Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (2022) | Transcript

After settling in Green Hills, Sonic is eager to prove he has what it takes to be a true hero. His test comes when Dr. Robotnik returns, this time with a new partner, Knuckles, in search for an emerald that has the power to destroy civilizations.
Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (2022)

After settling in Green Hills, Sonic is eager to prove he has what it takes to be a true hero. His test comes when Dr. Robotnik returns, this time with a new partner, Knuckles, in search for an emerald that has the power to destroy civilizations. Sonic teams up with his own sidekick, Tails, and together they embark on a globe-trotting journey to find the emerald before it falls into the wrong hands.

* * *

Doctor’s log.

It’s day 243 in this…

Portobello purgatory.

My only companion is a rock I named stone.

The question is, for whom am I narrating this?

It seems I’ve become a featured player in the theater of the absurd.

Marooned in deep space by that wretched blue rodent.

But it’s all good, thanks to a breathable atmosphere and my supreme intellect, sharpened against the only competitor savvy enough to bring it.

Chanterelle to d4.

I’ve been striving to make fungi into a functional drink of choice…

Mushroom coffee.

With limited…

Limited…

Limited…

Success.

But today, day 243, has brought a new optimism to my most pressing endeavor…

Planetus exodus to returnicus and kick blue butticus.

If my calculations are correct, and there’s no reason to say “if” because they always are…

This quill is going to power my masterpiece.

Let’s light this candle…

And see who comes a-knockin’.

Greetings!

Klaatu barada nikto.

Agent stone? Now!

Thank you, stone.

It’s time to say goodbye to this piece-of-shiitake planet!

Where did you get that?

From a little blue menace on the planet called earth.

I’d be happy to show you the way.

They’re still on us.

This’ll slow ’em down.

Watch out. Excuse me. Pardon me. Coming through.

Good evening, gentlemen. Mind if I drive?

Better buckle up.

How we doing back there?

And now this way.

I’m sorry. I don’t speak duct tape.

What the heck are you?

Fear not, citizen.

I am the hero you need and the hero you deserve.

The blue dawn that banishes the darkest…

Holy crap!

Don’t worry. Nobody’s gonna get hurt.

What are those?

Bombs. Bombs.

They’re bombs! Those are bombs!

Relax. They’re not even lit.

So I’ll say again, nobody’s gonna get…

I was wrong! We’re all gonna die!

Why aren’t you slowing down?

That would require brakes.

It’s hot. Hot, hot, hot! Hot, hot, hot!

Why don’t you just let the police handle this?

Because that’s not what heroes do.

Thank you very much. Please hold your applause.

Do you hear that? There’s one bomb left.

Did you check under the seat?

Of course I checked under the seat!

You are terrible at this!

You know what?

Your negative attitude is not helping anyone.

It’s in your spiky things!

I can never find anything in here.

Drained it from downtown!

See? I told you nobody would get hurt.

Holy sherbet!

Oh, hello.

Don’t panic. This is only a drill.

Come here!

No need to thank me, citizens.

All in a night’s work for…

Blue justice!

You’re a terrible hero!

Morning, Wade!

Morning, Sonic!

Good morning, green hills!

Come on.

Sonic.

I miss you, longclaw.

I’m trying to make you proud.

And now for a little shut-eye.

Ozzy, morning breath!

Sonic. Are you still in bed?

You’re supposed to meet Tom, remember?

All right, all right, I’m up! I’m up.

What a day.

Thanks for coming out, bud.

I feel like you and me, we haven’t had much time together lately.

How’s it going over there? You getting any bites?

I can’t swim! Help!

If I die, don’t look in my closet!

Hey, hey, you’re good. You’re all right. Come on.

It’s freezing.

All right, okay. Take it easy.

You’re good. Okay.

But now that you’ve had a nap and a bath…

I went up to your room last night to bring you some new comics and…

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop right there.

I wouldn’t come any closer, because this little hedgehog had way too many chili dogs.

Oh, no. Oh, no.

I’m so embarrassed. Get out of here quick!

Oh, no, here comes another one!

Go. Now. Save yourself.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop right there.

I wouldn’t come any closer, because this little hedgehog had way too many chili dogs.

Oh, no. Oh, no.

I’m so embarrassed. Get out of here…

I knew I should’ve used real farts.

How many times are we gonna do this?

What?

Cast your line and not catch anything? Seems like a billion.

I think you know what I’m talking about.

The lying. The sneaking out.

The pretending to be Batman.

Blue justice, trademark pending.

Whatever. You’re being reckless.

Not this conversation again.

Hey. It’s no fun for me, either.

But if you keep being irresponsible, we’re gonna keep having this conversation.

How is it irresponsible to use my powers?

Sonic, you destroyed an entire city block!

That block was already messed up. Who cares?

Look, I stopped a robbery. I was a hero.

No, you put people in danger and that’s not what a hero does.

You’re supposed to be my friend.

Stop trying to be my dad.

I can take care of myself.

Sonic, taking care of yourself is not what being a hero’s all about.

It’s about taking responsibility for other people.

And right now, whether you want to hear this or not, you are still just a kid.

You got some more growing up to do before you’re ready to be the big hero.

But trust me when I tell you, there will come a time when your powers will be needed.

But you don’t choose that moment.

That moment chooses you.

Look at you.

Look at that. I just got goose bumps.

Wait a second. Did you steal that from Oprah?

No, sir. That is a wachowski family special.

Came from my dad, in this very boat, on this very lake.

He would always try and steer me in the right direction.

And that’s what maddie and I have always tried to do with you.

So, until your moment arrives, I want you to work on being a little more responsible.

Comprende?

Comprende.

High five on it.

Yeah! Donut lord and the blue blur are back at it again!

Hang on.

Speedboat!

Sonic!

How excited are you, going to Hawaii with me?

Oh, yeah!

Welcome to Sonic air, the fastest way to travel.

Now boarding groups one and two.

Sonic, this is so fun!

I’m sorry, ma’am, you’re group three. Please wait your turn.

Anyone from groups one and two? Nobody?

Just let him get it out of his system.

Okay, then everybody else right this way.

Thank you.

And you, sir?

Terrible shirt detected.

There we go.

Okay, you’re free to go. Enjoy your trip. Bye-bye now.

Okay.

Bring it in.

Tom, I’m about to be hedgehog of the house for the first time.

I think I’m a little mature to hug you goodbye.

Okay, what about a power bump?

Power bump?

Yes, power bump.

That’s more like it.

Wachowski!

Wachowski!

Okay, use this one to get back home.

All right, we’re off. Be good.

Yes. You have our number.

Sorry! Can’t hear you!

You’re traveling through a cross-dimensional portal!

Miss you already!

Okay?

Have fun at Rachel’s wedding!

Okay, it’s 48 hours until they come back.

We’ve got TV channels, streaming channels, a house full of food and no supervision.

Let’s do this.

If these readings are accurate, he’s here.

I found him!

I just hope I’m not too late.

He’s close.

I just need a way to reach him without being spotted.

Standard human transport. Perfect.

Oh, boy.

Aloha!

How’s it going, bud?

Oh, you know.

Just a quiet night at home, settling in with a good book.

And you? What’s up with you?

I was just calling to say we’re here.

But now every word out of your mouth is making me suspicious.

What?

You got to relax, buddy. You’re at the four seasons oahu.

Have a Mai Tai. Enjoy some time with your wife.

Get sunburned somewhere embarrassing.

This weekend is about you.

You know what? You’re right. We power-bumped on it.

So whatever it is you’re doing, I’m sure you can undo it by the time we get home, yeah?

Exactly! I mean, I am deeply offended by such accusations!

So, how’s Rachel’s fiance?

Is he as good-looking in person as he is in pictures?

Somehow better-looking.

Wow! You’re about to be the third best-looking dude in the family.

But, hey, still on the podium.

All right, I better go and introduce myself.

Stay out of trouble.

Trouble? Don’t worry. Everything here is completely normal.

Uh-huh. Night, bud.

Hey! I was just coming over to say hi.

You’ve got a lot of nerve coming up in here after what you did to my fiancée.

Wait. What?

Totaling her car?

Leaving her tied to a chair? I should rip you limb from limb.

Oh, my god, look at your face!

Tommy, breathe, baby. Breathe. I was kidding.

Hey, man, I was totally kidding.

Okay.

You were kidding.

Yeah.

I’m sorry. Rachel put me up to it. It was totally her idea.

That rascal.

Listen, I don’t know if you’re aware. Rachel does not care for you at all.

I’m aware. Yeah.

Seriously, bro, you got work to do.

Hey!

Hey.

Good to see you! Thanks for coming, Tom.

Really glad you came.

Really?

Great to see you, too. Congratulations.

I mean, you guys, you guys seem really happy together.

You know, you’re all right, Thomas Wachowski.

Can we Bury the hatchet?

I’d love that.

Yeah?

Yeah.

All right, bring it in!

All right! Great.

And if you screw up my wedding, I will end you.

All right, Ozzy, it’s movie night at casa de Sonic, and it’s your turn to pick.

But I am not watching snow dogs again.

That movie is the worst!

Blackout!

Ozzy.

Sorry, buddy. Everything’s okay.

Excuse me. We did not order a poltergeist.

If this is the pizza guy, this is really unprofessional.

Eggman?

Hello, hedgehog.

Did you miss me?

I don’t know how you got back, but you made a big mistake coming here.

Au contraire, mon frere.

The mistake was thinking you’d won.

But that was just a prelude, an hors d’oeuvre, an aperitif, an amuse-bouche.

I get it.

I don’t think you do.

But you’re about to.

And so will that idiot sheriff and his wife.

And your little dog too!

Pitiful.

What? Who are you?

Where are my manners?

Sonic, meet knuckles.

My new bffae.

Bestest friend forever and ever!

Look, robotnik, I don’t care who you brought to help you.

You’re never going to get my power.

Do I look like I need your power?

So nice when diabolical evil lives up to the hype.

Where is it?

You want it? Here it comes.

I was expecting more of you. You’re unskilled.

Untrained.

And unworthy!

You forgot one. Unstoppable.

It is my destiny to do what my ancestors could not…

To restore the ultimate power to the home of my people.

Ultimate power? I don’t know what you’re talking about.

You’ve got the wrong guy.

Ultimate power?

Now you’re speaking my language.

Don’t play dumb with me, apprentice of longclaw.

You knew longclaw?

Longclaw and her people were the sworn enemy of my tribe, the echidna.

We fought and died at their hands, and now you will die at mine.

Come on. Get in! I’m on your side.

I’m sorry. Who are you?

You know what? It doesn’t matter.

Get us out of here! Go, go, go, go, go!

He’s gone rabid!

Gross! Is he licking it?

See ya!

Make sure to get your shots, Eggman!

Wow. Okay. Let me just say it is an honor to finally meet you, Sonic.

Is it okay if I call you Sonic?

Everyone calls me tails. You’re probably wondering why.

Let me guess. Because of the extra tail?

That’s right! I should’ve known you’d get that.

Cool. Also, what is going on? Robotnik’s back?

And who is Clifford the big red rage monster?

That’s knuckles, the last of the echidnas

and the most dangerous warrior in the galaxy.

He’s obsessed with finding the master emerald.

Are you serious? The master emerald?

That’s just a bedtime story.

Well, he believes it’s real.

And he must think you’re the key to finding it.

Red light! Give me the wheel!

Hey, what are you…

Move your foot.

I think we lost him.

We did not lose him. We definitely did not lose him!

I’ve got an idea. Do you trust me?

Of course not! I literally just met you!

Just let me. Come on!

What are you doing?

We’re flying.

Did your butt just turn into a helicopter?

A butt-copter!

Only Sonic the hedgehog could come up with something like that.

Foxy move.

You want something done right…

You have to hire someone you can push around.

All caps.

Doctor, where are you?

Freak.

I, I’m sorry, folks.

I have to close early. Everybody out!

Everybody out. Thank you for visiting the mean bean.

All right, good night. Good night.

He’s back.

He’s back!

That’s more like it.

I’ve been re-hatched!

So, my massively metacarpaled friend, you mentioned…

Ultimate power.

Back at the house?

The master emerald?

It does not concern you.

I got you off that planet and you brought me to the hedgehog.

We have no more use for each other.

Well, I hate to be a contrarian, but…

I think we might.

You think these machines are a match for me?

I will shatter them like the bones from a fallen…

They are stairs.

You see, earth is my turf, g.

If you don’t know how to floss, you’ll be lost without me.

I understand nothing of what you just said.

I help you retrieve the emerald, and you use it to…

Destroy the hedgehog!

You’re suggesting an alliance.

Around here we simply grip each other’s hands tightly.

You truculent space bumpkin!

You’ve crushed my favorite hand!

Really? My hand is uninjured.

But I’m now convinced of your commitment.

“Oh, goody,” he exclaimed, while he reset two of his knuckles.

I’m…

Delighted to be on the same team.

Road trip!

I’ll let you stick your nose out the window.

Sonic, where are we?

Welcome to the Wade cave.

Which is something I hope to someday say to a woman.

A woman who’s not my mom.

Wade, focus.

We need to figure out why knuckles thinks I’m the key to finding the master emerald.

And why did he mention longclaw?

There must be a connection.

Wait a minute. There is.

Look. There’s an emerald symbol on the map longclaw gave me.

I never knew what it meant before.

Something’s happening.

Longclaw?

Hello, Sonic.

If you’re watching this, then something has happened to me.

And I pray you’ve made it to earth unharmed.

This world has been chosen for a very important reason.

It’s the secret location of the master emerald.

The emerald has the power to turn thoughts into reality.

Like the stay puft marshmallow man from ghostbusters.

In the wrong hands it could threaten all life in the universe.

Protecting the emerald was my sacred duty.

And now I must pass that responsibility to you.

This is my moment.

Follow the map, find the emerald, and keep it safe.

My dear Sonic,

you have a heart like no creature I’ve ever known.

I love you so much.

Goodbye.

No, no, no, wait.

I won’t let you down, longclaw.

So is that you, your dad?

What?

No?

According to this map, the first clue is in Siberia.

It’s a compass that will lead to the emerald.

And with knuckles already here, it’s a race.

Knuckles?

I knew a kid in middle school named knuckles.

Could fit his whole fist in his mouth.

If this is the same knuckles, we are screwed.

This knuckles, that knuckles. It doesn’t matter.

We’re gonna get there first.

What do you mean, “we”?

You’re coming with me.

No, no, no, no, no.

I just came here to warn you. I’m not a field guy.

Don’t worry. I got your back. I won’t let anything happen to you.

It’s a power bump. On earth, it means an unbreakable promise.

Okay, I’m in.

Doctor. It’s really you.

You look different.

Papa’s got a brand new ‘stache.

I knew it. I knew it! I knew you’d come back, sir.

I never stopped steaming your Austrian goat’s milk.

Could use some mushroom.

You brought something.

Some kind of space porcupine.

Porcupine? I am an echidna!

Trained since birth in all forms of lethal combat, destined to restore honor to my tribe, and willing to destroy anything that gets in my way.

Welcome to the team.

That means he trusts you, stone.

Now let’s renovate this dump!

Latte with steamed Austrian goat milk!

Good one. Solid.

Sorry, fellas.

That’s game!

That’s how we do! That’s how we do!

But are they good at math?

Teamwork makes the dream work!

Sorry about that, big Tom.

Are you good?

All good. Fine.

Hey. Thanks for inviting me out to hang with you and your groomsmen.

Good quality bonding.

You know, bro, those guys right there, they’re way more than my groomsmen.

That’s my squad.

Never would’ve made it through life without ’em.

Get over here!

Yeah, I’m coming! I’m coming!

I’ll catch you later.

Hey. Yeah!

Let me know if you’re ready for some power yoga.

You bet.

Come on, Tommy boy. Let’s go.

Let’s go.

Don’t make me.

What am I doing?

Hey, uncle Tommy!

Hey, girls!

How you do.

Are those the wedding rings?

Uh-huh.

May I?

This little ring bearer has been taking her job very seriously.

She’s been practicing all morning.

I can see that.

How very responsible of you.

Except aren’t there supposed to be two wedding rings?

Uh-oh.

Uncle Tommy?

Hang on. What’s going on here?

You’re gonna do great, kiddo.

Bye.

Hey, baby.

Hi.

That’s right! Groom in the building!

Look at those guys.

I wish Sonic had that.

Muscles?

Control yourself.

No. Buddies. Wingmen. A squad.

Sonic doesn’t have anything like that. He’s flying solo.

Baby, you got to relax.

You’re at the four seasons.

Have a Mai Tai. Spend some time with your wife.

That’s what he said. Seriously, his exact words.

See? He’s a smart kid. He’ll find his way.

I absolutely cannot find my way.

We are completely, totally, unequivocally lost.

Sonic, in this weather, there’s no way we’re gonna get any readings on this thing!

Should we go back?

No, no, no.

There’s a light up ahead. Maybe we can take shelter in there.

Perfect.

Are you sure about this? We don’t know who’s inside.

Don’t worry. On earth, people are very welcoming, and love taking complete strangers into their homes.

Run.

Table for two, please!

What would you like to order?

Two beef stews, please.

Where’d you get all these cool gadgets?

I invented ’em.

That’s kinda my thing.

In fact, my inventions are how I discovered you.

Remember that night at the baseball field?

Your energy blast reached all the way to my home planet.

I saw you save your whole village from that crazy mustache guy.

Wait, so you’ve been watching me this whole time?

Even in the shower?

That’s a trick question.

Sonic the hedgehog prefers bubble baths.

Man, you’re good!

When I learned knuckles was on your trail, I knew I couldn’t just sit back and watch anymore.

I had to come warn you.

What? Hang on one sec.

Donut lord is checking in.

“Just chilling. Watching TV.”

Dot, dot, dot.

Dot, dot, dot.

Dot, dot, dot.

Dot, dot, dot.

Dot, dot, dot.

Doctor,

why are we working with this imbecile?

Because that simpleminded space trash is the key to something extraordinary.

Something to help you get revenge on the hedgehog.

Think bigger, stone.

The emerald he seeks could power my wildest designs.

My genius wouldn’t just be recognized on earth.

It would spread virally to every corner of the galaxy, allowing me to harness all the negative forces of the universe and commune with darkness itself.

Wow. That sounds big.

It’s been on my vision board for years. It’s the law of attraction.

Didn’t you see the secret?

Kaplooey!

Kaplooey.

“Another boring night at home.”

The hedgehog has returned home!

Falsa. Which is Latin for “wrong-o.”

According to my worldwide network cell tower triangulation, he’s lying, all the way from the majestic hinterlands of eastern Siberia.

He’s a long-distance liar!

Yeah, there’s more where that came from.

Tiny magic hedgehog destroyed.

Now let’s begin our quest.

Wait.

What about your Minion? The goat milker.

There’s no room on the ship for stone.

I say we ditch him, ghost him, blow him off.

Dishonor!

“Dis” is how I roll.

I’m sorry, but I asked for the beef stew.

Your breath smells like goat poop.

What did you say?

What’s going on?

Maybe they think it’s my birthday?

Don’t worry, I’ll take care of this. Okay, everybody, take it easy.

I’m sure there’s a perfectly good explanation for whatever my friend said or did.

Stand back.

I just farted.

Meow?

Throw these monsters in the fire!

Oh, no, no. Come on, guys. Take it easy. Let’s talk this through.

Let’s talk this through!

Come on, come on. Scanning Siberian customs.

There’s got to be something in here.

Tails, whatever you’re doing, do it fast.

I think I got it!

Pivonka! Pivonka!

Pivonka!

Da.

Pivonka!

Tails, what’s a “pivonka”?

It’s a siberian custom to resolve disputes.

If we win, they let us go. If we lose…

Okay, we have to grab the map and get out of here.

Where’s the map?

Oh, no. I left it on the table! Look!

What?

Oh, my god, it’s a dance fight.

Sonic, what do we do?

We dance and get that map.

Here we go.

Okay, now let’s do. No, we’re gonna go…

Okay.

Okay, this is not going well. Channing Tatum makes it look so easy.

Wait, Sonic. Look!

The map! Come on, let’s grab it!

You want?

Come get.

Freaks!

Freaks!

Freaks! Freaks! Freaks!

Freaks! Freaks! Freaks!

Freaks! Freaks! Freaks!

Freaks! Freaks! Freaks!

What’s wrong, tails? Come on. I need you!

I can’t do this, Sonic. I’m not brave like you.

My gadget got us in this mess, and I lost your map, and we’re gonna get tossed into a fire!

New deejay coming in.

Come on, pal. I got an idea.

They called us freaks, so let’s get freaky.

Just follow my moves. You’ll be fine.

All right! Backup dancers!

Here we go!

There’s a lot of me up here!

I love pivonka!

And big dismount!

Yeah!

I’ll take that.

We did it!

That was amazing! Way to go, tails.

Wow. Only Sonic the hedgehog could win a dance battle that epic.

Well, stick with me, pal.

Earth can be a scary place, but I know everything about this old pale blue dot.

Do you really mean that?

I mean, not everything. But I watch a lot of discovery channel and…

I meant about me being your pal.

Of course, buddy.

Comin’ in hot.

Growing up, I didn’t have any friends.

Everyone in my village thought my two tails were weird.

Hey, I know that feeling.

But then I saw you, the fastest creature in the galaxy.

You were weird too. But you were a legend.

That made me think, maybe being weird isn’t so bad.

You inspired me to leave my village, to find you and help you in your mission.

I’m really glad you’re here, tails.

I’m glad I’m here too, Sonic.

Well, might as well get some sleep.

This feels like a good place to spend the night.

You’ll be able to get clear readings on your gizmo thing once the storm is over, so I…

Night, tails.

Tails. Tails. We have a situation.

Today’s forecast calls for clear, sunny skies and a 100% chance of adventure.

I pinpointed the coordinates. It’s right up ahead.

Hey, tails. Wait up.

Okay, we got a giant owl door. Seems encouraging.

Check this out.

Can you translate that?

Yeah.

Ages ago, a fearsome group of warriors, known as the echidnas, forged the seven chaos emeralds into the most unstoppable weapon ever created.

The master emerald.

With it, a single warrior could defeat entire armies.

Believing no one should have such power, an order of heroes recovered the emerald and swore to protect it from evil.

Sounds like the owls and the echidnas have been fighting each other for centuries.

Like vin diesel and the rock.

Wait for me.

Okay, giant owl door, giant owl. Makes sense.

Wait a second. I’ve seen these symbols before.

Here we go.

Well, that did something.

The compass!

This will lead us to the emerald!

Hey, you got a little something on your…

Oh, no. Tails, get back.

Run!

That guy again?

Heads up, my little stalagmites. Someone call an Uber?

Hey, thanks for doing all the hard stuff.

But we’ll take it from here.

Okay, we really gotta talk about your new look.

It’s like professor x meets the monopoly man.

And what kind of genius shows up to Siberia in a convertible?

The kind of genius that can turn up the heat…

With a flick of a switch.

Good one! I’m sure that wasn’t important.

Tails, that’s our exit. Come on.

Let’s split up.

You go high, I go low.

Right.

Quick little stretch and here we go.

So you want to play?

That’s new.

Sonic!

Snowball fight!

It’s too easy. Come on, challenge me!

We are talking style and pizzazz.

Yeah! I make this look good.

Oh, great. The winter soldier.

For a guy named knuckles, you are really bad at punching.

Surrender the compass! You are no match for me.

I’ve been training for this my entire life.

And I had no training at all, yet here I am ahead of you.

That’s gotta be embarrassing.

My rings!

Has anyone ever told you you’ve got serious anger issues?

You mock me with your weak jokes, but you know nothing about me, hedgehog.

Well, I know you echidnas have a habit of showing up uninvited and ruining my life.

Ruining your life? Another bad joke.

I lost everything because of you.

My tribe was on the verge of its greatest victory.

The last of the owl warriors had been located.

Soon longclaw’s emerald secrets would be ours.

But my father stopped me from joining the fight.

He said my moment to honor our tribe would come, but it was not this moment.

Those were the last words he spoke to me.

I never saw him again.

We both lost everything that day.

Goodbye, Sonic.

No!

Longclaw!

Sonic! Are you okay?

Deceiver!

No, it wasn’t a trick.

Tails, take the compass and get out of here!

Yeah!

Later, haters!

Tails!

Tails, come on. Wake up.

He chose helping the fox over pursuing the compass.

Of course he did. New friend, same pathetic weakness.

Oh, no. No, no, no. We’re in real trouble here.

Come on, tails. I need you to fly us out of here.

Time to wake up.

See ya, kids. Enjoy the fresh powder.

Did you…

These rings signify the…

Sorry.

Thought it was on silent.

These rings…

So help me, Thomas!

Okay, sorry, sorry.

Excuse me, this is an emergency.

Sorry.

What? This better be important. I just…

Are you skiing?

Snowboarding, actually. But I need your help now.

Life or death situation this very second.

I need you to use the ring I gave you to save me.

Like right now.

Okay, slow down. I don’t even know where you are.

You just gotta picture where you want the ring to go.

So picture this.

Oh, my god. Okay, okay. Hang on.

What?

Did you throw it?

Oh, god.

What? Tell me what “oh, god.”

I mixed up the rings when I was teasing JoJo.

What? Where is it then? Where is it then?

You don’t want to know.

But I do, Tom.

I very much want to know, before I become a hedgehog-flavored snow cone.

Hang tight, buddy. I got this.

With this ring, Rachel…

Hey! Hi.

Everything okay, bud?

Not really.

What are you doing?

This is gonna sound crazy, but I need to see that ring for just one second, one second.

Have you lost your mind?

I’m gonna give it right back, I promise.

Please, Randall, it’s really important.

No, bro. Go sit down.

Give me the ring, please?

Randall, don’t look at him, look at me.

Randall, Randall.

One second.

Put the ring on my finger.

No, Randall, listen to me.

Randall! Look at me. Ring on my finger.

Give me the ring! Just one second.

Put a ring on it!

Please, love? Okay?

With this ring…

Yes, baby.

I’m so sorry about this.

Snow, my god.

Oh, boy.

Incoming!

Anybody hurt?

Sonic!

Hawaii.

Are you okay?

What’s happening? Are you hurt?

No, no, no, I’m fine.

Okay, good.

Because you’re in so much trouble!

Okay, you calm down.

You talk.

Okay, quick version.

Robotnik is back on earth and he’s after a magic emerald.

We need to get it back or the world is doomed.

Tails!

Wait! All this happened since yesterday?

Wait. Who’s tails?

Tails, can you hear me?

Oh, lord, there are two of them now.

Okay, okay, let me think, let me think. Tails, come on, buddy.

Hey!

Randall, why do all of your friends have weapons?

You really should have taken me up on that brunch, Mr. and Mrs. Wachowski.

Olive garden guy?

It’s okay, everyone. We’re federal agents.

You, too, agent. Go ahead.

You mean to tell me that this entire wedding was a setup?

Rachel, wait a minute.

What?

That’s correct, ma’am.

Every single aspect of operation catfish was a complete fabrication.

Operation catfish?

So is everyone here an agent?

Are you an agent?

Son of a…

Was the florist an agent? How about the photographer?

The woman who waxed my…

At the spa?

Is JoJo an agent?

Rachel.

What?

Rachel, listen to me.

I’m done listening! I am done listening!

I am so sorry. I am so sorry.

I really am. I am so sorry.

No. Hey, no!

Let him go! Hey!

Sonic, hang on.

Take it easy. It’s not worth it.

Tom!

Sonic is not a threat. He’s on our side.

He’s an uncontrolled extraterrestrial.

And your days of aiding and abetting him are over.

Secure them in the hotel until the chopper arrives.

You’re making a mistake.

Hold on, major a-hole!

This is still my day, and someone is gonna explain to me what the hell is going on here!

After the events in San Francisco, a global task force was created, devoted to protecting our planet from alien threats.

That day, guardian units of nations was born.

G-u-n. Seriously?

Gun, yeah.

Look, what about protecting our planet from Dr. Robotnik?

Robotnik is dead.

You’re wrong. He’s back.

And you just hauled away the only ones who could stop him.

Sounds like Robotnik might be back in play.

If he is, I want him found immediately.

And cancel my five o’clock at the olive garden.

Aunt Maddie?

Yeah.

Sonic and his friend dropped this.

I have an idea.

And I want to have a word with my fiancé.

And that word is “murder.”

Hey, come on. You can’t just leave us in here.

My friend is hurt! He needs a doctor, a vet, anyone!

Tails, you got to wake up, buddy. Please wake up.

All clear.

All right. Game plan.

I get inside the hotel and find where they’re hiding Tom and Sonic.

Okay. Then I find Randall, right?

And then I squeeze the breath

from his lying, deceitful, perfectly manscaped body!

I’m going through a lot right now.

So let me process this my own way, okay?

Sure, sure.

No judgment.

Should’ve brought a journal.

Okay…

Okay. Is this meant to be a weapon? This is adorable.

Take that, Randall!

Run, Randall!

All right.

We’re about to find out.

All right!

Let’s go kick some Booty.

Rachel! No. Rachel!

In a minute.

Stop right there!

Get the bag.

He’s gonna come back down, right?

I don’t know.

Good luck!

Look. Tom and Sonic have to be inside.

I got a fiancé to vaporize.

Watch your back, sis.

Okay.

Randall!

We got her. Move in.

Okay.

I did not mean to do that!

Something bothering you, agent?

I just feel a little guilty about what I did to Rachel, sir.

Don’t worry about it. We’ll send her a gift card.

Now, I propose a toast.

To a perfectly executed operation.

Sir, we’re under attack.

Randall, wifey’s home!

Oh, my god. Rachel.

What a woman.

You no-good, lowdown, dirty, lying…

Rachel, just listen to me.

What kind of twisted sicko tricks someone into a fake wedding?

Party’s over, bridezilla. Stop right there.

You son of a…

Have it your way.

No!

No!

Very disappointing, agent Handel.

Is that supposed to be a weapon?

I don’t know, but we gonna find out.

Haven’t you caused enough trouble for one day?

I haven’t even begun causing trouble.

Hell hath no fury like a bride scorned.

Looks like it’s real, huh?

No. Right.

Be honest. How bad is it?

Not bad at all. You got tased. You’ll be fine.

I’m so cold.

You landed on our ice sculpture.

Get up.

Just…

Just tell me the truth, for once.

Is there anything about you or about us that was real?

Rachel, look at me.

Before I met you, I didn’t think that I was even capable of real happiness.

But that all changed when you walked into my life.

And I ended up breaking the first rule of undercover work.

Which is?

Never fall in love.

Maddie!

We’re busting out of here.

How’d you get past the guards?

Because that little fox is into some crazy stuff.

Come on.

Let’s go.

You’re amazing.

The owls were fools to think they could hide this.

What’s happening?

Wait for it.

Yes. Eureka!

I’ve found it!

Sonic.

What is that?

A big problem.

The compass led Robotnik to the emerald.

That’s got to be hundreds of miles away.

All right. Huddle up. Let’s figure out a plan.

Together.

There’s no time for that.

I’m the only one that can get there fast enough.

Sonic, this is way too big for you to do by yourself.

You see that little fox over there?

He came all the way across the universe to meet his hero.

And what did his hero do? I practically got him killed.

You know what? You were right.

My moment came and I blew it. I’m no hero.

Wait.

No.

I’m not letting anyone else get hurt because of me.

I’m gonna fix this while I still can.

Sonic!

Sonic, wait!

Hold on. Hold on. Wait, wait, wait.

Don’t move. Don’t move.

Take it easy, little guy. You’re hurt.

But we have to help him. You don’t know what he’s up against.

You believe us now?

Hey, Bob!

Hey, Maria, how you doing?

Working on my moves.

Just keepin’ it green. No need to burn the fuel.

Speaking of fuel…

Closed?

That doesn’t seem right.

Close.

Yes.

Makeover, makeover. Look at you.

Freeze! Police!

Oh, my god, you got robot hands. You got robot hands.

No, they’re gloves.

Get ’em up. Now spread your fingers!

Now wiggle ’em! Wiggle your digits!

Yes! Like you just finished a big musical number.

Good.

Why is there a light on your head?

‘Cause I’m the sheriff for the weekend, pal.

Water.

Why did it have to be water?

Okay, you can do this.

Gotta go fast.

I don’t want to die like this! It’s derivative!

Make room for daddy!

Two and two.

Great! We’re still bipedals, more or less.

Fire in the hole!

I’ve solved it. There is a booby trap every seven seco…

That was a little early.

So glad it didn’t cut off my mustache.

Hey, little red wrecking ball.

I know you’re dying to get your emerald on, but can we be a little bit more mindful of our surroundings?

May I?

In 30 feet, turn left.

Work smarter, not harder.

My pelvis.

Okay, secret temple, let’s see what you’ve got.

No, no, no! No!

No.

Yes!

You have arrived at your destination.

Wow. That really opened up the space.

I can’t even picture it with an impenetrable wall now.

And the rubble is always a nice touch.

At last. The master emerald.

Ultimate power.

Soon order will be restored.

All because of what we have done together.

Such a lovely sentiment, knuckles.

I think I feel a single tear forming.

Sadly…

You’re as useful to me now as a backstage pass to Limp Bizkit.

Nailed it.

This guy is always trying to spoil a bad thing!

You guys are here, too? Took the long way, huh?

Is everything a joke to you?

Why must you constantly interfere with my destiny?

Because my destiny is to protect my friends and family.

I think I just threw up in my mouth.

And if you want that emerald, you’re gonna have to go through me.

The echidna’s taking no prisoners today!

Sonic has heart, but will he lose the quill to live?

I don’t want to fight you, but you’re not giving me much choice.

Too easy. Let’s do this.

Why don’t you stand still and die with honor?

Let me think about it.

Okay, I thought about it and I pass.

Hi there, beautiful.

You’re the real deal, aren’t you?

Where have you been all my life?

Say goodbye, hedgehog.

Knuckles, stop. Robotnik’s stealing the emerald!

What kind of fool do you take me for?

Just look.

Mine.

Wait! That wasn’t the deal.

You poor, naïve creature.

It’s not your fault.

A more advanced intellect would have seen this move coming a mile away.

Or 1.6 kilometers.

But I trusted you! You were my friend!

I’m sorry. That just hit me funny.

Let this be my final lesson to you, you dim-witted celestial skin tag.

Friends…

Are open, honest and vulnerable with each other.

Which means x squared times the hypotenuse of y squared, divided by the absolute value of friendship, equals…

Dookie!

Oh, no.

Chaos is power!

Let’s get out of here!

Knuckles!

Water again? Come on!

You saved me.

Don’t talk to me. I’m not in the mood.

How dare you attack me in my hour of sorrow!

Why did you save me?

Because you saved me first, which clearly gave you a tactical advantage I do not understand.

It wasn’t a tactic. I couldn’t just let you die.

Why? I’ve been trying to destroy you since the moment we met.

Because being a hero isn’t about taking care of yourself.

It’s about taking responsibility for other people.

Wise words. An ancient earth proverb?

No, sir, that’s a Wachowski family special.

I got it from a guy in a rowboat.

Someone who means a lot to me.

Wait a second. What’s that sound?

Only Sonic the hedgehog needs rescuing this much.

That sly little fox!

Come on, knucklehead. We’re not beat yet.

On the mountain, you told me you’d lost everything.

The way I did.

But you seem so hopeful and free.

How did you move forward despite failing again?

And again. And again. And again. And again.

Okay, I didn’t fail that much. But I didn’t do this all alone.

I found a new family. New friends.

And you can too.

You don’t have to be alone anymore.

Are you kidding me with that handshake?

I’m done playing games, pal.

You’re gonna tell me what I want to know.

And I am asking you for the last time…

What would you like on your bagel?

I’m not telling you anything.

And that is a display bagel.

I don’t get it with you! I mean, I’ve tried everything.

I was good cop. I was bad cop. I was cop who offers you a bagel.

And nothing. It’s like…

That is a display bagel. Wow.

Doctor, you’re here.

Yes, I’m here, and yet I’m…

Not all there.

Sir, are you feeling okay?

I’m more than okay.

I’m upgraded.

Sinister 3.0.

My game is next level.

Hi.

I can smell the electricity in your brain.

You smell like a snack plate.

Yeah, that’s fair. I had a couple today.

Sit down.

In the chair.

I didn’t know.

‘Cause he, ’cause he was in the chair, so I didn’t.

Okay.

Sir? We have a problem.

All teams in position!

Set up a perimeter!

Move! Move! Move!

Incorrectus, my trusty barnacle.

After all these years, what I finally got…

Is a solution.

Commander.

Status report.

Robotnik is in there with stone and a hostage. Possibly local PD.

I’m not saying he’s dumb, but if he is local PD,

this town’s in a lot of trouble.

Wade.

Wade.

Okay.

Rockin’ that new spring collection, I see.

Well, if it isn’t the pastry king.

The donut lord.

A real genius would remember the name of the guy who helped kick your butt off this planet.

And I’ll do it again if you mess with green hills.

Congratulations on your oh-so-temporary sense of superiority.

You’re finished, Robotnik! We’ve taken everything.

Your lab, your drones, your funding!

Let’s see how big of a man you are without your silly little robots.

Would you like to see…

How big a man I can be?

Welcome to the new norm.

My god!

Doctor! Take me with you!

He’s taking everything apart.

He’s building something.

That can only be one thing.

The fearsome power of the emerald.

If that thing really turns thoughts into power, we are in big trouble.

Robotnik has a lot of bad thoughts.

Hey, Sonic, are you sure it was a good idea bringing you-know-who aboard?

Knuckles isn’t really a bad guy. He’s just a little mixed up.

I am not mixed up!

I have steely focus. And I’m complex. And that’s a lot for some people.

Hope you’re not still mad I hit you with that car.

I was completely uninjured.

And my revenge will come when you least expect it, fox.

Sir, you’re magnificent!

Thank you, sycophant.

Your admiration is inevitable.

I knew it!

Just like the stay puft Marshmallow Man.

World domination playlist.

Fall back.

Fall back! Quick! Retreat!

How are we supposed to beat this thing?

We need a plan.

Knuckles, use your strength to…

Jump off the plane. Wow.

Okay, this is what we’re gonna do. Step 1: Light taunting.

Step 2: I have no idea.

Sonic!

Nice action figure, Eggman.

Does it do anything or just stand there looking ugly?

Like a blister, he keeps coming back!

He’s on the okay-to-kill list. Shoot the missiles. Make a decision.

I need a moment, sir. I’m trying to figure out how to do this.

Did you even glance at a manual?

No!

I’ll do it.

Pardon my lightning.

You might want to ground yourself.

I’m gonna pop that thing open like a can of chili…

Hang on!

Yeah!

Close one.

Sonic!

Robotnik!

Deceiver!

Die, mosquito.

I felt that.

What just happened?

It’s the stache masher. Right here in the manual.

Return to sender.

Stone?

Great. Next thing you know, there’ll be a report about a hostile work environment.

Those were our best attacks, and they did nothing!

We can’t beat Robotnik as long as he’s got that emerald.

He’s too powerful.

Look, we aren’t strong enough to beat Robotnik on our own.

But there’s three of us.

Your strength, your smarts and my speed.

Together. That’s how we win.

So we make our stand here on the field of battle.

As a team.

This is it.

This is our moment.

Time to fight.

Bad time to say this, but I don’t actually have a plan.

Tails, any ideas?

We have to find his weak spot.

I suggest the groin.

What? No. No!

Traditionally, yes, the groin is the weakest spot.

Stop saying “groin.”

Hedgehog!

Look out!

I know what his weak spot is. It’s me.

I’m the groin!

Think about it. I live rent-free in this dude’s head.

So if I go out there and rile him up…

He’ll focus on only you, leaving himself open to a flanking maneuver from me and the fox!

Hedgehog, you are a brave and noble warrior.

Go to your certain death with honor.

We’re gonna have to work on your pep talks, pal.

Yeah.

Let’s go.

All right, mustache.

You want me? Come and get me.

You don’t tell me about coming and getting.

I am on the cutting edge of coming and getting!

Coming, getting.

Coming, getting. Coming, getting. Coming, getting.

You’re really heavy.

That’s because I am one million percent muscle.

Faster, fox!

Go! Move, guys! Move back!

Let’s go, that’s it! Go, go, go!

Keep going!

Go! Go!

No, no! Stop!

Stop the truck!

Tom, what happened here?

You thinking what I’m thinking?

Let’s get our kid.

We need your truck!

We need your truck!

Coming, getting.

So what’s the plan here?

You gonna build a big robot house? Get yourself a big robot wife?

I’m going to enslave humanity and force them to service my machines.

First, green hills. Then the universe.

Then the multiverse.

Then who knows? Maybe that’ll be enough.

Full disclosure?

You won’t be there.

Eye lasers? Really?

Snot rocket!

No, no, no! No, no, no!

Giving up already?

Not so tough when you’re fighting someone 700 times your size, are ya?

You can’t beat me!

I’m all-powerful! All-knowing!

All-seeing.

Looks like your fancy robot has a glitch.

Is it me? What about me? I’m over here.

Up top! Down below! Behind you!

I’m over here. Sorry! Over here.

Too slow!

You can’t outsmart me.

Missed me again.

I’m the outsmarter-er!

I didn’t outsmart you. I’m just the distraction.

Robotnik!

I am also a hologram.

Disloyal.

“Dis” is how I roll.

Where’s my emerald?

No, no, no, no! No, no, no!

Computer, auxiliary power.

The emerald. It’s right there.

Move, you hunk of junk!

I have to reach it.

Come on, come on, come on.

There he is! Go! Go, go, go!

No!

We got you, Sonic.

Hold on!

You guys okay?

Yeah.

Okay.

I got the emerald. We could still defeat him.

Come on, come on. How does this thing work? What do I do?

What?

No. No, no, no, no! No, no, no, no!

Look at the happy little family.

You have to get away from me. I’m the one he wants.

Hey.

We’re not going anywhere.

We’re family.

And families stick together…

No matter what.

I love you guys.

We love you too, Sonic.

No!

I got him!

I finally got him!

What was that?

It’s over, Eggman.

I like the new look. It works for you.

What do you say we just let bygones be bygones?

I did some things, you did some things. There are good people on both sides.

Surely two intelligent beings can work these things out!

Come on, buddy. Come on.

Get him, Sonic!

Yeah. Come on.

It’s like that?

Okay, we’re not friends.

Later, hater!

Sonic!

Buddy!

Wait! You cannot touch him!

The hedgehog holds the power of the emerald.

I am sorry. He is no longer the Sonic you once knew.

What?

You got to try this.

Okay. He is exactly the Sonic you once knew.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Sonic!

Bring it in, bud.

It’s good to be back in blue.

The golden god thing was fun, but blue has always been more my color.

Looks good on you.

Sonic, you were the most powerful hero in the universe, and you let it go.

Why?

Because I still have some growing up to do.

And I kind of like being a kid.

And you’re not just any kid.

You’re our kid.

That’s right.

Bring it in!

Yay. Hugs.

It’s a good thing we didn’t do this before. You would’ve blown up.

You fixed it.

I’ve spent my whole life questing for this.

Now I have it.

Now we have it.

What do we do with it? What next?

There were once two orders of heroes who protected the galaxy from those who would use the emerald for evil.

But they have all passed on to the great battleground in the sky.

So we start a new order. The three of us.

This is no light task.

We must make a vow to use our powers to keep the universe safe, to watch out for each other.

Our new tribe.

I know!

A power bump!

Good idea.

It’s an earth custom. An unbreakable promise.

Very well.

A power bump it is.

Power bump!

It’s truly a beautiful day for baseball here in green hills.

An exciting lineup today with the debut appearance of two new players!

On the mound, rookie sensation from across the galaxy, miles “tails” prower, facing off against the powerhouse, knuckles the echidna.

I don’t understand.

Why am I angry at the enemy ball?

You’re not angry.

You just want to hit it as hard as you can and then run around the bases.

But if my quest ends where I am standing, why run at all?

I can’t with this guy. Why do I even try?

This is just a game. We’re out here having fun.

Just having some fun.

Fun.

All right! Give him the heat, tails!

Hope you’re ready for my fastball.

Your fastball will be dishonored.

And so will you, fox.

Easy, guys!

Don’t think about it too much.

Just keep your elbow up, eye on the ball and give it a ride.

A ride? To where?

Power bump!

Victory is mine!

Hey, no fair! That shouldn’t count.

First base is also mine!

I think that was our only ball.

I have conquered the second of the bases!

Who wants ice cream?

Knocked the cover off that.

Ice cream!

Ice cream, yeah!

I am having the fun! What is ice cream?

It’s a dessert. If you like fun, you’re gonna love it.

Yum. Dessert. Does it have grapes in it?

No, not usually.

I’m proud of our little guy.

I really like his new friends, especially the red one.

He cracks me up.

Heck of a swing too.

Come on, fox. Our dessert adventure awaits.

Good job, guys.

Yeah.

You too, baby. Let’s go get some ice cream. Come on, come on.

I’m happy for you, pal.

Got your wingmen. Perfect friends to grow up with.

Come on, knuckles.

My victory chariot!

I’ve got a lot more than that… Dad.

Race you to the truck.

One, two, three, go!

No, don’t go easy on me. I want your best.

Sonic, I have just been told they have sprinkles.

Ice cream and sprinkles? This is your new destiny.

What a perfect meal to celebrate my victory over you in base of ball.

What?

I mean, you barely beat me.

You’ve never been beaten so hard.

Can’t forget this.

Agent, I want an update.

Still searching, sir. We haven’t found any sign of Robotnik.

No one could’ve survived that crash.

He’s toast. Good riddance.

What a mess that lunatic made.

Sir, there’s something else.

When we were wiping Robotnik off our database, we found something.

A file buried deep in our system and dating back over 50 years.

What was it?

Coordinates, sir.

Coordinates? To what?

A secret research facility.

It was a black site, sir.

Someone worked very hard to keep this hidden.

My god.

Project shadow.

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