TV SERIES

The Bear – S03E05 – Children | Transcript

June 27, 2024

The Computer gives The Bear its odds.

The Bear
Season 3 – Episode 5
Episode title: Children
Original release date: June 26, 2024

The Computer gives The Bear its odds.

* * *

[“Dream Little One, Dream” playing]

♪ ♪ Dream, little one, dream ♪

♪ ♪ Dream, my little one, dream ♪

[sighs]

♪ ♪ Though the hunter In the night ♪

♪ ♪ Fills your childish heart With fright ♪

♪ ♪ Fear is only a dream ♪

♪ ♪ So dream, little one, dream ♪

[sighs]

[Carmy] That makes sense.

[box clatters]

Boxes full of bullshit.

Put it on the fucking list.

Oh, it’s good. I’ll do it. I got it.

I got it.

I don’t know wha-what I’m supposed to do

with all this stuff.

Is there anything you think you’d wanna keep?

No.

[Sydney] Mmm.

You just gotta donate it.

Thanks again for helping.

Yeah, of course.

Um, you know, we never really got to talk about…

It’s… It’s… Stop.

It’s… It’s fine.

No, no, I do.

I just wanna say I’m really sorry.

I made things weird, and I’m sorry about that.

Um.

Uh, did you talk to your dad yet or…

No.

Yeah.

When’s the last time you even…

Hmm, no idea.

Yeah. No, he never really helped with anything.

He never really helped her.

Like, with her illness or…

Nothing, anything at all.

Um.

I don’t really know him, and sometimes it makes me feel bad.

Why?

’Cause I never wanted to know him.

I always relied on my mom.

[Sydney] Mmm.

It’s scary.

Like,

just relying on a person.

You rely on your dad?

Yeah.

He loves it.

How do you know?

Mmm. You could just tell.

He’s always, like, ten minutes early to everything.

Yeah, you’re always ten minutes early.

Well, yeah, I mean, that makes sense.

I’m… I’m related to him, so…

Mm-hmm.

Hmm. [chuckles]

[chuckles]

I’ve tried before.

To be late.

Like, actively, and I… I don’t know what happens.

It… I end up coming earlier.

You are unwell.

Well, yes, of course. But you are also unwell.

Yeah. We’re both unwell.

And we’re both members of an elite club.

Mmm.

Dead Mom Club. Welcome.

Have you not gotten your membership in the mail yet?

Not yet, but… Maybe it’s…

Maybe it’s coming today. I don’t know.

We meet in the dankest church basement possible,

just that we can find.

And, um, dues are bimonthly…

Mm-hmm?

Which is really nice.

You know a lot. What are you?

The president of the Dead Moms Club?

No, but I take minutes at the meetings.

That tracks.

I know. I’m very organized.

I wish she got to try the food.

She would have loved it.

How do you know?

I can just tell.

[“Purple Heather (Live at the Troubadour)” playing]

♪ ♪ Summertime has gone ♪

♪ ♪ Is it? ♪

♪ ♪ And the leaves Are gently turnin’ ♪

♪ ♪ And my love ♪

♪ ♪ I wanna take you ♪

♪ ♪ To the place My heart is yearnin’ ♪

♪ ♪ Will you go? ♪

♪ ♪ Child, go ♪

♪ ♪ And we’ll all And we’ll all go together ♪

♪ ♪ In the wild mountain thyme ♪

♪ ♪ And all around… ♪

[groans]

Motherfucker.

♪ ♪ Ah, come on ♪

[Richie] Motherfucker.

♪ ♪ Ah, come on ♪

[phone vibrating]

♪ ♪ And if my love, she cannot Cannot go ♪

♪ ♪ And I will surely ♪

♪ Surely find another ♪

♪ ♪ In the wild ♪

[Terry] Faster and cleaner, Chef.

♪ ♪ Mountain thyme ♪

♪ ♪ Down by The banks of the river ♪

♪ ♪ Ah, come on ♪

♪ ♪ Will you go? ♪

[Richie] Left.

[Neil] Yeah.

[Richie] More left. More left.

Okay. Stop, stop, stop. Now back to the right.

We’ve gone back to the right a couple times.

Now jagoff is on the right and the glass is on the left,

so just move it to the right, please.

We’ve been on this glass for 15 minutes, Richie.

Photograph’s gonna last longer than that, Neil Geoff.

Photograph’s gonna last a lot longer than 15 minutes,

so just move it to the right, please.

[Neil] Okay.

Why would she close it?

It’s fucking stupid.

Why did who close what?

Don’t worry about it. Just move the fucking glass to the right, please.

Photographer’s gonna be here in 40 minutes.

Photographer’s here in 40 minutes, everyone.

Ted, how we looking?

[Ted] Not good, actually.

I got one machine. It’s gonna take me a sec.

Buff fast.

[Ted] I’m buffing now.

Buff fast.

[Ted] I’m buffing fast.

Stop thinking about pussy.

I’m not thinking about pussy.

[Richie] I can tell.

I’m thinking about a tax return.

I’m not.

[Richie] Get your head in the game.

Forty minutes, you guys.

Do not fuck me on this.

I’m begging you. Please do not fuck me on this.

I don’t wanna fuck you on this.

We all want the same thing, guys.

[Ted] Yeah. We do.

Okay? Get it done, guys.

[Richie] This review is huge. It’s gotta look perfect.

Sammy?

Sammy. Yeah. It’s gonna be weird though.

Why is it gonna be weird?

Because he’s being a dick right now.

What did you do?

I-I borrowed something from him.

[Neil] What?

I reminded him.

I just borrowed something. I reminded him.

He forgot, then I told him…

Dad was always right about you.

Don’t bring Dad into this.

[banging, scratching]

[tapping]

Chef Terry.

Yeah.

Foam?

That’s a béarnaise, um…

I don’t fucking know.

No, it’s… it’s cool.

It’s like… It’s like 2014 or something.

[Carmy chuckles]

[Carmy whispers] Here.

It’s good.

It’s good?

It’s excellent. But…

[Marcus] Yo, Chef.

[Carmy] Yeah?

You got caramel recipes?

Uh, yeah. New York notebook on the shelf.

[Marcus] Thanks, Chef.

It’s excellent, but?

[Sydney] Um.

It’s fancy.

You mean dusty.

I mean, my dad gets the same thing

every time we go to a steakhouse,

which is…

Mint gelée is beyond dusty.

But a mint reduction,

not so much.

[whispers] Fuck.

Yeah, no. Sorry. I should have thought of that.

It’s thought of. What’s the pasta for tonight?

Mmm. I don’t know.

We have to see what T brings back.

I was thinking potato gnocchi.

Yeah, maybe with the beef cheeks?

Good. Yeah. Done.

Great.

Terry had a pretty incredible run though.

Yeah. Yeah, it was a pretty incredible place.

Did you know when you were there?

That it was special?

Hmm.

I don’t know. I don’t know. I think I was, uh…

I was always too busy to, um…

to know all the time.

At least you got to be part of it.

[chuckles]

Yeah.

[Sugar sighs]

[Sugar grunts]

Ooh. [grunts]

Okay. [exhales]

[Marcus] Um.

You’re not having a baby right now, are you?

[sighs] No. Not yet.

[Marcus] Okay. Um.

[sighs]

[Marcus] Can I get you something?

No. No, I’m fine.

No, I think it’s just lightning crotch.

What is lightning crotch?

Uh, it’s exactly what it sounds like.

Okay.

What’s happening?

Nothing. Just looking through Carm’s old notes.

Hmm.

Check this out.

[Sugar] Wow. [chuckles]

He would never show me that.

Well, don’t tell him I did.

[chuckles] I won’t. I like learning about his secret life.

You know? [chuckles]

Yeah. It’s pretty wild.

I know.

New project?

Um.

I don’t know. I was driving to work the other day,

and I saw this flower.

A violet.

Yeah, the state flower of Illinois.

How do you know that?

[chuckles] Pete. He loves flowers.

That tracks.

Yeah. [chuckles]

Um, but no, my mom loved violets,

and I think I saw this one ’cause it was white.

And it made it stand out.

So you’re gonna do a white violet.

Mmm.

I’ma try.

What do you think?

I think that sounds really beautiful.

Once again, my best friends.

Carmy, number one with a bullet.

[Ted] Yep. Yeah.

Number two, Big Neil.

Always there for us. Absolutely.

[Ted] Always.

Number three, Francie. When I’m down in the dumps, I call her.

I don’t care what anybody says. She’s always there for me.

Okay?

That’s true.

Number six, Richie.

Uh-huh.

And then number eight, Marcus.

How about number four?

Number four?

Me.

Teddy.

I don’t think so.

[Ted] Why?

What did you do when I was six?

Come on, Neil.

What did you do?

I taped you in a cardboard box and wouldn’t let you out.

And it scared me to death.

I gave you claustrophobia.

[Tina] Morning, fam.

I’m still afraid of boxes.

You know I’m afraid of being in boxes.

Yeah. I know. I know. [stammers]

You can’t put me in a box.

I won’t.

[Neil] When Sammy gets here, this slate better be clean.

I’m telling you.

[Ted] We’re fine.

What’d he say? What? What?

[people shouting in distance]

Hmm. Not much. What happened?

Well, they don’t got much.

Market’s dead.

Bummer.

Yeah, bummer.

What do we have?

Uh, T, you mind running an inventory real quick?

Yes, Chef.

[Carmy sighs]

You know what we should be doing?

[Carmy] Produce vendor.

You don’t have to say it.

Okay, I didn’t say it then. I didn’t say anything.

Do you want me to say something?

That I’m jamming us up ’cause we have a new menu every day

and the economics aren’t great?

[Ebraheim shouting]

Well, I’m an accomplice, so…

[metal bangs]

[Ebraheim] Shit.

I got that. Uh.

Great.

Start new menu please, Chef.

Yep.

Thanks.

Hey. Don’t worry.

I got you. I got you.

No. It’s okay, Chef. I got it.

I got you. I got you.

[Ebraheim sighs]

[Carmy] Here.

Thanks.

[whispers] Listen.

Hey.

Hmm?

Am I fucking this up?

No, Chef. I just didn’t put the trays all the way in.

Carmen.

Yeah?

My fault.

[whispers] All right.

How’d she break the news?

[Jessica] Like, right before service.

[exhales]

Dramatic?

No, not even close. Beautiful, elegant, perfect.

[sighs]

You know why she, like, uh…

It felt like she woke up and just didn’t wanna do it anymore.

You think she’s depressed?

No, I think she’s great.

Hey, you ever think about, like,

how all the good shit is gone? [scoffs]

I think about how to keep good things around.

Yeah.

How much longer are you guys open?

Last service next week, then the funeral.

Damn.

You know what you’re gonna do?

Uh.

Yeah, I don’t think it’s really sunk in yet.

I know Garrett’s really upset.

Yeah. He make a speech?

No, only the four.

[Richie chuckles] Yeah.

Send my love. Will do.

How’s The Bear?

[Richie chuckles]

It’s a fucking bear.

[chuckles] Yeah, aren’t they all?

[pan sizzling]

[clicks tongue] How’s it going, Chef?

Um.

I’m not sure.

The market’s always got so much cauliflower

and Brussels sprouts, so…

[Sydney] Mmm.

Whatever goes together grows together.

Exactly. So, I figured if we could do something with it,

we could keep hooking up Jerry.

What do you think?

Um.

Can I show you something?

Yes, Chef.

Yeah?

Cool. You wanna try?

Yes, Chef.

[Sydney] Yeah, great.

Thank you, Chef.

Yeah.

[sighs] Richie, there are boxes out back for you.

Oh, excellent.

Thank you.

[Carmy] Chef Terry’s closing the restaurant.

Whoa.

[exhales]

How do you feel?

I’m Etch-a-sketched.

I thought it would be there forever.

Yeah.

Most things aren’t.

The photographer will be here in like half an hour.

And we don’t know what the review says?

We can’t figure that out?

No, no. Neither do they.

Great. [sighs]

Ebra needs help.

I know.

What do we do?

Bring in Chris, Chuckie. Pay ’em from The Beef.

Deal.

Yeah?

Thought for sure that’d be a fight.

[chuckles]

It’s the only thing that makes money around here.

[chuckles] Okay.

Did you call Mom?

Did you call Claire?

You wanna fight about that?

Not really, no.

Tremendous.

[sighs]

[“Mixed Emotions” playing]

♪ ♪ Button your lip, baby ♪

I need more courage.

What?

I need more courage.

Dawg, you got so much courage. What are you talking about?

You’re perfect.

I know, but I need more courage.

More courage for what?

[Ted] What for?

To be a great server, you need a lot of courage.

What are you afraid of? The people?

[Neil] No, it’s, like, me on the inside.

Like, I’m nervous, and I’m scared.

Then, what am I supposed to do with my hands?

Am I supposed to do this or am I supposed to do this?

Or, like, what’s this?

That looks good.

[Carmy] Yo, how we looking?

Picture perfect, Chef.

Yeah?

[Sweeps] Almost fully stocked, Chef.

Gotta grab the last few bottles from downstairs.

Thank you, Gary. Ted, we close?

Yeah, backup walking in.

Fak, what are you doing with your hands?

No idea, Chef.

Just kind of workshopping some stuff.

[Carmy] Yo.

Hey. [pants]

Anybody seen a ghost?

[Neil, Ted] Brother!

What’s going on, Sammy?

[Sammy] What’s up, Bear?

[Ted] Hey.

[whispers] I know you took the SD cards.

You said I could.

I said no such shit.

Yeah, you did.

[Sammy] They’re not where they were.

Say the password.

No.

Well? Well?

Yeah?

[Ted] No.

Well, now I gotta haunt you.

You’re not gonna haunt me.

[Ted] I’m at work.

What is haunting?

Means I’ll remember he took the SD cards without permission.

Someday when he least expects it, I’ll do something weird.

[Neil] Richie put that there.

Oh, yeah?

[Neil] Yeah.

[Ted] You’re not gonna haunt me.

Hey, Syd. This is my associate, Nicholas Marshall.

They call him the Computer.

Uh. Hello, Mr. Marshall.

Computer.

Nice to meet you, Computer.

I don’t deserve to be haunted.

Okay.

I did nothing wrong.

Okay.

[Neil] He’s being scary. Ted, just say the password.

He’s not gonna fucking haunt me.

Okay.

Stop saying that like that. You’re scaring us.

All he’s gotta do is say the password.

By the way, Bear, this place is looking sick.

It used to be a real shit hole, said with complete admiration.

I appreciate it. Uh, Sammy, what are you doing here?

Oh. These lemon heads need more horsepower.

So they called the horse.

Well, make it shine, yeah?

Shine, it will.

Thank you.

Oh. Unc. You’re early.

Hey, honey. Where’s the neph?

[Carmy] Here.

[Cicero] Hey, buddy.

[Carmy] Hey.

Computer.

Hey, Bear.

[Carmy] Let’s get this over with.

[Cicero] Gladly. Ladies and germs, we have run some analytics.

Is that Sammy fucking Fak out there?

Yeah, he’s buffing the floors.

They buff floors now too?

They buff floors.

[Cicero] Love it.

By the way, for the love of God, Neil, call Dad back.

I’m sick of his bullshit.

I did.

You did not.

[Neil] I did.

[Sammy] No.

[Neil] Yeah.

Yeah?

Exactly.

You’re being a bitch.

No, I’m not.

Neil. Neil.

Ted. Ted.

[Ted] Yeah? Why?

Well?

[Neil] Yeah. Well. Ted.

No. Ted. Me.

[Neil] Yeah. Well. Well?

Yeah. No. I did.

No, you didn’t. Absolutely not.

I did. Might’ve.

You could never. I never thought of it.

Did you?

You poop in Dad’s bathroom?

[Ted chuckling] You did.

You did?

You know it’s the best one.

[Cicero] Okay, it is no mystery,

most restaurants are allergic to success.

I’d like us to be a little different.

Our findings have revealed that we are doing

a shitty fucking job with a bunch of shit.

Some other shit we’re not so shitty at.

Anyway, my associate will run through our findings,

and, with any luck, we’ll learn a little bit about ourselves in the process.

Computer, enhance.

All right. What the fuck’s up?

Straight buff.

Sick, varnish?

Varnish.

Sick, area’s secure?

Safely swept and mopped.

[Sammy] Fresh pad on the mop?

Straight out of the oven, big dog.

Sick. [screams]

[screams] Sammy.

[Sammy] We don’t have time.

Teddy, take high. I’ll take low. Neil will eat the dust with a Swiffer. Faks?

[all] Attack!

This sample is based on the month and a half

we’ve been operating

and does not take into account

any funds spent previously on build,

friends and family budget, other assorted fuckery.

There hasn’t been much fuckery.

[Cicero] Neph.

You specialize in the fucking fuckery, bro.

Computer, continue.

And remember, when you get to the numbers, say ’em real slow.

Passive-aggressive.

Aggressive-aggressive.

Then they told me all the peanut butter sandwiches had shrooms in ’em.

I was booming. Scared, a little excited.

Very much the way Ted’s right now. I know what it’s like to be haunted.

[Ted] What the fuck is that?

Purse stool.

Sick, right?

[Ted] Yeah, sick. What is that, leather?

[Richie] Polyester. You idiot.

Explain microgreens.

They are greens that are small.

Like herbs?

And lettuces.

Too expensive. Maybe use less.

Can we use less?

We can use less.

Okay.

Sammy, you gotta be out of your mind doing that.

Dawg, I’m buffing the floor!

Dawg, you’re fucking smoking.

Cousin, we always smoke in here.

Not anymore, G. Put that shit out.

Why is the R & D cost so high?

Menu development.

Maybe we develop a little less.

Why don’t you just tell us to do everything a bit less

so we can skip this and get back to work, huh?

Hey, Bear, do me a favor. Will you just, uh,

come over here with me for a second?

I just wanna have a word. Come on.

[Richie] Ted, I see you. You should know better. Put it out!

Guys, come on. We got a photo shoot.

We won’t smoke in here.

Respect.

Yeah, res-respect.

Man. Used to fuck this place up.

Sammy, I’m begging you, please.

Just focus, all right? The guy’s gonna be here in five.

Okay. One, I have más queso invested in this Popsicle stand,

and I’d like to start getting some of it back as soon as possible.

Two, if you were operating as well as you think you’re operating,

I wouldn’t have to drag a fucking robot in here

to teach you how to operate better.

Three, you ever talk to me that way again,

I’ll drop you right to the fucking ground. You understand me?

[Carmy] I apologize.

[Cicero] And I accept.

What?

Didn’t you tell me to be the guy?

I didn’t tell you to be an asshole.

Understood.

[Cicero] Good.

Sammy.

Why is he flinching?

Sammy’s haunting me right now.

Took my SD cards without permission.

Mbs or gigs?

Gigs.

You’re a fucking asshole.

Except I’m not, Richie.

Except you are.

Haunt his fucking ass.

Yes, Chef.

[Cicero] Where were we?

Farmers market’s too high.

You should get a produce vendor to ship to us.

Yeah, we’re aware.

Floral budget is wildly out of control.

Linen rental’s disgusting. Why rent additional sets of black napkins?

Lint.

[Cicero] In fairness,

I often request a black napkin.

How come?

I like to wear a lot of black.

Neil, you wanna fire up the Makita

in case there’s any residual dust after the buff?

Yes, Chef.

[Richie] Thank you, Chef.

Carm put that there.

I don’t give a flying fuck into a rolling doughnut

where Chef Carmen puts shit.

Wine pours. Set the pours at five ounces.

Also, wine cost is at 47%.

Get that down to 27. Why do you have a phone?

Is that a shot?

I don’t understand.

You giving me shit for not calling people back?

For having a phone when

you don’t take reservations over the phone.

What’s the point of paying someone

to answer the phone to say you don’t take reservations?

We should be.

It makes sense.

Yeah, I make sense.

Is that the half-gallon tank? I said the two-gallon tank.

[Neil] What?

Two-gallon tank.

I gotta fucking do everything myself.

Why are you using chargers? What is a charger?

It’s a plate that sits at the table before guests arrive.

Why do they call it a fucking charger?

I don’t know. I didn’t invent it.

You put food on this thing?

No, we clear it before the guests eat.

We don’t get it.

We do not get it.

[Sydney] There’s nothing to get. It…

[Computer] It’s a plate that nobody eats off of

and then you still have to wash it anyway.

[Sydney] That’s correct.

Yes.

No. Fuck that shit. No chargers.

I told you not to smoke cigarettes.

Sammy did it, so I felt confident.

Well? Yeah.

What happened now?

I probably have lung cancer.

[screams] Haunted.

[screams]

Next, you’re at two and a half turns of service per night.

We should open a sixth day.

Dude, you asked for the additional napkins

so white lint doesn’t get on your pants.

[both] Correct.

Understood.

[sighs]

[shutter clicking]

What lens are you working with there? A little 75?

Uh, this is a 28.

Yeah, if… Are you a photographer or…

Filmmaker actually.

Oh, what kind of films do you make?

Children’s birthday parties.

[Ted] Can you not?

Easy with the chitchat.

[Sammy] Can I not?

[Ted] I don’t know. Can you?

I don’t know. Can I?

[Richie] Ted. Sam.

This is so fucked. No.

If I say the password, will you stop fucking haunting me?

[whispers] I don’t know, bro. This haunting stuff…

[whispering] Samuel Geoff, I love you. You’re a hero.

You buffed the shit out of the floors today.

Can you stop haunting me, bro?

Theodore Geoff, thank you for your compliments.

Yeah.

I love you.

I love you too.

You took my property. I can’t.

Can you please stop haunting him? Please?

Yeah.

All right, fine. Fine.

Really? Thank you.

So, uh, how was the review?

[shutter clicks]

Oh, they don’t tell me. I just show up and shoot.

It’s okay. I wouldn’t tell anybody. What…

They don’t tell me. It’s above my pay grade.

Hey! What’s it say?

[Neil] Yeah, what does the review say?

Yeah. I-I got it, guys. Thanks.

Actually, Sammy. Why don’t you get a coffee?

There’s a nice espresso machine right back in there.

Yeah, all right.

[Richie] Right next to the office.

[shutter clicking]

Okay.

[Richie] Can I see that shot?

Is the place setting too crowded or…

[Richie] Excuse me?

[photographer] Maybe it’s the napkin or…

[Richie] Is it? Yeah, that’s what I’m thinking.

[photographer] Try that one more time.

Let’s shoot.

Samuel Geoff.

You said you were done haunting me, bro.

Theodore Geoff, you’ve tied my hands. You’ve tied my hands.

[Ted] This is fucked up.

Let’s do this shot again.

Sure.

I’m scared. Stop.

[Sammy] Well? Why would I?

I’m haunted. Because.

Why would I?

Well…

Well?

[photographer] The light’s too hot?

Fine, fuck this. “Iridescent.”

There, I did it. “Iridescent.”

Password accepted. I love you.

Love you too.

[Richie] M’kay.

[shutter clicking]

I know what’s going on here.

Hey, Neil Geoff, you wanna take a step back?

You’re in the light. Back.

[shutter clicks]

[Richie] A little bit more.

More.

Again. More. More.

Keep going.

One more step.

Okay, great.

All right.

[photographer] Okay.

I’m feeling good about this.

Can you ask them to prep the dish?

What dish?

[shutter clicks]

Uh, they listed, uh, a duck dish.

Something he mentions in the review.

So you have read the review?

No, so they…

No, so they tell me what dishes…

Don’t fuck me.

They tell me what dishes…

Don’t fuck us.

I would never. I’m gonna make you guys look good.

You smell cigarettes?

What’d you say?

[photographer] It smells like cigarettes.

You guys might wanna…

Yeah, ’cause we’re huffing darts in here.

Just ’cause The Beef stand’s finally making money

doesn’t mean you can make your own ketchup.

Fine.

I mean, it’s gross anyway.

Chef Syd, could you please tell Chef Carmen

to prep the duck dish, that we probably only made once,

for the photographer? He wants to showcase it.

Richard.

No, Nicholas. No, not today.

[Sydney] Uh, sorry. What duck dish?

Oh, hey, Computer.

Sammy boy.

Hey, Unc.

[Cicero] Sammy.

Hey, what’s going on?

Bunch of chef shit?

Yes, uh, chef shit.

Sick.

Do you remember the dish?

Do I? No.

No. Not… Not you. I… I don’t know you.

I’m Sammy.

Okay, I’m Sydney.

Well.

Carm, do you remember?

Yes, maybe. Uh. I think so.

You do not remember.

I don’t know. We did six different versions of it.

Do you remember?

Do you see why that’s a problem?

Well, you don’t remember either.

Exactly.

T, do you remember…

Nope.

Ha, classic.

Wait. Do we have duck right now?

No.

Fuck a duck.

We can send somebody.

There it is. One duck for one photo equals piss.

For the review, bro. I’m okay with this.

Thank you, Computer.

All right. Who are we gonna send?

Uh, everybody’s back here doing prep.

And the Faks are buffing,

and I do not trust them to make that a solo job.

[stammers] You wouldn’t…

[Computer] No animals in my car.

[Sydney] Right.

[Sydney stammers] There’s no one else to send.

I mean… [stammers]

What?

Oh, you want me to go grab a duck?

Please.

[Sydney] I mean…

Sick. What kind of duck?

[Sammy] Freshwater? I saw one at the park.

Should I get a trash bag from Neil?

No, no. No. Nope.

Do you remember?

What?

The longest haunt? Yeah.

Uncle Gary and Dad?

Dude. [stammers]

[both] Six years.

That’s… That’s insa… He was doing…

Dude, Dad did some crazy shit.

He was fucking putting fake LLCs in his name.

And by the time he was done being haunted,

he had, like, 1500 businesses.

I know. He made fake adoption papers.

[sighs]

[phone vibrates]

[vibrating]

[sighs]

[inhales deeply]

What’s up, Computer?

Pastry chef?

What about him?

I mean, he… he makes two things,

so that makes him too expensive.

Okay.

W-What do you want me to do about it?

Do you need a pastry chef?

That’s Marcus.

Do you need a Marcus?

Yeah, we need a Marcus.

Can you get a cheaper Marcus?

Computer.

Natalie.

I’ve known you for 35 years.

You coached Mikey’s Little League team.

You’re nice to Pete.

If you fuck with Marcus, I will murder you.

Chef.

You all right, pal?

Oh, uh, yes.

Hi, Mr. Kalinowski. Hey.

Syd, you know, if we’re gonna be partners,

probably not a good idea for you to call me Mr. fucking Kalinowski.

Don’t you think?

You’re right.

Oh, actually, you know, we’re not partners.

We are not partners until you sign the fucking thingy.

I know. I’ve… I’ve been busy. That’s, uh, on me.

You, um… You excited?

Yeah.

Oh, wow. Try and contain yourself.

Don’t rub it in everyone’s face or nothing.

I’m excited.

Can I ask you something?

Yeah.

Carm have a stick up his ass today or what?

I mean, like, a bigger stick than usual?

Like a giant fucking redwood tree lodged up there?

I do not… I do not know what you want me to say to that.

[sighs] I just…

I wish he wasn’t so high-strung, you know?

I tell you, Syd, sometimes…

[sighs]

What?

I don’t know. I kinda think it’s my fault.

How?

I just wish I had done more to help ’em all out.

The kids?

Yeah, when they were younger.

Well, you’re… you’re doing a lot now.

What if I’m making it worse buying ’em a fucking restaurant?

Probably a different kind of little,

different kind of late. Don’t you think?

That’s not what I meant.

What did you mean?

You’re here.

Okay.

Um.

Hey, uh…

Do me a favor, kid.

Next time you get 15 seconds, press the fucking button.

[sighs]

[“Mixed Emotions” playing]