Rick and Morty – S09E03 – Rick Fu Hustle – Transcript

Rick and Morty
Season 9 – Episode 3
Episode title: Rick Fu Hustle
Original release date: June 7, 2026

Plot: Jerry is frustrated because the pool cleaning robot that he bought is ineffective and Beth tells him he should have hired Keith the Pool Guy, making Jerry feel emasculated. Meanwhile, Rick and Morty are finally heading to Boob World, but make a stop that leads to an altercation in the parking lot with Kung Fu master, Liu Sin. Liu uses the Five Point Exploding Heart Technique that will kill Rick if he takes five steps forward. Morty wants to learn from Liu, but quickly realizes he uses the technique on anyone who even slightly bothers him, causing him to use the technique on Morty. Rick and Morty then confront Liu, resulting in a fight that summons a demon god named Punchy. Back home, Jerry installs an upgrade into his pool cleaning robot, granting it sentience and leading to a sexual affair between it and Jerry. Jerry realizes he needs to hire Keith to clean the pool, but the robot becomes jealous and attacks Keith. Ultimately, Jerry placates the robot by seducing it and the pool is cleaned. When Keith quietly threatens to tell Jerry about the pool robot incident, Beth states that she is in range stating that this has happened before and she has a relationship with her hairdryer. Liu, Rick and Morty team up to defeat Punchy and the latter two return home for a pool party. Post-credits scene: Beth is in a sexual relationship with her sentient hairdryer and Jerry asks her to put a cardboard cutout of his face on it while Beth laments that it is not the same. The hairdryer agrees with her on that.

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Transcript

Note for Students & Writers: This transcript is archived here for educational purposes, critical analysis, and screenwriting study. All rights belong to the original creators.

Jerry, this is disgusting.

How did it get so dirty already?

Because your crappy pool bot doesn’t work.

Pool not found. Searching.

But the guy that lives behind the pool-store Dumpster gave me a sweet deal.

Oh, my God, why didn’t you hire Keith the pool guy like I told you?

[Sloop!]

Keith’s schedule was full.

What are you jackoffs talking about?

Ooh, Jerry’s new pool sucks?

Allow me.

No, Rick, this is my pool!

I can handle this mess without your sci-fi shenanigans.

Copy that.

Treat Jerry like a baby so he can feel like a man.

Come on, Rick, let’s go. Gotta scoot.

Finally taking Morty to Boob World.

And we need to stop by the store for supplies.

Good luck with your septic tank, Jerry. [Burps]

Ugh. I gotta go to work.

Someone’s gotta win the bread around here.

Pool not found. Searching.

Trader Joe’s hashbrowns – the most efficient booze absorber in the multiverse.

Think you’re supposed to heat those up first, big guy.

No, look, Morty, my mouth is an air fryer now.

It’s really happening, huh?

I’m finally going to Boob World.

Oh, yeah! Boob World, baby!

Oh, damn it! What the…

It appears there has been an accident.

That happens. No harm, no foul. Have a good one, buddy.

We should exchange information before going our separate ways.

We could go even “separater” ways by not exchanging anything.

But our bumpers collided.

Oh, my God, is this how you make friends?

Is this how you make enemies?

What the hell does that mean?

Rick, stop!

He started it. He did not start it.

Be the bigger man so we can go to Boob World already!

Fuck that. We gotta set this idiot straight.

Look, buddy, it’s obvious you’re some kind of heightened Kung Fu archetype.

But I’m a Doctor Who-Loki.

And people like you are like NPCs to me.

So do yourself a favor and –

[Grunting]

[Crowd gasps]

I have struck you with the Five Point Exploding Heart Technique – the most fatal punch in all of martial arts.

Victims are able to walk only five steps forward before their heart explodes.

Five steps forward?

Try it and find out.

Don’t tell me what to do.

I’ll find out with science.

Nice day for a backwards walk.

Are you really gonna –

No, stupid!

Pull the car around and pick me up!

♪♪

♪♪

What did that idiot do to me?

This doesn’t make any damn sense.

Just apologize.

Haven’t we done clones enough?

Not a clone, Morty. A Xerox of me that I’ve lobotomized to be a crash-test dummy.

Look at my balls! Hey, do us a favor.

Walk forward five to six steps.

Your choice.

One. Two. Three. Four.

Huh? So this is legit.

Better take a closer look.

Look at my ball–

There are over 700 meridians in the human body.

Mr. Kung Fu struck specific pressure points in me and induced commotio cordis.

Five steps forward will cause massive compression build-up, causing my heart to explode under its own pressure.

Let’s see what happens when I attach a copy of my heart to a copy of my legs.

Interesting, huh?

More gross than interesting. So far, we’re on brand.

Fuck you. Watch this.

[Heart beating]

See that? Cardiac detonation is triggered only by forward bipedal movement.

I can’t believe I’m missing Boob World for this!

Just apologize to the guy.

Maybe he’ll un-punch you.

The day I apologize will be because I am truly sorry.

I don’t sully apologies by making it a ritual of flagellation for someone who, in this case, is a bully.

You called the man an NPC.

Why do you always have to take the side of the waiter?

Because your side is insane!

Okay, then. Fuck off.

Maybe I will! Go ahead!

No one’s stopping you! Fine!

This is me fucking off out of the fucking garage because you…suck.

No, you…suck.

You… You… Pool not found. Searching.

Pool not found.

The pool is right behind you.

Just turn around, you stupid thing.

No! [Sighs]

Jerry, this is your moment.

Be a man and figure it out.

Hi, there, emasculated pool dads.

Okay. Specific.

Is your pool gross?

Does your family not respect you?

Don’t worry.

I’ll show you how to upgrade your TR-X1 and clean your pool better than any human being.

But first, let’s discuss the history of pool cleaning.

Oh, boy. This is three hours?

…really important to never — ‘Cause it’s dangerous.

Bloody stuff of nightmares!

Now that we’ve gone over the safety guidelines, click the link below for a list of long language models.

Be sure to upload them —

I get it.

[Beeps]

[Beeping]

Pool detected. Clean, clean, clean… I did it! I made something work!

I am the greatest husband alive!

Walk backwards the rest of your life.

God, see if I care.

Uh…hi.

You, uh…

You death punched my grandpa this morning?

That was unfortunate.

I did not study under See-Foo Gerd Jergins at Tiger’s Nest to beat up old people.

The point of martial arts is to avoid violence.

I am Liu Sin.

Oh, um, I’m Morty Smith.

Is it racist to say I adore your Kung Fu patience?

I can teach you. Racism?

No. Kung Fu.

[Bird squawks]

Breathe.

Feel your Chi circulate within.

[Exhales] Very good, Morty.

This is great.

Life with Rick is filled with so much anxiety.

Alrighty, Mr. Sin, I didn’t have the right cables to hook up the flat screen.

It’s gonna cost a bit extra to get those.

Hmm. Pity.

Jesus! Don’t step forward.

You only get five steps before you die!

But I have so much to do today.

Uhh.

What was up with that guy?

Dude! He was just doing his job, and you killed him.

Is that a criticism?

Activate Advance-Limitation Suit.

Ha ha! Look who ain’t stepping forward now, baby!

Morty: [Crying] Rick!

Rick!

Morty, what happened?

I got death punched.

Oh, no, no, no, no, my little pooh-bah!

I went back to Trader Joe’s to eat my feelings because I was mad at you.

But then I ran into Liu Sin, and he punched me.

Nobody fucks with my sweet little grandson.

First, I’m gonna cure the dick off this death punch, Morty.

And then I’m gonna destroy

Mr. Liu Sin’s entire belief system!

Clean, clean, clean. Task complete.

Awaiting command.

Amazing! Oh, I gotta tell Beth.

[Cellphone rings] Uh, hello? Beth, I fixed the pool.

Uh, great. Did you hire Keith?

No. The pool is clean because of me.

Come home and look.

Jerry, please. I am literally in the middle of something.

[Call ends] Oh.

Fuckin’ phone. Where’d you go?

Awaiting command.

[Sighs]

[Laughing] Whatcha doing?

Clean?

Alright.

This pool isn’t gonna swim itself.

How are you gonna clean – Oh. That’s nice.

Wow. You… You’re really being thorough.

Maybe we…we should stop.

[Romantic music playing]

♪ Oh, baby, now I’m lost ♪

♪ In your secret love ♪

♪ You pulled me down ♪

♪ Where no one can find us ♪

♪ My lover in the darkest part of night ♪

♪ They’ll never pull me from your arms ♪

♪ And into the light ♪

♪ Ohhhh ♪

♪ Ohhh ♪

[Dramatic Asian music plays]

I’d be pissed if I had to climb all these stupid steps with my legs.

[Gong sounds]

What is it? I’m watching TV.

Are you Gerd Jergins?

Did you train a guy named Liu Sin?

Ugh, that guy sucks.

We’re in these antigrav suits

’cause your student death punched us.

You are not alone.

Liu Sin death punched my cat.

Ouch!

I want to do a bunch of science on your punch to cure ourselves.

Just need to collect a little more Kung Fu data from you so I can hack it.

You think me dumb?

If I help you unlock the secrets of pressure-point fighting, you are going to revenge all over Liu Sin.

The solution to violence is not more violence.

[Cellphone rings]

Hello? Are you coming over for mother’s birthday or not?

What? No, no, no, no, you cannot bring all of them.

I’m not the one being difficult. You may bring one partner.

One. Not seven, for crying out loud.

It’s weird! [Call ends]

Oh, shit. Trouble in paradise?

Oh, my daughter and I have a tricky relationship.

She is what the kids call today a “polycule.”

In my day, we called them sluts.

If we helped you fix things with your daughter, would you help us?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Oh, my God, what have I done?

To confirm setting a daily reminder for pool bot sexy time, say yes.

What? I have compiled a list of divorce attorneys in your area.

Would you like me to send?

No! Cancel, cancel!

Uh, hey, Beth.

You’re right.

This pool bot is not working out.

We should hire Keith, the pool cleaner, like, today.

Can I have his number?

He’s right next door? Great!

[Beeps]

[Mimics explosion]

So great that you were in the area, Keith.

When can you start? Like now? Now is good for us.

I appreciate your enthusiasm, Mr. Smith, but I just packed up for the day.

I’ll pay you double if you – if you start now.

What’s the hurry?

It looks like your pool’s clean.

Whore! Whore!

What are you doing?!

Kill! Kill!

No, no! Let him go!

Task incomplete.

Kill, kill, kill!

Good Lord, she’s gone rogue.

Oh!

Task incomplete. Kill. Kill.

And lastly, but not leastly, this is Rizz, Milo and Kathleen.

It’s too many people.

How will I remember all these names?!

Ugh, why do I even try?

I was intrigued by the floating pod man and his little helper.

But you’ll never change.

You’re still an old farty fart face.

My face does not fart!

You are disrespectful daughter!

Hey, respect cuts both ways.

Trust me.

You won’t explode if you meet your daughter halfway.

Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It’s not the seven partners that bother me.

It’s that now there are seven ways to get your heart broken.

Dad, this is the life I’ve chosen.

Please respect that.

Stephanie, you may bring everyone to Mom’s birthday.

Everyone?

Yes. Milo, Kathleen, Rizz.

Oboe, Turmeric, Almond Butter and Bartholomew.

You’re all welcome.

Thanks, Dad.

Looks like we lived up to our end of the bargain.

Well, I suppose I’d be a total dick if I didn’t give you what you want.

Your words. But, yeah.

Just hit the Punchamalizer.

Its AI will whip me up a death-punch cure.

I warn thee, Rick Sanchez.

Abusing the punch will bring down tremendous fury upon you!

Punch up or shut up.

[Sighs]

[Yelling]

♪♪

[Popping]

[Beeps]

Did it work? I don’t feel anything.

Only five ways to find out.

One…two… three… four… five…six… fucking seven!

Morty, we’re cured!

You did it! We can walk forward!

[Both laughing]

Oh, running around.

[Laughing continues]

[Door opens] Wubbalubbadubdub!

[Door closes]

[Door opens, laughing continues]

[Handheld vacuum whirring]

Rick: Hey, Liu!

Morty: Liu Sin!

Look who’s walking forward now.

How is it that you live?

Science! Science!

I have dissected the Exploding Heart Technique and reverse-engineered all of martial arts.

The pre-programmed nanobots coursing through our veins have given Morty and I…

Both: Kung Fu power.

Hmm! My martial-art skills are unmatched.

Prepare to die. [Yells]

Morty, you saw it! He came for me.

Let the ass-whoopin’ begin.

♪♪

[Yells]

♪♪

First, I will give you whites a taste of hell, and then you will apologize for bending my fender.

You want an apology? Come get it.

All: Yaaahhh!

♪♪

Ah! Ah! Gross! Birds!

Birds pecking gross worms.

Ow!

[Car alarm blaring]

Hot. Too hot.

I need milk.

Aah!

[Engine starts]

[Tires screech]

Yaaaahh!

[Moans]

My thoughts are so big now.

♪♪

Ohh. That’s better.

Aaaahhh!

[Coughing]

What am I doing here?

And which Beth is the clone?

Now I remember. This guy sucks.

[Yells]

Rick: Reverse reverse punch!

Morty: I know you are, but what am I punch!

I’m rubber, you’re glue punch!

[People screaming]

Unrepentant dogs!

You have disrespected the power of the punch.

Who the fuck is this guy?

It is Punchy, the ancient Demon-God of hitting things and sweet drinks.

We be doomed.

Okay. We should be safe in here.

She can’t move out of the pool.

“She”?

My robotic pool cleaner.

I upgraded her with shady software.

Then we had sex.

I think she’s jealous and wants to kill you because she loves me.

Ha. Mondays, right?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.

♪♪

Task incomplete.

Task incomplete.

♪♪

Task incomplete. Task incomplete.

[Beeping]

♪♪

♪♪

Huh? The house went into lockdown for no reason.

Is that bad?

You hear that? Sounds like water running.

Gerd did say abusing the punch would bring great fury down on us.

Kung Fu is not about violence.

Now you will be punished by my champion kicking your ass.

[Thunder crashes]

♪♪

[Laughs evilly]

It is Punchenhimer, the beast with a million pressure points.

It is impossible to strike all of them.

How are we supposed to hit them all?

[Roars]

Rick, this is my fault.

Earlier today, in the Trader Joe’s parking lot, I backed into your spaceship on purpose.

What?

I am a lonely old man.

The only way I know how to connect with people is through conflict.

Can you relate to that?

No.

Punchenhimer is on top of us. What are we gonna do?

I wish I had finished my training at Tiger’s Nest.

Gerd Jergins was teaching me the ultimate move – the splatter bolt kick, a rapid-fire attack stronger than any punch.

Alas, I do not have the knowledge to complete it.

Rick does. He gathered all Kung Fu data when he dissected the Exploding Heart Technique.

It’ll take a bit of field surgery.

I am willing to endure whatever it takes to reset the balance.

Lie down.

I’ll try to keep the rubble out of your chest.

Kill, kill, kill!

Oh, no. She’s found her way in.

The pool bot is flooding the house to kill you, Keith.

We gotta swim upstairs before it’s too late.

But I can’t swim.

What? You clean pools! That’s my deepest shame.

This is a total nightmare for me.

Kill, kill, kill, kill.

Kill, kill —

[Grunts]

Stay here.

It’s my pool and my problem.

I’m the man of the house.

Kill, kill, kill.

Oh, no. Wait.

I’m sorry.

That other pool cleaner means nothing to me, baby.

Nothing.

You gots to believe you’re my one and only.

Task incomplete.

Shh. Our task is incomplete, and I’m gonna fix that.

Set an appointment for pool bot sexy time starting now.

Clean?

♪ Oh, baby, now I’m lost ♪

♪ In your secret love ♪

[Music continues]

[Music slows down]

[Grunting]

♪♪

[Both coughing]

Alright, Jerry, we need to talk about this pool.

[Gasps] Wow!

The pool looks great, Keith.

Uh, yeah. Nice job, buddy.

Sure. Yeah.

All it needed was a little elbow grease.

And Mr. Smith said he’ll pay me three times my usual rate.

[Laughing] Well, I never said…

Oh, you better pay up or I’ll tell her you fucked the pool bot.

Guys, I’m only 3 feet away.

I can hear everything.

Jerry, you fucked the what now?

Um, the pool bot.

It started cleaning my nipples.

And, you know, that’s – that’s one of my go-tos.

So I started eating out her – Dah-dah-da.

I don’t care what you do with the appliances, Jerry.

My hair dryer makes me cum like a wild cat.

[Roars, laughs evilly]

Hold it, Punchenhimer!

Pack your bags, asshole!

We’re here to send you back to Hell.

Get ready to feel Kung Fu.

Combined with fire. Yeah!

[Lightning crashes]

Let’s fight one last time together.

Oh, yeah, baby!

[All yelling]

[Punchenhimer farts]

Wasn’t that refreshing?

You three have learned the value of nonviolence.

All is forgiven.

[Gong sounds] Bye-eee!

Well, I’m bushed.

[Car alarm blaring, woman screams]

Almost done?

All finished. What do you think, sir?

It’s ready! Come and get it!

[Upbeat music playing]

Wow! Damn, son.

That’s clean.

Our pool is amazing. You’re the best dad ever.

Yeah. Who needs Boob World when we got Dad’s pool?

I just want to make you all happy.

You did, Jerry. You really did.

Ah, yes!

[Laughter]

Oh, my God, I’m at a party.

Pool season, baby! Yeah!

The Smith family has a pool!

Man: ♪ One taste of you ♪

♪ I knew I had to have more ♪

Woman: ♪ Your sweet taboo, it brought me to my knees ♪

Both: ♪ Oh, baby, now I’m lost in your secret love ♪

♪ You pulled me down ♪

♪ Where no one can find us ♪

♪ My lover in the darkest part of night ♪

♪ They’ll never pull me from your arms ♪

Beth, we talked about this.

Okay, I-I forgot.

Thank you.

It’s not the same.

Yeah, I know.

Did you get any of that?