippersnapper

stepping on her toes.

I wouldn’t want her to think that I’m poaching

or disrespecting her in any way.

Cause that would be really bad for me.

And for the company.

Oh.

Yeah.

Very bad.

Very cut-throat, the art business.

[laughs] Yeah.

Ana, if you can’t work on my auction, at the very least,

you must come out with us again tomorrow night.

There’s an event at the Southbank.

Another artsy party, I’m afraid, but everyone will be there.

Ana has to see this gallery, and you must take her.

Or she could get swept off her feet by some other chap,

and then, where will you be?

Where will you be?

In the pub.

This all sounds great

and, despite this incredible evening,

I’m not really here on holiday.

Oh, well, if you both don’t come,

it will put me off the whole night. Will.

Relax! You’re spectacular with pressure, I must say.

Either way, I’m so glad you could make it tonight.

And I will leave tickets for Midsummer with Will.

And you two can figure it out, right?

Thank you so much for everything, Catherine.

And, please, if you could refrain

from mentioning any of this…

Ana Santos? Never heard of her.

Never heard of her.

Exactly.

Goodnight, Catherine.

Happy birthday.

Uh, don’t forget this.

How could I?

All right. Bye.

Bye.

Goodnight. Lovely meeting you, Julian.

Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.

[phone pings]

[shouting]

OK.

[Will laughs]

Off the line! Good save, good save, good save.

Go on! Oh!

[Will groans]

Well played.

Come in, come in.

OK. Right. Great work today.

OK? Starting to see some real progress from you all

which is great.

We’ve got a big game on the weekend.

It’s a must-win if we want to be champions, OK?

Who’s she?

You seem a little old to be playing with these guys.

I only play at training. But apart from that,

I am the head coach, head manager, head cheerleader.

Wow. Seems like a lot of responsibility.

What are you guys called?

[all] The Lions!

Especially that one. He actually bites.

[growls]

Stop staring at the beautiful American woman

and give me a lap to finish off.

[all groan]

Don’t moan.

If you wanna be champions, you have to put the work in, OK?

Right, on my whistle.

What’s this?

It’s a whistle.

What do I do?

Blow it.

[loud whistle]

That was good.

Is this where one comes to score some West End tickets?

I had to find time to fit you in my busy schedule.

You mean when you’re not at work in the middle of the day?

The marketing thing, that’s just for fun.

No, this… This is my real job.

I know what you’re doing.

What? What am I doing?

Come on, you know. You know what you’re doing.

Having me show up here when you’re all…

What? Coaching an at-risk youth football team

or looking increasingly like

the Premier League player of your dreams?

Not my type.

[sighs]

Art history degree, remember?

All you nerdy types love us footballers.

OK. This nerdy type has to go back to work,

so if you could kindly give me those tickets,

I’ll be on my way.

Right. About that.

Oh, no.

No, I have them. I thought we could get lunch first.

Lunch?

Yeah.

I barely had time to meet you here.

You don’t have time for lunch?

Oh. Well, you should’ve just sent one of your assistants then.

[laughs] Well, I don’t know. I just wanted to see you.

In that case, I’ll walk you back.

OK.

Follow me.

I’ll give you the tickets,

but you’ve gotta promise to be my date tonight.

Tell your mom I say thank you,

and I will consider being your date tonight.

It’s at the Southbank.

You’re the one that likes that sort of thing.

There’ll be nothing there that I like unless you show.

I will see if I can get off early.

We’re actually really busy planning the Brovil collection.

Listen, I will get my mum to cancel the whole bloody thing

if it will free up your schedule.

Uh, you don’t have to do that. I can probably go.

Then I’ll pick you up at your hotel at eight.

Don’t come to the hotel.

If I go, I will meet you there.

OK.

Oh, before I forget.

Oh, no, no, no. You can keep it, you can keep it as a memento.

Every time you blow it, you’ll think of me.

[Ana] Oh, shut up.

[laughs]

I finished everything.

You smell like grass.

Foul. Claire!

You’re here.

Thank you for stating the obvious.

Have these dresses steamed, special attention to the hem.

If they ruin them, it’s on you.

[Arnold laughs]

Suzette, you’re up.

Tell me you have those tickets. Otherwise, stop breathing.

Claire, I’m so sorry. It was impossible. I called everyone.

Did you say impossible?

I’m sorry.

You mean for Midsummer Night’s Dream, right?

Cause I got you two tickets for this evening.

What are you talking about?

So, the new kid does it again.

And, uh, what about that special project that I gave you?

Finished.

I emailed you the spreadsheet with the final numbers.

Oh, and I confirmed Catherine DeLaroche for Monday at ten.

Catherine DeLaroche is coming here?

She just said that.

I confirmed the guest list

and I proofed the catalogue and I did the painting descriptions.

[Suzette gasps]

I cannot thank you enough. I am so looking forward to this.

And Rome. Fantastic job. You saved my ass.

Oh.

Well done.

Don’t sound so surprised, Arnold. It’s what I do.

I have a surprise for you.

Uh, what about the dinner?

Skip it.

Job is mine, prick.

Oh, you sound paranoid, Claire. I am only here to help.

Like you helped yourself to my clients last year?

Oh, my God. When can we move past that?

How about when I take over and move you out of the company?

[phone pings]

[phone pings]

[sighs]

[♪ “Tom Menor” by Luiz de Aquino]

Sorry.

[gasps]

Hi.

So good. Oh, darling.

You look so good.

Good grief, you are ravishing.

[Catherine] Right?

[Ana] Oh, stop. [laughs]

[Catherine] OK, come on, darlings.

You do look nice.

Oh, I think this is the night.

I can sense a soulmate here.

How many soulmates does that make so far?

Oh, I stopped counting long ago.

Ah, John.

Catherine.

Hello. Thank you so much for having us.

[John] It’s always a pleasure.

You know Julian and Will.

And this is our guest, Ana Santos.

Hi.

Ana.

I’m worried people are gonna be

looking at you in that dress and not at my paintings.

Oh, thank you.

Good job, uh, with the paintings.

Thank you.

Yeah.

[man] John, there’s someone I’d like you to meet.

If you’ll excuse me. Um, enjoy the evening.

[laughs]

What do you think of it?

I love it.

Really?

No. No, I think it looks like a big blue…

Willy, come fetch some drinks with me.

[Catherine] Darling.

What you said at my party last night,

it’s been stuck in my head all day.

Oh, God. What did I say?

About my collection.

What about it?

Just how, by looking at those paintings,

you showed me a soft side of Boris that I never saw.

Made me miss him, that’s all.

And knowing that I’m parting ways

with those pieces so soon…

[sighs]

It’s made me nostalgic.

I understand, but everything’s gonna be OK, right?

Yes, of course.

[photographer] Smile.

Just one more.

Here you go.

Ah!

I think I have to go.

What?

I just got hit with a wave of jet lag. I’m feeling so tired,

but thank you so much, Catherine.

So good to see you.

Good to see you. Bye.

Catalogue?

No, thanks.

Who’s your friend? Is she also an actress?

No, that’s Ana Santos.

She works for Erwins. She’s their New York director.

Ana.

What’s going on?

Nothing, I just feel… I feel tired.

Really?

[laughs] I don’t know.

I go to these events in New York all the time,

and I just thought

maybe we could do something different tonight.

Take the night off.

I’m sorry. I didn’t realise you took nights off.

Well, I would tonight.

OK. I have an idea.

[loud music]

I’m glad to see your sudden onset of jet lag has pissed off.

Yeah, turns out you knew the solution.

What was it back there then? You allergic to Mayfair?

What?

Are you allergic to Mayfair?

Oh, um…

Oh, no, I just…

I didn’t wanna be seen with you.

Ouch.

Sorry.

Yeah, well, we’re not done yet.

What do you mean? We’re not?

No, come on.

[♪ “Angel” by Lava La Rue]

So, should we get a cab?

Yeah, we could. We could.

Wouldn’t that be faster?

Yeah, it definitely would be,

but, um, then we wouldn’t be able to walk together.

Hmm.

Here, look, you can take this.

[Will] Well, here we are.

[Ana] Yep.

Your beautiful hotel.

My beautiful hotel.

Gonna invite me inside?

Excuse me? Very forward.

What happened to your manners, Downton Abbey?

I’m more of a Bridgerton man myself.

Hmm.

Sorry. I gotta go up.

I have a lot of work to do tonight.

Oh. Here I was, thinking you were taking the night off.

I did.

OK, fine. Fine.

Well, I guess we’ll just have to wait until date number three.

We’ll see.

You know the last time I was here,

I was meant to tell you something.

What’s that?

You still need to pay me back for the shoes.

You’re done.

OK. I should go up.

Oh, you’re killing me.

[laughs]

You are.

OK.

Goodnight, Will.

[exhales deeply]

[laughs]

[exhales deeply]

Sorry.

Not at all.

It’s nothing really.

OK.

I just made out with, like, a solid ten.

Ten?

Ten.

Nice.

Yeah.

[doorman] Can I get you something?

Oh, no. I’m just waiting for him to leave.

Oh. Do you not like him?

I like him a lot,

but he thinks I’m staying here, and I’m not.

Right.

Yeah.

Can I get you a cab?

That’d be great.

Thank you.

Are you gonna see him again?

I don’t know.

Not sure I’ll have time.

[♪ “Iceblink Luck” by Cocteau Twins]

Hi, yeah. I was just wondering if I could get a reservation

for two sometime this week.

Oh, Wednesday would be perfect.

I’m sorry, two months? Yeah.

No, that’s not gonna work.

Ana, give me the phone.

Uh, one second.

Give me the phone.

Hello. Hi, is that Casey?

Casey, it’s Will DeLaroche.

Do you think you might be able to do me a massive favour?

I got you the reservation.

[♪ “Iceblink Luck” by Cocteau Twins continues]

So, this job in New York.

If I get the offer.

If you get the offer…

Mm-hmm.

…is it something you might actually take?

Well, it’s looking more and more attractive.

Why would you wanna move to New York

when your life here in London is so incredible?

I want…

So, my mum’s birthday party the other day…

Mmm.

It’s been like that my whole life.

You know what it’s like, the scene, the people.

They’re trying to use you

to get to whatever it is that they’re after.

And, in my case,

it just so happens to be, embarrassingly enough, my mum.

And that gets old.

And that is why you are such an anomaly.

What makes me an anomaly?

You’re rich, successful.

You’re the youngest director this company has ever had.

And yet, you’re still, like, a real person.

And I’ve seen money change people.

I’ve seen them turn to monsters like that and..

You’re still just real.

And that means a lot.

Right, so here’s to hoping

that I get this job.

Here’s hoping.

Cheers.

I talked to William DeLaroche at the Southbank Friday night.

Catherine’s son?

Mm-hmm. He was all over me.

No one cares who you talked to, Suzette.

Ah. Good morning, Ana.

Morning.

Would you come into my office and close the door behind you?

Someone’s in trouble…

[sighs] We knew you wouldn’t last long.

Anyways, Will and I would have the hottest babies.

Oh, you lucky cow.

So, how are you?

Sorry?

Life, stuff, what are you into?

Yeah, um… what am I into? Um…

I’m really into… [exhales] working for you.

Mm-hmm. Good.

I’m very happy.

Very, very grateful to be here.

Good.

Yeah. Yep…

Hmm. [sighs]

Why are you looking at me like that?

Um… I’m just… I’m just… I’m confused.

Um, what are we… what are we doing?

We’re having a chat. And the chocolate!

Oh. OK, great…

I know what you’ve been doing.

What do you mean?

Did you think I wouldn’t notice?

I see how hard you’ve been working.

I notice it every day.

I want you to know it’s appreciated

and then, when I take over, it will be rewarded.

[chuckles] Wow. Thank you, Claire.

That’s… That’s… That’s incredible.

I know.

[knocking at door]

Yes?

It’s Catherine DeLaroche.

Send her in.

Oh, no, um… she’s not here.

She’s on the phone.

I’ll let you take that.

What?

[door closes]

It’s Claire.

[sighs]

DeLaroche just cancelled the auction.

What? What did she say?

[Claire] She got very sentimental about the paintings.

Something about the “love hidden within.”

Some fucking hippie bullshit!

But what I do know…

is no one gives up millions of dollars for no reason.

Someone got in her ear.

Sotheby’s.

Fuck!

It could be another collector trying to swoop in

and buy everything from her, but without us.

All it takes is one idiot with one stupid comment

to make her lose confidence in us.

You! You said that

you saw her son William at the gallery the other night.

Did he say anything about a cancellation?

I actually, um…

I didn’t talk to him. I made that up.

What’s wrong with you?

So many things.

OK.

Everybody’s one and only job

is to find out who’s behind this cancellation.

[Arnold] These paintings have been off the market for decades.

If Sotheby’s took this from us,

they’ll laugh all the way to the bank.

Now, you tell me you can fix this.

I can fix this.

I always do.

[door opens, closes]

[loud chatter]

[woman] Ana?

Sorry, um, there’s a Willy at the front desk for ya.

Who’s that?

Thing for Claire. Don’t worry.

Thought I’d make a bold gesture.

Come here.

Hang on a minute.

Just keep walking.

What are you doing here?

Just thought I’d surprise you for lunch.

You can’t just show up here unannounced.

What? I don’t understand.

You don’t understand?

You don’t understand how inappropriate it is

to show up here the day that your mom

pulls her collection from our auction?

Ana, that has nothing to do with me.

I have no idea what she’s doing with all that.

Nothing to do with you?

You’re her son. I work for Erwins.

This was such a bad idea to begin with. I’m such an idiot!

Let’s not get hyperbolic. So she pulled a few pieces,

or whatever… It’s not the end of the world.

I mean, you do these all the time anyway.

Just because you don’t give a shit, Will,

doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter.

This shit matters to me. I give a shit. I give a lot of shits.

This was the biggest auction of my career.

And I put it at risk because I thought

you and your mom understood that.

I’m sorry. I didn’t know that it meant that much to you, Ana.

It does.

Honestly, I came here to tell you

that I got the job offer from the firm in New York.

[laughs] That’s great. That’s really great, um…

I wish I could be happier for you,

but while you get an offer for a job

that you’ve literally never needed, now mine is at risk.

Never needed?

[Ana] This was such a mistake.

No, I think the only mistake here was me not realising

that this entire relationship was based on whether or not

you were getting something in return.

Will.

Tickets, invitations, attention. Joke.

Will.

Good luck to you.

[loud chatter]

[phone pings]

[Arnold] Ms Santos!

A word, please.

Quite the photo.

Claire, I can explain.

No, I’ll explain. In this photo, you’re wearing my dress.

You’re the director of Erwins New York

having such a wonderful time with our client.

It’s so strange because I’m the director of Erwins New York.

But I’m so glad that it’s you in this photo.

Since Catherine pulled the collection,

you’re really doing an incredibly shit job.

I know that I probably look crazy right now,

but I promise I never intended for any of this to happen.

I met Catherine’s son on the plane

and he misinterpreted something I said. It was an accident.

It’s not an accident. You lied.

You lied your way into Catherine’s confidence.

You pretended to have my job.

You shimmied your way into my couture.

It’s a shame you couldn’t have something like my competence.

Catherine is not responding.

Let me deal with Catherine. I can fix this, trust me.

“Trust” is not the word that comes to mind, darling.

Suzette, I want her on a plane. I want her out of here now.

My pleasure.

Call security.

[Gerard] Excuse me, Claire,

but you really had no idea she was masquerading as you?

You fuck off, Gerard.

A lot of people want to be me.

How can that be possible with you, Claire?

I was called to Rome.

Oh, you’re suggesting I’m to blame?

Well, it certainly didn’t help.

[Arnold] Excuse me.

I’ve got to start cleaning up your mess.

Gerard is taking point in the auction until I figure this out.

[Gerard] You’re making this too easy.

Bravo, Gerard. Remove her. She no longer works at Erwins.

Claire…

Claire, I’m so unbelievably sorry.

Uh-huh.

You’re a terrible waste of potential.

I’m so sorry, bud. I wish I could be there to help.

I know, Viv. I wish you were here too.

[squealing]

What was that?

Listen, I hate to tell you this on the worst day of your life,

but… Ronnie and I got a Great Dane!

Wait, what?

[squeals]

This is Mario! He lives here instead of you now.

Mario is our baby, and you know how little space we have.

So why would you get a Great Dane?

But it’s OK. I’m gonna take all your stuff

and put it in a crate and put it out in the hallway.

Ronnie! She’s having a hard time.

It’s OK.

I’ve literally just been thrown out on the street

and I’m being replaced by a Great Dane.

Aw…

There’s always the navy.

[hangs up]

[sighs]

[phone pings]

[man] The best decision I ever made? That’s easy.

I joined the US Navy.

[sighs]

[exhales]

No, they didn’t fire me because I was hanging out with a client

I wasn’t supposed to know.

No, they fired me because…

because I was impersonating my boss.

[gasps]

I’m not a director at Erwins.

[chuckles] I’m not even close to being a director at Erwins.

Before I came to London,

I was handing out catalogues and paddles

and folding chairs.

They fired me because I lied.

I’m realising that pretending to be more than I am

got me further in a week than being myself did in a year.

I lied, Catherine,

because I wanted to live somebody else’s life for once

because I am so insecure of my own.

I’m really surprised by all of this, Ana.

I thought I knew you.

For all we know, she even made up the name Ana Santos.

No. Ana’s my name, Ana Santos.

Oh, well, thank God for that.

We’ve got something real to work with.

I really don’t know what to say, to be honest.

What do you think, Julian?

Shocked.

[Catherine] Wildly shocked, yes.

Unbelievably shocked.

Incredibly shocked.

[Julian] Hmm!

Encore!

[clapping continues]

Bravo! Well done.

Pretending to be other people

is supposed to be what I do for a living.

[Julian chuckles]

You’re not mad?

Well, some people have called me mad.

Do you think I’m mad?

Barking.

I’m just an admirer of a good performance.

You should be in the theatre.

You would still be poor but you’d get in a lot less trouble.

Darling, you should know, none of this is your fault.

That’s very nice, Catherine, but…

I’m not being nice. I was using you.

Using me?

Mm-hmm.

It was all a sales strategy.

[Catherine laughs]

A what?

[Catherine] When I was a young, I found myself in Casablanca.

Great movie.

Shut up, Julian.

I lived in Morocco.

And I learned how to bargain at the Grand Bazaar.

One of the most important things:

right before concluding a deal, try to walk away.

If they’re convinced that you will actually leave,

they might just make a better offer.

What about Boris? I thought this was all because of what I said.

I knew Boris a bit better than you, darling.

I mean, I was married to him, for God’s sake.

The only thing that man cared about and loved was money.

It wasn’t like I thought anyone would get hurt.

So none of this is my fault?

You’re talented.

But it takes a bit more than some soft words about paintings

to make me turn down £85 million.

I’ve decided I want a beach house.

[laughs]

In Spain. I do.

So… what are you saying?

I think it’s time we go down there

and get this auction on track.

For less commission.

Of course.

I can’t go back to Erwins.

I just got escorted out by security.

You’re absolutely right.

You cannot go back to Erwins with paint all over your bottom.

Um, permission to raid the closet?

Permission granted.

[typing]

[gasps]

Security!

Hello.

Catherine. So nice of you to make it.

Julian, old boy. You look splendid.

I heard you were dead.

Not as dead as this deal was

before young Ana here talked me round.

What’s she doing here?

Ana’s with me.

What can I do for you?

Well…

I would like to go ahead with the auction…

[sighs]

…with one minor change.

OK.

I’m too… personally attached.

I’m appointing someone to manage the auction on my behalf.

Someone I trust.

Whomever you choose.

Ana Santos will manage the auction for me.

Wow! [laughs]

I expect you to treat her like you would treat me.

If I hear otherwise, I’ll move my collection to Sotheby’s.

Are you kidding? We are… thrilled to work with Ana.

She’s an amazing young woman from our training program.

Do we have a problem?

Nope. Absolutely not.

Is there, Claire?

Welcome back, Ana.

Welcome back, Ana.

Love you.

Love you. Thank you.

And, uh, thank you for trusting us.

Ana, would you like to grab Suzette’s desk?

What?

We want Ana to be comfortable.

Drink? Water? Champagne?

That won’t be necessary, Arnold, but thank you.

Now before we start,

there is one person I can safely say I’d like off the team.

Gerard.

What? No, no, darling. You can’t do that.

Yes, I can, darling.

Claire was horrible to you. Don’t you want revenge?

No. I don’t want revenge. I want Claire.

She’s done more for this company than anybody else in this room

and grossed twice as much as you.

Well, Gerard, it appears no one wants you. Let’s go.

Uh, excuse me. Claire stays?

Claire stays, yeah.

Come on.

What the fuck is going on?

I told them the truth.

Do tell.

I told them you were the single best person for the auction,

and that you will ruin anybody who crosses you or the company.

You’ve had to fight for your spot here…

and so have I.

Go on.

I’d like to start with the opening bids.

I think we could be undervaluing some pieces.

What do you think?

[laughs]

Actually, I do agree.

I knew there was a reason I liked you. I’m never wrong.

Shall we get to work?

[indistinct chatter]

[clears throat] I just wanted to say,

as a fellow woman of colour, you are such an inspiration.

Oh, my God, Renee. She just has an olive complexion.

What? She’s from Guatemala.

[scoffs] You really need to educate yourself.

I’m from Florida.

[clicks fingers]

Chairs. Chairs.

Floridian, you got them working. That’s impressive.

[gasps] You! The bizarre socks!

Can I have a word?

[loud chatter]

[gavel bangs]

[laughs]

[auctioneer] Final piece for the Brovil collection.

Starting at £75 million. Looking for 85.

At 90 million. Thank you, madam. One hundred I’m bid.

With the lady here at 100 million.

Any advance on 100? All done at 100?

I have 110 with the gentleman here

at 110 million. 120, well done.

Would you like to go 130? We do. 130.

We have 130 million on my right with the gentleman.

Deep breath. 140!

[crowd gasps]

[auctioneer] A record for the artist, 140.

We’re selling. Not yours quite yet, sir. 140.

No more for you, sir? No more on the telephones.

With the lady. Are you sure?

[bangs gavel]

Sold! Final sale.

[cheering]

[auctioneer] £250 million.

Biggest auction in Erwins’s history.

[exhales]

When are you leaving?

Tonight.

I have some clients in New York I’d like to see.

You don’t stop, do you?

Hmm.

Exactly how Erwins’s future chairwoman should be.

Thank you, Arnold.

[Arnold] Let’s talk about it. Come on.

Long time coming.

Oh. Be ready to leave at seven o’clock tonight

and you won’t need an upgrade either.

You’re going to be up front where you belong.

Wasn’t that exciting?

Ana, congratulations.

That wasn’t a low commission after all.

No, it wasn’t. Did Will make it?

No, of course not.

Right.

Men and their football.

Oh! That’s right.

I’ve got 20 quid on it.

I just really wanted to explain to him that…

Wait, what?

The Lions are in the Championship game

and seven-year-olds can’t coach themselves.

[Julian laughs]

You lied. I put up with a lot of things in my life,

but lying I don’t have time for. The world is hard enough

without me having to look over my shoulder.

I suppose that means nothing to you.

And that breaks my heart.

You made me believe that you wanted to win,

that you wanted to be champions.

Their best player has asthma. You lot are drawing to a team

whose best player needs an inhaler to get on the pitch.

[exhales]

I wasn’t gonna say this now,

but since we are where we are, I will, OK?

After the game, I’m treating you all to Pizza Express.

[gasps]

You’ve worked hard this season and you deserve it.

But if you win,

I personally guarantee you all unlimited ice cream.

What if I want six scoops?

Unlimited.

[children gasp]

OK? Now, I want you to go out there

and play your hearts out for these final minutes.

Not just for yourselves, not even for me.

Not for your mums and dads,

whoever has come down to watch you today,

but for chocolate, vanilla, pistachio,

that weird flavour that Zayn likes.

Gooseberry.

Exactly.

Now, hands in. Come on.

Ready?

One, two, three!

[all] Lions!

Come on!

[child] Let’s do this!

[whistle blows]

[whistle blows]

I thought bribes weren’t allowed in sports.

[scoffs] Now is really not a good time.

Yeah. It’s just that, uh…

my plane leaves in, like, three hours

and I really can’t leave without talking to you.

With all due respect, we’re in the final minutes here.

Got it.

Defence, Tommy, defence!

[children chatter and shout]

I was hoping to talk to you after the auction,

but then you never showed.

Yeah. I heard it went well.

I heard about my mum’s strategy with the deal.

I heard about your big confessional as well.

Yeah. Turns out we were both lying about something.

Uh, acting. My mum’s a lot of things,

but she’s not a liar, OK?

Right, well, neither am I. Not most of the time, anyway.

Look, Will, I’m really sorry for lying to you,

but I need you to know that even though I lied about what I do,

I wasn’t lying about who I am and how I feel.

I couldn’t make that up even if I tried.

I would love it if we could start fresh

with nothing but reality this time.

Look, I appreciate that, but if we’re talking about reality,

you are literally about to fly a thousand miles out of my life.

What? What happened to the job in New York?

I turned it down.

You turned it down? Why?

Ryan, you’re not moving! Come on, wake up!

Look, Ana. I am glad

that it’s all working out for you now, that you won

and that my mum’s getting her beach house in Spain.

It’s great that you’re being nice to me again

now you’ve gotten everything you wanted,

but you were awful to me

when it looked like things weren’t going to go your way.

That is pretty hard to see any differently.

I was going to tell you the truth eventually, I swear.

I was trying to find a way to do it without coming off insane,

which feels impossible now.

I was in over my head and it snowballed.

But, honestly, Will,

I don’t think you would’ve kept talking to me

if you knew the truth.

The truth being that…

I’m not like you. I don’t have any family connections,

I have no savings, I’ve been in credit card debt for years.

I still live in a one-bedroom apartment

with my sister and her fiancé.

I wake up every morning on their futon as an unwelcome guest

hoping that if I got the shot to impress my boss even a little,

I’d get the chance to impress somebody like you.

And then nobody would have to know that I have nothing

and I’m… I’m nobody.

Well, then I’m clearly not the person who you thought I was,

and whoever it was you were trying to impress

sounds like a right prick.

[football net rattles]

[children cheer]

[whistle blows]

[Will cheers] Oh, my God!

Yes! Ryan, you little beauty!

Yes! Yes! Yes! Brilliant stuff. OK, hold on one second.

Look, Ana. You are somebody. Probably someone great too.

I just never had a chance to find out.

Will…

I wish I’d gotten the chance to meet the real you,

futon and all.

Have a safe flight back, OK?

Right, come on. Let’s go!

[children cheer]

I’m so proud of you lot.

Yes. As promised, ice cream and pizza.

[chuckles quietly]

[indistinct announcement]

[attendant] Champagne?

Oh, thank you.

[sirens and traffic sounds]

[dog pants]

[background chatter]

Hey.

Hi.

You know, I think I get it now.

Yeah?

I would’ve been a millionaire in kindergarten.

Ronnie!

What?

It’s nice.

It’s a square, Viv.

There’s free food and drink over there.

How do you know it’s free?

It’s my gallery.

Hmm.

That is class, Ana.

Class…

Knock yourself out.

[Ronnie] I told you she could do it, didn’t I, Viv?

If I got that kind of commission,

I’m flying with Maverick.

How does it feel to run a gallery?

Feels pretty good, Amy.

You’ve got money.

Yeah.

You’ve got your health.

Yup.

You could probably get on Raya.

Claire’s network goes a long way.

Look, she’s here.

Honestly, I didn’t think she’d make it.

Too busy ruling the world.

Well, I’m sorry you know who didn’t show up.

No, it’s fine.

Pretty dumb of me to get my hopes up.

Let’s go out tonight.

I know that there are thousands of people in this city who would love to fu… talk to you.

And he had his chance.

Maybe another time. I gotta stay and lock up.

[woman] Congrats. It’s really wonderful. Fantastic job.

[Ana] Oh, thank you.

[man] Thank you so much.

[Ana] I really appreciate you guys coming. Thank you.

[woman] Really great, Ana.

[Ana] Thanks, guys.

[suitcase clatters]

Do you know how hard it was to swipe those?

Will. [laughs]

[sighs]

What are you doing here?

Did you accept the job in New York?

[Will] Yeah, but that’s not why I’m here.

Why are you here?

You still owe me for the suedes.

[laughs]

I will buy you new suedes if you admit that you missed me.

Ooh, that’s a hard bargain.

Is this the part when you walk away from a bad deal?

I don’t think I can do that again.

What do we do now?

Let’s start by dropping off your bags at my place.

Nice futon.

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