Euphoria – S02E08 – All My Life, My Heart Has Yearned for a Thing I Cannot Name | Transcript

Snippets of memory collide with the present and future.
Euphoria - All My Life, My Heart Has Yearned for a Thing I Cannot Name

Aired on February 27, 2022

Custer tries to get Fezco to reveal his role in Mouse’s murder before Faye signals him to keep quiet. Realizing he is a police informant, Ash stabs Custer in the neck much to Fezco’s dismay; Fezco suffocates Custer to death and submerges his phone in water. Earlier, Lexi and Fezco discuss their plans for the future; they are both glad to have become friends. In the present, Cassie disrupts the play to insult and mock Lexi who begs her to stop. Cassie continues to wreak havoc, prompting Maddie to come on the stage to fight her. Supported by her crew and the audience, Lexi continues the play and dedicates it to Fezco who is still missing. The play concludes with Rue’s speech at her father’s wake and a heartfelt conversation between Rue and Lexi about life and loss; Rue later thanks Lexi for showing her a version of her life that she didn’t hate. Fezco pleads with Ash to surrender to the police, allowing him to take the fall for Custer’s murder. Instead, he locks himself in the bathroom with several guns and engages in a shootout with the police. In the crossfire, Fezco is shot in the stomach and Ash is shot in the head, leaving him dead. Fezco is handcuffed and taken away by the police. Rue visits Elliot to forgive him for snitching on her as she believes he might have saved her life. They both agree they are not good for each other. Nate confronts Cal with a gun and a flash drive containing all of Cal’s explicit activity, revealing his trauma from viewing the videos at a young age. Tipped off by Nate, the police arrive to arrest Cal. Cassie confides in Maddie that Nate broke up with her before she lashed out on stage. Jules sits next to Rue in the audience then tells her she loves and misses her. Rue kisses her on the forehead before walking away, cautiously hopeful about the future.

* * *

(typing)

(text whooshes)

(clears throat)

(clicks tongue)

All right, y’all, I’m finna head out.

Wait, you’re, uh, you’re leavin’?

(phone dings)

Yeah, I’m about to leave right now.

(eerie music playing)

Is-is everything good?

Yeah, before you go, bro, I, I really gotta talk to you about somethin’.

(sighs) Like what, man?

Everything.

The fuck is you talkin’ ’bout, bruh?

CUSTER: Bro…

The fuckin’ cops found Mouse’s body.

(glass shatters)

FAYE: Sorry.

(tense music)

Did you hear what I said?

Ch-ch-ch…

I thought you told me that Laurie killed Mouse, right?

FAYE: Laurie?

Wha–

I never said that.

What are you talkin’ about?

Yeah, you know, Laurie, the drug dealer that lives in the apartment complex off Kemper.

Yeah, you were the one that told me she killed Mouse.

I never said that.

Yes, you did.

CUSTER: What are you talking about?

Are you high?

FAYE: You know that Laurie and those fucking people, they scare me.

Why are you trying to protect them?

I’m not fuckin’ protecting anyone.

What the fuck is this?

So, you’re working for Laurie?

CUSTER: Hey, no!

So how about you just shut the fuck up!

Okay, then why are you trying to cover up a murder that she committed?

(nervous laughter)

FEZCO: All right, now.

Think it’s time for you to get outta here, big fella.

Bro… we gotta figure out what the fuck we’re gonna say.

Okay, this is becoming a fucking issue.

Wait, Ash. Ash, Ash!

No!

(Custer wheezing)

(grunting)

(wheezing)

(Custer grunting)

(choking)

(grunting)

(gagging, choking)

LEXI: Do you ever think about the future?

FEZCO: (on phone) Yeah, all the time.

Really?

FEZCO: Yeah.

LEXI:(on phone) Like you have a plan?

I mean, I don’t, I don’t got, like, a plan-plan, but I be thinking about

living on a farm, you know?

I don’t really see you as a farmer.

FEZCO: Yeah, fuck it.

Get some horses, cows, pigs, chickens, goats.

Have a little family.

Like some “Little House on the Prairie”-type shit. You know?

I don’t know if I know that show.

FEZCO: You never heard of “Little House on the Prairie”?

LEXI:Okay, this might sound kind of crazy but, my plan is to have, like, three kids at 30.

Like, each one a year and a half apart.

So from 30 to 58, I can focus on, you know, being a good mom and raising my kids, et cetera, et cetera.

And then, drop the last one off at college at 58.

Which will give me, like, 32 years to focus on me and live my life and take my time with writing.

I mean, you really got this shit all figured out, huh?

LEXI: Yeah. (laughs) It’s kind of crazy, right?

I mean… they got, they got three kids in that show.

There’s no need to forget your manners.

Just because we’re hundreds of miles from civilized folk.

If you lived in a place like this, do you think you’d have a gun?

FEZCO: Hell yeah, I’d own a gun.

I hate guns.

Nobody’s ever got shot at and thought to they-self, “Whoa! Thank goodness we didn’t have a gun to shoot back.” You know?

LEXI: Yeah, but then what are the police for?

Fucked if I know. Shit.

Wait, are you on Instagram or Twitter?

FEZCO: Hell no.

Really? Why?

Oh yeah.

Well, why would I want anybody knowin’ what I’m thinkin’ or feelin’?

LEXI: I don’t know. You can connect with people who have similar interests.

FEZCO: Mmm. I just feel like people be sharin’ way too much on there.

Online?

Yeah.

They be ruinin’ the mystery, you know?

Like, say if I like a girl, I wanna find out what she’s about on my own, you know?

I don’t wanna google the scraps.

I wanna, I wanna peel back the layers.

Yeah, but, like, why would you wanna waste time getting to know someone… if you don’t have anything in common with them?

I don’t know. That’s what I like about you the most, though, like…

we don’t really have nothin’ in common.

LEXI: That’s not true. We both…

have the same sense of humor, and… are empathic and curious.

And wanna have, like, kids.

FEZCO: Those aren’t interests, you know, those are real character traits.

It’s-That’s the important shit that, that people don’t post online.

LEXI: Yeah, I never thought about it that way.

FEZCO: Well, aren’t you glad that we became friends?

Yeah… very much so.

Yeah, me too.

(shuddering breaths)

(swallows, panting)

(light classical music playing)

Hey, Lexi! It’s going so well!

We’re gettin’ a lot of really good laughs.

Yeah, let’s not get cocky, okay?

♪ ♪

(audience applauding)

(breathing heavy)

♪ ♪

(heavy breathing continues)

♪ ♪

(door opens)

♪ ♪

Oh god.

(classical music intensifies)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

(music swells)

…thousand versions of myself.

(slow clapping)

Only do I look good, but I fucking feel good–

(scattered laughter)

(clapping continues)

CASSIE: Lexi, you really outdid yourself.

(laughs) I mean… where did she find these knock-offs.

Oh shit.

(audience reacting)

CASSIE: I had no idea that my sister had this in her.

Good job, right?

Isn’t she brave?

She’s up here, unpacking all of her trauma.

I had no idea how hard your life was, Lexi.

Shush!

Can we give a round of applause for how hard Lexi’s life is?

(scattered cheering)

(Cassie clapping)

CASSIE: Come on, guys.

I know they hack the heads off of women in Afghanistan or wherever.

STUDENT: That’s racist!

CASSIE: God.

It is nothing compared to living in my shadow.

Yo, is this like a part of the play?

(quietly) Is this part of the play?

(audience laughing)

I don’t know.

Lexi.

STUDENT: Her name’s Luna!

CASSIE: Is this part of the play?

Lexi?

LEXI: Stop, please stop.

This is your show. Come out!

You’re the big star of the day!

Oh shit.

Please, Cassie, stop it.

You’re the star of the night.

She’s always wanted to be the star.

STUDENT: Whoo-hoo! Go, Lexi!

This is your big moment. Shine!

(quietly) Please, stop. Please, stop. Please, stop. Please, stop.

CASSIE: I should stop? Me?

I’m not the one putting on a play

to humiliate and embarrass you!

I didn’t do that.

Oh really?!

Then what is this?!

What act are we in?

Don’t question it.

That’s the brilliance of Lexi Howard.

SUZE: Hi, everyone.

I’m Suze. I’m the girls’ mom in real life.

LEXI:Oh my god.

(audience laughs)

Um, played by Ethan.

Where is he? Ethan?

Who by the way–

(audience cheers)

he-you have me down to a, to a, to a science, honey.

Thank you. Thank you, guys. I appreciate it.

He’s gonna win an award.

Honey, let’s go home.

I deserve this, right?

Oh my god, please, Mom, Mom.

I deserve this?

LEXI:Stop!

CASSIE: Mom, stop!

Shh, you stop it.

CASSIE: Lexi, I’m going to fucking kill you.

I deserve this, right?

Because I’ve actually lived a life?

Mom?

I’m the one who takes risks.

STUDENT: Show us your boobs!

I’m the one who falls in love?

I’m the one who gets hurt, not you, Lexi!

(audience murmuring)

You never even fucking lived!

That’s why you’re able to stand up here and judge all of us!

You’re just a fuckin’ bystander.

Alright, alright–

Mom, stop!

Alright!

(audience booing)

(scoffs) Oh, okay…

Well if that makes me a villain,

Whoo!

Then so fuckin’ be it.

(scoffs)

I can play the fucking villain.

STUDENT: Yeah, do it!

(audience booing)

Lexi, is this the part of the play

where I steal Jake from Marta?

No, Cassie, that’s not in the play.

It is now!

(audience reacts)

Who said that?

Look, I wanna say, I get it.

Oh god…

I understand what you’re going through.

I do not want to hear from you.

I lived it.

Wait, Hallie steals Marta’s boyfriend?

I don’t know how many times I have to say this.

They were not fucking together.

Yeah, not only that,

but she was fucking him the entire time

Marta was talking about getting back together with him.

No… Why?

MADDY: Because Hallie is a two-faced cunt.

I’m not a cunt! You’re the cunt!

(audience exclaiming)

You’re the fucking cunt, bitch!

I am not a fucking cunt.

(audience exclaiming)

Language, missy!

SUZE: Okay, okay, you know what?

You’re just fucking embarrassing yourself.

Let’s go home.

I’m not going home.

The play’s not over.

Oh, my god.

(audience chattering)

I feel like I’m gonna throw up.

Mom, this isn’t fair!

SUZE: It’s not her fault. She’s a writer.

She’s a writer!

This isn’t fair, Mom!

How can she do this–?

$3.25 for a grapefruit? What is this, Venezuela?

(audience laughing)

CASSIE: Lexi, Lexi, I’m gonna fucking kill you!

SUZE: Okay, enough!

CASSIE: Mom!

I don’t know. I’m panicking.

Go away. Just go away.

(fanfare plays onstage)

SUZE: Stop. Stop it!

Oh, my god, yes! Oh, that’s it!

Oh, my god, I just love fucking everything!

(screaming) No! I’m going to fucking kill you!

Get the fuck off of the horse.

Ow!

Get off!

(audience exclaiming)

Get off! You fucking bitch!

(shouting continues)

(carnival music playing)

Oh, this bitch needs to be put down.

KAT: No, no, no. Maddy! No!

Maddy, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

No, no, no, Maddy! No, no, no, no, no!

(BB yelling)

-Maddy, no! -Maddy, beat her ass!

(carnival music continues)

Fucking bitch!

Fuck you!

(loud slap)

Oh fuck.

AUDIENCE: Ooh!

(applause)

♪ ♪

(indistinct shouting)

(music continues)

KAT: No, no! Stop! Stop! Stop this! Stop, stop…

(music crescendos, ends)

KAT: Maddy! No, no, no, no, no, no! No, no, no!

Maddy! No!

(all shouting, screaming)

Beat her fuckin’ ass, Maddy! She fuckin’ deserves that shit!

She fucked your boyfriend!

It’s all make-believe. This is all scripted.

Can you believe this? My baby’s a genius.

(applause, cheers)

Close the curtain!

Close the fucking curtain!

Now!

(applause)

(light piano playing)

(play continues, inaudible)

RUE: A few days earlier,

I stopped by Elliot’s.

(knocking)

ELLIOT: Yo… Hey.

What’s goin’ on?

Ah, nothin’ much. I was just, uh…

walkin’ around the neighborhood.

Thought I’d stop by and come tell ya

to go fuck yourself for bein’ a snitch.

(chuckles)

RUE: Uh…

uh…

I know, but for real, man, I, um…

I think you might’ve accidentally saved my life.

So, uh, you know, whatever happened…

however it happened, you know, however…

it got to be… whatever it is, uh…

thank God it did.

‘Cause I wouldn’t be here to tell you that I forgive you.

And that feels…

that feels really, really nice because, uh,

I have a lot of “I’m sorry’s” to do.

But not a lot of “I forgive you’s.”

So…

thank you for that.

So, you’re not doin’ anything?

Nah, you?

Yeah.

Don’t worry. I’m not gonna tell anyone.

Thank you. Yeah.

You talk to Jules?

No, you?

Not really.

Yeah, that one’s gonna take me a little bit longer.

ELLIOT: I get that.

(strums guitar)

Can I play you something?

Uh, yeah, sure. Go ahead.

Okay.

♪ I’ve got no place ♪

♪ Buildin’ you a rocket up to outer space ♪

♪ I watch you fade ♪

♪ Keepin’ the lights on in this forsaken place ♪

♪ Little star ♪

♪ Feels like you fell right on my head ♪

♪ Gave you away to the wind ♪

♪ I hope it was worth it in the end ♪

♪ You and my guitar ♪

♪ I think you may be my only friend ♪

♪ I gave it all to see you shine again ♪

♪ I hope it was worth it in the end ♪

♪ Us against the world ♪

♪ Just a couple sinners makin’ fun of hell ♪

♪ If I keep you here ♪

♪ I’ll only be doing it for myself ♪

♪ Little star ♪

♪ Feels like you fell right on my head ♪

♪ Gave you away to the wind ♪

♪ I hope it was worth it in the end ♪

♪ Yeah, I hope so ♪

♪ Think you may be my only friend ♪

♪ I gave it all to see you shine again ♪

♪ I hope it was worth it in the end ♪

♪ I know this thing is broken ♪

♪ So I leave my door wide open ♪

♪ Been some time since we’ve spoken ♪

♪ One day we’ll meet again ♪

♪ Some distance when you’re older ♪

♪ You’ll come laying on my shoulder ♪

♪ Tell me that storm is over ♪

♪ That day we meet again ♪

♪ Feels like you fell right on my head ♪

♪ Gave you away to the wind ♪

♪ I hope it was worth it in the end ♪

♪ You and my guitar ♪

♪ I think you may be my only friend ♪

♪ I gave you away, mm-mm-mm ♪

♪ I hope it was worth it in the end ♪

I’m still workin’ on it.

(soft chuckle)

I like it.

(sighs) Um… truth or dare?

(scoffs)

Truth.

Do you think we can still be friends?

You know you’re the one who said we weren’t any good for each other.

ELLIOT: I still think that.

(light piano playing)

♪ ♪

(play continues, inaudible)

Yeah… I, I found her.

I’m telling everyone that that was a part of the play.

It’s the only thing I’ve ever done and it’s a disaster.

It could be worse.

How?

It could be boring.

LEXI: That’s true.

I mean, how many shows

in the history of East Highland High

has started a riot?

(soft chuckle)

It’s not even over yet. (laughing)

Art should be dangerous.

The show goes on.

(jazzy piano playing)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

(inaudible)

♪ ♪

(jazz choir vocalizing)

(inaudible)

♪ ♪

(chants) Lexi, Lexi, Lexi!

ALL: (chanting) Lexi, Lexi, Lexi!

Lexi, Lexi, Lexi!

(muffled chanting)

(audience cheering)

♪ ♪

(cheering continues)

Hallie… dust yourself off…

and get back on that pony.

Giddy up.

Let’s fuckin’ do this.

(cheering and applause)

Um, as you may have noticed,

we’re experiencing some technical difficulties.

(audience laughs)

Um, but seriously,

I think we’re gonna need a few minutes.

Um…

I just wanted to thank you all for being here.

I didn’t know any of that was gonna happen, uh…

A little bit ago,

I was talking to a friend about this play,

and I asked him…

“What if I upset people?”

And he said to me,

“Sometimes, people need to get their feelings hurt.”

Um…

so even though he couldn’t be here with us tonight…

this one’s for you.

(cheering and applause)

(tense music playing)

(Ashtray panting)

(grunts)

FEZCO: I’m sorry, bruh,

but we have to make it look like you ain’t do this.

Just get out, man. The cops are gon’ kick down that door any second, bro.

Even if they know that you did this, bruh…

I’m still gonna go down longer.

(quietly) No.

Come here, bruh.

Listen to me.

Just go out there and surrender.

It’s all on me, bruh. You hear me?

No.

They gon’ come in here.

They gon’ find me with the knife in my hand.

Tell ’em you had nothin’ to do with this shit.

Listen to me. I did this shit!

I killed this muthafucker.

You hearin’ me? Not you.

Mm-mm. No.

C’mon, now go wash your fucking hands.

I love you, brother.

(tense music playing)

♪ ♪

(soft static)

(door creaking, metal scraping)

(police radio chatter)

(clattering)

Ash, stop playin’! I need you to walk out this fuckin’ door right now, bruh!

Ash, we not doin’ this shit, man!

How you think this gonna end, bruh?!

You trying to die?

♪ ♪

(door creaking)

Give me the gun, bruh.

Ash…

I’m not finna let nothin’ happen to you. Now, give me the gun.

Come on, bro.

(shuddering breaths)

FEZCO: I’m not fuckin’ askin’, bro.

Come on, bro, please.

♪ ♪

(clattering, squeaking)

(drill whirring)

(clanking)

(metal bangs)

(banging)

(accelerating)

Fuck!

Ash! Ash, open the fucking door right now!

I’m not playin’ with you!

(banging on door)

Ash!

Open the fucking door!

(Fezco yelling)

(drill whirring)

♪ ♪

(car door chiming)

(shuts car door)

(indistinct chatter)

(music plays)

(people laughing)

Wrong. I know.

CAL’S FRIEND: Enough with the dirty dad joke.

Who is that?

You know him?

(“I Can’t Get You Out of My Head” playing on radio)

You’re not even gonna give me a hug, Dad?

♪ La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ ♪

That’s your son?

♪ Just to be there in your arms ♪

Yep.

Got all the best parts of him.

Think I know what part that is.

(all laughing)

You know what I think we have in common?

When we both get off on hurting other people.

What do ya think?

You wanna talk about this upstairs?

NATE: No.

(knocks on table)

So, you, uh, livin’ here now?

Uh, or the moment, yeah.

Ya happy?

I’m figuring it out.

(can opens)

Sorry.

(friends chuckling)

Are you happier?

CAL: Why don’t we go talk about this upstairs?

It’s a simple question.

Yes…

In some ways.

That’s not fair.

CAL: I know.

You don’t get to ruin our lives.

And then, just… move on and get to be happier.

I’ve made a lot of mistakes.

When I was…

eleven years old…

I found these videos of my dad fucking hookers in a motel room.

You know, for the longest time,

I had this recurring nightmare, just over and over…

and in it, he was fuckin’ me the way that he fucked them.

Did I ever tell you about that, Dad?

I think it’s time that… uh, that everybody go.

Um, um, I need to talk to my son.

Oh god.

(whispers) Good luck.

Bye.

See ya, buddy.

I spent my whole life tryin’ to protect you.

And instead of loving me, you fuckin’ hated me for it.

I’m not proud of the person I’ve been.

I know that I’ve hurt you.

I don’t wanna hear it.

CAL: I tried to keep it separate.

I failed.

I fucked up, Nate…

but I love you.

I love you.

And I should’ve protected you,

I should’ve kept you safe, and I didn’t.

I didn’t.

And there’s nothing I regret more.

I don’t want your apology.

I just want revenge.

What does that mean?

What is that?

It’s everything.

Everything.

(car pulls up)

Nate…

(car door opens)

don’t do this.

(car door closes)

Nate, look at me.

Do not do this.

Nate, don’t do this.

I’m, I’m, I’m begging you.

Don’t do this.

You are…

who you are.

I don’t think you’re ever gonna change.

Chief Greenwood? He’s in here.

Thanks, Nate. Appreciate it.

Cal, you’re under arrest.

Put your hands behind your head.

Both of ’em.

(handcuffs clicking)

(handcuffs tightening)

(loud bang)

(gas hissing)

OFFICER: Hands up!

(officers shouting, muffled)

(banging on door)

FEZCO: Ash!

(officers shouting)

Hands in the air!

Hands in the air!

FEZCO: (shouting) Don’t do this shit!

OFFICER: Hands up!

Hands up!

On the ground!

OFFICER: Open door right!

(officers shouting)

OFFICER: Get ’em up!

Come on! Come out!

Ash!

Ash, open the door!

Don’t move!

Drop the knife now!

FEZCO: Don’t shoot, don’t shoot! There’s a kid in there!

Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot!

There’s a kid in here! There’s a kid in here!

Drop the knife now!

Please, don’t shoot!

Ash, come outta there!

OFFICER: Drop your knife!

Move slowly! There’s a kid in here!

Please, don’t shoot!

Please, Ash, come out!

Move back to my voice!

Keep backing out!

Ash!

Come out, man!

(muffled shouting)

FEZCO: There’s a fuckin’ kid up in there!

(shouting)

(bang)

(rapid gunfire)

Aaaah!

(screaming) Ash!

(rapid gunfire)

(screaming) Ash!

(groans)

Don’t shoot!

Ash, come on! Get outta there!

(tense music playing)

Please! Ash, come on, please!

Don’t shoot him! It’s a fucking kid!

Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot! Ash!

(rapid gunfire)

♪ ♪

Ash!

(gunfire continues)

Ash!

Ash!

Ash! Ash!

Answer me!

(glass crunching)

(coughing) Ash!

Shh.

(tense, percussive music)

(door creaking)

He’s down!

(cocks gun)

(breathing heavy)

♪ ♪

(gunshot, body thuds)

RUE: I was in the hall when you died.

You let out a loud cry like you didn’t know what was gonna happen…

and then, it was silent.

My… my first thought was…

“This feels like a movie.”

I know a lot of people feel that way when

traumatic things happen to them.

Uh, at least, I, I hear that a lot.

It didn’t feel real.

It felt like a movie.

Uh, and this is it. This is…

This is the part where the character never recovers.

The part where… life takes them down.

This is the s–

This is the scene that scars her forever.

(classical piano playing)

(door opens)

SUZE: Lexi.

Get dressed. It’s your dad.

LEXI: What?

♪ ♪

(music intensifies)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

(inaudible)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Feel like your whole life you’ve been forced to take care of everyone.

(music crescendos)

(music ends)

(audience member coughs)

(somber music playing)

I, uh-(clears throat)

I watched you die…

and all I could think about was how none of it felt real.

The lights, the heavy boots of the EMTs

and their respectful, quiet voices…

“Let’s lift him on three.”

It was so quiet.

(Rue exhales)

I was numb.

I didn’t care.

I wasn’t feeling life in the way it was meant to be felt because…

I wasn’t present. I wasn’t actually there.

I was just watching it.

But that’s not true. (sniffles)

(crying) I do care.

And what if…

what if… the reason it felt like a movie

was because I wanted to believe that losing you…

is a part of a larger story.

One that maybe I could…

maybe I could still shape.

(Rue sobbing)

I… I remember a couple of days before you passed away.

You told me…

that if I ever wanted to be with you…

all I would have to do is close my eyes…

and we’d be together.

(crying)

You said that…

memories exist outside of time…

and have no beginning or end.

You said as long as I live…

you’ll be with me forever.

(sniffles)

I miss you, Dad.

I miss you until I close my eyes.

That’s it.

(paper rustling)

Thank you.

♪ ♪

(line ringing)

LEXI (on phone) Hey.

Hey.

Um…

I, I just, I just wanted to tell you that I…

I thought your play was really beautiful.

You might be the only one who thinks that.

(Rue chuckles) Yeah, well, could you imagine if I, like,

hated it and Cassie loved it?

(both laughing)

Um, but what are you doing today?

Um, I was–

Yeah, just laying in bed.

(laughs)

Cool, well, um, can I… maybe, like, come over?

Yeah.

Totally.

Okay cool. I’ll… see you later then.

Okay.

Okay, bye.

(melancholy music playing)

(indistinct chatter)

♪ ♪

I feel like all the kids in high school are super crazy.

It’s literally the same as eighth grade.

People are just way more dramatic.

All the senior guys are, like, nice.

How are you feeling?

I don’t know. I’m okay.

♪ ♪

All right, all right. I never see the five

of you little babies together,

so we’re gonna take a photo, okay?

No, Mom, please don’t take a photo.

All right, everyone come

together like that. Beautiful!

Mom, no one wants to remember this moment.

Oh, you little

sugar sweethearts.

Please, stop, stop.

(audience applauds)

RUE: I think your play was the first time

I was able to look at my life and not hate myself…

for everything I’ve done.

What do you mean?

I don’t know. I think I’ve been through a lot.

And I don’t know what to do with it.

But you’ve been through a lot and you know what to do with it.

I don’t know about that.

Lex, look what you made.

I don’t know how to do that.

I don’t know how to get to where you are.

But I just wanted you to know that seeing it meant the world to me.

(soft chuckle)

Do you think about your dad often?

Me too.

RUE: I feel like I had so much to learn

from him still, you know?

I also think I’m really angry about it.

LEXI:Yeah.

RUE: Do you ever… get angry about it?

It’s a bit more complicated than that.

RUE: What do you mean?

I think, like…

I was kind of relieved when he stopped showing up.

‘Cause I was so worried something bad was gonna happen.

I get that.

LEXI:Now…

every time the phone rings, it’s like…

You know?

But you figured it out.

You fuckin’ figured it out.

When my dad died, everybody would tell me that…

he died for a reason.

Ah, that shit used to piss me off.

I would literally wanna fucking strangle them.

But…

I think what they’re actually saying is that you gotta give it a reason.

You gotta give all this shit a reason.

Because I don’t wanna hold on to this forever.

I can’t, I can’t hold on to it forever.

Just doesn’t feel good.

It’s just–

I know other people are, like, built different, but–

Yeah.

it’s too much for me.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

No.

No, sorry.

I’m sorry. I didn’t–

Lexi…

I promise you, it’s not all his fault.

I don’t know for certain…

but I’m, uh…

I’m pretty sure he wakes up every day

and he thinks, “I’m gonna be better for her.

I’m gonna be there for her.”

That’s also the problem.

Because he only wants to be better for you.

(inhales, exhales)

Because I know that he loves you a lot more than he loves himself.

Mm.

RUE: I don’t know if that made you feel better.

Thank you.

(Lexi crying)

(softly) It’s okay.

I miss you.

(curtain pulling)

(applause, cheering)

(cheering continues)

(cheering)

(whistling)

(cheering continues, muffled)

CASSIE: Do you know what’s funny?

Nate broke up with me before I even went on that stage.

Don’t worry.

This is just the beginning.

(indistinct chatter)

JULES: Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Hi!

(sniffles)

I know you’re probably still really angry at me… but I just wanted to tell you that I love you.

And I miss you.

So much.

(kisses)

(door shuts)

(melancholy music playing)

RUE: Jules was my first love.

I’d like to remember it that way.

I don’t know if that’s actually true, though.

I think I was high for too much of it.

I know it wasn’t easy for her.

And I hope she forgives me.

I stayed clean through the rest of the school year.

I wish I could say that was a decision I made.

In some ways, it was just easier.

I don’t know if this feeling will last forever…

but I am trying.

I remember Ali said,

“The thought of maybe being a good person, is what keeps me trying to be a good person.”

Maybe there’s something to that.

♪ Hey, Lord ♪

♪ You know I’m trying ♪

♪ Hey, Lord ♪

♪ You know I’m trying ♪

♪ It’s all I got ♪

♪ Is this enough ♪

♪ Hey Lord, I wanna stay ♪

♪ Hey, Lord ♪

♪ You know I’m fighting ♪

♪ Hey, Lord ♪

♪ You know I’ll fight it ♪

♪ I don’t know when or how today ♪

♪ Hey, Lord, I’m on my way ♪

(music picks up tempo)

(vocalizing)

♪ Hey, Lord ♪

♪ You know I’m trying ♪

♪ Hey, Lord ♪

♪ You know I’m trying ♪

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