Trucks: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver | Transcript

John Oliver explains how truck drivers get paid, how they often don’t, and how companies exploit them to increase profits.
Trucks: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver

Last Week Tonight with John Oliver
Season 9 Episode 6
Aired on April 3, 2022

Main segment: The U.S. Trucking Industry
Other segments: Madison Cawthorn

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[Cheers and applause]

John: Welcome, welcome, welcome to “Last Week Tonight!” I’m John Oliver. Thank you so much for joining us. It’s been another busy week. Russia’s still brutalizing Ukraine, Amazon workers in the U.S. unionized for the first time, and at the Oscars, this happened, a moment that’s since spawned thousands of terrible takes, with this being the one we may’ve needed the least.

The question I’ve been getting is Will Smith and Chris Rock. Hey, look. It was unfortunate. I think will was wrong. Look, I understood the feeling.

John: Nope. Not you, O.J. Not you. No one wants to hear from you on this, especially when you seem to be coming live from the Covid patio of a señor frogs. You can sit this one out. Think of this situation like a rowdy bachelorette ordering a mimosa. We want as little juice involved here as humanly possible. But let’s move on to Washington, where republicans had a dramatic week, thanks to Madison Cawthorn, the freshman congressman from north Carolina, and the fallout from this interview.

I look at all these people, a lot of them that I’ve looked up to through my life, I’ve always paid attention to politics, guys that, you know, then all of a sudden you get invited to “well, hey, we’re going to have a sexual get-together at one of our homes, you should come.” And I’m like, “what did you just ask me to come to?” And then you realize they’re asking you to come to an orgy. Or the fact that, you know, some of the people leading on the movement to try and remove addiction in our country, and then you watch them do a key bump of cocaine right in front of you. And it’s like, this is, this is wild.

John: Obviously no one uses the phrase “key bump” without knowing exactly what it means, so it feels like you’re already telling on yourself a little there. Also, I’m pretty sure that people having coke fueled orgies don’t call them “sexual get-togethers.” A “sexual get-together” sounds like a sex toy party at your friend Brenda’s friend Shenae’s house, where you realize halfway through that the whole thing is a pyramid scheme. “No, I don’t want to sample any more raspberry nipple cream. This is a scam and I’m going home. I got a babysitter for this!” Also — and this really isn’t the point, but what is this podcast? That’s rhetorical. I don’t care and I won’t learn. I just think it’s weird that the only two clues we have are a Braveheart poster and what appears to be a rag doll of Post Malone. Now, Cawthorn’s remarks prompted stern rebukes from his colleagues, with house minority leader Kevin McCarthy saying, “there’s no evidence behind his statements… He’s lost my trust, and he’s going to have to earn it back. And if that truly was the moment when Cawthorn lost McCarthy’s trust, then let’s take a minute on that. Because Cawthorn’s said a lot of objectionable things. He’s urged people to “lightly threaten” members of congress ahead of January 6th, suggested Biden’s door-to-door vaccine strategy could be used to “take people’s guns and bibles,” and just recently called Zelenskyy a thug. He also offered this incredible piece of parenting advice last year.

My friends, they’re trying to demasculate the young men in this country because they don’t want people who are going to stand up. And so I’m telling you all of you moms here, the people who I said were the most vicious in our movement, if you are raising a young man, please raise them to be a monster. Raise — [cheers]

John: Oh, don’t worry, Madison. I’m sure the moms who responded there with front-row Beyoncé ticket energy have already struck the exact right balance of bigotry, denial of affection, and casual permission of violence that’ll have their sons on the front page of a terrible news story soon enough. The fact is, Cawthorn’s record with the truth has always been unrelentingly bad. He implied the car crash that left him partially paralyzed derailed his plans to attend the U.S. Naval Academy, even though his application had already been rejected before the crash. He frequently claimed to be training for the paralympics, which was news to actual paralympians like Amanda McGrory, who pointed out he’s not even in the official paralympian registry — which he would have to be in order to compete — adding, “it’s like a kid saying they want to play in the NBA when they’re on their fourth-grade basketball team.” And quick side note here: Cawthorn often makes reference to his disability or finds ways to center it. Like when he made a point of standing for the flag at the RNC. That’s something that especially irritates some disability advocates, who feel it plays into the hands of societal ableism, especially the cultural desire to see people with disabilities only as “inspirational,” when, obviously, they’re a broad group of people who include everyone from incredible athletes like Amanda McGrory to douchey Frat Bros. lying their way to power. It turns out being a shitty person, unlike so much of our society, is one of the few things that is actually accessible for everyone. But wait, there’s more, because Cawthorn was also the subject of a scathing public letter signed by more than 150 of his former college classmates, alleging he engaged in “sexually predatory behavior” while in college. And while on one hand, he denies those claims, on the other hand, there was this incredible moment in a debate.

If I have a daughter, I want her to grow up in a world where people will have to ask permission to touch her. I think that would have made my high school experience much less awkward if I knew that was a question that could generally be asked. But also, if I have a son, I want him to grow up in a world where he’s not accused of being a sexual predator just because he wants to kiss a girl.

John: Well, the good news is, that’s already half true. No one tells boys they’re sexual predators for wanting to kiss girls. How are we doing on the other part? I don’t know, Madison. Let’s ask anyone who went to college with you. The point is, none of what happened with Cawthorn this week should be remotely surprising to anyone. Especially given when he ran for office, this was one of his actual ads.

Did you hear? My opponent is a simp. He endorsed Nancy Pelosi right here in Western North Carolina. I won’t endorse Nancy Pelosi. I’ll make her life a living hell. I believe you can run your life better than I can. Better than any socialist simp congress can. I’m Madison Cawthorn. I’m not a socialist. I’m not a simp. I am your weapon. Send me to congress to fight for you.

John: Okay, I don’t know how many times the word “simp” should appear in a campaign ad, but I don’t think it’s three. And now I’ve said it out loud. More than zero is clearly too many. And for the record, since his election, Cawthorn has shown less interest in “fighting for” his constituents than shameless self-promotion, reportedly telling colleagues he’d built his staff around comms rather than legislation, which absolutely makes sense. Because this guy loves posting shots of himself on Instagram, whether he’s fishing, smoking cigars, or — in a post that’s now been deleted — visiting Hitler’s vacation house known as the “Eagle’s Nest”, in which his caption refers to Hitler as “the Fuhrer” and says the site had been on his bucket list for a while and “did not disappoint”. And look, I know it’s not the worst thing, but there’s also this photo, captioned, “getting crazy with some apple cobbler made right over the smoke.” And I don’t know what that is, but it’s definitely not a cobbler. It doesn’t have a biscuit or a pie dough topping. It’s not a buckle because I don’t see a cake base with a streusel topping. If he was throwing it on a stovetop, he could try to call it a grunt but it isn’t one. It’s not an apple brown betty. It’s not a crisp. And if you’re calling that a sonker, you’re dead fucking wrong, my friend. It basically looks like someone grated a medium-sized baby into a skillet. That’s nothing. That’s fucking nothing, Madison. Words. Mean. Things. But the absolute masterpiece of his Instagram is probably this.

John: Yeah, he appears to be punching a tree because it looks weak. It’s like somebody told the story of George Washington chopping down the cherry tree to a dog, and then that dog told Madison Cawthorn. It is, and this is true, one of the stupidest things I have ever seen in my entire life. If, when I die, I meet God, and god says “hey. Did you see that stupid thing?” I will know exactly what God is talking about. And all of this is really to say, Kevin McCarthy, this is the guy that surprised you this week? This predatory, conspiratorial, inexplicably hostile to trees guy? Your party’s supported and enabled him this whole time. And the tactics he uses are pretty much in line with the republicans’ whole M.O. right now. Or to put this in terms Madison Cawthorn would understand: it looks like you raised a monster, and now it’s your fucking problem. And now this.

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And now… Local news has an urgent warning about season two of Bridgerton.

Less fun and less sex. That’s apparently what season two of Bridgerton is all about.

If you’re going in expecting this season from the stuff you got last season, not getting it. Some of that space. Okay.

I’m not saying I’m not enjoying it but last season was like up here.

Not as steamy as the first.

Not as hot and heavy.

You are watching Bridgerton for sex questioning

The way it is as beautiful. Some of the story lines were really cool. I was expecting more, more. Speaker okay.

Less bumping uglies.

They are just playing polo.

Last season, you remember he was unbuttoning and unzipping an unlacing.

It’s nice.

Okay.

It’s good. It’s just not great.

No, it’s just not… That.

The spice.

You know what I mean.

I do.

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John: Moving on. Our main story tonight concerns trucks. Everybody loves them, from kids who like the fact they go honk honk to producers of reality shows, who it seems can’t get enough of trucks and their drivers.

Across America, giant trucks with cargos worth millions vanish into thin air. Big rig bounty hunters.

There’s no better way to learn this job than actually doing it.

Highway Through Hell. All new.

Shipping Wars, new series.

World’s Toughest Trucker. All new series.

Mud Mountain Haulers. New series.

Ice Road Truckers. Begins Sunday, June 17th, at 10:00.

John: Wow! Apparently people like their reality trucker shows the same way I like my coffee: full of ice and intense enough to make me shit myself. But trucks aren’t just a staple of reality tv. They’re a vital part of our economy, carrying 70% of the tonnage that moves around America. And the drivers involved know just how much this country relies on them.

If these trucks were set — shut down, for one week, this country would be in —

Three days?

Three days. This country would be… they’d shut the country down. ‘Cause nothing you eat, wear, drink, drive, doesn’t move on a truck.

John: Right. It’s pretty upsetting to realize that, without trucks, after just a week —

Three days!

John: Sorry, three days, every produce department in America would go from fully-stocked market to all-you-can-eat raccoon buffet. So it’s no wonder trucking’s a huge industry, with more than 3.5 million people in America working as drivers, from port truckers who bring goods off ships to railyards and warehouses, to long-haul truckers who move them across the country, to “last mile” drivers, who take care of local delivery. And yet, as you’ve probably heard recently, the whole industry is facing a massive problem.

All right, we’re going to turn now to a nationwide shortage of truck drivers.

Major truck driver shortage straining the already stretched chain. There doesn’t seem to be an end in sight.

Empty store shelves signal a supply chain in crisis, exacerbated by a shortage of truck drivers.

John: Yeah, that doesn’t sound good, does it? The only time I’m actively rooting for a supply chain crisis is whenever a container ship gets stuck in the Suez canal. I don’t care if the entire global economy collapses, I just love to see that big rectangle stuck. The point is, trucking companies have been quick to claim they’re suffering a shortage of drivers. They’ve been saying that for a while now. But the truth is, their actual problem is less a problem of driver shortage, and more of driver retention. Because hundreds of thousands of people become truck drivers every year. But hundreds of thousands also quit. Job turnover for truckers averages over 100%, and at some companies it’s as high as 300%, meaning they’re hiring three people for a single job over the course of a year. And when a field this important has a level of job satisfaction that low, it sure seems like there’s a huge problem. So tonight, let’s examine the trucking industry: how drivers make a living, how they often don’t, and how companies benefit from the whole miserable system. And the first thing to know is, it wasn’t always like this. In the 1970s, truck driving was a solid middle-class profession, with trucker culture even becoming trendy, through songs like “Convoy,” movies like “Every Which Way but Loose”, and tv shows like “B. J. and the Bear”, about a trucker and his chimpanzee friend. And if you’re thinking that show sounds weird, you don’t know the half of it.

B. J. was a happy go lucky trucker who would haul anything for a price.

You’re the guy, aren’t you? The guy who’ll haul anything anywhere for a buck and a half a mile, no questions asked?

But this time, his cargo was eleven young women escaping from a white slavery gang.

Roadblocks mean nothing to B. J. McKay, an ex-pow and helicopter pilot from Vietnam. Claude Akins and Betty Finder star in B. J. and the bear, next Wednesday at 9:00, 8:00 central and mountain.

John: Yes! The true golden age of television right there. This medium peaked in 1979 and we’ll never see the mountaintop again. That promo started — started! With a driver living with a chimpanzee and escalated so fast, Casey Kasem didn’t have time to mention the chimp. Where did it come from? Was the chimp also in Vietnam? Why is he called bear? Who cares? There’s no time! It seems we’re shooting guns from helicopters at other helicopters now, those details are going to have to wait. Every year the Emmys should release a statement saying “all awards go to B. J. and the Bear, again. Try harder next year, tv.” But the truth is, truck driving was genuinely a decent job. But that began to change in 1980, Jimmy Carter signed the motor carrier act, deregulating the market in an attempt to lower prices for consumers. That set off a race to the bottom among trucking companies. And 40 years later, the base compensation for long-haul truck drivers is estimated to be down 50% in real terms. And there are three key problems with the way the industry’s currently set up that we’re going to look at. The first is how they’re paid. Because most long-haul drivers are paid by the mile, not by the hour. Raising obvious questions, like what about when trucks are waiting to load, unload and reload? Do they really not get paid for that? And for the most part, they don’t. This is a huge sticking point for truck drivers. If you ever go on trucker YouTube or TikTok — which you absolutely should — you’ll see a lot of videos like these.

Why do we have to sit in a dock for three hours or three and a half hours up to this point?

I’ve been in the shipper now for 19 hours. No other — not many other jobs where you can just be on the job and not get paid.

You’re sitting over there judging me, but I don’t have a reload, we can’t move.

It’s not me, it’s not me, it’s dispatch! I can’t help that the dispatcher is slow as shit! Well, you call and tell him, I ain’t — you ain’t — I don’t give a damn if you ain’t got no thumbs, you call and tell him.

John: Yeah, that’s a major problem. The waiting time. That is, not the fact that dogs don’t have thumbs and can’t use a phone. That’s probably a good thing. Because if they could, they’d literally never stop texting you shit like “fuck, fuck, fuck I just saw a squirrel!” And “miss u, love u. Fuck, just saw the squirrel again!” And while this isn’t a new problem, long waits at loading docks have actually jumped significantly in recent years. And if you are paid per mile and lose half your work day waiting, you’re incentivized to try and make up for that time once you’re on the road. Which does makes sense. If I only got paid per joke about AT&T, I’d try to cram in as many AT&T jokes as possible. I’d be dropping them like AT&T drops calls. Because the more Johnny burns, the more Johnny earns. But this can be a real safety problem for all of us. 5,000 People each year are killed in crashes involving large trucks. Now, the government’s tried to address safety concerns by mandating breaks and limiting the number of hours truckers can be on the road. They even require electronic monitoring devices like this one, that log when the truck is moving, to ensure compliance. But many drivers find that frustrating in a different way, because it limits their agency over how and when they drive.

We’re not computers. We don’t have an off button. The thing this does do is — is it forces you to get up and go if you’re tired. It forces you to get up and go if you don’t feel good. And it’s not about running 24 hours a day. It’s about making a common sense decision about how you feel, how the road conditions are, whether or not you want to run through rush hour, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

John: Look. There are some jobs you can absolutely do if you don’t feel good. Like this one. I feel like shit all the time. Look at me. But it doesn’t really matter, because this desk isn’t moving at 80 miles an hour, so the consequences of my poor job performance are not likely to kill anyone. And when these rigid rules bump up against unpredictable work hours, drivers are put in an impossible position. Take this driver, whose company made him take his ten-hour break during the day, when he couldn’t sleep, and then found himself driving exhausted at night. And when he called his dispatcher to say he felt unsafe to drive, just watch how badly the call went.

Hey, man, we got a bit of a problem, dude. I’m starting to fall asleep going down the road here.

But get a load of this, the K&B dispatchers, instead of telling him to just get some rest, Hot Potato Abe from one dispatcher to another, each of them with the same advice.

Get some coffee and then let’s — ’cause we don’t have a choice on this. Either get some coffee, walk around the truck, do something?

I already did that earlier, man.

Let’s get out and get some fresh air, what is it, about 10 degrees outside?

Yep.

That’ll wake you right up, right?

I’m telling you. I’m not safe to drive at the moment.

Okay, well then, here’s the deal, we don’t have a choice on this. That’s not how we work here at K&B.

I say I’m not gonna hurt anybody out here on the road.

Well, you know what? You don’t need to jump to that. That’s dramatic [bleep] that I don’t need this morning, right?

John: Wow, “I don’t need that this morning”? That’s a hell of a statement. “Get out of here with that dramatic shit until at least 1:00 p.m., It’s like this mug says. “Don’t confront me with the potentially lethal consequences of my reckless decision making until after I’ve had my coffee.” So drivers end up getting squeezed between regulations and the companies they drive for, and at no point in the process are their own feelings or needs taken into account. And that’s not the only way they get squeezed. Because the second exploitative quirk of this industry concerns the relationship between drivers and trucking companies. Many carriers classify drivers not as employees, but as independent contractors. And while there are some to whom that label truly applies — those who genuinely have the freedom to choose between different loads and haul for whomever they want — the fact is, many companies misclassify drivers as independent who work exclusively for them, and whose day-to-day lives they fundamentally control. And there are obvious reasons for companies to do this, as this trucker explains.

I’m not classified as an employee. I am classified as an independent contractor, but I have very, very little control over the success or failure of my company.

Despite his so-called independence, Prior works exclusively for shippers, which doles out his daily routes. He has seen his paychecks dwindle, and has none of the protections he would get as an employee.

As long as we’re independent contractors, they don’t have to cover benefits, they don’t have to cover sick days, bereavement leave time, holiday pay. It just saves the company money.

John: Yeah, of course this is attractive for companies. They don’t even have to give you time off when a family member dies. So unless your nana’s wake is being held in front of the diesel pump at a Wawa, you’re probably not going to be able to attend. And it actually exempts them from even more than what he just said. Because it also allows companies to avoid paying payroll taxes, workers’ comp, and unemployment insurance, as well as the minimum wage. And if that wasn’t enough, being an independent contractor means all the costs and risks of truck ownership get pushed onto the driver. Just watch as this former trucker explains exactly what was left of her household earnings, once she and her husband had accounted for all their costs.

We made $150,000, right, in a year. That sounds great, right? That’s, like, good money. We paid $100,000 in fuel, okay? So, right there, now I made $50,000. But I didn’t really, because, you know, you get an oil change every month, so that’s $300 a month. You still have to do all the maintenance. We had a motor blow out, right? $13,000. Right? I know, I mean, I choke up a little just thinking about it, because it was… And it was 13,000, and we were off work for two weeks. So, by the end of the year, with that $150,000, by the end of the year, we’d made about $22,000.

John: Yeah, and look. I’m no CPA, despite the face, glasses, and insatiable horniness for numbers that strongly imply otherwise, but that seems like a pretty shitty bottom line. And while most of the drivers you’ve seen so far tonight have been in long-haul, this independent contractor problem also very much applies to those at either end of the shipping process, too, like port truckers, where one study estimated two-thirds of them are misclassified, and also “last mile” drivers. Those are the people who drive box trucks or sprinter vans to deliver stuff directly to your door. You know how you see FedEx ground trucks? Those aren’t FedEx employees, despite every visual indication to the contrary. They may wear a FedEx uniform, their truck may say FedEx on it, and they may exclusively deliver packages for FedEx, but they’re technically independent. If you look carefully at the side of the trucks, you’ll see small fine print indicating who actually owns it, and it’s not FedEx. Amazon uses a similar model with its “delivery service partners.” And again: the appeal for Amazon is obvious. Using drivers that aren’t direct employees allows them to distance themselves from liability when things go wrong. Which they do, particularly given the ridiculous pace Amazon expects. You’ve probably heard all the stories of drivers having to urinate in bottles, because they didn’t have time to stop. That speaks to the relentless pressure to deliver relentless pressure to deliver hundreds of packages per shift.

People are busting their ass driving way over the speed limit. People are running through stop signs, running through yellow lights. Everybody I knew was buckling their seatbelt behind their backs because the time it took just to buckle your seatbelt, unbuckle your seatbelt every time was enough time to get you behind schedule.

John: Yeah, that’s not good. I thought everyone knew the only place it’s fine not to have a seat belt is, for some reason, a school bus. That’s where we agreed to skimp on them as a society. The kids’ll be fine! We’ll put a little stop sign on the outside! They’ll be fine! And if you think that nonstop pressure seems like an accident waiting to happen, it already has. Investigations by ProPublica and BuzzFeed found that, in a four-year window, drivers delivering Amazon packages had been involved in more than 60 crashes that led to serious injuries, including 13 deaths. Or, as that’s more commonly known, a Bezos’ dozen. But, again: Amazon is basically off the hook here, because these drivers aren’t their employees, they’re independent contractors. Meaning the contractor is responsible for anything that goes wrong, not them. In fact, under Amazon’s contracts, they’re even reportedly responsible for paying Amazon’s legal bills in the event of a lawsuit, which is only fair. It’s not like Jeff Bezos can afford to pay all those lawyers. He’s spending his money on things that truly benefit society, like launching himself into space before disappointing everyone and coming back home safely. And amazingly, I’ve got one more exploitative quirk of this industry to show you. And it’s something called Lease Purchase Agreements. This is a system where drivers who can’t afford their own truck are offered the chance to lease one from the company they drive for with the promise that they’ll earn enough to eventually pay it off and own it. Here’s one company giving you the hard sell.

Own your future with Western Express! Find your true potential and earning power with truck ownership! Western’s lease-purchase program is like no other. There’s no money down, no credit check, and no balloon payments. At Western Express, we deliver independence, one driver at a time!

John: Okay, I’m immediately suspicious of phrases like “own your future” and “find your true potential.” Companies with selling points like that typically leave you with nothing but debt and a closet full of leggings designed to turn your crotch into a magic eye poster. And the fact is, drivers who participate in lease-to-own agreements almost never succeed. One trucking company executive even estimated that, of all the drivers entering into their lease-purchase program, only around 5 to 10% actually ended up successfully taking ownership of the truck. So the odds are heavily against you. And as for the whole “delivering independence” part, that’s the real irony. If you’re leasing a truck from the company you work for, you’re now tethered to them, no matter what. You’re reliant on them to give you loads, to earn money, which you’re then paying back to them to pay off your lease, and all the other expenses they can throw at you. This has been a common problem for both long-haul and port truckers.

It takes drivers until — each week, they get paid each week — and it can take them until Wednesday or even Thursday before they even begin to make $100. And the reason for that is because the company charges them to use the company truck. They charge them to maintain the company truck, to buy new tires, they even charge these guys to park the company truck at the company yard overnight. They don’t — they can’t even take it home.

John: Oh, it gets worse. In one case, a company even charged contractors $2 per week for the toilet paper all of which can lead a driver to actually owe their company money at the end of a work week. Can you imagine picking up your paycheck and finding a envelope full of negative $5 bills? You’d be absolutely furious. And yes, that is John Wilkes Booth on the negative five, which makes sense. He cancels out a Lincoln. Just like how Aaron Burr is on the negative ten, and the negative hundred features the 72 ounce steak Ben Franklin choked on while trying to win a t-shirt. Learn your history. So drivers are basically stuck here. If they stay with the company, they can end up scraping to get by. But if they leave, they risk losing the truck they’ve poured so much into, as most lease-to-own agreements stipulate that if the driver leaves the company, it can take back the truck, leaving the driver with nothing. It’s frankly no surprise multiple trucking companies have settled over accusations brought by drivers who found their lease-to-own agreements predatory. In fact, Western Express, the “own your future” company, is awaiting court signoff of a $15 million class-action settlement right now. And I know at least one person who might be happy to hear that. Because just watch this former Western Express driver talking about how she’d felt misled after opening a paycheck that came to, after all the company’s deductions, just $293.

I’m pissed the fuck off. If I had the strength to pick this truck up and throw it straight to Mars, I would. Don’t listen to those recruiters because I’m telling you they fucking lying. Lease purchase here is a lie.

John: Yeah. It’s probably a good thing people aren’t strong enough to hurl a semi truck to mars, because if they were, NASA would have to plan their rover missions around the constant rain of 35,000-pound debt traps. So what can we do? Well, first, we should recognize that we’ve all gotten used to the idea of free, next-day shipping but, crucially, someone, somewhere, always pays the price. Second, the work arrangements drivers endure, and the fundamental lack of value placed on their time, clearly needs to be addressed. And the good news is, the department of transportation, with the department of labor are set to examine the type of predatory truck leasing arrangements we just talked about and also plan to study the issue of driver pay and unpaid waiting times. And hopefully, they won’t just study it but actually fucking do something about it. Because the key way to stop this so-called “shortage” of drivers that we’ve had for years now is to make this a job people actually want to stay in. And until we make big changes, the very least we can do is make our trucking reality shows a little more reflective of what life on the road for so many drivers is actually like.

Trucks! The lifeblood of America. They flow across our highways driven by people tough enough to do one of the grittiest jobs on earth.

There’s a lot of ways you can die.

From the makers of Ice Road Truckers and worlds toughest trucker comes though reality show. Watch the drivers go up against big odds, tough weather, bumpy roads, hard-core budgeting.

14 grand for the engine. Fuel. Oil change.

Don’t forget the new tires.

Right. God.

Oh, yeah. These road dogs have diesel in their blood and they are living the American dream.

It’s kind of like being a cowboy. I’m independent so I’ve got my freedom. I’ve just got to haul what my company tells me, where they tell me, during the hours that they specify come in a truck I paid for and do not own. But on the plus sign…

There is no slowing down for these road warriors because in the freight industry, every minute counts. Except during loading and unloading.

Fuck. Staying it.

Those hours are not compensated.

Is this your card?

Yes. This show brings you all the thrills.

That is piss.

Is this the charge for company toilet paper?

The romance of life on the road.

I miss my wife.

The action literally never stops.

Dispatch. I am not safe to drive right now. I am falling asleep.

Roger that, driver. Why don’t you pull over, lie down in the back, go ahead and fuck yourself.

I am worried someone could get hurt.

All, somebody could get hurt? I didn’t realize I was talking to a drama queen. Oh, the driver. To drive or not to drive, that is the question. What is nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune or take arms against a sea of troubles. That’s you. That’s what you sound like.

You seem to know a lot of Hamlet verbatim.

Get back on the fucking road.

Hell yeah. Get ready for 100% excitement, 100% adrenaline, and 100% [ [honking]

It’s not just truckers. This show brings you every one from the drivers to the company owners.

Owners is a pretty strong term. We have much more casual relationship with our trucks. No labels. I mean, why complicate things? I’m having fun. You’re having fun.

This paycheck says I owe you money.

Is that right? Booyah. Do you have the cash?

Tune in to show that brings you as close as you can get to the trucker life without actually being one.

Yeah. Neither one of us go to the dentist anymore and you bring your own toilet paper to work.

I just ordered a new pack from Amazon.

You what?

Run!

Truck dog coming to the history channel for some reason.

John: That’s our show. Thanks so much for watching. See you next week. Good night.

It’s full of old backstreet boys posters. I don’t know why they need them.

Went shopping for caskets last week online. What the fuck are you doing? I am hanging on by a thread.

Dear Rebecca. I’m sorry I missed your play. I can’t wait to see you. I just have to get this load in Reno.

Power, pure power. I feel so strong. It’s like driving a gun. I have a load! I have a big fucking load!

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