The Bear – S01E04 – Dogs | Transcript

Carmy attends Al-Anon. Sydney struggles to gain the respect of the stafCarmy and Richie cater a kid's birthday party. Tina and Sydney work together while Marcus makes donuts

Original release date: June 23, 2022

Carmy and Richie cater a children’s birthday party for Cicero. Carmy creates homemade Ecto cooler, which is accidentally spiked with Richie’s Xanax, causing the children to fall asleep in the yard. When Carmy tells Cicero about the Xanax, Cicero responds that he actually doesn’t mind. Meanwhile, Sydney bonds with the restaurant staff and begins to earn their respect. Marcus becomes passionate about his new chocolate cake program.

* * *


♪ ♪

♪ Oh… ♪

♪ Oh oh oh oh oh… ♪

♪ Oh oh oh… ♪

♪ Oh oh oh oh oh… ♪

♪ Oh oh oh… ♪

♪ Oh oh oh oh oh… ♪

♪ Oh oh oh… ♪

♪ Oh oh oh oh oh… ♪

♪ Saw the wandering eye ♪

♪ Inside my heart ♪

♪ Shout some battle cry ♪

♪ From every part ♪

♪ I can see those tears ♪

♪ Every one is true ♪

♪ When they don’t appear ♪

♪ I go right ♪

♪ Through… ♪

♪ Ooh… ♪

Why are you doing that?


Why are you trying to put a Tshirt on a fuckin’ hot dog?

Kids love hot dogs, dumbass.

I know. That’s why we’re making ’em fuckin’ hot dogs, dumbass.

Yeah, exactly, Cousin. It’s a tiein.

This shit is exposure, baby.

I don’t need you exposing anything.


It’s a fuckin’ hot dog in a Beef Tshirt.

That shit is hilarious.

Go grab me some propane.

You know what, first of all,

I didn’t wanna be doing this bullshit right now.

Aight, you know what? Then don’t borrow money from Cicero

you can’t pay back, and then we don’t have to cater

little fuckin’ kid’s birthday parties.

How about that?

I didn’t borrow shit, Cousin!

You know what? It doesn’t even matter. It’s on me now.

I don’t wanna get my legs broken, so shut the fuck up

and help me out, please.

If that motherfucker

gets even close to us, I’m gonna fucking drop his ass.

Okay, look, just help me out. Let’s do this right.

Get it over with.

Look, second of all, you have no idea

the amount of administrative correspondence

I’m supposed to be doing in there today, okay?

It is fucking bonkers.

Correspondence? Is that right?

Yeah. You know,

you like to shit on my system, but I run a tight ship,

and I get back to my cohorts

and my associates in a timely fashion.

Aight, do me a favor. Just nname a cohort.


Nname an associate. Just one fucking person. I dare you.

Timothy, but II’m not… I’m not fucking…

Gimme a hand.

It’s not gonna fit. That’s not gonna fit, Cousin.

Yes, it will!

It’s not gonna fit!

Can you just help me out?

It’s not gonna fit!

It’s not gonna fucking fit!

Come on!

You want some of this shit? You want some of this?

CARMY: Fucking guy!

(Richie laughing)

Yeah! Yeah! You fucking baby!

You fucking baby! Fucking baby!

TINA: Morning.

Ah! Fuck!

(pop, hissing)

Look what you did. Fucking baby.

Alright, I’m gonna get the spare from the basement.

EBRAHEIM: Hey, Marcus, enjoying the counter space?

MARCUS: Yeah, I mean, not having to do bread anymore

is the shit.

SYDNEY: Chefs, new prep list is up! Please check it out!

Thank you.

Chef, can you do me a favor and try this?

Yeah, sure.


Good whoa?

Great whoa.

It’s good.

Thank you, Chef.

(phone ringing)

Hey. Uh,

did you remember the mashed potatoes? Just wanted to check in.

(imitating) Uh, did you remember when I said to fuck off?

Okay. “Fuck off” isn’t yes.

(normal): Well, “fuck off” means I know how to do it.

Alright, well, it’s a new recipe

What I just say?

Okay, well,

just make sure when you do it, the heat isn’t too high

I answer to Jeff. The system.

Listen, I’m I’m not trying to be a tightass.

I don’t want you to think I’m, like,

up in your space.


I’m just doing what I was asked to do.

And I get what it’s like to be…

a woman in the kitchen

Do you know what it’s like

to be a woman in the kitchen? Wow.

That’s amazing. Listen. I have been

in this kitchen since before you were born,

so you just back the fuck off.

Excuse me!

(indistinct radio chatter)

(Richie laughs)

Yo! Yo!

Oh my god. Cousin, you gotta see this shit.

Yo, this dude is trying to fuck up this little nerd,

and the fucking nerd just washes him, bro!

Yo, why the fuck are you on the Kennedy?

Chill the fuck out. Cicero lives in Naperville.

No! (scoffs) Fucking…

Cicero’s in Wilmette now.

You gotta get on the fucking Edens…

Shit. No, no,

ththat’s right. That’s right. That’s my bad.

It’s all good though. I’m in no hurry to see that motherfucker.

I swear to God, Cousin, if he calls me “Rick,”

I’ma fucking lose it.

Cousin, listen, do me a favor, okay?

I’m trying to get us out of this hole, alright?

I want today to go smooth.

Please do not bring that shit up.

Chill. I’m not gonna bring up shit, alright?

No, you got it all wrong!

It’s literally the easiest

fucking job a person can do!

I’m the only one who stands up to your ass

The phone rings, there’s a problem

It wasn’t my phone!

You call an electrician or a plumber, that’s it!

I’ve been saying this shit for fucking years! It wasn’t my fuckin’ phone!

“Oh, Cicero! I’m your guy! I got a kid now, Cicero.

I need a fucking real job.”

You think I don’t know how to pick up a goddamn phone?

“Oh, Cicero, can I have tickets to The Lion King?”

…pick up a fucking goddamn phone and we don’t even know

how she fell down those stairs.

You want us to get this stuff out back or

how do you, uh…

Yeah, take it around the side for me, will you?

Around the side, sure.

Yeah, thanks, Rick.

I fucking hate when you call me fucking Rick!

I fucking hate it when you don’t answer your phone!

Food’s here, kiddies!

That was nice. Thank you for that. That was good.

(children playing)

Carmen? Is that you?

Hey, Mr. Szorski. How are you?

I thought you’d killed yourself.

No. Sir, that was my brother.

RICHIE: Bullshit.

That motherfucker is complete fucking bullshit.


perfect timing. I already did everything, dick.

Who does he think he is?

You know he’s not even Italian, right?

100% Polish. Fucking insulting.

You know you’re not even Italian, right?

Yeah. I’m more Italian than that guy is.

Turn on the grill. I gotta get the dogs going.

Just… give me a second here.

Richie, what the fuck is that?

Relax. Shit’s regulated.

I suffer from anxiety and dread.

CARMY: Who doesn’t?

You want half?


Which, uh, box you put the ketchup in?


The ketchup. Which box?

I didn’t bring ketchup.

Why don’t you bring ketchup?

What kind of asshole is gonna put

ketchup on a hot dog?

A child, Richie.

RICHIE: Child asshole.

You’re a child asshole.

Yo, yo, Cousin, what’s up with all this gayass fruit?

Homemade EctoCooler, motherfucker.

Oh… shit.

That’s actually pretty fucking dope.


Rest in peace, Harold.


One bite of a donut brings much joy.

Two bites brings sadness.


I mean, nobody doesn’t love that first bite of a donut.

It used to be my favorite when I was a kid.

Sweet tooth?

Yeah, but not even the taste.

I just loved looking at them. The colors and the textures.

There was this one donut that I used to love

that I could never get out of my head.

Jelly filled, bright purple, sweet and tangy.

Yeah. Family was always happy whenever we got donuts.

Hard not to be, young man.

(laughs) Yeah, yeah.

My guys!

Wow. Chester, yes.

Wow. Thank you.


MARCUS: Love you.

CHESTER: Of course, bro.

MARCUS: Love you, dog.

Yes! Ebra.

EBRAHEIM: Chester.

TINA: Hi, honey.

What up, T? What you got over there?

TINA: Mashed potatoes.

CHESTER: Woohoo! Wish I had that.

Oh, uh, new edition. All the fresh colors.

I put a flag on 183224.

It’s this radiant orchid that’s fly as fuck!

Hey, thank you so much. I’ma get this back to you.

Behind! What is good with the beef?

Oh, yes, Chef.

Taking it out now.

Thank you.

Sup… Hey.


Who are you? Sorry.

Oh, sorry.

Chester, this is Chef Sydney.

Uh, Sydney, this is my roommate, Chester.


Chester… roommate.

Hey, Chef Sydney.

Cool. Uh, why are you here? Sorry.

Oh, getting my boy dialed.

Dropping off some inspirational materials.

MARCUS: He’s a designer.


What do you design?

All of it.

I’m out. I’ll see you at home, my G.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you. I’ll get it back to you.

Of course.

Great to meet you, Chef Sydney.

You, too.

MARCUS: Good luck with the meeting.

Oh, thanks.

Yeah, I’m meeting a brand ambassador,

so I can’t be smelling like fucking hot giardiniera.

Alright, I’m out.

Huh. Pantone colors?

MARCUS: Yeah, I was thinking

maybe I could do a classic donut for The Beef?

On top of my other stuff, of course.


But, I mean, I think it could be hot.

Yeah. I mean, donuts are deceptively hard,

but… You know, require a lot of equipment, too.

I don’t know if this is the most stocked place in the world.

I want it to be perfect. Like that plum.

The one Carmy was telling us about.

Mm. Michelin mode.

Yeah. I mean, I don’t know.

Itit could be, like, limited edition or something.

If you’re into it, then I’m into it.

Let me know what you need for help, alright?

Alright. Gladly. Thank you, Chef.


Good luck.


SYDNEY: Hey, all good?

All good, Chef.

All good, Chef.

Cool. Uh, Sweeps is rocking family.

Angel, how you feel about salad?

ANGEL: Absolutely, Chef.

Gorgeous. Thank you.

You think I can get family today?

You know you don’t work here.

Hey, Chef. How’s it going?

Good, Chef.

Try the new chocolate cake?

Oh, yes.


You’ve given Marcus a lot of confidence.

Well done.


♪ Well since she put me down ♪

♪ I’ve been out doin’ in my head ♪

♪ I come in late at night ♪

♪ And in the mornin’ I just lay in bed ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Well, Rhonda, you look so fine ♪

♪ And I know it wouldn’t take much time ♪

♪ For you to help me, Rhonda ♪

♪ Help me get her out of my heart ♪

♪ ♪

FAK: So, you didn’t make any of these ones,

or these the ones you made?

No, no, I haven’t made any yet.

I’m just trying to do some research, you know.

Feel out the textures, see what it’s really about.

Oh, that’s nice. Did you…

talk about feel?


Yeah, see, this one is good. It’s like…

FAK: That one’s good?

Yeah, I think so.

Oh, that’s nice.

What do you hear?

Itit sounds, like, you know

when you go to your grandma’s house,

and she has the cushion on the top of the toilet seat?


You sit on it.

Oh yeah. It’s like slight deflating…

Aand it is smells like potpourri,

but it’s also smells like Grandma.


(party chatter)

(“Help Me Rhonda” by The Beach Boys on radio)

Hey! What’s up, jagoff?

Hey! Ho! What’s going on, Frank? Good to see you.

New York, that’s right. Hi. Hiya. Hi.

Oh, I haven’t seen that one.

GUEST: Mr. New York!

Okay, goodbye.

Good seeing you.

Sorry about Mike.

Oh, thank you. No. No, no…

(indistinct chatter)

Can you not see this? This is bullshit!

I can’t hear you when you’re screaming.

They’re opening all my presents!

Holy shit. You guys are so weird!

What are you doing opening up other people’s stuff for?

Carol, can you please help me? It really fucking sucks in here!

FRANK: Hey, hey, hey! I got one!

I got one question!


So, you work in a restaurant, right?

CARMY: I work in a restaurant. That’s right.

What’s it like to be a fucking loser? Huh?

(laughter, chatter)

PETE: Hey, hey, guys! Guys! Hey!

Carmy here was the chef

of the best restaurant in the world.

Okay? That’s not an exaggeration.

It was literally the best restaurant in the world.

I mean, at least according to Eater.

♪ ♪

♪ Help me, Rhonda, help, help me, Rhonda ♪

♪ Help me, Rhonda, help, help me, Rhonda ♪

♪ Help me, Rhonda… ♪

(party chatter)

Didn’t come out to talk to you, alright?

I don’t wanna bicker. I just need quiet.

I don’t got anything to say to you.



heads up, you know, Pete’s here.

Oh, I’m aware.

Sugar better watch his ass.

Sugar’s stuck at work.


Fucker drops off a gift, and now he won’t leave.

Oh my god. Yeesh.

“Yeesh” is right.

He always looks like he’s…

about to call the cops on us, you know what I mean?

Like a narc.


Like a fuckin’ narc.


Heya, Phil!

Hey, Jimmy.


Hey, what’s up, Phil.

Well, that was fucking weird.

(Richie grumbles)

What, you fuck up one of his properties, too?

Actually, no. Because you know what, Jimmy?

I don’t fuck up properties.


Sometimes, people think they’re calling me to fix a toilet,

but in reality, they’ve called somebody else.

All you had to do was pick up the fucking phone, man.

I never got a fucking call!

Oh, yeah? Really?


Fuck this.


Alright. So here’s what she said.

“Couldn’t turn off the sink.

“There’s water leaking everywhere.

“I couldn’t find anyone.

That’s friggin’ malarkey, man.

“I repeatedly called Rick…

at 8475550186.”

Number sound familiar, Ricky?


because that’s Michael’s number.

Nobody looks at fucking digits anymore. I’m 312, dog.

CICERO: (sighs) That kid, man.

That kid.

(shuts oven)

(sighs, groans)


SYDNEY: Hey, Chef?

TINA: What?

Will you please use a salt bed next time like I asked?

(grumbles) Why you always, like, watching me?

‘Cause it’s just sort of my job. Also, um,

maybe we don’t use, like,

gross kitchen towels.


We could just use a knife.

I don’t think it’s judgment.


I think it’s just like health and safety generally.

(Tina grumbles)

Um, cool, so…

Okay, I got it.

I’m just trying to help.

Yeah, thanks. I got it.

Got it! Got it.

Thank you, Chef.

Both of these fuckin’ ninnyboys,

they, like, they called ambulances, right?

They’re both in ambulances on the way to Resurrection Hospital.

And then one of the medical professionals

whose time you’re wasting say to you?

He goes, “What in the hell did you do that for?”


Like, what the fuck? You think that their shit wasn’t spicy?

Like, why would they lie about that? You know?


What’s up, dudes?


RICHIE: What’s up, man.

(laughter stops)

PETE: You guys just laughing it up over here?


Hey, what’s in the cooler?

Made, uh, EctoCooler.

No way! Like Ghostbusters?

CARMY: Yeah.

(imitates proton pack, laughs)

(laughs) Oh, looks like it needs a refill.

Yeah, yeah. I’m on it.

Damn, man.

Fun birthday party, huh?

Whoa, no way! This is, like, identical, dude!

CARMY: Good, good. Thank you.


♪ Busting makes me feel good! ♪

(laughs, sniffs) From the song.

No, I… I remember.

Yeah. (sniffs, laughs)

What is it, like, nap time or something?


That’s weird.


Richie, how you been, man?

RICHIE: I got to, uh…

You know.

PETE: Cool, cool, cool, cool.


Wow, man. This is so good, dude.

Good. Good. Thanks, man.

You killed it. (laughs)

Hey, I know that, you know, sometimes things are weird

or whatever with…

Oh, we don’t We don’t have to do that.


But I’m, you know, II’m a bit of a foodie.

Jesus Christ, Pete.


Alright, I know that’s not cool or whatever,

but, uh, you know, I did just I wanna say that

I followed everything you were up to out there, man, and, uh…

just, uh,

I know how much courage that took for you, so…

And, uh…

just was pumped for you, you know?

I bet probably a lot of people don’t realize, like,

how much work that must have took and dedication or whatever,

and so just… I thought it was cool, man.

And your sister frickin’ was really pumped for you.

Really, really pumped. Yeah.

But she also, you know, really missed you a lot, too.

Thank you. Thank you, Pete.

Yeah, man.

(yawns) Freaking tired all of a sudden.

So, uh, she’s not really busy at work, huh?

Oh, no, she’s, uh, pissed at you.

Yeah, I owe her a call.

Or, you know, like, 50 calls. (laughs)

You know, I don’t wanna get in the middle of anything

or whatever, but, uh…

I mean, it was hard for her, too, you know?

Look, I, uh, I gotta keep jamming here, alright?

PETE: Yeah, no, totally. I’m gonna… I’m gonna head in,

but, uh, I’ll catch you before you cruise?

Yes. Yeah.

Yeah. Cool, cool.


This freaking guy. (laughs) Hilarious.

(sighs) Fucking shit…

Oh, F…

Fuck. F…

Fuck. Shit.

I got a little more, uh, ketchup here.




Don’t kill me…

Oh, I can’t wait for this.

We, uh…

we spilled a bottle of Xanax in the cooler.

What, are they fuckin’ dead?

No, no, no. I think they’re, um,

they’re just sleeping?


Actually, I’m kinda into it.


Oh yeah.

Keep up the good work. You’re killing it!


SYDNEY: Okay, Chefs,

let’s get ready to taste the potatoes!

(rattling, banging)

(quietly) Fuck…

Oh, come on. Come on, come on, come


ANGEL: Whoa. Come on!

Sorry. Sorry, sorry.

ANGEL: It’s cool.

Oh, fuck! Come on, Tina!

(quietly) Fuck…

Why did you do this?

Because I don’t have time to fuck around.

You’re welcome, Chef.


CICERO: Coffee?

No. No, I’m good.

Hey, when is that from?

CICERO: Repeat party, Grant Park, ’92.

You ever miss him?

I didn’t really know him well enough to miss him.



You know, we were so close in age, more like…

more like a friend than family. You know, we were…

the same kind of problems around the same time. We…

had a lot to talk about.

Sounds nice.

It was.

When was the last time you talked to him?


Around 20 years ago.

We had a gnarly fight, man.

What was it about?

Million things.

You know, drugs, alcohol, gambling,

mostly because he just insisted

on doing stupid fuckin’ shit all the time.


You know he had a new career, like, every 10 minutes?

Wanted to be a broker,

and then he wanted to be a defensive coordinator.

I’m dead serious.


And then,

some asshole invested in Ed Debevic’s,

and, you know, suddenly, he’s a restaurateur.

Sounds about right.


Really stuck your poor ma with that place. Man.

I mean, don’t you find it impossible

being in there 24 hours a day?

II’m in there for five minutes,

I start thinking about bad shit.

Ah, that’s probably why I like it so much.

Yep. Probably why you wanna fix it, too.

CARMY: Probably.

Just, you know…

Just don’t be too disappointed if it…

doesn’t necessarily happen. Alright?

You know I’m not gonna sell it to you, right?

I know that.

Had a dream about him once, your dad.

We were up in, um…

like Lake Geneva…

or someplace, and wewe’re going along.

We’re driving along in this car, big SUV.

He’s in the passenger seat, and we’re driving fast,

like, really fast.

And I can’t get control.

You know, it’s like bumpy cars flying all over the place.

He wouldn’t put on his seatbelt.

Suddenly, this little kid…

a little boy, he walks right out in the middle of the road.

I jam on the brakes really hard.

Car stops like a millimeter away from him.

But, your dad,

he goes flying through the windshield,

but he never lands.

He keeps on flying. (sighs)

What happened to the kid?

I stood there waving at him.


Well, on a, uh, on a sunnier note, you have, um…

you have knocked 2K off your tab. Congrats.


Nice seg.

I’m the Seg King.

So, what do we owe you now? 298,000?


What’s that 50 about?

Shipping and handling.

(quietly) Fucking asshole.

(Cicero laughs)

Come on.

(tapping, drops spoon)

SYDNEY: Chef, how close are the potatoes?

TINA: (sighs) One minute!


Go ahead. Get it over with.

Get what over with?

Taste it and tell me it’s shitty.

It’s great. Thanks, Chef.


It’s great. Thank you, Chef.

Now, uh, let’s hurry up and roll before we get rolled, yeah?

♪ ♪

♪ I’ve been alone too long ♪

♪ Somebody without someone ♪

♪ Is no one at all ♪

(caps pot)

Thank you, Jeff. Chef.

♪ I’ve struggled and fought my pride ♪

♪ Scared that someone ♪

♪ Your type ♪

♪ Couldn’t see past my flaws ♪

♪ Ooh… ♪

♪ ‘Cause I’ve heard that Heaven ♪

♪ Ain’t easy to get to ♪

Alright. Let’s get the hell out of here.

I didn’t even get a chance to eat anything.

Me neither. Fucking starving.

Hey! Nice work today, fellas.


It was good to see you, Uncle J.

Love you, Bear. Love you.


Later, Richard.

Alright. Until next time, James.

Hey, uh, you guys wanna see something disgusting?

I don’t understand it. It’s so mysterious to me.

He’s sitting there, just sleeping like a baby.

I wanna beat the living fucking crap out of him.

Yeah. Exactly.

You know?


(“Check It Out” by D)

Thank you for letting me be a part of this family.


I’ll never forget this memory.

Man, shut the fuck up, fucking nerd.


Sleep there.

Are we almost back?


(Richie sniffs)

Sorry, Pete.

♪ A million young poets ♪

♪ Screaming out their words ♪

♪ To a world full of people ♪

♪ Just living to be heard ♪

♪ Future generations ♪

♪ Riding on the highways that we built ♪

♪ I hope they have a better understanding ♪

♪ Check it out, going to work on Monday ♪

♪ Check it out, got yourself a family ♪

MARCUS: Yo, yo! Got some family dessert.

Oh! Alright, alright.

♪ Talking about the girls we’ve seen on the sly ♪

♪ Just to tell our souls we’re still the young lions ♪

We all get cake ’cause we’re best friends.

Thank you.




♪ Soaring with the eagles all week long ♪

♪ And this is all that we’ve learned about living ♪

♪ This is all that we’ve learned about living ♪

♪ ♪

♪ A million young poets screaming out their words ♪

♪ To a world full of people just living to be heard ♪

♪ Future generations riding on the highways that we built ♪

♪ I hope they have a better understanding… ♪


Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Read More

Weekly Magazine

Get the best articles once a week directly to your inbox!