Young Sheldon
Season 7 Episode 2
Episode title: A Roulette Wheel and a Piano Playing Dog
Original air date: February 22, 2024 (CBS)
Plot: Sheldon finds he is academically behind everyone else in his class. A girl younger then him is sent to tutor him, amusing Mary. Sheldon struggles not being the smartest for once, but after calling Dr. Linkletter is encouraged to listen and learn, which he eventually does; thinking himself quite humble. Meanwhile, to make more money quicker, Connie has a roulette wheel put into the gaming room. Georgie is is hesitant about this, especially after hearing what the Dixie Mafia did to the previous owner. Mandy can talk him into it. Missy continues to run the house and talk with Georgie over his fears and forcing George and Mandy’s father Jim to help out. She soon feels unappreciated and makes a chore chart for everyone.
* * *
ADULT SHELDON: Heidelberg is considered one of the most beautiful cities in Germany. Heidelberg Palace, the Karl Theodor Bridge, the Schloss Schwetzingen. But I couldn’t care less. The only sights I wanted to see were the looks of awe on the faces of my fellow students as I demonstrated my intellectual superiority.
SHELDON: Cylinders that are smaller than ten to the minus-35 meters.
(all laugh)
SHELDON: What’s happening?
You don’t laugh at people saying stupid things in Texas?
SHELDON: You’re darn tootin’ we do. So who goofed? (laughter)
You did, dummkopf.
SHELDON: Dummkopf? You’re calling me a dummy?
Class, who knows where the dummkopf went wrong? Mr. Ziegler.
He forgot to consider the Calabi-Yau manifold.
Thank you, Mr. Ziegler.
SHELDON: Wait, what’s the Calabi-Yau manifold?
(laughter) Dummkopf.
ADULT SHELDON: I was quickly learning not all Germans were the warm, fun-loving people I was led to believe.
♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪
♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪
♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪
♪ I am a mighty little man ♪
♪ I am a mighty little man.♪
SHELDON: And then they laughed at me for not knowing something that they knew. Who does that?
You do.
SHELDON: Well, this is no time for a teachable moment. Your child is hurting.
Sorry. There, there.
SHELDON: I guess that’ll do. Now, how about a hot beverage?
Good crowd today.
It’s not enough. We need more.
What are you talking about? We’re raking it in. We got wall-to-wall chumps.
Hey!
Not you. The other chumps.
We’re raking in quarters. I got a house to rebuild.
You want to raise the price?
Nope. I’m thinking bigger. Table games. Maybe a roulette wheel.
Whoa. These machines are already a gray area. Table games are big-time illegal.
You know why? Because they make big-time money.
What are the cops gonna say?
“Thank you for my new fishing boat”?
Meemaw, I can’t go to jail. I’ve got a family to take care of.
Nobody’s going to jail.
Please, just take a moment to think about it.
Fine. We’re doing it. (laughs)
(doorbell rings)
Jim.
Hey, sorry to just drop by, but I found some of Mandy’s old baby stuff. Figured I’d bring it over.
Yeah, well, Mandy’s not here. She took the baby for a check-up, but you’re welcome to wait. Have a beer, watch the Astros.
A beer in the middle of the afternoon? Your wife okay with that?
My wife’s in Germany.
Oh, my.
For the whole summer.
You’re living the dream.
Mmm. Come on.
Hey, Missy. Hey.
Oh, two-for-one green beans.
Oh, look at that, you got everybody pitching in. Good for you.
Well, I am a head coach. It’s what I do.
Hey, that’s not where the caps go; we talked about this.
Mm. Sorry. Sorry.
She the assistant coach?
She might own the team.
Use the coasters.
SHELDON: Professor Salzman, I just wanted to let you know that I studied up and am now well-versed in the Calabi-Yau manifold.
Okay.
SHELDON: It was never part of the curriculum at East Texas Tech.
East Texas Tech? Sounds charming.
SHELDON: It’s actually quite humid. Regardless, I’m ready to reassert myself as class leader.
Your classmates are from some of the most elite universities in the world. There is no East MIT.
SHELDON: Well, I would have gone to a better school, but I was 11, which you have to admit is pretty impressive.
Sheldon, at some point we ask of the piano-playing dog not, “Are you a dog?” but, “Are you any good at playing the piano?”
SHELDON: Excuse me?
(sighs) You are far behind many of your peers.
SHELDON: I have no peers.
I think they would agree. Which is why I’m going to recommend tutoring.
SHELDON: Me tutor them?
No.
SHELDON: You tutor me?
No.
SHELDON: Me tutor you?
Miss Chen.
Yes, Professor?
You have an undergraduate degree in education, ja?
Yes, sir.
Teach him.
(people cheering)
No more bets.
What the hell? Where’d you get the table?
I know a guy.
Where’d you get him?
He’s the guy.
Red 12. No winners.
Oh-ho, there’s a winner.
Can we even trust him?
Herman? Look at that baby face. He says, on a good night, one table can throw off a thousand dollars. That’s a lot of diapers, Georgie.
Huh.
Maybe even a nanny.
Huh!
How is it, the three of y’all living in Sheldon’s room?
HERMAN: Red 16. No winners.
(baby fussing)
Hey, could you watch her for a little while?
I would, but I gotta get to the grocery store if dinner’s gonna be ready.
GEORGE SR.: Three-fifty. Three hundred and fifty dollars for a dining room set?
You must be crazy.
That’s what you said about the jet ski, but I nailed it.
Well…
You guys having a good time?
Oh, yeah, great time.
It’s over.
Wha… Well, what about Showcase Showdown?
Here we go. Green beans.
No. No, no, no, no, no. That’s not the one on the coupon. You want… Bottom row.
Ooh, good catch. Missy’d have had my ass.
Well, I’m here for you. All righty, now.
(knock on door)
Hello?
Good afternoon, I’m here for tutoring with Sheldon.
Oh, he’s helping you? Isn’t that nice.
No, I’m helping him.
Sorry?
I’m tutoring him.
Excuse me just a minute. Shelly?
(knocks on door)
Your tutor’s here.
SHELDON: I’ve been thinking about it. We should go home.
Why?
I miss Dad and football. The whole shebang.
Honey, are you sure this isn’t because you need a tutor, and she’s a little girl?
SHELDON: Leave me alone.
Didn’t you say that you wanted to come here to learn new things and expand your horizons?
SHELDON: What do I know? I’m a dummkopf.
Oh, nobody thinks that.
I do. I thought we’d get started with anti-de Sitter space.
That sounds fun. What’s that?
SHELDON: I wish I could tell you.
SHELDON: Oh, um…
Come on, I just gave you a hint.
SHELDON: We solve for the geodesics.
Wrong.
SHELDON: Ow! Why’d you hit me?
Pain is the best teacher.
SHELDON: You’re a very impressive little girl, but there’s a saying. At some point, it’s not enough to be a dog who plays the piano. You have to play the piano well.
I play extremely well. I’m a concert pianist.
SHELDON: Of course you are.
(Mary chuckles)
SHELDON: What?
Sorry, just a funny part of the Bible.
MISSY: …for the food we’re about to receive, and bless the hands that prepared it.
And for the hands what went to the store and bought it.
(door shuts)
Sorry, had a tough time getting her down. She had horrible gas.
Well, that’s weird. She was an angel with us.
(baby crying) Maybe she’s hungry.
Maybe she’s teething.
You know what, let her suck on a Slim Jim.
Ooh! Two birds.
You’re awful quiet tonight.
Oh, just work stuff.
Huh, I wouldn’t have thought running a laundromat would be all that stressful.
(electronic whistles and bells)
Well, Dad, you run your own business. You know what it’s like dealing with the public.
That I do. Actually, I had a guy the other day came in returning a set of tires I sold him a year ago, way past warranty. Put up quite a stink, too.
How’d you handle it?
Gave him a new set of tires. I mean, I lost a couple bucks, but got a customer for life.
Smart. I could learn a lot from you.
Well, you can learn a lot from your father, too.
Hmm. All right, what you got, big man?
Uh, well…
(telephone rings)
Saved by the bell.
(ringing continues)
Would it kill anyone to say “thank you” for this delicious meal?
GEORGE SR.: Hello.
Thanks.
Thank you.
GEORGE SR.: Hang on. Jim, it’s your wife.
Hi, honey. I am sorry, I lost track of time. I was playing with the baby, who, I got to tell you, looks more and more like you every day… Okey-dokey, I will be right home. Five minutes. Gotta go.
(sighs)
What?
Nothing.
Georgie, I can tell when something’s wrong.
Nothing’s wrong. (sighs)
Just tell me.
Is it that obvious?
Yes.
All right. Meemaw put a roulette wheel in the slot room, and I’m real worried about it.
Why?
The slots are already in a gray area. A roulette wheel could land us in jail.
Okay, then tell her you want no part of it.
I did, but she said it could throw off a thousand dollars a day.
Oh. Then do it.
But I could go to jail.
(scoffs) I’ll wait for you.
I thought you’d be on my side.
Georgie, I am on your side. In fact, we should get married sooner so that I can’t testify against you.
And also because you love me.
Thousand bucks a day? You bet I love you.
So listen, I thought it over and decided the risk is worth it.
Good. Mandy on board?
I didn’t ask.
Glad she brought you around. Listen, why don’t you shadow Herman, see how it’s done.
You want me to run the wheel?
We should be ready.
(coughs)
It’s the bottom of the ninth for this guy.
HERMAN: Red 12. No winners. (gasping)
You okay?
Yeah. I got just the one lung.
Connie said you’d show me the ropes.
Oh, sure. There’s nothing to it. You’ll catch on in no time.
No more bets.
So, we bought this table from you?
Oh, yeah. I used to have a little gambling room of my own. Until it got shut down.
Cops?
Oh, no, nothing like that.
Dixie mafia. They threatened to cut off my… Red 16. Red 16.
Cut off your what?
Wrong.
SHELDON: What is wrong about this?
You didn’t account for all the dimensions.
SHELDON: The Calabi-Yau manifold has six dimensions.
Only if there’s fermions. Without fermions, there could be up to 26 dimensions.
SHELDON: What? Dr. Linkletter and Dr. Sturgis never mentioned 26 dimensions.
Who are they?
SHELDON: They’re my teachers, and they’re really smart.
I’ve never heard of them.
SHELDON: Well, I’ve probably never heard of your teachers.
I recently studied with Henry W. Kendall.
SHELDON: The Nobel Prize winner for his pioneering research on the deep inelastic scattering of electrons on protons and bound neutrons?
Yes.
SHELDON: Never heard of him.
Try again.
SHELDON: Oh, I see the problem. This is stupid. You can’t just invent dimensions. There’s this one, this one and this one.
You forgot the dimension of time.
SHELDON: Ow. Thank you.
(inhales sharply) (coughs)
You want to sit down or something?
I sit down, I might not ever get up. Uh-oh. Dixie mafia.
What do we do?
Just stay calm. Let me do the talking.
Who’s in charge here?
He is.
Give us the money.
I-I can’t. I have a daughter to support.
Hope she likes being an only child.
(gasps)
(sighs)
What’re you doing up?
Can’t sleep.
Same.
You want some tea?
Hot tea? What am I, the Queen of England?
You okay?
Don’t become an adult. It sucks.
(scoffs) Too late. Do you know how much it costs to feed a family these days? If it wasn’t for double coupons, I don’t know how we’d manage.
Well, making the money’s no picnic either. I mean, I want to provide for Mandy and CeeCee, but… (sighs) …it’s really working my last nerve.
I spend my whole day holding this house together and no one even says, “Thank you.”
I get it. I get home from work, but does anyone ask how my day was?
How was your day?
Don’t ask.
Why do we even do it?
Well, I got a fiancée and a baby, and we’re all sleeping in Sheldon’s room.
Oh, yeah, you’re screwed. I mean why do I do it?
(telephone ringing)
Hello.
SHELDON: Why did you never tell me there’s 26 dimensions?
What?
SHELDON: I’m in Heidelberg and I’m studying string theory, and I’m now drastically behind, thanks to you.
Sheldon, it’s 3:00 in the morning.
SHELDON: Oh, that explains why Dr. Sturgis didn’t pick up.
That explains why I’m hanging up.
SHELDON: I had to be tutored by a child and the professor called me a dummkopf.
(chuckles) Now I’m glad you called.
SHELDON: I don’t like it here. I miss being the smartest one in class.
Son, if you’re always the smartest, you’re never learning anything.
SHELDON: Interesting. So what do I do?
Listen.
SHELDON: I’m listening.
No, that’s the answer. Try doing something you’re truly awful at: just shut up and listen.
SHELDON: But what if I…
When you’re in class, listen.
SHELDON: But I could…
(line disconnects)
Guess I should pee.
What, you didn’t make a big ol’ breakfast?
I did, and I’m eating it. And when I’m done, I’m gonna go watch TV while you make your own breakfast and do the dishes.
But… you were doing great, so grown-up, cooking and cleaning.
Mm-hmm. Pass the syrup.
I thought we had a whole thing going here.
Now we have a new thing. Look at the fridge.
Chore chart?
That’s right.
You realize it’s my job that pays for all this.
That is true. Thank you.
You’re welcome.
And thank you in advance for doing the laundry and taking out the garbage.
What about Georgie?
Look at the chart. Georgie mows the lawn and cleans the toilet.
(chuckles)
PROFESSOR SALZMAN: One should not even attempt to unify type-one und type-two…
ADULT SHELDON: I wanted to give up and run away, but I had read enough comic books to know that heroes don’t quit. Instead of running, I decided to stay and face the biggest challenge I’ve ever had: keeping my mouth shut.
Any thoughts on the compactification of the extra dimensions here?
(“Da Da Da” by Trio playing)
ADULT SHELDON: Mmm.
Ja.
One must conserve the unbroken supercharges.
Und the spherical Hankel transform of this equation is…
♪ ♪
ADULT SHELDON: This turned out to be a pivotal moment in my life. By being open to people smarter than me, I grew as both a man and a scientist. Humble, brilliant… I really am the whole package.
♪ ♪
(knock on door)
Hey.
What brings you by?
Well, I finished my honey-do list, so Audrey gave me the afternoon off.
Come on in.
All right, I thought we’d do something fun.
Well, this isn’t fun.
I didn’t make the chore chart. Just grab a corner.
There is no corner.
(toilet flushes)
Georgie, give us a hand.
Oh, you don’t want me touching anything.
