The White Lotus – S01E06 – Departures [Transcript]

Rachel shares some harsh truths with Shane and confides in Belinda, who's reeling from bad news of her own. As the Mossbachers turn the page on their harrowing scare, Quinn reveals major life plans. With nothing left to lose, Armond goes on an all-out bender - and exacts the ultimate revenge on his nemesis.
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The White Lotus

Episode aired August 15, 2021

Rachel shares some harsh truths with Shane and confides in Belinda, who’s reeling from bad news of her own. As the Mossbachers turn the page on their harrowing scare, Quinn reveals major life plans. With nothing left to lose, Armond goes on an all-out bender – and exacts the ultimate revenge on his nemesis.

* * *

♪ (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

♪ (THEME MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

(WAVES CRASHING)

CANOEIST 1: Wake up, you dumb fucker!

What, you homeless?

CANOEIST 2: Let’s go, brother. We need you.

CANOEIST 1: Don’t keep us waiting, you fucker!

♪ (CHORAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

CANOEIST 2: Don’t tip our shit over, bro.

♪ (CHORAL MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(SHANE PATTON GROANS)

Hey, baba.

(SHANE MOANS)

(MUMBLES)

(MOANS)

(KISSES)

(BREATHES SHAKILY)

(SIGHS)

SHANE: Baba, you wanna get some brekkie?

(SHUDDERS)

Rach?

I booked a facial for this morning.

♪ (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

OLIVIA MOSSBACHER: What are you doing?

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

Texting.

Texting who?

My sister.

Is there a problem?

I don’t know. Is there?

No.

(NICOLE MOSSBACHER MOANING)

(MARK MOSSBACHER MOANING)

(NICOLE AND MARK GROANING)

No way. Oh, my God.

Hmm.

(BOTH SIGH)

This is why people go on vacation.

You were amazing.

Yesterday. Superman in a scuba suit.

My hero.

Thank you.

(SINGING) ♪ Here I come to save the day ♪

(NICOLE LAUGHS)

(EXHALES SHARPLY)

Oh, my God.

(GREG SNORES)

Oh, boy…

(GREG CLEARS THROAT)

Hi.

Hi.

You were on fire last night. (LAUGHS)

I was?

Yeah, you were hilarious.

You tried to get me to throw your dead mother’s ashes in the trash.

Oh, my God.

Did you?

No.

(LAUGHS)

You really let it all hang out.

(COUGHS)

I’m okay.

(CONTINUES COUGHING)

MARK: Hey, they put out some fresh kiwi.

Oh.

I got you some.

Oh, thank you, Mark.

I know how you love it.

I do. Oh, I love this kiwi.

Try one.

Mm, mm, so sweet.

Oh, my God.

So sweet here.

What?

Mr. and Mrs. Mossbacher, how are you? Are you all right?

Our deepest apologies again.

And I do hope you find a way to enjoy the rest of your trip.

Uh, I heard you’re taking out the dive boat again today.

That should be diverting. (CHUCKLES)

Morning, ladies.

Did you find our medications?

Afraid not.

Enjoy.

Thank you.

Thanks.

Thank you.

Hey, can I get a coffee, black?

Of course.

Black coffee? Great.

Hey, nice shiner.

Ah.

How’d that happen?

(LAUGHS) You should see the other guy.

Yeah.

(LAUGHS)

No, seriously.

MARK: Yeah, we were going scuba diving, my son and I.

We got our PADI licenses in the pool.

And the girls and I were gonna go, too, you know, just have a nice day on the boat.

And I decided last minute not to go.

So, I was up in the room straightening up.

And then out of nowhere, this guy jumps out.

He was in the room trying to steal my stuff, trying to steal our jewels. They were in the safe.

So, he had gotten into the safe somehow.

He threw me to the ground so violently.

MARK: That’s when I walked in. He doesn’t see me, right?

NICOLE: He has on his scuba suit.

(CONVERSATION CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)

(RACHEL PATTON SOBBING)

BELINDA: I thought you might like some water while you’re waiting.

Thank you.

BELINDA: Of course.

Thanks. (CLEARS THROAT)

Your facialist should be out any minute.

Great. Thanks.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I’m fine.

Anything I can do?

No, thank you, though.

Actually, do you know if there’s any rooms available tonight?

I just work at the spa, but I’m happy to call.

No, no, no, no, that’s fine. Don’t.

I just was curious, you know, just in case.

It’s not a big deal.

Just, my marriage, you know, whatever. (LAUGHS)

(CHUCKLES)

(SIGHS DEEPLY)

BELINDA: This is my card.

That’s my cell.

Um, call me if you need anything. It’s Belinda.

Thank you.

FACIALIST: Mrs. Patton, I’m ready for you.

♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

-Where have you been, man?

I was on the canoe.

We went all around the island. It was cool.

NICOLE: Well, you missed breakfast.

And in an hour, we’re going scuba.

I’m pretty beat. Uh, my arms are like numb.

Well, we still gotta scuba. It’s the last day we can do it.

Why?

‘Cause we go home tomorrow.

Oh.

I’m thinking I’m not going home.

Yeah, I think I wanna stay here.

The guys need a sixth for their crossing ’cause the guy that they’ve been training with,

he keeps flaking ’cause he’s a drunk.

And in the spring, we’re all gonna do a Hokule’a through all of Polynesia, which sounds amazing.

Honey, you’re not going on that. You’re 16. You’re in school.

School’s easy. I can just finish online.

(LAUGHS) This is absurd.

What about your life at home?

What life at home?

NICOLE: What about us, your family?

Come visit.

Wait. I can’t tell if you’re being serious.

I’m very serious.

NICOLE: Quinn, is this about your phone?

Because we wouldn’t have your new phone shipped here?

No.

Because relax, it’s gonna be there when we get home.

What? Mom, I don’t care about a phone.

I don’t even want a phone.

Well, you’re getting a phone.

You’re not gonna not have a phone.

MARK: This is ridiculous.

Look, staying here without us, not an option, no.

OLIVIA: I support you, Quinn.

Live your dream. Paddle to Fiji.

(NICOLE SIGHS)

RACHEL: Shane.

Shane?

SHANE: Not yet, he gave me a bullshit number.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that’d be great.

No, I know.

Dude, trust me, I know.

LORENZO: I’m going to call Randy Zeoli right now.

Well, good. Go scalp some heads.

LORENZO: You know I will.

All right, Lorenzo.

LORENZO: I’ll call you back.

Thanks.

It’s my mom’s travel agent. The dude is hardcore.

He knows one of the owners of the hotel.

He’s gonna call. He’s gonna raise hell.

Why?

Why? Listen to this.

Okay, you know the family that arrived on the boat with us, the ones you think are weird?

They went back to their room yesterday, and there’s like a jewel thief in their fucking bedroom.

What?

Yeah.

There’s like a fight and everything, and then the guy takes all their stuff.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, he had a key to the room.

The only reason I know about this is ’cause the dad had a shiner and I asked him about it.

The hotel didn’t tell us shit.

Like, if he’s got a key to their room,

he could have a key to our room. Like, who fucking knows?

It’s freaky.

SHANE: I’m serious.

We are in the biggest suite at the hotel.

We could be a target.

(GROANS) I just wish I had a gun or like a baseball bat at least, or something.

You know, like, fucking…

Hmm. Yes!

Hold on.

That’s the knife they gave us to cut the pineapples.

What, are you gonna cut a bunch of pineapples?

Gonna keep this by the bed. Gotta protect my hot wife.

This Armond guy is unbelievable. He’s going down.

Shane.

Lorenzo’s all over it. Oh, how was your facial?

Your face looks nice and shiny.

Shane.

What?

What?

I… I can’t believe that I’m saying this, but, uh… I think I made a mistake.

What’s the mistake?

The mistake is… the mistake is… getting married… to you.

(LAUGHS)

What?

Shane, when I met you, I was… in a weird place. And, uh… I had my bad breakup, and work was so frustrating. And… And then you came along, and you’re so handsome, and I was so attracted to you, and you had so much going on, and… going around the city with you was like a fantasy. All the doors opened, and then you asked me to marry you, and… And look, I admit, when I was little, I had princess dolls, and… I was a girly girl and I dreamt about my wedding day and– and Prince Charming and all that shit.

What the fuck are you talking about?

RACHEL: And then I–

Are you for real right now?

RACHEL: And then I got caught up in the wedding, and that was the last five months, basically. And everyone, you know, I could tell thought I was so lucky, and that made me feel good. But like in the dumbest way. Because… Because now I’m here and–

And what?

RACHEL: And… I realize… I don’t wanna be a plus one my whole life.

Okay, so don’t be.

I mean, I’m not telling you to be anything.

But that’s just how it is.

Okay, so are you blaming me ’cause you’re not more successful?

No, I’m not blaming you for anything. You’ve done nothing wrong.

What a relief. Like… (LAUGHS)

After I’ve wined you and dined you and asked you to marry me, and then made you the center of my life, it’s just nice to know you’re not pissed.

Shane, this is about me. I’m not okay with being a trophy wife, an appendage like all these other women in your world.

Okay, so you’re pretty and that’s part of the appeal for me, and what, that bothers you?

I just need to respect myself.

I gotta hand it to you. Ah– You–

You hid yourself really well, Rachel. I mean, this whole time, I bought that you were this cool chick who was fun and confident and normal. And I had no idea that you were this insecure, naïve baby.

You’re the baby, Shane. Coddled by your mommy, who showed up on your honeymoon. You don’t get the room you want, so you throw a never-ending tantrum. I genuinely cannot believe what a baby-man you can be.

Okay, I’m out. (LAUGHS)

I’m gonna go for a swim.

Because now, we are starting down a very dark road, and you better be sure you really wanna go there.

(SNIFFLES)

(DOOR CLOSES)

♪ (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

ARMOND: Mossbachers!

Oh, I was hoping to catch you. I have good news.

I received a call, and the stolen items, all your jewelry, it’s all been recovered.

Oh, that’s great.

Fantastic.

There’s some sort of process, but I made them promise to give everything back to you before your departure tomorrow.

So, they found the guy?

They did.

Was it an employee?

It was.

Look, on behalf of the hotel, I just wanna say I am so sorry.

What’s his name?

Kai.

And it’s so strange, ’cause he was such a sweet kid.

And I never had a problem with him ever.

I never would’ve guessed him in a million years.

Well, uh, I just wanted to give you the good news about your jewelry.

And I hope you have an incredible dive.

Thanks.

Thank you. It’s great news.

It is, yes. (CHUCKLES)

(NICOLE CHUCKLES)

Happy for you.

♪ (“TA’A ROA” BY PULEFANO AND THE POLYNESIANS PLAYING) ♪

♪ (SONG CONTINUES OVER SPEAKERS) ♪

HOTEL GUEST: How’s it going?

(TANYA MUMBLES)

(GROANS)

It’s hot today.

What’s good?

Mm.

Sorry, that chaise is taken.

But you’re a very pretty man.

Okay.

(SIGHS)

GREG: Oh, yeah.

TANYA: All right.

(GROANS)

You know, I could rent a house in Aspen.

You live near there, right?

That’s if you wanna keep the party going.

Well, I like fun.

You wanna have fun? I’m in.

No. Really?

Yeah.

Yeah, come to Aspen. Fuck, why not?

I love Aspen. Yeah.

(GIGGLES)

Want a pina colada?

Hmm. That’s a lot of sugar.

Okay.

I’ll be right back.

TANYA: Okay.

♪ (SERENE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

(VOMITS, COUGHS)

NICOLE: Paula.

Do you need a 7 Up?

(PAULA GROANS)

God. Guess she really does have issues.

(PAULA VOMITS, COUGHS)

Go help her. Pull her hair back.

(PAULA COUGHS)

Go, go, go.

She needs– Yeah.

See how it’s getting in her hair?

Yeah, pull it– Both sides, get the other side.

Yeah, there you go. Now hold on.

Paula, I’m gonna get you a 7 Up, sweetie.

MARK: Yes!

NICOLE: Yes!

MARK: Hey!

The visibility was amazing.

NICOLE: Oh, that’s great.

It was so awesome.

I could’ve stayed down there all day.

It wasn’t weird at all.

No, it was easy. That was so cool.

Yeah, buddy!

(NICOLE LAUGHS)

MARK: You’re right, yeah, man.

We are so lucky.

NICOLE: We are so lucky to be here all together as a family.

QUINN: It was really cool.

NICOLE: Whee! (COOS, LAUGHS)

MARK: Awesome.

♪ (“HE MELE LAHUI HAWAI’I” BY THE ROSE ENSEMBLE PLAYING) ♪

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

(RACHEL CRYING)

♪ (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

(DOOR OPENS)

SHANE: Rachel.

What?

SHANE: You should double bolt the door.

I told you, there’s a violent criminal running around the hotel.

♪ (OMINOUS MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪

(SHOWER RUNNING)

The minute they arrive, I’ll have someone bring them up to you, okay?

Thank you.

Bye-bye.

(PHONE VIBRATES)

John, how are you?

Yes. Okay, well–

All right, but–

No, no, you told me.

Well, I have a lot to say about this particular guest.

But John, I–

Okay, no, that’s fine.

I’ll see Randy tomorrow, and we’ll, uh, we’ll take it from there.

♪ (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

Uh, Christie, I’m going to my office for a minute.

Okay.

♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪

Hey.

One of the guests at the spa was asking if we had any available rooms.

I think she’s fighting with her husband.

I don’t care.

Come again?

I’m getting fired. I don’t care.

You’re what?

Yeah, Randy’s coming tomorrow to fire me.

Shut up.

This fucking douchebag fucker fucked me, Belinda.

Who?

Fuck all.

Armond.

Come to my office.

Shut the door. Or leave it open, I don’t care.

Let’s go hard.

Is this like a kamikaze situation?

Are you gonna take me down with you?

What do you care? You make shit money.

They exploit me. I exploit you.

Crash and burn, Dillon.

Better at your age, before you’ve wasted your entire life.

(SNORTS) Like me.

Fuck this place.

Thank you so much.

All right, girls, we’re leaving for dinner in about 15 minutes.

Your laundry, madam.

Quinn?

Time to get ready.

Yes, mother.

NICOLE: Come on, girls. It’s our last dinner.

Feeling better?

Why are you so down?

Worried you might be going to jail?

I wouldn’t be worried, though.

Unless you sent him some text that could incriminate you.

Did you?

Your island lover who broke into our room.

What?

Paula, cut the crap.

I mean, I didn’t know why you wouldn’t tell me, but I guess it’s ’cause you were planning some sort of heist or something?

Are you serious?

You gave him the code to our safe.

Paula, do you think I’m some sort of idiot?

You’re making a big deal about putting some cheap necklace I have never seen you wear before in the safe.

And then an hour later, the guy you’re screwing breaks into our room and steals all of our shit.

It’s pretty basic.

It’s not what you think.

OLIVIA: Well, what is it?

It’s not like I’m gonna rat you out.

Do you need money or something?

No.

No, it was never for me.

Then what is it?

I just– You won’t understand.

Yes, I will. I’m not my parents, Paula.

PAULA: But you are.

Actually, you are.

And you think you’re like this rebel, but in the end… this is your tribe.

Your family, the people here.

That’s really manipulative, Paula.

You’re the one who stole, yet I’m the bad guy?

Don’t give me that. You’ve stolen, too.

What did I steal?

Well, I guess it’s not stealing when you think everything’s already yours.

Just stop pretending to be my friend.

I’m just some prop you use for some weird cred.

Whatever you did, Paula, it was really fucked up.

My mom could’ve gotten really hurt.

Something bad could’ve happened.

Something bad did happen.

(DOOR CLOSES)

(SNIFFLES)

Honey?

(SNIFFLES)

(SOBS)

Thank God you’re here.

You know it. (LAUGHS)

Hey.

Hey.

Hi. Listen, I’m–

Oh, how did it go with your guy?

Good, good, yeah.

Yeah? Really?

Yeah. Actually, we’re gonna go to Honolulu tomorrow.

Yeah, spend the weekend together.

That is so nice. Make sure to do some shopping.

(LAUGHS)

I know.

And then maybe Aspen, you know, for a couple months, you know, see how that goes.

What? Making big moves?

Good for you, Tanya.

Anyway, we’re gonna be leaving early, and I– I really just wanted to make sure that I didn’t miss you.

Belinda, you’re an amazing person. You are.

I mean, you’ve helped me so much.

I was a mess.

I showed up here, and– and somehow, you were able to just jumpstart my life again.

And I don’t think I’m ever gonna be functional.

(LAUGHS)

But I do think that now, I’ll be able to break some old patterns.

Definitely.

Anyway, about the business… I really need to think about it.

I mean, you’re so talented and I so wanna do this for you, but I’m realizing I’m getting back into this pattern again where I latch on to somebody and then I use my money to control them and see, right now, the last thing I need in my life is another transactional relationship.

You know, it’s just– it’s not healthy for me, you know?

Anyway, I really, I want you to know how grateful I am and I want you to have this.

Here.

I’m gonna call you.

Okay.

(BELINDA SOBS)

My glasses– and– (MUMBLES)

(PHONE RINGING)

♪ (“LUAKINI” BY THE ROSE ENSEMBLE PLAYING) ♪

This is the spa.

♪ (VOCALIST SINGING IN HAWAIIAN) ♪

♪ (CHOIR SINGING IN HAWAIIAN) ♪

(STAFF MEMBER SHOUTS IN HAWAIIAN)

(CONCH SHELL BLOWS)

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

(GROANS)

ARMOND: I gotta go.

It’s my last dinner.

♪ (SERENE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

(GUESTS CHATTER INDISTINCTLY)

♪ (MUSIC SWELLS) ♪

♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪

♪ (MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY) ♪

♪ (ARMOND HUMMING SERENELY) ♪

Something going on with that guy.

Will you leave that poor man alone?

Look, I don’t know what’s going on with you exactly.

But when you stop spiraling out and you come back to Earth, I’ll be here.

I’m here for you.

I’m your husband.

And I love you.

(SIGHS)

What is going on?

I’m sorry.

SHANE: Why are you doing this?

Why are you ruining everything?

I’m sorry.

I mean, Jesus Christ, Rachel.

Like, are you for real right now?

What the fuck is going on?

(RACHEL SIGHS)

I don’t wanna go home.

Quinn.

I don’t wanna go home.

NICOLE: What’s wrong with home?

Everything sucks at home. It’s all dead.

What are you talking about?

I just– I wanna live.

Okay. Honey, we’ll take more trips.

You know, we’ll get out of the city.

No, that’s not the same. Mom, I wanna live.

We can go camping.

I mean, maybe not camping, but, you know.

I’m going on a Hokule’a, period.

(LAUGHS) Hey, Quinn, you’re 16, you’re a minor.

You’re still ours, and we want you home, okay?

I think– I think it’s a good idea to get out the city more often. You know what?

I think we should finally buy that boat.

Mark, we’re not getting a boat.

No, we can be one of those boat families.

You don’t know anything about boats, Mark.

Who’s gonna steer the boat?

Obviously you, Mom.

Yeah, we could jet ski, water ski. We can waterboard.

OLIVIA: Wakeboard, Dad.

Hmm?

It’s wakeboard.

(LAUGHS)

Waterboard is a form of torture.

MARK: Same thing.

OLIVIA: Wakeboard.

MARK: I said waterboard.

Everyone knows that– No, Mom.

(ALL CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)

♪ (“LA VOZ DE LA NOSTALGIA” BY JOAQUIN CORNEJO FT. WABI SAB PLAYING) ♪

♪ (MUSIC ENDS) ♪

So, what’s the problem?

I mean, there is no problem, everything’s perfect.

Yeah, I guess.

Yeah, so, then… what?

I just feel… When I’m with you, I feel just… weirdly… alone.

Uh.

Okay.

Then be alone.

(EXHALES DEEPLY) I nailed dinner.

Yeah, you!

Yeah!

Hello, Hutch.

HUTCH: What’s up, boss?

(GROANS) That was the best seating ever.

(BOTH CHEER)

Yeah!

♪ (“LEI ILIMA” BY MAHI BEAMER PLAYING) ♪

Double tequila.

Sure, sounds good. Coming right up.

(GREG COUGHING)

(COUGHING)

Hey.

Greg. Greg. Water?

(GREG CLEARS THROAT, COUGHS)

All right?

Oh, yeah, thank you. Shit.

There’s something you should know.

I’ve had some health issues.

Like what?

It’s no big deal. It’s nothing.

It’s just… (LAUGHS)

Don’t be surprised if I suddenly just drop dead.

Death doesn’t have to spoil everything, right?

Enjoy your life till they drop the curtain.

(CLICKS TONGUE)

Well…

I’ve had every kind of treatment over the years.

Death… is the last immersive experience I haven’t tried.

♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello?

Yeah, I’m still here.

Yeah, uh, why don’t you meet me in the lobby?

No problem.

(WAVES CRASHING)

♪ (ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

(ALL CHEERING)

♪ (MUSIC DISTORTS) ♪

♪ (“HE MELE NO LA KANE’OHE” BY TRACIE KEOLALANI PLAYING ON SPEAKERS) ♪

♪ (MUSIC DISTORTS) ♪

MARK: My son and I are looking for some kind of activities.

SHANE: Put us in the wrong room.

-TANYA: Something really important that I need to do.

MARK: Drinking on the job?

TANYA: My mother’s ashes. I’m gonna need a boat.

SHANE: We’re supposed to have a plunge pool on a private patio.

-OLIVIA: You have our backpacks.

PAULA: There’s stuff missing from my bag.

SHANE: I have this email here from my mother.

MARK: What’s it like being fucked up the ass?

SHANE: We did pay more money.

Do you think we can get another kind of upgrade?

It’s just not the kind of trip where you wanna be impacted negatively by someone else’s mistake.

OLIVIA: Did you find our medications?

SHANE: Who’s your boss? I want to talk to him.

You said you were gonna bring me that number.

I’m calling him.

♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪

(WAVES CRASHING DISTANTLY)

I fucked everything up.

OLIVIA: It’s okay.

It’s okay.

♪ (“JESU, JOY OF MAN’S DESIRING” BY DOMINICAN SISTERS OF MARY PLAYING) ♪

(PAULA CRIES)

♪ Jesu, joy of man’s desiring ♪

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

♪ Holy wisdom ♪

♪ Love most bright ♪

♪ Drawn by thee ♪

♪ Our souls aspiring ♪

♪ Soar ♪

♪ To uncreated light ♪

♪ Word of God ♪

♪ Our flesh that fashioned ♪

RACHEL: I mean, I was always gonna live life on my own terms.

Obviously.

But then what I manifested is… pretty mediocre.

But, like, could I live with myself if I made this Faustian bargain where I just ended up being someone’s arm candy for the rest of my life?

(SNIFFLES) And, you know, I’ve never been the kind of person to wanna create drama. I don’t want that.

But I know that I have to deal with these feelings eventually.

And… I don’t know, I’m sorry.

I don’t wanna burden you with this.

It’s– I’m just having a moment.

I don’t know. I just… (SIGHS)

What do you think?

(SIGHS)

You want my advice?

I’m all out.

(DOOR OPENS)

-(EXHALES)

(DOOR CLOSES)

♪ Through the way ♪

♪ Where hope is guiding ♪

♪ Hark ♪

♪ What peaceful music rings ♪

♪ (ORCHESTRAL MUSIC SWELLS) ♪

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

(ZIPPER CLOSING)

(DOOR OPENS)

Shit.

(SIGHS)

(WAVES CRASHING)

Yeah, I have a message.

She got her own room.

That’s perfect. Thank you for letting me know.

(SIGHS)

(SNIFFS)

(SNIFFS)

What the–

Oh, oh, fuck. Oh, oh, fuck.

Yeah, I’m in the Pineapple Suite, and there’s a fucking turd in my room.

Somebody got in here and took a shit, not in the toilet, in my luggage, on my clothes.

What the fuck?

No, it isn’t anyone in my party.

It wasn’t me, and my wife doesn’t shit on the goddamn floor!

Someone broke in and took a dump.

Yes, send someone.

This is so fucked up!

(FOOTSTEPS CLATTER)

(KNIFE CLATTERS)

(GASPS)

Oh, God.

(ARMOND GROANS)

(SHUDDERS) Oh, fuck.

(GROANS)

Oh, fuck. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Oh, fuck. I’m– I’m sorry.

(KNIFE CLATTERS)

Oh, shit.

(GROANS)

(DOOR OPENS)

(DOOR SHUTS)

(LABORED BREATHS)

♪ (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

(WAVES CRASHING)

(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)

♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪

♪ (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

Everything’s fine.

I’m happy, promise.

I’ll– I’ll be happy.

(SIGHS)

Oh, thank God.

♪ (“ALANUI MAIKA I” BY THE ROSE ENSEMBLE PLAYING) ♪

♪ (VOCALIST SINGING IN HAWAIIAN) ♪

♪ (CHOIR SINGING IN HAWAIIAN) ♪

♪ Hallelujah! ♪

♪ (CHOIR SINGING IN HAWAIIAN) ♪

♪ Hallelujah! Hallelujah! ♪

♪ (CHOIR SINGING IN HAWAIIAN) ♪

♪ Hallelujah! ♪

♪ (CHOIR SINGING IN HAWAIIAN) ♪

♪ Hallelujah! ♪

♪ (CHOIR SINGING IN HAWAIIAN) ♪

♪ Hallelujah! ♪

♪ Hallelujah! ♪

♪ (CHOIR SINGING IN HAWAIIAN) ♪

♪ Hallelujah! ♪

♪ (CHOIR SINGING IN HAWAIIAN) ♪

-♪ Praise ye the Lord! ♪

♪ Hallelujah! ♪

-♪ Praise ye the Lord! ♪

♪ Hallelujah! ♪

♪ Hallelujah, Hallelujah! Hallelujah! ♪

♪ Praise ye the Lord! ♪

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

♪ (“ISLAND STYLE” BY JOHN CRUZ PLAYING) ♪

♪ On the island We do it island style ♪

♪ From the mountain To the ocean ♪

♪ From the windward To the leeward side ♪

♪ Mama’s in the kitchen Cooking dinner real nice ♪

♪ Beef stew on the stove Lomi salmon with the ice ♪

♪ We eat and drink And we sing all day ♪

♪ Kanikapila in the old Hawaiian way ♪

♪ On the island We do it island style ♪

♪ From the mountain To the ocean ♪

♪ From the windward To the leeward side ♪

♪ From the mountain To the ocean ♪

♪ From the windward To the leeward side ♪

♪ From the mountain To the ocean ♪

♪ From the windward To the leeward side ♪

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

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