Death to 2020 (2020) – Transcript

As the year we all want to end finally does, take a look back at 2020's mad glory in this comedic retrospective from the creators of "Black Mirror"
Death to 2020 (2020)

Death to 2020 is a mockumentary by Black Mirror creators Charlie Brooker and Annabel Jones under their Broke and Bones production company as a Netflix original production. The special is intended to mock the state of the year 2020 highlighted by events of the COVID-19 pandemic, among other topics. It was released on Netflix on 27 December 2020.



[horns beeping]

[siren blaring]

Don’t be filming this for one of those causal introductory shots, please. This sh!t’s demeaning. So, what is it you guys wanna talk about? What’s this for?

[director] It’s a look back over the year. We’re reliving the events of 2020.

Why in the f*ck would you wanna do that?

[narrator] 2020, a year so momentous they named it twice. A year whose story couldn’t be told until now because it was still happening. With unprecedented access to experts…

If I keep my little assistants down here, that’s alright? Good.


You know you look ridiculous, right?


[director] We are ready now.

Just a second.


Mind the chandelier.

[chandelier crashes down]



Wait, wait, wait. Let me just ingest some H20.


I’m gonna smoke. Y’all got on masks, so what do you care?

…and average citizens.

So, will this be on Quibi?

This is the definitive story of the most historic year in history through the eyes and minds of those who lived it. This… is 2020.

I mean really, why?

[dramatic drumming]

[dramatic music playing]

[dramatic music crescendos]

[narrator] It’s January 1st, and on the day it is born 2020 seems like any other year.

Well, January started out as usual. The planet was floating in space like it normally does. But as it began to revolve and loom closer, you could see there was this immense natural disaster happening on its backside.

[narrator] Fire, a radicalized, angry form of air and one of mankind’s oldest foes, is raging out of control, subjecting the Australian landscape to an extreme carbon makeover.

The scenes were appalling. I mean it left these areas utterly inhospitable, even to Australians.

[narrator] While Australia burns, in the snowy hell that is Switzerland, an assortment of the world’s most powerful people and bastards arrive at the Davos summit.

Davos is basically Coachella for billionaires. And this year, pretending to care about climate change was top of the agenda, so they had Greta Thunberg headlining. She’s this teenage girl who’d become famous even though everything she says is depressing. Kind of like Billie Eilish.

Our house is still on fire. Your inaction is fueling the flames by the hour.

[narrator] While the junior harbinger speaks, amongst her audience of powerbrokers is billionaire tech mogul Bark Multiverse.

We are telling you to act as if you loved your children above all else. Thank you.

[Bark Multiverse] It was powerful. Usually when a child is shouting for help, it’s best to ignore them in case it’s a trap. No less a man than Jeffrey Epstein told me that. But this little lady’s words hit home. I realized our whole world could collapse into chaos and disaster, and here’s me, one of the richest people on the planet, in a position to actually do something about it. As soon as she finished speaking, I hit the phone, got my people to buy a mountain in New Zealand, had it hollowed out, and here we are. In my survival bunker.

[director] Don’t people call you selfish?

I don’t know. It’s soundproof.

[narrator] Meanwhile in America, President and experimental pig-man Donald Trump faces the 407th most historic crisis of his presidency.

The US President, you may have heard of him, he’s quite the character, Mr. Trump, was facing an impeachment trial, which is a traditional ceremony that Americans perform to work out whether their president has gone off.

Trump was in trouble. What he needed was a distraction, either something big like a goose flying in through the window, or something small like World War Three.

Luckily, our military had located this Iranian general, Soleimani, real military superstar, the Beyoncé of the Islamic Revolutionary Guard.

[male reporter] The aftermath shows an attack that was deliberate and sustained.

[Bracket] So, then Trump walks out to announce the hit.

And for fun, he does it in the style of a children’s poet recovering from a brain trauma.

[President Trump] He’s been called a monster, and he was a monster. And he’s no longer a monster, he’s dead.

Well, of course, the Iranians would have preferred their chap, on the whole, not to explode.

[chanting in Persian]

This almost started World War Three. And it’s only f*cking January.

[Big Ben chimes]

[narrator] In the UK, everyday citizens celebrate the countdown to Brexit-cide and the recent installation of newly-elected Prime Ministerial scarecrow, Boris Johnson. But others have little to celebrate.

[imitating Queen’s accent] My name is Her Royal Highness, Queen Elizabeth The First part two. For the purposes of this recording, you may address me as “Your Majesty.”

[director] So, can you remember where you were when you first heard the news… Your Majesty?

Here in Buckingham Palace, posing for a banknote portrait. It was proving tedious, so I turned to my portable telephone machine for some light relief. And there on Meghan’s Instagram was the announcement.

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex have announced that they are carving out what they call “a new role” for themselves. In a statement released in the last few minutes, they say they intend to step back as senior members of the Royal Family.

[director] That must have come as quite a shock.

Well, of course. And I think that’s reflected in the banknote portrait. Sadly, I believe they felt there is a degree of prejudice in Britain. Which is why they moved to America, where race has never been an issue at all.

[narrator] But the year is about to be dominated by an infinitely bigger story emerging on the other side of the world. Residents in Wuhan, China, are succumbing to a mysterious illness, which at first baffles doctors, then doubles down by killing them. Scientists in the West can only watch from afar or on television, both of which are safer.

I have studied viruses for 15 years and consider many of them close friends. But I have to say, this was the most recent. The virus itself is an interesting specimen. On close inspection, it resembles a revolving alien basketball rendered on a PlayStation 2. Which is biologically unusual. As to where it came from, there is a theory it originated in bats, although how it passed to humans isn’t clear and the bats aren’t talking. Except in ultrasonic tones we cannot detect. The hypothesis is a man had intercourse with a bat and got bat juice in his pee-pee hole, which festered and took hold. We have tried replicating this in the laboratory, but with limited success because… the bat keeps flying away.

[narrator] As the outbreak worsens, Chinese authorities quickly swing into cover-up.

Some doctors caught the virus early on and tried to raise the alarm. But blowing the whistle while you’re on a ventilator? Ah… that’s a big ask.

[narrator] Meanwhile, the virus has seeped out of China, turning surrounding areas of the map the color of disease and ruining a perfectly good atlas. A full-scale medical emergency is underway. Nonetheless, in the West, the average citizen is largely unconcerned.

Yeah, I can’t say I was fussed about any of that. Was that this year?

[director] The pandemic? Yeah.

How come you’re talking to me about this?

[director] You provide human color.

Alright, even I know that’s racist and I’ve not done an awareness course.

[director] No, you’re an average person. We ran a computer search, and you’re one of the five most average people in the world.

Oh. Thanks.

[narrator] With the pandemic firmly at the back of Western minds, the front of Western minds is free to focus on important matters like the Oscars, which traditionally celebrates Caucasian filmmakers. This year promises to be different, but isn’t.

Yeah, those Best Picture nominees, real rainbow coalition. You got Marriage Story, two mopey white people trapped in an affluent marriage. Ford v Ferrari, that’s white guys on wheels. Little Women, four white girls standing on the cusp of Karenhood. And Joker, whose lead actor performs in whiteface, thereby appropriating his own cultural identity while denying a role to a genuine clown. Oh, and 1917, which was the year the movie was set, and the number of white people in it.

[narrator] Oscar night, disaster strikes for the 10,000 white hopefuls, as a South Korean entry makes movie history.

And the Oscar goes to… Parasite.

[cheers and applause]

Parasite? That’s not even an English word.

[director] Actually, it is.


[director] Parasite is an English word.

Only when you say it in English.

[narrator] Away from tinsel town, Washington DC has been consumed by real drama, Trump’s impeachment trial. The President stands accused of pressuring a foreign power into investigating Hunter Biden, son of prehistoric concierge Joe Biden, who has a chance of challenging Trump in the November elections. But not everyone believes the charges have merit.

The whole impeachment thing was baseless, OK? So, the Democrats claim that Trump pressured Ukraine into digging up dirt on the Biden family, and their only real “evidence” of that is a transcript of him doing it.

[director] What did he say on the transcript?

What transcript?

[director] You just mentioned a transcript.

Check your tape, I said no such thing.

[director] You said, uh… the only real evidence was a transcript of Trump pressuring Ukraine…

There’s no such place as Ukraine.

[director] Yes, there… Yes, there is.

I choose to believe there is not.

[narrator] The Republican-controlled Senate votes along partisan lines. Trump is declared not guilty and fabulous.

[President Trump] But this is what the end result is.

[loud applause and cheers]

[narrator] While Republicans cheer the President for holding a newspaper, in another political universe the Democrats are deciding who will take on Trump in November. The race has narrowed to a face-off between Civil War hero Joe Biden and anarchist grandpa Bernie Sanders.

[Bernie Sanders] As you may have noticed lately, the establishment’s getting a little bit nervous.

Well, as Super Tuesday arrives, despite his huge early gains, Mr. Sanders’s support was shriveling, whereas Biden appeared to have come back from the dead. I mean, literally, he resembled a butler’s ghost.

[Joe Biden] [shouting] We are very much alive!

[loud cheers]

[Bracket] This was a choice between two guys in their late seventies. It was like being stuck on the character selection screen in geriatric Tekken. Bernie offered radical change, whereas Biden reminded folks of a more easygoing era when you could sniff a woman’s hair without being called creepy.

I think to many Americans, Biden is Uncle Joe. He’s been a part of their lives for centuries. As familiar as an old armchair and nearly as sharp-witted.

[Joe Biden] We’re gonna do this, folks!

[narrator] Amiable phantom Joe Biden seizes victory, officially starting the 2020 election campaign.


[narrator] The stage is set for an electoral showdown between two very different Americas.

[man shouting] F*ck you!

I don’t smoke.

F*ck you! F*ck you! F*ck you!

[narrator] And the animus between the two sides is greater than ever.

Polarization is the problem of our age. And not just in America, in the actual world too. Whether the debate is over Trump or Brexit or science or gender, God help us, or reality itself, no two factions can agree, or agree to disagree, or even agree that their disagreement might be disagreeable.

[director] I’m not sure I totally agree.

Well, then why don’t you f*ck off?

[lighthearted, cheerful music playing]

[birds chirping]

I would say that I’m just a regular soccer mom, you know? I’ve got the husband and the kids, and a cat and a dog, and just the whole darn show. [chuckles] Uh, no, I wouldn’t describe myself as a big internet person, no. I mean, I only use Facebook and WhatsApp. [chuckles] And Instagram and Twitter and YouTube. Oh, and Google. In fact, that’s how I discovered the Ivory Fist message board.

[woman 1] Look, things wasn’t always this way. I’ve studied human behavior long enough to get sick of it. You gotta remember, most folks are still neighborly, Ned Flanders. Unf*ckably nice. But right now, the edges are rougher than ever. On the right, you got sh!t-nose extremists wondering aloud whether Hitler was all bad and inventing their own clown-house reality. And on the left, you got f*cking whiney woke-lords cancelling the sh!t out of anyone who dares to take a dump at the wrong time of the day. And both sides, both sides look so unhappy it makes you wanna puke. But the way it’s going, you know we gonna end up on one side or the other. So, pick your f*cking team and hunker the f*ck down.

[narrator] Throughout 2020, the gods of Silicon Valley stand accused of allowing their products to split the world into two warring factions.

Uh… actually, it’s more like four warring factions. We prefer to call it a hate spectrum. That’s the official term.

[director] Right now, it takes about six months’ exposure to social media for the average person to become hopelessly radicalized.

I know, right. We’re hoping to get that down to five minutes.

Mmm. Now, of course, all this division, all this intractable conflict, was tearing humankind asunder at the worst possible time. Because, of course, at the very moment that we were preoccupied with fighting each other, the coronavirus was steadily bearing down upon us. Now, those who’ve closely studied the history books, such as myself, knew that this was strongly reminiscent of the time the White Walkers led their “army of the dead” towards the warring factions of Westeros.

[director] So, you mean like in Game of Thrones?

No, no. I am discussing history.

I’m pretty sure that was Game of Thrones.

Well, I’m pretty sure that I am the historian here. Cut to a map or something.

[narrator] As this map we’ve cut to makes clear, the coronavirus is indeed spreading at an alarming pace. Yet even as it inches towards them, millions persist in everyday activities.

[Dr. Gravel] We saw the news. They made it clear that the virus was coming and it was gonna be bad. But a lot of us didn’t wanna know.

[director] And why do you think that is?

I don’t know, denial, disbelief. Or because, in my professional opinion, we’re f*cking imbeciles. That’s the title of my next book by the way.

[narrator] In a desperate bid for attention, the virus infects beloved Hollywood everyman and occasional CGI Cowboy, Tom Hanks, providing news networks with an irresistible celebrity angle to the otherwise boring deadly pandemic.

[female reporter] We think of Tom Hanks as a positive kind of guy, not a guy who tests positive.

He was battling the virus for two whole weeks. Ah, being a leading man, he won in the end, of course. I rather doubt that he’d have accepted the role if he hadn’t.

[Flask] It showed the virus could also pass from humans to icons, which raised the possibility that it might one day infect God. And God is older than the universe, which puts him in a high-risk category.

[narrator] Fear rocks Wall Street with the stock market sh!tting ten billion coins out of its economic anus.

[shouting] On the bell, on the bell! FIS on the bell!

[narrator] As cold reality sets in, there’s a run on the supermarkets. Around the world, panic-buyers empty shelves faster than panic-stockers can refill them. It is a full-blown crisis. Government buildings wonder how to respond. With cases surging, Italy introduces a lockdown. Other European governments contemplate following suit. And yet, around the same time in London, Prime Minister and haystack Boris Johnson decides that since Britain is no longer part of Europe, it can safely ignore the warnings. He encourages those who haven’t already died to go about their business as usual, but with a greater emphasis on hygiene.

[Boris Johnson] The single most useful thing that we can all do to stop the spread of coronavirus is to wash our hands.

[Nerrick] That was weird. One minute he was doing a soap ad about how important it was to keep your hands clean and the next he was boasting about how he didn’t care what he did with them.

[Boris Johnson] I was at a hospital the other night where I think there were actually a few coronavirus patients, and I shook hands with everybody.

Totally put me off using hands whatsoever. So, I started doing absolutely everything with my elbows instead. And it was shortly after that my boyfriend left.

[sirens wailing]

[narrator] America also seems underprepared. New York is hit hard. At a series of daily briefings, Governor Andrew Cuomo desperately pleads for medical supplies.

[Andrew Cuomo] Where are the ventilators? Where are the gowns, where’s the PPEs, where are the masks, where are they?

[narrator] Sadly, he has failed to notice they are piled up behind him. Across the USA, supplies of masks, which, unlike guns, cannot be cheaply and easily manufactured, run low, while critics describe the lack of ventilators as “breathtaking.”

It felt like the government wasn’t taking the coronavirus seriously. Maybe because there were still folks out there comparing it to the flu, which is like comparing Uruguay to a banana. And one of those folks was the President.

[Foss] Trump seemed to feel that the virus was one of those things that goes away if you ignore it, like a wasp or a wife.

[President Trump] We’re prepared, we’re doing a great job with it. It will go away, just stay calm.

[director] In March, the President said the pandemic would simply “go away.”

OK, see… [sighs] This is what the media does. You lie, fabricate, fantasize. The president never said that.

[President Trump] It will go away. Stay calm. We want to protect our shipping industry.

OK, I know this doesn’t fit with your agenda, but this never happened.

[narrator] But the pandemic does the opposite of going away, as do the negative headlines. Trump needs to reassure the public. He hits the airwaves, huddled tightly with close advisors.

[President Trump] So, I’m glad to see that you’re practicing social distancing, that looks very nice.

[narrator] By the end of March, lockdowns have been rolled out right across the planet, making them the most successful global franchise since the Marvel cinematic universe. In major cities, with clubs, bars, and restaurants shuttered, everyday communal life comes to a screeching halt.

Human beings are social animals, so shutting down social interactions goes against our instinct. I mean for most folks, not me! I f*cking hate people. My God, it was bliss.

[wind blowing]

[slow suspenseful music playing]

[Foss] Well, the lockdown was absolutely transformative. It was as though time itself stood still. Life suddenly suspended in amber. Birds frozen in place in midair. The planet quite literally stopped revolving.

[pigeons cooing]

[Nerrick] It was so quiet you could actually hear yourself think. I expect.

[narrator] Workplaces and everyday businesses are forced to close. Particularly hard hit, workers in the gig economy, millennials who often work more than one job at a time.

I can put my legs up and stuff, that’s OK if I have my feet up? I don’t want my feet to fall, so… Yeah, my name’s Duke Goolies. I’m a content provider. And I’m a barman slash mixologist. Yeah, it’s definitely been challenging. Uh… Listen, I don’t want to be Mr. Mansplain, but I kind of saw this coming because I was following coronavirus back before… you know, pre-Wuhan days when it was still inside of bats. I work a lot of jobs. In the lockdown, I’ve had to reposition them to work on Zoom, you know. Like, I DJ at gender-neutral gender-reveal parties. Really important.

[electronic music playing]

Um… I work as a life coach.

Amy, you can. OK, A…? Amy! Believe in yourself, OK? You can!

Just shut up!

The other area of growth for me has been providing online content-tainment. The theaters are shut, so you can’t see your James Bonds or your Trolls 2. And the only film that did come out was about time being an endless loop, which we all know now anyways. So, my YouTube channel’s gone total f*ckbusters. Especially with the reaction videos where I react to 2020.

Guys, this literally looks like Armageddon, we’re living through it. Awesome, oh my gosh, maybe like the bad version of awesome. Sh!ttifying, f*ckawfulicious. I don’t know! Oh, my God. Don’t forget to like and subscribe.

They do crazy numbers. I mean, yeah, there’s so much material all year.

Look at this man! He looks like a heap of balls!


That’s a big blast. Whoa. Whoa! Oh!

I learned there’s a lot of money in creating streaming content.

[director] How much did you make this year?

I wanna say… like 16 million dollars.

[Big Ben chimes]

[narrator] Meanwhile, in Britain, in a bid to raise the country’s spirits, the Queen prepares to deliver a unifying speech.

The monarch only addresses the nation on special occasions, such as Christmas or the end of the world, so this was a huge moment.

[The Queen] Good evening, people of Earth. I speak to you at a time of grave national crisis.

Her Majesty rather successfully, I thought, evoked the spirit of the Blitz, when Nazi bombs rained down nightly, obliterating streets and homes and families on the ground. The kind of patriotic imagery that we find so comforting.

Defeating this enemy requires us to bravely cower indoors. In addition to television, this was the first time one of one’s speeches was carried live on YouTube.

[director] And did that affect the content at all?

Of course not. We will meet again. Now, smash that “Like” button and don’t forget to subscribe. Also, click here to check out my official regal merch.

[narrator] But moments after her Majesty delivers these stirring words, the mood darkens.

[BBC News theme tune]

Tonight at ten, the Prime Minister Boris Johnson has been taken to intensive care as he suffers the effects of coronavirus.

[narrator] With the Brexit PM in a critical condition, 52% of the nation holds its breath.

There was a real fear that at a time of national crisis the Prime Minister might have to be replaced by someone less qualified than him. Which would be impossible. Unless they were drawing up plans to replace him with a sock or a balloon or something.

[narrator] Just as the Prime Minister might exit the realm of the living, a process known as Prexit, hospital staff nurse him back to health, and weeks later he’s back on the job.

Incredibly, the virus didn’t seem to have affected his abilities in any way. He still didn’t have any.

[narrator] News of Johnson’s illness proves that world leaders aren’t naturally immune, yet some seem unwilling to take precautions.

[Bracket] Trump refused to wear a mask for a long time. If someone told him white hoods protected against the virus, maybe he’d have felt differently.

[narrator] Egged on by the President, some citizens also refuse to toe the line.

Whoa! I thought I heard a voice. I thought I heard some Americans!

[narrator] In several states, protestors take to the streets, demanding their constitutional right to spread the deadly virus. The online rumor mill is working overtime.

When this whole thing started, um, there were so many wild rumors flying around. So, I would watch Dr. Fauci to get an anchor on what was actually happening, you know? And, um… even though it was so scary, I found it really reassuring um, to watch someone who is so accomplished calmly laying out the science. Um… but that was before I knew he was an actor. Yeah.

[director] And… how did you come to learn that?

Well, someone from my PTA WhatsApp group shared a link to a documentary which proves that George Soros created the virus in a Chinese lab so that Bill Gates could make a vaccine out of microchips and control us all like we’re in a videogame. And I know, I know that sounds crazy, but the thing is, we’ve seen him do this before. Right? Like when he crossed a human with a paperclip and made that poor tormented monster that haunted Windows 98.

Of course, it wasn’t surprising that some folk were confused about the biology of this whole thing, given the President seemed to be saying it could be cured with a kind of sunlight-and-bleach wonder diet.

[President Trump] Right, and then I see the disinfectant, where it knocks it out in a minute, one minute, and is there a way we can do something like that?

[narrator] The remarks confuse the President’s own medical advisors, who visibly try to clamber deep within their own souls to die.

I guess if you could collapse the past three and a half years of madness into one clip–

That would be it.

[narrator] As May draws to a close, for the first time in months, the coronavirus pandemic is knocked from the headlines of every news network by a different story altogether, one that also makes for grim viewing.

The FBI is looking into the death of a Black man after he was stopped by police in Minneapolis.

The incident was caught on camera.

George Floyd died in police custody after an officer pressed his knee into Floyd’s neck for at least seven minutes.

Some people, including the Minneapolis mayor, are already saying the police used excessive force.

[male reporter 1] Today, the mayor called it “wrong at every level.”

What we saw was horrible.

Fact is, those officers didn’t see George Floyd as a human being, but the world did.

[male reporter 2] Tonight the outrage in Minneapolis is mounting, even after four officers were fired.

Was it enough for you that the officers were fired?

That is not enough. That is not enough.

The police have interesting priorities. When George Floyd, one black guy, tried, allegedly, to pass one fake $20 bill in a liquor store, he had four cops on his ass within minutes. And they killed him.

Know how long it took the same police department to arrest the prime suspects in that case? Four days. And they had that sh!t on tape! Did they think that was counterfeit too?

[narrator] The George Floyd tragedy is merely the latest in a long series of police killings of Black people, and it comes as a final straw. In increasing numbers, protestors take to the streets to give voice to their anger.

People said, “It’s dangerous to gather in crowds like that. What about the pandemic?” But, you know, in some ways I prefer the coronavirus to the police. And don’t get me wrong, I f*cking hate the virus, but at least it doesn’t pretend it’s here to help. It doesn’t drive around the neighborhood with “Protect and Serve” painted on its side before it kills you.

[Dr. Gravel] What happened with George Floyd disgusted everybody. But it didn’t surprise Black people. We’ve always known what cops are capable of. But today, bystanders got a camera on their phones so now everybody gets to see it. And honestly? That ought to be the number one sales feature for the iPhone. F*ck your “Megapixel Display.” How about put “Exposes Police Brutality” on the box?

[narrator] Over the following days as tensions escalate and police and protestors face off, some of the demonstrations turn violent. The President skillfully placates the situation with some soothing incendiary comments. And in Washington, he orders peaceful demonstrators to be gently dispersed with some courteous state violence.

[protestors shouting]

[tear gas grenades explode]

[Dr. Gravel] Trump got riot police with tear gas and rubber bullets to clear the protesters so he could pose for a photo in front of St. John’s Church. Because, you know, when you live in a city, you never get to appreciate it and do the touristy things.

[narrator] Trump’s gracious, Christ-like diplomacy fails and violence continues to flare up.

[Flowers] There was so much anger expressed and emotions were running super high, so of course there was gonna be trouble. But… the sensible thing to do would have been to wait at home um… until everyone had just calmed down and the whole thing had blown over, and then you go out and protest in a, um… calm and orderly manner. Um… I would have been the first to support that, unless it was on a Tuesday because that’s my Peloton class. But instead what was happening just looked like all-out anarchy to me. Um… and believe me, I, uh… I know criminal behavior when I see it. Whether it’s someone breaking a window or a Black man sitting in a car.

[director] Wasn’t there a video of you haranguing a Black man sitting in a car that went viral this year?

[man] And I’m telling you this is my car.

Well, then I’m sure you’ll prove that with some ID. Yeah.

First of all, I… [chuckles] I wasn’t haranguing. I was politely enquiring, for less than an hour.

[director] So, that was the only time you did something like that this year?

Um… there was an incident at a pool.

[woman] Give it back!

Do you have a receipt for this towel? I just need to see a receipt.

Uh… there was an incident up in the hills.

[man] I’m painting a watercolor!

The way that you’re wielding that paintbrush is very unsettling to me.

And at the hospital.

Sweetie, are you absolutely sure that this is your dialysis machine?

[girl] Mommy, the crazy lady’s back again.

I was just asking. I’m allowed to ask.

[voice breaking] I don’t know why people are so quick to judge. [sniffles] [whispering] Is he with you?

[director] That’s Mike. He’s been here all day.

[narrator] By now, the protests have gone international, with a rallying cry reverberating across the globe.

Black Lives Matter! Black Lives Matter!

Black Lives Matter. Well… no reasonable person could disagree with that, but I would prefer to say, “All lives matter.”

[director] Yeah, I think the point is they’re currently treated like they don’t matter.

All lives? I don’t think so.

[director] No, black lives.

Oh, those. I’m sorry, what about them?

[director] They matter.

More than all lives? Now who’s being a racist?

[director] I didn’t call you a racist.

You are. You are just about to label me a bigot, just like my daughter. And her friends, and my son, and his friends. And my wife. And her friends. And my friends. You can’t say anything these days.

[narrator] Next, the spotlight falls upon the relics of an intolerant past. In Bristol, England, protestors surround slave trader and statue Edward Colston and drag him from the safety of his plinth.

[protesters shouting]

Look, these people are trying to destroy history.

[director] What if by tearing these statues down they’re actually making history?

Shut up and move on.

[protesters shouting]

[Nerrick] They threw him in the sea, which is cruel. They might have killed him. Can statues breathe underwater?

No, they don’t breathe at all.

OK, so he probably swam to safety.

[Bracket] You had corporations going woke too, asking themselves how can they support Black people without actually paying them. Demonstrating their sensitivity by rebranding Ku Klux Krunchies as Rosa Parks Puffs, and so on.

I’m proud to say as a corporation we stepped up in several bold ways. We rolled out an update that replaced our virtual assistants with the personality of Malcolm X.

[man] Malcolm, could you play the best of ZZ Top?

[imitates Malcolm X] I will neither follow your orders nor recognize your authority.

But perhaps our biggest gesture was the whole Boris Johnson thing. We’ve had great ties with UK government since we delivered the Brexit vote for them. And they’d reached out looking for a gesture to show Britain had shrugged off its colonial past, which was a little “slave-trade-y.” So, we had them trial our body swap tech. This is the first time the soul of a British Prime Minister has been transferred into the body of a Black man. And it worked.

[imitating Boris Johnson] Today, I stand before you as a proud Black man, a thrusting, living symbol of vibrant modern Britain. I will now take questions. Yes, the lady with her hand up?

You’re not from round here, are you?

[man 1] Have you got a receipt for that suit?

Well, not a receipt per se–

[man 2] Officer, arrest this man!

When I say worked, I mean temporarily, you know, we had to revert Johnson back into his natural form so he could continue ruling from a position of safe, familiar white incompetence.

[narrator] Some white individuals begin to ask whether they’re doing enough personally.

Well, I consider myself an ally. You know, but I looked within, I felt I could make some changes. So, I started small, posting the black squares on Insta. I swapped to only using black emojis for texts. I sent a lot of friend requests to Black people. And I even learned how to pronounce their names. Even if it was difficult.

A-de-fo-la-ke. A-de-fo-la-ke. Hmm, beautiful.

And then I thought, listen, look. I know I care, but do enough other people know that I care? I realized I should up my game, so I posted a video about it.

And so I guess in a way, I’m Black too, maybe… maybe more than anyone.

That caught some likes, so we did a follow-up where I drove around a Black neighborhood to let them hear my support in person.

Guys, I just want to say, right now, I’m with you. I hear you. I see you. I am you.

And this wasn’t just some quick little gesture, we kept it up till 2 a.m. That’s how committed we were.

Friends of color, I stand by you. I feel your pain.

[man] Go the f*ck home!

Oh sh!t, drive. Drive. Go, go, go!

[engine revving]

There’s just no pleasing some people.

[narrator] All the while, the pandemic is raging out of control and there is disagreement on how to respond. Some believe the only way out is to achieve herd immunity.

[Flask] Herd immunity occurs when almost everybody has been exposed to something, but gotten over it, so it quickly dies out. Just like what happened with the Floss.

[director] Sorry, the… the what?

You know…

[narrator] Others want to wait for a miracle cure, but any potential vaccine faces a lengthy uphill climb, a challenging maneuver for any liquid.

Well, vaccines go through a lengthy approval process. They start with the preliminary trials using a limited number of volunteers in which we are monitoring the level of proteins known as antibodies generated. It is called a blind trial because around half the volunteers are given a placebo, which means… Sorry. Sorry, why are you showing footage of whatever that is? I’m still speaking. Is that relevant?

Yeah, sorry. We’re just trying to keep it visually interesting. Ignore us. Just carry on.

No, OK. No problem, OK. So, once the initial trial is complete, the second trial begins. This is less to do with efficacy because during the second trial there’s a tricky balance you are trying to maintain between monitoring the serological response and how that… What’s going on? That’s got nothing to do with this. This… I’m talking here.

[director] Just… just ignore it, OK. It’s just texture.

Are you guys actually interested in the science?

[director] Um… to be honest… no.


[narrator] With no cure for Covid in sight, life for millions has been reduced to a creepy new normal and a seemingly endless series of lockdowns.

I live on my own and after a while I got so lonely I developed a multiple personality disorder on purpose so I could keep myself company. But then, of course, I had to try and keep two meters away from myself at all times. Don’t know if you’ve ever tried doing that but it’s a bloody nightmare. So, I started doing video calls to keep sociable.

Hiya, you alright?

[man on laptop] No, is what it is, innit?

I did so many I sometimes glitch in real life now. Like, I just freeze now and then, like… Can you hear me your end?

[narrator] Like defecating and sobbing, video calls become part of everyday life, which means for some, business is booming.

[Multiverse] Early, we ran numbers and realized that around 20% of our customer base might die of the virus. But the surviving 80% would increase their reliance on our videoconferencing products 200 fold, so that was a huge win for us. A huge, but sad win.

[narrator] In desperation, millions turn to award-winning streaming service Netflix for entertainment.

One spent a lot of time at Windsor watching Netflix.

[director] Do you find that you spend most of your time browsing the home page?

No. No, my footman does that for me.

[Dr. Gravel] I watched so much dumb sh!t. You see Floor is Lava, fire and brimstone, the game show?

[presenter] Don’t…

[woman] No!


[man 1 groans]


[man 2 groans]


[man 3] Ah!


You know they filmed that last year, because in 2020 people wouldn’t even be bothering to try to escape the lava. They’d be lining up to willingly throw themselves in, pausing only to kick their kids in first. Maybe that’s season two.

[The Queen] My favorite program has to be The Crown. It’s refreshing to see a down-to-earth drama about everyday people living ordinary lives. It’s the sort of thing that gives the little people hope. Some say The Crown is unrealistic, but it strikes me as a far more faithful depiction of the monarchy than their other regal drama, Tiger King.

You can guaran-goddamn-tee I’m gonna put a cap in your ass the first time to make you squirm around on the ground. Then I’m gonna put a bullet between your f*cking eyes.

That man is from no royal line I recognize.

[director] Harry and Meghan have a Netflix deal.

Harry and who-an?

[narrator] Back in the real world, with America facing crises on every front, criticism of the President is mounting.

Also, there were questions about his fitness to govern, in part because of the way he had to drink a glass of water using both hands, but mainly because of everything else he did.

[narrator] To boost support, Trump announces a series of rallies.

[President Trump] We’ve had a tremendous run at rallies. I don’t think there’s been an empty seat.

[narrator] But despite a surge in ticket requests, an event in Oklahoma is mainly attended by people who aren’t there. As the media makes clear, heartless users of the social media platform TikTok are to blame.

[female reporter] TikTokers said they intentionally sabotaged the event by registering en masse with no intention of showing up, and they spread the word via TikTok.

[narrator] Republicans claim social media is actively trying to suppress an unreasonable conservative agenda.

I’ll cut to the chase, Big Tech is out to get conservatives. That’s not a suspicion, that’s not a hunch. That’s a fact.

The fact, which doesn’t care about your feelings, is that online and in the media conservative voices are being silenced. I’ve said this before. I said it on my YouTube channel.

Conservative voices are being silenced.

I said it on Joe Rogan.

Conservative voices are being silenced.

On the Jordan Peterson Kayak podcast.

Conservative voices are being silenced.

I said it on Tucker Carlson.

Tucker, we know conservative voices are being silenced.

Twice actually.

Like I said last time, Tucker, conservative voices are being silenced.

That is exactly right.

And I said it in my New York Times bestseller, Conservative Voices Are Being Silenced. It’s a point I have to make over and over because conservative voices are being silenced. In fact, you won’t even use this footage.

Actually, we will.

Bob, we both know that’s not going to happen.

Yeah, my name is James.

Whatever, Bob.

[narrator] On the opposite side of the political divide, the husk of Joe Biden is encountering setbacks. He is the oldest presidential candidate since records began, 200 years after he was born, and questions are asked about his longevity.

[woman] Biden is clearly diminished.

[Joe Biden] All men and women were created by the… Go, you know the thing.

He seemed kind of frail. Never mind the virus, there were times it looked like a stiff breeze might be too much for him. So, he stayed in his basement, running a virtual campaign. Which is like a real campaign that never really happens.

So, welcome, everybody, to our first virtual happy hour.

He might as well have been in witness protection. But there came a time he had to venture out.

His team were clearly extremely cautious. Whenever he met the public, they made him sit some distance away so he couldn’t face further allegations of inappropriate touching. And they prevented verbal gaffes by keeping him physically gagged at all times.

[narrator] Biden also hosts COVID-safe drive-in rallies, attended by handfuls of enthusiastic cars, in which he channels the vibrant energy of an old man yelling at traffic.

[Joe Biden] And we should have no tolerance for extremist white supremacist groups marching in our communities.

[horns honking]

[narrator] But his campaign gets a shot in the arm as he picks his running mate.

[Joe Biden] Now let me introduce to you, for the first time, your next Vice President of the United States, Kamala Harris. Kamala, the floor is yours.

[narrator] At 55, Harris is less than a quarter of Biden’s age. She is the first African American and South Asian American vice presidential candidate, and, therefore, alongside Donald Trump is the second person of color on the 2020 ballot.

[Kamala Harris] We’re all in this fight. You, me and Joe, together.

Well, previously, Biden and Harris hadn’t got on. She’d clashed with Biden at the primaries.

[Kamala Harris] Do you agree today that you were wrong to oppose busing in America?

And last year said that she believed the women who accused him of impropriety. Now, all that was forgiven. Although their relationship did appear a little standoffish. And, of course, if they won, she’d be president in the event of Biden’s death. Assuming anyone noticed.

[narrator] Biden’s campaign is reenergized, but the American story is about to take an unexpected turn as the world looks on.

[dog barking]

[Nerrick] Having another lockdown was really annoying because I’d watched literally all of Netflix during the first lockdown. But then I got into this show called America, which was amazing. Have you seen it? It’s on the news channel. It’s totally mental. Just one twist after another. They had this sort of election fight happening between a bloke who looked like a ticket inspector on a ghost train and an inflatable orange maniac who didn’t seem to be dealing with the plague.

[President Trump] We have so much testing, I don’t think you need that kind of testing or that much testing, but some people disagree with me and some people agree with me.

[Nerrick] Everybody hated everybody else, and the whole country was on fire. Not just the forests but the towns and cities. The only thing that wasn’t on fire was the f*cking sea and that was probably thinking about it. As if all that wasn’t enough, they dropped in an unexpected twist involving a beloved character.

This is a Fox News alert. US Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg has died at the age of 87.

[narrator] Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg was a feminist icon and trailblazer who fought for abortion rights, gender equality, and a 600-mile gas pipeline through indigenous land.

RBG’s dying wish was that she wouldn’t be replaced on the Supreme Court until the next president was sworn in. But that dying wish died with her.

Breaking tonight, Fox News has confirmed President Trump will nominate Amy Coney Barrett as the next Supreme Court Justice.

[narrator] As Fox News made bombastically clear, Trump selected Amy Coney Barrett, a devout Catholic who claims a legal career is “a means to an end of serving God.” God was unavailable for comment.

Amy Coney Barrett stands for everything RBG was against, everything! She’s so pro-life, I got a theory. She’s secretly bankrolled by the wire hanger industry.

[narrator] September 26th, and The White House throws a ceremony in the Rose Garden, announcing Coney Barrett’s nomination. It is a roll call of the great and good and soon to be infected.

Most of the president’s inner circle was there, although the most significant attendee was the novel coronavirus, silently mingling among the guests, particularly the ones who didn’t believe in it yet.

[narrator] But in the following days, the President is beset by other distractions. The New York Times uncovers his tax returns, revealing that, like all top businessmen, he has made no money in years. September 29th, and the first presidential debate makes for illuminating television.

I’m Chris Wallace of Fox News, and I welcome you to the first of the 2020 presidential debates.

[Dr. Gravel] Trump comes out just like regular Trump, grouchy, like something was eating him up on the inside. Which of course we now know it was. While Biden’s just trying to look alive. And then the debate started and straightaway it was like a rap battle in a senior home. But worse.

[Biden] The question is…

[Trump] The new Supreme Court Justice…

…the radical left.

Will you shut up, man?

I’d say it was a train wreck and a sh!tshow, but that would be unfair to trains and sh!t.

Well, it’s incredible, really. 73 million Americans witnessing a debate as intellectually stimulating as watching two pigeons fight over a piece of bread in a car lot.

[narrator] A key moment comes when Trump is asked to condemn white supremacists and fumbles the response.

What do you wanna call them? Give me a name. Give me a name.

White supremacists.

Who would you like me to condemn?

[Biden] The Proud Boys.

Proud Boys, stand back and stand by.

He told those guys to stand by. That’s not disavowing. That’s pumping a f*cking shotgun.

[narrator] Following the debate, the only positive news for Trump is his coronavirus test result, which prompts negative blanket coverage.

[announcer] It starts with breaking news…

Breaking news, President Trump has tested positive for coronavirus.

[Brian Williams] It is extraordinary on many different levels.

No one saw that coming. Oh, let me rephrase that. Everyone saw that coming. We just didn’t believe it’d actually happen.

Well then, of course, the people surrounding him all start falling ill. Even Melania, who’d been socially distancing from him for the past four years.

[director] The President didn’t exactly take precautions, did he?

Sorry, are you saying this was his fault?

[director] Well, he rarely wore a mask.

Didn’t wear a mask? Are you saying because of the way he was dressed he was asking for it? Because that, my friend, is victim blaming and you should hang your head in shame.

[narrator] As an overweight 74-year-old male, Trump is at low risk of appearing on the cover of Sports Illustrated’s Swimsuit issue, but at high-risk from coronavirus. As his condition worsens, he’s transported to Walter Reed Hospital and the world holds its breath.

It was actually a moment of national unity. Whatever their political alliance, everyone in America was praying that day. For different outcomes.

[Nerrick] So, the President is in a military hospital getting injected with an experimental antibody treatment. By now, I’m thinking this storyline’s far-fetched, but I’m well into this, I’m bingeing the sh!t out of it.

[narrator] Well-wishers outside the hospital show their support and are rewarded when the President commandeers a Secret Service vehicle to perform the most dangerous drive-by since the final moments of Tupac Shakur.

Then there was this mental bit where he flew back to the White House and stood on the balcony and took his mask off so we’d know it was actually him and not a beautiful woman in disguise. Then he proved both his thumbs still worked. Thank God. And he saluted a helicopter, which couldn’t see him because it was flying away. The production values were through the roof. It looked like the final shot in the season finale of America. So, I was quite surprised when the country kept going after that.

[Foss] It was quite remarkable really, one of the most iconic moments in history that any of us will live through, but also deeply profoundly stupid. The history books covering this period will have to be written in crayon. By a dog.

[President Trump] I stood out front, I led. Nobody that’s a leader would not do what I did. And I know there’s a risk, there’s a danger, but that’s OK. And now I’m better and maybe I’m immune, I don’t know.

[narrator] Despite his ordeal, Trump seems to have gained little sympathy from the US public and is cratering in the polls.

Right about now, it looked like Trump needed some kind of October surprise to wipe the smile off Biden’s skull.

[narrator] In a bombshell report, Hunter Biden is accused of introducing his father to a Ukrainian businessman.

[director] You said Ukraine didn’t exist.

That’s not relevant. What is relevant is the total silence from the mainstream media. No one was asking about Hunter Biden anywhere. It’s like I said on Joe Rogan.

What about Hunter Biden?

And on Tucker Carlson…

What about Hunter Biden?

More than once.

What about Hunter Biden? Let’s hope that evidence arrives in the mail.

That is exactly right.

And I said it in my New York Times bestseller, What About Hunter Biden?

[director] What about Hunter Biden?

You don’t even want to ask about it!

[narrator] As the crucial day nears, other factors make 2020’s election as unpredictable as an ape with a hockey stick. The pandemic forces states to introduce widespread postal voting, dragging the US electoral system into the 19th century.

[Bracket] Trump supporters were gonna vote in person on election day because they weren’t afraid of the virus. Or fascism.

Covid-cautious Democrats were more likely to vote by post from the comfort of their liberal elitist homes, wearing a mask and swabbing the pencil down with bleach when they’d finished.

[narrator] Advance in-person voting also explodes. Lines stretch for miles as Americans wait for a go on their democracy.

[Flowers] It was so inspiring to see so many Americans voting. Um… Yeah, and there was a pretty big, uh… Black vote too, which I think is so great! And I mean, obviously, I have no problem with that as long as everyone has proper ID with a current street address and they keep their hands in the air. Yeah!

[male reporter] Good morning, America. Election day 2020.

[narrator] The big day arrives, and as the media frantically promotes the last election in human history, early fears of violent clashes at polling stations melt away in the face of familiar tedious scenes of long lines and paperwork.

[male presenter] From MSNBC, Decision 2020.

[Nerrick] That was when the whole program suddenly turned into a really complicated game show format. Sort of based on an election. Basically, they had this map of America that’s blue around the edges and red in the middle. And to win the election, the players have to flip the states over one by one to see if they’re a different color on the other side.

Election night doesn’t begin until we flip a red state blue or a blue state red.

They’re worth different amounts. Like, Florida is worth 29 points even though it’s got fewer letters in its name than Tennessee. It was so confusing, they kept explaining the rules over and over.

If he does not pull off a Hail Mary pass and win Wisconsin, win Michigan or flip any of those Hilary Clinton states, then he’s gotta go five for five in these states.

The whole broadcast was literally days long and they never seemed to get to the fun bit where contestants buzz in. It’s the most boring game show ever. No wonder they only broadcast it once every four years.

[narrator] As election night ends without an official victor, all eyes turn to the crucial state of Pennsylvania, where Trump has been on a winning streak. Until officials stubbornly insist on counting Biden’s votes too. Trump calls foul. On live television, he attempts to beat Nixon’s world record for Presidential bullsh!t.

[President Trump] We were getting ready to win this election. Frankly, we did win this election. We did win this election.


[narrator] The President demands an end to democracy and so do some of his followers.

Stop the count!

There appeared to be swathes of Trump supporters protesting. But we don’t know how many because they refused to let anyone count them.

Stop the count! Stop the count!

[narrator] With the counting lasting days, the networks are reluctant to make an official call. National fingernail supplies are chewed dangerously low.

This election was a done deal on night one. But it didn’t feel like it because of the way the count was happening. Pennsylvania and Georgia were counting mail-in ballots last, even though those had been the first to arrive. So, the narrative that Biden was slowly inching to the finish line was really just a story being told backwards. When you watch Jaws backwards, it’s the story of a shark that spits panicking white people into the sea. Different movie.

[narrator] Finally, as Trump’s hunchbacked lab assistant Rudy Giuliani addresses the media from the prestigious car lot of Four Seasons Total Landscaping, a call is made.

[Rudy Giuliani] Who was it called by? Oh… Oh, my goodness! All the networks! Wow! All the networks!

CNN projects Joseph R. Biden Junior is elected the 46th President of the United States.

I’ll never forget where I was when I heard Biden had won. Staring at the news on a Saturday afternoon or maybe a Sunday night. I don’t know. The whole week’s a blur. But, oh God, the sheer sense of relief was like finally taking a dump after a long flight. And I mean that in every sense because I actually had tears in my eyes.

[narrator] In major cities, libtards and snowflakes mince into the streets to celebrate Biden’s victory with an outpouring of hope, joy, and coronaviral droplets.

Well, the last time I witnessed a celebration on that scale was in 1983 on the forest moon of Endor, when the Empire was defeated.

[director] Yeah, that’s Return of the Jedi. It’s a movie. A Star Wars, you know.

Well, excuse me, but I was there. I was there. Me, and those dear little bear people. And we had a lovely time.

[narrator] As night falls, President-Elect and keen jogger Joe Biden delivers a victory speech. After four years of Trump’s inflammatory half sentences, progressives draw comfort from Biden’s dull but coherent message of hope.

[Joe Biden] I pledge to be a President who seeks not to divide but unify.

[Bracket] Biden’s message was that Americans have more that unites us than divides us. Even though we were still counting millions of pieces of paper that proved we’re completely different. And we couldn’t even agree on the outcome of that.

[Foss] Well, traditionally by now, the loser would congratulate the victor, but Mr. Trump doesn’t know the meaning of the word “concede,” and he was furious when they told him.

[narrator] The President is not alone in besmirching and be-sh!tting the result. Having just been re-elected to the Senate, leading Republicans insist the election that put them there was rigged.

There is a lot of shenanigans going on here. If I were President Trump, I would take all this to court, I’d fight back.

Stop the steal! Stop the steal! Stop the steal!

[Flowers] My God. There were so many discrepancies. I mean, listen, according to the records there were dead people who voted for Biden, which is impossible because ghosts cannot hold pencils. They said there were more mail ballots than ever. What about female ballots? The voting machines in Michigan were controlled by Hunter Biden’s laptop. Georgia’s not even a real state. There’s no record of it existing before November. Jet fuel does not burn that hot. That was a controlled demolition. Trump not winning is a statistical impossibility like snow in winter or a duck that can’t talk. The total lack of evidence proves there’s been a cover-up! And the whole election never even happened. CNN made it look like it did using Deep State CGI. It’s all a lie. And, um… if that’s what democracy looks like, then count me out. Actually, don’t count me at all because that would be democracy again. And I want no part of it.

This election is not over, far from it.

[narrator] In a blizzard of headlines, Trump launches court challenges under the guidance of the legal world’s village idiot, Rudy Giuliani, whose efforts prove so hapless his hair starts crying.

[Rudy Giuliani] …and the mail-in ballot process, in order to cheat.

[narrator] But the efforts come to nothing.

[Dr. Gravel] The one good thing about Trump refusing to concede was that we got to watch him lose over and over. All those doomed legal efforts? It was like watching a man fall from a skyscraper trying to sue the sidewalk out of existence before he hit the ground.

[Grace] The media will deny this, but Trump did not lose the election.

[director] Have you got any proof of that?

He won the popular vote by a margin of literally millions. What more evidence do you need? He won fair and square.

Right, so you’re claiming Trump won the popular vote?

No, Biden did. President-Elect Biden. The victor. [chuckles]

[director] Right. Don’t you support Trump?

I have never supported Trump. Check your tape, Bob.

[director] It’s James, and you were part of Trump’s campaign.

Who’s Trump?

[narrator] Trump himself may have been voted out, but the movement behind him persists. America remains trapped in a loveless marriage with itself.

[Bracket] It is astounding that despite everything he did over the past four years, over 70 million Americans were absolutely rooting for Trump.

[President Trump] We will never give in, we will never give up, and we will never back down.

We will never ever surrender.


[Bracket] It’s either terrifying or the most inspiring love story of our age.

[Foss] People think of democracy as permanent and unchanging. In truth, it’s something you must perpetually nurture, like a woman or a professional grudge. American democracy has survived this challenge. But what will happen in a few years’ time when the next Trump comes along? Perhaps a younger, more cunning, more ruthless Trump. With faster reflexes and a titanium exoskeleton. Venom sacs on his neck. Maybe some kind of fearsome onyx claw. What happens then?

[Goolies] The thing is once Trump finally leaves, America will be back to being totally non-racist, overnight. And we can just chill about that whole institutional, you know… whatever deal.

I shall be sad to see Mr. Trump go because he brought such quiet dignity to his role. But that said, I do look forward to welcoming Mr. Biden to Buckingham Palace at the earliest opportunity. Indeed we have met before, at my coronation in 1953, which he attended as an old man.

[narrator] As America begins a new chapter and 2020 shudders to a close, the global pandemic is sadly still in full swing. Yet even as it tightens its grip once more, glimmers of hope appear at last.

Good news at last on Covid-19, a vaccine could be available by Christmas.

Well, this was a historic scientific achievement, on a par with the moon landings. But more difficult because the coronavirus is far smaller than the moon.

The vaccine breakthroughs are good news. But there is still a lot of work to do. Once approval has been met and manufacture scaled up, it must be distributed at sub-zero temperatures, and the slightest transport setback could generate a huge amount of waste. What is wrong with you people?

[narrator] Even with a miracle cure, there’s no guarantee everyone will embrace the vaccine.

No 5G vaccine for me, thank you very much. It’s made in a laboratory. And you shouldn’t trust anything that’s not natural. I read about it on Facebook.

[director] Well, Facebook isn’t exactly natural either.

Well, I don’t inject Facebook into my veins. Yeah. [laughs]

[director] But you’re happy to absorb it into your mind?

Get out of my house!

[narrator] Despite naysayers and refuseniks, vaccines offer a chance of a more normal life in 2021 and beyond.

It’s exciting to think we could have our lives back soon. You know, we could go to the pub. Maybe meet someone and have a bit of a dance. Bit of a fumble. Move in together. Drift apart. Learn to hate the way they pick their teeth. The sound of their voice. Wish you’d never met. Like, seriously rue the day. Is the vaccine compulsory?

[narrator] 2020 challenged humanity on a scale like no other. A year of tumult, upheaval, outrage, insult, disaster, lava, and division. It tested us, but maybe it taught us too.

[director] What did you learn in 2020?

What did I learn? Huh. Uh… how many steps there are between my couch and the refrigerator.

I learned the complete genomic sequence of the novel coronavirus. And how to do the Floss.

I’ve learned a lot about myself. That sometimes I’m too much of a giving person. And, um… Oh, I’ve also learned how to correctly pronounce Sieg Heil!

Well, I would say, personally, 2020 was rather fun, looking back. I got in touch with some old university chums and we have started a Zoom barbershop quartet. Would you like to hear my Camptown Races?

[director] Um… I… No. No.

[director] That was so good. Thank you so much.

Oh, thank you.

Great, awesome.

Are we done, is that it?

[director] It was brilliant. Thank you. Listen, uh, it looks like we might be doing one of these again next year for the end of 2021.





[director] Is there any chance you could read some advance responses now so we can cut them into the edit later? They’re on that piece of paper.


Yes. Yes, happy to oblige.


Yeah, just this last page?

[director] Yeah.

“But no one could have foreseen what the vaccine would do to us or how we’d use our new powers.”

But no one could have foreseen what the vaccine would do to us or how we’d use our new powers.

But no one could have foreseen what the vaccine would do to us or how we’d use our new powers.

And that, of course, is when President Harris unveiled her real agenda.

And that was when President Harris unveiled her real agenda.

And that was when President Harris unveiled her real agenda.

Of course, in the end, the Trump News Network came off air after just one month.

Of course, in the end, the Trump News Network came off air after just a month.

I’ve gotta say he was the last world leader you’d expect to see pushing a hardboiled egg up his own ass on Italian television.

Gotta say he was the last world leader you’d expect to see pushing a hardboiled egg up his own ass on Italian television.

Gotta say he was the last world leader you’d expect to see pushing a hardboiled egg up his own ass on Italian television.

But then, at the last moment, we all woke up and it had all been a horrible dream.

But then, at the last moment, we all woke up and it had all been a horrible dream!

But then, at the last moment, we all woke up and it was all a horrible dream. Oh, I wish.

Is that enough, will that do? Terrific.

Great, thank you.


Well, guys, it has been great.

Anyway, I have a train, and prior to train I am going to find myself a semi-louche bar and a welcoming Negroni.

[Flowers] Um… is that enough? OK, this was fun! I had fun.

Alright, we done here? Mmm! I’m done here, you? Huh? You wanna have sex?

[director] Um… Well… there’s quite a strict social distancing policy on this production…

Suit yourself, man.

[director] Uh…


Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Read More

Reunion (2024)

Reunion (2024) | Transcript

Snowbound at their high school reunion, former classmates uncover a murder and scramble to identify the killer among them before they’re all iced out for good.

Boy Kills World (2023)

Boy Kills World (2023) | Transcript

When his family is murdered, a deaf-mute named Boy escapes to the jungle and is trained by a mysterious shaman to repress his childish imagination and become an instrument of death.

Weekly Magazine

Get the best articles once a week directly to your inbox!