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Mr. & Mrs. Smith – S01E07 – Infidelity | Transcript

John & Jane's strained relationship hits a breaking point with infidelity and espionage, leading to a breakup and uncertain future
Mr. & Mrs. Smith - S01E07 - Infidelity

Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Season 1 Episode 7
Episode Title: Infidelity
Original release date: February 2, 2024 (Amazon Prime Video)

Plot summary: In Season 1, Episode 7 of “Mr. & Mrs. Smith,” the fracturing relationship between John and Jane Smith reaches a critical juncture, culminating in their breakup. Their marriage, already strained by the inherent conflicts and secrecy of their espionage careers, is further tested when Jane confronts Bev, a woman John has been emotionally entangled with. Despite Bev’s insistence that their relationship is platonic, it’s clear John seeks something with her he cannot find with Jane. The episode escalates with a confrontation revealing Bev as a rival agent, leading to a series of professional blunders by the Smiths. These events underscore their personal and professional turmoil, culminating in a decision that could end their partnership for good. The narrative weaves through themes of trust, betrayal, and the complexities of love within the high-stakes world of espionage, setting the stage for a finale filled with uncertainty and the potential for both professional and romantic reconciliation or final dissolution.

* * *

So, you two work together?

[Jane] John’s under the impression that our boss favors me.

[John] Well, he does.

He wanted you to replace me.

[Jane] So you’re mad that I saved the day?

I’m mad that you take all the credit every time.

Stop saying that! I take… I didn’t take the credit.

You know, I’m gonna take a shower.

[therapist] Where else are you feeling misaligned?

Kid stuff.

[Jane] John, you want

to bring kids into this life after a day like we had today?

[grunting]

You said it yourself. You wouldn’t be a good mom.

So don’t come here and talk that shit to me.

[therapist] What about working on… separate projects?

That could be good.

Mm-hmm.

♪ ♪

[grunting]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[computer chimes]

[inhales deeply]

[clears throat]

[John] Going out.

[door opens]

[door closes]

[sniffles]

[sighs]

[sniffles]

[doorbell rings]

[Jane] Shoes on, off?

[Bev] Uh, it’s what-whatever you prefer.

Uh, can I get you something to drink?

Tea? Coffee? Juice?

Yeah. Sure. Good.

Okay.

Uh, wh-wh-which one?

What?

Tea, coffee…

Oh, tea is good.

Sure.

[grunts]

Place is beautiful.

[Bev] Um, thanks. Thank you.

[sighs]

I wasn’t sure if you wanted, um, honey or…

[gun cocks]

Sit down.

Sit.

Down.

No, on the couch.

Couch.

[grunts]

Hold the cups.

Okay.

I’m gonna ask you some questions.

And I want you to answer them honestly.

All right.

Okay.

How long have you been seeing my husband?

We’re not seeing each other.

We met, uh… a month ago. I… met him at a bar and I invited him here.

What made you want to take him home?

Well, I-I didn’t.

Uh, not at first.

He was, he was wearing, uh, too much cologne.

But he was warm and not too forward.

And he was funny in-in a way that was self-aware, not goofy.

What did you guys do?

We, uh, we-we watched a movie.

[sniffles]

[exhales]

No, don’t swallow it, you-you have to… ex-expel the mucus, bring it out.

What?

Look, there-there are tissues… Oops!

I’m sorry, I’m just…

It’s fine.

I’m just a bit freaked out by…

Leave it.

All this.

Keep your hands on your lap.

Okay.

Movies. So that’s… that’s what you guys do together, you watch movies?

Yeah. Sometimes.

Mm-hmm.

Uh, or we-we drink and… smoke, talk.

We-we just hang out.

Did you guys, uh…

[clears throat]

Did you guys have sex?

No. No.

Okay. Um…

What do you know about John?

That’s a… That’s kind of a-a vague question.

Do you know what John does for work?

Yes.

Do you know what John really does for work?

Yes. I do.

What is that?

He’s, uh, he’s a spy.

And you knew about me?

Yes.

Great.

What has he told you about me?

Uh, that you… work closely together, um…

That you’re smart.

Really smart.

And pretty.

[sighs]

That you weren’t really his type at first…

Personality-wise.

Really?

How so?

You can be kind, but you’re not friendly.

Sometimes you’re nicer to your cat than you are to people.

Mm-hmm.

What else?

Come on, what do I have to do to…

What the fuck else?

Uh, he says that… it’s too much.

Working and living together.

And that your-your lives became very enmeshed very quickly.

Like, he regrets introducing you to yoga because he misses doing it alone.

[sniffles]

He says that you’re controlling.

Controlling how?

[sniffles]

You make him feel like a little boy.

Even in bed.

He says that… you don’t let him discover what you like on his own.

Isn’t that a good thing, though?

Uh, are-are you asking my opinion?

No, I’m asking… Fuck.

John. What does John think?

Does he think that’s a good thing? [sniffles]

I think that John… would love the chance to figure things out, that’s all.

So he’s unhappy.

He does say… that he wonders whether or not you guys are compatible.

But he also says he wants to be with you, incompatibly.

He says that a lot.

He does?

He does.

[sobbing]

I just…

It’s so fucking annoying.

Because he thinks… [sniffles]

I mean, he’ll always say, like, I’m smarter than him, and that he plays fucking dumb all the time when he knows better, you know?

He should know better.

Yeah.

But just… he uses it as an excuse. [sighs]

Yeah, I, uh…

I-I… I get that.

[sniffles]

[Jane chuckles]

[sniffles]

It’s, um…

That’s cool of you to just be so hon…

Just to be clear, we’re not bonding.

You have a gun on me.

I know.

Okay.

Um…

[doorbell rings]

That’s John.

What?

That’s John.

What would you like me to do?

P-Pick that shit up.

If you tell him I’m here, I’ll fucking kill you.

Okay? [sniffles]

[door opens]

[John] Hey.

[Bev] Hey.

[John] What’s up?

[Bev] How you doing?

[John] I’m good.

[Bev] Oh.

[both laugh]

What’s going on?

Smells good in here.

Really?

[chuckles]

Yeah.

You, uh… you were right about cashews.

They grow on trees.

Yeah.

Where did you think they came from?

I don’t know. I thought they, um… thought they grew in the ground like peanuts.

Oh, you stocked up.

Awesome.

Come here.

[singsongy] Come here.

Why?

Come here.

No. [chuckles]

Come on.

You come here.

I am coming here.

[Bev chuckles]

You got to meet me in the middle.

[Bev chuckles]

Come on.

[both chuckling]

Come here.

Thank you. Okay.

That’s sweet.

Yeah.

Who made that?

Uh, the top? Uh…

Did you make that?

No, no. No.

It looks really good.

Thank you.

I really like it.

[chuckles]

Yeah.

[sighs] Nice.

That’s great.

Thank you.

Should we watch that, um…?

Oh, yeah, sure.

Yeah, ’cause I fell asleep.

And I didn’t get to finish it, and I haven’t watched since…

That’ll be great.

[music playing over TV]

Yeah, there we go.

Is this is where we were?

Um…

I don’t remember. I fell asleep.

Yeah, we were, we were there.

All right.

[sets down remote]

[sighs]

The ’70s, man.

[Bev] Mm.

[John] They just did it better.

You want to hear a joke?

How’d you finish that so fast?

I was really hungry.

I don’t know why I did that.

S-Sign of a psychopath.

[both chuckle]

What do you mean?

I don’t know.

Just you-you don’t bite and chew ice cream. You…

Eating…

What do, what do you do?

Um, suck it.

I don’t like slurping.

Ah, fair enough.

I’m gonna tell you a joke.

Okay.

[chuckles]

Okay. You ready?

Mm-hmm.

Where were pencils invented?

Pencil-vania.

Ah-ha-ha.

Definitely worth it.

[sucking]

[indistinct chatter over TV]

[sighs]

[indistinct chatter continues over TV]

[sets down remote]

[clears throat]

Where’s my wife?

[♪ Derek Martin: “Daddy Rollin’ Stone”]

[John and Bev grunting]

Sorry.

[John groans, coughs]

Jane!

♪ Girl, you think you’ve had loving ♪

♪ Girl, you think you’ve had fun ♪

♪ Girl, you ain’t a-seen nothin’ ♪

♪ Till I ♪

♪ Come along ♪

♪ Yeah, I’m a daddy ♪

♪ Daddy rollin’ ♪

♪ I’m a daddy ♪

♪ Daddy rocker ♪

♪ I said I’m daddy ♪

♪ Daddy rollin’ ♪

♪ Yeah, daddy ♪

♪ Daddy ♪

♪ Daddy ♪

♪ Daddy…

What?

♪ Daddy rollin’ stone…

[Jane] Shit.

[choking]

[grunting]

♪ He’s got a girl named Chris ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ I’m gonna steal that girl, though he’s twice my size ♪

[grunting]

♪ ‘Cause I know how to do it like a-this ♪

♪ I’m a daddy ♪

♪ Daddy rocker ♪

♪ I’m a daddy ♪

♪ Daddy rollin’ ♪

♪ I said I’m daddy…

[grunting]

♪ Yeah, I’m daddy…

[gasping, choking]

♪ I’m daddy rollin’ stone, yeah ♪

♪ ♪

[grunting]

[groaning]

[choking]

Jane! Jane! Fuck.

That was fun.

[grunting]

[door opens]

[groaning]

Jane!

Help!

[device whirring]

Fuck. Right there!

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

[choking]

Stop moving.

Fucking hold still.

[groaning]

Don’t move, don’t move, don’t move.

[whirring]

[choking]

Okay.

Fuck.

[snapping]

[gasping, coughing]

[whirring stops]

Fuck.

Fuck!

[gasping]

Goddamn it.

[gasping]

Let’s go.

She’s headed for Grand Army.

How do you know that?

Because I’m tracking her.

Where’d you put it, the tracker?

It’s on her back.

How’d you get it there without her noticing?

I pretended to give her a massage.

Nice.

[indistinct announcements over P.A.]

I don’t see her. Do you?

The signal says she’s here. Right here.

[busy chatter]

[electronic bell chimes]

[John] Yo!

Shit. Sorry.

Hey!

Move!

[man] Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo!

[woman] Yo, slow down!

[busy chatter continues]

Move! Out, out, out, out, out! Move!

Move!

[man] Come on, man!

[Jane] Sorry.

I’m sorry.

[woman screams]

[indistinct announcements over P.A.]

[electronic bell chimes]

Shit. Shit.

Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Fuck! Shit.

It’s okay. It’s okay.

We know where she’s going.

Jesus Christ.

Just…

You take the next train.

I’ll go up on the street. I’ll take…

Fuck.

What?

What?!

My phone died.

Are you fucking serious?

Time-out.

Time-out, okay? Time-out.

Are you fuck…

You didn’t charge your phone before you left the fucking house?

You had my charger last.

No, I didn’t! I put it in the bed.

No, you didn’t.

Oh, my God.

If we get our third fail, it’s on you.

We’re not gonna fail.

Oh, we’re not?

No, we…

You had a month. You had a month to kill her.

What?

Yeah.

How did you know that?

Hey. How did you know that?

I figured out your passwords.

[scoffs]

That is so like you.

Whatever.

That’s such a violation of privacy.

How could you do that? That is so you.

The op, it was a three-day mission at best.

You took a month?

I had a plan!

Oh, really? What was your plan?

To fuck her to death?!

That’s… really, really mature.

You’re very mature.

[Jane] Come on. Hurry. Let’s go.

[music playing faintly over speakers]

[sighs]

You mind if, uh, we use your plug to charge my phone?

I can’t let strangers plug in their phone.

Why not?

It could give the store a virus.

[John] That’s not how it works.

You wouldn’t get a virus from the…

What is a virus gonna do to the store?

Gah, it happens.

“It happens”?

Yes.

Have you had it happen before?

[cashier] Not here yet, but it’s coming.

And I just can’t risk this. I’m sorry.

Can I get these?

Oh, also, can I get, um, a couple sushi?

Sushi.

Uh, two of ’em.

Two sushi.

Mm.

And then maybe I can get some challah?

Challah bread.

The fresh kind.

It’s all fresh, miss. Always fresh for you.

Here we go.

Sushi and challah.

Ugh, what a picnic.

You need to eat right now?

Yeah.

Can I also get some Band-Aids?

Band-Aids.

Mmm.

No credit. Cash, Venmo only.

Oh, I don’t have any cash.

He-He’s got cash.

You have cash?

It’s all I have.

It’s all he has.

Oh, I guess I have to charge the phone to pay you.

[cashier] One minute.

Thanks.

[sighs]

Such a mess.

Mm-hmm.

I could’ve done this one alone.

I wish you had let me close the deal by myself.

[coughing]

Drink this. You’re sick.

No, I’m fine.

You-you don’t have allergies.

Just be a person and drink fluids.

Fine. It’s allergies.

More than that.

I don’t want to drink more than that or I’ll get nauseous.

What do you think makes this place like a…

Kosher gas station?

You think all the beef jerky’s been blessed?

[sighs]

What is your problem? We didn’t have sex.

So you just gave her a massage, but you didn’t have sex?

Yeah, I did give her a massage, and I didn’t sleep with her.

That’s exactly what happened.

Yeah, but you kissed her.

Yeah, so what?

Oh, my God.

So, you fucking kissed her.

You just kissed? That’s it?

Yeah, we kissed.

[Jane] And you didn’t have sex?

We tried to have sex.

Twice. And I couldn’t get it up.

Why?

I don’t know.

I… I felt guilty. Probably.

About what? Why?

About y-you. I was thinking about… about you.

I don’t… I don’t understand why this is such a big deal.

We’re… we’re allowed to have sex on missions anyway, right?

Yeah, I know. Yeah.

I’m sure you’ve done it.

Yeah, of course.

How many times?

Twice.

Twi… Really?

Yeah.

Was it good?

Are you seriously asking me if it was good?

Did you have fun?

It’s not about being good or bad. It was work.

It kind of is.

No, it isn’t.

It’s about work.

I… It’s work. I leave it. I don’t take it with me.

How is what I did any different?

It’s completely different.

It’s… Ooh! Okay.

I hate the cologne that you wear, and you know…

What the fuck does that have to do with…

No, stop. Stop and listen.

I asked you to stop wearing cologne five months ago, you didn’t stop wearing it, and then a month ago, when she asked you to stop wearing it, then you stop wearing it.

Do you not see how that’s at all different?

You know I’ve been doing this mission this long mostly because of you, right?

Because of me?

Yeah, because you…

You’re such an asshole.

No, no, you always ask,

“Oh, who are we?” “What are we doing?”

“What-What’s Mr. and Mrs. Smith?”

Oh, yeah.

And she actually knows.

She works for a rival company.

Oh, really?

And she knew what Mr. and Mrs. Smith was.

Oh, really?

And I was trying to get to it, but you wouldn’t let me do it.

What did you learn? What did you learn?

Did you learn a bunch?

I didn’t learn anything because you came through that fucking door.

Oh, my God.

Is the phone on?

Uh, you’re all set.

You two okay?

[John] She’s in Flatbush.

Give me the code because if your phone dies, then we’re fucked.

24-68-32-6354.

And the, uh, Venmo account.

You know, to settle up.

I don’t have Venmo. I don’t have Venmo.

[sighs] Ah.

Very nice. Have a great day.

[horns honking]

♪ ♪

[John sighs]

Can we stop running for a second?

I bleed every time we jog.

Well, she’s 14 blocks away, so suck it up.

[deli employee] Hey. Can I help you?

Um, yeah, did a woman come in here?

I’m looking for my friend.

She had long braids.

No one, no one came in here.

Uh…

I-I’m talking.

Is there a way…

No, they don’t need a story.

Is there a way to get upstairs?

No, not from inside here.

From in here?

No, not from here.

Not from inside.

Okay.

Um, okay.

Can I help you with something else?

Uh, no.

That’s five cents a napkin.

Five cents a napkin?

Yes, five cent for napkins.

20 napkins for a dollar?

Here.

[deli employee] Thank you.

Come on.

[electronic bell chimes]

[sirens wailing in distance]

[John] Tracker says she’s in there.

The white door is the only way in or out.

She’s probably at that unit with the broken blinds.

[sniffles]

Well, we’re gonna have to wait till she comes out or until someone goes in.

[Jane groans]

[sniffles]

I want to know what happened after.

After what?

After you guys tried to have sex.

It’s not like I was going over there, banging her brains out.

Okay? That’d be way worse.

It’s just as bad.

No, it isn’t.

You’re gonna have to accept one day that not everyone is like you.

I got involved because that’s how I do it.

Thank you. So you’re admitting it.

You did have feelings for her.

Thanks.

I cared about her.

I liked being around her, yeah.

You told her everything about me.

About us. Our jobs.

And she was probably gonna fucking kill you.

But she didn’t.

She had a lot of opportunities to.

You think because she liked you?

She was playing you.

I don’t care. It felt good.

Yeah, of course it did. She’s doing her job. [sniffles]

Yeah, well, it’s better than doing my job with you when you make me feel like shit all the time.

Oh, you’re so fucking selfish.

Just call this what it is.

You were having a full-blown emotional affair.

And now we’re gonna have to get another fail because you had to feel fucking good.

[Jane sighs]

Yeah, I’m sorry.

I’m sorry I didn’t…

Fuck!

[John] What?

She’s moving.

God fucking damn it.

Moving where?

[bell jingling]

[Jane] Taxi!

♪ ♪

[sniffling]

[John] Tracker says this is it.

[Jane] Wait, this is where we had our first mission, with the sandwich lady.

Supposed to be here.

Wait, this is weird.

[door clunking]

Why would she be here of all places?

It doesn’t make sense.

I told her about this place.

Told her it was our first mission.

So you told her everything?

Great, John.

Your girlfriend is fucking with us now.

[Jane sighs]

[Jane sniffles]

What is it?

[John] Tracker.

[Jane coughs]

Fuck!

[coughs]

I don’t feel well.

I’ll make you some soup when I get home.

The neighbor already made me some.

[♪ Jess Sah Bi & Peter One: “Minmanle?”]

[song continues in Guro]

[phone dings]

[John chuckles]

What?

Fiona’s gonna be a big sister ’cause Bibi had a surprise pregnancy.

What are you talking about?

The hippo.

That came up as news?

That’s the alert I got.

[chuckles] Why is that your algorithm?

I like hippos.

Obviously.

[♪ Tchaikovsky: “Concerto No 1 in B”]

♪ ♪

[knife chopping food]

[John] Yeah, I got bouillon cubes.

Sounds like you don’t… you don’t approve of those?

[Mom] Son.

You’re supposed to use chicken feet.

It’s the most important part.

That’s the most nutritious part of the chicken?

I thought it was the fat.

Why would the-the feet be…

And it’s the bone.

The bone.

Stock. Yeah.

You know?

Does the bouillon not have chicken feet in it?

I thought bouillon was just crushed chicken’s feet.

Just, like, little crushed chicken’s feet put into little cubes.

[laughs]

You know, I don’t think you’ve ever made me soup.

If you want me to make you soup, I’ll make you soup.

I don’t think you want my soup.

With the bouillon, you’re right, I don’t think I want it.

[John laughs]

A’ight. That necklace I got you looks good.

You look like a fourth-grade teacher.

Like, art teacher.

Thank you.

So, tell me, how is Jane?

She’s good. She’s just, um…

She’s just a little sick, so… I’m just making this soup for her ’cause she’s not drinking enough water, so…

Mm.

Do you have cayenne pepper?

Uh…

Because that’s really good for a cold.

Yeah.

[indistinct chatter over TV]

Here you go.

[Jane grunts]

Thank you.

[Jane sniffles]

And now you’re watching this?

You want to watch this?

[grunts softly]

[TV shuts off]

[grunts softly]

[computer chimes]

I don’t even know what to write.

Just say we failed.

We didn’t fail. I failed.

It’s my mission. I…

You don’t even need to be a part of it.

Don’t act like a saint.

Hihi already knows.

You didn’t complete the mission. They told me.

[sniffles]

Hihi told you that?

Yeah, I didn’t break into your computer.

Why would they do that?

They obviously wanted me to intervene.

No.

Hihi told me you were at Bev’s.

What are you talking about?

That’s how I knew you were there.

Why would they do that?

Fuck it.

Wait.

[key clicks]

[computer beeps]

Well, that’s that.

Ooh.

That’s good.

I’m done, Jane.

Yeah.

I’ll leave in the morning.

[door closes]

[♪ Roger Miller: “Husbands and Wives”]

♪ ♪

♪ Two broken hearts lonely looking like houses ♪

♪ Where nobody lives ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Two people each having so much pride inside ♪

♪ Neither side forgives ♪

♪ The angry words spoken in haste ♪

♪ Such a waste of two lives ♪

Thank you.

♪ It’s my belief pride is the chief cause ♪

♪ In the decline ♪

♪ In the number of husbands and wives ♪

♪ A woman and a man, a man and a woman ♪

♪ Some can, some can’t, and some can ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Two broken hearts lonely looking like houses ♪

♪ Where nobody lives ♪

♪ Two people each having so much pride inside ♪

♪ Neither side forgives ♪

♪ The angry words spoken in haste ♪

♪ Such a waste of two lives ♪

♪ It’s my belief pride is the chief cause ♪

♪ In the decline in the number ♪

♪ Of husbands and wives ♪

♪ Husbands ♪

♪ ♪

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