Grey’s Anatomy – S17E04 – You’ll Never Walk Alone – Transcript

Owen faces a medical diagnosis that challenges more than he imagined. Meanwhile, Koracick begins to go stir crazy; and Maggie gets a not-so-subtle glimpse into Winston's background.
Grey's Anatomy - S17E04 - You'll Never Walk Alone

Air date: December 3, 2020

♪ These rivers are frozen ♪

♪ It’s hard to say if it will be alright ♪

Meredith: Medical schools often ask applicants for an essay describing a time they faced adversity…

♪ …has broken ♪

and how they overcame it.

♪ Everything that I have built inside ♪

They want to know how people will cope with the challenges they’ll face as a doctor.

♪ I’m chasing my shadow ♪

[Thunder crashes]

♪ Lately he’s been the only friend of mine ♪


Some students worry they have nothing to write about.

♪ And I don’t know which way to go ♪


♪ Lost my mind to the unknown ♪

They haven’t faced difficulty.

[Ventilator hissing, monitor beeping]

♪ Even if I stay here always ♪

♪ I’ll keep holding on ♪

♪ For you ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ I’ll be waiting ♪

I didn’t have that problem.

♪ Till we meet again, till we meet again ♪

Morning, Meredith.

[Thunder rumbling]

Uh, let’s start with regional updates.

Uh, Hunt?

Shouldn’t we start with an update on Meredith Grey?

Yeah. I mean, has her I. S. improved?

Yeah. Is she on a proning schedule?

People, people. I know we’re all concerned, but Meredith is getting excellent care from Altman and DeLuca. She’s stable and she’s resting. In the meantime, we have a hospital full of patients who need us. Hunt?

Yesterday Seattle reported 345 more cases, 29 deaths. Test positivity rate has increased to 4.7%, so we should prepare for more patients.


Beds are at 68% capacity. We’ll likely need more by the end of the month.

53 of the 72 ventilators are currently in use.

Are there any cases that warrant discussion?

Koracick: Hi. Hello. I’ve got one. Me.

K‐Koracick? How did you ‐‐

I‐I’ve got connections. I’m emeritus chief of chiefs.

That is not a thing.

As I’m sure Hunt gleefully told you, I tested positive for COVID. But I think the test was a dud. Breathing’s normal, good heart rate, singing voice unaffected ‐‐

That does not change the rules. A negative COVID test or a 14‐day quarantine. You’re not even close.

Then send me a new test. And can you adjust my camera angle? As lovely as the ceiling is, I ‐‐

[Light laughter]


[Indistinct talking on PA]

[Door opens]

Did you know that there are murder hornets now?


Yeah. As if the COVID outbreak right after my husband dumped me wasn’t bad enough. [Chuckles] I’m gonna go home, crawl into bed before my next shift.

Yeah, I’m done, too. Look, if you don’t want to be alone, you can come hang out at my place.

Um, let me think about the last time I went to your place and… no.

At least I don’t have a resident living on my couch, okay? I got fancy beer and a negative COVID test. I guess also April switched Harriett’s days on me, but…

Oh, so you’re lonely.

Will you just come over, alright? We can watch TV and, I don’t know, order pizza. Or sushi. Start over. Friendship reboot.

We’re getting both and you’re paying.


And no Kenny G!

[Door closes]

[Thunder rumbling, baby coos]

Hey, buddy. Yeah. Just me and you. [Sighs] This is called a “C” chord.

[Guitar playing] I’ll teach you one day.

[Door opens]

Why can’t I find gauze in a house with so many surgeons living in it?

Uh, who’s bleeding this time?

Bailey lost a tooth.

The one that’s been loose for two weeks? That’s supposed to happen.

Well, not when your mom is in the hospital with COVID.

Mer’s gonna get better.

[Sighs] You don’t know that’s true.

You don’t know that it’s not. Alright, look, um, let’s ‐‐ let’s look at the bright side of things, okay? We get to introduce Bailey to the Tooth Fairy. Kids love the Tooth Fairy. I’ll, uh ‐‐ I’ll check on him.

The bright side?

[Monitor beeping]

Dr. Kuo at the Catherine Fox Medical Center in Manhattan is doing a trial with monoclonal antibodies for COVID.

She’s got room for two more patients, but we got to jump on it.

I read that study. Didn’t three patients die?

Well, there’s a strong chance that they got the drug too late.

Dr. Webber, her lungs are flooded, a‐and she’s sleeping almost around the clock.

Richard, I would never give this recommendation if I didn’t think that the good outweighed the bad.

Thank you. I’ll ‐‐ I’ll think about it.


Dr. Webber ‐‐

I said I’d think about it.


Bailey: Mom, I can’t come see you. Because of the pandemic, remember? There’s a bad virus and no vaccine yet. But I can call you later, though, okay? I ‐‐ Mnh.

How you feeling, Chief? [Sighs]

I moved my parents here from across the country into an assisted‐living facility just in time to never see them.

I meant your ankle. But sorry to hear that.

It’s fine. Thank you.

Soccer mom: Hello? Can someone help me?

Hi. I’m Dr. Kim.

Where are you from?

Orthopedics. And it looks like you just have a cut here, so let’s find you another doctor who can help take care of this, okay?

Orthopedics? You know that’s not what she was asking.

I know.

It doesn’t bother you? Her assuming you’re not from here?

Happens to all of us at some point, right?

[Siren wailing]

Bailey: What do we have?

Paramedic: Dave Oyadomari, 37, head lac and right shoulder pain after falling off of a step ladder. He also complains of abdominal pain, nausea, and vomiting with a 102 fever. He was recently treated here by Dr. Hunt for appendicitis then sent home on oral antibiotics.

Dave: Yeah. I’ll be okay. Can ‐‐ Can you just give me some more antibiotics and ‐‐ and a sling or something?

You were in so much pain that you fell off a ladder. I had to call an ambulance!

Meet my wife, Tammi.

Okay. We’ll check him out, Tammi. Uh, he’s tachycardic and slightly hypotensive. Kim. Here. Let’s get him to trauma one and do a COVID test, STAT X‐rays, labs, and a FAST exam.

Nico: Got it.

[Monitor beeping]

You trying to will her into joining the trial?

No. I’m hoping she suddenly gets better and doesn’t need it.


[Seagulls crying]


Excuse me!


Meredith: Hello?!




What are you doing here?



[Knock on door]


Did you ask the humans to take you to their leader? Because it’s no longer me.

It’s Dr. Helm. I’m here to do your COVID test.

No, you’re here to deliver it. I don’t allow residents in my house or up my nose. Uh, just put it down. Right here. Back up. Back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back. Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup.

[Siren wailing in distance]

Taryn: Did you know that I had COVID? It was mild, but scary. I learned how to make sourdough. I couldn’t taste it or smell it, but the texture seemed right. I also, uh, binged a docuseries about house ‐‐

You can stop your “What I did over COVID vacation” report. I have no interest in baking, bingeing, or doing anything you did or will ever do or ‐‐ [Sniffles] What?

Are you plotting something… evil?

No. I’m stopping the pandemic.

[Test kit thuds]


Winston: Chopped chicken salad with homemade sweet pickles on toasted bread. That’s a Nana Ante special right there.

Ooh! Jealous!

I had stale cashews.

Well, mine’s nothing compared to hers, but it’s not bad. And I just can’t wait for you two to meet.

I hope to, someday.

Tonight too soon? It’s her birthday. And, uh, we’re doing a ‐‐ a virtual dinner. Or if it’s too soon, no rush.

No, no, I just, uh… It’s Meredith. I‐I know there’s nothing I can do, but… [Chuckles] Anything I do that isn’t trying to help just feels selfish and wrong.

Joy is in short supply these days. Especially our joy.

It sure as hell is.

That’s why I’m grabbing it when I can. You know, it might be a text from you. It might be the fancy pencils I bought for my crossword puzzles. It might be just taking a few minutes to sit outside with my chicken‐salad sandwich and look at the daffodils. I don’t mean to tell you how to be. Uh… are you mad?

No, no.

Ignore me. Ignore me.

I’m not mad. I’m not mad. I’m… a little hurt maybe. You got fancy pencils and you didn’t tell me?

Wait. Are you a pencil nerd, too?

Oh, I special ordered a vintage pencil sharpener from Paris.


[Cellphone chimes]

Oh, oh. That’s my resident. And… joy’s over.

[Sighs] Until dinner tonight.

Until dinner tonight.


Dave: My great‐grandpa was an accountant, but no one would hire him after he came back from camp. So he got a job as a line cook in a diner and eventually started Toyo.

Where was he interned?

Tule Lake.

My great‐grandparents were sent to Jerome. I’m Gosei on my mom’s side.

Scans up yet?

[Beep] Yep, just came up.

[Keys clacking]

Dr. Hunt, I read that you initially diagnosed appendicitis, but these scans show pelvic free fluid and a paracolonic abscess. I think he might have right‐sided diverticulitis.

[Sighs] Yep. And it looks like it’s perforated. Plus, his X‐rays show a broken collarbone. Okay, book an OR, and I’ll meet you up there. We need to get him up there right now.

Really? We ‐‐ We as in me?

Yeah, it’s your diagnosis.

[Exhales sharply]

Good catch, Tseng.

[Keys clacking]

Congratulations. You just ordered Nathan Ramos a pregnancy test.

Intern Sara: What? How?!




You already said that.

Woman on P. A.: Portable X‐ray to the third floor. Portable X‐ray to the third floor.

Intern Sara: Ooh! He cute. [Giggles]

No one asked you.


Jackson: Wait. No, no, no. Wait. She kicked you out of bed, so you were, like, what, naked?

I’m naked. Naked. I was naked in bed with my boyfriend, and she just ‐‐ And it wasn’t just one time either.

I mean, it kind of says less about him than her.

Really, though? Does it?

Yeah. Mer’s like a force of nature.

[Both chuckle]

Yeah. That’s right.

She’s a force of nature. She, um… She’s gonna beat this thing. Right?


Right. Yeah.

[Waves crashing]

[Seagulls crying]

Derek said the sand isn’t real.

Yeah, no. Neither is the ocean. It is nice, though. I wouldn’t want to leave either.

The beach?

Your kids. [Chuckles] Got great kids.

They’re the best. You didn’t meet them.

I check in sometimes.

How did you get older?

Sand isn’t real, the ocean isn’t real. The body… it’s not real. Maybe it’s just more peaceful for you to imagine me older?

You sound like a fortune cookie.

[Both laughing]

[Sighs] Do I choose? Do I get to decide if I go back?

I don’t know. I didn’t. I would have stayed if I could have. It’s different for everyone, though.


[Monitor beeping]

[Door opens]

She’s still asleep?

Richard: She needs her rest.

You want to wake her and ask her about the trial?

I tried.

How hard?

She needs her rest, Bailey. If you think I’m struggling with the decision, how do you think she’s gonna do?

You want to talk pros and cons?

We don’t know anything about the virus, so we don’t know anything about the treatment, so we don’t know any of the pros or any of the cons. Let’s just see if the proning helps.

[Door opens]

Nana Ante: The boy refused to wear anything with buttons. Collared shirts, slacks, even jeans.

Look. Buttons confine, okay? Now, elastic waistbands give you freedom.

You better not be wearing elastic waistbands when you take Maggie out.

I promise you he doesn’t.

[Computer ringing]

Oh, is this your brother?

He said he had to work.

Happy Birthday, Momma!

Nana Ante: Thanks, baby.

We’re actually in the middle of dinner.

Winston, I invited your dad. And you have to get along because it’s my birthday.

Clifford: So, who is this young lady?

Um, I’m Maggie Pierce. I’m a friend of Winston’s.

Friend? Ha. Maggie’s a genius doctor like Winston. She used to be his teacher.

Winston? A genius? Oh, stop playin’. [Chuckling] You know that boy almost failed sixth grade. Such a pain.

Maybe I wouldn’t have missed so much class if I wasn’t helping Mom while you gambled away our savings.


Sorry, Nana. No disrespect.

Listen, man, I never pretended to be a perfect man. But I love you, and I love my momma. So, please, for her sake, let’s try to be civil.

Civil, huh? Okay. Happy birthday, Nana. I love you.

Uh… So, is there cake?

[Siren wailing]

[Birds chirping]

Why are you up so early?

[Sighs] Front desk. I got some breakfast delivered.

Oh, you know what? If I was hungry, I would have just eaten the cold pizza.

Who said I got you any?

Can’t believe I fell asleep. Never should’ve started a movie with two sequels.

Prequels. They were prequels. And I said that, but you called me a wuss.

[Clears throat] Why is your couch more comfortable than my bed?

Well, you’re welcome to it whenever you want.

[Clears throat] Thank you for the friendship reboot. It almost made up for the last time that I woke up here.

Tried to rip the Band‐Aid off too soon. It’s behind us. We’re good. Uh, but you can take the pizza with you. I’ll grab it for you.

Jo: Wait.

Mnh, mnh, mnh.

I’m ripping off the Band‐Aid.



It’s just a basic algorithm that simulates the spread of COVID. Here’s what it would look like if everyone social‐distanced.

[Key clacks]


Here… if everyone wore face masks.

[Key clacks, beeping]

[Chuckles] It’s just a little stochastic S‐I‐R model that allows for multivariable inputs…


w‐which I built by converting a “Zombie Apocalypse” game.

I love that game! How does yours end?

I‐I don’t know yet.

Same. I never got past level eight, so…

Yeah, Helm, I appreciate your interest, but, uh, no one’s gonna know my test is negative if it never leaves my porch, hmm? Show’s over. Bye‐ee!

Meredith: I was devastated when you died.

You were all cracking up at my funeral.

Well, we were ‐‐

No. What? What? No. It ‐‐ That made me happy.

I was devastated. And then I was okay. And even with Derek… eventually you go on. And the kids would go on.

They would, but… I think maybe with them it’s different. My mom didn’t go on.


Not really, not like she used to. Some grief is ‐‐ is heavier than other grief. Sometimes it moves through you, and sometimes it ‐‐ it just gets stuck. And you carry it. Like my mom. My mom carries it. Sometimes I try to shake it out of her.


Like, you know…

Like you haunt her?

Well, I mean, if you want to call it that, I…


I just want her to… let it go. I want her to know I’m still me even though she can’t touch me and she can’t see me, but I am still me.

It’s not the same.

No, I know.


[Monitor beeping]

[Indistinct conversations]

You know, her sats were steady, but now they’re just getting worse. I made some calls, and there’s another spot open in Dr. Kuo’s trial, but we have to act fast.

Is there another spot because another patient died?

Have you seen the opacities in her lungs? Dr. Webber, at this point, you can either hope that she wakes up again or you can make the decisions that she chose you to make!

I beg your pardon?

The choice is between doing nothing and doing something. Do something.


Nico: You had to leave him open?

Owen: Yes. Once we got in, his colon was a mess. So we had to bring up an ileostomy and place an ABTHERA for the swelling.

His clavicle’s non‐displaced. Fracture should heal quite nicely.

How soon?

Till he can work again? Maybe a month.

Tseng, let’s diurese him overnight and let’s put him on the stand‐by list for the OR in case we need to do a washout tomorrow. You did well today.

Can I ask you something?

Am I literally the only person that can answer it?

Kind of.

Our patient’s Asian‐American. So right‐side diverticulitis was a greater possibility. But Dr. Hunt didn’t scan him when he first came in.

So, what’s your question?

I think he should know so he doesn’t make this mistake again. But I don’t know how to talk to him about it.

You don’t know how to accuse your attending of being a racist?

That’s not what I meant.

Well, that’s what he’s gonna hear.

So your advice is… do nothing?

You’re a resident. He’s an attending. My advice to you is, if you’re gonna have a conversation with him, at least know what to expect.


Hello! Dr. Koracick?

No test kit?

They wouldn’t give me another one because you keep testing positive. But I got to level nine on “Zombie Apocalypse.” I didn’t stop the virus, but it’s a start.

Oh, yeah, I‐I stopped that.

You found a cure? Or a vaccine? Wait. Did you reach herd immunity? Tell me.

I blew up the world.

You killed everyone?

Oh, we’re all gonna die anyway.

Well, yeah, eventually.

Well, if by “eventually” you mean before the year’s out, then, yeah. [Chuckles] I figured I’d cut to the chase.


That was not a bridge. That was ‐‐ What’s bigger than a bridge?

Mm, whatever that was, I guess.

Okay. But we can’t do it again.


No. Definitely not. Because then ‐‐ then we’re a thing. We’re definitely not a thing.

Yeah, definitely not a thing. Agreed. Not a thing. It’s just ‐‐ However…


If we were to not get dressed between the first and the ‐‐ goes after…

Yep. Yeah, mm‐hmm.

You know what I’m saying? Then it’s all really just one experience.

It’s just one experience.

So it’s not a thing. It’s just…

It’s one whole experience.


So… he just bailed?

Yeah. I knew that he had problems with his dad, but I did not know they were that bad. Couldn’t even be in a virtual room with him. And I haven’t heard from him since.

You seem exceedingly calm about that.

You know, I’m ‐‐ I’m paying it forward. Or… backward. When we first reconnected in L. A., I told him that I needed some time, and he totally heard me. Plus, our sister’s in the hospital with COVID alone. It really puts things in perspective.

I hate that we can’t be with her.

Me too.

[Man whistling]

Is that whistling?

That’s Link. He is a one‐man pep rally. And I hate that, too.

Oh! Dr. Altman. Bad time?

This virus is like a‐a drunk uncle at a wedding. Y‐You’ve got no idea what it’s gonna do or when it’s gonna turn on you. I am reading everything on COVID because every 24 hours there’s something new. And I have to keep up because there could be one drug, one procedure ‐‐ it could help. It could help everyone. It could help Meredith Grey. So, yes, it’s a ‐‐ it’s a ‐‐ it’s a bad time. What do you need?

Um, I was gonna tell you that Dr. Koracick is in a really dark place and seems like he could use a friend. But, um, Dr. Grey is kinda my whole world, so… Never mind. Proceed.


Owen: Dave’s abdominal swelling is coming down, so we should be able to close him in just a few days.

Tammi: Oh, that’s great news. Thank you.

Yeah. Just doing my job. How are things there?

Oh, hanging on by a thread. Dave’s the one who keeps this place running.

Well, we are doing everything we can here to get him back to you, okay?

Can I see him one more time?

Of course.

Rest up and come home soon, okay? I wish I could be there. I love you.

[Sighs heavily] It’s awful that she can’t visit.

It’s awful this happened in the first place.

Tseng, you need to step out.




You don’t have to be so hard on her. She’s very attached to this patient.

She’s upset that a misdiagnosis cost this patient the next four weeks of his livelihood.

Me too. Sometimes you have to weigh the risks and make a decision. Right‐sided diverticulitis is extremely rare.

But not as rare for Dave. It’s 10 times more likely in patients of Asian descent than white patients. Which you clearly didn’t know or didn’t take into consideration. But either way it’s on you, ’cause all this could’ve been avoided with a simple scan.

[Monitor beeping]


You’re just getting here? [Car door closes]

Is that a problem?

No. Just didn’t see you when I got up. I figured you came in early.

I was exercising.


Oh, my God! You’re back together.

Kind of.


Taryn said the Netherlands suggested people find a designated sex partner for the pandemic.

You’re having sex with Nico because the Dutch government recommends it?

Their country ranks very high on the World Happiness Index.

He lied, dumped you. He barely gives you the time of day.

Okay, stop judging. It’s wartime, but I still have needs. It’s not like I’m just gonna find someone new.

So you’re with your emotionally unavailable ex?



Link: Ah, the sun is out, and Scout’s down. And everyone else is watching a PBS show about penguins.

Meredith’s not improving. Uh, they can’t wake her.

Well, she’s getting her rest. It’s good.

No, it is not good. None of this is good, okay? Do you not see that? I am terrified for Meredith. I am sad. I am enraged that this is happening. So, please, stop dismissing me with your bright sides and your pep talks, okay? Let me have my fear and my grief and my anger. Because if I don’t, if I keep shoving it down, you will have a very hard time finding the bright side to the consequences.

What are you doing?

I’m making some space for us to sit while you have all your feelings.

[Celeste’s “I’m Here” plays]

[Monitor beeping]


♪ How do we still remember ♪

♪ My mind and memories young ♪

♪ I want you January to December ♪

[Waves crashing]

George: Do you still dance?

♪ Another trip around the sun ♪

Meredith: Hmm?

When you’re sad or you’re stressed, do you still… dance it out?

No, not so much anymore, not since Cristina left.

Cristina didn’t die.

I know.

That’s what I miss about being alive. Dancing till you drop. Laughing till you cry. Food. Textures. The crunch of cereal as you eat it from the box.


The feel of clean sheets and a good pillow at the end of a long day.


♪ These fears ♪

[Monitor beeping faintly]

Richard: I’ve got the consent forms for that clinical trial… for that clinical trial…

♪ These tears are just tears ♪

And there’s one more space, and… I have to decide, and… it could be the best or worst decision of my life.

Richard: Your doctors, your friends, your family. They’re worried about you. I’m trying to be strong for them, but I’ll admit… I’m struggling. Seeing you there like this… and not knowing what to do.

[Monitor beeping]

I’m sorry, Richard.

And choices. Ahh. So many choices. So many ways to live a life.

Meredith? Meredith, what is it? I’m here. I’m right here.

♪ Enough time to know that you’re… ♪

If you stay here, it might break him.

♪ Ohh, keeping your eyes on me ♪

I know.

♪ I know you’ll be here when I look ’round ♪

[Weakly] I know, George.

♪ These fears ♪

♪ No longer weapons ♪

♪ These tears are just tears ♪

♪ Not longing ♪

Get her in.

♪ For direction ♪

♪ I belong here ♪

[Siren wailing in distance]

Oh, God, I hate…


Every single thing except you.

I live with Jo Wilson now. But she, uh… has not been sleeping at home. I want to invite you over. But I guess we have not been great to each other. And I don’t know what’s really changed.

Levi. There’s a worldwide pandemic. We literally don’t know if we’re gonna live to see tomorrow. A lot has changed.

Yeah, okay, let’s go.

[Horns honking]

[Knock on door]



Um… [Clears throat]

Our plan went to crap, and now we can’t pretend it didn’t happen ‐‐

I can’t be in a relationship right now.


Sorry. Let me start over. That sounded rude. When I’m saying is, I‐I jumped right into something with Vic… Mm‐hmm. you know, after breaking up with Maggie, who I started dating pretty soon after April. So I just probably should take some time to sort things out. I don’t want to do anything to hurt you or our friendship.

Jackson, my husband left me the same year that we got married, for a second time. I am super broken. Like “virtual therapy three times a week” broken. And now I have to put myself back together in a world that I no longer recognize, one that is sad and lonely and depressing. So what I need is friendship and sex. I am not, like really not, looking for a relationship. Especially with someone like you.

Someone like me? Okay.

Mm‐hmm. Yeah, you know, Mr., um, Can’t Be Alone But Sometimes Skips Town To Go On Nature Journeys.

Oh, okay. But you can be friends with and have sex with Mr. Can’t Be Alone? Got it.

Yes. The Netherlands has recommended that its residents find a regular sex buddy during the pandemic for safety.

Sounds wise.

Doesn’t it? [Laughing] You thought I wanted to date you?!

Well, how is that ‐‐ Why is that so funny?

Hey. Uh… You mind if I, uh…

Okay, well, sit over there.

Okay. Hypothetical. Asian‐American male presents with fever, high white blood cell count, and right lower quadrant pain.

Oh, is this the restaurant guy? I caught him in the ER.

Bailey, I see a dozen presentations like that a month. All appendicitis. But if I’m honest, in that moment, I‐I didn’t give it much thought. I just ‐‐ He was ‐‐ He was any patient.

Any non‐Asian patient.

I defaulted to a standard of care.

That’s centered around white patients.

I never want to make that mistake again. There is no excuse. You know, when you’re dealing with a high patient count, you have to make judgment calls, you know? You ‐‐ You have to ask, what is the most likely problem, right?

So there’s no excuses, other than the excuses you just listed off?

[Chuckles] That’s not what I meant.


I just want to treat everyone equally.

Equal doesn’t work for everybody, Hunt. I‐It’s about equity ‐‐ patients getting what they need, whether it fits into a protocol or not. Look, I just put my parents in assisted living, and I can’t stop worrying that they won’t get enough care because… there are so few Black folks there. Meanwhile, my dad’s freaked out because on his floor the nurses are male. In his mind, good nurses are female, period. So we all have biases, Hunt, including you. What matters now is what you do about it. You’re the chief of trauma. If the protocols don’t work, then read, learn… question… and change them.


[Guitar playing blues riff]

Kids are asleep.


And… it’s your turn to talk.

I’m good.

Link, everything sucks right now. You can talk about it.

Yeah. Yeah. I could do that. If you want me to be… miserable and resentful.

Resentful of me? For trying to listen?

No, of making me talk when clearly all I want to do is play my damn guitar.

[Guitar playing]

You can’t keep everything bottled up.

No, no, you can’t, Amelia. That’s how you process feelings. That’s how you cope. And I’m okay with that. But… I’ve been through “everything sucks.” Illness and isolation. When I had cancer. When ‐‐ When my parents split. I was so depressed that I could ‐‐ I could barely get out of bed for the better part of a year. And I was 11. Then I met a kid at cancer camp. Morrow Willis. Kid was probably sicker than I was, but he didn’t want to talk about treatments or symptoms. Just sports and “Mario Kart.” So I said to myself, “What if I just focus on the good stuff?” And I tried it. And it turns out that’s what works for me. That’s what I need. And if you’re okay with that, great, but if you need a partner in misery, I’m not your guy.

[Guitar playing]


Whatcha playing?

Just a little something I made up. It’s called, uh, “If the Virus Doesn’t End Us, Then Climate Change Probably Will Blues.”

[Guitar playing]


[Computer ringing]


Hey. Wasn’t sure you’d answer.

Please. The woman who all but ghosted you for a month does not get to judge.

It’s just, uh… my dad.

We don’t have to talk about it if you’re not ready to or if you don’t want to.

It makes me crazy because he ‐‐ he seems like he’s all charm, but he has got this temper that… Well, if you’re serious about not talking about it right now, that can wait… because the things I want to do with you tonight… they can’t.

Oh, well, I’m going to need you to say more about that.

Alright, alright. Hold on. Let me, uh ‐‐ Let me try to share my screen.

Oh, my God.


Are we gonna watch porn?

[Chuckles] No. Coming to America.



Yes! Please! Ahh! [Chuckles]

[Thunder rumbling] Ugh! Hey, Tom?! Tom, it’s me! I brought you soup and I know that you’re home! It’s that really excellent soup from that little Polish place. Tom… I know ‐‐ I know that I am the last person that you want to see. I just ‐‐ I don’t know. I thought maybe we could talk through the door. I just feel like you need some semblance of human contact. I don’t blame you for ‐‐ for wanting to keep your distance, I mean, pandemic or not. I just want you to know that you’re not alone.

[Kevin Garrett’s “Refuse” plays]



Meredith: Experts say the more resilient we are, the better we can face life’s challenges.

[Thunder crashes]

♪ I’m okay alone ♪

[Seagulls crying]

♪ It makes my soul stir ♪

I was so mad at you.

What, for leaving you?

For choosing someone over yourself.

I didn’t know I was gonna die.

Do you regret it?

♪ Keep my head in the dirt ♪

Does that matter? You’d have done the same thing. Isn’t that why you’re here?

♪ Slow crash ♪

♪ Stumble over nothing on my own path ♪

Yeah. I guess. So it’s your fault.

[Both laugh]

How do you figure?

♪ No one ever wanted me to go back ♪

Because you… went all‐in for everybody. Your friends, your family, a woman at the bus stop. You think that didn’t somehow affect me?

♪ But I refuse ♪

You changed my life, George. I didn’t say it then, but it’s true.

And the single biggest factor for cultivating resilience?

♪ Far away from home ♪

Positive relationships.

♪ Forgot my address ♪

[Monitor beeping]

♪ Mind is still on loan ♪

For what it’s worth, I think you made the right call, putting her in the trial.

I’ve known Meredith since she was a child. I watched her operate on her dolls in the OR gallery. I took her for milk and cookies in the cafeteria. I helped her get over her fear of the film review room because that’s where she thought we kept the skeletons.

♪ I know I am anything but uncouth ♪

And then I watched her become a surgeon, a wife… a mother, and a chief. You know, I knew COVID patients had to suffer in isolation. But I never gave any thought to how helpless and alone it feels for the people who care about them.

♪ I ref‐u‐u‐use ♪

♪ Yes, I ref‐u‐u‐use ♪

♪ No, no, no, no, no ♪

[Thunder crashes]

♪ Yes, I refuse ♪

[Thunder rumbling]

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

So find your people…

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

and keep them close.

♪ Ooh, ooh, yes, I refuse ♪

Because when you’re at your lowest… those people get you through.



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