The White Lotus – S01E02 – New Day [Transcript]

A cautiously optimistic Belinda walks a fine line with Tanya, while Armond brainstorms ways to deal with Shane. After her husband belittles her work, Rachel approaches Nicole for advice. Paula and Olivia lose track of their stash, while a revived Mark attempts to connect with Quinn.
The White Lotus

Episode aired Jul 18, 2021

Mark is elated when his cancer diagnosis comes back negative, but he learns from his uncle that his father actually died of AIDS and lived a double life as a homosexual. Shane calls his mom to call their travel agent about the booking error and the travel agent reprimands Armond. Rachel considers taking a job about a social media influencer at Burning Man, but Shane claims she doesn’t have to work again. Rachel asks Nicole for advice and Nicole tells her to maintain her independence. However, when Nicole learns that Rachel wrote a listicle mentioning her, Nicole criticizes Rachel’s reporting, making Rachel question her career further. After more pestering from Shane, Rachel abandons the job. Olivia and Paula enjoy drugs on the beach until they are confronted by Tanya and leave, forgetting the bag of drugs. The bag is turned over to Armond, who keeps it and uses the drugs due to his stress despite being a recovering addict. Olivia becomes jealous when she sees Paula flirting with a busboy. Tanya invites Belinda to dinner and offers to fund a possible wellness business, which Belinda considers. When Quinn is kicked out of the hotel room by Olivia, he decides to go to the beach where he watches in awe of a group of whales jumping in the ocean.

* * *




Does this suck?

Are you worried we’re gonna get bored?


I wish we had drugs.

I know.

I have weed.

-Holy shit.

It’s not very much.


I don’t have anything to smoke it with, though.

Oh, wait.

What am I talking about?

I threw it in last minute.


Fucking legend.

-Is your mom gonna freak?

Yeah, totally.


Do you wanna do a shotgun?





We’re gonna get fat.

This shit makes everything delicious.

Oh, shit. I have Addies if you wanna be skinny tweakers.

I don’t like taking ’em, though, ’cause then I can’t sleep

-and I get all jittery.

Oh, well, I…

I brought Ambien,

uh, Xanax, and a few Klonopin. But we can’t use it all

’cause I need them for my panic attacks.

Holy shit.

I totally forgot that I stashed some ketamine in here, Paula.

(LAUGHING) We’re so stacked.

(WHISPERING) Hawaiian K-hole.

I love it when you whisper.

Do you wanna do some ASMR?











MARK: Yeah! Oh, thank God.

The fuck?

Everything’s fine.

Your dad just found out he doesn’t have cancer.


Is something on fire?

No, uh, we’re just doing witchcraft.

Making offerings to Hecate.


Well, isn’t it great news about your dad?

He was convinced he’s dying, but he’s gonna live.

Okay, great.

Can you guys go back to your spaces now?

Okay. Night.

Honey, the kids are so happy.

I just told them, and they’re thrilled.


Can I get a hit?


I’m telling Mom

that you’re doing bong rips in the room, then.

OLIVIA: Don’t be a little bitch.

Snitches get stitches.



-Where were we?









So, what’s going on? How’s Lani?

Who’s Lani?

Wait. Are you serious?

The trainee that had a baby in your office.

(GROANS) Yeah. She’s, um…

She’s at the hospital. I think she’s okay.

(SIGHS) How’s the baby?

Well, if it had died, I think I would’ve heard.

Are… Are you okay?

I was criticizing her all day, and she was in fucking labor.

Last night, I wanted a drink so fucking bad.

Uh-uh. Listen, you are five years sober.

You don’t wanna mess with that.

Yeah, but what if I just can’t fucking do this anymore?

You’re gonna get it together. Okay?

You still got some gas in the tank, right?



ARMOND: Aloha.

MR. FERRER: This is Mr. Ferrer, in the Bredford suite.

Yes, Mr. Ferrer, how can I help you?

MR. FERRER: The treble on my TV is too high.


MR. FERRER: I need it removed from the sound bar.

ARMOND: Uh-huh.


Let’s get going. You don’t wanna miss breakfast.

Mom, you can’t just open the doors.

-Why not?

Paula’s an HSP.

What is that?

(GROANS) Highly sensitive person.

That’s not real.

OLIVIA: Mom, it’s a clinical diagnosis.

Really? Who’s her physician? Lena Dunham?

OLIVIA: It’s real.

Yeah, you could inflame my Morgellons.

We don’t want that. Sorry, Paula.

Next time I’ll knock.

-Morning, ladies.

Oh, good, honey.

-Let’s get breakfast.

Okay. (GRUNTS)

NICOLE: What the hell?

Quinn, why are you on the floor?

There’s no air in here.

-NICOLE: Olivia.


Your brother is stroking out in the kitchen.

What? Dad, what the hell are you doing?



-You’re so beautiful.


You’re so smart.

Don’t you think?



NICOLE: Guys! Ugh, this is…

Is that a water bong?

Hey, did you guys bring pot on the plane?

-We found it on the beach.

It’s prescription.

Yeah, what– what are you, opening a Mexican pharmacy?

It’s prescription.

They were partying all night and making weird lesbian noises.


We weren’t being lesbians, Dad.

Yeah, we were being sea hags.

NICOLE: I think this might be better over here.

Uh, okay. Hey, sweetie.

I thought I had cancer, but I don’t.

Yeah. I just have an abnormal reaction to a virus.

That’s great.

Yeah! So I have a– like a new lease on life.

You’re not getting rid of me yet, kid.



Why’d you think you had cancer?

Well, if you really wanna know, Paula,

my testicles are swollen.

Swole balls?



Did they biopsy your balls, Dad?

-No, just an MRI.

Are they still big?

Have they deflated yet?


-Not yet.

PAULA: So if it’s a virus,

are you contagious?


If we caught it what would happen to us?

Will our clits explode?


That’s a nauseating image, Olivia.

-Honey, what are you doing?

NICOLE: I’m cleaning up.

No, you’re rearranging the hotel room.

No, I’m improving our space.

Stop moving furniture, Nic.

We’re here for a week. I need nice feng shui.

Dad, she’s having another manic episode.


NICOLE: Oh, good.

Okay. Let’s go guys, let’s go to breakfast.

-Quinn, get your clothes on.

Mom, it’s vacation!

It’s a breakfast buffet in Hawaii!

It shouldn’t be a stressful situation!


Does he have to slam every door?


Love ya, bud.






Buffet is decent.

What is it?

I just got an offer to do a piece.

Ah, you’re on your honeymoon. Fuck that.


SHANE: Does it sound good?

Oh, it’s, um, about a YouTube influencer

who sponsored a Get Out The Vote campaign.

And then he took the five winners

to Burning Man in a– an electric RV

that can actually hover above the ground.

(CHUCKLES) What? Fuck that.


But he got 80,000 teenagers to register to vote.

SHANE: What are they gonna pay you?

-A few hundred dollars.


No way. Tell ’em no.

Well… Thank you.

I can’t say no. If I keep saying no,

then they’re– they’re not gonna come to me anymore.

Like, if I want assignments, then I–

I need to stay in the mix.

Yeah, but what? You’re on your honeymoon.

You’re gonna hole up in the hotel room,

just write some disposable garbage?

It’s not garbage.

SHANE: Yeah, fine, but it’s like–

it’s like so many of the assignments they give you.

It’s just clickbait gussied up as some, like,

high-minded trendy woke bullshit.

Plus, what does it matter if they stop calling? You don’t need the money.

Yeah, but I spent years of my life

building these relationships.


You did those jobs for dough. Right?

‘Cause you needed the work. And…

I don’t know, I hate to, like, blow your mind,

but your situation has changed.

Like, you don’t need to do anything anymore.

Now you just do what you wanna do.

And whatever that is.

Well, that’s very generous of you.

You’re my wife. Come on.

You must’ve thought about this.

The reality of that’s, like, hard to process, you know?

Like, my parents were always broke,

and I haven’t spent a day of my life, Shane,

where I wasn’t hustling

or generally just worried about money.

Welcome to the rest of your wonderful life.

I’ll be right back. ‘Scuse me.

Hey, excuse me. Hey, buddy.

-Excuse me.

ARMOND: Ah, Mr. Patton.

-How are you this morning?

Yeah. Okay.

So I have this email here, forwarded from my mother.

Oh, an email from your mother.

Okay. Okay.

So, yesterday you said

that we paid for the room that we have.

But actually we did pay more money

for the room we don’t have. So…

I assure you, your mother is only paying

the rate for your current room.


You guys made a mistake.

Okay? So just…

just own up to your mistake, it’s all I’m asking.

Well, if there’s been a mistake, I do apologize.

I’m so very sorry.

Thank you.

Um, mistakes happen, you know,

but I’m just on my honeymoon, you know,

and, uh, it’s just not the kind of trip

where you wanna be impacted negatively

-by someone else’s mistake.

Oh, of course not.

Right, so, I guess I’m just wondering what, uh,

you might be able to do for us to make us feel better

about the whole situation?

Well, as I told you yesterday,

the Pineapple Suite is occupied.

Right. When are they leaving?

The Volkmers are departing the day before you, on Wednesday.

And due to our new cleaning policy,

there would not be enough time to get you in there.

Okay. Um…

Do you think we can get another kind of upgrade?

Well, you and your wife are in the biggest suite.

Besides the Pineapple Suite.


There is another suite in the same category,

with a slightly bigger floor plan

because it has a second powder room.

-SHANE: Okay.

I could see if it’s available.

Would you like a second toilet?

Yeah. Great.

Yeah, it’s a garden suite, so no ocean view,

but it does have that second toilet.

Um, no. That’s… That’s– that’s all right.

Look, you are a valued guest, Mr. Patton.

And I sense your frustration.

SHANE: Yeah.

Since I can’t get you the other room, um,

I am hopeful there’s some other way

we can make this up to you.

Let me think on it, okay?

-You go enjoy your day.

SHANE: Okay.

-And I’ll come find you later.




All right. Thanks.






you, you’re so good at this.


-Feeling better?

TANYA: Oh my God.

Was that really 90 minutes?

‘Cause, oh my God, it– it felt like ten.

I think you fell asleep. (CHUCKLES)

Oh my God. I know I fell asleep because I…

I dreamt that I was on the top

of this beautiful mountain range in Asia.

BELINDA: Oh, that’s cool.

And I had a cyanide pill.

And I just…

Listen, you– you are so talented.

-Thank you.

TANYA: You know, most people,

they really don’t know what they’re doing.

You know, they– they lie you down and…

and then you just get lubricated. But…


you really know where you’re going.


Do you think you could have dinner with me

at the hotel tonight? Come on.

‘Cause I woke up this morning and I swear to God,

I felt better today than I’ve ever felt in my life,

and I just really need to know how you did that.

The hotel doesn’t really like it

when the staff interacts with the guests in that way.

What do you mean? You can’t have dinner?

It would be unusual.

Like some kind of caste system?

Tanya, thank you so much for the invitation.

-I really appreciate it.

That’s absurd.

We can have dinner. Who do I to talk to?

You know what? Um…

I’ll talk to Armond, and I’m sure it’ll be fine.

Yeah, it will be fine. Yeah.

Um, I get off at 7:00.

Yeah, that’s good. I mean, like a couple minutes

after 7:00 at the– at the restaurant.

Sounds great.



You guys have like nachos?

BARTENDER: You wanted the aloha nachos?

-Uh, yes.

Aloha nachos comin’ up.


SHANE: Ah, ja.


SHANE: Ja, ja, ja. Uh-huh. (SPEAKING GERMAN)

-MAN: Ja.


SHANE: Well, I’m sure I’ll see you around.

-It was nice to meet you.

See you later.

-Auf wiedersehen.


Who are they?

Ah, it’s the German couple that’s staying in our room.


He’s a fucking liar. (SCOFFS)

The husband?

No, the– no, the fucking dude at the fucking front desk.

You said he apologized.


He told me the Germans were leaving Wednesday

so we wouldn’t have enough time to switch rooms and get in there.

They just told me they’re flying back to Hamburg on Tuesday.

Well, then we can get into the room on Tuesday.

-What’s the big deal?

Uh, he lied.

Well, maybe he just got it wrong.

No. He does not want us to have that room.

Why wouldn’t he want us to have the room?

Why would he care?

I bet because he thinks I’m an asshole.

Well, were you an asshole?


No, I was actually trying to not be an asshole.

But you failed?

I’ll call my mom, see if they

refunded the difference between the rooms.



Hey, Mom. What’s up?

Okay, so the situation with the room is not resolved.


Can you check and see

if you got a refund from the White Lotus?

KITTY: Let’s just call Lorenzo.

Who’s Lorenzo?

KITTY: The travel agent, sweetie.

We always use him. He’s a shark.

SHANE: Yeah, yeah, get him in on it.

-KITTY: Should I?

SHANE: Yeah, why not.

That’s what travel agents are for, right?

KITTY: He’ll deal with it.

She’s gonna have Lorenzo call.

KITTY: They’re gonna regret this.

Lorenzo is a gay Filipino beast.




Quinn, come on.

Let’s cut down on the screen time, okay?

Come on. Look around.

Isn’t this place gorgeous, huh?



How lucky are we, huh?

You know, when I was your age,

my dad died.

One of the great sadnesses of my life is that

you two never got the chance to know each other.

Dad, can I, um, save my game so I don’t lose my score?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.

He was like a real alpha, you know?

He was tough.

He was tough on me.

I worshipped him, you know?

He was a good man.

You know, when I thought I had cancer,

-I told myself–

You mean yesterday?


Life’s too short.

You gotta make the most out of every moment.

You know, we’ve got to make the most out of every moment.

Yeah, but with each other.

So I signed us up to get certified in scuba.


Yeah, come on.

-It’s like eight hours in the pool.

Eight hours?

Yeah, but then we get to go out in the ocean!

-Dad, that’s gonna suck so hard.

MARK: No, come on.

Look, I wanna do this with you, pal.

Like, my dad was like this sportsman

and we did all this active stuff together.

I never passed that on to you, okay?

So let’s– let’s mix it up, let’s bro out. Come on.

Okay, fine.


QUINN: Fine.



You make me so happy.


RACHEL: Sorry, am I interrupting?

Uh, it’s fine. Hi.

Hi. I just wanna say hi. Um, I’m Rachel.

Oh, hi, Rachel, I’m Nicole.

I know who you are. Nicole Mossbacher.

Can I– uh, do you mind if I sit?


Yeah. Thank you. Thanks.

Hi, I’m sorry,

I hope I’m not disrupting your work.

-I know you have a huge job.


I’m… I’m answering emails, and they know I’m on vacation.


-Um, are you on your honeymoon?


NICOLE: We saw you and your husband on the boat,

and you had that newlywed glow about you, congratulations.

Thank you.

I’m, actually, I’m having a little career crisis,

and I, uh, saw you working over here,

and I… I just wanted to say that I admire you,

and you’ve just accomplished so much,

and, as a woman, it’s– it’s really– it’s inspiring,

so I– I– I just wanted to tell you that.

-That’s very sweet.


What’s your career crisis?

Oh, I don’t know, um…

It’s a long story but, uh, you know, I just–

I’ve been hustling my whole life,

and I’ve made inroads,

and it’s not, like, the best career,

but it’s not nothing either, you know.

Um, but Shane, my husband,

he’s from this very, very wealthy family

and he’s very successful, like way more than I am.

And I just sometimes feel like…

I worry that his orbit is–

is stronger than mine and that, like,

I don’t know, that like his gravitational pull

is gonna like just suck me in and, um…

Like you’ll become a moon to his planet?

Yes, and not only lose my mediocre career,

which is whatever, but also, like, myself.

-NICOLE: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Do you know what I’m saying?

May I ask? Did you sign a prenup?


But it’s, you know, generous but–

But if your marriage ends, you’re not set for life?

No. I mean, there’s like a structure to it,

and a time component,

and it’s like complicated, but basically no.

Then I think you’ve got to be really careful.

And you’ve got to keep your own orbit going.

Because you don’t want a few years down the line

to have abandoned your career,

and I’m not saying this is gonna happen to you,

but marriages don’t always work out.

Especially because you seem to be

a smart and appealing young woman.

Thank you.

Your power is your independence.

Don’t give up your power.


Well, thank you so much for talking to me.

Women have a lot to navigate.

And I just think it’s really important to support women

-when I can.

That’s awesome.

Well, I won’t bother you any more,

but thank you so much.

My pleasure, Rachel.

What do you do, by the way?

Oh, I’m, um… I’m a journalist.

Ah, amazing.

-RACHEL: Yeah.

What outlet?

I’m freelance, so all over the place,

but, um…

I actually– I wrote a profile about you.

I mean, not just you, uh, also, you know…

It was, um, “Ten Power Women in the Tech World.”

It was for, uh, Business World.

-You wrote that?


-You’re kidding.


That was a fucked-up piece.


NICOLE: Yeah, I remember that.

That was a hatchet job.

Well, it was a puff piece. Are you being serious?

I– it said you were kicking the corporate world’s ass.

No, you made it out like I got my promotion

because of optics.

“She rode the Me Too wave.” Bullshit like that.

Well, I couldn’t not mention the lawsuits.

But you didn’t have to make me come across

like I was some kind of Machiavellian gorgon

using the victimization of the other women in my company

just to further my own craven ambitions.

It didn’t read like that.

I mean, that’s the kind of thing that hurts me,

not to mention the cause.

Well, I didn’t think that, I mean…


I was just basically repurposing

the profile of you from The Post.

Well, then that’s bad journalism.

Not to mention, inaccurate.

I mean, I climbed a hellish ladder on my own,

working my ass off.

I didn’t ride some wave.

Well, I…

I’m sorry that you didn’t like the piece.

I don’t know what else to say.

-Well, have a nice vacation.

Have a nice vacation, Rachel.

RACHEL: Yeah. Have a nice vacation. Okay.



OLIVIA: You sure you wanna do this?

I don’t know. How long does it last?

Like twenty minutes.

Then yeah, definitely.





Oh my Lord.



Thank you for bringing me here.

You have no idea how happy I am you’re here.


-Oh, fuck.


PAULA: Oh, fuck. Look. Oh, no.

TANYA: (MUFFLED) Hey. Hi, girls.

Hello! Hi. Hey. Hi.

-How are ya? Having fun?


Oh my gosh.

Both of you are so pretty.

I’ve never seen you this close. Wow.

(DISTORTED) Look at your skin! Oh my gosh.

You have the most beautiful skin I’ve ever seen.

Really, like the dewy skin that athletes have,

like, after a race, like, just– but it’s natural.

Anyway, don’t mind me, ’cause I’m here–

I’m– I’m just scouting right now.


I have a bunch of ashes that I need to throw in the ocean.

I’m just looking for the perfect spot.

My mother passed away a couple weeks ago.

She was in bad shape for a very long time

and, uh, she loved the ocean.

That’s why I brought her with me.

(DISTORTED) It’s a heavy box.

You know, I just don’t think

that I’m gonna be able to toss the ashes

right there on the shoreline like that.

What if she just splashes back onto the beach?

(DISTORTED) It would be like littering.

I think I wanna charter a boat and just bring her out

into, like, the deepest part of the ocean…

(DISTORTED) …way, way out into the deep,

and sprinkle her very thoroughly.

(DISTORTED) What do you think?

We got– we gotta go.

Yeah. We have to pee really, really bad.

I know, I have to pee but I’m not– I’m holding it.

So sorry about your mom.

Well, have a nice day, girls.

Hey! Girls, you left your…

LORENZO: Do you know who you’re dealing with?

His father is Peter Patton. You have to make this right.

I send all my clients to the White Lotus.

I’ve given you loads of business.

I know Randy Zeoli personally.

I’m taking care of it, sir, I told you.

LORENZO: I will call Randy Zeoli.

I’m giving them freebies.

They’ll be in the room by Wednesday.

LORENZO: I thought the Germans were leaving Tuesday.

We have our cleaning protocol.

LORENZO: Oh my God. Fuck your protocol.

We’ll get them in as soon as we can.

-I have to go now, I’m afraid.

LORENZO: Tuesday.


Fuck my ass! What?

Some lady found this on the beach and gave it to me.

I was gonna put it in the lost and found.

-What, no tag?



You all right, boss?

I’m busy. Anything else?



CHRISTIE: This is Christie.

Yes, uh, Christie, we need to send flowers

to Lani’s room at the hospital right away.

CHRISTIE: Okay. Do you want me to call

Tropical Florists or Nana’s or…

No, just have one of the girls do an arrangement

and a valet can drop it off.

CHRISTIE: Okay. And what should we say on the card?

It doesn’t– (SIGHS) On the card, just write,

“Love and well wishes to you and…” (SNIFFS)

Do we know the name of the baby?

CHRISTIE: No, but I could call the hospital to find out.

Well, it doesn’t matter. Um, just “Love and well wishes

from Armond and all your friends at the White Lotus.”


Yeah, and let me know when it’s delivered. Thank you.



OLIVIA: Have you seen our bag? It’s like a green bag.

-STAFF MEMBER 1: No, sorry.


Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

OLIVIA: I don’t see it, it’s not here.

Olivia, fuck!


Where were you guys?

Paula lost her backpack on the beach.

It’s got some crucial shit in there.

What kind of crucial shit?

All of my thoughts…

for the thesis that I’m about to write.



-Already working on your thesis?

MARK: Hmm.

NICOLE: That’s impressive. What’s it on?

-Um, colonialism.

Oh, big topic.

That’s why we need to find the backpack.

-STAFF MEMBER 2: Here you go.


That pretty girl who was on the boat with us

was at the pool today.

She said she was a fan.

Of who?

Of me.

It was nice to hear,

although she’s a terrible journalist.

So, I think I’m gonna take the job.

What? Oh, you’re joking.

I think I should do it.

You’re gonna write an article

about a floating RV at Burning Man

while we’re here?

I just– I can’t just walk away from my career, Shane.

No one’s asking you to walk away from your career.

We’re on our honeymoon.

-Why are you so angry?

SHANE: I’m not angry, I’m…

‘Cause it’s fucking weird.

You haven’t worked for like the last couple months.

I was dealing with the wedding, and exactly.

You’re gonna take a job while we’re here?

That, to be honest, it’s…

That’s rude. Okay? So, no.


I just think it’s funny that I’m a role model to strangers.


But what?

Most people admire people who achieve things,

but you somehow look at it as if it’s a personality disorder.

Making shit happen all the time is a compulsion.

It staves off feelings of emptiness.

Or whatever. Okay. The real question is,

what exactly are you getting done?

Putin is an overachiever.

He’s impressive, also evil.

Liv, your mother is not Putin.

-Thank you.


She runs one of the most profitable search engines in America.

And she’s made it as a woman in a male-dominated culture.

It’s very cool.

And her company is a part of the unraveling

of the social fabric.

Should I be rooting for that

just because it’s run by a woman?

No, you should be rooting for that because it’s your mother.


Shane, you can’t say no. Shane, it’s my decision.

SHANE: It doesn’t make any fucking sense.

You’re gonna ruin our fucking honeymoon.

Is that what you wanna do? Ruin this whole thing?

ARMOND: Mr. and Mrs. Patton, good evening.

I come bearing gifts,

a complimentary bottle of Veuve Clicquot. May I pour?

-RACHEL: Thanks.


I am so very sorry for all the confusion…

and I am determined

to get you into the Pineapple Suite

before you leave. (CHUCKLES)

There we are.


Please enjoy.

Travel agent must’ve called. Finally getting some respect.


I’m gonna go see if anyone’s found our bag.

-OLIVIA: Excuse me.


OLIVIA: Where’s the lost and found?

Lost and found?

My friend, she lost her backpack today on the beach out front.

It’s green. I was just wondering if someone turned it in or…

-I can check in the office.


There’s a lot of important things in there.

I’m sure. I’ll take a look.




No luck, I’m afraid.

But we’ll definitely keep an eye out.

Yeah. Keep an eye out.

All right.

TANYA: I always thought it would be cool

to bring people instant relief.

I just– I really have so much respect for what you do.

Thank you.

Are you enjoying your shrimp tacos?

They’re really good. (CHUCKLES)

This is so nice.

More than dinner, it’s nice to get

such positive feedback, you know?

It’s nice to know you’re really making a difference

’cause sometimes, I question that.

Why would you ever question that?

Well, the clientele here is mostly rich white people,

and to be honest, I struggle with that.



How about this?

Whatever they’re paying you, I’ll double it.

You can get paid to have fun on your honeymoon, with me.

BELINDA: I do think that there’s a purpose

in helping even rich people, you know?

Helping them to find healing,

making them feel more present, more aware.


Because rich people,

they’re the ones that, you know…

are fucking up the whole world.

Yeah. I mean,

I know a lot of rich, white, fucked up people.

They could really use you.


Have you ever thought about

starting, like, your own business?

Come on. (LAUGHS)

No, because I would be down for funding something like that.



You have a beautiful family.


Oh, thank you.

I know. Yes, I– I know.

I’m the lady from the boat.

-I saw you guys.

That’s right. Yes. (CHUCKLES)

And this is Belinda, she works in the spa.


TANYA: And she’s just incredible.

I mean, I was in agony yesterday and I woke up this morning

and I had no pain at all.

Great. Oh, good. I’ll make an appointment.

-Of course, yeah.

If she’s not booked with me.

(LAUGHS) Okay.


I could be your publicist.

Where were you?

Bathroom. What’d he say?

He’s gonna look into it.


Everyone… Sorry.

I don’t know why I just stood up. (LAUGHS)



This may be a little cheesy.

But, um, I just wanted to say…

that I had a little health scare…


…and it turned out to be a real blessing,

because it’s the kind of thing

that gives you a new perspective on life and…

and how lucky we all are.

And when you really think about it, I mean…

(SIGHS) …we have no problems.

We’ve got food to eat, family,

we’re healthy and alive.

And when you think about how… (CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)

That– that family…

is so obnoxious.

The mother is a bitch.

And the daughter is a bitch also.

MARK: Never take anything for granted.

It’s also a reminder to look at things in a new way,

and if you do,

then, like, every day can be a new day, right?

And if it is…

it’s like you’re al–

you’re always being born into life…

like, all the time.

You’re not stuck…

decaying or dying.

Anyway, that’s just what I was thinking about.

I just wanna share it and…

just… I love you guys.

That’s so sweet, honey.


Quinn. Quinn, just–

Oh, you know what? Actually, I think I got it.


Okay. Oh, yes.


Mom, what are you doing?

Your brother is gonna suffocate if he sleeps in the kitchen.

-So get him his own room.


What? You can put a fan in there.

No. This is perfect. This is fine. You sleep here.

You girls be nice.

Good night.

We don’t want you in here.


I’ll just sleep on the fucking beach.


That was easy.

Who’s the guy?

What guy?

The guy you were with by the lobby. I saw you.

Just some busboy, I don’t know.

Seemed like you knew him.

He’s just some random who tried to pick me up.



There. I emailed them and I told them

that I’m on my honeymoon and I cannot do the piece.

Are you happy?

Yeah. Thanks, baba.

Yeah. Whatever. Whatever.


You know what I’m gonna do for you?


Because I love you so much.


I am gonna give you what every girl

in America wants, apparently.

A trip to Burning Man in an electric RV

that can levitate above the ground.


-I love my wife.


My wife is so hot.


I love my wife.

-My wife is so hot.


My wife.

You’re my wife.

My wife.

-Just give me a second, please.

MARK: Mm-hmm.



UNCLE CHARLIE: Mark? It’s your Uncle Charlie.

Hey, Uncle Charlie! How are you?

CHARLIE: Well, you know, no big complaints.

-Same old shit, you know.


CHARLIE: I saw you called me.

Yeah, um, I’m actually in Hawaii with the family.

CHARLIE: Hawaii, great!


CHARLIE: Son of a bitch.

Yeah, it’s good. It’s great. It’s really nice to get away.

Um, yeah, I called. I had this health scare

and I thought I might have cancer.

CHARLIE: Cancer, no.

Yeah. No, I– but I don’t. I’m fine.

There’s nothing to worry about. But, um…

CHARLIE: Oh, that’s good, Mark. Good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I called because I was worried

and I just, you know, I couldn’t– I couldn’t remember

what kind of, uh, cancer, um, dad had.

CHARLIE: Cancer? What– what– what type of cancer?

Yeah. Yeah, the cancer that killed him.

CHARLIE: Well, Mark,

your dad didn’t die of cancer.

What? Wait.

He– he didn’t? I–

I thought for sure that he died of cancer.

CHARLIE: No, Mark,

your dad didn’t die from cancer.

Okay. What did he die from?

CHARLIE: He– he died from AIDS.



Are you serious?

I mean– wait, are you sure?

CHARLIE: Yes, I’m sure, Mark.

Okay, well– how did– how did I not know this?

CHARLIE: Well, your dad didn’t want anyone to know.

And you were young.

Your mother couldn’t handle any of it.

But I thought maybe at some point

someone had told you.

No. No, this is…

This is the first I’ve heard of this.

Um, I– wait.

I don’t understand.

How did he get AIDS?

CHARLIE: Well… well, by having sex with men.

Your father, Mark, he had sex with men.

He did?

CHARLIE: He had two lives.

He had his family,

and then he had another life

with homosexuals.







What the fuck?





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