Unemployment: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver – Transcript

John Oliver details the many obstacles that impede access to unemployment benefits – often by design – and why the entire system needs to be rethought.
Unemployment: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver

Last Week Tonight with John Oliver
Season 8 Episode 4
Aired on March 7, 2021

Main segment: Unemployment Systems in the United States
Other segments:

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♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

John: Hi there! Welcome to the show, still taking place in this blank void, now, sadly, approaching its first birthday. And, like most one-year-olds, it doesn’t really do much other than terrify you when it’s quiet and vaguely smell like old milk. It’s been a wild week, from Andrew Cuomo’s scandals continuing to grow, to eight moderate democrats killing a $15 minimum wage — with Kyrsten Sinema doing it in a particularly dickish way — oh, thumbs down! Fun! To the fact that the Milwaukee bucks recently started welcoming limited numbers of fans back into their arena, and did it like this.

The hand sanitizer cam! Let’s get those hands clean! Here we go! Oh, it’s all over you. You might have to wash your hair out, got hand sanitizer all over it. Right on the hoodie. Great job, bango, he’s, like, give me all the hand sanitizer, keep me clean! I don’t know if we want to recommend that, let’s not do that.

John: Yeah! Let’s not do any of that! Because getting bukkaked by a cartoon squirt bottle has to be the most awkward way to wind up on a jumbotron, right after being featured on the kiss cam with your sibling, and being proposed to on a first date. No, Eric! For various reasons, no! And why is everyone booing me? We just met! And it’s not just arenas opening up. Both Texas and Mississippi this week announced plans to pretty much do away with government Covid restrictions.

Texas governor Greg Abbott says falling hospitalizations and increased vaccinations mean no state mandates are no longer needed, and it’s up to individuals and businesses to behave responsibly.

All businesses of any type no are allowed to open 100% no also, I am ending the statewide mask mandate.

John: Well, that’s fucking no stupid. Lifting all restrictions is ridiculous when we’re still no in the middle of a pandemic — as evidenced by the fact that instead of forcing people to kiss, we’re squirting them with cartoon ejaculate. And the thing is, leaving it up to individuals to “behave no responsibly” is likely to cause immediate problems. No because while businesses can still require people to wear no masks, the lack of a statewide mandate could make things difficult for them, as this bar owner will tell you.

You know, we’re very used to making people do what they don’t want to do. You have to have an I.D., you can’t drive drunk. This particular issue, without a mandate from the government, makes it seem like an optional thing, and something they want to argue about. The state itself could give us the cover to say, it’s not me, it’s them.

John: Yeah, that makes sense! Although I will say, CBS really didn’t have to tell us he was the owner of a bar called “the cottonmouth club.” Given that hat, there were really only three options: bar owner, ska band hype man, and space mechanic. That’s it. And while I do take his larger point, that it’s shitty to make bar and restaurant employees responsible for enforcing public safety, I’m guessing he personally has the confidence to do that, given that he went on CBS this morning in “the full pharrell” meanwhile, this week the federal government has been busy. In addition to the senate finally passing the Covid relief bill, the FBI director gave some significant testimony.

In his first appearance before congress since the January 6th insurrection, FBI director Christopher Wray was specific and blunt about who was responsible.

Quite a number of what we would call sort of “militia violent extremists” — proud boys or the oath keepers. We’ve already identified individuals who advocate for what you would call white supremacy.

And what of the conspiracies claiming that it was really left wing radicals posing as trump supporters who attacked the capitol?

Do you have any evidence that the capitol attack was organized by “fake trump protesters?”

We have not seen evidence of that.

John: Yeah, of course you haven’t, because it’s not fucking true. And despite everything, it’s still amazing that he has to debunk a conspiracy theory that’s so clearly false. It’d be like having to swear under oath that three lemurs in a trench coat didn’t commit the Oklahoma City bombing. Of course they didn’t, and anyone who suggested they did clearly has some significantly bigger problems. Now that testimony was pretty newsworthy. But while some networks took the hearings live, fox, unsurprisingly, barely covered it. In fact, across conservative media, you’d hardly know it had happened. Because they were too busy with this.

Dr. Seuss getting canceled. The children’s book publisher says it will stop releasing six of his books.

The cancel culture going after dr. Seuss tonight.

Dr. Seuss books are now too insensitive and even racist for this mob.

They are banning dr. Seuss books. How much more do you need to see before all of America wakes up and goes, “this is fascism”?

John: Oh, I don’t know, uh, a lot more? Because the books weren’t “banned.” Dr. Seuss enterprises decided to stop printing six of them. And a company deciding which of its own books it will or won’t print is an example of free enterprise, not fascism. It’d make as much sense to argue, “they’re banning unicycles. How much more do you need to see before America wakes up and says, this is transcendentalism?” The first thing isn’t even true, and I’ve got no idea how you got from there to the second part. And given how strongly all those commentators were defending those books, it’s worth knowing what, exactly, they’re defending. Because the images in question include this old-timey caricature of “a Chinese man who eats with sticks,” actually toned down from the original, where he was literally yellow, and called this, and there’s also drawings that resemble monkeys, representing people from Africa. And are these things we really want to fight for kids to see? To be honest, I’m squeamish about showing them to you right now, and just three minutes ago, I was happy to subject you to a basketball arena jizz storm. The point is, these images are rough, which is probably why, for the most part, fox didn’t actually show them. Instead, often focusing on books that aren’t even being questioned. Tucker Carlson focused a whole segment on “the sneetches” — which isn’t being pulled — so he could play his favorite game: liberals are the real racists.

Tucker Carlson: For 60 years, American children have read “The Sneetches” and books like it, and that’s one of the reasons we have the country we have today. The story is a plea for colorblindness, and that’s why the forces of wokeness hate it and dr. Seuss. When the people in charge cancel dr. Seuss, what they’re really trying to eliminate is a very specific kind of mid-century American culture, a culture that championed meritocracy and colorblindness.

John: First, shut the fuck up, tucker, you fear-mongering lacrosse injury. Second, it’s a little weird to claim that mid-century American culture championed colorblindness when signs from the time explicitly demanded the opposite. In fact, to the extent anyone is trying to eliminate some parts of American culture, it’s the parts that perpetuate racism, xenophobia, and bigotry. But it’s not hard to see why tucker would be so anxious to talk about dr. Seuss this week. Because if he’d talked about Christopher Wray’s testimony about white supremacists participating in the attack on the capitol, it would’ve contradicted what he’s been telling his viewers for weeks now, like, “there’s no evidence that white supremacists were responsible for what happened on January 6th. That’s a lie.” So instead, tucker and conservative media fell back on their classic playbook of distracting from important issues with bullshit culture wars. It’s incredibly lazy and depressingly effective. And the thing is, no matter how many times I see them do it, it never fails to leave me feeling completely disgusted, and like there’s no way to get clean. ♪ ♪ Oh, no! No, please, no! No, not like this! No, I don’t want this! How is this fun for anyone? Please stop at! I feel dirtier now. And now this. Stop it!

Announcer: And now, Neil Cavuto really loves Adele.

Do you find it a tad bit curious, on Monday, when the Dow was up 143 points, the first day of trading after the singer Adele had swept t the Grammys.

Scientist in brazil have found that listening to her music could reduce stress and help to keep people’s heart healthy. I’ve been telling you this for years.

I am waiting on Adele to call me and update me.

Michael, are you a Adele fan?

Let me ask you about this. Adele. >It’s because we didn’t even get to talk about Adele.

Do we know, are there any Adele updates? I will point out that Adele never had any issues. Sorry, Taylor, you have not topped Adele. I couldn’t imagine Adele doing it. It makes a lot of people uncomfortable that I have this fixation because she’s young enough to be my daughter.

I think that is the market’s way of saying hello, hello, hello, hello.

John: Moving on. Our main story tonight concerns unemployment. The thing that would absolutely happen to me if AT&T executives ever find out what I’ve been saying about them. But on the other hand, what are they going to do? Look it up online? How? With their internet plan? And then call someone? Using AT&T? I think I’m fine. Unemployment can be a traumatic event for anyone, even puppets.

Why isn’t mommy at work today?

Yesterday, I lost my job. And I’m not going to be working, at least for a little while.

Is it because Elmo has too many toys?

Oh, no, no, baby, none of this is your fault.

It’s nobody’s fault.

John: Well, well, hold on. Are we absolutely sure it’s not Elmo’s fault? I don’t know how much that plane costs, but I do know maintaining a crayon-colored, liminal apartment where you live part-time with Dorothy, your pet fish, might be a problem for your now one-income family. So it’s not not your fault, Elmo. But also, quick shout-out to Elmo’s mom there. She’s going through some shit, but still managed to get her hair up in two strand twists before she went to bed the night before. She’s taking care of herself and protecting those edges. Drop the routine, Mae! Post the shelfie on the gram. What are your holy grail products? Pattern beauty? Shea moisture? Or are you still rockin’ it old school with a bottle of pink oil and a jar of jam? I see you, Elmo’s mom! But even for the non-puppet population, unemployment is an especially pertinent topic right now. It’s been almost exactly a year since the pandemic hit, and tens of millions of people lost their jobs — many of whom filed for unemployment insurance, or “unemployment.” Our current system was created in the 1930s. And the basic idea was, like most insurance, to gather funds, particularly in good times, so there’d be money available to disburse in bad times. And to pay for all of this, states would tax employers. The concept was enthusiastically promoted at the time, with educational films like this.

To show how job insurance works, let’s introduce Steve, a louisiana worker who has just lost his job. Now each week, the letter carrier brings Steve a check for half the normal weekly wage he used to earn. The maximum is $15, the minimum is $5, or three-fourths of his earnings. Job insurance, this is the way the state of Louisiana is doing its part in the nationwide crusade against unemployment, fear, and insecurity.

John: Yes! Atta boy, Steve! That newsreel, of course, from the makers of such classics as “Amelia Earheart: the woman who will never die,” and “how to fight the Nazis even though, given this era’s prevalent anti-semitism, you mostly likely agree with a lot of what they’re saying.” But unemployment wasn’t just created to save our nation’s Steves from fear and insecurity. Economists generally agree that unemployment insurance is actually one of the most effective policies for recovering from a recession. Which makes sense. Because when you give the unemployed money, they tend not to hoard it offshore in the Caymans. They spend it on shit they need. In fact, analysis from past recessions shows, every dollar spent on unemployment benefits boosted economywide spending by as much as $2. So it’s a vital social safety net and has massive macroeconomic effects. But despite that, over the years, our system has badly broken down. Something that became painfully clear this time last year when it was overwhelmed by new claims. We featured stories on this show of people having to call 50 times a day just to make an unemployment claim. But that was the tip of the iceberg.

Kentucky residents poured into the capital for their first chance to get an in-person meeting at a pop-up unemployment office since the pandemic began. Breanna Glass applied three months ago and is still having trouble getting payments. She stood in line yesterday just days after giving birth.

I mean, I’ve called, I’ve emailed. I did everything I possibly could. And still, nothing.

John: Holy shit. Waiting in line for unemployment just after giving birth is already appalling. But the very phrase “pop-up unemployment office” is truly alarming. Much like “emergency crematorium” or “elephant forceps,” it suggests things have gone terribly wrong and are about to get significantly worse. Now, some of last year’s chaos was because states’ antiquated systems were simply overwhelmed. But it’s a mistake to think of this merely as a technological problem. Because the system underneath that shitty technology has been broken for years now, and sometimes deliberately. A quick way to measure the health of a state’s system is through its “recipiency rate” — that is basically, the percentage of unemployed people that actually receive benefits. Now, it will never be 100% in this country, because — rightly or wrongly — not everyone out of work is eligible. Generally, only those who are laid off are. And that is just over half the unemployed. The rest — like those fresh out of school, or who quit voluntarily, or who were fired — are generally not covered. That is why, experts say that under our current system, a good rule of thumb is that a state’s recipiency rate should be around 50%. The problem is, nationally, even before this pandemic, we were at just 28%. And in some states, like North Carolina and Florida, it was around 10%! Just think about what that means: out of every ten unemployed people in those states, only one is actually receiving benefits. If you boarded an airplane and learned that only one in ten seats had an oxygen mask, you’d wonder “who designed this system?,” “Why did they make it this way?” And “how do I get out of here right fucking now?” So given that, tonight, let’s look at our current unemployment system. And the first thing to know is, it is not one system. From the very start, states were given huge latitude in running their unemployment programs. Meaning we essentially have 53 completely different systems, one for each state, plus D.C., Puerto Rico, and the Virgin Islands. And not only is that very inefficient, it means the level of benefits vary wildly.

Massachusetts pays the most, up to $1234 a week. Florida’s maximum? $275 a week.

John: That is a hell of a difference. It’s something people might want to factor in if they’re considering moving somewhere. “Well, the climate seems nicer, and the schools seem decent — before I go, let me just google, if I lose my job, will this state let me starve?” And it’s not just where you live that determines your benefits. It also matters what you do. Because many part-time workers, plus independent contractors and gig workers typically don’t qualify for unemployment. Which is absurd, given that those jobs make up a significant portion of our modern workforce. And incidentally, black workers are overrepresented in those types of jobs, just as they’re overrepresented in the states with the least-generous benefits, which might explain why black workers are more likely to be unemployed, but less likely to get unemployment benefits. And inequity was baked into the system from the very beginning. In the 1930s, agricultural and domestic workers were initially purposely excluded, meaning that 65% of black workers weren’t covered by the program. It seems in the U.S., you can basically point to anything, ask “how is that racist,” and get a specific, historical answer. Freeways? Demolished black communities. Mickey Mouse? Based on minstrel shows. This toddler? Well, his name is Kendall, so it’s only a matter of time. The point is, in many states, for myriad reasons, you may not be able to get unemployment, and even if you do, it may not be enough to live on. That is something the federal government seemed to acknowledge was a problem last year, when it suddenly temporarily expanded unemployment to cover more workers, and boosted benefits by $600 across the board. So how did our system get this shitty? And whose fault is it? Is it Elmo’s? The answer’s not definitely “no” yet. But the truth is, a lot of the system’s shortcomings were the result of deliberate choices. For one, remember, businesses fund unemployment insurance, through taxes that go into state trust funds. And after the last financial crisis drained those funds, states needed to restore them. But rather than do the sensible thing — raise taxes to get more money coming in — many opted to instead just cut benefits and make them harder to get. And as they did this, some in the national media cheered them on, like sentient plantation wedding, Laura Ingraham.

Laura Ingraham: It’s simple human nature that people are a little less motivated as long as there’s a check coming in. You know what my mom used to say — god rest her soul — when you’re hungry, you’ll figure out a way to eat. Right? Hunger brings drive, hunger for opportunity, hunger for a paycheck, hunger for actual food, hunger for a lifestyle, a way of life. Boy, you find it when there’s no helping hand.

John: Wow. “When you’re hungry, you’ll figure out a way to eat.” Well, sometimes, Laura. The problem is, sometimes not! And then it’s a tragedy. There’s a reason that famines aren’t generally referred to as “a lack of can-do attitude.” And that kind of rhetoric has become pretty popular. Your most racist uncle has undoubtedly said something similar, probably to a waitress at Red Lobster, completely ruining mother’s day. And that speaks to the kind of attitudes toward the unemployed — ranging from simmering contempt to a callous disregard — that lie beneath many states’ aggressive policy changes over the past decade. Starting in 2012, Tennessee passed laws making the process to apply far more difficult. One justification being that somehow, loads of people ineligible for benefits were still getting them. Which is complete nonsense, but something the lieutenant governor back then, Ron Ramsey, certainly believed.

Ron Ramsey: If you were fired from your job for just cause, maybe even for stealing from your employer or chronic absenteeism, you shouldn’t be able to draw unemployment.

You don’t get unemployment insurance if you’re fired with cause now.

Ron Ramsey: The law says they’re not supposed to, but, buddy, let me assure you, nine times out of ten, they get their workers comp, or their unemployment. I can assure you that’s the case.

Nine times out of ten?

Ron Ramsey: I don’t know about that, okay. That was — that was a Ron Ramsey blanket statement there, but there are plenty of examples that they get it.

John: Oh, yeah! Don’t worry — that’s just a classic Ron Ramsey blanket statement. And you know you’re in good hands when a government official lies enough to warrant a fucking trademark. Now Ramsey also argued for drug-testing the unemployed, saying, I don’t think we need to be supporting that lifestyle with government money. Which is not just an obvious attempt to stigmatize, it also ignores that drugs are actually helpful in some jobs. Like, for instance, this one. How do you think I talk this fast about things this depressing? What do you even think this white void is made out of? I’m surrounded by weapons-grade cocaine. And it wasn’t just Tennessee — lots of states put in new, onerous requirements, to make sure that people getting benefits “deserved” them. For instance, Nebraska started requiring five “work search” activities per week, which could include attending a resume writing class or taking a civil service exam, but at least two of which had to be applications for suitable work. But if there aren’t two suitable work opportunities for you to apply for that week, you’re shit out of luck. And the problem is, each additional requirement like that increases the chances that someone’s going to make a mistake, or fail to check a box, and get denied benefits they need. And as they were doing this, states were also aggressively targeting fraud. Which isn’t, in itself, a bad idea. States do lose money to fraud. Before the pandemic hit, it wasn’t honestly a lot — an average of 3%. But that actually surged last year, when organized criminals targeted unemployment programs, and California alone said it lost $11 billion. But the thing is, you have to be very precise in how you go after fraud. Because if a claim is wrongly flagged, it can be significantly delayed, and innocent people then get hurt. That is something Kentucky’s governor recently found when he shared what he clearly thought was a pretty flagrant example.

We had someone apply for unemployment for Tupac Shakur here in Kentucky. And that person probably thought they were being funny. They probably did. Except for the fact that, because of them, we’ve gotta go through so many other claims.

John: Okay. He made a very confident, public example of that, because he knew: no one could be called Tupac Shakur, right? That is just not a name people have. Except, of course, famously, this guy but we all know, he’s living in the Falkland Islands right now. No one else could have that name. It’s absolutely impossible. I think you know what’s coming next.

I owe somebody an apology tonight. Last night, I spent a little bit of time talking about fraudulent claims holding us up. I mentioned an individual who filed in the name of Tupac Shakur. I didn’t know, and it’s my fault, that we have a Kentuckian who goes by Malik, whose name is Tupac Shakur. I talked to him on the phone today, I apologized.

John: Yeah, I bet you did. And I will say, that’s yet another example that nothing good can ever come from a middle-aged white man knowing anything about rap. Period. We just can’t handle it. That’s how you get Macklemore. And if you’re thinking, “hey, what’s so bad about Macklemore?,” You’re very much part of the problem here. And some mistakes happened on a much bigger scale. Michigan rolled out a new system in 2013, which flagged tens of thousands of cases for fraud. Unfortunately, a review four years later found it had a 70% error rate. Meaning they’d falsely accused more than 40,000 people of fraudulently claiming benefits, and had been wrongfully recouping massive amounts of money from many of them. And the problem with the word “recoup” there is, it sounds kind of bloodless, until you realize that those people were required to repay their benefits at a 400% penalty. Which is just brutal. It’s like a hospital mistakenly thinking a patient wrote a bad check, and deciding to “recoup” their fucking hip replacement. Hey! I didn’t do anything wrong, and I really needed that! And if you want to see how all of this — poor technology, deep benefit cuts, and absurd eligibility requirements — can come together to break a vital social program, look no further than Florida. America’s vestigial tail. Florida’s previous governor, and Slenderman understudy Rick Scott, took a hatchet to the state’s program while in power. When he was sworn in, employers that year paid an average of $319 per employee in unemployment taxes. By the time he left office, they were paying just $50 per employee — the lowest in the country, and less than one-fifth the national average. And to balance those cuts out — as Scott proudly told a conference of young republicans in 2019 — he found ways to keep a lot of Floridians off unemployment.

Sen. Rick Scott: About 22 million people live in Florida. How many people today, throw out a guess, how many people when I left office were on unemployment benefits? Ten million is one. Anybody else? 61,000. [Scattered applause]

John: Wow, that is some nervous applause. Even in that room, you can feel people thinking, “wait, 61,000? Out of 22 million? Oh, that feels way too low. Is what he did terrible? Are we all terrible? Aw, never mind, we’re clapping now. Okay, I do feel better when we clap.” To achieve those numbers, Scott employed all the tactics you’ve seen. He started requiring people document contacts with five employers per week, reduced total benefits by slashing the number of weeks you could receive them, and threw in some extra obstacles, like requiring applicants to complete a 45-question “skills assessment,” testing their reading, math, and research skills — a policy so clearly meant to impede access, the department of labor’s civil rights division determined it violated federal nondiscrimination law. The state also forced everyone to file online, and rolled out an expensive new claims system, which was immediately plagued with glitches. And despite all of his reassurances at the time that they’d be fixed, they pretty clearly weren’t, because the system crashed so badly last year, they had to suddenly shift to paper applications — which, in the middle of a pandemic, brought a whole different set of problems.

It was near Bedlam at the John F. Kennedy library in Hialeah. A crowd in uncomfortably close quarters shoved its way forward with people desperate to get their hands on one of these, an application for unemployment benefits.

I am so scared. I’m scared for my life. Just for an application.

John: Yeah, I’m scared for your life, too, just watching that. And it’s a testament to both this pandemic and Florida’s ridiculous system that I feel the same white-knuckle terror watching people line up for unemployment applications as I do when watching a daredevil jump a motorcycle over a row of buses. Although, to be honest, it’s probably only a matter of time before Florida makes bus-jumping a requirement for applying for unemployment there, too. And while you could argue that this was just incompetence, you could also argue it was completely deliberate. Many Floridians actually suggested that last year, one of whom was Rick Scott’s successor.

Gov. Ron DeSantis: I think the goal was for whoever designed it was, let’s put as many kind of pointless roadblocks along the way so people just say, “oh, the hell with it. I’m not gonna do that.” But I think definitely in terms of how it was internally constructed, you know, it was definitely done in a way to lead to the least number of — of claims being paid out.

John: Wow. I gotta say, it’s weird to hear this asshole accurately critique this asshole. It’d be like hearing “twitter really needs to take care of its Nazi problem” from Mark Zuckerberg. Sure, in isolation, you’re making a good point. You just happen to be a fundamentally flawed messenger. Because before you give DeSantis too much credit there, it’s worth knowing a state investigation found that auditors had flagged problems with Florida’s system in 2015, 2016, and 2019 — and neither the Scott nor DeSantis administrations fixed the problems. And Florida’s deep and deliberate neglect of its unemployment system caused people there real pain.

If the unemployment claim finally went through, we’d be able to pay our bills no problem. But we tried to file for unemployment online and it was an absolute nightmare. I constantly have a nauseous feeling in my stomach. I try to distract myself from it, but especially at night — I’m sorry, I can’t even put it into words. I just — I don’t want Emmett to see me upset. I’ve been fighting really hard to hold it together.

John: That’s terrible. And the infuriating thing is how completely preventable it is. We could help her. It’d be better for her. It’d actually be better for the broader economy. And yet we’re actively choosing not to do it. Which is a fucking disgrace. So how can we fix this shit going forward? Well, first, there can no longer be any argument that our current system is broken. Again, the government’s actions last year — raising payments, and scrambling to make sure the system covered more workers — is a pretty public admission that it was fucked. So now you’ve got to fix it. In the very short term, states need funding to upgrade their broken technology. They also need to remove a lot of the stupid obstacles that prevent applicants who need help from getting it. But in the long term, we need some big changes here. Many experts agree, if the U.S. got a do-over, it’d be much better to go with one federal system than 53 separate ones. So we should probably do that. Among other things, that would stop states from being able to slash their programs in the name of being “pro-business,” and engaging in a race to the bottom on taxes. But if we’re not going to federalize — and, at the moment, it seems like we’re not — Congress should at the very least be setting a basic standard for unemployment benefits that states cannot drop below. All of which is a long way of saying that we need to take all the energy we’ve been pouring in to making sure that people who don’t deserve payments don’t get them, and put at least as much energy into making sure that people who really need them do. And to not make big changes after the flaws of this system have been so brutally exposed over the last year would be unforgivable. And if we don’t fix it, we’ve got absolutely nobody to blame but ourselves. And, possibly, Elmo. I’m not sure exactly how, but the whole thing does kind of seem like his fault. And now, this.

♪ ♪

Announcer: and now… Rachael Ray’s complicated history with baking.

I find most challenging about cooking is the discipline of baking. My older sister is very talented at it it has been since she was a small girl. It was really traumatic and therefore I decided I hate baking.

My sister is a fabulous baker when I was a little girl, for my mom’s birthday, I tried to make her favorite cake, a lemon cottage cake, a recipe for me ’50s. I tiptoed around my house and the sox, the case never rose, I cried for hours. I had nothing to give her for my birthday.

My sister is the baker in the family. One Christmas, I made all these cookies, they each had different personality, and the two dogs came in and ate the whole tray.

The dog came in, ate all of them. I am a terrible baker.

My sister is the baker and the family.

I hate to baker.

My sister is the designated baker. Baking makes me grumpy.

I tried to bake cookies one year, I was the most miserable person, nobody wanted to be there on Christmas because I was there.

I made so many Christmas cookies a couple years ago. My husband tried to leave me if I ever did it again.

I suck at baking.

My sister is the baker. I’m not a very good baker.

My sister is a better baker.

Me here that you not love to bake.

Do you ever cook?

I baked.

My sister is a fabulous baker I am so envious.

I’m a terrible baker. My sister is a fabulous baker.

My sister is a baker.

My sister is a baker.

I don’t bake. I hate baking!

This is my sister, this is Maria. [Applause]

Hello. ♪ ♪

John: That’s our show. Thanks so much for watching. We’ll see you next week. Good night.

♪ ♪

Oh, no, no, not again. Come on. Stop it. Please, stop it. I really don’t want the internet to have access to this image. Please stop it.

♪ ♪

I will say the song’s lapse. The song is fine.


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