The Boys – S04E02 – Life Among the Septics | Transcript

Did you know that globalists put chemicals in our food that make us gay, Dakota Bob is a demon from hell, and the Moon isn't real? Find out what they want to keep from us #TruthCon!
The Boys - S04E02 - Life Among the Septics

The Boys
Season 4 – Episode 2
Episode title:
Life Among the Septics
Original release date:
June 13, 2024

Plot: Billy tells his remaining time to live, and is kicked out. Homelander and Sister Sage organize Ryan’s first mission. The Boys and Billy gain a lead on Sage recruiting Firecracker, ending on a massive fight and Firecracker fleeing. During Ryan’s mission, Homelander in-abruptly appears and forces Ryan to use his power, resulting in the fake criminal’s death. After a fight, Billy visits M.M in an attempt to return to the Boys, to no success.

* * *

[♪ The Notorious B.I.G.: “Hypnotize”]

♪ Come on ♪

♪ Ha, sicker than your average ♪

♪ Poppa twist cabbage off instinct ♪

♪ Don’t think shit stink, pink gators ♪

♪ My Detroit players ♪

♪ Timbs for my hooligans in Brooklyn, that’s right ♪

♪ Dead right, if the head right ♪

♪ Biggie there e’ry night ♪

♪ Poppa been smooth since days of Underoos…

Hey, yo, Reggie! Re-up.

♪ Biggie, Biggie, Biggie, can’t you see? ♪

♪ Sometimes your words just hypnotize me ♪

♪ And I just love your flashy ways ♪


♪ Guess that’s why they broke and you’re so paid ♪

♪ Biggie, Biggie, Biggie, can’t you see ♪♪

I thought you were too sick to practice.

Done with all that, Coach.

When’s the last time you had a decent meal?

Come on.

Mary’s always happy to have you at the table.

Nothing you say is gonna change my mind.

Damn it, Reggie.

You’re the most talented superhero I’ve ever seen.

Yet you’re… you’re throwing it all away slinging yayo for gangbangers?

You don’t know me, Coach. You don’t know nothin’.

I know you’ve got heart.

I know you want more than this.

You’ve got a choice, son.

Either outrun this life, or you can run yourself into an early grave.

Now, please. It’s me, Coach Brink.

Come back with me.

To the suburbs.

Yeah, what I want doesn’t matter.

I’ll never be free of these streets.

[Bourke] Cut! Holy fuck.

Holy fuck, we’re not gonna beat that.

That was fucking perfect. We’re going again.

I don’t…

Ferrell fucking Streep.

There are tears.

Literal tears.

Who’s happy they spent two weekends at the Compton Youth Center now, huh?

I’m not giving off too much of a Blind Side vibe, am I?

[Bourke] As if that’s a bad thing?

Are you… Wait, what is that smell?

Will everyone stop?

What is that smell?!

[sniffs] Is it… Is that you?

I had falafel for lunch.



I smell an Oscar nomination.

Shut up, man.

[Bourke] No, I won’t.

[Ferrell] Don’t jinx it.

You can’t jinx gold. Look at me.

You better make some shelf space, De Niro. Do you hear me?

All right, let’s get you back to one, huh?

I’m gonna watch playbacks, okay?


Yeah, let’s get him some cans, please? Thank you.

One more quick thing.

Let’s sidebar here a little bit.

It feels like you’re having a little bit of trouble

getting out of the starters’ block.

Maybe it’s the scene.

Baby, this scene sings. All right, look at me.

In the arc of your character, this is your low point, right?

Everybody’s given up on you, you’re all alone,

until the coach…

Swoops in and saves me from the ghetto?

No, no, no, you actually save each other.

It’s a very balanced narrative.

All the sensitivity readers that we hired, they all agreed.

My brother was the only coach I ever had.


He was a waiter at Buster Beaver,

not a fucking crack dealer.

And he must be so proud of you right now.

Let’s get this train back on the tracks.

Just give me a minute.

Yeah, sure.

Wait, wait, you know what? One more tiny little thing.

You said what I want “doesn’t matter.”

But as scripted, it’s actually

what I want “don’t matter,” okay?

All right, good stuff.

All right, everybody, let’s get back to one!

I want to make this fucking day!

Hey, can we talk?

You don’t talk. It’s like your one thing.

Look, playing Noir has been a meaningful challenge,

but yesterday was wack as fuck.

I’ve never actually murdered anyone before.

Does Homelander make us kill people, like, a lot?

And when does, do we just… do it?

Look, don’t get me wrong, I am stoked to be here

and I am down to ride the wave. I’m just having trouble

with Noir’s motivation, you feel me?

His motivation is being a braindead maniac.

Just keep your mouth shut

and do as you’re fucking told.

[trailer door closes]

[Cameron over TV] Violence in our blood-splattered streets

against decent, hardworking Americans.

Folks, if you’re thinking of letting your children

play carefree outside and without supervision,

think again.

I mean, these two animals,

Benny Long and Ian Rashford,

savagely beat three good men to death

outside the courthouse yesterday.

{\an8}The Starlighters have shown their true colors, folks,

{\an8}rioting at multiple quote-unquote “peaceful demonstrations”

{\an8} across the country.

I, for one, do not take our liberties

in this great country for granted.

But apparently the Starlighters feel differently.

[Daphne] Let’s see. Soy for pH,

hyaluronic acid for deep moisturizing

and arginine for circulation.

What is all that?

Um, I’m a Voughtality consultant.

5K away from the red, white and blue Caddy.

I thought it might be helpful.

You… You work for Vought?

Voughtality. “For a Super You.”

You know Vought killed my girlfriend, right?

I’m literally fighting them right now.

I think I have rosemary oil,

it’s really good for the joints.

Can you just… Can you stop please? Just for…

Please stop. Mom, stop. Just stop.

Okay, I’m sor…

Okay, sorry, sorry. Just, um…

[breathes deeply]

I’m sorry. [chuckles]

You look good.

Got tall. [chuckles]

Yeah, that adds up, since the last time you saw me

I was six fucking years old!

Please don’t yell at me.

What are you doing here?

The hospital called.

Yeah, when they couldn’t reach me.

And I’m here now, so…

He doesn’t need you. Neither of us do.

Your dad didn’t tell you. [sighs]


About what?

He gave me power of attorney, including medical decisions.

And he signed a DNR.

H-He didn’t update his will?

He did.

Why the fuck would he give you power of attorney over me?

Well, I mean, we’ve been talking,

the last year or two, now and then.

Besides that, you’d have to ask him.

But Hughie, don’t worry,

I am really good in a crisis.


And I-I-I can handle this.

I promise.

You promise.




[train rattling on tracks]

You leave the money on the dresser?


I didn’t want to wake you up.



Yeah, maybe you should stay in bed today, no?



Could’ve been a lot worse.

I mean, it would’ve been a lot worse if you weren’t there.

Thank you.


[phone chimes]




[door opens]

[Katrin] Your speech therapist Gloria

has filled me in on the work you’ve been doing.

How’s that been going?

You know, psychological mutism

is often a symptom of trauma in one’s past.

What do you think about that?

I couldn’t agree more.

But sometimes you have to confront your past

in order to be free of it.


Why don’t we start with something simple?

Tell me about your parents. [gasps]

[Muzak plays]

[Hughie] Jesus.

You’re just telling us now?

Have you seen any specialists, have you, um…

So how long you got?

It’s none of your fucking business.

I’m not sure why I’m telling you at all.

What’s going on?

Let’s just say I got an angel on my shoulder.

And she’s a right bloody nag.

Butcher, I tried to warn you that that shit was poison.

You ain’t one of us.


All right!

A word.

You’re done.



Grab your shit and get the fuck out.

I level with you lot and this is the thanks I get.

Fuck me.

See what being honest gets you?


Motherfucker, you’ve been lying to us for the last six months.

Not telling ain’t lying.

Look, you need all the help you can get, mate.

Not from you. You’re a liability, Butcher.

I ain’t gonna let this stand, then.

The Boys is mine.

Says a dying man with one last bluff.

Now grab your shit and get the fuck out.

Or I’ll throw you out.

[soft creaking]


I don’t want to hear it.

He’s out.

You can join him if you don’t like it.

Small-town kid grows up on a Montana ranch with his mom.

On the surface, he’s an everyday all-American boy.

But deep in his heart, he knows he’s different, special.

He’s always asking himself, “Who am I?”

Then one day that question is answered

when Homelander flies down from the sky

and says with tears in his eyes…

No tears.

…and says, proudly, “Son, it’s time for you

to take your place by my side.”

And for Ryan it feels surprising, yet inevitable.

He always knew he was destined for greatness.

Because he came from greatness.



[Homelander] Wow.

Oh, buddy, can you believe that?

W-What do you think?

It’s cool, I guess.

You guess? [chuckles]

[stammers] I think it looks amazing.

Oh, so amazing. Really marketable.

So marketable.

The whole pitch blows.

It… does not blow.

It blows, harder than Nancy Reagan on the MGM backlot.

I’m sorry, why are you here?

Vought got rid of most of the sidekicks after Gunpowder.

The settlements exceeded profitability.

[Homelander] Yeah, but I don’t think Ryan

is gonna file an HR complaint against me. [laughs]


A what?

Ryan is the first natural-born superhero.

And his brand needs to reflect that.

He’s not one of Vought’s lab rat freaks.

He was chosen… by fate, God, whatever…

to be the one who saves the world.

[Homelander] Yes.

But let’s not forget

why he is special.

Shall we?

He’s my son.

Chosen by God, sure, but, uh…

made by me.

The chosen one narrative only works if he stands alone.

Harry Potter. Neo. Luke Skywalker.

Hollywood’s trained people to fall in love

with white boy lone saviors.

So, America will want to fall in love with Ryan.

What is this?

Uh, it’s a crime itinerary.

Your first save. Congratulations, son.

[whispering] I’m not on the call sheet.

You wanted a kingdom for your son.

I’m helping you get it.



Just as we discussed.

Feel free to move forward.


Ah, if you don’t mind?

[camera clicks]


I’m here because Homelander wants me here.

Because he trusts me.

[elevator chimes]

[rapid footsteps approaching]


[doors close]



I know you’re the smartest woman on earth…

Smartest person.

Let me give you some advice.

You know, girls supporting girls.

You cannot talk to Homelander like that.

I’m telling him the truth.

You’re so afraid of him, you’ve plucked yourself bald.

If I were you, I’d make myself useful.

You know, get some lactation going,

let him suck on those titties.

Before you end up like Madelyn Stillwell.

[chimes, doors open]

Oh, Ashley, hey, what’s up?

Just the girl boss I wanted to see.

I’ve been looking everywhere for you.

Hey, so I heard that Ryan’s doing his first solo save.

I want to talk to you about something.

I have this idea.

[clears throat] Okay, so, what if…

and just hear me out on this,

what if I was there?

That’s it. That’s the pitch.

Hmm. You want to join a family-friendly PG save?

While PETA still has you on their bestiality watchlist?

I swear to God.

Stupid people who think they’re smart

make me want to eat my own shit.

Why do you let her talk to you like that?

She’s just a bitch.

It’s probably that time of the month.

It’s like a full moon thing, isn’t it?

You’re a genetically superior being,

and she’s the evolutionary equivalent of a capybara.


It’s a giant rodent from South America.


You’re better than her.

Act like it.

And you should be at the save.

[elevator chimes]

[doors open]

It’s a good idea.

Thank you.

[doors close]

[Mother’s Milk] 1:16, Todd and the other Hometeamers

are seen going into Planet Vought.

And not seen again until…

2:09, when their dead bodies magically appear at the rally.

Now, how do you think they got there without anybody seeing?

A-Train. It had to be A-Train.

You promise? Like you promised Dad for better or worse?

We boring you, Hughie?

Sorry. Sorry. I’m, um… [clears throat] I’m here.

[Annie] But the Hometeamers died of blunt force trauma.

Nothing said anything about super strength.

[Mother’s Milk] Because they’re getting a lot better at covering their ass,

probably because of her.

Sister Sage. 32 years old, from Detroit, Michigan.

She cut ties with Vought a while back,

when they kicked her off of Teenage Kix.

[Annie] What are her powers?

Smartest person on the planet.

I’ve already tapped Sage’s cell phones.

She made a reservation at the Vought Garden

Suites & Courtyard Express in Harrisburg tonight.

Who’s down for a little road trip?

You know what? I’m gonna stay here.

If A-Train framed those two Starlighters,

I’m gonna take a run at him.

I-I’m gonna go with you.

I got to stay close to my dad.

Understood. All right. You two are with me.

Aw, look, she made a cute little…

penis and balls.



Hurry up, get the money.

[neck snaps]


Lights out, you fucking muff taco.

Get back!


Back off.

Hey, whoa, be cool, man.

Noir, what are we supposed to do?

Let her go.

Out of my way, kid.

It’s gonna be okay.

Do you promise?

I promise.


Who are you?

My name is Ryan. And I don’t like bullies.

It’s good. Pretty good.

It’s getting better.

Solid work, guys. Noir, your entrance,

you’re doing too much. Just walk in.

Okay, but would Noir just enter stage right like that?

I feel like it’s more in character if I come in through the skylight.

You don’t fucking talk.


Still talking.

Let’s just stick to the blocking for now, okay?

Deep, drop the “fucking muff taco,”

this is for families.



on the day, you’re gonna throw me for real.

I can take it.


Let’s take five and we’ll run it back.



Thank you, Koy.



Did I look dumb?

You really… You got to put your back into it.

You know, like…

You really got to sell it.

You understand?

Are all saves like this?

Like, with stunt people and rehearsals and stuff?

No, no, of course some of them are real.

I-I’ve saved a lot of people.

This is just to help you get your sea legs, all right?



Hey, Ryan. You want to rehearse the throw a few times?

Great idea. Yes!

Yeah. Sure.

Yes. Excellent.

Hey, so, um, just to be clear,

we’re not actually killing people on the day, am I right?

Just shut the fuck up.

[Koy] Just be real precise with your steps, you understand?

You can’t talk to me that way.

I didn’t say anything.

I mean from before.

Because I am the…

I’m the peak of human evolution.

And you’re just, you’re just a capabarnia.

It’s a rodent from South America.


So you’re fucking land mammals now?

I am the lord of the seven seas.

You talk to me like that again

and I will drown you in your fucking toilet,

you stupid bitch.

After I’ve used it.

Is that what you want?



No, sir.

That’s right.

Let her go.

Out of my way, kid.

That kid’s face is made for the big screen.

A complexion like butter. He’s practically glowing.

[Seth] Well, thank God. Air-brushing the wrinkles out

of The Dawn of the Seven put VFX nine mil over the budget.

We were neck fold to neck fold with Sex and the City 2.

[exciting music plays]

[engine turns off]

[Muzak plays]


Oi, oi.

Fancy some steam tray eggs?

How the fuck did you find us?

Come off it, mate.

Your password’s Janine2012.

[Mother’s Milk] I want you to put that shit down

and get the fuck out of my operation.

Well, it’s lucky for me that you ain’t my boss no more.

And as a private and concerned citizen,

I’m allowed to say fuck you to any deep state cunts

that try and keep me from the truth.

[busy chatter]

Welcome to the monkey house.

[♪ Talking Heads: “Burning Down the House”]

♪ Watch out ♪

♪ You might get what you’re after ♪

♪ Cool, babies ♪

♪ Strange but not a stranger ♪

♪ I’m an ordinary guy ♪

♪ Burning down the house ♪

♪ Hold tight ♪

♪ Wait till the party’s over ♪

♪ Hold tight ♪

♪ We’re in for nasty weather ♪

♪ There has got to be a way ♪

♪ Burning down the house…

Bunch of tinfoil-hat-wearing Nazi motherfuckers.

Why is the world’s smartest person in a place such as this?

[dramatic music plays]


Oi. There’s our girl.

Where’s Kimiko?

[Muzak playing]

[can pops]


♪ You can be what you wanna be ♪

♪ In the land of the free ♪

♪ Love America, love America ♪

♪ Love America, love America ♪

♪ If you want it to get better ♪

♪ Open up your loving arms ♪

[microphone feedback squeals]

♪ Try to keep them safe from harm ♪

♪ You can say what you want to say ♪

♪ Because freedom is the only way…


Splinter, come here.

Am I too shiny?

You’re good.

You look perfect.

♪ Love America…

Best get a move on.

The Flat-Earthers get the space at 4:30.

Yes. Okay.

[microphone feedback squeals]

H-Hey, everybody.

Um, so, our next speaker

is not only a true visionary,

she’s also my close friend.

So please join me in welcoming

author, filmmaker, political activist,

commentator and a leading voice

of the alt-Supe movement on YouTube,



♪ USA…

Well, howdy there, Truth Seekers.


Hey there! Aw, well, thank you, thank you.

[cheering continues]


[man] Tell us some truth, Firecracker!

[Firecracker] Okay.

I ain’t gonna sugarcoat this.

We got ourselves a national crisis.

Homelander himself said Starlight traffics kids

and her Starlighters just murdered three of our brothers

yesterday to cover it up.

They’re killing us. Wake up.

Over the next two hours,

I will prove that Starlighter works with Oprah and Tom Hanks

to set up a Satanic home delivery service.

An order of a hot dog gets you a boy.

A taco, a girl.

[audience jeering]

A combo gets you a child they forced to have trans surgery.

And a soda gets you a shot of adrenochrome.

We all know that Oprah has been under house arrest

People actually believe this shit?

ever since she sat down with Harry

People will believe anything.

and that monarchy-fucker Meghan Markle.

Even something as ludicrous as

For those who say that the evidence against Tom Hanks

the moon landing.

is less clear-cut, well,

that’s because the brave whistleblower who was gonna blow

Forrest Gump’s pedo ring wide open

fell off a bridge before he got the chance.

Frenchie. See what he’s up to.

[Firecracker] Coincidence?

But do not engage.

[Firecracker] Right.

Ah, ah, ah.

You’re ain’t leaving my sight.

…of all of the Tom Hanks movies,

you get 311, which is…

the police code for child porn.

It’s just math!

[busy chatter]

[announcer over P.A.] Stormchasers United is starting in 20 minutes

in conference room B.

[intriguing music plays]

[phone chimes]

Hey, stop, no. Give it back.

Stop being a pussy.

Go get some of Colin’s penis… or ass…

Or maybe both?

But go get it!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.

Are you drunk?

I just had a beer.

Four beers.

What is wrong with you?

Six beers.

You’re holding back with Colin because of me!


No, it’s…

It’s nothing to do with you.

Well I fucked someone.


The barista at Jitter Bean.

He stuck his penis right in my vagina.


You should stick your penis somewhere!

Mon coeur, truly, merci.

But it’s not about you, I swear.

[announcer over P.A.] The Alex Jones look-alike contest is in…

Can we go back to work now?

Eight beers.

[suspenseful music plays]

What’s that about?

[muffled grunting]

[grunting continues]


Mon Dieu.

This isn’t what it looks like.

It’s okay.

[Hughie] Maybe your source at the Tower is fucking with you?

[Annie] No, no, no, if she says A-Train shows up here

every Sunday at 3:00 p.m.,

he will.

Yeah, you promise? Your promise is as worthless as you are.



Sorry, I was just, uh…

workshopping what I should’ve said to my mom.

You really don’t have to be here, okay?

You can go to the hospital, you should.

No. No.

No, nothing to do there except, uh…

relive my childhood trauma.

[newscaster] Tensions are high after the murder of the Homelander Three

allegedly at the hands of two Starlight followers.

Skirmishes between the two groups have…

[Hughie] All right, enough of that shit.

Uh, has Kiara woken up yet?


No, and I have about a thousand messages

asking me what the Starlighters should do.


[clears throat]

Spit it out.

People look up to you.

No, they look up to Starlight.

They look up to the suit.

You’re the one who wore it.

I get why you ditched it, I do.

It’s just, I can also see the value in it.

In superheroes?

You’re defending superheroes right now? Really?

As cheesy as it sounds, people need a symbol.

You know, someone they can rally behind,

a little fucking hope.

That can be you.

I don’t want to lead anybody. I don’t.

And I cannot go back to her.

To me… [sighs]

she’s just, she’s a symbol

of so much bad shit, and I-I can’t.

I can’t. I won’t. It’s just, it’s…

Yeah, I mean…

Oh, God. He’s here, he’s here.

So I’m at the Tower, right?

And we get a call from Boise, Idaho.

There’s a terrorist who’s got,

like, the whole movie theater held hostage.


[fan] A-Train?

I love you. Can I get a selfie?

Yeah, of course.

Hang on.

[camera clicks]

I ran across the Rockies,

took out the terrorist, disarmed the bomb.

Then what?

What you mean, man? Then I got some popcorn,

I watched the rest of Pacific Rim: Uprising.

[Nathan] Why don’t you tell them the truth?



just be chill, all right?

You’re sneaking around with my boys, behind my back,

but I need to chill?

[Hughie] What’s going on?

[Annie] I don’t know.

And don’t think y’all ain’t in some deep shit.

Sorry, Dad.

Come on, Dad.

Uncle Reggie was just telling us about his saves.

You want to tell them or should I?

Come on, man,

let’s not make a big thing…

That movie theater in Idaho,

that was a soundstage in the Bronx.

That terrorist, that was a stuntman.

Those mountains, they added those in post.

I know because I was there.

Is that true?

It’s complicated, you know?

[Nathan] No, it’s simple.

Your saves were never real.

You never actually saved anyone.

Yet here you are, lying to your own flesh and blood.

I told you.

Your uncle is no hero.

And I don’t want you anywhere near him.

Come on.


Nathan, I’m sorry.

Hey, hey. Wait, wait, wait. Give him a second.

[fan] Your videos got me to see that my entire family

had been brainwashed by clovergenders like Starlight.

I told them that I couldn’t speak to them again

until they did their own research.

It’s been three years now.

Good for you. You keep up the fight.

Can I get a selfie?

Of course.

[camera clicks]

Thank you.

Truth bomb.

[announcer over P.A.] The Sovereign Citizens meeting has moved to 6:00 p.m.

Do you actually believe all of this?

Or is it just bullshit

smeared on top of a personal vendetta?

Ain’t you a little mouthy one.

Appreciate the subtextual racism there,

but I’m a Supe.

Sister Sage.

I work with Homelander.



Is he here?

Of course not.

He wouldn’t be caught dead with these ringworm-infested cousin fuckers.

Though there’s a chance you could meet him.

First, I want to see your powers, though.

Wow, that is… lackluster.

I’m… strong too, though.

Look, what’s important is:

what are you selling?

[amplified] I’m here to share the truth

and nothing but.

What are you selling?

Did I stutter?



I sell purpose.

These people got nothing.

Maybe they lost a job or a house

or a kid to Oxy.

Politicians don’t give a shit,

mainstream media tells them to be ashamed of their skin color,

so, well, I bring ’em together, tell them a story,

give them a purpose.

Which would you rather believe?

That you belong to a community of warriors battling a secret evil,

or that you’re a lonely, inconsequential nobody

that no one will ever remember?


Deep’s Blue Sea Room. 9:00 p.m.

Sage has got no powers, right?

[Mother’s Milk] Besides her brains? Nope.

[Butcher] So, why all the sneaking around shite?

Let’s just grab her,

work her over and rumble what we need.


This is surveillance only, okay?

All right,

you sit tight and watch me do your job.

All right, enough.

Get your fuckin’ hands off me.

Just go home, all right?

Or what?

We have a Barney?

Well, come on, then. Have a go.

Butcher, for fuck’s sake.

You’ve been gagging for it.

Ever since Soldier Boy.

Ten pounds of C4 with an inch fuse pokin’ out your arse, you are.

Well, come on, then. Have at it, son.

‘Cause that’s the only way you feel any regret

is to get it beaten into you.

You’re a shit skipper, you are.

Hughie’s fucked off, Kimiko’s hammered.

We’ve been here for hours and still know fuck all.

You’re gonna get this bloody lot killed.

You can’t eat, you can’t sleep,

and you ain’t willing to do what it takes to run this mob

’cause you ain’t got the bollocks, son.

Nice try, Butcher.

But it ain’t gonna work.

Yeah, ain’t that what your wife said?


All that bullshit you pulled,

and the mess you always leave behind

for me to clean up, you know why I kept coming back?

‘Cause I thought maybe this time, it’ll be a little different.

All the fucking shit we’ve been through together, man.

I thought maybe this time, maybe you and I could just…

just be fucking brothers again.


Just go home, man.

[busy chatter]

[dramatic music plays]

Hey! Hey!

[crowd exclaiming]

[bystander] Oh, shit.

If you really cared about children…

you’d go after real traffickers…

instead of these fairy tales!


If you must inflict pain,

perhaps I can endure so others don’t suffer.

[man] Hey!

Come on.

Took y’all long enough to get here from Trenton.

Traffic, am I right?

The fuck are you doing here?

The eyes? It’s always the eyes.


What is this?

Security cam footage of your two Starlighters.

About a mile from the bodies at time of death.

It’s hard to commit a murder when you’re 20 blocks away.

Why are you giving this to us?

[clicks tongue]

You could have got in my face in front of my family, but you didn’t.

Let’s call it a thank-you.

Thank Hughie.

I would’ve blasted the shit out of you,

and you would’ve deserved it.

Yeah, I agree.

[alarm blaring]


Back up.

Back off.

Noir, what the fuc…

What the heck are we supposed to do?

[girl crying]

Ow. Ow!

Let her go.

Out of my way, kid.

You’re gonna be okay.

Do you promise?

I promise.

[Koy] Who are you?

My name is…


[bystander] It’s Homelander!


[Homelander] It’s okay, son.

I’m here.

We’re going to save America together.

[whispers] Go.


Throw him hard. Throw him. Now.


Holy shit.

[crowd screaming]


[Homelander] It’s okay, everyone.

It’s okay. Everything’s under control.

You saved me.

Good girl.

[nervous chatter]

Smile. Smile.

[cameras clicking]

All right.

I thought we weren’t killing the guy today.

I just feel like I’m not getting clear direction for this role.

[suspenseful music plays]

♪ ♪

She said 9:00 p.m. in the Deep Blue Sea Room, no?

[door opens]

[Firecracker] I sure did.

Toss your guns.

Eh, your rifles are garish and vulgar.

They’re American, you fuckin’ surrender monkey.

Marvin, did you really think you could tail me

without me knowing?

So, what now?

These assholes are CIA.

Genuine deep state moles.

They’ve taken out more superheroes than anyone in the world.

And Homelander would like it if you killed them.

Consider it your final audition.

Audition for what?

The sooner they’re dead, the sooner you’ll find out.


You’re not as impressive as I heard.


Oh, I’m gonna send your ass back to China, bitch.

She’s Japanese.

[door closes]

What are you doing?

Oh, pink eye. Too much salad tossing, huh?

No. No, no, no.

It’s allergies. It’s allergies.


Shut the fuck up.


[intense music playing]

[others grunting]

Oh, hell nah.

[♪ The Barry Sisters: “Hava Nagila”]

[women vocalizing]

♪ Hava nagila, hava nagila ♪

♪ Hava nagila venismecha ♪

♪ Hava nagila, hava nagila ♪

♪ Hava nagila venismecha ♪

Mazel tov.

♪ Hava nera’nena ♪

♪ Hava nera’nena venismecha ♪

♪ Hava nera’nena, hava nera’nena ♪

[Rachel screams] ♪ Hava nera’nena venismecha…

[crowd gasping, clamoring]

[people screaming]

♪ Uru achim ♪

♪ Hava nera’nena, hava nera’nena ♪

♪ Hava nera’nena…

Damn. I’m out.

Me too.

[gun clicking empty]

So are they.

[rock version of “Hava Nagila” playing]

[all grunting]

[grunting continues]



[clicks empty]



Get away from me, pink eye!


[Frenchie] No!


[phone chimes]

The storm has arrived.

Splinter and I are being attacked

by CIA agents

after infiltrating a Zionist cabal.

The proof…


the proof is right here.

Now I’m calling on all…


[Splinter] Firecracker!


You gonna let me smack your girl like that?

No wonder she put you in the friend zone, mate.


[rock version of “Hava Nagila” playing]


[groans softly]

[Butcher] M!

Get the boys out of here!


♪ ♪




No. No, no, no! Not Prime!


We loved you.

From your first Holocaust hoax video.

You know, you…


[door opens]

[door closes]

[Ryan crying]

[Homelander groans]

Who wants a creamy, delicious milkshake?



Oh, Ryan…


[clicks tongue]

Okay, come on.

Come on.

Come on. It’s okay.

Don’t worry.

Okay? Don’t worry.

You’ll get plenty of solo saves, I promise.

But I really do think that my being there

is good for your numbers.





No, no…


I killed Koy.

That’s what you’re upset about?



Hmm. Okay.

Accidents happen all the time, okay?

Humans are fragile.

You can’t save them all.

But isn’t that our job?

Look, Koy died doing what he loved.


It’ll be better next time.



No, I’m never doing that again.

Jesus Chr…

How many times do I have to tell you?

They’re only human, Ryan.



You can’t go around feeling bad

about what you are ’cause a few things break.

Who cares?

You are destined for so much more.

You understand? You’re chosen, young man.

Sooner or later,

you got to accept it.

[crowd cheering]

[crowd chanting] Not guilty! Not guilty! Not guilty!

Not guilty! Not guilty! Not guilty! Not guilty!

Not guilty! Not guilty!

Not guilty! Not guilty! Not guilty! Not guilty!

Are you sure about this?

I’m gonna let a shitbag like A-Train step up, but I won’t?

I got this.

[crowd cheering]

[fan] We love you, Starlight!

[crowd clamoring, whooping]

[crowd chanting] Starlight! Starlight!

Starlight! Starlight! Starlight!

Starlight! Starlight! Starlight! Starlight!

Starlight! Starlight! Starlight! Starlight! Starlight! Starlight!



[phone vibrating]

[phone clicks]


[computer chiming]

You look like shit.

Where are you?

Plausible deniability, pumpkin.

Let’s just say I’m a Contessa from Luxembourg

on permanent holiday.

Cherie… you, uh,

you remember Colin Hauser?

The judge’s son?

I saw him

at, uh…

Narcotics Anonymous.

Did he recognize you?

We started talking.

He was having a hard time,

so I helped him get a job at Starlight’s House and…

You’re fucking him, right?

For fuck’s sake, Serge,

what is it with you and taking in strays all the time?

I didn’t mean for it to happen.

I was just seeing him day after day,

one thing led to another, and…

So what happens when he finds out you murdered his family?

[breathes deeply]

[indistinct P.A. announcement]

[door opens]

Your promise isn’t worth the piece of paper it’s printed on!

[stammers] I don’t understand that.

Just, earlier… [groans]

Earlier, you said that you… you said that

you promised to handle Dad, but you’re not handling shit!

Can you just lower your voice?

No, no, no. You don’t get to tell me what to do, okay?


The day you left, it was a Friday.

You walked me to school,

and you promised to buy us tickets to Billy Joel.

I was vibrating with excitement.

That was the last I ever saw you.

I spent a week standing by the front door,

telling Dad you’d be back,

because why wouldn’t you be? You promised.

But your promise didn’t mean anything.

I’m so, so sorry, Hughie.

This isn’t about you and me.

This is about what’s best for your dad.

You don’t know what’s best for him.

You don’t know what’s best for either of us.

From now on, you don’t talk to a doctor without me,

you don’t make any medical decisions without me signing off.

And if you don’t like it,

I’ll take you to court. I’ll challenge you for power of attorney.

And get rid of all your fucking rosemary oil crap.

Dad would hate it and it smells like shit.

[quiet, dramatic music playing]

♪ ♪

[door closes]


What you did back there, you… you saved our asses.

You should’ve left me.

[Butcher coughs]

To be a good skipper, you gotta be a right asshole.

Ain’t no room for compassion.

The right move to make was to nab that cunt Sage.

Instead, you walked the boys into a trap, and then risked their lives to save some twat who’s gonna be dead in six months.

We was lucky,

but next time,

someone’s gonna die.

I look back at my life,

and all I see

are the messes I’ve made.

I’ve fucked it up.

Every step.

And I ain’t got time to fix it.

But maybe…

maybe I can do one thing right

with the time I got left.

Get Ryan safe.

I can’t do that alone.

I can’t do it without you.


Too fucking little, Butcher.

Too fucking late.

[door opens, closes]

[rock version of “Hava Nagila” playing]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪


Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Read More

Weekly Magazine

Get the best articles once a week directly to your inbox!