Loki – S01E02 – The Variant [Transcript]

Mobius puts Loki to work, but not everyone at TVA is thrilled about the God of Mischief's presence.
Loki - S01E02 - The Variant

Original release date : June 16, 2021

Loki joins a TVA mission following an ambush by the fugitive Variant of Loki in 1985 Oshkosh, Wisconsin. He wants assurance that the TVA will let him meet the Time Keepers instead of disintegrating him, but Mobius figures out that he is stalling. Back at the TVA headquarters, Mobius convinces Renslayer to give Loki another chance. After research, Loki proposes that the Variant is hiding in spacetime near apocalyptic events like Asgard’s Ragnarok, where the impending destruction means their actions cannot change the timeline, thus concealing them from the TVA. Loki and Mobius confirm this possibility by visiting Pompeii in 79 AD. The duo then figure out that the Variant is at a hurricane in 2050 Alabama. Loki, Mobius, and TVA agents travel there. The Variant ambushes them, using body possession to control TVA’s Hunter B-15 and other locals. The Variant rejects Loki’s offer for them to work together to overthrow the TVA’s Time-Keepers. The Variant reveals itself as a female version of Loki. She executes her scheme, teleporting the TVA reset charges she stole to various locations in spacetime, thus creating many new timeline branches. She teleports into a timeline, and Loki follows her.

* * *

(RENAISSANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

CHILD: Make a wish.

Hi! What’s going on?

You guys aren’t dressed right.

(CHUCKLING) I… So…

MINUTEMAN: Variant detected, Commander.

Let’s move.

Some of us need this, you know.

MINUTEMAN: No nexus energy yet, ma’am.

(MUSIC BLARING OVER SPEAKER)

HUNTER C-20: It’s a trap. Watch your backs!

ANNOUNCER: My lords, my ladies, welcome and thank you for joining us, here at the castle.

Please, settle into your seats for a great battle is about to commence.

The prize? Our princess.

Will evil prevail, or are we holding out for a hero?

(’80s ROCK SONG PLAYING)

(MINUTEMAN GRUNTS)

MINUTEMAN: Commander?

(GRUNTING)

(SINGING) Where have all the good men gone And where are all the Gods?

Where’s the streetwise Hercules to fight…

What are you doing?

Having some fun.

(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

Isn’t there a white knight Upon a fiery steed?

Late at night, I toss and I turn And I dream of what I need

I need a hero

I’m holding out for a hero Till the end of the night

(GRUNTS)

He’s gotta be strong And he’s gotta be fast

And he’s gotta be fresh from the fight

I need a hero

I’m holding out for a hero ‘Till the morning light

He’s gotta be sure and it’s gotta be soon

And he’s gotta be larger than life

I need a hero!

(OPENING THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(BELL DINGS)

MISS MINUTES: Okay, y’all, let’s review what we’ve learned.

What happens when a nexus event branches past red line?

Very bad things.

Come on, Loki. What is it?

(SIGHS) It’s when the TVA can no longer reset a nexus event.

Okay? Boring.

Right. And that would lead to the destruction of the timeline

and the collapse of reality as we know it.

Can you hear me?

Are you a recording? Or are you alive?

Uh, sorta both.

Ah.

(EXCLAIMS) Watch it! Where’s your manners?

Oh! Hey! Quit it!

That is not nice. Jerk.

You can’t hide…

MOBIUS: Training goin’ well?

Yeah.

Is that my jet ski magazine?

Put it down. Gear up.

There’s been an attack. Let’s go.

Put it on.

Good. Yeah. Smart.

C-20 and her team went dark

shortly after they jumped into the 1985 branch.

All signs point to another ambush.

We’ve grabbed enough temporal aura to know it’s our Loki Variant.

But which kind of Loki, remains unknown.

They’re the lesser kind, to be clear.

(SIGHS) Let me see the back of that jacket.

Hmm.

Very subtle. Well done.

I don’t want anybody out there to forget what you are.

Oh, your only hope of capturing a murderer?

No. A cosmic mistake.

That’s enough.

Lovely.

MOBIUS: Here’s the deal.

When we get out on the branch,

we’re not just looking for a Time Criminal.

We’re looking for a Loki.

A variation of this guy.

A type we should all be very familiar with,

because the TVA has pruned a lotta these guys,

almost more than any other Variant.

And no two are alike.

Slight differences in appearances, or not so slight.

Different powers, although, powers, generally include

shape-shifting, illusion-projection, and my favorite…

Duplication-casting.

Illusion-projection.

No, they’re two completely different powers.

How?

Illusion-projection involves depicting a detailed image from outside oneself,

which is perceptible in the external world,

whereas duplication-casting entails recreating

an exact facsimile of one’s own body in its present circumstance,

which acts as a true holographic mirror of its molecular structure.

But you already knew that.

Okay, take a breath. Noted.

We’re gonna break into two teams, including myself and Professor Loki.

Why?

Because whoever this Variant is, we haven’t been able to find him.

So let’s bring in an expert.

That’s me.

Do I get a weapon?

Nah.

Well, I’ll have my magic back. Is no one concerned about that?

Of what?

Me betraying you.

No.

Why not?

You know that we can catch you.

And how’s betraying us gonna get you any closer to the Time-Keepers?

An audience with the Time-Keepers is on the table?

Keep that focus.

Apex of nexus signature located, ma’am.

Let me ask you this,

why don’t we just travel back to before the attack,

when the Variant first arrives?

Nexus events destabilize the time flow.

This branch is still changing and growing, so you gotta show up in real time.

Did you watch any of the training videos you were supposed to?

Well, as many as I could stand.

Your TVA propaganda is exhausting.

And what do these do?

Reset charges prune the affected radius of a branched timeline,

allowing time to heal all its wounds.

Which sounds like a nice way

of saying disintegrate everything in its vicinity.

He’s on it.

I watched the videos.

I mean, some of them.

HUNTER B-15: So he’s taking hostages now?

MOBIUS: The Variant’s never taken a hostage before.

HUNTER B-15: Maybe he’s upping his game.

MINUTEMAN: Or he pruned her.

HUNTER B-15: A Loki couldn’t have gotten the jump on C-20.

I think you underestimate, actually…

Fan out and search for her.

And hurry up,

we’re at three units until red line.

MINUTEMAN: Let’s go. She’s right. MOBIUS: Come on.

Wait…

If you leave this tent, you’ll end up like them.

What do you see?

I see a scheme,

and in that scheme, I see myself.

We have a saying in Asgard,

“Where there are wolf’s ears, wolf’s teeth are near.”

It means to be aware of your surroundings.

Which is absurd, because my people are, by nature, gullible fools.

A trait that I, the God of Mischief,

exploited time and time again simply by listening.

My teeth were sharp, but my ears even sharper.

We’re running out of time, Mobius.

Hold it. Just give him a chance.

LOKI: You remind me of them.

The Time Variance Authority and the gods of Asgard, one and the same.

Drunk with power, blinded to the truth.

Those you underestimate will devour you.

You underestimate me,

just as you underestimate this lesser Loki.

Which is why, you walk into one wolf’s mouth after another.

(DEVICE BEEPING)

Two units. He is wasting our time.

Okay. Come on, Loki, make a long story short.

HUNTER B-15: We need to look for C-20.

That’s exactly what the Variant wants you to do.

It’s a trap. He’s waiting for you outside this tent.

Should I secure the reset charges?

No. He wants me. I’m the key to his plan.

He knows that I’m stronger.

Almost one unit.

And he rightly believes that together we can overthrow and rule the TVA.

But that’s not what I want. I have a new purpose.

I’m a servant of the Sacred Timeline.

And knowing what I now know about his tactics,

I can deliver you the Variant,

but I need assurances.

Yeah?

Assurances that I won’t be completely disintegrated

the moment the job has been done.

Right…

(WHISPERS) We’ll need to speak to the Time-Keepers at once.

They’re in graver danger than we realized.

(DEVICE BEEPS)

He’s lying. Just playing games.

There’s no one out there.

HUNTER B-15: Reset the timeline.

You had me for a second.

My ears are sharp too.

(BEEPING)

(THEREMIN MUSIC PLAYING)

MOBIUS: Is it just me, or does this office keep getting better and better?

(BOTTLE UNCORKS)

Where’d you get that one, the snow globe?

I love those.

I don’t remember bringing back that case.

You’re not the only analyst working for me.

But, would you say, maybe, I’m your favorite one?

And why do you get to keep all the trophies from my cases in here?

You don’t think I’d love having that roller skate

there sprucing up my cubicle?

Because I approve the missions.

Good point.

Speaking of which, let’s talk about the one you just botched.

(GROANS)

You might need this for our discussion.

I hope it’s a double.

This Variant is… “Insubordinate, stubborn, unpredictable.”

Sounds like someone else I know.

I was just thinking it sounds like someone I know.

Mobius?

What?

Those rings were already there.

And they’re all from you.

Maybe it’s from your other favorite analyst.

Listen, Ravonna, I’m sorry.

I realize that my, you know,

methods with this Loki are controversial, but…

Towing a dangerous Variant into the field is controversial.

Yeah, it didn’t go exactly the way I wanted it to today,

but here’s what we did find out.

The Variant likes to stall for time,

and, eventually, we’ll catch the other one doing the same thing.

Because understanding this Loki helps me get closer

to the one we’re chasing. Right?

Look, I know you have a soft spot for broken things.

I don’t think so.

Yes, you do.

But Loki is an evil, lying scourge.

That is the part he plays on the Sacred Timeline.

Maybe he wants to mix it up.

Sometimes you get tired of playing the same part.

Is that possible? He can change?

Not unless the Time-Keepers decree it.

And then, it shall be so.

And how are the old Time-Keepers?

(SIGHS)

How do you think?

(CHUCKLES) I don’t know. ‘Cause I’ve never met ’em.

Thankfully. Although, I shouldn’t say that.

That one looks…

The Time-Keepers are monitoring every aspect of this case.

I’ve never seen them so involved.

They want that Variant caught.

So do I.

And this is the last chance you’re gonna get with this Loki.

Great. That’s all I’m gonna need. (SIGHS)

Thank you, R Slayer.

I don’t remember this.

This must be from that analyst you keep on the side.

Stay focused.

Eyes on the road.

RAVONNA: Mobius?

I was almost gone.

You really believe in this Variant?

Mmm… Luckily, he believes in himself enough for the both of us.

And, hey, if it doesn’t work, I’ll delete him myself.

He’s really arrogant.

(WHISTLES)

You’re probably wondering what happened out on the mission.

That was your first lesson in catching a Loki.

Expect the expected.

Half the fun of being a trickster

is knowing everyone knows you’re a trickster, and then,

many of your tricks can come from exploiting

the fact that you know that they know…

Okay. Just shut up!

Please. What happened to the guy I met on the elevator?

Who didn’t like to talk. Remember him?

Now I’m stuck with this guy

who won’t stop yacking away about what makes a Loki tick!

What? Isn’t that precisely why I’m here?

No. I don’t care what makes you tick.

You’re here to help me catch the superior version of yourself.

That’s it!

Hang on.

I’m not sure “superior” is actually quite the right word.

See? There it is. Right there.

I believed, stupidly,

that insecure need for validation would motivate you to find the killer.

Not ’cause you care about the TVA mission or bein’ a hero,

but because you know this Variant is better than you and you can’t take it.

Very nice.

I mean, it is adorable that you think you could possibly manipulate me.

I’m ten steps ahead of you.

I’ve been playing a game of my own all along.

What, charm your way in front of the Time-Keepers,

hustle them, and seize control of the TVA?

Am I getting warm?

A double cross by history’s most reliable liar.

Okay. Why are you in there sticking your neck out for me?

I’ll give you two options,

and you can believe whichever one you want.

A, because I see a scared little boy, shivering in the cold.

And you kinda feel bad for that ice runt.

Or B, I just wanna catch this guy,

and I’ll tell you whatever I need to tell you.

I don’t need your sympathy.

Good, ’cause I’m runnin’ out of it.

What’s this? Next step of your manipulation…

This is the final step. Your last chance.

Oh, and what does my desperate last chance require?

Work.

Work?

I need you to go over each and every one of the Variant’s case files,

and then, give me your… How do I put it?

Your unique Loki perspective.

And who knows? Maybe there’s something that we missed.

Well, you’re idiots. I suspect you probably missed a lot.

That’s why I’m lucky I got ya for a little bit longer.

Let me park ya at this desk.

And don’t be afraid to really lean into this work.

Here’s a good trick for you.

Pretend your life depends on it.

I’m gonna get a snack.

(LOKI GROANS)

(CLEARS THROAT)

Oh, my goodness.

Don’t tell me the Variant ambushed and killed another team of Minutemen.

(GASPS) And stole their reset charge as well.

Shh.

Shh.

Hi.

(TYPING ON COMPUTER)

Hello?

(DINGS)

Can I help you?

Yes. I’m on some important TVA business.

Follow-up to a field mission. You know how it goes.

We red lined near the apex, and…

Well, it’s never good. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

Um, I’d like all files pertaining to the creation of the TVA, please.

Those are classified.

Okay. I’d like all files pertaining to the beginning of time then.

Those are classified.

Okay, the end of time.

Those are classified.

Okay, what files can I have?

Happy reading.

(SIGHS)

I found something.

No, I said, “Don’t bother me until you’ve read all the files.”

I have.

Every file?

Yes.

Pertaining to the Variant?

The answer isn’t in the files, it’s on the timeline.

He’s hiding in apocalypses.

Which apocalypse?

Any time in history? There’s, like, a million of ’em.

Ragnarok. Are you familiar?

Yes. The destruction of Asgard and most of its people. I’m sorry.

Yes, very sad.

Anyway, it got me thinking…

Go ahead.

Nexus events

happen when someone does something they’re not supposed to do, right?

Well, it’s a little more complicated, but, yeah.

Great. And then that thing they’re not supposed to do,

cascades into a whole range of other things that aren’t supposed to happen.

And so on and so forth, until eventually, a new timeline branches. Yes?

Chaotic alterations of a predetermined outcome.

Exactly. So, let’s just say…

Mmm-hmm. What are you doing?

…your salad is Asgard in this scenario.

It’s not Asgard, that’s my lunch.

It’s a metaphor.

Just hang in there.

I want that salad.

And I could go down to Asgard

before Ragnarok causes its complete destruction

and I could do anything I wanted.

I could, let’s say, push the Hulk off the Rainbow Bridge.

There he goes.

The salt’s Hulk?

And I could also… Set fire to the palace.

No, just stop. Don’t set fire to the palace.

Okay? I can do whatever I want to do, and it would never matter.

It wouldn’t go against the dictates of the timeline because…

Excuse me?

MOBIUS: Oh, God!

You!

Nice to see you.

I just need this for a second. Thanks.

Because the apocalypse is coming.

Ragnarok, Surtur will destroy Asgard no matter what I do.

No, don’t do… (SIGHS)

LOKI: There’s the apocalypse. MOBIUS: That’s the apocalypse?

Ragnarok obliterates the salt.

Ragnarok.

There it is.

What am I lookin’ at?

Okay, it was a clumsy metaphor. But you see what I mean.

It doesn’t matter. It could be any apocalypse.

It could be a tidal wave. It could be a meteor.

It could be a volcano, a supernova.

If everything and everyone around you is destined for imminent destruction,

then nothing that I say or do will matter,

because the timeline’s not gonna branch.

‘Cause it gets destroyed.

Hence, the Variant could be hiding in the apocalypse

and do whatever he wants, and we wouldn’t know!

Not bad.

Take me to a real apocalypse, to Ragnarok, I’ll show you.

(CHUCKLES) Yeah. So you can run away back to your homeland? No.

No, I’m not going home. We can go anywhere.

I’m not taking you for a stroll along the promenade, much less an apocalypse.

Oh, Mobius, come on!

What could possibly go wrong?

We gotta properly test this theory.

Well, here’s a fun theory.

You lure me out into the field, and stab me in the back.

And that’s a theory I don’t wanna test.

I’d never stab anyone in the back.

That’s such a boring form of betrayal.

Loki, I’ve studied almost every moment of your entire life.

You’ve literally stabbed people in the back, like, 50 times.

Well, I’d never do it again, because it got old.

(CHUCKLING) Okay.

Okay, look, you don’t trust me, you can trust one thing.

I love to be right.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(DISTANT RUMBLING)

(WHISPERING) Here we go.

Shh, any minute now.

Until this entire town is wiped off the face of this planet.

Imagine. All that volcanic ash…

I know. We don’t want to get too giddy.

Oh, come on! It’s cool.

No, it is cool, but it’s just not in good taste because…

They’re all gonna die anyway.

I know. Now listen, I’m gonna watch the TemPad for any variance energy.

Okay.

Okay, because we gotta be careful.

If you’re wrong, and there’s a good chance you are,

anything we do can create a huge branch.

Oh, Mobius! You make even the end of the world sound boring.

Listen! Okay, we’re not meant to be here.

Okay?

Okay.

Anything we do can impact the course of history.

Do you get that?

Yes. Yes.

So we’re gonna start with very small disturbances.

Very small.

Can you make bird noises?

Bird noises?

Yeah. Bird noises. Like some, like, whooshing noises.

(MIMICKING COOING)

Oh. (GROANS)

Loki! Loki!

(BLEATING)

Go! (YIPPING)

Be free, my horned-friends, be free!

(SPEAKING LATIN)

(IN ENGLISH) We are from the future, right?

What is the TVA? I mean, it’s from the future.

It sounds from the future. It’s pretty future-y.

(VOLCANO RUMBLES)

(ALL SCREAMING)

Right on cue! (CHUCKLES)

Enjoy your last meal while you can!

Nothing matters!

Nothing has any consequence!

Dance while you still can!

Whoo-hoo!

(DISTANT RUMBLING)

How’d we do?

I don’t believe it. Zero variance energy.

No branching in the timeline.

The TVA would never even know we were here.

If it were me, this is where I would hide.

Doomsdays. The Variant’s been ambushing our soldiers

and hiding out in doomsdays to cover his tracks.

You’re welcome.

Yeah.

For this theory to hold, the disasters have to be

naturally-occurring, sudden, no warning, no survivors.

How many could there be?

I don’t know.

We’re gonna find out.

(SIGHS)

Hey?

Come on, let’s take a walk.

By the way, at your desk, that magazine?

Yeah. The one on jet skis?

Yes.

Why do you have that?

Because they’re awesome.

(CHUCKLES) I suppose they are.

Yeah.

You know, some things… Actually, most things in history are kinda dumb,

and everything gets ruined eventually.

But in the early 1990s, for a brief, shining moment,

there was a beautiful union of form and function,

which we call the jet ski,

and a reasonable man cannot differ.

You ever been on one?

No… No.

I think a TVA agent showing up on a jet ski on the Sacred Timeline,

that would create a branch for sure.

It’d be fun, though.

Yeah, it’d be really fun.

So, why read about them?

Just helps remind me of what we’re fighting for.

I mean, you really believe in all this stuff, don’t you?

I don’t get hung up on, “Believe, not believe.”

I just accept what is.

Three magic lizards…

Time-Keepers.

…created the TVA, and everyone in it…

Right.

…including you?

Including me.

Every time I start to admire your intelligence,

you say something like that.

Okay, who created you, Loki?

A Frost Giant of Jotunheim.

And who raised you?

Odin of Asgard.

Odin, God of the Heavens.

Asgard, mystical realm, beyond the stars.

Frost Giants. Listen to yourself…

It’s not the same.

It’s completely different.

No.

It’s not the same.

It’s exactly the same thing.

Because if you think too hard about where any of us came from,

who we truly are, it sounds kinda ridiculous.

Existence is chaos.

Nothing makes any sense, so we try to make some sense of it.

And I’m just lucky that the chaos I emerged into gave me all this…

My own glorious purpose.

(SCOFFS)

‘Cause the TVA is my life.

And it’s real because I believe it’s real.

Fair enough. You believe it’s real.

Yeah.

So everything is written.

Past, present, future.

There’s no such thing as free will.

Well, I mean, you know, it’s an oversimplification…

So, in fact, in a way,

you and I here at the TVA, we’re the only ones who are actually free.

Where are you going with this, Loki?

How does it all end?

That’s a work in progress.

Oh, those lazy Time-Keepers. What are they waiting for?

Au contraire.

No. Because while we protect what came before,

they’re toiling away in their chamber,

untangling the epilogue from its infinite branches.

Ah, I see. So, when they’re finished, what happens then?

So are we.

No more nexus events.

Just order.

And we meet in peace at the end of time.

Nice, right?

Only order?

Mmm-hmm.

No chaos? It sounds boring.

I’m sure it does to you.

You called me a scared little boy.

I called you a lotta things.

You did.

You’re wrong, though.

You see, I know something children don’t.

What’s that?

That no one bad is ever truly bad.

And no one good is ever truly good.

Scared little boy.

Yes, it was quite patronizing. I thought it was a bit too far, actually.

You’re very clever.

I know.

The Variant left something behind at an old crime scene.

A cathedral. A candy box.

An obvious anachronism.

I gave it to Analysis, but they couldn’t find anything real.

Why does that matter?

‘Cause now we have two variables.

Apocalyptic natural disasters and…

Kablooie.

LOKI: What’s that?

Candy. Do you have candy on Asgard?

Yeah. Grapes, nuts.

No wonder you’re so bitter.

Okay. Kablooie was only sold regionally on Earth from 2047 to 2051.

We need to cross-reference that with every apocalyptic event.

I’m gonna give you half.

Have a competition, see who finds it.

Sure.

You wanna bet something?

Yeah.

Gentleman’s bet.

Yeah, let’s play for pride. Okay. May the best man win. Go.

Anything?

Uh…

It’s not the climate disaster of 2048.

Or the tsunami of 2051.

Let’s go. Let’s go. Come on.

2050.

The extinction of the swallow… Is that a thing?

Completely screwed up the ecosystem.

Krakatoa erupted in 2049 as well.

No Kablooie.

God, it’s just one damn thing after another, isn’t it?

Cyclone, famine, volcanoes, floods…

Got him.

That’s where he is.

MOBIUS: Alabama, 2050.

You’re gonna take my job if I’m not careful.

You want me to approve deployment of a fully-armed task force to…

Yeah.

…the Variant’s potential hiding spot?

Haven Hills, Alabama, corporate town

owned by Roxxcart until it’s wiped out by a hurricane.

All the food and supplies you need.

If he likes it, there’s no reason

he can’t keep going back and just camping out, over and over.

And this is all based on a theory from the Variant

who just blew your previous mission?

Yeah, he’s doing great.

Mobius, as your friend,

I have to tell you that trusting this man is not a good idea.

No. I know. But maybe he’s worth the trouble.

He just uncovered a huge hole in our security.

That’s what concerns me!

I can handle him. Trust me.

This is where we get our guy.

You, I trust, but him.

Listen, Ravonna, every instinct is telling me

this is where we nail the Variant.

Come on. You don’t see me usually this worked up, right?

I’m excited.

I’m chomping at the bit.

Okay.

Yes. Okay.

But, Mobius?

Yeah?

There’s not much I can do if it doesn’t work out.

For all time.

Always.

Okay.

We’re on.

We are doing some good work today.

I thought so too.

I’m tellin’ you. You actually help us catch this Variant,

and who knows, my friend.

What, good enough for a face-to-face with the Time-Keepers?

I didn’t say that.

One step at a time.

All right. One step at a time.

Just in case.

Yeah, don’t those feel…

Absolutely not.

Gather around for a briefing.

Roxxcart is a vast superstore common to the era.

It consists of a series of sprawling sections,

including a large warehouse.

This warehouse is being used by civilians as a shelter tryin’ to ride out the storm.

Remember, this is a class ten apocalypse.

While the Variant shouldn’t know we’re coming,

he could be hiding anywhere and should be considered hostile.

So stay alert.

Every time there is an attack, the Variant steals a reset charge.

He’s planning something.

We just don’t know what.

So keep an eye out for the missing charges,

and if you see a Loki, prune it.

The bad Loki, preferably.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

Anything?

Nothing yet. Move out!

(SIGHS)

The hell was that?

That was me using magic to dry my clothes.

So I don’t announce myself with every squeaky footstep like the rest of you.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

HUNTER B-15: Take both teams and sweep the storm shelter.

Yes, ma’am.

MOBIUS: Loki and I are gonna

check out the Green House. We’ll meet…

No.

No?

You go with D-90. He stays with me.

What are you… He’s under my supervision.

This is my field op, Mobius.

If he’s not a threat, then…

Of course he’s a threat.

Remember the Time Theater?

Mobius…

I want him with me.

You are welcome to go back

to the TVA and litigate with Renslayer, but right now…

We’re here. We’re not going back.

The Variant is here.

Mobius, it’s fine. It’s fine.

You can trust me.

I understand I have to earn that, so, I will.

Why is it the people you can’t trust are always saying, “Trust me”?

Okay, try to hang on to your Time Collar this time.

We’ll see you in the showroom.

I am glad we’re getting to spend this time together.

Quiet.

(SOFT CLINKING)

I’m saying we got off on the wrong…

Shh.

HUNTER B-15: Hey!

Whoa, whoa. It’s okay. It’s okay.

What are you doing?

Shopping for plants.

In this storm?

It’s a hurricane sale.

Azaleas are half off.

Could that be you?

(WHISPERS) I mean, I probably would have worn a suit, but, yes, maybe.

Is he dead?

No. They usually survive.

So, you’re the fool the TVA brought in to hunt me down.

Me, I presume.

Please. If anyone’s anyone, you’re me.

How nice to meet you.

NEWS ANCHOR: For the past hour we have seen winds intensifying.

Again, if you’re just tuning in…

(BABY CRYING)

HUNTER D-90: Check the bags for the reset charges.

You guys FEMA?

National Guard?

Could be any one of them.

Well, hey, if you got a ‘copter or other transport,

now is the time to use it.

We got women and kids, and that weather ain’t playin’.

No, I’m sorry. We don’t.

Well, how the heck did you get here?

What are you doing?

Hey! These people are scared.

They’re about to die. They should be scared.

Okay. Not of us.

Sir!

Take it easy.

What is it?

HUNTER C-20: (BREATHING HEAVILY) It’s real. It’s real. It’s real.

It’s real. It’s real. It’s real.

Enchantment is a clever trick.

Cowardly, a bit amateur-ish, but clever.

Almost as cowardly as working for the TVA.

I’m working for me.

(SCOFFS) You really believe that, don’t you?

Yeah.

(THE VARIANT CHUCKLES)

And here I was worried that they’d found a better version of me.

Hi, are you guys looking for the disaster shelter?

No.

THE VARIANT: Oh, bless.

Are you going to call your little friends for help? (CHUCKLES)

LOKI: What’s the matter?

You too scared to meet me face-to-face?

Show yourself.

You know, gaining their confidence was no mean feat.

Oh, my God.

You went undercover.

If you could possibly sheathe your smarm for a moment,

I have an offer for you. That’s why I found you.

Go on.

I’m going to overthrow the Time-Keepers.

And, uh, cards on the table,

I could use a qualified lieutenant.

And I assume you mean… Me?

What say you…

Loki?

Ugh. Don’t call me that.

You can call me…

Randy.

God. Now I understand why Thor found this so annoying.

Enough with your games. I’ve been trying to help you.

I kept them vulnerable at the Renaissance Fair for some time.

Oh, gosh, and that was just so nice of you.

But after eight to ten seconds of consideration,

the answer is no.

I’m not interested in ruling the Time Variance Authority.

HUNTER C-20: It’s real. It’s real.

It was real. It was real.

What’s real? What’s…

It’s real.

She’s off the dial.

It’s real.

MOBIUS: Look at me.

It’s real.

I wanna go home.

We’re gonna get you there.

Call the TVA, let the infirmary know…

No, no, no. I gave it away.

I gave it away.

What did you give away…

The Time-Keepers, where they are.

I gave it away how to find them.

B-15, what is your status?

B-15, come in. What’s your status?

(GROANS)

B-15, do you copy?

(BREATH SHUDDERS)

If you don’t wanna rule the TVA, then what do you want?

It doesn’t matter. You’re too late.

I think you’ll find I’m well ahead of schedule.

I found your hiding place like that.

I’d say that makes me the superior Loki, wouldn’t you?

(SIGHS) I see. That’s your plan.

Lure us all here so you can blow the place up.

(GRUNTS)

(THE VARIANT CHUCKLES)

I miss Randy.

(GRUNTS)

(CHUCKLES)

Thank you for helping me stall for time.

You really do love to hear yourself talk.

(PANTING) You’re the first person to tell me that.

(YELPS)

(MUMBLING MOCKINGLY)

I would never treat me like this.

Hi.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Oh, come on. Stop hiding.

Loki, if you had any honor you’d fight me as yourself.

I have shit to do.

Enough! (GRUNTS)

(GROANS)

(BARKS)

(GROANS)

HUNTER B-15: Mobius.

Where is he?

I lost him.

What happened?

I…

Looks like your favorite Loki betrayed you.

MOBIUS: Just move!

(GROANING)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(TOY WHINING)

What do you want from me?

What is this about?

(CHUCKLES)

THE VARIANT: Brace yourself, Loki.

(CHUCKLES)

(THUDS)

(SIGHS)

LOKI: (ON RECORDING) What do you want from me?

What do you want from me?

What do you want from me?

What is this about?

What do you want from me?

What is this about?

What do you want from me?

What do you want from me?

What is this about?

What is this about?

This isn’t about you.

Right.

Where they going?

(MONITOR BEEPING)

That’s not possible.

This is Analyst 1182-E, uh, reporting a code, uh, 000.

Branches rapidly forming at a slope…

Somebody just bombed the Sacred Timeline.

(ANNOUNCER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER PA SYSTEM)

MOBIUS: Loki!

Loki, wait!

Wait! Loki, wait!

No! Wait, Loki!

Damn it!

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

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