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Kung Fu Panda 4 (2024) | Transcript

After Po is tapped to become the Spiritual Leader of the Valley of Peace, he needs to find and train a new Dragon Warrior, while a wicked sorceress plans to re-summon all the master villains whom Po has vanquished to the spirit realm.
Kung Fu Panda 4 (2024)

Kung Fu Panda 4 (2024)
Genre:
Action, Adventure, Animation, Comedy, Family
Director: Mike Mitchell
Stars: Jack Black, Awkwafina, Bryan Cranston, Viola Davis, Dustin Hoffman
Plot: Po is gearing up to become the spiritual leader of his Valley of Peace, but also needs someone to take his place as Dragon Warrior. As such, he will train a new kung fu practitioner for the spot and will encounter a villain called the Chameleon who conjures villains from the past.

* * *

[wind whistling]

[grunting]

[all grunting]

[miners shouting]

[miners bleating]

[bleats] Hey.

[bleats] Hey.

[bleats] Hey.

[bleats] Hey.

[bleats] Hey.

[bleats] Hey.

[wind whistles]

[wind whistling]

[growls]

[gasps]

[screaming]

Hmm?

[growling]

That’s right. It is I, Tai Lung.

It can’t be.

[growls]

[miner] Tai Lung.

I have returned to take what is mine.

Which is everything that is yours.

[all screaming]

[all gasp]

[all gasping]

Let it be known from the highest mountain to the lowest valley that Tai Lung lives, and no one will stand in his way.

Not even the great Dragon Warrior.

[children laughing]

Oh, where is Po?

He was supposed to be here hours ago.

Ping, will you please just relax?

I am relaxed!

Okay. I’m sure Po is fine.

But what if he’s sick? What if he’s hurt?

What if he’s hungry?

[whimpers]

Don’t get your noodles in a twist.

If I know our son, he’s probably just kicking back and catching some rays.

Kung fu!

Whoa! That’s bad.

Whoa! Getting worse.

Whoa!

[grunting] Ah, come on!

[grunts]

[all gasp]

[all screaming]

[grunts]

[screaming] Ha-ha!

Okay, big guy. We’re really gonna have to wrap this up.

Whee!

Oink.

Oink.

[cheering]

Again, again!

That was fun.

Let’s do that again.

[chuckles] And next time, keep your surf off their turf.

[pigs cheering]

I’m late. I’m late. Ooh, I’m late.

[villagers cheering]

[villager] The Dragon Warrior is back!

It’s the Dragon Warrior!

Was, is and always will be.

[fan 1] We love you, Dragon Warrior!

And I love you too, adoring fan.

[fan 2] Sign my scroll.

[fan 3] Sign my hat.

Sign my shirt.

[Po] Okay, okay.

I’ll sign whatever you want.

Po!

Master Shifu!

Here, let me just…

There, that’s much… worse.

We have to talk.

Absolutely. Let’s talk. Right after the ceremony.

Let’s go!

Ceremony?

What ceremony?

[Po] The Staff of Wisdom.

[fans] Ooh.

Given to me by Master Oogway himself.

[fans] Aah.

It is said that whoever possesses this staff has the power to travel between the realms.

The power to unlock the door to the Spirit Realm.

And now, the power to open the all-new Dragon Warrior Noodles and Tofu.

[cheering]

Where the broth has kick and the bean curd’s a knockout.

[cheering]

[grunts]

[party whistle toots]

Dragon Warrior!

Will the Furious Five be here too?

Unfortunately, no.

They’re off on super cool kung fu missions.

Tigress is taking on the free-range chicken gang.

Monkey’s hot on the trail of the missing macaque.

Crane was crowned king of the Crocodilians.

[crocodilians] Crane!

[Po] Long story.

Viper’s wrapping up peace talks between the cobras and the mongooses.

Or is it mongeese?

And Mantis?

Well, he’s just trying to keep his blushing bride from biting his head off.

Just ’cause they’re not here in person

doesn’t mean they’re not here as life-sized cut-outs.

Now, who wants a picture? Okay, okay. One at a time.

Oh! Me, me, me! Me!

You.

[piglet] My turn! My turn!

And then you.

[villagers gasp]

[groans]

He really captured your disapproving scowl.

We need to talk.

Now.

[villagers gasp]

Hey, can I get one of those in a wallet size?

[Shifu] Po!

Coming.

[Po panting]

Do you remember the first time you climbed these steps to the Jade Palace?

How could I forget? I thought I’d never make it to the top.

Yes, but you persevered.

And once again, destiny calls for you to take the next step on your journey.

The next step? What are you talking about?

I’ve already taken all the steps. Haven’t I?

It is time for you to choose your successor.

Successor for what?

A successor to be the next Dragon Warrior.

Oh… [chuckles] Yeah, I get it.

Funny, ’cause I’m the Dragon Warrior.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, wait.

You mean, I’m not gonna be the Dragon Warrior anymore?

Exactly.

Then what am I gonna be?

Once a successor is chosen,

you will advance to the highest level in all of kung fu.

Spiritual Leader of the Valley of Peace.

Whoa.

I don’t know what that means.

It’s just like Master Oogway before you.

You will oversee the Valley, passing along wisdom and inspiring hope.

Look, I appreciate the promotion.

I think I’m just gonna stick with the whole “Dragon Warrior” thing.

Dragon Warrior “thing”? What is it you’re holding?

[muffled] A cookie.

Other hand.

The Staff of Wisdom.

It was given to you by Master Oogway.

Do you really think it was so you could open a restaurant?

Or pose for pictures?

He wasn’t super specific.

Oogway entrusted you with that staff so you could follow in his footsteps and become something better than you already are.

[Po] You take it.

No. Oogway did not give it to me.

Being the next Oogway is not my destiny, which I have accepted and am at peace with.

Really. It’s fine.

You don’t sound fine.

You don’t sound fine! I’m very fine!

Okay, you’re fine.

This is an honor.

Oogway chose you as his successor, and now you must choose yours.

Master Shifu, I finally found something I’m good at,

and now you want to just take it away from me?

No one is taking anything away, Po.

Who you are will always be a part of what you become.

Yeah, but where’s the “skadoosh”? You know what I mean?

The “shasha-booie”?

I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but I don’t know anything about passing on wisdom or inspiring hope.

All I know are two things.

Kicking butt and taking names.

And if I’m being completely honest, I’m not even that good at the name-taking.

Like, who was that fire-breathing crocodile?

I wanna say Steve…

You were chosen to bring peace to the Valley, and there are other ways to bring peace than simply kicking butt.

Well, sure. But not any fun ones.

Please. Being the Dragon Warrior is all I know.

It’s who I am.

Not anymore.

The Valley of Peace needs a Spiritual Leader,

and Master Oogway chose you.

You’ll start interviewing candidates first thing tomorrow morning.

Candidates? What candidates?

[villagers cheering]

Awesome!

No way!

Wow!

Skadoosh.

Fantastic pose.

[screaming]

[villagers applauding]

Whoo-hoo! Nice.

Master Po will now choose the next Dragon Warrior.

[villagers chanting] Dragon Warrior! Dragon Warrior!

Dragon Warrior! Dragon Warrior!

So many great candidates.

I’m gonna let the finger decide.

Wait. Whoa. Whoa.

What is happening?

The Dragon Warrior. It’s me!

[groans]

[screams]

[Shifu] Like it or not, Po, you have to choose a successor.

[chewing] Eh. Nothing about them says “dragon” or “warrior.”

You will know when you know.

How do I know when I know? You know?

[sighs]

When I’m conflicted, I come here to ask the universe for answers.

Just as Oogway did before me.

I’m not conflicted. I’m just not ready for a next step.

What is that you’re holding?

The Staff of Wisdom?

[Shifu] Other hand.

A chewed-up peach pit?

Exactly.

Every pit holds the promise of a mighty tree.

Uh, how is this gonna help me find the answers?

Don’t ask me. Ask the universe.

Be the pit, Po. Be the pit.

[straining] There we go.

[grunts] All right, universe.

Give me some guidance.

[Po’s inner voice] Inner peace.

Inner peace.

Inner peace.

Dinner, please.

Dinner with peas.

Snow peas?

In a sesame soy glaze.

[grunts]

Inner peace.

Inner peace.

[inhales deeply]

This is not working at all.

Maybe focus on your breathing?

I’m trying, but it’s kinda hard when you keep talking to me.

Technically, you’re talking to you, if you think about it.

Hey, will you two be quiet? I’m trying to concentrate here.

Wait, if I’m Po’s inner voice, then who are you?

Uh, I’m Po’s inner, inner voice.

How many voices do I have in there?

You do not want to know.

This dirt is itchy.

I just love kung fu.

What am I gonna be?

Are we alone in the universe?

You guys thought it was awesome, right?

[voices overlapping]

[screaming]

Anyone want a cookie?

[wind whistling]

Universe?

Is that you?

[inhales]

[chokes]

[coughing]

Attention, mysterious figure!

The Dragon Warrior’s here to perform justice.

[exclaims]

I know you’re in here.

Just a matter of time before I find you.

Ooh.

[grunts]

[exclaims]

You can’t hide from justice forever.

[gasps]

The Dagger of Deng Wa.

You’ve got excellent taste, I’ll give you that.

But I can’t give you that. Give it back.

If you insist.

[exclaims]

Oh, no!

He’s got a walking stick. What are you gonna do? Stroll me to death?

This stick is not for the strolling. It’s the Staff of Wisdom.

The Dragon Warrior is gonna be mad when he finds out you took his stick.

I am the Dragon Warrior.

I’m just gonna say it. Nothing about you says “dragon” or “warrior.”

[grunts, screams]

[distorted] Whoa.

Hi-yah!

How dare you desecrate the Hall of Heroes?

Who’s desecrating what now?

Master Ostrich’s Egg!

Oops, my bad. Hi-yah!

The Indestructible Chain Hammer of Master Pangolin.

Whoopsies.

Ha-ha! [Grunts] Oh!

[grunting, exclaiming]

[chuckles]

The Urn of Whispering Warriors!

Which I’ve already broken! Twice!

Why would you keep an urn of souls? Feels kinda creepy.

[whispering warriors murmuring]

[exhales]

Are you doing okay there, big guy? You’re looking a little tired.

I’ve never felt more awake!

[grunts]

[grunting]

[Po] The War Hammer of Master Chipmunk?

[hammer clinks]

[urn cracks]

[whispering warriors gasping]

You’re gonna pay for that.

[gasps]

Hello?

[Po gasps]

[fox grunts]

[whispering warriors groaning]

You faker.

It’s not faking. It’s called Method.

Catch ya later, panda.

No.

I think I’ll catch you now.

[grunts]

[exclaims]

Whoa!

[grunting]

Whoa!

Whoa!

Told ya.

You got me, oh-great-and-powerful Dumpling Warrior.

That’s Dragon Warrior… [yelps]

Let go of me.

Just tell me one thing.

How did someone like you become the Dragon Warrior?

That’s a mystery for you to solve during your two-year stay at the Valley of Peace prison.

Valley of Peace prison? [Scoffs] Sounds like a day care.

It is a day care on the weekends.

But it’s also a prison.

[villager] There he is!

Dragon Warrior!

[ram foreman] Tai Lung is back.

Tai Lung has returned?

He demanded all of our iron, then destroyed our quarry.

He’s supposed to be in the Spirit Realm.

Well, he’s back.

He said that he’s not gonna stop until the Valley of Peace falls and the Dragon Warrior bows before him.

He’s back.

Please, you’ve got to do something.

Looks like I’m not the only one around here with a mystery to solve.

Well, you know what they say every step leaves a footprint, no matter how small.

[Po] Every step leaves a footprint, no matter how small.

Very clever, fox. You know something.

Maybe I do, maybe I don’t.

Okay, I do. I really, really do.

Tell me.

And why should I?

I mean, what’s in it for me?

The peace of mind knowing you did the right thing.

You’re adorable. Has anyone ever told you that?

And I don’t mean just in, like, the cuddly sense.

I don’t have time for games.

Tai Lung is running loose in the Valley of Peace.

Maybe. Or maybe she wants you to think it was Tai Lung.

Wait. She?

Mine!

The Empress of Disguise, capable of taking any form,

mimicking any shape.

The master of deception.

The lizard of lies with the glowing teal eyes.

I’m talking ’bout…

The Chameleon.

[guards gasp]

This is kind of a private conversation.

[honking]

Who’s The Chameleon?

Only the most powerful shape-shifting sorceress.

So she shape-shifted into Tai Lung.

But what does she have against me and the Valley of Peace?

These are good questions. You should ask her.

You’re right. How do I find this “The Chameleon”?

She isn’t someone who can be found.

At least not without someone in the know.

And how do I find someone “in the know”?

[sighs] Oh! It’s me. It’s obviously… It’s me.

I’m in the know.

Forget it. I’ll find her on my own.

Good luck.

After all, how hard can it be to find someone who can look like anyone, blend in anywhere?

Fine. You lead me to The Chameleon,

and I’ll see what I can do about reducing your sentence.

Deal.

[Shifu] Po!

[yelps]

What do you think you’re doing?

[stammers] There’s this shape-shifting sorceress on the loose and…

That’s a job for the Furious Five.

Well, they’re not here, and someone needs to protect the Valley of Peace.

Look, I know that change is difficult and that you enjoy being the Dragon Warrior, but your job is finding a successor.

The Dragon Warrior and I have a deal. Mind your own business, squirrel.

Master Shifu is not a squirrel.

I’m a red panda.

You know what? I love that for you.

Po, this is your decision.

But I think you know what choice Master Oogway would want you to make.

Thanks for the free stay.

[Shifu] What are you doing?

Little dank for a day care.

Wait!

Not bad for a jail.

Where is she going?

You can’t leave.

Don’t worry, I’ll have her back before you even know she was gone.

You are supposed to be passing along wisdom and inspiring hope!

Just think of it as one last Dragon Warrior adventure.

I’ll be back soon. Tell my dads I love ’em.

I can’t hear you anymore! Bye!

[honks]

[groans]

Yeah! It sure is good to be a free fox again.

That’s a good back scratcher.

Yoink!

Hey!

So, does this really unlock the door to the Spirit Realm?

It doesn’t work like that.

It has to be given in order to gain its powers.

Gotcha. Given to gain. So, can I have it?

No! What do you take me for?

An easy mark.

What’s an easy mark?

Someone who’s easy to steal from, usually because they’re generous and too trusting.

Like you.

Aw, thank you.

I heard The Chameleon is a monster with an appetite of a thousand predators, and her favorite food is panda.

They say this Chameleon character has magical powers.

If you say her name three times, she’ll take you away in the night!

[bunnies crying]

The Chameleon can shape-shift to look like anyone, even you.

Or you.

Mr. Li! Mr. Li! Is it true?

[bunny] Po’s going to take down an evil sorceress?

The… The Chameleon?

[chuckles] Well, a Dragon Warrior’s work is never done.

Li, I’m thinking Po teaming up with a convicted felon to take down an evil sorceress wasn’t such a great idea.

Relax. Po has faced demons, demigods, and everything else in between.

He’s always come out on top.

You’re right. You’re right.

But what if you’re wrong?

Calm down, Ping.

How bad can one evil sorceress be?

[bear crime boss] Who is she to summon us?

[crocodile crime boss] Classic power move.

We’re the heads of Juniper City’s most prominent crime families.

And she’s just some bug-eyed, power-hungry reptilian runt.

You left out the evil sorceress part.

We used to run this city.

Now we pay her half the money we swindle.

It’s like a criminal can’t make an honest living anymore.

Yeah, but what could we do?

Together, we can take her down.

[all gasp]

Are you nuts? She’s a shape-shifter.

She could be at this very table, and we’d have no idea.

For all we know, you’re The Chameleon.

Or you’re The Chameleon.

Or maybe…

Oh, no.

Maybe…

Don’t say it.

[as The Chameleon] …I’m The Chameleon.

I said don’t say it.

We obviously spoke out of turn.

Sorry, Chameleon.

No, no. Don’t apologize.

You and your families prospered by preying upon the weak, so it doesn’t feel good when you’re the one being squeezed.

Especially when the one doing the squeezing is just a “bug-eyed, power-hungry”…

What was the rest?

Reptilian runt.

Well, this “reptilian runt” wants more.

You already have the city.

What else could you possibly want?

I have something special in mind. I’m very close to achieving it.

As close as the blood moon.

But the blood moon is two nights away.

So little time, so many expenses.

Which is why I’ll need to increase this month’s tribute to 60%.

No.

What was that now?

I mean no disrespect.

Don’t worry.

I forgive you for the impudence and the backstabbing.

And the blatant disrespect you’ve shown me, I forgive.

But I never forget.

You might say I have the memory…

Oh, don’t say it.

of an elephant.

[groans]

[trumpets]

[all gasp]

You think I’ve pushed you too far?

Then you, my friend, can’t begin to fathom just how far I can push.

[grunting, groaning]

[whimpering]

I’ll expect your tributes by dawn.

Are we gonna stop for lunch soon?

Justice doesn’t stop for lunch.

But it does take the occasional time-out for snack age.

Wanna split my almond cookie?

You’re just gonna give me half of your cookie out of the goodness of your heart?

Mm-hmm.

What’s the catch? The rub? The bamboozle?

The “bam-what-le”?

You know, the fleece. The rook. The flimflam.

Do you want the cookie or not?

[grunting]

[crunching]

I got my eye on you.

How much farther is it to this “The Chameleon”?

Just a little farther.

[both screaming]

Li! What are you doing out here in the middle of the night?

Well, I… I… I… didn’t wanna miss the blood moon rising.

Oh, pooh. You are just as worried as I am.

All right, all right.

I know pandas come across as calm, gentle and chill, but… [chuckles] …the truth is

I’m kinda freaking out!

So am I.

Po is just too calm, gentle and chill to face a shape-shifting sorceress.

What if he’s captured?

What if he’s tortured? [Gasps]

[both] Our baby!

Okay, okay.

Maybe Po has finally met his match, but there is still something that he has that The Chameleon does not.

What’s that?

Us.

Now, let’s go find our son.

I hope Po’s okay.

You know, Li, a wise goose once said, “Worrying doesn’t make the broth boil any faster.”

[Li] Who was that idiot?

[Mr. Ping] Me, of course.

I was the wise goose.

[Li] Oh, yeah.

[Po] Whoa.

That’s the biggest village I’ve ever seen.

[fox] That’s no village.

That’s Juniper City.

That’s where I’ll find The Chameleon, huh?

Just a boat ride away.

And I’m gonna lead you right to her front door.

Are you sure we’ll find a boat captain in there?

For the right price, those cutthroats will take us anywhere we want to go.

Of course, we could always opt for the four-finger discount.

No stealing.

“The Happy Bunny Tavern”.

Well, that sounds inviting.

[screams, grunts]

Anybody lose a rabbit?

[grunts, groans]

Stir faster!

[whimpering]

Welcome to the Happy Bunny Tavern.

I’ll find us a ride. Maybe you can get us some food.

And stay out of trouble.

Hey, what you guys playing?

Mah-jongg.

And the stakes are high.

Can I play?

Surely you’ll go easy on a beginner, ’cause I’m very beginning.

[gamblers chuckle]

Hey there.

What can I get you?

A boat ride to Juniper City.

Ask this guy.

[exhales]

Who’s he?

He’s the captain.

[coin clinks]

Thanks.

[grunts]

[sighs]

Oh, I win again. Beginner’s luck, I guess.

Never played before, huh?

I’m sorry, are you accusing me of cheating?

I would like to speak to the manager, please.

I am the manager.

I’ll give you a boat ride to Juniper City, but I won’t carry anything illegal.

I don’t want any trouble.

[chuckles] Trouble runs from me.

[squawks] Then it’ll cost you double.

I’m confused. Should I have said that I like trouble?

In that case, it’ll cost you triple.

Oh. Uh, maybe we can go back to the double price?

You got a deal.

Great. Do I shake his hand or your hand?

Can I get anything else for you, ma’am?

Yes. Everything, again.

Except for the broth. It was very bland.

Keep stirring!

[yelps]

Whoa! One of everything is my go-to order.

But how did you pay for this?

Legally. Lawfully. Fair and square.

I’m proud of you.

[grunts]

[gamblers gasp]

[boar snorts]

[gasps]

[boar grunting, snorting]

Oh, wow! Look at the time.

Remember we have to do that thing down by the place with that guy?

Did you actually think you could grift a meal out of me?

[gulps] There’s gotta be some sort of misunderstanding here.

And apparently, I’m the one misunderstanding.

Please allow us to pay for our meal and yours too.

I’m only hungry for…

Dumplings?

vengeance!

Well, then, come and get it.

No! No, no, no! Don’t come and get it!

Destroy them!

[tavern patrons growl]

[thudding]

[screams]

I got it!

[creaks, thuds]

There you go.

All better.

[screams]

Come on! Gotcha.

[broth sizzles, burbles]

Keep stirring!

[whimpering]

[screams]

Oh, yeah!

[shouts, snorts]

[screams]

[creaks]

I’ll take that.

Think this belongs to you.

[snarling]

[coins jingling]

No stealing!

[screams]

[groans] Yeah, I think it’s a little too late for that.

It’s never too late to do the right thing.

[groans]

Get them!

[gasps] Watch out!

Whoa!

Skadoosh!

[roars]

[all exclaiming]

[all groaning]

Whoa. Nice move. You gotta teach me that.

[boar] You die, panda!

[screaming]

[coins jingle]

[grunts]

[Zhen screams]

Ah! Uh.

[Zhen] Ah! Whoa, whoa, whoa!

[tavern patrons screaming]

Who designs a tavern on a cliff?

I shouldn’t have eaten all those dumplings. [Yelps]

[grunts]

Huh?

[wood cracks]

Uh-oh.

[both scream]

[squawks]

Sail ho!

[creaks]

[tavern patrons scream]

[boar] Back up! Move, move, move!

[honks]

Not that I’m worried, but…

[honks]

what if The Chameleon knows we’re coming?

Why, she could be anywhere, anyone.

Li, would you please show a little backbone?

I’m sorry, but bravery was never really my specialty.

[honks] You don’t have to be brave. You just have to act brave.

Act brave? Got it.

Ah! [Screams]

Oh!

Oh, Li!

[yelping]

Hold on!

Hold me, Ping! It’s all been for nothing!

Please, no.

I’m too young!

[thuds]

How was that for acting brave?

[sighs] Keep working on it.

[Zhen sighs] Juniper City.

It’s going to be great to be back home again.

Does your family live there too?

They would. If I had a family.

It wasn’t easy being a little fox in a big city.

So I had to survive any way I could.

Hey!

[Zhen] Grifting. Shilling. Gaffing.

Stop running! Stop running!

Whoa, you’re an orphan? So am I.

Well, I mean I was.

My goose dad adopted me, and then later, my panda dad found me.

Goose dads, panda dads. Guess it takes all kinds.

Right, Mom?

[squawks]

Then, one day, a local took me in.

Put a roof over my head, gave me clothes to wear, food to eat.

After that, I was never alone again.

I guess we both got lucky.

I guess.

Hey, tell me something. Back in the Valley of Geese…

Peace.

…what did that angry little squirrel mean…

Red panda.

…when he said you had to find your successor?

[sighs]

Now that I’m supposed to become Spiritual Leader, I have to find a worthy successor to take over as the Dragon Warrior.

Once you’re on top, that’s where you wanna stay, right?

No, it’s just that… What do I know about being a Spiritual Leader?

I can’t even come up with one of those cool-sounding proverbs.

“Life’s greatest enemy is”…

Uh, I don’t know. Stairs?

Okay.

Everyone knows life’s greatest enemy is time.

[squawks]

I guess it’s just easier to hold on to the life you know than move on to the one you don’t.

Hey, that was pretty good.

Yeah.

Maybe she should be the Spiritual Leader of the Valley of Geese.

[gulping]

Whoa, that guy. He drinks like a fish.

Should he be driving?

We’ve come to pay tribute, as you requested.

Looks a little light.

Go back out and get me more!

More?

But… But, Chameleon…

Go! Before I toss you down another flight of stairs.

[crime bosses murmuring]

At last, my destiny approaches.

I’ll expand my rule from Juniper City to every city and town and village from here to the Valley of Peace and beyond!

They will all know the name of The Chameleon!

[Zhen] Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!

Ah! Zhen! I had a vision. I saw The Chameleon.

She’s gonna take over cities and towns and the Valley of Peace.

A vision?

While you were asleep?

I’m pretty sure that’s just a dream.

Not a dream, a vision.

Either I had a bad dumpling before I went to sleep, or it’s a Dragon Warrior thing.

We got to get to The Chameleon and take her down.

Well, then you’re in luck.

Welcome to Juniper City.

Whoa!

[Zhen] This is the place where you can be whatever you wanna be, do whatever you wanna do, and steal whatever you wanna steal.

Uh, if that’s your thing.

Land ho!

[Po, Zhen grunt]

Whoa. That came out of nowhere.

[grunts]

Ah!

Whoa!

Move!

Look out!

Sorry!

Out of the way!

I’ve never seen so much traffic before.

[Zhen] You don’t have rush hour in the Valley of Peace?

No one’s ever in that much of a rush. Oof.

Come on!

Well, sure is good to be home again.

The sights. The sounds.

[sniffs] The smells.

[panting]

It’s a wonton wonderland! [chuckles, whoops]

Yeah!

[laughs]

[panting]

[Zhen] Po. Po!

Focus!

This city is the most amazing place I’ve ever seen!

I used to feel the same way until The Chameleon got her claws into it.

[pig whimpering]

[thugs chuckling]

[growls]

[yelps]

[growls]

[bleats]

[growling, chuckling]

Tonight, we take down The Chameleon.

Oh, yeah.

I’ll show you where this villainous sorceress lurks as she dominates the city.

Is she lurking in that villainous tower dominating the city?

How’d you know?

Eh, not my first time taking down a villain.

Let’s keep moving.

[citizen] Hey, Zhen!

Heya, Zhen.

Long time no see.

How you doing, Zhen?

Wow, you’re quite the local celeb.

Yeah, well, let’s just say a face like mine is hard to forget.

What? You’re a wanted criminal?

You sound surprised. Is this surprising? I don’t think this is surprising.

You never mentioned you were wanted.

Don’t worry.

The law has better things to do than look for me.

Hey, fox.

We’ve been looking for you.

Must be a slow workweek.

I’ll handle this.

Morning, officers. Dragon Warrior here.

The fox and I are here on official Dragon Warrior biz.

Dragon who?

Warrior what?

Dragon Warrior.

Anyone? Nothing?

Perhaps you know me better as

the Kung Fu Panda!

[metal clanging]

Wait, wait!

[chuckling] Can you believe that guy?

Aw, come on!

Okay, so we tried it your way. Now we try it mine.

Wait, what’s your way… [screams, grunts]

[grunts]

Sorry.

Come on, come on, come on, come on!

You can’t run away from the law. You’re a wanted criminal!

Yeah? Well, it looks like I’m not the only one.

Wow. City life really is fast-paced.

We gotta get out of here before they call for…

[rumbling]

backup.

[bulls grunting, bleating]

That’s a lot of bull.

Run!

[gasps]

[grunts]

[grunts]

Let’s go, let’s go!

Oh! [Whimpers]

[blusters]

[grunting]

[both screaming]

Ow!

[pig squeals]

[pigs whimpering]

[Po shouts]

[all exclaiming]

[pedestrians yelp]

[screaming]

[grunting]

[both gasp]

[grunting]

[snorts]

[Po yelps]

[groaning]

[screams]

Let’s go.

Whoa! Whoa!

[citizens exclaiming]

I’m falling

very slowly.

[yelps]

Ow! [Screaming]

[screaming continues]

[grunting, yelping]

[grunts] Sorry.

[sobs]

[bulls grunting]

[all panting, whimpering]

Whew.

There they are!

We don’t have time for a drum solo!

We’re trapped. [Grunts]

[bulls grunt]

[Po screams]

[speaking indistinctly]

It isn’t much farther now.

You always say that, and it’s always so much farther.

Whoa. What is this place?

Home sweet home.

Some of the best crooks and criminals in all of Juniper City live here.

Careful. These guys will steal your pants right off ya, and you’ll never know it.

[Po] Uh-oh.

Now, you kids be careful with those fireworks.

[snarling]

[Po screams]

Ooh!

[bunnies snarling]

[Po exclaiming]

Ow!

Oh! [Giggling]

So you’re friends with all these people?

They’re practically family.

Zhen!

[pipes rattling]

Oh! Is that really you?

Han, my old mentor.

I always knew someday you’ll find your way home back to the den.

And when you did

I’d be sure to give you a proper homecoming.

Family, huh?

More like distant cousins.

All right. How should we do this?

Quick and painless? Or slow and painful?

Slow and painful. Slow and painful.

All right, you little scamps. Slow and painful it is.

Hooray!

Yay!

You really don’t wanna do this.

And why is that?

Because if you so much as lay one claw on me, you’re gonna have to answer to the Dragon Warrior.

[whispering] Warrior, warrior, warrior, warrior, warrior.

Who?

[crowd murmuring]

Oh, man. Are my adventures really that regional?

Introduce them, Po,

to your fists.

[crowd muttering]

Remember, Po, there are other ways to bring peace than by kicking butt.

Ah, come on. Really? Now?

Yes, now.

Hold on. Shouldn’t my inner Shifus have differing opinions?

We are in total agreement with our mutual disappointment

[both] in you.

Wait.

He who resorts to violence now will only find more violence later.

[crowd] Huh?

So what you’re saying is, if we don’t hurt Zhen a little now…

We can hurt her a lot later.

What? No, that’s not what I said.

Yes! And more violence later is better than less violence now.

No, no. I think you’re misunderstanding the fundamental point of…

More violence!

Hooray!

Violence makes my tummy tingle.

You know, that panda makes a lot of good points.

I like it.

[bunnies] Violence, violence, violence.

No, no, no! Wait!

Come back!

I’ll come up with better wisdom.

You have got to workshop those proverbs.

[Po] Uh, the Kung Fu Panda?

Nope.

[Po] The son of Mr. Ping and Li?

Those are both very common names.

Mentored by Oogway?

Sorry.

Trained by Master Shifu?

Oh! Master Shifu? Yes.

Aha!

Everyone’s heard of the legendary Master Shifu.

But not you.

Did someone say “legendary”? Bring it in.

Look, Han.

I know we’ve had our differences, but I’m really in a jam here,

and I was hoping you could help me out.

Thank you.

Don’t drink that.

[sizzles]

Oh! [Giggling]

We just need someplace to lie low for a while until the heat cools off.

And why should I help you?

Because deep down beneath that iron-scaled exterior is a good-hearted soul who still thinks of me as one of the family?

Fine.

But if you’re still here by nightfall, I’m calling the bulls myself.

Sleep tight.

[Han chuckling]

So tonight, we take down The Chameleon.

After you get your pants back.

Not cool! You guys…

Come on! Give them back.

Those are custom.

[apes shrieking]

Yeah, this place doesn’t look very friendly.

Oh! Oh, my tail. [Grunts]

I’m sure everything is fine.

This is a restaurant.

These are my people. We speak the same language.

You wait here.

Salutations!

I’m so sorry to interrupt. [Chuckles]

I know you’re having a good time,

but I was wondering if a panda happened to be passing by these parts?

There was a panda here.

You know him?

Know him? Why, I’m his dad!

[quacking]

No, no, no, no, no, no. Hmm?

You need to pay for what your son did to my tavern.

[glass shatters]

My boy wouldn’t have done this for no reason.

Is it possible your broth was bland?

Try it.

[exclaims] No, no!

The broth smells excellent.

You should not add a single thing, especially not me!

[Li] Hands off the goose.

[tavern patrons gasping]

The panda’s back.

He’s back?

He’s back?

No.

But you’re about to wish he was,

’cause if you think he made a mess of this place,

you have no idea what I’m capable of.

Everything he learned, he learned from me.

Except one thing.

Mercy.

I don’t know where he got that, because I don’t believe in it.

Now, this can go one of two ways.

The easy way, in which you tell me where he is,

or the hard way,

in which you tell me where he is,

but it’s hard to understand what you’re saying

because you have no teeth.

[tavern patrons gasp]

[gasps, whimpers]

Mah-jongg.

I eat mah-jongg tiles for breakfast!

[groans]

[tavern patrons growling]

[grunts, exclaims]

[wood creaking]

[quacks]

[tavern patrons shouting]

[gasping]

Huh?

[wood creaking]

[chuckles]

[tavern patrons clamoring]

[clamoring continues]

Stay there!

Where’s our son?

He took a boat to Juniper City.

Which way?

You know, a wise goose once…

Time to go.

Uh, yeah. Right.

[sighs]

[tavern patrons screaming]

[tavern patrons coughing, groaning]

[groans]

[cheering]

[citizens chattering]

[giggling]

Okay, let’s try this again.

Stir the pot, roll the wok, serve the dish, and ska-blam!

Hey, where’s the golden dragon that’s supposed to shoot out?

Not gonna happen with a broom.

Yeah? Still not bad though.

Yeah. But stir later, roll higher, and the word is “skadoosh.”

“Skadoosh” isn’t a word.

And “ska-blam” is?

[fireworks explode]

[ape yelps]

[all] Ska-blam!

[sighs]

I gotta say, you’re not like any of the other masters I’ve met.

Yeah, I know. There’s not a lot of pandas.

No, you’re, like, a good guy.

Listen up. The coast is clear.

Thieves, hit the streets.

And you two,

get out of my sight.

Huh?

I know I promised that I’d lead you right to The Chameleon’s front door,

but the back door seems a little more practical.

I gotta say, Zhen, you really are a fox of your word.

A chewed-up peach pit?

One from Master Oogway’s peach tree of heavenly wisdom.

Eh, it’s a Valley of Peace thing.

It’s supposed to remind me that every pit holds the promise of a mighty tree.

Maybe it’ll do the same for you.

Are you sure you wanna do this?

As a wise Spiritual Leader once said,

how may one kick butt, if one doesn’t seek a butt to kick?

You’re a real piece of work, you know that?

Thank you.

Wait, was that a compliment or an insult?

[Zhen] Yes.

[citizens chattering]

[whimpering]

Whoa.

[yelping]

Have you seen our son?

[grunts]

[yelps, breathes heavily]

Sorry.

Sorry.

Nope.

Nah.

Tell us you’ve seen our son.

[squawks]

Wait, why are they leaving? You said yes.

Hey, look. Po was here.

Amazing, Li, but how can you tell?

Oh, we pandas have a gift for seeing what others cannot.

Come on. There may be more clues up ahead.

[guards snoring]

[gasps]

[shushes]

[snoring continues]

[gasps]

[clanging]

[sighs] Why?

[grunts]

[guard grunts, coughs]

[flatulence]

[guards snarling]

[Po screams]

[gong crashes]

[both screaming]

[metal clanging]

[both screaming]

[grunts]

[grunting]

That was close.

[Zhen] Look out!

[chains jingle]

Huh?

Po!

Stand back.

[footsteps approaching]

Whoa!

They’re coming!

Hurry! Help me lift the cage!

[Po strains, grunts]

It’s no use.

We gotta brace it with something.

Here, use my staff.

All right, stand back. Here I go.

Zhen?

Where are you taking my staff?

I think you mean my staff?

You gave it to Zhen, and now Zhen has given it to me.

“Given to gain,” I believe, is how it works?

You were right, Zhen.

He was an easy mark.

Zhen…

First rule of the streets: Never trust anyone.

[chuckles] I taught her that.

And you thought my apprentice was your friend?

Apprentice?

She’s the one that took you in?

Best thing that ever happened to her.

You should have seen the little guttersnipe before I found her.

Mangy and half-starved,

hanging out with those rejects from the Den of Thieves.

[gasps]

[grunting]

[The Chameleon] She had no fear.

Such potential.

So I took her in.

I made her what she is today.

Stand up straight.

Yes, master.

So you went through all of this just to get me to give you the Staff of Wisdom?

Why?

I, too, came from humble beginnings and dreamed of becoming something more.

I wanted respect and power.

I wanted to be a master of kung fu.

Say what?

I was turned away from every training hall I went to.

They would say I was too small, too lowly,

and that kung fu was not my destiny.

And so, I chose a different path.

Sorcery.

I grew.

I excelled.

And I got everything I had ever dreamed of.

Everything except kung fu.

[roars]

Just because I can look like Tai Lung doesn’t mean I can fight like him.

You see, Po, kung fu may be performed by the body,

but its secrets are housed in the spirit.

And now that I have access to the Spirit Realm…

You’re gonna steal Tai Lung’s kung fu.

His and those of every master villain that came before me.

And once I do, no one will dare underestimate me again.

You forgot about me.

[grunting]

[chuckles] Don’t bother, Po.

Those bars are enchanted with some very old and very powerful magic.

You’d need at least ten Dragon Warriors to get through them.

Then I won’t go through them.

I’ll go under them.

[grunts]

[guards grunt]

[spear scrapes]

Well, that’s frustrating for all sorts of reasons.

[grunting]

Whoa! [Grunts]

[pants]

[door creaks]

[shouting]

[grunts]

[guards shouting]

[pants]

[grunting]

[both scream]

Po!

Zhen?

My staff! Hand it over.

I’m so sorry I lied to you. I was just doing what I was told.

Apologize later. Right now, I have to stop The Chameleon.

Po! [Pants]

Zhen?

[chuckles]

[panting]

[grunts]

[screams]

No!

Well done, Zhen.

You never said you were gonna hurt him.

What’s the second rule of the streets?

Someone always gets hurt.

And make sure it’s never you.

I just wish there had been another way.

Third rule of the streets?

Third rule?

Some would say it’s the most important:

No one is interested in your feelings.

Chop-chop! We have a Spirit Realm to plunder.

And smile.

Nobody likes a grouch.

Honestly, Zhen, I don’t know where you pick up such bad habits.

[breathing heavily]

[branch creaks]

[groans]

[grunts] If I could…

[snarling]

Hey there.

[gasps] Whoa!

Get off me! Ow! Ow!

[gasps, screams]

[Po whimpers]

[gasps]

[Mr. Ping] Son!

[screams]

[grunting]

[screams]

Now save me. [Screams]

[grunts]

Hi, Son.

[branch creaks]

[both scream]

It’s okay. We’ve got you, Po. We’ve got you.

[Po] So you followed me.

It was his idea.

[grunts]

Okay, okay. It was both our ideas.

We only follow because we love.

No, you followed because you didn’t believe in me.

And because we love?

Well, you’re right.

I screwed up big-time.

I trusted the wrong person.

I gave the Staff of Wisdom right to The Chameleon.

Oh…

Po, that was a very big-time screw-up.

[sighs]

If only I’d listened to Master Shifu and stayed in the Valley of Peace,

The Chameleon wouldn’t have my staff, and none of this would be happening.

I was just so determined to keep things the way they were.

Everyone is afraid of change, Po.

Even me.

There was a time not so long ago

when all I wanted to be was the greatest noodle chef in the valley.

So what happened?

I became the greatest noodle chef in the valley.

It’s true.

But I also became a father.

And nothing… nothing’s ever been the same since.

Change doesn’t always have to be a bad thing.

Why do you think I always change the menu at the restaurant?

Because if things stayed the same forever,

sooner or later, they would lose their flavor.

He’s right, Po.

Since I left my village, I’ve become a bit of a warrior.

Strong. Brave.

[whip cracks]

[shouts, grunts]

[groans]

[Komodo dragon] Move it.

[whip lashes]

This way.

Get those cages up there. Come on.

Hmm. This looks bad.

Really bad.

[Komodo dragon] Move it.

[whip cracks]

[Komodo dragon] Come on.

Don’t tell me you were actually starting to become friends with that panda.

What? No. It’s-It’s just…

When we want something, we must use whatever is at our disposal to get it.

That’s all that panda was, something to use.

Is that why you took me in? So I could help you get what you wanted?

[chuckles] Zhen.

I took you in because you were clever and ruthless and unsentimental,

like me.

And the day you stop being those things

is the day when, yes, you stop being useful to me.

So for both of our sakes, don’t change.

[skylight unlocks]

Tonight, when the blood moon rises to its highest point in the night sky,

I will open the door to the Spirit Realm, and all of its secrets will be mine!

[breathes heavily]

Does the blood moon always rise this slowly?

[both chitter]

I seem to remember it rising faster.

No?

Just me?

Hmm.

Ugh.

It’s just for dramatic effect anyway.

[scoffs] I think I’m just gonna open the Spirit Realm now.

Bring me Tai Lung!

[growling]

[The Chameleon] Tai Lung.

Big fan.

Who are you, and what are you doing with that staff?

This was given to me by an old friend of yours.

The puffy panda?

[chuckles] Po might be an idiot,

but he’d never willingly hand over Oogway’s staff to the likes of you.

Who said anything about willingly?

[rumbling]

Hmm. Apparently I misjudged you, lizard.

Now, why have you brought me back?

I summoned you here so that you could teach me

your most legendary kung fu moves.

I don’t share my skills with anyone.

It wasn’t a request.

[snarling]

[grunting]

[guards groaning]

[roars]

[growls, grunts]

[panting, growls]

[snarls]

[grunts]

[growling]

Yes, I got it!

The Tai Lung nerve strike.

The power, the precision.

[scattered cheering]

[breathes heavily]

What have you done to me?

All of your kung fu is now mine.

And the best part is, I’m just getting warmed up.

Bring me General Kai.

Bring me Master Osprey.

Master Bull.

[thunder rumbles]

[Mr. Ping] Po, wait!

Please be reasonable.

I’m not going anywhere until I get my staff back.

No staff is worth your life.

As long as I’m still the Dragon Warrior,

I won’t let anyone else get hurt because of me.

[panting, gasps]

Po!

You’re alive!

Please. I made a mistake.

So did I. Trusting you.

I’m sorry.

Did your master tell you to say that too?

She’s not my master. I’m leaving, for good.

It’s the truth.

I was wrong about everything.

[straining]

What are you doing?

Stopping you.

Get out of my way, Zhen.

No.

Move.

You want me to move?

Move me.

First you betray me, and now you wanna fight me?

[Zhen grunts]

Why are you doing this?

[breathes heavily] To stop you from getting killed.

[groans]

[Zhen grunting]

[exclaims]

[both grunting]

[thunderclap]

[breathing heavily]

[both panting]

[thunder rumbling]

What do you care if I get killed or not?

Please, Po.

Just let me do one thing right.

You’re not the only one who’s made some bad choices lately.

You’re really gonna go through with this, aren’t you?

‘Fraid so.

And there’s nothing I can do to talk you out of it?

I’m afraid not.

You can’t beat her, you know.

You’re probably right.

But I have to try.

Get as far away from this place as you can.

Po!

[Mr. Ping] We should never have let him come here.

We are such terrible fathers.

At least you didn’t lie and betray him.

Well, that’s true. You’re worse.

I am a terrible friend.

“Friend”? That feels a little generous, no?

Uh, l-let’s just give up. Surrender.

We can’t let him go in there alone.

What can we do?

There are just three of us against an army.

Then I guess we’ll just have to get an army of our own.

[chatters]

[growls]

[bunnies growl]

[den thieves clamoring]

[gibbering]

Hey! Listen up, everybody!

[inhales deeply]

Quack!

[clamoring stops]

Thank you.

The Dragon Warrior’s in trouble.

Who?

You know, Po.

The panda.

No, no. A different panda.

I’m his father.

I’m also his father.

Okay, that doesn’t matter.

What matters is that my friend’s in trouble and he needs my help.

So, I need yours.

Why should we help you?

Because…

Because

it’s the right thing to do.

[laughing]

Stop it. Stop.

Stop laughing.

Look, I know you think it might be too late

for a bunch of cheats, thieves and cutthroats like us to change our ways,

but a good friend once told me it’s never too late to do the right thing.

So what you’re saying is, the more right we do now,

the more wrong we can do later.

What? No.

[crowd murmurs]

And with The Chameleon out of the way…

We can finally do all the wrong we want.

I-I think you’re missing the fundamental point.

[all] Violence, violence, violence.

[sighs]

Are you guys ready to do the right thing for the wrong reasons?

[cheering]

Now, you see, this mistake this Dragon Warrior fellow made

was underestimating his opponent.

I never would have walked into such an obvious trap.

[Po] Hey.

[gasps, grunts]

Now, you see, the mistake this Dragon Warrior fellow made was that…

[annoyed Komodo] Shut up, Larry.

This place is crawling with more guards than I’ve ever seen.

I’m never gonna get to Po in time.

You just get to Po. We’ll take care of the guards.

We will? [Chuckles]

I-I mean, we will.

But how?

Just leave that to me.

[shrieks]

[grunts]

[yells]

[shouts]

[groans]

[grunts]

[whimpers]

[grunts]

[roars]

[grunts]

[Po] General Kai?

Lord Shen?

Those are all my old nemesis-es. Nemes-ee. Nemes-i?

The Chameleon is pulling spirits from the Spirit Realm

and draining us of all our moves.

And she’s using your staff to do it.

I’m here to get it back.

[crocodile scoffs]

I won’t hold my breath.

Um, I’m sorry, do I know you?

Do you know me? It’s Scott.

The fire-breathing crocodile?

[coughing] Oh, right! Scott! [Coughs]

Master Shifu and I were just talking about you.

[Tai Lung] Panda.

Oogway made a mistake choosing you as the Dragon Warrior.

I just didn’t realize how big a mistake it was until now.

Whoa. Tai Lung?

I’m gonna get that staff back, restore your kung fu,

and return you all back to the Spirit Realm.

You’ll see.

All I see

is a broken promise.

All right, you bunch of cantankerous Komodos.

Now, this can go one of two ways.

The easy way, in which you surrender willingly,

or the hard way, where you surrender woundedly.

The choice is yours.

[guards growling]

I was kidding! I was kidding!

[screaming]

Aw.

[bunnies growling]

[screams]

[screams]

Ow! Ow!

[bunny squealing]

[guards screaming]

Thanks, Ping.

[guard screaming]

Run away!

[den thieves grunting]

[den thieves grunting]

[Han] Cannonball!

[Han laughing, grunting]

[guards grunting]

[apes screeching]

[boar grunts]

[slurps]

Oh, is it too spicy?

Mmm. No. It’s got the perfect kick.

Ginseng. That’s the secret to my mulberry punch.

[grunts]

[bunnies squealing]

[guards shouting, grunting]

[bunny growling]

[guard screams]

That panda was right. More violence later is better!

[bunnies] Yay!

[groans]

I believe you have something that belongs to me.

Can’t you even die right?

Can’t you even kill wrong?

No. [Chuckles] Wordplay didn’t come together.

Now, about that staff…

[The Chameleon] Take it.

I already have everything I need from it anyway.

I think this was destiny.

A final face-off between formidable adversaries,

alike in so many ways.

If only I had a dumpling for every time

a villain told me how much we had in common.

It’s true.

We’ve both risen to the highest of heights.

It’s a shame only one of us can come out on top.

It is a shame, for you.

My combined powers of sorcery and kung fu make me unstoppable.

And once I dispense with you, I’ll expand my rule from Juniper City to…

Every other city and town and village

from here to the Valley of Peace and beyond.

Yeah, I know.

But how did you know?

I saw it in a vision because I’m the Dragon Warrior,

for now at least.

But I’ve realized that it’s probably time I made a change.

And so should you.

I’m The Chameleon. I do nothing but change.

Only on the outside.

Real change happens from within.

And if we’re really as alike as you say,

then maybe we could both let go of who we were

and become something better than we already are.

What do you say?

I say…

[squawks]

Well, I saw that coming.

We’re very proud of you.

You tried it our way.

Now try it yours.

[both] Kick her butt.

I’m way ahead of you.

[Po grunting]

[The Chameleon growling]

Master Elephant’s Trunk Twist.

Master Boar’s Tusks of Terror.

Master Wolf’s Fangs of Fury.

[screams]

[moos]

Master Bull’s Horns of Doom.

What?

[as Tai Lung] Recognize this move?

[screams]

[grunts]

Is that how I sound? I don’t sound like that, do I?

[Po] You didn’t earn those skills. You just stole them!

Give him a left, a right, uppercut.

Which one are you rooting for?

I’m not sure. This is all very confusing.

I’m stronger than every opponent you’ve ever faced,

because I am every opponent you’ve ever faced.

Po!

[screams]

[growls]

[chuckles]

[clangs]

[growls]

[grunts]

Whoa. I gotta workshop those heroic entrances.

Nah, it was just right. [Grunts]

[yelps]

I knew I should have left you to rot in the gutter where you belong.

Better to rot in the gutter than under your thumb.

[grunts, exhales sharply]

[trumpets]

[both exclaim]

Two against one?

Well, now, that doesn’t seem fair.

I’ll have to even the odds.

Master Cobra.

Master Osprey.

Master Scorpion.

Master Wolf.

General Kai.

Lord Shen.

[growls]

That is awesome!

I mean, it’s disturbing, but it’s awesome.

[roars, growls]

[Po, Zhen grunting]

[roars]

[screams]

[screams]

[roars]

Whoa!

Zhen!

[screams]

No!

[roars]

Whoa, whoa!

[roars]

[screams]

[grunts]

Po!

[chuckles]

[as Po] I thought we were friends.

[gasps]

Stand back.

I’m gonna kick my butt.

[grunts]

[grunting]

[grunting]

[exclaiming]

[yelps]

[grunting]

[screaming]

[grunting]

[screams, blows]

[grunts]

[shouting]

Come on, Po, get out of there.

You have to do this.

I can’t beat The Chameleon.

A wise, old tortoise once told me

that you never know what you can do until you do it.

The fate of the world hangs in the balance,

and you’re here giving me life advice from a tortoise?

Be the pit, Zhen.

Be the pit.

And what do you think you’re doing?

Finishing what Po started.

Oh, please. How many times do I have to tell you?

[grunts]

Don’t slouch.

[all gasp]

[grunting]

You ungrateful little urchin.

After all I’ve done for you, you betrayed me for the panda?

[breathing heavily] First rule of the streets: Never trust anyone.

Ha! You can’t defeat me. I know all your moves.

Not this one.

Roll, stir, serve,

and ska-blam!

[roars]

[gasps, screams]

[cheering]

[chuckles] Yes!

Second rule: Someone always gets hurt.

Now, that’s a cool move.

Po! You could have gotten out of that cage anytime you wanted?

You faker.

It’s not faking. It’s Method.

Besides, how’s a peach pit ever supposed to become a tree

if you never give it the chance to grow?

And, hey, you stirred faster and rolled higher.

But for the last time, the word is…

[growling]

“skadoosh.”

[growls]

[growls]

Maybe Oogway was right about you.

You aren’t completely useless after all.

Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much.

[onlookers cheering]

[chuckles] That’s my son.

Our son.

I think it’s time you send us home, panda.

Zhen, do something!

Third rule: No one’s interested in your feelings.

See you on the other side, Dragon Warrior.

[The Chameleon screams]

We packed some food for your time in jail.

Let’s hope it’s not your final meal.

Thanks, guys.

I was thinking, after I serve my time and I’m a free fox again, maybe I’ll open one of those acupuncture places that are all the rage.

I think you’re better suited for a job with a little more room for growth.

Jade Palace?

[spits] Her?

Out of all the candidates you choose to train as your worthy successor, you chose the fox?

You know when you know, you know?

Fine, choose who you want. A thief, a stick, a carrot.

I don’t even know why I bother.

I’m going to go meditate… a lot.

Don’t worry. He’ll come around.

Probably. Maybe.

Hey, you okay?

[sighs]

He’s right. What about me says I’m ready for this?

Well, as I learned from working in my dad’s kitchen, sometimes the greatest dishes come from the most unlikely ingredients.

Hey, that’s not bad.

Okay, I see you, Spiritual Leader.

Yeah. I’m getting the hang of this proverb thing.

One shouldn’t do a deep squat with a chopstick in one’s pocket.

Maybe you should just stick to kicking butt.

Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure can buy a lot of dumplings.

Why does it always come back to dumplings with you?

When life gives you lemons, make pear juice and blow everyone’s minds.

We get it.

You can’t have your moon cake and eat it too.

Although, I guess you could have moon cake and then order mango pudding on the side.

[Zhen] Can we just start the training now?

Inner peace.

Inner peace.

Inner peace.

Hey, Master Shifu.

Look, there’s two of us.

You’re doing great, Shifu.

You’re not breathing with your belly.

You look a little tired.

Are you tired?

[voices overlapping]

You do look like a squirrel.

Do you want a cookie?

[screams]

[breathes heavily, sighs]

Inner peace.

Inner peace.

Inner peace.

[“…Baby One More Time” playing]

Are you ready to begin your training?

Are you?

Yes, and I brought a little help.

♪ Oh, baby, baby How was I suppose to know ♪

Whoa.

♪ That somethin’ wasn’t right here ♪

[exclaims]

Ow! Oh, it’s hot! Hot, hot!

♪ And now you’re out of sight, yeah ♪

♪ Show me, how you want it… ♪

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

♪ I need to know now, oh, because ♪

♪ My loneliness is killin’ me, and I ♪

♪ I must confess, I still believe ♪

Still believe ♪

♪ When I’m not with you, I lose my mind ♪

[grunts]

[grunts]

♪ Hit me, baby, one more time ♪

[chuckles]

[screams]

♪ Girl, you got me blinded ♪

[exclaims]

[screams]

♪ It’s not the way I planned it ♪

♪ Show me how you want it to be ♪

[chuckles]

♪ ‘Cause I need to know now, oh, because ♪

♪ My loneliness is killin’ me, and I ♪

♪ I must confess, I still believe ♪

♪ Still believe ♪

♪ When I’m not with you, I lose my mind ♪

♪ Give me a sign ♪

♪ Hit me, baby, one more time ♪

♪ Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby Hit me one more time ♪

♪ Hit me, oh, yeah ♪

♪ Baby, baby, baby ♪

♪ One more time ♪

♪ Hit me ♪

[vocalizing]

♪ Hit me, baby, but not too hard ♪

♪ Hit me one more time ♪

♪ Hit me, baby, but not too hard ♪

♪ One more time, again ♪

♪ Oh, baby, baby ♪

♪ How was I suppose to know ♪

♪ That something wasn’t right here ♪

♪ Oh, pretty baby I shouldn’t have let you go ♪

♪ And I must confess ♪

♪ That my loneliness ♪

♪ Is killing me now ♪

♪ Don’t you know I still believe ♪

♪ That you will be here ♪

♪ And give me a sign ♪

♪ Hit me, baby, one more time ♪

♪ My loneliness is killing me, and I ♪

♪ I must confess, I still believe Still believe ♪

♪ When I’m not with you I lose my mind ♪

♪ Give me a sign ♪

♪ Hit me, baby, one more time ♪

[song ends]

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