Original release date: January 21, 2022
In a flashback, Mel is a police detective when he is caught snorting illegal drugs. In the present, Clare agrees to buy Ruth and Darlene’s heroin. Unknown to Ruth, Darlene convinces Frank Jr. to distribute it. Wendy blames Jonah after missing person posters for Ben appear, and Jonah reveals Darlene is behind them. Mel tells the Byrdes he spoke to Wendy’s father Nathan and suggests that Ben killed Helen. Senator Schafer asks Wendy for an FBI file in exchange for joining her foundation’s board. Marty and Ruth attempt to buy the heroin back from two dealers to whom Frank sold it. One sells to them at a premium, but the second refuses. Wendy files a missing persons report with the sheriff. Jonah reveals to Darlene that he saw his parents with Sheriff Nix’s body. Schafer reveals that he learned from the file that his grandson, who created software that can be used to rig elections, is not under investigation. Ruth, Marty, and Clare’s security chief visit the second dealer, and Ruth persuades him to sell, enabling Marty to complete the deal with Clare. Darlene has a heart attack while arguing with Wendy, who hesitates before calling for help.
* * *
[indistinct office chatter]
[officer] Narcotics, Officer O’Lansky speaking.
I don’t know. Dark shit.
I’m just up in my head, you know?
When’s the last time you hit a meeting?
Okay. Six days I’m here, 14, 15 hours, Sundays I sleep.
Last week I solved two murders, got three.
Do the math.
Plus I fucking hate meetings.
The whole point, Mel.
You know what they say about contrary action?
Oh, come on. Don’t start that.
People like us, if we just do the opposite of what we feel like doing, it all comes out fine. I wish it was different.
The fuck is the point of life if everything you want to do is bad for you?
$10,000 question. When’s the last time you wrote a gratitude list?
I don’t know the last time I felt grateful.
I wonder, why is it alcoholics, as a race, are people who want to be paid for a gift?
So, I want to run something by you.
Thought I might give my cat to this chick I know.
Sell all my shit, right?
Buy a big pile of crack, pull down the shades, and smoke it till I die.
Okay, let’s play that out.
You sell all your shit, right?
You buy that big pile of crack and pull down the shades, you’ll smoke it all and you won’t die.
And then where will you be?
[man on phone] Mel, you there?
Mel, you there?
This is not the deal we made.
We told you, this is a temporary solution.
We need poppy gum, this is powdered heroin, which means it’s probably not pure enough, and if it’s not, I don’t know how many people I’ll have to pay off to keep this whole situation under wraps.
Do not worry, it’s pure.
Who exactly is this person?
Someone we’ve worked with quite a bit.
For a philanthropist, you sure know a lot of drug dealers.
Navarro has agreed to supply us as soon as Javi’s concerns are alleviated.
Your friend Javi cost me a week on my production calendar.
I made projections. Pharmacies expect delivery October 1st, and if I miss one single day, shareholders rebel, stock price plummets and I’m filing for fucking bankruptcy.
What is she, 16?
Don’t let the looks fool you.
You must be Clare.
How are ya?
You got a sample? Somewhere I can check it?
[pulsing rhythm builds]
So, how do you like the Ozarks so far?
[Clare and Ruth chuckle]
We got a deal?
Whoa, whoa, whoa! What the fuck do you want?
I watched you when your dad pulled out of our deal.
You didn’t like it any better than I did.
Tell me I’m wrong, I’ll go.
I don’t discuss my family with outsiders.
You’re an outsider in your own family.
Your old man gave you a living, then he took it away.
Like you care.
Yeah, I don’t, you’re right.
I shot off your dick.
For that, I apologize.
Even went to the drugstore to look for a card.
No such card exists.
What the fuck do you want, Darlene?
I want you to accept my apology.
Anyway, I heard the doc did real good.
They say that there’s more of you to love now.
I got a slew of that. It’s ready to move.
As soon as you want.
And mark it up a grand a key.
[chuckles] Mark it up three.
It’s up to you.
I’m giving you your living back.
I can see I got your heart beatin’ again.
Don’t give Daddy a taste.
You got six figures in your pocket. Seven if you’re smart.
And I have heard you are smart.
Senator Schafer wants to sit down tomorrow.
Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
It’s good. I think.
I mean, he’s coming here.
At least it means he’s considering joining our board.
What are you doing?
What did you expect, Wendy?
There’s another one.
So, anyone happen to go through town today?
In the car?
On their bike?
What exactly were you trying to achieve?
Wendy, let’s just try to enjoy the meal.
No, no, no. I really… I wanna…
I’d really like to hear from Jonah on this.
Were you trying to hurt us?
Put us at risk?
I didn’t have them put up.
All right? Darlene did.
Maybe it’s a good thing.
Why is that?
Shows we care.
How were the SATs? Hmm?
I left in the middle.
Why’d you leave in the middle?
Well, what’s the point if I’m not going to college?
Huh? You knew about this?
She’s turning 18 in a couple of months. She can make her own decisions.
Let me talk to you in the bedroom for a second, please.
Not everybody goes to college.
What? Can you shut the door, please?
Please. Thank you.
You know, we… we sent her to prep school, Wendy. So…
Yeah. In Chicago.
Uh-huh. So have you ever heard of a unified front?
‘Cause it’s parenting 101.
Charlotte’s not like other kids.
Her life is different.
Is that a good thing?
It is what it is.
And since when did you become so collaborative, huh?
I don’t recall you asking me about doing a mammoth pharmaceutical drug deal with Ruth.
Which is saving our asses, and you would have just said no.
Which is why I didn’t tell you about Charlotte.
Oh please, just stop. It’s not the same.
And for the record, your brother is not missing, okay?
And it might make you feel better to pretend otherwise, but this is one problem that, it won’t…
[sighing heavily] You know…
It’s not just gonna walk away, Wendy.
[knocking on door]
You got a sec?
[Charlotte] Can we please not talk about college?
Uh… yeah. Promise.
When’s the last time you talked to Wyatt?
Oh God. Um, not since he dropped off the face of the earth.
Mm-hmm. Um… Uh, I know that this is, uh…
Um, I know. I’m sorry, but, uh…
Do you think you can talk to him and see if he can press Darlene to take that stuff down?
I… I know that it’s a lot to ask, but…
Does Mom know you’re doing this?
Uh… not at the moment. No.
Good. Thank you.
Don’t stay up too late.
Is there any more coffee left there?
Please? Thank you.
What time do you meet with Schafer?
When do you meet with Ruth?
Uh, same, nine.
[knocking on door]
[Mel] Sorry to interrupt.
Anything at all from Helen Pierce?
Just… just to clear it up, uh, I’m not a cop.
I don’t prosecute people. I’m looking for a signature, that’s all, then I’d be outta your life.
Okay. We’re really rushing this morning.
I’ll get to it, then.
We haven’t seen Helen in over a month.
Is that because she’s dead?
I’m gonna tell you what I think.
I think your brother Ben killed her and now you’re protecting him.
Why would you think that?
I mean, look, she gets him tossed in the bin and he gets out, none too pleased, I bet.
You know, he’s prone to flying off the handle, and now… she’s missing, and…
Well, so is he. And in police parlance, that’s what we call an Ellie.
As in LE, it’s a likely explanation.
I got to tell you, I’m really losing my patience with all this.
[Mel] You got it all wrong. Look, I just want Helen.
Body is as good as a signature, so…
Look, if I was to get an anonymous tip, I’d be all ears and no mouth and out of your life forever.
Okay. Got it. Thank you.
All right. I should probably tell you, I just got back from, uh, North Carolina.
I spoke to Nathan Davis, that’s your dad, right?
Now, he said he thinks that maybe, uh, Ben went down to Knoxville, Tennessee.
He’s got some people down there.
I dunno, you ever get any kind of postcard from Knoxville, Tennessee?
I need to get to work.
[Marty] Sorry we weren’t able to help.
You know, I got, like, 500 in a box in the car, so…
Have a great day.
I hate him so much.
[Wendy] So, Senator, how can we be of service?
Your foundation deals with the FBI on corruption cases, am I right?
I got a bit of a family situation.
Um, the federal wire-fraud net over Illinois, and Wisconsin, Minnesota.
My son might have gotten tangled up in a corner of that.
Your son, the federal judge?
Well, his son, my grandson, Liam.
He’s an extraordinary kid.
He just started a company.
They build voting machines with some proprietary tech, and some people maybe found out about it in advance of the stock offering and made a profit, and… one of them being my son.
The federal judge.
[Schafer] Yeah, well, it’s a gray area at best.
I mean, obviously a father’s going to want to invest in his son, it doesn’t make it insider-trading.
And you want us to explain that to the SEC?
I’m not asking you to advocate on my behalf, it’s nothing like that. No. I, uh… I just need to see that file.
If my son is a target of this investigation, he’s gonna want to get out front of it as privately as possible, and if he’s not, he’s happy to not preemptively draw attention to himself.
This wouldn’t have anything to do with your sitting on our board?
You know, it’s hard to think about sitting anywhere with this hanging over my family, but, uh, if I knew what the feds know, I… I’d certainly feel more comfortable.
I’ll see what I can do.
Thank you for your time.
Always a pleasure.
I’ll have Marty call Agent Miller.
Oh, and… this guy’s been snooping around.
I’d love anything you can find on him.
[dog barking in distance]
Hey! There was a load here bricked up, where is it?
[sighs] Ms. Snell had it loaded out this morning.
Loaded out where?
[Darlene] It’s gone. Why?
[Ruth] I had an idea how to move it, is all.
Well, I sold it to Frank Jr. just a few hours ago.
How the fuck did you manage that?
Turning on the charm, I guess.
You shot his fucking dick off, Darlene.
I got a lot of charm.
What, you front him?
No, paid in full.
Oh, and you were gonna tell me when?
[scoffs] When I saw you! And I’m seeing you now.
What were you gonna do with it anyway?
That’s fucking moot now, isn’t it?
Is that her?
[Marty] It is not, no.
She has five more minutes and then I blow up.
We need Maya to pull us a file on a wire-fraud sting from Illinois, Minnesota and Wisconsin.
It’s important. You need to go to Jeff City.
Well, I… I cannot right now, I’m in the middle of a drug deal and Ruth is 25 minutes late.
[Wendy] We don’t get Schafer without it.
Can you call Maya, have her put the file aside for us?
Tell her… Tell her I’ll pick it up. Tell her I’m in Jeff City anyway.
Can you do that? Now?
Uh, yes, soon. Bye.
Marty, can I talk to you for a sec?
No, no, no. No sidebars.
We have a little problem. Somebody else fucking took it.
You sold our heroin?
I didn’t fucking sell it. No.
[Marty] Wait. Who bought it?
That’s, uh… it’s Kansas City Mob. It’s… it’s okay. I’ll… I’ll call him.
How many fucking heroin dealers do you people know?
Um, just the three.
[Clara] Well, I have half a mind to go back to the Tasmanians.
Well, you’ll pay four times the amount. Don’t worry about it. I got this handled.
If it’s cut, it’s ruined.
You understand that?
I do. Yep.
I am on it.
Because without these drugs, there’s no money for you.
There’s no Rick Bowlsby or John Pittman or Ed Markham.
Which means your fucking charitable foundation is dead.
[Clara] If you bring down my family’s company, I will drag you the fuck down with us.
So you’re gonna call Frank Jr. right now.
Hey, easy, Marty. I don’t work for you no more.
And just ’cause you let that cunt get her fist up your ass does not mean you can get yours up mine.
Are we clear?
And I did call Frank.
He offloaded the shit to two other guys who already paid him.
Hang on a second. There’s two separate buyers?
Are you kidding me, Ruth?
I told you this was tricky!
I had concerns which I expressed, and you… you begged me and here we fucking are!
Okay. You’re gonna call him, tell him I’ll sweeten the deal.
Tell him I’ll give him an extra $100,000 and an extra hundred grand for both the other buyers, okay?
And a hundred grand for me.
I said, and a hundred grand for me.
I heard what you said.
Then fucking say it.
Hundred grand for you.
[soft lullaby twinkling]
It only took me 45 minutes to get him down.
Don’t worry, it gets easier.
Everybody says that.
I wish I believed it. [scoffs]
What brings you to Jeff City anyway?
Meeting at the capitol.
You like being a big fish in a small pond.
I like draining one swamp at a time.
So where’s the FBI stand on Navarro these days?
They’re happy with the seizures.
The key to me is whether or not he’ll agree to do real time.
Over a hundred cases of wire-fraud here.
Marty’s a hero if he can crack it.
And tell him if he doesn’t want to work for free or part-time, I’ll get him a badge.
I’ll tell him.
He’d be great at it, you know.
Oh, I know.
Thank you for the file.
Hey, I’m gonna go, uh… go grab a bite to eat.
Do you want anything?
How are you?
Uh, yeah, pretty good, I guess. Uh…
Yeah, happy. Uh…
Yeah, life is, uh…
Life is funny.
You look good.
Oh. You too.
Look, I’m sorry for kind of, uh… ghosting you a while ago, I…
No, it’s okay.
I had a lot going on.
You don’t have to apologize, it’s…
I know that our family messed up a lot of stuff and I’m sorry about that.
Look, I know that Darlene hates us and I… I… I don’t want to get into all that right now.
But I have a favor to ask.
Kind of a big one.
Do you miss it, Ruth?
If you mean do I miss you asking me to come help move a couch, then when I show up, you want me to move all the shit in your house?
I don’t miss that. No.
How’s Jonah doing?
Real good, actually.
If he’s this good at 14, by the time he’s old like you, he’ll be leaving your ass in the fucking dirt.
[sighs] Well, just… Just keep an eye on him for me, okay?
[ominous music plays]
[ominous music building]
[Guerrero] Sure am glad you’re doing this.
Already got some calls.
Tips and possible sightings.
So, we file it two-pronged, state and federal.
State is me, federal is the National Crime Information Center.
They pass it along to the other 49 states, and can even go foreign, if need be.
That sounds incredibly thorough.
Thank you, thank you so much.
I wonder why you didn’t do it sooner.
[voice braking] It was a family issue and we didn’t want to waste the department resources, and…
But now I just…
I just miss him so much.
Well, let’s find your brother.
I’m just… I’m just calling to express my gratitude.
Jonah told us how you took the trouble to put those posters and those billboards all over town.
This is gonna be such a big help to my family and you let me know if I can chip in.
Oh, and also I just filed a missing persons report over at the sheriff’s, so… fingers crossed.
I’m happy to oblige.
[tense music playing]
[air brakes squeal, hiss]
Here for a room?
Yeah, I, uh, called ahead. Name’s Sattem.
Well, well. Got a lanai room all ready for you.
Here you go.
There’s no minibar, but you got a junior fridge and there’s a Quick Pick on the corner if you need some beer and wine, so…
Actually, I don’t drink.
So maybe you wouldn’t mind removing the fridge altogether?
Um… sure thing.
Do you mind my asking how you heard about the Lazy-O?
Was it, like, social media, word-of-mouth?
Jonah Byrde work here?
Oh, you’re a friend of Jonah’s?
A friend of the family.
What does he do here, anyway? Like, maintenance or something?
Oh, no, no. Jonah handles our finances.
Did you need to talk to him?
Okay. Well, enjoy your stay.
[race car engines buzzing]
[Ruth] Is this our second guy?
[Frank Jr] What the fuck’s going on, John?
[John] My guys don’t like this and I don’t either, so no.
John. They’re throwing in another hundred grand for your trouble.
I fucking buy from you, then you want to buy it back?
I don’t like it.
Look, John. They fucked up is all.
They want it back and they’re willing to pay extra.
And then my guys pull up and you’re sitting with a cop, a marine and a fucking flag girl?
Be smart here, John.
I like the deal I got.
[Frank Jr] I can’t be going there.
Fine, then give me the fucking address.
It’s the least you can do for me.
You don’t want to go in either.
I don’t fucking want to, I have to.
Why don’t you tell Marty to fuck himself? Got half his drugs.
No, he’s paying me another hundred grand, and I mean to fucking collect it.
You better make sure that fucking marine fuck doesn’t go in blazing.
He shoots a gun that blows back on me with my dad, I swear to God.
It’ll all be good.
You know, I shouldn’t have roughed you up like that.
It chaps you they didn’t kill me, I bet.
I probably should’ve never threw you off that boat.
[Wendy] How’s it going?
Uh, we… we hit a glitch. I’m gonna miss dinner, probably.
Can you talk?
Not really, no.
I gave Schafer the file, he seemed pleased.
So he’s good?
I have a meeting with him later with Jim. And I got word on Mel.
Oh yeah? What’s the story?
Former detective, Chicago PD.
He lost his badge.
A little coke problem that ended in the evidence room.
[Marty] Was he good at his job?
[Wendy] Apparently he was very good at it.
[Marty] Oh, that’s not good.
Am I too late for two jars of Apple Blossom?
[Wyatt] Oh. Um…
You ever try the Ginger Bear?
Is it good?
[bicycle gear clicking]
I have some checks for you to sign.
What did you tell your mother about those signs?
She thought… She thought I put them up. I just told her that I didn’t.
And that I did.
I didn’t know it was a secret.
Just like you told her we’re gonna build those rehabs.
But I didn’t do that.
What else are you telling your mommy and daddy about me?
Nothing. I swear.
Now, I’m gonna tell you real clear so I never have to again.
You don’t ever tell anybody anything about what we’re doing.
Do you understand me?
Darlene, take it easy. It’s just a kid…
Don’t interrupt me!
Do you understand me?
Because I could cut a lot more than just your hair, boy.
Well “sorry” don’t pay my bills.
What I need is loyalty.
Are you loyal?
Then you could tell me something about your parents, like what they did to my sheriff.
I know you know.
And you do not want to see me if I think you’re hiding something from me.
They got rid of his body at the crematorium.
That’s all I know. I swear.
Give me the checks.
Bet your ass it’s a house with side buildings and cameras.
ATVs out front and a fucking boat on a trailer.
I’ve breached compounds like this before.
Like what? You can’t see shit.
Trust me. I’m in, three shots, I’m out.
Hey, we’re not killing people, okay? We’re making a deal.
And you wouldn’t even know where the drugs are anyway.
They just bought them. They’ll be in view.
And we’re not stealing anything, we’re paying for them.
[Ruth] So I’ll go in.
No, you won’t.
Are you gonna go in, Marty?
Or Mr. Fucking Tight Ass Special Ops here?
‘Cause if you’re not going in and he’s not going in, then who the fuck’s gonna go in?
I said, no. Okay?
Are you paying me that hundred grand or what?
So then I’m fucking going in.
Drop the bags.
We just want to make a deal, okay, over and above what you paid.
We’re not fucking cops, and we got cash.
I want to see your boss.
[man] Who you with?
The same guys from the speedway.
[man] Where they at?
Bottom of the driveway.
[man] Back away from the bags.
Check her out.
[Clare] You know the product can’t be cut with any impurities.
I’m worried about time. We might need to get aggressive.
[Marty] No. No, we can’t do that, buddy. You’re gonna get her killed.
When you say aggressive…
Yeah, I mean potential casualties.
[Marty] Hey, can you… can you put her on speaker, guy?
Can you put her on the speaker, please?
You authorize me to go in?
Hey, Clare, I want to talk to you.
Put her on speaker, please. Clare!
Put him on.
Hey, um, uh, you know, these are… these are Ruth’s people.
I just, I… Give her five more minutes, please.
That’s all I’m asking. Five minutes.
Five minutes. Then call me.
Okay, thank you.
Let’s say I believe you’re not a cop, which I don’t. Then what?
You tell me.
Leave the money, I’ll call you in the morning.
[scoffs] No fucking way.
You’ll leave the money dead or alive, may as well be alive.
I ain’t leaving here without the drugs.
Well, you have a problem then.
They were never supposed to go to you anyway.
Look, I work for Omar Navarro, you know who that is?
You work for Omar Navarro, why you need drugs?
I need them back.
They’re for the guy I’m with.
Which one? The cop or the marine.
Who is he?
His name’s Connor.
I don’t fucking know.
Connor with cash.
What the fuck do you care?
I care a lot.
[stammering] The… The guy… The guy who you… who you think’s the cop, him and Navarro are partners.
That sounds like a lot of talk.
Okay, I get it, I get it, you’re… you’re spooked.
But the problem with you being spooked is about to cost you 100 grand.
Stop telling me how to run my fucking business!
It’s been six minutes, you authorize me to go in?
[Clare] I don’t know what to do.
Your dad would say, go with your gut.
“Okay” meaning, go in?
You’re not going in there.
I’ll call you back.
You’re not going in there.
We agreed on five minutes eight minutes ago.
Just relax and sit in the car, okay? You’re gonna get her killed.
You’re gonna get yourself killed.
Stay back, I’m serious. Stay back. Stay…
[grunting] Damn it. Shit.
Get in the car.
Get in the fucking car!
[Ruth] Can someone fucking help me here?
[easy listening music playing on speakers]
You two really came through.
Uh, what are you drinking?
Good for me.
[chuckling] Well, your spirits have improved.
Well, no joy being more sweet than finding you’ve been worrying about nothing.
[Jim] Uh, so can we, uh, assume that you are officially on the board of The Byrde Family Foundation?
Yes, you can.
Thank you for easing my mind.
Why do I get the feeling this is about more than just stock trading?
Since the risk of tampering with a federal wire-fraud investigation is a lot more serious than a father buying stocks in his son’s company.
Eh, maybe a whistleblower needed to be dealt with.
What kind of whistleblower?
Engineer who knows things.
[Wendy] What kind of things?
You’re asking a lot of questions.
My grandson, uh, developed a computer system more accurate and versatile than anything to date.
And as part of this other investigation, one of the engineers might have been considering telling details about the technology.
Might have been.
Mmm, he… He no longer is.
And what does this technology do?
It can’t be audited by any outside agencies, even when it appears transparent.
But the point being, you two did a great job for my family.
Thank you Jim, Wendy Byrde.
Those machines can suppress votes.
Jesus. They can throw elections.
Ain’t gonna be throwing them your way.
Hey, I was thinking maybe that website and all those posters are going a little far.
It’s probably upsetting Ruth.
Ruth is fine.
She knows what it is.
Yeah, I feel like we made our point though, right?
Maybe take it all down?
No one’s asking.
At the market.
You forgot my custard.
I only have one rule.
Never lie to me. Understand?
Who the fuck are you?
Yeah, The ginger told me I could sit here.
I hope that’s okay. I’m Mel Sattem.
Helen Pierce’s husband hired me to find her.
So what? You’re like a PI?
Look, do you mind if we talk inside, I’m kind of freezing out here.
Yeah, I fucking mind.
Look, I’m not here to bust your balls, I swear, I’m just looking for somebody to point me in a direction.
Mind if I have a cookie?
Sorry, all out.
Just people with cookie jars usually got cookies.
Well, I don’t. Okay?
So, um… why the fuck would I know where Helen is?
Well, I thought your boyfriend Ben might.
[scoffs] Yeah, that’s over.
That’s a sore spot, probably. I’m sorry.
You, uh… you have any idea where he is?
He ever hit you or anything? I’m just asking because of his, uh, drug problem.
He didn’t have a drug problem.
I thought… I thought he did.
Yeah, well, he didn’t. Mm-mm.
So, uh… Marty and Wendy Byrde, you know them well?
I thought you were looking for Helen.
Look, I just need a signature.
Or her body. I don’t really give a shit if anybody did anything wrong.
You know what?
I’m… I’m real tired.
And, uh, it’s past my bedtime.
If anything occurs to you…
Appreciate the time.
[Marty] Hi there.
Jesus. Are you okay?
Oh, uh… I’m fine.
Um. We, uh… got the deal done.
After being outside the trap house and getting the shit kicked out of me, a shower’s not a bad idea.
Uh, how’d it go with Schafer?
We got the deal done.
You know, you probably do want to go to college.
And I’ll tell you why.
It’s only a matter of time before you mess up and she’ll get so pissed, she’ll fire you, then where will you be?
Making $8.60 an hour at Walmart?
Kind of late, isn’t it?
I want to talk about my sheriff.
I know you got rid of Nix’s body.
It doesn’t matter if I can’t prove it.
What matters is that your own boy ratted you out.
I don’t know what you’re talking about.
[sarcastic] But thanks again for putting up all those signs.
Can we pay you or something?
I mean, it was so, so thoughtful!
Don’t give me that shit.
You know, if you don’t mind my saying, Darlene, I think it’s hard for you to admit sometimes what a… kind soul you are.
And helpful, like letting us work with Ruth.
What are you talking about?
The drugs you sold Frank Jr. he sold to us, we sold to our people, and…
You know, so it was a big, big help.
Thanks for that too.
You look kind of tired.
You just keep Charlotte away from Wyatt.
Do you hear me?
They’re old friends, I’ll do nothing of the kind.
You know what?
What, Darlene? What?
What, are you gonna kill every pretty girl in the Ozarks?
[straining] Call a fucking ambulance.
[ominous music playing]
[dispatch] 911, what’s your emergency?
[ominous music plays]