Minions: The Rise of Gru (2022) | Transcript

The untold story of one twelve-year-old's dream to become the world's greatest supervillain.
Minions: The Rise of Gru (2022)

In the heart of the 1970s, amidst a flurry of feathered hair and flared jeans, Gru (Steve Carell) is growing up in the suburbs. A fanboy of a supervillain supergroup known as the Vicious 6, Gru hatches a plan to become evil enough to join them. Luckily, he gets some mayhem-making back-up from his loyal followers, the Minions. Together, Kevin, Stuart, Bob, and Otto – a new Minion sporting braces and a desperate need to please – deploy their skills as they and Gru build their first lair, experiment with their first weapons, and pull off their first missions. When the Vicious 6 oust their leader, legendary fighter Wild Knuckles (Alan Arkin), Gru interviews to become their newest member. It doesn’t go well (to say the least), and only gets worse after Gru outsmarts them and suddenly finds himself the mortal enemy of the apex of evil. On the run, Gru will turn to an unlikely source for guidance, Wild Knuckles, and discover that even bad guys need a little help from their friends.

* * *

[grand orchestral fanfare playing]

Illumination! [laughs]

[whooping]

[yells, grunts]

[whimpers]

[speaking Minionese excitedly]

Ooh. Minion!

♪ Yeah

♪ Ooh

♪ When you wish upon a star

♪ Your dreams will take you very far ♪

[tires squeal]

[laughs]

♪ But when you wish upon a dream ♪

♪ Life ain’t always what it seems, oh, yeah… ♪

Freeze! AVL!

♪ No matter who you are…

Hey! Hey!

[yells in pain]

Stop right there!

Grab her!

Oh. Ah!

Yeah, baby!

Attention, all units.

[chuckles]

[gasps]

Whoa!

[whoops, laughs]

AGENT: Look out!

You like that?

Hey!

♪ Shining star for you to see

♪ What your life can truly be… ♪

AGENT: Repeating, all units, villain is heading westbound…

♪ What your life can truly be

[elevator bell dings]

♪ Shining star

♪ For you to see

♪ What your life can truly be. ♪

Ooh, baby!

The Anti-Villain League can’t catch this.

Guess who stole the map.

[laughs]

Hallelujah! [laughs]

Yeah! I got this.

[whoops, laughs]

[laughs] Good work.

The map to the legendary Zodiac Stone.

We will become the most powerful villains in the world.

[all cheering]

Okay, let’s get a move on.

We leave for Asia tonight.

[whooshing]

[laughs]

Okay, let’s see here.

[chuckles]

[stone scraping]

[clunks]

[rumbling]

[earbud beeps]

I’m in.

[yelps, screams]

[grunting]

[groans]

Hello, beautiful.

[chuckles]

[chuckles]

[door clunks shut]

Whoa!

What?

[chittering rapidly]

Oh.

[grunting]

[snarls]

[screams]

[grunting rapidly]

[panting]

Ha ha! Yes!

The Zodiac Stone.

[whirring]

Whoa.

[laughs]

Soon, the power of these unstoppable beasts

will be ours.

[gasps] Ah, for crying out loud.

[grunts, gasps]

Oh. [grunting]

Whoa. [laughs]

[buzzing]

Whoa. [yells]

[screams, yells]

Hurry up. I got a bunch of deadly tchotchkes on my tail.

Roger that on the copy.

Step on it, sister.

[grunts]

Hurry up! Come on!

[yells, grunts]

Off! Off!

[laughs]

I got it. I got the stone.

Party’s over, old man.

The Vicious Six has a new head honcho.

You just got played for a sucker!

Whoa! Hold on. I started this group.

We’re a team.

Where’s your loyalty?

Oh, please. We’re villains.

There’s no such thing.

It’s time for the next generation.

[laughs]

[screaming]

[“Bang, Bang” by G.E.M. playing]

[G.E.M. singing in Chinese]

♪ Bang, bang

[singing continues in Chinese]

-♪ Bang, bang -[Gru and Minions laughing]

[singing continues in Chinese]

-♪ Bang, bang -[Minions grunting]

[singing continues in Chinese]

♪ Bang, bang

[singing continues in Chinese]

[yelling]

[Minions screaming]

[exclaims in Minionese]

[G.E.M. vocalizing]

♪ Hey!

♪ Hey! Hey!

♪ Hey!

♪ Bang, bang

♪ Bang, bang.

[song ends]

TEACHER: Quiet down, class.

Quiet down, class.

[children chattering]

People, people.

So, what do you want to be

when you grow up?

STUDENT: Ooh! Ooh, ooh!

Samantha.

I want to be a doctor.

Wonderful.

Oh, oh!

Bradley.

I want to be a teacher.

No, you do not.

STUDENT: Ooh! Me, me!

Yes.

I want to be a fireman who is also the president

and-and also drives race cars. Yeah.

Exciting.

And what about you, Gru?

Gru?

Me?

I want to be…

a supervillain.

[laughter]

Supervillain?

Supervillain.

Loser!

[bell ringing]

[whooping, excited chatter]

♪ I’m having a bad, bad day

♪ It’s about time that I get my way… ♪

Kelly!

Daddy!

Brett!

[laughs] Mom!

Gru!

Kiss-a la mama!

Oh. My favorite tiny relatives. [chuckles uneasily]

[Minions giggling, speaking Minionese]

Eh, oh, no. Guys, come on.

[smooching repeatedly]

Hey.

I got an image to uphold here.

[Minions giggling]

[Gru yelps]

[speaking Minionese]

Okay.

Hey, are you guys pumped for the movie?

Let’s go!

[beeps]

[laughs]

[yelling, laughing]

[woman screams over speakers]

[Jawstheme playing]

[music crescendos, then stops]

[loud sound of flatulence]

[people groaning]

WOMAN: Oh, no!

[people groaning, coughing and screaming]

[Bob speaking Minionese]

[speaking Minionese]

WOMAN [over speakers]: Shark! A shark!

[all laughing]

[man screaming over speakers]

[bells dinging]

GRU: Oh!

I am a pinball wizard.

[dinging rapidly]

[laughs]

Swish. Swish. Swish. Swish. Swish.

Swish. Swish.

Swish. Swish. Swish. Swish.

[whirring]

[Gru laughing]

[babbling]

Bello. -Bello.

Bello.

Bello. Bello.

Bello. -Bello.

[speaking Minionese]

[laughing, whooping]

WOMAN: Everything you got.

A little more. Come on.

[sighs] -Put some of those sprinkles on there.

I like those sprinkles.

[Stuart laughs]

Cheese-Ray! Cheese-Ray!

Cheese-Ray! [laughs]

Don’t cheese me, bro.

[laughs maniacally]

[giggles, grunts]

Pank you!

Mmm! So creamy, so delicious.

Worth every calorie.

Ah, mmm!

[bell dings]

♪ I’m having a bad, bad day

♪ If you take it personal, that’s okay ♪

♪ Watch, this is so fun to see… ♪

Bills, magazines,

S&H Green Stamps.

Huh?

Ooh!

Ooh, ooh, ooh!

Holy guacamole!

Where can we listen? Where can we listen?

[speaking Minionese]

Hello, Mr. Gru.

We’ve received your application to the world’s best

supervillain team, the Vicious Six.

A recent opening has become available,

and…

And?

…your interview is tomorrow at noon.

[whoops]

Dyn-o-mite!

[exclaiming in Minionese]

BELLE BOTTOM: Please go to 417 Main Street.

The password is: “You’re no good.”

“You’re no good.” Mm-hmm.

Now, get up on the down stroke,

’cause this invitation is gonna explode, baby.

Explode? Oh.

Oh, no, no, no, no!

[small explosion]

[all coughing, hacking]

Oot! [giggles]

Oot! Oot!

[giggles] Oot! Oot!

Ooh. Very big news, Mom!

[Gru’s mom and man groan]

Mom?

[groaning continues]

Mom?

[groaning continues]

[both groaning]

What?

Mom, who is this sweaty guy?

He’s stinking up the house.

I thought you were cooking cabbage.

He’s my new guru.

[Kevin scoffs]

[groans]

[laughs, groans]

[babbling]

Tell your weird buddies they’d better start

pulling their weight around here,

or I’m kicking them out.

They are killing my mellow vibes.

[babbles mockingly]

GRU’S MOM: Hey! I heard that!

Come on. Let’s go tell the troops the good news.

Gentlemen, to the basement,

aka our new evil lair.

[laughing]

This is fantastic!

Oh, construction looks great, guys.

[tools whirring and clanking]

[grunting]

[humming Simon & Garfunkel’s “Cecilia”]

My first evil lair.

Goose bumps!

[Minion grunts, yells]

[speaking Minionese]

Well, you’ve got to break a few eggs to make an omelet.

Am I right?

[chattering]

Oh, great job, Ryan.

Wh-Wh-What?

I said great job!

Wh-What?

Never mind.

Adrien, Mack, looking good.

[speaks Minionese, groans]

Ah. [screams, sobs]

[others laughing]

Joe, how’s the family?

Hey. Good, good. [chuckles]

Okay, everybody, get over here.

[chattering]

Now, listen up. Buckle your overalls.

Hold on to your goggles.

The Vicious Six wants to meet me.

[Minions gasping]

Tomorrow.

[cheering]

[chanting]: Mini-Boss!

Mini-Boss! Mini-Boss!

All right, all right. I’m not mini.

Please stop calling me that.

And also, they haven’t accepted me yet.

[Minions groaning]

[speaking Minionese]

Hello, Otto. What is it?

[speaking Minionese]

[sighs] Blah, blah, blah.

Uh-huh. Well, th-that…

[continues in Minionese]

Yes, I…

[continues in Minionese]

Mm-hmm.

I… Okay.

You know what would be fun?

Let’s play the quiet game.

Oh, oh! The quiet game! Si, si!

[inhales deeply]

Anyway, thanks for the hard work today, everyone.

I got to go get some rest.

Tomorrow is the biggest day of my life.

[Minions cheering]

Watch out, world.

Here comes Gru!

[cheering, laughing]

Mini-Boss! Mini-Boss!

I’m not… [groans]

[drills whirring]

Mini-Boss! Mini-Boss!

[dog barking nearby]

Oh!

[grunting]

[sighs]

Oh, these guys are the best.

I can’t believe it.

[Bob whimpering]

Uh, Mini-Boss?

[speaking Minionese]

[sighs] Yeah, I get it, but I need

a good night’s sleep, so get out.

Oh.

[speaking Minionese]

Okay, fine, fine.

Because you had a nightmare.

But just tonight.

[chattering excitedly]

I’m not buying the nightmare story, though.

KEVIN: Uh, uh, excuse-a.

[speaking Minionese]

Oh, really? You, too?

Mm-hmm.

Get in.

[Kevin laughing]

Good night.

Good night.

Yes, yes, yes. Good night.

Good night! [sighs]

Oh!

Oh, I just want to get some sleep.

♪ VNC.

Breaking news: The Vicious Six is ready

to rewrite the rules of villainy.

Villains of the world,

in three days, when the clock strikes midnight

and the Chinese New Year begins,

this bad boy’s power is gonna be unleashed.

With the power of the Zodiac,

we’re gonna take out the Anti-Villain League.

And the Vicious Six will be

the most powerful villains on the planet.

Can you dig it?

[TV crashes]

Do I dig it? Do I dig it?

I don’t dig it. There’s nothing to dig.

They thought they could leave me for dead, huh?

Kick me to the curb like a piece of old meat?

Oh, they got no idea what’s coming.

[laughs]

Um…

Oh, I’m gonna make them suffer

for what they’ve done to me.

Uh, Mr. Knuckles?

Oh, boy.

Hey, Mr. Knuckles.

What?

We, uh, just wanted to make sure

we’d be getting paid this week.

What a mouth on you.

I’m paying you with knowledge.

You are? Oh!

Lesson one: Always be prepared.

Lesson two: The Belgian five-armed nose pick.

And lesson three: The Lithuanian haircut.

[screams]

[all grunting]

[chuckles]

That’s worth all the money in the world.

Hey, guys, forget about it.

[groaning]

You’re gonna get paid.

But first, we got to get my stone back.

♪ I see a bad Gru a-rising

[imitates rock guitar riff]

♪ I see a villain on his way

Yee-haw!

♪ I’m gonna interview with my heroes ♪

[grunting in rhythm]

♪ They’re going to love me ’cause I’m the best ♪

[imitates drum fill]

♪ Don’t mess up tonight [grunts]

♪ You’re going to join the Vicious Six, yeah! ♪

♪ There is a bad Gru on the rise. ♪

[record scratches]

Guys!

[speaking Minionese]

Oh, you want to come.

[speaking Minionese]

Yeah.

Right, right.

Okay. [sighs]

When you guys tracked me down

and responded to my “help wanted” ad…

…I was like, “Who are these tiny tater tots?

And where did they get so much denim?”

[Minions whimpering]

And you just wouldn’t quit.

[all whimpering, shivering]

[sneezes]

[groans] All right, I surrender.

Come on in.

[speaks Minionese]

[Minions cheering, laughing]

[speaking Minionese]

Huh?

We’ve had some great times since then,

but the thing is, the Vicious Six,

they’re the big leagues,

and you guys are…

great, and so…

Uh, the job you did on the lair…

A-plus.

It’s just, what I was thinking is that

there are a lot of other villains in the world.

You know?

Uh… [whimpers]

[speaking Minionese]

[sighs] Never mind.

Look, I think I just need to fly solo on this.

See you later, alligators.

[stammers, speaks Minionese]

Uh, Kevin? Kevin!

[speaking Minionese]

[groans]

[speaking Minionese]

Uh, Ot-Ot-Otto. O-Otto.

[continues speaking Minionese]

[speaking Minionese]

[whooping]

[speaking Minionese]

Go, go, go!

[tires squealing]

[bell dinging]

Hey, I’m walking here!

Wow!

Ooh! Here we go.

[tires squealing]

[driver grunts]

Oh!

[entry bell jingles]

[“Vehicle” by Gary Clark Jr. Playing]

♪ That I love ya, I need ya

♪ I want ya, got to have you, child… ♪

Excuse me. Sir?

[growls]

I was just wondering if you’re… no good.

[growls]

[Gru yells]

You’re good. My mistake.

[gasps, yells]

Oh, oh. Oh, sorry.

I didn’t mean to scare you.

I was just, uh, trying out this new invention of mine.

I call it Sticky Fingers.

Or Smart Goo.

I-I haven’t quite landed on the name yet.

Come here.

I overheard you were looking for something…

special.

Ah, yes. I was hoping…

you’re no good.

[laughs]

I think you’ll enjoy listening

in booth three.

Right this way.

[gasping excitedly]

Aha! [laughs]

[gasps]

[speaking Minionese]

[shushes]

[Boccherini’s “String Quintet in E Major” playing]

[“Cat Scratch Fever” by Ted Nugent playing]

♪ Cat scratch fever…

This is it. Mum’s the word.

Keep it down. Good luck.

Let ’em have it, son.

Thanks, Mister…

[sounding out]: Nefario.

That’s Dr. Nefario.

Here, take this.

Uh…

If you ever get famous, remember who gave you

your first gadget. [chuckles]

Okay.

♪ Wouldn’t blame him if he said to me ♪

♪ You’re no good, you’re no good ♪

[knocking]

♪ You’re no good…

Try backwards.

Ah.

[music playing backwards]

VOICE [on record]: Welcome to the Vicious Six.

Whoa.

[bell dings]

That is pretty… Whoa!

[whooshing]

[Gru screams, grunts]

[elevator thuds]

[Muzak playing quietly]

Hello. [chuckles nervously]

[grunts, clears throat]

Everybody here for the interview?

Me, too.

So, what do you guys got going on later?

Are you up to no good?

You gonna get into some mischief?

[growls quietly]

Okay.

BELLE BOTTOM: Send the first one in.

They’re ready to see you, Mr. Gru.

Oh, good.

Great.

Oh…

[chuckles]

[gasps]

[grunts nervously]

[door closes]

[gasps]

[Gru clears throat]

[loudly]: Distinguished villains,

my name is Gru.

I feel like I’m talking too loud

even though our proximity

doesn’t require this kind of volume.

[“Volume” echoing]

[clears throat]

[normal volume]: If you told me when I was ten

that I would have the chance to fill the shoes

of my favorite villain ever,

Wild Knuckles, I would say,

“You got rocks in your head.”

But now that I’m 11 and three quarters,

it makes a lot more sense.

All right, who let the kid in?

I thought he was a tiny man.

What’s wrong with you?

You seriously think a puny little child can be a villain?

Um, yes.

I-I am pretty despicable.

You don’t want to cross me.

Evil is for adults

who steal powerful ancient stones and wreak havoc.

[gasps]

And not for tubby little punks

who should be at school, learning,

taking a recess,

sucking his thumb.

[villains laughing]

“Sucking his…”

Come back when you’ve done something to impress me.

Who’s next?

I am Wing Man,

the next member of the Vicious Six.

Behold, the power of flight!

[screaming]

All right, joke’s over.

Showtime.

[grunting]: This is a big one.

[villains grunting]

Yeah, yeah.

To the left. That’s right.

[trigger clicking]

[yelps, muffled grunting]

[panting]

[Wing Man screaming]

Bring him in, bring him in, boys.

Everybody pile on!

[gasps] He took the stone!

I’ll get him! [grunts angrily]

Oh! Ah!

[whimpering]

BELLE BOTTOM: Lock down the building.

[Stronghold grunts angrily]

[bell dings]

[grunting excitedly]

[alarm ringing]

Oh! Oh!

Huh?

What? -Uh…

[stammers] Nothing to see here.

WOMAN: Oh.

Oh, look at you.

Frampton Comes Alive! Nice choice.

[gasps]

I… [whimpers]

[hushed]: Just keep walking.

[gasps]

[horns honking]

Who the heck is that? A kid?

[yelps]

[Kevin clears throat]

Oh, guys.

Bello.

Mini-Boss!

What are you doing here?

[speaking Minionese]

Okay, just get on.

Which way did he go?

There’s that little thief!

Go! Go, go, go!

Split up!

[frightened whimpering]

Knock, knock. Delivery.

[groans]

[panicked shouting in Minionese]

[all screaming]

[speaking Minionese]

That demon child!

[yells]

Otto, take the stone back to the lair.

I’ll distract them.

Go! Go, go, go!

[Nun-Chuck yelling]

[Jean-Clawed growls]

Uh, uh… Ooh!

Oh, not now.

Come on, come on!

[screaming]

[growls]

Oh!

[yells]

[grunts]

[screaming]

[distorted, slow-motion screaming]

[screams]

[tires squeal]

Yeah, baby.

[laughs]

I’ll handle this. [grunts]

[gasping]

[frightened whimpering]

Hope you enjoy the rest of your short life.

[whimpers] Please work.

Come on, come on, come on!

[gasps]

[explosive whoosh]

Yay!

[Minions laughing]

[grunting]

[speaking Minionese]

We’re coming for you, tiny man.

Yeah!

Yeah!

[whooping, laughing]

[cheering, whooping]

Josh, pump it up.

Up, up, up!

♪ All the young dudes

♪ Hey, dudes

♪ Carry the news…

They all said the kid couldn’t be a real villain.

[frightened yelp]: Well…

this kid just stole something

from the worst villains in the world.

[cheering]

When I bring it back to them, they are going to say…

[gasps] “We have made a terrible mistake.

Please join us. Please, Gru.”

And I will say, “Yes!

[Minions cheering]

I will be the newest member of the Vicious Six.”

Now all I need is Otto.

Where is Otto?

Uh, uh, Otto le come-ay.

No, not “Otto le come-ay.”

He needs to “come-ay” now.

[yelling, laughing]

[Minions grunting]

Otto!

Mini-Boss!

There you are.

[giggling]

Ah. You got it?

[speaking Minionese]

Is this… Are you pulling on my legs right now?

Otto, where is the stone?

Le scone? Ah, si, le scone.

Ooh… [speaking Minionese]

[Otto speaking Minionese in voice-over]

[yells, groans]

[grunts]

[gasps, screams]

[grunting]

Over there.

[gasps]

[speaks Minionese, yells in voice-over]

[voice-over]: Oh, no!

[voice-over continues in Minionese]

[quacks]

[Otto yells]

[voice-over continues in Minionese]

[frantic quacking]

Oh.

[people whooping, cheering]

[voice-over continues in Minionese]

[sighs in awe]

[voice-over continues in Minionese]

[voice-over]: Mi amor. Mi amor.

I… love… you.

[shouting in Minionese]

[voice-over continues in Minionese]

[smooching loudly]

[speaking Minionese]

Huh?

[eyes rattling]

[grunts in frustration]

Did you just trade my future

for a Pet Rock?!

Uh… si?

[sighs] Okay.

Otto, where was this birthday party?

Uh, uh… [speaking Minionese]

This is unacceptable. Unacceptable!

I told you guys that you weren’t ready

for the big leagues, and you have proven me correct.

[speaking Minionese]

All you do is mess everything up.

Up? Pump it up!

♪ Do a little dance…

[grunts angrily]

No play-a music a! Ah!

[yells]

[music stops]

[grunts] My mom was right.

You do not belong here.

You’re fired!

[all gasping]

I’m going to find that stone.

When I get home, you all better be gone.

Mini-Boss… [speaking Minionese]

And, Otto, close your yapper!

Oh.

[whispers]: Josh.

Si, si.

♪ I’ll say goodbye to love

♪ No one ever cared if I should live or die… ♪

Uh, Gru. [speaks Minionese]

Por favor. Por favor.

♪ Time and time again…

Kevin, no.

I will be better off on my own.

♪ And all I know of love is how to live without it ♪

[thunder rumbles] -♪ I just can’t seem to find it ♪

♪ So I’ve made my mind up

♪ I must live my life alone

♪ And though it’s not the easy way ♪

♪ I guess I’ve always known

♪ I’d say goodbye to love

-♪ There are no tomorrows -[gasps]

♪ For this heart of mine…

[gasping]

[screams, speaks Minionese]

[screaming]

♪ And I’ll find that there is

♪ Someone to believe in and to live for… ♪

Mini-Boss!

Oh, no.

[song ends]

GRU: [gasps] I’m sorry.

I thought you’d be impressed.

Could I just speak to Belle Bottom? She’ll…

[Gru screams]

[grunts, gasps]

Wild Knuckles!

Oh! Oh!

You’re alive?

Wow. My favorite villain is also my kidnapper?

This could be a great opportunity

if you don’t kill me.

Shut up and give me the stone.

Oh, yes, the stone.

Here’s the thing about that.

Kind of a funny story.

Give it to him!

[whimpers]

[grunting]

[groaning]: And it’s all going to go south

very quickly.

What the heck is this?

[rock clatters]

[grunting]

[Gru screaming]

Where is it, boy?

I don’t have it! I don’t have it!

I know you’re hiding it somewhere.

I’m not. I’m not. I swear.

Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye.

Don’t actually do that, though.

Somebody bring me a phone.

Call home.

It’s ransom time.

No, no, no. My mom will probably pay you to keep me!

[chuckles] Good one.

Call!

[rotary dialing]

[coos]

[frantic chatter in Minionese]

[shushing]

[phone ringing]

La telefono.

[speaking Minionese]

Huh? [laughs]

[screams]

[ringing]

[footsteps approaching]

[grunting]

Bello. La casa de Mini-Boss.

Who is this?

Kevin.

Kevin, uh, le Minion.

“Kevin le” what?

Le Minion. [groans]

You kidding me?

You got henchmen? [chuckles]

Well, that’s the end of that.

[gasps] M-Mini-Boss?

Listen, you, bring the stone to me in San Francisco.

6830 Green Street. Got it?

[speaking Minionese]

Now, you got two days, or you are never going to see

your little boss again.

[gasping]

Bello? Bello. Aah!

[dial tone droning]

[speaking frantically in Minionese]

Otto… [continues in Minionese]

Uh… [sucks teeth]

[speaking Minionese]

Ah! Okay, okay, okay.

Mm, hmm.

Ah?

[speaking Minionese]

[sighs]

[speaking angrily in Minionese]

Otto… [speaking angrily in Minionese]

O-Okay. Si, si. [continues in Minionese]

[gasps, speaks Minionese]

-♪ Hey, ho, let’s go -[laughing]

♪ Hey, ho…

Otto… [continues in Minionese]

Uh, uh, si, si.

Okay. Go, go, go.

♪ They’re going through a tight wind ♪

♪ The kids are losing their minds… ♪

[engine revving]

Oh?

Oh!

Oh, the stone!

Uh, si. [speaks Minionese]

Gave that to my uncle.

It’s more his style.

Oh.

[gasps]

La-la… la stone-a!

K-Kevin! Kevin!

[gasping frantically]

[yells]

La stone-a!

[speaking Minionese]

[groans] I told you.

I don’t know where he went, you stupid Twinkies.

[grunts in frustration]

[yelps, screams]

[grunts]

[chuckling]

Uh, okay. [speaks Minionese]

Uh, pank you. Eh, bye-bye.

[groans]

Huh?

Oh, not cool, man.

[speaking Minionese]

[vehicle approaches, honks horn]

San Pan-pisco. Oh!

[speaking Minionese]

[whimpers, speaks Minionese]

[speaking Minionese]

[panting]

[whimpering]

Let’s rock and roll.

Time to get our stone back.

We’re coming for you, Mr. Gru.

Hallelujah!

[all yelling, laughing]

Woop, woop, woop, woop, woop! [laughs]

Smash! Smash!

[organ plays dramatic riff]

[speaking Minionese]

[whooping]

WOMAN [over P.A.]: Flight 1109 will now depart

at gate 27B.

Ah. Bello.

Uh, trey ticket-as por San Pan-pisco.

San Francisco? Okay.

How will you be paying?

Ah.

Uh…

[Bob grunting]

BOB: No problemo.

Oh, great.

You know, if you have any hair balls,

we can upgrade you to first class.

Get out.

[Kevin stammers, sighs]

[speaking Minionese]

MAN: So there I was. We lost thrust in both engines,

and I had to turn back at LaGuardia.

[laughter]

Ooh-la-la.

Hey, Sally.

Hey.

Hmm.

[laughter]

KEVIN: Ah.

[Minions grunting]

♪ I wanna fly like an eagle

[snarls playfully]

-♪ To the sea -[laughing]

♪ Fly like an eagle…

[whooping]

Okay. Vamos.

[speaking Minionese]

Ooh. [clears throat]

[speaking Minionese]

[Stuart speaking Minionese, babbling over speaker]

[grunts] Bello.

Peanut?

Oh. Yes, please.

Ah… [clicks tongue]

Mm. Uh, peanut.

Peanut.

Uh…

Peanut? Peanut.

Peanut?

Hey, baby, peanut?

Ah? Ah?

[crying]

Uh… aw.

[speaking Minionese]

[yells]

Hey!

[shouting in Minionese]

[groans, blows raspberry]

[knuckles crack]

[humming Johann Strauss II’s “The Blue Danube”]

Huh?

[engine powering up]

[Stuart continues humming “The Blue Danube”]

[Kevin speaking Minionese frantically]

Hmm?

[gasping]

[screaming]

[continues humming]

[all screaming]

[Kevin screaming]

[stifled retching]

[“The Blue Danube” playing]

[stifled retching]

[speaking Minionese]

Huh?

Hmm. [grunts]

[sighing]

[crying]

Uh, uh…

Ah.

[muffled grunting]

Oh, bello!

Bello.

[crying continues]

[grunts, groans]

[air rushing]

[screaming]

[muffled screaming]

[beeping]

Oh, uh… [speaks Minionese]

Ah. [speaks Minionese]

[grunting]

[passengers gasping]

You see me, you see me not.

[crying continues]

You see me, you see me not.

[giggles] Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.

[screaming]

[grunts, screams]

[“The Blue Danube” ends]

[passengers cheering]

[whoops, laughs]

[groans] No. No ha-ha.

You got real moxie, kid, stealing from the Vicious Six.

I got moxie, really?

[gasps] Did I just receive a compliment from Wild Knuckles?

Oh, all my dreams…

[straining]: are coming true right now!

Well, it’s about to become your nightmare.

Welcome to my newest torture device,

the Disco Inferno.

[whirring]

[“More, More, More” by Andrea True Connection playing]

Your Minions better get here by sundown tomorrow,

because if 48 hours of disco don’t kill you,

the blade will.

[gasps, screams]

No, no, no, no, no!

[laughs]

[screaming]

[Otto panting]

Stone-a! Stone-a!

Stone-a! Stone-a! Stone-a!

Stone-a! [groans]

Stone-a! Stone-a!

[sputtering]

Stone-a! Stone-a! Stone-a!

Stone-a! Stone-a!

Hey!

Stone-a! Stone-a!

[yells]

[cheering]

Stone-a! Stone-a!

[gasping]: Stone-a! Stone-a…

[Minions panting, whimpering in exhaustion]

[speaking Minionese]

Look-a the map-a.

[speaking Minionese]

Gru…

[speaking Minionese]

[speaking Minionese]

[others whimpering]

[exhausted whimpering]

[panicked grunting, yelling]

[screams]

[whooping, laughing]

Bello! [speaks Minionese]

[shouts in Minionese]

[both screaming]

[laughs]

[bell dinging]

[imitates ringing bell]

DRIVER: Next stop, Green Street.

[bell dings]

Bye-bye.

[speaking Minionese]

Huh?

Hey, hey. Look-a.

[speaking Minionese]

Come-ay! Come-ay!

[panting]

[speaking Minionese]

[grunting]

[straining]

♪ More, more, more…

[Kevin gasps]

Mini-Boss.

[all grunting]

[yells]

[speaking Minionese]

Stuart.

[speaking Minionese]

Mini-Boss.

No, no, no. [speaks Minionese]

Okay, okay.

[gasping]

[speaking Minionese]

[grunting]

[yells]

[speaking Minionese]

[imitates bird call]

[speaking Minionese]

Uh, uh…

[grunting continues]

Okay. Go, go, go.

[Minions gasp]

Hmm.

Hey. Go, go, go.

[grunts]

Huh?

[Bob sneezes]

Hey, wait a minute.

[whimpers] Bello.

Oh, no! [gasps]

[yelling]

[speaking Minionese]

[grunts angrily]

[whimpering]

Trespassers!

Get ’em!

Hey, you. Come back here!

[panicked whimpering]

Go, go!

[henchmen grunting]

[whimpering, yelling]

[screaming]

[pained grunting]

Kevin! Oh, okay.

[laughs]

[Minions chattering]

[henchmen panting]

[screams, grunts]

[speaks Minionese]

[frightened whimpering]

Get your little butts back here!

[shouting in Minionese]

[people gasping]

[chimes tinkling]

Okay, now, you might feel a little pinch.

[Minions yelling]

[henchmen grunting]

[pants, screams]

[whimpers]

[henchmen chuckling]

Got you now.

Time to break some bones.

[grunts fiercely]

[grunting]

Any plans for the weekend?

[grunts]

[whimpers, yells]

[sighs]

Take five deep breaths.

[whispers]: I’ll be right back.

[all grunting]

Hey!

You like picking on little guys, huh?

Go take a nap, old lady.

[henchmen laughing]

Old lady?

[whoops fiercely]

[groans]

I am a master of the ancient Shaolin art of kung fu.

Ah.

[henchmen yell]

[grunting and groaning]

Huh?

[groans]

[gasping]

[whooping fiercely]

Ha-ha!

[deep yell]

[sighing, muttering in Minionese]

Get lost! [chuckles]

[all laughing]

[blows raspberry, giggles]

If you come back to our place, you’re dead.

Uh, come-ay.

[speaking Minionese]

[door opens and closes]

KEVIN: Oh, pank you.

Pank you… [continues in Minionese]

[shushes]

You can thank me by going away.

I’m working.

[speaking Minionese] …kung fu…

You want to learn kung fu?

[laughs]

[speaking Minionese]

Bello, chica. [continues in Minionese]

…kung fu por smoochie, smoochie?

Mm, mm.

[yells]

[grunts, shouts in Minionese]

[grunts, screams]

My teaching days are over.

This is my life now.

[Bob whimpers, speaks Minionese]

…kung fu para… para save-a le Mini-Boss.

P-Por favor.

[whimpering]

[all whimpering]

Ai-ya.

Fine.

I will teach you.

[cheering, laughing]

GRU’S MOM: Hey!

[grunts]

[gasps]

Those are not for you.

Uh, excuse-a, excuse-a.

The name of the game is sell, sell, sell!

[whimpers]

[speaking Minionese]

[makes sound of flatulence]

[laughing]

[plays melody from Close Encounters of the Third Kind]

MINIONS: ♪ Ah…

[rumbling]

[gasping]

[power saw buzzing]

What?!

[grunts]

[guests screaming]

[yells, grunts fiercely]

[guests and Minions screaming]

Where’s Gru?

Huh? How should I know?

What’s with the costumes?

Halloween was four months ago.

You look stupid. Buzz off.

Shoo!

[yelps]

I’m getting my meat tenderizer.

Let me help you with that, dearie.

GRU’S MOM: Uh-uh-uh. Don’t touch me.

Now, where’s the boy?

[gasping]

[whimpering, speaking Minionese]

Oh, I didn’t mean to scare you.

Don’t worry. We’re not mad at him.

We just want to…

hire him.

[speaking Minionese]

Where is he?

Wild Knuckles, San Pan-pisco.

Wild Knuckles is alive?

And working with the kid.

Hmm.

Oh.

We’re going to San Francisco.

[laughing]

Let’s hit it.

[angelic choir sings]

[Gru’s mom whimpering]

You had better be paying for my roof.

MINIONS: Ay, ay, ay.

MINIONS: Ooh.

Pretty groovy, huh?

[speaking Minionese]

[gasping]

[Master Chow grunts]

We begin with a basic kick.

[whoops fiercely] Now you.

[all whoop weakly]

[grunts, whoops]

Okay.

No kicking.

This is a melon hammer. It’s a weapon.

This is Fred. He is a dummy.

Never underestimate a dummy.

Ha. Dummy.

Bello, Fred.

Now attack!

[shouting in Minionese]

[grunting]

[cheering, whooping] Stuart! Stuart!

[birds twittering]

[muffled grunting]

[muttering angrily in Minionese]

Fred. [groans]

Doubt tells me I cannot break this wood.

Uh-huh.

But doubt exists only in the mind.

You know what I say to my mind?

[whoops fiercely]

Now you.

Uh, uh…

Huh?

Mm-hmm.

[groans, grunts]

[yells]

[yelling]

[whimpers]

[sighs] Kevin, Kevin, Kevin.

[grunts]

[Kevin whimpering]

[yelling]

[Kevin screaming]

[shouting angrily in Minionese]

[chuckles]

[pained grunt]

[gasps, whimpers]

Okay. Clearly, we are not ready for philosophy.

Let’s just train.

[grunting rhythmically]

[“Funkytown” by Lipps, Inc. Playing]

Ho, hey! Ho, hey!

♪ A-won’t you take me to

♪ Funkytown…

Ooh! Ho, hey!

[music stops]

[grunts]

Oh, whoa, whoa, okay, okay, okay.

[grunting weakly]

-♪ Town -Yeah!

-♪ Won’t you take me to -ALL: Yeah!

♪ Funkytown…

Hoo! Ha! Hoo! Ha!

Hoo!

[all screaming, whimpering]

[music stops]

[stick clatters]

[Kevin screams, exclaims]

Huh?

Rest up.

Tomorrow’s going to be even worse.

WILD KNUCKLES: What, you’re quitting?

I told you, when I get that stone,

we’re gonna be unstoppable.

I have had enough!

There’s nothing sadder than an aging villain.

So long, old man!

Guys, come on.

We’re a team.

[door slams shut]

[“More, More, More” playing in other room]

♪ More, more, more

♪ How do you like…

[music stops]

[weakly]: ♪ How do you like it?

♪ How do you like… [groans]

Is this heaven?

I just had to fire my henchmen.

You know why? ‘Cause they weren’t getting the job done.

Okay, I’m just gonna untie you now

because I-I, uh…

I-I need you to do some stuff for me around the house.

And it might be, you know, uh, kind of nice to have a…

a little company around here.

Oh. Oh, yeah.

Two villains just doing some chores.

Who knows what kind of trouble we could get into?

[chuckles, yelps]

What’s that? That’s your evil chuckle?

Obviously.

Well, it stinks.

You sound like a clown who swallowed a kazoo.

Really? Well, you look like a wizard

going through an end-of-life crisis.

[yelps]

Easy there, Don Rickles.

GRU: Who’s Don Rickles?

[weakly]: Stone-a.

Stone-a.

[exhausted groaning]

Stone-a!

Stone-a…

[laughing]: Dude.

Ah, I thought we lost you there for a minute.

Hey, chill, chill, ch-chill, ch…

[speaks Minionese frantically]

[chuckling]

Hey, you want to try this on, little dude?

[laughing, chattering excitedly]

La stone-a!

Hey, hey, hey, soul brother, where you jettin’ off to?

[speaks Minionese] …San Pan-pisco.

Ha! Frisco disco!

Wow.

It’s your lucky day, kid.

I’m headed up the coast.

I could drop you off on the way.

[gasps]

Yee-haw!

[both laughing]

[“Dance to the Music” by H.E.R. playing]

[speaking Minionese] …la stone-a!

Oh, look-a! [speaks Minionese, whoops]

[speaks Minionese]

[shouts in Minionese, laughs]

Huh? Hey. [exclaims]

[laughs]

[sputters, yells]

[sputtering]

[Otto whooping]

[speaking Minionese]

[honks horn]

[imitates blaring horn]

[laughs]

[speaking Minionese]

Start with the pool.

This place has got to be spick-and-span.

GRU: What are you doing?

You look like the overcooked turkey

my mom makes on Thanksgiving.

[chuckles, screams]

Oh, God.

Oh, yeah. I forgot to mention,

the pool is filled with my pet crocodiles.

[Gru yelping]

Yeah, well, well, doesn’t scare me.

[gasps, grunts]

Be careful. I can’t have you lose an arm,

because I need you to change some light bulbs after this.

Here, let me show you how it’s done.

Betsy, knock it off.

[grunts] Hey!

Whoa! Oh, no. [grunts]

[grunts] Marvin, no, no. Stop that.

[Wild Knuckles yelling]

Whoa. Help! Oh, no.

The net!

[groans]

I got you! I got you!

[grunts, screams]

I don’t got you.

[grunts]

Take my hand.

Whoa. Whoa.

[straining]

I got you!

[yells]

[low growling]

[both sigh in relief]

[both panting]

You could’ve run, but you… but you didn’t.

I told you, you are my favorite villain in the world.

I could not let you get eaten by crocodiles.

Even though that would’ve been kind of cool to watch.

So… so you want to be a great villain, huh?

[gasps] That’s all I ever wanted.

You want, uh… I don’t know, you want me…

you want me to teach you a thing or two?

Mm-hmm-hmm!

MASTER CHOW [echoing]: Many fighters have asked me,

how did I become a great master?

[gasps] Hey, look-a!

[grunting]

Even the smallest of us are capable of great things.

You just dig down deep,

find your inner beast, and…

[roars]

Uh… gesundheit?

Now you try.

Uh…

[yells]

[coughs]

[blows raspberry]

[snarling playfully]

[sighs]

Find your inner beast!

[speaking Minionese frantically, whimpering]

Stop this kick.

[distorted grunt]

[screams]

[groans weakly]

We have a lot more work to do.

[Bob chuckles]

[grunting fiercely]

[Stuart groans]

[whoops fiercely]

[Minions grunting]

[“Born to Be Alive” by Jackson Wang playing]

[Bob yells excitedly]

[speaks Minionese]

[grunting]

[grunting, speaking Minionese]

[speaking frantically in Minionese]

[frightened whimpering]

[grunts]

[vocalizes]

[seal barks]

[speaking Minionese]

[laughing]

[seal grunts]

[screams]

[barking]

[speaks Minionese]

[sneezes]

[speaks Minionese, chuckles nervously]

[hollow thumping]

[speaking Minionese]

[chuckling]

[shouts in Minionese]

[yelling playfully]

Eh? Eh? [speaks Minionese]

[grunts fiercely]

[Minions grunting weakly]

[Stuart passes gas]

[Minions screaming]

Kevin, Stuart and Bob, you are ready.

[gasping, cheering]

[speaking Minionese]

No, no, no, no, no!

Ready for your junior kung fu achievement badges.

[sighs] They’re dead.

First rule of heists: always stay in character.

Got it, Grandpa.

Say, do you mind if we use the john?

Poindexter here can’t hold it in till we get home.

Uh-huh.

[device whirs, beeps]

[gasps] The Bank of Evil.

[quiet chatter]

It’s showtime, kid.

Follow my lead, and don’t forget your cue.

Hello. I, uh… I just need to cash this.

Oh, wowie zowie! What a big bank.

How many security guards are in here?

Who’s this little guy?

Well, that’s my grandson, who still has not learned

that children should be seen and not heard.

[chuckles] Kids.

I actually have a son of my own.

[groans] He looks weird.

[chuckling]: Oh, don’t listen to him.

Your son is very, uh, cute.

MR. PERKINS: Hmm.

[yells] Oh, no!

[groaning]

MR. PERKINS: Oh.

Oh, help! I’m seeing a white light.

Helen, I’m coming for ya!

Helen, I’m coming for ya.

Oh. Help!

[groaning]

Help my-my pop-pop!

Somebody help him!

Huh?

My grandpa!

GUARD: We need a doctor!

[chuckles]

This is the big one.

Whoa! [yells]

GUARD: Oh.

WILD KNUCKLES: You hear that?

It’s the sweet sound of angels.

Help!

[grunts]

Do something!

My life is flashing before my eyes.

[grunts]

[beeps]

[grunting]

WILD KNUCKLES: No, no, no. The other way.

The other way. [groans]

[strained grunting]

[whimpers, screams]

All right, everyone stand back.

[whirring]

Uh-oh.

Clear!

No, wait a minute. Wait.

[grunts rapidly, groans]

[people gasping]

Don’t give up on me now, buddy.

No, no, no, I’m feeling better.

Clear!

[rapid grunting]

Maximum charge.

Clear!

Thank you.

You saved my grandpa.

Uh, did we… did we do the heist?

[Gru chuckles nervously]

Grandpas say the darndest things.

You dropped these.

Um…

[Wild Knuckles groaning]

Look what I got!

Hey. Not bad.

Not bad at all.

We make a good team.

We do?

Oh, yeah. Hey, we got to keep at it.

Wait till you see what I’m gonna teach you next.

I cannot wait.

WILD KNUCKLES: Oh, this is gonna be fun.

[Stuart grunting rapidly]

BOB: Mm-hmm.

[whooping fiercely]

[speaks Minionese]

[all grunt]

[speaks Minionese]

[grunts, yells]

[panting]

Yoo-hoo. Mini-Boss.

Okay, Stuart… [speaks Minionese]

Bob… [speaks Minionese]

Time to strike!

[engine revving]

Mini-Boss!

Yoo-hoo.

[speaks Minionese]

[heavy thumping]

[gasping]

[screaming, shouting in Minionese]

[deep, maniacal laughter]

[gasping]

[screams]

Aah! They’re not here.

Fan out and find them.

[speaking Minionese]

[sirens blaring]

Something big’s going down in Frisco.

OTTO: [gasps] Look-a. Ooh.

[speaks Minionese]

[fireworks whistling and popping]

BIKER: Whoo, there it is.

OTTO: Whoa.

[speaking Minionese]

[panicked whimpering]

It’s been one heck of a ride, little man.

Ah, dude.

[grunts]

You know, I’m gonna miss you.

[speaking Minionese]

Hey, soul brother, good luck!

[speaks Minionese]

[gasps, yelps excitedly]

[laughing]: Wow.

[speaking excitedly in Minionese]

Oh… [speaks Minionese]

[laughs, gasps]

Ooh.

[growling]

[frightened stammering, screams]

WILD KNUCKLES: My friend, you’re now

gonna learn from the old school.

[both gasp]

Oh, no.

[gasps]

I can’t believe they did this to me!

I-I taught them everything they know!

We were a team!

[sighs] I give up.

Hey, you are a great bad guy,

and they are stupid idiots.

Only dream I ever had

was doing bad stuff with my buddies.

Now look at me: old, alone.

Well, you are old,

but you’re not alone.

[groans]

All right.

Listen up, buster.

We are starting a new team,

and it’s going to be called The Terrible Twos.

We can find a better name later,

but right now we’re going to find that stone

and show everybody that you still got it.

Come on. You’re just a little kid.

It’s over. Go home.

But you said we…

Go home!

[trolley bell dinging]

[brakes squeal]

[fireworks whistling and popping]

[excited chatter, gasping]

CHILD: Come on, come on. Let’s go!

[Otto whooping, shouting in Minionese]

[laughs] Whoa!

[yells]

Otto?

[Otto whooping]

Otto!

Yee-haw!

Otto!

[laughs] Hyah! Hyah!

MAN: Hey!

Otto! It’s Mini-Boss!

Ah! Mini-Boss!

[yells excitedly]

Mini-Boss!

Otto!

[both laughing]

Look-a! Look-a!

Stone-a.

[gasps]

You found the stone.

Otto, I’m so proud of you.

Oh… [chuckles bashfully]

All right, we don’t have much time.

We got to get this to Wild Knuckles.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

[gasps]

Get him!

[both whimper, scream]

[whooping frantically]

[Nun-Chuck laughing]

GRU: Go, go, go!

[screams]

Long time, no see, punk.

[gasping]

I’ll take that.

[chuckles]

[sirens blaring]

Yes!

Don’t move!

Huh?

Right there! Freeze!

Anti-Villain League.

You are under arrest.

[sighs in relief, speaks Minionese]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, everybody.

Did you forget what time it is?

[bell chimes]

[whirring]

[whooshing]

Happy New Year!

[laughing]

[people gasping]

Fire!

[growls]

[chuckling]

[gasps]

[laughs, growls]

[hisses]

[yells]

[growls]

[exclaims in Minionese]

Stand your ground.

Look out!

Whoa!

[roars]

[screams]

[frantic chatter, screaming]

[laughing]

[grunting]

BELLE BOTTOM: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no!

[screaming]

Where do you think you’re going? Hmm?

You stole from us, and now you’re gonna pay!

[screams]

[screams]

[panting, speaking Minionese]

[laughs] Enjoy being torn apart.

Hey! [speaks Minionese] …Mini-Boss!

Guys!

Oh. Why don’t we make this a fair fight?

[laughs]

[whimpers, yells]

[laughing]

[laughs, speaks Minionese]

[clucks]

[giggles]

Oh, you thought I was serious. [laughs]

Run!

[Minions screaming]

No! [yells]

Hello, traitors.

[gasps]

Remember me?

You.

You can leave me for dead,

you can destroy everything I own,

but I will not let you hurt that kid!

Oh, so you’re gonna save the kid?

[chuckles] Yeah, you and what army?

[Minions yell]

This army!

[clucks]

Okay. This army.

[Kevin growls]

[all growling]

[growls]

[hisses]

[growling]

[whooping fiercely]

[whoops, bleats]

[clucking]

[screams]

[Minions yelling]

[villains growling]

[whimpering]

[growling]

[screams, grunts]

[clucking frantically]

[hisses]

[clucks]

[screams]

[whimpering rapidly]

[growls]

[screams, whimpers]

[growls]

MASTER CHOW [echoing]: Dig down deep.

Find your inner beast.

[roars]

[Kevin yelling]

[grunts fiercely]

[yells]

[chuckles, gasps]

[groans]

[groans]

[Bob yells]

[clucks fiercely]

[grunting rapidly]

[hisses]

[cheeping]

Mmm.

[screams]

[both yell]

[cheeping]

[groans, gasps]

[Gru screaming]

[shouts in Minionese]

[grunts, screams]

[grunting]

[yelling]

[grunting rapidly]

[bleating]

[grunting]

[Kevin grunts fiercely]

[whimpering]

[growls]

[whimpering]

[Otto grunting]

Otto!

Hurry! Faster!

[yells]

[chuckles, screams]

No!

[roars]

[Otto squeaks]

[muffled grunting]

[growls]

[loud clunk]

[grunts]

[Otto sputters, screams]

[grunts] Got you.

[whimpering]

[Kevin yelling]

[panting]

[speaks Minionese] Go, go, go!

[grunts]

[whimpers]

[slow-motion gasping]

[gasps]

[Wild Knuckles laughs]

No. [gasps]

[groans]

[screams, grunts]

[hissing]

Get away from him!

Destroy the kid.

[all growl]

[Minions yelling]

[explosive whoosh]

[whirring]

Oh!

[all grunting]

[laughing]

[all groaning]

No!

[squeaking]

Hey, hey. How does it feel to be beaten

by a tubby little punk?

[laughs]

[all squeaking]

You guys were amazing!

The kung fu… Where did that come from?

Obviously, you guys are rehired.

[Bob bleating]

[whooshing]

Oh.

[chuckles] Stuart!

[speaking Minionese, laughing]

[all laughing]

[Bob sputters, laughs]

[squeaking]

[gasps]

AGENT: It’s all yours, sir.

PARAMEDIC: Where do you want it?

Can you feel this, sir? Right here.

[gasps]

GRU: Oh, no.

Wild Knuckles.

[coughs]

Hey.

Y-You’re gonna be okay, right?

Don’t worry about me, kid.

I’ll be fine.

SILAS: Finally.

You’re going away for a long, long time.

Yeah, well, I wouldn’t bet on it.

No.

See you soon, kiddo.

[siren wailing]

Ooh-la-la.

[whimpers]

[Otto sucks teeth]

[Stuart sighs]

[Minions vocalizing somber melody]

[singing “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” in Minionese]

[clears throat]

Wild Knuckles was my favorite villain.

We didn’t have much time together,

but the time we did have,

I’m so grateful for.

I’ve been thinking about how you won’t see me grow up

or be there for all the terrible things

that I’m going to do.

[crying]: And believe me, there are gonna be

some awful things.

[clears throat]

But I’m going to make you proud.

I’m going to be the best villain ever

because of you.

Because you taught me what matters.

You can’t do anything alone.

Find your tribe,

and never, ever let them go.

[cheeping]

Otto?

Si. [sucks teeth]

[singing “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” in Minionese]

[all yelling frantically]

[Minions grunting rapidly]

[grunting]

[yelps]

[grunts, chuckles]

[others chuckling]

[continues singing in Minionese]

[all singing]

[clapping rhythmically]

You better stay out of trouble, kid.

I will lead a good and honest life.

[chuckles]

[gasps] You’re alive?

Oh! [chuckles]

You just blew my mind.

How did you do that?

[chuckles]

I cannot wait to fake my own death

to avoid the authorities.

Shoot for the moon, kid.

Shoot for the moon.

[chuckles] See you later, suckers!

[“You Can’t Always Get What You Want” by Rolling Stones plays]

[whooping]

♪ You can’t always get what you want ♪

[Otto shouting in Minionese]

♪ You can’t always get what you want ♪

[tires squeal]

♪ You can’t always get what you want ♪

♪ But if you try sometime

♪ You just might find, you just might find ♪

♪ You get what you need

♪ Ah, yeah

[fading]: ♪ Ah, yeah…

[door opens, entry bell jingles]

Sorry, we’re closed.

Whoa.

I just wanted to thank you for this.

Worked like a charm.

All right, let me cut to the chase here.

I need a genius mad scientist.

You want to come work for me?

No, I am done with villainy.

Off to happier horizons.

Goodbye, little chap.

Por favor.

[whimpering]

[whimpering cheeps]

Oh, all right, all right.

Fine. Stop with the face.

I’m in.

Want to see something cool?

Oh! Are you kidding me?

[women gasp]

[Gru laughing wildly]

MINIONS: Big Boss! Big Boss! Big Boss! Big Boss!

“Big Boss.” I like that.

[laughs]

[“Turn Up the Sunshine” by Diana Ross playing]

♪ We can make it further

♪ We running and don’t look back ♪

♪ It’s a light at the end of the tunnel ♪

♪ If you stay on track

♪ But I know any minute

♪ When your fingers turn it up like snap ♪

♪ So hard to lose like that

♪ Hey, let’s do it

♪ All around the world

♪ We gotta turn up the sunshine ♪

♪ We gotta turn up the sunshine ♪

♪ Think about it

♪ All the boys and girls

♪ You gotta turn up the sunshine ♪

♪ You gotta turn up the sunshine ♪

♪ Said it’s been a long night, long night ♪

♪ Waiting for the light, waiting for the light ♪

♪ Let’s do it

♪ All around the world

♪ We gotta turn up the sunshine ♪

♪ We gotta turn it up

♪ Make it hard to lose like that ♪

♪ If this weather makes you frown ♪

♪ And some people get you down ♪

♪ Remember

♪ Love, like sound

♪ It’s better when it’s loud

♪ And if there’s no song inside ♪

♪ We can bring the light together ♪

♪ Day or night

♪ We’re shining from inside

♪ Turn up the, turn it up

♪ Turn up the, turn it up ♪

♪ Turn up the, turn it up

♪ Turn up the sunshine

♪ Turn up the, turn it up

♪ Turn up the, turn it up ♪

♪ Turn up the, turn it up

♪ Turn up the sunshine

♪ All around the world

♪ We gotta turn up the sunshine ♪

♪ We gotta turn up the sunshine ♪

♪ Think about it

♪ All the boys and girls

♪ You gotta turn up the sunshine ♪

♪ You gotta turn up the sunshine ♪

♪ Said it’s been a

♪ All around the world

♪ We gotta turn up the sunshine ♪

♪ We gotta turn it up

♪ Make it hard to lose like that. ♪

[“Funkytown” by St. Vincent playing]

♪ Gotta make a move to a town that’s right for me ♪

♪ Time to keep me movin’

♪ Keep me groovin’ with some energy ♪

♪ Well, I talk about it, talk about it ♪

♪ Talk about it, talk about it ♪

♪ Talk about it, talk about it, talk about movin’ ♪

♪ Gotta move on

♪ Gotta move on

♪ Gotta move on

♪ Won’t you take me to

♪ Funkytown

♪ Won’t you take me to

♪ Funkytown

♪ Won’t you take me to

♪ Funkytown

♪ Won’t you take me to

♪ Funkytown

♪ Won’t you take me to

♪ Funkytown

♪ Won’t you take me to

♪ Funkytown

♪ Won’t you take me to

♪ Funkytown

♪ Won’t you take me to

♪ Funkytown.

[song ends]

[“You’re No Good” by We yes Blood playing]

♪ Feeling better

♪ Now that we’re through

♪ Feeling better ’cause I’m over you ♪

♪ I learned my lesson, and it left a scar ♪

♪ Now I see how you really are ♪

♪ You’re no good, you’re no good ♪

♪ You’re no good

♪ Baby, you’re no good

♪ I’m gonna say it again

♪ You’re no good, you’re no good ♪

♪ You’re no good

♪ Baby, you’re no good

♪ I broke a heart that’s gentle and true ♪

♪ Well, I broke a heart over someone like you ♪

♪ I’ll beg his forgiveness on bended knee ♪

♪ I wouldn’t blame him if he said to me ♪

♪ You’re no good, you’re no good ♪

♪ You’re no good

♪ Baby, you’re no good

♪ I’m gonna say it again

♪ You’re no good, you’re no good ♪

♪ You’re no good

♪ Baby, you’re no good

♪ I’m turning you down, baby, and I’m going my way ♪

♪ Forget about you, baby, ’cause I’m leaving to stay ♪

♪ You’re no good, you’re no good ♪

♪ You’re no good

♪ Baby, you’re no good

♪ I’m gonna say it again

♪ You’re no good, you’re no good ♪

♪ You’re no good

♪ Baby, you’re no good

♪ Oh, oh, no

♪ You’re no good, you’re no good ♪

♪ You’re no good

♪ Baby, you’re no good.

[song ends]

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