Resident Alien – S03E07 – Here Comes My Baby | Transcript

Harry and Asta get surprise visits. Ben grows suspicious of Mike and Liv's private investigation.
Resident Alien - S03E07 - Here Comes My Baby

Resident Alien
Season 3 Episode 7
Episode Title: Here Comes My Baby
Original release date: March 27, 2024 (Syfy)

Plot summary: Harry and Asta get surprise visits. Ben grows suspicious of Mike and Liv’s private investigation.

* * *

♪ Oh, to the future

♪ Oh

♪ Look to the future

♪ Know how I feel

♪ Then you can be sure

♪ My love is real

♪ Happiness haven

♪ Waiting for you and me

♪ For you and me

[Brown Bird’s “Bilgewater”]

[laid-back acoustic strumming]

♪ What do you get when you fall in love? ♪

♪ A guy with a pin to burst your bubble ♪

This one is dead.

♪ That’s what you get for all your trouble ♪

It is better to have loved and lost, said some idiot, who I hope is also dead now.

Love is like being shot out of a cannon thrilling, except for that very last part when you hit the ground and your body breaks into tiny pieces.

That part ruins the trip.

♪ Out of those chains, those chains ♪

You know what I just realized?

This song has repeated three times.

And then I asked myself, who would be listening to a 1970s heartbreak song over and over again?

And now, here I am.

This song is the truest one ever written.

Can you please make it stop?

I’m sorry about Heather, but we have a lot of patients this morning.

I do not care whether they live or die!

Maybe you keep that inside.

And then go home and finish the bomb, please.

OK, first up, Mayor Ben for therapy.

I do not care if Mayor Ben dies.

Well, that makes two of us.


He was joking.

I wasn’t.

[tense music]

Oh, shit!


[line trilling]

It’s… it’s delicate.

There’s this guy at work that I’m having a bit of a problem with.

Sheriff Mike.

No, it’s not.

If it is not Sheriff Mike, then it is Timmy the sandwich guy.

And if you cannot get along with him, then you are a real dick.

OK, it’s Mike.

Yeah, he’s… he’s up to something.


You know, he’s lying and sneaking around.

And I’m pretty sure the new deputy he made me hire is a murderer.

Don’t trust anyone.

You can never truly know how another man feels a woman, bird.

You could wake up every morning next to Sheriff Mike.

He could tell you he loves you, and you will never know if he does.

He could caress your face, and you could hand-feed sunflower seeds into his delicate little mouth while he says he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, but it could all be a lie.

I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

That could be a lie.


Thank you for that image.

You only have yourself in this world and no one else.

You owe me $100.

Oh, I see.

You’re saying I’m giving Mike the power in the relationship.

I need to find out what’s going on, take my power back.

I didn’t say any of that.

You know, you have a strange method, but I’m starting to get it.

You say the wrong thing for me to learn the right thing.



Great session.

Turn off the light!

Son of a bitch.

[upbeat music]

Harry, God damn it!

That’s it. I’m pulling the plug.

Not something you want to hear in a doctor’s office.


Mary Ellen.

I know.

[music stops]

I wanted to say sorry for how I was.

I wasn’t in the best place.

There was some things going on.

It doesn’t matter.

Want to know about your family, your history?

Maybe we grab some food and talk?


Sir, we have a problem.

I did that trick you taught me about putting a hair on my lunch bag in the refrigerator to see if anyone’s touched it, but with our murder investigation board, and they did.

Are you saying you’ve been putting your hair in the refrigerator?

It was your technique.

You said you put your hair on your…

I said I put my hair on my lunch.

I didn’t say put your hair on your lunch.

That’s unsanitary.

And did you hear the part I said about our murder board?

I hear everything, deputy.

I’m like a fennec fox.

Look it up.

It’s cute as hell.

Well, I’d say the fact that he’s been asking questions about our movements tells me that our likely spy is the mayor.

Plus the fact that he’s spying on us right now.

No, it’s fine.

He don’t have nothing.

If he asks, we’ll just say that board’s part of a game we’re playing, a murder mystery called the “Alien Trackers Van.”

Yeah, part of the “Sheriff Mike’s Murder.”

“Mystery Game” series, right?

And the next one is “Sheriff Mike and the Secret of the Old Sawmill.”


But on the other thing, you said you’d found another chemist we can talk to about the formula from Robert’s notebook.

You said we.

Are you back on this thing with me?

Yes, sir.

I don’t want to let being afraid stop me from doing what’s right.

If I can put my Nana in the hospital, I can do anything.


How’s she doing?

I haven’t asked.

Anyway, I have kind of a crazy plan to catch Joseph.

Yeah, well, whatever it is, with the mayor watching us all the time, it’s gonna be a lot harder.

Be a little harder.

[quirky upbeat music]


Hello, Dad.


Um, now is not a very good time for a visit.

Maybe you can come back when it’s warmer outside and we can throw a ball.

So you want to send me away again?

No, I did not send you away the first time.

I put you on a nice bus.

I even gave you my last apple.

You couldn’t wait to get rid of me.


Liza, you are being very naughty.

If you do not stop throwing knives at Daddy, I will limit your screen time.

It was freezing there.

You didn’t even pack me a sweater.


There’s something different about you.



My baby, it’s you.


I like your new skin.


Well, you broke my nose.



Bridget! Oh!

So strong now.

My big, strong baby.

And you’ve learned to recreate Liza’s clothing.

Daddy is so proud.

You’re the worst father ever, and I hate you.

Oh, you want me dead?


No, not yet.

I have something else planned for you first, something worse than death.

What is it?

I guess you’ll see.

Hey, you left your your hat.

That’s a free hat for me.

[upbeat quirky music]



Oh, hi.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, my god, I have to pee so bad.

Oh, and notice I didn’t ask why you’re cuffed to the bed.

That is something a mature person would do, and I want credit.

Yeah, I noticed.

Thanks for that.

It’s nothing weird.

It’s… it’s not a sex thing.

Actually, the sex version would be the not weird explanation.

Well, maybe sometimes you just love your bed so much you don’t want to be taken from it.

[toilet flushes]

[tense music]

I mean, honestly, it’s… it’s too crazy to even talk about.

It’s… but I’m fine.

Yeah, right.

I’ll just say, you’re, like, the least crazy person I know in the world.

So maybe whatever’s happening to you, it’s not so crazy.

Just stay open.

That’s all.

Yeah, yeah.


Hey, dickhead!

I need your help. [Car horn honks]

My baby Bridget is back.


You two have fun.

No, no, it is not fun.

He wants me dead.

Sucks to be you.

That’s why I need your help.

Hey, it’s going to be exciting, huh?

Two… two good friends on an adventure.

You only want my help because I can see aliens.


You can do that?

What a useful skill for my good friend to have.

Do you even care I got grounded over the science fair?

Because you stole my caldera.

I should be the angry one.

You’re lucky I need you.

Yeah, like always.

And after you get what you need, it’s like I’m not even alive, which makes you the D-I-C-K head.

Fine, where is it?

I know you have it.

Ah, ha-ha.

All right, if you are not going to help me track an alien,

then you are not the alien tracker.

Keep it.

I don’t care.

I wish you never came to Patience.


So you said you had information about my family?

I’ve never really been a family person.

You know, I didn’t want to spit in a tube or chase down cousins, but I know it’s different for you.

And I think I have what you want.


Um, is there a problem?

I hate to bring this up, but getting this together was a lot of work photocopies, phone calls, two trips to the courthouse, took the day off work to drive up here, gas.

I’m saying there are expenses.

They add up.

I bet.

You happen to know how high?

750 bucks.

I had a bad feeling.

I only get bad feelings about bad people.

And since my job only puts me with bad people, I feel bad all the time.

So can you blame a guy for needing a drink every now and then?



He still there?

No, no, don’t look.

Feel it with your third eye.

I’m sorry, I already looked with my first two eyes.

He’s there.

A guy could tail people all day hoping one of them will surprise him.

And by the end of that day, all he’d have is a hat full of disappointment and gum on the bottom of his shoe.

Oh, gumshoe. I get it.

[phone buzzing]

Hello, Ben Hawthorne.

Yes, Mr. Hawthorne, I’m afraid your son Max has caused quite the problem down here at school today, and we need you to pick him up right away.


Well, his mom works there. Can’t she do it?

Yes, yes, she is here now.

She says that she needs you to come, too.

The trouble is so bad, OK?

OK, I’ll be right there.

Thank you.



[bluesy music]

[engine turning over]

And there he goes.

[tires screech]

He’s got plenty of room.

[tires screech]


And now he’s coming back.

Maybe he forgot something.

It’s like he’s pulling away backwards so he can come in forwards.

This is bad.

Hell, I saw a coked-out squirrel driving a tricycle that drive better than that.

[upbeat music]

You, get me all the alcohol!

I am Dr. Harry Vanderspeigle, the biggest drunk in town!

Jesus Christ.

♪ Do you really really love me ♪

I will take this, because I am Harry Vanderspeigle.

And I am selfish.

And I send children away without any snacks.

And I

that is inexcusable.

♪ This is gonna be trouble




What are you doing?

I was having drinks.

It’s not my first, because I’m an adult human.

I drink alcohol.

My stomach is so warm.

I am sorry about your bird, but you need to snap out of it. OK?

You got shit to do.

[burps] You look good.

Do you know the Greys are taking Kate, too?

This shit is getting worse.

I’d fix it myself, but I can’t.

I’ve got to rely on you to do something.


Hey, whoa.

Ohh, ugh.

I did it.

Why do I feel like fighting?

[phone buzzing]

Keep it.


Mom, sorry.

[gentle music]

Where is he?

Is your mother a beaver?

Because damn, girl.

For someone who’s not adopted, it’s hard to understand.

It’s… you know your story.

It starts way back somewhere and… and moves forward like chapters in a novel.

And at some point, you show up in it.

But me, it’s like the pages before me were torn out of the book, and Mary Ellen has them.

And she’s gonna sell them to you, and that’s wrong.

And if you pay her, she’s never gonna go away.

She’s gonna keep coming back.

And that would be…



There you are.

Are either one of you going to kick me in the nipple?

I mean, I wasn’t, but now it’s all I can think about.

What happened?

I heard you got banned from Mama Sap’s.


The cheese comes from her toes.

Stay away!

This is what the little shit meant by worse than death.

He is going to destroy my life here.

What’s going on with you?

I have not been a strong enough parent.

I’m going to do some nipple-kicking of my own.


Hey, how is he?

Not good. Look at him.

His heart stopped.

He just keeled over, spilled his M&Ms all over the place, and then they had to start him up right there in the hotel room.

It was awful.

What… what are you doing in Colorado?

My cousin Louisa’s birthday.

You remember her.

No, sorry.

Cousin Louisa?

Yeah, I heard you.

I just don’t remember.

Cousin Louisa.

I don’t know her.


You’ll disturb your father.

I sure wish I could find that nurse with the ice chips.

I think we can wait until he wakes up.

They’re not for him.


You could at least apologize for being late.

Excuse me, is there…



How are you feeling?

I should be the one apologizing to you for telling you to live your life a different way.

This must be some good drugs.

You know, once on TV, in one of your World Cup races, they showed what the skier sees at the top of the hill.


Cliff of sheer ice, and you just drop off it.


Such bravery.

[gentle music]

You’re my hero.

I’m your hero?

You’re everything that I wasn’t in my life.

I had things I wanted to do.

Of course I did.

I took the safe way, no risks.

Not you.

How would you feel if, um, I didn’t have any more races?

Ah, then you’d do something else great.

I’ll meet you at the bottom of that hill too.

I liked my baby better when he was sweet and not so murder-y.

I do not understand.

I gave him a good life, a freezing-cold planet to live on where he could run and play and try to kill other children.

What does he do?

Tries to stab me with a knife.

The little scamp.


Hello, Harry.


Oh, my gosh, what is wrong with you?

You are not Max’s friend.

She was sent away to girl’s prison.

Gifted school.

And I’m back.

How do I know it is you?

How do I know it’s you?

Oh, wait, because there can’t be two murdering space

jerks this stupid in one town.

Oh, yes, it is you.

You were not missed.

Why do you have Max’s taser?

Because my baby Bridget is back, and he is acting out.

He’s back?


I missed him so much.

Yes, I forgot.

The baby loves this one.

He will come to her.


He misses you, too.

Yeah, talks about you all the time.

You can soothe his angry, angry mind.

Let us find him together.

I’ll help you, but only to keep him safe.

I don’t trust you.

I will use her as bait, and she will never know.

You’re not gonna use me as bait.

How does she know what I’m thinking?

I knew you were thinking that because you’re a simpleton, and you say the first thought that enters your stupid head.

I hate her.

I know, you hate me.

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la

♪ I am singing this song in my head ♪

♪ So she cannot read my mind

That was out loud.

Damn it.

[light music]

Um, hope a check is OK.


Is my dad in here?

Uh, no, that’s just my side.

I never was in touch with his family.

Oh, OK.

Well, maybe you could tell me who they are, and then I could go from there.

If you’re interested in things of his,

I have a desk that he left behind, never got rid of.

Yeah, or you could just tell me his name.

I could write it down, put it in the desk.


And sell it to me?

It’s a nice desk.

Forget it.

I thought you said you wanted to know where you came from.

Now I do.

You’re better than me, is that right?


Because I gave up a kid?

So did you, as I recall.

Yeah, but I did it for her.

You did it for you.

Coffee’s on you.

Oh, I’m sorry.

You know that book, “Are You My Mother?”

Little baby bird goes around asking everything it sees if they’re its mother.

I hated that book.

Because, for me, I knew the answer

was always gonna be no.

And right now, I just want to tell little me that there are worse answers than no.

I didn’t like “Winnie the Pooh.”

I’m sorry. I just thought I should say something.


[tense music]

Wait here, deputy.

I’ll go talk to the chemist.

[tense music]

Drop it.


This the notebook you’re looking for?


Wow, that was good.

Your reflexes seem almost non-human.

I will shoot her.

Drop it.

Drop the gun or drop the notebook?

The notebook.

Both, actually.


Kick it over here.

Kick the gun or kick the notebook?

Both. Jesus.

Just… just pick it up, throw it.

What is the formula for?

Dr. Vanderspeigle broke it down for us.

If it ends up in the wrong hands, it could change how ice cream is eaten forever.

Fine, don’t tell me.

I’ll just go in there, talk to the chemist myself, get him to give me some answers.

There is no chemist.

We set you up.

Chemists don’t work at night.

Everybody know that.

Everybody does not know that, because that is not a thing.

You said him.

The chemist could be a her.

That’s misogynistic.

You said there was no chemist.

But if there was.

I can’t be misogynistic about a person that does not exist.

Oh, hell yeah, you can.

The whole world’s a landmine.

Well, too bad there is no chemist.

Because now I’m gonna have to kill you for no reason.

Get in!

What the hell are you doing?

I’m saving your ass is what I’m doing.

You could probably slow down now.

I don’t do great in the back seat.

No way. He might be following us.

I know half his ass is, because it’s in the bumper.

I think I smell blood coming through the vent.

Yeah, put it on recirculate. Do the recirculate.

I don’t know where that is. It’s not my car.


Whose car is it?

It’s Deborah, the town clerk.

You stole Deborah’s car?

No I borrowed her keys after you tried to ditch me today with that stupid Russian accent.

You should run it through a car wash before you give it back.

Oh, my god!

You made me hire a killer, and I kill the killer.

And now I’m the killer!

I didn’t do that.


No, if you could pull over for a second so I can throw up.

Do not throw up in Deborah’s car.

Oh, that’s right.

It’s not my car.

Now I can pin this on Deborah. No!


That is not who I am. Think.

Shit, shit.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Maybe he’s not dead.


God, I sure want to be.

No, no, no, no, we have to go back and see.

There might still be a chance to clear Deborah’s name.

What? No.

Hang on.

What the hell?

I think I shit myself.


God, it’s a regular day.

This is taking too long.

I will make Max come over and wrestle you so you can start sweating and

Bridget can smell your stink.

Don’t tell Max I’m back yet, OK?

My, my, my, my.

I see you committed a crime.

No, I quit that gifted program I was in.

Everyone was older, and they were all so smart.

And I was just average.

I’ve never been average.

It’s like you.

Here, you’re smarter than most humans, but on your planet, you’re probably really dumb.

No, I was exceptional there, too.

A C student at best.


Oh, my gosh, baby, you’re here.


Oh, I really missed you.

You were probably so scared, but I’m here now.

Everything is OK.



You killed him!

No, we killed him.


You killed your baby.


Well, he started it.

He was going to kill me.

I don’t even have a child, and I know not killing it is, like, the main thing.

He was broken.

He didn’t love me anymore.

He doesn’t have to love you.

You’re supposed to love him.

That does not sound like a good deal to me.


[tense music]


Bridget, you’re back.

Molecular genetic regeneration.

One of Bridget’s bits found a piece of DNA.

I am very impressed with my baby.

Oh, look at that.

Bridget found some more DNA.

So many.


[Cat Stevens, “Cat’s in the Cradle”]

♪ A child arrived just the other day ♪

So do you, like, never vacuum?

What’s wrong, Harry?

Didn’t you miss us?

You should run.

♪ Learned to walk while I was away ♪

♪ And he was talking before I knew it ♪

♪ And as he grew, he’d say, I’m gonna be like you, Dad ♪

I got this.

♪ You know I’m gonna be like you ♪


♪ And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon ♪

♪ Little boy blue and the man in the moon ♪

♪ When you coming home, Dad? ♪

♪ I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then ♪

♪ You know we’ll have a good time then ♪




♪ My son turned ten just the other day ♪

♪ He said, thanks for the ball, Dad ♪

♪ Come on, let’s play

♪ Can you teach me to throw?

♪ I said, not today

♪ I got a lot to do



You bastard.

I let you use the bathroom.

♪ You know I’m gonna be like him ♪

♪ And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon ♪

♪ Little boy blue and the man on the moon ♪

Is it really you?

I ought to slap you.

Why do you have teeth?

Maybe it just knocked him out.


Knocked him out his skin, maybe.

He was taken up.


Like to heaven?

No, she means like with one of those claws.

The military has them on helicopters.

It’s like the ones in the arcade, except they’re not rigged so you can never win the damn koala.

That’s not what I mean.

I mean by an alien spaceship.


OK, just stop it, all right?

I don’t want to hear any more of this ridiculous alien shit, OK?

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go look for drag marks from a top secret invisible military claw chopper.

[tense music]

You really think this was aliens?

You hit him going 50 miles per hour, and now he’s gone.

There’s no footprints, no blood trail.

And did you see or hear a helicopter?

I think Joseph is an alien.

They’re real, Ben.

Aliens are real, and they abduct people, and they don’t remember.

[neck cracking]

[dramatic music]


Ahh! Ahh!

What is that?


Is that… who put a booger in my home?

[light quirky music]


I tried to kill him so many times.

I do not want to kill him anymore.

So stick him in a pod and send him away.

That’s what you like to do.

I did that for you.

You did it for you.

No, I had work to do.

The future of the entire planet depends on me.

I don’t care.

I’m a baby.

I needed you.

You shoved me in that spaceship.

I thought we were going together.

I needed my father.


I abandoned you.

You were abandoned by the one you love, just like I was by Heather.

I am sorry.

Because your girlfriend broke up with you?

No, because…

What is this?

I thought it had gone forever when Heather left me.

But it came back.

Because I love you.

[gentle music]



Babies do not care what anyone feels.

They only want to be taken care of, to be loved…


And to know there is someone out there who will find a way to protect them.

No matter what it takes.

[knock at door]


I know it’s late.


What’s going on?

I just wanted to say that, um, I’m happy for you and your girlfriend.

I don’t remember her name, but I hope that she has a great life and that you have a great life.

But I’ve got to go.

D’Arcy, are you OK?

Come inside.

I’m not on anything.

Just my dad’s in the hospital.

He’s gonna be fine, but he he’s… he’s proud of me, and he says I’m built to do something great, something big, and I think I know what that is now.

And if you never see me again, I just wanted you to know that I know that you cared about me, and I messed it up, and that

yeah, OK, but you’re gonna be proud of me, too.

So bye.



[pensive music]

[tense music]

Good morning!

Ah, good morning.

I brought this for you.

You can put it on your desk.

Oh, that is so sweet.

But no.

I have some good news.


I stayed up late last night, and I finished the bomb!

Harry, shh.

[whispers] I stayed up late last night.

That’s not the part.

Never mind.

That is great news.

The, uh, lady general is going to be coming to my cabin later to hear my plan.

I could use more information about the Greys’ ship layout, but I may have enough to proceed.

Thank God. I’m glad.


I’m also glad that you have Bridget back, too.

I thought I was doing what was best for him.

But I was selfish.

It was for me.

You know, it’s not always easy to know.

Yes, like you with Jay.

Why do people keep saying this?

I did not have selfish reasons.

No, you made a difficult choice to give Jay away.

That was good.

Thank you.

I meant you are selfish with Jay now.


Yeah, I’m gonna put that right there.

It looks so good.

[upbeat quirky music]


Sorry, I…

I don’t have an appointment, but I… I have something in the back of my neck.

And I need you to take it out right now.

It is a Grey implant.

They are taking Mayor Snowflake, so it is not surprising that they are also taking Mrs. Mayor Snowflake.

This is excellent.

I can use her to get intel about the Grey ship.

You seem upset.

I can calm you.

Have you ever been hypnotized?

[tense music]

You are on the Greys’ ship.

Tell me everything you see.

They’re… they’re walking with me.


Yes, how many doors are there?

Are their guards?

And how many?

Where is she?

Let me see her.

Who is she?

Is it a guard?

A leader?

There she is.


Oh, my sweet.

There’s my baby.


The little bastards took Mrs. Mayor’s child.

She would not like to know that.

It would make her angry and sad.

I will make sure she does not remember it when she wakes up.

How many are there?

Do they have weapons?

Oh, I love her so much.

They want me to bond with her.

I want her home…

It’s all right.

With me.

This is no help.

She is too focused on her baby.

I understand.

I would be so sad if I did not know that my baby existed.

And I realize now that happiness is not just getting love but getting to love.

When I snap my fingers, you will wake up, and you will remember everything.

3, 2, 1.


Oh, no!

[sorrowful music]

I love you, but this is the right thing for you.

I’ve loved every second of getting to act like a mom to you.

But I love it so much that I’ve skipped over all the parts of knowing how.

I’m glad I could be part of your learning process.

I know you’re mad, but you should be here right now with the people who raised you, and you know it.

It would have been nice if it was my choice for once, Asta.

I’m a person.

I should have a say.

I agree.

We never even talked about the whole thing.

The whole?

How you kept this a secret from me my entire life.


How you hired me just to be near me, and you still didn’t tell me.

I… I was afraid.

I finally got everything I ever wanted.

It was just so delicate and fragile that if I looked at it the wrong way or breathed on it too hard, it would break and be gone.


It was messed up.

And I am sorry.

And you are right.

Let’s talk about it.



That’s what the rest of our lives are for.


[laughs] Oh.

Oh, retainer.




[clears throat]

I even wrote a plan explaining how you would get onto this ship and destroy it, but you don’t need any of that now, because I am going to kill the Greys myself.

So I should do what, just stay home, watch a ball game?


I mean, you could come and observe, take pictures.

It will make for a nice memory.

What the hell?

Where is it?

I do not know.

Some son of a bitch snuck in after I was asleep and stole my bomb.

[Talking Heads’ “Psycho Killer”]

♪ I can’t seem to face up to the facts ♪

♪ I’m tense and nervous, and I can’t relax ♪

♪ I can’t sleep ’cause my bed’s on fire ♪

♪ Don’t touch me, I’m a real live wire ♪

♪ Psycho killer

♪ Qu’est-ce que c’est?

♪ Fa-fa-fa-fa, fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa better ♪

♪ Run, run, run, run

♪ Run, run, run away

♪ Oh

♪ Psycho killer

♪ Qu’est-ce que c’est?

♪ Fa-fa-fa-fa-, fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa better ♪

♪ Run, run, run, run

♪ Run, run, run away

♪ Oh oh oh oh

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah


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