Young Sheldon
Season 7 Episode 14
Episode title: Memoir
Original air date: May 16, 2024 (CBS)
Plot: In the series finale, 27 days after George’s funeral, Sheldon, now a college graduate, prepares to leave for California when Mary insists that he and Missy be baptized. They are reluctant to do so until Connie convinces them otherwise, not wanting to see her daughter overwhelmed by grief. She visits Mary while she is praying at George’s gravestone, urging her to spend time with her children before they leave the house. At the church, a still grieving Missy storms out, but Sheldon, wanting to show support for Mary yet stay hygienic in a potentially unsanitary tub of water, dons a wetsuit and scuba diving gear to be baptized. In the present day, the adult Sheldon is revealed to have been writing his memoir of his Texas childhood the entire time; he now lives in a suburban house with his wife, Amy Farrah Fowler, their son Leonard, and an unnamed daughter. Amy struggles to convince Sheldon to join her in watching Leonard play in a school hockey game until he finally concedes when he realizes that he should spend more time with his children as Mary and George did with him, Missy, and Georgie. Later, Sheldon visualizes himself in his childhood home (Mary having eventually sold the house), recalling one of the last conversations he had with Missy before leaving for California. Young Sheldon arrives at CalTech; when a professor passing by (David Saltzberg) asks if he is lost, he assures him he is where he belongs.
* * *
ADULT SHELDON: It had been 27 days since my father’s funeral, and everyone was still understandably out of sorts.
Finish up, we got to get to church.
YOUNG SHELDON: We already went Wednesday and Thursday.
Isn’t that enough?
Jesus died for you. He didn’t ask if that was enough.
Please let us come live with you.
Just give her some time. She’ll settle down.
YOUNG SHELDON: Do we really have to go?
Yes, you really have to go.
YOUNG SHELDON: Ugh.
ADULT SHELDON: Even as a child, I was always doing things to make other people happy.
AMY: Doing things to make other people happy? You’ve got to be kidding me. (stammers)
ADULT SHELDON: Don’t read over my shoulder.
AMY: Well, are you writing your memoir or a fantasy novel?
ADULT SHELDON: For your information, the word “memoir” comes from “memory,” and these memories are mine.
AMY: And since when do you go out of your way to make other people happy?
ADULT SHELDON: How about once a year on your birthday?
AMY: Other than that, when?
ADULT SHELDON: All the time.
AMY: Sheldon, while I was giving birth, you Zoomed in to a seminar.
ADULT SHELDON: You were taking forever to dilate, and I had already made my contribution to the project. Which, need I remind you, was on your birthday.
AMY: I would love to dissect your brain to see which part is missing.
ADULT SHELDON: Or you’ll find an all-new structure no one’s ever seen before, an evolutionary leap forward.
AMY: Don’t push me, I have a bone saw.
ADULT SHELDON: All these years, and the passion is still there.
JEFF: Let me remind you that Emmanuel means “God with us,” and I promise you, he is. Now, let’s all bow our heads in silent prayer.
What is that?
YOUNG SHELDON: It’s my new laptop. Dr. Sturgis and Dr. Linkletter gave it to me as a graduation gift.
(laptop beeps) Why is it here?
YOUNG SHELDON: It’s a laptop. This is where my lap is.
Does it have games on it?
YOUNG SHELDON: Solitaire and Minesweeper.
Let me try.
YOUNG SHELDON: No.
Put it away.
Uh, Coopers?
Is there an issue?
No, no. Keep praying. We’ll, uh, catch up.
Sheldon, what you got there?
YOUNG SHELDON: An IBM ThinkPad.
Does that seem appropriate for church?
YOUNG SHELDON: It’s a miracle of technology. Luddites, this is a portable computer. 50 megahertz of processing power, four megabytes of RAM. Behold and worship.
ADULT SHELDON: What a mischievous imp I was.
AMY: We should start getting ready.
ADULT SHELDON: Oh, hold on. Want to see something neat?
Is it you starting to get ready for your son’s hockey game? Because that would be neat.
ADULT SHELDON: Oh, I’m not going to that. But check this out. My first laptop from 1994.
Terrific. What do you mean you’re not going?
ADULT SHELDON: Children on skates hitting a rubber puck with a stick. Why would I want to see that?
Because Leonard is your son, and he is one of those children.
ADULT SHELDON: This is why I wanted to wait until cloning was possible. Because the old-fashioned way got us a hockey player.
Get dressed.
ADULT SHELDON: But I’m busy. I’m writing about my last few days in Texas before going to Caltech. It’s very emotional.
I can see that. Hit the showers.
ADULT SHELDON: (stammers) I’m right in the middle. Mom’s going off the rails, I’m holding the whole family together. This is riveting stuff.
Well, I am leaving in an hour and you are coming with me.
ADULT SHELDON: (coughs)
Stop it. You are not sick.
ADULT SHELDON: You’re not that kind of doctor. You don’t know.
(door closes)
Is this what you do when I’m not here?
You could’ve walked in on a lot worse. Hey, how’s it going over there?
Well, about as good as you could hope. Just worried about Mary.
Is she hitting the bottle?
Hitting the Bible, hard.
Well, that’s not that bad.
Well, she’s pushing away her children just when they need her the most.
Other than being there for them, what else can you do?
I don’t know.
Hey, you know, when I was young and lost and mad at the world, picking up a guitar kept me from going down a bad road.
So, what’re you saying? Missy and Sheldon should form a band?
Worked for the Carpenters.
Put some pants on.
♪ I got no pants ♪
♪ On my legs. ♪
YOUNG SHELDON: Why is there still a placemat there?
That’s your father’s seat.
YOUNG SHELDON: But he’s not here.
He’s here in spirit.
YOUNG SHELDON: No, he’s not.
Shut up, Sheldon.
Chicken’s good, Mary.
Thank the Colonel. I wasn’t up to cooking.
11 secret herbs and spices. It’s a delicious mystery.
YOUNG SHELDON: Mandy, did you change the topic to fried chicken because my topic was awkward?
I did.
YOUNG SHELDON: And is it awkward that I’m bringing it up again?
It’s getting there.
YOUNG SHELDON: It’s not a magic chair, anyone can sit there, and even if spirits existed, which they don’t, they can’t call dibs on furniture.
If I sit in it, will you please stop talking about it?
YOUNG SHELDON: I suppose so.
Fine.
No.
Don’t do it.
Stop!
(sighs) Thank you.
(sighs) There’s something I have been thinking about that I would like you kids to consider. I want you both to get baptized.
YOUNG SHELDON: (clears throat) This is some good chicken. See how I changed the subject when Mom made it awkward?
No, I am serious. This is important. It is about saving your souls.
YOUNG SHELDON: I’m not doing it.
Me neither.
It ain’t no big deal. I did it.
Really?
Yeah, he kissed a girl in the tub, and she punched him in the face.
Really?
I’m gonna say pepper’s one of the secret spices. That leaves ten.
MARY: Okay, enough changing the subject. You two are getting baptized, and that is the end of the discussion.
You can’t make us.
End of discussion.
So, tell me about this girl you kissed.
Can we please talk about something else?
Fine.
YOUNG SHELDON: Her name was Veronica Duncan, and he was madly in love with her for years.
End of discussion.
She kind of looked like you.
YOUNG SHELDON: Except taller and younger.
Mm-hmm.
Hey. What you watching?
Nothing.
Where’s your mom?
I don’t know. Probably church, again.
Yeah, I guess she’s been a little extra…
Nutty?
Religious.
She dragged me to church three times this week. You know who goes to church on Thursdays?
Who?
Losers.
Sorry. Hey, uh, why don’t we get out of here and do something?
Like what?
I don’t know, something fun.
Can we go to a bar?
No.
Tattoo parlor?
No.
Do you even know what fun is anymore?
No.
(crying)
You okay?
(sniffles) I’m fine. Just talking with God.
He say something to upset you? ‘Cause I’ll give him what for.
Georgie, that is disrespectful.
Sorry. Just trying to cheer you up.
If you really want to cheer me up, help convince your brother and sister to get baptized.
I already told them I did it.
You treated it like it was a joke. Everyone in this family is treating it like it’s a joke and it’s not.
Okay. Sorry to interrupt.
Meemaw, it’s Georgie. I’m worried about Mom.
Look, I just want to say I’m-I’m really sorry for what you’re going through.
People keep saying they’re sorry. It’s so stupid.
Okay. I’m sorry. Sorry. I just want you to know that I’m here for you if you need anything. I mean, after all, we are sisters… in-law.
Anything? Like a dad who’s not dead and a mom who’s not crazy?
Okay, now, crazy moms, that one I know. I actually have the Girl Scout badge. (laughs)
(scoffs) I can’t talk to her about anything. It’s all about Jesus and God, and now, she wants me to get baptized.
Come on, I mean, she’s going through a tough time, too. Sorry. Okay, that’s the last one, all right? I’m sorry. Sorry.
♪ ♪
(clears throat) Hey, what ya doing?
YOUNG SHELDON: Packing my things for California.
You’re taking your toy trains?
YOUNG SHELDON: They’re not toys. They’re historically accurate facsimiles.
They go “woo woo” when you press the button, right?
YOUNG SHELDON: They’re not joyless facsimiles.
Okay, well, I’ll see ya later.
YOUNG SHELDON: Where are you going?
To the cemetery to visit your dad. I don’t suppose you want to join me?
YOUNG SHELDON: He’s not there.
I know he’s not there, he’s in heaven. Because he got baptized.
YOUNG SHELDON: Hmm. Kudos on the rhetorical ambush. Although, if he’s in heaven, why are you going to the cemetery? Ha, gotcha.
Sheldon, if you don’t believe in baptism, what’s the harm?
YOUNG SHELDON: The harm? You’re asking me to get in a big tub of un-chlorinated human filth.
Peg cleans it.
YOUNG SHELDON: Does she?
Peg says she cleans it. And if that is what is stopping you, I will personally scrub it out.
YOUNG SHELDON: Mother, I can’t be a hypocrite. This ritual is just superstitious nonsense to make you feel better.
And you taking all your things to college isn’t just to make you feel better?
YOUNG SHELDON: (scoffs) You’re on your game today.
That mean you’ll get baptized?
ADULT SHELDON: I gazed lovingly at her. I thought about how much she had been through and how much this would mean to her and then I said… “Not a chance, lady.” Pulitzer.
AMY: I thought you were taking a shower.
ADULT SHELDON: I thought I was, too, but the muse had other plans. What are you wearing?
AMY: It’s a hockey jersey. Here, I got you one.
ADULT SHELDON: I’m not wearing this silly thing.
AMY: When I first met you, you bought all of your shirts from a comic book store.
ADULT SHELDON: And I’d still be wearing them if they hadn’t mysteriously disappeared.
AMY: Sheldon, I know you’re not a fan of sports, but it would mean so much to Leonard to have his father in the stands supporting him.
ADULT SHELDON: He knows I love him despite his foolish and embarrassing hobby.
AMY: Sheldon, it is not a hobby–
ADULT SHELDON: End of discussion.
AMY: Do not tell–
ADULT SHELDON: End!
AMY: March your cute behind upstairs and get in that shower.
ADULT SHELDON: Fine. But that doesn’t mean I’m going. It means I value good hygiene.
MEEMAW: Hey. Funny meeting you here. Brought George a Lone Star.
That’s nice, but they don’t drink in heaven.
Oh. Then let’s not let that go to waste.
How’d you know I was here?
Sheldon.
Oh. Yeah. I’m worried about him.
He’s worried about you.
I’m worried about you.
Me? I’m doing fine. Jesus is helping me through.
I don’t question that. But I do question why you’re not spending more time with your son who’s leaving in a few days, and your daughter who may be leaving as we speak.
She’s doing okay.
She’s not. You just don’t know that ’cause you’re spending all your time praying.
I’m praying for them.
Mary… they don’t need your prayers. They need their mother.
And I need to know that their souls are saved.
Oh, I should’ve brought more beer.
I know that I’m not winning any popularity contests, but I’m gonna do whatever it takes to make sure that my kids are safe. In this life and the next.
Damn. I really thought I was gonna bring ya around.
I’m on my game today. Sheldon said so.
♪ ♪
MISSY: It’s so empty.
YOUNG SHELDON: I know you’re eager to turn it into a ballet studio or a gossip parlor or whatever it is girls your age enjoy.
Everything is just so different lately.
YOUNG SHELDON: Change is terrible. I’ve been saying it since I no longer fit in my high chair.
We spent a lot of time together in this room, huh?
YOUNG SHELDON: We did.
Oh, good, you’re both here. Sit down.
YOUNG SHELDON: Why?
Yeah, why?
Sit. Listen, I talked to your mom about this baptism thing.
You got us out of it?
No, you need to do it.
YOUNG SHELDON: But it’s against my well-established atheism.
It’s not about you. Your mom needs this.
You can’t make me.
You’re right, I can’t. But I’m watching my daughter fall apart right now. (shudders) I’m-I’m just asking for 20 minutes of your time. Please.
Fine.
YOUNG SHELDON: Okay.
Thank you.
It’s weird when they cry.
YOUNG SHELDON: I do not care for it.
♪ ♪
Okay. This is where you can get changed into your bathing suits and robes. Uh, boys there, girls there.
Let’s just get this over with.
I want to say again how sorry I am for your loss. I know your dad is real proud of you right now.
Our dad’s gone. (scoffs) Screw this.
Missy, you said you’d do it.
Yeah, well, I changed my mind. I’m going home.
I’ll give you a minute.
Are you gonna go, too? I know you don’t believe.
YOUNG SHELDON: I don’t. But I believe in you.
Thank you.
Okay, now our next baptism is for Sheldon Lee Cooper, our soon-to-be brother in Christ. And, personally, this is a big get for me. Sheldon, we’re ready for you.
(“Rubberband Man” by the Spinners playing)
♪ ♪
♪ Hey, y’all, prepare yourself ♪
♪ For the rubber band man ♪
♪ You’ve never heard a sound ♪
♪ Like the rubber band man ♪
♪ You’re bound to lose control ♪
♪ When the rubber band starts to jam ♪
♪ Rubber band, rubber band man ♪
♪ Get down ♪
♪ Oh, get down low ♪
♪ Rubber band.♪
What’s important is he’s here.
AMY: Oh, my.
ADULT SHELDON: What are you doing?
AMY: You never told me you were baptized.
ADULT SHELDON: Yes. And I got a pretty nasty ear infection for my troubles.
AMY: And you went through with it just to please your mother.
ADULT SHELDON: Well… she may not have understood me or the things I cared about… (sighs) but she did everything she could for me. My dad did, too.
AMY: Hmm. That must’ve been great, having parents who supported you despite all your differences.
ADULT SHELDON: Oh. Yes. Looking back, that was… that was the ultimate gift.
AMY: Hey. Smartest man in the world. I brought you to the water. Take a freakin’ sip.
ADULT SHELDON: You’re drawing a parallel.
Yes.
ADULT SHELDON: I’m not wearing the jersey.
Okay. But it is cold there.
ADULT SHELDON: Fine. I’ll wear it.
And, by the way, your daughter wants to take acting classes.
ADULT SHELDON: I told you we never should’ve let Penny babysit.
♪ ♪
ADULT SHELDON: Eventually, my mom sold the house. My dad’s chair was gone. My spot was gone. Where we ate together. But I can still remember it exactly the way it was the day I left for Caltech.
MISSY: Hey. What are you doing?
YOUNG SHELDON: Taking it all in one last time, so I remember it when I’m older.
MISSY: You gonna remember me?
YOUNG SHELDON: I have an eidetic memory. I have no choice.
MISSY: Ha.
(birds chirping)
You lost?
YOUNG SHELDON: No. I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.
(“Walk of Life” by Dire Straits playing)
♪ ♪
