Original release date: June 23, 2023
On family and friends night, Richie runs the front of house while Sydney runs the kitchen. Issues begin to mount: the restaurant runs out of forks, Sydney and Marcus are forced to assist when a line cook disappears, and the walk-in refrigerator handle breaks, trapping Carmy inside. Richie successfully takes over expediting. Pete, Natalie’s husband, sees Donna outside, who despite his pleadings refuses to go inside, saying she does not deserve to celebrate or potentially spoil her children’s success. Pete accidentally reveals Natalie’s pregnancy to Donna before she leaves. Trapped in the fridge, Carmy spirals into self-loathing and rants about how his relationship with Claire has ruined his focus in the kitchen. Claire overhears him and leaves in tears. Richie sees her leave and has a heated argument with Carmy through the refrigerator door. Carmy is devastated when he plays a missed voicemail from Claire earlier in the day, in which she confesses her love for him. The service ultimately ends successfully, Marcus receives a gift from Luca (although he misses numerous panicked calls from his mother’s nurse), and Sydney feels stressed yet emboldened by the successful opening night.
* * *
(utensils clanging)
Okay, let’s hold on three and four.
We are up on the grapes, and…
let’s pick up that first course and push the focaccia, please.
Can also pick up broth for two and pick up fish for four?
Let’s fire that third course, please.
I wanna push cannoli, and see hands.
Please and thank you.
Let’s get walking focaccia. Let’s walk cannoli.
Let’s walk Tbone. 20, table 20.
Let’s walk focaccia…
MARCUS: Chef, I need a count on cannoli.
…again.
Please and thank you.
Bar seats one and two.
Can I get hands, please?
That is going to table 42.
We have another focaccia for a threetop.
Bar seats three and four.
And grapes for four.
Bucatini for four and cannoli for four.
It’s going to table 21.
Twentyone.
Okay. Also, can I fire
three Tbone and two bucatini, please?
Guys, this is our first turn, okay?
Got a full board tonight. We’re looking good.
We’re gonna clear it, okay?
Everybody feeling good?
ALL: Yes, Chef!
Thank you.
Okay.
MARCUS: Yo, how many cannolis all day, Chef?
Uh, I see a order coming in for six.
And six and six.
Um… (clears throat)
Alright, guys, let’s hustle.
Let’s push all this food.
And can I get this focaccia walking, please?
Table 40. Thank you so much.
MARCUS: Chef Syd, cannolis, can I get an “all day”?
Okay. What’s going on?
Do you see these fucking sixtops?
Richie’s just sitting them immediately?
Yeah, I’ll talk to ’em. I’ll hustle ’em.
(sighs)
Alright, guys, let’s hustle.
Fire everything, okay?
ALL: Yes, Chef!
CHEF: Chef!
Hands, please.
No smudges. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
SYDNEY: Okay, got an order coming in.
Two bucatini, two Tbone…
(indistinct chatter)
What do you think?
PETE: What do you mean, what do I think?
I think it’s the best.
Yeah?
Nat, yeah.
Think she’ll like it?
I think she’s gonna love it.
Shit. The light above Jimmy’s too hot.
RICHIE: Jimmy.
How’s everything, guys?
Everything is fantastic, buddy.
Really.
And, hey, hey, hey.
You are looking sharp, young man.
Well, thank you very much, Unc.
Donnie, thanks so much for coming by.
Nice to see you.
Yeah, I’ll see you soon.
How’s the wine?
It’sit’s okay.
RICHIE: It’s okay?
I got better stuff at home.
That’s a Coup Beaujolais. Jagoff.
Yo. What’d I tell you?
I told you not to go back there. I told you not to go back there.
What’d you do? You went back there.
The parm
RICHIE: Shh.
(whispers) Don’t fuckin’ do it again.
Claire bear.
How is everything, guys?
Cousin, this is pretty great.
Thanks. We’re so glad you guys are here.
I’m Richie, by the way.
KELLY: Kelly. Nice to meet you.
RICHIE: Yeah, right back at you.
KELLY: We’ve heard so much about you.
RICHIE: Oh, only good, I hope.
You know, Claire and I, we, uh, we grew up together.
That is a fact.
He’s, uh, Carmy’s cousin.
RICHIE: I am indeed his cousin. Yes.
You know, he loves you very much.
Well you know what? I love him very much, too
but please don’t tell him.
I promise.
Okay.
Alright, I’ll be back soon, guys.
Gentlemen.
What do you think?
It’s really something.
It’s beautiful. I am blown away.
I’m really glad to hear you say that. Thank you so much.
Your daughter… is very important to us.
And very special to me, too.
RICHIE: Um, I just wanna let you guys know
that drinks are on their way.
Uh, you’re too kind, but I’mI’m really a soda guy.
I don’t drink.
We are well aware, sir.
The Bear Pop service, Mr. Adamu.
♪ ♪
I’m feeling a little bit, uh, swamped here,
do you wanna switch with me?
No. No, no, no, no.
You’re good.
No?
No, no, you’re fine.
Okay.
Keep going, okay?
Yeah.
Keep going. T?
TINA: Yes, Chef.
Hey, come here, please.
Um, I want you to help Syd with tickets.
I’ll have Josh cover your station, okay?
Jeffrey.
Yeah?
I don’t know where Josh went.
CARMY: Whwhat does that even mean?
It means I don’t know where the fuck he went.
Okay, you stay on your station. I’ll cover Josh’s station.
Uh, Marcus!
Chef.
Syd, tickets, please.
Yes, Chef.
Thank you, Chef.
Uh, okay.
When they come up
Sorry.
CARMY: I need a cutting board.
When they come out, just, uh,
put them to the corresponding place.
So that’s where… That’ll go there.
Yes, Chef.
Yeah.
Hey, look,
um, you’ve been weird with me all day
and I just wanna say sor
I haven’t been weird with you.
Everything has been fine.
Okay. Never mind.
Yep.
Forget it.
Great. I will.
MARCUS: Cool.
Yo. We’re low on forks, Chef.
People are using ’em all, Chef.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
Behind. Behind.
SYDNEY: Okay, let’s start firing some caviar, please.
SWEEPS: Behind. Behind.
(indistinct chatter)
PETE: Sweetie, I want you to know that
Wait. Give me the odds.
The odds of what?
Odds she shows.
Dude.
What, honey?
Nat, I was just gonna say how, like, you know,
special and cool and great this place is
and how I’m, like, the most proud of you ever.
And
Oh. That’s everything.
I just don’t want you to get your expectations too high.
SUGAR: (sighs) I’m not. Promise.
Natalie.
SUGAR: Peter.
Okay, 75/25.
Seventyfive she shows?
PETE: Seventyfive she doesn’t.
RICHIE (whispers): Sugar.
Got it. (sighs)
Okay, I’ll be right back.
This isn’t about her, I promise.
Hey.
Sorry.
SUGAR: What’s the vibe?
We’re diving.
Yeah?
The food’s going too slow.
Oh. Which tables?
All tables.
All tables?
I gotta talk to Marcus.
Marcus, we’re down 12 bread sets, alright? We need ’em now.
They gotta fuckin’ walk, like, right now.
Your dad’s on 40.
He’s good.
Thank you.
RICHIE: Yes, Chef.
Uh, Carm.
CARMY: Yeah.
Remember, you promised me we wouldn’t run out of forks?
CARMY: Yeah.
Guess what the fuck just happened?
We ran out of forks.
Yeah, bear, we ran out of fucking forks.
I’m gonna buy you a calculator.
Gary?
SWEEPS: Yes, Chef.
Go to the closest store, buy every goddamn fork they got, Chef.
Okay.
MARCUS: Yo, Syd, I still need the “all day” on bread.
Cousin?
Yo.
Uh, Claire’s on 31.
Okay.
Go say hi.
Yeah, eventually.
Eventually?
Where the fuck is Josh?
Yo. Just go.
CHEF: Anyone have eyes on Josh?
Yo, I’ll go when I have a minute.
I’m in the fuckin’ shit, leave me the fuck alone.
What? I’m saying
I’ll get there when I can get there.
I’m saying… Just…
What?
MARCUS: Yo, Chef Sydney I need an “all day.”
Thank you, Chef.
Yes, Chef, I’m on 12 breads.
Can you get me hands?
SYDNEY: Walking, uh…
Chef? Sydney! Wh…
Why are you ignoring me? ‘Cause you’re mad at me? What?
SYDNEY: Whoa, whoa. Easy.
Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.
Quiet, quiet, quiet. Marcus.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
CARMY: Go, please.
Moving bread up to third.
Cannoli will move to sixth.
Heard, Chef. Thank you.
Jesus Christ. I’m sorry.
That was just…
Just keep going.
Yeah. Okay. Yeah.
Uh, let’s start moving this bread, please.
Focaccia. Hands, hands, hands.
Hands!
RICHIE: Hands comin’.
Hey. Great. Uh, that’ll go to 21, and that’ll go to 52.
I got… I got 21. You 52.
SYDNEY: Thank you.
(indistinct chatter)
I’m sorry. Fuck me.
I really appreciate you being so patient with me.
I know I’ve been gone a lot.
Honey, this is easier.
What do you mean?
I mean, like, you’re easier.
Easier how?
Because you love this,
and, like, you’re not as pissed all the time.
Fuck me again.
Okay, that’s very sweet of you.
I have to go fix a toilet.
(“Velouria” by Pixies playing)
♪ We will wade in the shine of the ever ♪
♪ We will wade in the tides of the summer ♪
♪ Every summer Every summer ♪
I need hands for PX table 31, please.
That’s Claire.
Fuck, yeah, that’s right.
Um…
Alright, I got it.
What?
Is now the best time to do that?
Great. Cool.
Can I please get four Tbones fired?
Tina, can you get on that for me?
TINA: Yes, Chef.
Thank you very much.
Does anybody know where Neil is?
FAK: I’m right here, Chef.
Hi. Can you, um, check on my dad for me?
Yes, Chef.
Chef, you are needed in the bathroom.
FAK: Chef.
Toilet is clogged.
FAK: Yes, Chef. Yes, Chef.
RICHIE: Handle it, Chef.
♪ I tried to kick the ball but my tennie flew right off ♪
♪ I’m red as a beet ♪
(screams) Goddamn!
FAK: I’m sorry.
SUGAR: Fuckin’ shit!
♪ I’m so embarrassed ♪
♪ Mom and dad say ♪
♪ Sleep a lot ♪
♪ Eat a lot ♪
♪ Brush ’em like crazy ♪
♪ Run a lot ♪
♪ Do a lot ♪
You look great. Enjoy.
♪ Sleep a lot ♪
♪ Eat a lot ♪
Hey. Mom?
(sighs) No mom.
Why are you fuckin’ wet?
Uh, because the toilet exploded.
Oh, good.
Do you have any extra clothes of any variety?
Uh, yes, chef shirts in the locker room.
Okay, thank you.
Thank you.
NYC CHEF: Why are you so slow?
Why are you so fuckin’ slow?
♪ ♪
CARMY: Behind.
Yeah, this is not right.
The cook is wrong.
TINA: Chef…
Chef?
Yeah.
But this shit is gonna put us behind.
Okay, well, you have to do it again.
What’s gonna put us behind
is if you keep arguing.
No, no, no, no.
Carmy said
I say send it back
and cook it again, please.
And thank you.
TINA: Yes, Chef.
Great.
Do I have time to go outside and scream “fuck”?
ALL: No, Chef.
Right. So then let’s hustle.
Please and thank you.
CARMY: Syd.
Hey. Uh, what’s up, Carmy?
What the fuck are these? How long have these been here?
SYDNEY: Those are seven fishes.
These are cold.
These are cold. These are fuckin’ dead.
SYDNEY: No, no, no.
Are these for the guy… is he the guy…
Fuckin’… What… Window, the fuckin’ window…
Is it for the guy by the fucking window, Syd?
Table 50. What?
CARMY: What the fuck?
Please! Just refire.
The fuck? Fire.
Just refire, please.
SYDNEY: You were out there talking to whoever.
Syd! Syd! Refire the sets.
SYDNEY: So I was trying to…
They’ve been sitting here for fucking ever. Refire.
Hey, whoa. Watch… it… dude.
Way down. Way down.
You gotta take it way down.
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry that this got cold.
II… was doing a lot.
No excuse.
Good?
SYDNEY: Yeah. You good?
(whispers) Go fire.
(mouths) I’m sorry.
CHEF: …to the line, please.
CHEF: Got it, Chef.
Okay, guys, I’m hopping on seven fishes, okay?
Let us keep up the pace. Please and thank you.
We can’t let this stuff go dead, alright?
(door closes)
ALL: Yes, Chef.
Great.
CARMY: No, no, no, no, no!
Fuck!
MARCUS: Oh, shit. Carm?
Carm?
MARCUS: Oh, shit.
CARMY: Yo.
Yep, it’s still broken.
Uhhuh, I see. Um… Okay.
Uh, CaCarm, areare you okay?
MARCUS: Yo, Carm. Can you hear me?
Carm?
Carm, can you hear me?
CARMY: Yeah, yeah, can you hear me?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I can hear you.
Are you okay?
CARMY: No!
Marcus, get me the fuck out of here!
Right. Okay.
Uh… Right.
TINA: Syd, these texts are coming out, baby.
SYDNEY: Yeah, uh…
Hey, Chefs, it’s getting’ a little loud in here.
Carmy’s stuck in the, in the walkin.
Carmy’s stuck in the walkin?
Carmy’s stuck in the walkin.
♪ Fly like winging birds fighting for the keys ♪
Alright.
So what are we gonna do?
Chef, waiting for calls.
Okay. Right. Uh, Chefs, one second.
Please, let’s just hold the work.
ALL: Yes, Chef.
Let’s just hold the work, okay?
ALL: Yes, Chef.
♪ ♪
(ticket machine whirring)
(clicking and dinging)
Uh…
(clicking rapidly)
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Tina, can, can you run expo for me?
TINA: I got two stations, Chef.
SYDNEY: Yeah, right. Uh…
CARMY: What the fuck is going on?
I can do it.
CARMY: What’s going on out there?
Hmm?
♪ This recent rash of kidsmoke ♪
(timer dinging)
Yeah.
CARMY: What are you guys doing?
Alright.
♪ It’s good to be alone ♪
Okay. Yeah, alright, uh…
Yeah. Okay.
Chefs, listen up. Let’s look alive, yeah?
I’m gonna plug everybody in, alright?
Let’s hustle.
Let’s listen to the sound of my voice
and the sound of Richie’s.
We’re gonna do this, yeah?
ALL: Yes, Chef.
Great.
Fuck this. I got it.
Yeah, I think I gotta turn this around.
I think you’re right. Yeah.
SYDNEY: Good?
RICHIE: Yeah. Great.
Hey… we have five minutes to do this or we’re fucked.
Alright.
SYDNEY: Okay!
Five minutes.
(beeps)
I got you, Chef.
SYDNEY: Great.
T, I want you to help me set plates, please.
TINA: Yes, Chef.
Thank you.
(tickets whirring)
Okay. Richie?
(beeping)
(tone flatlining)
Drive.
(“Animal” by Pearl Jam playing)
Okay, guys, we’re gonna refire four focaccia.
Okay? We’re gonna walk that first.
ALL: Yes, Chef.
RICHIE: Hands, we gotta pick up some fishes
Four by four, pick up bucatini,
four by four by four.
Bring up the Tbone. Two by two.
EBRA: On it.
(Richie giving orders)
(beeping)
One focaccia, please, to table 15.
Alright, I need some more hands here, guys.
What do we got, we got a focaccia
that’s to table 20, thank you very much, Chef.
And here we go, walking bucatini to 30, please.
♪ I’d rather be ♪
♪ I’d rather be ♪
Chef, we got open.
(yells)
RICHIE: I got stabbed.
Not right now.
(indistinct yelling, voices overlapping)
NYC CHEF: Motherfucker.
Fuck! Fuck!
Hey, uh, we’re lagging on these seven fishes.
Marcus, can you please help Connor out?
Yes, Chef.
SYDNEY: Hands up.
T, you’re good on Tbone?
Yes, Chef.
Daniela, how’s pasta?
DANIELA: Good, Chef.
Thank you.
Where’s Carmy?
Stuck in the walkin.
The walkin.
CARMY: Fuck!
Told him to call Tim.
Hey. Not now, please.
Can you help me wipe dishes?
Yes, Chef.
Thank you, Chef.
SUGAR: Carm, you okay?
CARMY: No!
Marcus, don’t forget you got cannolis.
Four by two by two.
I’m on it, Chef.
FAK: Where am I?
RICHIE: You’re out front.
Are you nuts? It’s scary out there.
No, no, no. You’re nice, so just be nice.
You know, pour water, pour wine, read minds.
Just check in.
FAK: I can’t ‘do this myself.
I can’t do this but, you know, new world order, pal.
I’m scared.
Neil?
Don’t be scared.
Okay. Chef.
Fuck!
(pounds on door)
Jesus.
RICHIE: Okay, guys. Five cannoli all day.
ALL: Yes, Chef.
RICHIE: Alright…
we got eight bucatini…
Oh, fuck, I’m sorry, nine bucatini all day.
You got that? ALL: Yes, Chef.
RICHIE: Okay, hands please.
Table 14, go. Table 12, go.
We’re gonna walk table 21.
Thank you very much.
Uh, Sydney, what’s the circle mean?
Uh, my dad.
RICHIE: Okay.
Pick up lettuces for six, please.
Chef.
RICHIE: Marcus, we’re gonna 86 the mostarda.
Emmanuel doesn’t do cherries, Chef. Thank you.
MARCUS: Yes, Chef.
Forks up, Chefs.
RICHIE: Okay, guys.
Listen up, we got 48 menus down.
So we are full board, okay?
We need to fuckin’ drill, guys.
Who’s ready to fuckin’ party right now?
ALL: Yes, Chef.
RICHIE: Okay.
Listen up. Listen to the numbers.
Don’t call back. Just fuckin’ go.
We’re all gonna be smoking cigarettes soon.
♪ I’d rather be ♪
CARMY: Fuck.
Alright, walking 15.
Walking 20.
Walking 32. Come on, guys. Come on.
Uh, five donuts, five by five by four.
Fire fishes, four by four by four.
I’ll be walking 21, caviar.
That’s five by four by two.
(softly) Fuck you. Fuck you.
RICHIE: Uh, fire Tbone.
Two by four by five.
Got that, T?
Got it working, Chef.
Yo, Syd, we gotta hold the fish.
We got a shellfish, uh, allergy. I don’t know how you guys sub that.
Yeah, uh, Connor, let’s sub amberjack, please.
CONNOR: Heard, Chef.
(Carmy pounding)
RICHIE: Fire seven, just keep going, guys.
We are almost out of the woods.
Let’s keep fuckin’ going.
I love you fucking guys. Here we go!
(softly) What the fuck? What the fuck?
What the fuck. What the fuck?
You’re terrible at this. You’re no good at it.
Dumb fuck?
NYC CHEF: Go faster, motherfucker.
Keep going faster. Why are you so slow?
Why are you so fucking slow?
Can you not handle this? Is it too much for you?
You are not tough. You are bullshit.
You are talentless.
You should be dead.
(quiet restaurant chatter)
(upbeat guitar music playing)
(sniffs)
PETE: Fakerson.
Yeah.
Dude, congrats, brother.
Oh, dude, thank you so much.
PETE: So good, man.
You’re gonna be such a good daddy.
Aw, thanks.
Yeah.
Okay.
♪ ♪
PETE: Deedee?
Oh, shit. No, no.
Pete.
No, no, no.
III don’t want you to tell them I was out here.
No, no, no, it’s totally okay. We got a seat for you.
Oh, II know. I know. Yeah.
Uh… No. I just… I was thinking…
Oh, my gosh, it’s so cold out here.
Just come on. Nat is so pumped to see you.
It’ll be so fun. Carm is killing it.
II just, um…
II just don’t…
II just…
You’d be so proud of them.
Oh. II am, Pete. I am.
I am. I just…
II just don’t think I can take it.
What? What can’t you take?
(sighs)
I want you to go back in.
Just don’t tell them you saw me ’cause this is embarrassing.
PETE: Deedee, what did…
What do you mean you can’t take it?
I love them so much.
I don’t know how to show it.
I don’t know how to say I’m sorry.
So, please, just…
Please just go in and just tell me it’s okay.
Deedee, I don’t…
I don’t deserve to see how good this is.
PETE: Uh… (sighs)
I want them to have this good thing.
And I don’t wanna hurt it.
No, you’re not gonna hurt it.
I promise. I promise.
Plus, we gotta get all the dinners in
before the baby, so…
Whose baby?
Um…
(Pete stammering)
Oh.
Oh, you and Natalie.
I thought she…
That’s wonderful.
PETE: Oh.
That’s wonderful, Pete.
Um…
Donna, uh…
III don’t know what to do.
Could you ju… Could you help me?
Could you just come in and we’ll…
Pete, you’re very sweet.
You’re sweet.
I’m gonna go.
And I promise you, I will, I will…
I will call them. I will come in.
I will… I will talk to them.
I will. I’m just… I need you to say it’s okay.
Donna, don’t…
DONNA: I need you to say it’s okay.
Pete, please.
It’s okay.
(sighs) Thank you.
♪ ♪
RICHIE: Okay, walk 22.
Walk 51.
T, where’s my Tbone for six?
TINA: Walking, Chef.
RICHIE: Beautiful.
Yo, where’s the new kid?
Disappeared.
Yo, Marcus, find that motherfucker.
MARCUS: Yes, Chef.
Okay. And…
Fuck you!
(beeping)
Yeah!
ALL: Yes!
CHEF: Fuck yeah!
(all cheering)
RICHIE: Yes!
(clapping)
Where is t
Dude? Dude…
What the fuck are you doing?
Dawg, isis that meth?
JOSH: Oh, God.
Barely. Dude, I’m so sorry.
No.
JOSH: No, no, no. Just a little bit.
No, that is wild.
JOSH: It helps me work.
(Sugar sighs)
I’m so sorry. Honey.
(sighs)
You don’t have to apologize.
Hey. You okay?
PETE: Yeah. Yeah.
This is… so great.
It’s awesome. (chuckles, sniffles)
Yeah.
No, no, no. I think I gotta fire you.
What?
What? For this?
MARCUS: Yeah.
Are you fucking serious?
I mean, III think so. Let me check.
I’ll be right there.
JOSH: Yeah, check, check.
Hey, hey.
Stay right there.
You are being so fucking weird, man.
(softly) Fuck. Fuck.
Fuck, fuck.
Fucking fuck.
The odds were right.
Yeah.
I mean, you… you know, this isn’t easy.
What isn’t easy?
You know, it’s a lot of people,
a lot of history.
It’s just a lot.
Yeah. Yeah, it’s…
PETE: I wouldn’t hold it against her.
No?
Not this one.
Chef.
Yes.
I know things have been weird between us today.
No.
I know… I’m just saying, I think I’ve found something that’ll make it better.
Okay. What is that?
I found Josh smoking crack in the alley.
I Okay. Uh…
Yeah.
That’s wild.
That’s what I said.
Right.
He said it makes him kick so much ass.
I mean, that just can’t be true.
I mean, we saw him cutting those carrots earlier.
Huh.
SUGAR: Babe.
Hey.
(Pete sniffles)
No, no, no. What’s wrong?
PETE: Nothing.
I just…
I love you so much.
Jeffrey, are you okay?
‘Cause we’re good. We’re doing really good.
T, I think I did this to myself.
Did what to yourself?
When did we start ordering Heinz Mustard
instead of French’s?
Uh, last week. What did you do to yourself, honey?
I told him I have to fire him but I need to check with you.
No, no. You can fire him. You should fire him immediately.
Alright, cool. I’m gonna fire him before he comes back in here.
Okay. Thank you.
Josh is 86’d, by the way.
ALL: Yes, Chef.
(sniffles)
I love you too, buddy.
(sniffles)
It’s okay. (chuckles)
I think I work here now.
(both chuckle)
Well, you’re good at it.
SUGAR: Fuck it. Right?
Okay. Surprise on 51, please.
And what’s that? Mr. Kalinowski?
(inaudible)
Dessert, sir.
CICERO: None for me, Gary.
Thank you very much. Not tonight.
I’ve, uh… I’m good.
Mr. Jerimovich insisted.
Oh, he did, did he?
He did.
What, is he trying to fuckin’ kill me?
SWEEPS: Chocolate banana.
(taps table)
You, um…
You tell Mr. Jerimovich thank you for me?
SWEEPS: I will.
Thank you.
SWEEPS: Enjoy.
(exhales)
Tina?
I’m, uh…
I’m stuck in a goddamn refrigerator
on the opening night of my fuckin’ restaurant
because I didn’t have reception when Tony called.
And there’sthere’s shelves on the wrong side
and there’s art that’s fucking shit,
andand we’re tearing tape like assholes,
and I just, I…
I failed you guys.
So how was it?
Oh, my God. It was incredible.
FAK: So fire.
So good.
KELLY: Congrats.
Thank you.
Is this a good time to go back and see him?
No. Uh… probably not.
Yeah, probably not.
CLAIRE: Oh.
I failed you guys and, um…
It’s not gonna happen again.
TINA: Carmen…
No, that is… so silly, baby.
Is it just too hectic right now?
Yeah.
Well, Jabba got his ass.
Yeah. He’s in there solo.
BOTH: Han Solo.
Yeah.
TED: Done.
Tina? Tina, you still there?
TINA: Always, Jeffrey. Always.
Who’s Tony?
(ticket machine whirs, clicks)
CARMY: What?
(whirrs, clicks)
TINA: You said Tony called you.
(ticket machine whirring and clicking)
Yeah, Tony called. Tony’s the fridge guy.
What the fuck are you talking about?
He’s… he’she’she’s getting frozen. He’s locked.
He can’t
Little pimp is cooked, okay?
Little pimp is cooked.
TINA: Mmmm. Fridge guy’s name is Terry.
(whirring and clicking continues)
(pounds on door)
See, thatthat’s exactly
what I’m talking about.
Shut the fuck up.
What’s going on?
He’s… He’s in the…
He’s in the walkin, but like the door handle came off.
(whirring and clicking)
CARMY: Yo, maybemaybe I’m just not built for this.
(whirring and clicking continues)
Right?
Maybe that’s okay.
Maybe that just is.
He’s stuck in the walkin?
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
TED: Yeah.
FAK: Yeah.
Hey, could you, um, just go and check the front for me, please?
I’m just gonna get some air.
Yes, Chef. One sec.
(retches, gags)
What was your name again?
Kelly.
Theodore Fak.
I like that “barrette.” Seriously, it’s nice.
Thank you. It’s from France.
TED: Looks good.
Neil’s brother.
Yeah. Proud of him tonight. Seriously.
Yeah. Yeah.
KELLY: Congrats.
Yeah!
This food was so awesome.
I didn’t cook it.
I wasn’t here.
Right? What the fuck was I thinking?
Like I was gonna be in a relationship?
I’m a fuckin’… I’m a fuckin’ psycho.
That’s why. That’s why I’m good at what I do.
That’s how I operate.
I am the best because I didn’t have
any of this fuckin’ bullshit, right?
I could, I could focus and I could concentrate
and I had a routine
andand I had fuckin’ cell reception and…
I don’t need to provide amusement or enjoyment.
I don’t need to receive any amusement or enjoyment.
I’m completely fine with that.
Because no amount of good is worth how terrible this feels.
It’s just a complete waste of fuckin’ time.
CLAIRE: I’m really sorry you feel that way, Carm.
Claire?
Claire?
Claire? Claire?
Claire!
Claire? Claire?
Claire?
(sniffles)
(softly): What the fuck?
Hey. Claire Bear. Uh…
What’s wrong?
(sniffles) Um…
Thank you for everything, cousin.
This was so beautiful.
(Carmy pounding on door)
Hey, what the fuck did you just do?
II don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know what she heard.
Fuckin’ asshole. What did you just say to that fuckin’ girl?
Richie…
Richie what? What the fuck did you just say to that girl, Carmen?
Would you shut the fuck up
and get me the fuck outta here, please?
Oh, yeah, I’ll get you the fuck out of there, Donna.
What the fuck did you just say?
I…
What the fuck did you just say?
Nothing.
Richie, what the fuck did you say?
Yo!
Yo, cousin, I don’t understand why you can’t just let
something good happen for once in your fuckin’ life?
Are you fucking kidding me right now?
Are you fucking kidding me?
No, I’m not fucking kidding you right now.
Someone’s gotta tell you this shit.
Fuck you! Fuck you.
Yeah, fuck me. Here we go. Okay.
CARMY: Yeah. Fuck you.
Yeah, yeah.
You wouldn’t have shit without me.
Yeah. Alright.
So, yeah! Fuck you!
Tough Carmen.
CARMY: You wouldn’t be able to pay
for your fucking life…
RICHIE: Yeah, yeah.
…or your fucking kid. You fuckin’ loser.
You wanna talk to me about my fuckin’ kid?
You fuckin’ loser.
Yeah, at least I got a kid.
Fuck you!
You don’t have shit.
You don’t have fuckin’ shit.
Where were you when I fuckin’
put your brother in the ground,
you selfish piece of shit?
You know what? You’reyou’re obsessed with my family.
That’s what you are. You fuckin’…
I’m fucking obsessed with you.
You’re fucking leech.
I’m obsessed with you.
You fucking leech.
RICHIE: Yeah.
I should’ve cut you out!
I fuckin’ love you!
I should’ve fuckin’ cut you the fuck out!
I fuckin’ love you!
You fuckin’ need me.
I fuckin’ love you!
You fuckin’ need me.
Yeah.
You need me!
Fuck you!
You fuckin’ need me, you motherfucker!
Fuck you!
You don’t have shit.
Fuck you!
Piece of fuckin’ shit.
Fuck you! (spits)
Fuck you.
Hope you fuckin’ freeze to death.
(kicks door)
(inhales and exhales)
CLAIRE (over voice mail): Hey, Carm. Um…
I know I’m gonna see you in a little bit,
but, uh…
I’m at work and, um…
I don’t know, I just, I had this, like, um…
sudden urge to…
(Claire sighs)
…to tell you that I’ve, um…
I’ve always had this, like, massive crush on you, um…
and I think you’re, um…
so special and, um, so wonderful.
And I, uh…
I’m just so excited for you
and so thrilled for you and, um…
I know it can be hard to, like, find a second
to feel good about what you’re doing
right in the middle of when you’re doing it, but, uh…
I just hope you know that I’m…
I’m so proud of you.
And Mikey would be so proud of you, bear.
Um…
And I just, um…
II really love you.
(exhales)
(sighs deeply)
(exhales deeply)
(inhales, exhales)
(“Half a World Away” by R.E.M. playing)
♪ This could be the saddest dusk ever seen ♪
♪ You turn to a miracle ♪
♪ Highalive ♪
♪ My mind is racing ♪
♪ As it always will ♪
♪ My hand’s tired ♪
♪ My heart aches ♪
♪ I’m half a world away, here ♪
♪ My head sworn to go ♪
First time?
Nope.
(whirring)
♪ Haul it along and hold it ♪
♪ Go it alone, hold it along ♪
(gagging)
EMMANUEL: Baby, are you okay?
SYDNEY: Oh, fuck. Oh, God.
Hey. Oh. Sorry. Uh, yeah, I’m good.
Sorry. You’re not supposed to…
III knew you were busy,
and I was trying not to bother you.
No, come on. No. Uh, it’s fine.
How was the food?
Incredible.
Absolutely… incredible.
Baby?
It’s the thing.
♪ That’s all I needed ♪
♪ To go it alone and hold it along ♪
♪ Haul it along and hold it ♪
♪ Blackbirds, backwards, forwards and fall ♪
♪ And hold ♪
♪ Oh, the lonely deep sit hollow ♪
♪ I’m half a world, half the world away ♪
♪ My shoes are gone, my life spent ♪
♪ I had too much to drink ♪
♪ I didn’t think ♪
Sorry, sorry…
(Sydney retching)
EMMANUEL: Are you okay?
SYDNEY: Yeah.
Good.
♪ To go it alone and hold it along ♪
I’ll see you at the… house.
SYDNEY: Yeah.
♪ Haul it along and hold it ♪
♪ Blackbirds, backwards ♪
Okay.
I love you, Chef.
I love you.
♪ Oh, this lonely world ♪
♪ Is wasted ♪
♪ Pathetic eyes highalive ♪
♪ Blind to the tide that’s turned the sea ♪
♪ The storm, it came up strong ♪
♪ It shook the trees and blew away our fear ♪
♪ I couldn’t even hear ♪
♪ To go it alone and hold it along ♪
♪ Haul it along and hold it ♪
♪ Go it alone and hold it along ♪
♪ And hold ♪
♪ Go it alone and hold it along ♪
♪ Haul it along and hold it ♪
♪ Blackbirds, backwards, forwards and fall ♪
♪ And hold ♪
♪ Oh, this could be the saddest dusk ♪
♪ I’ve ever seen ♪
♪ I turn to a miracle ♪
♪ Highalive ♪
♪ My mind is racing ♪
♪ As it always will ♪
♪ My hands tired, my heart aches ♪
♪ I’m half a world away ♪
♪ Go ♪
