Original release date: 21 September 2023
Maeve is in the US, studying creative writing with a charismatic but domineering professor. Otis and her are trying to make their relationship work long-distance. But when Maeve sends him an explicit photo, Otis is alarmed; he takes photos to send in response, but loses his nerve and doesn’t reply, to Maeve’s frustration. The Moordale students arrive at their new school, Cavendish College, and find that it is unexpectedly progressive; the students are friendly, inclusive, and environmentally-aware. They meet Abbi, Aisha, and Roman, known as “the Coven” – the most popular students on campus. Both Ruby and Mr Groff (now a substitute teacher) struggle, feeling out-of-place, but Eric is delighted to make friends with the Coven. Otis, attempting to re-start the clinic, is dismayed to discover that Cavendish already has a popular student sex therapist, called O. He tries to promote his clinic by presenting in front of the school, but to his horror, a technical mishap causes his naked photos to be projected behind him. Cal is struggling with an increased sex drive caused by taking testosterone. Otis reassures them. Jean is overwhelmed by life as a single parent. She gets a new job, hosting a call-in radio show, but Otis thinks she doesn’t have enough time or energy. Eric’s mum asks him to be baptised, and he reluctantly agrees to think about it. Otis and Maeve have simulated sex by phone.
* * *
[excited shouting]
[“Take Care of Business” by Nina Simone playing]
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Don’t talk, just hold me closer ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Let me sit on top of your knee ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Go ahead ♪
♪ And take care of business for me ♪
♪ For me, for me… ♪
[yawns]
[phone chimes]
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Oh Lord ♪
♪ Don’t keep me waitin’… ♪
[phone chimes]
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Be as firm as can be ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Go ahead ♪
♪ And take care of business for me… ♪
[gasps]
♪ For me, for me ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ And in all my life ♪
♪ No one has touched me so close ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Nor made me feel so sweet… ♪
Mmm!
[panting]
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ I say to you, you are God’s gift… ♪
[phone chimes]
♪ To all womanhood ♪
♪ Take it from me, take it from me… ♪
Hi, I forgot the sock. Sorry.
[phone chimes]
[panting and groaning inside dorm]
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ You know, you know ♪
♪ That I love you truly… ♪
[roommate gasping]
♪ And I want the whole round world… ♪
[camera clicks]
♪ To see… ♪
[roommate moaning loudly]
♪ How you can take care of business… ♪
[phone chimes]
♪ For me, for me… ♪
Oh.
[moaning continues]
♪ You know, you know that I love you… ♪
Lather it up…
Voilà.
♪ And I want… ♪
[roommate] Oh yeah!
♪ The whole world to see ♪
[camera clicks]
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ How you can take care… ♪
[roommate] Oh yeah! Oh yeah!
♪ Of business for me, for me ♪
♪ For me ♪
[roommate] Oh! Oh! Oh!
[sighs]
[roommate] Oh God! Oh yeah! Oh! Oh!
[bedsprings squeaking]
[roommate] Oh!
[thump]
[roommate] Oh! Oh…
[baby Joy fussing]
[sighs]
[suspenseful music playing]
[sighs]
[Joy continues fussing]
[groans]
[Joy crying]
[Otis] Morning.
Morning, darling.
[Otis] Hello, Joy.
You are making a noise this morning.
Hello, hello. What’s up?
[Joy squeals]
[mimicking] Bwaaaaah!
Yes, you are.
Waaaah!
Come on. Oh, what’s the matter?
Hey, Mum.
You all right?
I forgot why I opened the fridge.
[chuckles] You’re… dressed. You going somewhere today?
I didn’t tell you? I’ve got a job interview.
It’s to host a new radio show about sex.
Well, do you think it’s a good idea?
To be going back to work?
Oh…
Oh, it’s just cabbage leaves. It’s all right.
I, uh… I’ve got a blocked duct.
They help.
Okay, well…
I just think it might be a bit soon.
I had a baby, darling. Not a lobotomy.
[groans].
My agent thinks it’s a good opportunity.
Coffee.
Right.
Oh, bollocks.
Do you mind popping to the shop with Joy while I’m gone and picking some up?
Maybe some… wet wipes, and… I’ll send you a list.
Well, actually, Mum, it’s my first day at the new school, remember?
What, today?
Uh-huh.
I totally forgot.
Yeah, I should get going.
[Joy cries]
But if you need me to stay…
No, we’ll be fine. Don’t be silly.
We’ll be fine! I’m fine!
We’ll be fine.
Bye.
Bye. Don’t worry.
[laughs]
[quietly] Fuck!
[Otis groans]
[energetic music playing]
Morning.
[Eric] Good morning.
[Otis] Wow, that’s a new one.
You look amazing.
Thank you… look tired.
What were you up all night doin’?
Hey. Heeeey!
Uh-huh!
Uh-huh!
Uh-huh!
Uh-heeeey!
Very profesh.
So it’s my new free…
Uh-huh.
…totally transparent sex therapy clinic.
Ah!
You were right.
I don’t wanna give up helping people.
And I know it sounds silly, but I think therapy is my calling.
[Eric laughs] Oh-ho-ho!
Oh, I’m so proud of you.
Thanks, man.
[Eric] Aww! Come on.
I am shitting myself.
Why?
Well, what if people think that we’re losers again?
We’re not.
We’re literally different people now. We’re confident. We know who we are.
Mmm.
We’re the cool guys.
Mmm.
[“Close to Me” by The Cure playing]
Oh.
[Cal] This is my voice six months on testosterone.
List of pros. My eyebrows are bushier. [chuckles]
I have some facial hair coming in, which feels amazing.
Shoulders getting broader.
Cons. Still sweating a lot and have some dry skin patches.
My sex drive is out of control.
♪ I’ve waited hours for this… ♪
[buzzing]
[moaning]
♪ I’ve made myself so sick ♪
[gasping] Oh! Whew! Ooh!
♪ I wish I’d stayed asleep today ♪
♪ I never thought this day would end… ♪
[switches off]
♪ I never thought tonight could ever be ♪
♪ This close to me… ♪
Three point five.
Had better.
Ooh! [sighs]
[Otis groans]
[groans]
Aah!
[Otis wheezes]
We might… need to start gettin’… the bus.
[Otis grunts]
[both sigh]
So I was texting Maeve.
She sent me a nude.
What?
[Otis chuckles]
[yells] Oatcake! Oh my God! That’s huge!
I haven’t responded yet.
Are you mad?
Stop yelling!
No! You have to send one back.
There’s sexting etiquette!
Yeah…
You can’t leave her hanging.
Okay! I know! I know! I’ve…
I took a load of pictures.
And I just didn’t send any. I hated them.
I don’t like nudes. I… I feel anxious…
Oh my God. I don’t get it.
I send dick pics all the time. No big deal.
Who are you sending them to?
Oh, I’ve been on a couple of dating apps!
But all the hot, interesting people live so far away.
But there’s this gay night at the Labour Club.
You wanna come? Be my wingman?
Sure.
Yay!
Yeah, I will come.
But what should I wear?
Um, preferably something without baby sick.
Do I have b… Ugh! Why didn’t you say anything?
Because it’s very funny.
No, it’s not!
It’s dripping down my back!
[Eric laughing]
[upbeat music playing]
Wow!
Wow!
[Eric] Oh my God!
[Otis] Hmm!
[Eric] Aha!
[Otis] Hah!
[Eric] A-hey!
[Otis] Heh!
It’s like Amsterdam.
[Eric] But in space.
[Otis] And everyone seems happy.
Hi.
Hi.
And queer.
[bicycle bell rings]
[sweetly] No stopping in the bike lane.
Super queer.
[mimics] “No stopping in the bike lane.”
[mocking] “Wah wah wah!”
Come on!
Oh my God, Aimee!
Hey!
Hiya, crumpets.
[hip-hop playing loudly]
[Aimee] I haven’t seen you in…
Oh my gosh!
[tires screech]
This is a no-car zone.
Where am I supposed to park, then?
There’s a car park across the road.
[sighs]
[chuckles]
Um…
Uh, she was rude.
Yes! [laughs]
Are you okay?
Yes. Yeah.
Yeah? [laughs]
I mean, thank you for saving my life!
[both laugh]
I’ll see you around.
Bye.
Well. Ruby’s back.
[Eric] Aah.
I wonder where Anwar and Olivia are. They usually move as a pack.
I think they went to Taylor’s Secondary in Northbury.
Oh.
Don’t you usually have a car?
Yeah, I do.
I let a family of squirrels live in it, and now it’s having loads of repairs.
[bell rings]
[Otis] Shall we?
[Eric] The time has come.
Come on, Eric.
I know.
[Otis] Gonna be late.
I’m coming.
[Aimee gasps]
[boy] Whoo!
Well, this is different.
Oh my God! Is that a slide?
Wow!
[Otis] This is kind of cool.
[Eric] Apparently, it’s all student-led.
Yes!
Look at that!
Right. I could say that…
Yeah.
Have you played before?
My God. And all the gays, everywhere.
Starting a new school in the middle of the year is statistically very bad.
That’s why me and Eugene called things off.
We need to focus and stay serious about the future.
Can I have all the Moordale students over here, please?
Okay. Hello, everyone.
[Ruby] Car park’s miles away.
Can’t do that every day. Not in heels.
Sh, sh. Don’t interrupt the Coven.
Hello. Welcome to Cavendish College. My name is Abbi.
This is Aisha and my boyfriend, Roman.
And we’re your sixth form reps.
We have got some tablets to hand out to you all.
[Aimee] Ooh, that’s a bit fancy.
You will find your schedule, uh, on our social media platform, Dolly.
It doesn’t look like I’m in the top sets. How do you rank your students?
We don’t.
We believe if one person does well, then we all do well.
[Aimee] Aww!
We have mock exams.
That makes zero sense.
Why don’t we talk about it later?
But it doesn’t make sense.
Anyway, grab your Cavendish tote bags and your reusable water bottles.
Then I’ll take you on a little tour. Follow me!
[jazzy upbeat music playing]
There’s daily meditation, silent discos, sound baths, and yoga on offer ’cause we believe your mental health matters.
[Abbi] Oh, and Cavendish is a gossip-free zone.
Talking behind each other’s backs is not a healthy learning environment.
We encourage students to help with cleaning, gardening, and community fundraising.
Our motto is, “Why be mean when you could be green?”
Christ.
[both giggle]
Our facilities are obviously gender-neutral.
We just want everyone to feel comfortable in themselves.
Awake, and see that people are sleeping.
It’s time to bang your drum and make them open their eyes.
Speakers’ Corner is here for students to express themselves freely at any time.
Your voice matters to Cavendish, and we wanna hear from you.
Does anyone have any questions?
Hi. Yeah. Um, I want to set up a service on campus. Who should I speak with?
No one. I suggest booking a room and making it happen.
I’m Otis.
And I’m Eric.
I’m doing a free sex therapy service on campus.
Free sex therapy today.
Lunchtime. Please pop down.
[Eric] Free sex therapy.
[Otis] One for you…
Complete confidentiality. No?
[Otis] Just keep it. Just keep it.
Erectile dysfunction? No?
This guy is the walking Kama Sutra.
Hello.
If you have discharge, vaginismus…
Oh, look. It’s my favorite person. And the sparkly Pied Piper.
Aww!
What are you doing here, Isaac?
I started last term. Finishing my A-levels.
You should check out Otis’s clinic.
It’s completely free. On the first floor.
With all due respect, I won’t be talking to you about my penis.
Fine.
The school’s paperless, by the way.
Sh…
No! No, no, no!
Yes! Yes!
That’s my whole promotional plan!
Otis, we cannot be seen as tree killers.
Please remember to recycle.
Oh my God. I’m so sorry. I’m so…
No worries. No worries.
[school bell rings]
Do you need help settin’ up at your clinic today?
No, I should be fine.
They prefer it sort of one-on-one.
Keeps it anonymous.
Mmm.
You gonna be okay on your own?
Yeah! Yeah, course.
I’ll see you later. Mmm!
Cool.
Oh, remember to reply to Maeve. It’ll be awkward if you don’t.
I know.
Just send her your dick.
Shut up.
Just send it. Root to tip.
Get in the toilet.
Shut up.
Have a little rub. Okay?
Eric!
[suspenseful music playing]
[sighs]
Oh God! Sorry.
[thud]
Oh, for fuck’s sake!
That didn’t sound good. Are we stuck?
Yep.
[sighs] They’ve got enough money for a meditation room, but not for a lift that works.
I’ve complained so many times.
[ringing tone]
[sighs]
[sighs]
You don’t remember me, do you?
Isaac.
Maeve’s sort of ex.
Isaac!
Oh!
Sorry. I’m good with names, not faces.
What class are you off to?
Art.
Same.
I switched from history.
I’ve never done art, but I’m reading this book that says art can help process trauma, and I’m on a healing journey, so…
Oh, is that why you do art?
To process trauma? ‘Cause you’re disabled.
Yes, I’m looking to find catharsis from the daily emotional torture of being in a wheelchair through the magical outlet of painting.
Really?
So, it helps?
I don’t need anything to help,
because I’m actually very happy with my life.
I do art because I like painting.
But thank you very much for your ableist projection.
Did I just say the wrong thing?
[chuckles]
Kind of wish I’d taken the stairs.
Me too.
[crash]
[both sigh]
[somber music playing]
Yeah.
Colorful.
Yeah, yeah.
[yelps] Headmaster Groff!
Sor… Um…
You just… uh… scared me.
“Mr. Groff” is fine.
I’m substitute teaching now. It’s my first day.
Oh.
Did Adam start today as well?
I don’t know.
Um, we’re… we’re not really friends anymore.
Right.
Very good.
[girl 1] I’m still debating…
Oh yeah.
[girl 2] I really want…
Uh, do you want…
Uh… just…
Take a…
Seat.
Mm-hmm.
Uh, yeah.
[laughter]
All right, maybe, maybe.
Hi.
[Eric] Hey.
Let’s take the register…
We sign in with Dolly, sir.
Is that the school receptionist?
No, it’s this…
Um… Mmm. Uh… I assume you’re all familiar with algebra.
And algebraic equations…
[Abbi] Sir.
[Michael] Huh?
It’s a projector screen.
[giggling]
Ohh…
[chuckles] Ahem.
So, um, you will need to be able to expand productions of algebraic expressions and factorize quadratic expressions.
Excuse me, sir. My tablet isn’t working.
Can we just wait a second? I really don’t wanna get behind.
Um, I’ll take notes for you.
Thanks.
It’s fine.
So I thought it would be a good idea to do a refresher on completing the square.
[upbeat music playing]
[girl] Like, I am a huge fan.
He’s a visionary.
I just can’t believe he wrote this when he was 25.
He’s a mad genius.
I heard his last intern got selected for the Growcott Prize.
What intern?
Oh, Maeve. You’re so naive sometimes.
Every year he chooses someone to be his intern.
He mentors them, and they almost always get published.
We all know Tyrone’s gonna get it.
[chuckles]
[roommate] Hey, what about me?
[man] So…
How many of you wanna be writers?
How many of you are thinking about writing your novel already?
Okay. So here are some home truths.
Only a handful of you will be talented enough to write well, and even fewer of you will write anything that will earn you any money.
[door opens]
[girl] Sorry, sir.
In future, if you are late to this class, you will not be let in.
I think they had you read my book, Blood on a Rainbow Maze.
Any thoughts?
I think it’s your masterpiece.
It’s so vibrant, an incendiary allegory for unregulated capitalism.
[clears throat]
Do you disagree?
No. No, I liked it.
I, uh… I preferred your first novel, Night Tales.
I thought the relationship between the mother and the son was really complicated and quite moving.
Hmm.
Not many people have read that book. And you’re right.
Rainbow Maze is a pile of shit compared.
Although the critics seem to like it.
But with Night Tales, it was actually quite a painful experience to write, but I believe that writing is supposed to cost us something.
So as you begin to explore your ideas for these novels in my class, I want to remind you that this will not be easy.
We’ll be reading your first chapters in the next class.
[all gasp]
Okay, let’s move on.
[phone rings]
What do we mean when we talk… Ahem.
[ringing continues]
[whispers] Sorry.
Mm-hmm.
[whispers] Can I see that for a sec?
[ringing continues]
Yeah.
Thank you so much.
[gasps]
Now, where was I?
[upbeat music playing]
[teacher] Great eyes.
Lovely detail.
[boy] Thanks.
I love the way you’re playing with form and light.
That’s very nice.
Oh, that’s interesting.
What is it?
It’s boobs.
So it is.
Remember, you don’t have to be so… literal.
Oh.
That’s good.
[girl] Thanks, miss.
[teacher] Very sensual.
Right there.
Lovely texture.
Ooh, I like that.
Keep going. Yes! Yes!
May I be excused?
What’s wrong with you? Oh fuck.
[slurping]
[coughs]
[somber music playing]
[phone rings]
Hello.
[Jean] Hello, Maureen. Hi.
Uh, I know it’s a long shot, but you wouldn’t be able to take Joy for a couple of hours?
Would you?
Oh, Jean, I’d love to, but I’ve got my self-defense class, and I’m getting a belt today, so…
Any other time, I’d be there in a flash.
All right, well, um, thanks anyway.
It was short notice.
Is everything all right?
Yeah!
Yeah. No, I’m fine. It’s all good.
Okay, thanks. I’d better run. Bye.
Oh, okay. Bye.
[phone beeps]
I picked up these from the Jobcentre for you.
Adam, I respect your decision to not go back to school.
It isn’t for everyone.
But you can’t sit around all day eating cereal and looking at pictures of your ex-boyfriend.
[front door opens and closes]
[pensive music playing]
Hi, sir. I’m so sorry about my phone. It won’t happen again, promise.
Maeve Wiley, right?
Yeah.
I heard your application was impressive. Look forward to reading your chapter.
[Tyrone] He knew about your application.
[Maeve] He also threw my phone out.
Who was calling you, anyway?
My mum.
Oh, nice that she checks up on you.
Are you close?
Not really, no.
She’s a drug addict.
Your mum is a drug addict?
Yeah.
Well, you’re gonna have so much cool stuff to write about for this class.
I don’t think you can say that.
I don’t think I agree with the whole “writing should cost you something.”
Feel like stories can just be stories.
I found it.
[grunts]
[blows]
[phone beeps]
Hypothetically speaking, if you’d sent an intimate picture to the person you’re kind of dating,
and they hadn’t replied, what would you do?
[both] Dump him.
I can’t. He’s not technically my boyfriend.
Ghost him, then.
But what if he’s ghosting her?
[“Boyfriend (Repeat)” by Confidence Man playing]
[sighs] Okay.
[school bell rings]
♪ Hey, yah! ♪
♪ My boyfriend wants to talk ♪
♪ My boyfriend talks too much ♪
♪ Hey, yah! ♪
♪ Too much about our love ♪
♪ Our love is not enough ♪
♪ Hey… ♪
Please take a seat. Please, take a seat.
♪ My boyfriend wants to talk… ♪
How can I help? How can I help you today?
♪ My boyfriend talks too much… ♪
[phone chimes]
♪ Are you listening to me? ♪
♪ Too much about our love ♪
♪ You know, I just love you so much ♪
♪ Our love is not enough ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Yah! ♪
♪ What do you mean? ♪
♪ He’s just a ♪
♪ Repeat ♪
[woman] The thing is, our ratings are going down.
Nothing dramatic. It’s just everyone’s listening to “podcasts” these days.
So we really need this show to be a little on the spicier side, um, you know, to hook in new listeners.
So, do you have any ideas?
Well, yes.
My sessions with my clients can be really quite dramatic, so I was thinking that we could recreate that one-on-one atmosphere, but live on air.
[Joy crying]
Katie! What? Why? You okay?
Oh.
She… she asked me to watch her kid, but now it won’t stop crying.
[Jean] Sorry. I couldn’t find childcare.
[interviewer] Oh, no worries.
[door closes]
So, is it just gonna be a basic call-in show?
Uh, no, no, no. Not… not basic at all, actually.
Uh it could be really unfiltered, raw, and, well, potentially…
Oh, sorry.
Do you wanna do this another time?
No. No, this is perfect. Perfect timing.
Actually, what I was trying to say is, uh…
There you go.
What I was trying to say is that, um… you know, listening to real people’s sexual problems can be quite, you know, quite exciting.
Wildly exciting.
And it can even demystify the listeners’ own relationships.
And that’s something I’m quite committed to in my… in my work.
I love it.
Oh.
Yeah! Look, I loved your book. I… I dig your vibe.
Um… Can you start this week?
Um… Sorry.
Um, I didn’t know that it would be so quick.
See, Joy is only eight weeks old, and… Do you think you could give me more time?
No. We have to fill the slot. This is a now thing.
We can keep you in mind for another time.
No. I can start immediately.
Great! What a rollercoaster.
Great.
[laughs] It’s great.
Thank you.
Fantastic.
[upbeat music playing]
[boy] Abbi said she liked my trousers.
[girl] I heard the Coven say that corduroy is in now.
…probably orange.
[boy] Good idea.
[girl] What do you reckon?
[Abbi] Actually, I think I’ll go for ginger this time.
You know, I do love… “I am here. I am enough. I am learning to be a better person.”
Hmm.
[clears throat]
Honestly, do we not… Hello!
Hey!
How are you today?
Hungry!
[boy] Have you had a good… Oh, you’re so gorgeous, babe.
Yeah. Uh…
[man] Yes?
No, I’m fine. Yeah.
[man] Okay.
Thanks. Yeah.
[man] No worries. What can I get you?
[Aimee] Mmm… I’ll have the burger, please.
I like lentils, but they give me really runny poos.
[boy] Every day!
[laughter]
This is a bit… awkward, but this is Abbi’s favorite seat.
She loves the view.
Oh, well, I’m fine here, thanks.
I told her this is your seat.
Don’t be silly. It’s fine. We’ll sit somewhere else today.
I mean, I could move.
Or I could just stay sitting here and hang out with you guys.
Hey, you’re the girl with the car. Have you considered getting a bike?
It’s so much greener.
Yeah.
I’ll think about it.
I love your coat. Where did you get it?
Thank you. I actually made it.
Anyway, enjoy your lunch and the view.
♪ We all escaped ♪
♪ From somewhere else ♪
♪ To the cruel, cruel city ♪
♪ Where the asphalt melts ♪
♪ In the heat of our anger… ♪
[door slams]
♪ Which finds no release ♪
♪ In the lab rat maze ♪
♪ Of ever-narrowing streets ♪
♪ It’s no surprise ♪
♪ We’ve got blood in our eyes ♪
♪ We’ve been alone too long… ♪
[laughter]
No, it’s been…
♪ We belong together ♪
♪ With our weapons drawn… ♪
Hey, Savior. Come sit with us.
Get out the way.
Cool, thank you.
This guy literally saved my life earlier.
You’re such a little hero.
Aww! [laughs]
It was… nothing! [chuckles]
How are you finding Cavendish so far?
Um…
It’s really different, but it’s very friendly.
Were people not friendly at your old school?
[laughs]
Oh, no. No, no, no, no, they… they weren’t.
Well, that’s sad.
It takes so much more energy to be negative than positive.
Mmm!
What is your star sign?
Oh, um, I’m a Virgo.
When were you born, and at what time?
Oh my God, yes. You have to get Aisha to do your full chart. She is incredible.
[Eric] Wh… Oh! Um…
Oh, I don’t know. I’m gonna have to ask my mum.
Sorry, what… what was that?
Aisha needs to see your lips.
Oh, sorry. Sorry.
Sorry.
Don’t worry. It’s fine.
I said I’ll have to ask my mum.
Let me know.
I will do.
Hi.
Hey.
Hi.
[mysterious music playing]
OMG! I forgot to tell you guys.
I found out that Ms. Masters is on Tinder.
I bet you she is a Libra.
Oh!
[Abbi] Remember, Aisha, no gossiping.
We’re gonna donate the money to charity.
I mean, absolutely. I hate gossipin’.
Where’s your friend, the guy you were with earlier?
Okay, uh…
Um, he… [laughs]
…is setting up a sex therapy clinic on campus.
[laughs] No, I know it sounds very weird, but, like, he has just got a gift for giving advice.
And he knows about O, right?
“O”?
Ooh, hi. Hi. Welcome.
Take a seat. How can I help you?
Sorry, I’m looking for O.
There is no need to apologize.
Many women struggle to reach orgasm. Please take a seat.
No, O, the other sex therapist.
[Otis] What?
[Eric panting]
Otis! Otis! Okay… [wheezing]
[girl screams] Oh!
Otis! No! Otis!
Eric. Eric!
Otis! Otis!
Sh!
Otis! Otis!
I think there is another sex therapist on campus.
What? That…
that’s what I was coming to tell you.
[grunts]
[girl] I know, really.
I’m just… I can’t help…
It is a lot!
…going out with…
[crying]
[door closes]
Okay, he is obviously a hack.
Probably just taking people’s money, like Sex King.
I need to… I need to tell him to shut it down.
Disgusting.
[yelps] Oh my God, Otis! Look, free cookies.
Actually, they’re carob bites.
What’s your name?
Timothy.
Timothy. Nobody was asking you.
…isn’t just sex, right?
[girl] What?
[boy] Yeah.
Okay, what’s this?
You need an appointment if you want to speak to O.
You need an appointment to change your attitude.
[Eric] Look. Oh my God.
There’s a free slot Friday at 12:00.
Yeah. That’s four days away.
Yeah, well, I guess he’s very popular, Oatcake.
[yelps]
Otis!
I’ve just had a cancelation. Would you like to come in?
He’s a she.
Mmm.
[whispers] She knows your name.
Come in, Otis.
[new age music playing]
I saw you handin’ out flyers about your new clinic.
Seems you wanna set up a similar thing to me, so I thought it might be good to chat.
Yeah. Uh… well, I was wondering what your setup is here.
Well, I just talk to people, offer my advice.
Please, take a wee seat.
[Otis] Uh…
Yeah, get yourself comfy.
Thanks.
Ah…
[grunts]
Sorry.
I’m not… I’m not a very natural floor sitter.
So, when did you come up with all this, then?
[chuckles] I started off making little videos about sex and relationships, and I put them online.
And then, I discovered the joy of connecting to people face-to-face.
Mmm.
You’ve got a little stain on your back.
It’s sick. My mum’s just had a baby.
Oh,
Congratulations. I’m a big fan of your mum’s work.
That must be quite an adjustment for you, though. Having a newborn at home.
Is she a single parent?
Well, yeah, but how… how did…
I just say it ’cause you seem tired.
Like you’ve been helpin’ out a lot at home.
Joy was… the baby was premature.
And my mum has gone through a breakup.
Now she wants to work again, which is crazy, because she is clearly overwhelmed.
And so I’m…
Worried?
Anyone you can ask for help?
[phone chimes]
You know, I’m not here to talk about my personal troubles.
We need to discuss the…
The, uh…
Is it bad news?
No. It’s the girl I’m seeing.
She’s in America. She’s coming home soon.
Ah.
Have you had a fight?
No.
Uh, I mean… I mean, I don’t know.
She sent me a text, and I didn’t respond, and now she’s annoyed at me.
But can we please just get back to talking about…
Why didn’t you respond?
It just seems a bit dickish to leave her waiting.
She wanted me to send a nude. That’s illegal if you’re under 18.
I would not survive in prison.
Interestin’.
And is that the only reason why you haven’t replied?
Well, I did take some pictures, and I wasn’t very happy with the way I looked in them.
Okay, well, many men struggle with body image.
Taking photographs can feel confronting, but could it be that you’re afraid?
Maybe you’re afraid of allowing yourself to be intimate when you’re not sure when she’s coming back, or if she’s coming back at all?
She is coming back.
Okay.
Well, I don’t think it’s viable to have two sex therapy clinics.
[bell rings]
Otis, I’m afraid that’s actually all we have time for today.
Um, no. No, because this was not an appointment.
We need to discuss what we’re gonna do about our clinics.
I was here first, so I don’t really have to do anything.
Well, I’m the original sex therapist, so…
The original?
You have clearly stolen my idea.
I haven’t stolen anything, Otis.
Women do have brains of their own. But good luck with your clinic.
I hope it works out for you. Thanks for droppin’ in.
[mysterious music playing]
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
Did you tell her she was a hack?
[stammers] Hmm. Okay.
What?
Oh my God! She has got thousands of followers.
[Otis] Well, then.
Hey, everyone. O here.
Thanks for joining me again on this week’s episode of Myth Busters, where we’re gonna talk about the hymen.
Popping your cherry.
I wanna make it clear that there is no such thing as popping your cherry.
Wow!
She’s just like you!
[grumbles]
Except she’s doin’ it on a much bigger and better scale.
…which comes in all shapes and sizes…
And she’s like…
She’s famous.
She’s stolen my idea.
Mmm, I dunno. She has had a page for a while now.
And her advice wasn’t even that helpful.
She said I’m afraid to send Maeve my nudes because I’m scared she’s not coming back.
Ah! When is she comin’ back?
I don’t know. That’s not the point, Eric. I’m not… I’m not scared of anything.
In fact, I’m going to send my nudes right now.
Oh my gosh. Ooh la la.
Not that one.
[sent notification beeps]
How do you feel?
So chill.
Really chill.
Where are you going?
To tell people about my clinic.
Wait. Wait!
Because public speaking isn’t your strong suit.
Do you remember your party?
Otis, I think that you just need to think about this.
She is not stealing my clinic.
[girl]…chocolate or cotton.
A healthy environment needs bees.
And without bees, we’d all be…
I’m gonna go next.
…dead.
I love bees.
Just remember to talk slowly. And don’t dance, okay?
Okay. [exhales]
Never dance.
Okay.
[chuckles]
[clears throat]
Um… [clears throat]
Hi. Hi, I’m Eric.
I’m Eric.
That’s Otis.
[Otis] Hello!
[clears throat] Hi, everyone. Um, I’m Otis Milburn.
I’m new here. I’m with the whole Moordale Secondary team.
Yeah!
Thank you.
I wanted to let you know a little bit about myself.
So, uh, I’m 17 years old, and I spend a lot of my free time thinkin’ about sex.
In fact, I live and breathe sex all day, every day.
[laughter]
I think he’s doing, like, a sex addict confession thing.
Okay. Now, then. That came out wrong.
Uh… [chuckles]
What I meant to say is… [clears throat]
…thinking about sex comes very naturally to me because I learned everything I know about sex from my mum.
Jesus.
Oh.
[girl] This is dark.
[boy] Jesus.
We’re here for you.
You’re brave for sharing.
No. Wait, no.
That’s not what I… Please, no, don’t clap.
No, no, no. No, no.
[boy] Yeah!
I’m not in a sexual relationship with my mother.
I know that’s what it sounded like. I’m not. I promise. That’d be… ugh!
But I am interested in the subject because of her and what she gives me…
For goodness’ sake! Just tell them you’re a sex therapist!
Yes, I am.
Okay. Okay. I’m gonna start again.
[laughs]
I am a student sex therapist.
And what I was trying to say before is that I learned to be a good therapist because I grew up with my mum, who is also a sex therapist.
It’s my calling.
I have decided to set up my clinic here and share my knowledge with you all.
Hmm? [chuckles]
Micro USB. Yes, very nice.
Thank you. Ooh, it worked. Ta-da!
We have a sex therapist already.
I know you do.
And I don’t know how, but she has stolen my idea.
And between me and O, you should come to me, because I am the original and the best.
What do you mean she stole it?
[phone chimes]
Well, she…
Um…
I’ll get back to you. One sec. Go away, text.
[all gasp]
Aah. Aaah!
[Eric] Oh my God!
[Otis] That’s not me! [laughs]
Wow! Okay.
Thank you for listening. I’m Otis. I’m a sex therapist…
I…
[phone] Bluetooth connected.
Bluetooth? Oh my God!
[laughter]
[Otis screams]
Oh my God. Okay. Cover your eyes.
Cover your eyes!
[Otis] Go away! Stop!
Why is his penis flaccid?
Go away. Oh God. [chuckles]
Why are his pubes shaved like that?
[laughing]
Cover your eyes.
[yelps] Stop! Don’t look.
That’s… incredibly embarrassing.
Please. Uh…
Oh!
Oh God.
Can someone help turn off the projector?
For the love of God, please. Quickly. Quickly.
[moaning]
Thank you, Bee Lady. Thanks for listening.
And I’ll see you at my clinic. Hopefully.
Jesus Christ.
[rock music playing]
[Eric] Wait for me!
Otis!
[yelps] Tell me those photos didn’t send to Maeve.
[gasps] Get inside. Sit down.
They didn’t.
Hallelujah. Hallelujah, praise the Lord.
Did that really just happen?
Yes.
[groans]
Is everyone talking about me?
Yes, but this college is weird.
Nobody’s saying anything mean.
They all just feel sorry for you.
Oh God!
Why was your penis flaccid?
People are more into pictures of hard dicks.
Erect just felt aggressive.
Also, why were your pubes shaved in that strange pattern?
Why was the camera so far away, Oatcake?
I just…
I over-shaved the right. And I was trying to capture natural light.
I can’t believe this is happening.
No one’s gonna come and have therapy with Creepy Pube Man.
[knocking]
Hi, I need a therapy session.
Uh, come in.
[Cal] Ahem.
[both chuckle]
Oh, uh, yes, I will go.
[Cal] Oh.
I will go. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
Have a good session.
Oh, God bless you.
[Cal] Ahem.
Ahem.
Ah. Um…
How can I help you?
I just had an orgasm.
Um, good for you.
It wasn’t great. It was very strange.
It happened now, in the middle of college, after I saw your photos.
[chuckles] Uh, well, I’m flattered.
No, I don’t think you understand.
I’m not remotely attracted to you. And your nudes were profoundly unsexy.
Valid.
I started taking testosterone six months ago.
The doctor warned me it could feel like a second puberty.
But now I’m horny all the time.
Like, everything turns me on. I jerked off twice this morning.
Art class made me feel like I was gonna get off, and then I saw your penis, and… boom.
Fu…
Of course.
Inexplicably, I came. So, I don’t know.
I don’t wanna stop taking T, but I feel like… I’m losing control, and I don’t wanna be walkin’ around, coming… all the time.
[sighs]
Well, spontaneous orgasms are rare, but they’re not unheard of, and it can happen to anyone.
It definitely doesn’t happen to everyone who takes testosterone.
And puberty makes us feel out of control and unusually aroused.
It sounds like you’re describing how it feels to be a teenage boy.
[laughs] Really?
Yeah. And believe me, I have had my fair share of poorly timed orgasms, and they are uncomfortable and embarrassing.
Mmm.
But I promise it doesn’t last forever.
Um…
So I’m just like a horny teenage boy? [laughs]
I thought I was disgusting.
No.
And I know it’s hard, but you should try and enjoy the journey.
It’s an opportunity to get to know yourself and your body better.
[laughs]
Thank you, Otis.
Can I ask why you decided to come and speak with me?
You showed your flaccid penis to the whole college, so I figured you wouldn’t judge me.
[upbeat music playing]
[sighs]
[Cal] Hey.
[Jackson] Yeah, I think it’s down there.
Wow. You’re really not over them.
I’m workin’ on it, all right?
Anyway, neither of us have time to date. This year is make or break, okay?
[girl] Yeah, exactly!
Hey.
Hi!
Did you get your tablet fixed?
Yeah, I fixed me.
Um, sorry. I… I fixed it.
Hey, I’m Beau.
Jackson.
I’ll send you those notes on Dolly.
Oh.
What’s your last name?
Um, it’s…
Vivienne Odusanya. See you in class tomorrow.
See you in class tomorrow.
[Beau chuckles]
What was that about make or break?
[chuckles]
Wow. Vivienne Odusanya.
I’ll see you in class tomorrow.
This close.
[door slams]
[Jean] How was school?
It was… terrible.
There is another student doing therapy, and they’ve got a bloody channel with loads of videos and followers.
It just made my whole thing feel pathetic.
You’re not even listening.
I’m sorry.
I got the job!
They want me to start right away.
Which I know is not ideal, but…
Who is gonna look after Joy?
Well, it’s an early evening show.
So I thought I could take her to the studio sometimes, and sometimes you could watch her.
Mum, we are struggling as it is.
I’ve just started college. I really don’t think it’s a good idea…
Where’s Joy?
Where’s Joy? Where?
I just got home, Mum.
[Jean] Oh! Oh!
[Otis] What do you mean, where’s Joy?
Joy!
[cooing]
[running footsteps]
[panting]
[chuckles]
[sighs]
Whew. I must have put her to bed.
I completely forgot.
Panic over.
[walking downstairs]
[Joy babbling]
[sighs]
Hey, I am worried about Mum.
[“Rain or Shine” by Five Star playing]
Ah! Devastating.
[Beatrice] Eric!
Uh-huh?
The new pastor was asking me why you’re not baptized at church today.
I think you should do his course.
Oh!
Apparently, he’s very progressive.
Mum, we have already spoken about this, and you know I’m not sure.
Okay? Ohhh!
Please, Eric. All the girls are baptized.
So what?
You’re the only one left.
[sighs]
It’d mean so much to me and your grandma.
[laughs]
♪ Storm or sun ♪
♪ You’re the only one… ♪
Okay.
I’ll think about it.
Oh, Mum, um, what time was I born?
Ah!
Ah?
Who have you been speaking to?
No one.
Hmm.
♪ It’s forever, not a year and a day… ♪
[phone chimes]
♪ Rain… ♪
No way.
♪ Shine… ♪
♪ Rain… ♪
Oh! [laughing]
Thank you, Black Jesus.
♪ Fantasy come true ♪
♪ Rain ♪
♪ Rain or shine ♪
♪ Or shine ♪
Adam didn’t start at Cavendish today.
No.
He’s decided he doesn’t want to continue with school.
Why didn’t he tell me?
[sighs] Michael.
He’s scared of you.
I am working on myself.
I’m doing therapy.
Well, I’m glad to hear it.
But if you want Adam to tell you things, you have to start making an effort with him.
[sighs]
[front door closes]
[keys jangling]
[door closes]
[bell ringing]
[snorts]
[phone rings]
You ignored me all day. I feel like an idiot.
I’m sorry. I didn’t handle it well. And I should have texted.
I think I’m scared to make myself vulnerable when I don’t know you’re coming back.
Why wouldn’t I come back?
It sounds like you’re having a really great time over there.
I am, but it’s also hard being away from home.
And I miss you. A lot.
Yeah. I miss you too.
I am coming home.
Well…
I don’t think that photos are my thing.
But maybe we could try something else.
Okay. What did you have in mind?
I don’t know. Um…
[laughs] Oh, I’m terrible at this kind of thing.
[chuckles] It’s okay.
Mmm…
What are you thinking about right now?
I’m thinking about you being here with me.
And, uh… I’m taking my trousers off.
Hang on a minute.
Um…
And I’m in my pants.
Hang on a second.
[buzzes]
You okay?
What are you doing?
[“Forever in Sunset” by Ezra Furman playing]
I’m imagining you here with me.
[sighing]
And I’m taking off your clothes, and I’m touching you.
Where are you touching me?
Your face.
And your mouth.
Are you kissing me?
Yeah.
Where?
On your lips.
[gasps]
And down your neck.
[sighs] Are you touching yourself?
Yeah. Are you?
Yeah.
♪ You got into my car ♪
♪ “I don’t care what you are” ♪
♪ Is what you said to me back then… ♪
[both moaning]
Oh!
♪ I told you in my car ♪
♪ I told you I was trouble, man… ♪
[both panting]
[laughs]
♪ The summer of the crash ♪
♪ The winter of survival mode… ♪
Okay.
♪ You saw it in a flash ♪
♪ We’re entering survival mode… ♪
It must be getting late for you.
Yeah.
It is.
What are you doing tonight?
Um…
[phone alarm sounds]
Oh shit. I better go.
I’m grabbing pizza with Tyrone.
Who’s Tyrone?
I’ve told you about him, haven’t I?
He’s on my course. He’s very smart and funny.
We get on really well. We hang out a lot ’cause Ellen and Chris keep hooking up.
Nice. He sounds… sounds great.
Have fun.
Thanks.
Night.
[hangs up]
♪ I said you never learn ♪
♪ You signaled as you turned ♪
♪ Onto the wrong and binding road ♪
Tyrone.
♪ Do you remember When we thought the world was ending? ♪
♪ Seems funny now ♪
♪ The future is a text message sending ♪
♪ Out, out, out ♪
♪ I live forever in sunset ♪
♪ An ending not quite done yet ♪
♪ Some people don’t understand that ♪
♪ You thought you understood ♪
♪ When you said you believed in me ♪
♪ I didn’t think to ask The tank was full of gas ♪
♪ Pulled onto highway 93 ♪
♪ The sun was in your eyes ♪
♪ You thought you could believe in me ♪
