Modern Love – S02E04 – A Life Plan for Two, Followed by One [Transcript]

The new girl in school falls in love with her best friend and is convinced that they're meant for each other... even though she can’t seem to ever get out of the 'friend zone.'
Modern Love - S02E04 - A Life Plan for Two, Followed by One

Original release date: August 13, 2021

“He was everything a 10-year-old girl could ever hope for in a man. It was decided; I was in love. I started to wonder if the glow from my wedding dress would make him look washed-out. I began devising a plan in which he and I would end up ‘2gether 4ever,’ as all my notebooks stated.”

* * *

♪ We face the music together ♪

♪ And throw our hats in the ring ♪

♪ Facing all kinds of weather ♪

♪ And not afraid of anything ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ When the sun comes up, we’ll be on our way ♪

♪ And we don’t care where we land ♪

♪ And the waves are high, but we won’t turn round ♪

♪ ‘Cause your hand is in my hand ♪

♪ And, oh-oh ♪

♪ You make me feel invincible ♪

♪ ‘Cause it’s you and me ♪

♪ Through the wind and hail ♪

♪ Setting sail into the world ♪♪

[emcee] Welcome to the stage

Lil Parker!

[cheering and applause]

[woman] Yeah!




How many of you saw my name on the marquee outside and thought I was a rapper?


It’s okay. I forgive you.

But, anyway, tonight is a real special night, and it’s for my ladies…



Shout-out to the ladies!

Yeah, so tonight is not gonna be about those relationships with the fuckboys who ruined us and, you know, left us on the side of the road for dead and then threw that bitch back in reverse and went over us again. It’s not…

[laughter, gasping]

It’s not about them tonight.

It’s not about how we love or-or don’t love someone else.

It’s about how we love ourselves.

[cheering and applause]


And then how we fuck that shit up, too. [chuckles]


[cheering and applause]

♪ ♪

[♪ A Tribe Called Quest: “Find a Way”]

[Lil] Once upon a time, when I was 12 years old, my family moved to Brooklyn from Cleveland, Ohio.

Sure, for most kids, it would’ve definitely been a culture shock.

Liliane, wait a sec.

[Lil] Which it was.

But in my fairy tale, Brooklyn was so…


Liliane, wait a second!



♪ Got a leash and I wish ♪

♪ Just to rock you, miss, make a militant move ♪

♪ Come on ♪

♪ Peep my strategy, end of the day, you’re not ♪

♪ What? ♪

♪ Mad at me, not dealing with nobody, now, that’s what ♪

♪ Ugh ♪

♪ You told me, I said, “Hey, yo, it’s cool ♪

♪ What? ♪

♪ We can just be friendly,” ’cause, yo ♪

♪ Come on ♪

♪ Picture me messing it up ♪

♪ Her mind not corrupt, with the ill C-cups…

[Arturo] You were gonna say it. Fact, you know what, I’m the man. I’ll say it.

Yeah. Yo.

[Arturo] ‘Ey,

you a lesbian or somethin’?

[Moose] We ain’t judgin’.

[Arturo] Nah, we ain’t judgin’.

My favorite auntie a lesbian.

Yeah, she mad cool, dawg.

Mad cool.

So, lesbian or no lesbian?

No. I’m not a lesbian.

Why you always wearing pants and ties and stuff then?

‘Cause I like them.

And I look good in them.

Look, our bad. You know, we kinda just assumed you was…


That’s the thing about assumptions.

When you assume, you make a ass out of you.

[gasping, chuckling]

Damn. My bad.

Yo, look, we ain’t mean to…

So neither one of you need to be sweatin’ what I wear.



Or maybe y’all just jealous.



My Jordans are fire.

And you need to stop telling girls how they can and cannot dress.

We’re a little too young to be dippin’ our toes in misogyny, don’t you think?

[gasping, laughter]

[Vince] Yo!

Sit your punk asses down.

[Arturo] She’s the one name-calling.

And your shoes ain’t even that fire, yo.

They need a good cleaning.

[Moose chuckling]

Damn. Let’s get out of here.

[Moose] Goodbye, Queen.

Liliane, right?

Wrong. Lil.

Hi. I’m Vince.

Student council president.

I should’ve introduced myself a week ago.

I’m Lil. [chuckles softly]

I can fight my own battles, you know.

I can see that.

♪ ♪

[Lil sighs]

And that was the moment I fell in love with Vincent D. Naravaez.

Our kids are going to be so beautiful.

Mrs. Liliane Naravaez.

Liliane Parker-Naravaez.

I ain’t want to just give up my last name.

♪ ♪

[♪ Nas: “I Know I Can”]

♪ Boys and girls, listen up ♪

♪ You can be anything in the world ♪

♪ In God we trust, an architect, doctor ♪

♪ Maybe an actress…


They think you’re still mad at them from earlier.

We’re cool!

We “F” with you, Ohio!

We “F” with you, Ohio!

What are you listening to?

♪ Do drugs and you came to sing ♪

♪ So if you gonna be the best ♪

♪ I’m-a tell you how, put your hands…

Old-school. I like it.

♪ I know I can ♪

♪ I know I can ♪

Oh, no. [chuckles]

♪ Be what I wanna be ♪

Why are you so loud?

♪ If I work hard at it ♪

♪ I’ll be where ♪

♪ I wanna be ♪

♪ I’ll be where I wanna be ♪

♪ I know I can, I know I can ♪


♪ Be what I wanna be ♪

♪ Be what I wanna be ♪♪

You play?

Point guard. You?

Playa, let’s go. You ain’t got it like that.

And, more importantly, I’m trying to get that pastrami sub like yesterday.

Yeah, for real. We hungry, man!

[Arturo] Corny ass.

Maybe we can play a pickup game sometime.


[indistinct chatter]


[indistinct chatter]

Where you at, Ohio?!

Ohio, where are you?!


Hey. [chuckles]

Meet me at the park in ten.

[♪ Santigold: “Creator”]

♪ All the attention that it brings ♪

♪ Tell me no, I say yes, I was chosen ♪

♪ And I will deliver the explosion ♪

♪ Can’t say it’s gonna get me far ♪

♪ Do no good to say what you are ♪

♪ I run the streets and I break up houses ♪

♪ River runs deep and the flame devours it ♪

♪ Me, I’m a creator ♪

♪ Thrill is to make it up ♪

♪ The rules I break got me ♪

♪ A place up on the radar ♪

♪ Me, I’m a taker ♪

♪ Know what the stakes are ♪

♪ Can’t roll it back, it’s understood ♪

♪ Got to play our cards ♪

♪ Me, I’m a creator ♪

♪ Thrill is to make it up ♪

♪ The rules I break got me a place up on the radar ♪

♪ Me, I’m a taker ♪

♪ Know what the stakes are, can’t roll it back ♪

♪ It’s understood, got to play our cards ♪

♪ Sit tight, I know what you are ♪

♪ Mad bright but you ain’t no star ♪

♪ Polish up till you make it gleam ♪

♪ Your M.O., I know what you mean ♪

♪ I know what you here for now, words out ♪


♪ You’re an idea whore though ♪

♪ Now, don’t you crush on me ♪


♪ I’ll see you in your pipe dreams ♪


♪ Whether or not you know ♪

♪ It’s true, you’re who they dictate to ♪

♪ That shit must hurt real bad ♪

♪ Fakin’ what you wish you had ♪

♪ Me, I’m a creator, thrill is to make it up ♪

♪ The rules I break got me a place… ♪

You want to eat?

My mom can make us some banana PB&Js.

♪ Know what the stakes are… ♪

You’re a Brooklyn kid now.

You got to eat like one.

And how do Brooklyn kids eat?

Let’s go.

Race you.

[siren wailing in distance]

Here we are.


[horns honking in distance]

And you’re gonna want one of these.


I told you.

I call it sriracha surprise.

How’d you know I like sriracha?

I know a sriracha lover when I see one.

[horns honking]



You know what I want to be when I grow up?

[Vince] What?

A comedian.


My mom loves Wanda… Skies?

[chuckles] Yeah. Wanda Sykes.

Want to hear a joke?


Why do rappers need umbrellas?


Fo’ drizzle.


That was a good one.

You’re way funnier than all the guys in our class.


Oh. Hold on.

It’s probably for my tía.

How y’all doin’ tonight?

I said, how y’all doin’ tonight?


Oh, my God.

What’s wrong?

Jessica Peña just told Arturo she likes me.

She wants to know if I like her back.

Do you like her?

Yeah. Duh.

It’s Jessica Peña.

Everybody likes Jessica Peña.

What should I do?


You should definitely tell her.

It’s Jessica Peña.

Thanks, Lil. You’re the best.


Jessica Peña.

How long was Sleeping Beauty out before she got that kiss?

Hey, Lil, good job.

Way to go, Lil.

Great game, Lil.

What’s up?

[girl] Go, Panthers!

♪ ♪


Wow, it is getting long.

Long enough?


Where you been hiding?

I’m getting ready for next year, fool.

I mean, not everybody got a full ride to Harvard.

Please. A scholarship to Fordham’s not nothing.

Plus, Mom and Dad get to keep you close.


[bell ringing]


Prom. You going?

No. No.

Yes. Oh, no.

I don’t like… I hate dances.

Come on, dance with me. Hey!

What? No.

[singing in Italian]

Oh, my gosh.


♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

Hey! [continues singing in Italian]

♪ Da, la, la, la, la ♪♪


Come on, Ohio, it’s our last year together.

You gotta go.

[Arturo] Ayyo!

My mans, my mans!

Am I your A-1 since day one or what?

What happened?

First, answer the question.

Am I your A-1 since day one or what?

Come on, you’re doing a lot. It better be piping hot.

It’s lukewarm, but this moment is beautiful, though.

Let me hear it, Vince.

Bro, you are my A-1 since day one.

You’re damn right. You want to know why?


[Moose] Love is the answer.

Delfia and Ernesto, they broke up.



And word on the street is

it’s because of Vince.


We kind of hooked up over the weekend.

[Arturo] Hoo, hoo!

I was about to tell you.

[Moose] Ha, ha! Damn, son!

Nah, nah, he’s stealthy.


Told you.

[bell ringing]

Yo, man,

I told you. I knew it.

♪ ♪

[indistinct chatter]

I really was about to tell you.

What? Daffodil pop your cherry?

Listen, not all of us are saving it for the one.

Yeah. But, you know, not all of us is giving it away to just anyone, either.


Let me get that.

Come on.

[Vince gasps]

[♪ Frank Ocean: “Pink + White”]

Why we never talk about who you like at school?

Mm, ’cause.

‘Cause why?


Don’t say you don’t like anybody at school, either, ’cause I’ll know your ass is lying.


[chuckles] “‘Cause.”


Thank you.

All right.

Take a look.


I’m finished.

Oh, shit.

Good luck to you.


♪ Halfway on a slow move… ♪

I look dumb as fuck.

Terrible is what it is.


I mean, I just hope nobody see me with you tonight.

So, like, you don’t think you could be any more embarrassed than you are right now?

Highly doubt it.

Highly doubt it, do you?


Because… I’d really hate to do anything to embarrass you even more!



Everybody! Everybody, listen up!

I have to let you know…

Shut up!

…that the very last thing I want to do right now…

Stop it!

You are being…

…is be an embarrassment to my best friend, Lil.


Liliane Elizabeth Parker!


She did this to me!

No, I did not.

She did this to me!

I would never!

I would never! [chuckles]

♪ It’s all downhill from here ♪

♪ Remember life… ♪

She lives right here. Right here.

I would never do that.

You’ll be… [laughs]

♪ It all ends here ♪

♪ Say “what up” to Matthew ♪

♪ To Shoob ♪

♪ Say “what up” to Danny ♪

♪ Say “what up” to life immortality ♪

[phone chimes]

♪ Bending up my Nikes ♪

♪ Running out the Melpomene, nicotine ♪

♪ Stealing granny cigs ♪

♪ Take it easy ♪

♪ Gimme something sweet ♪

♪ Bitch, I might like immortality ♪

♪ This is life, life immortality ♪

♪ Bending up my Nikes, running out the Melpomene… ♪

[Vince] Hey.

There she is.

♪ Take it easy ♪

♪ Gimme something sweet ♪


[Vince chuckles]





See, since you skipped out on prom, I thought you were gonna try to skip out on this, too.


Come here.


There you go.



Yeah. I already told you.

I don’t like dances.

But… [clears throat]

[♪ Aaliyah: “At Your Best (You are Love)”]

You are gonna dance with me

on our last night together as seniors, right?

♪ Let me know ♪


♪ Ah ♪

♪ Let me know ♪

♪ Let me know ♪


♪ Let me know ♪

♪ When I feel ♪

♪ What I feel ♪

♪ Sometimes it’s hard to tell you so ♪

[Lil chuckles]

♪ You may not be in the mood ♪

[both] ♪ To learn ♪

♪ What you think you know ♪

[Lil laughs]



♪ There are times ♪

[Lil] Yes.

♪ When I find ♪

♪ You want to keep yourself from me ♪

♪ When I don’t have the strength ♪

♪ I’m just a mirror… ♪


This is really nice.


And I just… I’ve been wanting to tell you…


What’s good?!

Senior class 2014!

[Moose] Yeah!





[laughs] Yeah.

Oh, damn.


[Vince] What’s up?

[Arturo] Mm-hmm.

Yo, you better hurry up, my guy.

Watch out.

The car for the after-party waiting for your punk ass downstairs.

Oh, shit. We gotta go.

♪ La, ha-ha… ♪

[Lil] I have the dress, I have the slippers, but where is my happily ever after?

You coming?

All right, I’m coming.




[Lil] My plan would have to wait.

[passionate moaning]

[♪ Jasmine Villegas: “Judgment”]

♪ Contrary to what you think of me ♪

♪ I value my privacy ♪

♪ I ain’t gonna reveal everything ♪

[breathing heavily]

♪ To satisfy your thirsty needs ♪

♪ Ooh, you can keep your rumors… ♪

Thank you.

Ah, thank you.

♪ Think you know but you don’t know ♪

♪ You don’t know ♪

♪ Just passing judgment, yeah… ♪

Thank you.

That was great.

The pleasure was mine.

♪ Check your assumptions ♪

♪ You got me on your timeline ♪

[phone chimes]

♪ You think you know what I’m like ♪

Oh, shit.

We gotta go.

You still want to go up tonight, right?

First time, you should probably be there early, right?


I’m-I’m nervous.

I mean, I’m excited, but I’m nervous.

[phone chimes]

Who is it?

It’s no one. [clears throat]

[phone chimes]

Ignore it.

[phone chimes]


You’re not gonna tell him?

He’s having a tough time.

Let me know when you know what you want.

[door opens]

[phone chimes]

[door slams]

♪ ♪

[indistinct chatter]

[knocks on door]

Hey. Looking for Brooklyn?

He’s in the shower.

What’s up?

[shower running]

[Vince] Hey, I’ll be right out.


[shower stops]

[shower curtain slides]

You’re here.

Hi. No. Ah-ha-ha!


Oh, my God.


Vince, you old…

You’re here!

Oh, I’m here, I’m here.

I thought we were studying.

Look at you.

Brooklyn? Are they calling you Brooklyn now?

Are you wearing makeup?

A little bit.

Ah, you clean up nice.

Shut up.

Oh, come here. I missed you, Liliane.

Five more minutes.

[Lil chuckles]

So, what, all you need is five minutes?

Oh, word?

[Vince laughs softly]

♪ ♪

Have you ever…

Not yet.

♪ ♪

[Lil chuckles]

[zipper opens]

[both laugh]


♪ ♪

[drawer closes]


Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

[both laughing]

[hip-hop music playing faintly over headphones]


Mm, you’re awake.

How long have you been sitting there biting your nails?

Uh, I got you peppermint tea.

[clears throat]


Your member has certainly grown since I pantsed you in eighth grade.

Do you remember that?


Mrs. Liverpool hated me. I got detention for that.

[music continues over headphones]

Okay, so last night wasn’t that great, but, you know, not everybody can be busting it open like Nicki Minaj on your first go, right?


What’s wrong with you?


Well, should I leave?


Oh, shit.

I fucked up.

Oh, my God.

Lil, look, I don’t want anything to change between us.

I-I shouldn’t have done that. I messed up.

I got my wires crossed and I-I didn’t mean to do that.

Got your wires crossed…

You know what I mean, all right?

I just meant that you’re special to me, Lil.

You’re my friend. Y-You…

Friend? That’s not what I would call this, Vince.

This is exactly why I never said anything about…

About what?

About how you feel about me, Lil.

So, what, y-you just left me hanging for eight years?

No. Lil, you’re my best friend.

That’s bullshit, Vince!

[whispers] That’s bullshit.

Because I know you have feelings for me.

Lil, I just don’t feel…


You are my best friend.

Lil, wait, uh, that’s…

[roommate] How’s it going?

[Vince] That’s not the…

Hey, Vince. Lover boy.

[door closes]

Uh, yeah.

Can we, can we talk? For a minute? Please?

[Lil] Move.

I want you to move. Move!


And you know what? Maybe I’m not Nicki Minaj,

but you no Magic Mike, neither.

Lil, wait. Stop. Lil.

Please? Lil, wait.

♪ ♪

[cheering over TV]

[Loni Love] And I’m-a tell y’all something.

You know, women, we’re brainwashed.

We’re brainwashed really early.

Why? Because of fairy tales.

Fairy tales. “Find your prince.”

You’re a princess, find your prince.

But your prince is never gonna be perfect, but he’ll change, maybe.”

You don’t believe me? Beauty and the Beast.


Fall in love with that Beast.

“So what, he got a hump in his back and his breath smell and… he got one tooth. He might turn into something.”


Time for me to do my own thing, and not get caught up in this fairy tale bullshit.

Ladies, are you with me?

[cheering over TV]

♪ ♪

Oh, excuse me. Sorry.

[distant laughter]

[♪ Yseult: “Corps,” lyrics in French]

♪ ♪

Ah, fuck it.

[heart beating]

♪ ♪

Hi, my name is Lil Parker.

And I just, uh…

[exhales] Okay.

Fuck it.

[microphone feedback]

“Fuck it” is just-just literally what I said to myself, like, ten minutes ago… [laughs softly]

…outside before I, before I came in here.

Because I’ve never done this before.

[people murmuring]

Sorry to anyone here on a first date.

There won’t be a second.


Oh, thank you.

Thank you for the drink. [chuckles]

Can you get ’em a refill on the house?

[whoops] So, show of hands, how many of you have ever had your heart ripped out through your motherfucking asshole… by the one true friend you ever had?

Directly after sexual intercourse?

[audience groaning]

And it was the first time, too.


I am about to fuck up your night.


So why you not laughing?

My date was supposed to be here but she ain’t show up.

So what are you doing after this?

Uh, you?



♪ This time, this time, this time ♪

♪ This time… ♪



Yeah! Yes!

♪ This time… ♪

[cheering, applause]

[Lil] Brooklyn in the house!

How many of you saw my name on the marquee outside and thought I was a rapper?

It’s the “Lil” part.

You know, “Lil Parker.”

Uh, I could be a rapper, though. I feel that.

♪ You want to, with the ugh-ugh ♪

♪ You want to rub it with the ugh, get, ugh ♪

You know? [tongue clicks]

Man, fuck y’all. Y’all sexist.


No, for real, ’cause if I was a dude, I’d be up here talking about: ♪ Uh, in the pussy ♪

♪ In the, in the, ugh, ugh ♪

Y’all would’ve been like, “Yeah!”

Y’all would’ve been standing up out of y’all seats.

Don’t play with me. I know what it is.

[cheering, applause]

And I was like, “I’m going to the Upper East Side, because, like, my vagina’s depressed.

And I had my leg up in the air.

Gary, hold the leg.

[audience cheering]

Uh, and give me that.

And hold another leg.

[whooping, applause]

Don’t worry, I’ll return to sender.

So I’m in this office, and the mist is not going directly at the labia.

Liby… La… The liby, labia?

W-What is it, Gary?

Labia… Labia.


Gary, if you make me fall, I’m-a have to sue you.


Let’s give it up for Gary!

[cheering, applause]


♪ You got the juice, I’m in the zone… ♪

Holy shit. Hi.

Holy shit. You.

Oh, my God.

Thank you, thank you. Hi.

Wow, you were fucking incredible, Lil.

Wasn’t she?

She is incredible.

Always has been, Vince.

♪ I got to know some things… ♪

Lil, I’m going to get myself a drink.

♪ Pop the, oh, champagne, shorty, watch it flow… ♪

Big sis is watching.


Thanks so much. That was so fun.

Oh, thank you, thank you. Bye.

♪ Party then, harder, got to get the Cristal… ♪

[chuckles] Well, this is, this is a surprise.

For sure. Yeah.

Well, I-I’ve been, um, doing this for about a year or so.

Yeah. Feel-Feels really good, so…

I’m-I’m just sort of seeing what happens with it.

What’s there to see? I mean, you’re fucking doing it.

[chuckles] Yeah.

I’m so proud of you.

Well, what-what about you? Like, it-it’s been forever.

Yeah, it has.

[woman] Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Yeah, it’s okay. I get it, though.

Yeah, I’m back for, uh, a-a couple weeks and then I, I actually head overseas for a little bit.


Yeah. Prague.


Yeah. It’s this… like, fancy study abroad thing.

I get to, like, teach kids and travel Europe and shit.

Well, congratu-fucking-lations, Vince. That’s nice.

Hey, nice job. That was great.

Oh. Thank you. Bye.

♪ All night, be gone till we get back ♪

♪ Yeah, you and me, girl, we get it… ♪

I miss you, Ohio.

♪ I get the bag, you got the juice… ♪

I miss us.

♪ I got it on, tell me who’s who… ♪

Should we…

Do you want to…?

♪ Gone till we get back, yeah, you and me, girl… ♪


But you know the coldest part, though?


You had your sister block me, too?

I sure did. And she still hates your ass, too.


Yeah, she really does.


Hey, Lil?

You know I never meant to…


I know. I’m okay.




It seem like it was good for both of us.


Not seeing each other.


I had a chance to grow up a little.

And find my own way for once.

I hated it, though.



It’s so crazy I finally get to be around you again, and I have to leave in three weeks.

Well, then, I guess we got three weeks to be best friends again.

Hey. Hey.

Hey. You down?

Yeah, I’m down.

What’s this? Who did this to you?

What you mean, who did this to me?

Yeah. I mean, come on.

Right? The kicks…

Who did all of this to you?

I mean, look.

Look, it’s called the glow-up, okay?


Check me out.

I’m not kidding, you look really good.


You look really good.

Thank you.

When I was little, I dreamed of spending my whole life with Vincent D. Naravaez, and now that I think about it, the plan kind of worked.


♪ ♪

♪ Oh, oh, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, oh, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, oh, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, oh, yeah ♪


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