Spencer (2021) | Transcript

During her Christmas holidays with the royal family at the Sandringham estate in Norfolk, England, Diana Spencer, struggling with mental health problems, decides to end her decade-long marriage to Prince Charles.
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Kristen Stewart in Spencer (2021)

The film is a fictionalised account of Princess Diana’s (Kristen Stewart) decision to end her marriage to Prince Charles (Jack Farthing) and leave the British royal family.

* * *

[electric buzzing]

[flicking switch]

[buzzing fades out]

[harmonic music]

[music fades]

[birdsong]

[rumbling]

[cackling]

[munching]

[low grunt]

[soft string music plays]

[cars in distance]

[birdsong]

[door slams shut]

[music swells gently]

[footsteps]

[footsteps slow to a halt]

[suspenseful music plays]

[music fades out]

[sergeant] Hello, Three? All clear. Bring it in.

[birdsong]

[soft suspenseful music]

[music stops abruptly]

[piano music plays]

[piano music continues]

[piano music continues]

[piano music continues]

Brigade.

Once more unto the breach.

[brigade] Yes, chef.

[brigade mutters indistinctly]

[gentle string music]

[whispers] Where the fuck am I?

[sighs]

[gentle string music continues]

[keys turn in ignition]

[music fades out]

[indistinct chattering]

[chattering stops]

[woman] Look, it’s Diana.

Excuse me.

I’m looking for somewhere.

[distant radio plays]

I’ve absolutely no idea where I am.

There are no signs anywhere.

Where am I?

[suspenseful discordant music]

[suspenseful music continues]

[string music]

Right.

[scales clatter]

“Half my weight’s in jewellery, anyway.”

Do you remember when she said that?

[Major Gregory] I wasn’t here, but I heard about it.

[Princess Anne] Is she here yet?

Not yet, Ma’am, no.

[Princess Anne] Then she’s late.

And he is early.

[string music continues]

And yet she is late.

[Princess Anne] Well, well, well.

[scales clatter]

[string music continues]

[string music plays]

Excuse me!

[car approaches]

[handbrake]

[string music fades out]

What the bloody hell are you doing here, Diana?

Sorry, I mean… Your Royal Highness.

[birdsong]

I’m lost.

[sighs] But if it’s you, I must be close, yes?

Yeah, the house is just there but…

why are you driving yourself?

Well, cars don’t drive on their own.

No.

Where’s your driver? Where’s your security detail?

I don’t know

I was in the café in Kensington giving some presents and…

[Diana] I thought I might just…

drive.

Do they know?

No.

I just drove.

Well, anyway. [scoffs]

Hello again.

Hello, Darren.

Is everybody there?

[sighs] Well, apart from Her Majesty, yeah.

[quietly] Perfect.

[sighs]

[tuts] Look.

Of course.

Now I know where I am.

We used to call him Bertie.

I think that’s my father’s coat he’s wearing.

[Diana] We used to live just over that hill.

Papa used to give the farmer his old clothes.

Gosh, how could I get lost in a place where I used to play? [sighs]

We should really get going.

Will they kill me, do you think?

[Diana] I’m going to check.

Check what?

[tense music]

[Darren] Look, it’s sandwiches in 15 minutes.

It’s Papa’s, I’m sure of it.

Wait.

Say there was a big tractor broken down or something, eh?

Say you got lost.

Anything.

It’s too late for trying broken tractors on them.

[suspenseful discordant music plays]

[discordant music intensifies]

[string music]

[string music continues]

[string music continues]

Her Majesty.

Your Royal Highness.

[downtempo jazz plays]

[car door slams]

[Diana sighs]

[Diana] Hello.

No.

Gary usually lets me off.

[Major Gregory] Gary, Your Royal Highness?

The normal page. The usual Christmas page.

We have a thing between us, an understanding.

I don’t usually do the getting-weighed thing.

I’m half jewellery, anyway.

That’s what I always say.

[fire crackles]

I’m not, though.

It’s a joke.

[Major Gregory] Ma’am.

Her Majesty herself just a second ago sat on these scales.

[Major Gregory] And she was very insistent that everyone joins in.

I don’t think I’ve seen you before.

This is my first Sandringham duty.

To make sure everyone joins in.

They said no one is above tradition.

[resigned] Okay, fine.

I’m in enough trouble.

[Diana sighs]

[scales clatter]

We have to put on three pounds minimum before we leave

to prove we enjoyed Christmas, yes?

That is the tradition.

It was Prince Albert in 1847 who began it.

It’s meant to be a bit of fun.

Well, it is, it’s a lovely bit of fun.

I’ll do what I can. But no promises.

[Diana] I’m always catching up, always.

[quiet string music continues]

[sighs] They’re all here, aren’t they?

Yes.

Mm.

What happened?

A tractor broken down.

I had to help mend it. My fingernails.

[William laughs]

Is the bedroom cold again this year?

[William] Yes, it is.

[Diana sighs] I always tell them. They never listen.

Ma’am, if the bedroom’s cold…

[Diana] The bedroom’s always cold.

[Diana] It’s a bit of fun. Tradition.

I will have more blankets delivered.

Why don’t they just turn up the heating

instead of burying everyone in blankets?

It’s every year I say it.

[boy] Mummy?

[tremulously] What? Oh, look at you!

-Mummy, I’m cold.

[Diana laughs] Who gave you this big, hilarious coat?

It’s from the storeroom, Ma’am.

His Royal Highness kept saying he was cold.

[Diana] Instead of heating…

[sighs] they’ve dressed you up like Winston Churchill.

[sniffs and laughs]

[footman] Your Royal Highness.

The family are all gathered in the drawing room for the sandwiches.

They are waiting.

[discordant jazz plays]

The sandwiches.

The sandwiches. The holy sandwiches.

Good.

To the sandwiches.

I’ll be there in a minute.

[Major Gregory] Ma’am.

[discordant jazz intensifies]

[exhales sharply]

[tap runs]

[discordant jazz]

[Diana vomits]

[music screeches]

[Diana gasps]

[pants]

[sniffs]

[sighs]

[jazz continues]

[sighs]

[tap runs]

[discordant jangling]

[toilet flushes]

[discordant jangling quickens]

[whispers] Three days.

That’s it.

[music fades out]

[gasps]

[breathlessly] Maggie.

[silence]

Oh my God. Didn’t they tell you?

[whispering] I’ve got you again. I bagged you.

They gave me to you because I insisted.

[whispers] Good.

Hope.

These are your dresses for the whole thing.

[whispers] I have to run. Listen…

I’ve left a coat in my car.

I want you to clean it, sew it up,

whatever it needs.

[breathing shakily] A coat from where, Ma’am?

[Diana] Ancient history.

Whose ancient history?

[shakily] Spencer.

I was always last back.

Always late for everything.

I’d get home half an hour after the others and…

everyone would just laugh.

I’d actually forgotten all about the scarecrow until today.

I can’t believe he’s still watching over us.

How can he watch us?

[knocking at door]

[footman] Ma’am, they’re about to open the presents.

Yes, coming.

Mummy,

why do we have to open our presents on Christmas Eve?

Why not Christmas Day like everybody else?

You know at school you do tenses?

[boys] Yeah.

There’s the past, the present, future.

[William] Right.

Well here, there is only one tense.

[Diana] There is no future.

The past and the present are the same thing.

Daddy told Harry it’s because Father Christmas

does queens and kings the day before everybody else

so that we get the best presents.

[Harry] It’s true.

He still believes it.

What? [scoffs]

Actually, that was my little fabrication.

[Harry] I believe Mummy.

[William] Daddy did confirm it, though.

Oh, if Daddy confirmed it, then it must be true.

[William] Yes, of course it is.

You two are both gonna get coal for Christmas.

[Diana scoffs]

[William] Can we go to the house where you used to live?

It’s boarded up.

It’s dangerous, apparently.

They said, “It’s dangerous, you know?”

[William] Aww.

In those voices, like doors closing.

[Harry] Did Granny order that?

[knocking at door]

[footman] Ma’am, the others are waiting.

Okay, you go. I’ll join you in a minute. Come on.

[William clears his throat]

Do you like them getting cross with you?

Yes, terribly.

Mummy,

what’s happened?

It’s Christmas.

Everything waits until after Christmas.

[whispers] Go on.

[sighs]

[through gritted teeth] Fuck.

[water burbling]

[birdsong]

[vacuum cleaner]

[vacuum cleaner stops]

[Diana sighs] There.

[sighs]

What do you think?

Very beautiful, Your Royal Highness.

[Diana] Mm.

It’s Martha, isn’t it?

Maria, Ma’am.

[Diana] Oh.

My husband doesn’t know it, but…

I saw a photo and…

she was wearing exactly the same pearls.

He bought exactly the same for her.

But he doesn’t even realise.

[clock ticking]

It’s why I left them.

As a gesture.

[Diana sighs]

They are beautiful.

It’s not the pearls’ fault, is it?

[Maria] No, Ma’am.

[Diana scoffs]

If I gave them to you, would you take them?

No.

No, she couldn’t possibly think of it, Ma’am.

I’m told there’s a dress to go with them.

I’m told it’s all set.

You know? All set.

As if everything’s already happened.

[wind chimes jangle quietly]

[wind chimes]

Papa, didn’t you say that we Spencers were distantly related to Anne Boleyn?

Yes, I read all about her.

They even wrote a poem.

[piano music plays]

“She married the King of England

“And the King chopped off her head

“Because he met another woman

“And wanted her to be Queen…

“instead.”

[piano music continues]

[sniffs]

[sighs]

[piano music continues]

[knocking at door]

Who is it?

[Maggie] It’s Maggie, Ma’am.

Well, come.

Emergency.

Gosh, thank God it’s you.

Look.

Emergency, why? It looks beautiful.

But it doesn’t fit.

Have you tried it on?

No, with my mood.

It… It doesn’t fit in with my mood.

Should be black. Black, to contrast the pearls.

[Diana tuts] Not only did I rescue it from a scarecrow,

I’m talking to it.

All rumours of my disintegration confirmed.

[music fades out]

You know, the dust in this house…

almost certainly contains the dead skin of every person who’s ever stayed in it.

This was once Queen Victoria’s room.

So it will have her skin floating in the air.

She wore black for forty years after her husband died.

[quietly] That’s love, isn’t it?

Well, there’s no need to wear black because no one has died.

[string music plays]

[Diana] I’ve put on weight.

[Maggie] No, you’ve lost weight.

[Maggie] There’s up or down. It’s not an issue of debate.

Remember, we used to talk.

They fill your eggs with princes and ride away.

[whispering] That’s fine.

It’s just fine.

Oh, fuck it.

I will wear the dress.

With the pearls.

Good.

Good choice.

Because I’m too weak to insist on black.

Please.

[music continues]

It will be fine.

Yes, it will be fine.

Good.

You’ll be in the world, in some pub. Laughing.

And I will be in a field full of fucking landmines.

So stand very still and smile a lot.

[whispers] In this house, everyone can hear everything.

[whispering] Yes, even your thoughts.

Who is that new chap?

He can read your thoughts.

[whispering] Yes, they’re getting quite serious.

About?

They’re getting serious about you.

It is concern.

Yes, concern.

[whispering] Suggesting compassion.

Why wouldn’t they be concerned?

I’m half gone.

Gone where?

I don’t know.

Today, I nearly just…

nearly just kept driving.

This year they insisted on weighing me. [scoffs]

[whispers] Just a bit of fun.

[Maggie] They can’t change.

[quietly] You have to change.

[exhales sharply] I mean, the weighing, yes, that is just that.

A bit of fun.

[Diana sighs]

But don’t see conspiracy everywhere.

Don’t behave the way the say you behave.

[Maggie] You make it easy for them.

[quietly] Easy for them to do what?

Well, say it.

[Maggie] Just look gorgeous.

[quietly] I know about the pearls. I know he gave the same to her.

[Maggie whispers] I understand why you’re like this.

[scoffs]

It’s deliberate. [sighs]

[Maggie] No, no.

He just forgets.

But wear them anyway.

And in your beauty, he will remember.

I don’t care if he fucking remembers.

Then only remember you’re beautiful.

Don’t let that go.

Beauty is useless.

Beauty is clothing.

[clatter of utensils]

[bell rings]

[running water]

Prepare the tureens, warm the bowls. Please. Hush, hush, no noise.

[metallic clash of falling dish]

Stay on on your feet!

They can hear us.

[whisking]

Pitter, patter, soft words.

Fingers out of saucers, you sons and you daughters of bitches.

And we blanch the nettles or they will sting us.

[Brigade mutters quietly]

Brigade, we make everything the best it can be.

I want our Princess of Wales

to want something.

Service.

[gentle string music plays]

[clatter of dishes]

[bell chimes]

[string music plays]

[guests murmuring]

[string music plays throughout scene]

[sniffs]

[door thuds]

[music becomes discordant]

[gasps]

[wind chimes jangle]

[discordant music intensifies]

[discordant music intensifies]

[grunts]

[moans]

[cracking]

[discordant music crescendos]

[panting]

[sobs]

[panting]

[moans]

[gasps]

[music stops abruptly]

[breathes tremulously]

[toilet flushes]

[tap runs]

[moans]

[moans]

[sighs]

[knocking at door]

[sighs]

[Maria] Ma’am?

It’s dessert.

[Maria] They’re waiting for you.

Yes, I know.

[fire crackles]

[sighs]

[Major Gregory] Still hungry, Ma’am?

[exhales ruefully]

Who are you…

exactly?

I’m usually at Clarence House, drafted in for this occasion.

I’m the Queen Mother’s equerry.

Before that?

[Major Gregory] I was an officer. In a regiment called the Black Watch.

And that’s what you do.

You watch.

Mostly I’m here because of the press.

It was felt we needed to be on guard because of all the silly attention

that your Royal Highness is attracting.

Yes, I’m a magnet for madness.

Other people’s madness.

[Major Gregory] I have military experience.

Part of my remit is the security within the grounds of Sandringham House.

To keep photographers away.

Foreigners, you know?

One of the men reported back today that they saw you

dressing and undressing with your curtains open.

[inhales slowly]

[Major Gregory] If there had been a photographer…

Now you really watch.

I watch to make sure that others do not see.

Their lenses are terribly powerful these days, Ma’am.

Their lenses are more like microscopes, actually.

And I am the insect in the dish.

You see, they’re pulling my wings and my legs off.

One by one. Making notes on how I react.

[Diana] “Oh, she really does make a fuss this one, doesn’t she?”

[sighs]

Not like Anne Boleyn…

who offered her head to the tweezers with such grace.

I just wanted to be sure you were feeling all right.

And give you that word of warning.

I will feel all right.

If you go away. Please.

Very well.

But please…

keep your curtains…

Close my curtains.

Yes.

Maybe.

No.

Depending on lots of things. Hmm.

Oh.

[soft string music plays]

It’s gone midnight.

So…

Happy Christmas.

[whispers] Happy Christmas.

[sniffs]

[door closes]

[exasperated exclamation]

[sighs]

[sniffs]

[string music continues]

[sniffing]

[slow jazz music]

[man] Who is this?

[Diana shrieks]

[man] Hands on your head!

Sorry.

[dog barking]

It’s me.

Your Royal Highness, apologies.

We thought you were…

[Diana] Can I take my hands off my head?

Of course. Sorry, Ma’am.

[Diana sighs]

I used to live there.

I grew up there.

Came to have a look.

Ma’am, according to the rules, if we have an encounter, we have to report it.

[Diana] With me?

With anyone.

I’d like it if you didn’t report this encounter.

Just…

say you saw a ghost.

[constable] Are you warm enough, Ma’am?

[Diana] Not really.

They won’t turn the heating up.

[owl hoots]

[Diana] I’ll go back.

[constable] We’ll escort you.

[Diana] Why?

[constable] There are photographers.

[Diana] Well, perhaps they just want to take photos of what’s really going on.

[on walkie-talkie] 2323, anyone there?

Joe, is anyone there?

No, nothing at all.

No one, all clear.

Mummy, you’re freezing.

[quietly] I tried to escape.

Got captured.

This one’s for you.

What is it?

Not telling you.

Open it in the morning. Christmas morning, like normal people.

[William laughs]

Don’t tell anyone.

Okay.

I can hear you both talking, you know?

And I’m still cold.

Oh.

[quietly] When you’re cold,

you light a fire.

For you.

Let’s play. Come on.

[Harry gasps]

[quietly] Attention.

I’ll be the major. You be the soldiers.

This game is silly.

[William tuts] Because you’re hopeless at it.

[Diana] Soldier William.

[Diana] Best thing about Christmas so far?

Best thing…

[Diana] And it has to be the truth.

Best thing about Christmas so far is being with the family, Sir.

[gruffly] Soldier, I said I wanted the truth.

[Diana] Soldier.

Sorry, Sir.

Presents, Sir.

Sir, presents are the only good thing about Christmas, Sir.

[whispers] Not if you can’t open them.

[William] That’s true.

Soldier Harry. Best part of Christmas so far?

[Diana] And I know I’ll get the truth from you, Sir.

When you arrived, Mummy, Sir.

Thank you, Sir.

[William] My turn.

Major William to Soldier Diana.

Tell the Major what’s happened to make you so sad.

Sir. Don’t know what you mean, Sir.

[William] I want the truth, Soldier.

[slow piano music]

Sir.

The past, Sir.

[William] I think it’s the present, Soldier.

I think it’s in the future.

[sighs]

Mummy, I actually have to open this or I’ll be sick.

[Diana] For God’s sake, then open it.

[rustle of wrapping paper]

[William] Major William to Soldier Diana.

Um… What’s your favourite colour?

What… What’s your favourite…

Sir, pink.

[William] No, um… Favourite food?

[Hesitates] Um… Pink, pink… um… hippopotamus cake, spotted.

What’s your favourite animal, Soldier?

[Diana] Oh…

[Harry] Lobster. [laughs]

[Diana] Lobster.

Why did you get me a lobster?

Um… Because it’s red like your cheeks, Sir.

[William] And it was flown from… um… [hesitates]

[William] It was flown from Santa’s home all the way…

[William] Um…

[Diana laughs]

[William] It’s… it’s Santa’s… lobster.

It’s Santa’s lobster, Sir.

I wanted the truth!

[William] It’s all the way from the North Pole. She flew here.

You have wings?

[William] Definitely.

Soldier William.

[William] Ah.

Your perfect, perfect Christmas.

[Diana] Tell me all about it.

My perfect, perfect Christmas, Sir,

is not following the rules and doing whatever you want.

Eating with your hands.

[William] Not showing up.

[William] What would that be like?

That would be a miracle.

[Harry] We’ve never had a miracle before.

Don’t know what it’s like.

Soldier. Do you want to be king, Soldier?

[music fades out]

[William tuts]

I have no choice.

Do you want to be the queen, Soldier?

I’ll be your mum.

That’s my job.

[Harry] Do you get paid?

[William] Hardly.

If I start being really silly in the next few days,

just tell me.

I’ll only believe it if it’s you who tells me.

[William] Okay, Mummy.

[Harry] Sure can do.

[birdsong]

[distant birdsong]

[knocking at door]

Who is it?

[woman] Your dresser, Your Royal Highness.

Where’s Maggie?

I have dressed you before, Ma’am.

Yes, I know.

May I come in?

[quietly] Where’s Maggie?

I believe Major Gregory sent her back to London.

It’s very cold this morning.

This is for breakfast.

[Angela] The next outfit, the one you chose for church…

I suggest you wear a warm Merino long coat.

How do I look?

What do you mean?

[Diana sighs] Right now, how do I look?

Very nice.

[Diana] Hmm.

Happy Christmas.

[Angela] Oh!

Happy Christmas…

“…Christmas, Ma’am.” “Very nice.”

I’d really like to have someone I can talk to properly.

When is Maggie back?

[Angela] I really don’t know, Ma’am.

That will be all. Thank you.

[Angela] I’m sorry?

There’s a designated dress which I will put on for breakfast.

[Diana] And I can put it on myself.

Your hair isn’t set, Ma’am.

Tell them I want Maggie.

Tell Major Gregory, who hears everything, that I insist on having Maggie.

It isn’t really Major Gregory who decides.

No, he doesn’t decide. There’s never a decision to make.

There’s only what must happen.

But even so…

[Diana] Tell them I insist on having Maggie.

[Diana] Or I’ll cut all my dresses to pieces with a kitchen knife.

[Angela] Yes, Ma’am.

[slow string music plays]

Wait, don’t say that.

No, I don’t mean that.

Don’t say that.

Just say that I’d like Maggie.

Though you’re good,

I would prefer…

I would like Maggie.

[quietly] Yes, Ma’am.

[whispers] Thank you.

[discordant string music]

[string music continues throughout scene]

[photographer] Your Majesties, Your Royal Highnesses, smile, please.

[shutter clicks]

[shutter clicking]

[Darren] This will be followed by coddled eggs with cream sauce,

Scottish kippers, brown and white toast.

Accompanied by simmered herring roe,

roasted muffins, quince jelly. Followed by fresh…

[Major Gregory] This will be followed by fresh coffee

with a selection of organic pastries and cakes

from Highgrove House,

a selection of organic Highgrove jams and marmalades with honey

from Highgrove bees.

[Major Gregory] Then, at ten o’clock precisely,

cars will take all those concerned

to St. Mary Magdalene’s Church for traditional morning worship.

But now,

enjoy your breakfast, your Majesty.

[Charles clears his throat]

[indistinct muttering]

How do I look?

[quietly] You look fine.

[footsteps approach]

There is… one thing.

[hesitates] The chickens laid the eggs,

the fishermen caught the fish,

all these little bees made the honey…

[quietly] They all made such an effort to bring you breakfast.

[whispers] Please,

do them the courtesy of not regurgitating it all

into a lavatory bowl before the church bells even ring.

[priest] The peace of God, which passeth all understanding,

shall keep your hearts and minds in the knowledge and love of God

and of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.

And the blessings of God almighty, the Father, the Son and Holy Ghost

be amongst you and remain with you always.

Amen.

[congregation] Amen.

[organ music]

[organ music continues in background]

[Diana] Come here.

[William] Thanks for the crab.

It’s awful.

[Diana laughs]

I got it at the petrol station.

It’s Christmas.

It’s the thought that counts.

[William scoffs]

[congregation chatters]

Did you tell anyone? Mm?

[resigned] No.

I told Harry to hide his lobster.

[Diana sniffs]

But he lost it anyway.

[whispers] Of course.

Well, that’s okay.

There’s lots of crustaceans to be had at the petrol station.

Mm?

Yeah.

[organ music]

[congregation chatters]

You cold?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Almost.

[crowd shouts]

[photographers] Diana!

[photographers] Diana!

[photographer] Look this way. Give us a smile.

[photographers] And William! Will!

[shouting continues]

[shutters clicking]

[organ music intensifies]

[crowd shouting]

[photographer] Look this way. There she is.

[camera shutters clicking]

[crowd shouting]

[organ music intensifies]

[photographers] Diana!

[music fades out abruptly]

[TV] The public began arriving early this morning…

[Angela] Look, she’s wearing the wrong one.

She’s wearing “Boxing Day lunch” when it should be “Christmas Day church.”

Does it really matter that she’s, um, swapping them around?

[TV] And those crowds…

I mean, do you think I should tell someone?

They might think it’s me making mistakes.

Oh, no. Oh, don’t worry.

[TV] …as the Royal Family turned out…

They’ll know it’s not you who’s making mistakes.

[TV] …the Duke of Edinburgh.

“Oh death rock me to sleep

“Bring me to quiet rest

“Let pass my weary, guiltless ghost

“Out of my careful breast.”

[woman] Diana.

[wind chimes tinkle]

Oh death, rock me to sleep.

[gunshots fire]

[groans]

[quiet discordant music]

[man] Pull!

[gunshot]

Pull!

[gunshot]

[slow discordant music]

You have to say “Pull.”

Pull.

Don’t whisper it, say it loud.

[shouts] Pull!

Again.

Pull!

You’ve got… You’ve got 24 hours. Just teach him.

You move with the bird, you aim for the beak.

Okay.

One in three would be bearable.

[discordant music intensifies]

William told me before we came here he didn’t want to shoot guns.

I want to talk because someone aid something about clothes.

Will he be all right?

Yes, of course he’ll be alright.

Your dresser said something about clothes.

I mean, will he be safe?

It’s perfectly safe, you wear protective glasses.

How can it be safe

if you have to wear protective glasses?

Yesterday, you arrived after the Queen.

I got lost.

How could you get lost?

You’ve lived over the hill for years.

It looks different now.

Everything looks different.

Except the scarecrow.

Yes, she says you took a jacket off a scarecrow.

It was a bit of fun.

You sure you weren’t late yesterday because you were delayed by someone?

[Diana] Someone?

I just thought someone might have delayed you.

No.

Sometimes you get delayed by someone.

[Diana] No one says anything.

It’s perfectly acceptable for you to be delayed by someone.

How can you ask if it’s safe? It’s a tradition.

Why did you send Maggie away?

[Charles] They said she left the curtains open.

I left the curtains open.

They are circling us. Didn’t you know? Don’t you read?

They’re hungry for anything. Why are you swapping dresses around?

[distant gunshot]

Why would you think I got delayed by someone?

[Charles] Oh, come on, come on.

[distant gunshot]

He said he didn’t want to shoot yet.

He’s old enough.

[Diana] And you want him to shoot real birds tomorrow?

[whispers] For God’s sake.

Also…

one of Major Gregory’s men said he saw you

[Charles] wandering around in the grounds last night.

I wanted to see my house.

The police caught you but didn’t report it.

Gregory’s men saw you too.

They’re better than the police.

I wanted to go home.

[Charles] It’s boarded up.

Yes, but I wish it would be unboarded.

But if I wish it aloud it definitely won’t happen.

You talk like a baby who isn’t being spoilt enough.

[distant gunshot]

[Diana] I would like it

if you didn’t make him shoot real birds tomorrow.

And I would like it

if you didn’t buy me pearls because you bought us both the same thing.

[tremulously] And if they’re circling…

it seems they’re circling just me.

Not you.

[Diana] Just me.

Perhaps because I always take care to close my curtains.

[laboured breathing]

[tuts]

[whispers] Look.

The thing is, Diana, there has to be two of you.

You… There’s… There’s two of me, there’s two of Father, two of everyone.

There’s the real one,

and the one they take pictures of.

[Charles quietly] Now, we are given tasks.

You know, I… I hated to shoot at first.

I gave my gun to the other one, but…

But you know, you have to be able to make your…

body do things…

you hate.

That you hate?

[Charles] That you hate.

That you hate?

[Charles] Yes.

[Charles] For the good of the country.

Of the country?

Yes, the people.

Because they don’t want us to be people.

[Charles] That’s how it is.

[quiet string music]

[Diana sniffs]

I’m sorry, I thought you knew.

[staccato string music]

So please, stick to the list as it is written,

in the order that it is written.

[Charles] The dresser gets upset.

I want Maggie back.

Someone heard Maggie saying she thinks you’re cracking up.

What?

[staccato music intensifies]

[Charles] Yes, everyone here hears everything.

They just don’t always tell you what they’ve heard.

[music stops abruptly]

This can be an opportunity to reflect on our own good fortune

and on whether we have anything to offer,

by way of example,

to those who have recently broken free of dictatorship.

[Queen] We, who claim to be of the free world,

should examine what we really mean by freedom.

And how we can help to ensure

that once in place, it is there to stay.

There are all sorts of elements to a free society.

[dog whimpers]

[Queen] But I believe that among the most important

is the willingness of ordinary men and women…

-[TV continues in background]

[dog barks]

Good girl.

[dog barks]

Your Majesty.

[birdsong]

I really like the dress you wore on television.

Wasn’t the one my dresser recommended.

They take a lot of photographs of you, don’t they?

The only portrait that really matters is the one they put on the ten pound note.

[Queen] When they take that one, you understand all you are,

my dear, is currency.

Come on.

[dog barks]

[gentle string music]

[Darren] The turkey and the goose will be accompanied by the following:

plum sauce, bread sauce, cranberry sauce, cloudberry sauce,

potatoes, carrots and spinach.

Three plums for the Prince of Wales.

[Darren] Organic carrots.

Please, be careful which box we take the carrots from

because he will bloody check.

[Darren] Parsnips, again organic.

[Darren] Okay, on to dessert.

[string music continues]

[Darren] We have soufflé d’abricots, bread and butter pudding,

a Christmas pudding chocolate yule log, plum pudding,

mince pies, raspberry croquets,

pastries, fondants, chocolate mousses,

white chocolate mousses, crème brûlée.

[Darren] Finally, a selection of sweet and savoury organic biscuits.

Organic biscuits from?

[Brigade] Highgrove, chef!

Yes,

yes, bloody Highgrove.

Right. Okay, the time now is ten minutes past three.

Dinner will be served at eight p.m. precisely…

[chairs clatter]

What happens to the pheasants?

[music fades out]

What happens to the pheasants that my son will be shooting?

After the shoot…

we’ll dress them and we’ll pluck them and…

everyone will take a brace home with them.

There will be lots left over.

The staff get some, the dogs get some, and the rest is thrown away.

Thrown away…

The pheasants are bred to be shot, Ma’am. But for the gun, they wouldn’t be there.

And the ones that don’t get shot, they just get run over.

They’re not the brightest of birds.

Beautiful but not very bright.

Did you read the Vogue article about me?

I’ve put soufflé d’abricots on the menu for you, your favourite.

And I will make it myself for you.

[whispers] Fine.

[Darren] Do you mind?

[Diana] I’ve been reading about Anne Boleyn.

Oh.

I never remember which one is which.

She’s the one who was beheaded by King Henry VIII.

Because he said that she was having an affair.

But in fact he was the one who was having the affair.

I think I saw her.

[Diana] The ghost of her.

Everything you say to any member of staff here becomes currency.

Do you understand? It becomes currency in these rooms.

Good.

Excellent.

I’m prepared for my future

as a face on a coin to be passed from hand to hand.

No.

You don’t even think that.

Did Maggie say that I was cracking up?

Which one’s Maggie?

[sighs]

I thought she was my friend.

Did she say it?

[Darren] I… I don’t listen.

I just cook.

Some things are best not said out loud.

Stories of ghosts,

cutting off of heads and any odd thing that you might say,

they get repeated here.

But if I don’t say it out loud, they read it on my face.

They can all see into me.

Ma’am.

Usually when they sit at these tables and talk,

they’re laughing.

At all the oddness and all the scandals.

But with you, they do not laugh.

[Darren] They’re gentle with you.

And they’re kind.

And they are worried.

They want you to survive.

As the person you were when you first came here ten years ago.

[tremulously] Do you have access to wire cutters?

Why do you want wire cutters, Diana?

To cut wire.

[birdsong]

Oh, go on.

Fly away.

Before it’s too late.

If you are going to fly anywhere, may I recommend Kensington?

[Diana laughs] They wouldn’t shoot you there.

[Diana] They’d make a fuss of your beautiful feathers.

Look at the colours, they’d say.

And everyone would start wearing feathers just like yours.

You’re so lucky, because you can wear the same outfit.

Forgive me, Ma’am,

But you need to get ready for dinner.

It’s almost five.

Dinner’s at eight.

Your dresser needs to dress you Ma’am. Come, come.

I’ll be along shortly.

Ma’am, may I?

[Major Gregory] You know, some years ago I was in Belfast.

The Falls Road. [laughs quietly]

Sour times back then.

We were in an alley.

About to cross…

I had a good friend beside me.

A good friend.

Soldiers become more than friends, you know?

[Major Gregory] Anyway, to stop our legs from shaking, he was telling me a story.

He was brought up in a farm up in the Highlands and he was…

He was talking about some horse

that his father had bought at the fair that couldn’t be tamed.

[Major Gregory laughs] Lots of funny stories

about this wild horse throwing his brothers around and such.

But then he said…

“But then,

one fine morning…”

In that moment, the bullet hit him.

Back of the head, out through his nose. And he fell onto me and…

I hugged him.

Close.

Saved myself from the next bullet.

[Major Gregory] Hmm.

[Major Gregory] Never did find out what happened to that wild horse.

I asked myself, who do we soldiers die for?

Then I remembered my oath.

[Major Gregory] We all make an oath of loyalty to the Crown.

It’s not the human beings, you see?

But it’s the oath you chose to believe.

Their faults, their weaknesses, that’s not what you think about

when you’re in an alley in the Falls Road.

[Major Gregory] You think only about your oath.

And what that means.

I don’t want anyone to die for me.

And I hope your friend’s wild horse

was never tamed.

Ma’am.

I’ve been asked to ensure

that this time,

unlike your arrival at the House,

you arrive for dinner on time.

It is Her Majesty and the House of Windsor I am pledged to serve.

And I speak with their voice.

So please, there really is no time for indulgence, Ma’am.

[gentle string music plays]

It was you who put the book on my bed.

[Major Gregory] What book?

You put it there as a warning.

I really have no idea what you are talking about, Ma’am.

[sighs sadly]

[string music continues]

[water burbles]

[string music continues]

[Angela] Ma’am, there seems to have been some confusion

about which dress to wear and when.

Yes, you reported my confusion faithfully.

Perhaps you’ve taken an oath.

[Angela] The curtains have been fastened, Ma’am.

That is, I was told to sew them by His Royal Highness.

[Angela] There have been reports of people in the grounds.

[string music stopped]

They think photographers.

We thought it wise.

Yes, it is wise.

[Angela] For Christmas dinner.

It’s very wise…

I took it in.

You have lost weight.

Shall we try it on?

Ma’am, I will help you.

[whispers] How can you help me?

[sighs]

I thought at first it might not fit me.

But it does.

There’s even a little room left in it to accommodate for dinner.

[Diana sighs]

There we are.

Hmm.

Will you wear it?

Of course I will wear it.

It says on the label “Christmas Day dinner,”

and it’s Christmas Day dinner.

What else would I wear?

[Diana sighs]

Now leave me.

I wish to masturbate.

[whispers] Ma’am.

You can tell everyone I said that.

[fabric tears]

[grunts]

[sighs with relief]

[panting]

[moans]

[knocking at door]

[footman] Ma’am.

Dinner is served in 30 minutes.

[Diana whispers] God.

[sorrowful jazz music plays]

[knocking at door]

[tuts]

[draws a wincing breath]

[tap runs]

[knocking on door]

Yes, I’m coming!

[jazz music continues]

Mummy?

Mummy?

[door closes]

Mummy,

you said to tell you if you were being really silly.

Mummy, you’re being really silly.

Please.

Mummy, we have to sit down before Granny.

[knocking at door]

[footman] Ma’am, dinner is served in ten minutes.

Yes, we are just…

Mummy, just switch off your mind.

[pleading] Don’t think about it until after dinner.

For everyone’s sake.

The chef has made soufflé d’abricots.

[shakily] It’s just for me.

It’s not for them, it’s for me.

You’ve got like one minute to get dressed.

You can do this.

That’s okay because…

it only takes me one minute.

I look great anyway. [sniffs]

Did you see her in church?

See who, Mummy?

Jane Seymour, of course.

[whispers] Mummy…

[quietly] I’ll be one minute.

Okay.

[sighs] Okay… one minute.

[jazz music continues]

I just need one minute.

[moans] Just one minute. Sorry.

No, no!

It’s okay, it’s okay!

No, please, Mummy.

[jazz music continues]

[knocking at door]

[Maria] Ma’am?

Dessert is about to be served.

[Diana] The soufflé d’abricots is just for me.

[Maria] Ma’am, I’ve been told to wait for you.

[Diana] That’s very kind of you.

Very kind…

[Maria] Ma’am?

[Maria] Diana.

[jazz music continues]

Come.

Emergency!

Hold on.

Fight them.

[whispers] Be beautiful.

You are your own weapon.

[whispers] Don’t cut it to pieces.

[whispers] Okay, but you have to stay with me.

You can’t leave me.

[whispers] No.

[whispers] Stay with me.

Of course.

[jazz music stopped]

[Diana gasps]

[menacing music]

[whispers] Where is she?

Ma’am?

[discordant music]

Ma’am, they are all waiting.

[jazz music plays]

Ma’am, please.

[music intensifies]

Tell them I’m not well.

[shouts] Tell them I’m not at all well!

Tell them I am not well.

Tell them I’m not well.

[shouts] Go tell them I’m not well!

[discordant jazz continues]

Ma’am.

I need a pair of Wellingtons. And a torch.

Thank you.

Where are you going, Ma’am?

Home.

[guests chatter]

Sir.

The Princess of Wales has gone outside.

[footman] She said she’s going home.

Really? How odd.

I think that means she’s going to Park House.

[laughter]

[footman] It’s dangerous, Sir.

The stairs and the floorboards, they’re rotten.

If a princess wants to go home, who are we to stand in her way?

If the constables report anything,

tell them to let her be.

That is all she wants.

For us all to just…

let her be.

[footman] Yes, Sir.

[chattering]

[discordant jazz continues throughout scene]

[music fades out]

[suspenseful music]

[mice squeaking]

[slow organ music]

[gasps]

[organ music continues]

[floorboards creaking]

[Diana moans]

[wood splintering]

[wood splinters]

[wood splinters]

[Diana gasps]

[music stops abruptly]

[suspenseful music plays]

[fire crackles]

[music continues]

[children laughing]

So.

[children laugh]

[children shouting joyfully]

[sobbing]

[discordant organ music]

[breathes shakily]

[sobbing continues]

[man] Diana! Boys! Get inside!

[Diana sobs]

[wind chimes jangle]

[organ music fades out]

[sighs]

[wind chimes]

[floorboard creaks]

[ominous low music]

[floorboard creaks]

[Diana whimpers]

[floorboard creaks]

[floorboard creaks]

[ominous music intensifies]

[wind chimes]

[woman] Diana.

[Diana gasps]

[silence]

[woman] You know he gave her a picture of himself.

A miniature painting.

[wind chimes]

[Anne Boleyn] She wore it around her neck.

[Anne Boleyn] Same as the one…

that I wore around my neck.

[string music]

So I just tore it off.

[Anne Boleyn] Go.

Run.

[sorrowful string music]

[string music continues]

[romantic string music]

[string music continues]

[music intensifies]

[string music continues]

[music continues]

[string music continues]

[music continues]

[music intensifies]

[pearls scattering]

[music fades out abruptly]

[silence]

[door closes]

[distant birdsong]

[footsteps]

Are you real?

Yeah.

[Diana sighs]

[whispers] Yeah.

[Maggie laughs]

[whispers] Hey.

[wind blowing]

[Maggie] They asked me back.

They said they needed someone to talk to you.

[Diana] Hmm.

[Diana sighs]

[Diana] Who is “they”?

[Maggie] The Prince of Wales.

[Diana] That was good of him.

[Maggie] He’s not all bad.

[Maggie] None of them are.

[Diana] No.

They asked me to suggest that you see a doctor.

They say you’ve been…

cutting yourself again.

[Diana] Hmm.

How do they know?

They know everything.

They don’t.

They don’t know that Anne Boleyn saved my life last night.

I’ve been imagining how they’ll write about me in a thousand years.

If you’re Royal,

the more time that passes, the fewer words they use to describe you.

William: “the Conqueror.”

Elizabeth: “the Virgin.” Diana…

[laughs ruefully]

[sniffles]

If I ever do become Queen,

what will I be?

Insane?

[Diana inhales sharply]

He said that you told someone that…

you thought I was cracking up.

It’s okay.

But did you say it?

[Maggie laughs]

Before I answer that question,

Ma’am…

[Diana] Hmm.

For what it’s worth…

I’ve never told you this and it probably means you’ll have to fire me, but…

well actually, I’m in love with you.

Yes, I mean…

I mean in that way.

[whispers] Completely.

So, I suppose the one word I’d use to describe you

would be “shocked.”

Diana: “the Shocked.”

[Diana laughs]

[women laugh]

[Diana] Um…

Goodness.

Yes, quite.

So what do you say to that?

I…

Shock does wonders apparently.

[women laughing]

And I know… I know you don’t see me in that way.

[Diana] No, I…

It’s perfectly fine. I’m a grown-up.

[Diana giggles]

I just thought I’d lighten the gloom with something totally unexpected.

Bam.

[Diana catches her breath]

Just think of all the times I’ve seen you naked.

[Diana laughs]

I’m surprised, but…

completely…

I’m grown-up about… this.

No, you’re not. You’re not.

You’re having a childish giggle and I love it.

Fuck doctors. What you need is love.

Love, shocks and laughter.

[whispers] Plenty of it.

I…

You ready for that walk now?

[women laughing]

[women laughing]

[Maggie whoops]

[Maggie] It’s going out. Further and further.

[Maggie whoops]

One hour to the guns.

Load the shoot boxes, please.

[Darren] Eggs, dairy and cheese are our friends. Meats and oils our enemies.

Remember, salt cellars will lie down with the spices

on muslin bed sheets.

[string music plays]

[whispers] Just do your best, okay?

Yes.

[string music continues throughout scene]

[men mutter]

[laughter]

[music fades out]

[Diana] Park the car in the staff car park

and leave the keys in the glove compartment.

Why? What are you going to do?

I’m going to take my place among the pheasants.

No…

Seriously. What?

No, seriously.

Oh, Maggie, it’s all just a bit of fun, isn’t it?

Men.

[whispers] Husbands, sex.

Mistresses.

Deceit.

Succession.

[string music plays]

It’s currency.

That’s all we are.

I like nice things

that are simple, ordinary.

But things that are real.

You know, I really like things that are

quite middle-class, unfashionable.

I love Les Mis, I love…

Phantom of the Opera.

I love fast food.

I feel sorry for pheasants.

[string music plays]

There’s no hope for me.

Not with them.

I’m going to see you back in Kensington.

[Diana] I can’t wait.

I’ll have a pheasant feather in my hat.

Okay.

[string music continues]

[car door slams]

[string music continues]

[string music continues]

[men shouting indistinctly]

[glasses clinking]

[string music continues]

[men cheering]

[whistle blowing]

[rousing string music]

[men cheering]

[gunshots]

[gunshots]

[gunshots]

[gunshots]

[string music continues]

[pheasants squawk]

[gunshots]

[flapping of wings]

[gunshots continue]

[whistles blowing]

[Major Gregory shouts] Saboteur!

[Major Gregory] Hold your fire!

[music fades out]

[pheasants squawking]

[Diana shouts] Boys!

[Diana] I want to take you home.

[silence]

[desperately] I’m not moving from this spot

until they come to me!

[silence]

[shouts] You’ll just have to shoot me!

[birdsong]

[quietly] Go.

You… try to help her.

Your Royal Highness, do you want me to intervene here?

My sons…

are going to join their mother.

[Charles] So everyone hold your fire.

[quietly] Go.

[string music plays]

[Diana] Yes.

[Diana] Okay.

[Diana] Oh!

[string music continues]

[Diana] Come on!

Slowpoke! Slowpoke!

[William] Come on!

[Diana] Come on!

[Harry] Do you want to be first?

Come on, Mummy.

[string music continues]

Hang on. Boys.

Come here. Come on, come on.

Feet up, feet up.

[boys laughing]

[Diana] What are we?

[Harry laughs]

Seventeen and a half stone.

[Diana] There.

[William] Come, Mummy.

[Diana] That’s how much I enjoyed myself.

Ma’am, shall I bring the car?

Tell Major Gregory:

seventeen and a half stone.

Write it down.

[Harry] Right here, Mummy?

Are you leaving us, Ma’am?

Yes! Isn’t it terrible?

[Darren] Yeah. Would you like me to make you up some food?

There’s a lot left over.

No, I’ve promised them a real treat.

[Diana] I missed your soufflé.

[car door slams]

It would’ve only been wasted on me, anyway.

We need the keys.

[William] There’s also a note.

[music fades out]

[engine starts]

[music plays over radio]

Bye!

[Diana whoops]

[car retreats]

[“All I need Is A Miracle” plays]

♪ I said go if you want to go ♪

♪ Stay if you want to stay ♪

♪ I didn’t care if you hung around me… ♪

Where are we going?

Home.

[Harry] I’m cold.

And I’m hungry.

Well, turn the heating up! We’re going to eat.

♪ I’ll admit I was never wrong… ♪

[Harry] Where are we going to eat?

[William] Somewhere!

[Harry] Do you know?

Trust me!

[Harry] Do you know?

We’ll find out!

♪ …like a child ♪

♪ I’m gonna miss you for the rest of my life ♪

[together] All I need is a miracle

All I need is you

All I need is a miracle

All I need is you

[shouting] All I need is a miracle

All I need is you

[music continues muted]

♪ I never had any time ♪

♪ And I never had any call ♪

♪ But I went out of my way just to hurt you ♪

♪ The one I shouldn’t hurt at all ♪

♪ I thought I was being cool ♪

♪ Yeah I thought I was being strong ♪

♪ But it’s always the same old story ♪

♪ You never know what you’ve got till it’s gone ♪

[Harry] I love this car.

[William] I love this song!

[together] I’m gonna love you for the rest of your life

[song intensifies]

[Diana] Let’s go!

♪ All I need is a miracle ♪

♪ All I need is you ♪

♪ All I need is a miracle ♪

♪ All I need is you ♪

♪ All I need is a miracle ♪

♪ All I need is you ♪

[song fades out]

[man] Can I take your order?

[Diana] Three times chicken.

[Diana] Three times fries. Two colas and an orange juice, please.

[man] And what name is it?

Spencer.

[piano music playing]

[sighs]

[piano music continues]

[piano music continues]

[string music plays]

[jazz music plays]

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