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Despicable Me 3 (2017) | Transcript

Gru meets his long-lost, charming, cheerful, and more successful twin brother Dru, who wants to team up with him for one last criminal heist.
Despicable Me 3

In the animated adventure Despicable Me 3, Felonious Gru and Lucy Wilde, married agents of the Anti-Villain League (AVL), are tasked with thwarting the plans of Balthazar Bratt, a former child star turned villain. After failing to secure Bratt and the stolen Dumont Diamond, they are unceremoniously fired from the AVL. Their personal lives are upended when most of their Minions leave, and Gru discovers he has a twin brother, Dru, who lives in wealth and wishes to become a villain like their father. As Gru grapples with his identity and reluctance to return to villainy, Bratt steals the diamond again to execute his revenge on Hollywood. The brothers eventually team up to stop Bratt, leading to a series of misadventures that test their bond, culminate in a dramatic rescue mission, and finally, bring the family closer together. Despite initial tensions and conflicts, the story ends on a high note with Gru and Lucy’s reinstatement into the AVL and a renewed sense of unity among the characters, setting the stage for further adventures.

* * *

Illuminat…

(CHUCKLES)

(CLEARS THROAT) Illuminat…

(GIGGLES)

Illuminat…

(SPEAKING MINIONESE)

(FARTS)

(SNIFFS AND GROANS)

(GIGGLES) Illumination!

(FARTS) (GROANING)

The year was 1985, and the number one show on TV was…

Evil Bratt!

HOST: The show starred young Balthazar Bratt as a child prodigy and criminal mastermind bent on world domination.

(LAUGHING) There he is! Get him!

(ALL GRUNTING)

I’ve been a bad boy!

Bratt was the biggest child actor of the 1980s, striking a chord with audiences all over the world.

(BOTH CHEERING)

(BALTHAZAR LAUGHING) There he is! Get him!

HOST: But it all came to an end in Season 3, when…

I’ve been a bad boy!

HOST: The young star experienced an unexpected growth spurt.

Boy? Ugh!

The show was canceled. Hollywood rejected him and Bratt quickly plunged into a downward spiral, starting to actually believe he was the character he played on TV.

What are you looking at?

HOST: Leading us all to wonder,

where is he now? (BALTHAZAR LAUGHING)

(CHUCKLING)

You know what, Clive?

Playing a villain on TV was fun, but being one in real life is even better.

Heist music!

Here it comes.

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) What? Clive, what are you doing?

How is that heist music?

Sorry. My bad.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Ew! (GRUNTS)

(GROANS)

Mommy!

Stop or I’ll… (GROANS)

(ALARM BLARING)

Sir, the ship has been boarded by some kind of monster!

Wait! That’s not a monster.

That’s a man wearing shoulder pads!

There’s only one supervillain whose fashion sense is quite that dated.

Balthazar Bratt.

Blast it! The Dumont Diamond is on that ship.

I want every agent in the area on the scene immediately!

(MINIONS LAUGHING)

We’re already here. Agents Grucy are closing fast.

Yes! Wait. What did you call us?

“Grucy.” You know, Gru and Lucy mushed together. Try it.

Oh! I like it, but not a lot.

I don’t like it.

Stop!

On the ground!

(BOTH YELP AND GRUNT)

(CHUCKLES)

(AGENTS CLAMORING)

Go, go, go!

Eh? (ALL SCREAM)

Too late again, Gru! (LAUGHS)

Wha?

He’s getting away!

That’s what he thinks.

(MINIONS WHOOPING)

Go! Go! Go…

Go! Go! Go! (GRUNTS) Go! Go!

I don’t think we can make it, Gru!

We can make it!

We can make it!

No, we can’t!

Ahh!

Get ready!

Get ready for…

(GRU AND MINIONS SCREAMING)

Hey. How you doing? (GROANS)

(COUGHING) (GIRL GASPS)

GIRL: Are you okay?

(SPEAKING MINIONESE)

(CHUCKLES) You guys are so cute.

Go get him, Gru-Gru!

Hello, Gru.

How’s your transition coming?

You know, from world’s worst villain to world’s worst agent?

Oh, that’s hilarious. You should be on TV.

Oh, that’s right. You were! But then you got canceled!

(CHUCKLES) Ha-ha!

What about that?

Ugh!

What? Oh, girls!

Oh!

(GRUNTING)

Dance fight!

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

(SCATTING)

Ow!

(CHUCKLES)

(LAUGHS)

Alpha Team, the diamond is secure. Come and pick up the package.

ALPHA TEAM LEADER: Copy that. Alpha Team in approach.

Gru!

Did you actually think I was unconscious?

Huh!

It’s called acting, hoser.

And clearly, I’ve still got it!

(SCREAMING)

(PLAYING KEYTAR)

(GRU CONTINUES SCREAMING)

I’ve been a bad boy!

(CACKLES)

ALPHA TEAM LEADER: Freeze! Don’t move!

Son of a Betamax!

SOLDIER: Go, go! Get him!

He’s getting away! (YELLING)

This isn’t over, Gru.

You hear me? This is not over.

Yeah? Well, I still have the diamond.

(LAUGHS)

ALL: (SINGING) Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to…

Happy birthday, dear Dan

Happy birthday to you

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(SPEAKING MINIONESE)

(MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS)

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS)

(PEOPLE YELPING)

(GRU GROANING)

I can’t believe Bratt got away again.

How is this possible? How?

(GRU LAUGHS)

And it’s not just that he got away,

it is he’s so smug about it.

“Ooh, I’ve been a bad boy!”

Gah!

Edna, hey! Looking hot today.

Got cats on you.

And it was so humiliating, dangling there in the bubble-gum Speedo.

And I didn’t have time to go to the gym this week, and I had a big breakfast. And was feeling a little bloated.

You know what? He’s not even worth talking about.

I don’t even want to waste another breath about the guy.

And another thing!

Next time I see Bratt, I will moonwalk all over his stupid face!

(MIMICS DANCING)

Thank you all for coming at such short notice.

It is with great sadness that I inform you that, as of today, I am retiring as head of the AVL.

(ALL GASP)

Oh, no!

Your new leader is coming directly from head office.

Effective immediately.

She is the very gifted,

very ambitious, Miss Valerie da Vinci.

As I look out over all your faces, I am flooded with so many memories.

Oh, boy! This is a snooze fest!

Excuse me, this is my last…

Blah, blah, blah! We understand.

You’re old, you’re fat, you’re done.

Let me breathe in. (GRUNTING)

(SILAS GROANS) (ALL GASP)

Ooh, broke a little sweat, there. (CHUCKLES)

First order of business, (CLEARS THROAT)

which one of you losers is Agent Gru?

Oh, that would be me.

Although, I don’t know if I’d say “loser,” per Se.

Kind of is… (GASPS) (CELL PHONE RINGING)

(GRUNTS)

Oh, it’s the girls!

Not a good time.

Hey!

Ahh!

Yes, sir! (GASPS) Uh…

Ma’am? You’re making me nervous.

How could you let Balthazar Bratt, the AVL’s most wanted villain, just get away?

That is the opposite of what we do here!

Okay, okay.

Yes, maybe he got away. Again.

But he didn’t get the diamond.

And I am this close to bringing him in.

This close.

Huh. Interesting.

You’re fired!

(GASPS) What?

That’s totally not fair. Gru is a great agent!

You know what? If you fire him, you’re gonna have to fire me, sister-sister.

And do you really wanna do that?

Do ya?

GRU: No, no, no! (BOTH SCREAMING)

(GRU GRUNTING)

Well, I guess she did.

Honey, you didn’t have to do that.

I know how much you love your job.

Well, I love other things more.

You know, we’re gonna have to tell the girls.

Can you do it?

The whole “mom” thing is still kind of new to me.

Oh, sure.

Huh?

Psst! (SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

(BOTH YELLING)

Hello?

(ALL CRYING OUT)

(GIRLS CHUCKLING)

GIRLS: Aloha!

LUCY: Oh!

This is unexpected.

Well, you never got to go on a honeymoon, so…

We made you dinner!

It’s a luau!

We got pineapples and coconuts and ukuleles!

Oh! Yay!

Yay!

(SINGING IN MINIONESE)

(CLEARS THROAT) The soup of the day.

Madame and Monsieur.

The gummy bears were my idea.

Mmm! Looks too good to even eat.

Am I right? (CHUCKLES)

But I made it for you.

Oh.

(MUFFLED GROAN) Mmm-mmm-mmm!

Good soup! I love the combination of gummy bears and meat.

(SPUTTERS)

I’m gonna hold it in my mouth.

‘Cause it’s so good, I don’t wanna swallow it.

So, how was work?

Ooh, did you take that guy down? Did anything explode?

Well, actually, today, Lucy and I were invited to not work at the AVL anymore.

(UKULELE STRING SNAPS) (GASPS) No!

You got fired?

Oh, no! No, no, no.

(LAUGHS)

Yes. (GIRLS GASP)

But don’t worry.

I’m sure we’ll get new jobs. Real soon.

Even better ones. (SCOFFS)

What’s better than being super-cool secret agents?

Ooh, I know! You could gamble online!

That’s what Katie’s dad does.

Okay. We will definitely look into that.

That’s a good suggestion.

And let’s not go over to Katie’s house anymore.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Hmm?

(GRU GRUNTS) (CELL PHONE RINGING)

GRU: Guys! Shh! I don’t think you heard me right.

No, no, no.

This does not mean that we are going back to being villains.

(MINIONS GROAN)

(GRUNTS AND SPEAKS MINIONESE)

Okay, all right. I get it.

Look, I know it’s been a little tough lately.

Especially with Dr. Nefario accidentally freezing himself in carbonite.

(DRILL WHIRRING) (GROANS)

But our life of crime is over!

(SIGHS)

Mel! Mel, you’re with me on this, right?

(SPEAKING MINIONESE)

(ALL CHEERING)

(ALL BOOING)

(ALL CHEERING)

(ALL GROANING)

(ALL CHEERING)

(ALL GROANING)

(SPEAKING MINIONESE)

(ALL CHANTING IN MINIONESE)

Guys, listen to me! Read my lips!

(SPEAKING MINIONESE)

(ALL LAUGH)

What? What?

Oh… What did I say? It’s not “comquit”?

Ah, okay.

(SPEAKING MINIONESE)

Whoa, whoa, whoa! (SPEAKING MINIONESE)

Don’t take that tone with me! We’re not going back to villainy.

(SPEAKING MINIONESE)

Yes! And I don’t want to hear another word about it.

(ALL BLOWING RASPBERRIES)

Look, if you guys don’t stop right now, there will be consequences.

(SPEAKING MINIONESE)

Hey! Don’t say anything you’re going to regret.

(SPEAKING MINIONESE)

What? You quit?

You’re serious? Come on!

(GRUNTING)

(CHUCKLING)

Dave! Jerry! (CHUCKLING)

Great news, guys. You have been promoted.

You’re in charge now. Huh? Not bad.

(BOTH LAUGH)

(SPEAKING MINIONESE)

(SIGHS LOUDLY)

Jeesh!

(GUARD GASPS)

(GRUNTS) Ah, Monsieur Pompeux!

To what do we owe the presence

of the world’s foremost gem expert?

The chief of police sent me.

He was concerned that during the recent heist attempt, the Dumont Diamond was replaced with a phony.

(ALL GASP)

(SNIFFING)

Ooh, la-la!

You have been duped!

(GASPS) What? We have?

Yes.

By me!

(GRUNTS) (GASPS)

But, what is…

(GRUNTS AND GASPS)

Oh, no! Help!

(GROANING)

(CACKLING)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Ooh! (CHUCKLES)

I’ve been a bad boy!

Or should I say…

(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)

(CONTINUES LAUGHING)

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh!

(SNORING)

(CHIMING)

Hey, Gru.

What you doing down here?

In the dark. Alone.

Oh, nothing. Just thinking.

You okay?

Oh, yes. Yeah, I’m fine. I’m fine.

It’s just… (SIGHS)

I don’t know. I guess I just feel like

a failure.

Like I don’t have a purpose anymore.

Hey, mister, you are not a failure.

If only I could have nailed Bratt.

So many times, I almost had him.

But now I’ll never get the chance,

’cause I have been kicked to the curb.

Gru, you’ve got to let this go.

It’s time to look forward.

Things will get better. I promise.

(GRU SIGHS)

(SPEAKING MINIONESE)

Excuse me.

Pardon me, young people?

Would you tell me how to get to this address?

(STAMMERING)

(SPEAKING MINIONESE)

I’m looking for a Mr. Gru.

(SPEAKING MINIONESE)

(BLOWING RASPBERRY)

(ALL CHATTERING IN MINIONESE)

(GRUNTING)

Idiots.

(GROWLING)

GRU: No! Kyle!

Stop! Kyle, let go!

No! No!

You’ve got to be kidding me!

Lucy, did you…

AGNES: He helps you if you have nightmares.

And he’s really good to snuggle with.

Oh, no, no, no. Agnes! Agnes!

So (SNIFFLES) take good care of him.

Thank you! (CHUCKLES)

Agnes, what are you doing?

You sold your unicorn?

Well, I just wanted to help, since you don’t have a job.

I got two whole dollars for it.

(BOTH SIGH) (FRITZ CLEARING THROAT)

Uh, excuse me?

Sorry, buddy, the sale’s over.

Yes, but this will only take a…

Hey, eyebrows, get off the lawn.

Yeah, but… (SIGHS)

Hey, could you…

Oh, uh, of course.

Now, as I was saying, I…

Uh… Oh.

Goodbye! (SQUEALS)

(CHUCKLES)

Listen, Agnes, you don’t need to worry. We’re going to be fine.

For real?

For real.

Now, come on, let’s pack this stuff up.

FRITZ: Ow! Ow!

Seriously?

Buddy, you’re not getting the hint.

Excuse me, Mr. Gru, but I really must have a word with you.

How do you know my name?

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Fritz.

(KYLE BITES) Ow! (GROANING)

(GROWLING) Good puppy.

And I am inquiring on behalf of your twin brother, Dru.

He needs your help.

What? Twin brother?

Twin brother? (SPEAKING MINIONESE)

Oh, ja.

He would like to fly you to Freedonia to meet him.

Your father has recently passed away and…

(LAUGHS) Okay, cuckoo.

I’m sorry, but my dad died when I was a baby, and I don’t have any brother. You got the wrong guy.

Really? Well, then, how do you explain this?

(GRU STAMMERS)

(MAN HUMMING)

VINCENZO: (CHUCKLING) Bellissimo!

(GRU’S MOM LAUGHING)

Oh, hello, Gru.

Hi, Mom.

It’s important to keep active in one’s golden years.

(CHUCKLES) Oh! (GURGLING)

There you are, you cutie, you.

Oh! (CHUCKLES)

Uh, these are my diving instructors.

Vincenzo und Paolo.

(GROWLS AND LAUGHS)

Ciao, boys.

(SIGHS) So, what do you want?

Mom, do I have a twin brother?

Ah! How did you find out? Who told you?

Wait, what? It’s true?

You never told me I had a brother!

And you told me that Dad died of disappointment when I was born.

Ja, ja. (STUTTERS) That was the agreement.

Agreement? What are you talking about?

(SIGHS)

Shortly after you and your brother were born, your father and I divorced.

We each took one son to raise on our own

and promised never to see each other again.

Obviously, (CHUCKLING)

I got second pick.

I have a brother!

Hey, girls! How are things in Row B, huh?

I put together some fun activities for the trip!

Who is up for some gin rummy?

Yeah, um…

We’re good.

Oh, okay.

I’ll just sit here and play solitaire.

I hope I win.

I wonder what Dru will be like. Ooh!

Maybe we’ll have the twin thing when you can read each other’s minds, no?

How cool would that be?

Um, super cool! (CHUCKLES)

(MINION LAUGHING)

(SIGHS) Ooh! (SHUTTER CLICKS)

(GRUNTING)

(BOTH SHRIEK)

(AGNES WHOOPING)

GIRLS: Freedonia! Freedonia! Freedonia!

(SNORTING) Hi, piggy, piggy!

(GASPS) Whoa! Look at that house!

It’s like a castle!

I can’t wait to meet my brother!

Ugh. What’s with all the pigs?

This is the family business.

The largest pig farm in the whole of Freedonia.

(SNORTS) (GASPS)

Okay, nice pig. (GROANS)

No! That’s my private part!

(SQUEALING) (SCREAMING)

GRU: This pig has issues!

FRITZ: Please, come in.

(MINIONS EXCLAIMING)

(GIRLS GIGGLING)

(SCREAMING) (FRITZ GRUNTS)

(SIGHS AND GASPS)

Oh, this is amazing!

Ah, it’s like the Sistine Chapel! But with pigs.

(DRU LAUGHING)

My brother!

BOTH: My brother!

Gru!

Dru!

(LAUGHING)

Oh!

Brother! I am hugging you! (GRUNTING)

I’m so happy!

After all of these years, finally I’m meeting you!

Yup. All right. Good.

Oh, look at that.

You must be the beautiful wife.

Beautiful? Oh! (CHUCKLES)

Stop it. Sweet talker.

How is my brother finding a wife like you when he is so bald? (LAUGHS)

(GRUNTING) I’m joking!

(GIGGLING)

(WHOOPING) These must be my nieces!

(GASPS) You’re Agnes! You are small with big eyes.

And it makes me wanna put you into my pocket.

You can’t do that!

I’m too big.

Edith! I can tell that you are a little mischievous.

We’re gonna have to make a little trouble later.

I already have! (LAUGHS)

Ow! Ow! Please!

Why are you doing that? Ow!

Fist bump for mischievous behavior!

And Margo. Oh, you are so mature!

I’m guessing… Mmm… 15?

15?

She’s 12. She looks 12 and will always be 12.

So, Dru, this place is amazing!

I mean, you just walk through the doors and you’re like…

(GRUNTS AND LAUGHS)

Oh, it’s nice, I guess, sure.

I’m not really into things.

MARGO: This is so cool! AGNES: Look at that!

EDITH: Oh, my gosh! He’s even got a helicopter!

AGNES: This is the best!

Yes, the best!

(WHISPERS) All right, let’s go home now.

Home? Why?

I don’t know. This guy with the mansion and the cars and all of the hair, with the silky smooth, luxurious hair.

I feel worse than I did before I came.

But he’s your brother, Gru. Give this a chance.

Oh, I was thinking, while Gru and I catch up on some brother stuff, you girls should go with Fritz. He has a surprise for you!

ALL: Yay!

Awesome!

I love surprises!

Oh, this is perfect! Mother-daughter bonding time.

Let’s do it! Woot-woot!

Bye! You boys have fun!

(LAUGHS) Whoopi!

ANNOUNCER: Now you can be as evil as Balthazar Bratt with the Evil Bratt action figure.

Featuring music-activated breakdance mode.

Also featuring bubblegum-launching shoulder pads!

And the all-new Mega Diamond Laser!

No more math!

I’ve been a bad boy!

(LAUGHS)

ANNOUNCER: The Mega Diamond Laser does not actually incinerate books.

(SIGHS) How could Hollywood cancel a show that produced toys like this, Clive?

Evil Bratt was a masterpiece!

Does no one value true art anymore?

It’s a disgrace and a travesty, sir.

Well, now that I’ve got the diamond, it’s payback time.

Oh, it’s too bad Gru won’t be around to try and stop me.

Oh, wait! No, it’s not. I hate that dweeb!

And you, Hollywood!

This time, I’m canceling you

and all the losers who rejected me!

(EVIL LAUGHTER)

Oh, piggy, piggy!

So, how are things going for you career-wise?

(CHUCKLES) Great! So, so great!

Crushing it.

Well, I’ve got something that I think you will find very interesting.

Hold onto your face, brother.

(CHUCKLING) (CLICK)

(METALLIC THUDDING)

(BOTH YELLING)

Yee-haw! Yah, yah!

(GRUNTING)

(PIG SQUEALING)

(DRU CONTINUES SCREAMING)

GRU: Ow! (GRUNTS)

(SPEAKING MINIONESE)

(SQUEALS)

(GROANING)

Come on! Come on!

(CHUCKLING) (GRU GASPS)

What is all this?

DRU: The pig farm was just a cover for the real family business.

(LAUGHING AND SPEAKING MINIONESE)

Now, feast your eyes on

Dad’s lair!

Ta-da!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.

So, our dad was a villain?

No, no, no, not just a villain.

One of the greatest of all time!

He was known as the Bald Terror!

That’s him? Our dad?

He was so proud of you. And what a great villain you were.

(GASPS) He was?

But me, eh, not so much.

To Dad, I was just a failure.

He never thought I had what it took to be a villain.

But now, you can help me prove him wrong!

Brother, teach me the art of villainy!

No.

No, no, no. I can’t do that.

What? (STUTTERING) But it’s our family tradition!

You can’t say no to that!

Look, I’m sorry.

I left that life behind me. End of story.

Oh.

Okay. I understand.

Hmm! I wonder what this does.

(SHRIEKING)

Holy moley!

Dad’s villain wheels!

Pretty slick, huh?

Hey, you wanna take her out for a spin? Just for some fun?

Mmm!

(DRU WHOOPING)

GRU: Oh, oh, oh! Look out! (YELPING)

(GRU GRUNTING)

(LAUGHS)

What a beautiful day!

Zero to 400 in three seconds.

Able to withstand a nuclear blast.

Armed to the teeth.

(CHUCKLES) Okay, that’s pretty nice.

And it’s a hybrid.

Look out!

(SCREAMING)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(GRU GRUNTING)

(SCREAMING)

Help me!

I am not enjoying this.

(DRU CACKLES)

(MEN SINGING)

Whoa! What is going on here?

Welcome to the annual Freedonian Cheese Festival.

Go!

(CROWD CHEERING)

(GASPS) Look, look! Look at all the candies!

(CHUCKLING) Whoa!

Eep, eep, eep!

Lucy, can we get these?

Please.

(SIGHS) Okay, but only one each. I mean it.

Aw!

Oh, man!

No, I don’t. (CHUCKLES) Get as many as you want. I don’t care.

Yay! Awesome!

Uh…

What?

Well, it’s okay to tell them no sometimes, too, you know?

Moms need to be tough.

Right, right. Tough. Good one.

I can totally do that.

You know, still figuring out this mom thing.

Gettin’ my sea legs, matey! (AGNES SCREAMS)

It’s a unicorn!

Can we go in there? Please, please, please!

(MEN GROANING)

Um… Sure! Yeah! You know, but first let’s…

Um… (GASPS) Oh, look!

It’s a traditional Freedonian dance.

How amazing does that look?

ALL: (SINGING) Say, say, say cheese!

Cheese! I love this.

The little girls go and get the cheese from the little boys.

That’s adorable!

Aw, look at that poor little guy. With his little boots.

Nobody picked him.

Oh, Margo, why don’t you go up there?

No way!

Okay.

Wait a minute.

No!

Go take a bite of his cheese, young lady.

Right now! What?

I’m being tougher, you know? Like you said.

No! I meant be tougher on them. Not me!

Oh, come on, just do it. What’s the worst that could happen?

Mmm…

Fine.

(GASPS DEEPLY)

Wow!

Hey, there. I’m Margo.

Hello, Margo!

I am Niko.

Would you like some of my cheese?

Mmm…

ALL: (SINGING) Say, say, say cheese!

Yes! Thank you, Margo. Thank you! (WHOOPING)

Bam! I am a great mother! (CHUCKLES)

Did you see that, girls? I laid down the…

Oh, no! Where are they?

Oh… Agnes? Edith?

Hello. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

(GASPS) Look! A unicorn horn!

My little brain is going to explode!

(GROANS) Agnes, that’s fake.

(CHUCKLING)

It’s real, all right.

(GASPS)

That horn came from the Crooked Forest.

The only place on earth where unicorns still live.

(ALL PATRONS LAUGH)

Huh! (SPITS)

Laugh, laugh, all of you. (MIMICS LAUGHING)

They all think I’m crazy.

But I’m telling you, I saw one once.

With my own eye.

Wait, wait, wait. You saw a for-real live unicorn?

What did it look like? (GASPS)

Did you pet it? Did it smell like candy?

Was it fluffy?

It was so fluffy, (SIGHS) I thought I was gonna die.

Mmm! Do you think maybe I could find one, too?

Oh! They say if a maiden pure of heart goes into the Crooked Forest, the unicorn will come and be hers.

Forever.

Hmm…

(AGNES SQUEALING) (GLASS SHATTERS)

(GASPS) Agnes!

(GRUNTING)

Goal!

Excuse me. (BOTH SOBBING)

Girls, don’t worry. I’m here.

(PANTING) Are you okay?

Yeah, we’re fine.

Are you?

Unicorns are really real!

And I’m gonna find one! (GROANING)

Sorry. Went a little mama bear on ya.

You know, I heard a scream and…

(PATRONS GROANING) Yeah, okay, have a good one.

Wait for me here.

(GRUMBLING) Stop that! Ah! You kicked me.

(ALARM BLARING) Hey! Hey! What are you doing?

Did you just steal candies?

Yes!

That’s a lot of effort for two lollipops.

(SIRENS BLARING) (BLOWING WHISTLE)

(BELLS CHIMING)

Oh, no! The police!

What do we do? What do we do?

Come on! This is gonna be fun!

(POLICEMEN CLAMORING)

The police are gonna get us! (SHRIEKS) I’m freaking out!

Pigs!

Cops! (CLAMORING)

(POLICEMEN GROANING)

(LAUGHS)

(WHISTLE BLOWS) Whoa! They’re back!

All right!

(POLICEMEN CLAMORING)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Oh, man, that was crazy!

We were so close to getting busted.

Tell me about it.

I thought you were going to pee your pants.

DRU: I did!

GRU: You did! (BOTH LAUGH)

(MINIONS GROANING)

(SPEAKING MINIONESE)

(STOMACH GROWLING)

MINION: Pizza! Pizza! Pizza!

(GASPS)

Hey! What are you doing?

Intruders! Intruders!

There they are! Stop! (DOGS BARKING)

Hey, you, don’t move!

Halt!

(MINIONS SCREAMING)

Call for backup!

(SPEAKING MINIONESE)

(AUDIENCE GASPS)

(AUDIENCE MURMURING INDISTINCTLY)

Ooh, uh…

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(SPEAKING MINIONESE)

(SINGING IN MINIONESE)

(SIGHS)

(ALL SINGING IN MINIONESE)

Get ’em! Go! Go!

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

(ALL PANTING)

(JUDGES CHEERING)

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

GUARD 1: Hey, you! Freeze! Don’t move!

GUARD 2: Hands in the air!

(SIGHS)

Face it, Gru. Villainy is in your blood.

You can’t tell me you don’t miss the rush. A little?

Uh…

Eh, maybe a little. (CHUCKLES)

And now you’ve got the chance to get back on top.

Get your mojo back.

Become Gru again. How awesome would that be?

GRU: Hmm.

Oh, please, come on. Just one heist.

There’s got to be something out there, somewhere that you still wanna steal. (CLICKS TONGUE)

GRU: Huh.

There is something.

(GASPS) How about we steal the largest diamond in the world?

Yes! I love it!

(WHOOPING) Oh, thank you, brother!

Thank you from the bottoms of my heart.

(BOTH LAUGH)

Oh, you know what? We should do something to celebrate!

(CHUCKLES) Oh!

I’ve got the perfect idea.

(AGNES CHEWING LOUDLY)

Fritz, my good fellow, could you get me another napkin, please?

Ah, yes. Of course, Miss Edith.

(AIR HORN TOOTING)

(BOTH LAUGH)

(CHUCKLING)

Hey, where are Gru and Dru?

Here we are!

Oh, how’s it going?

(BOTH SNICKER)

It’s me! Gru.

And me, Dru.

I hug everybody whether they like it or not.

Why are they pretending to be each other?

(SCOFFS)

Ah! What’s for dinner? I probably won’t like it.

I’m so grumpy all the time. Hmm.

I laugh a lot. And I’m kind of an idiot!

(BOTH LAUGH LOUDLY)

(DRU AND GRU CONTINUE LAUGHING)

Oh, I’m busting a gut!

Look at them! They had no idea!

GRU: Total burn.

Oh, look, it’s me, Gru!

And I’m Dru! We switched places!

Oh, it’s so nice to see you two are getting along.

Oh, we’re getting…

Along perfectly.

Wait. Did we…

Just finish…

Each…

Other’s…

Sentences?

Sentences?

(BOTH LAUGH)

Oh, that’s delightful. Not creepy at all.

And you’re gonna stop now though, right?

Sorry, it’s a twin thing.

Uh-huh…

So, uh, what did you guys do today?

(AGNES CHEWING LOUDLY) BOTH: Nothing.

Okay. What does it…

All done! (PANTING)

Pardon me! Out of the way! Good night, everybody!

Hey! Hey! Put the brakes on. What’s the rush?

I need to get to bed so I can wake up and find a unicorn!

Good night!

What was that about?

Agnes thinks she’s gonna find a real unicorn in the woods tomorrow.

(SCOFFS) She’s totally freaking out.

(SIGHS) I feel like someone’s gotta tell her the truth.

Not it!

Oh, don’t worry. Parenting 101. I got this.

AGNES: Um…

And please bless that when I find the unicorn he’ll want to come home with me, and sleep in my room.

And that I can ride him to school every day.

And he’ll use his magical powers to help me do math.

Amen.

(DOOR CREAKS OPEN)

Oh, hi, Gru.

Hey. So, big day tomorrow.

Yeah, I’m finally gonna get to see a unicorn. For reals.

(GASPS) If I do, can I bring it home? Please?

Oh, yeah. Sure.

Tell you what, every unicorn you find, you can bring it home.

I’d better build a big pen, right?

But, you know, there’s a chance that you might not find one.

Huh?

(STAMMERING)

It might not be good unicorn-finding weather.

Um… They’re tricky to find them.

And I don’t know. Maybe…

Maybe unicorns don’t really explore that part of the woods. (CHUCKLES)

(SNIFFLES)

But the man said a maiden could find one if she was pure in heart.

And I’m pure in heart, right?

The purest.

(AGNES GRUNTS SOFTLY)

Can we stop talking now? I need to get to sleep.

Good night, sweetie.

Good night, Gru.

(SINGING) Unicorns, I love them

Unicorns, I love them

Huh! (SCREAMS) (THUDS)

I’m okay.

(PEPPY MUSIC PLAYING)

Hey! Give that back!

(ALL YELLING)

Oh, no! Run!

(ALL PRISONERS SCREAM)

(MEN GROANING)

We’ve been waiting a long time. Can we…

No! (LAUGHING)

No, please! (GASPS)

Gru?

Uh-oh!

(WHIMPERING)

Ha!

(SOBBING)

(SPEAKING MINIONESE)

(LAUGHING)

(GRUNTING)

Huh? (GASPS)

(SIGHS AND CHUCKLES)

(SPEAKING MINIONESE)

(SINGING) Because I’m training for the big day

Nobody’s gonna stop me

‘Cause I am super sassy

Super sassy, super sassy

What’s today’s plan, boss?

What’s the plan? (CHUCKLES) Silly robot.

I’ll show you the plan!

Time to watch a very special episode of Evil Bratt to see exactly what I’m gonna do to stupid Tinseltown.

ANNOUNCER: This week on Evil Bratt…

(ALL SCREAMING)

It’s a giant Evil Bratt robot!

Open fire!

I have him in my sights!

Nice try, coppers! Chew on this!

(OFFICER SCREAMS)

He’s shooting his super sticky, self-inflating gum!

(GASPING) Run!

Gum one, gum all!

(CACKLING)

(CHUCKLES) “Gum one, gum all.”

Seriously, how did this show never win an Emmy?

And now, it’s your turn to shine, my diamond!

Hey, Clive. I guess you could say our plan was out of this world!

(EVIL LAUGHTER)

Now, that’s entertainment!

Come on! Let’s make it a reality!

Here we are, in the dark and creepy Crooked Forest in search of the mythical unicorn.

For some reason.

And here she is! The fearless unicorn hunter seeking…

Edith, stop it!

You’re gonna scare away the unicorn.

If, somehow, we actually find a unicorn,

I’m gonna film it and get rich.

(GASPS) Look over there!

EDITH: Whoa!

This is it!

This is where we’re gonna see it.

AGNES: Unicorns, here we come.

What’s that for?

Bait! Duh.

Come on! (YELPS)

Now, all we have to do is wait.

Okay, this is Bratt’s lair. It may not look like much, but this place is armed with some of the most high-tech weaponry known to man.

It’s considered impenetrable.

But a piece of cake for us, right, brother?

Yes. This is not like stealing lollipops.

Whoa!

His security system can detect an air assault from any direction.

(SCREAMING) Ouch! No! Ouch!

Please, stop! Ouch!

(MUFFLED COUGH)

So we’ll have to approach low and close to the water.

Next. Ah…

Then there are these deadly spikes.

(CHUCKLING) Geronimo!

GRU: Covered with enough poison to blow your mind.

Literally.

Ouch! (LAUGHS)

Ah, good to know.

So here’s the plan. You’re the getaway driver.

(GASPS) So you’ll wait in the boat…

Wait, hold on! Wait in the boat?

(SCOFFS) But I wanna be in on the actions!

Dru, the getaway driver is the most crucial part of any plan.

Do you know how hard it is doing nothing, touching nothing when all of that adrenaline is coursing through your veins and you must wait?

Can I count on you?

Yeah.

Ah, I guess so.

So, I’ll climb up to the cube and enter here.

Then once I’m inside, find the diamond.

I’ve underestimated Bratt before. It’s not going to be easy.

I think we can handle it.

Dad’s villain suits! This will make us unstoppable!

Whoa! Ay, chihuahua!

I call the black one.

It’s go time!

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Hello.

Oh, hi!

Hello, mother of Margo. I am Niko.

I present you with pig to confirm my engagement to your daughter. (SQUEALS)

(LAUGHING) Hey, what now?

What’s going on?

Uh, remember little boots?

Hello, my schmoopsie poo.

Whoa, hey!

He seems to think you’re engaged. (CHUCKLES)

What? We’re not engaged.

Look, Niko, you seem like a very nice boy with a very nice pig.

Uh… But you’re not engaged.

Okay? It’s not happening.

I understand.

Who was I kidding?

A dumpling like me with a goddess like you.

But I promise, I will never forget you, Margo.

Never.

Oh, I’m pretty sure I won’t forget you either.

Bye. Bye, Niko.

Wow! That was crazy. (CHUCKLES) Whoa!

That was totally humiliating.

Taking a bite of that cheese was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.

Why did I listen to you?

Right. But it’s over now, so…

(POUNDING ON DOOR)

Oh! Here we go. Niko… (GASPS)

You refuse my son’s engagement pig?

What?

May you and your daughter die a slow death and be buried with onions.

(BOTH SPIT)

(GASPS)

All right, lady, that’s it!

Nobody…

Nobody curses my daughter! Ya got that?

Because if you mess with Margo, you mess with me!

And I promise, you do not wanna mess with me.

Do you understand me?

(MUFFLED) Yes. Yes.

Good. Now get!

(SPEAKING IN FREEDONIAN)

Look, Margo, I think we just need to… Oh.

(LUCY CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

Yes!

(SIGHS HEAVILY) I have to tell Gru!

(DRU LAUGHING)

(YAWNING) Can we go back now?

Already? Just a couple more hours.

We have to be home before it gets dark.

(SIGHS) I don’t understand.

I did exactly what the man said.

You mean that one-eyed scar-faced man that everybody laughed at?

Yeah, it makes no sense.

Look, Agnes, maybe we’re not…

(TWIG SNAPS) (GASPS)

(RUSTLING)

Ooh, my whole life has been building to this moment.

(SCREAMS)

(GASPS) Um… It’s a…

Unicorn! (GIGGLING)

(BLEATING) I can’t believe it!

I’m gonna name you Lucky!

(CHUCKLING) Oh, Lucky, stop it!

Yeah, I’ll let someone else burst her bubble.

Look at us! Two brothers pulling a heist!

And that diamond will make us the richest, most powerful villains in the world!

Right, brother?

Oh, right. Yep, yeah.

Bravo! Bravissimo!

You’re amazing! I’m so sorry.

I’m so embarrassed. I was very rude.

And you were always such a gentleman.

You did it!

You did it! You got our jobs back!

(CLEARS THROAT) What? Oh, yeah, right. Sure.

Oh, look. We’re here!

I’m going in. Take the wheel. (GROANS)

I still don’t see why I can’t go with you.

Hey, hey! We discussed this.

Now is not the time to mess with the plan.

Fine.

Ha-ha!

(MUFFLED) Hey, brother!

What? I told you, you are supposed to stay with the boat!

Oh, I didn’t think you meant that literally.

What other way could I have meant it?

(SIGHS) All right. Let’s move. Just follow my lead.

Got it. (GRUNTS)

Whoa!

(GRUNTING) Help me!

Ow, ow, ow!

Oh, no! The poison spikes!

I’m gonna be impaled!

(SCREAMS)

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) I’m okay.

(SIGHS) I miss the minions.

Come on!

(GROANING)

(GASPS)

Coming.

(GRUNTING)

(DRU PANTING)

Coming.

(STRAINING) Come on.

(SCREAMS)

(GASPING)

It’s a scanning device. (SCANNER TRILLING)

Quick! Camouflage mode.

(PANTING) Freeze! And close your eyes!

And cover your mouth!

(DRU SQUEALS)

(SIGHS)

Okay, take my hand.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(MUFFLED GRUNTING)

(EXHALES HEAVILY)

Ha-ha! Follow me.

(CHUCKLES)

(YELPS)

(GRUNTING)

(SCREAMING)

GRU: Ha-ha!

(DRU CONTINUES SCREAMING)

DRU: Look out! (YELLS)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Oh, you were right. I should have stayed in the boat.

My stomach feels all queasy.

I shouldn’t have eaten that pot pie.

(GROANS)

Hey, hey, relax. You’re gonna be just fine.

I got your back.

Come on. This way.

(SPEAKING MINIONESE)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(GUARD SIGHS)

(MINIONS GRUNTING)

Huh?

Hmm?

(SPEAKING MINIONESE)

(SPEAKING MINIONESE)

(SPEAKING MINIONESE)

(GRUNTING)

(SPEAKING MINIONESE)

(MUFFLED SPEECH)

(CHUCKLES)

(SPEAKING MINIONESE)

(MINION YELLING)

GRU: Looks like it’s right above us.

DRU: Okay, what do I do? Should I wait in the vent?

GRU: No, come with me.

(DRU STRAINING)

(SIGHS)

(GASPS)

(MUMBLES) Dru, get off the bed!

Yes, I’d like to thank the Academy…

I can help.

No, no, no.

What? I can do it.

Don’t! Don’t! Don’t!

Why, yes.

Yes, Molly Ringwald, I will take you to the prom. (MUSIC PLAYING)

What? Who? Where? What? Who’s there? Who is there?

(MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS) (ALARM BEEPING)

(SINGING) 99 of red balloons

Whoops! Almost forgot!

(SIGHS)

GRU: (SHUSHES) Over here.

Stay close.

(GRU GASPS)

What?

Dolls.

Looks like Bratt was the only one stupid enough to buy this junk.

Oh, I used to have one of these!

(DRU IMITATES LASER FIRE)

(GROANING)

Ow! Hey! Shh! Come on.

All right. We’re getting close.

From now on, every move must be made with total precision and purpose.

(GIGGLING)

Gum!

GRU: Focus!

We’re after the diamond, not the bubblegum.

Got it!

Mmm. Yum.

(WHISPERS) This way!

And now, to put this where it belongs.

(BUBBLEGUM POPS)

What…

BALTHAZAR: Look at it, Clive. It’s beautiful!

(DRU GRUNTING)

Will you please shut up? He’s gonna spot us!

(GROANING)

(GASPS) Spit it out! Spit it out! I told you not to touch anything!

(CHOKING)

(GRU GRUNTING)

Intruders! Intruders! Intruders!

(BOTH GASP) Freeze, dipsticks!

Gru? There’s two of you now?

Then this will be twice as much fun. (LAUGHS)

DRU: Gru.

(SCREAMS)

(LAUGHING) (GASPS)

Give me back my diamond!

Total lockdown! (ALARM BLARING)

Oh!

Go get ’em, Bratt Pack!

(DOLLS CHATTERING)

(DRU YELLING)

They’re gonna get us! They’re gonna get us!

(BOTH YELLING) Run!

(GRU YELLS)

(WHIMPERING)

(SCREAMING)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Oh, no!

What does that mean? (DEVICE BEEPING)

Are we gonna die? Are we gonna die?

We’re gonna die! (SCREAMS)

Dru!

(DRU SCREAMING)

(GRUNTING) What?

Hey, guys. Hold on!

Lucy!

(DRU SCREAMING)

(DRU GASPING)

Thank you for saving us. Whoo!

Look! We got the diamond and we’re going to…

Take it to the AVL and get our jobs back.

(CHUCKLES) Wait!

What? Oh, that’s amazing!

And the best part is, you’ll never…

(GROANS) …ever go behind my back…

(LAUGHS, GROANING) …ever again, right, honey bear?

Yeah! Yeah, right. (SIGHS)

Lesson learned.

I’ll get the girls and start packing.

And tell them the good news!

(SINGSONG) Ah! We’re getting our jobs back. Yeah!

Yes! Yes! Go tell the girls.

Dru…

No! No way! We can’t give the diamond back!

I have to.

No, you don’t!

Yes, I do.

Give it!

(STRAINS) No!

Give it! (GRUNTS)

Ow!

What is wrong with you?

What is wrong with you?

You kicked me!

You… You lied to me!

Hey, I would have told you the truth.

But you’re too much of a wimp to handle it.

That’s it. I’m out of here.

You have no right to take that. We stole it together.

Together? (LAUGHS)

You got to be kidding me.

You did nothing but screw up the whole time.

I got this in spite of you.

Oh, yeah? At least I didn’t get fired from my job

like a total loser.

At least I had a job.

What have you accomplished that was so great?

I’ll tell you what. Nothing!

No wonder Dad thought you were such a failure.

(GASPS)

We are no longer brothers.

That’s fine with me.

(EXCLAIMS IN FRUSTRATION)

(SINGING IN MINIONESE)

(ALL SINGING IN MINIONESE)

(ALL SINGING UPBEAT TUNE IN MINIONESE)

(MINIONS LAUGHING)

(GROWLING) (AGNES LAUGHING)

Gru! I found a unicorn!

(SCATTING)

My life is complete!

(SIGHS DEEPLY)

Honey, that’s…

That’s not actually a unicorn.

Huh?

But, but, he has one horn. (SNIFFS)

I’m… I’m sorry, sweetie…

but he’s just a goat. (GOAT BLEATS)

Life is just like that sometimes.

We’re hoping for a unicorn, and we get a goat.

(GOAT BLEATS)

Well, you know what?

Lucky is the best goat in the whole wide world!

Look at that face! I just want to squeeze it.

AGNES: Mmm!

Whoo-hoo! (SCATTING) Whoo!

I’ll take this.

You’ve been a bad boy, Gru.

Can you get the rest of the suitcases?

Come on, girls. Let’s go!

(SINGING) Let’s get physical, physical

(CONTINUES SINGING INDISTINCTLY)

Change of plans, girls.

(STRAINING) Instead of going home…

Eyebrows! Ow! (GRUNTS)

We’re going to Hollywood!

(LAUGHING) (ALL GASP)

Now, that’s what I call acting.

(CHUCKLING) Let’s go, Clive! We’ve got a giant robot waiting!

(CLIVE LAUGHS)

(BANGING)

Huh? (BANGING CONTINUES)

(GASPS) Lucy?

(MUFFLED YELLING) But…

Bratt! He took the girls!

What? No!

Dru! Dru!

Go away! I don’t wanna talk to you.

Bratt has the girls!

(GASPS)

Listen, brother. (SIGHS) About what I said…

No, I’m the one…

But I shouldn’t have…

I’m… I’m sorry.

(SIGHS)

I’m so sorry, Gru.

Aw!

Ooh, look out!

GRU: What is that?

(SNORING) (GASPS)

(SPEAKING MINIONESE)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(SPEAKING MINIONESE) (ALL YELLING)

Mel?

(GASPS) Gru?

(SPEAKING MINIONESE AND STRAINING)

(SPEAKING MINIONESE)

(PEOPLE CHATTING INDISTINCTLY)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(BALTHAZAR LAUGHING)

(CONTINUES LAUGHING)

Hello, Hollywood!

(ON SPEAKER) I’m back and bigger than ever.

(AGNES SCREAMING)

I’m scared!

Thank you. Thank you so… Oh!

(ALL SCREAMING)

CELEBRITY: No! No!

No, you can’t leave me here!

I’m famous!

(LAUGHS) Clive, arm the canons.

Chew on this!

(SCREAMING)

(BALTHAZAR LAUGHING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(WHIMPERS AND SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS)

Hey, mullet head! Let us out!

Oh, don’t worry, girls. I’ve prepared a front row seat for you.

(ALL GASPING AND SCREAMING)

(ALL CONTINUE SCREAMING)

(AGNES SCREAMS) MARGO: Agnes!

BALTHAZAR: Once again, I win and Gru loses!

Enjoy the show, girls.

(ALL GASP)

What in the heck?

Oh!

I hope the girls are okay.

Bratt! Bratt at nine o’clock… No! Three o’clock!

He’s on the left!

(GASPS) No! I’ve seen this episode!

He’s going to bubblegum the whole city and send it up into space!

(GASPS) Hurry! (DRU GASPS)

This is it! This is it!

Lights! Camera!

Laser!

(ALL SCREAMING)

Yeah!

(HIGH-PITCHED SCREAMING)

LUCY: (GASPS) Look!

I’ve got the girls. You two, go take care of Bratt.

GRU: Wait! What are you doing?

(GRUNTING)

Look, you guys, it’s Lucy!

Lucy, over here! Help! Help us!

Mama’s comin’, girls.

EDITH: Lucy! Lucy! MARGO: We’re up here!

BALTHAZAR: Look at that laser go.

I love it when a plan comes together.

CLIVE: (SCREAMS) It’s Gru! (ALARM BEEPING)

(GRU LAUGHS)

Get ready, Bratt.

You’re about to be blasted back to the ’80s!

(GRU LAUGHS) DRU: Whoo-hoo!

(LAUGHS) We got him!

(MACHINE CREAKING)

(BALTHAZAR YELLING)

Oh, no!

Don’t worry.

There’s more where that came from.

It’ll take more than that to stop me.

Bratt Pack, go get that barf bag. (CLIVE LAUGHS)

(DOLLS CHATTERING)

Oh, incoming!

(GRUNTING IN PAIN)

You little…

(GRUNTING) Get away! Get out of there!

Quick, jump!

(BOTH YELL)

Bonus!

Did you see that, Clive? All gone. (CLIVE BEEPS)

Buh-bye, Wonder Twins.

(SCREAMING)

(GRUNTS AND GROANS)

(SCREAMING)

(STRAINING AND GROANING)

(GRUNTING)

(GASPING AND SPEAKING MINIONESE)

AGNES: Help! (ALL SCREAM)

Hang on!

(GRUNTING)

(GIRLS SCREAMING)

Hang on, girls! I’ve got you!

I can’t! I’m slipping! (STRAINING)

(ALL SCREAMING) No!

(ALL SCREAMING) Got ya!

Thank you, Lucy!

Let’s go! We’re not safe yet.

Minions! (SPEAKING MINIONESE)

(ALL CHEERING)

(SPEAKING MINIONESE) (ALL YELLING)

(GRUNTING)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(DEVICE BEEPS)

BALTHAZAR: (CHUCKLES) Look at what we have here.

Sorry, Gru. This is going to be a total burn! (LAUGHS)

Oh, no! No, no, no!

I’ve been a bad boy!

(LAUGHING)

(GRUNTING)

Nobody messes with my brother!

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS) (GLASS SHATTERS)

(ROBOT POWERING DOWN)

What? What’s happening? No!

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

(STRAINING)

Dru!

Hold on! I’m coming.

(GASPS)

(PANTING)

You’ve ruined everything!

And now, it’s time to die.

Any last words, Gru?

You know what?

I got two words for you.

Dance fight.

Oh, it is on like Donkey Kong.

I am going to enjoy this.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(LAUGHING) (BOTH GRUNTING)

(YELLS)

(LAUGHS)

(YELLS)

(GASPS) Enough!

(GRUNTS) My turn!

(GRUNTING)

(GASPS)

(LAUGHS)

Uh-oh.

(GRUNTS) (MUSIC STOPS)

(GROANS AND GASPS)

Game over! (LAUGHING)

Is this what you’re looking for?

No!

(PLAYING MUSIC) (BALTHAZAR GROANING)

(SCREAMING)

(GROANING)

No!

Curse you, Gru! (GROANS)

Curse you!

(SPEAKING MINIONESE)

(LAUGHS)

Dru? Dru?

(GRUNTING)

(LAUGHING) (GASPS)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Hey! We did it!

Yes, we did, brother.

LUCY: Gru! EDITH: Uncle Dru!

MARGO: Gru!

Girls!

(ALL LAUGHING)

(BUBBLEGUM POPS) (ALL GASP)

(MINIONS CLAMORING)

(MINION SCREAMS)

(MINIONS SCREAMING)

Gru!

Hey, Mel. Welcome back.

(MINIONS CHEERING)

(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)

Mmm.

Love you, Mom.

I’m a mom. (GASPS)

I’m a mom! (LAUGHS SOFTLY)

(SPEAKING MINIONESE) (ALL CHATTERING)

(ALL LAUGHING)

(LAUGHS) (SPITS)

(SPEAKING MINIONESE)

Boys, time for bed!

We’re back at work in the morning.

(ALL YELLING) I’m coming, sweetie.

Good night, Lucy.

See you tomorrow, brother.

Hey, I’m back on the job.

So no villainy tonight, huh? Got it?

I make no promises. Love you!

Uh-huh. Right.

(MUMBLES) I love you, too.

ALL: Aw!

“Aw!” All right, every… Go! Go! Go to bed!

(DOOR CLOSES)

(WHISPERS) Hey! Guys! Come on!

(ALL LAUGHING)

GRU: What… What is happening?

LUCY: It’s coming from outside!

(LUCY GASPS)

Hey! I thought we said no more villainy!

Sorry, brother!

Somebody’s gotta keep the family tradition alive, right?

(ALL CHEERING)

(LAUGHS)

Let’s get him.

Ugh.

Honey, he’s my brother.

We’ll give him a five-minute head start.

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

(LAUGHING)

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Monkey Man (2024)

Monkey Man (2024) | Transcript

An anonymous young man unleashes a campaign of vengeance against the corrupt leaders who murdered his mother and continue to systemically victimize the poor and powerless.

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