Original release date: 21 September 2023
Tragedy brings a familiar face back to Moordale. Jean’s saving grace is Otis’ worst nightmare. Ruby does recon. Aisha asks out Cal – but there’s a twist.
* * *
[Michael] Uh…
Can I get you a drink?
Sure.
Uh…
Where’s all your furniture?
Um, I haven’t been here that long.
My ex-wife still lives in the family home, so I don’t have much stuff.
We’ve been separated for almost a year now.
It’s, um… it’s been quite an adjustment.
Michael, I don’t really wanna talk about your ex-wife.
Sorry. Yeah.
Why don’t we drink afterwards?
After what?
[“Whip It” by Devo” playing]
Ah! Oh! Uh…
Uh… uh… Oh. Ooh!
Mmph! Oh… Mmm!
Ah!
Ah! Uh… Oh…
Uh. Ah!
[sighs]
Oh! Ow!
[both] Ah!
[Michael] Ah! Oh! Ah!
Ah! Oh!
Oh, yes. Oh, that’s it!
[Michael groans]
[Gloria] Ah! Ah!
Oh, hang on.
Oh. Oh.
[music stops]
Sorry. Ah! Sorry. Sorry. I just need a moment. Um…
Sometimes I have trouble performing at the drop of a hat.
Do you have any little blue pills?
Uh… no. But I did try one once when my ex-wife…
Michael.
[splutters]
I don’t wanna think about you
and your ex-wife right now.
Mm-hmm.
Come on. You can do this.
Uh-huh.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Yeah?
Mm-hmm. [grunts]
[music restarts]
[groans] Okay, yeah.
Come on. Come on.
Oh, that’s… Oh!
Come on!
I can’t.
Come on!
[Michael groans]
[grunts] Ah!
[groans]
All right.
♪ When something’s goin’ wrong ♪
♪ You must whip it… ♪
[sighs]
♪ Now whip it! ♪
[sighs] It’s not gonna happen, is it?
Uh, maybe…
Or we could just have a nice cuddle instead.
Thank you for dinner, Michael, but I need a proper man in the bedroom.
Someone who wants to rip my clothes off.
Ah!
Oh! Ah! Uh… Hmm.
Uh, yes, absolutely.
[dialing]
Uh, lovely to see you.
Hello.
Dennis. It’s Gloria.
Fancy a quickie at mine?
Fuck, yeah!
Oh, yes. [laughs]
[front door slams]
[Gloria] Yes. I’ll be half an hour.
[sighs]
[“Dream a Dream” by Bic Runga playing]
♪ I dreamed a dream ♪
♪ Or was it real? ♪
[Anna] She’s here.
[Maeve] Hi.
Hey!
[Maeve] Ooh!
Oh, that’s a good hug.
How was America?
Good. I missed you, though.
Elsie, can you take Maeve’s bag to the car?
Oh, thank you.
How was that?
Long.
♪ I dreamed a dream of you… ♪
[Anna] Yeah.
I’ve got your room all set up at home.
Thanks.
♪ The warrmest breeze against my ear ♪
♪ The sea and sky so blue ♪
♪ A paradise inside my mind ♪
♪ I dreamed a dream of you ♪
[grunting]
[gasps]
[squelching sounds]
[Roz] Jackson?
Hey.
Hey, just, uh… checking in.
Yeah, I’m good. You?
Uh, had a chat with your mum, um…
[Jackson] Yeah?
If you want to stay home, you can.
No. I want to go to college. There’s no point worrying about it.
Jackson.
Yeah.
Look at me.
It’s gonna be okay.
Yeah, I know.
Love you.
[phone chimes]
[sighs]
[mysterious music playing]
I’m your host, Dr. Jean Milburn.
This is your host.
I’m your host, Dr. Jean Milburn,
and I wanted to start today by talking about male mental health.
Caffeine delivery!
Sh! I just got her to settle.
Oh shit. Sorry.
[whispering] Thank you.
There we go.
[Jean] Oh.
[Joanna] Ooh!
Mmph.
So, Jo.
Mmm?
Uh…
I’ve been asked to come in early to the station this afternoon.
Would you watch Joy?
I can’t.
Why?
I have got a date with this guy that I met at the bank.
Oh my God.
What?
[sighs]
Well, I don’t know. Just maybe don’t do the thing that you always do?
[groans]
Just jump into another relationship.
[sighs] Mmm.
Take a breath. Huh?
You can talk.
I’m just saying.
Do you know, I… I really…
I don’t need you to do the whole mothering thing right now.
It’s just a date.
Sh.
Okay.
[Joy fussing]
Can you not take Joy with you?
No, I can’t.
I’m afraid they’re gonna fire me today.
What?
I don’t know. The show hasn’t been going very well.
It’s been quite bad, actually.
And I just… I can’t find my rhythm.
And I just should never have taken the job in the first place.
[sighs]
Fine. It’s fine.
It’s okay.
No, fine. I can rearrange my date.
No.
[sighs]
If you can do something for me?
[sighs]
I need you to lie really still.
Oh, no, no, no.
I’m going to fart on your head.
It’ll be a squelchy one.
Jo!
[farting]
[Otis] I’m heading out.
Nice.
Sorry, I was farting on your mum’s head.
Maeve’s back, but her mum’s in hospital.
What about college, darling?
Well, it’s just a day. Mum, she really needs me.
Have fun.
Well, call me later.
[Joy crying]
[sighs]
Oh.
That was definitely his fault, not mine.
My Joy! Hey, baby! Hey!
[crying]
[pensive music playing]
[dog barking]
[brake clicks]
[keys jangle]
Who is that?
[Adam] Uh, it’s Jem. Dad owns the place.
Very pretty.
[sheep bleating]
Is she? Uh… didn’t notice.
Um… I don’t need a lift.
Dad’s gonna give me another lesson.
Oh, good.
Oh, um… I was gonna ask. Uh, did your dad ever go on that date?
No, I don’t know. Why do you care?
Uh I… I don’t care.
I mean, I’m just, um… just, uh…
really happy for him that he’s moving on, that’s all.
Have a lovely day.
Mm-hmm.
[mysterious music playing]
Can you meet me in the riding pen after lunch, okay?
[dog barks]
[beeps]
Hmm.
[groans]
[rasping breaths]
When I met you, I was but the learner.
Now I am the master.
[phone chimes]
[knock at door]
[Jean] Can you get that?
[sighs]
[Eric yelps]
My God, Jean!
[laughs] Oh!
No, I’m… I’m Joanna.
I’m Jean’s sister.
Oh!
Actually, I’ve just got this thing.
It’s supposed to, like, boost my collagen and make me look 17 years old again.
I hope it works, ’cause it was really fucking expensive.
Oh my God! Sounds fabulous.
[both laughing]
Sorry, who are you?
Oh, I’m… I’m Eric.
Right.
Uh, I’m Otis’s friend. Is he here?
Oh. Uh, no, he isn’t.
Somebody called “Mavis” has just got back, so he’s gone to see her.
Huh.
Okay.
Shall I pass on a message? Or…
Uh, no. No, no.
Um, nice to meet you, Joanna.
You too, Eric.
Good luck with the collagen.
Thank you. I really need it.
[sighs]
Thank you for letting me know, Otis!
[sighs]
[phone chimes]
[knock at door]
[Anna] Maeve, Aimee’s here.
Oh.
Aimes, I missed you.
Thanks for giving me a lift.
Let’s go.
Yeah.
Oh, is Otis comin’?
No.
[brakes squeal]
[Maeve] Hi.
Hey.
What are you doing here?
I just thought I’d come and give you some support.
Sorry, have I done the wrong thing?
Uh… No, no. That’s… that’s really nice… that’s really nice of you.
It’s just I haven’t showered since the plane.
I was hoping to see you a bit more spruced up, but I’m not…
[Otis] That’s okay. I’m…
It’s fine. I can come back. Don’t worry.
Nice to see you. [chuckles]
Don’t go, actually. Please.
I’ve missed you.
[Otis] I missed you.
[Maeve] Ow!
[Aimee] Sorry.
Carry it ’cause my feet get dead sweaty when I drive. Knock yourself out.
[Otis chuckles]
[Aimee] Hop in.
Fresh blossom?
[tires screeching]
[engine revving]
Fuckin’ hell.
[sighs]
[splat]
What?
[groans]
Disgustin’.
[Viv] We texted all weekend.
[Jackson] Aw!
I think I really like him.
See, I told you.
He’s like your nerdy soulmate.
He even told his dad about me.
They’re like best mates.
[chuckles]
How sweet is that?
Yeah.
Yeah!
[laughs]
What? What?
Nothin’.
Viv, you have a bad case of mention-itis.
You can’t stop talkin’ about him.
Stop!
Okay, I’ll stop.
No, no, look, I’m happy for you.
I am.
[both laugh]
Hey, um…
I do need to talk to you about something. It’s a bit awkward. I found a lump.
Like, in my ball sack.
What do you mean? Are you okay?
Yeah.
Yeah?
No.
Freakin’ out. But they’re doin’ tests, so…
I wanted to let you know, you’re my best friend.
Okay, well, um…
[sighs] Thank you for letting me know. I’m here for you.
Thanks.
[tender music playing]
[Viv] Come on.
His video was so relatable.
O’s video was too shiny. I feel like we never really know her.
[girl 1] Yeah, that’s crazy.
[girl 2] I’m just, like, really itchy. I don’t know what happened.
Excuse me. No queue-jumping.
Chill. I’m looking for Otis. I’m his campaign manager.
If you’re his campaign manager, then where is he?
Let me get back to you on that.
[girl 2] What’s the point of booking?
[O singing along] ♪ Between me and you ♪
♪ So come and see me For a sexual breakthrough… ♪
Hi.
♪ So vote O for Cavendish ♪
♪ Your own sexual therapist… ♪
Um…
Do you know what? I’m actually taking some walk-in appointments today,
as Otis hasn’t turned up.
I also have some free T-shirts.
[girl] Mmm. Cool
They are organic and ethically made.
Remember, vote O!
[girl] Free T-shirts!
[boy] Yeah!
[O] For you. And there’s one for you.
And you.
[girl] Thank you. These are so soft!
[sighs]
[siren wailing]
[Maeve] There’s my dickhead brother.
Do you want us to come in with you?
No, it’s fine.
[Aimee] You sure?
Yeah. I won’t be long.
[car door slams]
I hope she’s all right.
I know. Me too.
Do you know how to play Scabby Queen?
Hey, Froggy! Ribbit!
[Maeve grunts]
[Sean] Ah!
Where have you been?
Oh, just with my mate, um… Mo.
You know, Mo. He’s got…
No.
I can’t believe you’ve come back from America for this.
She’d better be really ill this time.
Sean.
Do you not remember last time she ended up in hospital?
She escaped. By the time they caught her, she was by the train station.
Yeah? In nothing but a hospital gown with her arse hangin’ out.
Wasn’t funny.
Come on. It was a little bit funny.
I’m not laughing.
[Sean] Don’t let you laugh in America, do they? [giggles]
Hey, um… can I walk you to class?
[girl] Ready? Smile!
Yeah.
Yeah, um… I just wanted to ask
if there’s anything goin’ on with you and that Jackson guy?
Because you guys were huggin’ earlier, and I, um…
I… I don’t wanna get my hopes up if you’re already involved with someone else.
[laughs] No. Um…
Jackson’s my best mate. He’s going through some personal stuff.
But there is definitely nothing going on between us.
Okay. Okay, cool.
Okay. I’m… I’m sorry.
I’m sorry. I just… I get in my head sometimes, and…
I… I really like you.
Uh, um… I know this is fast, but I’ve been thinking, actually.
If you wanted to, do you wanna be my girlfriend?
If you want. I don’t…
I would love to be your girlfriend.
Okay. Cool.
Cool.
Yeah.
Cool. Shall we…
Class?
Class. Yeah.
Class. Yes. Probably should.
Yeah. There’s this statistics book I’m really enjoying.
The way it analyzes data…
Oh, yeah, did you finish the…
Oh no. You have to try it. It’s so invigorating.
[laughs]
I didn’t exfoliate for a week.
[woman] See you!
[Gloria] Hey.
[girl] Hi, miss.
[door slams]
[clears throat]
Yeah, just an idea. Um, homage to my phone.
[both laugh]
It’s gonna…
[mysterious music playing]
Hey.
Hey.
I’m sorry about the other night. I was so awkward.
No, you weren’t.
People think I want to kiss them all the time.
You’re just saying that to make me feel better.
Just a little bit.
[chuckles]
Um… I wanted to explain. PK and I are ethically non-monogamous.
So, I was wondering
if you might wanna go on a date sometime with me?
Um…
Yeah, I’d like that.
[softly] Yeah!
Hmm…
Boom.
[Otis] Mm-hmm.
Heh-heh-heh.
[phone chimes]
Pause.
[Otis] Ahem.
Everythin’ all right?
Yeah, it’s just Isaac.
I didn’t know you were friends.
We’re not. I just do art class with him.
It’s not like I like him or anythin’.
Okay. Sure.
Not everything’s therapy, Otis.
[Otis gasps]
[yelps]
You’re the Scabby Queen.
You’re like a mind reader.
What shall we do now?
Can I take your photo?
Sure.
That’s a nice camera.
Right. Oh God. It gets me every time.
[foot tapping]
[Sean sighs]
[continues tapping foot]
[starts tapping]
[sighs]
[siren wailing outside]
[door slams]
[whistling melody]
What?
It’s not an appropriate place to whistle.
[telephone ringing]
[whistling]
[whispers] Sean.
[Sean continues whistling]
[whispers] Sorry.
Sorry.
[woman] Maeve and Sean Wiley?
Come with me.
If you’d like to come through.
[sirens wailing outside]
[tense music]
[door closes]
Where’s my mum?
[woman] Take a seat, and we can have a chat.
I don’t wanna sit. What are you doing? Get up.
Sean. Sit down. Sit down.
Loser, get up. Get up.
I am very sorry to inform you that your mother has passed away.
[Sean shudders]
Shortly after she was admitted to ICU,
she lost consciousness and fell into a coma.
[voice fading] It was very unexpected…
[muffled] Whilst she was initially stable, she deteriorated quickly,
and her heart stopped working.
We did everything to try and save her, but I’m afraid we were unsuccessful.
We lost her about 20 minutes ago.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Take as much time as you need. This room is for you.
A nurse will be in to see you shortly.
[Joanna] Oh!
Hi. Hello.
Hola.
That’s a baby.
Oh, yeah. No, she’s not mine.
Oh.
No, she’s my niece.
I couldn’t get out of watching her, so…
Oh. [chuckles]
Hi. Hello.
Uh, mange-tout.
Well, this…
Mmm! [laughs]
Maybe I’ll just pop another one there for good luck.
Wow, you smell really…
[sighs]…fucking nice, actually. Thanks very much!
Came over here on my “motorbee-kay.”
Wow, a bike. That’s, um…
[Joy starts crying]
Oh no.
It’s fine.
[Dan] Sorry.
Oh, she’s been fussing all morning.
I thought I could leave her at home, but my… my sister had to work, so, uh…
Yeah, I should probably feed her. [laughs]
Sorry.
No, don’t apologize.
Go ahead. I, uh… love babies.
They’re, uh, you know… cool.
Yeah, I’m sure you do.
I do. They’re great stuff.
I’m the eldest of, uh, six siblings.
Oh right? [chuckles]
Would you believe?
I was around them a lot. My little brother Billy called me “Daddy Brother.”
Uh-huh.
Not in a creepy…
We weren’t in a cult. I promise.
Right.
Just a normal family. My parents just… loved bangin’, I guess.
Hey! Hi there.
Who are you? You’re a handsome little devil.
Oh, she likes you.
So, what about you? Do you wanna get married?
Pop out some babies? Pop!
Wow! Right to the point.
Sorry. You know what it is? I just… I go on so many dates.
Honestly, I just wanna settle down,
but most of the women I… I go out with, they’re only interested in, you know…
Mm-hmm.
So I’m… I’m trying out this new thing where I’m just really honest
so I don’t waste people’s time.
[laughs] Yeah, I, uh… I wanna settle down too.
But I just can’t seem to make anything long-term stick.
You know, it’s just, like, the wrong person.
Right.
Or, like, you know, the wrong time.
And there’s always that risk
of, like, passing down all of your dysfunctional shit to an infant.
Not that I’ve got loads of it. Just a normal amount.
Right, sure. Like, a normal amount of dysfunctional shit.
Yeah, that was probably the wrong answer.
It wasn’t at all. It really… It really wasn’t.
[Joanna chuckles]
[heartfelt music playing]
If you’re happy to wait until tomorrow to see Otis,
he will give you a double appointment and a regular slot.
I only wanna stop my muff itching.
Any time, that’s what I’m here for. Don’t forget to vote for O.
Bye. Thanks so much.
Thanks.
Can I help you?
Yes, you can.
You can stop taking Otis’s clients.
[PA chimes]
[girl] There will be a student counselor debate this Thursday lunchtime.
Come and hear Otis and O make the case for why they deserve your vote.
We’ll have free tote bags for anyone who comes along.
What’s this about a debate?
I’m so sorry. Who are you again?
Oh, please stop pretending that you don’t know who I am.
Why don’t we step inside?
Yeah, shall we?
Take a wee seat.
No, thank you. I don’t want to crease my skirt.
So, what’s with this debate?
Oh, uh… I just thought it might be a good opportunity
for Otis and I to get our points across.
I was gonna tell him if it got approved.
I bet you were.
What’s your connection to Otis?
Why does that matter?
Just tryin’ to work out what’s in this for you.
I mean, you must be pretty good friends to help him like this.
Yes, we’re friends.
[suspenseful music playing]
But you used to be more?
We dated briefly.
I broke up with him, obviously.
Because his feelings weren’t as strong as yours?
And he still held a torch for that girl?
Oh, what’s her name, the one he’s with now, the one in America?
Maeve, is it?
I’m just guessing here.
I don’t know, but it would explain why you’re runnin’ round after him.
You’re hoping that one day he will see the light
and realize that you’re the person who’s always known how special he is,
and he’ll say that he loves you as much as you’ve always loved him.
That’s not true.
Okay.
But I’ll give you some advice.
If someone really truly likes you, they shouldn’t be playin’ any games.
They shouldn’t be leaving you confused.
It’ll be clear.
Thank you for the advice.
Now, let me give you some.
Start preparing yourself to lose.
When we were ten, you decided to make my life a living hell.
And now, I promise you, I plan on doing the exact same thing to you.
[chuckles] Was that a threat?
No, it’s a promise, Sarah.
Now, I’ve got a debate to prepare for.
[door opens]
My name is O.
[door closes]
[Otis] Shall I look at you?
[Aimee] Whatever you want.
Shall I…
Just, kind of, you know, relax.
What’s that?
Uh… Sorry. I was just… I was… I was trying to pose.
Maybe just do nothing.
Ahem. Okay.
I feel like you’re still doing something.
[phone chimes]
[shutter clicks]
[sighs]
[shutter clicks]
Weird.
Oh, okay.
Not bad.
Thanks.
Weird.
[shutter clicks]
Are these going in your portfolio?
No, no, no. I’m just practicin’.
I actually think I wanna take photos of myself.
Isaac showed me these amazing self-portraits I really like.
I thought you weren’t friends with Isaac?
Yeah, I’m not.
Yeah, I don’t really know what I’m trying to say yet
with the self-portraits, which is annoying.
Like, say with Isaac’s work, for example. It really means something.
Maybe you’re thinking about it too much. Just trust your instincts.
That is exactly what Isaac says.
Otis, will you therapy me?
Uh, what’s up?
Right. Um…
Say…
if you thought you were getting feelings for someone
who your best friend used to have a thing with,
do you think you would have to tell your best friend
you were getting feelings for the person that they used to have the thing with?
I think…
I think if these feelings are real, and you wanna act on them, then…
yeah, you should be upfront with your friend.
Mmm.
If you don’t tell them and they find out,
it’ll be a lot worse.
[siren blaring]
Yeah.
I wasn’t talking about Isaac, by the way.
Didn’t think you were.
That’s good. Hold that.
Ahem…
[shutter clicks]
You changed it again.
I’m sorry. I did. I know I did.
Hi. I’m doing a survey for the student counselor election.
Do you feel that O has ever crossed a line or treated anyone badly?
No.
Okay.
Has O’s behavior ever been not inclusive or mean?
No.
No.
No.
No, not at all.
Has O ever given you advice that was damaging or incorrect?
No.
No.
[students] No. No. No. No.
[all] No!
Okay.
In terms of a charity, we should raise for something different this year.
Hi. I’m doing a survey for the student counselor election.
Can I ask a few questions?
We are in the middle of a meeting.
It’ll just take a sec.
So, do you feel that O has ever crossed the line or treated anyone badly?
Um… No. She’s actually helped me out with a lot of problems.
We think she’s great.
Sorry. I didn’t catch what you said.
Don’t worry, babe. I’ll tell you later.
Uh, do you have any more questions?
Yeah. Do you feel that O’s behavior has ever been not inclusive or mean?
Um… last…
Look, this is feeling quite bitchy now.
[Ruby chuckles] Oh, come on.
I know you don’t really buy into the whole not-talking-behind-people’s-back thing
and that, like, being kind is, you know, your brand.
Love it.
But, uh, I’m not gonna tell anyone. You can give me the goss.
Being kind isn’t a brand. It’s the right thing to do.
Um… we actually do need to get on with our meetin’,
but good luck with your survey.
That girl’s energy is so emotionally draining. [sighs]
Aisha, that’s not gossip. It’s a fact.
Ooh! Eric.
Have you seen Otis? Because he’s ignoring my texts.
Uh, no. No, he stood me up this mornin’.
Because you disinvited him from the club night thing?
Excuse me?
No, I’m not judging you, Eric.
Believe me. I disinvite uncool people from things all the time.
It’s just I think he was a bit upset.
Oh my God! No. No, it’s because Maeve is back in town.
And whenever she’s around, nothin’ else matters to him.
He’s not told you that she’s back?
Oh, I’m…
No, it’s fine. Yes.
Did… Yeah?
Okay, good. Yes, thank you. Thanks.
Because I… Good, yeah. Yeah, okay.
[jaunty music playing]
[sighs]
What did I miss?
[whispers] Ruby.
Of course.
[Abbi] We still need to choose a charity for the fundraiser.
Do we have any ideas?
[Jem] Up. No. Keep going.
[Jem sighs]
[Midnight neighs]
So, what’s going through your head when you look at Midnight?
Uh…
“If I fall over, you will crush me with your small metal feet.”
[Midnight blowing]
Right. Well, take the reins.
You need to let the horse know you’re not afraid.
Come on. We’re gonna walk together. Come on.
Give her a tug. Come on.
Try and… tune into the horse’s rhythm.
Okay.
See.
He’s not that scary, is he?
[laughs]
Okay, let’s get you on.
Don’t I need another lesson?
Well, you know the old saying.
“Thinking doesn’t overcome fear. Action does.” Up.
Ready? Shall I help you?
Okay. One, two, three.
Ah.
[Adam] Okay.
You good?
Uh-huh.
Go on.
Oof! Okay.
Slowly, though.
All right.
You’ve got it.
Slow it down.
Slowly.
Okay.
There we go, boy.
That’s it. Good boy.
[mysterious music playing]
Okay. Ready?
You’re gonna trot now. Come on.
No. I think I should get down.
Oh my! Oh! Hey.
[Jem laughing]
Ah! Hey! Oh! My balls! My balls!
Just tune into his rhythm.
I’m riding. Okay.
Okay, there you go. You’re actually cantering.
Okay? Yes!
Okay.
I’m riding. I’m riding a horse.
[laughing] Yes, you are.
We’re moving your mother to the mortuary. You’ll be able to see her soon.
Here are her belongings.
Do you think it’s weird if I finish the sweets?
She’s hardly gonna need them now, is she?
Can no one take a joke anymore?
Do you remember when Uncle Pat died?
Um…
Yeah, kinda. His funeral was the first time I had beer.
You were eight.
Yeah.
Uncle Pat’s girlfriend gave it to me. Now she could take a joke. Remember?
I remember seeing him dead. He didn’t look like himself.
After that, I couldn’t remember what alive Uncle Pat looked like.
I don’t think I can see Mum like that.
If that’s okay.
Yeah.
All right. [clears throat]
[snoring]
[knock at door]
[Jean] Celia?
Sorry. I’ll come back.
No. No, no, no, no. I’m awake. Power napping.
Okay. [chuckles]
Power napping. Come in.
Come in. Sit down. Sit down, sit down. Sit down.
[Jean sighs]
How about you turn around, bright eyes?
[chuckles]
I’m not moving. This is me for a bit.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
We need to talk about your last few shows.
Yes.
They have not been great.
I know they haven’t been very good.
And, um, I am just finding my feet,
but I’ve done some extra prep, and I think I’ve found a way in.
Probably a little bit late for that.
I’m afraid the big boss, Terry, is a bit worried about the format.
He thinks it’s flat.
So what I have done is…
I’ve found some guests who are going to come and cohost with you this week, okay?
Right. What… what kind of guests?
You know, sex people like yourself.
I’ve got one woman who makes plaster casts
out of her own vagina.
Um, look. I… I know that I haven’t been on form,
but I would really like the chance to be able to work out how to do it myself.
I’m really sorry, Jean.
If it was up to me, absolutely.
I’m under a lot of pressure to make this work.
It could loosen things up. Could make it fun.
You know, this could be a good thing.
[knocking]
Hello!
Oh. O!
That’s her name, not an exclamation. Come on in.
O, this is Jean. O.
Oh.
O… Jean, hi.
O. Co-host.
[Jean] Uh…
Yeah. Oh, O-host!
You should, uh… check out her channel. The videos are great.
Good. No. Remember to indicate.
Round there.
And… All right. Now let’s try a parallel park.
[parking brake grinds]
How did your date go with the, uh… teacher?
Uh… it, uh, wasn’t the best.
[Adam] What did you do?
Well, it’s more what I didn’t do. [clears throat]
Did you let her pay for dinner?
No.
I, uh… struggle, you know, sometimes to get it going in the penile department.
Careful!
Oh my God!
[brake clicks]
Why did you tell me that?
Oh, the images. Jesus Christ!
Sorry. I thought we tell stuff now.
Not that! Never that.
I thought you took Viagra.
I do. It…
Hang on. How did you know?
We’re not talking about that.
I’ll go in. We’ll never talk about this again.
[sighs]
[door slams]
Good lesson. Sorry for oversharing. Won’t happen again.
I can’t believe I’m gonna say this.
I… I think you’ve got performance anxiety.
Thinking doesn’t overcome fear.
Action does.
And never take more than one Viagra.
Your penis will explode.
[sniffs]
[sighs, clears throat]
[line ringing]
Gloria, it’s Michael. I’ve got the little blue pills, and I’m feeling manly.
[Maeve sighs]
[Sean sighs shakily]
Well, it’s definitely Mum.
And she’s definitely… dead.
[sighs shakily] They said that we can go.
I wanna finish my crossword.
It’s just, uh… Mo is giving me a lift.
And I kinda wanna get out of here.
Mmm. It’s okay. You can go. I’m fine.
Okay. Uh…
What do you want me to tell your mates?
Tell them I’ll be out in a bit.
Okay. Uh…
Call me if you need anything.
Mm-hmm.
[sighs]
[“Are You Man Enough?” by Four Tops playing]
[timer rings]
♪ Are you man enough? ♪
♪ Big and bad enough? ♪
♪ Are you gonna let ’em shoot your down? ♪
♪ When the evil flies… ♪
Ready?
♪ And your brother cries… ♪
Absolutely.
♪ Are you gonna be around? ♪
♪ Someone needs a friend ♪
♪ Just around the bend ♪
♪ Around the bend… ♪
Oh!
Oh!
[both moaning]
♪ Are you man enough? ♪
[Gloria] Oh God!
♪ When the going’s rough? ♪
Oh yes!
Ooh! Ah!
Ah!
Oh!
Ah!
Ah! Ah!
Christ!
Ah! Yeah!
Oh!
Ah!
Oh, uh… I’m so sorry.
I… I don’t know why this is happening. Oh, maybe it’ll come back.
Uh…
Yeah, uh… I gotta pick up my daughter from choir practice soon.
Uh… [grunts]
Oh… Uh…
[Gloria sighs]
[door closes]
[sighs]
Hi there. This is your host, Dr. Jean Milburn.
I love your mum.
And joining me on Sexology tonight
is a brilliant young sex educator and influencer, O.
[O] Wow, thank you so much. That was a very warm welcome.
No… No!
[O] And quite a compliment from yourself!
I am so happy to be here. I can’t articulate that enough.
And I can’t wait to take some of these calls together.
Otis.
I mean…
I don’t know about yourself, but working out…
[Aimee] Hi.
Hi. Um…
I’m gonna head off, uh, but Maeve’s still in there.
She’s just finishing her crossword.
Okay. Is everythin’ all right?
No, not really.
My mum died.
Fuck.
Oh my God, Sean. I’m so sorry.
Should we go and get Maeve?
Um…
I wouldn’t.
I’d just let her do her thing.
Do you wanna sit with us?
[Sean] Uh…
[tender music playing]
No.
[Otis] You all right?
Yeah. No, I’m fine.
[Aimee] Sure?
[Sean] Have a good day, guys
[car engine starts]
[“Yes I Do” by Stefano Richter and Gabriele Mustafa playing]
Ooh!
Mum. Hello.
Eric, would you like to come and help me at the soup kitchen tonight?
Oh… I can’t. I’m going to Abbi’s.
We’re watching Jennifer’s Body and gonna do pedicures.
[giggles]
But maybe next time.
♪ Yes I do, yes I do… ♪
[chuckles]
[sighs]
[gentle music playing]
[chuckles]
[music playing through headphones]
[Eric laughing]
See this.
What? No. Oh my gosh.
[laughter]
Why do birds hate me?
Why are you laughing?
This is the second bird that has pooed on me today.
That means you’re very lucky.
Oh, well, dunno about that.
Can you spare some change for a meal tonight?
Oh gosh. I don’t have any cash on me.
But there is a soup kitchen at the village hall tonight.
I don’t know where that is. Show me?
I can’t. I can’t go dressed like this.
But, um… if you… if you take this street, take a left, you’ll definitely find it.
Come on, lucky boy. You can spare a few minutes of your time.
I… I am late, but, yes, we’re walking.
Was there anyone I can call for you to come and pick you up?
No, it’s okay. I have a lift.
This is run by my church, so you’ll get a good meal.
Oh my gosh.
Uh… Ah.
Okay, so this is the soup kitchen.
I hope you have a great meal tonight. I need to go, okay?
You’re leaving?
Yeah.
This is where you belong.
[Beatrice] Eric! You changed your mind.
What are you wearing?
I wasn’t supposed to be here, Mum, was I?
We are totally run off our feet.
[sighs, heaves]
Okay. I’ll make a phone call.
Thank you, my son.
Hey, Abbi, so I’m helpin’ out at the village hall,
at the soup kitchen tonight, and they’re really short on staff, so I’m sorry.
Don’t hate me.
All interpersonal relationships have boundaries.
Now, they aren’t often spoken about,
but they are mutually understood
to be limits within the relationship.
Now, if a person doesn’t know their own boundaries,
then that can cause resentment in the relationship.
The opposite…
Uh…
Do you think maybe we should go to a caller now?
Yes, that’s a great idea. Thank you, O.
All right. We have Martin.
Martin, you’re on the line.
[Michael] Yes. Yes. Ahem…
[deep voice] Yes. Hello.
I was calling because I was having relations
with a new lady friend,
and I was struggling to perform.
I used some Viagra, but it did nothing.
Is there a problem with my manhood?
Uh, for listeners who don’t know, Viagra is the brand name of sildenafil,
which is a medicine used for erectile dysfunction.
Martin, this lady friend.
Could you tell us more about that situation?
Well, I’ve, um… recently separated from my wife.
I’m living in a new place, and I’ve just started a new job.
Wow, sounds like a lot of change.
Well, I wonder if those two things are maybe related?
And I’m getting the nod here from Dr. Milburn, so…
Yes, uh, struggles with erections can often be psychological.
So I think it’s important that you look at the emotional
as well as the physical.
Do you mind me asking where your brain went during the sex?
I was thinking about my wife.
Sorry. My ex-wife.
I miss her. [chuckles]
She’s moved on, and I thought if I could have a fling,
I might be able to move on too.
But it was humiliating and made me feel pathetic,
like I’m not a real man.
Can I ask you a question?
Did the sex feel like you were cheating?
It did.
It felt like a betrayal.
[Jean] I’m wondering, Martin,
if you might be someone who just operates better
when you have a secure connection.
And when you do, your penis functions properly.
Do you mean…
my penis has to be in love?
I think that you might need to find a way to cut all emotional ties with your ex
so that your penis is free to let go and move on.
Okay. Okay.
[Jean] And no doubt, your manhood is still intact,
regardless of the blood flow to your penis.
Wow.
[O] Thanks for your call, Martin.
God, they’re good together.
[O] Let’s go to another one.
Oh. Sorry.
[O] Next up, we have Susan.
Hello, Susan.
[Susan] Hi there.
I wanted to talk about role play.
Ta.
All right, Savior, where do you want me?
Hi! What are you doing here?
You said you needed help.
Are you sure? You really don’t need to.
Yeah, I want to.
Yeah?
I used to do stuff like this with my church all the time.
Okay. Well, my mum is over there. She’s in a blue jumper.
She’s the boss. She’ll tell you everything you need to know.
Okay?
It’s Abbi, Eric’s friend.
Oh, hello.
It’s so nice to meet you finally.
[woman] How are those potatoes looking?
It’s wonderful to have people outside the church come to help.
It’s just so sad we’ve lost our funding, so this place will have to shut down.
Um… Sorry. Do you want some plantain?
[man] Yes please.
Yeah?
Thank you.
There you go. No worries.
Right. Okay. So…
[heartfelt music playing]
[Jean sighs]
It was a real pleasure, Dr. Milburn.
You too, O.
She’s great.
Yeah.
And you did a lot better, too, little fella.
See you next time?
See you next time.
Toodle pip.
[sighs]
[“Long Time Gone” by Bachelorette playing]
♪ Long ♪
♪ Time ♪
♪ Gone… ♪
[sighs]
♪ See how ♪
♪ We… ♪
[rustling]
♪ Hang on ♪
♪ To what? ♪
[opens door]
♪ Please ♪
♪ Give us… ♪
Love, are you all right?
Yeah, I finished the crossword.
♪ Nothing… ♪
That’s good.
Yeah.
Mum died.
So…
♪ To grasp… ♪
We’re here for you.
Whatever you need.
We should probably head back and tell Anna.
[Aimee] Of course, yeah. Let’s get you home.
♪ Hard ♪
♪ Times… ♪
[doorbell rings]
♪ Come thick and fast… ♪
Hello, Martin.
[sighs]
I heard you on the radio.
♪ Let ♪
♪ Them… ♪
Oh, God.
Oh, this is so confusing.
♪ Float ♪
♪ Past… ♪
I miss you too.
[Maureen sobs]
[Otis] What are you eating?
I always eat a Peperami before bed.
Aimes, that’s disgusting.
Oh. Sorry, it’s nearly done.
[snorts]
Mmm.
[phone chimes]
[“Dedicated to the One I Love” by The Mamas & The Papas playing]
[dog snoring]
♪ While I’m far away from you, my baby… ♪
[sighs]
♪ I know it’s hard for you, my baby… ♪
[sighs]
♪ Because it’s hard for me… ♪
Night, pet. Love you.
Night, love you.
♪ My baby ♪
♪ And the darkest hour… ♪
Night, guys.
♪ Is just before dawn ♪
♪ Each night before you go to bed My baby ♪
♪ Whisper a little prayer for me ♪
♪ My baby ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ And tell all the stars above ♪
♪ This is dedicated to the one I love ♪
♪ Love can never be ♪
♪ Exactly like we want it to be ♪
♪ I could be satisfied ♪
♪ Knowing you love me ♪
♪ And there’s one thing I want you to do ♪
♪ Especially for me ♪
♪ And it’s something ♪
♪ That everybody needs
♪ While I’m far away from you, my baby ♪
♪ Whisper a little prayer for me ♪
♪ My baby ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Because it’s hard for me, my baby ♪
♪ And the darkest hour Is just before dawn ♪
