South Park
Season 27 – Episode 2
Episode title: Got a Nut
Original release date: August 6, 2025
Plot: When South Park Elementary counselor Mr. Mackey is fired due to federal budget cuts, he gets a job with the United States Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE), which sees him participating in the arrest of undocumented immigrants at various locations. These include a Dora the Explorer stage show where both audience members and the show’s star are arrested, as well as Heaven. During these raids, Mackey’s superior, Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem, is seen shooting non-aggressive dogs, rejuvenating her frequently deteriorating face with botox, and participating in photo-ops.
To pay his monthly expenses, Clyde Donovan starts a podcast, and offends many of his classmates by expressing right-wing, antisemitic, and misogynistic views. He also angers Eric Cartman, who feels that Clyde has “stolen his shtick”, and beats him up before taking over his podcast. Cartman uses the podcast as a platform on which he engages in “masterdebating” with callers, but when Clyde wins a Charlie Kirk Award for Young Masterdebaters, which includes a free vacation, Cartman is outraged once again.
Mackey’s performance as an ICE agent earns him a bonus, but he learns from his banker that his monthly expenses have increased. He also learns that he has earned a meeting at Mar-a-Lago with President Donald Trump, who wants to help him with his expenses by giving him a promotion that will see Mackey replace Noem as the face of DHS. Mackey, however, is horrified by the debauchery he sees at Mar-a-Lago, including Trump’s casual nudity, the presence of Satan in Trump’s bed, and an imprisoned Dora massaging an elderly guest. When Mackey encounters Clyde, who is also there as part of his free vacation, Mackey confesses that he is disillusioned at having taken a job doing something he does not believe in, simply to pay for his expenses, and resolves that he is at heart, a school counselor. Together, Mackey, Clyde, and Dora escape the resort.
* * *
♪ MTV
[theme music]
♪ I’m goin’ down to South Park ♪
♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
♪ I’m goin’ down to South Park ♪
♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
♪ People spouting, “Howdy, neighbor” ♪
♪ I’m headin’ on down to South Park ♪
♪ Gonna see if I can’t unwind ♪
♪ [mumbling] ♪
♪ Come on down to South Park ♪
♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
[indistinct chatter]
[angelic tones]
He’s gone too far this time, dude. The stuff he’s saying about Jews is out of control.
Bro, you just got to ignore him.
Bro, it’s pretty hard to ignore him when he’s saying it all on a podcast.
He actually said that all women are whores, and the only thing we’re good at is murdering babies.
Look, guys, just leave it alone. Don’t give him any more attention.
That’s easy for you to say, dude.
Yeah, you are one of the multitudes of groups he’s spewing his stupid shit about.
Hey, guys. Who are you talking about?
Both: Clyde.
Clyde?
Yeah, and his stupid debating podcast.
BEBE: Hey, here he comes.
[kids booing]
Whatever, guys. Prove me wrong. Prove me wrong.
You don’t know a thing about the Jewish people.
Yeah, and shut up about girls’ bodies.
Well, that sounds like a very female and Jew thing to say. If you guys don’t like it, why don’t you come debate me on my podcast?
We’re not indulging your stupid podcast.
Yeah, screw you, fat ass.
Wha… what?
MR. MACKEY: Now, as your counselor, I want to try and understand why you’re doing all these bad things you’re doing. The other students are very upset at this podcast. And what makes you think you got to say all this stuff, Clyde?
Hey, I’m just trying to make my nut, man.
Y-your nut?
Yeah, you know, kids have it tough these days. We got Xbox subscriptions, PS5, Steam subscriptions, Netflix, HBO, you want to order DoorDash. My nut’s about 60 bucks a week. So you know, as a kid, if you could do a podcast, say some really divisive shit, then you could make your nut.
Well, Clyde, there’s more important things than a nut, mkay?
Like what?
Well, like being nice, mkay, making people smile, helping people out. That’s why I became a counselor.
[knock at door]
Yes?
Mr. Mackey, I need you to pack your stuff. You’ve been fired, bud.
W-What?
Government’s doing away with needless spending in schools. Get your things. Last paycheck’s up front.
What are you talking about? Hey, wait a minute, PC Principal.
Power Christian Principle, yes.
I’ve worked here for 26 years.
We appreciate your service to this school, but the government’s cutting back on unnecessary expenses.
Well, what’s more important than a school counselor?
Schools have one counselor now, and he is the greatest counselor that ever lived. Thanks for everything. Now, pack your shit.
But… what about my nut?
ANNOUNCER: Hello, and welcome to the “Clyde Donovan Podcast.”
Welcome to the Channel of Truth, guys. You can’t trust Jews, white people are the underprivileged, and women belong at home. I’d like to welcome our first guest to the debate, Eric Cartman.
What the hell do you think you’re doing, Clyde?
We’re here speaking the truth about the Jews and the underprivileged white class…
That’s my shtick. Knock it off, Clyde. You stole my idea.
I don’t know about stealing ideas, but I do know about some amazing supplement powders that are an absolute steal…
Supplement powders?
HE-MAN supplement powders can really help you bulk up and get…
Are you fucking serious? People are sponsoring you for ripping me off?
And it’s really just the best way to get ripped quick. So be sure to get some. And also, be sure to hashtag #RespectClydesAuthority.
What?
So after losing my job, I realized I really better get a handle on how much I spend a month.
Yes, Mr. Mackey. Looking over your portfolio here, it appears you’ve got about an $8,000 a month nut.
$8,000 a month? I had no idea my nut was that big.
Now, we could get you a debt consolidation loan, cancel your streaming services, downgrade your phone subscription, do a second mortgage on your house, and your nut’s still $8,000… a month.
But I don’t have anything, mkay? I can’t find a job. Nobody’s hiring counselors anymore. What am I supposed to do?
Well, there are other career opportunities. Have you considered… a job with the I-C-E? Help your country round up undocumented immigrants.
ICE? I’m a counselor. I help people. I would never work for ICE.
I understand you have to have your principles. It’s just they are offering new recruits about a $100,000 salary.
Say… say what now?
[upbeat music]
ANNOUNCER: Are you looking for a new career? Why not join the I-C-E? We have jobs available now with up to a $50,000 signing bonus.
Signing bonus?
♪ We don’t ask for experience ♪
♪ Just show up
♪ We don’t care if you’ve read a book or grown up ♪
♪ If you’re crazy or fat and lazy ♪
♪ We don’t care at all ♪
[muffled] I’m proud to work for the I-C-E.
♪ Immigration and Customs Enforcement ♪
♪ If you need a job ♪
♪ It’s a job ♪
♪ To have ♪
ANNOUNCER: And now, watch as Clyde Donovan totally destroys these woke liberal students.
Welcome to the channel, guys. Looks like a lot of whiny babies have a problem with what I say, so prove me wrong.
Uh, Hey, Clyde. Um, you said nothing good ever came from the Jews. But if that’s true, why are bagels so yummy?
Yeah.
Yeah!
Well, you’ve obviously been taught by the Jews to have a problem with this school and with America. So let me ask you this… what is your definition of a woman?
Wait, now, what?
What is a woman? It’s a very simple question.
Well, a woman is a lady friend who, you know, gives you kisses.
You see, you can’t answer the question. But something is male or it is female. Both science and scripture agree to that. And that’s just the truth. Next.
ANNOUNCER: Another woke student totally destroyed.
Oh, jeez.
Did you call the girls’ soccer team a Marxist indoctrination factory?
That is correct.
We actually beat the boys 4 to 0, you know.
You can whine about American oppression all you want, but you’re using an iPhone made by the free market to complain about a system that gave it to you. Girls have it way easy in America, and that’s just the truth.
ANNOUNCER: Woke student totally pwned.
Women have it good in America, just like Black people do. Black people have everything handed to them…
Motherfucker!
[blows landing]
I’m sick of people stealing my schtick. If anyone around here is gonna be a master debater, it’s me. So let’s go. Who wants to debate the master debater? Let’s go. You right there.
That’s the stupidest haircut I’ve ever seen.
You are wrong. Leviticus 3:17 says it shall be a perpetual statute for your generations throughout all your dwellings. So you can shut up, Bebe. You just hate America and you love abortions.
Mr. Mackey?
Uh, yes, r-right here.
[muffled] Have a seat, sir. What makes you want to work for immigration enforcement?
Uh, well, you see, I got a nut.
All right, you’re hired. Take this to the next station for your physical and orientation video.
Well, th-that’s it?
[indistinct chatter]
You will now watch an orientation video featuring the Director of Homeland Security.
[patriotic music]
♪
Welcome to the team, recruits. I’m Kristi Noem, Head of Homeland Security.
Oh, she seems nice, mkay? Very pretty.
A few years ago, I had to put my puppy down by shooting it in the face, because sometimes doing what’s important means doing what’s hard.
[sirens whoop]
[gunfire]
[dog yelps]
Whoa. Whoa.
KRISTI NOEM: Now, we’ll ask the same determination of you. Because detaining and questioning people is never easy.
[gunfire]
[dog yelping]
Oh, God!
As the face of Homeland Security, I’ll be leading the way.
[gunfire]
[dog yelping]
And together, we’ll make sure everyone is in this country legally.
[power tools whirring]
So let’s get out there and get ’em, recruits. Together, we can make it happen.
We hope you enjoyed the presentation. Please step through to the vehicles for your first raid.
Keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times.
[sirens wailing]
Lock and load, recruits! Prepare to raid!
Mmm-kay.
CARTMAN: Watch as Eric Cartman shuts down these woke liberal students.
Oh, my God. What makes you think you have the right to say what I do with my body?
Let me ask you something. If a pregnant woman is killed and the baby dies too, why is the killer charged with a double homicide?
Well, b… because people have different beliefs.
It’s not about belief. It’s about truth. Science confirms life begins at conception. So, yes, Jeremiah 1:5 says, before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. But it’s just morality that demands we protect the most vulnerable. So let me ask you… when do you think life begins?
Eric, are you all right in there?
CARTMAN: Yeah, I’m fine, Mom. I’m just in here master debating.
Well, Eric, that’s enough. Let’s get out of the bathroom.
CARTMAN: I can’t, Mom. I’m master debating to these young college girls.
That’s very naughty, Eric. Stop it.
CARTMAN: Mom, I finally got sponsored by a protein powder, so I gotta master debate for a couple more hours. Leviticus 9:1-8. Leave me alone.
[sirens wailing]
All right, recruits. This is it. We’re heading to a location that might be filled with illegals. Let’s take these bad hombres down.
[kids cheering]
DORA: Backpack. Backpack. Backpack. Backpack.
[sirens wailing]
♪ I’m the map, I’m the map ♪
♪ I’m the map, he’s the map ♪
♪ He’s the map, I’m the map ♪
OFFICER: Freeze!
[clamoring]
Oh, God. Mkay.
[kids screaming]
We’re just here for questioning. Cooperate, and nothing bad… holy shit.
[gunfire]
[indistinct radio chatter]
Look, I’m really sorry about this. It’s just, I got a monthly nut, you know? I gotta make my nut.
[door slams]
You did a good job in there, soldier.
Mkay. Thank you, Captain.
I know it’s tough doing what’s hard, but we could use more men like you in the… [muttering]
Whoa, what the fuck?
MAN: Your Botox, Ms. Noem.
Oh, yeah. Fix me up. Fix me up.
[engine whirring]
Another day doing what’s tough.
[camera shutters clicking]
CARTMAN: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But a body growing inside a woman’s body is not her body. It’s a completely separate fetus…
Eric, what are you doing?
I’m sorry, mom. You told me to go to sleep, but I started master debating again.
This is really getting to be a problem, Eric.
Mom, you don’t understand. I’m getting really good at this. I have my arguments down rock solid. These young college girls are totally unprepared, so I can just destroy them and also edit out all the ones that actually argue back well. It just feels so good.
I understand it feels good, but that doesn’t mean you do it all the time.
I’m sorry, Mommy.
Put the computer away and leave those poor college girls alone.
OK. I won’t master debate anymore tonight.
Look, look, you can call it reproductive rights. But be honest, if a baby could speak, it would fight for its right to live.
Eric Cartman!
I’m sorry, Mom!
[shouting]
Tom, another protest today, as thousands turned out in downtown Denver to voice their outrage against the I-C-E.
This is just out of control. A lot of the people being targeted in these raids are kind, hard-working, deeply faithful people who care for their families. I have no doubt that there are many, many Latinos in heaven.
[angelic singing]
♪ ♪
[sirens wailing]
Oh, this is bad. Mkay?
[tires screeching]
Remember, only detain the brown ones. If it’s brown, it goes down. Jesus, look out!
[gunfire]
[dog yelping]
There’s another one flying over here. Catch him! Catch him!
I just need to ask you some questions, mkay, make sure you’re legal. How did you get into heaven?
Um, I was really nice to people, and I helped various charities.
Look, I’m really sorry about this, but I’m just trying to make my nut.
Mackey, I need a word.
Yes, Captain?
You did another great job out there, Mackey. I like your style.
Oh. Thank you.
The President’s handing out bonuses to recruits that stand out. And I’m going to recommend you for the next set of bonuses that… [muttering]
Ah!
[squealing]
MAN: Grab it!
[engine whirring]
No more brownies in heaven.
[dramatic music]
ANNOUNCER: Hello and welcome to the third annual Charlie Kirk Award for Young Masterdebaters. More and more young people today are learning to fight for America through masterdebation. We’re here to honor the recent efforts of a brave young man who has been furiously master debating for the past several days and has won himself not only this trophy, but also an all expenses paid vacation to a beautiful five-star resort.
[applause]
He has proven himself the true champion. Please welcome the best young masterdebater of our time, Clyde Donovan.
Clyde?
[applause]
No! That’s my trip to a five-star resort!
Come on, Eric. Let’s go.
Thanks, everyone. The Civil Rights Act was a huge mistake. And, I don’t know, lesbians are an abomination of God.
[applause]
You all stole my schtick! Clyde!
[keyboard clacking]
OK. We got some of your pay stubs in. Let’s see how that nut’s looking. Well, seems you got some bonuses for rounding up the most Mexicans.
Shh. We don’t round up Mexicans, OK? We just detain foreigners who might be illegal.
OK. Well, after taxes and with your bonuses, it looks like you’ve got about $10 grand a month to spend.
Oh, I do?
Yes. And your nut’s up to about $12 grand a month.
What? But my nut was only $8 grand a week ago.
Right. But you got a good-paying job. You see, as you make more money, your nut actually gets bigger.
How is that possible?
It’s all right. If you can just get a few more bonuses, we can refinance the house, divide that by the number of Mexicans you detained, and, of course, compound any Costa Ricans you might incur to the…
[guns cocking]
ICE AGENT 1: Freeze!
ICE AGENT 2: Nobody move!
Here he is over here.
Come on, Mackey. Need to talk to you outside.
Talk to me? About what? What’s this all about?
Congratulations, recruit. I talked to the president about your accomplishments, and he says he wants to help you with your nut.
Really? He does?
That’s right. We have orders to get you on a plane. The President wants to thank you personally. Congratulations. He’s invited you to Mar-a-Lago.
Mar-a-Lago?
[bright music]
♪ ♪
[indistinct chatter]
[plane engine whirring]
Oh, wow.
♪
[giggling]
Relax! Take a load off!
Boss, the plane is here from Immigration and Customs Enforcement.
I know, stupid. Let’s go.
[giggling]
Hey, buddy. Welcome to Mar-a-Lago.
Oh, thank you, Mr. President.
What is his fantasy, boss?
Will you get out of here? Listen, buddy, I want to offer you an incredible opportunity. How would you like to make more money than you ever thought possible?
Well, I do have a pretty huge nut.
Now, that’s the kind of talk I like. Mar-a-Lago’s for everyone that’s got a nut. I’m giving you a promotion. You’ll have access to all that Mar-a-Lago has to offer. I want to make you the new face of Homeland Security.
But, Mr. President, I thought Kristi Noem was the head of Homeland Security.
Well, she was, but her face freaks me out. So what do you say?
Well, I do need a high-paying job.
Excellent. Now, let’s take care of that nut for you.
Hey, Satan. Meet the new face of Homeland Security.
Whoa! Oh, my God.
I just want to go. This place is gross.
Would you like me to apply the baby oil to Satan’s asshole, boss?
OK, look, I think there’s been a misunderstanding. I’m going to take a little break here.
Hey, come on. Relax, guy.
[yelping]
Oh, excuse me. I’m sorry.
[sniffling] Backpack, backpack.
Oh, God, Dora the Explorer. Excuse me.
Clyde?
Not right now, sir. I’ve kind of had enough.
What are you doing here… young man?
Just trying to make my nut, sir. Didn’t really want all this.
Oh, well, young man…
[emotional music]
♪
I kind of know what you’re going through, mkay? I know we all have a lot of pressures and we all want nice things, mkay, but… but if you’re doing something you don’t really believe in just to make your nut, you’re going to find that you just get sadder and your nut just gets bigger. Mkay?
Yeah. I guess you’re right. But… who are you?
I’m a goddamn counselor. That’s what I am. This place isn’t right for either of us. There’s got to be someone that can help get us out.
[heroic music]
♪ ♪
[gunshot]
[dog yelps]
All right. Got him.
Hey, Kristi, what’s going on?
Trying to replace me as the face of Homeland Security, huh?
Hey, relax, guy. Who could replace a face like that?
Think I can’t handle myself ’cause I’m a lady with good looks that drive men wild?
[everyone screaming]
[screaming]
[shrieking]
[screams]
Come on. We’re getting out of here. You too, come on.
ICE AGENT: We got it. We got it.
[engine whirring]
Another job well done.
ALL: ♪ Loo loo loo, loo loo loo loo loo ♪
♪ Loo loo loo, loo loo loo ♪
[bell dings]
[gunfire]
[dogs yelping repeatedly]
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
[gunfire]
[dog yelps]
