Space Cadet (2024)
Genre: Comedy, Romance
Director: Liz W. Garcia
Stars: Emma Roberts, Tom Hopper, Poppy Liu, Gabrielle Union, Kuhoo Verma
Plot: Tiffany “Rex” Simpson has always dreamed of going to space, and her “doctored” application lands her in NASA’s ultra-competitive astronaut training program. In over her head, can this Florida girl rely on her quick wits, moxie and determination to get through training and into the cosmos before she blows her cover?
* * *
[narrator] You know how a few decades from now, if you don’t like the vibe on Earth, you can go live on Mars?
Do you think you’d go?
Don’t get me wrong, things on Earth are pretty rad.
I have a sweet job.
[patrons chattering]
Two blue raspberry, no salt.
One blue razz, rainbow salt.
Three mango margs, chili lime salt.
Two mango, rainbow salt.
One rainbow salt, lime?
Four shots, and one Florida Girl.
Seriously, stop after two of these, or you’ll hallucinate.
Yes!
Okay, that was last call, everybody. Last call!
It’s 10:45.
Greg, it’s a crescent moon. Look!
Do you know what that means? It means good luck.
It means I have to gather my friends on the beach to party under that moon.
I’m sorry, Greg, it is what it is. I love you. Goodbye, okay.
Bye!
Whoo-hoo!
Rex!
[Rex] The best friends.
We got Johnny, Nadine and her boyfriend, Bingo.
They’re having a baby, and I’m gonna be Auntie Rex.
[“What I Want” playing]
And I’m living that Florida life.
[alligator growls]
Respect.
[crowd whistling, cheering]
Rex Simpson does it again!
[Rex] But once upon a time, I had bigger dreams.
[“What I Want” continues]
[launch commentator] Ignition.
Look, look, look!
[launch commentator] Liftoff.
Whoo!
I love you, NASA.
How fricking lucky are we, Rex?
So lucky. It’s fricking beautiful, Mom.
It is fricking beautiful.
You know what I think?
What?
That’s gonna be you one day, Rex.
I know it, Mom.
[“What I Want” continues]
[slurping]
Morning, Mom.
[Rex] My mom asked me to do three things.
The first was to keep talking to her. So I do.
Second was to take care of my dad.
And third was to keep sharing my gifts.
Which is why my backyard is full of inventions.
Kendra won’t stop the high school reunion emails.
[Rex sighs]
Like, obviously, we’re going.
We’re going.
We haven’t partied with those people in, like, a decade.
Yeah, ’cause most of them, like, moved away.
[gasps]
Rexxie! Oh, my God. You need to patent this.
It’s on my list.
All right, come on.
Wait, Rex, you have a list for chairs?
Like…
Like, a Pinterest board for…
Like, what list?
No. No, it’s… it’s…
It’s a list for, like, the future.
[Nadine] Does the city even know you built this?
Whatever.
Yeah, I called them. They just don’t care about the noble sea cow.
Manatees are a national treasure.
International treasure. Waters are international.
Waters don’t have borders.
We need a world without borders, honestly. That’s what the manatees taught me.
[Rex] Hey, you follow Toddrick Spencer?
[Nadine] Yes! Net worth, billions.
High school crush, you.
[person 1] Whoo-hoo! Awesome night.
Hi, Calvin.
[Rex] Hey, Dad.
How’d it go with the TV crew?
I had ’em pissin’ their pants the whole night with that creepy little music box you built, Rexxie.
Remote control works like a charm.
[chuckles]
Hey, Mr. Simpson. Do you think maybe Rex should become the wife of a very rich tech titan classmate of ours?
No.
She’s gonna see him this weekend at reunion.
Okay, I brought him up merely to say that Toddrick has the most boss life now.
He started a low Earth orbit airline.
Space tourism?
People pay a lot of money, and he flies them into fricking space.
[gasps] That’s rude.
It’s epic.
And I think it’s ’cause dude just never lost his focus.
I mean, never partied, like, ever.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and Rex, she took the one to the rave.
And that has made all the difference.
Thanks, Dad.
[laughs]
[Nadine] Wait, what woods?
Was I there?
[“Selfish Soul” plays]
♪ If I cut my hair Hope I grow it long ♪
♪ Back long, back time Like way before ♪
♪ If I wear it straight Will they like me more? ♪
♪ Like those girls on front covers ♪
♪ Long hair make ’em stay little longer ♪
[gasps]
[gasps]
When I say “Tortoise,” you say what?
[screaming]
[classmate 1] Oh, I love that for you!
Nadine, I do your makeup tutorials every day.
Girl, I can tell. That’s why you look hot.
Oh, thank you!
Rex Simpson?
Oh, my God.
Legend.
Girl, get over here and tell us everything.
Start from the beginning. How was Georgia Tech?
Oh, yeah. I didn’t go.
What? But you had a full ride.
They gave you a car?
A full ride scholarship, Erin.
Yeah, you know, my mom got sick, so I deferred for a year.
And then she died, and my dad was, like, a mess. It was like…
So, you know, I couldn’t just, like, go to college.
Yeah.
What about you guys?
[all screaming, laughing]
[laughing]
[dance music plays]
I’m a bartender at Gator Greg’s.
And, you know, I help my dad with the ghost tours.
There’s been no actual ghosts. So far.
I’ve got a list, you know.
[classmate 2] Here you go.
A list for the future.
It’s all my ideas.
Ten years is actually nothing, though,
when you’re thinking about, like, the universe.
Do you know it takes 100,000 light-years to cross our galaxy?
Light-years!
So I don’t know why we put so much pressure on ten little years!
[tires screeching]
[Nadine] Dude.
Dude.
Dude, is 401(k) a pill?
‘Cause if not, I was literally in the most boring conversation on earth.
You know, this reunion, it’s kind of wack.
So, let’s bounce.
Yeah.
Excuse me. Is this the reunion?
Hold up!
Toddrick Spencer?
Rex.
Okay, can I get a slow clap for this man?
Stop.
Nice to see you. How are you?
No way. I didn’t think you’d come.
I wanna clear my conscience.
[classmate 3] Okay.
I don’t want the baggage and everything.
[classmate 3] Yeah.
Remember when we were raising caterpillars in third grade?
Don’t say it.
I accidentally killed mine, so I took yours.
[crying] Oh, I knew it!
You started a fricking space airline, dude.
You’re changing the world.
I’m really trying.
I’m passionate about making it affordable for any human to visit space.
I mean, and certain dogs, right?
Claro que sí.
[Rex laughs]
I gotta get to my airplane. I have to be in Singapore tomorrow.
No. No, you can’t leave.
Hey, Rex.
I never told you this, but, um…
Oh, boy.
My first semester at Wesleyan, I came apart.
I was pulling B’s.
Dude.
Until I put a picture of you as my desktop.
What?
Not… Not in a weird way.
Well, yes, weird. But not how it sounds.
When we were kids, trying to keep up with you was what got me out of bed.
You’d jump way outside the box, zigzag, and get back to the answer,
and I’d still be strapping my blinders on like,
“The answer’s straight ahead and straight ahead only.”
You inspired me.
And it worked in college too.
All four years.
Rex Simpson, my desktop. [chuckles]
It’s borderline disturbing but awesome.
Look, whatever it is you’re doing right now,
I’m sure…
it’s incredible.
Yeah.
This is my private number.
Text me.
Fill me in.
Blow my mind.
All right?
It was nice seeing you.
Yeah, you too.
Take care. Bye.
Have a safe flight.
“Rex said going to Mars with her mom was her biggest dream come true.”
Nadine?
Nadine!
What? I’m awake.
Tonight sucked. Tonight sucked.
And you wanna know why? Because I was hit with a meteor shower of truth.
Okay, ten years ago, I got lost.
And I stopped even trying to find my way back.
Oh, Rexxie.
But it’s not too late.
Um…
Well…
I’m gonna be an astronaut.
[gasps]
[shrieks]
I know.
Oh, my God. Wait. Come again?
Astronaut!
Your girl! Hello?
Ooh, ooh. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, boy.
Okay. Yeah.
If that’s what you want! Yeah!
[grunting]
Okay, here we go. “Applicants for the NASA Astronaut Training Program…”
Cool, cool, cool. [clears throat]
Oh.
“…must meet the following requirements before submitting an application.”
Got it. Passion. Number one. Easy.
Doesn’t say that…
What?
…but…
But…
“Higher degree in mathematics,
engineering,
biological science, physical science or computer science.”
[Nadine] Oh.
“Three years of professional experience in a related field.”
[Nadine] Ouch.
Or…
[Nadine] Or?
“At least a thousand hours piloting a jet aircraft.”
Okay.
And…
And… And?
“Must be able to pass the long duration astronaut physical.”
Yes, yes! Girl, think about it.
You got them glutes. You got them quads.
That’s you.
But it’s not just that part.
It’s all the parts.
It’s not one out of three.
It’s all three.
I fricking knew we never landed on the moon.
Don’t start.
[sighs]
[Rex sniffles]
You know, I…
I do love you in a jumpsuit, but…
there are other jobs with jumpsuits.
I see you, crescent moon. I see you, girl.
I used to be zigzaggy and out of the box,
and that got me places.
And now,
it’s gonna get me to space.
Dear Sir or Madam of NASA.
What you are about to read is a dream.
A dream of the life I wish I’d led.
In this dream, instead of bedazzling my clothes, I dazzled my professors.
[audience cheers, applauds]
And instead of pouring drinks, I poured myself into the scientific method.
I nurtured my passions.
[dolphin squeaks]
They nurtured me back.
I made good decisions.
[engine growls]
[horn honks]
Because I valued myself.
Surely I can’t be the only capable applicant
who got kicked in the ass by life
and doesn’t have picture-perfect qualifications.
The past is done.
What I hope is that we can build a future together,
in space,
where the trippy mystery of our existence pulsates with glittering light.
Respectfully, Tiffany “Rex” Simpson.
[people chattering]
Hi. Welcome back to Muscle Explosion. You want a fresh towel?
Yeah. All right.
You gotta get it yourself. Thanks.
Cool. Thank you.
[phone buzzes]
Oh.
“Make this look profesh, my Canva Queen.”
Yes. [nail clicks]
Oh, no.
[nail clicks]
“Dear Sir or Madam of NASA. What you’re about to read is a dream.”
No, girl.
Oh, no. No, no, no.
Let’s do this right.
[keys clattering]
I must admit that when I encounter
a fellow aeronautical engineer that also has a passion for robotics,
I get a little excited.
Um, see, when I was 18, if someone had told me
I was going to be an astronaut by the age of 30,
I would’ve laughed in their face…
or written a poem about it.
[clears throat] Whereas, when Dr. Daniel Kim here was 18,
he already had three patents in shuttle avionics.
And by the time he was 30, he w…
Well, I mean, read it and see.
All right. Let’s see here.
That… Well, there…
It says here Dr. Kim retrofit Odyssey to accommodate the spectrometer.
Yes! Which arguably led to the mapping of ice on Mars!
Anyone could have done that, Logan.
Anyone who went to Caltech, then MIT, interned here and back to MIT.
Oh, come on. Ice on Mars.
You wept that day, Pam.
[Pam] Yeah.
I also wept, of course.
Yeah, you would.
Look, I am so sick of reading these identical applications
from these Ivy-tower elites.
We don’t need more people like you.
We need unconventional candidates. Like I was.
You wanna know what this candidate did?
She ticks all the boxes. And…
she built a series of gates in the canal in her backyard
to protect the manatees from getting mowed down by speedboats.
She designed, manufactured and installed it herself.
I ask you,
who do you want envisioning and building
the first human colony on Mars?
An analyst?
Or an experimentalist?
Dr. Kim?
Or the woman who engineers backyard canals
and invented a sun lounger
with a beverage tray that doubles…
as a tanning reflector?
Come on. Hmm?
Well,
Dr. Kim?
[sighs]
[spooky music plays]
[meter beeping]
Come in. Come in, come in, come in.
[rapid beeping]
[shushes]
EMF is in the red.
[person 2] Um…
Is there something in here with us?
Stay calm now.
[person 3] Hear that?
[person 4] Wait. What was that?
[person 3] What is that?
Belinda?
[thud]
Belinda’s communicating.
We can hear you, old girl.
[phone buzzing]
Yo.
[person 5] Dr. Tiffany Simpson, please?
Who’s this?
This is Logan O’Leary calling from the Johnson Space Center.
NASA Astronaut Training Program.
Bingo, dude. Can you just let it go?
[electricity buzzing]
Do not be angry with us, Belinda.
We know this is your house. We are just visiting.
[Logan] Here’s an idea, Dr. Simpson.
Oh, I love when you call me “doctor.”
I’m gonna hang up and just video call you.
Is that okay?
Oh, I bet you are.
[chuckles]
[melody tinkles]
Um, yeah. What is that?
It’s okay. It’s okay.
Y’all stay close to me now.
[meter beeping]
[tinkling continues]
It’s Belinda’s precious baby doll, y’all.
[phone buzzing]
Dude, what? Hello, yes.
I’m Logan O’Leary.
I’m the Director of Operations for the Astronaut Office at NASA.
At Johnson Space Center. Here, see?
Uh, um, Cocoa Beach, Florida.
Lovely.
[clears throat] Um…
Dr. Simpson, I’m calling because
you have been selected for astronaut training.
Are you serious? Well, yes.
We were all quite intrigued by your, um…
unconventional approach to a life in science.
I for one have many questions.
The training is down here at the Johnson Space Center in Houston, Texas.
You and 34 others will spend two months in interviews
as well as completing physical and psychiatric evaluations.
I’ll be sending you a training and travel itinerary email later this week.
Wow! Wow, I mean, are you insane?
You guys must be just insane. [chuckles]
It’s actually required that we not be.
I’ll see you in Simpson, Dr. Houston.
Houston. I’ll see you in Houston, Doctor…
Crying out loud.
I’m gonna be an astronaut!
Yeah, man! Yeah, man!
That must be Belinda’s insolent daughter
who died a tragic death way too young by screwing with the family business.
Ooh, ooh, ooh. Mm-mmm!
Dude, I need your positive vibes.
It’s just that I just don’t think you can do this.
Like, you’re not actually a scientist or a pilot.
What? And they know that.
I wrote it in my cover letter. They chose me for my potential.
I mean, literally, all I have to do is be myself.
And get a colonoscopy.
Okay. So the thing is I just… I didn’t think it was going to get this far.
Yeah, neither did I!
Look, Rex… Like, please, just listen.
Shh!
It’s positive vibes only.
Yeah. No…
Follow your dreams.
Wait, Rex. Please…
Follow your dreams.
Thanks.
[Rex] I miss you.
[“Born to Be Wild” playing]
Yeah. Yeah.
Mom. Mom.
Mama.
What?
Is that an astronaut?
There. That girl right over there.
Not with my tax dollars, she’s not.
So cool.
Dr. Stacy Kellogg MD, PhD.
Hector Kaneko. It’s Japanese, in case that’s not obvious.
Thank you.
Osprey, Miriam.
It’s Grace Jackson.
Mancini, Captain Jack.
Violet Marie Vislawski.
Rex Simpson.
I might be under “Tiffany.”
Honestly, I don’t know how you…
Perfect. Thank you so much. Awesome.
Logan! Hey!
Dr. Simpson.
This is so crazy.
I think you should get down.
Huh?
Get down. Get down.
What? Oh, I’m sorry.
I’m sorry. Do you have a bad back?
What? No. I’m your supervisor, so…
You don’t want to play favorites.
No. I’m saying…
Or seem like you’re playing favorites, right?
No, but…
Right. Okay, well. What’s up, dude?
I just wanted to say, “Hey” in person.
Oh.
Hey.
Are you a British exchange astronaut? [laughs]
No, I’m a NASA astronaut.
I just have a dual citizenship, so…
Okay.
So, tell me all the cool stuff you did in space.
Don’t you worry, there’ll be plenty of time to talk about semiconductors.
Oh, that reminds me. I need you to schedule your colonoscopy.
Oh.
Logan.
Okay. Don’t do that either.
You know what? Just stop by my office.
In fact, better yet, um,
email me.
And maybe call me Dr. O’Leary from now on.
Cheerio, Dr. O’Leary!
[chuckles] Yeah.
Well, Mom, I’m actually here.
Johnson Space Center.
It’s so rad.
There are rockets and scientists everywhere.
The astronauts are hot, by the way.
One in particular.
Wish I could get your take on him.
Let me just say: British and glasses.
Anyway, I’m already convinced that I’m gonna fricking love it here.
Space, here we come.
Hi.
[clears throat, coughs]
Allergies.
Oh! Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Okay. It’s gone. It’s gone.
Sorry.
Hi. I’m Rex. I’m your new roommate.
Violet Marie.
I’ll be on my way.
What? No, no, no, no, no.
The incense is gone. Gone. Finished.
I can’t do this.
I’m not supposed to be an astronaut. Look at me. [scoffs]
What?
God, look away.
Oh, uh…
You look pretty fierce to me.
I have asthma, migraines, acid reflux,
anxiety, rosacea and insomnia, and more.
Wow. You’re hard-core!
I know six other people who applied who’d be way better than me. And they know it.
Well…
Do they need it as bad as you? Because you look like you need to have some fun.
Is this fun?
[scoffs]
An all-expense paid trip to fricking NASA
to chase the dreams we once thought unachievable?
I mean, that sounds pretty epic to me.
I saw some cute guys.
And girls.
There she is!
Hello and welcome.
I am Rudolph Bolton, and I am the chief of the Astronaut Office.
If you’re thinking, “Wow, what a cool title,”
you are right.
Shit yeah, it is.
You are here because you are astronaut candidates for NASA.
If anyone is in the wrong room, now is the time to leave,
or you may find yourself in space.
[Rex giggles]
Well…
I want to introduce the two staff members
who will be most involved in your day-to-day lives
over these next months.
Someone’s in the wrong room. Just sayin’.
[Bolton] Between the two of them, they have seven space walks, six patents,
one Air Force cross from the Royal Air Force,
and 12 months at the International Space Station.
Dr. Logan O’Leary, deputy director.
And Dr. Pam Proctor, our director of operations.
Pam Proctor is a legend.
She has the highest IQ of any astronaut ever tested.
I mean, she picks her own assignments and everyone here’s too afraid to say no.
That’s so hot.
Hard agree.
[Bolton clears throat] Now, next year at this time,
we will be sending our next expedition to the International Space Station.
Which means that some of you here, in this audience,
will have the chance to be a part of history.
Definitely me.
[Bolton] Over the next nine weeks,
you will be trained and tested and most of you will not pass.
You will become familiar with the inside and out of the International Space Station
and learn how to fix anything that could go wrong there.
You will strive for top physical and mental stamina
in order to take the weighted treadmill test
and the isolation analog.
You will learn Russian, how to fly an S-21 fighter jet
and brush up on aeronautics and physics.
And some of you will make it to the Mars habitat challenge.
But try not to worry about that one yet.
We have a special name for astronaut candidates.
Now, when this training period is done,
all but four of you will have returned home.
But you can all consider yourselves “AsCans.”
[chuckling] What?
[clears throat, coughs]
[clears throat] So I would so much love to hear a little bit about everyone.
I’ll go first.
I’m Stacy Kellogg, but everyone calls me Dr. Stacy, including my four children.
Yes, four.
I’m a doctor of emergency medicine and my passion is high performance.
And my children’s high performance.
Miriam Osprey.
I spent the last six years in extreme isolation
studying the behavioral patterns of arctic Mammalia.
My discoveries led my alumni magazine to dub me the “Dr. Ruth of penguins.”
So, I sued them.
Hmm. Whoa.
[Dr. Stacy] Fun.
Um, I’m Hector… Sorry. I am Hector Kaneko.
Uh, I am a doggy dad,
a smoothie chef
and the best selfie artist in the MIT biology department, by a light-year.
MIT. Nice to meet you, dude.
Uh…
Grace Jackson.
Career: military.
I can’t really get into the specifics, so don’t ask.
It’s…
It’s you.
No, it’s not.
Oh.
[titters] Someone else go.
Come on, roomie.
Get up there.
Uh, Violet Marie Vislawski.
I self-publish romance novels under a nom de plume.
Quel nom?
I will only say
they are all set in space.
And I’m the winner of the office Oscar pool every year
at the Stanford Synchrotron Radiation Lightsource lab.
You’re a physicist?
Cool, cool, cool.
Captain America, it’s your turn.
Captain Jack Mancini, Air Force, Arizona.
I got two preteen girls and an ex-wife.
You’re damn straight I’m ready to get to space as fast as possible.
How about you?
Oh.
Rex Simpson. I am a Florida girl.
My real name is Tiffany but when I was younger, I used to walk like this.
T. rex, Rex, so… You know.
Anyway. I am a mixologist,
an ATV chick, a daydream believer and a big fan of space.
Love that. Yeah.
[Jack] Yeah. Right.
If I were the first person to be marooned in space,
I wouldn’t mind.
Sick group, guys.
[Rex] When the big bang happened,
the universe expanded 100 times its size in less than a second.
And that’s what the first few days of AsCan training felt like.
Like, whoa.
Simpson, take us through how we calculate
for the Canadarm’s moment of inertia if it were on Earth.
Uh, yes. Well, I would, um…
[clears throat]
Um…
I’m sorry. I’m not sure.
Reshawn.
[Rex] But also like, “Wow.”
[Logan] Gather round, AsCans. Gather round.
Now, I’m sure you’re all very excited right now
because these are the exact replicas
of the International Space Station modules. Exact.
Question,
what are the three worst things that could happen to the Space Station?
Ammonia leak.
Fire.
Alien attack.
Depressurization.
And that could happen how?
Structural damage, collision with a meteorite, human error.
[Jack] Levels are normal. Oxygen at 21%.
[Dr. Stacy] Thank you, AsCan Mancini.
[Miriam] Copy that, Mancini.
[alarm blaring]
[Jack] There’s a fire in the command module!
Kaneko, Jackson. Fire port.
I should probably do this but whatever.
Oh, wow.
That didn’t stop the alarm.
That means that the fire has spread.
Simpson, seal the module.
We’re evacuating to Columbus.
10-4, Commander Dr. Stacy. Copy that.
Hit them with the micrometeorites.
Pow-pow. Pow.
[Jack] Move, move, move.
[Violet hyperventilating]
Vi, you good?
All good. Real good.
Hey, if you two die in here,
it only makes me look bad and I think you know that. Now, let’s go!
Doc, I got this.
[Violet hyperventilating]
Vi, roomie, hey. Hey, hey, hey.
Look at me. Look at me. It’s your roomie.
Hey, I’m gonna tell you a story, okay?
This one time, I went to a Kelly Clarkson concert which rocked.
Until I got stuck in a porta-potty.
Oh, my God.
I was totally freaking out, I was hyperventilating.
And then, you know what I did?
I pulled instead of pushed.
Do you see what I’m trying to say? I wasn’t trapped.
It was all in my head.
In my head. [whimpers]
Mm-hmm.
There is a way out.
There is?
It’s right behind me.
Let’s go! Come on. Let’s go.
[screams]
You got this.
She certainly has the placid comportment for an astronaut.
Simpson.
Oh, yeah.
No, she’d be great to do shrooms with.
I’m kidding. I’m kidding. [chuckling]
Oh. [chuckles]
But, oh, my nerd. That look.
Oh, honey. One day you’re gonna retire from here
and you’re gonna let loose.
Welcome back to Muscle Explosion.
[cell phone ringing]
Hello, you’ve reached Nadine’s House of Contours.
Oh, hello. I’m trying to reach the Marine Recovery Lab,
and Dr. Theresa Yang.
This is Logan O’Leary from the Johnson Space Center
calling about Dr. Tiffany Simpson.
Uh, um. And this is the number you have for Dr…
Uh, Theresa Yang. Dr. Simpson listed her as a reference.
She did, didn’t she?
Um…
Can you just please hold for a moment?
[Logan] Okay.
Okay.
Hello. This is Dr. Yang speaking.
Oh, Dr. Yang. Hello. This is Logan O’Leary of NASA.
[Nadine] Logan, big fan.
Big fan, Logan.
Oh.
Thank you. Um,
Dr. Yang…
Yes.
…would you just verify for me
that Dr. Tiffany Simpson worked with injured killer whales
at the lab under your supervision for two years?
Sure glad you asked, Logan.
God, what years those were.
Greatest years.
The ones that we spent working with the Orcinus orca,
which are carnivorous.
Well, that sounds like a yes.
And how would you describe Dr. Simpson’s demeanor?
Water.
You know,
I would say that Dr. Simpson is extremely chill.
Extremely chill.
And what about…
Cold one, please.
…her ability to work with others?
What?
Cold, please.
I heard you. Piss off.
Excuse me?
Uh, no, Logan.
No. No, no, no.
What? Huh?
Uh. Oh, no!
Emergency with the… with the whales over here. Gotta go.
God, I wish Rex were here to make everything better.
[telephone line clicks]
Honestly, he was acting really aggressively
and I’m glad you’re here because…
we felt unsafe.
Yo, I love babies.
[cell phone beeps]
Um…
Sorry about that.
Dr. Simpson, you understand this is just a “get to know you” conversation?
I’m fricking psyched. [giggles]
I mean, thank you guys so much for, you know, taking a chance.
You’re welcome.
No. We don’t see it that way, AsCan Simpson.
No. No.
I mean, sure,
your résumé may not look like everyone else’s,
but you clearly display a facility for engineering and design
that we are absolutely looking for
in this next ten years of space exploration.
Thank you. I mean, I…
I think so. I hope so.
I mean, I have a lot of ideas for Mars.
[Rudolph] All right.
Tell us about your work with the orcas.
Well, I grew up in Florida,
going to the beach almost every day with my mom,
who was just so in love with the natural world.
So that part was, you know, a bit homage.
So was that why you got into that area of research?
You thought it would be rewarding?
Um…
I’m sorry. What?
Well, it’s just that your degree is in mechanical engineering,
but your research is in marine biology.
How did you get there?
Can I see that? If you could just… Okay.
Oh, yes. Of course. There you go.
No.
[Nadine] “Dear sir or madame of NASA.
What you are about to read is a dream.
My life thus far has been a dream.
I’ve achieved so many epic and impressive things
in my professional life, except for becoming an astronaut.”
Uh, um…
Is everything all right?
Um…
I, um…
[chuckles]
I misspelled astronaut. [chuckles]
Who hasn’t? Right?
It happens all the time.
[Pam] Right?
What?
[Rudolph] Yeah.
It is common. Yeah, it is.
Other than that, I am fricking fantastic.
[Rudolph] Yeah.
And to answer your… your question, Dr. Bolton, my, um…
[clears throat]
…my work at the Whale Lab,
it was mechanical in its engineering, so… [chuckles]
Oh.
Oh, um. Yeah. So they, uh,
they had this rope and pulley system when I got there.
You know, to lift the whales out of the pool to wash them, and, um…
I’m sorry, to wash them?
Why would that be necessary?
Exactly.
Exactly, which is why I destroyed that system
and I had these underwater jets installed
to massage these magnificent creatures.
And, you know, after that, I shifted my focus. [chuckles]
To the synthesis of engineering and animal behavior?
Bingo bongo, Bolton.
Ah. [chuckles]
[chuckling]
Bingo bongo.
Good.
Okay, yeah.
[Rex] I asked you to spell-check.
You took everything out about my résumé being made-up
and said it wasn’t made-up.
I know. I’m sorry, okay? I just…
I just wanted you to, like, make it to a phone interview
and get your confidence back and start taking yourself seriously again.
God, but, girl, you gotta get out of there.
I know.
[Nadine] No, like,
this is the US government we’re talking about, okay?
They’re gonna force-feed you crack and give you syphilis
if they find out your résumé’s a lie.
I know.
I’ll call you back.
[sighs]
[sighs]
[cell phone dialing]
Dude.
Dude, I know.
Dude?
Girl?
I think I gotta stay. No.
No, no, no, no, no. Nadine,
I was born to do this. I can’t explain it, but I can feel it.
Rex.
Look at me.
You are a bartender, okay?
Now get your ass back home before you hurt somebody or yourself.
Look, once you let your dreams out of the box,
you can’t just shove them back in.
Okay? I have to at least try.
Remember, trust no one.
Wha…
I feel like that sounded bad.
You are a bartender?
How did you get into this program?
A well-meaning friend enhanced my credentials
without me knowing.
Well…
As Gwendolyn, the heroine of my novel, once said to the defense minister,
“I know your secret.
And now you know mine.”
Rex, I wanna be up at the space station a year from now,
but why would they let a nine-toed freak into this fine institution?
Nine-toed.
I know you suspected as much.
I mean, I don’t even know if that’s really a problem.
Wait.
Rex,
I believe there is a way we can help each other.
Yes.
How?
I need to get in shape.
And you’ve seen my butt.
Yes, I have.
So I was thinking you could work me out
and I could catch you up on the things that you are pretending to know.
Wait, really? Really?
Okay, yes! Yes, yes.
This is my real second chance.
You got this.
To get the velocities to align,
players must ensure the spacecraft departs the Earth’s SOI.
Slow is fine. Just don’t stop.
I feel like I missed something and now it’s just formula on top of formula.
It is, yes.
Okay, I’ve got an industrial engineering brain.
Applied physics.
This math is just not how my brain works, dude.
I can’t. I’m not a runner. I’m not a runner.
Not today, you’re not.
[panting]
Look, all you have to do is put one foot in front of the other.
One step at a time.
Just keep showing up. You’ll get there.
Vi, what’s the worst that’ll happen?
What is the worst that happens, Rex?
Oh, Goddess. Save me.
You get the answer wrong?
You fall down.
You pee your little pants.
That sucks. But so what?
A little failure, a little embarrassment won’t kill you,
but giving up on yourself could.
Fine.
But giving up on yourself could.
Guys, get a grip.
Pull it together.
You think I’m a dick?
Wait until you hear about what space does to your muscles, guys.
We’re talking Goldfish crackers, guys.
Dust, okay?
[grunts]
[med tech] You need to be fit as a fiddle.
You, not me. I can do whatever.
What? I’m saving up for later.
Whatever.
No, Vi, Vi, Vi. No, no, no.
Come on. Think about something else.
Okay, we need a distraction.
♪ I threw a wish in the well Don’t ask me, I’ll never tell ♪
No singing.
[Rex] ♪ I looked at you as it fell And now you’re in my way ♪
Come on!
♪ Your stare was holdin’ Ripped jeans, skin was showin’ ♪
♪ Hot night, wind was blowin’ ♪
♪ Where you think you’re going, baby? ♪
♪ Hey, I just met you and this is crazy ♪
♪ But here’s my number So call me, maybe ♪
♪ And all the other boys try to chase me ♪
♪ But here’s my number So call me, maybe ♪
Can you just shut the f…
[groans]
Oh, dear God.
[giggles]
[timer beeping]
Time’s up.
[grunts, panting]
[panting]
Okay.
AsCans Simpson, Vislawski, Mancini…
Hey.
…you’re finished. Wow. Okay.
That’s it.
[Jack] Whoo!
[panting]
Amazing. Amazing. Amazing.
[chuckling]
AsCans, we have made our first round of cuts.
And, uh…
as challenging as you may have found the past two weeks,
it was just the beginning. I…
Sorry.
Why the frown, AsCan Simpson?
Things getting a little too real for you?
Why are you such a biznatch, dude? What did I do to you?
I know you’re a fraud.
Ha ha! A fraud? I mean, what does that even mean?
Well, I suspect you inflated your qualifications
in order to be here.
And I’m gonna be up front with you.
I’m not letting you take my seat, Rex.
Well, I’m gonna be up front with you, okay?
I am a pro-woman woman,
unless that woman is against me,
in which case, I am very much against that woman
with all my fierce, ferocious “femininininity.”
Okay.
Then let’s get fierce.
[“Onset” playing]
♪ Onset make you work up sweat, make you ♪
♪ Onset make you work up sweat, make you ♪
♪ Onset, make you bounce, bounce Bounce, bounce ♪
♪ Onset, make you work up sweat ♪
Dr. Stacy: You’re cheating!
Rex: That’s what your mama said.
Bet it’s been a long while since you’ve been a passenger
in one of these babies?
Yep. I am usually the pilot. [chuckles]
[screaming]
Greetings your majestic celestial holiness.
Is it a dynamic coefficient of friction or static?
Vi?
♪ Check the lecture. How’s the texture? ♪
♪ Better the measure to make ’em all say “Yes sir!” ♪
♪ Give ’em the pleasure and never settle For less ♪
♪ Put me on a wing that’s set to fly ♪
♪ No one never thought I’d get so high ♪
♪ Not another thing that’s left to climb ♪
They are my mental and physical inferiors.
Whoo!
♪ Leave you dead in the dirt ♪
♪ Onset make you work up sweat an’ a ♪
Shall you spare me, I offer them to you as a sacrifice
and submit myself as a willing combatant in your regime.
♪ Onset make you work up sweat, make ya ♪
♪ Onset make you work up sweat, make ya ♪
♪ Work, work, work, work. Oh! ♪
[med tech] Everybody got their water?
That water that you’re holding right now is your only friend.
Not me.
I’m not your friend
because I can’t tell you when we’re gonna let you out of your pods
because that would lessen the psychological torment.
Now go.
[candidate 1] The physical, the mental. I will not break. I will not break.
[candidate 2] Here we go.
[candidate 3] Good luck.
Cowabunga.
[candidate 4] Let’s do this.
[candidate 4] I’m ready.
[candidate 1] We got this.
I’m fine. I’m gonna hypnotize myself.
I did it for the birth of my children.
It’s as easy as one, two…
Okay, okay, okay, okay. [groans]
Gwendolyn unzipped Roger’s compartment and slipped inside.
It’s so bright.
[giggles]
Benny? Benny, is that you with the supplies?
Benny’s dead, you idiot.
You ate him.
[screaming]
[Rex] Dude.
Dude.
Dude.
Can I tell you something crazy right now?
Claro que sí.
Everything you see around you,
everything including your fingernails
and Keanu Reeves…
Where?
Everything is made of stardust.
That’s how all life began.
Do you know what that means?
It means you’re made out of the same stuff they are, Rex.
Same exact stuff.
You can do this, dude.
[timer beeping]
[med tech] Time’s up.
You did it, AsCan Simpson.
We’re all stardust.
The arm rotates here. This is all titanium.
Tell me about the friction.
Simpson?
Well, when two objects of the same metal rub against each other,
the friction is higher than if they were different materials.
And why do we want that in space?
Because of Newton’s first law.
An object in motion will stay in motion unless acted on by an outside force.
And with no gravity, there is no outside force.
So if the arm were to gain any momentum, like if the operator moved it too fast,
you’d want there to be some friction to slow it down.
Slow and steady up there.
Words to live by.
That’s right, Simpson.
Well, I’m busy as a beaver here at test pilot school.
But I always got time to talk about Rex.
When I got your email, I couldn’t wait to call.
Wonderful.
And how would you describe Dr. Simpson’s approach to flying the jets?
Logan,
you ever witnessed the majesty of two snowy egrets mating?
I have not.
Well,
Rex could fly with somebody on her back is what I’m saying.
Some people are born to dance.
Some to carjack.
Rex?
She’s born to fly, man.
[Logan] Mmm.
That is a very compelling observation.
Well, she’s a compelling young lady. What can I say?
Yes, she is.
[Nadine] Sure is.
[Nadine coughing]
A man’s cough, you know what I’m saying? [laughs]
[cell phone beeps]
AsCans forever.
Good luck, y’all.
They must be making more cuts.
Oh, God. There goes my appetite.
Nothing.
I’m good. Yippee.
I live another day.
[sighs] All clear.
“Friends of Gators, horoscopes.”
Nothing.
[cell phone beeps]
Yeah. It’s okay.
To be honest, I was not into it.
Bye.
Hey.
The universe has a dope plan for you, my friend.
Obviously.
Well, hey. Look me up, Simpson. We’ll give the boys something to talk about.
[cell phone beeps]
This is deadass crazy.
Was it the toe?
They don’t tell you why. They just cut you.
You’ve gotta talk to Pam and Logan.
They’re the ones who did this.
I’m sorry, Vi.
Are you?
I’m going home.
Maybe if they knew the truth, it would be you instead.
Vi, come on.
Vi, please.
Look, I…
You’re not gonna tell anyone, are you?
No.
You would make a good astronaut, Rex.
That’s the thing.
But deceit never ends well.
As Gwendolyn often says.
Vi, I’m…
[whimpers]
[sighs]
[Grace] Stop humming.
[Jack] I can’t study unless I hum.
[Dr. Stacy] Will you two stop?
[Jack] Now I can’t focus.
[Rex] Under pressure, atoms get excited and bump into each other.
If living that Florida life has taught me only one thing,
it’s that sometimes you need to release that pressure.
[knocks on the door]
You’re here late.
Hi.
Is she here?
[Logan] Who?
Pam.
You guys doing a little late-night calculations? [chuckles]
What?
We don’t do applied mathematics if that’s what you’re getting at.
I was kidding about the Pam thing.
Oh, right. Yeah, of course.
You know, I was coming by to invite you to the bar.
But now I am dragging you to the bar tonight.
The bar.
Beyond this campus there is a vast, vast world.
A world full of bars.
And that’s where we all need to go to have some fun.
Do you know what fun is?
I’m gonna show you.
So let’s go. Come on!
Right. Oh, oh.
Rex, wait. Um…
Tonight, of all the nights,
is not the night you should be going out. Okay?
I can’t tell you why, but I can tell you you all need to be sharp in the morning.
All right?
So, one drink?
It’s really not a good idea.
One drink?
[chuckles] I can’t.
This is the face of one drink.
No. But, thank you.
Whoo!
Virgil, Virgil. Let’s get my friends another round of drinks!
These people need to have some fun!
Whoo!
[“Dance With Me Today” playing]
♪ Feel like letting go ♪
♪ It takes your mind and soul ♪
♪ Feel like letting go ♪
♪ Feel like letting go ♪
♪ It takes your mind and soul ♪
♪ It takes your mind and… ♪
♪ You ain’t gotta feel alone ♪
♪ You ain’t gotta feel alone ♪
♪ Let the music take a hold ♪
[“Mr. Jones” playing]
♪ Sha, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪
♪ Uh-huh ♪
♪ Down at the New Amsterdam ♪
♪ Staring at this yellow-haired girl ♪
♪ Mr. Jones strikes up a conversation ♪
♪ With a black-haired flamenco dancer ♪
♪ And she dances While his father plays guitar ♪
♪ She’s suddenly beautiful ♪
♪ And we all want something beautiful ♪
♪ Man, I wish I was beautiful ♪
♪ So come dance this silence Down through the morning ♪
♪ Sha, la, la, la, la, la, la, yeah ♪
♪ Mr. Jones and me ♪
♪ Tell each other fairy tales ♪
♪ And we stare at the beautiful women ♪
♪ She’s looking at you ♪
♪ Ah, no, no, she’s looking at me ♪
♪ Starin’ at the bright lights ♪
♪ Coming through in stereo ♪
♪ When everybody loves you ♪
♪ You can never be lonely ♪
♪ Mr. Jones and me ♪
♪ Big star ♪
♪ I’m gonna be a big star ♪
Forgot that bit.
[audience cheering]
[shushing]
[electronic voice] We might never know
the answers to many of the questions about our origins.
But every day…
You wait until you see Florida from space, Rex.
…new discoveries about our galaxy.
The color of the water.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Do you ever think when we envision something,
like achieving a dream or something,
it’s because we already did it?
Hmm, I don’t think I follow.
Everything’s energy, right?
Mm-hmm.
So let’s say the energy from you being an astronaut
is expanding out in the universe.
And then the universe bounced it back to us.
So we think we’re making our dreams happen,
but in fact, we already did it,
and it’s being bounced back to us as an idea.
Is this a multiverse theory?
No.
Oh.
So you’re a sci-fi nut?
I’m an AsCan,
and I know that space has radioactive density, dude.
And free streaming neutrinos.
Gravitational waves.
I mean, there has to be a couple other ways
the universe could polarize energy flow.
Don’t you think?
Oh, I’m sorry. Did I just blow your mind?
Little bit, yeah.
[chuckles]
I don’t know. Maybe it’s none of those things.
Maybe it’s just when a mom wants something for her kid so badly
she can bend the laws of physics to make it happen.
I think your mom must be amazed by you.
She’s gone.
Yeah. Ten years.
Cancer.
Oh.
I’m sorry.
She’s here, though.
Yeah.
[sighing]
Rex.
Yeah?
The way that you do things.
The way your mind works.
It’s awesome.
Awesome.
Yeah.
[watch beeping]
Shit.
But…
You’ve got to get inside.
All of you. Back to the dorms. Now!
Shit.
Going that way?
Speedy.
♪ Mr. Jones and me ♪
♪ Tell each other fairy tales ♪
[horn blaring]
[Logan] Up and at ’em!
This is it, AsCans.
The moment you’ve all been dreading.
Yes. It’s time for the simulation!
Sorry. Please, carry on.
You are now in the Mars Habitat in Warehouse 3
where you will remain for the next 14 days.
You cannot leave.
You must complete your experiments,
you must ration food and water,
exercise, check your vitals
and operate as a team.
We will be monitoring you 24-7 from these live feeds.
And we will be throwing you curveballs,
because space will throw you curveballs.
Curveballs!
Are you drunk?
Surely you jest.
Wow! W…
[“D.Y.S” playing]
[bubbling]
[beeping]
Generator failure.
[beeping]
The auxiliary generator is operating on 45%.
Check the solar panels.
Panel A is experiencing obstruction.
I’m up.
There’s a fire in the lab.
The hatch has been breached.
The toilet’s broken.
Water’s tainted.
[chuckles]
[grunting]
[music continues]
[beeping]
[music ends]
[sighing]
[grunting]
[Pam] Dust storm.
Terrific.
[beeping]
[Pam] The storm has dislodged the comms antenna.
I’ll suit up and do it.
No, Grace. I will.
The cooling system’s down. Generator’s at 12%.
We’re through!
Let me out of here.
No, no, no. Don’t open that.
No!
There’s a dust storm!
You will not. Do not… You will not.
Wake up, you psychos.
This isn’t real.
There is a world outside this door and it doesn’t smell like your farts.
Sorry.
Not you. Her.
Look. It’s day 13. We’ve got one day left.
You walk out now, you’re eliminated.
It’s one day. It’s only one day.
I can’t! Let me out.
You need to chill!
You need to chill!
Get off me!
Get away from the door!
Get off me, Flori…
Get off me, Floribama!
Chill out!
You stop it!
[screaming]
It’s okay. Everything’s gonna be…
Okay. You know what? Fine. I could do this all day. Okay?
But remember, they’re watching.
[beeping continues]
[Dr. Stacy sobbing]
Freestyle.
What?
Yeah. She’s already crying. Freestyle.
[inhales deeply]
Your colleague, Dr. Kellogg, has stumbled in from outside
after collecting soil samples in the dust storm.
She’s not talking sense.
They’re giving you an on-ramp.
I can’t.
Come back to us, Doc.
Forget it, Rex. Let’s cut bait.
It’s our fault. We drove her to madness.
The dust storm isn’t real. It’s not… It’s not real.
It’s not real. Is it? Is it?
Okay. Listen up, dudes.
If there was ever a group of fighters, it’s this group.
Okay? You’re tough. You’re mean.
You’re full of grit.
And sometimes, I’m worried you’re all psychotic.
But we are in a dust storm. Okay?
And one of our own is in trouble, so we need to pull together. Now.
Doc?
Who’s the president?
Dr. Stacy Kellogg, who is the president?
Everyone knows
that the president of the United States is Joe.
Joe Jonas.
All right. Come on, Doc. We gotta get you to lie down. Come on. Quick.
Put me in as goalie, Coach.
Delusional. Possible hallucinations.
The last time I forgot where I was,
I was at the Panama Beach City Ping-Pong Tournament.
And I hadn’t had a drop of water all day.
Dehydration.
Stacy, It’s Coach. I promise to put you back in when it’s crunch time.
But first, let’s do a little saline IV, okay?
Okay. You two. No going out of the hatch until the dust storm has passed.
Okay.
Grace, check the radar?
Yeah.
What’s the radar say?
Seventeen minutes left.
Dang it.
Okay, we have to conserve, right?
Grace, power down the C-module.
Copy that.
Captain Jack, troubleshoot the generator?
On it.
[Jack] One of the wires was disconnected.
Can you fix it?
More like, “Did you already fix it?”
‘Cause I did.
The cooling system is working.
Yeah.
All right.
We’re back in business, baby!
Let’s go.
[cheering]
AsCans.
Nice work, guys.
We are great.
Yeah, that’s…
Yeah. There you go.
That feels good. That feels good.
Simpson.
Today, you finally get to be the pilot.
What’d you say your call sign was?
Flamingo.
Flamingo. Yeah!
You’re taking care of business today, Flamingo. Let’s go.
[Rex] Okay. This will do.
Flamingo, come on! Let’s go!
[phone ringing]
[knocking, buzzing]
[imitating elderly voice] Hello!
Oh, hello. This is Logan O’Leary of NASA.
I’m calling for Professor Jerry Garcia?
His office told me to call at this time.
Oh, y-yes. Well, you found him, son.
Excellent. Huh? C-Can you hear me all right?
It’s a bit… it’s a bit noisy in the mechanics lab today.
Yeah, yeah. No… no problem.
Um, as I said in my e-mail, Jerry,
I just wanted to ask you a few questions about Dr. Tiffany Simpson.
[Rex] Okay, we’re moving. Cool. Cool.
Taxiing.
[captain] Yep.
Every time feels like the first time. [chuckles]
All right. Radio tower for clearance.
Tow… Tow… Tower,
this is Rex Simp… T, uh, 7-2-3.
Runway clearance, please. No rush.
[tower controller] 7-2-3, line up and wait.
[sighing, chuckling] Gotta pee. Pee break?
All right. Check your instruments.
Your instruments?
They seem excellent.
[captain] Okay, flight control. Check all directions.
[grunting]
Little wobbly. [chuckling]
[captain] Yeah.
Nothing the Flamingo can’t handle, am I right?
I understand that when Tiffany Simpson was your graduate student,
she invented a superglue.
Oh, y-yes, well,
there’s just so many discoveries happening here every day.
Hard to keep track, but y-yeah.
Yes, the glue. The glue.
You know that thing had ball bearings sticking to ball bearings like…
like a male egret sticks to the female, you know what I mean?
But, you know, actually, what… what I’m trying to say is…
is Dr. Simpson was really…
really quite imaginative.
I-I’m sorry.
Did you just say “egret”?
[explosion]
Ah! Oh, no, that’s bad.
We have an emergency.
Sorry. Sorry about that.
Don’t mind that sound. Emergency over here.
Just got out of hand and…
Oh. Oh, no.
Um.
[tapping]
Oh, no, no.
[beeping]
[sighing]
[typing]
“Nadine’s House of Contours”?
Rex.
“Bartender of the Year”?
My God, and so many alligators.
Okay. The canal.
The locks are real.
There’s no lab. There’s no school. There’s no graduation.
There’s just Rex Simpson at a bar…
where she works.
What in the name of Johannes Kepler is going on?
[dialing]
Hello?
Hi, Trish.
Is there any chance we could get AsCan Simpson in for a meeting today?
Uh, she’s up at Ellington Field for the rest of the day.
Ah. Right. Yes, the airfield.
Flying.
Oh, God.
What’s your go-no-go speed, Flamingo?
I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.
135 knots.
Hmm.
[tower controller] 7-2-3, you’re clear for takeoff.
Dear universe…
Punch it, Flamingo.
…I’m so sorry.
Simpson, I said punch it!
Faster.
All right.
Yep, 60… 80… 110…
Start pulling.
[Rex] Come on.
135. Now, Simpson!
Now! Simpson! Now! Time to fly!
Oh, no! I can’t fly. I can’t fly.
[screaming] I can’t fly!
Whoo-hoo!
[captain] Whoo!
Here we go!
[chuckling]
Carefree.
Whoo!
This is fricking epic!
Keep the nose up, Flamingo.
Nose up. Roger that.
You gotta stop telling that story.
Eyes on your own…
I’m just trying to help you.
Give it to me!
Tower.
Tower.
[Grace] Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa.
This is Deputy Director Logan O’Leary.
Connect me to Captain Elvis now.
[tower controller] Copy that, Deputy. Go for Elvis.
Rex! This is Logan.
Logan!
Deputy Director, we are in the middle of a lesson here.
Captain, she can’t fly. You…
I’m… I’m flying right now!
She’s not a test pilot. She’s not an industrial engineer.
In fact, I’m pretty sure her entire résumé’s been falsified.
I knew it!
Nope.
[Logan] She’s a bartender with a high school education.
She had her best friend pretend to be six…
six different professional references!
Bartender?
[sighing]
[Captain Elvis] Well, then I need to remind you
that I am not at the controls of this plane!
She’s gonna kill us all.
Just like I tried to tell you.
Simpson.
We need you to come down now.
Please don’t kidnap me.
I just started dating someone new, and I’d like to see where it goes.
It’s awesome that you met somebody.
So, um, is this thing hard to land or what?
Are you still playing?
I’ll take one.
All right. Now, lower the landing gear.
Upper right.
Upper right.
Got it.
All right. And now power up to 200 knots.
Power up?
Power up. Yes. Now.
Good. Turn to the right. Forty-five degrees.
Turn!
And nose up.
Nose up till we’re 155 knots!
Good, good, good. But wait, wait, wait, wait. Slow down.
Good, good, good. Now, nose down.
Nose down. Down. Down.
Down! Down. Okay.
And inch into idle.
Nose up! Brakes, brakes, brakes!
Brakes! Brakes, brakes, brakes, brakes, brakes. Brakes!
Hey!
[screaming]
[Captain Elvis sighing]
Thank you, Mama.
It’s a shame about you, Flamingo, ’cause…
that was an ace landing.
Thank you.
[Captain Elvis breathing heavily, chuckling]
[“Dancing in the Moonlight” playing]
I’m sorry, dudes.
I didn’t mean to hurt anyone.
I don’t know how this unfolds legally…
but don’t try to run.
Don’t worry.
I’m never leaving Florida again.
God, I’m so sorry, Rex.
This is all both of our fault.
[sniffling]
[sighing]
[birds squawking]
[groans]
[exhales deeply, groans]
[sighing]
I can see you don’t wanna chat.
Just wanna tell you, Rex…
that your mom didn’t like lying.
I know.
But…
taking creative liberties
comes from my threads in your genetic quilt,
so I won’t shame you on that.
In fact, lets…
just put the lies aside for the moment.
Rexxie, you did it.
You played astronaut with the big boys, and you were fricking great.
‘Cause you’re bright as a bulb, and you got hella grit.
So you got sent home.
Just know that your mom…
She wouldn’t want to see you turn your light out again, Rex.
Go share your gifts with the world, Rexxie.
World needs ’em.
Thanks, Dad.
Game’s on.
[“Face Down in the Moment” playing]
[announcer] Astronauts report the speed is good.
T-minus 25 seconds.
Twenty seconds and counting.
T-minus 15 seconds, guidance is internal.
Twelve. Eleven. Ten. Nine.
Ignition sequence start.
Six. Five. Four.
[spectators cheering] Three. Two. One. Zero.
All engine running, liftoff.
We have liftoff.
Godspeed, AsCans.
Whoo-hoo!
Hard-core!
What did she just say?
Unclear.
“Hard-core.”
She said “hard-core.”
Sounds like something Simpson would’ve said.
[music continues]
Yo, yo, yo.
Yo, yo. Yo. Hey.
You’re the astronaut girl, right?
Can I get you another drink, Lucas?
I’m trying to tell you
that there’s messed up stuff going on at the space station. Look.
Look…
Where’s the remote?
Hey, you! Gimme that. Gimme this remote.
Mere hours after the new crew arrived,
the ISS was intersected by a cloud of micrometeorites.
The meteorites disabled the battery charge units
from four of the eight power arrays.
Normally, protocol would have the astronauts
perform an emergency space walk to repair the panels.
However,
the American astronauts cannot exit the space station.
Another meteorite sheared off the heat shield from the Columbus module.
And the metal debris has lodged in the Quest Air Lock,
disabling the exit hatch.
Uncle John’s band.
These are images from our camera outside the space station.
Without the power distribution system functioning,
the space station will lose power in 72 hours.
[scoffs] No power in space!
Fire up the candles. That’s so rad.
No power in space means you freeze or suffocate.
It means everybody inside dies.
Maybe you should read a science textbook, bruh.
I probably should.
Because NASA’s rocket is 15 hours away,
we are making a plea to our space partners for help in this rescue mission.
As we continue to work the problem,
I ask that you all keep these fine Americans in your prayers.
I’m gonna drive straight to Johnson.
You just keep tweeting NASA to call me.
And I’m gonna call Toddrick Spencer.
Um, you know, I just think that won’t work,
but yeah, let’s definitely keep pushing on all fronts. Okay?
You’ve got this, Dr. Simpson.
Thank you, Dr. Yang.
This is a matter of international security!
Honey, you realize everyone says that, right?
C-Can I show you something?
It’s in my trunk.
Does everybody say that?
They do, don’t they?
A lot of people get stopped at the gate,
and I get called out to do the full search.
I’ve seen things.
But this time, I thought, “Okay, hold up. They gotta hear this.”
Pam…
No.
Are you out your rabid-ass mind?
Don’t you know about white people? They be white peopling.
You have to ride the robot arm.
You have to ride the robot arm and get close enough to use these.
Use the bedazzler.
[speaking Japanese]
You’ve got five minutes.
Cuffs on.
Our guys can’t get out to fix the hatch, obviously, or the solar panels.
So, we have to send people up to do it.
You know, one would carefully walk themselves to the tether hold,
latch on, and then continue down the arm to the door.
And that’s where you’d use the bedazzler.
You’d make another tether point for the come-along.
And then the come-along would free the debris in the hatch.
The what and the what?
We should test it.
What?
We should test it.
You should send me.
No.
Hear me out.
Wait. No way.
This scenario could work.
Maybe?
Or not.
Which is why you wanna send your backup guy.
And you gotta do it now.
I mean, you’re already running on your emergency power distribution.
And without the output from the solar arrays,
that’s a finite resource.
I can do this.
But I’m gonna need help.
I mean, I love how you say that as if we’re going to actually let you do this.
“I’m gonna need help.”
Look, I lied about my credentials…
Yes. That’s right. You did.
And some of us care about the truth.
Deeply, madly care.
Some of us…
Some of us have devoted our lives in the pursuit of it.
I know.
But, look, here’s what I’ve learned.
I’m really good at this stuff.
Big problem-solving stuff. This kind of stuff.
I mean, this is applied physics. This is industrial engineering.
This is cleaning up a mess so my friends can come home.
But here’s the problem. The Soyuz is in Uzbekistan.
It would eat up 13 hours just to get you there.
That’s not a problem.
I already have a ride.
Toddrick Spencer?
We go way back.
And he is all in on this rescue mission.
But only if I’m the captain of the Toddrick Rocket.
I have the perfect copilot.
Logan, what’s Newton’s fourth law of physics?
There is no fourth law.
A woman in motion will stay in motion, no matter your concerns about it.
[“We are Free” playing]
♪ We are free ♪
♪ See us levitate and take off ♪
♪ See we hit a wall, they applaud ♪
♪ See we no care, we brush it off ♪
♪ See we bad, we no soft ♪
♪ We are free ♪
♪ Strong women, beautiful women ♪
♪ Not to be pushed around women ♪
♪ Risk everything kinda women ♪
♪ Getting checks women ♪
♪ Work hard, reach for the stars type women ♪
♪ We are free ♪
♪ Let the world know ♪
♪ We coming, all a dem know ♪
[announcer] Five…
[music continues]
…four,
three,
two,
one…
[blasting] …zero.
Ignition. Liftoff.
To our heroine.
And to me,
puppet master of her destiny.
[screaming]
Yeah, boy!
[newscaster] There goes the Toddrick One on its rescue mission.
The Toddrick will dock at the space station,
where the astronauts are trapped inside and losing power.
I’m proud of you, girl.
Yeah, just come back.
I did that.
Hmm. It was all you.
[Johnny] No, you ate that.
[Rex] You know when you’re a kid and all you want to do
is be old enough to get your first job?
[mission control] Toddrick One, you are docked.
[chuckles]
And then it finally happens and it’s super lame?
Well, finally going to space
was not like that at all.
[Pam] Simpson, do you copy?
Affirmative.
New fave spot.
[Pam] Simpson,
are you ready to move the tether to the hold?
[Rex] Yep.
This is actually so much like that time
I broke into Mar-a-Lago to free the swans.
Tara, I wish you could see this.
They let me into NASA without a background check.
Pardon?
“Gwendolyn breathed shakily.
Yes,
she was marooned on a hostile planet,
but she was alive.
Very alive.”
One small step for Rex, one giant leap for Florida.
[exhales deeply, grunting]
[screaming]
Yep, this is exactly like that time.
Tell us what you need, Simpson.
[stammering] One blended mango marg, chili lime, hold the salt, please.
I give her a day on the ISS
before she makes a slushy machine that works in zero gravity.
Well, he’s better looking than he sounds.
Uh, Toddrick. Hi.
I’m the deputy director of operations, Logan O’Leary.
Uh, we spoke on the phone?
Uh, thank you.
Anything for Rex.
All right.
That’s it, Simpson.
Slow and steady.
Tethered.
Good job.
[panting]
Mission control,
who were the astronauts sent up for the rescue mission?
It’s me!
[screaming] No!
Not her. Why her?
Rex, if you kill me,
so help me God, I will haunt you for eternity.
And I will be excellent at it because I am me.
[breathing heavily] Copy that, Doc.
Okay.
[Jack] Can you brief us on your plan, Simpson?
Gotcha.
Well, are you familiar with the bedazzler?
Are you kidding me?
[Rex] Okay.
Look, dudes…
I know it’s gonna take a lot of healing before you can trust me again.
A-And I know you probably don’t believe me, but…
I love you guys.
A-And I fricking got you.
[panting]
[panting continues]
The debris, it’s moving.
She’s doing it!
Wait, I think it’s stuck.
I knew you looked familiar.
[grunting]
Attagirl. Wrestle that gator.
You go, girl.
You got this, Simpson.
‘Cause you’re hard-core.
Yeah.
[grunting]
[Lucas] Get it, Rex.
Respect.
[sighing]
[groaning]
[cheering]
All clear. [chuckling]
How are we looking?
Seal is good.
Quest Air Lock is functional.
[gasping, screaming]
Rex!
No!
No, no, no, no.
[screaming]
Oh, no.
[gasping]
[Rex] I’m good. I’m okay.
We did it, brother.
[cheering]
That’s a hell of a girl you’ve got there.
I’ll say she is.
[cheering]
Yes. It’s my rocket, but it’s your moment, Rex.
This is all you. It’s all you.
Whoo!
Little bit me, but it’s mainly you.
Excellent work, AsCan Simpson.
AsCan? [chuckling]
This is rad.
[sighing]
Let’s bring ’em home.
Vislawski, just…
give her a minute before you pick her up, will you?
Copy that.
[sniffles]
We did it, Mom.
[breathes shakily]
[AsCans laughing]
[rock music playing]
[Rex] Go. Go. Go.
[Rex] Go, go, go! Whoo!
[all cheering]
[Grace] All right!
Rex,
you are a maniac.
Yeah. A maniac who saved our lives.
The least I could do.
Now I have to go home to my family.
Dr. Stacy, come on.
Let me facilitate your good time.
Grace? Turn it up.
Say less.
[“Welcome to Paradise” plays]
[Rex] AsCans of the Class of ’23 have gone on to kick butt.
Duh.
Dr. Stacy had a religious experience on a space walk…
[Dr. Stacy] We’re all stardust.
[Rex] …and she now goes by Dr. One Love.
Grace is a senator.
And she makes sure space exploration gets plenty of funding.
Captain Jack’s been on the ISS for over a year.
Will you marry me?
[Rex] He’s the first person to ever propose from space.
I’ll consider it.
[Rex] Miriam found her calling leading AsCan training.
[Miriam] That was not the full two hours as required.
Where is she?
I can hear her in my brain.
[Rex] As for me? This experience changed everything.
And I’m so fricking psyched it did.
Vi and I are astronauts for Toddrick’s spacecraft company.
And we work as a team, creating new inventions for space.
I have a rad boyfriend.
Two words: “British” and “glasses.”
And I found the ultimate way to share my gifts, like my mom told me to.
[Violet] I’m here.
I’m here.
Director Vislawski.
Director Simpson.
[Rex] To encourage the Rexes and Vis of the future.
Space Camp.
What do we say?
Chase your dreams.
Never give up.
Your friends are your secret weapons.
[all] And you are hard-core.
Yes. Yes.
Okay, now go, go, go. Treasure hunt.
Go, go, go!
[Nadine] Okay, now, action shot. Yes!
[Rex] Nadine is our head of publicity.
And she and Bingo are having another baby.
Okay, I think I got some good stuff.
I’m really out of breath.
Guys, question.
You know how, like, the universe is always in perfect balance at all times?
And how, like, the positive energy of the universe expanding
is exactly canceled out by the negative energy of gravity?
Rude, but okay.
[Violet] We’re with you, Rex.
So, do you ever think, like, if everything in the universe, down to the tiniest particle, has to be in balance…
Do you think every time a party ends, a new one begins?
[gasps]
Whoo-hoo!
[“Golden Nights” plays]
[Rex] What I’ve learned from this time is you have to take a chance on yourself.
Make the big leap.
I promise you’ll land somewhere far out.
Somewhere fricking beautiful.
