The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare (2024)
Genre: Action, War, Comedy
Director: Guy Ritchie
Stars: Henry Cavill, Eiza González, Alan Ritchson, Henry Golding, Alex Pettyfer
Plot: In 1940, Winston Churchill and Ian Fleming form a clandestine combat organization for Britain’s military that changes the course of World War II and prefigures the modern black ops unit through its unconventional and entirely ‘ungentlemanly’ fighting techniques against the Nazis.
* * *
(INTRIGUING WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING)
(MUSIC CRESCENDOES, FADES)
(MUSIC PULSES)
(SAILORS SPEAKING GERMAN)
(CAPTAIN IN GERMAN)
MAN: (IN ENGLISH) Uh, Sweden.
(IN GERMAN)
MAN: (IN ENGLISH) I’m… I’m… Swedish
but I speak a little English.
We’re coming on board.
(SAILORS SHOUTING IN GERMAN)
(CAPTAIN ORDERING IN GERMAN)
(IN ENGLISH) All are welcome. All are welcome.
Even the little one. He can come too.
Welcome.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
Why are you here?
Just a little sailing holiday.
A jolly boys trip.
Take your hands off.
Papers?
Passport?
(GRUNTS) Here you go.
Any other people on the boat?
Just the two of us.
(IN GERMAN)
Nein.
(CAPTAIN SPEAKING)
(IN ENGLISH) Come, come, we have lots to eat…
Take your dirty hands off me!
(SAILORS SHOUTING IN GERMAN)
(GUNS COCKING)
CAPTAIN: (IN ENGLISH) Back off!
And you, put your hands in the air!
(LAUGHING)
Ooh! (LAUGHING)
You’re in trouble now!
You’ve been a naughty boy!
I’ll give you 100 francs to shoot him.
Don’t shoot me!
(BOTH CONTINUE LAUGHING)
He hates Germans. You should really shoot him.
I… I’m sorry. You are very scary.
MAN: Make him walk the plank.
He loves wood.
(BOTH CONTINUE LAUGHING)
Dirty drunken animal!
Guilty as charged.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
(SAILORS SPEAKING GERMAN)
(DRAWER RATTLES)
(IN ENGLISH) I always take a can of kerosene for just these sort of occasions.
(INHALES)
It’s been a while, but the last time someone laughed at me when I boarded their vessel, I gave them the choice.
Either swim to shore or take their chances on a burning ship.
(LIQUID POURING)
Hans and I wondered which option they’d choose, death by water or death by fire.
Oddly, they chose both.
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC CONTINUES)
(IN ENGLISH) They waited until the very last moment, until their hair was on fire, and their blistered skin peeled from their fingers, before they immersed themselves in water in the vain hope of reaching shore.
One of them sank immediately and perished. But to our amazement, the big one, he showed great spirit.
In spite of all the odds…
(IN GERMAN)
…he painstakingly made it to shore.
We followed and cheered him on and rewarded this impressive achievement with a bullet to the back of his head.
Isn’t that funny?
Why aren’t you laughing?
(GUN FIRING QUIETLY)
(SAILORS GRUNT, SCREAM)
(SAILORS CLAMORING)
(SLASHING)
(GASPS)
(AMUSING WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING)
(MAN GRUNTS)
(GUN FIRING QUIETLY)
(GRUNTS)
(SAILOR 1 SHOUTS IN GERMAN)
(GUN FIRES QUIETLY)
(SAILOR 2 YELPS)
(SAILOR 3 GRUNTS)
(SAILORS SHOUTING IN GERMAN)
(SAILOR 4 SCREAMS)
(GUN FIRING QUIETLY)
(SAILORS GRUNTING)
(GUN FIRING QUIETLY)
(SAILOR 5 GASPS)
(SIGHS)
(SAILOR 6 YELPS)
(GROANING)
(GROWLS)
(SAILOR 7 GROANS)
(AMUSING WESTERN MUSIC CONTINUES)
Nice work, Lassen.
There’s more where that came from.
Yes.
(LASSEN GROANS)
(LASSEN GRUNTS)
Ah…
Not sure it’s working, Lassen.
The captain looks rather agitated.
They’re bringing their guns to bear.
(MISSILE FIRES)
They’ll find their range soon, sir.
Freddy, should we be worried?
Oh, I don’t think so, sir.
It’s a rather large explosive, so I set a rather large fuse.
I located the outside of the powder room,
so when it goes bang,
it really should go bang.
(MISSILE FIRES)
(EXPLOSION)
Closer…
Should be any second now, chaps.
(SAILORS CLAMORING IN DISTANCE)
Freddy?
(EXPLOSION BOOMING)
Good work, Frederick.
Thank you, Captain.
Now, any chance you can tell us
what we’re doing here, sir?
(MUSIC FADES)
(PROJECTOR CLICKING)
(JOLLY ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING)
NEWSREADER: (ON PROJECTOR) The war in Europe rages on as Hitler and his Nazi horde sweep aside all in their path.
Poland, Belgium and now France have all fallen to Hitler’s fascist regime, leaving Britain holding up the final hopes of liberation for all of Europe.
So, come on, Blighty, get ready for a fighty.
But we cannot do it alone.
And any hope for our American brothers to join us from across the Atlantic remains frustrated by Germany’s secret weapon, the U-boat.
These deadly little submarines hunt at will in the North Atlantic.
Undetectable, the U-boat sinks ships indiscriminately, whether carrying munitions, provisions or civilians heading from our companions across the pond.
So long as the U-boats rule the Atlantic, it remains impossible for America’s brave troops to reach our shores.
Will Britain be forced to appease Hitler’s plans or face devastation from his offensive?
London burns and her seas run red, as bombs from above and torpedoes from below grind the Brits down.
And with no defense against these lethal U-boats, it appears all hope may be lost for peace in Europe.
(MUSIC STOPS)
(PROJECTOR CLICKS)
The Germans cut off our supply chain with U-boats, we cut off the supply chain to the U-boats.
Through our intelligence agents, we’ve found a way.
(INTRIGUING WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING)
The entire servicing, repairing, and rearming of Hitler’s Atlantic U-boat fleet… is operated by two Nazi tug boats… and an Italian supply ship in Fernando Po.
I need men who are willing to go and sink those ships.
Why don’t we just air-raid Fernando Po and sink the ships?
(EXHALES)
Because crafty Germans, being crafty Germans, have positioned themselves in a Spanish colony.
Fernando Po is neutral territory.
If we attack that colony, the rest of unoccupied Europe will join the Nazis, and it’s only a question of time before we find ourselves frying big pink sausages wearing nothing but lederhosen.
Hitler is not playing by the rules and neither are we.
This will of course be an unsanctioned, unauthorized and unofficial mission.
If they’re captured by the British, they’ll be thrown in jail.
But if the Nazis find them… it’s torture and death.
MAN: Somewhat contentiously, I may have just the man, but rather inconveniently, he’s currently incarcerated at His Majesty’s pleasure.
We may not like his attitude, but he’s bold, he’s a killer, and the men will follow him anywhere.
Are we sure this is a good idea?
Of course we’re not.
But we’re desperate.
Send him in.
(DOOR OPENS)
SERGEANT: Forward!
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
(CHAINS CLINKING)
SERGEANT: Stand there, Major.
(INTRIGUING MUSIC CONTINUES)
MAN: Thank you, Sergeant.
Gus March-Phillips,
this is Lieutenant Commander…
Fleming. Ian Fleming.
He used to be at Naval Intelligence,
now he works for me.
Why am I here, M?
I have a mission I want you to lead.
Why are you asking me, M?
Help yourself to a cup of tea, Major.
(GUS CLEARS THROAT)
We both know that I’m…
not very popular with the administration.
M: The reason they find you unattractive
is the very reason I find you attractive.
Mission?
M: Operation Postmaster.
To neutralize the German U-boats
in the North Atlantic.
(RATTLING)
And, uh, what’s the plan?
(SIGHS)
FLEMING: The U-boats need
fuel and torpedoes.
Oh.
But they also need
carbon dioxide filters for oxygen.
Without them, they can’t dive and they can’t hunt.
Stuck on the surface, they’re obsolete.
Target?
The Duchessa d’Aosta.
She’s an Italian ship the Germans have been using…
(CONTINUES DRAGGING CHAIR)
(FLEMING CLEARS THROAT)
…to refuel, re-arm and replenish
the CO2 filters for the entire fleet.
She’s hidden off the coast of West Africa.
A small island called Fernando Po.
We want you to, um, sink her.
M: You’ll be posing as fishermen
sailing down the west coast
on board a trawler loaded with enough explosives
to destroy the Duchessa.
This is Agents Heron and Stewart.
They’ll be working undercover on the island.
Mr. Heron’s already established there,
running various businesses.
What businesses?
A casino bar, and illegal exports game.
Profitable?
I do quite well.
(LIGHTER CLICKS)
High-ranking Nazis are my most valued clients.
Good for you.
(LIGHTER CLICKS)
M: Miss Stewart, an actress and singer,
has been training with us for the last two years.
She’ll be posing
as a gold trader from New York.
Her mission is to seduce and distract
the island’s Commanding Officer Heinrich Luhr.
She’s very capable and somewhat motivated.
Motivated how, sir?
My mother’s side were German Jews.
They were the first to go.
Very sorry to hear that.
I’m sure you’ll recover.
M: We have 44 days
before the Nazis move their operation.
We won’t find them again.
If I’m to do this, I’ll need my own team.
You won’t like them. They’re all, uh…
mad.
They’ll need to be. Give us their names.
Henry Hayes.
A smart, young Irishman who hates the Nazis
because his older brother,
who was a close friend of mine,
drowned after a U-boat sank his fishing trawler.
I’ve taken him under my wing ever since.
He’s cunning, quiet and wily.
More to the point,
Hayes is a magnificent sailor and I trust him.
If we’re going to try and sink a large ship,
we’ll need Freddy “The Buzz” frogman.
He can swim across the channel with his feet tied together.
Admittedly,
he’s a convicted arsonist and a terrible misery
unless he’s destroying something.
But he’s very good at blowing things up.
Next, we’ll need the Danish hammer.
Anders Lassen.
Grew up wrestling bears
and hunting elk on his family estate.
He’s a legend
with a Bowie knife and a bow and arrow.
He ran away at 18 to fight the Nazis
after the Gestapo tortured his brother to death.
He gave up filleting game for gutting Nazis.
He then turned up on our shores
ready to fight alongside us.
He is an uncontrollable mad dog
who knows a hundred creative ways
to kill a man.
And finally,
and most importantly, we’ll need Geoffrey Appleyard.
Yes, we thought you might.
That’s why we sent him
on a reconnaissance mission to Fernando Po.
Unfortunately,
the Nazis nabbed him on his return.
All the more reason. He knows what we need to know.
He’s a master planner,
a master survivor, a chess grand master
and a surgeon with the blade.
We spent two weeks together in a Dunkirk foxhole
and if it wasn’t for Apple, I would still be there today.
No Apple, no mission.
I’m afraid that’s impossible.
Why?
M: Because he’s being held
by an entire German garrison on La Palma.
(HUFFS, LAUGHS)
La Palma’s on the way.
(MARJORIE SCOFFS)
That’s insanity.
You let me worry about that.
I must get me one of those coats.
(AMUSING WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING)
(LAUGHING)
Now, any chance you can tell us
what we’re doing here, sir?
Dry yourself off, frogman, and I’ll tell you.
The curiosity is eating us all up, sir.
GUS: I apologize for all the secrecy, chaps.
But this is
an unsanctioned, unofficial and unauthorized mission.
If we’re picked up by the Brits,
we will all go to jail.
If we’re picked up by the Germans,
torture and death.
So, it’s just the four of us then?
And Captain Appleyard.
He’s responsible for securing this information.
He is, however, in a spot of bother.
He is being held by the Germans on La Palma.
Our first job is to liberate him.
Oh, so, that’s all, is it?
GUS: No.
We need to confirm Appleyard’s intelligence.
That’s why there are two more agents
on their way to Fernando Po by train, as we speak.
Doing what, exactly?
They’ll be ensuring
that those ships are filled with supplies,
so they’re worth blowing up in the first place.
(TRAIN HORN BLARING)
MARJORIE: It’s one thing taking over the world,
but do they have to take over the kitchen too?
It’s all sausage, cabbage and black bread.
HERON: Who would you have preferred?
MARJORIE: The French offer the refined classical take.
Cote de boeuf, fromage, le beurre…
ca suffit!
(MEN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
What about the rustic spontaneity of the Italians?
Their oils, the linguine, the tomatoes.
I’d climb over the linguine to get to the fettucine.
But the cinghiale.
MARJORIE: Mmm.
You have me with the wild boar.
But then again, the Spanish offer
the smorgasbord
of the regional paella and tapas.
And Jamon Iberico Andalucia.
So?
We’re between a rock and a hard place.
If the Brits win the war,
we’re stuck with fish and chips.
If the Germans win the war,
we’re stuck with this menu.
So?
We’ll have the sausage, the cabbage
and the black bread please.
(SIGHS)
Tres bien. Merci.
(SOLDIERS LAUGHING, SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
(EXHALES)
Our situation?
Steady.
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)
(EXCITING MUSIC PLAYING)
Steady.
(EXHALES)
Now.
(SOLDIERS SPEAKING GERMAN INDISTINCTLY, LAUGHING)
(IN GERMAN)
MARJORIE: Mmm.
(IN ENGLISH) I’m exhausted.
(IN GERMAN)
(LAUGHING STOPS)
(MUSIC FADES)
(CHUCKLES)
(SOLDIERS SHUSHING)
(GULPS)
Entschuldigung, bitte.
(EXCITING MUSIC PLAYING)
(SOLDIERS SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
OFFICER: (IN ENGLISH) Halt!
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
(CHATTER STOPS)
(IN GERMAN)
(IN ENGLISH) Is there a problem?
(IN GERMAN)
(IN ENGLISH) I can manage myself, thank you.
(IN GERMAN)
(IN ENGLISH) Allow me, Miss Stewart.
(MUSIC FADES)
(IN GERMAN)
(IN ENGLISH) Allow me.
Thank you.
(EXCITING MUSIC PLAYING)
SOLDIER: Prost!
(SOLDIERS SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
(EXCITING MUSIC CONTINUES)
HERON: Door.
Locked.
HERON: Case?
Working on it.
(UNLOCKS CASE)
(SOLDIERS SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
(DIAL CLICKING)
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
(SIGNAL BEEPING)
OPERATOR: Sir, contact.
(SIGNAL BEEPING)
Contact.
Standing by.
MARJORIE: Duchessa’s manifest. Ready?
Ready.
400 B-grade torpedoes. Check.
(EXCITING MUSIC PLAYING)
(SIGNAL BEEPING)
OPERATOR: 400 B-grade torpedoes.
M: Check.
Check.
MARJORIE: 5,000 tons of diesel. Check.
(CLICKING)
(SIGNAL BEEPING)
OPERATOR: 5,000 tons of diesel.
Lieutenant.
OPERATOR: Yes, sir?
M: Check.
(SIGNAL BEEPING)
HERON: Check.
10,000 carbon dioxide filters. Check.
(SOLDIERS SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
End of message from Stork, sir.
Confirm receipt.
(SIGNAL BEEPING)
HERON: Receipt confirmed.
Urgent, Chequers.
Get the car ready. Inform Fleming.
Let’s pack it up.
No point robbing the bank
if there’s no gold in the vault.
(EXCITING MUSIC CONTINUES)
(SOLDIERS CONVERSING, LAUGHING)
Thank you.
It’s truly comforting to know
there’s at least one gentleman in the world.
SOLDIER: Ah! (SPEAKING GERMAN) Idiot!
(HERON, IN GERMAN)
(IN ENGLISH) Good day.
(MUSIC FADES)
Sausage, cabbage and black bread.
(SIGHS)
MAN: Hitler has made us an offer.
An appeasement.
But we must step down our army,
surrender our Navy and accept Nazi rule.
Otherwise, he promises
total destruction of Britain and her empire.
Our best option
is to take Hitler’s deal while we can.
The Air Marshal agrees.
He has more bombs, more men, more machines.
We won’t survive much longer.
You have to make the only decision you can make
in good conscience, Prime Minister.
CHURCHILL: Good God, girls. Listen to yourselves.
It’s not appeasement, it’s surrender.
You still fail to realize who we’re up against.
With respect, Prime Minister, it’s you who doesn’t realize.
We cannot hope to defeat him.
Hitler is the mainspring of evil,
a guttersnipe.
This is not a man that we can negotiate with.
I’ve read his book, Admiral Pound.
The man is a vicious, victimized ideologue.
He cannot be trusted.
If I thought that we could’ve achieved peace
through surrendering,
I’d have done it already.
We need to stop our country from starving.
We need three million tons of supplies
to cross the Atlantic every month.
We are currently losing 50% of that to U-boat attacks.
Another reason to take the deal.
I’ve not finished, Algernon, darling.
We need the Americans,
and they will never enter the war
if we already appear to be a losing side.
Ending hostilities with Germany
is the best path out of this mess.
We are all in agreement, Prime Minister.
Thank you, gentlemen.
(STERNLY) Yes, thank you, gentlemen!
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
(DOOR OPENS)
CHURCHILL: M, Fleming, this better be good news.
M: Prime Minister,
we have the manifest here, sir.
It’s been confirmed
the Duchessa is fully laden with supplies
to keep the U-boats operational indefinitely.
If we’re going to sink her, now is the time.
They’re on their way.
And their chances?
Well, if anyone can, they can.
But if we’re discovered,
parliament will remove you from office.
Well,
we’d better make sure we’re not discovered then.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC FADES)
We’ll take it from the cliffside.
It’s an 85-foot sheer climb.
No one should notice
a small, innocuous fishing vessel.
We’ll set up in the woods and see what we’re up against,
then we’ll go for a night raid.
Slip in quietly, find Apple, come out fast.
Numbers?
Intelligence suggests a garrison of 50 to 60.
That should be about 15 each.
Lassen, try not to be greedy. You do have a reputation.
My killing days are over.
I’m just here as a peacekeeping observer.
(MEN CHUCKLE)
Freddy, bag the kit, silence the weapons.
(EXCITING MUSIC PLAYING)
(SEAGULL SQUAWKING)
(GUN COCKS)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(SOLDIERS SHOUTING IN GERMAN)
FREDDY: When do we go?
GUS: 0200.
Take the towers first, then move onto the radio room,
barracks and end up in the control room…
(DOG BARKS IN THE DISTANCE)
What do we have here?
Gestapo.
How’d you know?
GUS: The badder they are, the better they’re dressed.
I really must get me one of those coats.
They must be here for Apple.
It’s either torture or, uh, extraction, sir.
GUS: If they extract him, it’ll be the end of Apple.
We won’t be seeing him again.
I’m afraid, gentlemen,
we’re not going to have the luxury of night.
We’re going to have to go in now.
(SOLDIERS SPEAKING GERMAN)
(BOTH SHOUTING IN GERMAN)
(ARROWS WHIZZING)
(SOLDIERS GRUNT)
(SPLUTTERS)
(MUSIC FADES)
(IN ENGLISH) So, what’s happened there then?
It looks like
they’ve been plugged full of arrows, Haysey.
Well, where did the arrows go?
FREDDY: Straight through them.
(LASSEN GRUNTING)
There were two more round the other side.
Where are they now?
Same place as these two.
Nazi heaven.
Well, we’ve got less than seven minutes
before they’re missed.
Alarms, dogs. None of it good.
(GUNS FIRING)
Go undercover of the engine.
Only break cover when things go bang.
(SIGHS)
I have a great idea, Lassen.
Why don’t you march off by yourself
and fill those Germans full of arrows?
(TENSE WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING)
(GRUNTS)
GUS: Freddy, grab the scissors and help him with that fence.
Aye, sir.
(THRILLING MUSIC PLAYING)
(GRUNTS)
(SOLDIER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
(VEHICLE ENGINE WHIRRING)
Haysey, you’re with me. We go left.
Freddy, Lassen, you go right.
Fill your boots, gentlemen, and bon appetit.
(SNIPPING)
(ENGINE SPUTTERING)
See you at the tower.
(GUNS COCK)
GUS: And remember, gentlemen, try to have fun.
(GUNS FIRING QUIETLY)
(SOLDIERS CLAMORING)
(ENGINE WHIRRING)
(OFFICER SPEAKING GERMAN)
(MAN SPEAKING ON RADIO)
(GUN FIRING QUIETLY)
(ENGINE WHIRRING)
(GUN FIRING QUIETLY)
(GROANS)
(IN ENGLISH) So far, so good.
(ENGINE WHIRRING)
Doing rather well, Haysey.
Oh, why thank you, sir.
(SOLDIER SPEAKING GERMAN)
(OFFICER SPEAKING GERMAN)
(OFFICER 2 SPEAKING GERMAN)
(SOLDIERS LAUGHING)
(GUS LAUGHING UPROARIOUSLY)
(STOPS LAUGHING)
(IN ENGLISH) It’s very good.
(GUNS FIRING QUIETLY)
(SOLDIERS SCREAMING)
(GUN FIRING QUIETLY)
(OFFICER 1 SPEAKING GERMAN)
(OFFICER 2 SPEAKING GERMAN)
(OFFICER 1 SPEAKING GERMAN)
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
(OFFICER 3 SPEAKING GERMAN)
(MUSIC CRESCENDOES, FADES)
(EXPLOSION)
(SOLDIERS SCREAMING)
(ALL CLAMORING)
(IN ENGLISH) Sounds like stealth mode’s over.
Haysey, down!
(SOLDIERS SCREAMING)
(BULLETS CLANGING)
(MACHINE GUN STOPS)
(ALARM BLARING)
(SOLDIERS CLAMORING OUTSIDE)
(UPBEAT ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(GUN FIRING QUIETLY)
(GROANS)
(COUGHING)
(HACKS)
(GUN FIRES QUIETLY)
(SOLDIERS COUGHING)
(SOLDIERS SHOUT, GROAN)
(SOLDIER GROANS)
(GUN FIRES QUIETLY)
(SOLDIER GROANING)
(GUN FIRES QUIETLY)
(SHOUTING IN GERMAN)
(GUN FIRES QUIETLY)
(GROANS)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(SOLDIERS CLAMORING)
(GROANS)
Nein! Nein! (GROANS)
(GRUNTS)
(WHIMPERS)
(BOTH GRUNT)
(CLAMORING, SCREAMING)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(STABBING)
(OFFICER GROANS)
(LASSEN GRUNTS)
(SOLDIER YELLS)
(YELLING)
(LASSEN AND SOLDIER GRUNT)
(SOLDIER SHOUTING IN GERMAN)
(GUN FIRES QUIETLY)
(MUSIC FADES)
(LASSEN PANTING)
(IN ENGLISH) Do we know each other?
No.
(SOLDIER CHOKING)
(SPLUTTERING)
(KNIFE CLINKS)
(STABS)
(SOLDIER SCREAMS)
(CLEARS THROAT)
(LASSEN GRUNTS)
Is that a heart, Lassen?
For the avoidance of doubt.
Apple, old boy.
Gus.
GUS: I see you two have met.
This is Haysey.
GEOFFREY: Pleasure, Haysey.
Pleasure’s mine.
I thought you might need these.
Jolly thoughtful of you.
FREDDY: You all find him?
Oh, goody.
Bloody hell, what happened to your nipples?
You all right?
Couldn’t unplug me, could you? Battery’s still on.
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
(INTRIGUING WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING)
(GUS LAUGHING)
(DRAMATIC GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING)
(MOTOR WHIRRING)
(CROWD SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
(GREETING IN ITALIAN)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(SOLDIERS GRUNT)
(FOGHORN BLARES)
(IN ENGLISH) Did you see the Duchessa,
the tug boats?
And rather a lot of Nazi soldiers.
Why wasn’t that in your report?
Because those soldiers and those guns,
and those S-Boats are all new.
That’s a lot more than the boys are expecting.
A month ago, it was a dozen mechanics.
Six drunk sailors.
Two fat Spaniards.
And a Nazi in a pear tree.
I’d say, we’re gonna need more help.
You leave that to me.
Of course.
(MAN GROANS)
(MAN YELLING IN GERMAN)
(GRUNTS)
HERON: But right now…
(MAN GROANS)
…you need to meet that man.
(LAUGHING)
(INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING)
HERON: Your man. The reason you’re here.
MAN: Ah.
The only thing worse than a Nazi…
is him.
(INTRIGUING MUSIC CONTINUES)
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
(MUSIC FADES)
(DOOR OPENS)
(SOLDIER, IN GERMAN)
(SOLDIER SPEAKING GERMAN)
(IN ENGLISH) I’m very disappointed, Heron.
There are 16 crates in my warehouse
you have not yet shipped to the mainland.
No need to fret, Herr Luhr.
They’ll still be delivered by the agreed date.
That may be.
But they take up valuable space.
For this, I expect
a significant reduction in your fee.
HERON: I can do 5%…
(SCOFFS)
…as a gesture of goodwill.
Twenty. And don’t waste my precious time haggling.
MARJORIE: Well, strictly speaking,
there should be no reductions,
since there’s not yet been any breach of contract.
Five is more than polite, 20 rings like a sour note,
it jars.
It jars?
Am I being accused of disharmony?
I take that as a personal affront.
And I am supposing you are not the secretary.
Miss Stewart is the contact I said I’d arrange.
Ah, your New York gold contact?
I told you,
I already have a satisfying arrangement.
Have a seat.
Thank you.
(HEINRICH SPEAKING GERMAN)
(IN ENGLISH) Well, I hope I don’t disappoint.
(LAUGHS)
I can’t make a decision on this presentation.
Early days.
Well, if early days do come too soon,
and seasons change with a Hunter’s Moon.
(IN GERMAN)
Hmm.
Hmm.
(IN ENGLISH) I have to say, Heron,
for all your flaws,
you do have a habit of pulling rabbits from hats.
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
So, how much gold do you wish to move,
Miss Stewart?
(LIGHTER CLICKS)
As much as you can find.
As I mentioned before,
I do already have a very profitable arrangement.
And despite of your commentary,
I pride myself on maintaining harmony.
Now, why should I entertain you?
Because you’ll make more money and have lots of fun
whilst doing so.
If I’m not good for my word, don’t pay me.
(IN GERMAN)
(LAUGHS)
(IN ENGLISH) Bravo.
I will talk to my people and then we’ll rendezvous.
Lovely.
When the sly red cat barks at dawn,
and kills just for her pleasure,
who shares the meal the cat did steal
when both looked on in pleasure?
Auf wiedersehen.
(IN GERMAN)
(CHUCKLES)
(CLASSICAL MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
(CLASSICAL MUSIC FADES)
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(SIGHS)
(PEOPLE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
(FLICKING LIGHTER)
The riddle was a nice touch.
(SIGHS)
The hook’s in.
(CONTINUES FLICKING LIGHTER)
Now be careful how you reel him in.
(INHALES)
I’ll make sure the harbor’s empty
when the boys arrive.
How are you going to do that?
I’ll throw a party at my club.
A costume party for the officers
and a second party at the dock for the soldiers.
People like my parties.
Everyone but Luhr.
That will be your job.
All the rats will follow the piper.
GEOFFREY: So, if I understand correctly,
we’re currently here in La Palma.
We’ll sail around German-controlled Africa
to Fernando Po,
which is just north of the Equator,
just off the West African coast.
So that’s the shortest route?
Yes, but we don’t want to go shorter.
Our priority is not to be seen.
You mean, be seen again.
Again? Getting a little sloppy on us now, Gussy?
Had a run-in already?
Never mind us, Apple, old boy.
Remind me again
how you found your nipples attached to a car battery.
(CHUCKLING)
Yes. Wasn’t my fault.
Bad intelligence. Plus it was almost worth it
to watch the heart-snatcher at work.
I’m better known as a lover than a fighter.
Jesus Christ!
If that’s how you fight, I’d hate to see you love.
You don’t have to worry about that,
you’re too pretty for me.
Freddy, on the other hand…
You’d have to catch me first.
I do love to hunt.
You’d be lucky.
I’m really getting quite hot.
Anyway, my suggestion is that we take this wider route.
It’s obviously longer
but it should avoid any awkward conversations
with German U-boats or British warships.
Weather-dependent,
we should make it there in 15 days.
Agreed.
Haysey, do you think you could manage that?
Leave it to me, sir.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(PEOPLE LAUGHING, SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
(MAN SHOUTS)
(MUSIC FADES)
Just do as you’re told
and get me another drink!
(GLASSES CLINK)
MAN: Captain, sir.
Can I get you something to eat?
May I… Come this way.
(OBJECTS CLATTERING)
Take your hands off me.
(CAPTAIN EXHALES)
You know,
I like you, Femi.
But you touch me again and you’re going to jail.
Femi.
(CHATTER CONTINUES)
I’ll deal with him.
Please take care of Miss Stewart.
You know what you need, Captain Binea?
I know what I need.
But do you, Ricardo?
You need another drink.
Marty,
good stuff.
Ricardo, that’s why I love you.
You understand.
(GLASS CLINKS)
HERON: This is Fernando Po.
Everybody’s welcome.
Si… Everybody.
Too many body I think.
(MAN LAUGHING)
Armando?
Have you fallen out with our new friends?
(SIGHS) It’s not fair, Ricardo.
This is my harbor.
I am in charge.
Are they stepping on your toes?
They don’t step, they stamp!
They tell Captain Binea nothing.
(CHATTER STOPS)
Only now do I hear
the Duchessa is leaving the harbor early.
(CHATTER RESUMES)
Well, good riddance.
The harbor will be yours again.
When will you be free of that ugly vessel?
Three days earlier.
Then we should have another drink.
To celebrate. Marty…
Another round for our Harbor Master.
So, Captain, do you know where they wish to relocate?
It’s neither cat nor dog that kills for fun,
it’s the vixen, not another.
There’s only two that kill for fun,
my pretty friend,
the fox and his human brother.
(LAUGHING)
(MARJORIE CHUCKLES)
I believe I have resolved your little riddle.
Chapeau. You play well.
(TAPPING)
Speaking of foxes,
Horowitz and Meyer, West 47th Street.
Have you heard of them?
I don’t believe I have, no.
(LIGHTER CLINKS)
(CHATTER FADES)
(LIGHTER CLINKS SOFTLY)
They’re the largest gold traders
in Midtown New York
and you haven’t heard of them?
I’m afraid I haven’t, no.
I am familiar, of course, with Horowitz and Haim.
But they’re in the west side of the city.
But then again,
I’m sure you already knew that, didn’t you?
I’m curious,
how do you find dealing with the Jew?
Oh, dear. (CHUCKLES)
I’ve slipped from one snare
only to find myself in another.
How shall I put this?
I fear your brilliant leader
has mischaracterized the ancient tribe of Jahuda.
Their ability to not only
survive 3,000 years with a boot on their neck,
but to prosper in spite of it…
I suspect it inspired satanic jealousy within him.
In conclusion,
it looks as though
the lady doth protest too much.
Is there a cherry to go on this blasphemous cake,
or have you finished?
(LAUGHS)
(TAPPING)
I must confess,
not only do I respect and admire the Jew…
I am one.
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(LAUGHING)
(LAUGHING)
(TENSE MUSIC FADES)
(LAUGHING)
MARJORIE: Kidding!
They’re greedy rats.
I think this could be
the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Then I shall throw a party to celebrate.
I don’t care for parties.
Oh, spoilsport! Everybody loves a party.
(TENSE WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING)
The Duchessa’s leaving
three days earlier than we thought.
If we don’t tell the Maid Honor,
they’ll arrive too late.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
OPERATOR: Incoming.
(SIGNAL BEEPING)
Contact.
MARJORIE: More Jerries on the island than expected.
Tin of corned beef’s out of pantry
three days early.
(SIGNAL BEEPING)
I’ll take that.
OPERATOR: It’s confidential, sir. For M only.
When it comes to make the extraction,
it needs to be a very…
Sir. Message, sir.
(SIGNAL BEEPING)
GUS: More Jerries on the island than expected.
Corned beef’s out of the pantry
three days early.
Move faster.
M: Yes, but there’s increased U-boat sightings in the area.
Sir.
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
OFFICER: The mission’s still proceeding.
FREDDY: So, there’s more soldiers on the island
and the boat’s leaving earlier?
Yes.
Well, how are we meant to move faster?
We can’t move faster.
We’re going as fast as we can.
This is a fishing boat, it’s not a speedboat.
M: Prime Minister,
the Duchessa’s leaving Fernando Po in 12 days.
On our current schedule,
they’ll arrive three days too late.
Can it still be done?
M: We’re still awaiting a response
from Major Phillips.
If we can’t move faster, we’ll go shorter.
We can get to Fernando Po in 12 days.
Hold on, you said we couldn’t go shorter.
No, I said we don’t want to go shorter.
He said we’ll get mowed down by a U-boat.
Or worse, picked up by the Brits.
Their armada of destroyers are crossing there.
FREDDY: We will literally be sailing over U-boats.
Sorry, lads, we go shorter.
(THRILLING WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING)
(AIRPLANES ENGINES RUMBLING)
Drei, zwei, eins… (CONTINUES SPEAKING GERMAN)
(FAINT EXPLOSIONS)
(MUSIC CRESCENDOES, FADES)
(MUTED EXPLOSIONS)
(TENSE WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING)
CHURCHILL: Gentlemen, as I speak to you now,
London once again
shudders beneath a Nazi onslaught from the skies.
And at such times,
the hearts of men are stirred to duty.
(OVER RADIO) But you are not such men.
You were not chosen
for your conspicuous honor or high ideals.
You were chosen
because you are the last resort.
The mission you have been given
is of a sort never before undertaken.
It demands ruthless men, who will not hesitate
to stoop beneath the conventions of war.
Men who do not keep clean hands.
Men like you.
(FAINT EXPLOSIONS) And yet, who still conspire
in their own discordant harmony.
Who know and yet do not care that they may never return.
And who press onward not for glory,
or for duty, or for me,
but because you are men who will not stop
until it is done.
Godspeed, gentlemen.
(TENSE WESTERN MUSIC CONTINUES)
Uh… Chaps…
That’s a British destroyer.
We should move.
We can’t outrun that, sir.
Well, we’ve seen them, they’ve seen us.
COMMANDER: Hold fast, Maid Honor.
We’re preparing a boarding party.
LASSEN: Hello, Captain!
Nothing exciting here.
We’re just Swedish fishermen.
COMMANDER: Step forward, Jorgensen!
Jorgensen, you’re Swedish.
Ask them where they’re heading, would you?
(SPEAKING SWEDISH)
(IN SWEDISH)
(IN ENGLISH) Not you, Lassen.
Uh…
I want to hear March-Phillips have a go.
Ah.
Fair enough.
Game’s up, Commander. (CHUCKLES)
Can’t blame a girl for trying.
Good effort, Major.
But I’m afraid you are going to have to come with us.
May I ask under whose authority
we’ve been waylaid?
On the orders of Admiral Pound.
(RADAR PINGS)
OPERATOR: First Lieutenant.
You are pursuing
an unsanctioned criminal enterprise
in international waters.
You’re going to cause an upset.
I think we’re a little past upset, Commander.
Stevens, what have you got?
STEVENS: I had a ping, sir.
The greedy little Nazi
won’t be satisfied with holding most of Europe,
he’s after our own green and pleasant land.
Well, thank God you’re here
with your little wooden battleship
and your five-man army.
(PINGS)
U-boat, bearing 273.
Sound the alarm.
(ALARM BLARING)
Come aboard.
OFFICER: U-boat approaching. Starboard side, sir.
Battle stations!
Major, if you know what’s good for you,
you’ll head home.
Very good, Commander.
Haysey, get us away from that torpedo magnet
as quickly as possible.
Aye, sir. Apple, man the stern.
Freddy, on the main sail.
Lassen to the bow, now. Untie that station!
LASSEN: Aye.
HENRY: Quickly now, lads!
Hoist that foresail for us, will you, boys?
FREDDY: Main sail ready to haul!
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
HENRY: All right, Freddy, now raise that main sail!
FREDDY: Aye.
(ALARM CONTINUES)
OFFICER: Report sounding.
STEVENS: Bearing 163.
(PINGS)
(SAILORS SHOUTING IN GERMAN)
HENRY: (IN ENGLISH) Lassen, trim the main sail
and then tie it off!
LASSEN: How do you expect good?
STEVENS: Report sounding.
Bearing 115.
OFFICER: Fire depth charges.
(PINGS)
(LEVER CLICKS)
(EXPLOSION BOOMING)
(SAILORS SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
(MUTED EXPLOSIONS)
(ALARM BLARING)
(MUSIC FADES)
(DISTANT EXPLOSIONS)
(PEOPLE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
(INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING)
MARJORIE: So, this is your man that gets things done?
His name is Kamp Billy… with a K.
And he went to an English boarding school?
Not just any boarding school. He went to Eton,
the boarding school.
Right…
(DISTANT GUNSHOT)
Then what’s he doing here?
He’s a prince.
A prince of what, exactly?
The Prince of Fernando Po!
(GUNSHOT)
So, he’s part pirate, part aristocrat?
Chic.
He’s also a part of our solution.
RH.
(MUSIC FADES)
KB.
He’s back in town.
MAN: Chief.
(MAN SPEAKING YORUBA)
(GUNSHOT)
(IN ENGLISH) Seems like you always come bearing gifts.
Is she for me?
Good luck with that.
(CHUCKLES)
I’m not for you,
but these are.
Mmm. Goodies. Yummy.
(MEN GRUNT)
(MAN SPEAKING YORUBA)
(IN ENGLISH) Ade…
Chief.
ADEDAYO: Come on, come on.
(MEN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
Someone has taste.
Rarer than hens’ teeth.
Well, RH tells me that KB
is the only man to talk to
when it comes to getting things done.
Why do I feel like I’ve gone from being
the predator to the prey?
(COCKS GUN)
(GUNSHOT)
(CLEARS THROAT)
Quite an entrance, young lady.
It’s on the condition that we sample them…
now.
Ade, set the table.
ADEDAYO: Chief.
(LAUGHING) And then the Duke said,
“Push it in till it stops!”
(ALL LAUGHING)
You are quite the weapon.
I was right,
I was the prey.
I’ll help you because I don’t like Nazis.
Not because they’re Nazis but because they’re gauche.
I’ll give you a tug and 12 of my best men,
including yours truly.
But if I’m gonna help you, who’s gonna help me?
Because you’re not a soldier, RH.
No, but she is.
She’ll outshoot your best man.
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
(GUNSHOT)
(COCKS GUN)
(GUNSHOT)
(COCKS GUN)
(GUNSHOTS)
(BLOWS)
I told you.
No!
No!
(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
MARJORIE: Stork delivery. Check.
Check.
Twenty-three boys. Check.
(SIGNAL BEEPING)
Stork delivery.
Twenty-three boys.
Seventeen girls.
Meeting point 20 kilometers outside Fernando Po.
The rendezvous with Heron.
Can you get us there?
If the weather holds,
I can, sir.
(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC CONTINUES)
Twenty quid says this doesn’t end well.
For who?
For them.
You can’t bet on yourself, Haysey. That’s match-fixing.
Let’s do it.
Heron, it’s been too long.
Good to see you, Gus.
Apple.
This is Kamp Billy, the Prince of Fernando Po.
Your Highness.
He’s agreed to help us.
Forgive me, but…
I have a peculiar feeling that we’ve met before.
I get that a lot. I’m extremely well-traveled.
(CHUCKLES) No, no. It’s a particular sense.
I don’t suppose you played cricket, did you?
(CHUCKLES)
Captained Eton. ’21 to ’22.
I knew I knew your face!
Right next to the trophy cabinet.
An eight-foot-tall huge portrait.
Yes, exactly that!
One eye on the boundary…
BOTH:…one eye on the pub.
Bloody glad to have you aboard.
KAMP BILLY: Bloody good to be here, old boy.
I’m very bored
with these Nazis making a nuisance of themselves.
I mean, it’s terrible for business.
I’m only too pleased
to help you serve them a bloody nose.
That’s a commendable attitude.
So, what’s your plan?
Apple.
We’re going to sink the Duchessa,
plus the two tugs.
Crippling Hitler’s Atlantic fleet of U-boats.
Very good.
The thing is, our old friends the Nazis
aren’t making it the easiest.
We’re outnumbered two hundred to five.
There’s a few more soldiers than we anticipated.
I think that we’re gonna have
to find ourselves a few more strapping lads.
Ade…
(SPEAKING YORUBA)
(INTRIGUING WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING)
(IN ENGLISH) Right…
(CHOMPING)
Yes, I think that will do.
We brought some weapons if you need.
You hold onto those. We brought our own.
(SPEAKING YORUBA)
(IN ENGLISH) Oyah! Show them the iron!
(ADEDAYO SPEAKING YORUBA)
(IN ENGLISH) Marvelous.
KAMP BILLY: You do know the Duchessa is
more than 200 feet from the harbor side?
And she’s in full glare of the lights.
She’s not gonna be easy to sink
without attracting unwanted attention.
Yes. That’s why Heron will plant a bomb
to blow the lights, before we paddle in
and rig the hull with explosives.
By the time the explosives detonate,
we’ll be heading home.
If I had it my way, a shot’ll never be fired.
And how often do you have it your way?
Depends on who you ask, old boy.
(KAMP BILLY CHUCKLES)
GUS: Gentlemen…
Ade.
Chief.
Prepare the men.
(ADEDAYO SPEAKING YORUBA)
I’ll take that 20 whenever you’re ready, Freddy.
(INDISTINCT ANNOUNCEMENT OVER SPEAKERS)
MARJORIE: The Duchessa will be gone by the morning.
Can you manage that?
(BOMB CLICKING)
It’s two wires and a tick-tock.
I’m sure I can cope.
It’s not me you should be worried about.
I’ve never taken a Nazi to a party.
Just don’t end up at one of his parties.
Don’t worry about me.
I’m gonna have my own little party.
(MEN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
(MUSIC FADES)
GUS: Drink for the boys, on His Majesty’s government.
Ordinarily, I’d bite your hand off,
as I have been known to love a pound note.
(SPEAKING YORUBA)
(IN ENGLISH) But on this occasion,
the drinks are on me.
However,
if His Majesty’s government was handing out titles…
You’re already a prince, old boy.
There’s Prince of Fernando Po, but…
a Knight of the Realm has a certain antiquity to it.
Arise, Sir Kamp Billy.
You’re a good man, Gus.
Good luck, Billy.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
(MACHINERY WHIRRING)
Hola!
Buenas tardes, companeros!
(CLICKS)
(SOLDIER, IN GERMAN)
(MUSIC TURNS DRAMATIC)
(IN GERMAN)
(GUNSHOTS)
(GUN CLICKS)
(SCREAMING)
(BODY SLIDES, THUDS)
(MUSIC FADES)
(BOMB TICKING)
(GENTLE PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)
My Herr, you have a visitor.
Ta-da!
(IN SING-SONG VOICE) Cleopatra needs her Caesar.
Put it on.
(SNORTS)
Thank you, Timothy.
One second.
Timothy…
I have a counter offer.
Let’s put this dressing up aside.
It’s for children. And we are not children.
Let’s make our own party.
A dark party.
A dark Nazi party.
With music, lubrication and a handsome Nazi.
Since I’ve been here,
I’ve been bitten by things that croak and slither,
scorpions nest in my boots and I can’t sleep
for the relentless howl of jungle entropy.
Tonight,
I’m going to that party, and you are taking me.
Now, put it on.
(CLICKS TONGUE) Oh.
Very well.
(EXCITING MUSIC PLAYING)
(PEOPLE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
(LAUGHTER)
WOMAN: Ah! Hola!
We move when the lights go out.
(WOMAN WHOOPING)
(BAND PLAYING SWING MUSIC)
(MAN LAUGHING)
All right, Ricardo,
today you’re El Capitan.
Armando, the bar is yours.
Use it. Abuse it at your will.
BINEA: (CHUCKLES) That’s why I love you.
Come with me, handsome.
(BINEA SPEAKING SPANISH)
HERON: I need you to keep the men happy.
How happy?
(BAND CONTINUES PLAYING SWING MUSIC)
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)
MARJORIE: Mmm.
Are the rats in the nest?
You won’t find a German, Spanish or Italian officer
anywhere else tonight.
(SWING MUSIC CONTINUES)
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
HERON: Between the beer fest at the harbor
and this little get-together,
that’ll be 90% of the soldiers away from the dock.
The charge is set to blow the harbor lights
in 30 minutes.
Can you keep him here that long?
Silly boy, silly question. Look at the dress.
(MAN CHEERS)
(LAUGHS)
(TRUMPET FLARES)
Hi.
So, you call this a party?
MARJORIE: This is just the thin end of the wedge.
I’ve created a performance just for you.
Well, I could show you a real party.
(MARJORIE CHUCKLES)
(IN ITALIAN)
(PEOPLE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)
(LAUGHS)
(FRANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(IN ITALIAN)
(IN ENGLISH) Why do I care, Spaghetti?
Pizza.
Excuse me while I powder my nose.
What, again?
(SCOFFS)
Don’t panic, Caesar. Brush up on your Italian.
Your gift needs to be wrapped.
Keep those officers drinking, please.
Of course. Okay.
Thank you, Femi.
The Duchessa’s hull has been reinforced.
It won’t sink.
We need to stop the mission.
(FRANTIC MUSIC CONTINUES)
That’s going to be hard to do.
MARJORIE: Listen to me.
Our mission will fail.
The explosives won’t work
because he’s reinforced it to be unsinkable.
You have to stop them now.
But the charge is about to blow the lights.
(BOMB TICKING)
Well, if you can’t stop the lights,
stop the men.
Luhr must not leave this party.
I’ll keep him busy. Go, now.
(MUSIC INTENSIFIES)
(MUSIC FADES)
(BAND PLAYING SWING MUSIC)
GUS: And we’re off.
GEOFFREY: Gus, wait.
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(SIGNAL BEEPING)
Stork to Maid, Stork to Maid, come in.
Channel five.
GUS: (OVER RADIO) This is Maid. Switching to 20.
Go ahead.
Tin of corned beef can’t be cracked.
The ship cannot be sunk.
Explosives will fail.
It’s Stork, sir.
Put him on open speaker.
HERON: Corned beef can’t be cracked.
Stork, this is M.
Never mind the corned beef. Just find a way.
Over.
Pound incoming, sir.
HERON: Repeat…
Switch that off.
We must…
(TURNS OFF RADIO)
(DOOR OPENS)
Stop this immediately.
What you are doing ends now,
or every last one of you will be subject to a tribunal.
Is that clear?
I don’t know what you’re talking about, sir.
Is that correct, Sergeant?
HERON: (OVER RADIO) Hold position.
GUS: How long, Stork?
HERON: Awaiting orders.
Give me that.
HERON: Stand by.
March-Phillips,
this is Admiral Pound giving you a direct order.
Abort this mission now.
(OVER SPEAKERS) I will make sure that
none of you see the light of day again.
You will spend the rest of your lives
locked up at His Majesty’s pleasure.
That includes all of you.
Geoffrey Appleyard,
Anders Lassen,
Freddy Buzz…
GUS: I’m sorry…
…and Henry Hayes.
Can’t quite make out
what you’re saying.
(RADIO STATIC CRACKLING)
Bye.
Is… Is that clear?
(RADIO STATIC CRACKLES)
GUS: Sorry? What?
I can’t… I can’t quite hear you.
(HESITATES)
GUS: Please… fuck off.
(RECEIVER CLATTERS)
You and your operation are reckless, Brigadier.
I will personally advise parliament
to have the Prime Minister removed from office.
And I am going to shut you down.
Message received loud and clear, sir.
I suggest you also fuck off, Sergeant.
Fleming, contact March-Phillips.
(RADIO CLICKS)
(STATIC CRACKLES)
Lily, get me the Prime Minister on hotline.
LILY: Right away, sir.
Come in, 01.
Come in, do you receive?
(RECEIVER CLATTERS)
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
Yes?
M: Prime Minister,
I’m afraid we’ve been discovered.
(SIGHS)
There was a mole in our midst
and Admiral Pound
has ordered the mission to be aborted.
He wants to have parliament remove you from office.
The mission must continue.
01, this is base. Over.
CHURCHILL: Tell Pound if he has a problem,
to take it up with me. He knows where I live.
Tell the men to press on.
I’m afraid we’ve lost all communication, sir.
There must be something that we can do.
The only thing I can do is remind you,
the reason we chose March-Phillips
is because he doesn’t follow orders.
Then let’s hope we chose well.
(RECEIVER CLATTERS)
(SIGHS)
The Duchessa’s hull has been reinforced.
Which means she can’t be sunk.
At least not with the amount of explosives we’re carrying.
Just wondering how and when exactly this took place.
It’s not important how and when, it’s happened.
Well, it is kind of important, Gus.
I don’t care about the prison time,
but I do care about finishing what we’ve started.
Thank you, Freddy.
There must be some sort of mistake.
You can’t just reinforce…
There’s no mistake, Haysey.
I’m just lost about how and when exactly…
Enough!
(TABLE RATTLES)
Why don’t we sink the tug boats?
Get rid of the shuttle to the U-boats.
It’s not enough.
They’ll replace them in a week.
Why don’t we steal them?
We can use Billy’s boat
to drag the Duchessa out of the harbor
and steal the other two German tug boats
that service the U-boats.
And how are we supposed to do that?
Not only is she double-plated, weighing twice as much,
but you’d need a full crew to move a ship that size.
The tug boats are the crew.
We tow the Duchessa out to the ocean
and, well, steal the lot.
Then what? We still can’t sink them.
We don’t need to.
We sail into international waters
and hand everything over to the Navy.
They’re following us anyway,
so they’ll be more than happy to see us again.
And what about the anchor?
Have you seen the size of it?
If we’re gonna actually start to move her,
their S-boats will catch us in seconds.
Well, what are you going to do
with all the explosives you brought, Freddy?
We’ll use them to blow the anchor.
We’ll rig the S-boats so they can’t follow,
rig the fuel reserve that supplies the U-boats,
and then, well, blow the lot up.
That fuel explosion’s gonna bring
everyone and their mother down to the harbor.
GEOFFREY: We set the fuse,
so that the fuel dump blows once we’re outside the harbor.
Then we sneak out quietly.
Not bad.
(CHUCKLES) It’s very greedy.
Well, I’m in.
LASSEN: Well,
I’m not leaving until I have a barrel full of Nazi hearts.
I’ll do whatever you tell me to do, sir.
Gentlemen,
let’s steal some boats.
(GUS SIGHS)
Turns out she’s double-plated, so change of plans.
We’re going to steal the boats instead.
(SCOFFS)
Is that even possible?
I’m not entirely sure.
But if you’re up for it, so are we.
And you know what that means.
A lot more blood and a lot more sweat.
Hopefully not any of ours, old boy.
I don’t think we can do this without you, Billy.
(KAMP BILLY SIGHS)
Well, I’m up for it if you are.
I think we’re gonna need your tug.
(KAMP BILLY CHUCKLES)
Haysey and I will take a stroll along the harbor
and take out any soldiers still patrolling.
Freddy will bring his dinghy around
and take care of the S-boats.
We’ll meet you by the tug boats.
KAMP BILLY: And the Duchessa?
That’s Apple and me.
We’ll take care of any crew and blow the anchor.
GEOFFREY: And destroy their comms.
Not sure what you’ll meet on board.
Take my top boy and two more of my men.
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
Gentlemen, let’s prepare.
♪ Oh, the shark, babe
♪ Has such teeth, dear
♪ And he shows them pearly white
(CROWD CHEERING)
♪ Just a jack-knife
♪ Has old MacHeath, dear
♪ And he keeps it out of sight
♪ You know when that shark bites
♪ With his teeth, dear
♪ Scarlet billows starts to spread
♪ Fancy gloves, oh, wears old MacHeath, dear
♪ So there’s never, never a trace of red
♪ On the sidewalk
♪ On Sunday morning, don’t you know
♪ Lies a body
♪ Oozing life
♪ And someone sneakin’ around the corner
♪ Could that be old Mack the Knife?
♪ There’s a tug boat
♪ Down by the river, don’t cha know
(EXHALES)
♪ Where a cement bag’s just a-drooping on down…
(SONG FADES)
(TENSE GRAND MUSIC PLAYING)
(SHIP MOTOR WHIRRING)
(GUN FIRING QUIETLY)
(SAILORS SPEAKING IN GERMAN)
(RUSTLING)
(GUN FIRES QUIETLY)
(GRUNTS)
(SOLDIER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
Not yet.
(SOLDIERS CLEARING THROAT, CLAMORING)
Mein Herr.
(IN GERMAN)
Haysey…
(GUN FIRING QUIETLY)
(GUS LAUGHING)
(SINGING IN GERMAN)
(CROWD GASPS, CHEERS)
(TENSE GRAND MUSIC CRESCENDOES)
(MUSIC FADES)
(SINGING CONTINUES MUTEDLY)
(SPEAKING IN GERMAN)
(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
HENRY: (IN ENGLISH) Up there on the left, sir.
GUS: Yes.
(GUN FIRES QUIETLY)
(SOLDIER SCREAMS)
(CRASHES)
(GUS LAUGHS)
He made a crash!
(SOLDIER SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
(SPEAKS GERMAN)
(GUN FIRING QUIETLY)
(SOLDIERS GROAN)
(SOLDIER SHOUTS IN GERMAN)
(GUN FIRING QUIETLY)
We could take that car, sir. Save us some shoe leather.
(GRUNTS)
(CONTINUES SINGING)
(INTENSE MUSIC CONTINUES)
(SINGING MUTEDLY)
(AUDIBLY IN ENGLISH) ♪ Look out, old Macky is back ♪
(MUSIC STOPS)
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)
(IN GERMAN)
(GUN FIRING QUIETLY)
(THUD)
(VEHICLE APPROACHING)
MAN: (IN ENGLISH) Incoming.
(ENGINE STOPS)
(DOORS OPEN, CLOSE)
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
Papers please.
Commander. (EXHALES)
All good, Freddy?
Charges are set to go
once we’re out of the harbor, sir.
Let’s carry on then.
(DRAMATIC CHORD PLAYS)
(SOLDIERS SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
(GEOFFREY EXHALES)
(HEINRICH SPEAKING GERMAN)
MARJORIE: Did you enjoy your gift?
HEINRICH: Mmm.
I think now it’s time
that the fox shows his den to the vixen.
(TENSE MUSIC CONTINUES)
(GUS GRUNTS)
(GUN FIRES QUIETLY)
(SOLDIER THUDS)
(CHOKING)
(GUS GRUNTS)
(SOLDIERS CHEERING, LAUGHING)
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
Heron, why are the lights still on?
I lit the room with oil lamps,
so they wouldn’t notice when the power went out.
(PEOPLE CHEERING, LAUGHING)
(LOCK CLICKS)
(SCREAMS)
(SAILOR SHOUTING IN GERMAN)
(ARROW SWOOSHING)
(SAILOR SHOUTING IN GERMAN)
(GUNSHOTS)
(GEOFFREY PANTING)
(GRENADE CLATTERS)
(ALARM BLARING)
(SAILORS CLAMORING)
(GUNSHOTS)
(SAILORS SCREAM)
Look out!
(GUNSHOTS)
(GUN FIRING QUIETLY)
(SCREAMS)
(SAILORS CLAMORING)
(SAILOR YELLS)
(GUN FIRING QUIETLY)
(SOLDIER GROANS)
Freddy, rig this 88,
then take the first tug with Haysey.
Gute nacht.
Guten abend.
(SOLDIER 1 GROANING)
GUS: Guten abend.
(GUN FIRING QUIETLY)
(SOLDIER 2 SCREAMS)
(SPEAKS GERMAN)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(GUN FIRING QUIETLY)
(SAILOR 1 SCREAMS)
(CHOKING)
GUS: (IN ENGLISH) Terribly sorry, old boy.
Do you mind? I seem to…
(KNIFE CLANGS)
(CHOKES)
…have misplaced my knife.
(GROANS)
(ALARM CONTINUES BLARING)
(CHOKING)
(LASSEN GRUNTING)
(SAILOR YELLING IN GERMAN)
(GROANS)
(GUNSHOTS)
(ADEDAYO SCREAMS)
(GUN FIRING QUIETLY)
(SAILOR 1 SPEAKING GERMAN)
(ADEDAYO YELLS)
(SAILOR 2 GRUNTING)
(SAILOR 3 YELLS)
(SAILOR 4 GASPS)
(SAILOR 5 SHOUTS IN GERMAN, GROANS)
(SAILOR 6 YELLS)
(GRUNTING)
(SAILOR 7 SHOUTS IN GERMAN)
(CHOKES)
(TENSE MUSIC CONTINUES)
(SAILOR SPEAKS GERMAN)
(GUN FIRES QUIETLY)
(CLAMORING IN GERMAN)
(GUN FIRES QUIETLY)
(SAILOR 1 GRUNTS)
(SAILOR 2 YELLING)
(SAILOR 3 SCREAMING)
(SLASHING)
(SHOUTING IN GERMAN)
(GUN FIRING QUIETLY)
(GUNSHOT)
Bugger!
(CLAMORING)
Thank you, Billy.
(BOTH SHOUTING)
(SAILORS SPEAKING GERMAN)
Oh!
(LASSEN GRUNTS)
(SAILOR 1 SHOUTING IN GERMAN)
(SCREAMING, GASPING)
(SAILOR 2 YELLING)
(SAILOR 3 ROARS)
(GASPING)
(THUDS)
(PANTING)
(FAINT CLAMORING)
(KNIFE CLANGS)
(TENSE MUSIC CONTINUES)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(ADEDAYO YELLS, GRUNTS)
(GRUNTING, YELLING)
(MUSIC FADES)
(DOOR CLICKS)
I hope that’s not your blood, Lassen.
I hope so too.
(SOLDIERS CLAMORING IN GERMAN)
(GUN FIRING QUIETLY)
(SAILORS GROAN, THUD)
(MAN GRUNTS)
Okay, boys, cast off.
Let’s get this ship out of here.
(GUS SIGHS)
(IN ENGLISH) Go on. Go on…
Go on!
LASSEN: There’s three more rooms just like this one.
That should stop the U-boats for the next six months.
Let’s get this thing towed out of here.
NDULUE: We are here, boys.
Quietly. Let’s set a warning.
I need you to go to the front of the boat
and attach the Vulcan to the Duchessa,
Lassen and I will head to the bridge.
Okay. (SPEAKING YORUBA)
(IN ENGLISH) Take the right side.
And you, get up there and get this thing started.
It’s Gus.
GEOFFREY: Everyone’s in place.
What,
you didn’t actually think it would work, did you?
It was your plan.
Well, let’s make sure
we keep our end of the bargain.
Signal back and I’ll heave off.
So, what happens now?
We wait for the anchor chain to blow.
When do we expect that to happen?
(MOTOR WHIRRING)
Shortly, I hope.
And then we’re free to take her.
However, the real race begins once the fuel depot goes.
Then we’ll have every soldier on the island turning up.
We don’t wanna be around to witness that.
How long was that fuse
you attached to the anchor chain?
We’ll find out soon enough.
(ALARM BLARING FAINTLY)
ADEDAYO: Wait for it, you’re gonna catch the rope.
(MEN CLAMORING IN YORUBA)
(GRUNTING)
(DRAMATIC CHORD PLAYS)
(IN ENGLISH) Come on.
(WHIRS, CLICKS)
(FAINT EXPLOSION)
(PEOPLE GASP)
(CLAMORING)
(LOCK RATTLING)
(BAND PLAYING SWING MUSIC)
First domino falls.
Hitch up the other line.
Yes, boss.
Pick up the slack.
FREDDY: They need to move her before the fuel dump blows.
Heron, we need Marjorie.
Leave Marjorie to me.
We’ll catch you up.
Very good.
Let’s go!
(MUSIC FADES)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
HEINRICH: I have to say, Fraulein,
you were good.
And you were sly.
There are only two types of people
that are as sly as the fox.
The German
and the Jew.
And you are not German.
I think now it’s time…
(MUSIC BUILDS)
…for a real party.
(LIGHTER CLICKS)
(MUSIC FADES)
That wasn’t supposed to happen yet.
(FAINT EXPLOSIONS)
(CHAINS RATTLING)
Shackle her!
And follow me.
(SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
The harbor is under attack!
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
(ALL CLAMORING)
(INTENSE WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING)
(BINEA IN GERMAN)
(CLAMORING)
(ALARM WAILING)
(FAINT SHOUTING)
GUS: They’re coming.
We need power on the engine.
(ENGINE ACCELERATING)
She’s too heavy!
Pick up the slack!
(GRUNTS)
(SHOUTING IN GERMAN)
(COCKS GUN)
GUS: (IN ENGLISH) Wait…
(SOLDIER 1 IN GERMAN)
(SOLDIER 2 SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
FREDDY: (IN ENGLISH) She’s not moving!
SOLDIER 3: Fire! Fire! Fire!
GUS: Wait for it.
(GUNSHOTS)
(CLAMORING)
(GUN FIRING QUIETLY)
(GASPS)
(SOLDIERS SCREAMING)
(SOLDIER 4 SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY)
(SOLDIER 5 YELLS)
We need more power on the engine.
Give me more power! More power!
(ENGINE ACCELERATES HARDER)
That’s it, it’s working!
(ENGINE PULSES)
That’s it!
(ADVENTUROUS WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING)
(OFFICER IN GERMAN)
(CLAMORING CONTINUES)
(GUNSHOTS)
(YELLING)
(SOLDIER SCREAMING)
NDULUE: (IN ENGLISH) Ready!
(MACHINE GUN FIRING)
(SOLDIERS SCREAMING)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(GUN FIRES)
(SOLDIER SCREAMING)
(SCREAMS)
(MOUTHING) Haysey!
(TENSE MUSIC BUILDING)
(EXPLOSION)
(SCREAM)
(SOLDIERS CLAMORING)
(OFFICER IN GERMAN)
(MUSIC SLOWS)
(FAINT CLAMORING)
(IN ENGLISH) We’re out of range now.
I’m no expert.
(HENRY GROANING)
But you’ve got a big old hole in your shoulder, Haysey.
(SOLDIERS SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
(GUN FIRING QUIETLY)
(SOLDIERS GROAN)
(SOLDIERS CLAMORING)
(OFFICER SHOUTING IN GERMAN)
(SOLDIERS SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
(OFFICER IN SPANISH)
(IN ENGLISH) Captain,
would you explain to me what’s going on here?
The power is gone.
The fuel depot has been sabotaged.
And no one knows what’s happening.
But this is your fault.
Where is my ship?
The Duchessa, where did it go?
Someone’s taken him while you weren’t looking.
You idiot!
You always have to say something
at the very wrong time.
There is never a right time with you!
Your greed and perversion
has distracted you from your duties.
Now my harbor is destroyed.
And my ship is gone!
And now you’re gone too. Thank you.
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
(EXPLOSION)
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYS)
(IN ENGLISH) Impressive.
HENRY: Sounds like your detonators worked.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(SIGHS)
(FAINT CLAMORING)
(TENSE MUSIC CONTINUES)
(OFFICER SPEAKS GERMAN)
(SOLDIERS SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
(MUSIC FADES OUT)
Chapeau, mademoiselle.
(IN ENGLISH) You play well. You really are the vixen.
Am I?
Well, my hand’s been revealed.
So, what now?
Now, I possess your hand
and for everything you have done to me,
I will visit a thousand fold upon you.
(IN GERMAN)
(CHAINS CLANG)
(IN ENGLISH) Yeah.
(COCKS GUN)
But no.
(SOLDIER SHOUTS)
(GUN FIRING QUIETLY)
(DOOR OPENS)
Lie down.
Gus, we can’t wait much longer.
They’re coming.
If we stay here,
we’ll lose contact with the others.
Hold fast, Billy.
Heron has a way of surviving and Marjorie,
well… good luck with that.
That’s a patrol boat coming towards us.
Gus, we need to leave. Now.
(COCKS GUN)
Hold on…
(BOAT APPROACHING)
It’s them.
KAMP BILLY: RH.
KB.
GUS: Marjorie.
Overdressed and underdressed at the same time.
Come on, let’s get you out of those shackles.
(STATIC CRACKLING)
Come in, Violet.
Calling H.M.S. Violet.
Come in, Violet.
GEOFFREY: (ON RADIO) This is Maid Honor.
Go ahead, Maid Honor.
Loudspeaker.
(CLICKS)
GEOFFREY: Sorry to bother you at this time of the night,
but we’ve found ourselves with one or two items
that might be of interest to you.
Shall we rendezvous for a handover?
Get me Admiral Pound.
(TENSE ADVENTUROUS MUSIC PLAYING)
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
Yes?
GUBBINS: (OH PHONE) Sir,
good news and bad news.
Yes, yes. Get to it.
Bad news, they didn’t sink her.
Good news,
they stole her.
Congratulations, Prime Minister.
(TENSE ADVENTUROUS MUSIC CONTINUES)
(MUSIC FADES OUT)
(MEN SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
OFFICER: Hold it there!
Commander.
You were ordered by Admiral Pound
to cease activities.
You did not.
Therefore, you are to be returned to England
to face a tribunal. You.
Return to your tug with the rest of your militia.
Take them to the brig.
OFFICER: Sir!
Good to see you too, Commander.
Separate cells.
OFFICER: Follow me!
Let’s go! Let’s get moving!
RH.
KB.
SAILOR: Come on.
Go on, move.
One moment, seaman.
(CURIOUS WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING)
Billy.
One eye on the boundary…
One eye on the pub.
They’ll thank you for this one day.
I’m not sure
that’s what we were really looking for, was it,
Your Highness?
Shop’s open for you anytime, Major.
GLORIA: Sorry to intrude, Prime Minister,
but M thought you should see this.
CHURCHILL: Thank you, Gloria.
(MUSIC TURNS HAPPY)
(MAN SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
(GATE RATTLING)
GUARD: Line up. Face front!
Line up. Face front!
No need to shout.
GUARD: Stand still!
Any chance of a cup of tea?
You, back up to the wall.
Off the cloth, moth.
GUARD: Stand straight!
(DOOR OPENS)
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
(WALKING STICK CLACKING)
CHURCHILL: Never before have the senior Military
and Navy Commanders of this country
been so united in their condemnation.
It is their view
that the discipline
on which our armed forces depends
has been undermined by men serving no master
but their own thirst for blood, murder and mayhem.
Men who disobeyed a direct order
from the Admiral of the fleet himself,
and chose instead
to trust the whim and intuition
of the man standing beside him.
How dare they.
When only this morning,
the first American soldiers arrived on British soil,
ready to stand shoulder to shoulder
with us in Europe.
Allies who risked death crossing the North Atlantic,
and only by some miracle
found their crossing untroubled by Nazi U-boats.
A happy circumstance, I might add,
which cannot be accounted for,
but which has cleared the way for the United States
to enter the European war.
And for which I know
President Roosevelt to be immeasurably grateful.
But setting aside
this stroke of unexplained fortune,
what is to be done with this unruly company
who do not obey orders?
Who seem to have formed
their own ministry of ungentlemanly warfare.
(CURIOUS WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING)
From now on, they work for me.
(MUSIC TURNS WHIMSICAL)
(MUSIC FADES OUT)
(CAPTIVATING MUSIC PLAYING)
(AMUSING WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING)
(MUSIC FADES OUT)
(EXCITING MUSIC PLAYING)
(EXCITING MUSIC CONTINUES)
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(CURIOUS GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING)
(MUSIC FADES OUT)
