The Bad Guys (2022) | Transcript

When the infamous Bad Guys are finally caught after years of countless heists and being the world’s most-wanted villains, Mr. Wolf brokers a deal to save them all from prison.
The Bad Guys (2022)

After a lifetime of legendary heists, notorious criminals Mr. Wolf, Mr. Snake, Mr. Piranha, Mr. Shark and Ms. Tarantula are finally caught. To avoid a prison sentence, the animal outlaws must pull off their most challenging con yet — becoming model citizens. Under the tutelage of their mentor, Professor Marmalade, the dubious gang sets out to fool the world that they’re turning good.

* * *

(mellow jazz music playing)

♪ ♪

SNAKE: Stop.

WOLF: I’ll stop if you just explain it to me, because I don’t…

Would you please just drop it?

WOLF: All right, all right, fine, fine, fine, fine.

Consider it dropped. It’s dropped.

It’s on the ground.


But, I mean, come on, everybody loves birthdays.


You got decorations.

You got balloons. You got parties and cake.

Look, I don’t need presents,

I don’t want decorations, and I’m-I’m not a cake guy.

Seriously, though, you don’t like cake?

Name one food better than cake.

Guinea pig.

Oh, again with the guinea pig.

(chuckling): I bet if I blindfolded you,

you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference

between a skunk and a guinea pig.

Wrong. Snakes have impeccable taste buds.

I can taste air.


Yes. Air.


Mm. Nice.

I don’t know. They’re a little, uh…

a little cute for my taste.

That’s what makes them so delicious.

You’re not just eating food.

You’re eating pure goodness.

It’s not about the pig.

It’s about what it symbolizes on a deeper level.

So, you can… you can taste air?


What else you got?

Forget about it.


Can you also hear color?


(chuckles) Can you see sound?

All right, all right. Okay.

‘Cause we should really be capitalizing on these skills.

Okay, all right, fine. Get it all out.

Get it all out now.

Okay, okay.


(alarm bell dings)

Look at that. 4:00 p.m.

Now I know the exact moment our friendship died.

(Wolf laughs)

Let’s bounce.


Tastes like, um, you’re gonna stick me with the bill… again.

(people gasping)

Well, it is my birthday.

So now you play the birthday card?

That’s interesting.


Can we get a check, please, when you get a chance?

Hello? Checkity-check-check.

You know what?


We’re just gonna leave the money right here, okay?

You know the one good thing about this place?


We never have to wait for a table.

Well, isn’t that every place?

Hey, man. How you been? I haven’t seen you in…

Snake attack! (chuckles)


Oh. Mints.

Sorry, folks. I’m switching him to decaf.


All right.

BOTH: Let’s do this.

(entry bell jingles)

(people gasping, screaming)

(tires squealing)


(car alarm whooping)

(tires squeal)


Guinea pig, huh?

It’s the Rolls-Royce of rodents.

Yeah, but it’s still a rodent.

You know what I mean?

Don’t mind us, just robbing this place.


(screaming, frantic chatter)



(alarm ringing)

♪ ♪

(engine revs, tires squeal)

Whoo! Yeah!

Go bad…

Or go home.

(both laugh)

Hey, you. Get over here.

Little bit closer.

Oh, I know what it is.

You’re afraid because I’m the… the Big Bad Wolf.

Well, I’m not surprised.

I am the villain in every story.

Isn’t that right, Mr. Snake?

(chuckling): Yep.

Say hello to Mr. Snake.

Serpentine, safe-cracking machine.

Imagine Houdini but with no arms.

Kind of guy who’d tell you the glass is half empty,

then steal it from you.

He’s also my best bud.

(singsongy): And today’s his birthday!

Not relevant.

He’s a sweetheart.

You’re a sweetheart.

(sirens wailing)

Well, look who’s here.

Took ’em long enough.

(engine revs)

Watch this.


Two. One.

And over here is Ms. Tarantula,

our in-house hacker, our pocket search engine,

our traveling tech wizard.

We call her Webs.

(sirens whooping)

(horns honking)

Very slick, Webs.

I also took over the police dispatch,

blurred their satellite imaging system,

grounded their chopper.

(singsongy): And one more thing.

You didn’t.

I got a special delivery for…

Ah! Ooh! Don’t eat me!

Please! Don’t eat me!

Happy birthday, Mr. Grumpy Pants.

I think I hate you.

(engine revving)

(construction equipment beeping)

(sirens wailing)

(officers groaning)

(chuckling): Guys, it’s me.

I was the construction worker.

WOLF: And this is Mr. Shark,

master of disguise,

apex predator of a thousand faces.

His greatest trick: stealing the Mona Lisa

disguised as the Mona Lisa.

(sirens wailing)

Dig that.

Watch it, big tuna.

I’m trying to work here.

Keep it cool, baby.

Birthdays should be chill.

(sirens wailing)

WOLF: And rounding out the crew…



(Piranha laughing)

WOLF: …is Mr. Piranha.

He’s a loose cannon with a short fuse,

willing to scrap with anyone or anything.

He’s brave.



He’s fearless.

Uh, who am I kidding? He’s crazy.

(laughs) Santo cielo, that’s a lot of po-po.

Uh, Piranha, did we forget something?


The present.

You know.

Oh, um…

Of-of course I didn’t forget.


You know you fart when you lie, right?

What? No, I fart when I’m nervous.

Yeah. Nervous about lying.

(stomach burbling)

(groans) I’m sorry.

(loud fart)

OTHERS: Piranha!

SHARK: Don’t breathe it in.

I breathed it in!

(officers groaning, gasping)

WOLF: Yeah, they’re a bit eccentric,

but when you’re born us, you don’t exactly win

many popularity contests.

(whimpers) Shark!

OTHERS: Shark!

Do I wish people didn’t see us as monsters?

Eight legs, eight times the cardio.


WOLF: Sure, I do.

What’s up, papa?

WOLF: But these are the cards we’ve been dealt,

so we might as well play ’em.



♪ ♪

(tires screech)


What the thorax?

Are you crazy?

What? I just wanted a longer car chase.

It’s the best part.

(indistinct radio chatter)

Chief! It’s…



Webs, hit it.

(“Stop, Drop, Roll” by Can’t Stop Won’t Stop playing)

Get them!

(laughing, whooping)


(tires squealing)

(sirens wailing)

♪ Hooked on hip-hop phonics ♪

♪ Yeah, it works for me ♪

♪ So jump aboard, yeah, this train is free ♪

♪ The conductor, let me toot my whistle ♪

♪ The instructor of the funky uncle fizzle ♪

♪ We be dancin’ on a lake when it ain’t froze over ♪

♪ We be walkin’ on water while you’re sinkin’ your rover ♪

♪ If you step any closer, you’ll be eatin’ some teeth ♪

♪ So please step back… ♪


I’m gonna put you guys away for so long,

your fleas will have fleas.


(all gasp)

Chief. You want some cake?

You seem a little hangry.


Get that thing out of my face before I…

Excuse me, Chief.



♪ Stop ♪

♪ Drop ♪

♪ Roll, roll ♪

♪ Stop… ♪

(sirens blaring)

(chuckles) You’re mine.

♪ Roll… ♪

(engine revs)


(tires squealing)


♪ I’m gonna get mine, mine, stake mine, really ♪

♪ Chi-Town cat gettin’ cheese like Philly ♪

♪ Order steak at the grilly, I flow chilly… ♪

(all screaming)

(all screaming)

(birds chirping)

(all screaming)

♪ And you’s a chicken nugget head, dip it in my chitchat ♪

♪ Stop… ♪

(buckles click)

Yeah, we may be bad,

but we’re so good at it.


(sirens wailing)


♪ Stop ♪

♪ Drop… ♪

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Keep running, Wolf!

One of these days, your luck is gonna run out!

(song ends)

♪ ♪

(bell dings)

All right, Piranha, you’re up.

♪ Oh… ♪

♪ Happy bir… ♪




WOLF: Snake, come on.

At least make a toast.

(Snake groans)

Toast! Come on!

Come on.

SNAKE: Okay, okay. All right. A toast.



I’ve made a lot of enemies in my time… I mean, a lot…

but out of all the people in the world,

I hate you guys the least.


That was actually kind of beautiful.

You’re a poet, man.

To Mr. Snake and his strange dislike of birthdays.


(others whooping, laughing)

Everyone say, “Robbery.”

ALL: Robbery.

(chuckles): Oh.

Look at those dimples.

Happy birthday, buddy.


Now, dig in, fellas.


(laughs, munches wildly)


WOLF: Don’t do that.

(Piranha slurping)

TARANTULA: That was so gross.

SHARK: That was my lunch!

PIRANHA: You snooze, you lose.

(Tarantula laughing)

WOLF: You like that.

(Piranha chuckles)


Ooh, wow.


I forgot we had those Push Pops.

Man, my tummy is rumbling like a kraken right now.

Yeah. Want it?

You know he’s not gonna give it to you.

No, I believe that deep down

Snake is a kind and generous soul.


Here. Take it.

(laughing): Oh, yeah!

Pop me, please.



(chuckles) Sucker.

Come on, man. Now you gonna make me get all aggressive.



Spit it out! Spit it out!


Let’s see what they’re saying about us today.

What up? It’s Tiffany Fluffit, Channel 6 Action News.

The Bad Guys have struck again…

Guys, guys, stop it. We’re on TV.

Ooh, ooh!

…proving once more that they

are the most diabolical criminals of our time.

Ooh, “diabolical.” That’s new.

Know what it sounds like? A cologne.

(dramatically): Diabolical.

TIFFANY: To address this heinous crime spree

is the newly elected governor, Diane Foxington.


DIANE: Okay. Yeah.

I hear you. I hear you.

(reporters clamoring)

Listen, listen. We all know how dastardly the Bad Guys are.

WOLF: You bet we are.

But more than anything…

(chuckles) I feel sorry for them.


These so-called Bad Guys

are really just second-rate has-beens.

Behind their amateurish antics

and, frankly, unoriginal capers…

I mean, really, another bank?…

is nothing but a deep well of anger…

I ain’t angry! You’re angry!


Not true.

…and self-loathing.

The only one I self-loathe is you.

And those are holes that no amount of cash

or priceless art can ever fill.

What’s on the Food Network?

DIANE: So, can we just forget about…

Who-who is she to judge us?

DIANE: …and focus on more positive things?


And what could be more positive

than the Annual Good Samaritan Awards,

where tomorrow night I will present the Golden Dolphin

to this year’s goodest citizen?

I can’t believe I voted for her.

You voted for her?

TARANTULA: What? She’s good on climate change.

Wait. What’s going on?

You’ve got that twinkle in your eye.

Guys, who’s up for another job?

A big one.

(all gasp)

SNAKE: The Golden Dolphin.



I thought I was the crazy one.

That job has broken every criminal who’s tried it.

The Bucharest Bandits, Lucky Jim.

SHARK: The Crimson Paw.

Actually, the Crimson Paw was never arrested.

Yeah, but he never stole anything again.

Snake, what better way

to wipe that smirk off the governor’s fuzzy face

than stealing the Golden Dolphin

from right under her whiskers?

This is the Holy Grail of thievery.

If we pull this off, we’ll cement our legacy

as the greatest criminals of all time.

Whoa, whoa, buddy.

I thought we weren’t supposed to make things personal.

Besides, we’ve got a good thing going here.

Friends, freedom, and just look at this loot.

All right, you’re right. Forget it.

The Dolphin job is off.


I guess the pig will get his trophy after all.

Yeah, I guess he would…

What do you mean, “pig”?

Oh, yes, did I not mention that?

That’s weird. I thought I mentioned that it was, uh…

The Good Samaritan is…

A guinea pig?


What do you say, Snakey?

Better than cake.



(groans) Okay. Fine.

But he better be delicious.

(laughs) Are we all in this together?

♪ ♪

So here’s the plan.

Like every year, the ceremony will be held

at the Museum of Fine Arts,

where the Golden Dolphin will be positioned

just beyond the backstage curtain.

Sounds easy.

Sounds easy, hermano, but to get there,

we’ll need to bypass three levels of security.

So, step one: We’ll need to blend in.

(“Howlin’ for You” by The Black Keys playing)

♪ Baby, I’m howlin’ for you ♪

♪ Da-da da-da da, da-da da-da da… ♪

WOLF: Professor Marmalade,

this year’s recipient of the Golden Dolphin,

the most annoying good creature on the planet.

Professor, in the past year, you’ve stopped wars,

fed the hungry and saved countless pandas.

Some have described your goodness

as second only to Mother Teresa.

Oh, Tiffany, it’s not a competition.

And if it were, it would really be more of a tie.

But we can all agree that there is a flower of goodness

inside all of us, just waiting to blossom.

WOLF: Once inside, there are two armored doors.

The first can only be opened by

a special key card that is carried

by our dear friend, the chief of police.

The second is outfitted with a retinal scanner

and guarded by an elite special ops unit

trained to strike first and ask questions later.

(fly buzzes)


Governor Foxington is the only one

who has clearance to open the second door.

So, step two: She and I will need to get

up close and personal.

Enjoy your evening, Mr. Ambassador.

Thank you, ma’am.

Interesting piece.

Trashy, pointless and pretentious.

Hmm. They say that art reveals

more about the viewer than the artist.



Poodleton. Oliver Poodleton.

DIANE: Uh… okay.

It’s about time someone stood up

to those diabolical Bad Guys.

Though, I’ve got to say, no one’s succeeded yet.

Eh. I don’t think it’ll be that hard.

I have a feeling it’ll be harder than you think.

I’d say they’re one epic job away

from cementing their legacy.

(Diane laughing)

(Wolf chuckles)

Mr. Poodleton, you’re-you’re funny.

I am?

The only legacy they’re cementing is life in prison.

Did you see their last job?

Ugh. Unsecured exits,

crude disguises, compulsive showboating.

I mean, it was a mess.

All the classic signs of a crew in decline.

Next, they’re gonna make it personal.

That’s when you know they’re toast.

(chuckles): Uh, well, that’s your opinion.

It is, and I’m the governor.

As for the sculpture, I think it’s about perspective.

If you look closely enough,

even trash can be recycled into something beautiful.

WOLF: How about that?

I guess some things aren’t always as they appear.

That reminds me.

May I? I can’t miss a photo op

with the governor and a pile of garbage.

Oh, Mr. Poodleton, you’re too hard on yourself.


(camera clicks)

(quiet chatter, laughter)

WOLF: Okay, friends.

It’s showtime.

♪ ♪

Once we’re in, it’s on to step three:

We split up and we take our positions.

Officers, if the Bad Guys crash this event,

I am definitely going to lose my job,

and I will not hesitate to take you down with me.

Now, move out.

OFFICERS: Yes, ma’am!

Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut,

hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut…

♪ ♪

Mic’s on. Everyone on comms, do you copy?




(high-pitched voice): Copy.

♪ ♪


A drink for the pretty lady?

No, thank you. My life is too complicated right now.

Uh, uh…

(whistling a tune)

♪ ♪

Boys, it’s Dolphin season.

(muffled grunting)

(pants zip)

Copy that. I’m on the move.

Unit two, is the backstage area still secure?

OFFICER (over radio): Unit two. All clear.

This is where all the training pays off.

(grunts, groans)

Oh, pardon me.

Terribly sorry.

Not a problem, sir.

Keep your eyes open, boys.

They could be anywhere, just waiting to humiliate us.


Wolf is in position.

(over radio): Piranha, you all penguin-suited and booted?

Affirmative. I’m a clean, mean, Dolphin-stealing machine.

What’s going on, guys?

(indistinct chatter)

♪ ♪


(woman grunting)

(both yelp)

(woman gasping)


Here, let me help you.


Are you okay, ma’am?

(panting): Oh, my gracious, yes.

I may be dizzy, but I’m alive, thanks to you.

WOLF: What are you…



(Wolf whimpers)

Thank you, dear.

You’re such a good boy.

(chuckles softly)

(woman grunting)

♪ ♪


All good, brother?

Yeah, all… a-all good. Yeah, yeah.

Um… (splutters)

Webs, what do you say about moving on to step four?

Copy that. Shark, you’re up.

Do your thing.

(gasps) Do I get to improvise?

Yes, fine. Improvise.

But please be subtle.


(high-pitched voice): I’m having a baby!

Is there a doctor?

Or perhaps several security guards

that could leave their post and help me?

(both gasp)

(guests murmuring)

(elevator bell dings)

(lock beeping)

♪ ♪

“Fish surprise”?

Surprise! (yells)

(guards grunting)

Hey, Webs, can you enhance this…

TARANTULA: Done. Eight steps ahead of you, Wolfie.


ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,

your emcee for the Good Samaritan Awards…

(breathing heavily)

WOLF (over radio): All right, Shark, we’re in.

(normal voice): Oops, I forgot, I’m not pregnant.

ANNOUNCER: …president of the committee,

Governor Diane Foxington.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Last year, we faced our biggest test

when a meteorite crashed into our dear city.

That meteorite didn’t just make a hole in our city.

It made a hole in our hearts.


(Shark sniffles)

But even in tragedy, Professor Marmalade,

he did what he does so well.

He made us look at things differently.

And thanks to you, Marmalade,

the Love Crater Meteorite will forever serve as a symbol

of how there is good even in the worst places.



(Diane continues indistinctly)

(Piranha laughs, grunts)

(all grunt)

(groans) Hurry up.


…and successfully reversed climate change

for the well-being of all of us.

This is going surprisingly smoothly.


(Wolf yelps)

What the molt is that?

WOLF: The Wolf Piranha Snake Shark Tarantula

Protection System.


This was not supposed to happen.


Guys, calm down. I’m on it.

Initiating WPSST override protocol. (chuckles)

Get it, queen!

(computer buzzes)

WOLF: Did it work?

Just give me five minutes.

And now, please join me in welcoming to the stage…

We don’t have five minutes.

…Professor Marmalade.


We love you, Professor Marmalade!

The pig is on the move.

I repeat, the pig is on the move.

Webs, Webs, the curtain’s going up any minute.

It’s not letting me in.

Check your system preferences.

You probably need to download a driver.

Try rebooting.

Oh, my gosh, you fixed it.

SNAKE and WOLF: Really?


(door rattling)

CHIEF: Hey, Larry.

Come on, open up.

What did we say about locking doors?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Shark, I got a situation here.

SHARK: Copy that. I’m on my way.

(stomach burbling)


Hurry up, guys.

Time to turn this baby on beast mode.

Eat it, WPSST!

Please, not now. (whimpers)


Wait, wait, wait. No, no, Piranha!

This award is for…

(Piranha farts loudly)

(clears throat) As I was saying…

(gasps) No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!


Piranha! Are you kidding me?


And that’s why my Gala for Goodness

will raise all the money needed for those less fortunate.

CHIEF: Come on!

(pounding at door)

(inhales deeply)

I’m starting to get mad here, Larry.

WOLF: Webs! Webs!

(muffled grunting)

And now the moment we’ve all been waiting for.




SHARK (high-pitched voice): Excuse me.

Is this the ladies’ room?

Oh, uh, y-you need to take a right

at the end of the hall, ma’am.


Yes. Whoop-bam!

Oh, come on!

And now it is my honor to award Professor Marmalade

with the Golden Dolphin!

(gasps) No.


(normal voice): Yes!

(high-pitched voice): I mean, yes!



Everyone, everyone, uh, please don’t panic.

Just stay calm.

I’m-I’m sure there’s an explanation for this.

(gasping, murmuring)

I repeat, uh, please do not panic.

Nice work, everybody.

Now, let’s make like a wolf and get the pack out of here.

Ah, wordplay.

I don’t get it.

MARMALADE: Diane, Diane, if I may…

(microphone feedback squeals)

You have to understand,

I didn’t bring hope back to the city for an award.

I did these good things because of how they made me feel.

That tingly feeling I get.

That shiver up my spine.

The wag in my tiny tail.

Because, you see,

being good just feels so good.

And when you’re good, you’re loved.

(gasps, whimpers)



What are you doing?


It’s the Bad Guys!

(guests screaming)

Arrest them!

OFFICERS: Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut,

hut, hut, hut, hut, hut,

hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut.

(officers growl)

They stole the Golden Dolphin!

Come on, you can’t prove that.

(high-pitched voice): My baby!

On your knees, Bad Guys.

(knuckles crack)

With your hands up.

Never! We’re out of here.

♪ ♪

So long, suckers.

Well, this just got a little weird.

(siren whooping)

TIFFANY: The Bad Guys go bust.

The nefarious fivesome has finally been captured.

And I, Tiffany Fluffit, am first on the scene.

Wow. You know, I-I just realized that I have devoted

my entire adult life to putting you in jail.

You are my purpose.

Without you, who am I?

Ah, I’m just kidding.

This is the best moment of my life!


(Wolf whimpers)

It’s the end of the Bad Guys.


Get your hands off of me! (screams)

Ooh, you’re begging for a biting right now.


TIFFANY: Professor Marmalade! Madam Governor!

Ooh, Professor Marmalade! Madam Governor!

Madam Governor!

One at a time. One at a time.

Hey. Hey!

Excuse me.

(people gasp)

Sorry to interrupt.

I just wanted to congratulate the governor here.

I got to say, you really got us pegged.

We’re just a deep well of anger and self-loathing.


Sure. That, too.


Yeah. Yeah.

Emotional emptiness.

So we’re on the same page.


What is he doing?

Sadly, we were never given a chance

to be anything more than second-rate criminals.

If only there was someone who could help

the flower of goodness inside us blossom.

Some icon of love and forgiveness,

like, uh, I don’t know, Mother Teresa.

Best thing is to just throw us in jail

for the rest of our hopeless lives.

Yeah, that’s the plan.

Wait, wait, wait, no, no.


Get in there.



Uh, beg… beg pardon?

Mr. Wolf may be a savage beast.

Basically walking garbage.

Sorry, I’m making a point.

Do what you need to do, pal.

But how can we say they’re hopeless

if they’ve never been given a chance?

What if… what if we tried a little experiment, Diane?

As you know, my Gala for Goodness,

the “hashtag charity event of the year,” is coming up.

If I can prove to everyone at that gala

that the Bad Guys have changed,

will you set them free and give them a clean start?

(crowd gasping, murmuring)

What? Professor Marmalade!


No, no, no, no, no. Don’t you see what he’s doing?

He’s playing you.

But it was my idea.

It was his idea.

But only because you made him have it.

Madam Governor, you can’t just let them go.

Professor, I’m not about to put the safety of the city

on the line for an experiment.

Excuse me, Madam Governor.

I seem to remember that a wise person once said,

“Even trash can be recycled into something beautiful.”

(chuckles softly)

Okay. I’m game.

But only because it’s you, Professor.


We’ll hold on to the Dolphin until the gala.

Just to remove any unnecessary temptation.

Of course. Good thinking.

That’s why you’re governor.

Now that everyone’s happy…

Not happy.

…I, Rupert Marmalade the Fourth,

will turn the Bad Guys into…

the Good Guys!

(cameras clicking)

(people gasping)

I think these belong to you.


DIANE: Not everyone gets a second chance.

Make the most of it, Mr. Poodleton.

(engine starts)

(sirens wailing)


SNAKE: Wolf?

What are you doing?

WOLF: What?


Oh, that. (chuckles)

I-I-I’m sorry. I thought it was, uh, obvious.

We’re gonna go good.

Uh, you totally lost me.

I told him to stop drinking out of the toilet.

Hey, did you get hit on the head?

What? No, I didn’t get hit on the head.

My cousin got hit on the head with an anchor,

and after that, he only swam in a circle.

WOLF: No, no, g-guys, guys, you’re not following me.

We’re gonna pretend to go good.

Just a few days with Marmalade.

And then we roll into the gala as Good Guys

and roll out scot-free with…

ALL: The Golden Dolphin.

You got it.

Since when do we not finish a job?

The Bad Guys become the Good Guys

so we can stay the Bad Guys.

You know what I’m saying?


Bad Guys acting good?

It’s the ultimate Bad Guy thing.

It’s fantastic.

Wolf, you’re a genius.

(laughter continues)

It’s gonna be, like, the most relaxing con ever,

like a vacation.

Oh, oh. A con-cation.


SHARK: Ooh! My parents met on a con-cation.

(seagulls squawking)

♪ ♪

(Marmalade humming)

(doorbell rings)

Oh, goody.

WOLF (chuckling): Wow.

Big and fancy.

Rodent’s got taste. Okay.

Huh. Almost makes me want to be cute.

MARMALADE: They say experience is the best teacher.

And they are wrong.

I am.

Good morning, students of goodness.

And welcome to the first day of the rest of your best life.

A giant butt.


Uh, it’s-it’s not a butt.

It’s a lamp in the shape of

the Love Crater Meteorite, my greatest…

I wonder whose butt it is.

(Shark gasps)


Once again, it’s not a butt. Thank you.

It’s a heart. Now, as I was saying…

Then why does it have cheeks?


Shut it!

What? I’ve never seen a heart with cheeks.

(scoffs) It’s not a…


It’s not a butt! Not a butt!

Does he know what a butt is?

(clears throat) As I was saying,

on the outside, the five of you are villains,

predators, remorseless sociopaths.

Oh, stop. You’re making me blush.

But inside, there’s a flower…

the flower of goodness… and when it blooms

and you feel that tingle of positivity

radiating through your body,

you’re going to want to feel it all the time.

So we’re going for a tingle?

Not any tingle.

The tingle of goodness, which you’ll feel

in my state-of-the-art Sharing Laboratory.

Okay, Mr. Snake, I’m going to give you a Push Pop.

Great! Push Pop just for me!

No, to share.


Well, on a fundamental level,

it’s about putting someone else’s needs

ahead of your own.


Oh, no. No way.


(groans) All right, all right.

This is going to taste extra sweet,

’cause I know how bad you want it.


Pop me, please. Ah…


Nope. Sucker.

That’s it!


I’ll teach you to share!


(all gasp)

Mm, I like sharing. It’s yummy. Mm.

SNAKE (echoing): Totally worth it.

Well, that’s terrifying.

Let’s try something simpler.

A good person always pays attention

to the needs of others.

Now, here’s a kindly, frail grandma.

(others laughing)

Mr. Piranha, help grandma across the street.

(scoffs) Sure, sure, sure. I do this all the time.

Here you go, ma’am.

(others laughing)

Oh, he is totally gonna blow it.

What was that? What did you say

You think I can’t do this?

(Tarantula laughing)

No, no, no, Piranha!

(truck horn blares)

(Wolf screams, groans)

Maybe simpler?

(cat meowing)

Hey, look. It’s a cat stuck in a tree.

It doesn’t get much simpler than that.

Now, what in this scenario

would give you that good tingle?

Eating it?

This is why I always carry two pieces of bread with me.


I want you to s…

Smack it.

Skin it?

Stab it.

Sauté it.

Sing to it?

Save it. I want you to sa…

That’s obv… It’s so obvi… I want you to save it.

ALL: Oh!

Right, right.

Right, right, right. Sure.

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.



Whoa, that cat is obviously defective.

What is wrong with you?

You’re gonna give it a heart attack.

(scoffs) I’ll handle this.

What’s up, papa!


(Wolf grunts)

(screams) Get him off my face! He’s on my face!

No, no, no, no, no, listen! Wh-What are you doing?

(cat yowling)

(Wolf groans)

Okay. What, may I ask, are you good at?

Stealing stuff.

Oh, yeah, we’re great at that.



Wire fraud.


Tax evasion.


TARANTULA: Mail fraud.

Wait. Heists, you say?

Well, that’s… yeah, that’s kind of our specialty.

I might just have an idea.

(chanting): Free the pigs! Free the pigs!

That is an animal testing lab.

Within, 200,000 helpless guinea pigs,

all being poked and prodded by sadistic scientists.

Guinea pigs, you say?


I want you to rescue them.

But this is a heist for good,

so I brought something more friendly for you to wear.

(tires squeal)


Well, there goes our street cred.

At least it’s comfy.

♪ ♪

WOLF: All right, we need to distract that scientist.

Shark, you’re up.

Copy that.

Okay. We’re gonna need a rope and a hook.

I got this one.


You’re volunteering?

You’ve never volunteered for anything.

Sure, I did. Right now.


Throw me up there. Giddyap!



I’m 99% sure you can make it.


Let’s do it!

Hey there, son.


I know you’ve got an important job,

but I hope you still have time for a catch with your old man.


(Snake groans)

Hey, kiddo.


SNAKE: 96% sure.

You’ll always be my special boy.


(Snake groans)

SNAKE: Maybe 90%.

I’ve been waiting my entire life for this moment.

SNAKE (groans): I don’t know.

Okay. Now, go long.

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!

Thank you, Daddy! (laughs)

(groans) 50… What day is it?

Who am I?

MARMALADE: Right. The guinea pigs are locked

behind a three-foot-thick steel door.

The only way in is through the vents.

I got it.

Upsy-daisy. ♪ Over the filters and through the vents ♪

I have never seen him so chipper.

Has he been meditating?

♪ To Guinea Pig Land we… ♪




(guinea pigs chittering)


(whispers): Snake attack.

Oh. Hey, look, it’s Professor Marmalade.

Yes, that’s right. It’s me.

Help has arrived.

Just keep your eyes glued to that door.

Snake. Come on, Snake. Open up.


These doors are complicated.

TARANTULA: Are you kidding me?


What do you think you’re doing?

We’re supposed to save them, not eat them.

Well, I’d say they’ve gone to a better place.

(belches, chuckles)

All right, that’s it.

Spit them out.


(yells) Hey!

We gonna save you whether you like it or not.

We’re saving you, you stupid hair balls.

Not that door. The other door.

Hey, hey. (grunts)


Any second.


(people screaming)

(guinea pigs squeaking)


(people gasping)

It-it’s not what it looks like.

(alarm blaring)

(guinea pig squeaks)

DIANE: Trespassing, burglary, mayhem,

assault with a deadly reptile?

As if those poor rodents

haven’t been through enough already.

No, Diane, please.

(sighs) Okay.

I’m sorry, Professor, but I’m calling the chief.

Please. Come on.

DIANE: This experiment is over.

MARMALADE: Experiments take time.

You couldn’t help yourself?

So I had a moment of weakness. Sue me.

That’s gonna be difficult to do from prison.

Guys, what do we do now?

Hmm. Time to launch a charm offensive.

Oh, yeah. The full Clooney.

Madam Governor.


Do not Clooney me, Wolf.

Oh, I see what’s going on. You think I’m still a Bad Guy,

trying to bamboozle my way to freedom.

But we’ve changed.

That flower of goodness is blossoming all over the place.

(sighs) Don’t you ever get tired of lying?

(chuckling): No.

I mean… (stammers) Fudge.

That was… that was a trick question, right?

(sighs) I gave you an opportunity…

a chance to show the world

that you’re more than just a scary stereotype…

but you’re too proud

or too gutless to take advantage of it.

Gutless? I’m gutless?

(chuckles): Oh.

I’m sorry, have we met?

I’m the villain of every story.

Guilty until proven innocent.

Even if by some miracle we did change,

who’s gonna believe us, huh?

Of course you wouldn’t know anything about that,

with your Little Miss Perfect power suits.

Is that so?

Wait a second.

What did… How did you…

A wolf and a fox are not so different.

Maybe they will believe you, maybe they won’t,

but it doesn’t matter.

Don’t do it for them. Do it for you.

This is a chance to write your own story.

To find a better life for you and your friends.

Come on, what have you got to lose?

I don’t know. My dignity?

Yeah, well, that ship has already sailed.

Believe it or not, I’m rooting for you, Wolf.

So you’re not gonna call the chief?

I’ll see you at the gala.

(engine starts)

♪ ♪

(cat meows in distance)

(meowing continues)


I think we got off to a bad start.

The name’s Wolf.


Yep. (sighs)

I get that a lot.

First impressions and all.


(meows, yowls)

No, no, no, no. (whimpers)



Uh, it’s okay. It’s okay.

I’m not gonna hurt you. I know you’re scared.

I would be, too, if I were you.

Just give me a chance.

(meows quietly)

Truth is we actually have a lot in common.

Don’t tell anyone,

but I love a little scratch

on the spot behind my ears.

You know, right there.

The best.


Come on, kitty.


(meows, purrs)

♪ ♪


Yeah. Who’s a good kitty?


Who’s a good kitty?


Um, you saved him?


(chuckling): Yes. It’s working.

You-you filmed that?

Yes, and they’re starting to like you.

SHARK (chuckling): Yeah!

All right!


This might just be enough

to win over the guests at the gala.

Now we’re talking!


All right!

TARANTULA: Yeah, we did it! All right!


I must say, you’ve really turned a corner.

You’re really getting it.


Oh, uh, thanks.


Now, I mean it.

And I can see it from tip to tail.

It’s just a shame that you have to carry all that baggage.

What are you talk… You mean the guys?

What do you mean?

MARMALADE: You have great potential, Wolf,

but at some point, you’re going to have to choose

between your friends or the good life.


Hey. You still awake?

(cat meows)

You-you brought the cat in?

(chuckling): Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I’m just… I’m just saving it up for later.

Why? What’s up?

I was just getting a little worried,

since you’ve kind of become a…

Become a what?


You know, teacher’s pet.

Getting all cozy with Marmalade.

Your tail wagging and everything.

Well, yeah, because it has to be believable.

Uh-huh. Yeah, I guess so.

As long as it’s all part of the plan.

It is all part of the plan, isn’t it?

Snake, buddy, who made the plan to begin with?

You did.

So I’m the one who sticks to the plan the most, right?

Yeah, ri… Uh, yeah, ok…

I guess that makes sense, yeah.

But if the plan were ever to change,

you’d-you’d tell me, right?

You have my word.

Go bad…

Or go home.

Hey, Snake.



You ever wonder what it’d be like?

The world loving us instead of being scared of us?

You ever… you ever think about that?

Loving us?

(chuckles) Yeah, right.

I don’t waste time thinking about stuff

that’s never gonna happen.

(sighs) I can’t wait for things to get back to normal.

Yeah. Back to normal, back to normal.


(dramatic news theme plays)

What up? We are just moments away

from Professor Marmalade’s Gala for Goodness,

where the legendary Love Crater Meteorite

will be on display for the first time ever.

But what everyone is really buzzing about

is the Bad Guys, whose heart-melting rescue video

has made them an overnight viral sensation.

All right, guys, this is the big one.

The Golden Dolphin

is inside a titanium case

controlled by a randomly generated five-digit code,

a code kept safe and secure

inside a briefcase handcuffed to the chief of police.

PIRANHA: She’s not messing around.

WOLF: The code is only accessible with

her authorized fingerprints.

SNAKE: Leave that to me.

WOLF: While Snake gets the code,

Shark will secure the fake Dolphin.

SHARK: I like the sound of that.

WOLF: Meanwhile, the rest of us plant circuit jammers.

TARANTULA: Allowing me to hack into the power grid.

WOLF: At the end of the night, we toast the professor,

“Blah-blah-blah, yada yada,”

and when I say “Marmalade,” lights go out,

and we’ll have exactly four seconds to make our move.

SNAKE: The old switcheroo.

WOLF: Chief hands Marmalade the fake Dolphin,

we get our pardon, applause, applause, exit stage right,

and by the time they realize what happened…

(over speakers): So long, suckers!

…we’ll be driving off into the sunset,

legacy cemented.



Got to hand it to you, buddy.

You’re a real artist.

Well, Good Guys, this is it.

Good luck out there.

Remember, all eyes will be on you tonight, not me.

Friends, meet the Good Guys!


Uh, this is different.

Is this a prank?

What’s that sound?

Like screaming but not terrified.

All right, guys, let’s, uh… let’s mingle.

It’s crime time, baby.

♪ Fly me to the moon ♪

♪ And let me play among the stars ♪


MAN: There you go.

♪ Let me see what spring is like ♪

♪ On Jupiter and Mars ♪

♪ In other words… ♪

Okay, fake Dolphin, fake Dolphin, fake Dolphin.


Mr. Shark, Mr. Shark!


Is it true sharks can smell blood a mile away?

What? No. That’s freaky.

♪ Fill my heart with song ♪

(Snake chuckling)

♪ And let me sing forevermore… ♪

Oh, Mr. Wolf! Mr. Wolf!

(chuckling): Hey. Whoa.

It is a pleasure to meet you.

Pleasure is all mine.

I loved your video.

Can I get a picture for my kids?

Uh, hey, just a minute, guys. Let me… let me, uh…

I got… I’ll be right back.

♪ In other words, I love you… ♪

Okay, Wolf, what are you up to?

Yeah, with criminals like this,

you got to be crafty, subtle, invisible.

And then the moment they let their guard down…



You gotta spring the trap!

(chuckling): Always one step ahead.

I think I’ve earned a tonic water.

Put it in a fun glass, huh?

Oh! Nice.

(Snake groans)


Oh, no.


Hey. (stammers)


(chuckles nervously)


That’s right.

Be intimidated.

(Snake groans)


No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

♪ Look… at me ♪

(guests murmuring)




♪ Tell me what… you see ♪

♪ Am I good… or bad? ♪

(chuckles nervously)

(record scratching)

♪ Don’t you judge… so fast ♪


♪ Hey, hey, hey, I know you think you know me ♪

♪ You’ve made your own conclusion ♪

♪ You think that I look scary ♪


♪ Well, that’s your own delusion ♪

♪ Listen when I tell you ♪

♪ There’s more than meets the eye ♪

♪ So take a closer look ♪


♪ To find a real good guy ♪

♪ We’re not the Bad Guys… ♪

DIANE: Mr. Wolf.

Diane. Yeah, what a surprise.

You know, if I didn’t know better,

I’d think that you were avoiding me.

Avoiding you?

Wh-Why would I do that?


But I have to say, I’m a little disappointed.

I was hoping you were gonna ask me to dance.


♪ Get up on the floor ♪

♪ We’re gonna be good tonight ♪

♪ Wanna get you feeling right ♪

♪ We’re gonna be good tonight ♪

♪ We’re the Good, Good Guys ♪

♪ We’re gonna be good tonight ♪

♪ Wanna get you feeling right ♪

♪ We’re gonna be good tonight ♪

♪ We’re the Good, Good Guys ♪

♪ Come on! Ooh… ♪

I see. You lost the sheep’s clothing.

Yeah. Figured it was time I got comfortable in my own fur.

PIRANHA: If you’re feeling good in here…

I said, if you’re feeling good in here…


♪ Oh, yeah ♪

I think I like the new you.

Well, that makes two of us.

♪ We’re all here to have a good, good time ♪

♪ Let the rhythm move you and open up your mind ♪

♪ Next time you see me in your neighborhood ♪

♪ Don’t you be thinking that I’m up to no good ♪

♪ I just want you to give me a chance ♪

♪ I know your body really wants to dance ♪

♪ So leave your judgments… ♪

Break out the umbrellas, because it’s raining money.

All because of… I can’t even believe I’m saying this…

all because of the Bad Guys.

♪ Wanna get you feeling right ♪

♪ We’re gonna be good tonight ♪

♪ We’re the Good, Good Guys ♪

♪ We’re gonna be good tonight ♪

♪ Wanna get you feeling right ♪

♪ We’re gonna be good tonight ♪

♪ We’re the Good, Good Guys, whoo… ♪

So, how does it feel

to have everyone not fear you for a change?


(music continues muffled)

(muffled cheering)

It feels good.

Real good.


(gasps softly)

It belongs to you.

(music unmuffles)

♪ We’re gonna be good tonight ♪

♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ We’re gonna be good tonight ♪

♪ Ah, one, two, three, we’re the Good, Good Guys ♪

♪ We’re gonna be good tonight ♪

♪ So good ♪

♪ Gonna get you feeling right ♪

♪ We’re gonna be good tonight ♪

♪ So good ♪

♪ We’re the Good, Good Guys ♪

♪ Oh, yeah… ♪

(song ends)

(cheering and applause)

(sound of fireworks whistling and exploding)

Thank you. Thank you, Mr. Wolf.

As you know, the money raised tonight

will be delivered tomorrow to schools, hospitals

and other worthy causes across the city.


Uh… (clears throat)

I just want to take a moment to recognize

the one responsible for our new outlook.

Our brilliant mentor,

a paragon of enlightenment…

Do it.

Come on.

…the one and only Professor…

TARANTULA: Wolf, do it.

WOLF: …uh, Professor…



…Professor Marmalade!


Chief, may I do the honors?

That’s not the plan.

What is happening?

He’s gone rogue.

A deal’s a deal.

By the power vested in me, it is a pleasure

to grant the Bad Guys a full par…

(guests gasping, murmuring)

That was weird.

MAN: The meteorite is gone!

Somebody stole it!

(chief groans)


Wolf. (growls)

Come on.

You can’t possibly think that we did this.

(over speakers): So long, suckers!


Get them!


Uh… (chuckles)


(officers grunting)

Here. Here.

What are you doing?

I’m giving it all back.



Excuse me.

(panting, grunting)

What happened back there?

I couldn’t do it.

What do you mean, you couldn’t do it?

I-I-I just… I…


I do not run.

OFFICERS: Hut, hut, hut…

That is not how I roll.

Piranha, don’t do anything crazy.


Crazy is what I bring to the party, chico.

(Shark groans)

Hey, you’re making a mistake.

We didn’t do it.

I know we always say that,

but this time it’s actually true.

A-la-la-la-la. Can’t hear you.

Guilty, guilty, guilty.

Talk to Marmalade.

We’re really good now. He’ll tell you.


Tonight’s headline: Change is impossible.

You should always judge a book by its cover,

and all stereotypes have been affirmed.

MARMALADE: Stop, for goodness’ sake!

Let me speak to them.

I’m-I’m sure there’s been some misunderstanding.

(door opens)

Ah, Professor Marmalade.

You’ve got five minutes.

No deals this time.

Y-You have to help us.

Tell ’em. Tell ’em we didn’t do it.

There, there. Of course you didn’t do it.

How could you?

After all, you’re such a good boy.

You’re such a good boy.

That shiver up my spine.

The wag in my tiny tail.

Arrest them!

What if we tried a little experiment, Diane?

As you know, my Gala for Goodness…

TIFFANY: Where the legendary Love Crater Meteorite

will be on display for the first time ever.

All eyes will be on you tonight, not me.

WOMAN: You’re such a…

MARMALADE: Good boy.


It was all you.

What are you talking about, Wolf?

The old lady, the Golden Dolphin,

good training… it was all to get us here,

so he could steal the meteorite and let us take the fall.

Whoa. Whoa, what old lady?

And-and why would a guinea pig want a meteorite anyway?

(Marmalade chuckling)

Uh, guys, he’s creeping me out.

Wait, what? What’s going on?

Someone turn me around.

MARMALADE: Well, well.

So, you finally get it.



You stole the meteorite?

Oh, it’s not just a meteorite.

I told you guys it’s a butt.

It’s not a butt!

(takes deep breath)

It’s the ultimate power source.

You see, when it struck, scientists found that

it emitted an electromagnetic frequency

unlike anything else on Earth.

I’m going to harness its power

to pull off the greatest heist the world has ever seen.

You should’ve eaten him when you had the chance.


But why us?

Because you’re the perfect patsies.

Come on, when people look up “bad” in the dictionary,

do they see a sweet, adorable guinea pig?

No. They see you.

And they always will.

Okay, fine.

But you set us up.

(chuckling): Oh, pish-pish.

Let’s be honest… evolution set you up.

But Wolfie here really clinched it.

You fell for every one of my traps,

starting with saving a helpless little old lady.

Wolf, what’s he talking about?


Did I say too much?

Anyhoo, looks like, yet again,

the Big Bad Wolf got outsmarted by a little piggy.

You little pouchy-cheeked rat!

I’ll kill you! You hear me?

You’re dead! You’re de…

Help! Help! Help!

The Big Bad Wolf is attacking me.

Oh, now you are done forever, Wolf!

(engine revs)

(sirens wailing)

(Marmalade whimpering)

TIFFANY: Professor, Professor,

any thoughts on how the Bad Guys managed

to steal the meteorite in plain sight?

Well, off the top of my head,

perhaps they accessed the site previously

and set up an intricate system

of tunnels and trapdoors…

TIFFANY: Uh-huh.

MARMALADE: …that could be remotely triggered

to suck the meteorite down into a holding area,

but how should I know?

TIFFANY: Totally.

MARMALADE: I mean, they’re the deranged masterminds, not me.

WOLF: I’m giving it all back.

(wind howling)

♪ ♪

SHARK: I can’t believe we got double-crossed

by a tiny rodent.

Oh, we got double-crossed by a rodent all right,

but, uh, not a tiny one.


This was supposed to be us conning Marmalade.

It turns out it was Wolf conning us.


Does that sound familiar to you, Wolf?

Why-why would you think that?

Oh, I don’t know, maybe because you just sabotaged

the biggest heist of our lives.

I think you owe us an explanation, buddy.


Okay. You’re right.

This is what happened.

Back in the museum, I just tried to steal an old lady’s purse.

(camera shutter snaps)

Classic snatch and grab.

Tried to? Since when do you try

to steal something and not just steal it?

I was trying to steal the purse when the old lady fell and…

(clears throat) I kind of helped her.


(camera shutter snaps)

I kind of helped her.

But then you stole her purse.

(camera shutter snaps)

(chuckling): No, I didn’t.

I saved the old lady, and she hugged me,

and my tail wagged, and I didn’t know what it was,

but it felt, uh, you know… good.

(Shark, Tarantula and Piranha gasp)


But then you stole the purse.


You know, I heard what the pig said to you

about cutting us loose.

Wait. Like, “us” us?

But I never thought you’d actually do it, man.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

I-I would never… I was trying to…

I was trying to find us a better life.

Our life was perfect until you decided to ruin it.

I didn’t.

You guys felt it at the gala.

The clapping, the cheering.

We were more than… than just scary villains.

They loved us.

Oh, yeah? If they loved us so much,

how come we’re in prison for a crime we didn’t commit?

You know what? I’ll give Marmalade this.

At least he sees the world for what it is:

a place where some people are scary

and some people are scared.

Oh, yeah?

Well, I’m tired of being scary.

I’m-I’m tired of being an outcast.

Maybe I don’t want to be a…

What? A Bad Guy?

Don’t want to be a Bad Guy anymore, huh?

Say it, Wolf.

Yeah, I thought so.

And us, your lifelong friends?

We’re just holding you back?

Yeah, maybe you are!


(snarls) Take it back!


Take it back! Apologize!

GUARD: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Prison is no place for fighting.

(guard yells)

(groaning): Tell that to him.


♪ ♪

(chuckling): What?

(guards yelling)

(grunting, yelling)

(grunting rapidly)

(grunting and yelling continue)

(guard yelling)



(grunting and yelling continue)



(screams, whimpers)




W-W-Wait, wait. Ho-Hold on.

(others gasping)

ALL: Diane?

But how do you know how to do

all of that kick-kick-punch-punch?

Wait a sec, you’re the Crimson Paw?

♪ ♪

WOLF: The queen of cons,

acrobatic Swiss Army knife.

Stole the Zumpango diamond twice.

Once for profit, second time just for fun.

Never identified, never caught.

(chuckles) Guess I’m still the best bad guy

the world has ever seen.

Ugh, at least I used to be.

(alarm blaring)

(Shark gasps)


(guards yelling)


(explosions booming)

Nope, I’m still the best.

Just like riding a stolen bicycle.

Oh, uh, you got a little… Ouch.

Hey, wh-why did you save us anyway?

After the gala, I knew something wasn’t right,

so I did some investigating, and that meteor…

I know. Some kind of cosmic mega-super-antennae thing.

Right. If conducted through an array of ionized crystals,

it will generate a massive psychokinetic field

the size of a city.

Oh, my gosh. Did I interrupt you?

Were you gonna say that?

Uh, I-I-I was gonna be a little more technical,

but you got the gist of it.


Marmalade needs to be stopped, but I can’t do it alone.

You know his compound better than anyone.

You can count on us.

Right, guys?

There is no “us.”

We’re through, Wolf.

Done. Finito.

Because of that little tiff back there?

Come on, man, that’s what we do.

You serve, I volley.

That’s our little dance.

Not this time.

♪ ♪



Sorry, Wolfie.

(chuckling): Shark.


WOLF: Hey.



You want to know why I hate birthdays, Wolf? Do you?

When you grow up a snake, nobody shows up to your party.

Birthdays are a constant reminder that out there

I’m just a scary, good-for-nothing monster.


But nothing compares to having the one guy…

the one guy I thought I could trust

stab me in the back.

Come on, guys. Let’s get out of here.

♪ ♪

(no audio)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

(electrical crackling)

(rhythmic pulsing)

Now, this is what a true bad guy looks like.

(electronic tone)

What do you say we have some fun?


(laughing maniacally)

(explosive whooshing)

(gasps, grunts)




(squeaky chittering)

Hey. You okay?

No, I’m not okay.

I’m very, very un-okay.


Just left the only friends I have ever had,

so what am I… (sighs) what am I doing?


I know this isn’t easy,

leaving everything behind.

Do you?


I was the best thief in the world.

Fast, fearless, inventive.

I just had one thing left to steal.

The Golden Dolphin.

So you went after it.

I didn’t just go after it.

I had it.

And a clear escape route.


all I saw in the end was the tricky fox

that they always told me I was.

It changed everything.

So, now, instead of hurting people,

I’m helping them. (sighs)

I’m still me. (chuckles)

I’m just me on the right side.

You’re doing the right thing.

And someday your friends, if they’re real friends,

I think they’ll understand.

Now, come on, let’s get inside.

You look like you just busted out of a prison.


(both gasp)


Guinea pigs? (gasps)

(footsteps scurrying on roof)

BOTH: Marmalade.

Let’s bounce.

♪ ♪

So this is the hideout of the great Crimson Paw.

(Diane chuckles)

(microwave beeping)

Snack break?

Okay, oddly timed, but you do you.


AUTOMATED VOICE: Identity verified.


Welcome, Diane.

Whoa! Holy moly!


(sighs) It’s so good to be home.

Are you kidding me?

Laser-sighted zip line?

The XM-2400 radar jammer? No way.

I actually prefer the earlier model.

Agree to disagree.

Uh, this stuff is nice, too.


Yeah, that’s a blowtorch.

Also, not really your color.


All righty, Marmalade.

What are you up to, you fuzzy little weirdo?

We need eyes on the city.

Let’s see if we can’t hack

into the government’s surveillance satellite.

But you’re the governor. Couldn’t you just ask?

Yeah, but… (splutters) the paperwork.

(Diane muttering)

I am definitely picking up on suspicious activity here.

Those are guinea pig heat signatures.

Marmalade seems to be controlling them.

But to do what?

There are no obvious targets.

That’s because they’re moving targets.

DIANE: (gasps) His charity fundraiser.

He’s gonna steal the money raised in his own name?

It’s the greatest heist the world’s ever seen.

$1 billion inside trucks,

on their way to charities all over the city.

We need to cut off Marmalade’s communication

with his guinea pig army.

If there’s no signal…

There’s no heist.

BOTH: We have to steal the meteorite.

That was very cute,

that thing we just did there.

All right.

Put on your big-girl pants. We’re gearing up.

♪ ♪

I wouldn’t take that.

Those things rip your pants right off.

Huh. Try wearing clean underwear.

Just in case.


You stole my car?


Let’s do this.

(engine revs, tires squeal)

(elevator bell dings)

(all gasp)



All our stuff?

Where is everything?

No, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

All our stuff.

It’s all gone.

My disguise closet!

TARANTULA: Where’s my things?

(hangers clanging)

Wolf gave away all our loot.

We stole it fair and square.

Now I understand what it feels like

to have things stolen from you. (shuddering breaths)

I don’t like it!

I really don’t like it! (whimpers)


(Shark sobbing)

SHARK: We got no food. We got no money.

We got no money we could use to buy food.

No food we can sell for money. (grunts)

We… (sobs)

All right, okay, okay.

Here, here. Take it.

Now, stop crying, buddy.


Um, Snake, what did you just do?

What? My friend was sad.

I was just cheering him up.

You… you did a good thing.

For me.

Don’t be ridiculous.

I just put your needs before my own.

Yeah. You’re being good.

I’m not.

I was simply making a sacrifice so Shark could be happy.

That is the actual definition of being good.

Snake, you,

the worst one of us, the most selfish.









And your point is?

I think Wolf was right.

Maybe we could be more than just scary villains.




Is this… is this wagging?

We’re-we’re wagging.


No, no, no!

We’ll always be Bad Guys!


(electrical crackling)

(man yelps)

(squeaky chittering)

(laughing maniacally)

Faster, faster, my little pigs.



(tires squeal)

(all gasp)


(driver screams)


(tires squeal)






(driver yelps)

(driver screams)

(drivers scream)

(tires squeal)

(squeaky chittering)

(people screaming)

(explosion booms)

♪ ♪

(tires squeal)

Once we steal the meteorite,

we take it straight to the police.

And all will be forgiven.

I don’t know about “all,” but it’s a start.

♪ ♪

(door opens)

That’s strange.

Why would Marmalade leave the Golden Dolphin unprotected?

Because maybe it’s a trap.

Or maybe…

Wait, wait, wait!


Yeah, it was a trap.

MARMALADE: Well, well, well.

If it isn’t my prized pupil.

And you’ve brought along the governor.

Or should I say…

the Crimson Paw?

(gasps, grunts)

Mm, what an ingenious way to disguise a Zumpango diamond,

hiding it in plain sight.

You got to be kidding me.

What? I’m sentimental.

You always did have panache.

And yet, you still fell right into my trap.

But how did you know we’d even be here?

Oh, I got a little tip from a friend.

(door opens)


Hey, buddy.

How’s it hanging?


(Snake chuckles)

What can I say? We just clicked.

Oh, yeah? How’s it feel to be working for your favorite food?

Ah, you’re just jealous

to be missing out on the heist of the century.

It’s got everything:

betrayal, a meteor, mind control.

Can I try it on?

Of course, partner.

Nice. All the crime with none of the exercise.

(device whirring)

What about all that “flower of goodness” talk?

Was it all just a lie?

Uh, pretty much, yeah.

You see, I never cared about what’s “good.”

Only what’s good for me.

Like, say, a billion dollars.

Ooh, I just got a tingle. (laughs)

(Snake laughs)

Go bad…

Or go home.

Cuddles, finish them.

(both screaming)

(yelps) Poison gas.

Don’t breathe it in.

(sniffs) Wait a second.

That’s not poison gas.





Surprise! (laughs)

What? Ah, guys.

I can’t believe it’s you.

You were right, Wolfie.

We felt the wag, man.

PIRANHA: And the tingle.

It’s good, right?

(chuckles) This is super moving,

but can we do this later?

Feels like I got a rhythm section in my fin.


Ah, ah!

DIANE: Ugh. Come on.

Spinning blades!

Oh, yeah. Right.

Sorry. I got it.



Am I happy to see you. (sighs)

Now it’s time to huff and puff

and blow this little piggy’s heist down.

TARANTULA: Game over, guinea pig.

With this meteorite, we will be able to commit crimes

people have only dreamed about.

Not bad for a butt rock.

Once again, it’s not a…


Don’t mind us.

Just robbing this place. (chuckles)

(tires squealing)


No, no, no!

(crickets chirping)

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.

(cat meows)

♪ ♪

(all whooping, hollering)

All right!

We did it!

Now to get this thing to the chief and clear your names.

Weird. Usually, we drive away from the police.

Hey, chico, are you sure we stopped the heist?



Marmalade can’t control them if he doesn’t have the meteorite.

So, who’s driving those trucks?

DIANE: The meteorite.

It’s still transmitting.


The charity money. Change of plan, guys.

Webs, is there some way to override

the truck’s navigation system?

Uh, we’d need some kind of

magnetized cross-circuit interceptor.

You mean this?

Ooh! She just keeps getting cooler!

Oh, yeah!

(tires squeal)

(horn honks)

(Shark whoops)


Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Oh, no.

We got to split up.

Webs, you feel like a girls’ trip?

Um, yes.

TARANTULA: Later, boys. (laughs)

(“Go” by The Chemical Brothers playing)

♪ Everything gettin’ harder to find ♪

♪ Everybody jumpin’ out of they mind… ♪

I want to go on the girls’ trip.

♪ That’s where we begin, you feel it ♪

♪ Mannequins say, “We breakin’ the mold” ♪

♪ Breakin’ out and we breakin’ the codes ♪

♪ Similar to the Jacques Cousteau ♪

♪ To the depths and you’re wet, so your tank explodes ♪

♪ So get it out, send your body to flight ♪


♪ Everybody got a target tonight ♪

♪ Everybody come along for the ride ♪

♪ All you studs and you duds… ♪

You’re insured, right?

Yeah. Why?


(horn honks)

Hey! That’s my car!

It’s ceviche, baby! (laughs)

(whooping wildly)

♪ No time to rest ♪


♪ Just do your best ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ What you hear is not a… ♪

(audio distorts)

♪ We’re only here to make you ♪


♪ We’re only here to make you… ♪


♪ We’re only here to make you go ♪

♪ Go ♪


So long, suckers.

♪ Go ♪


♪ Go ♪

♪ Go ♪

(giggling over monitor)

(tires squeal)

♪ Go ♪

(cat yowls)

♪ Go ♪

♪ Go… ♪

(tires squealing)

(whooping, cheering)

Where’d you learn to do that?

Well, I’m, you know, kind of a natural.

Mostly YouTube.

Nice work.

Meet me at the police station.

(singsongy): Don’t be late.

What do you say we deliver this butt rock to the chief?



♪ Just do your best ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ What you hear is not a test… ♪

Oh. (laughs)

MARMALADE: No, no, no, no!

That’s my stolen money.

What good are you if you can’t even

anticipate their next move?

Oh, so it’s my fault?


♪ We’re only here to make you, we’re only here to make you ♪

♪ Go. ♪

(song ends)


This better be good.

Trust me, you don’t want to miss this.

(gasps) Look.

(tires squealing)

Well, butter my crumpets.

TIFFANY: Can it be?

The Bad Guys are returning the meteorite?

(over radio): Perhaps this is the feel-good story we all need.

Woo-hoo! Yeah!


All right!

Do you guys think they’ll throw us a party?

Yeah. With fireworks, piñatas and cake.

(tires squeal)


We can’t do this without him.

He might be a Mr. Grumpy Pants…

But he’s our Mr. Grumpy Pants.


(engine revs)


I’m starting to see why your friends dumped you.

I don’t have any friends!

(horn honking)

WOLF: Snake! Snake!


Snake, come back!

We need you, baby!

And you need us!

Oh, there you go again, making it personal.

I’ll give you one last chance to give me the meteorite.

Oh, yeah? What you gonna do, Whiskers?


(device whirring)



What the…?


(Shark gasps)

We’ve got adorable company.

Floor it!


Maybe I shouldn’t have called him Whiskers.

(all screaming)

When I woke up this morning,

this is not where I saw the day going.

(all yelling, grunting)

WOLF: Come on.


SNAKE: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey, hey, let’s dial this down a notch, huh?

Besides, you’ll never get him.

He’s too good a driver.

Hmm. You’re right.

But now that I think of it, maybe it would be better

to exploit his greatest weakness.


Wait. (screams)


Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on.

Hold it, hold it, hold it.


Okay, okay. You win.

You can have the space rock.

Good boy, Wolf.

(device whirring)

WOLF: Take the wheel.

Not so fast.

Pull him up first, or I’ll use this.

Oh, come now.


Do it, or you’ll lose the rock.

If you insist.


You want him? He’s yours.

(grunts, yells)


Snake! No, no, no!


Oh, no!

(engine revs)

♪ ♪


Guys, I know it’s crazy, but we’re gonna jump it.

Crazy? You’re finally speaking my language, chico.

(engine revving)

♪ ♪

We’re gonna make it!


(all screaming)

(wind whistling)

You came back.



I should’ve been honest with you.

I was afraid that if you knew

I-I wanted to be good that you’d…

Act like a jerk and never talk to you again?

(laughing): Yeah.

Point is I… I-I-I, you know…

Yeah. I love you, too, buddy.

This-this is so beautiful.

Do you know how beautiful this is, you guys?

(Shark sobbing)


Now you’re gonna make me cry.

(sobbing): I know!

So pathetic, right?

Come on, guys.

Who said it was the end?

(all gasp)

(Shark chuckles)

♪ ♪

(all whooping, laughing)


MARMALADE: No, no, no, don’t… No, no. Cuddles!

We’re losing altitude!

We’re losing altitude! We’re going down!

(groans, coughs)

What happened? Did we blow up?

Is this heaven?


CHIEF (chuckles): That is it.


There is absolutely no way you’re getting away this time.

Wait, Chief.

Governor Foxington?

Don’t do this.


They didn’t steal the meteorite.

They were bringing it back.

Ha! How could you know that?

Unless… unless you were conspiring

with a bunch of known criminals.

Well… (clears throat)

as a matter of fact,

it’s time I came clean about something.

The truth is I’m really… (clears throat) r-really…

Really a big fan of redemption arcs.

Yeah, we know.


We’re done running away.





Chief, do what you need to do.


Y-You’re turning yourself in?

We might not have stolen the meteorite,

but we did steal a lot of other things.

It’s time we took some responsibility.

Start a clean state.

Take us in, Chief.

Wow, really?

You finally did it.

This is your moment, Chief.

Drink it in.

(gasps) Wow.

You know, I should… I should give a speech.

I… Well, I-I should, shouldn’t I?

Uh… (mutters)

(chief clears throat)

When I was six years old,

I decided that I wanted to play the piccolo,

only to find that my fingers were just

too powerful for that fragile little instrument.

And that’s when I discovered law enforcement.


(chief continues indistinctly)

I’m proud of you, Wolf.

You know, a fox and a wolf are not that different.

You got a good thing going here, Governor.

So, it turns out the saga of the Bad Guys

has come to a simple and totally satisfying conclusion.

Though I wonder, what happened to the meteorite?

MARMALADE: Cuddles! Faster, faster!

TIFFANY: It’s Professor Marmalade!

He’s bringing the meteorite back.

Huh? Uh, yes, yes.

(crowd clamoring)

Bringing… bringing it back.

That’s precisely what I am doing.

Look no further.

Your hero has arrived.

Professor, care to comment?

I tried to help them, Tiffany,

but in the end, it’s the same old story.

Bad guys bad, good guys good.

So true. So wise.

Furthermore, for the good of the city,

I have generously decided to take the meteorite

back to my compound for safekeeping.


Is he seriously gonna get away with this?

Thank you. Gosh, you’re kind.

Give it up for me!

CHIEF: Wait a second.

This isn’t the meteorite.

It’s a lamp.

(Marmalade gasps)

ALL: Huh?

(Snake chuckling)


TARANTULA: Snake, what did you just do?

SNAKE: What? My friend was sad,

and I was just cheering him up.

TARANTULA: I think Wolf was right.

Maybe we could be more than just scary villains.

♪ ♪

I’m bad. You’re bad.

Let’s be bad together.

You’ve got yourself a deal.

Can I try it on?

Of course, partner.

♪ ♪

(Marmalade gasps)

Don’t mind us.

Just robbing this place.

(engine revs, tires squeal)

No, no, no!

But if that’s a lamp, where is the…

(Snake chuckling)

The old switcheroo.

(whirring, rumbling)

(explosive whooshing)

(officers gasp)

(wind whistles)

♪ ♪

(car engine starts)


(siren wailing)

It’s a butt.

(object whistling through air)


CHIEF: Hold on.

This is the Zumpango diamond.

But this was stolen by the…


By the Crimson Paw.

Me? Oh, oh, no, no, no.


MARMALADE: No, no, no. No, you’ve got it wrong.

And a shocking twist.

You’re making a huge mistake!

The notorious bandit known as the Crimson Paw

has been revealed to be…

No! No!

…none other than Professor Marmalade.

MARMALADE: I’m not the Crimson Paw.

Sh-She’s the Crimson Paw.

(sirens wailing)

Sh-She’s the Paw!

I’m a flower of goodness. No!

Ooh! That’s my reptile right there.

That’s what I’m talking about! All right!


Come on, somebody had to destroy that meteorite.

That thing was dangerous.

That was pretty good there, Snakey.

Good? It was genius.

Not only did I foil the pig,

I got you to admit how much you care about me.

Sure, yeah.

I just wonder about one little thing.

Oh, yeah? What’s that, Wolf?

Who do you think put that one Push Pop in the fridge?


You… No.

I knew you were good.



We good, baby. We good.


♪ You feelin’ all right? ♪

♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ I’m not feelin’ too good myself ♪

♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ Yeah, you feelin’ all right? ♪

♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ I’m not feelin’ too good, little girl ♪

♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ Seems I’ve got to have ♪

♪ A change of scene ♪

♪ Every night, I have ♪

♪ The strangest dreams ♪

♪ Imprisoned by the way ♪

♪ It could have been ♪

♪ Left here on my own ♪

♪ Or so it seems… ♪

WOLF: Okay, so imagine it’s your birthday.

SNAKE: It is my birthday.

WOLF: Yeah, I know. So, but we’re walking along

and you meet a genie.

SNAKE: Okay. What’s his name?

What’s the genie’s name?

Yeah, I want to know who I’m talking to.

I don’t know, Genie or Gene for short.

So he offers you three wishes.

Why three?

You know, industry standard.

Now, what do you wish for?


Good luck out there, guys.

I’m gonna go with nothing.

(laughing): Nothing?

Come on, it’s your birthday.

All right, but what do I need wishes for?

I got my freedom.



Looking good, hermanos.

I got my friends.


I got the skin of a reptile half my age.

I don’t know about half your age, but you do look good.

Well, that’s because you just molted.

Yes, I did.

SHARK: You smell good, too.

I’m shiny. I’m gorgeous.


Uh, so what do we do now?

Steal a car?


I was joking.

It was a joke.

You know, on second thought, Wolf,

maybe I’d, uh, wish for a ride.

Oh, yeah? Alakazam.

(snaps fingers)

(engine revs, tires squeal)



Hey, guys. Ready to get to work?


(chuckling): Hey. Whoa.


(engine revs)

Hey, you.

That’s right. Come here.

Little closer.

I said closer.

Now that we’ve had some time to get acquainted, uh,

not so scary now, are we?

Webs, hit it.

(“Brand New Day” by The Heavy playing)

(engine revs)

(laughter, whooping)

♪ Well, I’m so excited ♪

♪ There’s no disguising ♪

♪ I’m on the road ♪

♪ To a brand-new horizon ♪

♪ Time is right ♪

♪ To change this life ♪

♪ Give me the sunshine ♪

♪ Bring me the light so I can see it ♪

♪ Believe it ♪

♪ I’m gonna seize it ♪

♪ It’s a brand-new day ♪

♪ I can see it ♪

♪ Believe it ♪

♪ I’m gonna seize it ♪

♪ It’s a brand-new ♪

♪ Brand-new day ♪

♪ A brand-new day ♪

♪ A brand-new day ♪

♪ For my brand-new ways ♪

♪ Somebody tell me ♪

♪ Are you ready for change? ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, huh! ♪

♪ I know, I know ♪

♪ Different paths seem strange ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, huh! ♪

♪ When the future’s calling ♪

♪ Don’t waste your time ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, huh! ♪

♪ Carpe diem ♪

♪ And go blow your mind ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, huh! ♪

♪ I’ve seen the light ♪

♪ And I’m coming to get ya ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, huh! ♪

♪ You gotta make your luck ♪

♪ Gotta paint the picture ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, huh! ♪

♪ I’m the same same ♪

♪ With a different mind ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, huh! ♪

♪ This new life got me feeling right ♪

♪ ‘Cause I can see it ♪

♪ Believe it ♪

♪ I’m gonna seize it ♪

♪ It’s a brand-new day ♪

♪ I can see it ♪

♪ Believe it ♪

♪ I’m gonna seize it ♪

♪ It’s a brand-new ♪

♪ Brand-new day ♪

♪ A brand-new day. ♪

(song ends)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

(all laughing)

(Shark whooping)

(music ends)


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