Last Week Tonight with John Oliver
Season 11 Episode 28
Aired on November 3, 2024
Main segment: Business career of Donald Trump
Other segment: 2024 United States presidential election
In this episode of Last Week Tonight, John Oliver discusses Donald Trump’s business ventures, focusing on how they have evolved since he left office. He highlights Trump’s willingness to slap his name on products, from Truth Social to NFTs, to make money, especially as legal costs and judgments mount against him. Oliver warns that if Trump wins the next election, he could exploit his businesses in areas like cryptocurrency and social media, where regulations are still forming, to enrich himself and further conflicts of interest. He contrasts this with Kamala Harris’s policies, emphasizing the importance of voting against Trump despite frustrations with the current administration, especially in light of the global and domestic risks a second Trump presidency could bring.
* * *
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [Cheers and applause]
John: Welcome, welcome, welcome to Last Week Tonight! I’m John Oliver. Thank you so much for joining us. It has been a busy week. From a judge announcing Eric Adams’ trial will begin in April, to both Heidi Klum and Janelle Monae coincidentally dressing up like E.T. for Halloween. But we’re going to dive straight in with our main story tonight, which concerns Donald Trump, star of Home Alone 2 and all of your anxiety attacks.
We’ve talked all year about the many good reasons not to vote for him: his mass deportation plans, his reshaping of the courts, Project 2025, everything he said or did before his presidency, everything he said or did during his presidency, everything he said or did after his presidency, and the fact it should be unconstitutional to have a vice president named J.D. But tonight, we’d like to focus on something that’s been talked about a little less: his business ventures.
Which, to be clear, are not to be confused with the unofficial Trump products that just have his name slapped on them, like this. He’s here! Everyone’s favorite fish, “Trumpy Trout!” No one has ever seen a fish like me. Trumpy Trout is an animatronic talking fish with a big personality. I am the hugely bigliest fish in the pond. Mount him to your wall, or use the built-in stand to display him proudly on your desk. Now you’ll never miss a Trumpy Trout rally. I’m building a new pond, and the bass will pay for it.
John: We all see it, right? Please—please tell me we all see it. They want you to put your dick in that, right? I’m not saying that’s what I want to do! I’m saying that’s what they want me to do. Why else would they design it like some sort of Bass Pro Shop-sponsored flesh-light? All I’m saying is, ladies, if your husband asks you for a Trumpy Trout this Christmas, it’s over.
Incidentally, according to their website, they allow returns in the first 60 days, no questions asked, which feels like a huge mistake, because I’m guessing their warehouse is now full of splooge-covered trout. Again, that’s not an official Trump product. I only showed it to you to horrify you. And now you have seven days to show that video to someone else.
But there are lots of moneymaking ventures that do have Trump’s seal of approval, and from which money flows to him. And while all former presidents end up finding ways to make money, Trump’s in a category all his own. Since he left office, his companies resumed their golf and real estate deals abroad, announcing projects in Saudi Arabia, Dubai, and Vietnam. He’s also been hawking official Trump coins, a Trump-branded Bible, and the “Never Surrender” high tops, which look like what Mr. T would wear with a tuxedo.
Even more recently, he launched a line of Trump watches, with one retailing at $100,000. The Trump Victory Tourbillon. This isn’t just any watch. It’s one of the best watches made. It’s a tourbillon watch, with almost 200 grams of gold and more than 100 real diamonds. That’s a lot of diamonds. I love gold. I love diamonds. We all do.
John: I think this goes without saying, but that’s the ugliest watch I’ve ever seen. It makes your wrist look like it’s having a midlife crisis. It looks like it was made by melting down King Charles. It makes you look like you just fisted C-3PO.
And look, the fact Trump’s willing to slap his name on random products is nothing new. It’s always been part of his M.O. But the scope of his business ventures has actually escalated sharply recently. Which, in a way, makes sense. Since leaving office, he’s spent $100 million on legal costs, at an average of more than $90,000 a day. And on top of that, there are the multiple judgments hanging over him. There’s the civil fraud case in New York, for which a judge ordered him to pay $355 million in damages, and the two civil cases brought by E. Jean Carroll, in which he was found to have sexually abused and defamed her, and for which he was ordered to pay about $88 million.
Now, does nearly half a billion in penalties hanging over his head make the greediest man to ever live even greedier? Maybe, maybe not—after all, Trump’s always operating at maximum greed, the same way the ocean’s always operating at maximum wet. But it does mean he’s a little more desperate. Especially because if his appeals fail and he doesn’t come up with the money, courts could order that his assets be seized and sold. So, he’s now more incentivized than ever to bring in as much money as possible—and if the election goes his way on Tuesday, he’s got some troubling new ways of doing that.
So tonight, let’s look at Trump’s businesses—what’s changed about them since last time around, and what havoc they could wreak.
And let’s start with the fact that we always knew there were going to need to be ethical guardrails during Trump’s first term. Unfortunately, what became clear was that our system of ethics was largely based on norms that could be ignored. For instance, Trump wasn’t required to release his tax returns—so he didn’t. Similarly, nearly all presidents since the 70s have put their assets into a blind trust. But Trump wasn’t required to do that either, so didn’t. And even he was taken aback by this—here he is talking to reporters just a few days after he won.
I assumed that you’d have to set up some type of trust or whatever and you don’t. And I was actually a little bit surprised to see it.
John: Yeah. And I think we all know, if Trump’s not required to do something, he’s not doing it. It’s why he doesn’t say he lost the last election or hug his children or bother to learn the fucking dance moves to the YMCA. For the love of God, move your arms above your shoulders, you human pot roast.
Instead, Trump put his assets in a revocable trust that he could access any time he wanted—run, by the way, by his sons and the company’s CFO—a man who’s since gone to jail twice for lying under oath and dodging taxes.
So those were the norms he blew past. But he also ignored the few laws that were in place. For instance, the emoluments clause of the Constitution forbids the president to accept money payments or gifts “of any kind whatever” from foreign governments unless he obtains “the consent of the Congress” to do so. But an investigation released earlier this year—of just the first two years of his presidency—seemed to find some pretty clear violations.
The House Democrats’ new report found that while Donald Trump was president, his businesses raked in $7.8 million from 20 foreign governments. Topping the chart, China, followed by Saudi Arabia, and Qatar.
John: Right. Foreign governments effectively paid millions to Trump by renting hotel rooms or other Trump-owned properties. And in any other universe, “President accepts money from foreign governments” would be immediately disqualifying. Unfortunately, we live in this universe where a candidate for president has been criminally indicted four times and convicted of 34 felonies thus far, his running mate sees women as walking incubators, and Reba McEntire still hasn’t done Hot Ones. This is not the ideal timeline.
Trump’s alleged violations of the emoluments clause were the subject of multiple lawsuits during his term. The problem is, that term ended before a final court ruling, leading the Supreme Court to dismiss those cases as moot. Basically, he ran out the clock.
So, there’s no evidence to suggest Trump won’t carry on his personal enrichment in a second term. And it’s worth talking about two key areas that weren’t part of his financial portfolio last time: social media and cryptocurrency.
And let’s start with social media. Not long after leaving office, Trump started Trump Media. You may know of its flagship product, Truth Social, the MAGA version of Twitter—a phrase which is now totally redundant. Truth Social advertises a lot on Newsmax, where it fits in well with the other companies that advertise there. Because watch this ad break from the network—and we did not edit this at all.
No task too great. We are Americans, and the future belongs to us. The future belongs to all of you. Join the conversation. Join the movement. Join Truth Social, where freedom lives.
Caboose. Booty. Badunkadunk. No matter what you call it, if you have hemorrhoids, your tushy is no laughing matter. So don’t use a cream that treats your rear end like a joke.
John: Perfect. I only wish they’d gone even harder on the butt names: caboose, booty, badunkadunk, cakes, sweet cheeks, glute chute, wagon you’re draggin’, meat seat, back porch, devil’s canyon, moons over my fanny, cinnabuns, Stanley Tushi, Pillsbury Doughbutt, Jubbles McSqueeze, and trouser hams. I don’t ask for much, just an endless amount of butt names while you hawk hemorrhoid cream alongside Trump’s even shittier Twitter.
The concept of Truth Social was pitched to Trump at Mar-a-Lago by two former Apprentice contestants just three weeks after January 6th, naturally over cheeseburgers, Diet Cokes, and ice cream. Proving once again, Trump lives every day like a ten-year-old having a big day out. The pitch for Trump Media as a whole was that Trump would own the majority of the company without putting in any of his own money, effectively just leveraging his name. And since going public earlier this year, his stake’s soared to values as high as $5 billion, more than the estimated value of all his commercial real estate combined. It’s now the biggest piece of his financial holdings by far.
But crucially, that value is in no way reflective of the financial performance of the company itself. Because its flagship product, Truth Social, isn’t much to write home about. It’s the 1,174th most popular website on the internet, behind Guitar Center, Spirit Halloween, and “The Porn Dude” dot com. And it’s been a bit of a shitshow right from the start—sometimes literally, given that even before Truth Social officially launched, people discovered an unreleased test version with an open sign-up page, and it became clear no one had bothered to reserve the username “DonaldJTrump.” So they grabbed that account and posted this picture of a pig shitting on its own scrotum.
Fun fact: those accounts were suspended, suggesting Truth Social’s not so much a platform where freedom lives as one where freedom kisses daddy’s caboose. And the company’s not doing that hot financially, either. Their filings show little revenue and large losses. But it’s basically functioning as a meme stock right now—one that goes up because there’s a frenzy around it online, but that frenzy is divorced from its underlying value.
And don’t take that from me—just listen to this Fox Business correspondent:
There is really no profits here to this company. Its user base is a fraction of Twitter. It is literally blowing up because of the name Donald Trump. Now maybe Trump can make it profitable. He hasn’t been able to do that so far. So just be careful on this one.
John: I’d love to meet the Fox viewer who, seconds away from spending $5,000 of his—let’s be honest—ex-wife’s money on Trump Media stock, is stopped by the words of Dollar Store Tony Danza there, though I’m pretty sure that viewer doesn’t exist. I’m guessing anyone about to buy Trump Media stock will only be stopped by accidentally electrocuting themselves while fucking the Trumpy Trout.
Truth Social isn’t covered by federal conflict of interest law, which means Trump could use the power of the office to boost the stock—by, for instance, deciding he’s only going to communicate through Truth Social from now on. But that’s just the beginning. American companies seeking government favors could buy ads on the platform. And foreign governments looking to score points with Trump could buy shares. For instance, the Saudi sovereign wealth fund could buy a ton of stock in Trump Media, causing the price to soar. But it’d also then have the power to tank the value of shares by dumping them, rendering Trump’s stock worthless. That’s a lot of power for a foreign government to have over a president’s net worth.
And at least with Trump Media, there are some long-established restrictions publicly traded companies have to operate under. But that’s not the case with Trump’s other new venture: cryptocurrency.
Interestingly, he was initially very anti-crypto, saying that bitcoin seems like a scam. But two years ago, he ventured into NFTs, and that experience seems to have changed his mind. And let’s take a moment to talk about those NFTs, because they’re bonkers. He launched the first ones with this announcement:
I’m doing my first official Donald J. Trump NFT collection right here and right now. They’re called Trump Digital Trading Cards. These cards feature some of the really incredible artwork pertaining to my life and my career. Go to CollectTrumpCards.com right now and remember, Christmas is coming, and this makes a great Christmas gift.
John: First, no it doesn’t. Imagine the look of disappointment on someone’s face to find out on Christmas morning that instead of a real gift, they got a glorified JPEG. Even the Trumpiest of uncles would be like, I don’t want this shit, I asked for a fucking NutriBullet!
Also, referring to the NFTs as artwork pertaining to my life and career is bold. Because I don’t remember a time when Trump was an astronaut, a superhero, or had this body. Nevertheless, that first collection sold out in less than a day, something that thrilled Trump so much, he released three more sets, with equally weird images—from him as Iron Man, to Elvis, to a superhero with laser vision, to the most unbelievable one of all, Trump as a well-adjusted family man with a loving pet dog who hosts barbecues for his friends. I’m sorry, that’s stretching the human imagination too far.
The guy who got Trump into NFTs is Bill Zanker, who co-authored Trump’s 2007 book Think Big and Kick Ass in Business and Life. His claim to fame was founding the adult-education company The Learning Annex, which in its heyday taught classes like “How to Flirt,” “How to Cheat on Your Spouse,” and “How to Talk to Your Cat”—classes I assume you’d need to take in that order.
But Trump’s made a lot of money off these worthless pieces of shit—his most recent financial disclosure says he earned over $7 million in his NFT licensing deal. And since then, he’s significantly embraced the crypto community, and in September, announced a brand-new venture.
So, this new Trump-backed business called World Liberty Financial has yet to release key details about its finances or exact purpose. Its website, though, prominently features photos of Trump and touts a digital currency. Trump and his sons Eric and Don Jr. are pitching this platform as a way for American households to buy or sell cryptocurrencies and to go around, quote, “big banks and financial elites.”
John: It’s true, Trump has his own crypto platform now. Which is immediately alarming, even before you go to its website and see that one of the company’s advisers is someone called Ogle, whose headshot is a cartoon wearing a gas mask, and who is from an organization called “Glue.”
And look, I’m sure Ogle is awesome at Glue. But it’s not a great sign that a financial platform’s being officially advised by what appears to be a 12-year-old’s Fortnite character.
On that website, Barron, Eric, and Don Jr. are described as “Web 3 ambassadors.” And Trump is referred to as “Chief Crypto Advocate.” And if those titles sound incredibly vague, that’s true of the entire enterprise. All we really know is that the company intends to build a platform that will allow users to trade, borrow, and lend cryptocurrencies. They’ve launched a governance token, which they say will eventually allow users to vote on how the project is run, and so far, they’ve sold $14 million worth of them, despite the fact they currently have no real rights and can’t be traded because they’re non-transferable.
One crypto analyst said, I don’t even know if you could say it’s a speculative token, because it’s not built for anything yet, it’s like a receipt for something that hasn’t been made. Which is so disappointing, because that’s not the standard you’d expect from a company being advised by Ogle. Not Ogle from Glue!
Apparently, once the broader platform is launched, 75% of net revenue will flow to a company Trump owns. So this is yet another project that Trump will profit off of, just by slapping his name on it. The real work will be done by others.
And it’s worth meeting those others. The key people behind the company are two guys named Chase Herro and Zak Folkman. They were previously involved in Dough Finance, a crypto platform that was hacked in July, which led to the theft of $2 million. Herro has described himself as “the dirtbag of the internet” and previously sold weight-loss colon cleanses and a $149-a-month get-rich-quick class. He also owns a 34-foot boat called “Clickbait,” because of course he does, and once described crypto like this:
You can literally sell shit in a can, wrapped in piss, covered in human skin for a billion dollars if the story is right, because people will buy it and that’s what’s going on in the crypto space. Like I said in my other video, I’m not going to question the right and the wrong of all that, all I’m saying is that as a human being, you have that ability to make a fuck ton of money right now.
John: First, stop driving! Pull over, take a weed gummy, and chill the fuck out—you’re screaming. Second, this video makes me genuinely sad to think about if they remade The Music Man today. Hustlers used to wear straw hats, three-piece suits, and be able to patter song like proper gentlemen. Now all we get are wannabe turtles from Entourage yelling about shit cans while likely committing vehicular manslaughter.
As for Zak Folkman, he used to run a service called Date Hotter Girls, where he taught masterclasses on how to “become the ultimate alpha male.” Here he is in action:
*If you want to take her home, try—like, tell her—tell her about the awesome margaritas that you’re gonna make at your place. Tell her about the really sweet balcony you have at your place. Tell her about, you know, your—uh, some video that you saw on YouTube—that you have to show her and, you know, get her home. Now, the fact of the matter is, is this, you know, flashy? No, not at all. But, I mean, how many guys came here to learn how to be flashy? Okay. How many guys came here to learn how to take girls home and bang ’em?*
John: Look, I know we’ve shown you a lot of sad clips over the years, but that honestly might be the most heartbreaking. From his whole vibe that can best be described as “worse Jared Leto,” to the fact the seminar’s taking place in what appears to be the lobby of a Hilton Garden Inn, to him using the word “bang” for sex like he’s a one-line extra in a production of Grease. But the worst part might be that his grand plan to teach men to “date hotter girls” is to tell them about how cool his house is like an 8-year-old talking to someone in the pool on vacation. “Yeah, my house has a balcony and we have a slushy machine and I’m allowed to watch YouTube. Watch me do a dolphin kick.”
Also, for the record, no woman is going to be enticed home to bang with a YouTube video. Ask anyone who’s been stuck in an apartment while a man shows her a 12-minute best of MythBusters compilation—there is nothing less horny.
And look, I don’t have to show you another clip from Zak. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to do that.
A good example of the conversation bait is that question—or, like, saying, like, you know, “You have an accent, don’t you?” Because the fact is, is like what—like, what could a girl possibly say to that? Like, what—she’s either gonna say yes, no, or why would you ask me that, right? Like, I mean, I can promise you because I’ve said this thousands of times and that’s the only three answers I’ve ever heard.
John: I believe that. For the record, Zak, women talk. I guarantee you, every women’s restroom in every bar he tried that in had a full debrief on this man, and it wasn’t good.
But remember, Trump’s in business with this guy. The potential next president of the United States is partnering not just with him, but also with “the dirtbag of the internet” to pursue a shared goal of, quote, reshaping the financial landscape.
And all of that would be bad enough. But there’s a much broader problem here, and that’s that crypto is in its infancy, and there are many questions regarding how it should be regulated. No substantive laws have been passed by Congress, and no rules have been written into regulation. So the next president could have a huge say on not only how those laws are shaped but how they’re enforced. And Trump’s already signaled a lax attitude toward regulation. Just this summer, he addressed the Bitcoin 2024 Conference, and promised that, once he’s president:
“We will have regulations, but the rules will be written by people who love your industry.”
He also mentioned SEC Chairman Gary Gensler, who’s hated by crypto advocates because he’s been aggressive in pursuing scammers and believes in regulating crypto as securities using existing law. And just watch Trump feed off the energy of the crowd.
On day one, I will fire Gary Gensler and appoint a new SEC chairman. [Applause] I didn’t know he was that unpopular. [Cheers and applause] Well, I didn’t know he was that unpopular. Let me say it again: On day one, I will fire Gary Gensler.
John: Yeah, Trump will do anything if it gets him applause. He’s like Tinkerbell, if Tinkerbell also kinda quoted Hitler and called Neverland a “shithole country.”
So, if Trump wins, it’s expected he’d directly influence regulations that could determine if his own crypto company succeeds or fails. One expert described it as “conflict of interest 101.” A class I assume was once offered at Bill Zanker’s The Learning Annex.
This is obviously extremely dangerous, but especially in a space that’s so new. As one ethics lawyer described it, Trump’s prior conflicts took advantage of pre-existing loopholes. But with crypto, Trump appears to be promising to create the loopholes while also using a business venture to exploit them.
The point is, it was clear before Trump was elected that he’d use the presidency to enrich himself. But in a second term, the landscape is very different. We’re no longer just talking about a tacky Florida country club that CEOs or foreign officials can visit for special access to the president. It’s two companies in new branches of technology, that we’re still trying to figure out how to regulate, that could expose him to new levels of risk, and provide avenues for people to funnel money to him and influence him.
And look, none of this is the biggest reason not to vote for him. But it’s another good one to put alongside the many, many others—from his policies to his personality to the fact that we should never, ever have a president who’s inspired this fucking thing.
And now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to send something back for a full refund. I understand there are no questions asked.
And now, this.
Announcer: And now, our annual look at the wonder that is Halloween on local TV.
Good morning and happy Halloween! I’m Terror Scott!
I don’t like what you did there.
Welcome to the one hour the best of West Arkansas has to offer. I can’t keep my thing up here. I can’t keep my showcase showdown.
Can you see that?
I see that. We can’t do that anymore.
What’s up, doc? Buzzbuns Bugs Bunny.
Not going to warm a whole lot, temptress falling for 70s through the festivities. A high pressure is poking up the warm air on the East Coast. To speak of what you look at is what we’ve been seeing all week. It staying for a couple days. The 50s and the highs and the lows and the winds will be blown. Yes, it’ll be blowing.
“Good Morning America,” a family costume competition and great tricks and treats from the internet’s favorite grandma.
The new boost to the Mendez Brothers.
John: Moving on. Before we go, this is our final show before Election Day, which is a huge relief, as, for many—from the constant phone calls, texts, or ads—this campaign has taken a toll. It’s just nonstop. We’re ready to get it over with.
It’s tiring. I see a thousand ads running and you’re like, “Who do I vote for? What’s going on?” It is overwhelming because it then turns into, okay, so there’s pros and cons to this person and there’s pros and cons for this person. It’s turning out to where my generation doesn’t want to vote! [Laughter]
John: Wait. I’m going to choose to believe that woman is not the voice of her generation. Because that voice is, obviously, standing right beside her.
What a shirt! I have so many questions, from “Why did no one at that local news station catch that?” to “Did he not realize he was wearing that shirt when the camera crew stopped him, or did he very much realize, and that’s the only reason he stopped?”
And I want it on the record: I’m not bullying that guy right now. I wouldn’t do that because… y’know.
This election has been brutal. And while, who knows if they’re accurate or not, the polls in many swing states right now are basically tied. Which is absolutely mind-breaking for so many reasons, including last Sunday’s spectacle at Madison Square Garden, where incredibly racist things were said about Black people, Palestinians, and Puerto Ricans, with Trump trying to stem the damage with that last group by posting this on Tuesday.
Oh, my god, I will vote. I will vote. For Donald Trump. Oh, my god, I will vote. I will vote. For Donald Trump.
John: Yeah. He posted that without comment. And if it was meant as an apology to Puerto Ricans, it’s worth knowing: that’s a Cuban band. Though I admit, that’s a very catchy song, and I do appreciate that the lyrics are, “Oh my god, I will vote for Trump!” which sounds like someone realizing in real-time they’re an absolute dipshit.
Trump’s closing argument has consisted of his usual fearmongering poison, interspersed with tweets like, “When I’m president the McDonald’s ice cream machines will work great again.” Which is both a very weird and a frustratingly funny thing for him to say.
And that’s honestly been a real problem in trying to talk about Trump, ever since he rode down that fucking escalator. It’s been an issue for us at this show. Just last week we showed you this clip of him talking about immigrants:
They’re destroying the blood of our country. That’s what they’re doing. They’re destroying our country. They don’t like it when I said that, and I never read “Mein Kampf.” They said, “Oh, Hitler said that in a much different way.”
John: Here’s the thing, that is such a funny thing to say at the end there! It almost distracts you from what came before it. Because paraphrasing Mein Kampf is horrific. But pronouncing *Mein Kampf like a substitute teacher sounding out a student’s name during attendance is objectively funny. It shouldn’t be, but it is. And it’s yet another case of what’s ridiculous about Trump very effectively distracting from what makes him so dangerous.
That may be one of the reasons Trump was able to become president in the first place, and why he might be about to do it again. This could come down to a handful of votes in a handful of states. And given that, I’ve been thinking, what am I going to be feeling on Wednesday? And is there anything I’m going to wish I’d said right now?
So that’s what the rest of this is going to be.
And look, for the past few months, we’ve talked a lot about Donald Trump and the danger he poses. We’ve admittedly talked less about Kamala Harris and her proposals. But that’s for a pretty clear reason. Picking apart policy proposals when the alternative is Trump is a bit like debating which color to paint the living room while your house is on fucking fire. You kind of have to prioritize the imminent threat.
But real quick, while Harris’s platform is by no means everything I’d want, there’s stuff I like. Her proposal to expand Medicare so it covers long-term care and includes services like in-home aides would be transformative. And economists say her proposals would boost the income of the poorest Americans by 18%.
As for abortion, she promises to protect and expand reproductive freedom, which is critical, especially as stories come to light of women literally dying thanks to abortion restrictions—just this week, we learned of a teenager in Texas who died after three ER visits, thanks to their abortion ban.
As for Trump, we’ve talked about how, with Project 2025, he’ll have a roadmap to bend the government to his will, how he’ll push the judiciary even further right, and that he’s promising a mass deportation program that’ll be even more destructive to immigrants’ lives than his first term was. What’s more, when RFK Jr. was running, we talked about how dangerous he could be, but Trump’s now promising to put him in charge of public health, saying he’ll “let him go wild on health.” And RFK’s been specific about what he’s been offered.
The key that I—I think I’m, you know, that President Trump has promised me is—is control of the public health agencies, which are HHS and its sub-agencies CDC, FDA, NIH, and a few others.
John: Okay, first, just wipe your camera with your sleeve, or a dead bear, or whatever else you have around. But more importantly, that’s very bad! To put it mildly, you don’t want RFK Jr. in charge of the CDC if there’s another pandemic. Or even if there isn’t!
All of that is why a bunch of our stories this year have ended with me telling you to vote against Donald Trump. But to be clear, I’m voting for Kamala Harris, and I think you should too. And if you’re a die-hard Harris supporter and were gonna do that anyway, great! But the next few minutes aren’t actually going to be for you.
And if you’re a die-hard Trump supporter, they’re not for you, either, and incidentally, what the fuck are you even doing here? I presume YouTube pushed this clip to you after I played that certified banger earlier, and you got very disappointed when I called you a dipshit.
But for everyone else, I just want to elaborate a bit on the sentence “Vote for Kamala Harris.” If you watch this show, you know I’ve had plenty of issues with the administration she’s been part of. Particularly when it comes to their policies on immigration and, of course, Gaza. We’ve talked multiple times about how the Biden administration’s response to the ongoing slaughter is indefensible. And people are rightly furious about it.
In Michigan, more than 100,000 voters checked “uncommitted” on their primary ballots in February rather than vote for Biden. That protest vote was organized by a coalition called the Uncommitted Movement, led by Arab and Muslim American Democrats. And there are still many Michigan voters—which is, by the way, a crucial swing state—who are struggling with the idea of voting for Harris.
Now, I’m a Democrat. It’s put me in a very awkward position. How can I tell the Dearborn pharmacist who lost 80 members of his family in one day to vote for the vice president? What does that mean you put on the ballot paper? I might just leave it blank. For some of us, asking who we are going to vote for at the top of the ticket and be strategic about it is like asking who we’re going to vote for while we are at a funeral. I think the Arab American community is likely not to vote for Harris. I’m fairly certain of that. I don’t know how I’m going to vote. I’m not going to lie to you. In my heart, I don’t want Trump to win. I think he’s not just a disaster for Arab Americans, but he’s also a disaster for all Americans. Deep in my heart, I’m rooting for her.
John: Look, I get why this is so difficult. And I know there are some who won’t vote for Harris under any circumstances because of this issue. But I know there are others who may still be wrestling with this. And if it’s okay, I’d like to talk to you for a second.
And first, let me say: I wish Harris had done more to reach out to you, beyond sending Bill Clinton to basically scold you this week. That didn’t seem remotely helpful, and honestly felt a bit like bullying, and as we all know, bullying accomplishes almost nothing. And I fully understand why a message from me might not be welcome either.
But for what it’s worth, I’ve been moved by some Muslim and Arab voices who’ve also wrestled hard with this question and arrived at the conclusion, despite their pain, to vote for Harris.
In Arizona, a coalition of community leaders issued a letter in which they explained their decision to support her, saying, “A Trump win would be an extreme danger to Muslims in our country, all immigrants, and the American pro-Palestine movement.” And they’re not alone in feeling that way.
Ruwa Romman is the first Muslim woman elected to the Georgia State House. You may remember, she’s one of several Palestinians who the Uncommitted Movement put forward to address this year’s DNC, only to be rejected by the party. Meaning the convention featured no Palestinian speakers. She actually released this TikTok a few weeks ago—partly in response to people telling her she should abandon the Democratic Party because both parties are basically the same.
It’s worth watching the whole thing, but she talks about her anger at what happened—but also about the DNC delegates who stood up for her, and those that she sees as movable on this issue. And this is where she lands:
If I know that one party—there is only one viable party on the trajectory that I want them on, why would I leave that behind? There are people who are using my pain to virtue signal and convince you that the threats that we are facing are not actually that big of a deal. My philosophy is that if I can prevent the death of even a single person, I will make the decisions to do that. Period. End of story. I do not believe in the fact that just because things are bad, that it’s okay to let them get worse.
John: It’s a compelling argument. And if you’re thinking, “The Biden administration’s been so bad on this issue, how could Trump be worse?” He’s told us. He told Netanyahu to “do what you have to do” in Gaza, arguing we should let Israel “finish the job,” while people in Trump’s orbit, including his former ambassador to Israel, have been pushing to let it annex the West Bank. Meanwhile, Trump’s also hinted at going after Palestinians in the U.S. and deporting demonstrators.
I know it’s hard to imagine things getting worse on this, but to be fair, Trump has a proven track record of digging us into a new layer of hell. That’s not AI, by the way. That’s a real photo. It may be the worst photo of anyone ever taken.
And it’s worth factoring in that the damage of a second Trump term would last far beyond the next four years and encumber any potential progressive president in the future. Two of the current justices are at retirement age, and because one of them rudely didn’t take my very generous bus offer earlier this year, Trump could replace them with younger versions. At that point, he’d have appointed five members of the court and cemented a majority that’ll likely last for the rest of my life—which, admittedly, may not actually be that long if Measles McGee here is allowed to let everything get out of control.
Look, I know this isn’t inspiring to hear. But politics isn’t always inspiring—it’s transactional. It rarely matches our greatest hopes and dreams. I’ll be honest—I really didn’t want the first vote I cast as an American citizen to be for Joe Fucking Biden, but here we are.
Here’s how I look at it: the struggle for justice isn’t just about what happens on Election Day. It’s a fight waged constantly, day in, day out, in protests on the street, meetings with legislators, and in the thousand small actions that cumulatively move the government forward, an inch at a time.
Abbas Alawieh, a co-founder of the Uncommitted Movement, has urged Democrat voters to “pair their vote, their support for Vice President Harris, with a public commitment to pressure her to stop sending weapons, should she become president.”
As for Ruwa Romman, she voted for Harris in Georgia—another critical swing state—while doing a vote-swap with someone in a blue state, who cast a protest vote on her behalf. And she explained her Harris vote by saying:
My vote is a promise—a promise that I and those who stand with me will not stop demanding the end of mass slaughter and violence everywhere.
And that’s the point. Elections alone aren’t sufficient for large-scale change, but they’re absolutely necessary for it to ever happen, because it’s the day when you, essentially, get to choose who you’d prefer to be pushing for the next four years and where you’ll be pushing them from.
Look, I love this country. I’m an immigrant and I chose to come here. In the words of the late Lee Greenwood, “I’m proud to be an American.” And I’d argue there’s nothing more American than having a healthy adversarial relationship with those in power—even if you voted for them.
And while I know this hasn’t been an uplifting speech, if it helps at all, there’s one final thing I’m going to be genuinely excited for on Tuesday. And that is, if Donald Trump loses this election, he is basically finished. I know he’d put us through hell before he left the stage. But when the dust settled, he’d have lost two elections in a row and would be campaigning as an 82-year-old next time. I think he’d be done.
And doesn’t that sound great? [Cheers and applause]
And the problems he’s a symptom of would obviously remain, but we wouldn’t have to deal with him anymore. Wouldn’t it be great to live in a world where he’s just an annoyance, and not an active threat? Where this photo could just be funny, rather than having geopolitical implications? Where he can yell about ice cream machines and complain about windmills, and we all have the option of just not giving a shit about any of it?
I want so badly to live in that world. And I hope everyone does everything in their power, in the next 48 hours, to make that world possible.
That’s our show. Thank you so much for watching. We will see you next week. Good night!
[Cheers and applause]
I’m angry! Five, six, seven, eight. Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!
♪ ♪ [End credits]
