Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Season 1 Episode 6
Episode Title: Couples Therapy (Naked & Afraid)
Original release date: February 2, 2024 (Amazon Prime Video)
Plot summary: In “Couples Therapy,” the sixth episode of “Mr. & Mrs. Smith,” the series takes a deeper dive into the complex dynamics of the titular couple’s relationship through a mix of therapy sessions and flashbacks. Initially skeptical of the show’s premise and its departure from the original film’s charm, the episode manages to captivate with its blend of comedy and drama, focusing on John and Jane’s efforts to navigate their personal and professional issues. With Sarah Paulson playing a quirky couples therapist, the episode explores the couple’s disagreements on having children and their professional jealousy, interspersed with flashbacks of their spy missions that illuminate their conflicts further. The narrative cleverly uses these therapy sessions to dissect their relationship, touching on themes of control, sexism, racism, and personal growth. Despite moments of intense conflict and brutal honesty that threaten their bond, the episode hints at a deep-seated commitment between John and Jane, leaving viewers questioning the stability and future of their relationship as they face the inherent dangers of their spy lives and the emotional turmoil within their marriage.
* * *
You blew up my cottage.
You bought a house without talking about it to me first.
[grunting]
[Jane] John!
[Jane] You can’t go rogue like that.
We’re lucky we didn’t get another fail.
[man speaking Spanish]
[John] Okay.
[Jane] John, you want to bring kids into this life after a day like we had today?
[shouting, grunting]
[machete slicing]
What about family? What…
I didn’t think you were that simpleminded, like, that traditional.
Don’t call me stupid just ’cause…
[Jane] So you’re mad that I saved the day?
I’m mad that you take all the credit.
We made this pact that we would make a certain amount of money and then we’d part ways.
Yeah, like, you two can just… you know, break up and quit, like… [laughs]
Can you imagine if the Company was that open-minded?
[birds singing]
[therapist] Hey.
[chuckles] Hi.
This place is beautiful.
Yeah.
It’s so nice that you work from here.
Thank you.
Thank you. We finally moved out of the city.
This is my little dream home.
[soft laughter]
[John] Well, it’s gorgeous.
Yeah.
Thank you. I just… I feel very present here.
[laughs softly]
It’s really nice.
It’s awesome.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So… what brings you to therapy?
[both chuckle]
Um…
♪ ♪
[John] I think… lately, me and Jane have… h-have not been aligned on, just, some things.
Mm-hmm.
[Jane] Yeah. I think, um… I think John’s under the impression that our boss favors me.
Well, he-he does.
But… I mean, h-he does favor…
Well…
He doesn’t really fa… I… I mean, well, he-he wanted you to replace me.
He asked you if… to replace me.
To which I-I said, “Absolutely not,” you know?
I said, “John is a great partner,” which is true, um… and, yeah, I just, I… I said I don’t want to move up unless I’m with him.
So you two work together?
[both] Yes.
And what is it that you two do?
We’re… We’re computer, uh, software engineers.
Software engineers.
So, where else are you feeling misaligned?
[John] Um… on kid stuff.
Kid stuff.
Yeah.
That’s a very big subject.
[Jane] Yeah.
Let’s talk about kids.
Yeah.
Okay.
Do you…
[both chuckle]
Um, I-I w… I want to have them…
Mm-hmm.
And she doesn’t.
Hmm. Hmm.
Yeah.
What are you reservations about children, Jane?
I f… I… I just feel like, in the line of work that we do, it doesn’t really feel responsible.
As software engineers?
Yeah. I think they’re just the…
Yeah.
It’s stressful, you know?
You know, it’s just a fast-moving business.
It’s high-intensity.
I had no idea software engineering was so intense.
[laughter]
[John] Yeah, there’s a lot of… pressure.
It can be.
So, working together, living together…
[Jane] Mm.
How is that?
It’s good.
It’s tricky.
[therapist] Oh.
Tricky?
It’s okay.
This is, this is… this happens.
It’s why we’re here.
Well, can I ask how it’s tricky?
Or in-in what way does it feel…
Tricky?
Tricky to you?
Why?
[John] Well…
[hands clap]
…it’s one of those things where I feel like her default is… to be controlling.
Hmm.
Controlling of the situation.
That’s really interesting.
I don’t agree.
I think, uh, that feels a little unfair.
I just, that’s how I feel.
And I feel like that’s unfair to say.
Can you give me an example?
[John] Yeah, uh…
Contextualize it for both
Jane and myself?
[John] Yeah, uh…
You know, like, the thing we did the other w… the weekend.
♪ ♪
[Jane] How many?
[John] Three. Only one that seems to be armed.
[John] The dude in the yellow.
I want to take the lead on this one.
[Jane] You want to take the lead on this?
Are you sure you can handle it?
Yeah.
Got to show my stuff for Hihi.
If I have any problems, you’ll hear me and I’ll say, “I have to use the bathroom.”
That’s a horrible idea.
What if you actually have to use the bathroom?
I won’t actually have to use the bathroom.
It’s a half-hour job, tops.
[therapist] Was this work-related, or were these just friends of yours, John?
[Jane] They were clients that we were trying to, you know, we were trying to close a deal with them.
Or c… yeah, court.
Yeah.
And did you sign them?
[♪ CJ: “Whoopty”]
♪ Whoopty ♪
♪ Bitch, I’m outside, it’s a movie, huh ♪
♪ Blue cheese, I swear I’m addicted to blue cheese ♪
♪ I got stick to this paper like loose-leaf, huh ♪
♪ Bitch, I’m ’bout my chicken like…
Yeah.
[Terrence] What’d you say your name again was?
John?
Yeah, John.
I didn’t know Lif had any cousins in New York.
He don’t talk about family?
Nah.
Yeah, that’s Khalif.
Call.
[Rodrick] Don’t eat those, man. They’re, like, a year old, bro.
Peanut butter in a pretzel is, like, the perfect combo.
Shit, it’s weird it’s not more of a staple snack.
[Rodrick] They don’t got good branding.
You know, branding is everything.
[John] I was just talking to my mains about cops.
Now, they got good branding. You know, that’s what… even Michelle Obama, she was like,
“I wish the presidency had a promo budget.”
Because optics are everything. The way people come to you is the way people see you, you know?
Mm.
And cops have really good branding.
Black people need better branding.
Shit, that copaganda, man, is real.
And they don’t slip up a lot.
[Rodrick] And when they do slip, they make you forget about that shit fast as fuck.
Mm-hmm.
Have them doing them little TikTok dances next day at the crime scene and shit.
I know, yeah.
They be sitting there like…
[laughter]
That’s what I’m saying, n*gga.
[laughter]
[over device] That’s what I’m saying.
[Jane] He was taking forever.
No, you just don’t like that I was doing it well without you.
That… That’s what… That’s the problem.
Oh, and you feel that this bothers Jane?
[John] I know it does. I mean… if we’re being honest, I was bonding with Black people…
[Jane] Oh, my God.
And it was something that she can’t do as well.
[clears throat]
[John] So I had access in a way that she will never have, and it bothered her.
You were in there with these guys, they were just talking about different kinds of girls and w-wh… submissive girls, I mean…
No.
What you were bonding over was being sexist.
That’s what it was.
How so?
Say-say more about that.
No, we were talking about Mya.
[Rodrick] You know who I was obsessed with back in the day?
Mya.
’01, ’02?
I remember Mya. Oh, shit.
I used to run home, 4:00,
Wednesday afternoon, MTV, just sitting there…
[laughter]
trying-trying to get Sisqó out of the way.
[laughter]
Just like…
“Fuck, n*gga.”
[cackles]
What did ever happen to Mya?
[John] That’s exactly what we were talking about.
We were saying, like, I think she married, like, rich and then was like, “I-I just don’t need this,” and just decided to, like, be on her own.
Yeah.
She was like, “Oh, I’m just gonna…” But I just…
We were like, “Oh, remember that song,” like…
♪ Forget about ♪
[hums]
Yes, I do. Yeah, yeah.
I remember loving that video.
[John] Oh.
It’s so good.
[laughs] Yeah.
With Sisqó?
Yeah.
Like, we were just talking about how much we love Mya.
Mm-hmm.
Jane.
Mm-hmm?
Your body language is saying a lot right now.
[Jane] What’s hard about this is that I think you perform a bit when you’re around other men.
No. No.
Yeah.
I think… [laughs]
[chuckles]
You were performing with them.
You weren’t even laughing like yourself.
Well, we were doing a… uh, that’s how I laugh.
Nope. I have never heard you laugh like that.
That’s how I laugh when I think something’s actually funny.
That’s my real laugh.
What?
“Actually funny.” Did you hear that?
John, let’s… let’s try to refrain from using cruel or absolute language while we’re in here.
Outside of here, you can do whatever you want.
[chuckles]
Not really, but you know.
[Jane] I think it’s something that he does when he’s around men.
Mm-hmm.
And I don’t know if it has something to do with his dad or if it’s something to do with the way you grew up, with how your mom…
Wow. Okay. L-Listen.
We have a therapist. We have a therapist here.
Let her do her job, okay? You don’t…
Y-You’re being out of pocket, all right?
What-what does that even mean?
I think what John means by “being out of pocket” is that you are crossing a boundary.
Thank you.
Okay.
[Jane] Okay, fine. He was crossing a lot of boundaries when he was in this conversation.
[sighs]
Yes.
What boundaries?
You… You were being racist. He was saying racist things about me.
I was not.
[Bucket] I love Latina women, but I don’t love they families, man.
I mean, they just, they just be too involved.
[Rodrick] I don’t know about that.
I can’t trust a woman who isn’t close to her family.
[John] Facts.
Something wrong with a woman who’s not close with her family.
I-It tells you a lot about them.
You have a ring.
Mm.
You must be married.
Yep.
[Bucket] She a Latina?
Asian, actually.
Oh.
N*gga, word?
I went East.
Yo, you went East with…
[laughter]
East of the border?
You a lucky man, ’cause I love me some Asians.
[John] Yeah.
They low-key conservative.
[Bucket] That’s facts.
They know their role.
Mm-hmm.
[John] Not mine.
She’s not like that at all.
She must be Filipino.
[laughter]
She’s Japanese, but I never met her family,
so she could be low-key Korean.
[laughter]
I don’t even know, it’s like…
[laughs] I-I know you’re not low-key Korean.
Like, that’s obvious.
Like, I…
[therapist] No, no, no.
I do recognize that in your individual communities, certain ways of communicating are permissible, but… I think bonding over racism within that community at your wife’s expense is-is hardly the way to go about that.
[John] This…
our… the problem wasn’t about that, okay?
It wasn’t about what I said.
It was about what she did.
[neck cracks]
[♪ Mya: “It’s All About Me”]
See? That’s the thing with this n*gga.
[Terrence] N*gga, it hurts.
No, no, no, no.
Let me t… No, no, no, no. Let me talk.
I keep telling this n*gga, don’t crack your neck like that.
[Terrence] Fuck that.
You’re gonna regret it later, man.
[Rodrick] That’s what I’m trying to tell him, n*gga.
Do some yoga. 15 minutes when you get up.
[John] Mm-hmm.
[Terrence] 15 minutes?
That’s asking a lot.
[Rodrick] Look, somebody explain to this n*gga what I’m talking about.
Look, right now, you’re young.
You probably don’t need to do it.
You know, 15 minutes seems like a long time in the morning.
[Terrence] I mean, I’ve been through some shit, but then…
Listen…
Maintenance. The more you put into your body, the more you’ll get out of it.
You know those old folks that you see walking down the street with their necks like that?
You don’t want to be that.
[Bucket] Y’all do look like y’all struggle up the steps.
[laughs] Don’t do that.
I appreciate that. Thank you, John.
[John] Life is maintenance.
I like that.
Yo, who is this n*gga?
[laughter]
Yo, I-I really like that, man.
I’m telling you, it’s real shit.
[Terrence] Are these n*ggas serious?
[Bucket] I have no idea what the fuck they’re talking…
[exhales]
♪ Now swing my body right to left…
Nah, nah, nah, nah!
[exhales]
[coughs]
[panting]
♪ You gotta see ♪
♪ Tonight, baby…
[Jane over comms] Ugh, I’m fucking starving.
Just grab the bag and get out of there.
[therapist] Oh, so Jane closed it?
Yeah.
Yeah. Very, very aggressively.
[glass shatters in distance]
[boy] Mom!
I am so sorry.
This is one of the consequences of working from home.
[laughs softly]
I’m just gonna tell him I’m in a session.
[door opens]
Okay.
All right.
[door closes]
[whispers] Just tell her you were jealous and that you almost got me killed.
[whispers] Oh, what?
You almost got me killed.
I didn’t get you killed. I fucking saved you.
You didn’t save me. I didn’t need your help.
Oh, really? Did you die? Are you dead right now?
Am I dead right now?
Yeah, are you?
What? Are you insane?
Like, who do you think you are?
God?
Keep your voice down.
Down.
I almost died.
[door slides open]
[therapist] So…
so sorry about that.
[Jane] No.
[John] Oh, it’s no problem. He sounds sweet.
Yeah, he’s disrespectful.
Um… Sorry.
[laughs]
[both chuckle]
[John] It’s okay.
Forgive me.
[Jane] No.
[John] It’s all right.
Sorry.
[John] It’s okay.
[Jane] Yeah.
So, John, do you think we can come up with a word other than “controlling” to explain why Jane might have intervened?
Um… [clears throat]
I feel like… maybe Jane intervened possibly because she’s… s-she can be… anxious.
And do you want Jane to feel that anxious?
[John] No.
I want her to let me help her be less anxious.
And do you think you can let John do that more?
Yeah.
That’s great.
[quietly] That’s so great.
Nice work, John.
I do… I… I don’t know, I just have trouble, still, with the idea of-of…
Like, how do I do that without making sacrifices to the parts of…
You know, without sacrificing parts of myself that make me me.
[therapist] Mm-hmm.
You know, when I was spending some time in the jungles of Tortuguero, Costa Rica, a, uh, rare mantled howler, the Alouatta palliata, stared at me directly in my eyes.
And at first, I held his stare… until I realized, if I didn’t heed his warning, he was ready to take a chunk out of my face.
So I averted my gaze, because sometimes we just have to listen to nature.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Mm.
Mm, mm, mm.
Mm-hmm.
[Jane] Mm-hmm.
We are out of time.
Oh.
But this has been great.
Okay?
Yeah.
So, same time next week?
Um…
Yeah, we can…
I-I think we can do that.
Okay, great.
[Jane] Thank you so much.
[John] Thank you.
You’re so welcome.
[John] No problem.
The Venmo, uh, code
is on a sticky note right by the door.
Okay. Okay, great.
You have…
I have the phone.
You can take a picture of it, there…
My son is… It’s a… it’s been done, it’s out there.
Okay.
Okay.
[both] Thank you so much.
[Jane] Thank you.
What do you think she meant by the monkey story?
I don’t know.
I was thinking about that. I was very lost.
I didn’t know where to look.
[laughs] I don’t…
Was the monkey me?
[laughs] Or was the monkey me, I thought.
Was she, was that a, like, a racist, like,
“Don’t make eye contact with me.”
[laughs]
♪ ♪
Beautiful floors, Doc.
[therapist] Thank you for noticing, John.
The wood on the floor, uh, believe it or not, actually came from my childhood home.
I had them fly it in ages ago.
Wow.
Mm.
You love this house. I can tell.
I do love this house.
It’s a real, um, cocoon for me.
[laughs softly]
So…
how did things feel, since our last session?
Not good, honestly.
It wasn’t great.
Jane, do you notice that you do that a lot?
Answer for the both of you?
Well, he’s not…
I mean, last time, I feel like, in the last session, he was doing that for me.
But now I just feel like he’s not…
[sniffles]
…answering, he’s looking to me to answer, so…
[therapist] Okay, and that’s fair.
John, do you notice that you do that a lot?
Look to Jane for the answer?
Yeah, I guess I’ve just gotten used to her thinking she has all the answers.
Can you rephrase that, John?
[Jane clears throat]
I… don’t know as much as her.
[therapist] Great.
Has Jane been able to let you take the lead at all since we saw each other last?
I tried.
[horn honking]
[siren wailing]
[Jane] Out of the way!
[John] Hold up!
[John panting] Fuck. Fuck.
[coughing]
It’s not my fault you have asthma.
[therapist] Uh…
Why-why even say that?
H-How is asthma relevant here?
[John] She’s just using it to cut me down.
[Jane] Don’t do the thing where you twist it around and make it seem like you’re the good guy and I’m being bad.
I’m not, I’m pointing out… I’m not the villain.
You were the one who was actually mean.
I’m not the villain, either.
Yeah…
How so? How so? Elaborate on that.
[Jane] So, there was a software malfunction.
I’m saving the computer from crashing.
You always have to be first to troubleshoot a problem when it’s fine the way it is.
[Jane] I don’t need to troubleshoot.
I start at zero and I go up through the codes.
You go up through the codes?
Yeah.
[John] My files are clean.
My-my files are fine.
Your files are so corrupt.
The amount that I have to clean up after you is wild.
Really?
Yeah.
‘Cause the malware you have is i-incredible.
Okay.
[Jane] Uh-huh.
Okay? it’s crazy that it’s still even running.
You’re the one who did the thing after.
That’s-that’s the… that’s the thing that actually fucked me up.
[elevator bell dings]
[grunts]
[grunts]
[John] You never want to give me credit for anything.
Okay? I’m good at pivoting.
I taught you that.
[grunting]
I’m always communicating with you, on the job.
I’m keeping you in the loop.
Third floor!
Oh, come on.
[over comms] Fourth floor.
Fifth!
[exhales] Oh, God.
Whatever, Jane.
I…
Always the martyr. I get it.
Ninth floor! Tenth floor!
[panting] I’m gonna fucking kill this guy.
I’m gonna kill this guy.
[Jane] Eleventh!
Twelfth!
Fuck… you, you motherfucker.
[panting]
Fifteen!
Sixteenth floor!
[elevator bell dings]
[Jane over comms] We’re heading onto the roof!
[both panting]
Die, motherfucker.
[man screaming]
[thud]
[car alarm sounding]
[John laughing over comms]
What? What are you saying?
Who are you talking to?
What that… Who was that for?
Was that for you or was that for me?
Oh… Oh…
Babe.
“Die, motherfucker”?
[laughing] Did I miss your first movie?
Holy shit.
[Jane] He laughed at me.
In my face. ‘Cause he couldn’t keep up with coding.
[stifled laugh]
And I was saving you…
Stop laughing.
It was funny, that you said that.
It was a c… Y-You said a catchphrase while we were c-coding.
What?
Imagine if I had said something like that, if I was like, [stammers] “That’s what’s up, chicken butt.”
Like, if I said that, you would’ve…
[laughs]
Y-You’re laughing.
Because that’s not what I said, first of…
Yeah, but it was funny.
[Jane] It’s hurtful when you laugh at something like that.
Come on.
I needed to say that to go there.
To-to go where?
[John] It’s just a moment.
And it’s… y-you’re taking it like I’m belittling you.
It’s not belittling. You’re the one who thinks…
You are.
That I can’t live without you. That’s belittling.
I’ve had to save you many times, it’s just a fact.
When have you… when have you saved my life?
Ski work trip.
[chuckles] The ski trip?
Mm-hmm.
You saved my dick. That is not my life.
[Jane] That’s not a small feat. That…
Oh, it’s not like I get to use it anymore.
It’s like…
Jesus.
When it comes to you, and all your problems and your point of view, I have to be there and support it and understand it, but when it comes to me and my stuff, no one gives a fuck.
Sorry.
[therapist] It’s okay.
He’s being brave. And honest.
[piano plays]
Uh, I-I’m so sorry.
Uh, please don’t play that piano.
Sorry, it’s not for playing.
Oh.
It was my grandfather’s.
It was the one thing my grandparents were able to save from the war.
One of the Nazis loved to hear them play it.
It saved their lives.
Oh, Jesus.
I’m sorry. I didn’t…
You should, you should return to your seat, John.
Okay.
Thank you so much.
I didn’t realize that was not a play… p-playing piano.
[therapist] I know. A lot of people do that, so it’s okay.
It’s okay. You should get a little sign.
I mean, you got a QR code, so…
[therapist clears throat]
[hands clapping softly]
So…
Is this the, uh, traditional dynamic between the two of you?
Jane taking the lead, in a leadership role, always?
It-it wasn’t like that at the beginning.
In the beginning, I had more, um, uh, coding experience than her, and, you know, there was a lot…
I-I trained her, in a lot of ways.
You trained me?
Uh, I gave you a lot more guidance.
Mm.
You know, and if I’m being honest, I felt more comfortable in that role ’cause it-it felt like she was looking up to me.
And I miss that.
What a vulnerable thing to admit.
How does that make you feel, Jane?
I do still look up to you, John.
[sighs]
Sometimes you act like… like I’m holding you back.
It feels like you-you think I’m holding you back.
I don’t feel that way.
I don’t think you’re holding me back.
I don’t.
[therapist] Do you feel that?
That’s the power of the work that we’re doing here together.
It’s the power of this room.
So, I think what I would like for you to try to do is to try saying “time-out” when things start heating up.
It might sound silly, but my husband and I do it, and it really does work.
You say “time-out,” you take 20 minutes, and then, if you want to revisit the conversation or the topic, of course you can.
But the funny thing is, nine times out of ten, it… it no longer feels as important.
Do you think you can try this?
Mm-hmm.
Okay, so next time?
[both] Next time.
Great.
She likes you more than me.
That’s not true.
No, it’s true.
Everyone likes you more. You’re very likeable.
[car alarm chirps]
♪ ♪
Why don’t we start this session saying one great thing that your partner does for you?
Jane?
John always leaves the toilet seat down.
Did something happen this week at work?
John?
[therapist] Okay, look, I’m just gonna call out the elephant in the room here.
It seems like work is a real point of contention for you.
Yeah. It, uh… it wasn’t a good work week. [chuckles]
And a lot of this might be depression from-from looking at screens all day.
It’s not the screens.
What would you say it is, then?
What happened this week?
We went on a work retreat.
Camping.
[birds singing]
[Jane] This is taking longer than Hihi said it would.
Why wouldn’t they include coordinates to find this guy?
[John] They probably don’t know where he is.
He’s obviously off the grid.
[Jane] Are you sure we’re not lost?
[twig cracks]
[therapist] So, what were you actually doing on this retreat?
We were hunting.
Wow.
I-I didn’t see you two as the hunting type.
What were you hunting?
Just big game.
It was big.
John is a big game hunter.
John is a big game hunter?
[both] Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
[Jane] It all looks the same.
[John] Not to me.
[scoffs]
[Jane] The woods are the woods.
We’re-we’re lost here.
You think, after two days, you’re just gonna magically get service?
Look, we’re not lost. Would you trust me?
You always get like this.
Like what?
All stressed and worried and…
We’re not gonna fail the mission.
I know you’re worried about it, but we’re just not.
We’ll find him before nightfall, okay?
Okay.
[John] It was nice at the beginning.
Because it felt like she needed me again, and it felt like there was a spark that was being relit.
[therapist] Mm-hmm.
Hmm.
Jane?
Yeah, there was, there was a small spark in the beginning.
So, where did things go wrong?
[Jane] We were working, camping, doing the hunting, and then he got all machismo.
You impressed?
If you catch something with it, I will be.
This whole mission is weird.
[John scoffs] How?
I mean, you’re acting like this is Disneyland, like y-you’re camping.
It’s… [sighs]
I don’t know.
We haven’t seen a trace of the target.
There’s no reception here, nobody’s here.
We’re just… [laughs softly]
How do we even know he’s still here?
[sighs]
[John grunts]
Okay, fuck it.
What are you doing?
[screams] The fuck?
Chill.
[gunshot]
Stop, Jo… The Hunter is gonna hear you.
Are you crazy?
Then he’ll come to us.
We can’t find him, so he’ll come to us.
Ah.
[water splashes]
What is happening?
See, the trick is you got to shoot under it, not at it.
I didn’t read a book.
That’s what happened.
That’s how you’re gonna talk about this?
That’s what you’re gonna say?
This is all because of a book.
I’m-I’m sorry, what-what was this, uh, about a book?
He lied.
[insects trilling]
That’s sad.
What’s sad?
There was a bug that was attracted to this…
It’s nothing.
You got to try and relax.
Whenever you think of something sad… try and think about the joy that’s in it, you know?
Like, right now, it… underneath the stars.
Most people don’t get to see this anymore.
It’s like The Prophet.
Hmm?
“The Joy and the Sorrow.”
Hmm.
I’m tired.
I’m gonna go to bed.
[grunts]
Do you actually like The Prophet?
What?
The book. The Prophet.
Yeah. What-what about it?
Have you even read it?
N… No.
So this was about a book?
It started off about a book. It’s not about a book.
Well, then, what is it about, then?
[chuckles]
You told me it was your favorite book.
You said…
When did I say that?
I said it was my favorite book, I said the Hot Neighbor loved it…
[laughs]
…and then you said…
What?
That, yeah, I mean, yeah, then that’s probably why.
I was… I-I don’t like that guy.
I just, I don’t like how he flirts with you.
Oh, my God.
I don’t understand that, so I prob…
I-I said that to…
It’s-it’s just a book.
So you lied.
Yeah. Yeah, I lied.
I-I don’t think it warrants this kind of reaction.
I thought that was why we matched, because it’s our favorite book.
You think an international spy agency put us together because we like the same book?
No.
Like it’s OkCupid or something?
Okay.
No, I-I’m wrong.
Right. What do you mean?
I’m wrong, ’cause I actually have never seen you read a book in the entire time I’ve known you, so…
It makes sense.
I know you, Jane.
And you’re very calculated about how you put things.
So if you want to call me stupid, just call me stupid…
I’m not calling you stupid.
and we can have a conversation about it.
No, I’m not calling you stupid, I’m just saying you don’t read books, which is true.
[laughs]
What are you…
Yo. Can we just please go to sleep?
All right? We can argue about… books in the morning, all right?
Yeah, I’m tired. Let’s…
You’ve been teaching me all day like I’m your student, so…
I’ve… I’ve been trying to share things with you.
We were doing things together.
I was showing you…
No, it was pretty condescending and controlling, so…
I’m condescending and controlling?
Yeah.
Jane, you don’t even let me eat you out without telling me how to do it.
I have to tell you how to do it…
Every fucking time, like I’ve never seen a fucking vagina before.
You don’t know how I like it, so I have to tell you…
Every fucking time?
If you learned and listened, maybe I wouldn’t have to fucking say how to lick my pussy.
This is classic Jane.
“I have to emasculate you so I feel worth it.”
I have to teach you everything because you don’t know…
You don’t have to teach me shit.
…how to do a lot of things.
I… You act like a baby!
You’re sitting underneath a shelter I made.
Oh! “Oh, I’m man. I made this fire, I got you this fish… I build shelter, food, fire, water.”
Fuck you.
Nice.
Why are you like this?
Why do you do that? I-I just don’t get it.
I just have deeper priorities.
You got… you have deeper priorities?
Yeah.
You don’t have the capacity to understand it, so…
Just shut up. Y-You’re always trying to make somebody feel stupid.
“Shut up.” “Shut up.”
“Fuck you.” Is that how your mom taught you how to talk to women?
You’re obsessed with my mom.
[laughs] Wait, wait. Okay.
You’re saying I’m obsessed with your mom?
You call her five times a day.
It-it’s a little unhealthy and it’s…
You need boundaries.
Oh, oh, like, the boundaries thing?
Yeah, you need that.
That-that’s the whitest thing that you… and-and you… you’re always like…
Oh, what a fucking cool dig.
Like, you don’t even know what that means.
Her husband died. I’m the man in her life.
I take care of her because I came out of her.
What did you do for your dad when your mom died?
Other than not talk to him ever again.
She’s a good mother.
You wouldn’t know anything about that ’cause you’re too busy gallivanting around with a fucking cat.
So don’t talk about her.
[clapping]
Don’t fucking bring her up every time we have a disagreement, ’cause you don’t understand feelings.
You don’t know what it’s like to care about somebody.
You just pretend, and fucking robotic mimic everything somebody else does.
I don’t know if you’re on the spectrum or what, but it’s fucking weird, and all you do is make other people feel bad for feeling shit.
You said it yourself: You wouldn’t be a good mom.
So don’t come here and talk that shit to me.
We already failed this fucking mission, anyway.
Who is your emergency contact?
What?
Who is your emergency contact?
My mom.
You’re mine. [sobs softly]
Our boss was unhappy, to say the least.
[therapist] I have a thought.
Are you ever able to take time off from work?
Not really. No.
No. Not really.
What about working on separate projects for a while, rather than-than doing it all together?
It doesn’t really work that way.
Yeah.
Okay, guys, honestly, it’s just a job.
Just a job. It is not life and death.
I know that a lot of this is really tough, but you guys have to remember that no one is forcing you to stay together.
No one is holding a gun to your head.
You can leave this relationship at any time.
You are choosing to stay in it.
It’s a choice.
Right now, you are choosing to be better.
Otherwise you wouldn’t be showing up here every week, saying all of the hard things.
Yeah?
Okay.
You know, maybe we ask Hih… um… him, our boss, if we could get separate… um, coding projects for a while.
Yeah.
That could be good.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
That sounds like a solid plan.
Do you feel better?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Great. So I will see you next week?
Mm-hmm. Thank you.
Yeah, thank you.
Oh, and before I forget, I want to give you this.
What’s that?
Uh, those are the recordings.
R-Recordings? Well, um…
Yes, remember the contract you signed?
I record all of the sessions, and then, that way, at the end of every month, you can watch it back, we can unpack anything we might have missed, listen for tone.
Great.
Great.
Where are all the, um, the cameras and… microphones and stuff?
Oh, goodness, they are hidden all over the room.
I feel, when people can see the cameras, they tend to behave inorganically.
Of course. Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, uh…
We’re gonna listen to this.
Yeah. Cool.
Yeah.
Totally forgot that, yeah, we were recording.
Yeah. Thank you.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Oh.
What is that? That’s-that’s a great piece.
Oh. Well, thank you very much.
That was actually made by a person in Kütahya, who’s no longer with us.
An artist by the name of Ulu Bakmancho.
This was his final piece.
He said, “This ends with me.”
All right.
[therapist] Thank you. See you next week.
[Jane] Beautiful house.
Thank you again.
Don’t forget the, uh, Venmo by the door.
[Jane] Uh-huh. Yeah.
[John] Got it.
[door closes]
[exhales]
Jesus Christ.
[inhaling]
[sighs]
[boy] Mom. Mom.
Mommy’s working! She’s still working!
[boy] Mom, there’s a fire!
[smoke alarm beeping]
Think we should try again with someone else?
No. It’s not for us.
I-I know it’s not fun, but there’s something good…
But you know what? Now you’re gonna use it against me.
Anytime we get into a fight, you’re gonna say, “Oh…
I’m not angry at you.
I’m just trying to say… if we just had therapy,” and that would be the thing that we would be able to do.
Would you… Time-out!
Yes, my house is completely on fire.
There’s smoke b-billowing out.
[exhales]
[siren wailing in distance]
I don’t know.
Yes, yes, I have so many special things in that house.
[♪ Yoko Ono: “I Felt Like Smashing My Face in a Clear Glass Window”]
♪ I felt like smashing ♪
Please hurry.
♪ My face in a clear glass window ♪
♪ But instead, I went out ♪
♪ And smashed up a phone box ’round the corner ♪
♪ I never had a chance to choose my own parents ♪
♪ I’d never know why I should be stuck with mine ♪
♪ Mommy’s always trying not to eat ♪
♪ And Daddy’s always smelling like he’s pickled in booze ♪
♪ I never had a chance to choose my own name ♪
♪ I’d never know why I should be stuck with mine ♪
♪ Mommy’s always talkin’ ’bout family pride ♪
♪ And Daddy’s always hiding ’bout his weekend rides ♪
♪ All day long, I felt like ♪
♪ Smashing my neck in a clear glass window ♪
♪ But instead ♪
♪ I went out ♪
♪ And smashed out a station wagon ’round the block ♪
♪ I looked at the mirror and told myself ♪
♪ I’m glad I still don’t look like them, at least ♪
♪ Mommy’s like a film star in a distorted mirror ♪
♪ Daddy’s like a guy who lost his stomach in the war ♪
♪ I went to shake hands with ♪
