In “I’m a Degen,” Daryl’s relationship with Harley intensifies, but it strains his ties with Katy and the Hicks. Daryl tries to ingratiate himself with Harley’s friends by admitting he’s a Degen, leading to hilarious debate about the true definition of the term. Meanwhile, Katy contemplates a life change after her trip to Mexico, and Rosie throws a wrench into Wayne’s plans when she suggests they move to Vancouver Island.
Episode aired December 26, 2023
* * *
♪
You and your sister and your pal were talkin’ about boatin’ the other day.
Did yous guys hears McMurrays gots a rich uncles who’s gots himselfs a yachts?
Go on.
McMurray says he docks it down Marcos Islands, Floridas.
That’s by the Everglades.
And he says he yachts it down ‘Minicans couple times a years.
I’d love to go yachtin’ down ‘Minican.
Fuckin’ I’d rather go boatin’ down Everglades.
Oh would you, Wayne?
I’d take peddle boatin’ over the pair.
Last I checked, you’d rather not go boatin’ at all.
Yeah, I hate boatin’.
Doesn’t floats your boats, ehs?
That ship has sailed.
Not tryin’ to make waves here but like…
What you gots against boatins’?
There’s always a dick on a boat.
Oh yeah.
And then, you’re just hooped.
Well, maybe you’re the dick?
Might could be.
Or you mightn’t.
You mightn’ts.
But might could be.
So I put it to the test.
You what?
I went solo boatin’, Katy.
You went boatin’?
Oh, I went boatin’ all around.
Good for you, Waynes. Face your problems bow ons.
Or take it up the stern.
There lies my very mission, Dan.
Find out if I’m the dick?
Or is it boaters…
Where’d you go boatin’?
Oh, I just borrowed Joint Boy’s lil tin can there.
A little outboard motor out the back there.
Should’ve borrowed Tyson’s twin engine jet speed boats.
Do I look like the type of prick to go speed boatin’?
Crazier things have happened.
Pete Nichol tossed me off a tube out the back of one of those cock suckers as a child.
Never recovered.
First this guy says he goes boatins’, now he says he goes tubins’.
This guy’s fulls of surprises.
So I’m out in JB’s boat there.
Boat a wee bit up lake there.
I take my shirt off.
You whats!
We’ve already established the man’s full of surprises, Dan.
See ’cause I’ve got the type of farmer tan that might make a person think like…
Well, there might be something wrong with me.
People don’t need to see the farmer tan to think that, big bro.
So, Wayne is on a boats with his shirts offs.
But you don’t have any swim shorts. What did you wear for bottoms?
I just rolled up my jeans a wee bit there.
Oh, you went for full Huck Finns.
So wait, you’re solo, on a boat, tarp off, farmer tan flyin’…
Full Huck Finns.
That’s exactly what I am.
Why?
‘Cause I’m the type of prick who could boat by a fella standin’ out there, solo boatin’ tarp off, farmer tan flyin’…
Full Huck Finns.
And keep my opinions to myself.
Not one to rock the boat.
I’d mind my beeswax and just boat right by.
But… WWBD?
What would boaters do?
What woulds boaters dos?
So… I see three boats a wee bit up lake there. Headin’ down water towards me.
So I thought this’ll be the test.
So like if one of them chirps you, then there’s always a dick on the boat?
And if none of ’em do, maybe I’m the dick.
Okay, so what did the first one do?
Well, first boater comes boatin’ up starboard there.
Fella says, “Nice day on the water.”
I says, “Sure.”
Then he says, “You ever think about throwin’ yourself in there with a tan like that?”
0 for 1’s.
Okay. And the second?
Well, the next boater comes boatin’ up port side there.
Fella says, “Quite a look.”
I says, “Sure.”
Then he says, “Maybe if you had any friends, they’d tell you what a retard you look like.”
(gasping)
He didn’t say it. Boaters did.
There’s always a dick on a boat!
Well, no. There’s a dick on 2/3 of the boats so far.
Which is lookin’ good for your theory.
Not lookin’ goods for boaters thoughs.
Well, then the third boat comes boatin’ on up there.
We’re bow to bow. Fella says, “You’re quite a sight out here on the water.
Solo boatin’, tarp off, farmer tan flyin’, full Huck Finn.
Takes guts. I applaud it.”
I smells a late Ws for the boaters.
Wait for it.
And then, he says, “Ekspecially since it’s common knowledge
Huck Finn and that other fella used to fuck each other up the ass.”
0 for 3’s.
Gotcha, big brother.
I get why you don’t like boatin’.
There’s always a dick on a boat.
(upbeat music)
How’r ya now?
Good’n yous?
Not s’bad.
Where you beens, good buddys?
Nowhere.
Oh yeah? How’s the foods?
Looks like you got yourself some new headwear?
Oh, it’s a good hat.
Looks like a good fire starter to me.
You can do a lot worse than Mennonite lands, good buddys.
You think you’d ever move out there?
Why do you smell like campfire smoke?
Where’s Wayne and Katy?
Wayne’s chorin’
and Katy’s waiting for A Shots In The Farms.
A what?
A Shots In The Farms.
You tryna be clever?
No.
It’s an agriculturals magazines.
They’re coming outs do to a photo spreads on the propertys.
What’s so special about the property?
It’s the oldest working farm in Letterkenny.
Might could be the oldest working farm in the county.
But that’s splitting hairs.
I was told you were hanging with degens.
And what did you say?
I said you must be mistaken.
Dary wouldn’t hang out with degens.
Yeah. The ones I was hanging out with weren’t degens.
See, Dary wouldn’t hang out with degens.
But then they took me to a place where there were degens.
You were hangin’ out with degens?
No, the ones I was hanging out with weren’t degens, their friends were degens.
Show me your friends and I’ll show you who you are.
So like, you were hangin’ out at the Mansion?
No, it’s called the Palace now.
Last I heards, it was called the Kingdoms.
The Lion’s Den. These are decent people.
Yeah, when they’re not puttin’ out darts on dogs.
They are.
Yeah, when they’re not getting their third DUIs.
These guys are different.
Yeah, when they’re not grown men picking up their girlfriends from high school.
I told you, the ones that I was hanging out with weren’t degens, it was their friends that were degens.
And what did I tell you?
I’ve got more in common with them than I do with yous.
The fuck’s gotten into you?
They don’t make fun of how I dress, they don’t make fun of how I smell.
And they think I’m pretty funny too!
Oh, Dary…
And cool!
(scoffs)
Who thinks you’re cool?
Wayne…
Mick.
And his sister thinks I’m pretty funny too. And cool.
Is that the dude that wouldn’t apologize to Rosie at the bar?
Yeah. Mick.
You’re hangin’ out with that dude?
Yeah. Mickey Gibraltar.
(birds chirping)
Well, you’re a degen now, Dary.
Why don’t you run inside and farmer spit on the carpet?
Wayne.
They show you how to take out a dart and throw in a dip yet?
Wayne.
Bet you never had so much fun as puttin’ a cat in the dryer, eh?
Wayne!
(spitting)
Gail. Six o’clock.
Yours or mine?
Mine.
Check it out.
No one’s there.
Check again.
Still no one’s there.
Six o’clock!
Yous have beers before you got here or something?
Directly to my left. Six o’clock.
That’s nine o’clock.
That’s six.
That’s nine.
So, six and nine?
Is there a 69 joke coming or something?
Nuh-uh.
‘Cause 69s are no joke.
I once took the top position and nearly got caught in a manslaughter charge for asphyxiation.
We know 69s are no joke.
Yeah, not when it’s with six nines at our six.
(indistinct chatter)
You mean, six nines at your nine.
Hmm, now there’s a nine at your six.
Huh?
Behind you.
Ah.
Ah. Soft nine.
You’re a combined soft nine.
Yeah, well you’re a…
Degen?
Not at first glance, no.
Yeah.
Yeah, that’s not how I would evaluate you either.
Yeah, you’re just a bit too snipey to be a degen.
Just a bit!
Mm-hmm.
(chuckling)
We’re all degens.
(clearing throat) (whistling)
Yous ready?
You’ve got room for all of us, right?
That’s a Texas size 10-4.
You are the company you keep.
(door opening)
(door closing)
Yo.
Did Daryl just leave with a bunch of degens?
I don’t know. Some of them seemed okay to me.
Yeah, when they’re not eating pizza pops with a box cutter.
A couple seemed okay to me too.
Yeah, when they’re not stomping their feet at birds.
Kinda snipey.
Yeah, when they’re not hanging bedsheets over their windows.
Didn’t think they were snipey at all?
They’re fuckin degens, dumb shit.
I’m disappointed in yous.
Did you see the one who had her pants all up in her snapper?
Yeah.
(rock music)
A Shot In The Farm?
Yes.
And that will never not be embarrassing.
Have a seat. I’m Katy.
Lily.
I’m just gonna be upfront, woman.
As somewhat of a master in this space, that is an incredible tan.
No one looks smart with a sunburn.
No one looks smart with a sunburn.
I just got back from Mexico.
I just got back from Mexico.
Is that your natural colour or did the sun do that?
There’s nothing like some tropical rays to give you that hint of lemon.
Little lime juice for the margarita.
Little lemon juice for the hair.
I love margaritas.
What else do we have in common?
I wish it was our tans.
I wish it was our boobs.
You know, I’ve kinda been thinking about Mexico a lot since I left.
Would you think about moving there?
I mean…
‘Cause I’ve thunk about it.
‘Cause like, if we were in Mexico right now, we’d be having a margarita.
I might even be having my second margarita.
Do you wanna have a margarita right now?
I don’t know.
Do you wanna have a margarita right now?
Let’s have a margarita.
Did you meet any dudes down there?
Yeah. Jose Cuervo. You?
Don Julio.
Where do you think morality comes from?
In what context, Ben?
Without a set of rules from a Judeo-Christian handbook, wouldn’t we all just be out here killing and raping each other?
Mm-hmm, yes.
When Jesus walked with Judas and the Jews,
the Judeo Jesuits judged Judy. Justly.
It really was counter-productive to counter-culture at an over-the-counter discount.
But it shaped civilizations.
While being a sort of Machiavellian ear-marked, after-market, Marky Mark and the Marxist bunch.
You can’t say that the Judeo Jesuits judged Judy…
I said judged Judy justly.
Don’t put words in my mouth.
But you can’t say that without first acknowledging that Galileo was originally sponsored by the church and so was Copernicus.
But ideally, that sort of ideology deters idiocy and eliminates idyllic ideas ideologically and idiosyncratically.
We can’t forget that Copernicus was a Capricorn and coincidentally a Cancer, can we?
Confucius say… Colin Kaepernick.
It’s always a pleasure talking to you, gentlemen.
Thank you, Ben.
Be well, Ben.
Be well.
(groaning)
Stewart?
What are we doing?
It was your idea.
Debating right-wing intellectuals on the internet?
Yeah. Well, debating right-wing intellectuals on the internet… with snooters.
Has it really come to this?
Have we really done every fun thing there is to do while doing snooters?
Have we exhausted snooters?
Well, there’s no breaking snooters, Stewart.
It goes against the very chemistry of snooters!
The alchemy!
We need a rips revelation!
That usually comes with doing more rips, Stewart.
To reignite our love of snooters, we have to surround ourselves with other lovers of snooters.
Here I am.
We have to be snooters recruiters.
Snooters trouble shooters.
Here I am.
Tutors of snooters!
Snooters rebooters!
(both): Where do we go?
Au contraire, Connor, Darien.
The party is always here.
Why take it elsewhere?
(chuckling)
Are we doing it, Stewart?
Are we finally doing it, Stewart?
Don’t tease me, Stewart.
Don’t tease me, Stewart.
We’re doing it, Roald. (moaning)
The after hours club Letterkenny has never asked for, but the one she shall get.
(gasping)
What’s our angle, Stewart?
Sex sells.
We’ll sell sex.
We’ll sell sexy.
We’ll sell sexual.
We will have the sexiest, most sexual sexualities.
And we shall!
(both): Like Hooters.
Like… Hooters?
Precisely, Roald.
Like Hooters…
But Snooters.
(phone ringing)
How’r ya now?
Squint Eastwood.
Rosie and the Pussycats.
Say it ain’t so.
That I shall not say.
Dary’s hanging out with degens?
Well, it’s never so bad, it couldn’t be worse.
Could be the Ginger and Boots.
Point and proof. He’ll come around.
What’s gotten into him?
Well, I’m told there’s like… a charming one.
A charming degen?
That’s what I’m told.
So like, microwaves frogs, but charming?
Can confirm.
So like, saves and then drinks the water he boils his hot dogs in but charming?
It’s a Texas size 10-4.
So like, wears the same boxers for a week, and then just flips them inside out the next week but charming?
Over and out.
I’m good’n you?
Not s’bad.
That charming degen must be good-lookin’.
I’m also told
he’s got a sister that’s good-lookin’.
Seen her?
Yeah, I seen her.
Do you think she’s good-lookin’?
I can understand why others do.
I’ve missed it out here.
Vancouver Island is gorgeous.
Well, who doesn’t love those mountains.
Who doesn’t love that ocean.
Good place to go boatin’.
Great place to go fishin’.
Great fishin’ out west.
Would you think of moving here?
Gotcha.
Why, would you think about moving there?
I just wonder how important being the toughest guy in Letterkenny needs to be to you anymore.
I’ve had this conversation before.
It’s fine if it is.
I just wonder.
Maybe it isn’t.
And hey, if you came out here, you’d get to meet this shit head.
Oh! Who is that?
Tank.
Oh, he’s a boh.
You better believe he’s a boh.
Oh, he is such a boh.
(laughing)
(dog whining)
Get outta here, you dumb shit! Fuck!
How would you describe yourself in three words, Daryl?
Hey. That’s a really good question.
I didn’t expect that coming from you.
And what were you expecting?
A dumb broad.
Kind of like your friend over there.
Actually, her a little more so than you.
And whoa, yeah, that one’s real dumb lookin’.
So if I was to describe myself in three words, probably be: Loves-to-rip.
Enthralling. And what about you, Daryl?
Wait, can I use hyphenated words?
Of course! You’re special.
Probably air-bass, air-drums, air-guitar.
Air-head.
(laughing)
You like that one, eh, Daryl? Oh… Look at me.
I can even make the funny guy laugh.
Okay, okay. How about this one? How about this one?
Let’s. All. Bang.
(laughing)
And what about you, Daryl?
Well, funny, for sure.
Well, cute, for sure.
So what’s the third?
Degen.
Isn’t that right, Daryl?
You’re a degen now?
Of course he is.
But the third word is cool.
My sweetie is funny, cute and cool.
(scoffs)
Get up.
He’s the funniest, cutest, coolest degen here.
Then say it, Daryl.
He’s a degen, you fuckin’ degens.
No need to beat a sleeping dog.
I think it’s let sleeping dogs die, Harley.
No, it isn’t.
She means, don’t kick a dead dog when while it’s down.
No, what you’re trying to say is, don’t kick spilt milk.
Is it that big a deal? Jesus.
No need to cry over a dead horse, eh, Daryl?
(chuckling)
Say you’re a degen.
Aren’t you full of piss and given’r!
Don’t you got bigger fish to try?
Squeaky wheel gets the worm.
There ain’t a snowball’s show and tell he’ll say it, Mick.
Hey, listen. Not my pig, not my business.
You want to hear it straight from the horse’s mouth?
What horse?
You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.
I ain’t see no horse.
But the rat’s out of the bag, Daryl!
This is the Lion’s Den.
Degens only.
If you’re a degen, say it.
Hey. Just… say it, Daryl.
Yeah. Just say it.
I’m a degen.
(laughing)
Now say it for the camera.
(dog barking)
Come on, Daryl. Just say it.
Don’t you wanna eat your cake and have it too?
I’m a degen.
Louder.
I’m a degen.
Louder!
I’m a degen!
Even louder!
I’m a degen!
(cheering)
He who laughs last, laughs proudest.
Turns out you can lead whores to water.
Very nice.
Mm-hmm.
I like what I see.
Gracias.
And the piece de resistance.
Wow. I am a fan of your work.
And I am a fan of yours.
Top-notch margarita, woman.
Do you need anything else before you go?
Not a thing.
Oh no. So you’re all done?
In more ways than one.
But this was so much fun.
Bit too much, hun.
What do you mean?
I can’t drive home. Had one too many…
(both): Shots in the farm! Eh-oh!
(laughing)
Sorry about that.
Don’t be sorry. Mexico taught you well.
Yeah, ’cause it’s like, they don’t advertise them as three-ounce margaritas… (both): They just are.
Best kind.
Only kind.
So wait. If you can’t go back to the city…
Isn’t it a pity.
Then the fun has just begun.
I’m too hammered to rhyme begun.
No, this is perfect. I showed you a day on the farm.
Working title: Margaritaville.
And now, I get to show you a night on the town.
Title to be determined.
Let’s get pretty.
We’re going to MoDean’s.
Will I meet any dudes down there?
If you’re looking for a John Deere.
I am.
Let me introduce you to Gus’n Bru first.
(indistinct chatter)
(metal music playing)
Lady, Gail.
M’lady.
Sup.
I know I’m not the first to think it tonight nor do I hope I’m the first to say it…
You look ravishing.
When I saw you across the bar, there occurred an uncharacteristic reaction in my pants.
I said, what’s happening to me?
He didn’t know what was happening to him.
I said, what’s this happening to me?
He didn’t know what was happening.
What was happening?
The sight of a woman had made me excitable.
A full stimulus package.
I’d become homo erectus.
What do you want?
This proprietor-patron partnership has been far-reaching and fruitful.
You gonna pay your bar tab?
Oh. You are this establishments forewoman.
Legatee.
Manageress.
Honcho.
And we are merely
your vendees…
Frequenters.
Devotees.
Walk-ins.
But in the best moments of this capacity,
I believe it is understood that both sides have been benefactors.
K.
So for the sake of equal substitution…
Reciprocity.
Tit-for-tatting.
Quid pro quo.
May we hang these where your taverners take tinkles?
Snooters after hours club?
Very sexy. Very sexual.
Like Hooters.
But Snooters.
You want me to advertise my competition inside my own bar?
False! We are not your competition.
Quite the contrary.
When do we open?
When you close.
We don’t even serve booze. We serve…
Rips.
Incorporate the name.
Sorry, Stewart.
Snooters.
K.
Green light?
If you pay your bar tab.
How much is it?
You know I don’t mention it til it’s over 200.
200?!
200?!
200 dollars?
Dollars?
I’m not gonna get 200 dollars!
Oh, man!
Oh, no! Look what you’ve done to us!
You’ve ruined everything before it started!
Oh man!
(phone ringing)
DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Squints.
Ring around the Rosie.
How’r ya now?
Good’n you?
Not s’bad.
I’m gonna bounce something off you.
Pitter-patter.
Whenever it’s time
to come out here, I can’t wait.
I’m so excited.
And now, again, it’s time to come home and…
I’m not excited.
I don’t know. I just, like, don’t really know if I wanna go back.
(cheering)
It’s a bad night to lose AC.
It’s about to get dank in here.
In a half hour, it’s gonna smell like dudes.
(thudding) (Stewart): How unfortunate.
(Roald): How unfortunate! (Stewart): How unfortunate.
How unfortunate!
How unfortunate!
But you are in luck!
Letterkenny’s first and only, only after hours club is now open!
(Katy): After hours?
Yeah! It’s like Hooters…
But snooters.
407 Bird’s Eye Maple Lane!
Come one! Come all!
What’s on the menu, BroDude…
Water and…
Rips!
Incorporate the name.
Sorry.
Snooters!
(Stewart and Roald): Sex, sex, sex, sexuality, sexual orientation, consent.
Well, I’ll talk to ya.
I’ll talk to ya.
John Deere.
Is that your name?
No.
Why’d you turn around?
We’re outta here.
Por qué?
It’s starting to smell like dudes in there.
It’s not even late.
Look, I promised you a night on the town and I shall deliver.
That’s the spirit.
Where we going?
The after hours club.
The what?
Are you coming?
Yeah, you.
I see you two have met.
Kinda.
He hasn’t introduced himself yet.
This is my brother.
Oh?
Wayne.
Oh…
You hammered?
No, you hammered?
We’re hammered.
You’re driving.
(♪ Fuck My Nose Up ♪ by HVDES)
♪ Black shades In the back of the club ♪
♪ Disassociate Fuck my nose up ♪
♪ Black shades In the back of the club ♪
♪ Disassociate Fuck my nose up ♪
♪ Black shades ♪
♪ Black shades ♪
♪ Black shades ♪
♪ Black shades… ♪
♪ Fuck my nose up ♪
(♪)
