The Simpsons
Season 37 – Episode 8
Episode title: The Day of the Jack-up
Original air date: November 23, 2025
Plot: Mr. Burns opens a new high-tech concert hall and Lisa’s favourite K-Pop band Kneesock Dolls are one of the first acts to hold a concert. But when a ticket scalper known as “SeatMiser” buys up all of the tickets, Homer does what he can to get Lisa to see the Kneesock Dolls while Mayor Quimby hires an FBI Profiler to catch SeatMiser.
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The Simpsons – S37E08 – The Day of the Jack-up | Transcript
[bird squawks]
[Burns] Smithers, why am I wearing my meeting tie and chitchat spats?
[Smithers] Well, sir, the demand for power has dropped recently due to a new wind farm.
[Burns] My old enemy, the wind. Mother Nature’s sour belches.
[Smithers] Well, it’s not just that. The prison is now powering its electric chair with a spin class.
Let’s go, bitches. Fry this scum.
[electricity crackles]
[Smithers] The result is we have excess power and a buyer who wants to use it to mine blockchain cryptocurrency.
[Burns] I do know mines, chains, and crypts. Stand back, Smithers, as I unleash my legendary negotiation skills.
[executives coughing]
[clock ticking]
I think he might be dead.
[Burns] I win.
Win what?
[Smithers] I’m ordering dinner if you guys want anything.
[executives groan]
[Burns] If you agree to triple your offer, I will in return let in a sliver of sunlight. Hmm. Hmm? Mmm?
[blinds creaking]
Would you at least look at our offer?
[Burns] Hard to do without a little light.
[Smithers] People want pizza or Chinese?
[executives groan]
[Burns] Wait, you can’t leave.
We’re out. We made a deal with the Ogdenville plant. The last straw was when you had that weird guy stand too close to us with his shirt off.
[executives] Ugh.
[Homer] We getting dinner?
[Burns] Storming off. A classic counter move. Oh. They’ll be back before my aunt’s ashes fall through this hourglass.
[Smithers] While we wait for them to return, I have an idea how we can monetize our excess power. A massive concert venue. We could make a big profit on merchandise, concessions and parking.
[Burns] Parking, the modern El Dorado.
[Smithers] The arena could have video on the outside, and, uh, we could make it an interesting shape. Maybe spherical.
[Burns] Yes, I have the perfect name. We’ll call it The Circulus.
[cheering]
[clamoring]
[all cheering]
Of course, on the day I get a zit.
[kids barking]
[electric whirring]
[howls]
My night eyes!
[Homer] Oh, the light from that stupid Circumulus has made it impossible to sleep here or at work. Did you know that I passed out at Moe’s from tiredness?
[all gasp]
Breaking news. Ginormous Kent Brockman here to announce The Circulus opening act will be Kpop sensation, Kneesock Dolls. Tickets go on sale tomorrow at 6:00 a.m.
[Lisa] Kneesock Dolls! They’re my favorite girl pop band from my favorite Korea. I wanna go. No, I need to go.
[Homer] Oh, Lisa, no one enjoys loud gibberish and screaming preteens more than me, but that concert’s on a school night. Going just wouldn’t be responsible.
[Lisa] But this might be my only chance to see them and hear their defiant songs about equal pay and cute boys in the summertime.
[Homer] Don’t cry. We’ll go. We’ll buy tickets and be there, I swear.
[Lisa] [groans] No daddy’s daughter ever had a better daughter daddy.
[both] Mmm.
[birds chirping]
[Homer] Okay, seats go on sale in one minute. We just need to get any tickets we can before the other fans and their guiltridden daddies. [gasps] Sold out? How can they all be gone in under a second?
[Lisa] So I’m not going?
[Homer] Not a problem, sweetie. We can still get tickets on the secondary market, just like we did with Grampa’s pacemaker. What the? Some guy called “SeatMiser” has somehow snatched up every ticket and is reselling them for $2,000 each.
[Lisa] It’s okay, Dad. Thanks for trying. Let’s just forget it.
[Homer] No. America’s most sacred freedom, the ability to buy a ticket at face value, shall not be taken from us. Everyone deserves their fair shot at a seat, whether it be concert, sporting event, or Terry Gross in conversation with Drama Desk Award winner, Audra McDonald, at the 92nd Street Y. I will get those tickets because this is one lazy American who won’t take this injustice standing up! Or sober.
[Marge] This SeatMiser’s a real J-E-R-Kosher sign. Hmm. These ticket resellers use computer bots to buy up everything and then jack up the prices. It’s really something to be upset about.
[Bart] It’s okay, Lis. You’ll still get to see the concert in videos posted by rich kids.
[Lisa] [gasps] Look at this. SeatMiser’s bought up seats for every upcoming Circulus event.
[groans]
[groaning]
No.
[all grunting]
[inhales]
[muffled screaming]
[Mayor Quimby] I am taking a stand against predatory resellers like this SeatMiser.
How can you stop this aftermarket villain? They could be using a computer anywhere in the world, even Trinidad and/or Tobago.
Uh, wrong again, Sideshow Melvin. I have discovered, through cyber manipulation, that SeatMiser’s account was set up on a library computer right here in Springfield.
[crowd gasps]
I bet it’s Lenny. One day I saw him with a book.
[Lenny] Uh, I’m doing research for my novel about 18th-century Hungarian pirates on the Black Sea. [spluttering] That idea’s mine. Nobody steal it. I’ll know.
It’s probably Seymour. He comes from a troubled home.
[Mayor Quimby] To find this pernicious ticket reseller, I have brought in one of the FBI’s most decorated criminal profilers.
[footsteps thudding]
[Profiler] My name is… not public information. I used to catch violent serial killers, but now we just leave that to documentaries and podcasts. Which leaves me free to dedicate my extensive skills to fighting this new, highly irritating breed of semi-crime.
I know ticket trafficking is a sin, but is it against the law?
[Profiler] Well, it’s illegal in some states, and since I don’t know what state this is, it could be here too. I will bring this SeatMiser to justice, and they will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Assuming there is a law against this kind of thing here.
[crowd cheers]
[Marge] I’m so proud of you for not saying anything at a town meeting.
[Homer] [muffled] Mouth stuck with taffy.
[Lisa] Even if they catch this stupid ticket reseller, I still can’t go to the concert.
[Homer] I’m sorry, Lisa. I guess Daddy didn’t come through for you.
[Lisa] [sighs]
[Homer] Oh, my God. You never thought I would come through for you.
[Lisa] No. No, I did. I always think you’ll come through for me.
[Homer] Oh, I’ve set the bar so low I can’t even disappoint you anymore.
[Lisa] The way you’re making this all about you is a little disappointing.
[Homer] Don’t try to cheer me up. I’m gonna get those tickets by any means necessary. And when I don’t, you better be let down.
[Homer] [groaning] [banging] Stupid amazing Circulus creating an economic system easily exploitable by ruthless capitalists with a technological advantage.
[Otto] Hey. Hey, buddy. Word on the street is your daughter’s desperate for tickets to the Kneesock Dolls.
[Homer] [gasps] The street is right.
[Otto] Come into my office.
[Homer] [sighs] This is the way ticket buying is supposed to be. From a sketchy dude in a parking lot who you’d never talk to in real life.
[Otto] I got four seats. They can be yours for 500 bucks and clean urine.
[Homer] Uh, how about 450 and cleanish?
[Otto] Deal.
[Homer] Hmm.
[electric whirring]
[Lisa groans]
[Marge] That thing is so bright. Everyone, put on your sleep helmets.
[Homer] Guys, guess which hero is amazing. This one. Ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket.
[Lisa] Oh, my God! Dad, I’m so sorry I wasn’t madder at you before. Can you ever forgive me?
[Homer] Of course I can’t.
[Bart] [groans] I don’t wanna go to Lisa’s stupid girl band. But it could be cool to hate-watch something on a screen that big.
[Marge] I can’t wait to hear the songs live I’ve been forced to listen to driving carpool. And now with no offkey Janey.
Offkey? [crying]
[door opens, closes]
[Marge] You have to tell me when you’re having a sleepover.
[Lisa] I wasn’t.
[crowd cheering]
[♪ upbeat music plays]
♪ Girl powpowpower ♪
♪ Ladies are now in your ivory tower ♪
♪ You men don’t own poor behavior ♪
♪ Nuhuh, bad’s also our favorite flavor ♪
♪ We can embezzle, more ♪
♪ We can gamble, get poor ♪
♪ Objectify, watch us be grosser, ew
Harass, watch us stand closer ♪
♪ We put a web cam in your shower
‘Cause we’re rocking girl power ♪
♪ Girl powpowpower
Hey ♪
♪ Girl powpowpower
Ah, hey ♪
[Bart] Okay, 30 seconds. I lasted longer than I thought I would. I’m gonna go check this place out.
Hmm. Mmm. Hmm.
[no audible dialogue]
[Bart] Hey, what’s with all the security?
[Andrew] Oh, I’m not supposed to tell anyone.
[Bart] Don’t tell anyone what?
[Andrew] That this whole concert is just a giant trap.
[Bart] Giant trap?
[Andrew] Yeah. The FBI profiler figured out that the guy who’s reselling all the tickets is gonna be at this show tonight. Yep, the police are finally gonna catch SeatMiser.
[Bart] Well, that sure sucks for SeatMiser.
[phone buzzes]
[Bart] Also known as me.
[Bart] Hmm.
[buzzes]
[beeping]
[Bart] This profiler thinks she’s got me cornered, but there’s no corners in a Circulus.
[Bart] So this SeatMiser guy is pretty screwed, am I right?
[Andrew] Totally. Every exit is covered by cops. The only possible way out is through the restricted areas. But you can’t get into those without an employee pass, like this one.
[Bart] Yoink.
[Andrew] Did someone say, “Yoink”?
[Profiler] This concert is the perfect trap for SeatMiser. These ticket-reselling psychos can’t resist showing up to silently gloat over their victims.
[Bart] Damn, she’s good. The money’s nice, but the gloating is… [exhaling] Whoa.
So SeatMiser’s here in the eye of The Circulus, huh? But, uh, which one of these 10,000 people is he?
[Profiler] Well, my profiling tells me we’re looking for a kid from Springfield Elementary.
[Bart gasps]
What would a kid even do with all the money they’d make from this?
[Profiler] How about funding a campaign of targeted harassment? He started with the Springfield State marching band, and just keeps raising the stakes. My intel confirms that Skinner is the principal of the school, and also he does in fact suck. So focus on every kid who’s 12 or under. Before we know it, “Skinner sucks” will be projected on the moon.
[Bart] How’d she know? I’m still waiting on quotes from three moon guys.
Uh, Lou, stick with me. I was eating corn nuts while she was talking, and all I heard was, “Crunch, crunch, crunch.”
[beeps]
[laughs]
[profiler on comms] By now our target is aware of our security presence and will try to escape somewhere backstage.
[Bart yelps]
[muffled laughing]
[profiler] Next, this psycho will try to cause a distraction so they can slip out. Cover all fire alarms to eliminate any attempted chaos.
[Bart gasps]
Hey, what are you doing back here, pally?
[Bart] Uh… Uh… Um…
[as Andrew] I work here. See?
Uh, don’t worry, kid. One day, your face will clear up, and you’ll be quite the handsome pally.
[Bart sighs]
[♪ “Touch” playing]
[Marge] Bart’s missing a great show. These seats are so close you can see their guitars don’t have strings.
[Lisa] Oh, my God. Ha-Yun just winked at our section. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
[Bart grunting]
[Bart sighs]
[phone buzzes]
[Profiler] We’ve got him now. Buying those tickets will allow us to triangulate the exact location of SeatMiser’s phone.
Ah, the triangle, geometry’s bloodhound.
[beeping]
[phone buzzes]
[profiler] The kid’s backstage by the knee sock darning station.
[Bart gasps]
[profiler] As long as SeatMiser’s got his phone on him, he’s ours.
[gasps]
[phone buzzes]
[Bart] I know I swore we’d be together until a new model with a slightly better camera comes out. Just try to remember the good times. The texting, the prank calls, the conversations I avoided while pretending to look at you. Still, I don’t have any other choice. [sighs] I love you so much. [cries]
[Lisa] Guys, they’re gonna do “Girlcott.”
[♪ “Girlcott” playing]
♪ From Manila to Manhattan ♪
♪ A girlcott’s about to happen ♪
♪ Your sexist terms won’t define us ♪
♪ Put that in your brain
Like womeningitis ♪
♪ Womanicures? ♪
♪ For sures ♪
♪ A herinal? ♪
♪ Eterinal ♪
♪ Womanatee? ♪
♪ Queen of the sea ♪
♪ WoMenendez sisters? ♪
♪ Take that misters ♪
♪ We’re fighting for your daughters
To call murder wo-manslaughter ♪
♪ How will you boys
Deal with this damage? ♪
♪ You’ll just have to find
A way to womanage ♪
[all cheering]
Where were you?
[Bart] Um… There was a huge line for the men’s room.
[light switch clicks]
[Bart] Okay, concert’s over.
I just need to make it out of here. Adults on the left, all kids line up on the right.
[Bart] Oh. Stupid profiler. What could she have on me? I got rid of everything tying me to SeatMiser.
[Profiler] What SeatMiser doesn’t know is we found his phone. The kid tried to toilet drown it. Luckily, we saved it using high-level water-absorbing technology. When we find the kid whose face unlocks this phone, we’ve found SeatMiser.
[beeps]
[Profiler] It didn’t open. You’re clear.
[Bart] [scoffs] What’s going on up there? [stammers] What do you think they’re doing? Hey. You know what’d be funny? If you and I switch clothes. [laughs]
[Lisa] They’re gonna catch you.
[Bart] What? What are you talking about?
[Lisa] I know you’re the SeatMiser.
[Bart] Me? That’s ridiculous. How would a straight-D student like me set up a high-tech scam like this?
[Lisa] Just like you do anything, the laziest way possible.
[knuckles crack]
[Bart] That’s nuts. If I was some ticket criminal, why’d Dad have to buy tickets from Otto?
[Lisa] Because Otto got them from you. At first, I thought you were just selling the dog’s anxiety pills again. I didn’t want to believe it, but you’re the SeatMiser.
[Bart] You’re wrong. And if the Kneesock Dolls met you, they wouldn’t like you.
[Lisa] [gasps] Once they got to know me, they would. Anyway, as sickened as I am that you’re taking advantage of people, it also means that you’re the reason I’m here tonight. And that was very sweet.
[Bart] Pfft. I don’t do sweet things. Sweet’s a taste I can’t savor. Being bad’s my favorite flavor.
[Lisa] Oh! Look who knows a Kneesock Dolls’ lyric. [gasps] You like their music. You wanted us to share this experience as a family.
[Bart] Maybe. If I was this guy, but I’m not. And you can’t prove I am.
[Lisa] I don’t have to. She will.
[Bart gasps]
[Profiler] You’re clear.
[beeps]
[Profiler] Well, well. You’re the last one. I think we know what that means.
[Bart gulps]
[beeps]
[Profiler] What?
[Bart] Hmm. Oops.
[profiler grunts]
[Profiler] Tonight was a total waste. All we caught were two lousy deviants and a serial killer.
[groans]
[Profiler] Somehow SeatMiser got by us. [grunts]
[Lisa] I guess I was wrong. This hasn’t happened since sports trivia night. I’m sorry, Bart.
[Bart] Huh. I can’t decide what I like better, my freedom or seeing you humiliated. But I’m glad you had a good time at the concert. And hey, I got to see every part of The Circulus. I even visited the room where they upload images for the dome. By the way, the reason that phone didn’t recognize me is because when I set up the facial recognition, I didn’t use my face.
[beeps]
[chimes]
[Lisa gasps]
[Bart cackles]
