Resident Alien
Season 3 Episode 3
Episode Title: 141 Seconds
Original release date: February 28, 2024 (Syfy)
Plot summary: Harry accompanies the Hawthornes to Yellowstone to find out what the Greys are up to.
* * *
[cooing]
Yeah.
[twinkling music box melody]
♪
Hi. My sweet girl. Hi. Oh, my sweet girl. Hi. My sweet girl.
[discordant alarm blares]
No.
[crying]
Ten more minutes, please! [tearfully] No! Come back!
[eerie music]
At least let me remember this time. Please, let me remember!
[Brown Bird’s “Bilgewater”]
[laid-back acoustic strumming]
♪
[bright music]
You had no business dragging Asta into your mess. You could have gotten her killed by that alien. What the hell were you thinking?
I can’t remember what the hell I was thinking with such an empty stomach. Should someone turn on the griddle?
That’s your problem. You don’t think of anyone but yourself.
That is not true. Other people will want pancakes. Also, I’m wearing a shirt and shoes. Where is my service?
Dad, yes, it was scary, but I chose to go.
She’s OK. I had her back, like I always do.
We were saved by a 12-year-old boy.
Not if I tell the story first.
I do not understand why they are so upset about Joseph nearly killing them. Every being must fight to survive. Moths camouflage themselves from predators. Cacti grow spikes. Humans are no exception. They forget they are surrounded by forces greater than themselves. Survival is never guaranteed.
I need to go. Me and my empty stomach need to go listen to the mayor complain about how his antidepressants are ruining his sex drive.
I think therapy is supposed to be confidential. Also, nasty.
I said “a mayor.” Some mayor from some other town, who hates it when Sheriff Mike whistles to get his attention. [chuckles]
[chuckles] Uh, well, some other mayor canceled therapy because they’re going on a family trip to Yellowstone.
[whispers] Yellowstone. Yellowstone!
[quirky music]
♪
OK, now, we didn’t get a match on the fingerprint, so we got to go back to what we do have. Now, tell me, what do you see here, Deputy?
Peter Bach driving the day he died and a mystery man in a plaid shirt next to him.
OK, well let me introduce you to our unsub, Mr. Plaid, right? Look how he’s sitting… upright, prepared. And what does that suggest? I’ll give you a hint. It begins with the letter M.
Military.
Mime.
That was my second guess.
A mime is a undervalued physical discipline. Their posture’s active even when they sitting still, and you don’t ever hear ’em coming. We might be looking at a killer mime.
Or, thinking outside the invisible box, what if he were military but served a long time ago, which could explain why we didn’t get a hit on his prints, because of a backlog of military archives?
Now, that’s true, but there’s just one problem. There’s no mimes in the military. They got “Don’t talk, don’t tell.”
Well, let’s take our chances. We need inside access. You want to try your military connections?
No, I don’t want to leave a trail. Joseph served. We can have him look into it, but he didn’t come in today.
Well, we should talk to Detective Torres. She has connections with every three-letter agency there is.
Nice try, Deputy. Think you’re gonna make a phone call and trick us into getting back together? [chuckles] Not a chance.
It’s ringing. Voicemail. Hi, Detective. It’s Deputy Baker, over in Patience. We were wondering if you could help us with a print we’re trying to nail down. We’ve had no luck with AFIS. And by we, I mean me, definitely not the Sheriff, because he has his own life and he’s really… horny? Really happy. I mean, he’s happy. OK, then. Call me back.
Have you tried writing with your other hand?
[scoffs]
I’m sure…
Oh! Well, well, well! Hello, Sheriff.
[chuckles]
Came to turn myself in, since I broke a few laws last night. [laughs]
[laughs] Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey. All right.
Mwah!
Oh, dear God.
Oh, so Mike?
Mm-hmm?
Uh, I would like for you to please meet my mom. This is April.
Hi.
Doesn’t she like so sexy? Look at that ass. Show him that ass. [Laughs] Everyone thinks that we’re sisters, so…
Oh.
People are shocked to hear that she’s 14 years older than me.
Mm! I bet they are.
I’ve heard a lot about you, Sheriff.
Hmm?
My daughter tells me everything. Everything. Everything.
[laughs]
Gross.
So Mikey?
Mm-hmm?
I wanted to invite you to my birthday dinner this weekend, which will be so much more fun with my very special plus-one.
Oh! Don’t we have that other thing this weekend?
No, we do not.
Mm!
At dinner, we talk about her dowry. You drove her off the lot. You got to pay for it.
Oh!
[Laughter]
Ooh!
It’s spicy margarita!
[laughs]
Spicy mama-Rita!
Yeah, that’s… [laughs] OK.
OK.
Mm-hmm.
So you’ll call me?
Yeah. You want to go to a party Saturday night?
No, I do not.
Mm, ah.
Now, go put the rest of your stuff in your backpack, OK?
Why are we going to Yellowstone in the winter? It’s freezing there.
Winter is the best time to go anywhere. Seasonal depression increases suicide rates, so fewer people are traveling. We are going to have the whole park to ourselves. It’s going to be great! Give you a chance to clear your head, massage, rest, fresh start.
Hey, Dr. Vanderspeigle.
I heard you’re taking a trip to Yellowstone. I will be joining you.
Oh, uh, well, it’s actually sort of a family holiday…
Yeah. Family. I had a family once. Two loving parents. They promised to take me to Yellowstone to play with the yellow stones. I dreamed of us being there together in… I want to say nature?
Mm-hmm?
But the day we were supposed to leave, they died.
♪
That’s the story. They died. It was sad. They’re both dead.
Oh, yes, yes. That is so sad.
Yeah.
Mm.
Maybe we should bring a doctor with us, just in case.
Uh, I think there are doctors in Yellowstone.
Mm-hmm.
What if you get in a car accident on the way there? You both die on impact. Max is left alone, hungry. He has to eat the dead flesh of his parents. If I’m there, he could eat me.
Not really sure how you being a doctor factors in there.
OK, you know what? It’s… it’s fine. You can come with us. Yeah.
Ben’s alien abductions are obviously leading him to something at Yellowstone, and I will be right there to discover what it is.
Shotgun!
Oh.
♪
[bright music]
[phone ringing]
Yellowstone Hotel, please hold.
This is nice. It’s very charming.
Yeah, definitely more relaxing than a car ride with Harry reciting every single “Law and Order” episode from memory.
Yeah.
OK, we’re alone. Now, you can tell me why you’re here.
But I haven’t finished yet! Then Lennie Briscoe says, “Well, life is short.” [chuckles] Because he was short. Also, he was dead. I forgot that part.
Come on. You owe me. I convinced them to let you come.
OK, I will tell you why I am here.
To follow your father to the Greys’ secret headquarters.
To… enjoy this cartoon raccoon.
[quirky music]
A raccoon?
What powers the thousands of geysers and hot springs here at Yellowstone? Heat from the volcanic magma chamber beneath your feet!
[display poofs] Ouch! That’s hot!
That was worth the drive.
I read about your hot stone massages online. Can I book one of those here?
Oh, I’m so sorry. Our massage studio is closed.
What?
Oh.
No, no. I read about it, um, on the website. It says that it’s open year-round.
It is, but we just had a snowstorm, and our massage therapist can’t get down to the hotel.
Plow won’t get up there for a while. What’s the plow situation with your manicurist?
You’re in luck. I do the manicures.
Ah!
Oh! Pierced.
You know what? Actually, I think I’m just gonna probably be wearing my mittens.
I’ll see you upstairs, honey.
Mm.
Do you want to see?
That is really neat. How do you get it through the nail like that?
[ethereal music]
[echoing baby crying]
♪
[breathing rapidly]
Mm.
[sighs]
Hey, you OK? Hey.
Yeah.
Crying baby next-door woke me up. Can you hear it?
Mm-mm. No, I don’t think so.
[eerie music]
♪
♪ I’ll come along and butter your part, baby ♪
♪ Don’t chew your bread without me ♪
♪ Don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t
♪ Don’t chew
♪ Your bread without me
[scattered applause]
Hey, D’Arce.
Hmm?
Hey?
Oh. Hey, Liv.
I need to talk to you about something.
Is this about who made the big snow penis outside Town Hall?
What?
What?
No. I need your help ID-ing a suspect. You see a ton of people come through here. I thought you might recognize who’s in the passenger seat.
[dramatic music[
♪
No, I’ve definitely never seen this guy before. Not ever, never. Did you know that “never” is short for “not ever”? I feel like I maybe made that up. Anyway, I haven’t seen him.
What about the shirt? Is it familiar?
It’s Colorado. The people here are practically made of plaid.
[chuckles]
Did that guy just leave and forget his martini shaker? Yep. It’s definitely his. I’m just gonna…
Heyo.
Hey.
I couldn’t help but overhear, because I was listening.
Oh.
I hope the case isn’t too dangerous.
Oh.
‘Cause I worry about Mike, you know? Cop’s old lady. You know how it is. It’s like…
Nope.
Every time the phone rings, is this gonna be the call? It’s scary. Hey, I need you to give him a message from me.
OK.
[chuckles] Oh.
[upbeat music]
♪
[chuckles]
♪
Hey. How was your date the other night? It didn’t look like it was going so well.
Yeah, not good. Uh, he was barely human.
OK. Well, good. I’m glad. Because that means you might be free Saturday. There’s a scare-a-thon double horror feature. I thought we could go together.
Yes! I’d love that. Except I have to work a double Saturday. Shoot. I’m sorry.
That’s OK. Um, no worries. Another time.
OK. Thanks for asking.
Jay! Oh, my God! Get in here! You guys hanging out? I love that for us. I’d love to join, but I can’t. I gotta take a rain check. Sorry.
All right.
We got a code red.
Whoa! Maybe don’t say that. A lot of things happen when someone yells that here.
[soft dramatic music]
Mike and Liv are onto Harry for the alien tracker’s murder.
What?
Yeah. Liv has a picture of him in the van. Well, not all of him, but his shirt. You know Liv. She’ll just go closet to closet to closet till she finds it.
Oh, God. We need to warn Harry. Oh, shit, he’s out of town. Um… I will call him.
Are you crazy?
Hey! Whoa, hey! What are you doing? Oh, my God! No, no, no! No!
Look, I’m covering your ass. If Harry’s in the crosshairs for this investigation, they’ll subpoena his phone. They’ll see your text messages, and then they’ll subpoena your phone, and then bam! You’ll go down with him.
You do know that the police don’t need the actual phone to retrieve digital records on it, right?
That’s a good point.
[knocking]
I think someone’s in the closet.
Well, that’s the connecting door to the room we’re not using because nobody from our family is in that room.
[knocking]
Not using that door!
This one is closer!
Nope, uh, that door is the family door, OK? I will meet you at the normal person door.
[knocking intensely]
God!
[quirky music]
I broke a nail! I… I would like to trade these disgusting fruit teas for some coffee. There is none in my room.
You, uh, feeling a bit of a draft there?
Yes, yes. The cold air on my underparts keeps my scrotum taut.
OK, well, I don’t really want to know what’s going on with your scrotum. Would you mind closing your robe, please?
Mm.
Uh, we don’t have any coffee in here either. One of the trucks got snowed in, along with half of the staff because apparently this is the first winter it’s ever snowed here.
There is fresh coffee in the lobby, though, so…
I will go get coffee once I know what we are doing for the day.
Uh, we?
Oh, I cannot be alone! I’m sad again because of dead parents. May they rest in one piece.
That is sad. How did they die?
Max, be nice. I’m sorry. Dr. Vanderspeigle, of course. Of course, you can come with us. You know, I was thinking that we could try snowshoeing.
No. Ben needs to decide. Here.
Oh, um…
Let your intuition be your guide. Tell your intuition to be specific.
Uh…
How about a snow cat tour?
Yeah.
That did not sound like Ben’s voice.
OK, why don’t we just do Old Faithful? That’s a great place to start.
Sure. Old Faithful.
Wait, are you saying that because your wife said it or because you want to do it?
I want to do it because Kate said it, and I like it when she’s happy.
That’s an awful way to live. Close your eyes. Close them shut.
Mm.
What do you see?
A beam in an old barn, and I am putting my head through a circle made of rope.
Honey.
I already said Old Faithful.
[grunts]
Cool.
Sounds fun.
I’m excited.
I’m exhausted.
[soft dramatic music]
OK, the coast is clear.
OK, thank you, Dad. I told you you didn’t have to come. It’s just Harry’s cabin. It’s safe.
We don’t know that. The guy had a Grey Hybrid after him. Who knows what’s coming for him today? Plus, he nicked my fishing pole. I want it back.
OK.
How does an alien even afford a cabin on the lake? More importantly, who gets it when he goes home or, you know, when the bat alien…
Can we focus, please? OK? Mike and Liv are probably on their way already, looking for that plaid shirt.
[sighs] I mean…
Ooh.
Ha! [Chuckles] What’s he, the Brawny paper towel man?
Whoa. Look at all that plaid. OK, what color was it?
Picture was black and white.
[quirky music]
Looks like we’re gonna have to burn them all.
Planets are alive.
[soaring orchestral music]
On Planet Earth, volcanoes, forest fires, and earthquakes are just some of it’s natural processes.
♪
They are all necessary for Earth’s survival, even if they take out a few million people now and then.
[cheers and applause]
♪
Water fills the chamber beneath the geyser, and eventually, the water becomes hot enough to vaporize, triggering the massive eruption.
Hey! Where you been? You missed it.
Oh, that’s OK. I saw it on TV once. I think.
The mayor obviously does not care about this. As I feared, Old Faithful is not what drew him here.
Hey, Dad, where did you get that hat?
Oh, you like it? I just bought it off a guy back there.
You bought a hat off a stranger?
Well, not just any hat. It’s Sullivan Gravel Company. They’ve been around for, like, 70 years.
But was it on his head?
You’re missing the point. Gravel is one of the most important building materials in the whole world.
Gravel is big dirt.
Much more complex than that. Without gravel, we couldn’t live.
I prefer not living to this conversation. Let me look at your map. Is there anywhere on here you feel like going next?
How about a shower?
My head is getting a little itchy. This thing might be wool.
Uh, maybe it just came off a stranger’s head.
That is why the mayor was compelled to come here… Sullivan Gravel.
[dramatic music]
Still no sign of Mr. Plaid?
Nothing. I’ve seen Ms. Polka Dot, Professor Ugly Boots, and I just got a real good look at Deputy Can’t Park.
I only hit the curb once, and it was just because I was distracted by a pigeon with a limp. Poor thing. And then I almost hit the pigeon.
Don’t worry about limping pigeons. Over time, they’ve developed the ability to fake ankle injuries to get more bread from people. It’s sad. It used to be such a proud bird. Oh, and I saw your grandma.
Nana? Where?
No, no. Calm down, Deputy. She’s gone. Sure moves fast for an old lady, more like a skitter.
[phone ringing]
Hi, Lena. Yeah. Uh-huh. He’s good. He’s here right now. He farted earlier.
What the…
I know, but he looks so cute in that sweater you got him.
[quirky music]
I appreciate it. Talk soon. Yes! She has a contact that can run the print through a more comprehensive military database.
Good. That’s good. [clears throat]
I’m sorry she didn’t ask about you.
No, no, it’s fine. I don’t care about that, so long as the case is moving forward.
You made the paper, Deputy.
“To protect and serve?” Question mark? It’s always that question mark that’s the killer.
Oh, no. The reporter saw my interview in the alien documentary.
Ugh.
“Deputy Olivia Baker’s obsession with UFOs isn’t contained to her off-duty life. Photos online show Baker in uniform, posing with the late Peter Bach, a popular alien conspiracy theorist. There is no telling what UFO conspiracies. Baker might be using our tax dollars to investigate”?
“Olivia is a lar and has been a liar her whole life, says source close to Baker.” Jesus, this is bad. He even hinted at our secret investigation. Listen, Deputy, if I have taught you one thing, it’s that this job is all about control.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
And you’re a master of control?
Well, I mean, more of a Jedi, but I’m working towards master.
Wow. Well, guess who this is from, Jedi?
Ooh! OK. Uh, in my defense, I was drunk, and, and she smelled like vanilla. I don’t mean vanilla perfume. I mean, like a damn cake, and it just caught me off guard, and I was so hungry. I know! Look, I like Judy. I mean, she’s cute and kooky, and actually, she’s really sweet in her own kind of weird way, but yes, no, I should not have… have done that.
♪
I’m gonna… I’ma write her back, and just… you know what? I am going to talk to her in-person.
Mm-hmm.
‘Cause… just because.
[Gillian Welch’s “Everything Is Free]”
[mellow acoustic music]
♪
Hey. Hot chocolate. Ooh, very hot.
Mm, thanks.
♪ Everything is free
♪ That’s what they say
♪ Everything I ever done
I’m glad I know.
Huh?
About Harry. I don’t want you to have to do all this alone anymore.
♪ Someone hit the big score ♪
♪
Thank you. [chuckles] Let’s take turns. It is so cold. I can take over for a bit.
No, hey.
♪
No, I got it.
OK. Oh, that… one wasn’t plaid.
Oh, yeah, I just… I really hate that one.
[laughs] Sorry, Harry.
There it goes.
[chuckles]
♪
♪ I can get a tip jar
Can you believe this? All this stuff is from the diner. Two plates, three coffee cups… I mean, who steals a coffee pot?
[chuckles] I used to think Harry didn’t know how the world works, and now I just think he’s klepto.
Why don’t you just sit down and relax, or go out and enjoy the fire?
I have to get rid of any sign of the alien tracker. He could have drank from one of these. Who knows?
♪ Never minded working hard ♪
Dad?
Sit.
♪
OK.
Relax.
♪ That’s what they say
[sighs]
♪ Everything I ever done
When I first got back from Vietnam, I just always felt like there was some emergency I had to get to. I existed in a world of chaos and dread. Trauma. And the strange thing is, I was comfortable there.
♪ Gonna do it anyway
I’m sorry, Dad. That sounds awful.
Jimmy’s gone from your life now, and you’ve got me and D’Arcy and that general to help you with that alien. You can breathe easy. So what does life look like for Asta when she’s not in crisis mode?
♪
[tense music]
♪
These gravel workers are all in excellent physical shape and very good-looking. One thing I know about attractive humans is they do not work the night shift. They work in the light, so everyone can enjoy them. No, these are not humans. They are…
Hi, Harry!
[both screaming]
[screams] Wha…
[soft dramatic music]
[grunts]
How did you get here?!
Alien Tracker? Alien? Tell me what’s going on. You still owe me.
I owe you? You would be an exhibit in a zoo on my planet if I hadn’t brought you back.
And you’d be dead in a Grey alien trap if I hadn’t saved you.
Oh, I see, tits for tats. You play well. You have good tits.
Inappropriate.
Fine. I have made a discovery. Do you see those workers over there?
Yeah? They all look like toothpaste models.
Yes. Exactly. Because they are Grey Hybrids.
They’re half-electric?
No! They are alien hybrids! That means they are half-human and half-alien. The hybrids are gravitating to that trailer, and I need to find out why. You stay here.
I want to help.
Fine. You can help with one thing.
OK.
[dramatic music]
Peel this orange. When I get back, I’ll eat it.
[relaxed acoustic music playing]
♪
Nice try. Keep it moving, pal. I’m spoken for.
♪
Ooh! And that’s who’s doing the speaking! Hey, my guy!
Hey! Hey!
I saved you a seat.
Oh.
It’s the one on this stool.
[chuckles] Oh!
[laughs]
Could, uh… could we have a word?
It’s my butt.
[laughs] Your butt, OK. I know. Uh, in the back?
Yeah, I do that, too.
[laughs] Oh, that’s good. Can we talk in– in the back?
Oh! Yeah.
Yeah?
Sure, OK.
Let’s do that.
Yes, indeed.
[laughter]
After me.
[sighs]
So, uh… I’m sorry, but I can’t make it to your birthday dinner. And, um, don’t get me wrong. The other night was a lot of fun, but I’m just not looking to get involved with anyone.
Oh. Totally, me neither. So what did you think, we were gonna, like, buy a house together or something?
[laughs] Well, I guess not.
A little ranch-style, you know, two-bedroom with a tree in the yard and, you know, somewhere to sit and maybe some squirrels for Kevin and Cletus to chase?
[laughs] No! Not us!
So dumb.
[laughs] Oh.
Oh, JuJu.
Oh, whew! I was nervous. I’m glad you understand.
Yeah.
And I hope you have a very happy birthday.
Thanks.
OK?
Yeah.
All right.
Thanks.
♪
[melancholic music]
♪
You want to talk about it?
Talk about what?
♪
Oh, I’m… the party was just, like, a stupid idea anyway. I’m just gonna call my mom and tell her to cancel it. I totally don’t care.
♪
[crying] I feel so stupid.
♪
I just… you know. When is it gonna be my turn?
♪
[inhales sharply]
[soft dramatic music]
♪
Just as I suspected, a secret entrance.
♪
A portal! It must lead directly to the Greys’ ship.
♪
[tense music]
♪
[electricity crackles]
[pained grunting]
Someone here ask for an orange?
Is that a catchphrase?
I’m trying it out.
Well, it’s not very good. Let’s enjoy the moment. You did your job. Now, fall back. That means go back to the car.
[soft dramatic music]
♪
[sighs]
♪
♪
The Gravel Company must be the Greys’ cover to hide what they’re really doing. Whatever their plan is, it is a massive operation. It clearly has been in progress for decades.
[dramatic music]
♪
[microwave beeping]
Oh. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Hot.
What’s that?
Well, the spa may be closed, but I can still give you a nice hot-stone massage. Found ’em outside.
Oh, Ben. That’s very… I’m sorry, what is that smell?
Mm, not sure if these are all rocks.
Does Yellowstone have turtles?
You microwaved a turtle?
No. I microwaved a rock that looks a lot like a turtle.
Oh, God.
[sighs] I’m sorry about this trip. It’s just been a disaster.
No.
Yeah, I just… I wanted to give you a break, just a chance to reset, and I blew it.
No, I’m glad you did. OK? A trip does not have to be perfect to be special. The important thing is we were all here together. Right?
Yeah.
[tender music]
And where is Max anyway?
Who knows? Arcade?
[baby crying]
OK, now you hear that, right?
Hear what?
[soft dramatic music]
♪
[baby crying]
♪
[baby crying]
♪
[echoing baby crying]
♪
At least let me remember this time! Let me remember!
[knocking]
Kate?
[banging]
What are you doing?
Is that your baby?
Yes.
Can I hold her?
No.
Please…
Come on. I’m so sorry. Come on.
The greatest force in the universe is entropy, the tendency toward chaos. Things fall apart. There is no extended warranty. Even if there were, it would still be a ripoff. But causing things to fall apart outside the natural order is just wrong. The Greys are not builders. They are destroyers. They are as shortsighted and selfish as humans, but even worse, because they are smarter. That is why I have to figure out why they want to store so much water underground. There must be some reason.
[kettle whistling]
♪
Son of a bitch!
[ominous music]
The Greys’ cavern is here. If they filled it completely with water, then connected it by a tunnel to the magma chamber, millions of gallons of water would suddenly heat up, and the pressure would turn the 2,000 square miles of Yellowstone National Park into the most destructive natural bomb in the history of the world.
What powers the thousands of geysers and hot springs here in Yellowstone? Heat from the volcanic magma chamber beneath your feet. Ouch! That’s hot! That’s so hot! Oh, my God! I’m burning alive. Oh! Ah!
[smooth jazz playing]
I found a store in Braddock that sells the exact plaid shirt from the video. They gave me a list of everyone who bought it, and six of them live in Patience. And guess what? The shirt was on sale, so I bought one for John.
Excellent work, but now, I’ve got to put John’s name on the suspect list. John might want to lawyer up.
Oh, God, it’s Nana.
Hi!
Is my tie straight?
Uh…
Fix it.
OK, I’m trying.
Fix it!
OK!
Nana! Hi. Doing a… a little shopping?
Well, let’s see. I got a shopping bag. Oh, could I be shopping? [Laughs]
Uh, it’s good seeing you again, Miss Patty. I’ll go warm up the truck.
Nope.
Oh, is this one giving you a hard time since she became a big shot? Picture in the paper, just like Princess Margaret.
Oh, you read the article?
Of course I read the article, Liv. I was interviewed for it. Not that they gave me any credit.
So you’re the unnamed source? You called me a liar, Nana.
I did not. I called you a fantasist. I said you were always making stuff up and your relationship with reality was tenuous at best.
That seems worse.
For Pete’s sake, fix your uniform. You can’t expect to get any respect if you’re walking around town like you’re the cheapest girl in the whorehouse. Right, Sheriff? [Chuckles]
Bye, Nana. She’s so funny.
[melancholic music]
♪
Oh, hey, it’s from Detective Torres. Her contact got a match on that print from the van. Dr. Wendy Beasley, retired military chemist. You were right. Her prints were in the military archives.
Are you kidding me? We did it! We got a match! This is great news! [laughs]
[crying] I try so hard! [sobbing]
♪
It’s OK, Deputy.
So the Greys want to kill us all and take the planet for themselves?
Yes. I do not know why they are doing it. They cannot live long in Earth’s atmosphere or gravity.
So how long till it blows up?
Based on the amount of water it will take to fill the cavern, maybe a year.
I mean, a year is plenty of time to stop them, right?
I love a year. We could do a year.
Yes. I will stop the Greys from destroying the planet.
OK.
I can’t talk about the end of the world without dessert.
Thanks, Dad.
Uh… but I…
Harry’s gonna stop Yellowstone from blowing up.
What? No! I did not say that. I said I will stop the Greys from blowing it up. I cannot stop Yellowstone from blowing itself up.
I’m sorry, what?
The Yellowstone Caldera, it erupts every 600,000 years. The last time it erupted was 634,000 years ago. So, yes, that baby is crowning. [Laughs] Wouldn’t it be funny if I stopped the Greys, and then the caldera blew up right after?
[laughs] That would be funny.
Because of the timing. Comedy is all about…
[country music playing]
♪
The timing.
OK, yes. It’s a volcano. But without the Greys’ cave and the water thing, it won’t be as bad, right?
No, not as bad. The Earth will not be destroyed.
OK, good. It will kill millions of people, though, including all of you. I prefer it with the whipped cream. Mm.
[chuckles]
I’m not hungry for pie anymore.
I’ll take it. Do not be worried. In a few thousand years, the Earth will return to normal, reborn.
He’s right. The volcanoes are a big part of the cycle of things. They’ve been going on a lot longer than we have.
Yeah, but what are we supposed to do with this information?
What did you do with it before?
Not know it?
Well, just keep doing the only thing you know to do while you’re still alive. Live the best life you can.
A human lifespan can last 85 years, or more, if they are lucky. It might seem long to humans, but when compared to the age of Planet Earth, a human life would only be 141 seconds long.
♪ And I want all the world to know ♪
That is why it is important for them to live the best life they can, to be the best human they can…
[knocking]
Every day.
[screams] Oh, my goodness, I love you!
[Blue Rodeo’s “Lost Together”]
[laughs]
Hi!
[country rock music]
And appreciate the seconds they have with one another.
♪ Yeah, if we’re lost
♪
♪ We are lost together
You blew off work.
You think I’d miss watching you scream? Here.
♪
[screams]
[laughs] Shh!
Luckily for them, they will all get a little more time. I’m the only one who can stop the Greys, and I will not give up until I do.
[ethereal whirring]
[chirps]
You’re a Blue Avian!
OK. So I am from the Galactic Federation, and I’m here to inform you that you are being served.
Served? For what?
Among the charges, you broke galactic law when you did not honor your contract with the Greys to vacate the planet.
Mm.
So you are hereby ordered to leave Earth immediately. Honestly, dude, just go to the back and sign the last page. You are in big trouble.
Son of a bitch.
♪ And if we’re lost
♪
♪ Then we are lost together
♪
♪ Yeah, if we’re lost
♪ We are lost together
♪
♪ And if we’re lost
♪ Then we are lost together
♪ Together, together
