Palm Royale
Season 1 – Episode 8
Episode title: Maxine Saves the Whale
Original air date: April 24, 2024
A beached whale appears on the Beach Ball site, throwing the event in doubt with days to spare. Linda and Evelyn adjust to their new normals.
* * *
[explosions in distance]
You’re good?
[sighs] I noodle when I’m… when I’m nervous.
What are you nervous about?
Everything, man.
Pretty late. You tired?
I’m wide awake, man.
Me too.
After tonight, yo… you and I probably won’t get to…
I know.
To hell with it. [chuckles]
[Robert] You know we can’t go there.
I know. You comin’?
[explosions]
Come on.
[Robert] Oh, man. [sighs]
[chuckles]
[camera clicks]
[Ann] The first family of Palm Beach.
I have to admit it, Maxine, I didn’t think you could pull it off.
Yet here we are.
And the Beach Ball is just three days away.
[trumpet playing jazz in distance]
[inhales deeply]
[snaps fingers]
Back here.
Oh. Sorry. [chuckles]
[chuckles]
Norma, to claw your way back from death’s door just in time for the 50th anniversary of the Beach Ball.
Anything special planned?
[clears throat, speaks indistinctly] …high water, I must do what I, you know…
Kill Maxine, so that things can get back to normal.
Allow me. I speak Norma.
[clicks tongue] Uh, she’s very excited about her big entrance.
We’re doing a musical number.
Entre nous, Ann, I’m struggling to find the…
the perfect way to commemorate this milestone.
What do you get the embolized socialite who has it all?
[Ann, Maxine chuckling]
[Ann] One final question.
You’ve all overcome so much to get here.
Any regrets, Maxine?
[clicks tongue] Ann, I do not believe in regrets.
[inhales sharply] I believe that the key to a happy life and marriage
is to let go of past mistakes.
And every day is a fresh start. [chuckles]
[trumpet playing jazz continues]
Did someone leave the sad jazz station on?
Robert?
Yeah. Uh, you know, would you… Y’all excuse me just for one minute.
Excuse me.
[grunts]
[trumpet playing jazz]
[sighs]
He didn’t deserve you.
Who do you mean?
The man you’re playing that sad song for. He wasn’t worth it.
I always screw up.
I don’t know if I’m too eager, too needy, too…
No, no. Don’t say that. You did nothing wrong.
He disappeared, and I know why.
You do?
I’m paying for past mistakes, Maxine.
You don’t know the things I’ve done.
This is karma.
Look, coming from someone who lived in a Catholic home for girls…
[chuckles]
[animal groaning]
…I can quote Sister Mary Immaculata in saying,
“Karma is a bunch of bubkes bunk.”
[groaning continues]
What is that?
A whale.
[Maxine] What? [stammers] Be careful.
Is it alive?
[whale blows]
It beached itself. It’s… It’s stuck.
[whale whistles]
Stuck? No, no! No.
[stammers] Shoo, shoo! You… You gotta turn around.
Don’t touch it, d-don’t touch it.
Why?
We don’t know if it has rabies or some kind of sea disease.
Oh, stop it. Oh, no.
Oh, come on.
H-Help! We need help.
[mumbles]
Help! Help!
[whale groans]
{\an8}[Ann] “F. Scott Fitzgerald”?
{\an8}”Harry Houdini”?
“Frank Sinatra”?
Are these locks of hair from ex-lovers?
Yeah.
Ooh.
[Maxine] Douglas!
[gasps]
[scoffs] Have you seen my husband?
Well, he left for the club.
[sighs]
Did you know that Norma was courted by the Prince of Wales?
Listen, I don’t have time for Mystery Date, Ann.
Hello, Officer.
Could you please send someone over to escort a whale off my property?
Yes, a whale. You heard me correctly.
Well, then whose job is it?
[line disconnects]
[gasps] How rude.
Oh, Maxine,
you can’t have 90 tons of blubber just frying in the Florida sun.
Oh, it’ll be solved in no time. [chuckles]
Though this timing couldn’t be worse.
I have a dozen deliveries coming today.
Would you be a dear and get the door if the bell rings?
I’m supposed to just sit here?
You can chat with Norma.
Well, that could be fun.
You know, seems she was a real man-eater back in the day.
A man-eater?
Yes. Um, operator,
could you please connect me with Whale Removal?
[Evelyn] Oh, hello, hi. This is, uh, Mrs. Maxine Dellacorte.
I’m afraid I’m gonna have to cancel 30 cases
of Dom Pérignon being delivered today.
Oh, sure. Uh, replace them with, uh… uh, Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill.
Thank you so much.
[laughing]
You are so bad.
[chuckling]
[inhales sharply] Evelyn, I met someone at your party.
My… Skeet’s funeral, you mean?
The very same.
But I can’t tell if I’ve piqued his interest.
Well, surely you’re not talking about Axel Rosenhips.
Dinah, darling, he’s older than Methuselah.
Ninety this week.
I’m hosting his birthday party on my motor yacht.
[sighs] It’s the only thing the Feds haven’t seized.
Open waters, you know.
[gasps] Evelyn, do come.
We’ll have cake, and dancing and fireworks.
Make sure you don’t give him a heart attack before he proposes.
I want to show him how fabulous life can be
with a properly pedigreed wife.
He has never been married. Isn’t that odd?
That’s a red flag. It could mean he can’t, you know.
[groans] I should be so lucky. Thanks.
Skeet and I had the healthiest sex life before the incident.
Evelyn,
have you been closed for business all this time?
[groans] Yes.
[gasps]
Well, hi there. This is Mrs. Maxine Dellacorte.
Hi. [inhales sharply] Uh, forget the prime rib.
L-Let’s go with sloppy joes.
No buns, just the slop. [chuckles]
Thanks, pal.
[laughing]
[chuckles]
Oh, Evelyn, you don’t blame me, do you?
I have no idea when or if Perry will ever be coming back.
Of course not. Darling, we must all plan ahead.
Hi there. This is Mrs. Maxine Dellacorte.
[laughing]
Those torches I ordered… Yes, would you replace those with, um, oh…
[whispers] Cottage cheese.
Cottage cheese? But… Yes.
A treat for the cats.
[chuckles]
[both chuckling]
Yes, I’ll have to call you back.
You wanted a word, Evelyn?
I did.
Dinah, would you excuse us? Douglas and I need to tête-à-tête.
Frankly, I need a tête-à-tête too.
[Dinah] Well, hi, ladies. How are you?
[Evelyn sighs]
Eddie.
How is you shacking up with another man for my own good?
I am not shacking up with Axel.
I’m 98% sure nothing works below the belt.
I need him to like me enough to support me so I can support you.
Dinah, I love you.
Hi!
Okay, this is our relationship, not some business plan.
I’ve been waiting forever.
But I just need you to wait a tiny bit longer.
Axel’s 90, for God’s sakes.
[inhales sharply] Just keep your head together. Promise?
Promise?
Okay. Okay, I promise.
Thank you. [gasps, yelps] Oh, no. You can’t do that. [chuckles]
[chuckles]
Hello, sir.
[member] Hello.
That’s the spirit.
Very handsome.
[officer] We see this more and more.
People come for the season with their junky motor yachts.
The whales get separated from their pods.
They can’t communicate, and so they beach themselves.
Well, listen, mister, I have a party in three days.
This fish needs to get off my beach.
It’s not a fish. It’s a mammal.
People learn that by the time they’re in sixth grade.
[inhales sharply] Well, I need to get this mammal to skedaddle.
There’s a slim chance that it might swim out
with the rising tide tonight.
“Slim” is normally my happy word, but what are the fatter chances?
It’ll die.
Oh.
And then over the next three years, it’ll slowly decompose until it’s nothing
except just a big soup full of bones and blood, and junk. Everywhere.
Or…
Or?
Gases will build up over the next few months, and boom!
It’ll just randomly explode.
Why would it do such a thing?
Maybe he had nothing left to live for.
Robert, please. Don’t say things like that.
I know you’re upset about your prince, but we can discuss it later.
I’m gonna go for a walk. I need to clear my head a little bit.
Where are you going, Robert?
You can’t just leave me with this… [stammers] …beached whale.
I bet you ten to one he’s just gonna go look in the mirror,
’cause that’s what handsome guys do.
My mom always said if you want something done,
get a woman to do it.
And a plain-looking man.
[scoffs]
Can we get the National Guard?
Oh. How about you call the navy?
I think the best thing to do is keep it wet and hope for the best.
Keep him wet? With what, a bucket?
More like a brigade.
[Evelyn] The movers are at my house even as we speak.
I need an answer.
Will I help you blackmail your stepdaughter?
If she wants to remain a free woman, she’ll have to pay up.
You can expect a heavy percentage, natch.
Well, you never mentioned a percentage before.
I’m mentioning it now.
[inhales sharply] It is a plan worthy of you, Evelyn.
[sighs] Justifiable yet venal.
Thank you.
[inhales sharply] No.
I’m not helping you get Penelope’s money.
Why not?
I just had a close call,
and I’m not risking my neck for anybody ever again.
One of these days, Douglas,
little wifey is not gonna be able to bail you out.
Then you’ll need something of your own.
Your Bellini, Mrs. Rollins.
Thank you.
Would you put that on my tab, Mitzi?
Ms. Rollins needs to watch her pennies.
{\an8}[Douglas] Yo, Pinky. Hey, hold up, man.
[Pinky] I didn’t think I’d see you around. [sighs]
I heard you got nabbed.
I did some serious thinking in the slammer, man.
How long were you in?
Six long, excruciating hours.
I feel like I finally understand you, Pinky.
This whole town is against men like us.
But times are changing, Dellacorte.
So what would we need, you and I, to really shake things up?
Two million is a good start.
You think you can come up with that?
[clears throat] Two million?
Yeah.
[sighs]
Two million.
Yeah.
[Mary] Ladies, Sylvia’s husband was just the beginning.
We need to help all the draft dodgers.
Our slow, but determined climb
has begun toward its eventual and unequivocal nadir.
[Fern] Preach. Preach.
[all chattering] Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Sisters, we must scale up.
[members] Right. Yes. Mm-hmm.
We need safe houses all the way to the Canadian Border.
My cousin, Fiona, in Hyannis Port should be willing to lend her boathouse.
[inhales sharply] She’s always been a leftist,
much to the chagrin of my beloved Aunt Paige.
[Maxine] Linda! Are you home?
Oh! Greetings, bookstore people.
[chuckles]
[member] Hi.
And Mary.
Hi, I didn’t know this scene was your scene.
I go where I’m needed.
You look different.
You’ve never seen me without my hair on.
I wore it like a helmet.
A shield of protection which I am no longer in need of.
After bringing new life into the world, I realized how foolish my life has been.
I’ve been enlightened.
Good. I’m happy for you.
And now that I’m seeing all you ladies here,
I would like to tell you
that I am fighting for a noble cause of my own.
[inhales sharply] Uh, it’s a whale.
[muttering]
An actual whale and… and he needs your help.
It’s on land. It’s… It’s having trouble breathing.
And I… I need to get water on him, as much as I can.
So if you could bring some buckets and bowls,
decorative vases. Get those clogs moving!
[member] Come on, sisters.
Yes, let’s sally forth to Dellacorte Beach!
[member] Let’s save this whale.
[sighs]
Yes, move those cords.
[member] A whale needs us.
[sighs] So, uh, where’s Linda?
Locked in her room.
Yeah, ever since her father’s funeral, she’s taken a vow of silence.
Oh.
Linda, we need a proper underground to get these boys to Canada.
That weird society midwife lady is working on safe houses,
and we’re gonna need more money.
A lot of money.
That’ll do it.
Do you ladies ever use chairs?
[inhales deeply] Everybody found out about Linda’s inheritance
and now they’re all asking for something. [sighs]
Might I stand in line? I need something.
You know what?
I’m not surprised.
Linda, it’s Maxine.
I understand you’re moping around in there like a sourpuss. [grunts]
“Killed dad. Rewarded with blood money. Need consequences.”
[sighs] Well, it’s funny you should say that,
I’m wrestling with the exact same thing.
No, I did not kill my father, by the way…
[sighs] …but that doesn’t mean that I am not racked
with the same horrible guilt. [sighs]
[clicks tongue] Oh, Linda.
I need to talk to you, Linda.
[sighs]
With you on the other side of this door, it’s starting to feel like confession.
All right.
[inhales deeply]
Linda, I have sinned.
I’ve hurt so many people, I don’t know what to do.
I lied to Douglas.
It was small, but…
you know better than anyone, a small thing can… [sighs]
…turn into a big one.
[breathes deeply]
And I did something worse.
Something awful… [sighs] …to Robert.
I traded in his whale for my minnow. And I’m being punished.
And I know I’m being punished.
“Punished by who?”
[breathes heavily]
Maybe God?
The universe?
[paper slides]
I can’t tell him what happened. Are you insane?
He’ll never forgive me.
No, no, he can never know. Never.
What are you doing, crouching on the floor like an incontinent Pomeranian?
Oh, um, Evelyn. What are you doing here? [chuckles]
Preparing for my exile.
Here. Help me carry this albino ostrich.
Oh.
Oh.
Be very careful.
Ow.
[Maxine] It’s heavy.
Hey there. Give me one second.
No, no, please take your time. I used to be you.
Former bartender here. I just quit. [chuckles]
Do I know you?
[chuckles] Sure do.
I arrested you.
Oh. [stammers, chuckles]
I didn’t recognize you without the hat.
[inhales deeply] I’m off duty. [chuckles]
Tom.
Robert.
I know. I arrested you.
[chuckles]
[Maxine] Sure have a lot of birds.
[scoffs] You should see my bird room.
Oh.
[gasps] Look at this feathery crown.
No, put that down. That’s a relic from my former life.
Is this all you’re taking?
Unfortunately, the trailer is rather cramped,
so I’m being forced to reduce.
Trailer?
Linda, in her benevolence,
has bequeathed me an allowance of $500 a week,
as well as Skeet’s Airstream in Port Salerno.
Where’s Port Salerno?
Exactly.
[sighs] Evelyn, um, I… I can’t bear to see you like this.
You’re my North Star.
A woman with… with… with such class and pedigree
shouldn’t be trudging off to a trailer in shame.
Who am I gonna look up to?
It’s over, Maxine. I’ve played my last hand.
Oh, pish.
You and I both know a person’s fortune can change
at a snap’s chance.
Look at me. I-I’m a pageant girl from Tennessee,
and I’m about to be crowned Queen of Palm Beach in three days’ time.
Oh, you’re really booting this pep talk, Maxine.
Every pageant girl knows you’ve gotta reach back
and grab your runner-up and cry with her.
I can’t do the Beach Ball by myself.
[stammers] I mean, the deliveries alone are a full-time job.
Well, they’re just deliveries, Maxine. What could possibly go wrong?
Who else can save me from my inner-Chattanooga?
All right, Maxine. You win.
Wonderful. [inhales sharply]
Is that a harpoon?
Oh, that.
Yes, Skeet gave that to me for our 17th wedding anniversary.
Wasn’t quite sure whe…
I don’t have time for history lessons.
Grab that rusty poon and follow me.
Oh.
I found it in our bed. [chuckles]
Turned the sheets down. There it was.
Not sure what he intended, but it could’ve been fun.
Half our guys barely passed basic.
It was a complete shit show when we got to Okinawa.
[inhales sharply] I was at, um, Wolmido.
Last good day.
So you saw Red Beach?
Good friend of mine did.
He didn’t make it out.
[both sigh]
Bad things happen to people I get close to.
Mmm. Better keep my distance.
[both chuckle]
Hey, the universe isn’t out to get you.
You’re not that important.
Appreciate that.
[inhales sharply] Well… [sighs] …come by anytime.
This is my home away from home.
And do yourself a favor, stay out of here after 6:00.
Oh, by the way, thank your boss for me.
That loopy blonde lady, she really helped me out.
She might even get me a promotion.
[chuckles] Wait, out of… out of what?
She gave us a tip to help us nab some scumbag
hanging out at the Breakers.
Pretending to be a prince of all things.
A prince?
A lot of gullible people in this town.
[inhales sharply, sighs] It’s kinda sad if you think about it.
It was nice to meet you.
Again.
[sighs deeply]
[Fern] Heave-ho!
[Evelyn laughing] Oh, my God. There is a God. [chuckles]
[Fern] Come on, you have the sisterhood behind you.
It’s not funny.
It is.
It is indeed. It’s very funny.
[whale groans]
It’s perhaps the definition of funny. [chuckles]
Ladies, why don’t y’all take a break?
There’s lemonade and sandwiches inside.
[chuckling]
Take a load off. [chuckles]
Thank you.
So… [chuckles] …what’s your plan here exactly?
Well, uh, certainly not gonna kill him.
[whale bellowing]
Uh, I was thinking we could just take your harpoon here
and Dinah’s yacht and drag him out to sea,
where he will be reunited with his friends.
Dinah’s yacht is already spoken for this evening.
She’s throwing a party for her new old boyfriend.
Oh. I… I wasn’t invited.
Why in God’s name would she invite you?
You lost the Rolodex, which led to Perry getting arrested,
which led to Dinah throwing a birthday party for Axel Rosenhips,
the man with a bruising condition and wooden teeth.
Well, those first two things maybe, but that last one I don…
You’re a life ruiner, Maxine. You know that?
Look at me. Forced to live on $500 a week.
I might as well gather up shells and s-stick them in my pocket
and… and… and walk out in the sea and… and… and… [stammers]
Why is he…
looking at me like that?
Who?
[whale groans]
The whale?
Evelyn?
Are you playing a joke on me?
Penelope? You there?
The door was open, so I let myself in.
“What do you want, Douglas?”
Well… [chuckles] …it’s not so much what I want.
It’s… It’s more what your stepmother wants. [sighs]
She wants me to threaten to tell the authorities
that I witnessed you shoot your father.
She wants her estate back, and she says she’s gonna cut me in.
[scribbling]
[paper rustling]
“That’s blackmail.”
[chuckles]
Yeah. It, uh… [sighs]
[clicks tongue] Yeah, it sure seems like it is.
But look… [exhales sharply]
…I… I… I promise you, I flat-out told her no.
I am not looking backwards.
I’m looking forwards.
To the future of Palm Beach.
Pinky… Pinky told me this new vision that he has.
“Let’s start our own club,” he said.
No more gatekeepers.
No more… [inhales sharply] …old money.
If you’ve got the dough, doesn’t matter if you’re Black, brown, yellow, purple.
Nobody gives a shit.
And that kind of forward thinking made me think of you, Linda.
So, I wanted to give you the opportunity to invest.
Three million dollars should get us started.
Don’t you think that’s a swell deal?
[paper rustling]
“What happens if I say no?”
Well… [chuckles]
…if you say no…
then I’ll have to say yes to Evelyn.
[Maxine] What’s wrong with her?
Cetacean jubilation.
What’s that?
It happens sometimes when the beauty of the universe just rushes at a person
after coming into contact with a whale.
Well, will it pass?
I don’t know.
I’ve heard about it in books, but I’ve never actually seen it in person.
[whale bellowing]
Oh.
Why on earth would Evelyn love a fish?
It’s not a fish. It’s a mammal!
How many times do I have to tell you that?
Sorry. [sighs]
A whale’s heart is 400 times larger than ours.
They’re the only creatures that started in the water,
walked on land, thought better of it
and then went back out to sea.
[whale bellowing]
They can change their minds?
[grunts]
Here. Take this.
“The Undersea Adventures of Jules Marceau: Whales.”
[Chester] Yeah, you need to educate yourself,
’cause I don’t have time for this.
[snaps]
Okay, okay.
Maxine.
Oh, you’re still here.
Do you know if Norma has any photo albums laying around?
Um, I know she’s got some stuff in that closet over there.
So help yourself.
Hmm.
[papers rustling]
Mmm.
[whale calling]
[narrator] Millions of years
before the Earth’s first creatures walked upon land,
ocean depths were teeming with life.
[whale bellowing]
Of all the underwater creatures that evolved legs to become terrestrial,
only the whale changed its mind and returned to sea.
Recently, our scientists have recorded
the low-frequency waves and dramatic clicks
that allow these majestic creatures to communicate
over immeasurable distances,
calling to one another in their own mysterious language.
[whales bellowing]
They play.
[bellowing continues]
They warn.
They summon each other to safety.
[breathes deeply]
[Douglas] Maxine!
[gasps]
[clicks tape player off]
C-Coming! [sighs]
Sorry, just in another world there for a minute. [chuckles]
Thought you were going to the club.
Ah, well, I had a few minutes to spare between meetings,
and I just wanted to come home and see my girl.
Oh.
I wanted to, uh, thank you for, well, holding everything together
and for getting us through the season.
Aw.
Where did you get the money for this? [gasps]
[Douglas] Listen. I… [sighs] …Douglas Dellacorte,
am now, finally, my own man.
And he just wanted to get his wife a little something for her Beach Ball.
[gasps]
Well, I don’t know if there’s gonna be a Beach Ball after all.
[inhales sharply] Douglas, we have a big problem.
[door slams]
[Robert] I thought you were my friend!
Robert!
And I will never forgive you.
Wh-What’s happened?
And I had to find out through some random cop instead of you?
Oh, no. Look… Look, I… I can explain.
What the hell is going on?
[Robert] What’s to explain?
That you let me humiliate myself?
Believe it was my fault he disappeared when it was your fucking fault?
[Douglas] Whoa, man, don’t talk to my wife…
[Robert] Shut up, Douglas.
[Maxine] I never meant to hurt you.
[grunts]
He’s a bad man.
Robert, he… he’s an impostor, a fraud!
You are the fraud.
You and your spoiled baby husband with those pink pants.
Everything about your life is a lie.
[Maxine] I was trying to save you. You have to believe me.
[Robert] You were trying to save yourself.
And your husband, and that stupid party of yours,
which I’m glad it’s ruined.
And that nun, she was wrong.
That whale was karma coming back to bite you.
Whale? What whale?
I’m sorry. [breathes shakily] I’m… I’m so, so sorry.
Drown in your lies.
[breathing heavily] Robert! I’m sorry!
[door opens, closes]
Norma! What in the heck are you doin’ out here?
Did your brake come loose again?
[groans] Norma, I’d never forgive myself if anything happened to you.
[sighs, clicks tongue]
I need to bend your ear for a minute.
[sighs] Let me just…
Oh, Norma. [sighs]
I know I can be overprotective.
I’m always thinkin’ for other people, making decisions for ’em.
I need to let people live their own lives and listen and trust.
Uh… Or you could have a drink… [speaks indistinctly]
Oh. That’s a good idea.
[inhales sharply] You know, my heart’s in the right place.
I want the Beach Ball to be perfect.
Oh, Norma, if I could pull this off,
I could prove that it doesn’t matter that I couldn’t give Douglas an heir.
[scoffs] I wanna save the Dellacortes!
But who am I kiddin’?
My karma has returned in whale form…
[groans]
…and I’ve been cursed by my friend.
I found Norma’s whale.
[Maxine] What do you mean?
Well, I found a bunch of her love letters hidden in the closet.
Oh, not from Fitzgerald or Sinatra.
From Axel Rosenhips.
Dinah’s betrothed.
[Ann] Mmm.
He’s from Cincin…
[Maxine] Cincinnati. Yes, I know.
[Ann] He was the love of her life.
[Maxine sighs]
[Ann] They wrote letters every week.
But then when she was 16,
her father packed her off and sent her to boarding school.
Never wrote him again, even though he wrote to her for decades.
Norma, is this true?
I took away Robert’s prince. Maybe I can reunite Norma with hers.
[groaning]
Come on, old gal. We’re going to a party.
[groans]
[Ann] Do you mind if I stick around?
There’s still a bunch of stuff to go through.
You are a dog with a bone, Ann.
Well, I didn’t get into journalism to write,
“Suicidal Cetacean Spoils Soiree.”
I wanted to write In Cold Blood.
Well, maybe we can use what you find out
to commemorate Norma’s life at the Beach Ball.
It’s almost the same thing.
[chuckles]
Are you not gonna drink this?
Uh, knock yourself out.
No!
[Mitzi] Robert. [chuckles]
What are you doing here? I thought you quit.
I came to clean out my locker and pick up my check.
Mmm. I’m quitting too. [chuckles]
Moving to New York.
I need a fresh start. [sighs]
First a model, then a bar girl.
[chuckles]
And now a stewardess?
Hmm?
Your bag says TWA.
Did Douglas get you a job?
[sighs] Oh, Robert. [breathes shakily]
He gave me money to leave town.
I feel so dirty. [breathes sharply]
I didn’t know who he was at first.
I never meant to hurt her. [breathes shakily]
Oh, Mitzi.
[crying]
I’m so sorry.
[sniffling]
Everything’s gonna be fine.
[sniffles, sighs]
Happy Axel’s birthday!
Oh, gosh, he doesn’t look a day over 75.
I am the one robbing the cradle here. [laughs]
Ready to weigh anchor, Mrs. Donahue?
Oh, uh, we’re just waiting on a few stragglers.
Where is Evelyn?
God knows she can use all the free food and drinks she can get.
[Maxine] Hi, Dinah. I can answer that.
Um, unfortunately, Evelyn will not be making it tonight.
She is busy jubilating with my whale.
Maxine, not to be crass, but you were not officially invited.
I’m not officially attending.
I’m merely accompanying Norma, who is an old friend of the birthday boy.
Hello, Norma. You look lovely.
That may be so, but Axel’s not in charge of the guest list.
I am.
Norma?
[gasps]
You’re here.
Yes! Norma came all because of me.
I invited her as a very special, special surprise.
Surprise! [chuckles, inhales sharply]
Why don’t the two of you just get reacquainted over here and just…
[whispers] Maxine.
…chat?
Okay? Chat.
[Dinah] Jesus! [groans]
You cannot stop yourself. You are like an addict!
An addict?
Yes! You’ve bested me at every turn.
I cannot tell if you are a country bumpkin or the most ruthless woman in Palm Beach.
[stammers] I really want what’s best for everyone.
I do, truly, always and in all ways.
And this is how you do it?
You don’t have to date an octogenarian.
Nano.
[Eddie] Dinah!
[Dinah] Oh, my God.
Hey.
Did you invite him too?
No, I didn’t, I swear.
[groans, mutters]
But this could very well represent another gift from the universe.
Don’t do this. I love you.
Eddie, stop. What happened to keeping your head together?
You’re making a scene.
My only regret is not making one sooner. Come down here.
Go. Go. Go to him.
You stop it.
Dinah, if you leave now, it is over for us.
I’m not waiting one second longer.
You float away now, that float away is forever.
No, no. No float. No… No forever float.
Shove off.
Shove off.
[horn blaring]
[horn blares]
♪ Mama said “Swim, fishies, swim if you can” ♪
♪ So they swam and they swam All over the dam ♪
[whale bellows]
♪ Boom, boom, dittem, dittem Wattem, chu ♪
♪ Boom, boom, dittem, dittem Wattem, chu ♪
[whale chirps]
[sighs]
Oh, and my mother used to sing that song to me…
[inhales sharply]
[bellows]
…when I was a little girl. [sighs]
[chuckles]
In Albany, of all places. Can you believe that?
[whale chirps]
[sighs]
What’s gonna happen to me?
[whale rumbles]
I’m scared. [sighs] I’m so scared.
[whale chirps]
Now, why save these, Norma?
Hmm.
[knocking]
[delivery person] Delivery for Mrs. Maxine Dellacorte.
[stammers] Put ’em anywhere!
All right! Thank you!
Oh.
Ooh.
[slurps, smacks lips]
Ahoy and cheers!
[horn blares]
Come back with us now to the days when jitterbug was king.
Hit it, fellas!
[jazz music playing]
Hey, Norma. Recognize this?
This was our song.
What happened to us?
We were in love, Norma.
And then, when you came home,
you just started treating me like a stranger.
I’ve carried you around in my heart 70 years.
Come on, Norma.
[chuckles]
We’re old now. You can be honest.
Are you in there?
No.
[Evelyn] I guess I pretty much always felt that way.
[chuckles]
God, I’ve been going on and on,
and I haven’t asked you anything about yourself.
[whale bellowing]
[sighs]
If only I knew what was going on inside that gorgeous brain of yours.
If only you could tell me.
[whale continues bellowing]
Mm-hmm.
[whale’s heart beating]
[Mary] I’m sorry about your whale problem, Maxine.
Must be hard to kill something of that size.
I didn’t kill it, Mary.
Oh.
It’s still alive.
Who knows for how long?
Today was my chance. [inhales sharply]
Couldn’t save a whale, can’t save the Beach Ball.
I’ve never known you to accept defeat, Maxine.
We’re the same that way.
When faced with adversity, we persevere.
Where’s my $75,000?
[partygoers] ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy birthday, dear Axel ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
[cheering]
[Benny] Wow! Now, that’s something special.
I bet that even that old astronaut that’s orbiting the moon heard us.
[laughing]
Now, I’d like to pass the mic around,
so that each of you can make a little toast to the birthday boy.
Uh, who’d like to get us started?
I…
[grunts]
[sighs]
I-I’d like to, um, say a few words to someone special
who came into my life unexpectedly.
And on behalf of the entire Dellacorte family,
I’d just like to say… And I hope you can hear me.
[imitating whale call]
W-What’s going on?
[Mary] I don’t know.
[imitating whale call]
[imitating whale call continues]
[sighs]
[whale bellows]
What? What’s the matter?
[whale bellows]
[grunts]
Did I say something wrong?
[whale groans]
Please, I… I didn’t mean to upset you.
[groans]
[whale groans]
W-Wait. Wh… Where are you going?
[sobbing] Please! Don’t leave me.
[bellowing]
[imitating whale call]
[imitating whale bellowing]
[rumbling]
Please. [sobbing] Please come back.
No! [sobbing]
Take me with you.
[imitating whale call]
Maxine, what the hell are you doing?
Saving a whale!
Bullshit! You’re saving your stupid party.
No, I’m not.
True, but before today I didn’t even know
these remarkable creatures were even mammals.
That’s right. That’s because they’re reptiles.
No, they’re not.
They’re exquisite creatures.
Their… Their hearts are… are 400 times the size of ours.
They can talk to each other over miles.
They are the only animals that… that left the ocean
and started walking around on land, and went back to the ocean
because they knew… [sighs] …that’s where they belonged.
[sighs] They are intuitive and… and emotional.
They change their minds.
Thank you, Maxine.
What a wonderful, fun geology lesson.
That’s right.
[Dinah] Everybody, let’s dance.
[jazz music playing]
[partygoers chatter, laugh]
I know you.
From the club.
I’m Evelyn.
Eddie.
I tried to interest you in my backhand swing.
I was always more of a badminton girl.
[chuckles]
Have you been crying?
I just said goodbye forever to someone very special.
Funny. So did I.
I’m sorry.
Will you allow me to make an observation?
Yes.
Forgive me if this is forward, but right now,
in this moment,
you look like perhaps the saddest woman on Earth.
And also the most beautiful.
[sighs]
E… Eddie.
Yes?
Come and kiss me, Eddie.
[Douglas] Thanks for meeting me. [sighs deeply]
Maxine wanted me to go to this party with her, but I, uh,
I lied and told her I had a business meeting.
[sighs]
I made a mistake.
A huge mistake.
But it’s over, I swear.
Um, yeah, Mitzi said that.
[stammers] She sai… [groans, inhales sharply]
I got so drunk the night of that casino thing,
and… and Mitzi was there and…
Next thing you know, she started working at the house
and I couldn’t have that. So I… I had Perry get her a job. [stammers]
She’s a really good girl.
I want all of this to go away.
Yeah, she’s a really good girl.
And your wife is an amazing woman.
I love my wife more than anything.
And if I lost her, I would be nothing.
You hold our fate in your hands, Robert.
[Douglas] When I think of Maxine,
I… I think of that first time we went up in my airplane.
The wind whipping her hair around all crazy.
I love her, deeply.
And I think you and Norma are fond of her too.
Well, maybe not Norma.
But she just needs some time to warm up.
Sometimes, to preserve a long relationship,
you have to look past things a bit.
Well, I-I’ve never been in a long relationship, so I wouldn’t know.
Oh.
A little piece of advice.
[inhales sharply]
When you find your guy,
you’re gonna realize that sometimes you have to look past things a bit.
For the good of the relationship.
To protect the person that you love.
So, what do you say?
Can we all just move on?
Let this be water under the bridge?
[screams]
[door slams]
[officers clamoring] Nobody move.
Stay where you are.
Shit!
[Douglas] What’s going on?
It’s a raid.
You brought us to a homo bar? [grunts]
[grunts] Get off me.
[officer] Come on.
[gasping, panting] Help!
Wait!
Hey! Over here! Please! Help!
Help! Woman overboard!
[panting]
Help! [screaming]
[inhales sharply] You’re all cocksuckers!
Every last motherfucking one of y’all! [panting, screams]
[whale bellowing]
Thank you, Maxine.
You’re welcome.
You’re welcome.
