The Regime – S01E01 – Memorial | Transcript

As Elena prepares for Victory Day, a weary Zubak arrives at the Palace - where he learns about the chancellor's strict health precautions.
The Regime - S01E01 - Memorial

The series depicts a year within the palace of a crumbling authoritarian regime. After not leaving the palace for quite some time, Chancellor Elena Vernham becomes increasingly paranoid and unstable and turns to a volatile soldier, Herbert Zubak, as an unlikely confidant. As Zubak’s influence over the chancellor grows, Elena’s attempts to expand her power eventually result in the palace and the country fracturing around her.

* * *

(grand, intense music playing)

(plucky music playing)

(tires screeching)

(horn honks)

(music intensifies)

(music softens)


What’s wrong with him?


Just gave him something to calm him down.

But when it wears off, he’s not dangerous, is he?

Oh, that’s your problem now.

Fuck. (sighs)

Alright, bring him in.

Come on, she’s about to give her speech.

What’s your name again, Corporal?

Corporal: Zubak.

Huh, hard vowels.

Regurgitative, that.

What’s your Christian name?

(Zubak coughs)



Herbert Zubak, just trips off the tongue.

(Herbert coughs)

Pardon the mess.

Fuckin’ builders.

Suppose I could just shoot them all,

if you have any tips.

Nurse: Hello, my dear.

Manager: Don’t worry about the ammonia smell.

They’re sanitizing for the third time in as many months.

What the fuck you think this is, an open house?

Go and find your team downstairs.

The tall, scary woman is Susan Goin, Minister of Finance.

The short, furry man is Dr. Kershaw, the Chancellor’s personal physician.

Put his jacket on.

(light, tense music playing)

Christ, he’s a plow horse. This one won’t last a week.

Okay, sit.

Alright. Hello in there.

Are you with us?

I should tell you, I vehemently opposed your selection.

You and your trigger finger made quite a fucking mess for us.

But the Chancellor insisted, so, um, here you are.

And he’s signed everything, has he, Agnes?

Yeah, yeah, earlier.

Good. Good!

So, where to begin?

I suppose moisture, yes?


Can you listen, please?

How much do you know?

Sorry, are you hearing me?

Eh, I only know I’m reassigned.

Right… (exhales) Fuck.

Well, the situation is, we have a problem.

Namely, spores.



Stachybotrys atra.


Mm, quite dangerous allergens.

Dr. Kershaw: The Chancellor spotted them.

She was a physician herself once, remember?

Agnes: Mm-hmm.

But it is a very serious concern.

Very much so.

But we’re containing the problem, of course.

Yes. Yeah. Well, no, no, no, no, no.

We’re working on containing the problem as such.

Hence the renovation of the palace, tearing out the guts, scraping it clean, hm, so on.

But you understand the gravity of the problem, Corporal Zubak, yes?

And you comprehend that the problem is real for the Chancellor?

She’s in danger?

Well… quite great danger, yes.

But, uh, no, we’re sorting it.

So you’ll have a chat with the Chancellor, yes?



Now, yes, good. Come on, then.

Never breathe in her direction.

Stay calm. Don’t vomit.

(anticipatory music playing)


Corporal Zubak, Madam Chancellor.

Yes. Thank you, Susan.

Sorry for all the security measures.

Are you alright?

Yes, Chief.

Are you sure?

They can be so overcautious on my behalf.

And don’t worry about these people.

They’re just setting up.

So you’re from Westgate, I hear.

Yes, Chief.

Land of the sugar beet. Stunning place.

Not so much, Chief.

And your parents?

They are dead.

Mine too. Leave us.


(door opens)

(door closes)

(sighs) Now, I don’t wish to be indelicate, but do you know why I selected you for this job?

N-No, Chief.

I wanted a Site Five boy.

No, no, don’t be ashamed.

They behaved like animals, those protesters.

You soldiers just reacted.

I was right to send you boys down that mine, in spite of what my critics say.

Not nice what they’re calling you, Butchers of Site Five.

But it’s alright. I know the truth.

There’s a good man in there who deserves love.

Thank you, Chief.

Do you know it’s the oddest thing? I feel like we’ve met before.

Like a déjà vu thing or something.

Or like we met in a dream.

Have we?

I don’t think so, Chief.


So, they’ve explained the job, then?

Herbert Zubak: Uh, no, Chief.

Well, fine.

Better they haven’t.

Trust me, the so-called experts

know less than the common shits like us.

Up. Right.

This is a hygrometer. It measures humidity in the air.

It helps you to tell me if there’s mold nearby.

We’ll need you to follow me everywhere and take measurements, do you understand?

Yes, I think so, Chief.


I’d say we’re just about meant for each other, wouldn’t you?

Let’s have you leave now.

Thank you.

Now, Corporal… a graceful mind.

You must strive to have a graceful mind.

Yes, I will try, Chief. Thank you.


Susan Goin: Good, that should be all then.

Oh, no, no, no, no. We don’t do that.

I-In fact, you must quite strongly dissuade anyone from hand contact with the Chancellor.

Do you understand? This is very important.

(quietly) Yes…

Hm, well, lucky fucking break, Butcher.

Agnes: Let’s go.

(plucky music playing)

They say cleansin’ the palace may take years.

God help us.

Well, here we are. Your new home.

You’ll start first thing in the morning.

Tonight, you’ll memorize the floor plan and a schedule for tomorrow.

I’ll have someone get your things.

Have you got things?

Hey, you.

I’ve cared for this slag heap my whole life, so don’t go soilin’ it.

And invest in some moisturizer ’cause the dehumidifiers turn your skin to a mummy’s asshole.



(heavy breathing)

(turns volume up)

Seven years ago tomorrow, we defeated Chancellor Edward Keplinger and his bandit radicals in a free and fair election.

It is this victory that we celebrate.

When I became your Chancellor, I did so with a heavy heart.

I knew the hard work of smashing the failed state would devour my time, and would prevent me from being next to you, with your hand in mine.

(on TV) But just know, you fill me with all the love I’ll ever need.

And so, I bless you all.

And I bless our love, always.

(upbeat, orchestral theme music playing)

(theme concludes)

(light snoring)

(phone ringing)


Susan (over phone): Get up.

You have 20 minutes.

Happy Victory Day, Butcher.

(Susan hangs up)


(heavy breathing)

(door opens)

Agnes: Happy Victory Day, Herbie.

Let’s go.

Did you get the floor plan down?

Uh, I think so, yes.

She hates doubt. Do you need a mop, you prick?

Go and find your section crew.

Breathing. If she passes ya, hold it in.

If she talks to you, cover your mouth.

Hit your mints often.

If she smells mold, tell her you smell it too.

How’d she do?

She said the sausage looked like a baboon’s cock.

(Agnes sighs)

Mind if the cooks eat it?

Fine, yeah. Don’t let the guards see.


What’s her mood?

Uh, five out of 10.

With a 10 being good?

Does it matter if it’s five?

Come and stand against this wall.

Come on.

Hey, it’s dead simple.

You walk with her, and you measure the relative humidity.

What does this number mean?

(whispers) It means “Don’t ask questions and look sharp, or you’ll end up like the last one.”

(hygrometer beeps)

(door opens)

(Herbert clears throat)

Open the door, and walk in front of me.

How are we?

Herbert: Very good, Chief.

No, my dear, how’s our moisture?

Um, it’s, uh, 31%.

Glasshouse first with Mr. Laskin, head of security service.

Today, you’ll encounter a soup terrine of worms known as the bureaucracy.

Prepare yourself.

Happy Victory Day, Madam.

(ambient nature sounds)

It’s, uh, 41%.

Here’s our intelligence on this glorious morning: My sources in the planning office suspect Finance Minister Goin’s patience is running thin, waiting for you to finalize the cobalt partnership with the U.S.

Should you choose to proceed with the deal,

I’m told the Americans may require additional reassurance due to the Site Five… unseemliness.

(insects buzzing)

On Palace intel, then.

Some chatter downstairs about your appetite.

And, oh, a reminder, your husband’s sitting with “Vogue” today.

I assume we should surveil?



Feeling better today?

Yes, Chief.


Your mind is more graceful?

I think so, yes.

I wonder, where were we last night?

I’m sorry?

That place we met, where was it?

Last night?

Yes, my love. Our dream.

Don’t you remember?

Sugar beets.

Yes, that’s right. Sugar beets.

Lovely, weren’t they?

(light, plucky music playing)

(phone dings)

She’s on her way up.

Speaker 1: Dress?

speaker 2: Green.

Had to be green, didn’t it?

You’re scared of a fabric dye?

You really are a mewling vulva, Mr. Schiff.

Well, what do you expect?

She hasn’t so much as glanced at me in months.

Well, consider yourself fortunate.

The right hand gets the smack.

You notice how she’s cooling on her favorite,

Our Lady of the Shrinking GDP?

Jealousy is bred in self-doubt, Mr. Singer.


(hygrometer beeps)

(all groaning)

It’s like a dog using a calculator.

(hygrometer beeps)

Well, see her in, Butcher.

Mints, everyone. Short breaths, mouths closed.

Minister 1: Happy Victory Day, Madam.


Minister 2: Happy Victory Day, Ma’am.

Minister 3: Happy Victory Day, Madam.

Let’s get on with it, please, yes?

These need to be briefer, these briefings.

Oh, ravishing.

The… I mean, the flowers are… ravishing.

(sighs) Right. Yes. So, the Texans.


Minister Schiff: Uh, yes.

Uh, R-Richard Kaiser, the CEO, will be at your table tonight, with his wife.

And as you know, it would be ideal if we could move towards closing the cobalt deal.

You think I’m dragging my heels, is that it, Susan?

No, no, Madam. No, of course not.

Well, you do think it.

Say it plainly.

Well, as you know, Madam, we are in dire need of investment.

And, well, I-I needn’t remind you that you once fully endorsed this deal.

Well, perhaps my thinking’s changed, hm?

Is that alright with you? It doesn’t tread on your little tootsies, does it?

No, but with our economic indices slowing, we do need to find some other…

Elena Vernham: It’s the fucking optics.

Like I’m a fucking kept woman.

Granting cobalt mining rights to a foreign power. I look fucking weak.

Singer: I agree, ma’am.

We’ve always messaged greater national self-sufficiency, and letting America use our resources for their Teslas and laptops, well, it’s hardly that, now is it?

With respect to Mr. Singer’s comms expertise, the people want growth.

Elena: Oh!

And you know what the people want, do you, Susan?

You can hear them grunting from your country house?

Madam, set aside the facts and figures.

The real issue is, the sooner we close this deal, the sooner we can truly invest in our top priorities.

Like making this palace safe, making the air around you safe, making you safe.




let’s see what happens.

(hygrometer beeps)

In front.

Front, front, in front of me now.

Not too close, keep your distance.

(tense string music playing)

Be careful in here.

Make sure he keeps his paws to himself.

(Elena sighs)


(Elena sighs)

Herbert: Twenty-one percent.

Elena: Here.

Trite flowers for Victory Day.

(clears throat)

(sighs) Look, Daddy,

I’m not going to feel foolish for having a celebration, if that’s what you’re thinking.

I know you always hated parties, but I don’t, so, fine.

And, uh, every girl likes an excuse to dress up.

They love it out there.

Yes, they love me, much more than they ever loved you.

Yeah, perhaps that’s why I won the Chancellorship and you never came near it.

Ever thought of that? Some silly old husk.

Oh, you’ve got spots now.

That’s new.

(slight chuckle) Leopard changing its spots.

Get it? Very funny.

Hilarious. Right.

Is that it? Are we done? Yes?


Happy, happy.

One more deep breath, please.

(coughs) Oh, dear, no, it’s worse this week.

Humidity’s spiking again. I knew it.

Try and relax, Madam.

No, I knew it, I knew it.

I can’t relax, can I, when there’s mold everywhere.

Madam, as you are aware, with the AAT deficiency that you’ve inherited from your father, you are at high risk of lung disease.

But I can assure you, we are doing everything…

(grunting) Not enough.

I can still smell rotten air in every fucking room!

Ah, my pills, my pills!


Before the banquet.

(Elena breathing heavily)

Oxygen at 90%, under pressure.

(through chamber mic) Crank it up!

(chamber whirring)

Elena’s husband: We love the magazine, of course, and we love America.

Always been a very strong bond there.

Interviewer: Oh, absolutely.

Husband: I’m French myself, although my home is wherever Elena is. (chuckles)

But we’re always happy to partner with our NATO friends who share our love of freedom.

Interviewer: Right, the subject of freedom?

By all means.

Amnesty International says your wife’s government conducts “intensive physical and electronic surveillance of private citizens.”

Sounds a bit chewy for a fashion mag, huh?

Uh, no, no. It’s true, we do take very seriously the spread of disinformation.

So in that sense…

Right, but in terms of the…

But surveillance? No, God no.

But you admit there is some close observation.

Husband: As there is in your country, but no, true democracy doesn’t happen overnight.

And we are closer now than we’ve ever been.

And as for the reports of unrest…

Ah, yes.

…in the, in the mines?

The Site Five trouble.

(over laptop) That was an isolated incident, a-a-a single cobalt mine where things got a little peppery.

But, um, if I may, uh, I would like to steer us back to my national poetry NGO, which with…

(stops video)

(Elena sighs)

(child grunting)

You’re making them fight, sweetheart?



(knocking on door)


The entrée for the Victory dinner, ma’am.

We’re done, thank you.

Oh, um, no, no.

No, no salmon. No, salmon’s meek.

No. No, we need robust food.

Meat, uh, no game. Lamb. Yeah, something.

Oh, you’ll figure it out. Um, Oskar, stop doing that.

Go along with your mother now, angel, and take your epilepsy pills, mm.

(Elena clears throat)

(light, tense music playing)

How do I look?

Uh, perfect.

Another banquet. (sighs)

God, it’s exhausting.

Wearing my face for these people, smiling at their lies, slurping on consommé.

I’d like to pour it on their fucking skulls.

Me too, Chief.

You’d like that, would you?

Very much, Chief.


Well, you’ll stick with me tonight, yeah?

Keep the humidity in check, and their filthy air away from me, yes?

I will do everything you want.

Good… You’re a good man.


Good boy.

(door opens, closes)

(jazz music playing at banquet)

(indistinct chatter)


Knock it off. You did put dehumidifiers under all these tables, didn’t you?

Yes, Mein Fuhrer.

House call later, once the boy’s asleep?

Not tonight, doc. There’s too much bloody clean up.

As you like it, puss.

(chuckles) Stop calling me that.

(softly) Hey… When she arrives, give her the number, discreetly.

And if she has a crisis, escort her to that hallway there.

There’ll be fresh oxygen machines waiting, but be fucking discreet.


Susan: Mr. Kaiser, Emil’s our country’s top businessman.

You can trust him.

Our cobalt pit infrastructure will soon be near top industry standards.

Richard Kaiser: Uh-huh, and would Mr. Bartos call the massacre at Site Five “top industry standards”?

Look, that was all overblown.

Just some bad apples.

Twelve deaths?

Can we just improve the visuals, please?

Can we not have the White House reading about murdered pit diggers in “The Washington Post”?

Susan: Of course.

So, go on, then.

Why did you do it?


There’s no use hiding it from me.

I’ll find it out soon enough.

I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Well, some say the miners at Site Five weren’t rioting at all, ya know?

They were fed up with the poisoned air and the dirty water, so they raised their voices.

And you Army boys just panicked and opened fire.

I wonder, though, did you panic or did you enjoy it?



(guests cheering)

Emil Bartos: My victorious friends, cast your minds back seven years ago to the rot in our nation’s heart.

We were a broken people.

Of course, we know who broke us.

(guests booing)

The former Chancellor, Edward Keplinger.


The Rat.

And his crony cabal of neo-Marxist thieves.

He made us feel hopeless.

Guest: Mm-hmm.

That was until we saw her face.

The young doctor from Rinnburg, with the brilliant eyes.

She took the tiny party her father founded and transformed it into a monster.

She trounced Keplinger!

(guests cheering)

Ran him off to his country home where he licks his wounds still.

So, join me, all, our new American friends too, a toast to Elena Vernham, to the Chancellor!

Guests: To the Chancellor!

(band playing “If You Leave Me Now” by Chicago)

Singers: ♪ La, la, la, la ♪


(sings) ♪ If you leave me now ♪

♪ You’ll take away the biggest part of me ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh-hoo, no, baby, please don’t go ♪

Wonderful to see you all looking so magnificent.

♪ If you leave me now ♪

♪ You’ll take away the very heart of me ♪

You will, I’ll be heartbroken.

♪ Ooh-ooh-hoo, no, baby, please don’t go ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

No! I just want you to stay.

And so does Nicky, my husband,

Nicholas Vernham, everybody.

Singers: ♪ Ooh ♪

♪ A love like ours is love that’s hard to find ♪

singers: ♪ Ooh ♪

Elena: ♪ How could we let it slip away? ♪

How could we ever? You’re so precious to me.

Singers: ♪ Ooh ♪

♪ We’ve come too far to leave it all behind ♪

We have. We must carry on forever.

How could we end it all this way?

When tomorrow comes, and we’ll both regret…

♪ The things we said today ♪

Don’t you leave me now.

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you.

(guests applauding, cheering)

Oh, thank you so much!


Oh, do look. That’s sweet.

Oh, Nicky, look, darling, they’re standing up.

Oh, God, I think I’m going to cry.


That was lovely.

Oh, is that alright? Honestly, are you sure?

Now, come on, deep breaths.

Susan: Wonderful, Madam.

Oh, thank you, thank you, Susan.

Thank you. How wonderful.

Hello, thank you.

My goodness, Mr. Kaiser.

Mrs. Kaiser.


No, no touching, Sir.

Excuse me, excuse me. That’s… That…

Such a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Kaiser.

And your darling wife, Mrs. Kaiser.



Please, let’s sit. We must.

It’s about 40% humidity.

That will be all. Thank you so much.


(chuckles) No.

It’s just a stupid joke, really.

Should we have brought raincoats?

(table laughs)

Ah, no.

Richard: Oh, I’m so sorry.

Uh, my wife and I don’t eat meat, only fish.

Oh, please forgive our staff’s mistake.

Deborah Kaiser: How did you and the Chancellor meet?

Nicholas Vernham: Oh, um, we met in medical school in Paris.

Deborah: Oh!

Uh, I had, um, a wife and a baby at the time, but, um, Elena is very persuasive.

(Nicholas chuckles)

Mm-hmm, I can imagine.

Nicholas: Alas, she went home to pursue politics, so I went back to my wife and kid.

And then, um, she thought that marriage would help her campaign, so she asked me to propose, which I did.

(deep breath)

And, um, I left my family in Paris for good and, uh, haven’t seen them since.

And thus, here we are, happily ever after.

(chuckles) Well, we do love Paris.

Will you excuse me for a moment, please?

May I speak with you?

(distant chattering)

(hygrometer beeps)

Go here, please. Go, go there.

Go on, go on. That’s it. Go on in there.


Look at me, please.


You happy now? Yes, are you?

They think I’m a lunatic now.

You’ve handed them all the leverage.

Do you know, I am out there by myself hustling, providing for my country, and you’ve made me look ridiculous in front of the Americans.

I am not ridiculous.

I am very much not ridiculous, you stupid cunt.

I’m sorry.

Next time, turn your gun on yourself.


Stick it in your mouth, you graceless fucking cow.

(tense music playing)

(guests chattering)

(music fades out)

So… we should talk.

But let’s eat first, I think.

Oh, no. Sure.

I, uh, talked to a few of your folks earlier, but…

Well, you’re not talking to my folks now, are you?

You’re talking to me.

(chuckles) And I heard you were playing hardball, which is fine.


But what are you concerned about, hm?

Bit of worker unrest, some wonky machinery?

Hm? It’s marginalia. Look at what we are.

We are a young, Central European republic ready to embrace a modern corporate governance.

We’re ready to grow, with you.


Here’s the important part.

We love America. We love our friendship.

And we’d love nothing more than to tighten those bonds.

We have the cobalt.

You pay for the pits and the refineries.

It’s a perfect partnership.

Or you can hold China’s cock while they piss all over your shoes and hold you hostage to their corrupt supply lines.

(Elena chuckles)

Alright, then.

30% stake in mining rights as agreed.

Good… Let’s do that then.

But I would like your assurance of our ability to get to 51.


Which would, of course, be de rigueur in a deal structure like this.

To advance to a majority stake.

Well, that’s how it’s always done, don’t worry.

Sorry, just to be clear, so if I wanted then to do something with our cobalt, I’d have to ask your permission?

It won’t be a problem.

We’ll be more than fair.

(light, tense music playing)

It’s at 31.

Not him.

Wait here.

(indistinct, muffled chatter)

(sighs) Agnes managed to keep you whole.

I would’ve sent the zoo some fresh lion food.

So, you’re no longer the Chancellor’s personal water diviner.

You are now the night moisture sentry for the residence floor.

Do you know what that means?


It means that you wave your fucking gizmo around these halls from midnight to 6 a.m., and you never see the Chancellor’s face again.

Enjoy it, Butcher.

(solemn music playing)

I wa… I was trying to help.

Like you helped at Site Five.


Just kill yourself.

Westgate trash.

(hushed) Just kill yourself! Kill, kill, kill, kill yourself!

Useless beef.

Just kill yourself. Kill yourself!

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

(loud bang)

(tense, mysterious music playing)


(person breathing heavily)

(ominous music playing)



It’s alright. Shh.

It’s, it’s alright.

(suspenseful music playing)

Yes, I know.

I know you’re scared.

We can both be scared, mm?

Yes, we’ll… we’ll get through this together.

Nicholas: What’s going…

We come from the same place, you and I, and that’s why we’ll be thick as thieves, my love.

Herbert: Chief!

(dramatic music playing)

(alarm sounds)

(Elena screaming)


(alarm blaring)

(grunting) Dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead!


Elena: (screams) I-I breathed him! I breathed him!

I breathed him! I breathed him!

Out, out, out, out! Oh, I breathed him! I breathed him!

In the chair.

(Elena screaming)

I breathed him, I breathed him!

Give me your hands, give me your hands.

Elena: Help me! Help me! Get out! Out!

Help me! Help me! Help. Help me.

Give your arm, give your arm.

(heavy breathing)

(Herbert shushing)

(machine beeping)

(music fades out)

(bells tolling)

(birds chirping)

What are you doing here?

They needed more scrubby hands for the great microbe hunt.

Miss me, puss?

Stop calling me that.

What are people hearing outside?

Only what the state news tells them.

“The Chancellor is enjoying a well-deserved holiday in the mountains.”


Yeah, the mountains of fucking madness.

Ah, two weeks without a public appearance.

People must know something’s up.

How’s the boy?

Yeah, he’s fine, yeah.

Keeps asking where “she” is.

Where is the old girl?

Lord knows. Nobody’s seen her except…

(light, cheery music playing)

(scanner whirring)

(music intensifies)

(door opens)

This will help your body to fight.

It’s sunflower, like my mother used to make.

It hates poison.

(knocking at door)


Yeah, uh, I’d like to see her.

Is she expecting you?

I’m her husband.

Is she expecting you?

One expects their husband to enter a room.

It’s alright, my love.

(door shuts)

My love.

Hello, Nicky.

I’ve missed you, Lenny.

Minister Goin and Dr. Kershaw wanted to share a plan for the short term.

Perhaps it wouldn’t hurt to chat?

He’s got spots now.

Sorry, dear?

Elena: More spots. Have you seen?

Who has, m-my love?

Him, downstairs.

On his face.

Ah, but it…

I-It’s been a year now, my love.

I-I’m sure it’s normal.

No… that’s what cosmetics are for.

I should not have to spot the spots.

(pensive music playing)

Lenny… do you suppose…

maybe it’s time to let him go?

S… Stop it.

I have. Just s-stop that.

(speaking French)

(speaking French)


Oh, tell them I’ll meet them at noon.

(deep breath)

(inhales, exhales)

(hygrometer beeps)

Susan: Madam Chancellor, you look well, and we hope you’re recuperating briskly.

It’s been quite a shock.

Dr. Kershaw: Very much so.

Susan: Terrible, terrible few weeks.

Dr. Kershaw: What happened was unthinkable.

A fluke, some lunatic.

A former cobalt miner turned builder, we’ve learned.

Very ill in the head.

But every measure is being taken to ensure that nothing of this nature ever happens again.

Dr. Kershaw: Absolutely not. Never again.

Madam, (sighs) there’s no use dancing around it.

The palace, at present, is simply unfit for your habitation.

The data is incontrovertible.

Here’s the bind.

We can’t risk further security breaches, and so the renovation has to be put on hold.

No question.

Susan: Which means, of course…

The toxicity you detected in the walls would remain.

You’d be trapped in a petri dish.

Meaning a relocation of sorts to the countryside, uh, pending your approval.

Of course, while you recuperate, certain government functions would still need to operate here.

And so, myself and a select staff would remain in the capital to oversee those functions.

Vital tasks only, such as finishing the cobalt deal.

Madam, we weren’t able to save your father from his failing lungs…


…but it’s not too late to save you.

Thank you both.

You may go.

Rest well, Madam.

Corporal, sit.

(Herbert grunts)

No… Come here. Sit beside me.

Do you know why you’re here?


You’re here because you are nobody, do you understand?

I don’t mean that as an insult.

I only mean it as a fact.

You are not… anybody.

And that means I can trust you, yes?

Yes, Chief.

Now, you are the only one who can tell me what the nobodies want.

Look at me.

You love me, don’t you?


Can you say it?

I love you.


Now if you love me… tell me honestly… what would you like… to happen… next?

Tell me.

You were in my dream last night, and I was in yours.

And you told me to crush them, anyone who makes you weak.

They’ve cut our balls off, Chief.

And now they are laughing at us because you dance for foreign cash like a sick fucking bear at the circus.

And that’s what everybody’s saying out there.

You don’t hear it, but that’s what they are saying, trust me.

America treats us as if we are their fucking colony.

So, what do they do?

They rain piss on us all day.

They want you to fail.

And so does your finance bitch.

And so does your fat pig doctor telling you you are sick.

You are sick? That’s bullshit!

Something, yes, it’s true.

Something in this building is killing you, but it’s not this shit, it’s not this shit.

It’s them!

They want you c… Look at me.

And they want you crippled because you have something they will never, ever have.

A fucking dream.

(dramatic drum music playing)

I’d love to smash their fucking faces forever.

A graceful mind.

One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war.

Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight.

No, no, no! That’s a tactic!

(gasps) That was a tactic!

Nicky, did you see that? Let’s try again.

Look me in the eye. I’m about to win.

One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war.

Fight, fight, fight! Got you!

Okay, best of three. One, two, three, four.

Fight, fight, fight. (laughs)

No, no. You are terrible!



My friends… a few weeks ago, one of my government’s top ministers, along with key members of my household retinue, conspired with a foreign-backed fifth column to assassinate me while I slept.

Get off me! Get off me!

Elena: For the past year, these individuals have weakened our economy, our government, and even my immune system, aided by meddling foreign regimes.

Which is why, today, I am issuing an executive order to repay our debts, turn away American investors, and rid this country of its sick dependence on NATO’s teat.

My husband and I have been deeply touched by the outpouring of love and support we’ve seen across the nation this week.

This is the true spirit of our people.

You are the beating heart.

You are the soul of everything.

You are the well from which I draw strength to vanquish our enemies.

I will not let you be sucked into the decadence and toxicity of America and its surrogates around the globe.

For years, we have suffered so they could build the global order in their image.

They’ve provided material aid to corrupt regimes abroad.

They committed and abetted mass murder, and they’ve waged their crony capitalist war in every corner of the planet.

They have told the rest of us, “Play ball, sit up straight, do as we tell you, and pay the toll.”

(sighs) It’s time to say enough.

We will no longer be a party to their legacy of brutality.

We will no longer suffer for their greed.

It is time to show America and the world precisely what we are worth.

(dramatic music playing)

I bless you all, and I bless our love, always.

(light, plucky music playing)


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