Solitary Confinement: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver | Transcript

John Oliver discusses solitary confinement, how prevalent it is, how damaging it can be, and, of course, how to hit the woah.
Solitary Confinement: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver

Last Week Tonight with John Oliver
Season 10 Episode 6
Aired on April 2, 2023

Main segment: Solitary Confinement
Other segment:

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♪ ♪

[Cheers and applause]

John: Welcome, welcome, welcome to “Last Week Tonight!” I’m John Oliver, thanks so much for joining us. And look, I know I normally say it’s been a busy week, but to be honest, this one’s been a bit slow. A new study suggested that t-rexes had lips, the soap opera The Young and the Restless celebrated 50 years on television, Donald Trump became the first-ever former president to be indicted on criminal charges, and a photo of the Pope wearing a big, poofy jacket went viral before it was revealed to be fake. So, pretty quiet in general. And look, I’d talk more about the Trump indictment if we even knew what the exact charges were right now, but we don’t. So instead, let’s start with France. Europe’s high school bully. For weeks now, France has been in turmoil.

Fires across France. One protester telling us, “this is a war.” Hundreds of thousands taking to the streets. The historic unrest sparked by president Macron’s plan to raise the retirement age from 62 to 64, ramming the measures through his country’s legislature without a vote. In Paris where bins and newspaper kiosks have been set alight some firefighters put out the flames. Others joined in with the protesters.

John: It’s true, people are so pissed at what Macron’s been doing that firefighters have started siding with fire instead of him. And it’s honestly kind of jarring to see fires in Paris that were started by something other than their usual cause: the explosive heat generated by Ina and Jeffrey’s relentless fucking at their Parisian apartment. Now, Macron claims that without this move– which, remember, he’s pushed through without a vote– the government will accrue massive deficits. But his opponents argue that pension funding can come from other sources, like raising taxes on the wealthy. And look, a retirement age of 62 is low, even by the standards of western nations. In Germany, the comparable retirement age is 65. In Italy, it’s 67. And in the U.S., the retirement age is “no.” So France is lucky to have the kind of bold social welfare policy that’s getting rarer nowadays. But that’s probably why they’re fighting so hard to protect it. And I will say these protests have brought out moments that are just quintessentially French. Take a look at this viral video from France.

Diners in the city of Bordeaux unfazed by demonstrators protesting against recent changes to the retirement age. Even with a raging fire nearby, these people are still managing to enjoy their wine and conversation at an outdoor café.

John: Wow, that is on-brand. I think it’s safe to say that, after a nuclear holocaust, the only creatures left standing will be cockroaches and an outlandishly relaxed, wine-sipping French couple entirely unfazed by the obliteration of society. And the protestors themselves have sometimes bordered on magnificent self-parody.

♪ ♪ [Chanting in a non-english language] ♪ ♪

John: Holy shit. Someone call un ambulance. I think I just overdosed on Frenchness. That’s honestly intimidating to watch, because she’s doing everything that I can’t do. Dance, look cool in sunglasses, and rock bangs. Literally nothing she’s doing there will ever be possible for me and it makes me a little sad. Now, France’s Constitutional Council is expected to rule on Macron’s plan on april 14. But he doesn’t appear willing to back down in the meantime, as even the one concession his government made to protestors was pretty insulting.

The government has agreed to dialogue, but not any kind of dialogue about doing a u-turn on the policy. That, they say, is simply not going to happen.

John: Hold on, “we’re open to a dialogue, just not the kind you want.” So what would you even talk about? “Sank you protestourhs for agreeing to meet wiz me. Do you think soup and stew ourh differahnt thingz? Or non?” The point is, Macron may need to rethink his strategy here. Because these protestors aren’t going to back down any time soon. The French people are clearly going to keep fighting for their quality of life. And if this week is any indication, they’re going to look pretty fucking cool while they do it. And now, this.

* * *

Announcer: And now… The last river of morality in Tucker Carlson’s had tried to give him advice. Speak on the left doesn’t want to answer questions or have the conversation. It’s declare the current system is great. Nobody wants to have the debate. Hey, crazy people, what are you teaching my children? And other words, shut up racists. Shut up, racists. Shut up racists. There’s more where that came from. Shut up, racists. Diversity, racism, diversity, shut up, shut up, shut up. Shut up, racists. Diversity, racism, diversity, shut up, racists. Okay.

* * *

John: Moving on. Our main story tonight concerns solitary confinement— a punishment inflicted on prisoners, pet goldfish, and of course Lance Armstrong’s remaining testicle. It’s in there all by itself! It must be so lonely.
Most of us have a general idea of what solitary confinement is, although, as this TikTok man-on-the-street interview demonstrates, others seem a little unsure.

In solitary confinement, how many prisoners are in each cell?
One. Wait– he’s alone right? Yeah! It’s alone. One. It’s gotta be one. I’m gonna say– I’m gonna go with one. One. Final answer.
Yeah, that’s right.

John: Okay. I’m glad they got it right, but it took them an alarming amount of time to triple-team that answer. Although that did give me a chance to absorb every fashion choice there. Because you’d think the boldest one would be this kid wearing light blue crocs with a virginity rocks t-shirt, but then you’d be ignoring that this one’s wearing hashtag shoes, this one’s outfit is somehow both too formal and too casual, and this one seemingly couldn’t decide if he was dressing for the pool or golf, so decided on both. Very basically every one of these human red solo cups is dressed inexcusably wrong in their own unique way. I’m genuinely glad they all found each other and I hope to never meet any of them under any circumstances.
The point is, solitary confinement is a common enough practice that even those bros basically know about it. And the fact is, in this country, facilities from jails and prisons to immigration detention centers isolate a massive number of people. A 2016 government report found that on any given day, an estimated 90,000 inmates in prison and jail are housed in isolation. And that’s almost certainly an undercount, given how poor data collection on this is. Yet, for how widespread our use of solitary is, some of those in charge of our prison systems have been weirdly ignorant on the practicalities of it. Take this amazing exchange from 2014, where then-senator Al Franken asked the then-head of the federal bureau of prisons a pretty simple question.

How big is a cell? How big is the average cell in solitary?

You say the average size?

Cell, yeah, the size of the cell. How big is it? What is– I’m trying to get this– this is a human thing we’re talking about. We’ve got a lot of statistics. How big is the cell?

The– the average size of a cell is– I guess I’m trying to – you’re looking for the space of what the–

…yes, the dimensions in feet and inches. The size of the cell that a person is kept in. I want to get some idea of– I don’t know– am I asking this wrong?

John: No! No, you’re absolutely not! And honestly, I wish he’d kept going. “Okay, clearly you’re confused by feet and inches. How about meters? Or steps? If you stood at one end of the cell, how many steps would it take to walk to the other end? No? How many rabbits could you fit on the floor of one of those cells? How many rabbits big is one cell? Am I asking this wrong? Because there are literally no other ways to ask this question.”
For the record, the average size of a solitary cell is 6 feet by 9 feet, which is way too small for a person to be stuck in for days, weeks, months, or even years on end. That level of isolation is why in 2011, the United Nations special rapporteur on torture declared that, considering the severe pain and suffering that solitary confinement can cause, it can amount to torture. They then called on all countries to prohibit indefinite and prolonged solitary confinement in excess of 15 days. Which really isn’t asking that much, but is also something that we in the U.S. have, to put it mildly, not done. Which is appalling, as solitary really takes its toll on people as someone who’s actually experienced it can tell you.

Ask yourself, can you live in a bathroom for 10 years? It’s bad to lock an individual up and just put him in a– in a room, closed, nothing to do. It’s, I guess you could say, inhumane. And I know, “we’re inmates and blah, blah, blah,” but, excuse my language, it fucks me up.

John: Yeah, of course that fucks you up. Human beings are not meant to sit in a bathroom for ten years with nothing to do. You’re thinking of retainers. Those are the things we place into a bathroom and fully neglect for an entire decade. Everyone knows that.
So given how prevalent it is, and how damaging it can be, tonight, let’s look at solitary confinement. And let’s start with the fact that it has its roots in a somewhat unexpected place.

It was actually introduced by the Quakers as a noble experiment in rehabilitation. There was a belief that you could put a prisoner in his own solitary cell, freed from the evil influences of modern society. And if you put them in that cell, they would become like a penitent monk, free to come close to god and to their own inner being, and they would naturally heal.

John: It’s true! The whole idea of solitary came from Quakers. And on one hand, it’s not surprising that a form of brutal torture and punishment was invented by a religious group. On the other, if you gave me fifty guesses for which one invented locking people in a small room alone to feel guilty 24 hours a day, I’d guess “Catholics” fifty times in a row.

[Laughter] [applause]

Quakers basically thought that prisoners isolated in cells with a bible could use that time to reflect, repent and eventually reform. That’s even where the term “penitentiary” originated. Which is a handy fun fact if you ever want to quickly raise a few red flags on a first date.


But by the mid-1800s, the psychological harms of isolation were becoming clear. And by 1890, the supreme court declared that solitary confinement made prisoners, quote, “violently insane.” After that, the practice was largely abandoned until the 1980s, when mass incarceration led to prison overcrowding, which in turn led to a rise in prison violence. And in an effort to preserve order, prison officials started ramping up the use of solitary again. And at this point, it’s worth looking at what modern solitary actually consists of. Generally it involves isolating people for 22 to 24 hours per day in small cells, with minimal contact with others, and with little or no access to reading materials, or radio and tv. And even if that’s pretty much what you assumed, there are additional elements to solitary you might not expect, like the fact that some cells are lit around-the-clock, and there can be a near-constant sound of banging, screaming, and moaning. Frontline spent four months filming in a solitary confinement unit, and released a video just of the noise. And here’s just 20 seconds of it.

[Banging on doors]

John: Holy shit. How are you supposed to think in there, let alone sleep? There’s a reason people fall asleep to “sounds of the rainforest” and not “sounds of one of those haunted houses where you have to sign a waiver to get in.”
So a person can be stuck alone in a cell for 23 hours a day or more, with the soundtrack to “Stomp” playing in the background, and as this man will tell you, filling that time can take some real effort.

One of the things I did in solitary to pass the time was save my bread, put it on the floor, and let the mice come in and eat it and play. It was action. It was something different. Is it gross? Yeah. Disgusting a little bit? Sure. Better than going insane? Yeah.

John: Yeah, that makes sense. Because it is a little disgusting. But it is better than going insane. Also, for what it’s worth, I don’t think I understand what TikTok is. I thought I did, but I clearly don’t. I thought it was an app for teens to do the same eight dances that all involve this move, so the Chinese government can spy on us. I didn’t know frank discussions of the conditions in prisons were part of it too. But that guy wasn’t kidding, solitary can irreparably damage people’s minds. Studies show that some lasting mental damage is caused after just a few days of isolation. And the effects can be even more acute when children experience it. Oh, yeah, in case I forgot to mention, we subject children to solitary in this country, too.

Vicki Reed was shocked by what we found at the middle Tennessee juvenile detention facility in Murray county. We revealed juveniles often spend 23 to 24 hours a day locked inside their cells.

If a parent locks her kid in a closet and leaves him there and feeds him three times a day and that’s it, we would call that child abuse.

John: Yeah, she’s not wrong. If I learned that someone was locking children in a closet all day long, I’d immediately say two things. Are those the children from the “Kars-4-Kids” commercial? If so, thank you for your service. But if not, then that’s child abuse and you need to stop doing it immediately! So, if it’s this torturous and permanently damaging, why do we put people in solitary? Well, if you ask prison or government officials, the response you’ll often get is, “we actually don’t.” That’s because we have a lot of euphemisms for solitary, like “segregation,” or “protective custody,” or referring to the cells as “restricted housing units” or “security housing units.” In Tennessee, where that woman was outraged kids were being held in isolation, officials there simply called it “room restriction.” And here’s New York mayor Eric Adams, trying to make a similar type of semantic distinction.

I am opposed to solitary confinement. That is a draconian way to protect the city. But what I am saying, you can’t be a– an inmate, sexually assault a correction officer or another inmate, and then stay in general population. Punitive segregation is a humane way of removing dangerous inmates to a location where they can get the services they need so they can stop preying on other inmates, staff, and preying on society.

John: Yeah, Adams doesn’t support “solitary confinement” but he’s all in for “punitive segregation”– an interesting distinction considering that the New York Board of Corrections’ own website says that punitive segregation is “also known as solitary confinement.” So that’s a pretty weird stance. Though it probably shouldn’t be surprising that Eric Adams did or said something weird. This is the same man who once told a reporter that New York sits on a store of rare gems and stones, which is why “there’s a special energy that comes from here,” insisted on taking his first paycheck as mayor in crypto, deliberately posed for this photo, and has repeatedly held up a sponge on stage to encourage people to ring out their internal despair. Answering the question, “what if mr. Clean was a motivational speaker?” But the fact is, whatever you call solitary, the experience for the person going through it is the same. And corrections officers will often justify it by arguing, as Adams just did, that it’s a necessary tool to isolate wrongdoers and preserve order. Here’s the head of the New York city corrections officers’ union, making that exact point.

We have to be able to segregate those people because, you know, if we have a society without consequences, then we’ll just have total anarchy.

Isn’t the problem that many of those in solitary are not the really dangerous criminals? They’re people who’ve broken minor rules or are suicidal?

That’s just not the case. Minor infractions, people do not end up in soli– in punitive segregation.

John: First, good catch! You almost called it “solitary confinement” there, a near-miss on par with having a mustache that almost makes you a John Waters impersonator. But second, the claim that “people don’t end up in solitary for minor infractions” is just not true. In general, researchers have found violence is typically not the most common reason people are sent to solitary. In Oregon, researchers once found that disobedience was the infraction resulting in the most solitary confinement sanctions. And nationwide, people have been sent to solitary for reasons including– and these are real – not making their bed, using Facebook, and having too many envelopes. And as this formerly incarcerated man will tell you, the list doesn’t stop there.

I’ve seen people go to solitary for things as little as handing other people stuff, having too many cigarettes in their pocket. I’ve seen people go to solitary for talking back. I’ve seen people go to solitary for not having their shirt tucked in. I’ve seen people go to solitary for not having the right shoes in the gym. I’ve seen people go to the box for a lot of stuff, bro.

John: That’s ridiculous! Solitary shouldn’t be where we send people who are dressing incorrectly. If it were, I can think of four people who’d be in there right now, yet instead, they’re walking around free, struggling to answer basic questions.

[Cheers and applause]

So the truth is petty rule infractions are a very common cause of landing people in solitary. And that is not all. People who are seen as “at risk” in the general prison population – because they’re young, mentally ill, intellectually disabled, gay or transgender– can wind up in there “for their own protection.” And think about how absurd that logic is. “The only way we can keep you safe is to inflict enormous harm on you.” It’s like arguing, “the only way to keep you hydrated is to waterboard you.” One, it isn’t. So two, find another fucking way.
And if you’re thinking, “well, what if someone actually is a potential threat to inmates or guards? Shouldn’t they be getting locked up in solitary?” Well, you should know that a 2016 report found that “there is little evidence that administrative segregation has had any effects on overall levels of violence” in correctional facilities. In fact some research has found subjecting people to solitary can lead them to become more, not less, violent. And that can obviously be a problem, not just inside prisons, but also, after people are released. Even those who’ve worked within prisons– like this former warden– will tell you how counterproductive our current system is.

If I have somebody that comes in with a five-year commitment, you can have them do their whole time in segregation, but I don’t want him living next to me when we release him. The reality is, 80% of these inmates are going to be hitting the street, okay? So, we can either make them worse, okay, and create more victims when they go on the street, or we can rehabilitate them.

John: Right, and when you frame it as a choice like that, it’s hard to pick solitary confinement. It’s like saying, “for dinner tonight, we can either get pizza, or we could assassinate Paul McCartney.” One of those choices makes sense, and the other is absolutely horrible for everyone on earth.
And just to be clear, this isn’t to say that people who’ve committed violent acts in prison should just be left in the general population to potentially harm others. They can be separated, without being completely isolated. Take North Dakota. Their state prison officials made the bold decision to end the use of solitary there, but in doing so, to also create a less hostile atmosphere overall. So when prisoners got in trouble for serious infractions like violence, instead of solitary, they were sent to a brand-new unit where they’d get significant out-of-cell time, and access to behavioral treatment. And it’s had promising results.

Jerry Holmes was just released from the new behavioral health intervention unit, or BIU, in September.

Mindset, 100% better. ‘Cause you’re just not crammed up in a hole, like, you know, coming out of a box.

Brandon Davis has spent time in the old administrative segregation unit, or ASU, and the new BIU. He says the biggest difference is just having someone to talk to. Now, they have interaction and counseling to work toward a solution.

Because if you bottle in your issues, it just– it– it overwhelms the person. Like, ’cause I have my own problems, and like, when– when you’re isolated and you have these issues, and it’s like, you have nowhere to release them, or no one to talk to them about.

John: Of course, you don’t have to have been in solitary to understand that talking through your issues with other people is probably better for you than being locked in a concrete toilet cave. And look, I’m not saying any of this is easy. Because I know the solution should be simple. “Putting people in solitary is torture, so let’s stop doing it.” But exactly how we do that is absolutely critical to any reform actually working. Unfortunately, in multiple states, when they’ve taken steps to limit the use of solitary, corrections officials have found ways to keep doing it anyway. By doing things like keeping prisoners isolated for periods just beneath the state’s definition of “solitary,” or using one of the many euphemisms you’ve already seen. One key reason North Dakota’s reforms worked is because they came directly from people running the corrections system there. They understood that reducing the use of solitary entailed changing the whole culture of their prisons, and they did have to get rid of staff who weren’t on board with the idea, so that it could be executed properly. And while it wasn’t easy– there was an initial rise in violence in the prison’s general population immediately afterward – they stuck with it, and not only has the overall trend in violence been downward, but both incarcerated persons and staff members reported improvements in their health and well-being, better interactions with one another, and less exposure to violence following the reforms. So it can be done, if we want to.
And I know that some corrections officials will still insist that they need it. But I’d argue that, if you find yourself making the case that you need to torture people to keep your facility safe, that in itself is an admission of catastrophic failure, and you may need to go. Because it’s important to remember just how lasting the damage here can be. The voices in this debate are often dominated by corrections officials, but it is worth listening, at length, to the people who’ve been harmed by this. Anthony Graves was kept in solitary for 18 years, after being wrongly convicted. And just listen to him testify before congress, about what it did to him.

I have been free for almost two years and I still cry at night because no one out here can relate to what I’ve gone through. I battle with these feelings of loneliness. I’ve tried therapy, but it didn’t work. The therapist was crying more than me. She could not imagine how inhumane our system would treat me. I haven’t had a good night’s sleep since I’ve been out. I only sleep about 2 1/2 to three hours a night and then I’m up. My body has not made the adjustment. I have mood swings that just causes emotional breakdowns. I don’t know where they come from, they just come out of nowhere. Solitary confinement makes our criminal justice system criminal.

John: He’s right. Solitary isn’t something we do to people behind bars, it’s something we do to them forever. It needs to be universally understood how utterly indefensible it is. So maybe, just maybe in the future, we can one day get to a point where, even if you approached the worst-dressed bros on the street of any American city and asked them, “what is the acceptable number of people to have in solitary confinement?,” The answer they’d come up with, with no hesitation, is fucking zero.

* * *

John: Moving on. Finally tonight, I want to talk about intellectual property law. It the reason why your unlicensed halloween costume of Oscar the Grouch is called something like “cranky trash pervert.” And before we go any further, I want to show you the trailer for a recent horror movie. And if you haven’t seen it, I’ll just say it has a somewhat unexpected villain.

Christopher, we need to leave, now.

I really need to find out what’s happened here, okay?

♪ ♪ [Screaming] ♪ ♪

John: Yes. Everything about that is disturbing, including that Winnie the Pooh in this movie looks like someone shaved and bleached the Grinch. Also, why does he have to be the bad guy? Any of the other characters would make much more sense as a killer. Piglet? Inferiority complex. Ticking time bomb. Tigger? Fast. Powerful. Unhinged. Rabbit? Twisted control freak. Eeyore? Don’t get me started. He’s been kicked around for decades. When Eeyore snaps, none of us are safe. Now, unsurprisingly, not everyone was on board with the movie’s concept.

That is awful, they can’t turn Winnie the Pooh into a horror film. That’d be terrifying, wouldn’t it?

I’m used to him being, like, a cute little bear in the woods, not a– not a criminal.

John: Right, Winnie the Pooh is cuddly and fun. He’s an important role model for woodland bears, especially now, when they have so many really bad ones. Now, the reason that movie hasn’t been crushed under the force of a thousand lawsuits, is because in January of last year, the original copyright on Winnie-the-Pooh expired. Meaning anyone in the u.s. Can now freely use the characters from the original book, without having to pay or ask permission. But it turns out, Winnie the Pooh isn’t actually the only major character, owned by Disney, on the precipice of entering public domain.

Disney could soon lose its exclusive rights to its most iconic character. The copyright for Mickey Mouse is set to expire in 2024, 95 years after its first publication.

John: It’s true! Mickey Mouse will soon be public property in the U.S.! Which is a big deal, because his copyright is a closely-guarded corporate treasure, like the formula to Coca Cola, or the 11 herbs and spices, or where McDonalds buried the body of Mayor McCheese. And disney’s been wildly aggressive in defending its copyrights over the years, at one point, telling a stonemason that carving Winnie the Pooh into a child’s gravestone would violate its copyright, before ultimately relenting, leading to the exceptional headline, “Disney lifts Pooh bear grave ban.” So congrats, disney. You really came off as the good guy in that one. But that’s not all, because in 1989, they did this.

Now Disney lawyers have taken aim at this Florida day care center, saying it has no right to use Disney characters on its walls. Kids and parents here at very important babies don’t want to lose Mickey.

I’ll feel sad a lot.

If they took Mickey down?


Because I like him.

John: Aw, don’t worry, buddy! No one’s taking Mickey away. They’re just going to paint over him. So he’ll still be there, invisible to you, trapped under a thin layer of paint, tantalizingly close, but permanently alone, in a sort of liminal undeath. Now run along and play! He’s watching you, all the time, you very important baby!
And Disney has been desperate not to see its copyright on mickey expire. It was actually supposed to do so in the early 2000s, but Disney, among others, successfully lobbied Congress to extend it another twenty years, in a bill that was even nicknamed at the time “The Mickey Mouse Protection Act.” And the truth is, even after this new deadline expires, disney may still be able to go after anyone using mickey’s likeness. Because crucially, only one particular version of the character is about to become fair game.

Now keep in mind that only the very first version of Mickey is the one that will be stripped of its copyright. That’s the 1928 black-and-white version where Mickey’s on the steamboat and back then mickey looked more rat-like. Disney will retain its copyright on any subsequent variations and other films or artwork until they reach the 95 year mark.

John: She’s right. The U.S. copyright is only set to expire for the original, “Steamboat Willie” version of Mickey. Disney’s copyright still applies to the later versions in which Mickey gives off strong Diane Keaton vibes, by which I mean, he’s uncontrollably horny while wearing gloves. On top of which, Disney has registered trademarks related to Mickey. Which don’t expire. In fact, some have speculated that that may be why Disney redesigned its animation studios opening logo to incorporate the “Steamboat Willie” Mickey Mouse. And it does feel like a tactical legal move. Basically, they may argue that this early Mickey’s image is so closely associated with their company that people will assume any image of him was produced or authorized by them, and still take legal action. So the fact is, anyone wanting to use the “Steamboat Willie” Mickey Mouse, will probably still be taking a risk. But if you know anything about this show by now, you know we do like to take a risk every now and then. And there’s a lot to be said for beating the rush to capitalize on Mickey that’ll start next year. So tonight, I’d like to preview for you a brand new character on our show, Mickey Mouse!

Mickey: oh, boy! Hey there, John!

John: Hey there, Mickey! It’s so great to have you with us!

Mickey: where’s shelley miscavige?

John: Oh, mickey, there’s the classic catchphrase you’re going to be doing every time you’re on this show from now on! You know, the nice thing about characters entering the public domain is, you can do new, interesting things with them!

Mickey: I thought I wasn’t public domain until next year!

John: that’s actually true, buddy, we are pushing the limit a bit here. Actually, come to think of it, is your voice public domain yet?

Mickey: I guess you’ll find out!

John: Yeah, I guess we will!

Mickey: I hope Henry Kissinger dies soon!

John: Oh, me too, Mickey! Consider that your second catchphrase! Bye! The point is, we’re staking our claim to Mickey Mouse right now. And I know Disney’s lawyers might take the trademark angle, and argue that this Mickey is closely associated with their brand. Although they should know, he’s pretty closely associated with our brand now, too, and not just because I have a general vibe that screams “95-year-old rat-faced idiot.” But also because the “Steamboat Willie” Mickey has actually been in our opening credits since the first show of this season.

[Cheers and applause]

And I don’t doubt Disney has some other legal arguments up their sleeve, but we’re only likely to find out what they are if and when they sue. So you know what? Let’s take this up a notch. Come say hi, Mickey! Come on, Mickey! Oh, that’s nice. Here he is! And you know what? And great news, as of January 1 next year, this mascot costume will be available to you for birthday parties, theme park openings, funerals, sex dungeons – basically, whatever you want to use it for. Hey there, Mickey!

Mickey: Where’s Shelley?

John: Oh, there he goes again!

Mickey: Jeffrey Epstein didn’t kill himself!

John: Oh, that’s three catchphrases! 2024 is only 274 days away! The countdown begins!

That is our show, thanks so much for watching. We will see you next week. Good night!

[Cheers and applause]

♪ ♪


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