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Haunted Mansion (2023) | Transcript

A single mom named Gabbie hires a tour guide, a psychic, a priest and a historian to help exorcise her newly bought mansion after discovering it is inhabited by ghosts.
Haunted Mansion (2023)

Inspired by the classic theme park attraction, Haunted Mansion is about a woman and her son who enlist a motley crew of so-called spiritual experts to help rid their home of supernatural squatters.

* * *

(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING)

FEMALE VOICE: Welcome, Foolish Mortals, to New Orleans.

A most paranormal place.

(SOLEMN MUSIC PLAYING)

Where somber funerals end in celebration.

Where death is not an ending, but a new beginning.

And even grief can be a doorway to joy, if one is willing to walk through it.

(WITCHOO BY DURAND JONES & THE INDICATIONS PLAYING)

It’s 11:58! Let’s get ready.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

Wow.

WOMAN: Excuse me, bartender.

Uh, sorry, sorry. Excuse me, bartender.

Can I get a drink? Oh, okay.

MAN: Here.

You can have mine.

Then you won’t have any.

That’s fine, I’m not drinking much.

Maybe we could share it.

Yeah.

Are you here with somebody?

Yes.

I am here with my coworkers who are right behind me, I’m sure, being very awkward.

(ALL CHATTERING AND LAUGHING)

WOMAN: What is it that you do?

Um, I’m an astrophysicist.

That’s like, um, a rocket scientist.

Oh. Um, more “optics.”

Optics.

I create lenses.

For instance, I’m currently working on a formula to map dark matter by combining instructions we already have in place with what we’re learning from quantum mechanics, and it’s really quite complicated, but…

Yeah, sounds like you’re trying to see the unseen.

That’s exactly what I’m doing. (CHUCKLES)

But you said it in a much better way.

Okay, (CHUCKLES) I kind of, um… I kind of do the same thing.

I give ghost tours.

Oh. So, you don’t do the same thing at all.

(LAUGHING) Not at all, but it’s kinda like it.

I, um… I help people see things they can’t always see.

Like ghosts flying through the air.

Apparitions…

CROWD: Ten!

…spirits flying through walls…

CROWD: Nine! Eight!

…and possessing people.

You’re making fun of me…

CROWD: Seven!

…but come on one of my tours.

CROWD: Six! Five!

Yeah.

CROWD: Four!

Yes.

CROWD: Three! Two! One!

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

ALL: Happy New Year!

(ALL CHEERING)

I’m Ben.

Alyssa.

MAN: Ben?

Ben!

(SOOTHING JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

Ben?

Huh?

Listen, I hate to pile on top of what I assume is a bad day, but, uh, this thing isn’t working.

What makes you think I’m having a bad day?

Why am I assuming that you’re having a bad day?

‘Cause you smell like yesterday.

BEN: Here.

How many are out there?

Seven.

Okay, seven.

Why are you still leading her tour?

Look, I can sneak you out the back.

Oh, no, they’ll follow me.

They always do.

Yeah.

(CAMERA CLICKS)

(MUTTERS) Oh!

Are you Ben, our tour guide?

Yes, I am.

I’m from Syracuse.

Great, we’re gonna read some names. That’s what we’re gonna do.

And I wanna hear HERE, the word “here,”

and that’s the only word I need to hear, got it?

Um, so it looks like we have a “John Peluso”?

JOHN: Present.

Been an accountant for almost 50 years.

Oh, I don’t care.

It looks like we also have a Carol.

BOTH: Here!

(CAROL 1 GASPS)

I’m a Carol. Are you a Carol?

Yeah, I mean, like, that’s so funny!

(BOTH LAUGH)

Carol’s a very common name.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

CAROL 1: Isn’t this building supposed to be haunted?

This is an historical walking tour. Hey, hey, hey.

I will show you things, and I will talk about them.

No ghost stories.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

CAROL 2: So, uh,

well, I hear that this cathedral here, that has ghosts.

No such thing as ghosts.

Oh, I believe in ghosts.

My aunt Barbara, she was an avid birder and she adored hummingbirds.

Day of her funeral, what do we see?

A hummingbird!

Okay, Carols, let me impart a little bit of truth on to you.

I’ve been in every “haunted house” in the most haunted city in the world.

I’ve even been in that building. Seventy-two hours.

You wanna know what I found?

Nothing. Not a thing.

Ghosts don’t exist. Life is dirt. We’re all dirt!

Sorry…

Uh, I’m sorry.

All right, come on.

(LIVELY JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

(BAND CONTINUES PLAYING LIVELY MUSIC)

(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING)

(INSECTS CHIRPING)

(EERIE MUSIC PLAYING)

(ANIMAL HOOTING IN DISTANCE)

GABBIE: Welcome home.

(GABBIE LAUGHS)

Hey.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

It’s the movers.

(DISTANT HOOTING)

Yeah, we’re here. How close are you?

How are you four hours behind? We left at the same time.

Yeah. No, I understand a lunch break, but this sounds a little bit more like dinner and a movie.

We’ll see you when we see you.

Ugh, these movers.

Travis?

Oh, I’m over here, Mom.

Uh, just checking out the house.

(GASPS)

(FAINT INDISTINCT WHISPERING)

(WIND BLOWING)

(DISTORTED MALE VOICE LAUGHS)

WOMAN: (WHISPERING) It’s time. It’s time.

Someone’s here.

MAN: (WHISPERING) Places everyone. Places.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)

WOMAN: He can see us.

(WHISPERING CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)

(HINGES CREAKING)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC BUILDING)

(THUNDER CRASHES)

GABBIE: This place is going to be great when we fix it up. (CHUCKLING)

(CHUCKLES STRAINFULLY, PANTS)

GABBIE: Oh!

Wow.

You wanna pick out your room?

(GARBLES STRAINFULLY)

It’s probably upstairs.

Love it?

No.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

(DOOR CREAKING)

(WOMAN GIGGLES)

(CRACKLES)

(GASPS)

(GASPS)

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(SHUDDERING)

Not today.

(THUNDER RUMBLES)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(THUNDER CRASHES)

(BRIDE CHUCKLES)

(TRAVIS GASPS)

(BRIDE LAUGHS)

(GASPS)

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

(SIGHS)

(FABRIC SWOOSHING)

(GASPS)

BRIDE: Welcome home!

(WHIMPERS)

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

No, no, no!

(BRIDE GROWLS, SHRIEKING)

(SCREAMS)

(THUNDERCLAP)

(WHIMPERING)

Pumpkin. What’s wrong?

(PANTING)

This place is haunted!

All right, now, hang on.

Now, I know this place isn’t as warm as I had hoped.

(METALLIC FOOTSTEPS)

But, you know, I think we get some daylight in here, it’s gonna feel better.

(STRAINED GRUNT)

Hey, I’m gonna light a vanilla candle and it’s gonna be a game changer.

Will it though?

Sweetie, I need you to give this place a chance.

This is our home now.

(UNEASY MUSIC BUILDING)

Nah. We’re out.

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

(BOTH PANTING)

(THUNDER RUMBLES)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

GABBIE: No, no.

Come on, get in the car. Get in the car.

Seat belts. Safety first.

Why won’t it…

Slow, slow, you got this, you got this.

Okay.

Mommy’s got you.

Okay.

Don’t you worry about it, I love antiques, but not that much!

MALE GHOST: (SINGSONGING) You’ll be back.

You’ll be back. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

Okay, okay. I got it, Alyssa.

(KNOCKING CONTINUES)

MAN: Excuse me, hey, do you know the guy who lives here?

MAN 2: Oh, yeah. But he’s not very friendly.

(DOOR OPENS)

BEN: Whoa…

(GRUNTS) Ow!

MAN: Hello?

(GRUNTS)

So, this is how a genius lives.

What are you doing?

Whoa, whoa!

Take it easy, take it easy, I’m not a thief!

Look. No, the treasures I seek are in heaven.

What kind of psychopath just enters someone’s house, huh?

I’m sorry, I know opportunity usually knocks,

but sometimes it just can’t wait.

Like right now.

What? What?

Why are you…

(CAT MEOWS)

Why do you have a cat?

This isn’t yours?

No.

Oh, I thought it was yours. He was beggin’ to get in.

Onwards, my furry friend. Onwards.

I guess the little guy just could feel all the positive energy flowin’ out of this… charming apartment.

Should we crack a window?

I’m Father Kent, by the way.

Hi, Kent.

You mind if I take a seat?

Uh, absolutely, I mind.

Okay, okay, okay.

Listen, one question and then I leave.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC BUILDS)

You wanna be a hero?

Pass.

You ready to have your mind blown?

Goodbye.

Two words.

Spectral Photography.

Yeah.

That catch your attention?

Because it sure caught mine.

I mean, did you really create a camera strong enough to capture something called the “ghost particle”?

No, I never called it that. That was the press.

Anyway, I was professionally ridiculed.

Hey, Dr. Frankenstein.

There’s a man of science, and they came at him with pitchforks.

And why?

For trying to create something.

He created a monster, all right?

That, if I’m not mistaken…

Well…

…killed a few people, I think, right?

Hey, one man’s monster is another man’s great Halloween costume.

Oh. Wow, mind blown.

Okay, let’s go.

Okay, hear me out.

I got a call from a really sweet woman.

She has a lovely little kid, and they think their house is haunted.

She wanted me to perform an exorcism, but what I think we need is a paranormal expert.

I’m a tour guide.

You’re Ben Matthias.

You worked at the Space Center, building telescopes.

Before that, you were an astrophysicist at CERN.

Now, you’re giving walking tours?

That’s like having Michael Jordan play baseball.

Let’s put you in the game where you belong.

Playing the right position.

That woman is probably out of her wits.

There’s no such thing as ghosts.

Then what’s the harm in just…

You drive an hour north, you snap a few pics with the ghost camera, and you put their mind at ease.

I am not driving an hour anywhere to…

She’ll pay.

$2,000.

What’s the address?

Mm. Money talks.

Hey, it talks to me, too. But, shh!

(WHISPERING) Don’t say anything.

The big man upstairs is always watching, and he keeps me on a really short leash. (CHUCKLES)

Yeah, not short enough.

Hey, listen.

My job is having faith, and I got faith in you.

(SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

BEN: You know how you and I are so different, but when we come together it’s really good?

ALYSSA: Agreed.

Well, this is like a bridge from what you do to what I do.

Right? So, look, I got this.

What are you do…

It’s a lens.

Oh…

It’s a lens!

Careful.

(ALYSSA CHUCKLES)

A quantum lens which, if everything works how it’s supposed to,

it’ll change our lives.

(INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING)

All right, let’s see this here.

What?

(SIGHS) Of course, dead battery.

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

Oh.

Ben?

Gabbie?

You made it!

Nice to meet you.

Mmhmm.

Sorry I’m late.

Um, some fog had come up near the house and it was weird, but…

Yeah, about that…

It’s fine.

Wait!

I should warn you before you step inside the house.

This is bad, this is bad.

As much as I need you… you can leave.

Oh, no, no, no.

Yeah, you should leave.

If you wanna leave, you can leave.

It’s fine, Gabbie.

I’m not afraid of a couple ghosts.

(CHUCKLES) You say that now.

But really, this could change the course of your entire life.

Oh.

Once you come inside, like, that’s it.

There is no… no going back.

I guess it’s just a risk I’m willing to take.

Now, about the money, uh, you…

Perfect.

All right.

Damn! (CHUCKLES)

Yes.

You did not have to give me this much money.

I mean, I don’t even know if I can take this.

No, take it, I insist.

Okay, I’m taking it.

So, why don’t you tell me some more about this house, huh?

Uh, it’s probably best I show you.

Yeah, yeah, let’s do it.

Yeah.

GABBIE: Okay.

(GABBIE SIGHS)

BEN: Who are they?

Unclear. I’ve asked around.

There are a lot of colorful theories about this place.

I, uh…

Okay, well, that’s my son. (CHUCKLES)

We sleep in here. For some reason, it’s just safer here.

And it’s just the two of you?

Yeah, well, um, his father…

Oh. Oh, hey, pumpkin!

Um…

Hey, buddy.

Do you wanna come out and meet Mr. Matthias?

What’s this you got?

Line of defense.

In your line of defense, do you have…

Action Guy?

Who’s… Who’s Action Guy?

You know Action Guy, right?

The one with the shoe? You remember him?

As a weapon?

BEN: Yes.

He uses the shoe as a weapon.

And he would say, he had a punch line, he said something, it was, um…

“Say it again!”

Whoa.

BEN: “Say it again, boy!”

You don’t remember that?

Oh, it’s like Abuelita with the chancla!

Maybe it was just at my discount store.

But what about you?

I was a doctor in New York, and my mother’s from here.

And we just wanted to make a fresh start.

(CHUCKLES) I always wanted to come back and open a bed and breakfast.

(SHUDDERS)

Wow, that’s an unfortunate involuntary reaction. (CHUCKLES)

Do you not like bed and breakfasts?

They’re fine. It’s just… honestly I look at it like a bunch of strangers getting together, talking to each other, pleasantries.

“How you doin’?” Blah, blah, blah, you know, and really, if I’m being honest, it totally is my worst nightmare.

Well, that’s helpful. Thank you. (CHUCKLES)

Um, we just, you know, don’t have a lot of family.

Well, I found this place on Zillow.

I thought that this would be a great way for my son to meet new and interesting people.

(WHISPERS) He has trouble making friends.

Oh. Me, too.

And then (CHUCKLES) things got really… bad.

Terrible.

Yeah.

Anyway,

Father Kent mentioned that you have this special camera lens.

Correct.

Okay, I think we’ll start in this room.

Oh, wait, don’t… don’t use the flash!

BEN: And… why?

They do not like that.

Maybe we start in the dining room with the photos, hmm?

Oh.

I just… moved these back. (SIGHS)

Oh!

(TRAVIS GASPS)

(BEN YELPS)

It’s in here now.

(CHUCKLES) Y’all playin’ tricks on me, huh?

No, you guys think this is funny, huh?

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC BUILDING)

Playing jokes on me.

I’ll check in here for some ghosts.

GABBIE: No, don’t… TRAVIS: Don’t touch him.

Don’t touch him.

Nothin’.

Maybe take a photo?

BEN: Photo?

Right.

That’s what I’m here for.

Uh…

(MIMICS CAMERA SHUTTER)

It’s not doing it now, but normally it will turn its head and follow you.

It’s absolutely terrifying.

It is.

BEN: I mean, I’m frazzled.

(MIMICS CAMERA SHUTTER)

And… the basement.

(MIMICS CAMERA SHUTTER)

Sometimes, I’ll get, like, a sharp pain on both of my sides when I walk this way.

So, gonna do it. (SIGHS)

Ahh! Okay. (GASPS)

Ha! Okay.

All right.

Hey, if you wanna just go back downstairs and wait for us in your tent, that’s okay.

Okay, honey?

TRAVIS: No.

I wanna do this.

Okay, I got you. Mommy’s got you.

You can do this.

My brave boy.

(TRAVIS YELPS)

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

(TRAVIS WHIMPERING)

Okay! Okay. I’m here, I’m here.

You’re okay, you’re okay.

Oh. Oh. Oh, baby.

(LAUGHS)

(COUGHING)

Why don’t you just mosey on over if it’s so easy?

All you have to do…

You’re okay, look at me.

…is one foot in front of the other.

GABBIE: Uh…

It’s… It’s really only after midnight.

Right.

TRAVIS: (WHISPERS) Is this guy serious?

GABBIE: Clearly not.

(EERIE MUSIC PLAYING)

(SEAGULLS SQUAWKING)

Okay? My big boy.

BEN: Okay, I’m just doing some final calculations here.

Good news.

No ghost.

I know it can be scary.

GABBIE: Hmm.

BEN: A big house like this creaks in the night, cold drafts.

It happens.

But there’s this thing called the power of suggestion.

Yeah, I probably just need to calm down, don’t I?

Couldn’t hurt.

(CHUCKLES)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

(SIGHS)

(EERIE MUSIC PLAYING ON TV)

NARRATOR 1: (ON TV) If ghosts exist, what exactly are they?

NARRATOR 2: Back on Deadliest Catch…

SIG HANSEN: The storm finally got done blowing here.

So we’re gonna get started.

MIKE ROWE: On the Bairdi grounds.

SIG HANSEN: Get the rest of these pots on and call it a Bairdi season for 2018.

And be done, don’t you agree?

WOMAN: I do agree.

MIKE ROWE: Two days after setting on the…

NARRATOR 1: For the believers, ghosts are as real as the living. And ghosts that…

MIKE ROWE: Return to what they hope is their final Bairdi haul.

SIG HANSEN: Let’s go, superstar.

NARRATOR 1: As we’ll find out, these orbs, supposedly the energy signatures of ghosts, may simply mean it’s…

SIG HANSEN: …the average. That’ll get us home.

(SCREAMS)

Oh.

(UNSETTLING MUSIC PLAYING)

(EXHALES)

(CAMERA WHIRRS, CLICKS)

(YELPS)

(BODY THUDS)

(GROANING SOFTLY)

What?

But how?

Hey there! It’s Ben, right?

(SOFTLY) Oh, no, no, no. Nope. Nope. No. Nope. Nope.

Okay. Let’s try it now without the flash.

(CAMERA CLICKS)

(EXHALES)

Power of suggestion.

(WATER TRICKLING)

(SIGHS)

(DOOR RATTLES)

Oh!

(RATTLING INSISTENTLY)

Whoa…

(GRUNTING)

Oh! Aah!

Ahh!

(DIGA DIGA DOO BY DUKE ELLINGTON PLAYING)

BEN: Bad dream, Ben.

That’s all it was. Just a bad dream.

What is happening?

What?

What, are you following me?

(DIGA DIGA DOO BY DUKE ELLINGTON CONTINUES)

Okay. Everything’s gonna be fine.

(CAT MEOWING)

(SEAGULLS SQUAWKING)

(GASPS) Whoa.

(GASPING IN PANIC)

No, no, no!

MALE GHOST: Return!

(BEN YELPS)

(GRUNTING AND GROANING)

Aah! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Ahh! Oh, oh, oh!

(COUGHING)

(GROANS)

(SINISTER MUSIC PLAYING)

(PANTING)

(CAR HORN HONKS)

(BEN YELPS)

(INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING)

GABBIE: Right on time.

Something followed me home!

GABBIE: Come on, sweetie, let’s get this man some sheets.

BEN: Hey!

Hold up, wait!

(GRUNTING) Don’t.

Hey, I said, something… (GRUNTS)

followed me home!

When I first caught wind of what was going down here, we were out.

I mean, do you think I’m going to keep my son in a haunted house?

No, you’re not gonna…

No, exactly.

But it didn’t matter where we went.

These ghosts, and I… suspect there might be quite a few.

They’re like… bed bugs.

If you step one foot in here, they just latch on.

Oh.

We tried leaving the city, moving from hotel to hotel, but the hauntings just kept getting worse and worse.

They forced us to come back here, much like you.

So, what you could’ve done is spoken to me like an adult and told me that I could never go home again.

Oh, no, no, no.

You walked through that door. I warned you.

You could have told me…

(TRAVIS CLEARS THROAT)

…what was happening before.

Hi. Yeah.

You could have told me before you let me just walk out of here…

I would feel worse if you hadn’t taken so much money just to use a dead camera and scribble nonsense.

(HESITANTLY) I did do that.

Scone?

Yeah, it’s a little late, right?

They’re good.

They are.

I have a child.

He can’t walk anywhere at night without a ghost following him around.

So, I’m sorry, but I will do anything to protect my son.

I get that…

but you don’t need me.

You need an exorcist.

We tried that.

KENT: Same thing happened to me.

Oh, my God.

Ben, welcome.

Surprise!

Uh, how… You’re…

You’re in on this as well? You knew about this the whole time?

You’re supposed to be a priest!

What do you want me to say? The Lord moves in mysterious ways.

No, you are a monster!

Hey, you got paid.

Not enough.

I asked you, are you ready to be a hero?

And what did I say? I said, “No.”

But your eyes were screaming yes!

Okay. Okay.

You said that he was an expert.

An expert, I’m not an…

KENT: He is an expert.

He just needs a little encouragement from Coach Kent.

Now, does this thing work or not?

Actually, I, uh, took a photo.

(BEN SIGHS)

‘Twas blind but now we see.

(GABBIE GASPS)

BEN: I wasn’t sure at first, but I think it’s that Mariner from that painting upstairs.

Amazing Grace.

You know what?

Guys, now we can use Ben’s camera and identify every ghost in this crooked mansion, see what we’re up against, make it a fair fight.

Why are we talking about fighting ghosts?

I mean, we should be figuring out how we got trapped here and how we get our lives back.

Look, we’re in a fight whether we like it or not.

I feel like sometimes you’re focusing a little on the negative.

Yeah, uh, ’cause we’re never gonna go home again.

See, that’s a downer.

Wait, our ghost kept wanting us to return.

Yeah. Mine, too.

KENT: Mine did, too.

I mean, she was missing half her face, so it was hard to understand, but she just kept saying, “reworm, reworm.”

Wait, wait, they didn’t wanna haunt us.

(SCOFFS) They want us back here for some reason.

(CLOCK CHIMING)

Oh!

It’s midnight. Hurry!

Yeah.

Um…

What happened?

After midnight, we all stay together in this room.

It’s safer that way.

Uh, Father Kent’s claimed the blue couch.

Yeah, I mean… unless you want to sleep there.

It’s just I have a bad back, you know, from all the feet that I cleaned in Calcutta.

Take the couch.

Sleep all you want.

If they want us here, I’m gonna find out why.

Hey… Hey, where are you going?

You’re not supposed to leave after midnight!

You’re breaking the rules, stop!

Mom!

These people are…

(FAINT INDISTINCT WHISPERINGS)

(SINGSONGING) Hello? Anyone?

(ECHOING) Gabbie?

Travis?

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)

Nope.

(MALE GHOST LAUGHS)

Nope. Nahuh.

(BLADE SWISHING)

(BREATH TREMBLING)

(UNSETTLING MUSIC BUILDING)

(GASPS)

HATCHET GHOST: Did I frighten you?

Good, you should be frightened.

(BEN SCREAMS)

He’s going to be so excited you’re here. He loves guests.

Whoa! (GRUNTS)

(GLASS BREAKING)

(GROANS)

TRAVIS: Ben, are you…

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

What?

Ben, are you okay?

(PANTING)

We’re gonna need more help.

(SUPERSTITION BY NEKA HAMILTON PLAYING)

KENT: It’s time to assemble the Dream Team.

That’s the nickname I’m giving us.

BEN: Uh, I’m pretty sure that’s taken.

KENT: First thing we need to do is figure out what happened in this house.

That’s why I’ve contacted the foremost historian on Greek revival manors in this area.

Now, he’s dead.

Oh.

But I quickly pivoted, ’cause that’s what the Dream Team does, and I discovered there’s a professor at Tulane who wrote a book on haunted mansions in Louisiana.

Only sold about nine copies, but, hey, he’s not dead.

BEN: Professor?

Look, if you’re coming down here to talk about your grades, turn right around and walk on out…

BEN: Uh, no.

…because I’m gonna dock ya!

BEN: We’re actually not students.

I, uh, got a question for you, though, sir.

Do you know anything about this place?

Well, science begins with observation.

So, I’ll take pictures of all of these ghosts to make sure we know exactly what we’re dealing with.

KENT: Great. And once we know what we’re dealing with, we’re gonna need someone who can talk to these ghosts.

A psychic.

I did find one within our price range.

She’s been doing readings at Bar Mitzvahs, but gets a very solid Yelp score.

Make yourselves comfortable.

(BEN SIGHS)

Who is Mitchell?

I… I don’t know.

Think a little harder.

I meet a lot of people in my parish, so I guess it’s possible that…

He doesn’t know anyone named Mitchell.

What about Giovanni?

(BEN SNICKERS)

No,

I don’t think so…

HARRIET: Gary?

Have you recently met someone named Gary?

Okay, so now we’re just thinking of names that start with “G”?

Okay, so that’s a “no” on Gary?

Actually, she’s good. You’re very good. That…

No, I did know a Cousin Gary in my neighborhood.

Thank you so much for today.

You’re lying.

You haven’t met a Gary.

Have you met someone named Gabbie?

(SUPERSTITION CONTINUES) Keep me in a daydream

Keep me going strong

BOY 1: Baby’s got to be home before dark!

BOY 2: Why do you have to get home so soon?

Saw those boys chasing you.

They were just running me home.

I think they just need… a little bit more time to get to know me.

Yeah.

I see that you’re busy.

(SUPERSTITION CONTINUES PLAYING)

Super

Superstition

Oh, super

Superstition

That house has a string of traumatic events.

Explosions.

Quicksand.

In Louisiana!

That family might want to move.

Now eat up. Happy Hour ends at 6:00!

CHEF: Okay?

(GRUNTING)

One more time.

One more time. Open.

(MUNCHES LOUDLY)

Are you kidding me?

(SUPERSTITION BY NEKA HAMILTON CONTINUES PLAYING)

So much activity during midnight.

See, I tried to get a read on the ghosts, but it’s hard because they just won’t stop moving.

TRAVIS: They’re not just moving.

I know this feeling. They’re running from something.

HARRIET: Thank you for inviting me, Father Kent.

Who’s reimbursing my mileage?

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

HARRIET: Mm!

People… used to… eat here.

I told you she’s good.

No, it’s a dining room.

(HARRIET CHUCKLES)

PROFESSOR: Sometime after 1788, the mansion was discovered fully built.

No land had ever been worked.

The earliest record I could dig up is this deed acquired by William Gracey.

(KEYBOARD CLACKING)

He purchased it from a previously undisclosed owner.

His wife, Eleanor, died of yellow fever.

That’s when things started to get weird.

Isn’t this great?

I mean, I’ve been dying to go to this place for 60 years.

That’s why we came to you, because you’ve got a vision.

PROFESSOR: Guys, I gotta see this.

I’m having heart surgery next week.

You… You cannot come.

I need to come.

No.

No, I need to come!

I guess it’s not a good idea. It’s a long ways away.

PROFESSOR: Sixty years I’ve tried to get in there!

(MOUTHING)

Well, I can follow you, I’ve got a car.

Do not come!

Then I guess you don’t need these.

All right, all right, you do what you’re doing, I’ll go use the restroom and…

PROFESSOR: Good. Okay.

Run, run! Run! Go, run!

What?

Okay, I’ll start the car!

BEN: Go!

(BOTH STRAINING)

Hey, help, help!

So strong!

Uhoh. Uhoh.

Fire, fire, fire. Fire, fire, fire. Oh!

HARRIET: If there’s an evil spirit here, only a banishment will do.

And let me tell you, it will fight back.

Ghosts like to fight.

For example, 1813, a group of mediums went into the house just a little north of here.

It took 21 days.

They worked their butts off and they got that deceased owner out of there.

But they were all found…

Uh, how old are you?

Nine.

Okay. I’m talkin’ organs on the outside.

Oh, come on.

Nine is young!

It’s not that young, girl. I was drivin’ by nine.

Look, I know that might have been an extreme example.

Yes!

But they were a group of amateurs.

I am a professional. Okay?

I’m bona fide and qualified, certified, and I can get rid of what died.

KENT: Well, I don’t doubt it.

HARRIET: I’ve sensed a lot of grief in this house.

And grief, unprocessed, will make a spirit stuck.

Okay, well, can you help us unstick them, then?

HARRIET: I can do it.

But I would need a week, paid, where I can recharge my crystals and begin doing my research.

And then, we can get to it.

I’ll send you a invoice from PayPal in the meantime.

Byebye.

(DOOR OPENS)

(BEN SIGHS)

(HALTINGLY) Nice meeting you!

(THUNDER RUMBLES)

(DOORBELL RINGS)

HARRIET: You didn’t tell me that these ghosts be following people!

I know your mama gots to be disappointed in you.

I know she disappointed in you ’cause I’m pretty sure she taught you better than this!

I knew this was weird.

All these freaky, differentlooking people living in the same place.

(GABBIE CLEARS THROAT)

How’s she doing?

She’s pissed.

(DOOR CLOSES)

HARRIET: What you have done is deeply wrong and absolutely unforgivable.

The ghost that followed me home was on a horse.

Do you have any idea what it’s like to have a ghost (ENUNCIATES) horse charging through your bedroom?

Now, I’ve decided to be the bigger person and help you.

Mostly because you have left me no other options.

So, tell me,

what happened in this house?

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

GABBIE: Wow, these are beautiful.

These blueprints that you… borrowed (CHUCKLES) are incredible.

KENT: Come on.

Am I proud of the fact that Ben attacked an elderly educator?

Of course not. That being said, totally worth it.

These papers say what happened in this house.

Widower Gracey lost his mind and took his own life.

Suffering from grief. Didn’t I say I sensed grief?

And apparently, he spent all his money on some psychic or something.

“Medium.” We’re called mediums.

Oh, a medium.

Thank you.

I guess, subsequently after that, 66 people moved into this house, and each one of them died a spectacularly terrible, oddly specific death.

Two brothers shot each other in a duel.

(GUNSHOTS)

And this wife chopped up five of her husbands.

So, Gracey must be the key to stopping this.

What was the medium’s name?

Um, Madame Leoto, I think.

HARRIET: Madame Leota?

Madame Leota was the greatest medium ever.

Sought after by the royals and rich people.

Wait, wait, wait, what’s this?

This is, uh, a letter from William Gracey to Madame Leota, asking her to come to his seance room.

But we don’t have a seance room.

HARRIET: You sure?

GABBIE: Wait.

There isn’t a room at the end of that hallway.

See?

Nothing here. It’s just…

Wait, wait! Hold it.

I got it.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

(CREAKING)

(CRACKLES)

(ALL EXCLAIM)

GABBIE: Wow, you just…

Okay, that…

TRAVIS: Oh, yeah.

BEN: Wait, wait, wait. Hold on.

Wait, what? Okay.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

(DOOR LOCK CLICKS)

(UNEASY MUSIC PLAYING)

GABBIE: Be careful, there’s a step.

HARRIET: Ugh! Smells mildewy.

(SNIFFS) Mmm.

(GABBIE SIGHS)

Hmm.

GABBIE: Wow.

HARRIET: Mm.

(GABBIE CHUCKLES)

GABBIE: What’s that?

HARRIET: Oh!

BEN: Oil.

Wait, I think I know what this is. One second here.

(OIL BUBBLING)

(BEN SIGHS)

(MATCH STRIKES)

(ALL SCREAM)

Okay.

(SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

GABBIE: Oh.

Oh, my God.

This hasn’t been touched in centuries.

KENT: Maybe I’ll just do a little blessing.

A prayer to get us started on the right foot.

God, give us a break. (SIGHS)

We… We don’t want to be haunted, and it just seems like there’s so many bad people in the world.

Haunt them.

How about an “amen” at the count of three? One, two, three, amen!

Amen.

(WHISPERS) Are you sure he’s a priest?

Now, if I can communicate with William Gracey, I suspect he will have the answers that we need.

And just to confirm, the only thing available to us is this French Vanilla Yankee Candle?

Yeah, I keep forgetting… to cancel my subscription to Amazon, so it just…

Please, hold hands.

Now, I will quiet my mind so that I can communicate with the other side.

Please do not interrupt me.

Otherwise I have to start all over again.

GABBIE: Of course.

(SIGHS)

(HARRIET INHALES DEEPLY)

(EXHALES)

(ETHEREAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(BREATHING DEEPLY)

(MUSIC BUILDING)

(SNIFFS)

(SNORING)

(MUSIC FADES)

(CHUCKLES)

She asleep. Look. She asleep.

No, no, no. She’s in a…

Hey, she’s in a trance.

It’s a…

Wait, is she asleep?

BEN: She’s asleep.

Is she sleeping? Or is it just a trance?

BEN: I’m looking right at her. She’s asleep.

(YELLS) Can I do this?

BEN: Okay.

Now you got me all mad!

GABBIE: We’re sorry.

Please do get peaceful again.

(SIGHING)

(ETHEREAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(MUSIC FADES)

(SNORING)

Okay, it…

Why…

Maybe she’s narcoleptic?

I don’t… I don’t…

(HARRIET SCREAMS)

(ALL GASP)

Who goes there?

Spirits,

I come here with good intent.

I summon the spirit of William Gracey.

If you are here with us, give us a sign!

(WIND HOWLING SOFTLY)

(FAINT INDISTINCT WHISPERING)

He’s with us.

Why are you here?

Why are you hanging on?

If you have a message that you’d like to leave us, or a greeting of sorts, here’s a pen and pad that I purchased from CVS.

(GRUNTS SOFTLY)

(GASPS)

(FAINT DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

BEN: Whoa.

(CHUCKLES)

Ben, camera!

KENT: Go, go, go! Come on, come on!

(CAMERA WHIRRS, CLICKS)

(BEN CHUCKLES IN DISBELIEF)

Wow! It’s Gracey!

Oh.

(WIND WHOOSHES)

He’s gone.

What does it say?

TRAVIS: “Talk to Leota.”

(BREATHES SHAKILY)

(BREATHES HEAVILY)

You really can speak to the dead.

Mm.

Of course.

Can you contact someone for me?

Who?

(SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(KISSES)

My wife.

You were the grieving spirit.

Her name’s Alyssa.

Yes.

(BEN CHUCKLES)

HARRIET: I’m sorry.

I can’t.

I don’t think she’s here.

TRAVIS: Could you see if Leota’s here?

(DOOR SLAMS)

(TRAVIS GASPS)

GABBIE: Oh.

(GHOST GROWLING)

(EERIE SCREAMING)

(MALE GHOST LAUGHING)

This feels different.

What does this feel like?

Madness.

(MALE GHOST CONTINUES LAUGHING)

(CAMERA WHIRRS, CLICKS)

BEN: (SCREAMS) Whoa, whoa!

GABBIE: Harriet, summon Leota!

I summon Madame Leota!

MALE GHOST: No!

No!

(HARRIET SCREAMING)

Come on! Oh, my goodness! (SCREAMING)

Help me!

GABBIE: Harriet!

Okay, okay, wait, wait.

No. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

(GRUNTING SHAKILY)

I wanted to get out of here, but not like this!

GABBIE: Harriet!

BEN: Harriet. Come on!

(SCREAMING)

TRAVIS: Harriet!

BEN: Harriet, come on.

(HARRIET GROANING)

We made it mad!

I did not know it was gonna be a spa day.

BEN: Who is that?

GABBIE: Who is that?

(LAUGHS)

Is that Bruce?

BEN: Hey! Wait!

TRAVIS: Stop! No!

GABBIE: Who is this?

BEN: Bruce!

Do not go in, Bruce! Don’t go in!

(GROANS)

You steal my stuff, leave me flat!

I’ll show you!

I will see this house, and nothing’s gonna stop me.

Oh! (SCREAMING)

(GRUNTING SHAKILY)

(BRUCE SCREAMS)

BEN: Bruce!

Help!

Bruce!

Grandma, you know, Grandma.

Ahh! I’m too old to die! It’s not…

Oh, oh. Whoa. Whoa!

(HORN BLARING)

(BRUCE SCREAMING)

(SIREN WAILS)

I’m curious why a man his age was riding a chair down a main road?

A chair…

BEN: Uh…

GABBIE: Um…

He loves to do that.

BEN: He likes to ride chairs.

Yeah, it’s kind of his thing.

So, it’s his thing.

I don’t like the chair!

Okay, well, let’s put a pin in that.

Make sure he gets lots of rest.

Rest. Okay.

DOCTOR: Okay?

GABBIE: Yeah.

(SEAGULL SQUAWKING)

DOCTOR: And no more excitement, or next time it might not be a false alarm.

Now, he said that he does live alone, so I’d like to keep him overnight.

Um, yeah, maybe get some fluids.

(SCREAMS)

You know, uh…

No, look, look.

No?

No. No!

No.

DOCTOR: Oh, my goodness!

GABBIE: Um, we should go.

We should really go.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me.

GABBIE: We’re not going to leave you.

Relax, relax.

We should all go home now.

KENT: First he’s trapping us here, now he’s dragging us out.

Enough! Make up your mind.

Well, this isn’t Gracey.

Whatever evil this is doesn’t want us to talk to Leota.

It sees us as a threat now.

Let’s just go find Leota and see what she has to say.

GABBIE: Is there anyone that we need to contact to let them know that you’re here so they don’t worry?

Well, there is a woman.

I make her take my trash down for me.

She’s…

Yeah, I bet she’ll be okay.

Yes.

Yeah.

BRUCE: Go on, I don’t wanna play now.

TRAVIS: I need to check your pulse. Let me…

GABBIE: Hey, my love, boundaries.

BRUCE: Go on, go on. Get out of here.

GABBIE: Boundaries.

TRAVIS: Well…

HARRIET: I’m sorry to hear about your wife passing.

It’s good that she’s not here.

The living and the dead belong in different places.

See… this is our world and this is the Region Beyond.

And the place where they overlap most is where the living can encounter the dead through hauntings.

Like this house.

But when a soul passes and goes over into the Region Beyond, if it’s at peace, that’s where it stays.

It’s good that she’s not here.

She’s at peace.

And I bet she wants you to be too.

I know this might sound silly, but I believe that souls can send signs from the Region Beyond.

My father passed away, and he loved model trains.

He would take them apart and put them back together again every day.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

But on those days when I get really low… I mean really low… I will randomly hear a train off in the distance.

And I know that’s my dad saying “Hi.”

Those moments are called ghost winks.

(CHUCKLES LIGHTLY)

(SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(SNIFFLING SOFTLY)

(DEEP GROWL)

(EERIE GROWL)

(DISTORTED GROWL)

(LOUD SNORING)

(BEN SIGHS)

(SNORING CONTINUES)

(CLOCK CHIMING)

(BEN SIGHS)

MALE GHOST: Ben.

Sorry to be so familiar.

I just feel I know you already.

You see, we have a friend in common.

BEN: Alyssa?

Alyssa!

Alyssa?

I wouldn’t go in there…

(BREATH TREMBLING)

(DOG HOWLING)

…unless you want a ticket to the Region Beyond!

(LAUGHING)

Take us with you?

We know you’re heading that way soon! (CHUCKLES)

BEN: Alyssa!

(LAUGHING WICKEDLY)

(BEN GROANING)

(GHOST SNARLING)

(BEN GRUNTING)

(PANTING)

Alyssa.

(SNARLS)

TRAVIS: Ben! Ben!

Mm. What, what, what?

Bruce disappeared and something’s happening.

(ORGAN MUSIC PLAYS)

BEN: All right, I’m going after him.

All right, here, give me these.

No, it’s after midnight!

TRAVIS: No!

I got you covered.

TRAVIS: Harriet!

I’m gonna cover us with some morning prayers.

It’s the middle of the night!

Not in Rome.

(GABBIE SIGHS)

(ORGAN CONTINUES PLAYING)

(ORGAN STOPS PLAYING)

BEN: Do you see anything?

HARRIET: No, but I feel something.

(BOTH SCREAM)

(SHOUTS) Bruce, don’t… What are you doing out here?

BRUCE: We got to find Leota.

What about the attic?

HARRIET: I don’t know about this. Attics are historically terrifying.

BRUCE: Is it cold? It’s starting to feel colder.

HARRIET: Well, you don’t have any pants on, Bruce.

BEN: Can’t you guys both just…

(OBJECT THUDS)

Oh, dang.

BEN: Whoa! HARRIET: All right.

(BEN GRUNTS)

HARRIET: Whoa.

BRUCE: Go on up! BEN: Bruce, wait!

HARRIET: Bruce, I need you to protect me!

BRUCE: Let go! What?

HARRIET: Bruce, stay here and protect me!

BEN: You have a heart condition. Come on.

BRUCE: All right, all right, all right.

HARRIET: Protect me.

All right.

(FOREBODING MUSIC PLAYING)

HARRIET: Be safe up there.

BEN: Uh… Hello?

(OBJECT THUDDING)

(COUGHS)

Uh… Madame Leota?

(OBJECT THUDDING)

We… We need your help.

HARRIET: Whoa! Hey, hey, hey!

BRUCE: Whoa!

HARRIET: (YELLS) Did you do that?

BEN: No, I did not!

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(THUDDING CONTINUES)

(FEMALE GHOST LAUGHING HEARTILY)

(THUDDING CONTINUES)

BEN: Leota? Is that you?

(THUDDING CONTINUES)

(FEMALE GHOST GIGGLES)

(STRAINING)

Huh?

(BREATH SHUDDERING)

FEMALE GHOST: Closer.

Closer.

(UNEASY MUSIC BUILDS)

(MUSIC STOPS)

(SHRIEKING)

(BEN YELLING)

Oh, okay. Ahh!

I want out of here!

(BRIDE CHUCKLES)

(BRIDE CACKLING)

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

(BRIDE GRUNTING)

Holy!

(BRIDE LAUGHS)

Whoa.

(LAUGHING STOPS)

(BREATHING HEAVILY) Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, listen, I’m sure those guys deserved what they got, but, baby, baby, listen, I know you can hear me, okay, babe?

Ghost Bae. Can I call you Ghost Bae?

But me, I’m different. I’m a supporter.

I’m an ally, to you, and to all women…

(SCREECHES)

(BEN SCREAMS)

(BEN GRUNTING IN FEAR)

(BEN SCREAMS)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(BIRDS SQUAWKING)

(BEN GRUNTS)

BRUCE: Whoa!

HARRIET: It’s a little musty.

BRUCE: Oh, acrid.

GABBIE: Oh, wow.

Ah, it stinks.

Contaminated.

Ooh.

All right. So, it says, uh…

Here. “Property of Madame Leota.

“If this does not belong to you… Do not turn another page.”

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Hey, Harriet!

This is Madame Leota’s personal book of incantations!

Oh, my God! (CHUCKLING)

I mean, one of us had to do it.

HARRIET: Dreams do come true. Oh, my goodness!

Damn, what is that?

That’s nice.

(BRUCE GASPS)

A crystal ball.

Is this worth anything?

Hey!

(GROANS)

Ma’am, we can see you. Hi.

BRUCE: Oh.

Madame Leota?

Well, it’s about time.

Very powerful book you’re holding.

Best know how to use it.

GABBIE: How did you get in there?

I can show you what happened, but it will cost you…

HARRIET: Mm?

Three dollars.

What?

BEN: Wow.

That’s highway robbery!

That’s fine, that’s fine. Shh, shh. Go ahead.

(WHOOSHING)

MADAME LEOTA: William Gracey, lost in grief, sought me out to contact his deceased wife.

Eleanor Gracey!

(LOUD BANG)

Rap on a table, it’s time to respond.

Open a bridge to the Region Beyond!

When she didn’t come back to him, we called for her again and again.

A seance every midnight, for a year.

For a year? That’s so reckless.

Who said that?

The repeated seances opened the floodgates of the ghost realm.

Hundreds of spirits freely came and went, but never his beloved Eleanor.

I begged him to stop, for fear of what we might accidentally call forth.

But he insisted we keep going.

Soon, Gracey was receiving messages from Eleanor imploring him to join her on the other side.

But I knew this wasn’t Eleanor.

We had summoned a terrible evil who fed on Gracey’s grief.

This was no ordinary ghost.

He had the power to trap these once happy souls in this house.

(UNSETTLING MUSIC PLAYING)

MALE GHOST: Mine!

(SCREAMING)

MADAME LEOTA: Before I could get a look at him, his dark spirit trapped me in my own crystal ball.

Who knows how long.

Probably months now.

He has trapped 933 souls.

But he needs 1,000 to complete the ritual that will let him escape this house.

Beware the full moon, when he is most powerful.

You won’t survive it.

Oh, there’s much grief in you.

You will be most vulnerable to his manipulations.

Not on our watch. We got you.

But what are you gonna do?

KENT: Yeah.

They’re already dead!

Yeah.

They’re gonna be deader.

Okay.

You know what we need? We need a banishment.

GABBIE: Yeah.

A banishment!

Yes, a banishment, but it requires an object the spirit once possessed.

Once you have that…

DARK SPIRIT: Enough!

(ALL GASPING)

(WIND GUSTING)

We’re okay. Let’s find a banishing. Okay, so…

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there’s been 66 deaths in this house since that ball lady was trapped there!

So, he doesn’t have 933.

He’s got 999.

And unless one of you wants to start funeral arrangements, we better get out of here.

(BIRDS SCREECHING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

HARRIET: Shoo! Shoo!

(KENT YELLS)

Am I the only one who didn’t know that was real?

HARRIET: Um, we better hurry this up ’cause all these seances got the house acting up.

BRUCE: Never mind that, every one of the deaths that happened in this house happened on a full moon.

Which means, we have less than four days.

Didn’t Madame Leota say something about needing an object they possessed?

(GHOST GIGGLES)

How are you gonna find an object someone possessed when you don’t know who the “someone” is?

HARRIET: Now, there is something very special that I can do.

It’s quite extraordinary.

My spirit will leave my body and go into the ghost realm, where I can get a look at that spirit.

A reverse seance, if you will.

BRUCE: A reverse seance?

Count me in!

Bruce, it’s very dangerous. Not just anyone can do a reverse seance.

Astral projection.

Just say “astral projection.”

You don’t need to use all these words as if you just invented them.

It’s ridiculous.

Astral projection?

Have you ever heard of astral projection? Is that in your Bible?

Let’s talk about what really is ridiculous.

KENT: Harriet, Harriet, okay, listen.

Come on, (CHUCKLES) we’re all on the same team here.

Although we’re not actin’ like one, and that plays into their hands.

Hey, I like the idea of a reverse seance.

Yeah, they’ve been coming into our realm, let’s go visit them.

Oh, you’re gonna scare us? No, we’re gonna scare you!

HARRIET: Yeah!

Boo!

Yes! We will find this evil spirit tonight!

Just, uh, pick the shells out. It’s fine.

(GABBIE SIGHS)

HARRIET: You make crunchy scrambled eggs?

My grandma used to do that back in the day.

That’s when her glasses started.

Her prescription…

(GABBIE SIGHS)

BEN: How’s he doing?

I fear he may be a little young to be processing existential dread. (CHUCKLES WRYLY)

You know, I thought that coming down here, we could put everything that we went through with his father behind us.

You know, he could run around, be a kid, enjoy, but this house just won’t let that happen. (SIGHS)

Oh, it’s scary.

No more eggs.

Speaking of eggsistential.

“Eggsistential”?

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Oh, my God.

He’s gonna fall off that stoop and break his leg.

Travis!

Hey.

(KNOCKS ON WINDOW)

Travis!

Hey, how ’bout I go talk to him?

Okay, just… don’t egg him on.

Eggsactly.

(BOTH LAUGH)

We have to stop this.

I’ll be back.

Thank you.

Go team.

(PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING)

(BEN MIMICKING FLYING SOUNDS)

That’s him landing.

That is not how a flying guy sounds.

BEN: You’re right. True.

Um…

(CHUCKLES)

What’s wrong?

Kids at school are having a birthday party tonight.

Can’t go, of course.

Not that I was invited.

BRUCE: It’s crunchy.

HARRIET: It’s crunchy.

BRUCE: There’s a lot of crunch in there.

HARRIET: Yeah, it’s like the Cap’n Crunch of eggs.

(BEN GRUNTS)

I don’t know why they don’t like me.

I mean… I dress my best every day, I always raise my hand in class, …and I make sure…

(CLEARS THROAT)

…everybody follows the rules on the playground.

Yep, well,

I think you just answered your own question right there.

I talked to my dad today.

Yeah, that’s good.

He wants me to come visit.

(TRAVIS SIGHS)

But I think it would make my mom feel bad.

(SIGHS) Don’t tell her.

It’ll make her so sad.

Well, if there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s keeping secrets.

And you know what? (GASPS)

Aah! (COUGHS)

That was a good one, yeah.

Just in there kicking me for some reason.

Ow! Action Guy.

Here.

Go ahead, take it. Yeah.

Oh, whoa. Be careful. He’s cheap.

You know, I was gonna ask you if you wanted to…

Actually, you…

(CHUCKLES)

“Say it again!”

(TRAVIS GRUNTING)

Oh!

Ah, you got that. All right, all right, all right, you won, you won.

Hey. Hey, give me Soulsucker!

Hey, come back!

BEN: “Say it again!”

KENT: Dark spirit, whoever you are, Harriet’s comin’ for ya.

Oh, yeah.

That’s got some mojo to it.

A little Dragon’s Blood? Yerba Santa? What are we talking about?

Sage from Costco.

When I leave my body to look at this dark spirit, I don’t want anyone else jumping in it.

Not that I think it will get to that.

I’ve done it a thousand times.

BRUCE: You see, if you say it like that, it makes me feel like you’ve never done it.

HARRIET: Yes, I have.

I’ve probably done it, like, 10,000 times.

BRUCE: Why elevate it to that level?

Then I don’t believe it at all.

How am I gonna get into this?

Believe it, boo. Believe it.

Now, if I’m gone for more than 10 minutes, ring this bell.

If I get lost, it’ll help me find my way back.

See, I have to be very raw in order to go into the other side.

This is a picture of my dog that tragically moved to live on a farm.

(GABBIE SIGHS)

(GABBIE CLEARS THROAT)

(WHISPERING) Actually he got hit by a car.

Bursted like a water balloon.

Sis!

Wait, what?

What?

We’re gonna start.

“Spirits, I come with curious intentions.

“Creak open the door to your dimension.

“Protect my body as I leave this helm.

“For now, my spirit will enter the ghost realm.”

Think sad thoughts, think sad thoughts.

Think sad thoughts, think sad thoughts.

(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING)

(SOFT WHIRRING)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC BUILDS)

(MUSIC STOPS)

Whoa.

Whoa! (GRUNTS)

(GROANS)

(DOOR CREAKING)

Eleanor?

Gracey! Hey, we need your help!

GRACEY: You shouldn’t be here.

BEN: Hey!

(SOPRANO SINGING OPERA IN ITALIAN)

BEN: Gracey, wait! I want to talk to you.

(PANTING)

Whoa!

(GASPS)

(GROANS)

(GUN CLICKS)

DUELING GHOSTS: (ECHOING) One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

(GUNS COCK)

(BEN GRUNTS)

(GROANING)

(SOMBER ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING)

Now, baby, you know I love the blues, but can you play something a little more… light?

ORGAN PLAYER: This is all he wants to hear.

Keep drinking. It’ll get lighter. (CHUCKLES)

BUTLER: Don’t let him catch you here.

(WOMAN ON PAINTING STRUGGLING)

(MAN GRUNTING)

(WOMAN YELPS)

Eleanor?

Gracey?

Gracey, you have to help me.

Ah.

Ben, this is all my fault.

This dark spirit, who is he?

No one knows his mortal name, but he’s not one of us.

His power in this realm is beyond control, with many of us forced to do his bidding.

Please, you must not let him take the last soul.

Or we’ll all be trapped here forever.

(LOUD THUD)

Wait. He’s coming now.

Leave now!

(LOUD THUD)

BEN: Gracey!

(CLOCK CHIMING)

Oh, no, he’s here!

Follow me. This way!

FEMALE GHOST 1: Ooh, he’s here. (WHIMPERING)

FEMALE GHOST 2: Take my hand!

FEMALE GHOST 3: Hurry! Hurry!

MALE GHOST: Quickly, in here.

(GHOSTS WHIMPERING)

Do hide. Do hide. Oh!

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(THUDDING IN DISTANCE)

(BREATH TREMBLING)

(MENACING MUSIC PLAYS)

No, no, no, no, no, no.

No! Oh, come on.

DARK SPIRIT: Ah, Ben.

Were you looking for me?

BEN: No, no.

Wait.

Whoa! (GRUNTS)

Whoa… Whoa!

What?

Oh.

DARK SPIRIT: No reason to be afraid.

Now, I know this place is absolutely dripping with the most sorrowful souls, all searching for what eluded them in life.

Searching for purpose, too cowardly to do anything about it.

But you, you have promise.

You know that life has no meaning.

That we all end up in the dirt.

Boo!

(SCREAMING)

If you’re willing to help me, I can give you what you want.

(SCREAMS) No! No!

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

(DARK SPIRIT GRUNTS)

(DARK SPIRIT WHEEZING)

(GROWLS)

(GROWLING AND GRUNTING)

The spirit realm is not welcoming me tonight.

(PANTING)

There’s no use in running!

Suffering is for the weak and I know the way out.

We have a deal to make. (LAUGHING)

It’s quite disappointing, but…

(DISTORTED) But the real chill starts later.

That… That’s not Ben.

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

(RINGING)

(COUGHING)

(BEN PANTING)

(YELLS)

DARK SPIRIT: You can get what you want…

(GRUNTS)

…if you’re willing. (ECHOES)

HARRIET: Ben!

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Ah, it’s me, it’s me, it’s me.

I’m all right.

I saw him.

This was not a regular ghost.

Gracey was terrified.

I mean, they all were.

Come on, a ghost who haunts other ghosts?

That’s not fair.

Aren’t there any rules?

Did he look human?

BEN: Sorta.

He walked with a cane and a limp, and he carried his head inside of a hatbox.

What part of that is “sorta”?

BRUCE: Is there anything else that we can go on to identify this “Hatbox Ghost”?

I can give you what you want.

The face in the box, it, um…

He had this grin.

This grin that’s just burned into my memory.

What was it like in there?

I mean, for a ghost realm, there was just so much… life.

I mean, it wasn’t even really hard to reverse seance.

No, I feel like I felt it for a couple minutes, like I was tripping.

GABBIE: Like a outofbody experience.

It was a little bit of a shake, a tingle.

GABBIE: Electricity.

I know, Harriet, I know that you can do that thing, but I think I was just feelin’ so raw.

No, no, it’s fine.

I’m limited.

No, you’re not.

It is what it is.

My family never believed I had the gift either.

GABBIE: Do you have any living family?

Three sisters. Bullied me every day of my life.

My older sister? She’s just terrible.

My middle sister, she’s just an awful person.

But my younger sister… (CHUCKLES)

I actually believe she is the Devil.

Anyways…

(SIGHS) I know I can be challenging to be around.

BEN: No, it’s not that, Harriet.

He wants me.

I think he wants me to be his last soul.

No. Ben, look at me.

You’re not alone.

My… My wife died in a car accident.

What was she like?

She was the best.

Yeah, she was just herself.

And, um…

(SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(CHUCKLES) She liked to dance.

She never… She couldn’t dance, but she liked to.

She also was the world’s slowest runner.

(CHUCKLES) She’d say, “Let’s go running,” and she was eating a cheesesteak while she said this.

Talking about, “I’m getting my carbo load.”

(LAUGHS)

(GABBIE CHUCKLES)

She was the type of person that just included everyone.

And, you know, I was…

I was kinda the opposite. People made me nervous.

Oh, you… You have no social skills at all.

(HARRIET CHUCKLES)

BRUCE: Uh…

It’s true.

And there’s, uh… (PUFFS) no way I could have gotten to where I’ve gotten without her.

(SNIFFLES)

(VOICE BREAKING) Then one day, she, um…

She decided she was gonna go get some, uh, tater tots.

(CHUCKLES) She liked tater tots.

She asked me to go with her.

And, uh…

I just… I couldn’t do it ’cause I was frustrated.

I had so much work, and so many things I still had to do.

So I, um…

So I went off.

And I said, “Not right now, I’m doing something.”

And then, uh, she left.

Apparently, she stopped off to get some ice cream, at a little Baskin Robbins.

She got into an accident, and about 20 minutes later… (CRYING) she was gone, and…

So, that’s why I put all my time and energy dedicated to finishing the camera.

Because I just wanted to see her one more time.

(BEN SOBS)

She died alone.

And I feel like she didn’t know that I loved her.

No, I’m sure that she knew.

She definitely knew.

BRUCE: My God.

What was the cholesterol on that woman?

HARRIET: Bruce!

I mean, can you imagine? Cheesesteak, tater tots.

(CHUCKLING)

She stopped off for ice cream.

Salt and fat.

GABBIE: (LAUGHS) Oh, my God.

BRUCE: That’s it.

TRAVIS: Bruce.

She was going to the bone orchard!

(LAUGHING)

GABBIE: Oh, my God!

BEN: Thank you, Bruce. (CHUCKLES)

I needed that.

Look, I don’t know if any of us are gonna make it out of this alive.

It certainly seems like Ben’s a goner, but I’ll tell ya, I wouldn’t wanna be going through this with anyone else.

Wait, wait, kid, you said the image of his face was burned into your brain.

Yeah.

I have an idea.

(UPBEAT JAZZ SONG PLAYING)

My friend was mugged, and he’s going through the trauma right now, but what we would like is a sketch artist, while it’s still fresh in his mind.

BEN: He was tall.

And kinda hunched over.

Very thin.

He had hair that was sticking out of a top hat.

Top hat?

BEN: Yes. Yeah.

So, like, top hat?

BRUCE: Top hat.

BEN: Yeah.

Not a bowler or a cowboy hat.

Like a opera hat.

Like a magician, yeah.

A magician hat!

You would pull a rabbit out of it, probably.

Uh, eyes?

Far apart, close, average?

I think normal. Average.

Okay, average eyes.

But they were a bit, uh, sunken into the recesses of his ocular cavity.

Deep eyes!

Deep sunken eyes.

Like a raccoon.

Beady eyes!

Like, they were set back.

Hmm.

His eyes were doing that.

And no eyelids.

So, they’re into his skull, no eyelids.

BEN: Yeah.

What about his nose?

No nose.

He didn’t have a…

No nose!

Why would he… Why would he have a nose?

Oh. He was smiling.

The man who mugged you was smiling?

But he didn’t have lips.

It was kind of like…

Sure.

…a perpetual smile of sorts.

It’s kinda like… Yeah, like that.

This kind of thing. Okay.

Exactly, yeah.

No lips, why not? Why would he have lips?

Is this the man who mugged you?

Wow!

BRUCE: Whoa!

(CHUCKLES)

You just did that just now? This is amazing!

BRUCE: You know what’d be fun?

See him with skin.

The police station paid off!

Alistair Crump.

Very bad man. Very bad.

Son of cutthroat real estate tycoon, Addison Crump.

A cruel father who kicked Alistair out of the house when he was just a boy, after claiming Alistair cried too much at his mother’s funeral.

Said he needed to make him a tougher man.

His father’s high society turned its back on the boy.

And with no friends and no other family, Alistair disappeared.

Years later, following his father’s mysterious death, Alistair returned a wealthy tycoon who became famous for throwing lavish parties with the very people who’d betrayed him.

Only many of those guests never made their way out!

Whispers grew that Alistair was embroiled in a form of dark magic that required blood sacrifice to maintain his wealth and power.

No one ever found the bodies, but after years of abuse, his staff finally rose up against him and beheaded Crump!

Just before the axe fell,

Alistair vowed revenge on all from beyond the grave.

Crump, a murderer in life.

Now, a murderer in death.

Fortunately, for us, his old house was deemed a historical property, up a few hours north.

And turned into a bed and breakfast.

BRUCE: So, we go there, get something of Crump’s, and we don’t have to die.

(ALISTAIR LAUGHS DISTANTLY)

We got his address.

BEN: Let me get my things.

HARRIET: Yeah, I can go ’cause I know how to handle the item.

Now, I’ll be back…

(PRINTER BEEPING)

Say it again! Say it again!

(CREAKING)

BRUCE: We’re gonna get this guy.

HARRIET: Yes! BRUCE: We’re closing in, that’s what we’re doing. We’re closing in.

Come on! What’s up with the printer?

BRUCE: Come on, it’s gotta go.

BEN: Uh…

BRUCE: It’s going.

HARRIET: It’s on.

BEN: Is anybody else seeing this?

Yeah, I’m seeing it.

(CREAKING)

(ALL GASPING)

ALISTAIR: Leaving us already?

BRUCE: Ben, here’s the address!

(PANICKED CHATTER)

If you make it out, get to Crump Manor!

GABBIE: Oh, no!

ALISTAIR: Oh, I do love surprises.

And I’ve got a great one coming up for you.

Now, Travis…

Whoa! (GRUNTING)

Quicksand!

Travis!

(TRAVIS YELLS)

Oh, my God. Dynamite!

We’re trapped, look for a way out!

(TRAVIS GRUNTS)

Whoa!

BEN: We gotta go, we gotta go now.

Get to the gargoyles, fast.

Uh, Travis, you gotta grab one of the gargoyles!

That’s how we get out of here.

(STRAINING)

That’s great, now hold on.

Okay, okay, okay!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Oh!

Don’t look down.

(ALLIGATOR GROWLS)

(SCREAMING) Ben!

HARRIET: Not today, Satan.

Uhuh. You better get back, I rebuke you!

(GAGGING)

Not today!

(HEART POUNDING)

(CHOKING)

BOTH: Bruce!

Oh! Those teeth look really sharp, Ben.

(BEN GRUNTS)

(BEN YELPS)

BEN: Hey, painting lady, uh, what do we do now?

TRAVIS: Whatever you’re gonna do, do it fast.

Come on, hurry!

(GRUNTING)

You might want to give that ceiling a second look.

Or you could end up like my husband.

TRAVIS: Get us out of here!

(STRAINING)

BEN: One second, Travis!

TRAVIS: Oh! Okay, it’s getting closer!

You see that?

Climb up and you can get out!

TRAVIS: Okay, okay.

Hurry!

I can’t get a grip.

(GRUNTS) Come on, Ben.

Okay. Okay. I’m trying.

(BEN GRUNTS)

(ALLIGATOR GROWLS)

Yes! Oh, finally.

(BEN GRUNTING)

Look, look, it’s Kent!

Oh, Kent! Hey!

KENT: I go to my car for five minutes and then can’t get back in the house.

What happened?

BEN: That’s ’cause Crump is trying to keep us here.

GABBIE: Bruce!

(CHOKING)

Bruce, get up!

Whoa… Whoa. Okay, okay.

(TRAVIS WHIMPERING)

This is all right.

Let’s see. No.

(GRUNTS)

GABBIE: Calm down.

(BOTH SCREAM)

No. Crump.

GABBIE: Keep your head back.

I’ll drive. Don’t worry. We don’t have time.

I’d love to explain to you, but we don’t have time!

Come on, come on.

Come on, get inside.

KENT: Watch out! BEN: I got it, I got it.

TRAVIS: I’m too young to die! Just keep driving!

BEN: It’s much harder than it looks!

TRAVIS: Drive! Okay.

Watch… Oh, my God!

BEN: I got it, I got it.

(GROWLING)

TRAVIS: I don’t want to die!

Just keep driving!

BEN: Okay, okay.

TRAVIS: Put the pedal to the metal!

BEN: I’m going as fast as I can go.

KENT: The trees are attacking us!

(ALL SCREAMING)

TRAVIS: Oh, my God!

BEN: Much harder than it looks. Okay.

(TRAVIS AND KENT SCREAMING)

There we go, there we go.

(SCREAMING CONTINUES)

KENT: Oh, my God!

BEN: Okay, okay.

Watch where you’re going.

Okay! Okay!

Wow. Wow.

KENT: What’s going on?

What’s happening? Huh?

BEN: Uh…

We found him. He is not happy.

KENT: And what about those guys?

TRAVIS: Well, maybe they’ll help us like the ones in the painting.

(BRUCE GASPING)

GABBIE: Bruce, stay with me.

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

KENT: Not only is this a lovely bed and breakfast, but the owners, Pat and Vic, do dinner theater as well.

BEN: Oh, God.

(BIRDS SQUAWKING)

(GRUNTING)

Okay, um, Mr. Ghost?

Hi.

Uh, do you mind waiting in the car while we go get your mansion back, so that you may not haunt us for eternity?

Thank you.

Thank you.

KENT: There’s a tour starting in five minutes.

Perfect timing.

BEN: Okay, we’re getting one item, then we leave. Got it?

In and out, real quick.

GUIDE: This tour will take approximately three hours.

Bathroom breaks are strictly prohibited.

Sir Alistair Crump wanted the grandest house in all of the Valley.

You’ll note there’s no seating in the foyer as he would have no man or woman seated when he entered a room.

That cane.

Did that belong to Alistair Crump, by chance?

Uh, no, that is my cane.

I use it for (CLEARS THROAT) deeply personal reasons.

Does anything in this room belong to Alistair Crump?

Uh, no.

BEN: Well, I don’t know why we’re here.

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

GUIDE: And here, if you’ll notice, this chair at the end of the table is noticeably higher than the other chairs.

He had the legs shortened and he added pillows to his seat, as to remain above everyone else.

I mean, this guy was so petty, you almost got to respect it.

So, are those his actual pillows?

No.

Here is a portrait of Mr. Crump’s third wife, Margaret.

Margaret was still just his mistress at the time of this painting.

And it was through the painting that his second wife learned of the affair, when he hung it here for her to see.

That’s one way to do it.

Well, “I do not trust any man who reads nor any woman who, dot, dot, dot, reads.”

Was it just hard to find quotes or…

This, um, comb here, did that belong to Crump?

No, that is a replica.

Then why is it in a glass box?

Would you like to be the tour guide?

No.

No.

MAN: Excuse me.

I’m going to have to shut everything down.

There’s been a murder.

(GUESTS GASP)

Alistair Crump has been decapitated.

Was it the butler?

No.

The ingenue from out of town?

She was with me.

I’m Vic, your other tour guide.

And stage and screen veteran.

There are many more stories like this one, if you’ll follow me into the salon.

MAN: Pat and Vic, they’re the best! (CHUCKLING)

A murder.

WOMAN: Mmhmm.

I bet that head is in our room.

It wasn’t the last time.

Wait. What did you say?

Oh. Apparently, they found Crump’s body, but not the head.

And the suspect walked out emptyhanded.

So, people think…

(WHISPERS) the head is still here.

BEN: Mm.

Thanks, friend.

Looks like…

We gotta find that head.

Yeah.

How are we gonna find it if they haven’t found it in 150 years?

TRAVIS: There’s another way.

We’re not alone.

BEN: (SIGHS) All right. Okay.

(INDISTINCT TV CHATTER)

MAN: (ON TV) We’ll strike out hard.

(ROCKING CHAIR CREAKING)

MIKE ROWE: A rocky patch of… grounds…

Um…

…known to provide shelter…

Hello!

I’m realizing I don’t know what your name is.

Ben, conversational.

Captain?

(CHAIR STOPS ROCKING)

How about this?

What do you need?

Maybe you help us, and we’ll help you.

Okay, that’s good. That’s…

He’s open, he’s open.

Uh… Oh!

Okay.

All right. Um…

Write your message in the mirror, whatever you want us to do.

(MIRROR SQUEAKING)

The sea! The sea! Yes!

Done.

Yeah, that’s, we can.

The sea. We can do that.

That’s very doable.

You help us, we’ll take you to the sea.

Here.

Okay, what can you tell us about Crump?

Okay.

(MIRROR SQUEAKING)

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)

(GUESTS LAUGHING)

(VIC PLAYING PIANO)

VIC: Can you believe I’ve barely had lessons?

(GUESTS LAUGH)

No, no. No singing along, please.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

(FOOTSTEPS)

KENT: Oh, great. A dead end.

BEN: Hmm. Wait a minute.

(BEN GRUNTS)

Whew.

KENT: I can’t fit in there.

BEN: Yeah, me neither.

Uh… No.

No.

You want me to go down there?

Are you kidding me? I’m a child!

Yes, this is true, and you don’t have to go down there.

However,

you gotta go down there.

You gotta go.

(GRUNTS)

(PANTING)

You all right? You good?

TRAVIS: No! This is a tunnel of terrors!

Oh, no!

BEN: Uh…

(SOFT GROWL)

TRAVIS: Whoa…

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Oh, my gosh.

This is where he hid all the bodies.

Whoa! Aah!

(GROANS)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS)

(SPIDER SCREECHES)

(TRAVIS SCREAMS)

Travis? Hey, hey!

Travis, are you okay? Shh.

BEN: Travis, are you all right? You good?

Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.

(BOTH SIGH IN RELIEF)

(GRUNTS)

BEN: Well, I hope everyone’s okay back at the house.

(WHISPERING) Whoa, whoa. Look.

What is it?

(WHISPERING) Tater tots.

It’s a ghost wink.

Let me see.

No.

Those are my jalapeño poppers.

Look a lot like tots to me.

Oh, my God.

TRAVIS: Did we make it in time?

Everything looks normal.

Of course, normal for this place is terrifying.

Yeah, listen, if we’re not back in two hours, and I never thought I’d say this, call the police.

TRAVIS: Wait.

(BEN GRUNTS)

Wait a minute. Wait, wait.

Travis, you gotta stay in the car for me, okay?

But I did so good! I got us the top hat.

Just let me be a part of this.

(SIGHS) Listen, Travis, it’s just too dangerous.

Fine.

I’ll try my dad.

Okay.

Stay here, okay? Give me.

(UNSETTLING MUSIC BUILDING)

BEN: Let’s do this, baby.

Kent, come on, man. What are you…

If this comes down to an exorcism, we’re in big trouble.

Why… Why…

Because I don’t know what I’m doing.

(WHISPERS) I’m not even a priest!

I work in Halloween supplies.

I just put this on just to make some extra scratch.

Yeah, everyone wants to think their house is haunted, so I go sprinkle some holy water and get paid.

I’m a fraud.

I’m sorry.

You…

Listen, I don’t know what you are, and I don’t even really care.

All I know is that you helped…

You helped me!

Yeah, you helped me see in myself that I had something that was useful.

You taught me that.

And whatever is in that house, whatever it is that we gotta face, we can’t face it without you, all right?

No.

Fa… Father Kent.

Now, let me ask you something.

You wanna be a hero?

(SIGHS)

(BEN CHUCKLING)

No.

See? Now…

You can’t use my lines back against me.

(LAUGHS) So, let’s go! Let’s do this!

Come on, baby.

I’m gonna need a drink.

(UNEASY MUSIC PLAYING)

(WHISPERING) It’s almost midnight.

Yeah, we need Harriet to do this banishment spell now.

(DOOR CLOSES)

BEN: Harriet?

I’m afraid of…

(BEN SCREAMS)

Bruce, you gotta stop doing that.

Where is everybody?

The house is clear. It’s over.

Harriet found some mumbo jumbo in that book. (CHUCKLES)

Things got quite hairy, but the shared struggle was necessary for character growth.

Oh, okay, so where’s Harriet and Gabbie?

BRUCE: Uh…

General store.

Taffy.

They went to get taffy?

Yes!

They went… They went shopping! Drink up!

Actually, I’m good.

BRUCE: Oh. Oh.

Thank you.

I’m gonna go find them.

BRUCE: Oh. Uh…

Ah. And then there were two.

(SIGHS) It’s happy hour somewhere, right?

“Happy hour.” (CHUCKLES)

What a turn of phrase.

(LAUGHS BOISTEROUSLY)

Happy hour! (CACKLES)

TRAVIS: Dad… I’m scared.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(PANTING)

(GRUNTING)

BRUCE: Is that the hat?

No, actually, it’s just the replica.

(DISTORTED) Can I see it?

Yeah…

Bruce, are you okay?

ALISTAIR’S VOICE: Here’s what’s gonna happen.

You’re gonna give me the hat.

You’re gonna walk out of this house and never come back.

(MUFFLED SHOUTING)

BEN: I got you. I got you.

GABBIE: Where’s Travis?

Give me the hat!

Bruce, no!

Give me that. Give it!

(GRUNTS)

Give it!

No! No!

(BOTH STRAINING)

Ooh!

The Good Book!

(ALISTAIR GROANS)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(ALISTAIR GROWLS)

BEN: I’m gonna get you, Harriet. And Gabbie, I’ll untie you in a second.

GABBIE: Travis!

HARRIET: Dang, girl, you fast.

(ALISTAIR GROWLS)

(GABBIE GRUNTS)

(ALISTAIR GRUNTING AND GROANING)

(CLOCK CHIMING)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(CRACKLING)

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(CLOCK CONTINUES CHIMING)

(ALISTAIR LAUGHING EVILLY)

It’s a full moon. Crump has all his powers!

Harriet, start the banishment.

HARRIET: Okay, okay, okay. GABBIE: You got this.

(CONTINUES LAUGHING)

When hinges creak in doorless chambers…

(GROWLS)

…and strange and…

(HARRIET SCREAMS)

ALISTAIR: Thank you for your assistance, Professor.

(ALL SCREAMING)

(BRUCE GRUNTS)

KENT: Bruce!

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

This wretched place is stifling me.

I think it’s time for me to go. (ECHOING)

(WHISPERS) I’m going to get the hat.

(GRUNTS)

Scratch the hat.

There are 999 souls that reside here!

But there’s always room for one more.

And to think, it could have been you, Ben.

Travis? Where’s Travis?

BEN: Travis is okay, all right?

He’s at the car, he’s talking to his dad.

What? That’s not possible!

Gabbie, he still talks to his father.

His father is dead, Ben.

Just over a year ago.

(ALISTAIR LAUGHS MOCKINGLY)

Surprise!

TRAVIS: I wanna see you, too.

But how?

I have my willing soul.

Oh, my God!

I hate to be a terrible host and run, but I have a reunion to get to.

Don’t worry, you won’t be alone.

KENT: Oh, good.

And now he’s conjuring up a ghost army.

ALISTAIR: Let my friends show you around.

Toodleoo.

MAN: (ECHOING) Travis…

Okay, all we have to do is get to that hat.

Okay, Harriet, you’re gonna go see Madame Leota.

Maybe she’ll know what to do.

Gabbie, you and me will go find Travis.

Yes.

BEN: Bruce, you’re gonna stay right here, okay?

You’re gonna go grab the hat as soon as these ghosts leave, okay?

Why would the ghosts leave?

Because you have the most important job of them all, Kent.

You’re the diversion.

We’re running out of time!

(HARRIET YELLS)

HARRIET: Come on. Go. GABBIE: Come on.

(GASPING)

BEN: Kent…

I have faith in you.

(GHOSTS LAUGHING)

(GROANS)

HARRIET: Leota!

(GABBIE PANTING)

(BEN YELLS)

(CRACKLING)

(THUDDING AND CREAKING)

Travis!

He’s trying to keep Travis away from us!

MAN: Travis.

TRAVIS: Dad?

BEN: Whoa!

(GABBIE SCREAMS)

BEN: Whoa!

(GABBIE GRUNTS)

Gabbie! Gabbie!

Ben! (SCREAMS)

KENT: Time to divert.

You wanna step to me?

‘Cause I got an exorcism for you.

Starting now.

The wicked shall be driven from this house.

Madame Leota? Madame Leota.

(PANTING) We need your help.

I tried to banish him, but he’s just way too strong.

The only chance we have to defeat him is combining our might.

You must release me.

The power of Kent compels you!

(GHOSTS GROWL)

Ipso facto. Carpe diem.

Go, now!

(GHOSTS LAUGH)

Just like I thought.

Exorcism went right over your head. You know why?

‘Cause you’re too stupid to understand Latin!

(GRUNTS ANGRILY)

BRUCE: Keep going, it’s working.

Bunch of ignorant ghosts.

(BRIDE SHRIEKS)

That’s right, I said it. Morons.

(ALL SNARLING)

I’m gonna die.

(BRIDE SHRIEKING)

Gracey, I need your help!

You need to help me find Travis.

Hey, Gracey. Yeah.

Hey, you gotta help me!

This way.

With the realms blending, we can find a faster route.

Whoa!

There is a spell in my book.

But it can only be recited by someone with a profound gift.

You may not believe in yourself, but I believe in you.

Set me free and I will help you banish him.

TRAVIS’ FATHER: (ECHOING) Travis? Is that you?

Dad, I’m here.

(GRUNTING)

BRUCE: No. No. No.

KENT: Bruce, hurry!

I can’t buy you much more time!

(SHRIEKS)

Oh, no! No!

I’ll go find the others.

Ben, good luck.

Thank you, Gracey.

Travis!

Whoa… Travis, Travis,

all, right, I need you to give me your hand!

I’m going to see my dad.

Look, I made a mistake, okay?

I was wrong. Your dad’s not here.

I’m so sorry about that, but we don’t have time, okay?

Come on, give me your hand.

No, but I can hear him.

TRAVIS’ FATHER: Travis, who is that man?

Hey, hey, listen, think about it. Think about it. Think about it.

Your dad would want you to be safe and sound with your mom.

Now, I need you to trust me.

(MUTTERS) No, I hate it here!

I know, but you and your mom are gonna be somewhere completely different than this.

I hate it everywhere!

Nowhere feels right without him.

Listen, Travis,

(SOFTLY) I know the pain you feel. I feel it, too.

But I need you to trust me right now, all right?

You come here, you tell me all about your misery.

We’ll be miserable together until there’s nothing left.

TRAVIS’ FATHER: Travis, don’t you miss me?

Your dad, he loves you, okay?

Now, he wants to see and feel you thrive and live!

TRAVIS’ FATHER: Come on, Travis.

So, come on.

Come on!

TRAVIS’ FATHER: Travis, don’t believe him.

He’s not your father.

Hey, don’t let him get in your head. Come on, you can do it.

TRAVIS’ FATHER: We can be together again! Don’t do this!

BEN: He feeds on your grief. You gotta let it go, Travis.

You gotta let it go, okay?

Okay, all right, you got it, you got it. You got it.

ALISTAIR: Don’t. Don’t leave me, please.

Come on. All right. Okay.

(WHIMPERING)

It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay.

I got you. I got you.

(CHUCKLES) You’re good. You did good.

Okay?

Okay.

Oh… That’s not good.

Come on, Travis. We got this.

GRACEY: Good luck! Down there is a way out.

GABBIE: Travis!

Oh, thank God!

BEN: Come on! TRAVIS: We gotta go!

TRAVIS: Mom! GABBIE: Go, go, go, go!

GABBIE: Go! Run!

(TRAVIS SCREAMS)

(BEN GRUNTS)

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

(EERIE HOWLING IN DISTANCE)

(GHOST GROWLS)

(ALISTAIR LAUGHS MOCKINGLY)

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(EERIE WAILING)

(GABBIE GASPING)

(GHOST SNARLS)

ALISTAIR: I told you, all roads lead to me.

And let me make myself clear.

Either I haunt this boy and his mummy for all eternity, or you and I make a deal.

All you have to be is willing.

TRAVIS: No, no. No. No, no.

GABBIE: Ben.

Don’t listen to him.

I won’t let him hurt Travis or you.

TRAVIS: Don’t do this, Ben, please.

(LAUGHS)

Don’t do it!

Ben, no!

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

(PANTING)

(GASPS)

(GHOSTS SNARLING)

(SIGHS)

Enough. That’s it.

And look at yourselves.

Is this really how you want to spend eternity?

Chasing people?

BRIDE: Uhhuh.

KENT: Well, you know what?

You’re not that scary, you’re really not.

And… Well, you’re pretty terrifying.

Can you turn around, just while I finish this rant?

MUMMY: Mmhmm. Mmhmm.

KENT: Thank you.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS)

Excellent choice, Ben.

They could never help what’s broken inside of you.

KENT: Crump is using you.

He’s using you to do his own dirty work, and for what?

To remain trapped in this house forever?

And believe me, I know a con when I see one.

In fact, this was all a con.

Yeah, this whole chase was just a diversion.

While you were distracted, we’ve been getting the hat.

So maybe today is the day you risk it all and join the winning team.

The day you finally rise up as one and ask yourself, are you ready to be a hero?

(GHOSTS LAUGH EXCITEDLY)

GABBIE: Oh, my God.

(ALL GASP)

BEN: I have your word, you’re gonna leave them alone and you’re never gonna haunt them again?

Your soul is the last I’ll ever need.

(GASPING)

You know what to do.

You can save them.

(BREATH TREMBLING)

Ben! You have friends here!

From the moment you stepped foot into this house, I could almost taste your grief.

I know what you’ve been longing for.

Don’t listen to him.

Say it!

I’m willing!

Take my hand and you will be with your beloved Alyssa.

Because in this realm, you have no one.

(HARRIET SCREAMS)

BEN: Huh?

Harriet?

It’s too late.

I wouldn’t be so sure about that, Crump.

You imprisoned me.

Now it’s time to return the favor.

I set her free.

I did that.

ALISTAIR: Pathetic.

See to them.

(GHOSTS VOCALIZE EERILY)

(GHOST LAUGHS)

They’ll have to come through me first.

And by “me,” she means “we”!

(BRIDE SQUEALING)

Whoohoo!

(BEN GRUNTING)

ALISTAIR: You’ve all betrayed me for the last time.

You’ll regret that.

I got the hat!

Bruce!

ALISTAIR: Stop him!

MADAME LEOTA: Bring it to us.

We must banish him now!

Yeah.

I’m done with you, old man.

BRUCE: Destroy them!

GABBIE: Bruce! BEN: Bruce!

(BRUCE SCREAMING)

(CONTINUES SCREAMING)

We still need a piece of the item.

I got it. I can help.

No, no, no, Travis!

Get… Whoa!

I’m coming, Bruce!

Help Travis!

GHOST 1: Over here!

GHOST 2: This way!

(BRUCE GROANS)

TRAVIS: I’m coming!

Enough. I’ll have to do this myself.

Wait, wait! You’re right.

You’re absolutely right. About me, about my grief.

(BOTH STRUGGLING)

(GHOST GRUNTING)

Take the hat.

These people…

FEMALE GHOST: You cannot escape.

They can’t save me from my grief.

I’m coming!

(GRUNTS)

TRAVIS: Got it!

MADAME LEOTA: Harriet, you have the power.

Finish him!

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

But they can save me from you.

When hinges creak in doorless chambers… (ALISTAIR GROANS) …where the air is deathly still, (GROANS) …these souls will not be displaced. (ALISTAIR GROANING)

Return them to their final resting place!

Ben. No.

Yes! Say it again!

Return!

(GROANS)

I will torment your friends for all eternity.

Say it again!

Return!

Return!

(GROANS)

Ben!

Come with me to see your wife.

This is your last chance to tell Alyssa that you love her.

(BREATH SHUDDERING)

(SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

She… She knows.

(THUNDER CRASHES)

Ben.

No.

No!

(BEN GRUNTS)

(SCREAMING)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Yes!

We did it! Come on. Come here, you scary son of a gun.

(GROUND RUMBLES)

(CHUCKLES)

(CHUCKLES)

(ALL SIGH IN RELIEF)

I think you got your house back now.

(TRAVIS CHUCKLES)

(GASPING)

(CHUCKLES)

(BREATH TREMBLING)

TRAVIS: Ben!

(BEN LAUGHING)

You’re okay!

Wow, you did so good.

Wow.

GABBIE: Thank you.

Get in here.

(BRUCE LAUGHS)

GABBIE: You were so brave. So proud of you.

BRUCE: Ben, just like in the history books.

BEN: Aw. We couldn’t do it without you.

BRUCE: Come on.

(GABBIE CHUCKLES)

And now you’re free!

Free to return to the ghost realm.

Go on!

Disperse!

(KENT PANTING)

Okay, look, we gotta talk about boundaries.

I sense that many of these ghosts don’t want to move on.

What about you?

Well, the spell will fade soon.

I will return to my crystal ball.

(HARRIET WHIMPERS)

No, it’s actually quite spacious inside.

This house is where I belong.

HARRIET: Mm.

Hmm…

(GRIM GRINNING GHOSTS PLAYING)

(DOG BARKING)

(LIVELY CHATTER AND LAUGHTER)

(BRUCE GASPS)

(GABBIE GASPS)

HARRIET: Yeah, these ghosts definitely don’t wanna leave this house.

They can have it.

TRAVIS: Well, you know, somebody’s gonna have to watch after them, right?

Boom.

(GHOSTS LAUGHING HEARTILY)

(DO WHATCHA WANNA BY REBIRTH BRASS BAND PLAYS)

(SEAGULLS CALLING)

(FOOTSTEPS)

Yeah, Phil

It… It’s all right.

Go on, go on, don’t be scared.

Go ahead.

(DO WHATCHA WANNA CONTINUES PLAYING)

Everybody

Everybody

Needs somebody

Needs somebody

Everybody

Everybody

(BOAT ENGINE STARTS)

Needs somebody

Do whatcha wanna

Do whatcha wanna

MAN: Whoa!

Ohh! Ahhh!

Oh!

(DO WHATCHA WANNA CONTINUES PLAYING)

Hey.

Hey.

Make sure you take care of her things, okay?

Well, it’s gonna make some lucky lady at my parish very happy.

You don’t have a parish.

I still like to give.

You okay?

(BEN SIGHS)

I’m okay.

Well, bop ’til you drop.

(CAT MEOWS)

See you tonight.

Hey.

Hey, there.

How you doing?

(CAT MEOWING)

(CAT PURRING)

Oh, so pretty.

What’s this you got here?

(SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

What’s your name?

(CHUCKLES)

(SENTIMENTAL MUSIC CONTINUES)

BEN: Sorry I’m late.

Hi!

The lecture went on a little long…

Aw!

…but there you are.

Mm.

I saw you got the job.

You are looking at the newest addition to New Orleans General.

Yes!

So, that means you guys are stayin’, right?

Uh, I could have told you that last week, honey. (CHUCKLES)

Why have a medium as a friend if you don’t ask?

Facts.

TRAVIS: Ben.

BEN: Hey!

(BEN GRUNTS, CHUCKLES)

Hey.

Happy Halloween.

Happy Halloween.

(SOFTLY) Tell him.

(TRAVIS MUTTERS)

Tell him. It’s good news.

I was voted as Vice President of my class.

What?

(CHUCKLES) What? That’s amazing!

And guess who got ordained as a minister?

Just in case you got any friends who wanna get married.

(GABBIE CHUCKLES)

Okay.

Come on, you two. The chili’s getting cold.

Okay, all right!

GABBIE: Okay.

Well, can I come in?

Well, Ben, I should warn you before you step inside, this could change the course of your entire life.

BEN: Mm.

Well, that’s a risk I’m willing to take.

All right, then welcome.

BEN: All right.

(AMUSING MUSIC PLAYING)

(SIGHS IN RELIEF)

(GRIM GRINNING GHOSTS PLAYING)

(CROWD CHEERS)

KENT: Nice!

Cheers.

HARRIET: To the afterlife!

To the afterlife.

To life!

When the crypt doors creak And the tombstones quake

Spooks come out for a singing wake

Happy haunts materialize

And begin to vocalize

Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize

Whoa, whoa.

Wow. Look at that.

Dead oak tree

Spooks arrive for the midnight spree

Creepy creeps with eerie eyes

It’s great.

Start to shriek and harmonize

Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize

(GRIM GRINNING GHOSTS CONTINUES PLAYING)

(GHOST GIGGLES)

(SAINTS/MAMA DON’T ALLOW BY TREME BRASS BAND PLAYING)

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