Palm Royale
Season 1 – Episode 6
Episode title: Maxine Takes a Step
Original air date: April 10, 2024
Plot: A valuable business opportunity and a crucial beach tournament collide, Maxine and Douglas must win over a visiting prince to secure their futures, leading to a whirlwind of humorous misadventures.
* * *
[machine whooshes, beeps]
[Maxine] Let’s get these thrusters activated so we can launch out into space and do our mission!
Roger. I have reset the tracker, the SI fuel, S-IVB octave levels are high, and the GDC trans control powers are all set.
[switches clicking]
We are ready to set up the SP thrust directors on the booster logic dump!
Go ahead and get those boosters running.
Stop touching those things.
Do you know what you’re doing? No, you don’t. So stop touching them.
[operator] Ground control to Apollo 12. You are go for launch.
[laughs]
Is it too late to change partners?
[operator] T-minus ten, nine…
Counting down.
[operator] …eight… Main engine start.
Oh.
[engine rumbles, whooshes]
[Maxine shrieks]
Oh!
Oh!
One small step, pal!
[engine rumbling loudly]
[rumbling slows]
Wowee.
Just like I imagined it.
Endless horizon full of possibilities.
I think I’m gonna vomit.
[exhales sharply]
[operator] Apollo 12, prepare for reentry.
Roger that, controller man! [Chuckles]
Oh, please, God, no more!
[rumbling resumes]
I have some news.
Spare me the suspense.
The gun, it’s gone.
What do you mean “gone”?
I threw it into the ocean! And the Rolodex!
You found Norma’s Rolodex?
Well, little did I know, it ended up in the hands of the pool boy.
Then Linda found it, stole it and then destroyed it!
[stammers] Anyway, it doesn’t matter, it’s amazing!
You’re… You’re free, Evelyn. Everyone’s free!
Oh, God. [Breathes heavily]
[rumbling slows]
[shuttle hissing]
[hatch opens]
How was it, ladies?
So good, I nearly tinkled. [Chuckles]
You dumb fucking dum-dum.
What?
I told you to keep that gun in the safety-deposit box.
You have really gone and fucked me.
[Maxine] What?
And if what you said is true, Linda’s fucked the Beach Ball.
You think I was after that Rolodex for the goddamn addresses?
God, fuck it!
[sighs]
Get me out of here!
Reach for my hand!
Oh, yes, yes. All right. Okay.
Give me your hand! Pull! Harder!
Uh, your… your nails, your nails…
Pull! Pull harder!
Very thin wrists. I’m sorry…
Pull! Pull it! [Shrieks]
{\an8}[Maxine] My head was spinning.
{\an8}Certain I would be celebrated for freeing everyone from the Rolodex.
My boosters had fired, but somehow I was still on the launchpad!
Did we lose Evelyn?
Oh, uh, I think the, uh, space simulator made her a smidge queasy.
Ladies, welcome to NASA.
Over here, we have an exact replica of the suit Mr. Neil Armstrong wore
when he walked on the moon.
Where’s the original?
He took it home.
Right this way.
Ladies, I… I wanted to ask you a question about the Beach Ball. [Chuckles]
Um, we all know our dear Norma
is known for safeguarding the secrets of the town,
with the requisite expectation
that her silence be rewarded by gala attendance.
Uh-huh.
Go on.
What if I was a different kind of socialite?
What if, from here until all the tomorrows to come,
the Beach Ball was just the most important, grand ball of the season?
No threats attached. Completely consensual.
Then why would we come?
Maybe if you had a real somebody in attendance.
A marquee guest.
But no one would come just for you, Maxine.
And now, the apex of our tour.
I present to you
the finest America has to offer!
[Raquel] Oh.
Yes, these are actual astronauts in quarantine
before their mission next week.
[astronauts] …three, four.
One, two, three…
Oh.
keep going… four.
Oh, now, if you could get one of them, I would come immediately.
I mean attend.
[Raquel hums]
I said, “31 floors? Hell, Perry, let’s make it 32 floors.”
And he said, “Let’s make it 33 floors!”
And then I said, “Let’s go to 34 floors!”
[sighs]
Thirty-four floors! Ha!
Am I not enough?
[stammering] For the condos?
The Beach Ball. If it’s just me. For people to come.
Are you even listening to me?
This is a big deal.
We even scored Pinky Kimberley-Marco.
Raquel’s mobster husband?
Pinky is the best contractor in Palm Beach.
Perry even got him to agree to cut us in for cost.
Linda said Perry’s hinky.
Come again?
She might have even used the word “radioactive”.
Max, Perry may be spirited,
but it’s that same go-get-’em nature that landed us royalty.
Royalty?
The investor that we met with in DC is the one and only Prince of Luxembourg.
Wow. Perry really does run with the horses. Hmm.
That’s what we’re hashing out tonight over dinner.
Guess what? The new… get this… West Palm Beach.
Prince of Luxembourg Luxury Towers.
[gasps]
Perry’s confident, with the imprimatur of a prince, people will go anywhere,
even West Palm Beach.
Anywhere…
Douglas, I think you just saved the Beach Ball. [Chuckles]
Uh, have I now?
Oh, yes, you did. Those ladies would go to a Tijuana donkey show
if it meant meeting a real prince.
[gasps] I’ll… [stammers] When we’re at dinner,
I’ll invite him myself…
[Douglas sighs]
to be my marquee guest.
[gasps] Douglas?
[stammers] Here’s the thing about that.
This is what you’d call a carefully choreographed song and dance
set to a finely calibrated orchestration, Maxine.
Douglas?
It’s a boys’ dinner.
No.
It’s… It’s not personal, Max. I-It’s business. You understand.
[grunts]
You told him!
You told my husband about the other night, and now he’s upset with me.
And I’m not enough. And he’s having dinner with a prince without me.
And now I don’t have a chance to invite him to the party!
[breathes shakily]
What happened the other night?
Maybe, out of insecurity and too many Grasshoppers,
maybe someone made a silly mistake with someone who drove me home.
Maybe that sort of thing happens to someone all the time?
So it wasn’t a big deal.
[scoffs] Well, maybe someone could be a little more modest.
And maybe someone isn’t used to being rejected,
even if someone didn’t mean it.
[groans]
Mmm. There you go, there you go.
[grunts]
I didn’t tell your husband a thing because there’s nothing to tell, Maxine.
You didn’t?
I didn’t.
Hi, Norma!
I’ll let you two eat your applesauce.
[door opens]
[store bell jingles]
We did it, ladies!
“Investigations show that real estate scion Perry Donahue
frequently paid off inspectors during the construction
of the Emerald Isle condominium complex.”
[laughing, cheering]
[laughs] My friend at the Miami Herald sent me an advance copy.
First we expose Perry, then Agnew, and then Nixon! [Laughs]
The first domino of the patriarchy is about to fall.
Already feels safer for this little one.
[store bell jingles]
Oh, I’m sorry, we don’t sell The Shiny Sheet here.
What did you do with the Rolodex, you spoiled little shit?
What Rolodex is that?
The fucking Rolodex that controls this entire town.
What did you do with it?
Linda?
Mm-hmm?
Did you do something with it?
We better have this conversation in private.
Lead on, Linda.
[group members gasp] Oh! Oh! What?
You burned it?
Can you keep your voice down?
I will keep my voice at present volume as long as I please! Please and thank you!
Oh, my God!
I did the world a favor.
Don’t you get righteous with me, you murderous twat.
That is so offensive on so many levels.
You two nitwits deserve each other.
What did Maxine do?
Oh, she didn’t tell you?
Tale as old as time. She found the gun you shot your father with
and threw it into the sea.
What? [Chuckles]
Wipe that smirk off your face.
Wow. Well, you’ve already showed your hand, Evelyn,
by showing your face in West Palm Beach.
Oh, eat a dirty sock, Linda.
This is not over. Far from it.
[scoffs]
Where are you going?
I’m gonna go tell my father on you.
[grunts]
[sighs]
For the record, I was never in West Palm Beach.
[chattering]
[soft jazz music playing]
Excuse me. Um, my husband, Douglas, is here dining with a Mr. Donahue
and the Prince of Luxembourg.
[Dinah] Tell the story.
Oh, you know what, I… I think I see ’em.
[Douglas laughs]
[laughs]
No… Okay.
Excuse me, I just need to powder my nose.
[Perry] Yes, of course.
Maxine!
Bathroom. Now. Now. Now.
[stammers]
[Douglas] Yeah, that’s the thing…
Don’t tell me you came here innocently
dressed in the national colors of Luxembourg, Maxine.
[scoffs]
[sighs]
For your information,
Douglas forgot his plans, and I came to drop them off.
And now that I’m here, I happen to see
this wasn’t actually a boys’ dinner after all.
[stammers] The prince wasn’t about to go stag.
Well, what about you?
Someone has to keep Perry sober while they close this thing.
[sighs]
Dinah?
Perry knows, Maxine!
[cries] About my affair with Eddie.
Oh, no.
The little pied-à-terre I bought him.
Everything. And I am furious!
You’re furious?
He says it frees him up to do what he wants.
All of a sudden, he’s a bohème.
I already know he’s seeing other women.
I think it might be my manicurist.
Why do you think that?
She kinda told me.
[breathes heavily]
Tonight, I am the dutiful wife until they close this deal.
That means there’ll be loads of cash in the bank
if Perry and I had to divorce.
You’re not gonna get divorced.
Don’t say divorce. Please don’t say divorce.
You can’t just jump right to divorce, Dinah.
You’re not getting divorced.
Maxine, what is wrong with you?
[stammers] No one’s getting divorced.
What is wrong with you, Maxine?
Remember the other night,
when you suggested that maybe I find a little side dish of my own?
Yes?
Uh, well, when you and I were drinking and driving on the green,
I sort of let my guard down, thanks to the devil of high spirits.
And, well… [sucks teeth] …I may have carried out that advice.
Um…
Who?
[sighs] The pool boy. Oh, no. Oh, Douglas knows.
I can feel it. He senses something!
That’s why he didn’t invite me to dinner! [sighs]
Oh, Dinah, what have I done? I don’t want to get divorced.
[gasps, laughing]
[stammers]
[sighs] Why are you laughing?
I’m sorry. We’ve all tried with Robert. Lucky Norma. He’s a one-woman man.
Personally, I think it’s even simpler than that.
[whispers] He’s a “momo.”
What’s a momo?
He’s a fruit, Maxine. [Clicks tongue]
Go home. Think about your choices.
Fruit.
[“Spooky” playing]
[store bell jingles]
[clerk] Find everything you needed?
Great. [Sighs]
[clears throat]
[Grayman] Quite the healthy appetite.
For reading, of course.
Did you find what you were looking for?
I hope you saved a little something for the rest of us.
Hmm.
[customer whistles]
[Grayman] Oh. [Chuckles]
Grayman. It’s long for Gregor.
No names.
Oh.
{\an8}[Linda] Surprise.
[Skeet] Oh, my God.
Buttercream cake.
Oh. All right, here we go.
So, guess what, Dad?
What?
We have something to celebrate.
Celebrate?
Yes. I have this friend, Maxine.
Yeah?
She found the gun.
Norma’s gun.
I don’t believe it.
She threw it in the ocean. It’s gone.
It’s gone, Dad.
Oh, my God.
You are free, ma’am.
What is freedom, right?
And the Evelyn knows this?
She’s the one who spilled the news.
Oh, of course. That’s her job. [Chuckles]
Why don’t you do me a favor, come around and sit over here by me.
Okay.
Oh, man.
[breathes heavily]
[grunts] So…
Oh, my God.
[grunts]
You know, there’s one thing about this
[machine chimes] the Morpheus. It holds the pain at bay.
But it’s a goddamn worse way to live than you’ll ever know.
Oh, that’s… that’s ’cause of me, Dad. I’m so, so sorry.
I’m not a puzzle.
You know how I lived my whole goddamn life.
And all the men that came before, how they lived their lives.
And the horrible legacy of the family. And that’s on me.
And I’m ashamed of that.
And I’m ashamed I let you down, ever.
But I did it daily.
And now I don’t even know how to say I’m sorry.
Can you ever forgive me?
I see you.
I’ve always seen you, Dad.
[sniffles] And I’m here.
I’m right here.
[sniffles]
You know what? [Grunts]
[groaning] I better have another shot of this,
or I’m gonna turn into another asshole.
[laughs] It’s all kinked up, huh?
[groans]
[Linda] I’m sorry.
Oh. Jesus Christ.
You okay? Good?
Yeah, that’s better than good.
[sighs]
I wanna go.
I know.
And you can.
You can, Dad. I’m gonna be okay.
You promise?
I promise.
[sighs]
[sniffles]
I’m afraid.
Take a look at the nation’s heroes, who, in just a few hours,
will break our earthly bonds and head towards the moon.
[clacking]
Liquor, 10,000.
Tents, tables, linens… [sighs] …12,000.
[reporter continues indistinctly]
[sighs]
were released from quarantine
on December 10th and will be the second crew to touch down
on Earth’s natural satellite.
[door opens, closes]
[Douglas] Oh, my God. [Groaning]
[reporter continues indistinctly]
[chuckles] Morning, darling.
What are you doing awake so early?
You were, how do I say, out all night.
We closed the club.
Must have been quite dull with just the boys.
I am the king of condos. [Chuckles]
You closed the deal with the prince?
Only took 18 hours and six bottles of schnapps,
but the ink is drying as we speak.
Oh, Douglas. Oh, I am so proud of you. Congratulations.
[inhales deeply] Did you ask him about the Beach Ball?
It just never came up.
Not in 18 hours?
That old Euro bastard, he not only is going to invest,
he is going to take the first sponsor unit.
These units, they’re just gonna sell themselves.
So, he’ll be here for the season?
Oh, shit. Ah. Wiring instructions. Wiring instructions.
I need you to transfer $500,000 to, uh, this account.
Five hundred?
That’s the seed money for Perry.
Who are these 12?
Oh, there’s Pinky, the subcontractors, to get the permit started…
Oh, and I need you to get $250,000…
[gasps]
to the prince to use his name.
[sighs]
He would prefer a cashier’s check.
Gee, that’s…
I know, it’s amazing.
It’s only the beginning. And Perry has made me partner.
That’s wonderful.
Mmm.
I must tell you, this does leave the estate a bit tight.
And that’s why we need to move on this before Aunt Norma…
You know?
I’ll run to the bank.
Great.
But I do think that I should present the check to the prince.
I would just love to meet my partner’s partner, partner.
Sure thing, babe. Deal’s done. Whatever you want. [Inhales sharply]
The prince will be there celebrating
at the club tonight for that moon launch thingy.
So you can pitch the idea to him yourself.
Okay. Oh. Okay. Ooh.
I’m gonna hit the hay. [Kisses]
Maybe hit the shower.
And wipe off the sweet smell of success?
[Maxine grunts] Is that what that is?
[scoffs]
[reporter] Great heroes whom all adore.
Never would these men grovel at the idea of royalty.
Or humiliate themselves by making a pass at someone in their own home
they couldn’t even tell was a homosexual.
[Robert] And I like your accent. [Chuckles]
I’ll tell you in person.
Promise.
Do you wear loafers?
[Robert] Can I call you back?
Well, hello to you too.
Do you wear loafers?
Yes. What is this about?
Do you stand lightly in them?
[Robert sighs]
I’m gonna go check on Norma.
Are you a man who always rings twice?
A gentleman of the piers? A man with a long handshake?
An evening botanist? Do you tiptoe through the tulips?
Maxine, what is it exactly that you wanna ask me?
[breathes heavily] Are you a “momo”?
A what?
Are you gay?
I’ve been with men. I’ve been with women.
Well, then… Well, what’s wrong with me?
I am gay.
And there is nothing wrong with you.
It’s just that we’re friends.
We’re not friends.
[stammering] I have lunch with my friends, and I play tennis with my friends.
Those are not your friends.
[breathes heavily] Friends don’t fight like you and I do.
Yes, they do. All the time.
[stammers] I guess so.
If I catch you hitting on my husband…
What? [Chuckles]
Well, don’t laugh in my face.
He’s not my type.
Douglas is everyone’s type. Please.
[Norma groans]
Is that Norma?
[Norma groans]
That’s Norma.
[Maxine gasps] Oh, my…
Norma.
Norma.
What are you doing?
Oh. Has this happened before?
[grunts] Breathe.
Yes, maybe once. Yeah.
[grunts, slurring] Weh-wah-wah.
She’s trying to walk.
[sighs]
That’s incredibly optimistic of you.
Maybe it’s all the progress you’ve done with the Beach Ball.
[groans]
You’re giving her a reason to hold on.
[gasps] Oh.
[Norma grunting]
[slurring] Weh-wah-wah. [Grunts]
Uh-huh.
Well, I’ll… I’ll let you… to get her in bed.
[strains]
[grunts, pants]
Maybe she wants to wear her crown again.
[slurring] Weh-wah-wah.
[stammers] Yes, I’m Robert.
[slurring] Oh, fuck.
[sighs]
[sighs]
In a town of Chanel Number Five,
any smell, any scent of L’Air du Temps can only mean one thing.
Evelyn Rollins is in the building.
[Evelyn chuckles]
I’ve never seen you nap with so many pillows.
That can’t be good for your breathing.
I’m meditating.
Oh.
I see Linda’s already been here.
She can’t be too concerned about your health.
Oh, sure. Let’s beat Linda up again. Beat the shit out of her.
Well, it’s a box cake.
Jesus Christ. I love butter cream cake,
and she gives it to me just because it makes me feel good, ma’am.
Did you eat all of that?
I’m 86. Give me a fucking break.
Linda told me about the gun.
Norma was doing what was best for all of us.
And she knew that I loved you so very much.
I only wanted to be an honest woman, Skeet.
I wanted to be your woman.
And I knew I had to make sure that I spent the rest of my life with you at your side,
protecting you from that… [sighs] …gun-crazed little hippie.
But you spent the rest of your life spending my money
protecting your interests.
First of all, it’s our money.
We’re married.
Yes.
And second of all, you loved me once. I know you did.
[Skeet sighs]
You remember Capri?
Mustique?
Honey, Acapulco. [Chuckles]
Yeah, but the gun made all of us prisoners.
[stammers] Marriage shouldn’t be a prison.
And yet here we are.
You wouldn’t be thinking of seeking parole?
Parole?
What, do you think after all these years of my life,
that I’m gonna divorce you?
Oh, that’s out of the question, for Christ’s sake.
If you think I wanna spend my final days…
No. Don’t speak of final days.
Oh… [groans] …in litigation…
Don’t speak of final days. Don’t speak…
I’m no… Litigation’s out. [Groans]
Save the histrionics and the theatrics, please
because you’ve been planning my goddamn funeral for 18 years.
[gasps]
Look me in the eye.
[scoffs] That is not fair, Skeet. I have done nothing but take care of you.
With a proxy of nurses. That’s true.
Well…
And, madam, despite the fact you probably don’t believe it,
I will take care of you when the time comes.
Is that a threat?
Maxine.
Oh, I didn’t think anyone was in here. I’ll let you be. [Chuckles]
Oh, no. Stay. I insist.
[chuckles]
[sighs]
Ruby Ray Kissed number four.
Come again?
Your polish.
Your toes are ten little kisses. [Chuckles]
[chuckles] We’re talking toes again, are we?
Well…
You know, when I first met you, I thought, “Well, there’s a breath of fresh air.
Someone nice. Wouldn’t it be great for nice to win?”
Oh. [Chuckles]
Well, I was nice in return, wasn’t I?
You were.
I just get the feeling that you’ve been dodging me.
Something I’d like to clarify for the article I’m writing.
Miss Junior Ocoee ’43, Eleanor Zanzy.
Miss Chattanooga ’49, Elise Cunningham.
Miss Mineral Buff…
Bluff.
You know… [stammers] …it’s like a cliff
or a sand dune or…
Like a bluff?
Yeah.
I knew I’d heard their names before,
so I combed through back issues of The Shiny Sheet.
All those winners, they’re all dead Palm Beach socialites.
[inhales sharply] Well, it’s not what you think.
[chuckles]
What do you think I think?
Maybe I killed those ladies
and now that you know my secret, I’m gonna kill you too.
Those women died before you were even born,
and I am certain none of them ever set foot in the great state of Tennessee.
Just what is going on, Maxine?
I am a winner.
Oh. Am I interrupting anything?
[chuckles] No. I was just leaving.
I’m on deadline.
[breathes heavily]
I couldn’t help overhear you declare yourself a winner, friend.
I dare say that you were referring to my gala.
Oh, uh… [stammers] The F-Fibs.
[chuckles] Yes, the Fibs, who remain in financial limbo. Yes.
I need my $75,000, Maxine.
Course.
Today.
Or I will be forced to conclude that you don’t have $75,000.
And if you would deceive the Fibs, Maxine, who else might you deceive?
Reputation is everything.
Especially now, with no leverage nor guest of honor.
You will get your money, Mary.
The first wire is 500,000. These 12 checks.
And then I need a cashier’s check for 250. That’s 250,000.
I’ll prepare these for signature.
Thank you. [Inhales sharply]
Wait.
Could I get one more?
Um, make it out to the Palm Beach Fibrosis Foundation,
care of Mary Davidsoul.
For 75,000.
[breathes deeply]
Hey.
Hey.
[door closes]
Yeah, I just wanted to say, “Hey,” and, I don’t know,
see if you know where I could score some LSD. [Chuckles]
It’s for my dad.
Fern’s always holding.
[inhales deeply] And I guess I owe you an apology.
The Perry Donahue exposé is hitting newsstands any minute now.
We’re finally making a difference in the world.
Right. Oh, yeah.
Ain’t that what you wanted?
Course.
Then why’d you burn the Rolodex?
I know it was my idea in the first place.
But really, Virginia?
Is that really the great idea? Kneecapping Perry?
So we’re endangering other people? Innocent people?
You mean your weird friend Maxine?
Oh, please.
Look, I hate to break it to you,
but Maxine, she’s a tool of the patriarchy too.
[groans] She’s a skosh delusional… [laughing] …that’s for sure.
But a tool? Hardly. Come on.
Once we start, where is this ever gonna stop?
And who else is gonna get hurt along the way?
I don’t know.
Maybe all the people that’s been doing all the hurting up until now.
Agnew, Nixon and whoever else was in that damn Rolodex.
I get it. [Sighs] I do.
I’m going through a lot of stuff right now. Okay?
Are you? Did you know that people think you gave me the money for this place?
What?
You never notice how when people walk in here,
they automatically assume that you’re in charge?
Please tell me how to make it better.
Don’t use me as a barometer measuring your goodness.
What’s that supposed to mean?
You know.
You did a bad thing, Linda.
Depends on who you ask.
I ain’t gotta ask nobody.
Well, I am sorry I’m such a disappointment to you.
But this is not the time.
It never is.
[door slams]
[emcee] Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, on this historic day.
Grab yourself a pair of binoculars and a cocktail
from one of our out-of-sight little space gals.
We’re just an hour away from liftoff.
Where are those two?
Who two?
Perry and Dinah.
We’re supposed to join them in a celebration-of-the-condos toast.
Oh.
Ah. Mitzi. [Chuckling] Hi.
Maxine. Hi.
Wanna try a Sputnik?
It’s just a white Russian.
[Maxine] Oh.
Or a Milky Way? Also just a white Russian.
Oh. Uh, no thanks, sweetie. Douglas, you remember Mitzi?
You met at Havana Nights.
[Douglas] Yeah, of course.
Perry told me you were working at the club.
I’m glad that worked out.
So listen, I gotta go find that old so-and-so. Lots to celebrate!
[Maxine chuckles]
He seems excited.
Well, he ought to be.
Looks like my prince is about to land a prince,
and I’m on my way to do the same.
[chuckles, stammers] Good luck.
Confidence is running high, Mitzi.
It’s all in the crown.
Ladies and gentlemen, we are just an hour away from liftoff.
A mission in the name of science.
Our brave astronauts plan to gather data
that will expand our collective consciousness.
[reporter continues]
I always thought that I might be allowed
to go into space one day.
There’s still time, Pop.
[groans]
Loxahatchee’s finest, courtesy of my buddy Fern.
[chuckles] That’s my girl.
Why are you putting your glasses on?
‘Cause I wanna see where we’re gonna go.
Okay.
I’ll just do this.
Ready to go to the moon?
[reporter] Sit back, relax
and open yourself to the endless bounds of the cosmos.
Off we go.
[sighs]
Hey, Maxine.
May I present the Prince of Luxembourg, and the princess, Stephanie.
[chuckles]
Oh, uh… [speaks Luxembourgish]
[chuckles] Sorry, my pronunciation may be a little off.
I just popped in to the local library to try to pick up some Luxembourgish phrases.
[chuckles]
So, that’s all I got. [Chuckles]
What did I tell ya, Princie? Isn’t she a hoot?
Oh, ja. A for certain hoot.
[chuckles] Mmm.
Aw. [Chuckles] Thank you, Your Majesty.
[Prince chuckles]
[inhales deeply] Um, okay.
Well, I would like to now present to you
this cashier’s check for $250,000
in exchange for your name and likeness
for the West Palm Beach Prince of Luxembourg Luxury Towers.
[speaks Luxembourgish] The pleasure is mine.
Oh.
This is just the beginning of a new dawn
in… in Palm Beach.
Yes.
Here’s to us.
Let’s take a picture.
[Maxine] Yeah.
Commemorate this historic moment.
Mmm, no photo. Mm-mmm.
[Douglas] Hmm?
Ah, I am publicity shy. You see?
Hmm.
Oh.
Yes, I understand all about publicity. You and me. [Chuckles]
I’m a pageant girl, you see?
[Prince chuckles]
So, as one crown wearer to another,
I would also like to ask you to be my official special guest [chuckles]
at the 50th annual Beach Ball.
[clears throat]
No. No photo.
Oh, no. We don’t have to do photos.
Sure, we-we can do a wh-whole photography block.
Miss Douglas.
[Maxine] Mmm.
Thank you for your honor.
Condos, yes. As agreed.
Check, yes. As agreed.
But this Balls on the Beach, sadly no.
No photo.
I am a shy man.
Oh, yes. Oh, we can get you a private tent.
Beautiful private tent with curtains, and no one will even see you.
[Douglas] Maxine, the prince said no.
No one… Hold on, Douglas.
You can stay in the car. You can just d-drive by
and roll the windows down and-and-and wave.
Like, your royal wave. Douglas.
Ma-Max.
Um, you can just-just pop in.
Max.
I truly am sorry.
Just get out of your car?
Max.
Circle around and get back in?
Honey. Max.
You can do it with the windows up.
Just honk your horn.
Babe.
[jazzy rock music playing]
Oh, hey.
Oh. Sorry.
[gasps]
Oh. Sorry.
[breathes heavily]
Yoo-hoo. Not quite the face of freedom, Maxine.
It’s over, Evelyn.
Come again?
[sighs] It’s over. It’s all over. The Beach Ball.
Uh, I… I tried to land a marquee guest, and I, um… Didn’t work out.
Oh, it’s all right.
It is?
Sure.
You’ll throw a giant, expensive gala
whose guest list is composed only of the ding-a-ling ladies of Palm Beach,
and you will be roundly ridiculed
as a bunch of garish ice sculptures melt around you.
And at long last, you will be run out of town on a rail.
And that’s all right with me.
Gee, that’s a nice thing to say.
And all this in the name of what? What did you call it, Maxine? What was it?
Freedom.
Let me tell you a little something about freedom:
It’s a nightmare.
That Rolodex, Maxine, and frankly, that gun
were instruments of society.
Do you want your neighbor to feel free to sneak over to your house
in the dead of night and crap on your lawn should he feel so inclined?
No.
There are ordinances
against things like that: Public fornication, overgrown hedges,
unstable women in full control of their finances.
That Rolodex, Maxine, represented a great and lasting contract.
As long as everyone agrees to do certain things in a certain way,
society, civilization as we know it, remains intact.
What you did, you backwoods bumblehick,
is give people the freedom to not attend the Beach Ball,
and thus, the terrible idea that they are free
to do any horrible thing they desire without repercussion.
Is that a world in which you want to live, Maxine?
A world of unbridled, venal selfishness?
No. The irony is you thought
[chuckles] that day when you scaled the hedges of the Palm Royale,
that you were escaping the barbarians,
when actually you were the tip of the barbarian spear,
bringing chaos right to our feet.
We will all rue the day we let you in here.
[sniffles]
So yes, Maxine, it is all over. You failed.
There will be no 50th anniversary of the Beach Ball.
And from this moment
mark my words, the whole world will begin to spiral into shit.
And that’s all thanks to you.
[applause continues]
Bravo, Maxine.
Or should I say “brava”?
And now, the moment we’ve all been waiting for.
She’s not the first rocket to the moon, but she’s a darn fine runner-up.
And a… ten, nine, eight, seven, six,
five, four, three, two, one.
[ground control] Booster ignition. And liftoff.
Is it supposed to happen fast?
I don’t think so.
[groans] Oh, great.
I don’t feel anything.
[emcee] ♪ Fly me to the moon ♪
♪ And let me play up there With those stars ♪
♪ Let me see what spring is like On Jupiter and Mars ♪
♪ In other words, hold my hand… ♪
[server] Evening edition’s in.
[Robert] Thank you.
And quickly, I pass it to Yaniv.
And then he said, “That’s not a deutsche mark.”
[laughing]
Mr. Simmons.
Whoa.
[Douglas] This is Bobby. Bobby is the bartender here at the club,
and he’s also our pool boy.
Mmm. Your Highness.
Can I talk to you in private?
Tell my wife, uh, I have some business to attend to.
I’ll meet her back at the house.
[Ann] Maxine.
Hi.
May I have a word?
Would it mattered if I said no?
Remember that little confusion about your pageant wins?
Well,
I had to ask a local Tennessee paper to rush me copies via facsimile.
And I have to say, I found some strange things.
Do tell.
The winners of those pageants…
Well, the names are not you. But the pictures are.
You wanna know the truth?
I do.
Maxine Dellacorte is a nobody.
My maiden name is Horton
because it was the name of the washbasin I was found in
when I was a baby.
I grew up in an orphanage, without anything or anyone.
But what I did have… the one thing I had… was them.
The glamorous and proud,
shallow ladies of The Shiny Sheet.
Oh, I would pore through those pictures, just imagining what their lives were like.
So perfect.
They were so adored. [Scoffs]
I signed up for my first pageant
and used the name of someone I had just read about.
Just for the fun of it.
I didn’t know who I was yet, so I just used their names. [Chuckles]
[inhales deeply] And that’s it, Ann. That’s all it is.
Go ahead. Print it.
My life honestly can’t get any worse.
Print it all.
That’s it?
What do you mean, “That’s it”?
Maxine, no one is going to want to read that.
Well, my feelings are unexpectedly hurt.
Give me a hug.
[chuckles]
[Ann] Hmm.
[Robert] Come on.
Let’s go.
Where are we going?
I’m gonna take you home, my friend.
Let’s do this.
Don’t you have to work?
Let them fire me.
Come on.
[sighs] What are those?
Norma’s invitations for the Beach Ball.
Uh, no, we’re not doing the Beach Ball.
We are, um, broke again.
[scoffs]
How do you think the ladies around here make their money?
Aren’t they just rich?
When Dinah makes $200,000 for cancer, how much do you think goes to cancer?
$200,000.
[grunts]
More like 2,000.
And when Raquel raises half a million dollars for the Batistas,
they get 10,000.
[gasps]
You don’t have to have money for the Beach Ball.
The Beach Ball is the money.
Wait, wait, wait, w…
And you don’t need a Rolodex…
[inhales sharply]
because the blackmail is right here in the invitations.
Oh.
Read one, please.
Go ahead. Read.
“Dearest Teddy,
I heard you had too much fun last summer with a new friend.
Hopefully the next will prove less eventful. Sh”…
Ooh.
“Shame about the car.”
Send my regards to Joan.
“Love, Norma.”
I don’t th… I don’t think I could do this.
It’s just one time.
And it’s not you. You didn’t sign those.
Robert, if I send those, it makes me…
Just like Norma.
Do you wanna save the Dellacortes?
Oh. [Sighs]
Here you go.
What?
And now you have to go ’cause I have company.
[Maxine] What do you mean, someone’s coming over? Who’s coming over?
A friend.
[stammers]
You just gave me a lot of information.
I-I wanna talk about it.
See you later.
I thought I was your only friend.
Bye-bye.
[“Moonshot” playing]
[grunts] Here we go.
[sighing]
[Skeet] Do you feel that?
[exhales sharply]
Do you see?
Do you see that?
This is big stuff, ma’am.
[reporter] Takeoff is going smoothly so far…
Feels weird without Linda here.
She made her choice.
What’s wrong?
My husband’s number came up.
He ships out this week.
[knocking]
[chuckles]
Hello, Robert.
Hello, Your Highness.
[exhales sharply] Whoa.
[panting]
I am somebody.
I am somebody.
I am somebody.
I think I’ll just go slip slidin’ away.
Dad?
[Norma slurring] Weh-wah-wah.
[slurring] Weh-wah-wah.
[slurring] Weh-wah-wah.
[groaning]
[grunting]
[slurring] Weh-wah-wah.
[grunts, whimpers]
[breathing heavily]
[slurring] Weh-wah…
[slurring] Revolver.
