Original air date : April 11, 2021
* * *
[Big Ben tolling]
[siren wailing in distance]
Goddamn it, Salt, the deadline has passed and they haven’t surrendered.
So much for your bloody plan.
Patience, General Thursday.
The plan is working perfectly.
Oh… Oh, God. Oh…
[Lucius] Jeepers, would you look at that.
[Thomas] I’m quite close enough, thank you.
[Daveboy] Would you put that fucking thing away?
Spooky thing. Don’t like the look of it.
[Thomas] Yeah, can we… can we please put it back?
[Lucius] Okay, okay.
You all right?
Never you mind.
What are you doing?
Evacuating me bowels, if you must know.
What made you change your mind about all this Raven malarkey, then?
Why would I change the beliefs of a lifetime?
I’m a cripple, not senile.
I hope London falls and the League are destroyed like the commie vermin they are.
You fucked the Ravens’ big plan.
For your mother’s sake.
We’ll win anyway.
You lot are buggered, trust me.
You better have something good to say to Mum.
And don’t count on her being pleased
to see you, if that’s what you’re hoping.
I don’t care if she hates me, as long as she understands me.
If there are things in this world worth dying for, then there are things worth killing for.
Oh, lovely. Back from the dead with a cheery fascist motto. She’ll be delighted.
Yeah. Well, history will judge me, not you.
You can’t judge me.
I can leave you by the side of the fucking road, though.
Yeah, you could do that. Rather you didn’t.
No mottos, no history lessons. Nish.
You tell Mom you love her, and you’re very, very sorry for the grief you’ve caused, and that’s all. Promise?
[knock on door]
Oh. Good morning, Mrs. Pennyworth.
Oh, it’s you, is it?
Is, um… is Alfie here?
No, he’s not.
And you should be in hospital, not galivanting about looking for my boy.
Not that I’m defending his behavior, mind you.
Where is he?
I met your wife, Mr. Troy.
And not to be disrespectful, I know her sort.
She led Alfie on.
All silk blouse and no knickers.
That’s her sort.
Um, where is he?
He’s gone back to work for the League.
Saving the bloody world again. Never mind his poor old mum.
Good day to you, Mrs. Pennyworth.
[Thomas] And there it is.
Well done, my dear friends.
So good to have you back.
You look terrible.
We have to get you to a hospital immediately.
[Lucius] Any word from Salt and the union?
The deadline passed without a word.
They’ll be licking their wounds for a while, I expect.
Where are Alfie and Daveboy?
Long story. Long, extremely bizarre story, actually.
But enough about them for now.
You mean, yes, it’s accurate to say I’m back, or do you mean… yes?
Yes, I mean yes.
She said yes! We’re getting married.
Oh, it’s a celebration!
[sighs] Thank God you’re back.
Look at the state of you.
Fight the world, did you?
I did, as it happens.
That Mr. Troy was here.
Cor blimey, he don’t give up, does he?
Never mind that.
Sit down. I’ve got news.
Never mind a man come to murder you?
[short chuckle] Must be very bad news.
No. No, no, it’s good news.
I’ll put the kettle on.
When a man says there’s good news and it sounds like bad news… it can only mean one thing.
She’s pregnant, isn’t she?
You tell me.
Way you’ve been putting it about, could be Mrs. Applebaum, for all I know.
No, Mum, there’s no babies on the way.
To your knowledge.
It’s about Dad.
What about Dad?
Suppose you could talk to him now.
What would you say?
I don’t know. Well, I can’t talk to him, can I?
So there’s no point thinking about it.
Suppose you could.
Aunt Phyllis went to a gypsy in Southend and spoke to her Tony after he copped it.
She asked him where he’d hid the premium bonds.
Would he tell her? No, he would not.
On and on about his bloody geraniums.
Well, suppose he said he was really, really sorry.
Well, sorry’s no substitute for premium bonds.
I mean Dad.
What about if Dad came back and said he was sorry.
What would you say?
What are you on about?
See, the thing is, we never actually got to see his body, did we?
So we’ve never been quite 100% sure, have we?
I mean, there’s nothing like an actual body to tell you what’s what.
Have they found his body?
Yeah, they have. Found his body.
And he’s still in it.
He’s alive, Mum.
Why would you say such a thing?
I don’t know how else to say it.
Raven Union scientists put him back together.
He’s not well, but he is alive.
Did you hear what I just said?
I’m not deaf.
My hearing’s very good.
When I was a girl, I used to hear dog whistles.
Your dad’s alive.
Hello, my dear.
Comrades, a celebration is in order, but first we must deal with this wretched thing.
Dr. Fox, how do we dispose of this safely?
That’s gonna take some careful thought.
In the interim, some kind of hermetically-sealed strongbox would…
Nobody fucking move!
Where is Alfred Pennyworth?
He’s not here. Who are you?
Where the fuck is he?!
I don’t know.
What’s that? What you got there?
Give it to me.
What the hell?
Yeah, me, too.
Is everyone okay?
They think they have taken Stormcloud from us, but actually I let them take one of these de-weaponized capsules.
A ruse de guerre, as you Army chaps call it.
A dastardly trick is what I call it.
You never wanted peace.
You actually want to use this vile bomb.
We offered peace. They refused.
The world will see that we tried our best to avoid this outcome.
Don’t you see?
We’ll be blameless in the eyes of the world.
And in your conscience?
My conscience is clear.
Our enemies need to know terror and humiliation.
Anything less than that, they still have hope.
And until they have no hope, true peace is impossible.
The British Army will not commit atrocities, however well-concealed and justified.
Stormcloud will not be used.
Mm. I’m afraid that’s not up to you.
Bloody well is.
You need an Army airship to deliver the damn thing, and that you shall not have.
Actually, I don’t need your airship.
I don’t need you or the Army.
What are you talking about?
I like to plan far ahead.
And I suspected you’d turn soft.
So I made sure your help wouldn’t be essential.
Progress waits for no man, you know.
Stormcloud is already on-site in Central London.
Ready to be detonated… any time I wish.
[Thursday] Oh, my God.
You’re actually mad.
I won’t let you do this.
Not your call, old chap.
Unhand me, boy!
I understand this is all new and shocking.
In an hour it will all be over.
Tomorrow you’ll thank me.
League HQ on the line.
Listen to this.
You played us very neatly.
I don’t know what you’re referring to.
As prime minister of Her Majesty’s government and leader of the League armed forces, I formally surrender on the terms you specified.
I will relay the same message to the international community.
Too late, I’m afraid.
A deadline is a deadline.
The… the deadline is a technicality.
I say again, we are surrendering.
You no longer have that option.
We shall respond with appropriate force, as promised.
I’ll give you, mm, enough time to say your goodbyes.
-[people gasping] -But not enough time to escape.
Though you are welcome to try.
Entirely up to you.
Well, that’s that, then.
But shouldn’t we try to run?
There’s no time.
we’d be leaving else in London to die.
It’s not quite the thing, really, is it?
Those that want to should try though, certainly.
I had a tenner on the sweeps at Newmarket.
Sorry, old chap.
We have a new life to think of. Shouldn’t we at least try and get you and our baby out of here?
Yeah, I wish. Lucius is right.
There’s no time. Hey.
I’ve got a better idea.
Let’s get married.
[laughs softly] Cold feet, huh?
Let’s do it.
Will you marry us?
Uh, splendid idea!
You all right?
I’ll put the kettle on, eh?
You look terrible.
You look lovely.
I’ll help Daveboy with the tea.
You, behave yourself.
And, Mum, give him a chance to explain himself before you give him a walloping.
Why didn’t you tell us you were alive?
I didn’t want you to see me like this.
And I knew you’d be angry with me.
Bloody right I’m angry.
You did that to yourself.
It’s as if I never knew you.
I had no idea you were so unhappy.
I wasn’t unhappy.
You killed yourself.
For a higher cause.
Higher than our marriage?
Higher than me?
For once in me life… I wanted to do something useful.
What are you talking about?
Your whole life you’ve been useful and important.
I was a servant.
Bowed and served… and opened doors for me betters.
You were important to me.
Now and again.
I thought we had a good life.
I’ll get it.
Bad news. We got played.
Thanks very much.
[Mr. Pennyworth] Yeah, of course.
[Mary] Are you listening?
[Mr. Pennyworth] Of course.
I made a mistake.
I shouldn’t have brought him here.
[Mary] Why? What’s wrong?
Tell her, Dad.
Tell her the truth.
I don’t know what you’re talking about.
All this talk of love and forgiveness was lies.
He only pretended he wanted to come here and see you.
Part of a trick to make us think we’re safe, but we’re not.
I don’t understand.
The Ravens are gonna drop that bloody gas bomb on us anytime now.
And this one here arranged it.
By lying to me.
Is that true?
I did want to see you again.
That wasn’t a lie.
And I am dying.
The rest was a lie.
That’s very disappointing.
No, you’re not.
This is what you wanted, wasn’t it?
Why would you be sorry?
Great changes cause great pain.
Sacrifice is necessary.
Your own wife?
My wife, my son… myself, yes.
Much as I love you both.
She’s not a nobody.
She’s my fucking mum.
Zero Hour approaches, Miss Dixon.
History is in the making.
I think I need a little privacy.
I’ll be in the penthouse.
I’m not to be disturbed under any circumstances.
Nothing better than a plain digestive biscuit, eh?
You can keep your jaffa cakes.
Is it quick, then?
This bomb of yours… Will it kill us quick, at least?
So I’m told.
That’s something anyway.
I know I betrayed you.
And I know you can’t forgive me.
[Mary] Did I say that?
I love you, don’t I?
And you love me, don’t you?
Yes, I do.
‘Course I forgive you.
[Alfred] I don’t.
I don’t forgive you.
I wouldn’t expect anything else, son.
You’re a man of hard principles.
You take after me that way.
I am nothing like you.
No. No, you’re a… you’re a better man than me.
That’s for sure.
You have your mother’s talent for happiness.
I never got the hang of it.
But when you gave me that gun… I thought you were saving my life because I’m your son. Because you love me.
I thought I was getting my dad back.
But you fooled us good and proper, didn’t you?
You’re just a corpse pretending to be alive.
And you should have stayed in your fucking grave!
I got that frame out west.
Never mind, Mother.
Boys will be boys.
I was wrong.
And I’m sorry.
Now’s too bloody late for sorry.
That’s where you’re wrong, son.
It’s not too late.
[Alfred] What do you mean?
Stormcloud won’t come from an airship.
It’s already in London, and I know where.
Do you, Martha, take Thomas to be your lawful wedded husband?
Yes, I do.
And do you, Thomas, take Martha to be your lawful wedded wife?
Then, by the powers vested in me, etcetera, etcetera, I now pronounce you man and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
Oh, hello, Mrs. Pennyworth.
[“The Prince of Denmark’s March” playing]
Yo, mate, listen.
There’s a bomb in here.
All right? We’re defusing a bomb.
Don’t move. I’ll shoot.
For fuck’s sake, listen to him!
Don’t think I won’t.
Come on, Johnny.
[needle scratches, music stops]
You’re read… What the…
Look, I don’t…
[Sykes] Shut it.
Smack him, Vikki.
[Daveboy] The gun’s over there.
What’d you leave it there for?
Can you defuse the thing?
I have no fucking idea.
Could you hold it?
This is for Lord Harwood.
[Vikki gasps, wails]
Stop your whinging, duck.
This is just foreplay.
Whatever you do, don’t press that button. Please.
I can’t tell you.
You wouldn’t understand.
Put it down, Bet. He’s being clever.
He wants you to press that button, doesn’t he?
It must be an alarm. Give it here. Come on.
[Lucius] All right.
Alfie, just be ready.
Steady on, Vikki. We’re all friends here.
Oh, fudge. Too late.
What’s it doing?
The reaction’s started.
In about one minute, it’ll reach critical mass and explode.
Fuck. How do we stop it?
Not a problem.
We closed it in a hermetically-sealed steel box and we drop the box in the ocean.
Oh, well. [clears throat]
What happens if I swallow it?
I expect you’ll burst.
Fuck it. Worth a try. Here.
Stop. And that’s an order.
I’m the senior officer here.
If anyone’s gonna play at being the bloody hero, it’s me.
I don’t think that’s gonna help.
Boffins. What the fuck do they know?
Mad to the fucking last. Give me that flask.
We should be with ’em.
[all] But not yet.
I don’t know.
But we’re still alive.
Which is impossible.
Stay where you are!
Keep your hands where we can see ’em.
Don’t worry, General.
All under control.
[Thursday] Stormcloud has been neutralized, you madman.
[Gaunt] Thank God for that.
Mr. Salt has been relieved of his duties.
I am now in command of the Raven Union.
You can take him away.
[laughs] Oh, well done, son.
I knew you’d save the day.
Let me go and tell your Dad.
He’ll be very relieved. [short laugh]
Good news. Alfie defused the bomb or something. Anyway, we’re all safe.
Tell Alfie I’m very proud of him.
Well, you can tell him yourself.
Maybe I will.
Thank you for being sensible. In the end.
I’m not being sensible. I’m being sentimental.
Oh, I’d love a biscuit, if that ginger gannet has left any.
[pump stops hissing]
These are lovely.
I love you very much, my darling. It’s so good to see you again. Makes everything worthwhile.
I should hope so. I love you, too. God knows why. Some men go mad with fancy women or giant train sets. But you, no, you have to be special.
[bird cawing in distance]
[Lucius] I can’t understand it. Must have been some kind of enzyme reaction.
I dare say it was.
[Daveboy] Lost comrades.
[man] What’s that? Go and get the sergeant!
[man] Stand back, stand back.
[thumping, shouting inside]
I wouldn’t do that.
[man grunting in pain]
[sloshing, gruff panting]
[man gasping, screaming]
[piano playing “Rock ‘n’ Roll Suicide”]
♪ Time takes a cigarette ♪
♪ Puts it in your mouth ♪
♪ You pull on your finger ♪
♪ Then another finger, then cigarette ♪
♪ The wall-to-wall is calling ♪
♪ It lingers, then you forget ♪
♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh ♪
♪ You’re a rock and roll suicide ♪
♪ You’re too old to lose it ♪
[staticky] ♪ Too young to choose it… ♪
[static crackling, tone beeping]
[announcer] This is an emergency news report from the English League. Raven forces have reached the London Free line…
…and are moving forward with tanks and artillery. All able League soldiers and combatants must rally to their assigned posts to defend the city. I repeat, Raven…
Where do you think you’re going?
You heard that.
You’re not a combatant, and you’re due in a week.
Exactly. That’s… that’s seven whole days and nights from now.
Martha, I love you, but really, you can’t.
Thomas, I love you, but really, I…
[air-raid siren wailing in distance]
I guess I can’t.
[explosions in distance]
My water just broke. [Groans]
Oh, uh, right. Well, excellent. Uh, uh, that solves that. Um… Wow. Holy smokes.
Let’s… let’s get you over to the couch.
And… And put your legs up and do some breathing. All right, steady. Let’s put your feet up.
[announcer] Londoners, stand by.
Now remember some breathing, okay?
Do not adjust your picture.
The New Raven Alliance has taken over all frequencies.
Welcome to a bright new future.
The final battle is at hand. General Thursday and Mrs. Gaunt say that today’s the day.
London is going to be free.
You sons of bitches!
Pretty sure it’s best to stay calm.
Please, Londoners, whilst the liberation work is in progress…
…let’s all of us stay safe.
And sensible and shelter at home, preferably in the basement.
I-I’m gonna call the midwife.
[Paula] That’s good advice, Keith.
And if you do see a Union Liberator at work, just give ’em a wave and a smile.
They’re good lads.
[Keith] They certainly are.
Can’t get through!
Piece of cake.
Careful out there, pet.
[shouting continues in distance]
[Sykes] Katie, get back.
Die, Raven scum!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[both panting sharply]
[midwife] Good girl. Bit more. Come on.
Good girl. That’s it.
[Thomas] Good job.
And breathe. And one more.
[woman pants, grunts]
[men shouting orders]
[men screaming, coughing]
[man] Traverse right!
Come on. Gimme, gimme, gimme!
[women grunting, coughing]
[gunfire continues muffled]
What do we do?
[sighs] Fucked if I know. If those bloody reinforcements don’t come soon, and lots of ’em, we’re buggered.
One more time. I can see the head.
Breathe with me. Breathe with me. [Panting sharply]
Well done. Well done.
Good job. Good job.
We’re nearly there.
Keeping pushing, Martha. Push!
Colonel fucking Pennyworth. About bloody time.
Forgotten how to salute, have you?
Where’s the reinforcements?
This is it.
One lorry? Fuck’s sake. What’s that gonna do?
I expect we’ll manage.
They think we’re already beaten, don’t they?
That’s ’cause we fucking are.
That’s their first mistake.
Oh, aye? And what’s their second mistake?
They won’t expect us to attack.
It’s a girl.
[whispers] Thank you.
It’s a bread van.
[men laughing, murmuring]
Brothers and sisters, now, I think we should stroll over there and give these dossers some stick. Who’s up for it?
[man] Yeah, yeah.
I can’t hear you! I said, who’s up for it?!
[man] Right, do it.
I got a line of sight.
[man] What is it?
[man 2] I can’t see it.
[man 3] It’s just a bread van.
[man] Hey, make us a sandwich!
I feel like a bloody Christmas tree.
Nah, you look great. Don’t he?
[“Hand of Doom” by Black Sabbath playing]
[man] Anyone have a line of sight?
[man 2] I haven’t got anything.
[chatter continues in distance]
♪ What you gonna do? ♪
[man] Try and get close.
♪ Time’s caught up with you ♪
♪ Take your written rules ♪
♪ You join the other fools ♪
[men grunting, coughing]
♪ Turn to something new ♪
♪ Now it’s killing you. ♪