Mr. & Mrs. Smith – S01E03 – First Vacation | Transcript

John and Jane take a vacation in the Italian Dolomites. Will new hobbies and friendships lead to romance?
Mr. & Mrs. Smith - S01E03 - First Vacation

Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Season 1 Episode 3
Episode Title: First Vacation
Original release date: February 2, 2024 (Amazon Prime Video)

Plot summary: John and Jane take a vacation in the Italian Dolomites. Will new hobbies and friendships lead to romance?

* * *

I should be clear: I’m not in this for the romance.

It’s just… an earpiece.

You look nice.

Thank you. So do you.

No contact. With anyone.

Like even my mother?

Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[horn honking]

[Jane] What do you think happens if we fail?

Our marriage?

Our mission.


What a shitty day.

Do you want to kiss me?

♪ ♪

[computer chimes]

[John] “Hihi. Welcome to the Italian Dolemites.”

[♪ Francesco De Leo: “Muse”]

Check in to the Fanus Hotel, room 602.

Observe and report on your neighbors, Gavol and Parker Martin.

♪ ♪

[soft whirring]

Bug both their phones.

Record an important call at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow.

Do not fail.


[Jane] The champagne has a note.

It says, “Please enjoy, make sure to finish the mission this time.”


Hihi’s so passive-aggressive now.

I know.

I didn’t know Hihi was a woman.

Wait, what…

It’s a joke.

What is wrong with you?

I was joking and…


I thought it was funny…

Is it?

And I’m punishing myself.

You should punish.


♪ ♪

[Gavol] Just… didn’t want to eat cheese.

[Parker] Well, that’s their specialty.

I mean, if you didn’t want to eat cheese, you should have said something earlier.

[Gavol] Why?

You ordered what you wanted and I ordered what I wanted.

[John clears throat]

[Parker] You just… [sighs]


[Parker] You’re having this…

You’re still hard.

Mm-hmm. Genetic lottery, I guess.

[Parker] Can we talk about something?

[Gavol] What?

I think that sleeping in separate rooms is just a… a little overboard, don’t you?

Your snoring has gotten so bad.

I just need to be able to sleep.

[Parker] I know it’s not…

You know we’ve never slept in the same bed?

[Parker] …about the snoring.


That’s not true.

Is that true?


Mm, one bed, one bathroom…

You sure you’re gonna be okay?

[Parker] You want to sleep apart even on vacation?

[Jane chuckles] I mean, you’re the one that goes downstairs every time after we have sex.

That’s only because I know how only children are.

How are only children?

You guys need, like…

What do we need?

You guys are like raptors.


Where you need like 15 meters of space between.

So crazy.

[Gavol] You’re not having a shower?

[Parker] No.


[Parker] I’m gonna watch TV.

They’re clearly gonna go to bed.

We should go out.

Maybe we could get a drink downstairs.

[Jane] I mean, that hihi note made me feel kind of anxious.

I just, I don’t want to fail.

We’re not gonna fail.

Okay? I’ll be vigilant.

Promise. It’s just, you know…

It might be nice to go out and… get some of the ambiance, you know?

But it’s nice and cozy in here.

Yeah, but we can bring the, like, baby monitor with us.


It’ll be nice.

We can watch them from anywhere. It’s observe and report.

Yeah, I just, I want to stay in here with you.

[Gavol] Night, love.

[Parker] Can we talk?

[Gavol] Right now?

[Parker sighs] I want to have a… a naked moment.

“Naked moment.” What’s that?

It’s therapy-speak.

[Parker] I think we should try the two of us sleeping in the same bed together. I…

Even the possibility of you snoring is gonna keep me up.


Well, it’s, it’s gotten better.

How, how do you know it’s gotten better?

You’re asleep.

Why is she being so mean to him?

He just wants to sleep next to his wife.

I don’t know. She sounds exhausted.

[John] Yeah, but is it so bad to just, like, want to have affection from your wife?

It’s not the worst thing in the world.

[Jane] I mean, that’s Gavol Martin.

Her net worth is, what? Like, the GDP of Australia?

She needs sleep. This is… you know.

[John] Yeah. That’s fair.

What was the point, Gavol, of me arranging this whole experience…

Why do you think we need to bug both of their phones?

Why not just hers?

I don’t know.

Okay, I-I did some research on this guy.

He’s a surfer.

I mean, he was.

But that’s it.


How about tomorrow I’m all yours?

Okay? I won’t work the whole day, but just, in order to do that,

I just, I need to be able to sleep.




Can you promise me something?

Yeah. What?

That we’ll never be like that?

Even if it all goes to shit?

Like that?

Hmm. Deal.

[quietly] Deal.


What was that?

Check outside.


[John cocks gun]

[Jane cocks gun]



[John] Clear.


Thought I heard something.

It’s all, it’s all good.


[Jane exhales]

♪ ♪

Okay, honey, come here.

Come here.

[alarm chiming]

[Gavol] Sir Charles has said the slopes should be pretty quiet today.

[Parker] Mm.

[Jane sighs]

[Parker] Did you pack the EpiPens?

[Gavol] Uh…

[Jane] John?

[Gavol] Yeah.

[Parker] Well, I’m not finding them.

[Gavol] Ugh.

I’m sure they’ll have one at the restaurant.

[Parker] Well, probably not a kid’s one.

[Jane] They’re headed to the slopes.

But doesn’t seem like they’re on speaking terms.

[Jane] Our best bet to bug them is if they split up.

[John] If they split up, how we gonna find each other?

We could share our locations.

Yeah. You sure you want to do that?

Well, we don’t… Yeah, I mean…


Kind of a big step.

It’s like knowing each other’s passcode to the phone or something.

It’s for work, like, I’d just be…

We don’t have to, I…

No, no. Um…

Let’s do it.

Let’s do it. All right.

Are you sure?

I’m positive.

[chuckles] Okay.

[John] Great.




Who was that?

[John] Uh, that was, um… just some spam.

Keeps happening.

[Jane] Hmm.

This is a weird mission.

Makes me feel like we’re private investigators for a failing marriage.

Can I have a piece of your bacon?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I, uh, I know.

[while chewing] I think the child makes it so much worse ’cause he’s buried in that game, like, he wants out of that family.

You know?

[John chomping loudly]

He wants out.

Right? Just… [chomping]

[chuckles] Okay.

I… don’t know how else to do it to, like, talk and…

[John] Yeah, just… talk in between.

Or-or chew, like, like, you know.

[chewing quietly]


No one does that.

I do.


Do you want to know how you eat? This is how you eat.

[clinking cutlery]

[stifled chuckle] Okay.

[Jane] It’s like a drum solo.

Sounds like Stomp.

[Jane] Yeah.

In my ears, all the time.



[chuckles] You’re mean.

Ma’am, is this yours?

Oh, my goodness, thank you.

It’s no problem.

No problem at all.

[chuckles softly]

Tom, imagine if I’d lost my scarf?

You would have been devastated.

[Rita] Oh…

I know you love that scarf.


It’s a beautiful scarf.

I almost took it. You got to be careful.

[Tom laughs]

[John] Where did you get it from?

[Tom] Eh, I got it for her on our second date.

[Rita] Mm-hmm.


[Tom] What was that at? At, um…

Forty-nine years ago.

[Rita] Almost 50.

Half a century. That is crazy.

That’s incredible. Where you guys from?

[Tom] We are from Konstanz.

That’s, it’s, eh, it’s the south of Germany, just at the Swiss border.



Oh, wow.

[John] Well, that’s cool.

We were just talking about how we want to spend more time around that area. Is it nice?

[Tom] Yeah. You’d love it.

[Tom] Yes, really.

[Rita] It’s really…

It’s right against the lake.

Oh, I hate to do this, but we actually have to go right now.

[Tom] It’s a very big lake.

Oh, wow.

It’s the biggest lake in Germany.

You’ll like it.

Oh, sure.

Is it as big as Como?

We have lots of apples. You should try them.

And we have good food and wine.

Oh, okay. Yes.

So nice meeting you.

[Tom] Maybe you want to come by?

We’ll see you again. Bye.

You should try our wine.

[Jane] Honey, come on, let’s go.

Yeah, no.

John. John.

Thank you. I’ll see you.

[John] What?

I hate vacation friends.

The whole point of going on vacation is to leave your friends behind, you don’t invite new ones in your life.

♪ ♪

[Jane] This is taking forever.

Is there another way down, other than skiing?

‘Cause, uh…

I cannot do that.

You don’t know how to ski?

Mm-mm. No.

You bought all the ski gear.

Yeah, ’cause I look fly.


Please be joking.

I would never joke about fashion.



[phone buzzing]

Who is that?


Hello? Are you okay?

You called me three times in a row.

I thought something was wrong.

Yeah, well, I can’t right now…

Did you try turning it off and then turning it on?

[sighs, sniffs]

Go, go to, go to “settings.”

It’s gonna ask for a password.

Golly… Wolly… 0401 exclamation point.


Zero, four, zero, one.

Exclamation point.

Well, then I don’t know.

I will call the company when I get back.

Yeah, she’s here.

I got to go.

All right. Bye.

Bye, I love you.




How often do you contact her?

A few times a day.

A few times a day?

Are you fucking serious?

No, don’t smile, that’s…

Okay, I’m…

That is so dangerous.

What does she know about us?

I-I, she doesn’t…

What does she know about us?

She doesn’t know anything compromising.

She doesn’t.

Does she call you by your new name?



But listen, she doesn’t… she thinks…

I travel a lot for work, she knows I’m married.


That’s it. That’s, that’s, that’s it.

There’s a reason we don’t keep contacts, John.

I-I know.

This is, this is…

I-I, it’s not, it’s not…

It’s dangerous, not just for us, it’s dangerous for your mom.

It’s so fucking selfish of you.

Look, I can’t abandon my mom.

Okay? I’m all she’s got.

Okay? My dad died. I’m the only man in her life.

I take care of her. I have to talk to my mom.

It wasn’t an option.

I understand that.

I’m just saying this is…

I know, but…

I would never compromise us or this in that way.

I-I, I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you about it, but I didn’t know how to talk to you about it, okay? I’m sorry.

But I’m sure you talk to your dad at least a little…

I don’t.

[John] You don’t what?

I don’t talk to my dad.

Not at all?


When you took this job, you just disappeared on him?


And don’t judge me right now for that.

I’m-I’m not trying to judge you, I just…

You don’t know anything about my dad.

What if he molested me?


I’m really sorry.

I’m sorry.

I didn’t know.

There’s no way I could have…

It’s okay, he didn’t molest me, I’m just saying, that is like…

Wait, what?

The point is you just don’t know anything, so don’t…

Wait a sec… you, he didn’t molest you?

You just…

Of course he didn’t molest me.

[John] That was the first example of why you wouldn’t talk to him?

That’s not… don’t…

And it’s not true?

Don’t divert the fucking point.

♪ ♪

[Jane] Okay, that’s them. [inhales]

Come on, we’re gonna lose them.

John, let’s go!

[in distance] Come on, let’s fucking go!

[sniffs, exhales]


♪ ♪

Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa. Ooh.

Whoa. Whoa.

Whoa! [grunts]

[muttering] How ’bout we make a fucking sport where you take a beautiful mountain, throw yourself down it?

[Jane] Are you okay?

No, I’m not. I’m not doing that again.

Yeah, that’s a great idea, Jorgensen.

Maybe rich assholes will play it in the future.

[Parker] Just saying.

Why come to a ski resort if you don’t even want to ski?

I’m not feeling well. Just ski without me.

[exasperated sigh]

♪ ♪

[indistinct chatter]

[Parker] Hey. Graham, you want something?

[Graham] No, thanks.

[Parker continues indistinctly]

[Jane] We only have a couple of hours to bug those phones.

[Parker] I’m not trying to force him into anything, just…

[Gavol] Come on. He doesn’t want anything.

Let’s go. Thank you.

[Parker] Thank you.

[John] Who is she even calling?

I mean, who do billionaires talk to?

[Jane] Maybe she’s calling her mom.

[John] Nice. Nice, Jane.


Look who’s here.

[Jane] Hey!

[laughing] Hi.

Enjoying the Christmas market?

Yes. We, uh…

We actually have to go, so…

[John] Yeah, we have to leave.

[Tom] Listen, guys, before you go,

Rita and I, we found a lovely tapas place.

Yes, yes.

That… We would love that. That, that sounds great.

[John and Jane] Let’s do it.

[Rita] I was telling Tom, “Look at the chic couple.”

What’s your hotel number?

We are staying at this gorgeous room with these large windows overlook the mountain.

Stop talking.

Stop, stop, stop, stop. Shut…

And when the sun…

Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up, bitch.

I have a gun and I will shoot you.

Just stay quiet.

[John] Wow.

[Jane] Well, we just lost our target.

[John] And our vacation friends.

“I have a gun”?

[quiet chatter]

[Parker] Hey, buddy. Burger’s here.

[John] For two people who hate each other, they sure are inseparable.

[Parker] You said last night that you weren’t going to work the whole day.

No, I didn’t.

I said I wasn’t gonna work the whole day.

I have to work some of the day.

That’s not what she said.

No, he obviously misunderstood her.

[Gavol] You’re just deliberately misunderstanding me so you can be upset with me.


[Parker] No.

No, you said, “I will not work the whole day.”

I said, “I will not work the whole day.”

Okay, I wish, I w…

[exclaims] I wish I had a recording right now, so I can play back how wrong you are.

We do have a recording. Should we give it to him?

What’s wrong with you?


[John] We were having fun, like, a minute ago. What is going on?

Why did you go to the gym to call your mom?


Like, why hide that from me?

You’re being weird.

You’re being distant and you’re pulling away from me, and it’s fine, I think you just think this is getting too intense for you.

You know, this is crazy coming from a woman who wanted us to have separate rooms for most of our relationship.

Look, I don’t…

So, that’s what you want?

That’s what I want?

[Jane] That’s what you’re attracted to.

No, you proved my point, you like cool, distant Jane.

I can, I can be cool and distant.

[John] I didn’t say that.

I don’t really care.

I didn’t…

I can keep secrets, too.

[clears throat]

[John] What are you doing?

[clears throat]

[John] Okay.

So if you want to be Mrs. Cool, let’s be cool.

Yeah, let’s just… not talk for the rest of the fucking time.

I can be cool, too.

[Gavol] Are you sulking?

You’re sulking.

Do you even want to be in this marriage anymore?

Why would you say that to me right now?

[Parker] Because I’m not sure I do.

Well, that’s clear.

It’s clear we need to have a serious talk later.


I’m going to my meeting.

[John] All right, they’re finally splitting up.

I’m gonna follow her. Have fun being cool.

[Jane] All right, bye.



[John] Bye.

♪ ♪

[car operator] Right this way.

Sorry, sir. Alpine Peak Club members only.

[speaks Swahili] Mm-hmm.

But sir… Sir?

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Scusi, could I get a vodka with ice?

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[steam hissing]

[Gavol sighs]

Don’t judge me.

I know it’s supposed to be a place to relax.

[inhales, exhales]

I think it’s broken, anyway.



[Jane] Hi.

I think we’re neighbors.

[Parker] Ah, the honeymooners.

You guys seem happy.

[chuckling] Yeah, yeah, yeah.


Is that your son?

[Parker] Yeah.


He’s enjoying the nature, I see.


Probably not good he spends so much time on that thing.

He looks pretty content.

[Parker] Mm.

I think kids should be content.

Yeah, well, content does not equal happy.

[door opens]

On the house, madame.

[Gavol] And my favorite, too.

You must be psychic.

What can I get you, sir?

Can I have a bowl of uncooked rice?

And whatever she’s having.

Okay. Yes.

Where are you from?



I lived in Uganda for a year and a half.

I heard you tell the lift operator, white man’s gonna eat you, just to get on the gondola.

I don’t like people telling me where I can and can’t go.

Thank you.

[waiter] You’re welcome.

You hungry?

It’s for your phone.


Thank you.

[John] Yeah. Should help with the moisture.


[Gavol] Cheers.

[Jane] I saw you guys out on the slopes.

Are you gonna go out again?

[Parker] Oh, probably not.

My wife’s not feeling well.

[Jane] That’s too bad.


She’ll live.

What about you?

What about me?

How are you?

[chuckles softly]

Yeah, I’m, uh…

I’ve been better.

[Gavol] Why are you flirting with me?

If you have to ask that, I’m not doing a good job, am I?

You know what?


This would actually be a really good time for an affair.

Beautiful place… interesting man… privacy…

Also, I think I’m about to get divorced.

You can’t work it out?

Are you trying to sleep with me or fix my marriage?

[Parker] You know, I married Gavol after just three months.

God, she was the most alive person I think I’d ever met.

I was a pro surfer.

And I would nail these impossible waves and there she would be, with sand in her hair, just beaming at me.


And afterward, we’d both be so turned on, we’d just… fuck and fuck and fuck.


[Gavol] Well, I think that cheating is the biggest lie you can have in a marriage, so…

I don’t think I could lie that big.


I lie about little things.

What kind of little things?

Well, um… telling my husband of a meeting when I don’t have a meeting.

I think, he, um…

It hurts his feelings less if it’s about work.

Sometimes I just need to get away from him.

I understand that.

[Parker] And now,

I keep trying to have that feeling again.

But I’m-I’m just not sure it can come back.

[inhales deeply]


[laughs] Sorry.

No, I’m, uh…

I’m actually just… trying to picture you as a surfer.

That was an age ago.

I don’t even know that guy anymore.

But I’ll, uh…

I’ll live. I’m…

It’s him I’m worried about.

You know? How he’ll get on in life.

He feels…

He feels lonely to me.

He’s so sucked into that video game, I don’t see how he can’t be lonely.

Give me your phone.


Give me your phone.

I’m, I’m gonna help you connect with, uh, what’s his name?


[Jane] Graham.

Graham, what game are you playing?

Skate City.

Skate City.

Skate City.

Yeah, yeah.

[phone chimes softly]

[Jane] All right.

It’s downloading.

He loves Skate City; now you love Skate City.



[Jane chuckles]

[Parker] Okay, I’ll take that.

[Gavol] He wanted to come here to spend some time together, but… I see the way he looks at me now and… and now he…

[phone buzzes]

[sighs] Sorry.

I don’t know why I’m getting…

No, no, no, it’s okay.

Actually, let me, um…


Check your phone, make sure it’s, uh…

[Gavol sighs]

[phone chimes softly]

I think it’s working now.

Oh, oh, gosh, wow.


That’s, uh…

You’re a miracle worker. It’s…

Oh, shit…

Whoa. You okay?

You all right? [chuckles]

Uh… Yeah, sorry.

I just felt a bit, um… unwell.

It must be the altitude.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

You want, you want some water or…

Uh, no, I’m just going to, um… I’m just gonna go to the, to the lad…

[John] You sure?

Yeah, just, excuse me.

[indistinct chatter]

[voice mail beeps]

[John on voice mail] What’s up? It’s me, leave a message.

Hey, I bugged his phone. It’s 4:58.

Where are you?


[sighs deeply]

Yeah, no.


[phone whirs]

[Gavol] Um, sorry, excuse me, could you point me in the direction of the ladies’?

[man] I’m headed there. I can show you.

[Gavol] Oh, okay, thank you.

[man] You’re feeling okay, miss?

[Gavol] Yeah, I’ll be fine. Um, thanks.

Thank you.

Why are, why are you taking me outside?

What are you doing?

[man] You look like you could use some help.

[Gavol] No, wait. Where-where are we going?

Where are we… No!

Get your hands off me!

[man] Shut up.

[Gavol through static] You know who I am.

[man] Shut up.


[line beeping]

[John on voice mail] What’s up? It’s me, leave a message.

[exhales] He’s such a sucking dick.

[Gavol over phone] Help! Help!

Get off me! Help!

Who are you?

Tell me who you are. What do you want?

You want money? Is that what you want?

Stay back!

[indistinct yelling nearby]

[Gavol] Please stop.

[man] You be calm.

[Gavol] Get off me!

Oh, God…


[man] Come on.

[man 2] Open the door.

Get in. Come on.

[Gavol panting]

[man mutters]

[man grunting]

[vehicle door shuts]

[line beeping]

[phone buzzing]


[Jane over phone] Hey. Did you bug Gavol’s phone?

Where the fuck are you?

[quietly] They’re kidnapping Gavol.

[Jane] What?

They’re kidnapping Gavol. Right now.

[engine idling]

[Jane] Fuck.

Where are you? I can’t see your location.

[John sighs] I turned it off.

You’re so immature.

Like, wh…

We can talk about this later.

Okay, yeah, I’ve been fucking…

Whatever, we…

[line beeps]

I hear a phone ringing.

It’s Parker’s.

[John] This is the call.

I’m recording.

[Parker sighs] What is it, Gavol?

[man] Parker Martin?

[Parker] Yeah? Who is, who is this?

[man] We have your wife, Gavol.

If you hang up or make any sign of getting help…

[Gavol] Help!

We will kill her.


[Parker] Who are you?

Who is this?

[Gavol] Stop it!

Get your hands off me!

[man] Did you hear that?

[Gavol sobs]


How much?

[man] I need you to relinquish all your shares as soon as we hang up.

You have one hour.

[Parker] That’s impossible.

But… the board would never allow me.

[man] Then make them allow it.

Fifty-one percent as soon as we get off the call.

Listen to me, this is terrorism by default.

They cannot legally comply.

[man] I will kill your wife.

It’s a simple yes or no.

Yes or no?


No deal.

[man] Say goodbye to your husband.

[Gavol] Did he say no?


All right, that was awful.

But we recorded it. We completed the mission.

You should come back now.


Hey, I get it, too, but this is not our job.

We work for…

Yeah, but we did.

She’s a mother, okay? We can’t just leave her there.

That’s not our fucking job.

Don’t do something stupid right now.

You need to come back.

Give me 15 minutes.

John, I’m serious.

Fifteen minutes.

If I don’t hit you back, come find me.

John, listen to me! Are…

[exasperated exhale] You’re so annoying.

[cocks gun]

[muffled gunshot]

[muffled gunshot]

[man yelps]

[muffled gunshot]



[Gavol grunting]



[gunfire continues]

[gunfire continues]

[grunting, panting]



Why did I wear red? Fucking fashion.

[phone buzzes]

[man yells]

No, stop that. Stop, stop, stop!

♪ ♪




[Jane] John?!





[grunts] Okay. All right.


You’re okay.

Here, I’m gonna bring you up, okay?

One, two, three…


[Graham] Dad, Mum is back.

[door opens]

[John groaning]

[Jane] Come on.

[John groans]

[Jane grunts] Okay.

[John coughs, wheezes]

You said no?

[Jane] I’m drawing you a bath. This is gonna help.

You said fucking no?!

You said…

Gavol, Gavol, I didn’t say no.

I mean, well, yes, I said no.

I heard what you said!

My mouth was gagged, not my ears, and you said no.

And it was very fucking cold.

[water running]

Gavol, we talked about this.

We talked about it, we said that if we were ever in a situation…

Yeah, I know what we said, but your first instinct was just to kill me!

It was.

And now I’m so fucking glad you’re not dead.


[Gavol continues indistinctly]

Do you feel your fingers?



This is why I told you to come back.


This is cold water.

It’s gonna make your fingers hurt in a minute, but that’s a good thing, okay?

[quietly] I can’t feel my penis.

Your what?

I can’t feel my penis.

Your penis?

[exhales, sniffles]





You’re not gonna lose your penis.

I promise, okay?

Um… you’re gonna get a lot of texts from me.

I was mad.



We’re a team.

We need to listen to each other.

You can’t just go rogue like that.

What if we had gotten another fail?


Maybe… if you… put your mouth on it…

You fucking asshole!

Ow! I’m still hurt.

I’m… I’m sorr…


[Jane] God.

It’s just, it started hurting a second ago.

It’s okay.

[chuckles softly]


[Jane scoffs]

You really care about me.


I really, really care about you.

♪ ♪

[quietly] Hey. I care about you, too.

No, but… I, like, really… really care about you.


[Parker sobs]

So you had to agree to my death to realize you still love me?

Well, that makes it sound weird, but, yeah.


[chuckles softly, sniffles]

[John] These text messages…

“You better be shot or dead.”


Yeah, damn.

You’re just threatening everybody’s lives.

It’s like…

Just delete them.

Me, an old lady…

The mission’s done. Just get rid of them.

Don’t mean anything.


[clears throat]

[John sighs]

This is nice.


Sharing a bed at the end of the day.

I know.

You want to do this when we get back?


Share a room.



You want to do that?

You sound like a little cartoon mouse.

[squeaky voice] Really?


Well, I’m surprised.


I’ll do it if you want to.

Well, yeah, I want to, but I hope you want to, too.

I wouldn’t have brought it up if I didn’t want to.


All right.



[John exhales]


You all right?

Yeah, yeah. I’m just gonna go for a walk.

I just want to get some snacks, babe.

I’m kind of hungry.

[John] You know you can just let it out right here?

I mean, just… fart.

[stifled chuckle] What are you talking about?

[John] I think you have to fart.

Oh, my…

I don’t have to fart.


I know you farted the other night.

[Jane] What?

I-I went along with it.

‘Cause I didn’t want you to fee…

You seemed like you were embarrassed.

I don’t care.

I didn’t fart that night.


You didn’t fart?

You’re being weird. I’m…

It’s fine, just fart.

Everyone farts, I don’t care.

I don’t… I know.

And I don’t care, and I don’t have to, but…

And I didn’t.


I’ll just stay here, I don’t need to eat.

[John chuckles softly]

Just let it out. Are you…?

Are you farting right now?

[sighs] No.

Jesus Christ.


Oh, my God.


Oh. Oh!

John, it’s not that bad.

Oh, I’m gonna jump

out the window.


Oh. Oh, my God. Just keep hitting me.

I need to distract my body.

[♪ Cornell Campbell: “Girl of My Dreams”]

♪ Girl of my dreams ♪

♪ You are so real ♪

♪ I love you so ♪

♪ You’re so real ♪

♪ Girl of my dreams ♪

♪ Keep on playing that sweet song ♪

♪ Play for me ♪

♪ You are so real ♪

♪ I love you so ♪

♪ Play for me ♪

♪ Girl of my dreams ♪

♪ Keep on playing that sweet, sweet melody ♪

♪ Play for me ♪

♪ You are so real ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ Girl of my dreams ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ You are so real ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ Girl of my dreams ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ You are so real ♪

♪ I love you ♪


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