Original release date: June 23, 2022
Carmy and Sydney agree to create a new dinner menu to increase profits. As they prepare to open for lunch, a toilet backs up. Carmy calls Fak, Richie’s friend, to fix it. Fak wants to be an employee but his interview with Richie culminates in a fight which Carmy breaks up. Fak reveals that Richie has been selling cocaine in the alley behind the restaurant; Richie explains that this got the business through the COVID-19 pandemic but agrees to stop. As Marcus rushes to bake cakes, a fuse blows and the restaurant’s operations cease. When Fak informs Carmy it will cost over $5,000 to replace a damaged condenser, he asks Richie to get the money by selling cocaine one final time. Sydney saves the day by running an outdoor lunch service using a makeshift barbecue setup.
* * *
(train rumbling)
(dark, suspenseful music plays)
(upbeat music playing)
(water runs)
(thuds)
SYDNEY’S FATHER: Baby?
(softly) Sorry, Dad.
(train rumbling)
Um, can I?
Was looking at your COGS.
You’re right… check average gets killed at night.
The price is too low.
Barely covers labor.
Sandwiches at night.
CARMY: Killer.
Total killer.
We need a new dinner menu.
Hundred percent.
For the new menu
Mmhmm.
I was thinking maybe a play on “Tongue & Cheek”?
CARMY: Ox tongue?
Or braised beef,
maybe short rib…
and risotto.
Yeah. Maybe.
Man, this book is wild.
CARMY: Yo, you just get here?
Uh, nah.
Uh, Chefs, we got any noniodized salt?
CARMY: Yeah. In the walkin. How we doing on cakes?
About to fire ’em up.
CARMY: Please hustle on that, alright?
MARCUS: I gotcha.
CARMY: Sorry. Just, uh, scissors.
For what?
CARMY: One side looks like shit.
Both sides look like shit in here.
MARCUS: Yes, Chef.
(rumbling)
(water running)
(rattling)
The fuck was that?
(water gurgling)
Oh, no, I know what this is.
CARMY: Fuck!
SYDNEY: This is fucked. We need to close for lunch.
No. No, no, no. We lose one service, it could kill us.
You don’t think this is putting at a risk
for losing a service, no?
No, this is fine.
Cool. Good.
Yo, Fak. Yeah, we need you here ASAP, bro.
The toilet is fucked.
Yo! What is good, you fuckin’ replicants?
EBRAHEIM: Toilet exploded.
Yeah.
Is that funny? Is that good?
Uh, Tina, Sydney, Ebra,
you guys, with me in the kitchen.
We’re gonna go over that new menu still, okay?
Marcus, desserts, please. Thank you, Chef.
Uh, Manny, Angel, Cousin, just lock this shit down.
Get it dried off. Fak’s bringing a shop vac, okay?
Fak’s mouth is a shop vac.
Oh, my God, you’re so funny, Richie.
Alright, guys. This is some nextlevel shit.
I’mma check out ground zero.
CARMY: Okay, so, see those shallots, the garlic,
they’re starting to caramelize?
Yeah, so we’re gonna add a little bit of capers.
Gonna cook that.
Many components, Carmen.
I know. I know. Just hear me out.
We gotta get a new dinner menu, we can hire more cooks,
we get more help around here.
Okay, we’re gonna add a little bit of white wine.
Let that reduce.
And, then you’ve got some hot stock.
Let that deglaze the bottom of the pan.
Okay, that’s looking good. You can turn the heat off now.
And we’re going to monter,
or, um, we’re going to, uh, whisk in
about two tablespoons of butter.
You can see it’s starting to get kinda glossy.
That’s that sauce that’s starting to happen,
and do a little bit of pepper, salt,
a squeeze of lemon, parsley.
And now, we’re gonna spoon it out nice and easy.
Take your time.
T, you wanna try this?
Yeah. You know it, Jeff.
Here we go.
(softly) Mm.
Mm.
CARMY: Good?
Mm.
Good. Yes, Jeff.
FAK: It smells so good in here.
Fak Attack!
You got LaTrina?
EBRAHEIM: LaTrina.
LaTrina.
Okay, okay, okay.
We’re gonna fix it. It’s okay.
And this one time… (grunts)
when I was a kid, I thought I saw a dragon.
Just pay attention! Don’t strip the thread.
I’m not stripping the thread.
(grunting)
Stop trying to fuck me.
I’m not trying to fuck you, bro.
Dude, it’s a Human Resources offense, dude.
Oh yeah? Guess what? You’re looking at Human Resources.
Really?
RICHIE: Yeah.
(panting)
Carmy says he’s down a couple cooks.
Do you think that I can apply for that job application?
CHESTER: “Yeasts in stasis, their microbial…”
Yo, I really love science.
Yo, is this warm enough?
CHESTER: Think so.
Hey, yo, check this shit.
What’s up?
MARCUS: Take a whiff.
Oh, my God!
MARCUS: Yeah.
Yo, should we do a bakery?
Alright, just finish the instructions.
“There are two ways to go about lactofermentation.”
Facts.
Yo, we need to go to Copenhagen and fuck that place up.
MARCUS: What are the two ways? Okay?
CHESTER: Uh, “You can ferment the raw product
in either vacuumsealed plastic bag or…”
MARCUS: Uh. Yo, Carmy?
CARMY: Yo.
MARCUS: Uh, can I borrow a sous vide bag, Chef?
CARMY: The fuck you doing?
Fermenting.
CARMY: You know how to seal it?
No, Chef.
We can learn.
CARMY: Uh, okay. Above the locker.
CHESTER: Thanks, Chef Carmy.
CARMY: Welcome, Chester.
My guy.
Yo, what time you home tonight?
Should I save Bachelorette?
I’mma be late.
Just watch it without me, but, hey, don’t ruin that shit again.
I didn’t ruin shit. You asked me what happened.
Yeah, and you told me every detail of the whole episode.
Then don’t ask me what happened
Marcus, we good on cakes, Chef?
Please don’t get lost in that shit.
MARCUS: We good, Chef.
I trust you.
Marcus is Minnie Minoso of Illinois Fermentation.
ANGEL: Who’s Minnie Minoso?
ALL: Mr. White Sox.
I guess he was good.
First black player for the White Sox.
Stole 167 bases, 195 home runs, 1,100 RBIs,
and a career batting average of 300,
so, not bad.
Two hours, service, Chefs.
ALL: Yes, Chef.
CARMY: Hey, how we looking up front?
Shitty but better, Chef.
CARMY: I’ll take that.
TINA: Jeff, look at the coloring on this.
Yeah, you’re gonna wanna take that a little bit darker.
You see that brown spot right there?
We wanna see that everywhere on the bottom.
That way, when the stock hits, gonna scrape up all that,
that’s gonna get that flavor into the onion.
When’d Mikey make that for you?
TINA: Christmas.
My Mom’s?
TINA: Mmhmm.
She full psycho?
She wasn’t calm, but the food was great.
Alright, looks good. Two more minutes,
add that stock. Okay, Chef?
Alright. Got it, Jeff.
CARMY: Thank you.
I graduated high school.
RICHIE: Good start.
FAK: Be serious, man.
I’m being serious.
What might you bring to The Beef as a new employee?
I got hearth.
What’s hearth?
Heart (sighs).
I’m nervous, man. I got heart.
Ah, you’re gonna need brain.
Now, do you have any special skills or abilities
asides from being a fuckin’ stroke?
Well, A, I’m not a fuckin’ stroke,
and, B, I’m really good on the keyboard
No, A, you are, and, B, no, you’re not.
Well, A, yes, I am,
and, B, I joined a jazz fusion class,
so, in your face.
A, I’ve heard you fuckin’ play,
and you’re fuckin’ terrible!
And, C, it’s a fuckin’ restaurant!
Why do I give a fuck that you play the keyboard?
I’m a hard worker. I’m a nice guy!
I got a great vibe.
Fuck your vibe.
Don’t ever fuck my vibe.
I swear to God, I will fuck anything I wanna fuck.
You are not being nice and you will not fuck me.
Mmmmm.
(indistinct yelling)
Get off! You prick!
Jesus fuckin’ Christ!
RICHIE: Stop shouting!
(grunting)
Get off of me!
SWEEPS: Should I break it up?
Get off me!
MANNY: What’s the point?
Yo, yo! Should I break this up?
Yes!
No!
Yes!
Say, “Matae!”
No way! Never!
Oh, that’s cool.
(Richie and Fak yelling indistinctly)
Say, “Matae!”
You’re so weak.
(screams) My nipple!
Whoa, should I break this up?
Yes!
No!
Yes!
(yelling indistinctly)
Hey!
What the fuck, Carmy?
Hey, guys, can you shut the fuck up, please?
He is mean!
RICHIE: Cousin, you know me.
He is fuckin’ not nice! He is a fuckin’ asshole!
…baby who has no problemsolving skills!
I wasn’t even gonna say this.
He is selling fuckin’ coke
in the back alley of The Beef!
Wait, wait, wait, what?
Stop, stop, stop! What? Fak?
FAK: He is selling
Fak!
He is selling coke
out of the fuckin’ alleyway, man.
RICHIE: Oh, are you happy now that you told Mom,
you fuckin’ stroke?
FAK: Mommy knows now.
Fuck you. You’re such an asshole.
I see you. I fuckin’ see you, Neil Jeff.
(upbeat music playing)
(clock ticking)
Shit.
Cool.
Ah, shit.
It’s not that big a deal.
FAK: I shouldn’t have fuckin’ said anything
Just shut the fuck up, narc.
Look, I don’t deal deal like that.
You know, like…
I distribute just little bits here and there
when I’m holding, you know.
Out of my restaurant.
Outta the alley behind your brother’s restaurant
to help it.
Wasn’t my idea, by the way.
Whose idea was it?
RICHIE: (scoffs) Come on, man.
Think you can guess, Cousin.
Let me ask you something.
How the fuck do you think we made it through COVID, huh?
Side hustle.
And that’s the kinda sticktoitiveness
and ingenuity and outofthebox thinking
that we look for in employees.
But that ship has sailed, my friend.
(rattling)
I shshshould call, I should call
the fucking police on you.
I should call the police on you for being a naive pussy
No, we’re done. We’re done with this fuckin’ bullshit, okay?
We’re done with your stupid friends.
We’re done with Nico.
Oh, my Nico’s got nothing to do with this.
That’s something else
Richie, I swear to God
RICHIE: Alright, relax.
Swear to God!
Don’t blow a fuse, alright?
(rattling)
(electricity crackles, powers off)
(Richie laughs) Fuckin’ A.
(mouths) Fuck me.
(lever clicks)
Kitchen?
Out.
RICHIE: Up front?
Off!
RICHIE: Walkin?
Kitchen works!
Walkin’s toast.
That’s every bag of ice in River North.
Fak, how we looking?
Good news or bad news, Carmy.
Sure.
Yeah. Condenser is fried.
It’s gonna cost a couple racks to fix,
but I got a connect on a condenser guy.
What’s good news?
The connect!
Ah, okay. Um…
(ticking)
You know what, actually, change of plans.
We’re gonna take everything. Just take it outside, alright?
Take it outside.
And do what with it?
Alright, let’s go, let’s go.
Yo, my guy.
Yeah, can I ask you a favor?
Glad I was working from home today, huh?
Dude, you’re a lifesaver, Petey.
Yeah, you’re a real stud, Petey.
Ah, thanks, Cousin.
I ain’t your cousin.
Very well.
Sorry, not my cousin either.
Uh… Hey, everyone.
RICHIE: Dumdumdum.
Nice to see you guys. What’s going on?
RICHIE: Nothing.
Hey, it’s alright.
We, uh, we asked
Pete’s permission here, right, Pete?
Ohh, you asked Pete.
Yeah, honey. II said it’d be cool if they, uh, were to use the
Oh, okay. Well, if you said it would be cool.
Yo, Pete, you gonna let her talk to you like that?
Go fuck yourself, Richard.
RICHIE: Yeah, I will.
Hey, could we do this later? I kinda got a lot going on.
SUGAR: Yeah. I also have a lot going on.
Did you know I recently had a brother die too?
RICHIE: Dark.
That was dark.
(scoffs) Yeah.
Course, you’re a Cubs fan.
Who doesn’t love the Cubs?
I bet you can’t name the first basemen.
Alfonso Rivas.
Hey, Nat, straight up, that was fuckin’ gnarly.
You’re such a soft, shitty bitch.
What?
SUGAR: You call Pete
’cause you’re too scared to call me?
That’s weak, bro.
No, no, no. I call Pete
’cause every time I call you, you talk a bunch of shit
and I can’t really get into a fight right now
You only call me when you’re freaking out.
And since I know you’re low on time,
here are the bullet points:
you only appear when you need something.
You never got back to me about the thing.
You’ve spent every minute since you’ve been back
in that fucking restaurant,
and now you’re taking advantage of Pete?
Oh, and you know how much I hate Richie being here.
I’m fine with all that,
except I do kinda like Pete now and
Yeah, you have such a fucking attitude.
I went to the thing.
Wh YouYou went to a meeting?
(indistinct chatter on TV)
Yeah. I go three times a week.
Where?
River North.
All family?
All family, yeah.
(chatter continues)
SUGAR: Will you fight with me tomorrow?
CARMY: Yeah.
SYDNEY: We got one hour to service, Chefs.
EBRAHEIM: Chef, there’s no light out front.
There’s no more space.
Okay. Um, that’s fine. That’s okay.
Uh, Angel, I want you to take every single stock pot we have
and put it on the stove.
Ebra, get all the beef,
put it in gravy, cover it,
warm it up for service.
Yes, Chef.
Tina, switch to potato prep.
Manny, you and I are gonna take all the vegetables
that don’t fit in the lowboy,
all the chicken, put ’em in the pots, cover ’em,
stock it all, okay?
MANNY: So you’ve done this before?
Uh, something like that.
Behind.
(grunts)
(yelling in Spanish)
English.
The pilot light is out.
Let me check it out.
Okay.
MANNY: Try it now.
TINA: Still nothing.
Neil!
FAK: Uhoh. What now?
EBRAHEIM: Gas line down.
(Fak groans and grunts)
FAK: Ugh! Son of a bitch.
Chef, we can’t open.
(sniffs) Yeah, no gas.
FAK: Gary, it’s getting greasy in here.
Are they still building across the street?
FAK: Very dangerous.
♪ Let it crash down low ♪
♪ See my house down there but I lost it long ago ♪
(whistling)
♪ Well, I let the rock roll on down to the town below ♪
Good. Yeah. Okay.
♪ Lost it long ago ♪
Hey.
SYDNEY: Yo.
Yo, what’s going on?
SYDNEY: Uh, gas line is still down,
power’s out, so, outdoor lunch service.
It’s good. It’s rad, Chef.
SYDNEY: Thank you.
I’mma grab something. I’ll give you a hand, alright?
Thanks.
Yo, let me get 10 Beef All Day, six hot, four sweet. Thank you.
We don’t have enough peppers, Chef.
Yes, we do.
Yo, Sweeps!
SWEEPS: Yo.
SYDNEY: Let me get a full line restock, please.
Gotcha.
And also, um, a towel for Tina.
TINA: Yes, please. This is very flamey.
SYDNEY: Yo, Chef, there’s a fire.
(whistling)
♪ Sisyphus peered into the mist ♪
♪ A stone’s throw from the precipice, paused ♪
Chef.
You alright?
Fucked up… Um, I was behind on cakes.
Tried to speed it up and I blew the fuse.
This job’s insane.
(lighter clicks)
Yeah, it could go from chill to unchill in a second,
but you gotta stay ahead on your work.
That’s just that.
MARCUS: Heard.
You know, my first job was McDonald’s,
and you don’t get to be creative.
You just work with robots
and everything’s automatic and fast and easy.
I won’t make a mistake again.
CARMY: Yeah, you will.
But not ’cause you’re you, just ’cause shit happens.
I started a fryer fire
night after I won Food & Wine’s Best New Chef.
Nearly burned the place down.
For real?
CARMY: For real.
This weird thing happens too.
You have this minute where you
you’re watching the fire and you’re thinking…
“If I don’t do anything…
“this place will burn down…
and all my anxiety will go away with it.”
And then you put the fire out.
Then you put the fire out.
So what’s up?
You wanna be a baby for another minute,
or you trying to party?
Let’s party, man.
CARMY: Let’s party.
SYDNEY: Chef, get in there. Let’s go. Toughen up. Come on.
CUSTOMER: Hey, kudos to the chef.
(footsteps)
CARMY: $5,500?
FAK: Yeah. I’m sorry, but, yes, dude. Yeah.
Bro?
Bro.
You said you had a connect.
Yeah, I definitely, definitely did not
don’t ha don’t have a connect.
(inhales and exhales)
How are we gonna get $5,500 that fast?
Fuck!
It’s pretty interesting you guys coming to me now.
I don’t know.
Obviously, I’mma have to think about it.
Cousin, it’s one more time.
It’s never again. I want it far away.
I don’t wanna know the details.
We need this.
The fridge won’t work without a condenser.
We?
We?
Say, “Matae.”
Richie.
No. Say, “Matae,” Neil.
You didn’t even win.
This is me winning.
Say, “Matae.”
Say it, Fak.
Carm.
CARMY: Say, “Matae,” bro.
Fuck it.
Matae, matae, matae.
Your wish is my command, Neil.
Cousin, this is the last time, right?
Yeah.
Richard.
(sighs)
Carmen… I understand.
(electricity buzzing)
Thank fuck!
Alright.
Chef.
You okay?
Yeah.
Yeah?
You were great today.
Thank you.
SYDNEY: Hmm.
Thanks.
It really reminded me of like catering.
Just that energy. I don’t know.
CARMY: What was the deal with that?
Was that just like the world or
SYDNEY: Oh, jeez.
It was a lot of things.
Got too big too fast.
Wasn’t exactly liquid enough for a brick and mortar.
And so running it out of my garage was… stupid.
Uh…
My credit got destroyed.
I mean, my whole shit got rocked,
and there’s not a night I don’t stay up just thinking
about what I could’ve done different.
Like, it was the first time I didn’t have a complete and utter psychopath behind me screaming and pushing and yelling.
And…
I thought II wanted that, you know.
But… look where that got me, so.
Heard, Chef.
Um, can you, can you help me strain the stock?
CARMY: Yeah, of course. Yes, Chef.
(“Impossible Germany” by Wilco playing)
Thanks.
♪ This is what love is for ♪
♪ To be out of place ♪
♪ Gorgeous and alone ♪
♪ Face to face ♪
♪ With no larger problems ♪
♪ That need to be erased ♪
♪ Nothing more important ♪
♪ Than to know ♪
♪ Someone’s listening ♪
♪ Now, I know you’ll be listening ♪
(water running)
(music continues)
(sizzling)
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
