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Beau Is Afraid (2023) | Transcript

Following the sudden death of his mother, a mild-mannered but anxiety-ridden man confronts his darkest fears as he embarks on an epic, Kafkaesque odyssey back home.
Beau Is Afraid (2023)

(HEART THUMPING)

(HEART CONTINUES THUMPING)

(FAINT, MUFFLED WOMAN SCREAMING)

(MUFFLED SIZZLING)

(MUFFLED WOMAN GASPING)

(MUFFLED SIZZLING)

(WOMAN GASPING)

(SOFT CRACKLE)

(WOMAN SCREAMING)

(MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

(MUFFLED SIZZLING)

(WOMAN CONTINUES SCREAMING)

(MUFFLED SIZZLING)

(SIZZLING)

(WOMAN SCREAMS)

(SIZZLING)

(WHOOSHING)

(HIGHPITCHED RINGING)

(RUMBLING)

MAN: One push…

WOMAN: He hit his head.

MAN: He did not.

WOMAN: Did he just hit his head?

MAN: No, he just caught him.

WOMAN: But he hit the floor. I saw him.

MAN: No, he didn’t.

WOMAN: You dropped him!

MAN: Sweetheart, I promise you. He’s fine.

WOMAN: Why isn’t he crying?

(SCISSOR SNIPS)

MAN: He’ll be crying…

WOMAN: He should be crying, right?

MAN: He will be crying in no time.

WOMAN: (CRYING) Where are you taking him?

What… What is wrong?

(RUSTLING)

Why isn’t he breathing?

WOMAN: Did you kill him?

MAN: No!

WOMAN: (SCREAMING) Did you kill my baby?

MAN: I saw him breathing.

(SQUELCHING)

WOMAN: Did you drop him?

MAN: No! I did not.

WOMAN: You made me have him.

MAN: The nurse is getting him.

NURSE: Yes, we are! We’re…

(SHOUTING CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)

(PUMP HISSING)

(THUD)

WOMAN: Why are you flinging him?

(SMACKING)

(BABY CRYING)

(EERIE MUSIC PLAYS)

(MUSIC STOPS)

(DOOR CLOSES AND LOCKS)

(HUFFS)

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS DEEPLY)

I accidentally drank mouthwash Friday night.

You can’t get stomach cancer that way…

Not from one time.

I drank a mouthful a couple weeks ago, too.

I’m sure it’s fine.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

I’m visiting my mother tomorrow.

I know you are. Your father’s anniversary.

The day he died.

How you feeling about that?

You know, (SCOFFS SOFTLY) I never met him.

I meant how you feeling about going home.

(CELL PHONE DINGS)

(INHALES)

I had that dream again.

THERAPIST: Let’s stay on track.

How are you feeling about the trip?

It’s good I’m going back.

It’s been a long time.

Has it?

Several months.

Are you feeling guilty about that?

And, um, when you’re out there, are you going with any sense of a plan?

Hoping for a certain outcome?

Like what?

Do you feel like you’re going with realistic expectations?

If the last time you were thirsty, you went to a well and the water made you sick, are you gonna go back to that specific well, expecting it to be safe?

Hmm.

Do you ever wish that she was dead?

What?

Of course not!

Well, it wouldn’t be so crazy if you did.

We can sort of want these things and also not want them at all.

Those feelings can coexist.

We’re here so we can air those kinds of thoughts.

Okay.

(DISTANT TRAFFIC NOISE)

(TRAFFIC NOISE STOPS)

How’s the Hydrotipnol? Still making the eyes itchy?

Only if I don’t keep blinking.

Is it helping the anxiety?

Um… (SIGHS)

Tell you what, I’m gonna write you a script for a very cool new drug which I think should be smoother on all fronts.

Always with water.

Always. And if your breathing changes or you feel warm, call me immediately. That’s serious.

Break a leg.

(ON PHONE) Hi, carrot, it’s Mom.

I’m just calling to say that I’m so, so, so excited to see you tomorrow.

Joseph?

MOM: You’re my angel, and I love you.

Okay. I love you. Okay. Bye, sweetie. I love you.

(GENTLE OPERATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Listen to your mother when I tell you to not leave my side!

(UPBEAT POP MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS)

Hello.

Can I please see this one?

That one?

MAN: (IN DISTANCE) You think I won’t!

Do you fucking want me to do it?

(CLAMORING IN DISTANCE)

Oh, yeah?

Beep beep!

BEAU: Excuse me. What is that man doing?

(LAUGHING) We’re trying to get him to jump.

(MAN SCREAMING)

(GENTLE OPERATIC MUSIC CONTINUES)

(LIVELY LATIN MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS)

(MAN SCREAMS)

MAN 1: Shut up, bitch! Fuck you!

(GUNSHOTS)

MAN 2: Get away from me.

MAN 1: Stop fucking with me!

Get away from me. You get away from me.

VENDOR: Chicken noodle for you.

MAN 2: Get away.

VENDOR 2: You look like a minestrone man.

Fuck you!

Stay away!

It’s hot!

VENDOR 2: Jeez, we’re running low on crackers.

(MEN ARGUING)

(OMINOUS MUSIC BUILDING)

(MAN SCREAMS)

(GUNSHOT)

(ELECTRICAL BUZZING)

(BEEP)

(METAL CLATTERING)

(PANTING)

(BANGS ON DOOR)

(WOMAN YELLING IN DISTANCE)

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

(GENTLE OPERATIC MUSIC RESUMES)

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLES)

(GENTLE OPERATIC MUSIC CONTINUES)

(MICROWAVE WHIRRING)

(BLOWS)

Hey, Dad.

(SWITCH CLICKS)

(MUFFLED PEOPLE ARGUING)

NEWS ANCHOR: Search continues for the man known as “Birthday Boy Stab Man,” who in the last week has claimed three more lives.

He is known for prowling the streets without clothes and stabbing random pedestrians in the neck and guts.

Witnesses have identified him as a circumcised white male…

(GENTLE OPERATIC MUSIC CONTINUES)

(PEOPLE CONTINUE ARGUING IN DISTANCE)

(OPERATIC MUSIC FADES)

(SEAGULLS SQUAWKING DISTANTLY)

(WATER LAPPING GENTLY)

(BEACH SOUNDS STOP)

(CAR HORN BLARING AND SIRENS WAILING OUTSIDE)

(GRUNTS SOFTLY)

(EXHALES)

(PEOPLE CONTINUE YELLING IN DISTANCE)

(CAR PASSES)

(MUFFLED YELLING CONTINUES)

(DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE)

(SOFT KNOCK)

(SOFT RUSTLING)

(EERIE MUSIC PLAYING)

(EERIE MUSIC CONTINUES)

(SIGHS HEAVILY)

(FAINT FOOTSTEPS)

(EERIE MUSICAL STING)

(LIGHT BUZZING)

BEAU: Hello?

(DOOR CLOSES)

(URGENT KNOCKING ON DOOR)

MAN: (OUTSIDE) Help!

Please help!

I need some sleep!

(KNOCKING CONTINUES)

(KNOCKING CEASES)

Oh, yeah?

(FOOTSTEPS DEPARTING)

(EERIE MUSIC CONTINUES)

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

(EERIE MUSICAL STING)

(MUFFLED DOOR SLAMS)

(FAINT FOOTSTEPS)

MAN: (MUFFLED) Come on, dance!

(MUFFLED DANCE MUSIC BLASTING)

(WALLS RATTLING)

(ALARM RINGING)

(MUFFLED UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(MUSIC ENDS)

(ALARM CONTINUES RINGING)

(YELLS)

(DRAMATIC MUSICAL STING)

(WATER RUNNING)

(GROANS)

(DRAMATIC MUSICAL STING)

(LAMPSHADE SHATTERS)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

(DOOR SLAMMING)

Excuse me, sir? My bag and my key were just here.

You’re fucked, pal. (CHUCKLES)

BEAU: Hey, wait a minute. Why would you say that?

(MAN RUNNING DOWN STAIRS)

(DOOR SLAMS)

MRS. WOLSKI: Hello?

Oh, hi, Mrs. Wolski.

This is Beau Wassermann from apartment 303.

I’m calling because my keys were…

MRS. WOLSKI: No, please, no solicitors!

No, no. Oh, I’m sorry. I’m not a solicitor,

I’m one of your tenants. I need a locksmith.

I’m late for the airport.

Thank you.

(HANGS UP)

Hello?

Hello?

(MUFFLED CLAMORING AND OBJECTS THUDDING)

(SIREN WHOOPING OUTSIDE)

(LINE RINGING)

MARTHA: Hello?

Hi, Martha.

I’m sorry, is Mom there?

Beau! Sweetie! Yes, she’s right here.

MOM: Beau?

Hi, Mom.

MOM: Hi… Hi, carrot. Are you at the airport?

No, not yet.

Are you on your way?

Are you in the cab?

No, Mom…

How long is the cab ride?

Mom, I… I don’t want to worry you, I was on my way, but something, uh…

I don’t know. I was up all night because my neighbor kept leaving notes underneath my door about noise, even though I didn’t make any noise.

And I overslept, and when I went to leave, I forgot something, I went back in.

And then I came back out and… and my key was stolen out of my door.

Oh, my God.

So where are you calling me from now?

My apartment.

Wait, what time is it? Isn’t it 4:30?

Yeah, I know.

Baby, your flight is in an hour!

I know, but Mom, my key got stolen out of my door.

Mom?

(SINGSONGY) Mom!

(SIGHS SOFTLY)

(SOFTLY) Mom…

Okay, sweetheart. I understand.

Wait, what’s okay? No, it’s not.

What do you understand?

No, of course it isn’t. Your keys are stolen.

That’s terrible.

They were stolen.

Then we’ll just do another visit another time.

I can even come to you, so it’s not such a pain.

It’s not a pain, it’s never a pain.

You know what? I can still just come to you.

I’m still coming, I’m on my way. I just…

What do you think I should do?

What do you think I should do?

I’m sure you’ll do the right thing, sweetheart.

What is the right thing?

What would be the right thing for you?

Do I call the police?

Or maybe there’s a way for me to just still come home now.

But is that safe?

If… If my apartment’s open to the public, and somebody has my keys, I don’t know what’s going on.

I mean, it doesn’t sound safe.

It’s not safe, is it?

Beau…

What?

No.

Yeah.

I’m sorry about your keys, sweetheart, I have to go.

No, you don’t have to go.

Mom…

I hope you find them.

Wait, wait, come on, let’s fix this.

(VOICE CRACKING) Let’s fix this.

(HANGS UP)

Hello?

(TIRES SQUEAL)

(ENGINE RUMBLES)

MAN: Yo, you gonna die, bitch!

(GUN FIRING)

(WOMAN SCREAMING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

(SIREN APPROACHING)

(DOG BARKING)

(UNNERVING MUSIC PLAYING)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS)

(MUSIC STOPS)

(HEART BEATING RAPIDLY)

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)

(PIPE GROANS)

(MUFFLED WOMAN SHOUTING)

(RETCHES)

(GAGS)

(WHEEZES)

(RETCHING)

(DRYHEAVES)

(LIVELY LATIN MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS)

(SCREAMING)

(GASPING)

DR. FRIEL: Always with water.

(ECHOING) Always.

Always.

Always.

(TYPING)

(FOREBODING MUSIC PLAYING)

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLES)

(MEN SCREAMING OUTSIDE)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

(FIGHTING SCREAMS CONTINUE)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC BUILDING)

(SCREAMING CONTINUES)

(MUSIC STOPS)

Ahh!

Help me! Help me! Help me!

(MAN SCREAMING)

(GUN FIRES)

Help me! Help me! Help me!

Help me! Help me! Help me! Help me! Help me! Help me!

(ENTRY BELL JINGLES)

(PANTING)

(POP MUSIC PLAYING FAINTLY ON SPEAKERS)

(DEVICE BEEPS)

Declined.

What?

No, it’s not. Can you try again, please?

No…

Oh, no.

(DEVICE BEEPS)

CASHIER: Ah, no good.

Oh, God… How much?

You drank already. You owe $1.79.

Okay…

$1.79

BEAU: Oh, no.

Oh, hoho!

I call the police.

What? No, no, look, I’m paying! I’m paying!

CASHIER: 30 cents more.

(BEAU GROANS)

Oh, God…

(COINS RATTLE)

CASHIER: 20 now.

BEAU: Oh, my God…

CASHIER: 20! (TAPPING)

I know!

Don’t curse me, my friend.

I’m not the one.

BEAU: Oh, my God!

CASHIER: Five more now.

There!

I call the police!

(UNSETTLING MUSIC PLAYING)

(DOOR THUDS)

(MUFFLED LATIN MUSIC PLAYING)

(PANTING)

Mrs. Wolski?

MAN IN APARTMENT: Back away!

Stay away! Get away!

BEAU: Oh, no! Oh, no!

MAN: Get away! Get away!

Get back! Stay away!

(BEAU HYPERVENTILATING)

Get back!

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

(MAN 2 YELLING IN DISTANCE)

(MAN 3 WAILS)

(WINGS FLUTTERING)

(DREAMY MUSICAL STING)

(ELECTRICITY BUZZING)

(SIRENS WAILING)

(FOREBODING MUSIC PLAYING)

(GUN FIRES)

(INDISTINCT ARGUING)

(LATIN MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS)

MAN 1: Get away! Get away from me!

MAN 2: Fuck you! Fuck you!

(NOISES FROM INSIDE MUTED)

(FOREBODING MUSIC CONTINUES)

(FIGHTING SCREAMS AND GRUNTS)

(SOFT OPERATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

MAN: Again! Again! Put it back!

(DRILL WHIRRING)

(DRILL CONTINUES WHIRRING)

(GRIM MUSIC PLAYING)

(ELEVATOR DOORS CREAKING)

(SIGHS)

Hello?

(APPLIANCE WHIRRING)

(GRIM MUSIC CONTINUES)

Sir?

(INHALES)

(APPLIANCE CONTINUES WHIRRING)

Hello?

(BLENDER WHIRRING)

(SIZZLING)

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYS)

(MUSIC STOPS)

VOICEMAIL: Hi, you’ve reached Mona!

Leave me a message if you ever want to speak to me again.

(LINE BEEPS)

BEAU: Hi, Mom.

So, I’m trying to book a flight for tonight, but the credit card got declined.

(ERROR TONE BEEPS)

AUTOMATED VOICE: We’re sorry.

Your message did not go through.

Please hang up and…

(LINE RINGING)

MAN: Hello?

Hello?

I’m sorry, who is this?

Oh. Oh, I’m sorry. I’m trying to call my mom.

This is your mom’s number?

Oh.

Mm? Yeah, it is.

Who… Who’s this?

I’m with UPS.

Um…

I don’t know whose phone this is.

I just called the police. They’re already on their way.

Oh…

Okay.

Why?

Hello?

UPS GUY: Can you… Can you maybe describe your mother to me?

Uh…

Brown eyes. Redbrown hair?

(RUSTLING OVER PHONE)

Can you maybe describe her physique?

Wait, what’s going on?

W… Why are you calling the police?

Listen, I don’t know what this is.

I have a package, and I only came in because of the smell, and the dogs on the block were all going crazy, and the door was open, so I just barely came inside, but… um… there’s a lady on the floor.

Well, the body of a lady, and there’s no face or head.

(SOFTLY) What?

I don’t think I should have answered this.

Police are coming. This isn’t my phone.

I’m truly just finding this.

I’m sorry, you don’t… makes any sense. You…

What do you mean there’s no face or… or head for who?

I mean, I’m sure there is.

I’m sure it’s here. I’m sure it’s everywhere.

A chandelier… fell on top of it.

And it looks like it dropped off the ceiling and it fell on a woman.

And it smashed her head, it’s like it evaporated.

But who is it?

What?

Who is it?

I don’t know, I’m trying to be tactful here.

You’re saying that this could be your mom?

What? I didn’t say that!

Why are you saying that?

No, you said that to me!

Look, you asked if your mother was here.

That’s what I’m saying, I don’t know who this is!

I just picked up the phone and that’s what you said, okay?

I didn’t do this! I didn’t do this! You know?

I swear.

Maybe you called the wrong number.

Did you dial this number?

(SOFTLY) It’s saved in my phone.

It’s saved on your phone? Okay, maybe you misdialed.

Oh, my God. (BREATHING SHAKILY)

Oh, my God… You…

Right? Maybe you misdialed.

Maybe this is all a big misunderstanding.

You’re scaring me. Okay.

So, we should hang up…

Okay.

…then maybe your mom… your mom will pick up.

Okay

That… Okay. Hang up. Call back.

No, I’m sorry…

(BEAU BREATHING HEAVILY)

(LINE RINGING)

UPS GUY: I’m so sorry.

I’m so sorry.

Do I have your permission to check her purse for some ID?

Since it’s more likely now that this is your mom?

Hello?

(RUSTLING OVER PHONE)

Is her name… (CLEARS THROAT)

Mona Wassermann?

Is that your mother?

Hello?

Mona Wassermann? Is that your mom?

(WHEEZING)

Hey. Hey, m…

Is there somebody there?

(CAR ALARM BLARING)

(MUFFLED CHATTERING)

(LINE RINGING)

VOICEMAIL: Hi, you’ve reached Dr. Jeremy Friel.

Please leave a message, and I’ll return your call as soon as I’m able.

I’m so sorry.

(LINE BEEPS)

(WATER DRIPPING)

(SOFT SQUEAKING)

(BREATH TREMBLING)

(PHONE CLATTERS)

(SOBBING)

(SHOES SQUEAK)

(MAN GRUNTS)

MAN: Please.

Please.

(WHIMPERING)

(TENSE MUSIC BUILDING)

(GRUNTING)

(WHIMPERING)

(GRUNTING AND WHIMPERING)

(MUSIC HALTS)

(BOTH SCREAM)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS)

MAN: No, no…

(SCREAMING AND GRUNTING)

(YELLS)

(WATER RUMBLING)

(GASPING)

(WATER RUMBLING)

(MUFFLED SCREAMING)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(BEAU SCREAMING)

Help! Help!

(SCREAMING)

(GLASS CRUNCHING)

(SCREAMING IN SPAIN)

(LATIN MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS)

Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!

Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!

Fuck you!

(GASPS)

Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!

Police! Oh, my God!

Police!

Police, please help, will ya?

Freeze!

Man in my bath, and a man with a knife…

POLICEMAN: Freeze!

What?

First, drop the weapon! Drop it!

Drop the weapon! Drop the weapon!

Drop the weapon! Drop it.

Drop the weapon! Drop it.

(BEAU WHIMPERS)

Fuck it… What… Dude, do not move.

I fucking said do not move!

Freeze!

(WEAKLY) I’m freezing. I’m freezing.

I said fucking freeze!

I’m not moving!

POLICEMAN: Trust me. I’m not gonna say it again.

(HIGHPITCHED) I’m frozen, I’m frozen, I’m frozen.

(HIGHPITCHED) Oh, my God, don’t make me do this.

Do not make me do this, please. Oh, please.

Please, please, don’t make me do this!

No, no.

No, no, no.

Don’t make me do this!

(BEAU SCREAMS)

(GUN FIRES)

(CONTINUES SCREAMING)

(BIRTHDAY BOY CACKLING)

(CAR HORN BLARES)

(GASPS)

(BOTH SCREAM)

(BRAKES SCREECH)

(THUD)

(WATER LAPPING FAINTLY)

(WATER SLOSHING)

(MUFFLED AUDIO)

(SOFT SCREECH)

(WATER CONTINUES SLOSHING)

(MUFFLED SCREECHING)

(WIND CHIMES TINKLING)

(SCREECHING CONTINUES DISTANTLY)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(BIRD SCREECHING IN DISTANCE)

(WIND CHIMES CONTINUE TINKLING)

(BIRDS CONTINUE CHIRPING)

(INHALES SHARPLY)

(EXHALES WEAKLY)

(TUBING RATTLING)

(GASPS)

(BELL CHIMES IN DISTANCE)

WOMAN: I’m coming!

Roger, he’s awake.

(GRACE SINGS INDISTINCTLY)

Did you hit the button?

Are you awake?

How’re you feeling?

(DEVICE BEEPING)

(GROGGILY) Strange.

I bet. You’ve been sleeping for two days.

BEAU: What?

Did I get hit with a car?

(INHALES) There was an accident, yes.

Oh, goodness… Uh, I hit you with my car.

(GRUNTS SOFTLY)

(GROANS) Is that this?

There was a stabbing.

You were assaulted.

What?

(SCREAMING)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(BEAU SCREAMING)

(YELLING) Just… Why? Why?

What?

I know!

Am I dead?

No.

No. You’ve been healing so quickly.

And no organs were hit, and your… your bleeding was really mild.

What, this is… What room is this?

This is a room in our house, but it’s your home for as long as you need.

My name’s Grace.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Oh, this is Roger.

This is my husband.

Hey, guy. Welcome back.

Thought you’d sleep in, huh?

GRACE: Roger’s a very respected surgeon.

He’s the one who dressed and treated your wounds.

You’re a lucky man.

(DEVICE BEEPS)

BEAU: What is… What is this?

That’s my little assistant health monitor.

Keeps track of your condition.

Was that a dream before?

What is?

Was that a dream?

The stabbing?

No, my mom.

Your…Your mommy?

My mommy.

Is my mommy dead?

What was your dream, sweetie?

(VOICE BREAKING) Her head… just gone.

Her what?

(CRYING) Her head.

Oh, no, no, that’s a dream. That was a dream.

(SOBBING) No, her head is gone.

(SHUSHES) No, no, no, that’s a bad dream. It’s okay.

Shh. That’s a bad dream.

There you go. Shh. Oh, no.

My mommy…

(CONTINUES SOBBING)

Just a dream. It’s just a dream.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(BALLAD PLAYING ON SPEAKERS)

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

ROGER: Amen.

(BEAU GRUNTS)

(ROGER SIGHS)

That’s Nate. Our boy.

Nathan.

He’s Army?

82nd Airborne Division. Caracas.

Killed in action.

Where’s that?

ROGER: Oh, is it time for dessert already?

Here you go.

And, uh… two for the big man.

By the way, Beau, uh, not for the dinner table, but, uh, I noticed when you first came in, (SOFTLY) your testicles are significantly distended.

Looks like a bad case of epididymitis.

GRACE: Let him eat, Roger.

But we should get an ultrasound just to be safe.

(DOOR SLAMS)

Oh, Toni!

Ton… Come here.

Come here.

ROGER: Oh, she’s not dead, that’s nice.

GRACE: Come… Come in here.

I want you to meet our new friend.

Beau, this is Toni.

Toni, this is Beau.

Oh, hello.

You enjoying my bed and all my stuff?

What? That’s your bedroom?

ROGER: Oh, God… here we go.

I didn’t realize that. I’m…

Beau. Take it easy.

Toni’s happy to give you her room.

TONI: Yeah, no.

It’s not like we have a totally empty room available, completely unused.

That’s right. It’s not like that.

You know that.

I’m going to school.

Honey, it’s Saturday!

Don’t mix those, Toni!

(DOOR SLAMS)

Little asshole.

(BALLAD CONTINUES ON SPEAKERS)

Okay, so you wanna dial nine, and then you’re good.

Do you have the number you need?

My mom made me memorize it.

Hi, Jeeves!

(BEAU BREATHING HEAVILY)

(BEAU WINCES)

Uh, Jeeves, um… He…

Jeeves and my son served together in Caracas.

He was with him when he died.

(JEEVES YELLS)

Oh, that’s gonna be blood.

ROGER: Did you give him his meds?

I thought you did!

All right…

If you need anything, just shout.

Stay right there, Jeeves. Sweetie, don’t touch anything.

(DIALING)

(THUDDING INSIDE THE TRAILER)

(LINE RINGING)

MAN: Hello.

Dr. Cohen?

(SIGHS)

DR. COHEN: I’m not a doctor, Beau, I’m an attorney.

I’m calling about Mom.

Is it true?

Is what true?

That she was discovered with a collapsed head in her living room?

That you were the first person notified and it’s taken three days for anyone to hear from you?

(SOBBING)

Yes, Beau, it’s true.

But how? I was just speaking with her.

I was coming to see her. I was coming to see her.

Shh!

(BEAU WHIMPERS)

What…

What happened?

DR. COHEN: Wha… What, am I the first person you’re asking?

A chandelier crushed her head!

(WATER SLOSHING)

Hello?

Oh, my God.

Hello?

What do I do? What… do… (SNEEZES) Do I call the… (SOBS) funeral… funeral people?

About what?

(GULPS)

Do I need… to…

Everyone was contacted on the day that she was found.

The burial has been outrageously postponed.

So…

When…

When is it now?

A body is to be buried immediately, Beau.

“It shall not remain all night.”

Does that ring a bell?

Do you understand anything?

I just woke up.

I got hit by a car, and I got stabbed.

(JEEVES SCREAMS)

(JEEVES GRUNTING)

It was your mother’s unfortunate wish that she not be buried without you present.

So, we are waiting, Beau.

And every minute more that we wait only deepens the humiliation.

Okay.

Your mother’s body is being watched at all hours.

There is no rest for her.

There has been no rest for the people that love her.

You need to be here Beau, dressed in a suit, with a eulogy.

You need to stop the humiliation.

It’s all that’s being asked of you.

We’ll keep an eye out for Your Highness’s royal carriage.

(HANGS UP)

GRACE: Was that okay?

(GROANING)

I… I… I need to get home. I… I have to get back. (GROANS)

GRACE: Oh…

Baby.

(ROGER WHOOPS)

BEAU: I have to get back.

ROGER: Paging Dr. Rog. Dr. Rog incoming.

All right, bub.

BEAU: (CRYING) I need to go.

A little medley here.

BEAU: Now.

Under the tongue.

BEAU: Can you take me?

Come on.

Attaboy.

BEAU: Oh, God…

(CRYING) Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God…

ROGER: How’s our patient?

He needs to get back.

Oh, I’m gonna need to go now.

Is there a flight tonight or this afternoon?

Or now?

Oh, sweetheart, this is the afternoon.

Okay, well, can we order one or…

ROGER: Whoa, partner!

What are we gonna do?

Partner, hold your horses.

Oh, God…

ROGER: He can’t fly in his condition.

Yeah, I was gonna say.

ROGER: What’s the problem, ol’ buddy?

BEAU: She needs to be buried. She needs to be buried.

They’re waiting for me. She’s…

(SOBBING) She’s humiliated. She’s humiliated, oh, so much.

Beau, listen, there’s nothing worse than losing a parent.

I lost my mother when I was 11.

I don’t think I ever got over it.

But I promise you, we will get you there, easy.

Wasserton’s only like a sixhour drive from here.

Can you take me now?

But you also need to get some serious rest, my brother.

No! I feel fine.

GRACE: And some support.

When can you take me?

Couple days? Then…

What?

Then after the show, we can all swing back here together.

Roger. Roger, please.

As a family.

Please, I need to get back now. I need to go.

GRACE: Heck, Beau, if you need to get home ASAP…

BEAU: Yeah.

GRACE: …we’re just gonna have to find a way to take you tomorrow.

BEAU: What?

Tomorrow… Not… Not… No. But… But…

ROGER: You know what?

BEAU: … today, why not today?

ROGER: You’re right, honey. Tomorrow.

BEAU: Roger, please… (SOBS)

(GRACE CRIES)

GRACE: Oh…

BEAU: What about today?

ROGER: Not in this condition.

(PILLS RATTLING)

(BEAU SOBBING)

(A THOUSAND MILES BY VANESSA CARLTON PLAYS ON SPEAKERS)

GRACE: I need more red and blue.

Hmm…

I found it.

(BEAU HUMS)

ROGER: All right!

It’s beddy-byes for the Rogman!

Where’s my blushing bride?

Yoohoo, babe!

(FLOOR CREAKING)

(AMBIENT MUSIC PLAYING)

(GASPS)

BEAU: Oh, I’m sorry. I was just going to the bathroom.

(CRUNCHING)

Would you like to trade?

I really don’t mind.

Shut my door and get in my bed.

I really, really, really don’t mind, really.

I like couches.

And I’m leaving tomorrow, anyway.

Well, If you do change your mind, I’m ready to switch whenever. I’ll be happy to.

I’m sorry. Thank you. Sorry.

(MUFFLED DOOR SLIDES)

(MUFFLED FOOTSTEPS)

(DOOR SLIDES)

(FOREBODING MUSIC PLAYING)

(WINCING)

TONI: …don’t know where the fuck is it!

…touch it? Why would you touch someone else’s shit?

(TONI SIGHS)

He moved my toothbrush. He used… Did he…

Did he fucking use my toothbrush?

Today’s the day, Beau. How’s it feel?

Is he okay with me?

Eh, probably.

GRACE: It’s just his nerves, Beau.

He’s been through a lot.

Just like you.

Man’s a hero.

Okay, paleo, it’s you and me!

Grace unfortunately can’t join.

She’s got her big shareholder meeting.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

Feelin’ sad about going home, Beau?

Must feel totally unreal.

Yeah…

Yeah, I don’t know. I don’t know.

Right. So…

Not “sad” exactly.

I mean, yes. Of course. I just…

I think I need to get there to even…

(RINGTONE SONG PLAYING)

Hey, that makes sense.

That makes all the sense in the world! (SIGHS)

Hello?

Speaking.

Uhhuh.

When did it happen?

Water skiing?

Ugh. Well, yes, no, of course.

Tell them to rush him over.

Oh, my God! (SIGHS)

Emergency surgery.

Carl Oberst split his head open.

(GRACE GASPS)

One of my oldest patients.

GRACE: Oh, G… Well, I can’t miss work today.

It’s all hands on deck.

(ROGER SIGHS)

Oh, my gosh, Carl.

ROGER: I know. Good ol’ Carl.

(SIGHS) Okay… Okay…

Mm… (GROANS)

(GROANS LOUDLY)

(SIGHS HEAVILY)

Beau, this is gonna take a while.

I don’t know if today’s gonna happen.

Okay…

What do you mean?

I wanna say tonight, but I already pushed this morning’s surgeries to tomorrow.

But… if I pull ’em all back to this afternoon, we could blast off tomorrow morning!

No, but I have to go today.

I… I have to leave today, my mother…

(SCREAMS IN PAIN)

ROGER: Uhoh!

(GROANS)

See…

(BEAU GROANS)

Mmmm.

(GRACE GASPS)

GRACE: Oh, Beau!

ROGER: You aren’t healed, my dude.

Not to mention…

Maybe there’s a way.

Since you’re busy, maybe I can… I can fly.

I fly and I can pay you back when I get my credit card.

It isn’t about the money, Beau.

You can’t fly with your wounds.

The air pressure will rip you wide open.

Maybe I can take a bus!

I can take a bus. Can I take a bus?

Or take a train? Or… Or… Or a cab?

Beau, we’re responsible for you.

Driving you home is the absolute least we can do.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I’m sorry, but I have to go today.

I have to go today.

I don’t want to impose. I don’t want to…

Going tomorrow won’t be an imposition!

It’ll be my pleasure.

Okay?

(SOFTLY) How did you get me here?

Is it, Beau?

Don’t just say that.

This is your decision.

(LOW UNNERVING MUSIC PLAYS)

Thanks, pal, you’re a trouper! Sorry for the curveball, Beau!

Wait, don’t you need to stitch me up?

Ah, it’s fine. Just cut back on the jumping jacks, you know what I mean?

In the meantime, my man, this is your home.

I need to run, too, sweetie.

(WHISPERS) There’s a…

ROGER: Oh, and I’m giving Jeeves his medicine, so if you hear him screaming, he’s just asleep.

Don’t forget to hydrate.

What?

GRACE: Drink lots of water.

ROGER: We’re taking you back tomorrow.

GRACE: Goodbye, sweetie.

ROGER: “Tomorrow creeps in this petty pace “from day to day…” (FADING)

What?

(ROGER YELLING INDISTINCTLY)

What does this mean?

Wait! What does that mean?

ROGER: Shake a leg.

(DIALING)

VOICEMAIL: You’ve reached the office of Harold Cohen.

Leave a detailed message.

I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.

(LINE BEEPS)

BEAU: Hey, Dr. Cohen. It’s Beau.

I’m on my way.

AUTOMATED VOICE: The mailbox is full and cannot accept any messages at…

(AMBIENT MUSIC PLAYING)

(TYPING)

NEWS ANCHOR: Our senior correspondent, Brian Galloway, joins us now.

Brian, what have we learnt?

All we know at the moment is that Mona Wassermann was found dead in the living room of her magnificent home with a chandelier where one’s head should be.

Due to extenuating circumstances, she has not yet been buried.

But she must. She was 70 years old.

REPORTER: Excuse me, sir, you discovered the body?

Look, I never would’ve gone inside if… if, uh, the dogs in the street hadn’t been going nuts and I hadn’t smelled that smell and the door hadn’t been half-open.

That’s the only reason I went inside.

Admired by her friends and feared by her competitors, Mona Wassermann was a local industry titan and a force to be reckoned with.

I just can’t believe it.

NEWS ANCHOR: Mona Wassermann has been…

(TAPPING ON TRACKPAD)

What?

What the fuck!

Oh… I’m sorry!

I’m sorry I was on your computer. I threw up.

I’ll… I’ll clean it up. I’ll clean up.

I’ll clean up better than before.

TONI: We’re leaving.

What?

I’m taking you home.

BEAU: What about Roger taking me?

(SCREAMS) Who the fuck do you think told me to take you?

(CAR LOCK CHIRPS)

Meet my new brother.

I’m just Grace and Roger’s friend. Hi.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Look at this.

(SIGHS) I don’t even care.

He just threw up on my fucking computer.

(DOOR ALARM BEEPS)

(BEAU SIGHS)

Thank you. Thank you for taking me.

Taking him where?

Aren’t you a little old to be getting adopted?

I’m not adopted.

GIRL: Yeah, you are.

To him.

No, thank you.

TONI: Dad told me you need to smoke it.

BEAU: What?

TONI: It’s for your healing. He says you need to relax.

That’s okay, really. Thank you.

I already took some pills.

TONI: Um, no.

Actually, it’s not, “Okay, really. Thank you.”

(SNIFFLES) Your new dad says that your pills aren’t enough and that you need to smoke this with your little sister.

Please, I really can’t do this.

I just saw something very confusing and I just need to get home.

(BRAKES SCREECH)

Look, you smoke it and we take you home.

You don’t and we don’t. That’s it.

Wait…

Then, I’ll just wait for Roger to take me.

Can you please open the door?

If you don’t do it right now, I’m going to make her pull my hair so hard that it detaches my scalp, and she’ll say that you did it.

GIRL: I will.

I remember that you did, I saw it.

You taking advantage of us.

What’s in it?

TONI: It’s three things.

Okay, thank you.

TONI: Do it actually.

Please. That was enough.

TONI: Harder.

Keep going.

Don’t stop.

Don’t cough. Don’t…

(COUGHING)

(GIRLS LAUGHING)

Dude…

Oh, my God…

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

TONI: I’ll take this.

(GIRLS CONTINUE LAUGHING)

Wait, what?

What is that? What?

TONI: (MOCKINGLY) “What is that?” (LAUGHING)

All right, can you please open…

GIRL: Your brother is fucked.

(GASPING) Can you open the window, please?

(TONI SMOKES)

GIRL: Yeah bitch! Hit that!

(GIRL LAUGHS)

(SLURRING) Oh…

Oh, my God.

Wait, what is in that?

(GIRL HUFFS)

TONI: You saw what Sarah posted?

GIRL: Oh, my God. What a lying little bitch.

TONI: Bet she never even met that guy.

GIRL: Whatever. He needs to raise your grade.

Can you die from this? (GASPING)

Can you die from this?

What? I don’t know… Wait, wait.

(CRYING)

I don’t want to.

GIRL: Dude, I’m still so fucking pissed.

TONI: Yeah, whatever.

GIRL: This is, like, the fifth time!

TONI: (LAUGHS) It is not the fifth!

It’s, like, the second!

GIRL: I don’t care!

Not even a D. A D-plus.

Just give me a fucking C-minus!

TONI: It’s ’cause he wants you.

GIRL: He should be fired for wanting me.

TONI: Oh, my God, he would totally not survive it.

He’s like a thousand years old.

(GIRLS LAUGHING)

GIRL: Oh, my God, what if we killed him by getting him fired?

(GIRLS LAUGHING)

(LAUGHTER STARTS ECHOING)

(MUFFLED INDISTINCT MALE VOICE ECHOING)

(LAUGHTER FADES)

(MUFFLED INDISTINCT FEMALE VOICE)

The car is getting smaller.

(ECHOING LAUGHTER RETURNS)

Oh, wait, that’s the house again!

We just passed your house!

Hey!

(ECHOING) What?

(SEAGULLS SQUAWKING DISTANTLY)

(SOFTLY) What?

(SEAGULLS CONTINUE SQUAWKING)

(INDISTINCT WHISPERING)

(FOGHORN BLOWS)

(SEAGULLS CONTINUE SQUAWKING)

MONA: Do you miss Martha, Beau?

Of course. I love Martha.

You love Martha?

She’s my friend. I like her.

Ah, see, Beau? You’re not the only kid here.

(BOTTLE CLATTERS)

You know what I’ve been through.

So, hearing you tell me what to do.

You can’t even pay for it.

This is my…

(SHOWER RUNNING)

(MONA SINGING IN SHOWER)

(MUFFLED URGENT KNOCKING ON DOOR)

GIRL: (MUFFLED) There’s a dead man in the pool!

(KNOCKING CONTINUES)

There’s a dead man in the pool!

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

There’s a dead man in the pool!

There’s a dead man in the pool!

(MONA CONTINUES SINGING)

There’s a dead man in the pool!

(WAVES CRASH GENTLY)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

There’s a dead man in the pool!

So you’re just here with your mom?

YOUNG BEAU: Only sometimes. Right now, I’m by myself.

GIRL: Mm. I’m Elaine.

YOUNG BEAU: I’m Beau.

ELAINE: I’m Elaine.

YOUNG BEAU: Are you here with your mother?

ELAINE: Yeah.

She got me, and my dad got our rich whore neighbor who he’s probably fucking right now on a pile of her slut money in Aruba.

Here, take a picture of me and Gene.

(CAMERA CLICKS, WHIRRS)

MONA: Is that the type of girl you’re attracted to?

YOUNG BEAU: No.

MONA: Because I’ve noticed you noticing certain types.

It’s okay if you are.

You don’t have to feel embarrassed.

I’m not.

MONA: She’s very pretty.

Very natural.

You could ask my advice, you know?

Only women know women.

That’s the truth.

Men are blind.

That’s not a criticism. That’s their charm.

Don’t be defensive.

I’m proud of the man you are.

Hey…

I’m proud of the man you are.

A girl like that… confident, self-possessed…

(SIGHS)

A man would have to match her.

But you could.

She should be so lucky.

Any woman would be so lucky.

(WAVES CRASHING GENTLY)

You just have to commit completely.

Nothing in life is more important than choosing the right companion.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

(MUFFLED) Hey, my dude! Long time no see.

How was your day?

GRACE: How’re you feeling, sweetie?

Oh, good!

You’re already in your PJs.

Well, we’re hot on your tail! (CHUCKLES)

MONA: I think I might go to bed early.

YOUNG BEAU: Okay.

MONA: I haven’t decided yet.

Unless… you’d rather I stay up.

We could stroll around the deck… go star gazing.

I’ll go to bed.

What about eclairs?

People hide razors in them.

What about rainbow cake?

The colors make cancer.

What about liquid shit?

(FOGHORN BLOWS)

Do you think your mom’s a cunt?

What do you mean?

Well, it’s okay. My mom’s a complete cunt.

Are you a virgin?

Well, it doesn’t matter!

I am, too. I mean, who gives a shit?

I have to.

It’s very dangerous for me. It’s genetic.

My father died.

Here…

Suck this off.

What?

What?

What?

We’re allowed to kiss.

Who is?

But only for the next 10 seconds.

What do you mean?

Ten, nine, eight, seven…

What? Wait…

…six, five…

We’re allowed to…

…four, three…

Can you just explain?

Are we…

…two, one!

One and a half! One and three quarters!

I’m sorry.

(FOGHORN BLOWS)

Elaine!

Shit, fuck. I gotta go.

Okay. I’m sorry.

Tomorrow?

(SCREAMS) Now!

(GASPING)

TONI: …to be in my bed!

He’s breaking your rules! Hypocrite!

ROGER: (YELLING) You want to test me, young lady?

TONI: Jeeves!

He’s inside!

Inside!

(FRANTIC KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Beau, Beau, Beau, they’re taking me away.

(SCREECHING)

Beau, wake up, wake up! She’s taking me away.

She’s taking me off the ship!

MONA: What’s happening?

She’s taking me away.

Will you wait for me?

MONA: Beau, what is going on?

I love you. Will you wait for me?

MONA: What’s happening?

(CRYING) I love you.

(MONA GASPS)

MONA: Oh, my God.

Why are you doing this?

What is this?

Will you wait for me?

Yes.

Promise?

I swear, yes.

Do you promise? Promise me!

Okay? Okay…

I promise.

Enough!

Who is this bitch?

ELAINE’S MOM: I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

What is this?

(SCREAMING) No! No! No!

ELAINE’S MOM: Now!

Beau, I love you, okay?

ELAINE’S MOM: Come here right now!

ELAINE: Wait for me! Wait for me, okay?

ELAINE’S MOM: Shut up!

MONA: Oh, my God!

ELAINE’S MOM: Lainie!

ELAINE: Wait for me!

MONA: My heart.

ELAINE’S MOM: …never again!

ELAINE: No!

MONA: Oh, my God.

ELAINE: No!

ELAINE’S MOM: Close it!

MONA: What did you promise her, Beau?

(MONA CRYING)

Beau!

(YELLING) Where is she going, Beau? Was she the one?

ROGER: No, no, no, no! Put that down!

TONI’S VOICE: He’s on the couch!

JEEVES: (SCREAMING) He’s inside!

(GLASS SHATTERS)

(METAL CLANGS)

Okay, okay, okay…

That’s him! That’s him!

Okay… Not him. Okay…

JEEVES: That’s enough!

ROGER: No need to get up, Beau!

GRACE: He’s not straight!

ROGER: Stay bent! Stay bent!

GRACE: All right…

He’s laughing!

ROGER: No, no.

He’s laughing!

He’s laughing.

Don’t worry, Beau. False alarm.

GRACE: It’s okay, Beau.

(JEEVES SCREAMING)

He doesn’t know what he’s doing.

It’s all under control.

(JEEVES GRUNTING)

Okay.

JEEVES: He’s laughing!

GRACE: When they rescued him in the jungle, they found him running around, shooting at the bodies.

And not at… not the enemy, his own squad too.

ROGER: His own squad, Beau.

GRACE: He was defending himself. He still is.

(PANTING) He’s a hero and he came back to nothing!

We’re the only ones who would take him in.

ROGER: He’s gonna be so ashamed in the morning, Beau.

Mark my words.

He loves you. He told me he loves you.

(FADING OUT) He told me yesterday.

GRACE: (MUFFLED) That’s not part of the original contract.

I’m a mother myself, you know.

In that case, I might have to let…

Look alive, pal! It’s grill time!

I thought we’d have a little goodbye barbecue before we hit the road!

(WEAKLY) What?

You got the tri-tip!

Good morning, sweetheart. How are you feeling?

ROGER: You coming, Gracie?

Be right there.

Let’s get you up.

(GROANS)

Oh, oh, oh…

Shh, shh, shh, shh. Come on.

Baby. Breathe.

(BEAU MOANS)

As someone who sees you and loves you and knows what you’re going through, even though I know I can never know, I have to tell you…

ROGER: Babers!

You mind coming out here for a sec? I need a hand.

Of course.

Why don’t you find something to watch?

I’ll be right back.

(WHISPERS) Channel 78.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS)

(TV STATIC)

(UNNERVING MUSIC PLAYS)

(MUSIC INTENSIFIES)

TONI: (SCREAMING) …now!

ROGER: What… What is…

What…

What… What…

We’re gonna finally put some color on these walls.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

What?

Here. Take that wall.

That wall!

Okay.

Yeah, how about this?

(PANTING AND SNIFFLING)

Wait… Wait, what…

What are you doing? Why are you doing this?

(BREATHING SHAKILY)

Hey… Grace is so careful about this room.

(SCREAMS) It’s my brother!

(SOFTLY) I know. So, why?

Okay.

Yeah.

What?

TONI: Yeah, you know what?

You’ll just get fucked up with me.

I’m supposed to be leaving.

So you’ll leave fucked up!

I feel really, really bad right now, please!

So what? You can come into my life and sleep in my bed and steal my fuckin’ parents, but you can’t get fuckin’ fucked up with me?

No! I’m not trying to steal anything, I swear!

(SCREAMING) I know you are. You’ve blown it!

You failed your stupid test!

(TONI CRYING)

What?

Everyone pretending you’re some sad old orphan!

It makes me puke!

BEAU: Wait… Wait, what do you mean?

Uh, I’m sorry. Please…

I’ll… I’ll leave.

I’ll do whatever you want. But what does that mean?

What do you mean about a test?

I’m not asking you to leave!

I’ve asked you to fucking drink this fucking paint with me!

Toni, please!

Don’t call me Toni!

I’m sorry, but it is your name!

It is my name. It’s my name. (CRYING)

Wait… Wait, what do you mean when you said that about the test?

What does that mean?

(SCREAMS) I don’t care!

You first.

(SOFTLY) Don’t, Toni, please.

You listen to me.

I have videos of you.

I’ll post them. I’ll say what you did!

What? What did I do? What did I do?

Fine, you fuckin’ pussy f*ggot.

BEAU: No, please, Toni, don’t!

(GULPING)

Stop, please! You’re gonna be sick!

Stop! Stop!

Fuck you!

BEAU: (MUFFLED) Help! Help! Doctor!

Help!

(BEAU SOBBING)

(GRACE SCREAMS)

GRACE: Oh, God!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

She should blink! She should be blinking.

GRACE: No! She drank…

(SCREAMS) What did you do to her?

No! I… I didn’t…

I tried to get her to stop.

I begged her, please stop doing it.

(GRACE GASPING AND CRYING)

GRACE: Oh, my God…

Come on, Toni. Come on, Toni. No, Toni.

(PAINT SQUELCHING)

No! No! Come on, baby.

I… I didn’t… I didn’t… I told her not to.

(SOBS) I begged her.

GRACE: Come on… No!

Come on, baby! Come on.

(PANTING)

(CONTINUES CRYING)

I see you now!

What?

GRACE: Replacing my son!

With a demon!

No, no. No, Grace.

(SCREAMS) With a demon!

(SCREAMING)

(BEAU WHIMPERING)

I’ll kill you!

No! No!

I’ll kill you!

No! Oh, my God!

(GRACE PANTING)

(BEAU SCREAMS)

(DOG BARKING)

BEAU: This ends up bad. It’s bad. Totally bad.

GRACE: (SCREAMING) Jeeves!

Rip him apart!

(PANTING)

(FLIES BUZZING)

(THUD)

(FAINT CREAK)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(SOFT OPERATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

(ANIMAL CHIRRING)

(TWIGS SNAPPING UNDERFOOT)

(SOFT OPERATIC MUSIC CONTINUES)

(INSECTS AND ANIMALS CONTINUE CHIRRING)

(OPERATIC MUSIC ENDS)

WOMAN: (SINGING) ♪ Into your arms

♪ Into your mouth

♪ Into your eyes I fall

♪ I felt all my breath

♪ You breathe me in All my heart

♪ You st… ♪

BEAU: Hello? I’m… I’m sorry, I’m… I’m lost.

I was in an accident. And I don’t… I don’t know where I am.

I’m sorry, but can you please help me?

Are you hurt?

It’s a very big piece of glass in your head.

Glass?

Oh, it was a door.

Oh… I think we should… take it out. Can I take it out?

BEAU: Uhhuh.

(GASPS) Oh, God…

WOMAN: Okay. Okay.

Oh…

Okay.

Does it bleed a lot?

Okay, it’s out.

It’s good. The head ones, they bleed like crazy and then they just stop.

Is it?

Is it stopped?

Mmhmm.

It is?

See?

Is it?

Trust me, my father bled to death. (CHUCKLES)

We should clean it up.

It could still get infected.

You wanna come with me?

Okay.

(INSECTS CHIRPING)

Thank you.

We’re nearly there.

(PLEASANT MUSIC PLAYING)

(MEN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

(MEN CONTINUE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

WOMAN: Hi, Lloyd.

This is Beau.

BEAU: Hello.

WOMAN: He was in an accident.

(STRUMMING LUTE)

His mother just died, and his father died before he was born.

“When sorrows come, they come not single spies, but in battalions.”

BEAU: Thank you.

(PEOPLE LAUGHING)

This is me. Just a sec, Beau.

(MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

I have an extra sleeping bag if you need one.

This way, Beau.

LLOYD: “Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps.”

MAN 2: (SINGING) ♪ Fly, ladybug, fly

♪ Up in the sky so high

♪ I have no parents left

♪ That’s why I’m so bereft ♪

(SOFT LAUGHTER)

MAN 3: Damn these crossroads!

How can one stake one’s life on a choice between two unmarked paths?

(SWITCHES CLICK)

MAN 4: If one leads forward, must the other go backwards?

WOMAN 2: If it were a trap?

MAN 2: Or this an opportunity?

MAN 3: Or might they both lead home, where I can take my rightful seat, and be lord of my own possessions?

They’re rehearsing for the preview.

MAN 3: Damn these crossroads!

There, let’s not spoil it.

(TRUMPETS SOUNDING)

MAN 4: As great trumpets speak, our poor hero realizes too late.

MAN 3: But these are funeral horns!

WOMAN: Everyone!

This is Beau.

PEOPLE: (SCATTERED) Hi, Beau!

WOMAN: He was in an accident and both his parents are dead.

MAN 1: No!

MAN 2: Are you okay?

MAN 1: That’s terrible.

BEAU: What is this place?

WOMAN: We call ourselves the Orphans of the Forest.

LADYBUG MAN: That’s right! (CHUCKLES)

Although many of our parents simply abandoned us without even bothering to die.

We’re a traveling theater company.

We go from forest to forest, off the grid, making up homes from whatever we find.

LADYBUG MAN: And then at the end, we put on a big show!

I’m so sorry.

Aw.

See him?

That’s Yesekov.

He’s the man who started all of this.

CHILD: Papa…

(MUSIC CHIMES)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS)

It’s time for the show!

Hi, there. Are you joining us?

BEAU: What do you mean?

Do you want a costume?

Oh…

We like to, uh, blur the line between the audience and the players.

Either of these?

I like this color with your eyes.

Or this one’s fun…

BEAU: Um…

That one.

That’s my favorite too.

Let’s get changed.

I’m happy you’re joining, Beau.

Hey there, brother, I’m Duncan!

What brought you here?

(THREATENING MUSIC PLAYING)

GRACE: (SCREAMING) Jeeves! Rip him apart!

(JEEVES GRUNTING AND SCREAMING)

(DEVICE BEEPS)

(BEEPING)

(LEAVES RUSTLING)

(SHINE BY VANESSA AMOROSI PLAYING)

♪ You can give your life, you can lose your soul

♪ You can bang your head or you can drown in a hole

♪ Nothing lasts forever, but…

What am I doing here?

♪ Look around you

♪ Everyone you see, everyone you know…

Please tell me, what am I doing here?

♪ Shine ♪

(SONG FADES)

(OMINOUS PERCUSSION MUSIC PLAYS)

(BELL TOLLS)

(MUSIC STOPS)

HERO: (SCREAMING) No!

O God…

Fate has burned my house to cinders and launched me into exile.

I once thought I knew despair, and that I could master it… but now that I know this pain, I can’t fathom relief.

(SOBBING) When I reach out for answers, I grasp cold air.

(INHALES TEARILY) O, with my mother and father gone, I have lost my whole self!

(CONTINUES SOBBING)

(WHIRRING)

(WIND WHISTLING)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

You grieve well.

Your parents are honored, and now may rest forever in peace.

Rise.

(HERO GASPS)

ANGEL: Now go forth.

Erect your own glittering home… and make it permanent.

Do I venture forth… or stay here?

With what I know.

(SOFT WHINING REVERBERATION)

(FAINT AMBIENT MUSIC PLAYS)

If I stay, I die.

No. I must go.

(CHAIN RATTLES)

(HERO GASPS)

What? Chains!

(GRUNTS)

Now you see.

They have always been there.

(SOUND BOX CREAKS)

(REVERBERATION INTENSIFIES)

ANGEL: Yes. Push forward.

Pray that you learn valor and be given luck.

You will walk many miles.

Dozens will become hundreds, hundreds will become thousands.

You will pass through countless villages.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

But finally, one village will speak to you, some deep, essential part of you will recognize it, and you will say, “This village is mine.”

You will learn a trade… and eventually earn a living.

You will know the pleasure of tasting fruit and bread and wine that is yours…

(COINS JINGLING)

…because you have earned it.

You will find a plot of land and build a house with your own hands.

You will cultivate the land.

You will live off it.

You will come to make new friends.

(CAMERA CLICKS)

One day, you will meet a woman.

The story of your meeting will change according to who tells it: that you were lost and she helped you find your way, or that she was off course and you guided her home.

She will see your fears, and your pain, and your dreams, and your potential… and you will see hers.

In finding your other half, the gifts of your life will multiply.

Sometimes, she will look like a man to you.

She will become pregnant because you have sex with her.

You will have children. Three sons.

You will teach them what you know,

and you will tell them you love them every day.

They will grow into handsome boys, blessed with courage and kindness and ambition.

You will share your feelings of pride with your therapist.

He will archive them.

One day, an historic storm will sweep through your village…

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

…and destroy your home.

(RUMBLING)

You will be carried away…

(CHILDREN SCREAMING)

…by a great flood.

(THUNDER CRASHES)

You and your family will be separated.

(CHILDREN CONTINUE SCREAMING)

(THUNDERCLAP)

(INSECTS CHIRRING)

And you will be deposited in a strange country.

(ANIMALS CHITTERING)

(ANIMALS HOWLING IN DISTANCE)

You will look for your family for days… then weeks, then months, so many months that you will come to lose count, but you will not find them.

You will try to find work to support your continuing search, but no one will speak your language.

You will be treated like a criminal.

Eventually, you will come upon a village wracked by an inexplicable plague.

As you pass through, a man, deranged by tragedy, will identify you as the beast who burned down his home and replaced his children’s feet with their hands.

You will try to argue your innocence, but this will only make you sound more guilty.

(THUD)

You will wonder yourself whether you are guilty.

(FIRE CRACKLING)

You will flee.

Mad with vengeance, they will send an attack dog to pursue you.

(GROWLING)

It will tear through the world to find you.

You won’t know this, but you will sense it.

And you will keep a detailed record of these impressions in a log.

And over time, this log will become many logs.

Your adventures will continue for years and years.

You will learn to distinguish birds by their call and you will know every tree and plant by its name.

Abandoning all comforts, you will condition your mind to new ways of seeing.

You will experience great highs and profound lows, and you will look for your family until your life shrinks and fades into the dream of a ghost.

You will come to wonder if they ever existed.

Finally, when you are old and frail, you will collapse in exhaustion.

(CRYING)

Oh, sweetheart…

Why are you crying?

Because I’ve searched for my family all my life, to the end of my life, and I’m still alone.

You should not be crying for your misfortunes, for your own sins.

You also have been searched for, but you’re so lost in your own selfishness that no one could ever find you.

Confess.

Before your peers.

But what did I do?

You know.

Confess.

(SNIFFLES, CRIES)

(WHISPERING) I’ve been a coward.

(SOBBING) My whole life.

You will confess everything.

After which, you will find the earth replaced by good water.

Sleep will come untroubled.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(TRUMPETS SOUND IN DISTANCE)

To the sound of distant trumpets, you will awake, as if by a miracle, at the foot of your glittering village.

No one will recognize you, but the smell of the air, and the sounds of the insects, and the way the evening light slashes itself across the chimney of a neighbor’s old house, will unloose in you a torrent of vivid memories.

You will be invited to a special play being put on in an outdoor theater just for that night.

Despite your hunger, you will decide to spend your last dollar on this.

Over the last 40 years, his memory had faltered to the extent that he couldn’t remember his own mother’s face, but just by breathing in the air, he was seized by the absolute certainty that this was his village.

Nobody remembered him, and even though all of his neighbors had been replaced by younger generations, he recognized everything, and somehow he too felt recognized.

His home had waited for him, just as loyally as he had searched for it.

Even the sight of the evening sun, casting slashes of amber light across a familiar chimney, sent him reeling into a flood of memories.

What did our father do next?

And where was the village?

We only saw it as boys and have no memories!

Please, tell us how to find it.

No, wait…

What did he do next?

He was delirious with hunger and only had enough money for one bowl of soup, but before he could spend it, he was invited to a special play.

It was already in progress, but he felt compelled to go in, so he spent his last dollar.

Not long after sitting in, he saw that the details of the plot were impossibly similar to those of his own life, and there were three young men on the stage who looked remarkably like himself.

This is me!

And he rose up, at once exhilarated and terrified that it might not be true, and he announced…

This is my story!

And the three young men immediately recognized the man as their father.

Dad?

No. It can’t be.

OLD BEAU: My sons!

YOUNG MAN 1: Dad…

(VOICE BREAKING) Dad… Dad…

Oh, oh, oh…

YOUNG MAN 1: (CRYING) Oh, my God.

Oh…

Oh, my God.

Oh…

Oh, my God.

You’re my boys!

(SOBBING) Oh, my beautiful, sweet boys!

Don’t be afraid. I’m here. Come here.

Come here. (KISSING) Oh…

Oh, my… Oh, my God.

Oh…

Where… Where have you been?

(ALL SOBBING)

You… You were ripped from me.

I’ve looked for you for so long… so long.

(SOBBING) Oh…

(BREATH TREMBLING)

YOUNG MAN 1: Where did you go?

And how are you?

I made you. Oh, my loves.

Oh, my loves. Oh, my darlings.

Oh, my darlings.

YOUNG MAN 2: I missed you so much.

Oh. Oh, that’s okay.

(ALL SOBBING)

It’s okay, I’m here. I’m here.

Oh, my loves.

YOUNG MAN 1: This the end of things.

It’s okay.

What about our mother? Is she…

What?

Is she…

She’s not with you?

She’s not with you?

Oh, God.

YOUNG MAN 1: We were…

We were raised as orphans.

Oh, no!

Oh, I’m so sorry.

YOUNG MAN 3: Where’s Mom?

OLD BEAU: It’s okay, my love.

It’s okay.

YOUNG MAN 1: Dad… (SOBBING)

YOUNG MAN 3: Mom…

(ALL SNIFFLING)

YOUNG MAN 1: Is there…

Is there any other family?

Besides us?

You had a grandmother.

Where is she?

Ah…

Her head.

And our grandfather?

YOUNG MAN 1: How did he die?

(SIGHS)

MONA: He died on our wedding night.

The same night you were conceived.

He died the very instant you were conceived.

How?

By finishing.

(SMACKS LIPS) Into me.

He had a heart murmur, just like you.

YOUNG BEAU: Did it hurt?

I’m sure it was excruciating.

It was the first time we made love.

The first time either of us made love, with anyone.

Your grandpa and your great-grandpa died the same way.

But he thought he might be different.

I’m just as guilty.

I urged him on.

I wanted a normal life.

I wanted a child.

(SOFTLY) He died on top of me.

Inside.

I think about it, I want to rip my ears off.

But then…

But then, that same trauma… which changed me so utterly… also resulted in the greatest gift of my life.

I am so sorry for what your daddy passed down to you.

I can’t tell you how sorry I am.

YOUNG MAN 1: Is that a lie?

(SOFTLY) No.

YOUNG MAN 3: Can… Can that really happen?

Yes.

It’s why I never… with anyone.

YOUNG MAN 1: Dad…

You’ve never been with anyone?

YOUNG MAN 3: Then… Then how… did you have us?

Ah…

HERO: What should I do?

Which limb shall I strike off?

You might act yesterday and it would be decades tardy.

HERO: Have I not given all I have?

All you have?

You have given trifles.

You have sacrificed nothing real.

HERO: I have been pinned down by my promises!

I am not the master of my life!

(GOD LAUGHS)

(SOFTLY) Are you okay?

HERO: I am a mouse in a maze!

GOD: A maze?

I… I feel sick.

I know.

Try this.

It helps me.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Thank you.

Thank you.

(PLAY CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING FAINTLY)

BEAU: Hello?

Can I help you?

Do you recognize me?

I don’t know.

When you were little…

BEAU: What?

How did you come here?

I was chased.

Your father is alive.

What?

I knew him. After you were born.

I worked for your mom.

Not before I was born. He died before…

Serving your dad food, cleaning up after him.

My parents were in debt to your mom.

What’s that?

BEAU: What?

Who… Who are you?

It doesn’t matter, right?

It does. It…

No. It’s just… kidding. I… I’m so happy to see you.

(GASPS) Are you him?

Wait.

Wait.

WOMAN: You okay, sweetheart?

(FAINT BEEPING)

HERO: Do my eyes deceive me?

What is this phantom I see?

(BEEPING SPEED INCREASING)

(RUSTLING)

Hello, fair stranger!

(BEEPING RAPIDLY)

(LONG BEEP)

(BEEPING STOPS)

Ah, now you see, out of the shadows…

(SCREAMS)

(ALL SCREAMING)

MAN 1: Get me down right now! Get me down from here!

(MEN YELLING INDISTINCTLY)

(PEOPLE SCREAM)

MAN 1: Get me down! MAN 2: Somebody help me!

MAN 1: Get me down from here! Get me down!

MAN 2: I can’t! MAN 1: I’m tied up. Hurry!

STRANGE MAN: Beau!

Dad?

Run!

(ALL SCREAMING)

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

(GASPS)

(GUNFIRE)

(WHIMPERING)

(CONTINUES WHIMPERING)

(JEEVES SCREAMING)

(ELECTRICITY BUZZING)

(GUNFIRE STOPS)

(BURSTS)

(BURSTS)

(INSECT CHIRPING FAINTLY)

GIRL: Am I hurting you?

(WATER RUNNING)

Okay, let’s go. Clothes off.

MONA: Come on. Enough now.

What did I say?

Didn’t I say I wasn’t gonna do this again with you tonight?

I’m about to feel hurt.

You’re about to really hurt me.

Where’s Daddy?

Excuse me?

You know where Daddy is.

Daddy’s dead.

Are you trying to hurt me?

I don’t care! I want Daddy!

You want Daddy, too?

Come on. You want it your way, let’s go!

(WATER SLOSHING)

(WATER SPILLS)

(LADDER CREAKS)

Up you go!

I can’t.

Oh, but of course you can!

You’re big enough to hurt Mommy, you’re big enough for this!

Nobody’s allowed up there.

Up!

Do you wanna go up, too?

BEAU: No.

What is that? Are you nodding?

MONA: This is it!

We don’t talk about you anymore!

(RUMBLING)

Get back in!

(RUMBLING INTENSIFIES)

(RUMBLING STOPS)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(SOLEMN OPERATIC MUSIC PLAYS)

(SEAGULLS SQUAWKING)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(SOLEMN OPERATIC MUSIC CONTINUES)

(FAINT INDISTINCT CHATTER)

BEAU: Excuse me, sir.

Is the funeral already happening?

Already over. There’s a video inside.

(SOLEMN MUSIC CONTINUES)

(MAN CLEARS THROAT OVER SPEAKERS)

MAN: (ON SPEAKERS) Mona.

Mona Wassermann.

We’re gathered here today as a community, bound together by our love for Mona, and by a feeling of duty.

The duty to mourn Mona’s passing,

but also to celebrate Mona’s life.

Mona, who was petrified of squirrels.

Mona, who singlehandedly built a super-business beyond her wildest dreams.

Mona, who was an endlessly dedicated wife to her adoring husband, who passed away tragically just as their life together was blossoming.

And Mona, who was a devoted mother to her sole surviving son, Beau, whom she loved so deeply, and who has elected not to be present with us today.

Mona loved Beau with a love that could move mountains.

In fact, I suggest when we leave, we check on the mountains to make sure they’re okay.

(LAUGHTER OVER SPEAKERS)

(MOURNFUL VIOLIN MUSIC PLAYING)

WOMAN: What can you say?

I hope she knows that.

I wish I could tell her that.

That I… I did, I loved her.

MAN: And it’s in accordance with her last wishes that we now play this song.

Her favorite song.

( EVERYTHING I OWN BY BREAD PLAYING ON SPEAKERS)

♪ You sheltered me from harm

♪ Kept me warm, kept me warm

♪ You gave my life to me

♪ Set me free, set me free

♪ The finest years I ever knew

♪ Were all the years I had with you

♪ And I would give anything I own

♪ Would give up my life, my heart, my home

♪ I would give everything I own

♪ Just to have you back again

♪ You taught me how to love

♪ What it’s of, what it’s of

♪ You never said too much But still you showed the way

♪ And I knew from watching you

♪ Nobody else could ever know

♪ The part of me that can’t let go

♪ And I would give anything I own

♪ Would give up my life, my heart, my home

♪ I would give everything I own

♪ Just to have you back again

♪ Is there someone you know

♪ You’re loving them so

♪ But taking them all for granted?

♪ You may lose them one day

♪ Someone takes them away

♪ And they don’t hear the words you long to say

♪ I would give anything I own

♪ Would give up my life, my heart, my home

♪ I would give everything I own

♪ Just to have you back again

♪ Just to touch you once again ♪

(SONG CONCLUDES)

(ISN’T IT A PITY BY NINA SIMONE PLAYS ON SPEAKERS)

WOMAN: Hello?

Hello!

Yoohoo!

(BEAU GRUNTS SOFTLY)

Hello?

(ISN’T IT A PITY BY NINA SIMONE CONTINUES)

Hello?

Hi.

Uh, I’m sorry.

I thought it started at 8 p.m.

Okay, um, I brought flowers.

I’ll just leave them here, I guess.

She also owes me money.

This certainly isn’t the time, and you’re probably not the person…

Okay, um…

I’ll be leaving, then. I just need to call another Uber.

(TYPING)

I can wait for it…

I’m sorry again.

(ISN’T IT A PITY BY NINA SIMONE CONTINUES)

(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

(BEAU INHALES)

Elaine?

(BEAU BREATHING HEAVILY)

It’s me.

It’s Beau.

Oh, my God.

Beau?

No.

Uh, it can’t be.

I can’t believe it’s you.

Oh, my God!

I mean, of course it’s you. This is your mom.

I’m so sorry.

For your loss.

What are you doing here?

I’m just trying to, you know, uh, pay my respects. And…

I guess to give you my condolences.

Since you’re actually here. I’m… so sorry.

I can’t believe it’s you.

I can’t believe it’s you.

Do I look different?

You recognized me.

I’m old now.

You’re the same.

No, I’m not.

You are.

Well, you’re the same, too.

Except for your body and your face.

You worked for her?

What do you mean?

Well, I did until last week.

I was actually just drowning my sorrows before I came.

My breath’s like pure wine.

“Until last week”?

I’m sorry for your loss.

I waited for you.

What do you mean?

Why?

You told me to.

I even have it in writing.

I wanted you to.

Baby, baby, baby…

Do you want to go inside?

Do you want me to leave?

Let’s go inside.

Bedroom, where?

(ISN’T IT A PITY BY NINA SIMONE CONTINUES)

The dragon’s lair!

Got any candles…?

(OBJECTS RATTLING)

Why don’t you go to the bathroom?

When you come back, I’ll be ready.

You didn’t get undressed.

Yup.

(PANTING)

Hi. Hi, sorry. Hi.

Huh. Mm.

You okay?

Yeah.

Are y… Are you?

You’re so tense.

Oh… I’m sorry.

Relax.

Okay. It’s just because, you know, it’s been, like, kind of awhile.

Yeah, me too.

(ALWAYS BE MY BABY BY MARIAH CAREY PLAYS ON SPEAKERS)

I like that you’re not all macho.

Thank you.

Take these off.

Okay, what I meant was that it’s been really kind of a while.

Well, it hasn’t affected your virility.

What?

You’re crazy hard.

Really?

(ALWAYS BE MY BABY BY MARIAH CAREY CONTINUES)

(RUBBER RUSTLING)

Oh…

Oh, my God.

(ELAINE GRUNTS)

Is it… Is it on?

Yeah.

You sure the condom is on all the way?

Yeah?

Oh, my God.

Are you really in?

(MOANING) You feel so good.

Oh, no.

(MOANING) Oh, no!

(BEAU BREATHES NERVOUSLY)

(MOANS)

Wait…

Isn’t it nice?

Yeah…

But wait. (PANTING)

I…

Let’s start it over.

BEAU: What?

(MUSIC STOPS)

(SONG RESUMES FROM THE START)

(BEAU PANTING HEAVILY)

Isn’t it nice?

Yeah.

(GRUNTING) Wait a second.

I… I… I can’t…

I think it’s gonna happen.

(MOANING)

Wait! You gotta wait a second.

(CONTINUES MOANING)

Stop! Oh, stop! Stop!

Stop! Ahh! Oh! Oh, no!

(BEAU YELLING HELPLESSLY)

(GASPS)

(BEAU MOANS LOUDLY)

Oh, my! My God.

God.

Oh…

(PANTING) I really felt that.

(WHIMPERING)

Oh, God, that was a lot.

You just blasted through that bag.

(MOANS)

Oh, my God.

ELAINE: Oh, yeah.

(BEAU MOANS)

(BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY)

I want to come too.

I…

Hold on.

Hold on. Hold on.

Uh…

Don’t move.

(PANTING)

Don’t move.

Don’t move. Okay?

(WHIMPERING)

(GRUNTING AND MOANING)

(MOANING GETS LOUDER)

(COUGHS, LAUGHS IN DISBELIEF)

(GASPING)

Oh, my God!

(LAUGHS IN DISBELIEF)

(SIGHS)

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my God.

I really thought I was going to die.

My whole life.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.

(PANTING)

(ALWAYS BE MY BABY BY MARIAH CAREY CONTINUES)

(SCREAMS)

(THUDDING)

(GASPING)

(WHIMPERING)

(WEEPING)

(BREATH TREMBLING)

(ALWAYS BE MY BABY BY MARIAH CAREY CONTINUES)

(EXHALES)

(SNIFFLES)

(MUSIC STOPS)

MONA: No, please. Continue as if I wasn’t here.

What would be next?

No?

You don’t look especially overjoyed to see me, honey.

I was dead just a minute ago. This is a miracle.

Get rid of this. Feed Harry.

(BEAU BREATHING SHAKILY)

She worked for you?

I sincerely doubt that, sweetheart, but if you’re right, you can let her know she’s fired.

(BEAU SIGHS)

(INHALES SHARPLY)

For how long?

How many years from… from the beginning? From…

How is your head feeling?

It looks like you really banged up your face.

You could have a concussion.

You don’t feel disoriented?

You know where you are?

I’m in my house.

Actually, you’re in my house, sweetheart.

And my house is your house, which it always will be.

But if you know where you are, then you must also know where you just were.

And where you just did what you just did, which I saw every second of.

You didn’t just wake up suddenly and you were there.

You didn’t just get dropped in, out of the blue, to your surprise, your deceased mother’s room, only days after what you believed was her death!

I didn’t.

You didn’t just get deposited there by accident!

I didn’t mean it.

Yes, I know you didn’t.

No. I knew you weren’t dead.

I saw with my own eyes exactly what you knew and what you didn’t know.

You saw my body.

I saw the birthmark, Mom.

I know those were Martha’s hands.

That’s right.

Goodnight, baby.

Goodnight, Martha.

And if I hear any noise, I’ll break back in and I’ll tickle you to death!

(GIGGLES)

It’s…

What…

How…

How you even…

Ki… H…

How can you do that to her?

“Do that to her”?

Baby, I would never do anything to the loyal and devoted housekeeper who gave me 37 years of unconditional service.

She volunteered.

No, she didn’t.

Yes.

No, she didn’t!

She did.

No, she didn’t!

I couldn’t restrain her from volunteering.

For how much?

(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYS)

Enough that every member of her extended family quit their job on the same day, and won’t ever need to work again.

And you know something else?

It was worth every penny.

Because now I know.

What do you know?

Everything.

You don’t know anything.

Oh, do you think so, Beau?

Do you really think so?

Do you also think I didn’t know when you called to give me the big bad news about your fictitious keys being stolen from your imaginary door?

My key… they were stolen.

You think a mother can even help but see through her son’s blatant lies and falsehoods and endless schemes?

You think this is any different from the time you gave me the exact same CD for my birthday that you gave me the year before and which you also gave your fucking highschool counselor?

Or when you bought me that kitchen set the very week after I publicly swore off cooking!

Even when you were a baby, you rejected me and refused to breastfeed, while every other smug cunt on the street had happy, docile babies sucking their tits dry!

Do you think I hear the absurd story of you missing your flight and that I don’t absolutely know, that I have any hint of a doubt, that you never, from the very start, intended to make that flight?

The true surprise, the shock, would have been you actually coming!

Now, that would have spun my head like a top!

I wouldn’t have known what to do!

I’d have thrown myself flopping on the floor, begging God’s forgiveness for ever having doubted you, but still I would have been struck stupid with disbelief!

What, you walking away?

Where you going?

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

What’s behind the door, Beau?

Where on earth are you gonna go?

You’ve always acted like some dutiful, doting little boy, as if it’s throwing me off some scent.

None of it’s ever been real.

You spent your whole life going around, asking every halfwit you could find, “If I do this, can I avoid this, or will that happen?”

As if you were born without the mechanism to choose.

You let it all resolve itself in the absence of you!

You make everyone do it for you!

You think that makes you innocent?

My own mother wouldn’t even touch me.

Not if it was simply to stamp me out if I was on fire!

I wasn’t worthy of her love.

I hadn’t earned it! And I never earned it.

No matter what I did, no matter how much of my deepest real self I denied and buried, and smothered until it was dead.

None of it mattered.

She blamed me for everything her mother did to her.

When I had you, I promised, “I will never do that to him.

“I will give him all the love I have.”

You know what I tell people when they ask me how my son is doing?

I say, “Your guess is as good as mine.”

How I wish that were true.

(BUTTON CLICKS)

DR. FRIEL: (ON SPEAKERS) Tell me more about that period.

BEAU: Well…

When I was just starting to like my own stuff and do my own things, she’d take all those changes very personally, and get very mad or sad and make me feel bad about it until I stopped.

(TOILET FLUSHING)

DR. FRIEL: So, through the weaning process, she took your displays of autonomy as a betrayal.

BEAU: Exactly.

What do you mean?

DR. FRIEL: Can you give me an example?

BEAU: Well, like, she would give me lots of love…

Oh, I gave you lots of love! I’m sorry!

BEAU: …b ut if I didn’t give it back to her in the exact same way, she saw it as me being not thankful and, like, trying to hurt her.

DR. FRIEL: So the love was conditional?

BEAU: Yes.

DR. FRIEL: Ah. This is very good for you, Beau.

Over 300 sessions, and that was about as flattering to me as they get.

Which one was my favorite, Jeremy?

October 3, 2018.

BEAU: How could you do…

How could you…

How could you do this to me?

BEAU: (ON SPEAKERS) I’ve been having it since I was little.

Where I’m a little boy, probably the same age as when I started having the dream… and there’s another me, who’s identical, but he’s braver, and he asks her about my father because I’m too scared.

And then she sends him away and locks him up. Upstairs.

And she never talks about him again.

DR. FRIEL: What is it you want to know about your father?

If you weren’t afraid, if there were no consequences…

I want to know the truth.

DR. FRIEL: …what would you ask your mom?

BEAU: I’d ask her…

To tell me the truth!

BEAU: I don’t know…

DR. FRIEL: Do you feel she didn’t tell you the truth?

Yes!

BEAU: Um…

I don’t know.

Yes!

‘Cause I…

BEAU: But I think I’m too afraid to believe it.

I know now.

I know the truth. I… I met my father. I met the man in the woods, and I know.

(SHOUTS) Why did you lie to me?

Do you want the truth now?

Yes!

MONA: Follow me.

BEAU: Up there?

MONA: That’s right.

BEAU: Nobody’s allowed up there.

Some things are for your protection, Beau, and I want you to remember that I kept this from you!

BEAU: I don’t wanna go up there now.

I don’t wanna…

No, you want the truth, and I think you deserve it.

Don’t worry, sweetheart. I’ll be right behind you.

BEAU: No. I don’t wanna go up there, Mom.

I’ll be right behind you. Don’t worry.

Up you go.

Don’t worry, I’ll be right behind you.

Don’t worry, sweetheart. Up you go.

This is just like my dream.

I’m right behind you.

I’m right behind you.

Oh… Oh, God.

Oh…

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, this is exactly like my dream!

MONA: Don’t you get it, you stupid idiot?

That wasn’t a dream, that was a memory!

BEAU: Wait! Wait! Wait!

Mommy, wait! (WHIMPERS)

(BREATH TREMBLING)

(UNSETTLING MUSIC PLAYS)

(BREATH SHUDDERING)

Oh… Oh… No.

(SHAKING FLASHLIGHT)

(WHIMPERING) Come on…

(SOFT CLANG)

(SHUDDERING)

(BOWL CLANGING SOFTLY)

(EERIE MUSIC PLAYING)

No…

(SOFT GROWL)

(BEAU GASPS)

EERIE MALE VOICE: Beau?

(EERIE GROANING)

My beautiful boy.

Oh, Beau, don’t be afraid.

(ALARM BLARING)

(MONSTER GROWLING AND GROANING)

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)

(GUN FIRING)

(MONSTER GROANING)

(CONTINUES GROANING)

(JEEVES SCREAMING)

(MONSTER SCREECHES)

(DROPS KNIFE)

(BEAU SCREAMING)

(MONSTER MOANING)

BEAU: No!

(BEAU WHIMPERING AND SCREAMING)

(MOANING MANIACALLY)

MONA: Oh, God. Oh, baby.

(MOANING CONTINUES)

Baby, sweetheart.

(CRYING) Ooh, sweetheart.

I didn’t want you to know.

(CONTINUES MOANING)

Do you see now why I lied?

Beau.

(SCREAMS) Beau!

That was your father.

(BEAU SCREAMS)

Oh, Mom! Oh, Mom! (SOBBING)

I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.

I know I’ve been a bad son. I’ll be a good son.

Please! I’m sorry.

I’ll do anything to make it up to you.

I’ll make it up to you.

Please, please. Please!

(KISSING) Please, I’m sorry.

You selfish little boy!

BEAU: I’m sorry…

What are you crying about?

Do you have any idea what I had to go through to bring you into this world?

Stand up!

You cry now?

You need a mother now?

Ever since you clawed your way out of me, I’ve had to dig down deep to my very bottom and squeeze the love out of myself, but still I gave it to you.

(INHALES) I’ve given you my whole fucking life!

Which you took, and you took, and you took, and I squeezed myself empty!

I gave you everything!

And what do I get back? What do I have?

Insults! And empty promises!

You promised to never hurt me. Do you even remember that one?

You promised it a hundred fucking times!

You swore on your own life!

But your promises are nothing but shit!

I’ve been ground down to nothing by love and panic and worry.

Is my baby hungry? Is he healthy?

Is he scared enough? Of the world?

And the fruit of all this anguish?

Is grief!

And hatred!

Yes. Yes.

Hatred. I do.

I do!

I hate…

(MONA CHOKING)

(BOTH GASPING)

BEAU: Mommy?

Are you okay? You…

You can breathe. Can you breathe?

Can you breathe?

I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to.

I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!

Are you okay? Are you okay?

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

(GASPS HOARSELY)

(SCREAMS)

(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

(BOAT THUDS)

(ENGINE STARTS)

(EERIE OPERATIC MUSIC PLAYS)

(EERIE OPERATIC MUSIC CONTINUES)

(EERIE OPERATIC MUSIC CONTINUES)

(ENGINE SPUTTERING)

(MUSIC FADES)

(SWITCH CLANGS)

(ENGINE CONTINUES SPUTTERING)

(MECHANICAL WHIRRING)

(WHIRRING STOPS)

(METALLIC THUD)

MAN: Beau Isaac Wassermann.

Born May 10th, 1975.

Proceed.

We are gathered now to assess the extent…

of the subject’s guilt.

To begin with, a seemingly innocuous tradition.

Every Monday before his weekly appointment to scapegoat his mother, the subject would visit his local pond to feed the ducks.

Just as he never missed an opportunity to feed his therapist’s fish.

Very nice.

Very nice.

But what happens when he meets a human beggar that very night?

Now, one can see that the subject will go out of his way to feed a bird or fish, but not to support a suffering member of his own species.

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Objection!

Violent street crimes were everywhere on the news and everyone was advised to avoid strangers!

This is nothing new!

The subject has thoughts every day around relieving the suffering of those less fortunate!

By all indications, he has a healthy, functioning conscience!

He just chose to ignore it!

(RATTLING)

Consider the following episode.

Day 49 of his ninth year.

He goes shopping with his mother.

At one point, she lost him, or so she thought.

Fearing the worst, she panics.

She searches the building.

She cries out for the boy, who was in fact hiding behind a corner, watching the whole thing.

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: My client was genuinely lost.

It was upon finding his mother, seeing her frantic state, that he hesitated for fear of punishment!

MONA’S ATTORNEY: It was in this frantic state of mind that his mother tripped and fell, tearing ligaments in her knee and badly harming her ankle.

And still the subject did not intervene!

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: He was afraid!

MONA’S ATTORNEY: Consider now the subject at age 15, day 210, finding himself in the rare company of other boys.

The subject, hoping to impress his horrendous new friends, invites them into his home, while his mother is out buying him… (GROANS IN FRUSTRATION) …gifts for his birthday.

He lets them into her private bathroom, and allows them to rifle through her dirty laundry, and inspect and ultimately steal her undergarments.

Oh, God. Oh, God.

They pressured me! They pressured me!

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: They pressured him!

What? What are you doing?

BEAU: What?

No. No!

No!

(WATER SPLASHES)

(SCREAMING) Oh, my God! Oh, God!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

(ENGINE SPUTTERING)

Even his supposed acts of thoughtfulness are emblematic of a greater hypocrisy.

(BEAU SCREAMING)

Take this very week.

The subject asked Grace and Roger to drive him home so that he might bury his mother and commence proper mourning.

Roger offered the option of driving home tonight if the offer of driving tomorrow wasn’t soon enough.

And Beau chose to drive home tomorrow, further postponing a trip that had already been outrageously delayed!

And if one examines the expression on his face when Roger made this challenge, one can only conclude that the subject was panicked at the idea of returning home.

I didn’t want to put him out!

I… He had surgeries!

(METAL CLACKS)

I cried! When I was beside the coffin!

When I was told the news!

I… I… I cried for hours!

Continuing to bear this in mind, I ask you to consider yesterday.

Not three hours after meeting a knocked up dimwit who made clumsy eyes at him, did he gift her with a tributary gift intended for no one less than his recently deceased mother.

Now, when the pregnant slut offered to return the special gift, did he insist that this total stranger keep…

(ENGINE SPUTTERING)

(TRUMPETS SOUNDING)

(DRUMROLL)

Oh!

No! No! Wait!

Wait! Stop!

Wait!

My legs! My legs are stuck!

What! Wait!

Wait, Mom! My legs! My legs, I can’t Move!

What?

Mommy, please! (SOBBING)

Please help me! Please!

Please help me out! Please!

Please! Please don’t fault me!

Help! Help me!

Somebody help me, please!

Help! Help!

Help me, please!

Help! Please!

Please! I don’t want to die! I don’t want to…

(WHIMPERING)

(SURREAL OPERATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(ENGINE SPUTTERING)

(SURREAL OPERATIC MUSIC CONTINUES)

(BOAT RATTLING)

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

(MUSIC FADES)

(WATER BUBBLING)

(WATER BUBBLING AND SLOSHING)

MONA: (MUFFLED) No! My baby! No!

My baby.

My baby.

(BUBBLING AND SLOSHING STOP)

(MUFFLED SOBBING)

My baby. (SOBBING)

My baby.

(METALLIC THUD)

(AUDIENCE CHATTERING DISTANTLY)

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